People Get Ready To Discuss Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Repeatedly Asking For My Lost Poker Chips Back?
“I owned a set of a nice set of poker chips that came in a large case and the style of my local currency (AUD$).
They cost me about $150 to purchase. I would semi-regularly play home games with a few guys I knew. Played a house game at one of the boys’ houses and I brought my chips along. This was sometime in January or February this year.
The game went till late and I decided I’d call it a night and leave.
I left my chips behind as they were still playing. I figured I’d no doubt be involved in a game sooner rather than later.
Fast forward to April and I realised that there hadn’t been any poker games on so I asked the host for the chips.
He tells me he will have a look and let me know.
I get a reply and I’m told he doesn’t have them. Another guy we played with has them at his place. Initially, I was slightly annoyed as for me you don’t lend out something you don’t own to someone else.
But that’s me.
I message the guy in question that supposedly has my chips and he tells me he does so I attempt to arrange to get them.
He didn’t seem all that helpful. He took days to reply to my messages or simply ignored so my frustrations began to rise again.
From May to August I had some major things happen in my life so the question of the poker chips went by the wayside.
In mid-August I again message him asking for the chips. He agrees to leave them out at his front door for me to pick up.
I go past one day to the address given and chips are nowhere to be seen. Frustration rising…
He claims that his ring doorbell didn’t show me at his door and it seemed to me that he may have been accusing me of lying about going there…he just didn’t leave them out.
I try to keep my cool but eventually, an argument ensues via messages. He tells me he will give chips to the original guy and get me to deal with him… just give me the chips!!
Weeks go by and I’m asking when they see each other and no one seems all that interested in helping.
Eventually, I ask the guy who has the chips again and request him to leave them out front. He agrees.
I went there this morning to his place and guess what? The chips he has aren’t mine!
I go back to the original guy about chips.
He claims he can’t find them. I got accused of not being polite enough initially when I asked for chips.
Now I’ve been told they’ve been lost and to******* up.
AITJ here for asking on and off for 6 months to get my chips back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Either one or both stole your chips. They are yours after 10 days, 10 months, 10 years. A friend of mine wanted their chess game back after 5 years (we both forgot I had it). Naturally, they got it back ASAP and in a manner to their convenience.
You got yourself a 150$ AUD reality check on the worth of (their) friendship.” Atlantic_Waters
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d tell them they had until the end of next week or you would report them stolen. And that you are seeking legal action to have them returned, IN THEIR ORIGINAL CONDITION, that you are done playing games with them both.
And then follow through.” International-Fee255
20. AITJ For Standing Up To My Classmates After A Life-Changing Accident?
“I, an 18-year-old female, am a student in a class of 20 which only has 3 girls including me. I am someone who has always tried to look representative. I like to look good and I think that coming to school with straight up a hoodie and sweatpants, sitting in a corner, and yawning is disrespectful towards my teachers who prepare a whole class or assignments, etc. I wouldn’t like my teacher to come like that, sit in her chair and tell us good luck and yawn so why would I?
Unlike the other girls who always come like that. I have been in the same class for 2 years now and I am Muslim. I am not practicing, I don’t participate in fasting, I drink I wear crop tops, etc. The guys in my class have been giving me attention for 2 years and I thought I was used to it.
When a few months ago I was in an accident and I realized how short life can be. I changed myself, I have always been someone to not shut her mouth but I stopped holding back. I came into the class and a guy said “Oh the way I would do you” and everyone started laughing.
My teacher said something about it and I looked them in the face and told them “Is this the way you treat your mom and sister? Is this the way your parents raised you or did they completely fail as parents. I bet they would be ashamed of you if they heard you”.
Everyone shut up and the teacher was even shocked because in 2 years I never said something like that.
The next day we had presentations and we had to show pics of our life. I shared some pictures with friends and concerts at a night club and you could see a cocktail on the table.
I didn’t think it was a big deal. In the end, I asked are there questions, and this girl (always annoying everyone in the class agrees. Never listening while the teacher explains and then asking stupid questions). She asks me “Isn’t it HARAM to drink?” Now this girl is a Christian girl and proudly talks about how she is with her partner.
So I told her “I thought it was also a sin to go and be with people before marriage I guess we are both sinning then”. I had to go on a talk with my teacher and she asked me why I became like this.
I explained that I think life is too short to let people walk over me especially people who I am never gonna see in my life again once I finish my studies so why not put everyone in their place giving myself peace. I am wondering though, if AITJ for acting like this.
Am I acting wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I think this is more about how the accident has changed you than being a jerk. In the first example, shaming someone essentially rudely cat-calling you, that’s cool. You should not have to put up with that.
In the second, dropping to the same level as her immediately and shaming her the way she tried to shame you…probably didn’t have the effect you intended. I think when you have an experience that makes you consider your mortality it can lead to good things and self-changes.
Not all of those changes are good and can also lead to lashing out, because…well the fear is real. It’s deep. Awakening of mortality and fear…makes most want to control their lives more, and have more power, because the incident, in your case the accident, has made you feel powerless and not in control.
Not taking any nonsense for any reason is a form of asserting control. I would suggest you sit with a counselor and talk about it. Its…insidious and hard to recognize. I didn’t…and a year later I began to have generalized anxiety and panic attacks.
Because I know in my head I can’t control everything. But my deep-down emotional and afraid of death part *insists* that I MUST have that control. I’ve gotten better, come to terms with it…but don’t wait. It may seem like just an accident and nothing to get counseling about, but it has impacted your thinking.
It can’t hurt. Best of luck.” gedvondur
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I’m glad you stuck up for yourself and I’m all for calling out hypocrites and other jerks. It’s not what you said that makes you a jerk but what you didn’t say.
You seem insufferable with your judgment of your other classmates. Like you’re way too high on your supply here.” EP1K
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Speaking up against people who are rude to you is fine but you seem like a very judgemental person.
Your comment about people wearing hoodies is rude. You are judging people who didn’t do anything to you. Their behavior doesn’t affect you at all. It’s the same as people judging you for drinking and wearing crop tops as a Muslim.” RangerOk8620
19. AITJ For Kicking Out My Overbearing MIL After She Threw Away My Belongings?
“I (36F) live with my husband (41M). I have a decent relationship with my MIL, compared to a lot of the horror stories I hear from friends, she’s quite sweet and warm.
She is, however, a little… over-controlling. Overprotective? I’m not sure of the exact word, but she has very strong ideas about things and no sense of boundaries. For example, when she stays at our house she takes over the kitchen completely and insists on cooking all our meals.
She cooks wonderfully, but she won’t let me help her at all, and puts everything away in the wrong places – and then insists that her way is more logical.
She only really comes for holidays, though, and I do like her a lot.
So I don’t mind putting up with these mild annoyances. I’m currently pregnant with our little girl, who will be born in a few months. This is a miracle – I didn’t think it would happen, especially so late, but we got lucky.
When my MIL heard, she was super excited and said she would come over to help us get ready for the baby. She offered to stay for the next 6 months or so to help out because my husband and I both work long hours and it will be hard to handle the baby on top of this.
She is also pretty emotionally invested in this because she truly sees herself as part of our family. She arrived a few days ago and set herself up, then she started with the cleaning.
I like collecting things from garage sales and such. Things like little sculptures and books and baskets, stuff a lot of people would consider utter junk.
Our house is overstuffed, but it’s reasonably tidy and doesn’t seem like a hoarder’s house or anything. My MIL, on the other hand, likes everything surgically clean. Yesterday I came home from work to find the house like a war zone, she went through my cabinets and cleared out everything she considered junk, and had made several trips to Goodwill before I got home.
I was really angry and I asked her why she would ever do this. She said the house has to be tidy for the baby, and that it would be “dangerous” for the baby to be in my cluttered house.
Then she took the next huge bag of stuff and tried to walk out the door.
I kind of lost it, and I told her she could get out right now. She was shocked that I was serious, and she said she didn’t have anywhere to go and it was so late. It was about 9:30. I booked her a hotel room and called a taxi.
My husband came home an hour later, and when I told him what happened, he was furious with me. He says I disrespected his mom and was ungrateful for everything she’s trying to do for us. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your MIL did crossed every line for a guest in anyone’s home, and you could make a very good case for theft of your belongings.
