People Reach Their Limit In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Kicking Out My Wife's Mom After She Insulted Me?
“I, 22f, am married to my wife Carly, 21f.
Carly’s mom is a bit of a helicopter mom so she tends to step over boundaries. Carly and I have been married for 3 years now and her mom has calmed down quite a bit. The problem started when I got pregnant via a sperm donor.
Carly’s mom has been freaking out about being a grandma.
About 1 week ago she fell into a frenzy about the baby. I asked her to calm down and she yelled at me to not tell her to calm down and she can’t believe I am the other mom to her daughter’s baby and how Carly could do so much better.
I told her to get out of my house.
I called Carly and she sided with me but Carly’s brother called me and said never be rude to his mom and I was a disgusting person to even say that to her. Hearing that call made me wonder if I am the jerk or if I should have worked things out in my house.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL was rude to you in your house. Kicking her out was the appropriate course. In the future let your wife handle her to avoid extra drama. Congrats on your baby!” TwoCentsPsychologist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s understandable that MIL (mother-in-law, which is what you probably meant because step-mom is a different thing) is stressed but what she said specifically makes her the jerk.
Also – what did Carly’s brother mean by “say that to her”? To get out of the house? That’s a normal request when the person acts like a jerk and has a possibility of stressing out the pregnant person, which isn’t good for the baby.” Sorariko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Don’t worry too much about it, it’s good to see that your SO takes your side. If anything your MIL is the jerk for telling you that you’re not good enough for her daughter. Also, it’s your house so you can throw her out.
I don’t get why she’s throwing a tantrum about becoming a grandma. It’s not like she’s gotta raise the child.” onkelhustensaft
20. AITJ For Wanting To Go On A Planned Trip With My Partner's Estranged Sister?
“Currently, my partner and her sister Meg are not on speaking terms. I’ll spare you the details but my partner basically feels like Meg was always the golden child and that their parents always favored her and that Meg always held this over her and made her feel lesser.
She has a whole complex around that (and she’s in therapy for it) and it often causes arguments between them, which is what’s happening now.
Anyway, Meg and I have plans to go to San Diego International Comic Con later this month and I would still like to go with her.
We have a ton of fun things planned. We’re going to SeaWorld, Legoland, a nice Japanese steakhouse we’ve both been looking forward to going to, and a ton of other fun things. We’ve been planning the trip for a few months and I don’t think the fact that my partner is mad at Meg means I can’t go on the trip.
I totally understand my partner’s feelings and I support her in that, I just think I should be allowed to remain friends with Meg on my own.
WIBTJ if I still go with her?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you are not on her side – what are you?
Just a hook-up. On the moral side – you’re supposed to stand with your partner no matter what, especially when it comes to their family. You don’t put other people in their family before them, and you certainly don’t put Legoland before them. On the practical side – your partner certainly won’t stay your partner long after that.
If you go it’s the point of no return, you’ll have a month at best. Probably less. If by any chance you would decide to take your head out of your butt and decide your partner is actually more important to you than Legoland, and your holy right to be “friends with her family” – then you must cancel the trip, never ever again make plans with her sister, leave her family alone and go look for friends to do stuff with outside of her family.
Her family is not a resource for your entertainment/friendship needs.” KittiesLove1
Another User Comments:
“Info I see a lot of whiny comments from OP about “what about my feelings?” and not much caring for the partner’s feelings. OP, has Meg been egging you on?
Has Meg been validating your stance and telling you that you DESERVE this trip and to enjoy yourself? Is she supporting you and saying that yes, your partner is being “her usual self” and making up all these “feelings” and you’re supposed to deprive yourself of a good time just because she chose to start a fight with Meg?” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The relationship between sisters is more important than your friendship with your partner’s sister. This could seriously impact them ever working through their issues. Cancel to support your partner, explain to the sister that your partner is your priority (a supportive sister would agree you should put her first) then go and use the funds to do something just the two of you.
And hopefully make up for the comic con at a later date when things are settled. TBH the sister is the biggest jerk for still wanting to go and isn’t much of a “friend’ to you, as she knows that going is going to cause conflict between you and her sister.
Sounds like your partner has a point about her sister. Even when I have hated my sister (for normal sister stuff) I would never try and get in between her relationship and I am also good friends with my BIL.” Ok-Macaron-6211
19. AITJ For Not Persuading My Siblings To Connect With Our Estranged Dad?
“My parents separated when I was 10, I am 23 now. I am the oldest of 3. Our relationship with my dad has been an on-and-off thing for years, but recently he’s blaming me for not “persuading” my younger siblings to talk to him; reply to his messages, answer his calls, accept his invitation to eat together.
He’s angry at me for not trying to help him connect with them, and using the fact he “almost passed away” from a severe illness. And his friends and family are on his side.
I do feel a sense of responsibility as the eldest child, to mend the bond, but I also don’t want to force my siblings to connect with him if it’s not genuine.
(I may have expressed to them that I don’t want him to be actively involved in my life, and it’s starting to make me feel that I influenced my siblings.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I went through this with my dad. He kept asking for the same as yours.
He wasn’t always the greatest growing up and alienated me and my siblings. When I was in high school I didn’t live with him at all. I was old enough to choose my own custody arrangements in my state but my siblings were not. Since then, as adults, we have grown really close, but I have neither forgiven the past nor forgotten it, I’ve just moved on.
I know he’s gotten help and is in a better, happier place and we can just be adults together; he doesn’t have to try and parent me, which helps as well.
Two of my three sisters have not been able to move on (which is their right) and one of them does not talk to him at all.
I know my sisters are not going to change. My father really wanted that to change so he kept trying to get info to them and about them from me. I finally got fed up with it and was like, “I can’t mend the gap that has formed in your relationships with other people.
I do not bad mouth you to them, but I can’t be the go-between for you either. It’s not my place and it’s really unfair of you to try and put me in that position. It feels like you’re pitting me against them. You caused the damage and you’re the one that needs to repair it directly.” He still asks about my siblings, but he has made more of an effort.
He began initiating calls and invites to events himself instead of trying to get me to/relying on me to relay information. It’s made my relationship better with my dad as well. Setting clear boundaries is crucial in these situations. He may be a little bummed you don’t want to “help” him, but point out that it is not helping anyone, and damaging to your relationship with your siblings.
If he is going to fix what he has broken he needs to sack up and do it himself.” Emmaleah17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s inappropriate to “use you as a bridge”, and ultimately bad for your relationship with your siblings, any resentment they feel towards him can spill onto you.
Parents should never use their kids to improve their relationship with anyone. That’s on them to do themselves and it’s anyways unlikely to work unless it is him doing it himself. None of this is your responsibility.” magog12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you sure are getting a lot of blame.
Does your father think you have so much power over other people? What did your therapist have to say about all of this? I would hope the same things I am saying, and more. I mean, how far can it go? The Watergate tapes? You’re not to blame for everything.
You’re not to blame for anything except what you do. You do not owe anyone a relationship with anyone else. He doesn’t want to admit his own shortcomings. A lot of this is pretty much descriptive of why they don’t want a relationship with him anyway.
He is just looking to throw blame around for his own issues. That makes him feel better.” Sitcom_kid
18. AITJ For Forgetting My Phone And Blaming My Husband For Not Picking Me Up?
“Today I (40F) realized I left my phone at home while my spouse (35M) was driving me to work. I don’t need it for my work, so it’s usually not a big deal.
Since our supervisor was kind enough to let us have a half day off for Christmas Eve, my spouse offered to pick me up after my morning shift at 12:20. He had been up late the night before and said he would set his alarm for 12:20.
I confirmed again over messenger and he said he’d wake up at 1220 and come get me.
12:20 rolls around and I’ve finished up all my work tasks, and wait to hear from him that he’s on his way. 12:30 rolls around and nothing. Since I didn’t have my cell phone on me, I called from a work landline a few times – no answer.