If your MIL truly wanted to help you, she would have asked before she touched a single thing and would have accepted it if you told her “no” to any action she wanted to do. Instead – she did everything while you were away when she knew you could not object or tell her no. You also have a husband problem.
He made a vow to “forsake all others until death do you part” – and it looks like he is not doing that now – it looks like he is choosing his mother over you. He should have been enforcing the sanctity of the two of your home against her overbearing ways all along.
And you need to get this worked out now before the baby comes, or your MIL is going to be running your home, not you.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have a mil problem as a partner problem. If someone comes in and disrespects your home and throws your stuff away he should have your back I think you were wildly optimistic with her staying to ‘help’ when you already know she’s over-controlling and taking over in your own home.
Mark my words draw those boundaries before the baby arrives… as I’m sure she’ll have strong opinions on what to do there” CarefulNow-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you should file a police report for the theft of your belongings. Neither your husband nor his mother understand the boundaries that she stomped. Having paper documentation could help.
You have a big husband problem. His mother stole from you and his response was to yell at you. That’s not okay. I wish you well in determining whether this is how you want to live your life and how you want to raise your child.” Teresa’s
18. AITJ For Refusing To Ask My Biological Mom To Fund My Half-Brother's Education?
“I (25f) was born when my dad and Kayla were broken up. They already had Tom(30m). My bio mom Sara and my dad hooked up once and despite using protection she got pregnant.
Sara was financially dependent on her parents. She wanted to get a procedure but couldn’t. She was young and never wanted children. But my dad and paternal grandparents were ready to raise me. Sara had me and signed her parental rights away. Kayla and Tom got back together when I was 2 and got married. They went on to have Ryan when I was 7.
We weren’t poor but we also didn’t have much to spare. Kayla ignored me most of the time.
When I turned 16, I was curious about Sara. My dad never said anything bad about her. I reached out to Sara and it went great. She admitted that she never wanted to be a mother.
Given her issues with her parents and her battle with anxiety and depression, she thought she could never really be a mom. We agreed to have a relationship, but not that of a mother and daughter, but she could be that cool aunt. When I turned 18 I got accepted into an Ivy League college, but my dad couldn’t afford it.
When Sara found out about this, she offered to pay. My father was over the moon.
1 year ago my fiance started his own business. Now I didn’t mention this earlier but Sara went on to open her own business when she was 25 and her now husband and her are very wealthy.
When she heard about her fiance trying she was ready to invest in it since she knew how difficult it was to start a business by oneself.
Now Ryan just graduated high school. He has to take out loans (Tom and I are also helping a little).
Now Kayla came to me and asked me to ask Sara for the money because she has a lot and no other kids. She said that since Sara paid for my college and invested in my fiance’s business, she could help Ryan. I immediately refused. Now I know do love Ryan a lot but I couldn’t ask Sara to do that.
She has always been kind and generous. But I don’t think I can take advantage of her in that way.
Now Kayla is worked up and calling me continuously telling me that I’m abandoning them in their time of need. She says that I am jealous and cannot be happy for her sons.
My dad doesn’t know anything yet because I don’t want to stress him out. His health is already not a good condition. I am very confused. So AITJ for refusing to ask Sara for the money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right. Sara is generous to you – her bio child.
She has no obligation to give money to your dad’s other kids and owes even less to Kayla. I would block Kayla and tell your dad pronto. Do not let Kayla continue to emotionally manipulate you and allow him to stay in the dark about this.
Quite frankly, he shouldn’t have allowed her to ignore you and treat you badly throughout your childhood either. He can at least step up now.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“So your stepmom wants your bio mom to pay for stepmom’s kid? LOLOLOLOL Who in their right mind would ask such a thing?
Not – she can ask herself if that’s the route she wants to go. The only jerk in this scenario is stepmom Kayla – she seems to be the jealous one. Shame on her for even trying to put you in that position. Your dad should know what is going on too!
Don’t let her intrude on your relationship with Sara, it’s none of her business what she does to help you, so keep it all to yourself moving forward! Good luck! Edit: I would also block this woman from calling/texting you!” DLCMotroni
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your bio-mom should not be leaned on to pay for your half-siblings. Edited: And I’ll just add that this isn’t about caring about your half-siblings or not, and it’s not about jealousy. The hard truth for Kayla is that she never went out of her way to pay you much attention, and you grew up in the same house with her.
Why should your bio-mom now be asked to do far more than was ever granted to you? Bio-mom doesn’t owe anything here, and neither do you.” Specific-Succotash-8
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Use My Bank Account Because Of Her Past Financial Irresponsibility?
“When I was 12 years old my mother got her first ever credit card to try and rebuild her credit score as we grew up poor.
My mother had a $200 maximum to spend on there and one day me and I were getting ready to go out food shopping.
We went to check out at our supermarket and the card was declining. Mum was embarrassed and had to leave everything behind.
She got home and called up her credit card company to find out my sister had somehow spent $200 on the app store in a space of less than 20 minutes.
It was safe to say I was angry. I was my mother’s carer as she was poorly for a while so I understood the importance of money and $200 was and still is a lot of money.
The thing is I have two sisters who are both older than me and a younger brother. My middle sister was the one who spent $200 on the app store. At the time my mother shouted at her once but didn’t punish her which left me angry as I had to try and find a way to make money last and all I wanted to do was ground her but my mother refused to allow it and let her do what she wanted.
I still haven’t forgiven her for it and I can’t forget it; it’s always on the back of my mind. Which brings us up to now.
My middle sister’s name was spelt wrong on her birth certificate which meant we couldn’t set up a bank account for her.
It took us a long time, many years, but we’re finally getting it corrected. My sister was successful in getting her first-ever job and hasn’t got a bank account. She asked our oldest sister if she could use her card but my oldest sister only has one bank account and one card so she told my middle sister to ask me.
I have two bank accounts so I could give her one card to use temporarily whilst she waits for her name to be corrected so she can apply to get an ID and open a bank account but I just can’t get over what happened ten years ago and said no.
My brother is on my side but my sisters are saying I’m being a jerk for not forgetting a thing that happened ten years ago and that I’m an idiot for not getting over it.
So, what do you think? Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t give other people access to your bank accounts!!!! This is not even about this sister, it’s a general thing. Unless it’s your spouse, don’t do it! About this post, NTJ. It’s your account, it’s normal you don’t feel comfortable giving her this kind of access considering the past. If your older sister is so upset, she can open another account in her name and borrow it from the other sister.” ExpressionMundane244
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I wouldn’t let someone else even use my library card! I’ve seen plenty of occasions where someone has lent their library card to another and that person has checked out expensive materials (art books, whole seasons of a TV show on DVD) and never returned them.
The cardholder ends up owing hundreds of dolls. Off-topic, but treat your library card like a credit card!” Traveler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can get a prepaid credit card from the store for convenience, but access to another’s money? No. How she works around not having an account is her problem to figure out since she puts herself in the position of being an unreliable thief.
I’m betting she never repaid that money either.” KnightofForestsWild
16. AITJ For Not Letting My SO's Family Borrow Our Dog?
“My significant other and I were given a dog almost 2 years ago by family members (on my significant other’s side).
For context, they claimed they were getting too old to take care of him, and couldn’t keep up with his 2-3x daily walks, on top of being too busy with traveling, as they tend to leave town for extended trips (about a month-long).
They are frequent travelers and would have neighbors watch the dog when they were out of town. We have heard that he wasn’t always properly cared for during these times, and the previous owners also said they had come back to their dog after a trip with his water bowl bone dry.
A few months into owning our dog, they asked to borrow him for a few days. We were understanding and allowed them to do so but only asked if his trip was 3 days instead of 5. Previous owners made a big issue of this saying we’re being selfish and difficult.
We still allowed them to take our dog for the 3 days and got him back with no issue. However, this interaction had left a sour taste in our mouths for all future visits, due to the blatant insults we received over a simple ask.
Every few months they ask to have him for about 2 days and we allow them.
This past June, we were out of town with our dog and they were upset they couldn’t take him. Now, they asked to have him again and we said no. The reason for this is I have anxiety and depression, my dog has become a lifesaver when it comes to my mental health and I get incredibly anxious/depressed without him.
Also, the insults they throw at us any time we are reluctant to let them have him has given us a bad impression and only makes us want to say no even more. After telling them our reason, they said their adult daughter had been suffering from lupus and asked if I would rather have lupus or anxiety.