I figured he might be showering or getting ready, so I did some organizing and other work while waiting. 12:45 and nothing, so I call more times and nothing. Sent more messages on Messenger, nothing.
I decide to run two quick errands and hope he will get back to me – when I come back to my workplace at 1300, nothing.
I try to call again and send messages and give up around 13:15 and walk home.
When I arrive home, he’s fast asleep and when he awakens and notices me, he says “oh no”.
He said he slept through his alarm, obviously. However, this is not a first-time occurrence and I’m annoyed, and tell him I need him to be reliable when he says he’s going to do something, or if he doesn’t believe he can, not to make the offer.
He then tells me it’s my fault for leaving my phone at home, that I could have called him if I hadn’t forgotten it. He has his phone set so that if I call more than twice in a short period, it goes through even on silent.
He also then said he was up late doing errands so I should give him grace and let it go.
Now I feel bad for mentioning how I feel, and feel like I’m the one at fault here.
So AITJ for leaving my phone at work today and accepting my spouse’s offer to pick me up from work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is. He should have owned up to his mistake and apologized. Instead, he chose to make it worse by trying to shift blame onto you. He has shown you that you can’t rely on him. Is that the kind of partner he wants to be?
He owes you an apology.” wishingforarainyday
Another User Comments:
“Uhhh no, you are NTJ. You had a plan, he bailed on it. Sure, having your phone may have solved the problem, but it was his fault and his fault alone that he didn’t pick you up.
If he slept through his ‘alarm’ that he set for 1220, who is to say he wouldn’t have slept through your phone calls? Don’t let him turn this around on you.” billbar
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Sometimes stuff happens. Sounds like a case where husband thought of a backup plan with the phone, that you caused to fail, after he failed with his first plan with the alarm failed. But instead of just accepting stuff happens, which would be no jerks here, you both just go to trying to blame each other.” JoffreeBaratheon
17. AITJ For Leaving A Threatening Note On A Car Blocking Our Driveway?
“I live in a complex of 6 units and the driveway is the length of the units. It runs past each unit.
We are all tenants, all older, get along well, and the other tenants are nicer than I am. There has been a car that visits the complex to our right. They don’t have great parking, so this particular car parks butted up to our letterbox, back end of the car right up to the verge.
No one can see past this car and have left 4 ‘please don’t park here because we can’t see traffic and postie can’t get to letterbox’ notes on the windscreen.
I saw the car parked there a few days ago and I left my own note that said “DON’T PARK HERE.
You know why. Next time it happens, your car will be towed or scratched up, depending on how I feel”. The mum came to our complex to complain and I was nice to her, but I pointed out that the car owner ignored the nice notes, but when it’s going to affect them, IT’S IMPORTANT NOW??
Anyway, mum ended up saying she didn’t know about the other notes, but that I was unnecessary. So. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe a little excessive but you had to get the message across somehow. People who intentionally park dangerously with no regard for other people’s comfort or safety are the true jerks in society.
I find it hilarious that the mother came over after an angry note and seemed to know nothing about the previous polite ones. Was it this mother’s own car or someone else’s?” Sythian
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: You left a threat, not a note. If there is something legally wrong with their parking job, getting that or informing them that you would get that enforced is alright.
What you did was throw a tantrum to get your way.” UnethicalFood
16. AITJ For Leaving My Dad's House After He Disrespected My Grieving Process?
“I (18NB) have not always had the best relationship with my father.
When I was growing up he was emotionally abusive towards me and my sister but recognized that he wasn’t a good father and genuinely put work into being a better and kinder parent. However, he can still be very argumentative at times. Our parents are divorced and the custody court order ended for me this year as I turned 18, however, it’s still in place for my sister as she’s still a minor.
In October, my ex-partner passed away very suddenly. He was only 18 and I was devastated, I still am. We were friends since we were 12 and were together when we were 16-17. We had an amicable breakup and still had a great friendship. When I came out as non-binary this year, he was the one who cut my hair into a style that made me feel more comfortable and was always incredibly supportive.
I was not OK and I’m still grieving him. My dad didn’t really like my ex for reasons I don’t know but helped me with my grief and supported me throughout the grieving process. As a result, I have not been entirely festive this year as my ex’s birthday is the day after Christmas and I’m dreading it because I know it will be a hard day.
I have done my absolute best to be cheerful and to be excited for Christmas with my family.
Yesterday, I met up with my ex’s sister as we’re good friends and also I wanted to be there for her because I know that the grief I’m feeling is 10 times worse for her.
I was a little late coming home as we talked for a while. When I got home, I apologized for being late and my dad blew up at me. He told me he didn’t want my excuses and he was fed up with me “moping over a dead boy who wasn’t worth my grief”.
I was stunned and began crying as my dad went on this rant about how he never liked my ex because he was “troublesome” and that me seeing his sister and the fact I was still grieving him was “taking me away from what mattered the most; spending Christmas with my family”.
When he was done, he told me to clean up and get ready to go out for dinner with the family in 20 minutes. Instead, I went to my room, packed up my laptop and some of my clothes, and left for my mum’s house. My dad called me demanding I go back because it’s his time with me but I reminded him the court order no longer applies to me and that I’m a legal adult so I no longer have to see him.
I told him that I’d maybe see him in the new year. He has been texting and calling nonstop.
My sister called me earlier begging me to come back because she’s sure our dad didn’t mean it and he is getting more angry and yelling at everyone over tiny mistakes.
I told her I was sorry but no, I would not go back after what he said to me. Then she called me selfish and told me I’m ruining everyone’s Christmas. I’m worried that I have genuinely made things worse for everyone by leaving but I’m not going back until maybe the new year.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What a jerk. What did he expect? That you would suddenly stop grieving your friend and skip out the door for dinner? My guy bff was murdered when I was 24 and not even 2 weeks in my dad asked me why I was still depressed that he died two weeks ago get over it already.
I know how much that hurt me and still hurts me to this day so I’m so sorry he said that. Take the time you need you should never feel guilty for grieving and he should be apologizing to you and not just to manipulate you into coming back but because he truly means it.” Lumpy_Square_2365
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sucks for your sister but it is not your fault. Your father is a grown adult, he chooses to behave like a toddler when he doesn’t get his own way. It is never on your shoulders, as his child, to cater to his whims just to keep him happy.
You are now an adult yourself and you are not forced to obey a custody agreement. Some time away from him may put into perspective that he doesn’t get to rule over you with an iron fist. Maybe he will realize he needs to be more careful with his words.
Probably not. But no matter what, you have no obligation to put yourself into a situation where he can upset you and make you uncomfortable. Go see him when you are ready, but if he continues to behave like a child, walk away. You need to take care of yourself.” imamage_fightme
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t ruining everyone’s Christmas. Your dad is. NTJ. Your sister is blaming you because she is trying to appease an abusive parent and you are the easier and safer target for her to be upset with. Try not to take what she says to heart.
And remind her that you aren’t responsible for your dad’s actions, he is, as he is the adult and he is the one lashing out at everyone else because he can’t control his own emotions. Don’t go back there. Your dad sounds like a narcissist. He is inconvenienced by your emotions and is trying to punish you for making him feel uncomfortable but that’s not your fault.
Anyone with empathy would recognize you need support and give you grace. You don’t owe your dad a perfect family Christmas. He is delusional.” manonaca
15. AITJ For Cutting Daycare Costs Despite My Partner's Discontent?
“I (28F) started a full-time 9–5 job four months ago, and my partner (33M) works 6 AM–2 PM. We have three kids: F9, F6, and M5.
Daycare was costing us $400 a week—M5 was in full-time care, and the older two were in before-and-after-school care. About two months ago, I suggested cutting daycare for the older two to save money.
After that, the cost dropped to $250 a week. I offered to handle morning drop-offs, and my partner would do afternoon pick-ups since we both work close to the kids’ school.
A month later, my MIL (53) moved in after losing her housing. She offered to look after M5 to help us save on daycare costs, and once she was settled, we decided to pull him out of care entirely.
She’s been watching him until he starts school next year and helps out around the house, which has been a huge relief.
My partner wasn’t happy about these changes. Daycare gave him time to unwind after work, and I know his job is high-stress—he’s second-in-charge at his workplace and carries a lot of responsibility.
But even at $250 a week, I felt the cost wasn’t worth it when we had other options.
Now, the money we’re saving goes towards groceries and weekend activities with the kids, which has made a big difference financially. Still, my partner has been frustrated with the change.
I know this hasn’t been easy for him, and I do feel a bit guilty for pushing the decision. But at the same time, I feel like I’m just trying to do what’s best for our family.
So, AITJ for cutting daycare and asking him to adjust, or should I have compromised more?”
Another User Comments:
“Does OP ever get time to unwind? Is being cared for one-on-one by a dedicated and loving family member better for the child than a daycare? Everyone is talking about OP’s poor husband’s needs without seeing that he’s the one being selfish in this situation.
He’s a father, so he has two jobs, and unfortunately, adults don’t always get time to unwind. Look at the mental load that OP already had to take on when getting her new job. She was the one who had to figure out the logistics of the childcare situation for all the children.
Did her husband ever help or weigh in during that time, or did he just react when he realized he could no longer sit on his phone mindlessly scrolling for several hours while his youngest was at daycare? He knew those decisions had to be made but let that mental burden fall on his wife.
Sounds like all the burden of childcare may also fall on her shoulders, or fobbed off on his mother. He’s probably reached his level of incompetence as second in command at his job too, because a real leader steps up. OP is NTJ.” Old-Arachnid1907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What working parent has time to unwind right after work?! You parent, then get some alone time when the kids go to bed. Life is crazy when they’re all young. It gets easier as they get bigger and more independent. But your husband is stressed now so there are compromises to be made that don’t include spending money on daycare.
Trade bedtime duties each night so you each get alone time. Or each pick an hour of the evening where the other occupies the kids so each of you can rest. Or each pick a night to go out with friends while the other stays with the kids.
Or get a babysitter (or grandma) one night a week. You both deserve time to unwind, not just your husband. Find what works for both of you.” needsomesun
Another User Comments:
“Has your husband considered changing his routine? Perhaps he can unwind in a different way?
Go walking, visit a library or book shop, have a coffee at a cafe, and doomscroll there? Your kids are going to be kids and make noise. That’s part of childhood. Your MIL is doing you a great service by caring for them for free so he can have unsupervised time and they are looked after.
Your family is saving a big chunk of money that goes back into the household and can be used for savings. Your job contributes to the family by accelerating your savings and ability to spend without debt. Your husband is very fortunate to have these things.
Perhaps he needs to adjust for the time being and switch his methods of unwinding. Focus on the blessings. It isn’t forever, just for now. NTJ.” Kaycee723
14. AITJ For Refusing To Dye My Hair For My Partner's Brother's Wedding?
“I have orange hair with a blonde money piece. My partner of 5 years is telling me his brother is saying I need to dye my hair for his wedding. I am not in the bridal party (which is fine) – just a guest.
I offered to wear my hair up or let them buy me a wig to their liking if it’s really that big of a deal. I just don’t have the time, money, or energy honestly.
It’s going to cost major $$ to go lighter, then to go darker it will be major $$ and time to get it back to where it is now, especially without damaging it. I am getting made out to be difficult in this situation but really just don’t see how it’s fair.
And if I say I won’t attend then it will cause all sorts of problems.”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t say you won’t attend – put that choice back on them. “This is what I look like – I’m happy to attend as I am, but if the exact aesthetic of all your guests is something you need to be in control of and my look isn’t a fit, I’ll be happy to bow out and not attend.
It’s up to you, let me know.” This is a bonkers request when it’s someone in the wedding party – fully loony tunes for someone who’s a guest. They happen to know about your hair – I guarantee there are other guests who are going to show up with the “wrong” look that they won’t even know about until they arrive.
I also nearly guarantee that they’ll be too busy and wrapped up in their day to give a flying F when it really comes down to it. NTJ.” SummitJunkie7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And tell your partner that the best arrangement is that you decline to go.
If your appearance is going to ruin their wedding, then why bother being there? Your aesthetic isn’t supposed to match, you’re not even part of the bridal party. They’re asking because it’s his brother, and they feel they can push their brother into pushing you to ‘go along’.
So, just don’t go. “That suggestion doesn’t fit with my lifestyle, particularly for a few hours of an event that doesn’t really concern me and I’d only be attending for (partner’s name)’s sake. So, I’ll graciously decline to attend. Thank you.”” Perimentalpause
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A guest having a hair color you disagree entirely with should not even be on your priority list on the day of your wedding. Seriously, it could be bright purple or green or whatever you hate, and as a bride/groom, you should have much bigger fish to fry.
I think, as a society, we have gotten too focused on the aesthetics of weddings and have forgotten their meaning and purpose. Photo shoots are significantly less expensive, so just do that if it’s really about the pictures to that degree. Also, just a side note that only psychos or deeply unhappily married people spend any time looking at their wedding pictures after the initial novelty wears off, especially random pictures of guests outside the wedding party.
Any pictures OP ends up in will literally end up in some wedding album that only gets pulled out once a decade. Say no, but also my advice, if they don’t want you there, just let it go. Don’t hold a grudge or clap back.
There is zero point in escalating drama with your partner’s family, especially over such a vapid silly situation. It’s just not worth your emotional energy. Let them be, and trust their lives suck even if it’s not immediately evident. No one marrying the true love of their lives cares about their guests’ hair color, period.” Beautiful-Party-4415
13. AITJ For Kissing My Dog The Same Way I Kissed My Partner?
“I (24F) was hanging out watching TV with my partner (34M) and when he was getting ready to leave for the night he asked for a kiss so I leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.
One of my dogs chose that moment to come up and beg for attention so I started petting her and leaned down and kissed her forehead and jokingly said to my partner “you and her got the same kiss” while laughing.
Well, I guess he didn’t find it funny because he stood up and immediately made for the door.
I stopped him and asked why he was so upset and he said it’s because he took it as me comparing him to my dog since I gave them the same affection. I don’t even know what that means and I thought it was a stupid thing to be upset about and said as much.
Well after some back and forth I finally just apologized for my comment hurting his feelings. But after he left I still felt like it was a stupid thing to be upset about and regretted my apology because I felt I shouldn’t have had to apologize for kissing my dog on the forehead.
So AITJ for kissing my dog on the forehead the same way I kissed my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s reaction was wildly over the top for something so harmless. You kissed your dog on the forehead—it’s not like you said the two of them were interchangeable.
Affection towards pets is totally normal, and most people wouldn’t find it weird or insulting to get the same sweet gesture. His choice to storm off and act like you compared him to your dog says way more about his insecurities than anything you did.
Honestly, this sounds like a red flag. His reaction wasn’t just about hurt feelings—he immediately went for the door, gave you no room to explain or clarify, and it turned into a whole “back and forth” where you ended up apologizing for something completely innocent.
Relationships thrive on communication and humor, and it’s not fair for him to turn a tiny, lighthearted moment into a full-blown argument. You don’t need to regret anything here. Pet parents showing love to their animals isn’t something that needs to be justified. If he doesn’t understand that, he might be lacking the emotional maturity to handle such a non-issue.
If this is his response to something so trivial, it’s worth considering how he handles actual problems.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like a lighthearted moment with your dog that unfortunately got misinterpreted. You weren’t comparing your partner to the dog in a serious way—it was clearly a playful joke.
Understandably, he might have felt a bit insecure or taken aback, but walking out over it seems like an overreaction. You already apologized for hurting his feelings, which was considerate of you, but it’s also okay to feel frustrated about having to tiptoe around a harmless joke.