That’s fair, and I feel for her but I also feel they completely disregarded my health concerns and my reasonings. They have become belligerent, telling us we are incredibly selfish, inconsiderate, and have no compassion.
Although I feel for them and do feel bad for saying no, I am not okay with the hostility we have received since being given our dog and the complete disregard for our feelings and reasons.
Additionally, we have said we’re fine with them seeing our dog for the holidays or family gatherings. Also for background, we are not close with these family members at all and maybe only see them once every year for Christmas.
I just don’t understand how someone can voluntarily give their dog up then harass the new owners for visits and become incredibly rude if we don’t comply, regardless of whether we are family or not.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It seems everyone cares for this dog. They did the right thing giving it up to you if they were unable to keep up with its care but their reaction to you saying no is what pushes them into jerk territory in my opinion.
Understandably, they miss the dog but they can’t expect you to give it up whenever they want it. Visiting would be understandable but asking to take the dog for days at a time is taking it a bit far.” ohgodsomanybees
Another User Comments:
“Insult them then instead of getting insulted. Next time if they ask for the dog again tell them it is not a toy to borrow.
It’s a living being who is loved and cared for by you now when they abandoned it long back according to their convenience. You are no longer allowing it to go to them not because it helps with your mental health but because it’s part of your family now.
Do we send our kids to another household because they want to play with them for a few days? Then why are you doing that with your dog?” Cactus7979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They willingly relinquished ownership of the dog to you, which should have come with an understanding that they would have limited or no rights to see the dog again.
Given their history of mistreating the dog, it’s highly unlikely that their behavior would change now. You have every right to decline their requests without needing to provide a reason, but it’s evident that you have numerous valid reasons for your decision. Their behavior suggests manipulation, where they prioritize their desires over the well-being and feelings of both humans and dogs.
You are entirely justified in saying no, and their actions indicate a lack of consideration for the welfare of all involved parties, whether human or canine.” Canaduh_96
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Always Take The First Lifeguard Shift?
“We’re lifeguards, on the opening shift at a local pool. So 5-6 am opening times. I’m a relatively new hire and have been in guarding for a long time, eleven years.
He’s been at this particular establishment for longer than I have, specifically doing openings alone most of the Summer. He’s a decent guy, but he’s overstepped his bounds a few times. For instance, reminding me to get my clearances squared away when I had to take off of work for an emergency.
Mind you this was out of nowhere and he said it because he “thought I’d have free time”. I found this inappropriate, but like, funny. Not just when he decided to say it, but also when he thought that was his place at all.
So in lifeguarding, rotation schedules can either be super relaxed or a tense political minefield.
A long time ago I resolved to just acknowledge the different advantages of getting a break first or second, and try to make things as fair as possible. Notably, being the first to take a break (say, 6-630 break time) is usually worse, but especially in this case as my coworker often leaves on the hour, earlier than my shift ends.
So if I take a break first it means I’m on the stand from 830-9, and he leaves at 9, which means I’m on the stand from 830-945 before my next break. This…sucks. So I established a compromise of us taking turns who breaks first. Pretty simple, I didn’t want to take ownership of every first watch, but also didn’t want to just take my lumps every shift.
But.. he keeps trying to do it first. Every time. In passive-aggressive ways where he just sort of walks his stuff to the stand and I have to say something. Today he, in a serious tone, tells me that “He’s just going to tell me now, he has to take the first shift every time because doing openings alone puts his body on a cycle and he has to use the restroom after the first watching shift” so if I go first, he needs to go to the bathroom the whole time on the stand.
Disregarding that alone, the first shift is 45 mins and not 30 like it is with two guards, the way he straight up TOLD me that’s what was going to happen rubbed me the wrong way, especially since I ASKED when I established wanting to take turns.
Also, he can hold it, his body will change back and maybe he can just try and go beforehand. I’m not too knowledgeable about cycles, I just go when I need to, so I don’t know how painful it is to hold or how hard it is to go before your time, so to speak.
I told him we could talk about it later because my current stance is sure that I’m not going to let myself get walked all over. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting a fair shift schedule that divides the load equally. You should take it up with the management though.
If he works on the same level of food chain as yours, then whomever you report to should address this. As a colleague, his behavior is not appropriate, he’s being selfish and thinking only about himself. That’s no way professional. He should agree to alternate shift routine – it’s a fair compromise.” wise_devil0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An hour and fifteen minutes on a shift of lifeguarding is too much. This is a management problem now. The schedule does not work because one of the two of you is going to get someone hurt. He either will be distracted by using the restroom, or you’re distracted by working too long.
You need to go to management and say that there is a need for a third person or schedule change. The other thing is to stop accommodating him. His annoyance at having an entire break in the bathroom does not trump your ability to *rescue someone from drowning*.
You’re taking the first shift, end of story. You’re not scanning the pool for an hour and fifteen minutes. If he tries to run off, you’re closing the pool and taking your break. Digging in your heels for the safety of swimmers is your obligation.” Lily_May
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I, too have worked as a lifeguard for many years, and doing over an hour on the stand is a recipe for disaster. Is there someone higher up that can mitigate this? I’ve never worked at a place with more than one guard where there is no set person to make the schedule.
Why would your breaks revolve around the hour and not when your turn on the stand ends? That might be the easiest change to make, but it’s kind of unclear how your scheduling works in that regard.” Live-Pomegranate4840
14. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Family Let Themselves Into My New House?
“I (24F) grew up as the oldest of 3 girls (20, 17). They still live with my parents, and I bought my first house a few months ago about 30 min away. We don’t have a very close relationship as a family (we never did “sit down dinners” together, or talk much in general) but I felt so proud to invite my family into my house that I bought by myself after years of saving.
My mom is a hoarder so to have my own space for the first time (I lived with them through college too) felt so freeing.
Last week I invited them to my house for my first family dinner at my house. I was upstairs when my mom and sisters rang the doorbell.
When I came downstairs, excited to invite them in, my mom had used the spare key I gave her a few weeks back to let them in. She had trouble with the deadbolt so I could hear her doing the same door jerking/pulling motion we have to do for my parent’s house that’s loud and aggressive (that you don’t need to do for my door, you just have to turn the key all the way) before letting herself in when I was still coming down the stairs.
I got pretty upset and asked her why she wouldn’t wait for me to open the door and she said I was taking too long and they were carrying things. As she was saying this she walked to the kitchen to put her stuff down, took her jacket and bags, and put it on my couch.
I angrily told her to not just unlock my door, and she said why would I give her a key if she can’t use it? And that when my aunt (who also lives nearby) has family dinners, she keeps the front door unlocked and we let ourselves in as well.
The dinner was awkward and before they left my sister sarcastically asked if I needed to open the door for them to leave as well.
My mom and sisters thought I was the jerk for getting upset ruining my party, that they are family so I shouldn’t be so uptight about it being “my” space, and that I was treating them like strangers.
Of course, I want my family, especially my younger sisters to feel comfortable at my new house since growing up our home never quite felt like “ours” with the hoarding and constant clutter. And I do feel bad for losing my temper on a special occasion.
But I never expected them to just let themselves into my house. It’s hard to describe why it bothers me so much, maybe violated is the closest word I can think of? This is the first time I’m inviting my parents and siblings to my house, and she’s already acting like this is her home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One it’s your house. If you don’t want people just coming in whenever or letting themselves in that’s fine. And if your aunt is good with that, that’s fine, you’re not. It’s your house do what you want. Plus it feels like part of this may also be the fact that this took away part of the experience of you being a host in this situation and properly welcoming them to your house.
So that might be something to mention. Maybe you would be okay eventually with people letting themselves in. But you also don’t have to be. It’s your house and whatever you’re okay with. And honestly, the spare key line is BS. A spare key is never for letting yourself in when you were invited over like that.
That’s not what a spare key is for. In the end, it’s really whatever you’re okay with. That’s all” EnoughSupermarket539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, this was not about them carrying things and you take too long at all. It seems like it was about control to her.
She was signaling by boundary stomping that she’ll do as she pleases with your house and on top of that making you out to be the crazy person for having an issue (rightfully so!!) with people using an emergency key to let themselves in when they please and thereby also take away your joy and pride to welcome them into the house for the first time you worked so hard for.