Maybe when things have cooled off, have an open conversation with him to understand if there’s a deeper reason he reacted this way. Communication is key here!” BroccoliSubstantial2
Another User Comments:
“So I’m going to say ESH, but hear me out. He’s definitely the jerk for getting so upset about something so minor.
Someone this highly strung over such a small situation would probably make me think they have something else going on that’s stressing them out because it’s not a normal reaction imo. HOWEVER, and I’m surprised no one has mentioned this. You’re the jerk too because in your post you clearly said “I regret apologizing because I kissed my dog” but that’s not even what he’s upset about.
He’s clearly upset because you said “he got the same kiss as you”, I.e. saying you treat them the same, aka they’re both dogs. I’m not saying this is the case, but this is what he means and the fact you’ve somewhat twisted this, to make him seem more ridiculous makes you seem immature.” ijmy3
12. AITJ For Being Upset My Wife Agreed To Dog Sit Without Asking Me?
“My wife told her coworker that we would dog sit for them without asking me. I wasn’t thrilled but wasn’t too upset. Today I come home after working 10 hours and she tells me that the dog is probably going to pee all over our house.
The house we bought 2 months ago and spent over half a million dollars on.
So I told her I wasn’t thrilled about it. I ended the conversation by saying, “in the future, I would like to be part of the conversation when making these kinds of decisions.”
Now she’s all upset and in a mood. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would suggest you tell her if the dog is staying she better go by crate to put him in because he’s not getting free running the house.
My house isn’t fancy and all the flooring is tile laid on top of a concrete slab and even then I would not have a dog peeing all over my house, not my dog and especially not somebody else’s. She’s lucky you don’t take her and the dog both to the pound.” CuriousJuneBug
Another User Comments:
“I agreed to petsit last Christmas when I was working and my partner wasn’t. I figured I could do the evening shift and he could do the morning shift. He…told me to shove right off and wake up earlier to take care of what I’d committed myself to but that I wasn’t committing him to it without asking ahead of time.
And so that’s what I did. But the animals stayed at their normal place and all the poop and pee went in the normal place for the owner to take care of later (livestock, not housepets). No freaking way would I tolerate bringing an animal to MY house to poop and pee all over.
NTJ.” MutedHyena360
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife needs to take that dog out regularly to pee and needs to go to the supermarket and buy puppy pads and confine the dog at night so that it isn’t peeing all over your house. She should also pay for any carpet cleaning required after the dog leaves.
I have the feeling that she might have been put on the spot by her colleague and didn’t know how to refuse when she was asked to take care of the dog. I also think that the colleague waited until the last minute to tell her that the dog isn’t house-trained. Take pictures if it uses your carpet as a toilet and tell your wife to send them to her colleague when they are back at work.
They will either offer to pay for your carpet cleaning or ask someone else next time.” chez2202
11. AITJ For Refusing To Plan A Big Quinceanera For My Daughter?
“I’m 35(F) and have a 13(F) daughter who wants a Quinceanera and I’m not comfortable spending that much money on one event. I’m a Hispanic woman who was born in the US so I’m not a traditional Mexican and my kids are Americanized.
Here’s where the issue comes. My daughter’s father (36) who lives with his mom, pays nothing in child support because he’s in debt(owes IRS/credit card debt). I pay for everything for my daughter (school activities/sports/hobbies/clothes/trips) you name it, I pay.
I don’t ask her dad because he’s already paying child support for another son he has with an ex. I am fortunate that my fiancé and I make a good income and can afford to be debt-free by choosing to make wise money decisions.
I have a full-time job, do contract work on the side, and part-time Masters student at my local University (debt-free).
My ex approached me when I dropped off my daughter and said that our daughter wants a Quince and she wants a party where all her family is in one place.
I told him I wasn’t doing a Quince but I’d throw a party in our backyard and he was invited. Our house is nice and our backyard was done a few years ago and is big. The other day he said that his cousin had a baby shower at a ranch style and that it’s $3K for the venue for 250 people.
On the phone, I freaked because I have a lot on my plate and know how much work it takes to plan an event with a lot of people. He said his family is easily 100 people. I have a lot of family too but I was only planning on only inviting close family and friends.
When I tell him “No this is not a Quinceanera but a party with food and a DJ with tops 100 people,” he tells me that “I’m starting to really disappoint him” and I tell him that I have a lot going on and that I can’t plan something that big with all the stuff I already do and that I don’t want to spend a lot of money.
Quinceaneras are a lot when you think of the dress/dolls/damas/band etc. They are time-consuming and a lot of money goes into them. He gave me $200 the other day and was planning to give me $100 each payday. He’s never given me that much money for her since we separated when she was 1.
I have final exams this week and I haven’t been able to sleep for 2 nights thinking of all the stress this is causing me. Should I give him his money back and tell him that we should each do what we can for her on our own?
He causes me stress and I swear talking to him is pointless because he makes me feel like I’m the bad person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re being way too nice to him. The deadbeat dad who never has supported his kid is disappointed in you?
YOU??? He should be eternally grateful you aren’t dragging him into court over and over since he hasn’t paid a penny for his child. If he wants to throw her a quinceanera, he has 2 years to save up and plan it all. He and his hundreds of family members can take up a collection if needed. If you want to throw her a party and are the one paying for it, then it’s the way you want, not him.
If he wants a say, he has to pay. (Also talk to your daughter and see what she actually wants.)” Jerseygirl2468
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for declining to hold a quince, but in a way, you are the jerk to yourself for giving so much power to your ex.
Why are you allowing him to make you feel like a bad person? Straighten your spine, shine it up, and tell both your daughter and her father that the quince is exclusively on him. A real man should support his offspring (all of them, not just the first), so if he wants it so badly for his little girl, then he needs to finally step up, earn the cash, plan it A to Z, and make it happen.
You’re handling everything else and won’t get on his backside for the child support he owes? Fine, I suppose. If you can afford to let him off the hook, it’s your choice. However, your ex doesn’t get to give you grief for not feeding his ego through your daughter.
Stop internalizing his disdain. He doesn’t get to have a voice when the man’s only monetary support is 13 years late. What the heck?” Corpunlover
Another User Comments:
“I’m going against the grain here and going to say ESH. Your ex is a jerk because he’s making all sorts of demands and trying to put the brunt of it on you.
He needs to step up more. However, you’re a jerk too for a few reasons. -You said you don’t ask him for cash because he pays child support for another son, then you turn around and complain about him not giving cash. If you’re in America, you are entitled to child support determined by statute.
His debt amount doesn’t matter, only his current income. Don’t let him get away with not paying what he should, then be upset. You can address this. Also, I know it’s only a little, but he’s at least trying. You said he’s given you $200 and plans on giving you $100 per payday for the party.
If he gets paid twice a month, that will be almost $5,000 in two years, which is a pretty good chunk of cash for a party. Have you even asked him if his family is willing to contribute anything, as well? You said your daughter wants the full nine yards for the quinceanera, but you won’t even entertain the idea of doing it for her.
You said yourself that you and your fiance are well-off with no debt.
You have TWO WHOLE YEARS to plan and save. That is plenty of time to budget, plan, and save for a well-planned party. I’m sure there are parts of it you two could come to an agreement to compromise and save cash.
She might also be willing to have very small, modest gifts for birthdays/holidays between now and then. (Or forgo gifts for now for the quinceanera) It feels more like you’re just adamant about not having a traditional one because your ex wants it. Have a conversation with your daughter and see if you two can come to some sort of agreement.
Just don’t dismiss something she has expressed she really wants to spite your ex.” RandomName8844
10. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mom's Side Of The Family To Christmas After Pregnancy Loss?
“My husband (31M) and I (31F) recently experienced a pregnancy loss last month.
The whole ordeal was traumatic, which required emergency surgery where I lost our baby. I have since been recovering both emotionally and physically. The upcoming holidays are especially tough since we were planning on announcing around Christmas time.
Now, my parents are aware of my situation.
My mom is a “tough love” type of parent and not emotionally supportive. She’s not the type to let me cry on her shoulder, hug me, and tell me everything will be ok. She’s more of a “life happens, move on” which is pretty much what she told me in the midst of my pregnancy loss.
I’m still grieving my loss. I know I can’t rely on my mom for the emotional support I need and that’s ok. I have my husband, I’m in therapy, and a few friends to rely on.
Now, every Christmas we spend it with my mom’s side of the family.
My husband and I despise going there because they have no boundaries and harass us with “When are you having kids? Why aren’t you pregnant yet? You’re just getting older. Don’t you feel bad your parents aren’t grandparents yet?”
Given what we went through, I told my mom I didn’t want to celebrate with that side of the family.
I’d rather have a small celebration with my immediate family at my new house and avoid all the questions. My mom did not like that answer and said I needed to “accept” what happened to me and pretty much get over it. I told her I’ve accepted it but that doesn’t mean I want to be around people who question why I’m not pregnant yet.
Now this is where I might be the jerk. She said it wasn’t fair that I invited my dad’s sister but not her sister. My dad’s sister is incredibly understanding and has not questioned me about kids. I have a better relationship with her than my mom’s side of the family who are all chismosas and gossipers.
I knew if they found out about my pregnancy loss I would be the talk of the town.
My mom has not talked to me since. Am I the jerk for not inviting my mom’s side of the family for Christmas?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is being incredibly insensitive. Being a ‘tough love’ type does not have to involve being entirely unwilling to accommodate or see someone else’s perspective. Proceed with the holiday plan you want for yourself this year. You’re being considerate by recognizing you aren’t going to be in the headspace to face particular relatives this year.
This just isn’t the year for it. Rather than go there and be miserable, or risk a blow-up or a conflict arising, you’re sitting it out. That is the right move. You need sensitivity and support right now, so invite the people who will provide that.
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you don’t also face any ‘loss’ of relationship with your mother over this but I don’t think you should change your plan to appease her. She doesn’t sound so much like ‘tough love’ as she sounds cruel and selfish.
Perhaps this experience will actually help her wake up to the idea that if she cannot play a loving, supporting role in your life (even if her form of support is not through physical affection) then her role in your life will be minimized.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…oh my gosh, I am so very sorry for your loss. Hugs. Truthfully, I would not spend any time with your mother, holidays or not, until you are ready to do so, if ever. And if she does contact you… “Mom, I lost a child.
I am not going to just get over “it”. That may be how you handle things, but you know it is not how I do so. That is ok, we can agree to disagree. But no one, including my own mother, gets to tell me how I should feel.
And since you cannot support me when I need it most, but make it all about you, your family, your wants and needs, I think it best to celebrate the holidays in my home with family and friends who care about my well-being instead of their own”.
And if she just shows up at your door, this is where husband steps in. “Mom, can you behave? If so, you are welcome. If not, it is best you leave”. If she gets inside and starts in, husband gets her coat and directs her out the door.
Do not feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
” NTJ—not even close. First off, I’m so sorry for your loss. The holidays are hard enough without dealing with invasive questions or a lack of emotional support from your own mom.
You’ve been through something devastating, and it’s entirely reasonable to prioritize your mental health and avoid triggering situations. Now, thinking out loud—are you geographically close to your mom’s family? Do you have to fly there? If so, this could be your golden ticket for a fib: “Oops, I missed my flight!” (that you never booked).
No one needs to know otherwise. Sometimes, a harmless lie like that is the easiest way to keep the peace without exhausting yourself emotionally. Back to the main issue—your mom’s reaction. Her “tough love” approach is bad enough, but dismissing your grief and pressuring you to “get over it” is completely out of line.
You’ve made it clear you’re doing the hard work of processing your loss in your own way, and you don’t owe anyone, not even her, an explanation. As for her side of the family, they sound like a nosy, boundary-stomping nightmare. Inviting your dad’s sister, who respects your space and doesn’t grill you about your life choices, is a perfectly reasonable decision.
Your mom’s family has proven they won’t respect your boundaries, so why should they get an invite? End of the day, NTJ. Whether you go with honesty or a creative excuse, your only obligation is to do what’s best for your mental health.
“Missing a flight” might save you the drama, but either way, you’re firmly in the right here.” ZzyzxDFW
9. AITJ For Refusing To House-Sit For My Friend After Learning They Got A Cat?
“I (28M) agreed to house-sit for my friend Alex (30M) while they went on a week-long vacation. Alex has a dog that I’ve always loved, and I thought it would be nice to help them out.
I even took some time off work to make sure I could give the dog plenty of attention.
A few days before Alex left, I went over to get the house keys and a rundown of what needed to be done. That’s when Alex casually mentioned, “Oh, by the way, we got a cat!”
This caught me off guard because I’m very allergic to cats. Alex knows this—I’ve had to leave gatherings early before because of my allergies. I asked why they hadn’t told me earlier, and Alex said they forgot because they’d only had the cat for about a month.
I told Alex I couldn’t stay in their house if they had a cat. Even if I avoided it, the dander would still trigger my allergies. I suggested they ask someone else or hire a sitter. Alex got defensive, saying I was leaving them in a lurch right before their trip.
I felt bad, but I didn’t think it was fair for Alex to spring this on me last minute. I offered to check in on the dog daily (if they could isolate the cat in another room), but Alex said that wouldn’t work.
They ended up scrambling to find someone else and left for their trip angry at me. A mutual friend later told me I should’ve sucked it up for a week because Alex really needed the break and probably just forgot to mention the cat.
I’m starting to feel like I might’ve overreacted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I also have allergies to cat dander. I can tolerate my neighbor’s cat that comes over and visits outside, but NOT in the house. They have had the cat for a month, its hair and dander are everywhere.
They were not planning to make the effort to clean a space for you where the cat was not allowed. Your friend who is saying you should have sucked it up for a week obviously has no idea what it’s like to have streaming eyes and nose, swollen face, and not able to breathe.
They knew for a month before bothering to tell you, they found someone else to do it, so any issues are on Alex and his family.” ArreniaQ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – everyone telling you to “suck it up” is. My brother has a pretty severe pet allergy – both dogs and cats.
When my family helped me move across the country, he wasn’t able to stay with us because the couch we had at the time was from a home with a dog and cat. The allergens were too much, and we didn’t make it through the first night before my mom and I got so afraid for his safety that my mom shelled out a few hundred for a hotel room.
They just came back to stay with me for the first time since then. I have spent the 4 months since the trip was planned to try to reduce the allergens in the house. I threw out our couch and bought a new one. I bought allergens reducer sprays for fabric AND two for the cats.
I bought him an air mattress, bed sheets, and a pillow that I kept sealed until he used them. The day before they arrived we bathed the cats and covered them in allergen reducers and vacuumed/dusted EVERYTHING and washed every linen. He still had mild allergies but he was able to stay with us for five days without issue.
We took it this seriously because ALLERGIES ARE SERIOUS. If you hadn’t known, you COULD have had a serious reaction the first day if you were planning on staying there 24/7. For someone to disregard a known allergy for their own benefit is vile.” Main_Asparagus3375
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My roommate got a cat a few weeks ago. We both dote on the cat every day. I’ve told everyone I know about the cat. I have a hard time believing your friends completely “forgot” about the cat – something exciting like a new pet isn’t the kind of thing you forget about.
Regardless, you made the decision that was for your health. You couldn’t watch the cat – it makes you have allergies. It sucks they had to rush to find a new sitter, but they knowingly put themselves in that position.” Kristina-Louise
8. AITJ For Stopping The Coffee Run For A Distant Coworker?
“I started this job a month after him, and we became good acquaintances. Over the next six months, I thought we were becoming friends—hanging out, having lunch, walking to our cars together, and interacting on social media. But I noticed he only texted during work hours and never initiated contact outside work, so I dialed back and kept it professional.