It’s a power play to stomp on your newfound independence. There is only one solution IMO and that is to protect your mental health and boundaries by changing the lock and not giving another emergency key. And if it’s difficult for you, you don’t even need to proactively tell her that.
Good luck OP” lavavaga
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, assuming you gave her the key for emergencies only, and explained that when you gave it to her. Holding things while you are trying to get to the door isn’t an emergency. It is at best an inconvenience.
You are probably going to have to change your locks and give a copy of the new key to a trusted friend who understands what emergencies are. I come from a family that always walks in as well. I don’t like that, never have. I always knock when I arrive and wait for someone to either open the door or holler to come in.
In my house, all it took was for someone to walk in when I was not dressed to end that practice when they came to my house. It was an accident, but it was effective on my family.” BeautifulPhantom1
13. AITJ For Wanting To Send My Delusional Friend Back Home?
“I (23F) let my (24F) friend come to stay at my house for the weekend after she called me crying because her partner took their child and left and said he wouldn’t be back till the following weekend.
Let me preface this by saying she’s been in a mild form of delusional state, and her partner is convinced she’s a danger to herself or others. He had called the cops a couple of days prior and they asked him why he even called because she seemed relatively fine, just stressed that the cops were there.
So he took their son and went off to his grandparent’s house and left her alone. Mind you she’s a SAHM with no access to food or water or funds because he’s kept it from her.
So I drove an hour plus to go get her and bring her back to my place because she asked if she could stay for the weekend.
My partner and I fed her, and supported her in any way we could through her mental state and current situation and did not challenge her thought process because she truly believes that there are a large amount of people conspiring against her and are out to get her/kill her.
She tried to call a friend to come pick her up and he hasn’t answered. It is now Monday and she had a whole break down because she has nowhere to go. I’ve told her multiple times that if she can’t find someone to get her I have to take her back home.
To which she disagreed because she thinks the house is tapped and someone will come to kill her, she also believes her car is tagged so she won’t drive anywhere thinking she’s being tracked and followed everywhere she goes.
I keep making statements about how I have to take her somewhere but she won’t go to a homeless shelter (I don’t blame her I wouldn’t either), she won’t go to a stress center, and she won’t go home.
My partner and I do not have the means to support a 3rd person that is not working, nor do we really have the space other than the couch she’s been sleeping on. I feel guilty about the idea of sending her back home to be by herself but I am mentally emotionally and financially spent and do not have the means to allow her to stay here.
It was just meant to serve as a reprieve weekend so she could relax and hopefully have some clarity on her situation. Partner isn’t replying, she has no family or friends, and her partner essentially isolated her from all other friends. I understand she needs support but I can’t have her stay here for an extended period.
So, am I the jerk for trying to kick her out, or do I just need to be a supportive friend and stop complaining.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. I don’t know what a stress center is, but take her to the ER. She’s having a mental breakdown, and you are not equipped to handle it or to help her.
This is just a medical fact, aside from the logistics of the impossibility of taking her in and letting her live with you. It’s not a solution to her mental problems. She needs professional help, and you are not it.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“She needs hospitalization.
Is there a local mental health center you can call for advice? She is delusional and seriously mentally ill. She is going to have to go someplace she does not want to be, and you are stuck being the people who have to deal with it.
Take her to an emergency room, mental health facility, or call the police to remove her from your home. She will not get better without intervention. YNTJ. You are a good friend but she needs professional help.” BoomerBaby1955
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend needs serious, very professional mental-health help.
You’ve been kind and supportive, but there’s a point at which that is not enough. I think you hit that point a bit ago. I agree with the earlier commenters. Take her somewhere for some psychiatric help. Is there an Emergency Department near you? Lie to her if you have to, but do whatever it takes to get her there.
She is not in her right mind and she cannot make good decisions for herself and certainly not for her children.” Narrow-Natural7937
12. AITJ For Refusing To Give More Money To My Financially Irresponsible Aunt Who Raised Me?
“I was raised by my aunt and her family in a third-world country. My father was absent, and my mother was often unreliable, only stepping in to support me during my last two years of college.
From childhood until now, I’ve lived with my aunt’s family. They provided for me, from food and shelter to education, covering my schooling from primary school up to my first two years of college.
In the past, my aunt’s family was comfortably above middle class.
My uncle worked overseas and earned well. However, due to my aunt’s poor financial decisions, they now have no savings. She often lent money to unreliable people and made questionable bank transactions. Today, they barely make ends meet. My uncle, now in his 50s, earns less since he works locally.
Their son, 27, doesn’t work and spends his days playing video games. Their daughter has special needs and cannot work.
Aware of my aunt’s financial mismanagement, I’ve always been cautious with money. I began working in college as an ESL tutor and even back in high school, I would save diligently because I wanted to build my computer.
Over the years, I’ve lent significant amounts from my savings to my aunt, often knowing I wouldn’t get it back. For instance, I helped cover expenses after her son’s reckless driving accident paralyzed their finances since all of the money she received from her husband went into paying off the accident.
While the money I’ve lent doesn’t equate to what she has spent on me, I’ve consistently supported them when I could before.
Recently, I’ve resorted to not giving her any more money. My aunt’s financial troubles are largely due to her own decisions like recently getting scammed online and selling her car to send money to a fraudster.
Additionally, she doesn’t address her son’s lack of ambition and being a bum. While I occasionally buy groceries for them, I’ve refrained from giving more money.
Most of their finances are through her husband who lives onsite where he works but they don’t have a good relationship anymore.
My other aunt says he has another family but that’s their problem now.
My mother, with whom I now have a better relationship lately, tells me not to feel guilty, mentioning she once paid for a land title for my aunt. Still, I feel guilty for not contributing more.
I aim to move out soon, but I’m not financially ready. Occasionally, when my aunt asks for money, I would decline here and there but sometimes, especially if it’s a small sum, I’d lend her some. However, there have been times where she would tell me I’m greedy or she would give off that impression but she hasn’t directly told me off yet for not having gratitude and paying her back for what she has given raising me.
So Am I the jerk here for not giving any money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it seems her generosity is what leads to her money problems. And part of her generosity was taking in a child that was not hers and raising it to be an independent and capable adult.
Your mother who abandoned you is now hoarding you as her resource, so of course she doesn’t want you giving money to your aunt. You can share your money, or not, as you wish. But remember who was there for you when you needed them, and who wouldn’t hesitate to help you out if you need them again.” CrankyWife
Another User Comments:
“A possible solution would be to ask her how much money she needed and then “gift” it to her, but only if she previously signed a document in which she agrees not to ask you for money ever again in her life.
Not once. She must not return it, but also not ask for it again. It’s not a bad solution because I believe that all that money that you are occasionally “lending” to her won’t return. Ever. Then you will lose track of how much money you are giving and after that, since she raised you, she will manipulate you into feeling guilty if you ask her to return it.
Also, you should keep track of inflation as well. Hope it helps!!” alexxxthebunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did what she could for your back when you needed shelter and guidance, but, she also has her own emotional and financial issues to contend with, that have since come back to haunt her and none of that is your doing.
Her son’s lack of ambition is an even bigger issue because you are a saver, she’s a spender. You have no obligation to stay around and subsidize her bad decisions or her lazy son. You are doing what’s best for now. Refusing to give cash in exchange for buying things is wise.
Eventually, you will get to move on. You worked hard to excel and don’t owe them any more than what you are doing without risking your future happiness and financial gains.” roxywalker
11. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Because Of My Fiancé's Disrespectful Mom?
“My fiancé (22m) and I (22f) have been together for 4 years.
We also have an 8-month-old. We moved into his family’s home to help us all, to help us save money and help his family with the upkeep of their home since they have been living out of the States for a few years but they do visit for a month or two out of the year.
We also are keeping their dog (they planned to take him then told us about a month ago they changed their mind and we will have to care for him for 2 1/2 more years).
I have never had a problem with my MIL, she’s has always made snarky comments about my weight (I’m very petite) she has called me anorexic more than once.
I have always written it off and have asked her multiple times to not comment on my body as it is an insecurity for me but she never stops.
When she first got here for her visit she started making comments that I’m unhealthy (I’m not) and criticizing my parenting.
For example, saying I shouldn’t give her this or that to eat. Or I should make her cry herself to sleep. Pressuring me to give her food I’m not comfortable giving her (anything she can’t chew or could choke on) telling me to take her crib out of our room.
Etc.
Well when she started one day, I walked away. I came to my room because it made me uncomfortable and confronting his parents wasn’t easy for me, I also didn’t want any confrontation in front of my baby. I had to go make a bottle and she just cussed me out in front of my child.
Telling me to f off and calling me names, got up and stormed away. When my fiancé got home from work and didn’t take her side. She started crying. And blaming me. Telling him I’m disrespectful to her and that she isn’t apologizing.
He comes to try to get me to apologize. I told him no that I was not apologizing because his mom made me uncomfortable. She barges into our room, blocks the door, and starts SCREAMING at us (both me, my fiancé, and our child in my arms) saying I make her uncomfortable and cussing and making a scene saying everything she’s done for me.
I told her I had never been unappreciative and asked her to stop acting this way in front of the baby and she refused.
She woke up and acted like everything was fine the next day. To me, it’s not fine. I don’t like her anymore and I don’t want her around my child.
We’re trying to find a place for us to move in the next month, and after that, I don’t want to talk to his mom. (His dad I have no issue with) but with us moving they will have to figure out arrangements for their home & dog.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they wanted you at their home, they’d make that clear. But they’re doing the opposite. Go passive-aggressive. Be calm and cool and suggest to your MIL that she’ll be happier without you and your child around since you seem to cause her so much unhappiness.
Why would she want someone she seems to so strongly dislike in her home? Tell her you’re moving out to help ensure family harmony. Inform her as well that you won’t allow anyone with anger management issues to be near your child, for the sake of the child.” Temporary-Exchange28
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, his mom sounds like she’s having lots of personal problems and taking it out on you guys. Your man needs to man up and be firm. Part of being a man is loving your mom another part is telling her to shut up when she needs to be told that.
Children listen to men set the tone. Some of the stuff is natural women who have had kids tend to tell younger moms what to and what not to do. Often there is wisdom in that sometimes not. But there seem to be a few don’t necessarily connected threads going on in your relationship with her.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Wanting A Second Car Despite My Husband's Environmental Concerns?
“So my husband and I sold his car when we moved to a new city in the Midwest because our apartment was 2 blocks from the hospital where we both work.
We kept my car which we paid off together a couple of years ago so we haven’t had car payments for a while.
Since then, we have moved to a house about a 15-minute drive from the same hospital. My husband is very environmentally conscious and because of that, he has been biking and/or taking public transit to get to and from work.
I have been mostly driving to work. Sometimes I’ll bike and take transit if he needs the car during the day to do something else. Sometimes we carpool.
Now, my husband is interviewing for a new job that will require him to drive. He would most likely work on average half the year (7 days on, 7 days off, 12-hour shifts) and would also be required to work some percentage of night shifts.
I work 12-hour shifts days only (although sometimes I take night calls) 3 days per week. He thinks that since I would technically only need the car 6 days out of the month to get to work, we don’t need another car and I can just either bike or take transit to work on those days.
AITJ for wanting a second car?
I feel like even though I would only need to get to work 3 days every other week that still leaves me without a car on my days off. It sort of feels like I would be losing my freedom to go anywhere whenever I need to.
I should add that the public transit in my city is okay. I’ve had some uncomfortable experiences in the past but overall I feel relatively safe. However, the area of coverage is pretty minimal so I would need a car to get to areas further out around the city.
I’ve also had to scramble because sometimes the bus just doesn’t show up.
I should also mention that this new job would potentially triple or quadruple our household income so it’s not necessarily a money issue. I understand we would be saving money on car payments, insurance, maintenance, etc. He also doesn’t want to consider getting a used (cheaper) car because if he gets one, he wants it to be electric.
So it would be more expensive, our electricity bills would go up, etc.
Am I just being spoiled? I understand that there are people in the city who have no car at all and they make it work. According to him, I have a “lack of sacrifice” for wanting a second car.
I just don’t like the idea of not being able to go somewhere when I need to. I think this is coming more from a moral perspective for him, and although I support him, I don’t necessarily feel the same.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell him you need your car and if he needs to drive for work he is going to have to buy one.
Also, electric car technology is still not good enough range is still too low, and charge times are still too long. For someone who is going to be on the road a lot it is the very worst option. Say No tell him to buy his car.
Put your foot down with a firm hand, as my old Mum would have said!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He can bike to work if it’s that important to him, that’ll be eco-friendly. Seriously, if he cannot see that you need a second car, then he doesn’t need to get a new job.
If you continue to go round and round on the subject, it’s not the earth that he’s concerned about.” Beautiful-Report58
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and let me tell you that sharing a car with your spouse sucks and it can be a real pain in the rear.
If he gets this job, he’ll be able to afford both the electric car he’d want and the high electric bill to go with it. It’s not fair for you to have to give up your car because he doesn’t want to get himself a new one.” jacksonlove3
Once car was picked up by transport then they had to pay off car loan and then bank had to process payoff then send me a refund for overpaying by a month, etc. Thrn he'd to hunt for a replacement. I was going stir crazy. I don't necessarily go out every day but at least if I want to then I know there is a car parked outside.
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Stay With Her Mother For A Week After Her Stepfather's Death?
“MIL’s husband passed, and he has been in hospice care for about 3 years. This man is not someone either my wife (39F) or I (46M) have many good feelings about.
To my wife, he was the (4th) man that her mom was married to. To me, he was the ex-felon, racist, chain-smoking redneck who has been manipulative and mostly a jerk to me since I met my wife (11 years). MIL has missed a large part of her grandchildren’s first few years because she was his primary caregiver during hospice.
We are relieved that he is now finally out of the picture…I am so relieved that this man no longer can be an influence on my children. However, both of us very much care for MIL and her wellbeing and she loved this man so she will need support.
She lives 3 hours away in another state.
We are a family of 4. My wife and I work full time and have a 14-month-old daughter and 3yo son.
My wife wants to go up there for the whole next week to be there for her mother.
I can not go, period. My vacation time is used up. My salary is entirely commission if I am not here selling work then we don’t make money, and I bring home the larger portion of our income. My wife has a more traditional salaried job and does have available PTO as well as bereavement time.
My job does not give me any of that (don’t work in the automotive dealership service world kids).
I have watched our kids by myself before, but not for such a long period. My job is Mon-Sat 7:30 am-6 pm. I would have to get both kids dressed and out the door by 6:45, which I already do (wife leaves at 5:30), also have them picked up by 7 pm in the evenings, and then make dinners, get them ready for bed and asleep.
Throw in the cooking, laundry, and grocery shopping.
My wife has offered to take the kids with her, but I would rather them not miss a week of their normal routine for this circumstance. MIL is a smoker as well, and there is that.
We have other family members on my side that might be able to come to help me during this week, but none of that has been confirmed yet.
I think that MIL knows what it is like to be a mother and what it’s like to try to raise a family and work and I feel like it is not the best plan for my wife to put her family on hold for a whole week to go up there and hang out with her mom while she goes through this.
Therefore, I suggested that my wife just go up for the weekend. My wife thinks I am being insensitive. MIL has not asked for anything. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sounds like your wife is making her mom a priority and you feel threatened by that.
All feelings aside about your former FIL this is a woman who raised her own family and dealt with a controlling spouse who she then took care of in hospice. She deserves to see her family and your wife is trying to work with you to not disrupt the family routine and you’re creating barriers.
MIL is most likely perfectly fine with seeing you all around the holidays or at a time when it’s more conducive to your family schedule but since the loss is fresh, emotional support goes a long way.” roxywalker
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ! You are complaining about having to cook them dinner, bathe them, and put them to bed?
You already said that you get them ready in the mornings so it’s just the evenings for a week so your wife can spend time with her mum?? You are extremely selfish” Realistic-Active7230
Another User Comments:
“YTJ so your complaint is you don’t want to solo parent your kids for a whole week, and she offers a solution – taking the kids.
Well, that doesn’t work for you either. You also could ask family or straight-up hire help, but can’t be bothered to do that. Your wife needs to go for *her*, to be with *her mom*. Get your head out of your rear and accept one of the scenarios.
We all get that you don’t like your MIL and want to punish her for her poor choice of husband, but you’re only damaging YOUR marriage at this point.” No-Locksmith-8590
8. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Also Has Free Time To Help Around The House?