When I started full-time school with in-person classes, they stopped inviting me to hang out as much. At first, it hurt, but I realized I was busy and couldn’t expect them to always include me. I figured this was just a work friendship and let it go.
After that, they didn’t really reach out, and then he got a promotion, moved departments, and became busier, so we barely talk now—just brief, surface-level interactions. I understand this happens, but it’s important for context.
The issue: When I first started, he had a Friday coffee tradition with another coworker.
He invited me, and the three of us started going weekly. This continued for months until we drifted apart. Around then, he skipped coffee because he was sick, and then too busy. We picked it up for him a couple of times, and he paid us back, so it wasn’t a big deal. But after his promotion, he stopped coming altogether, and it felt weird to keep asking if he wanted coffee since we weren’t close anymore.
One week, after several weeks of him saying no, I assumed he didn’t want any and didn’t ask. He texted later, upset we didn’t check with him. I felt bad at first, but then I thought about how he’d stopped inviting me to things. How was it fair for him to feel slighted when he had done the same?
If roles were reversed, I’d never expect someone to get my coffee—I’d text them my order ahead of time, ask if it was okay, and pay upfront. But he didn’t do any of that. We’d have to ask, wait for his response (sometimes delayed), buy it, and then wait for the money.
This last time, he didn’t even pay me back.
It’s not about the money—it’s about feeling like DoorDash. I wouldn’t mind doing it if it meant connection or good conversation, but lately, he just says “thanks,” takes the coffee, and gets back to work.
I get that he’s busy, but if you’re too busy to connect, why expect others to go out of their way for you?
Maybe I’m being dramatic, but it feels like I’m being used. More than that, I’m sad I lost a potential friend. These work relationships mean a lot to me, especially as a neurodivergent person, since they’re often my main source of connection during the day.
I don’t want things to be awkward, but I also don’t want to feel like a personal delivery service. He can get defensive when confronted, so I worry this will blow up.
Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personally, I would reply casually that, sorry, didn’t think of it since he hasn’t come in so long.
It’s not reasonable of him to expect you to ask every week. If you are willing to bring him coffee as long as he asks ahead of time, tell him to let you know beforehand next week; if not, leave it at “sorry, didn’t think of it.”” Infinite_Slide_5921
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not being dramatic, and it’s completely reasonable to feel frustrated in this situation. You’ve been putting in effort to maintain the relationship, but it seems like your coworker has become more distant and is taking advantage of your kindness without reciprocating.
It’s unfair for him to expect you to continue the coffee tradition when he’s no longer engaging or showing interest in maintaining the connection. If he’s too busy to connect, he shouldn’t expect you to go out of your way for him, especially when it feels one-sided. It sounds like you’ve done your part, and now you’re just trying to establish a more balanced, respectful dynamic.
It’s also important to set boundaries so you don’t feel used or like a delivery service. It’s not unreasonable to stop getting him coffee if the interaction has become transactional without any real connection. Your feelings are valid, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for choosing not to continue a one-sided gesture.
If he values the relationship, he should be more considerate of your time and effort, just as you have been.” TinoTheOG
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t get him coffee, he can get it himself. If he really cares and initiates a reasonable conversation about his feelings or why he was ‘excluded’ I’d recommend mentioning you felt like the friendship had dissolved so you were giving him space.
You can also communicate that you’re willing to invite him along for coffee but running someone’s coffee errands weekly sounds like a task rabbit thing lol.” DesiLadkiInPardes
7. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Unfriend My Exes On Social Media?
“I’ve been with my current partner for 2 years. We find it humorous to randomly say a person’s name from our recommended friends on social media, especially when it’s a distant relative of the others.
Well, the other day we were going back and forth doing this when my partner said my ex’s (who I was in a relationship with 10 years ago) name.
After looking at his phone I realized the mutual friend was my mom. I had no idea they were friends since I have him blocked. Upon further investigation, I found she’s also friends with my most recent ex from 3 years ago (who I also have blocked).
This made me uncomfortable since my mom posts photos of me and my partner occasionally and I don’t really want my exes seeing that, nor does my partner, so I asked her to remove them.
“Hey could you please delete X and X from your social media?”
And she replied “why? I don’t speak to them.”
I found this response defensive and disrespectful, so to get the point across I said: “I don’t think that’s very nice. I don’t want you to have my ex-partners on your friends list, and you can respect that.”
She ignored it and changed the subject.
The next day I asked, “are you going to delete them?”
And she replied, “omg, can you answer my texts when I text you, not 2 days later?”
I have no idea why she said this because I haven’t ignored any texts, I’m so confused as to why she’s being passive-aggressive and not deleting them.
It’s been 4 days and she hasn’t deleted them and keeps trying to change the subject. Am I the jerk for expecting her to delete them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what I understand, she has no reason to still have them added? No shared hobbies, network, work, or similar?
The “I don’t talk with them” suggests so at least. So the only thing it actually does is to give them access to her profile, and then indirectly information about you and your current partner. It is a very weird choice for her to make if so.
To not notice it, sure, that happens. But to actively keep them on her friends list when you have mentioned it is odd.” MistressLyda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These comments saying that you are are so weird. I’ve been in this situation where I had gone no contact with my own mother because she didn’t respect my wishes.
She tried to hire my ex as a contractor until I retraumatized myself by showing her my physical and emotional scars from the relationship. She still wanted to keep in touch because she valued her internet friendships (she barely knew him) over her own relationship with her daughter.
You may need to block her and stop letting her take photos of you until she gets the point…which could be never.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t like some stranger or even a friend telling someone else to not interact with someone, this is someone telling their mother to remove people that have potentially hurt OP (assuming because you have them blocked) from continuing to look into their life.
Think about it this way. You were in a relationship with someone, that person ends up being a bad person, and you remove them from your life. Your mother, who has never met with them before you were in a relationship and has only interacted with them BECAUSE of you, follows them while in the relationship because I’m sure she wanted to be amicable until the relationship was no longer.
So what purpose does your mom have to keep them on her profile and look into her private life and everyone around her? It would be one thing if she just didn’t think about it and forgot about it, but she’s being super defensive and combative about not removing them and it feels kinda creepy.
OP does your mom perhaps know why you guys broke up? Maybe that might help her understand why you and your partner don’t feel comfortable with them having access to that information anymore. I think there’s just some information missing here that it’s not completely clear.” SunnySeaPancake
6. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Not Stay With Us For Christmas?
“After living on the other side of the country from my parents for a decade and only seeing them once or twice a year, we recently moved ~ a 6-hour drive from them.
We had a baby in January who is their only grandchild and they are OBSESSED with her and understandably want to see her a lot. They came to visit us in January, March, April, and June. We visited them in August, and then – due to a natural disaster situation – had to evacuate our house for a month and lived with them for most of October.
Then they came to visit us for Thanksgiving, and now they are planning to visit for Christmas.
I’m super grateful my kid has grandparents who love her so much and was very grateful that they took us in and were so generous in October.
But I really enjoy my alone time and this past year has been a lot of together time for me. Our house isn’t big and when they visit we’re basically hanging out together if they’re awake, and our very reactive dog is constantly barking – which causes stress with waking the baby up, etc. This is our first Christmas with our baby and I really want to just relax and not host guests.
But when I asked my dad to stay somewhere else or potentially visit another time, his feelings were hurt. He wants to spend Christmas with his grandchild and doesn’t want to spend money to stay somewhere else when we have a guest bedroom. AITJ for asking them not to stay here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…But stop asking. This is your home. Your first Christmas with your child, a newborn, and a home with a reactive dog. Tell Mom and Dad, you will be waking up on Christmas Day, just you and your family. They may come down later that day, and stay for no more than two nights.
While there, there will be at least two hours a day where you retreat to your bedroom with your pup for some quiet time. (Up to you if the baby is with you or them). You do not have to entertain them 24/7. And develop a potentially set schedule for the new year.
No one outwears their welcome, whether they come to you or you go to them.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I would tell them something like “Mom and Dad, I’m so happy that you love our daughter and want to spend time with her.
I get that she’s your first grandchild and I’m so happy. She has a special bond with you guys. However, we have had a very busy year and we have hosted you multiple times. we are exhausted, and we need time to ourselves to just be a little family.
As much as we love having you around and want you to be able to share these important moments, we also deserve a chance to start our own little traditions with just the family. Your options are to get a hotel or to visit at a later time.
But we’re not playing host this holiday.”” Fluid_Cost_1802
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your dad isn’t a jerk because it doesn’t seem like he has fought with you, yelled, or anything, but his feelings were hurt and I get that- no one wants to feel like a bad guest, and you didn’t say that, but he probably took it that way.
And you aren’t a jerk for not wanting them to stay. Christmas is particularly hard because everyone wants to wake up with the kids, and you also have the fact they let you stay over for a month. Also, you should in general be dealing with your reactive dog- a dog that continues to bark at people staying in the home overnight, particularly ones that have already been in the home is a real problem.
Now, you don’t need to let them stay, but is there a compromise here that you could offer? What about a hotel for part of the time and in your home part of the time (aka Christmas Eve into Christmas they are at your home, the other days in a hotel).
Or could you pay for part of the hotel? Could you find a place for them to stay that is also by some cool Christmas stuff, so that you all go out by their hotel (like a tree lighting or light show), or find a cozy Airbnb for them (again not paying for all of it, just doing some of the looking and maybe pay for part) where you could do some Christmas stuff?
Since you all seem like genuinely lovely people, maybe you also just suck it up this year and then say going forward there needs to be a hotel plan. I know people will come for this with the “it is your house, you aren’t obligated” but this is your family, they clearly love and support you, you clearly love and support them, so finding a compromise is important.” mfruitfly
5. AITJ For Wanting Both My Father And Stepdad To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (28f) am not engaged but have been fielding a lot of questions from family and friends about when/if I’m going to get married and have kids soon.
I’m in a long-term relationship with a man (28m) I love deeply and would love to be married to one day, but the timeline of when that happens is not up to anybody but us. That being said, I’ve given it a lot of thought and have an idea of how I would want our future wedding to look.
When visiting my father’s house yesterday, he (50m) asked me who would hypothetically be walking me down the aisle.
For context, this is the only real “fatherly” thing he has ever expressed interest in doing since I was a kid. He was physically present in the sense that he would pick me up for his every-other-weekend visits and drop me back off at my mom’s house (they divorced when I was 3), but he was not an involved parent and I was left to fend for myself a lot when in his care.
As I got older, any time I went over to his house, I was left for hours on end to care for my siblings with no indication of when/if he and my now stepmother would be back. I became the defacto third parent and live-in maid during his weekends.
We’re not close now, but I visit every once in a while because I love my younger siblings as if they were my own kids.
By contrast, my stepdad (61m) has been an active part of my life since I was 5 and did more to raise me and instill good values in me than my father ever had.
He attended every school event, was an engaged and attentive parent, and offered me any encouragement or advice I needed as I went about my life… something my biological father has never done.
If my decisions came without consequences, I would just have my stepdad walk me down the aisle as he is the person who actually behaved as a parent should.
But because I am trying to keep the peace on my father’s side of the family, I’ve made the decision that they would share the role of giving me away at my wedding. This didn’t sit well with my father and he made complaints throughout the rest of my visit about how he doesn’t like to share and I could find a different way to recognize my stepdad’s role in my life (but, of course, had no viable suggestions when I humored him to ask what he would suggest as an alternative).
He went so far as to have my uncle (whose opinions mean less to me than my father’s) give me a lecture about tradition and how that role should solely be reserved for the father of the bride, nobody else. I wound up leaving our gathering early but was prepared to tell him it was either both of them or neither as I did not want to entertain the childish behavior of a man who only wants to be a father when other people are watching him.
WIBTJ for holding it over his head?”
Another User Comments:
“Your uncle has the gall to talk about tradition? Let’s talk about the tradition that a parent is involved in a child’s life, the way your stepdad was. Yes, your stepdad is, for all intents and purposes, your real dad.
Your ‘real’ dad is just your bio-dad, that’s all. Your bio-dad doesn’t deserve to walk you down the aisle because he let you down as a parent. Also, ‘giving you away’ in the strict traditional sense is of course not applicable since you’re living together and have your own home.
The tradition is based on girls marrying from home and without ever having cohabited with their soon-to-be spouse. These criteria don’t apply. In your case, it’s less of a tradition than a way of recognizing the person that means a lot in your life.” plantprinses
Another User Comments:
“Wow. Have the wedding you want at a time of your choosing, or risk losing the chance to care for a dependent human whom you love. What a tough spot to be in. That said, the whole giving-the-bride-away thing is archaic. No one owns you, no one has the right to say “I do” when asked, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” Have your brother escort you down the aisle if that’s what you want.
(And do something wonderful for your step-dad, privately or at the wedding. He’s one in a million.) Or, walk to your partner on your own, sending the message that you choose this person and are happy and proud to make that choice. NTJ.” SilverDragonDreams
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And while many here seem to say, just ignore your father and give the privilege to your stepfather, you’ve clearly explained that you can’t simply ignore your father’s wishes. I suggest that when you become engaged and begin planning, your first stop be to your mother and stepdad.
Then have an open and honest conversation with him. If he’s as supportive as you say, he will understand. And you can work with him to honor him. Will it be as good as how you want it? No. Is the wedding supposed to be about you?
Yes. If this is the only thing your father cares about or wants to interfere with… It may be worth it for you to just let him have this. If he interferes in other stuff… That’s boundary issues and a totally different response. Also, you may want to discuss it with a lawyer what happens to your brother after your dad and stepmom pass.
Typically, no one wants to take on this burden and it isn’t hard to get guardianship of them (as long as you are upstanding and such). Also, find out if they actually got guardianship papers done when he turns/turned 18. Many parents don’t. And it means legally, he can walk out of the house and go wherever he wants and there is nothing they can do to stop him.” ladyanne23
4. AITJ For Refusing To Call Social Services On Behalf Of My Anxious Partner?
“My (30M) partner (29F) has phone anxiety and executive dysfunction. A lot of the time, I need to be on top of things like bills, coordinating repairs, etc. I’ve more or less accepted that.
Without revealing where we live, she’s been unemployed for nearly two years and has been on social services payments this whole time.
I’ve been (and still am) working full-time. She has a fair chunk of savings from when she did work and we currently live with my parents, so there aren’t many household expenses at the moment though obviously she doesn’t get much income. Recently, we went on a long vacation, and before doing so I told her that she should notify social services that she would be leaving the country, as they would have to pause her payments until she returns.
Four weeks into vacation she gets an international call from them which she missed, and a notification that she now owes them money. So obviously she didn’t do that. I kept my mouth shut since scolding her wouldn’t really do anything; just to get it sorted out when we returned.
Now, two weeks after we’re back, she comes in while I’m working from home, saying she’s too anxious to call them and get it sorted out. I offer to be there on hold with her since I still need to work. She says I could call them on my behalf when I’m on lunch break.
I refuse, because these calls take a notoriously long time and would almost definitely eat into my work hours as well.
She’s now calling me selfish and the jerk for refusing. I asked after finishing work if she called; she hasn’t answered, just saying “why does it matter to you?”
AITJ?
Additional context: I’m currently in therapy for various things. She’s on the spectrum and hasn’t been to therapy in years, despite me telling her to start again. She cites the cost (which is admittedly pretty expensive). I also have to pay for our couples therapy when we do that.
The social services line is only open during typical work hours. My work isn’t always busy, but I do receive calls from clients out of the blue so it’s expected I’m at least present and ready to answer during work hours.”