“I 41f have been married to my husband 40m for going on 5 years. We have recently relocated to his home town with our 2 kids 15m and 3m.
We both work full-time jobs. On a typical weekday, we both wake up at 5 am. His day: 5:30 gets out of bed showers shaves gets dressed leaves for work at 6:15 returns from work at 5 pm (usually) Monday and Wednesday helps coach his brother in-laws little league soccer team comes home at about 7:30.
My days: out of bed at 5-5:30 clean the kitchen from the night before or do a load of laundry if I cooked that night. Prep toddler meals for the day. Shower get dressed then start working about 5:30-6:00. Toddler is usually up at 7:30-8:00 get him dressed for the day.
Feed breakfast. Take dogs out feed dogs. Clean up from breakfast. Switch over a load of laundry. Work while the toddler plays with toys, periodically interact with a tod,dler and give snacks stop work at about 1:00 feed the toddler lunch take dogs and toddler outside for about 30 min put the toddler down for a nap.
Start working again around 2 pm about 3:00 toddler wakes up cranky and finishes nap on my lap while I work. 4 pm Teen home from school rings doorbell and wakes up toddler. Monday and Wednesday 5 pm stops working to cook dinner. 7:30 husband is home and I start working again.
My husband takes care of the toddler while I work until 10:30 pm shower then go to bed. Tuesday Thursday and Friday husband cooks dinner and I finish work around 8:-8:30. On Saturdays and Sundays we both are off from work. Since he decided to start coaching he has games on the weekends.
The games last about an hour but he always ends up at his sister’s house for half the day drinking and hanging out with them. I do not drink or smoke. I usually spend the weekend cleaning the house doing laundry and working on my home reno projects.
I also go grocery shopping. This weekend I decided to paint several areas of the house.
I painted living room, hallway, and stairway, I also hung up art work in my home office. So 10pm we climb into bed and husband takes deep sigh and says “the new paint looks great, I wish I had free time to work on home projects” Annoyed I said “you do you just chose to do other activities.” This lead to an argument and him accusing me of not respecting his coaching or anything he does.
This morning he woke up upset I didn’t wash his laundry (my husband and teen are responsible for their own laundry). He said I was home all weekend and could have at least washed his work clothes. I was not home all weekend and was in and out running errands.
Needless to say that lead to another argument when I reminded him of his free time. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight, you work from home (job #1). You are responsible for all childcare (job #2). You handle the home repair and upgrades (job #3).
And this jerk has the audacity to suggest you need to be a laundress too? You need a vacation, far away, let him figure it out for a week or two. I’m sure after 1 day he will be begging you to come back. Don’t. Let him experience what life will be like when you inevitably crack and make for the hills because you’re exhausted, unappreciated, and taken for granted. You deserve better and need to start demanding it, or you will be depleted, bitter, and disillusioned about this marriage well before this is over.
NTJ” Mindless-Locksmith76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s delusional. He places more value on his fun hobbies of coaching a little league soccer team and then socializing (without you) over the household chores and DIY. He seems to be forgetting that while you are at home you are actually doing 3 jobs, Daycare, Housekeeping & Accountancy, and apparently except for when you shower and sleep you don’t get any down time to relax.
Your husband is a five-star jerk.” Ampu-leg-lass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing for him to coach, it’s another thing to then go drink and hang out. If he does his laundry and didn’t ask you to do his, he’s the jerk for assuming you would have.
I do all our laundry and my husband puts it away. This is after some arguments we’ve had. He was upset that I was leaving his clothes folded in a pile on the folding table. I said, “You could put them away.” When he asked why I don’t put them away, I said “because I wash, dry, hang, and fold all the laundry.
This is where I’m putting it. You’re a 36-year-old man, you can put it away.” I stood my ground for this a couple of times, he now puts it away. Continue to stand your ground and point out that you’re being productive while he’s hanging out.
He’s a grown man and should make time to do his laundry. Also, get your teen their own house key so they don’t have to ring the doorbell when they get home.” Head-Drag-1440
7. AITJ For Wanting Alone Time In My Car Before Entering My Home?
“I am 27 weeks pregnant with my first child. I work a stressful job and lately, my home has fallen into disarray because my husband and I are both busy.
I have attempted to set boundaries in our relationship such as when the lid of the trashcan can’t close, the trash gets taken out, but he continues to pile up the trash.
These types of behaviors combined with the growing mess have led to me feeling overwhelmed. I have been coping by taking some time on my phone in the driveway before coming inside to greet him and switch from my work hat to my wife’s hat.
Lately, he has started to come outside to greet me and on a few occasions when I’ve been overwhelmed I have snapped at him. I recognized that I was snapping because I needed the space to be me before being social, so I tried to ask him to allow me time to get inside.
He indicates that he worries about me falling because I have gotten more clumsy during my pregnancy and that he wants to be able to check on me. To clarify, I have not fallen in over 3 months and the increased clumsiness is often me tripping while dressing because standing on one foot is hard right now.
I told him that I would let him know on my way home that I needed space and if I said that to allow me 20-30 minutes before coming outside to check on me.
We ended up in a fight. He indicated that communication of I need time was too vague and that I didn’t respect his worries about my health.
However, he did not give me an alternative way that I could be less vague.
I told him that I felt that clarifying the statement “I need time” before I’m home meant that I needed 20-30 min without being interrupted a reasonable ask. I also clarified that if anything happened on my way inside I would have my phone to contact him.
The argument ended with him saying that he wouldn’t come out at all and I could come in at any duration of my choosing.
I don’t feel like this fight came to a resolution and I also feel like any time I try to set a boundary, he pushes back without offering an alternative that we can compromise on.
With our child coming soon I’m worried that I’m going to be left resenting my husband and either divorced or miserably married
AITJ for wanting this time in my car? And how can I set reasonable boundaries in my marriage so I’m not left feeling overwhelmed in my own home?
He feels that I don’t care about his worry and I feel like any boundary I try to set is allowed to be broken. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, I worry about your situation. A guy who is married and has a baby on the way should be ramping up to take on more day-to-day stuff.
As far as your decompression time, take that time before you get to your house. A nice safe open parking lot. If he’s sitting on his backside and there are things to do when you get in the door, get him up and share squaring things away together.
Don’t for a second entertain doing a bunch of stuff while he’s on his backside. If you have to stand in front of him or take the phone out of his hand, be very businesslike about it. “Stuff has to get done now.” NTJ. Be smart OP.” roscoe_e_roscoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know your husband but the whole situation sounds like power play to me. It’s a controlling behavior from him. Getting greeted outside is not bad but then getting mad when you say that you want to be alone for some time is worrying.
Although I don’t understand why he is not cleaning the trash. Is he expecting you to do the housework? Is he doing something in the house too or is he expecting that after the child is born, you will wear your “wife hat” like normal?
“With our child coming soon I’m worried that I’m going to be left resenting my husband and either divorced or miserably married.” Well, it seems that your husband is not respecting you, because he is pushing and not respecting you and gets mad when you try to explain the situation.
Miserably married should never be an option.” Justrennt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if he was concerned about your health maybe don’t let trash rot there where your pregnant wife can breathe it in. Maybe it’s time to pay for a cleaner who can come in regularly to clean your home.
Some people might say it’s lazy, but it’s self-care. You can enjoy your pregnancy and your baby if the house is clean.” birknsocks
6. AITJ For Wanting To Be Comfortable In My Partner's Mother's House?
“My partner (31M) and I (28F) of 6 years were living at my house for the entirety of our relationship. Unfortunately, my familial relationship wasn’t great, so we needed to move out. We wanted to buy a home, but we cannot afford it in this current market.
As a result, we moved into the house his mother (65F) rented with his aunt (his aunt owned it)— his aunt recently passed, so we got her portion of the house (downstairs) as an apartment.
Originally, before his aunt’s passing, MIL, my partner, and I discussed the plan of switching the house to his and my name, and MIL would continue to rent as she had been doing.
After his aunt’s passing, though, MIL said this was not the plan and acted as if we were crazy for suggesting this idea.
I am a teacher and returned to work in early September. At the end of August, I still had belongings split between my previous home and here, and I was hoping to be fully moved in before returning to work as the two houses are about 45 minutes apart.
MIL and I had spoken numerous times about scheduling a mover to bring furniture downstairs to our space. As a result, I scheduled one for an appropriate evening when I knew she and I would both be home. Upon telling her, she threw a fit and told her son that we never had those conversations.
She and I then got into an argument, which we spoke about the following day. Initially, she sent me an apology text for her behavior the following morning. When I was busy and did not immediately respond, she then sent me a passive-aggressive one.
Lately, her new problem is where I park.
There is a 2 car driveway, so I park in front of the house, which is fine. Initially, she complained that I parked too close to the driveway— too far up. Now, she complained that I parked too far back.
I feel as though there is tension building, and now I feel like my partner and I have switched roles in terms of being unhappy.
Every couple of days, it seems to be a new problem. I walked across the lawn, and she complained that I was ruining her lawn. Then, she decided to put together a shed in the backyard, without telling anyone, and I heard her cursing us at the top of her lungs inside for not helping her (meanwhile we had no idea).
She then texted us later that day that suddenly she would not be attending Thanksgiving or a Christmas party we were having. It never seems to end.
I am trying to be reasonable and respectful, but it’s frustrating and feels like I can’t do anything right- even here…
So, AITJ for wanting to be comfortable in the home I am living in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanted to live comfortably in your home. Mom is 65 could she be having some mental probs? Forgetting conversations, screaming, angry. Or has she always been like that?
i.e. Alzheimer’s,” Puzzleheaded-Call351
Another User Comments:
“I am wondering if the stress of losing her sister didn’t cause a mini-stroke or a TIA. The actions you are describing can easily be explained away if she has been difficult her whole life. However, there is a difference between being difficult and the way she is acting.” NuffSaid8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She sounds Unreasonable and maybe not rational It’s your partner’s job to set boundaries with her” kn0tkn0wn
5. AITJ For Charging My Friend For Baking For Her Wedding After She Didn't Thank Me?
“So I (32f) am a stay-at-home mom to 5 kids ages 13, 11, 6, 3, and 18 months. My friend let’s call her Stacey (30f) recently got married. About 6 months before her wedding she asked me to make 75 cupcakes for her wedding.
Baking is a hobby of mine and I have gotten very good at it. I agreed even though I was not part of the wedding party and was doing this as a friend. Stacey also had 5 other people helping make the food. Well, she calls me 3 weeks before the wedding and asks me to make 1 hungry pan of baked beans.
At this point, I’m still under the impression that it is going to be a smallish wedding so I say sure. So fast forward to 1 week before the wedding and she calls me and tells me the guest list has grown slightly. She then told me she needed 3 huge pans of baked beans and wanted me to use a specific recipe instead of my own and now needed 300 cupcakes instead of 75.
Also, she doesn’t want me to use a box mix for the cupcakes (which I had planned to use since I’m buying all the ingredients for everything I’m making) she wants them to be homemade including the frosting. Told me I was a lifesaver and ended the call.
Before I had a chance to say anything. So for 2 days before the wedding, I was in my kitchen baking and cooking. While also taking care of my kids.
When the wedding came I took everything to the venue and helped set everything up. Fast forward to about a week after the wedding, a mutual friend called me to ask about my thank you basket from Stacey.
Come to find out she sent everyone a thank you basket for helping with the wedding (including the other people that helped with making the food) except me. I called her and talked with her, I figured I needed to let her know I had not gotten mine.
I know that sounds entitled. I just thought since everyone else had gotten one maybe mine got lost. That’s when she told me that she never sent me one because I’m a stay-at-home mom so it was no big deal for me to help with stuff for the wedding but everyone else had actual jobs so it was an inconvenience for them to help but not me.
I told her that it was hard for me to help as well and to expect a bill in the mail from me. Which I did. I charged her for everything I had bought to make the food (I included copies of the receipts), a delivery fee, and a set-up fee, and charged her for my time in making everything.
It totaled to right at $900 now I have a few mutual friends telling me I’m a jerk for charging her. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She considered your time useless and didn’t account for the fact that you have to tend to your children while doing everything for her.
It would be one thing to ask for help and show appreciation but it’s another to expect you to help regardless of any changes made and time spent. She doesn’t see you as a friend anymore, she sees you as an endless resource.
NTJ” Looking4fun338
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. I am so sick of these entitled brides and grooms thinking everyone else is supposed to fund their weddings and lifestyles. How dare she think that because you are at home, you don’t work hard. At the very least she could have sent you a thank you for your effort instead of insulting you.” Sashasez
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Send the bill. As a side note, I think 98% of all people can not taste the difference between a box mix and scratch-homemade, especially if you make a couple of modifications, such as butter instead of oil, milk (almond adds a neat flavor) instead of water, and a dollop of sour cream.
If someone asked me suddenly for 300 cupcakes but wanted them “from scratch,” I’d nod and say “Uh huh! Definitely will make them in my home,” and then pick up some Betty Crocker or Pillsbury plus a pound of butter.” cynicalmaru
4. AITJ For Giving My Adopted Daughter An Extravagant Birthday Party Over My Niece?
“My wife and I have 4 kids (12m, 9f, 9f, 7m). This post mostly concerns our daughters. One of our daughters, Ava, is our biological child.
We are adopting Emma.
Emma and Ava were in the same preschool. The girls were best friends and Emma’s bio mom was a single mom so we helped a lot with babysitting, drop-offs, and pickups. When the girls were in kindergarten Emma’s bio mom started seeing a guy with 3 kids and he wasn’t interested in raising another man’s child.
Emma started staying with us for days at a time that year. Over the next 2 years, her mom married the man and had 2 more kids with him. Emma was with us so often that we converted one of the guest rooms into a bedroom for her.
Then when the girls were in 2nd grade, Emma’s bio mom, stepdad, and step/half siblings packed up and moved while Emma was on vacation with us.
Her bio mom reached out to us and said that she and her family needed a fresh start and that if we didn’t want Emma, she could try to find a family member to take her.
My wife and I decided we wanted to keep her and she will be officially adopted in a couple of of months. Emma is such a sweet little girl. She’s so well-behaved, she does great in school, she’s never had a problem making friends, and she always runs to hug me the second I come home from work.
She does have a lot of anxiety and abandonment issues, though, and my family hasn’t accepted her.
My niece’s (6) birthday was 2 weeks ago and Emma’s was last week. My niece had a small party in her backyard, we dropped by for an hour, brought her a dress and Lego set, and left. For Emma’s birthday, we had a pretty extravagant party at the park.
There was a bounce house, princess, face painter, and crafts set up on the tables. We had over 20 kids plus my wife’s family come and it was great. My family stopped by the house to say happy birthday and drop off a couple of gifts, and then Emma started to open her gifts.
Her 2 big ones from us were a phone and a kid’s moped thing (it’s perfectly safe, easy to balance on, and has a max speed of 8mph). She also got a couple of of small toys and some clothes from us. When my family saw this, they started asking why I was able to do all of this for Emma but could only manage to get my niece a cheap Lego set.
I told them Emma’s my daughter and they said she wasn’t and that my niece is family so she should’ve taken priority. I kicked them out of the house but Emma’s birthday was already ruined. I’ve been getting messages berating me for favoring a “stranger” over my family.
AITJ for trying to give Emma a special birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emma is not a stranger, she is your daughter. Your family’s stance is ridiculous and fully in the jerk camp. I mean, who gets their niece better gifts than their children? Your family needs to learn that the love for adopted children is no different than biological children.” Little-Martha31204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Woah woah woah, you have to tell your family to slow their roll. Emma is **not** and has **never been** a stranger. Emma started as Ava’s best friend and is becoming your daughter due to the (traumatic) abandonment of her bio family.
Emma has way more need to feel loved, celebrated, and special after her experiences and deserves it, too, because **she’s your daughter and you love her**. How *dare* your family invalidate her existence and importance, especially in FRONT of her (sickening), and greedily claim your niece deserves better than her?
Nope.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ why do people suck so much? She’s a child a small innocent person who just wants love and has already been through her mom chucking her like garbage. You’re a good dad and your wife is a good mom and you’re good people.
“I won’t be family to people who think a child deserves hate for existing.” BriefHorror
3. AITJ For Struggling To Care About Work While My Son Is Seriously Ill?
“I (49M) have been living half out of the hospital in another city for close to a month and a half.
My wife (48F) also has. Our son (20M) is very sick. Several times he has been close to death. He’s on a sort of upward slope right now but he’s not out of the woods, and he could have permanent lung and/or kidney damage.
It’s too soon to tell. Or he could even take another nosedive and we could still lose him.
We had been swapping nightly and paying for a tiny hospital-provided apartment which is about half the cost of a hotel room but not free. Unfortunately, my company caps my leave and I’m just about out.
FMLA without pay is not an option. We just can’t afford it, especially with having to keep operations up in another city.
We have just switched to a schedule where I will work 4 days at home and then drive back down and stay in the hospital Fri-Sun so she can get a break.
My boss (??F) has been complaining about how hard it is to get stuff done without me. I have been trying to contribute but circumstances made it hard. She knows exactly what my situation is. My son’s status. My leave issues. Everything.
She is overjoyed that I am back.
This is my first day back, and I have taken a huge pile of stuff back. Enough to fill a 10+ hour day and I’ve been working on it steadily, and enough to fill my whole day every day. And it’s hard. It’s so hard.
I’m tired, but I am getting all this stuff done. During this, she is continually asking my opinions, questions, etc. This is normal. This is how we operate. Only I just… don’t care about any of it. I don’t care about the wording of paragraphs or if someone is unhappy with someone else.
For context: she’s the manager of a unit of several hundred people and I am her deputy.
So I let on that I didn’t feel one way or another about something and she didn’t like that. Later during a meeting with other people, she said she didn’t want to make me feel bad but if I couldn’t pull my full weight she’d have to look for help somewhere else.
I don’t think she meant it as a threat, but my perspective is so skewed because of my situation. Nothing seems serious compared to what’s going on with my son. I told her in the same meeting that I was just having trouble caring but to let me try to work through it and see if I can get back in the swing of things.
AITJ for even trying to work when I know I can’t give as much as I did before? I don’t know. Like I said, my perspective is messed up right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mum is currently sick and getting help at a hospital. And it sucks, I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that my mum is getting old.
I luckily work with people who care about me and I consider friends. Even then, it was hard going to work when someone I love is sick. I’m sure that you’re reaching the end of your ability to function, and take care, and I am so sorry for your hardship.
I think you guys need a break, and unfairly you’re not getting one. I don’t think you’re a jerk though for running out of energy” TriviaHag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not fit to be at work. You don’t have the brain space for it.
Do you get paid sick leave? If you can, use that. FWIW: a Dr in the UK, where I write sick notes for actual patients. You’d get signed off for 8 weeks of “Domestic Stress” with absolutely no argument from me. People here would be getting some pay.
I believe the USA is an absolute mess as far as employee rights are concerned, so that may not be an option.” Competitive_Papaya11
2. AITJ For Wanting To Give Away Extra Copies Of A Gift My Ex Gave Me?
“Last week, my partner of two years broke up with me out of the blue over the phone.
(She reasoned that we are “In different chapters of life” and I had been having some mental health problems so she figured it would be best for me to work them out alone.)
Three weeks ago it was our second anniversary, and we bought each other gifts.
I got her a promise ring she asked for and picked out on her own, and she pre-ordered a record.
We were long-distance (3 hours) because she was in college, but we used to live 10 minutes away from each other and she accidentally ordered the record to her parent’s house.
When we split I told her she needed to cancel the order so she could get her money back, but she told me she wanted me to have it. The record arrived yesterday.
I went to her parent’s house to pick it up and noticed that they accidentally sent three copies of the record instead of the one she ordered. I immediately called her and told her what happened. She said she would check her bank statement and if she didn’t pay for them.
I asked her if she didn’t pay for them if I could give them away to some fans on the artists subreddit because it’s a highly sought-after record and she said “Yes you can have them if I didn’t pay for them”
I know for a fact that she didn’t pay for them because other people reported getting sent too many copies on accident. She then asked me if we could sell them and split the money, and I told her that I wanted to do something nice and just give them away.
She told me that she needed the money because she was a “broke college student” I told her I could do what she wanted but I was not selling them for her, and she asked if I could sell one and give the other away because the extra copies are “not apart of my gift”, and I said it’s either she sells both or I give them away.
She got mad about this and thought I was arguing with her (It was over text) she then called me and told me I was being a jerk. I said “Why do you always have to make everything an argument” and she said “I am hanging up the phone, don’t reach out to me ever again” I said “Good, I’m giving away the records” and I hung up.
Am I the jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were a gift. She said, very clearly, if she didn’t pay for them, you can have them. She didn’t pay for them, and only went from “sure, give them away” to “do 100% of the work on selling them but give me half the money” when she realized they might be worth some money.
I can’t fathom why she would think you’d do ANY work on her behalf Her ownership of them ended when she said you could have them. What you do after that is up to you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“He’s not saying he was against her having them or selling them.
Just that he wasn’t going to go through the effort of selling them at all, especially not for her benefit. He just wanted to give them to people he cared about, not turn a gift into a job. And especially not for his ex to profit off his work.
Sure she bought the gift but she said that’s was his. The extras were an accident and she said he could give them away. Then she wants him to sell them instead and give her the money. He said no, but if she wanted to sell them herself he would let her.
But he wasn’t going to go through all this extra stuff for her. NTJ” Critical_Item_8747
Another User Comments:
“YTJ dude, she didn’t have to give you the stuff since you had already broken up, but she still wanted to have the present. Now, with the extra copies, you had a nice way of giving back to her for her kind gesture and you decide to just not do that, not sell the records and help get with the money, because of what??
Just do the right thing and help her out, even if she is your ex” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Campaigning For A Dog Park Instead Of A Playground In My Community?
“There’s this patch of undeveloped land that been just sitting there for a while. Recently it was decided that they’re finally going to turn into something! There were a few choices put forward towards the community – a playground for children, a basketball court, an outdoor gym, a BBQ pita, a garden, a dog park, etc.
The one that caught my eye was a dog park. I have a dog so to me it would be great if I lived right next to a place for dogs to play. So I campaigned for it. I went around and talked to a lot of people and got their support.
I posted online about it. Some of the people I talked to were against the idea because they just didn’t like it or wanted something else, but that’s to be expected – can’t have everyone on your side after all. But most people were for it.
A lot of people just assumed it was going to be a playground and didn’t even know we had a say.
Once I got the support I went to the officials and now the patch of land is going to be a dog park!
While most people are happy, I’ve gotten some negative attention from a few individuals, particularly Ben.
Ben wanted a playground for his kids. He says that it would have turned into a playground if I hadn’t interfered. I pointed out that if he wanted one so bad then he could have done the same thing I did and went around to get support for it.
He says that’s “unfair” because he doesn’t have the “time or energy”. He says that once I learned that some people wanted a playground I should have just stopped because kids are more important than dogs. I said that since it’s land for the community then what the community as a whole is more important than what he as an individual wants.
And when I was going around talking to as many people as I could only the minority wanted a playground, a basketball court, a garden, etc. If a lot of people didn’t want a dog park and wanted something else I wouldn’t have been able to get the support that I did.
There are more people with dogs than with kids in the area I live in. There’s also already a small playground, but it’s further away and a bit run down and old.
Then he called me some unkind names, accused me of “brainwashing” everyone into “hating” children, and said something about how it’s a “popularity contest” (claiming that because I’m a girl I can bat my eyes and get what I want more than him, a middle-aged guy) and how my parents didn’t bring me up right.
My parents taught me that if I want something go and fight for it. So I did.
AITJ for pushing for getting a dog park built because I wanted it more instead of a playground in my community?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Coming from helping rebuild a playground for kids in my neighborhood—it takes someone to organize and rally to get something like this done.
My neighborhood had a leader who pushed for the city to agree to this and you stepped up to do the same for a dog park near you. Now your neighbor can organize/rally for an upgrade to the playground nearest him. It’s not that dogs are equally important to children but that communities need all kinds of places for everyone.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you lobbied for your choice, and that guy could have done the same. Wanting a dog park does not mean you hate kids. but IMHO, dog parks exist to keep veterinarians in business. Between the fighting, the parasites, and the infectious diseases, I give them a wide berth.” TyrannasaurusRecked
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Have you ever lived near a dog park? I doubt it. They are fetid sewers that make the whole area stink. After a while, they have to get bulldozers to scrape off all the excrement and contaminated soil and pile it up to continue reeking.
Nobody would want to live near a dog park.” Prestigious_Gold_585