Another User Comments:
“OP, forget this issue for a second – I’m worried for your safety!!
What if you have some sort of medical emergency at home? Is she going to be ‘too anxious’ to call 911 to get you help? Will she just sit there crying while the life slowly fades from you and then sit at home with your rotting corpse in the living room because she’s ‘too frightened to call for help’?
What if you guys have kids? OMFG, OP, this is a bigger issue than you realize… NTJ.” daphuqijusee
Another User Comments:
“Aww, man. I’ve been her, I know that paralyzing fear over picking up the phone knowing I’m the one that’s caused my own cycle of misery.
That said, your approach of offering to be with her as moral support whilst SHE makes the call, was correct. What she wants is for you to enable her current anxieties which doesn’t help her at all, in fact, it worsens the anxiety in the long run.
NTJ. You can’t do it all for her and you shouldn’t do it all for her.” Cosmicshimmer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anxiety generally does not get better if one avoids it. What does help it is exposure. If you’d like to help her more, one idea would be to ask if she can pinpoint what exactly about this phone call is triggering her anxiety.
What is she worried will happen? (Keep in mind that this may not be easy or even possible for some people, so don’t see it as a problem if she can’t.) Some worries may be allayed by gentle rationalizing. Another option would be to help her come up with a script for her half of the conversation- don’t write it yourself, but help her think up the information she may need (name, date of birth, social services number, etc.) and have her write it all out.
That includes the obvious stuff! This is the strategy I mostly use. Rehearsing how the conversation might go can be helpful for some people, but for some people, this can cause issues if the conversation does not go exactly as rehearsed. I have moderate to severe social anxiety and associated phone anxiety.
I will not pretend it’s easy, but there are ways she can help herself even if she isn’t able to utilize the services of a professional. (Although on that note- have her check into resources for people on social services. Some places will specifically have things like therapy available for people on assistance who may be able to get off of it with that help in place.
There may also be free or sliding-scale options in your area- even short-term counseling may be helpful for this specific issue.)” Difficult_Reading858
3. AITJ For Confronting A Woman Humming Loudly During A Classical Music Concert?
“My fiancée and I enjoy going to live classical music concerts as a special date night. Yesterday, I spent $110 on two front-row seats for holiday music we were excited about.
Not even 15 seconds after the music started, the woman directly behind me began loudly humming with the music.
At first, I tried to ignore it, hoping she’d stop, but she just kept going. It wasn’t subtle-it was loud. You could see her being overly touchy with her husband as well and she was clearly inebriated.
The husband at one point said something along the lines of her needing to stop as it’s not polite, but the wife laughed it off.
But I was becoming incredibly mad at this point. I’m not a confrontational guy, I hate confrontation! But I was just brewing the entire time. But my fiancée seemed to not have directly noticed so I didn’t want to cause a scene or ruin her night.
But 30 minutes into the concert, I told my fiancée I needed to say something. I can’t hear the music and I was frustrated. That’s when my fiancée noticed and told me it’s okay and not to make a scene. Maybe 5 minutes later, the woman behind me begins singing!
Straight singing! If you’re not familiar with classical music etiquette. You don’t sing, you don’t hum, you don’t make sound, you don’t tap your feet.
This is when I turned around, directly looked at the woman, and said, “Ma’am, please stop.” The woman looked confused, asked me to repeat, and I said, “Ma’am, please stop.
I’ve been listening to you the entire concert.” She then hand-waved me away out of embarrassment. The husband didn’t even want to look at me, he looked embarrassed.
I could hear others laughing after I said that to her. You could hear the whispers of others giggling and repeating what I said to their significant other.
But guess what? She didn’t stop! She tapped me on the shoulders 5 minutes later to apologize and I waved her away. I didn’t want to accept any apology, I was frustrated, and I didn’t want to acknowledge her. If it wasn’t for my fiancée being able to enjoy most of the show I would have asked for a refund or for someone to ask her to leave.
But I do feel bad because my fiancée is now more tuned to the sound, she became frustrated with the humming. The woman was directly next to my ear, but my fiancée though next to me was just a bit further and at an angle that made it as to why she didn’t notice at first. But she then said something to the woman asking her to be quiet.
And again, no change.
Honestly, when the concert ended at the hour mark, I didn’t want to look at that woman, I didn’t want to do anything but leave. I paid $110 to listen to a woman hum in my ear for an hour. It was a lesson in patience, but not in a good way.
So, AITJ for telling her to stop? Should I have escalated it to the staff or handled it differently? I genuinely am not a confrontational guy; I’ve never been in this position before. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable, so for me to have said anything is very out of character.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We’ve all been there – some annoying nonsense when you’ve paid good money for tickets, then on top of it the concern that if you bring it up to others it might ruin the experience for them. Maddening. Gently, fiancée was wrong – you weren’t making a scene, Measha Brueggergosman was (shout-out to our Canuck Cantante).
You did nothing wrong by addressing the woman’s outrageous behavior directly. Next time, you might decide to ask an usher to deal with her.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Next time, politely move to the aisle, ask an usher to speak to the House Manager, and tell him/her that the idiot behind you wouldn’t stop humming.
The House Manager will tell her, more or less politely, to STFU. If the woman gives the House Manager trouble and/or attitude, she will be thrown out. One time, I was seeing a Broadway revival of Show Boat. Behind me were three elderly ladies who thought it was a good idea to sing along with the performers.
As soon as they started, I turned around, gave them a death glare, and said, “You’ve got to be kidding! I didn’t pay to hear you!” They stopped. I have no patience, and therefore no respect nor consideration, for rude, selfish people who destroy an expensive experience for those around them.” ptauger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Some of us are unconscious hummers/singers. Some of us are louder than we think. I was never more embarrassed when I was asked to stop at a concert when I hadn’t realized I was doing it! But I was suitably apologetic and kept my mouth ZIPPED the rest of the time.
I may have been embarrassed but I knew I was in the wrong. The inebriated lady did not realize. And it’s okay to “embarrass” people when what that means is making them realize that they are doing something wrong. You are supposed to feel bad when you do badly.
You are also not responsible for how your fiancée responds. She would likely find it sad that you had a terrible time at that concert made *worse* by trying to make it a good one for her. Also, if what happens is the irritation grows and grows, you might then (as we all do) snap at your fiancée later as the steam starts blowing out.
Better to quietly deal with the frustration as soon (and therefore as low level) as possible.” The1Eileen
2. AITJ For Snapping At My Husband During My Job Interview Test?
“About 3 months ago I was laid off from my job in the tech industry. It was unexpected and a big hit for me mentally, as I enjoy working and feeling like I’m good at my job and contributing. I’ve been working through a resulting identity crisis with my therapist, but I absolutely hate being at home and not having a routine, so I’ve also been applying far and wide.
I’ve had a couple of interviews, but none have led to an offer yet.
Last week I was invited to complete a timed written test for a company that I would love to work for. They informed me in advance the timed test would last an hour and told me the date and time when they would send it to me.
I’m someone who gets extremely nervous during interviews and these things, so I spent a lot of time preparing, but I also told my husband that I would need to not be disturbed during the test at all. I asked him to please not walk into the room during the duration of the test, at all, and to not bother me in any way, because I know how stressed I get and how I need maximum focus, and he reassured me that he understood.
Fast forward to the test yesterday, I was taking it in our second bedroom/office with the door closed. With about 15 minutes to go, the nerves and stress started to set in, and I was a little frantic trying to finish the task and leave myself time to proofread.
That’s when my husband walked into the room saying “sorry ignore me ignore me”. Right away I said “please get out” and he said “ignore me I just need to grab something quickly” and started digging through the drawer of the desk I was sitting at.
That’s when I lost my temper and yelled “I can’t ignore you, I need you to not be standing over me right now, just get out!”
He left and made a point to slam the door. Afterward, I came out to apologize to him and explain that I was just really stressed and that I had asked him, repeatedly, to stay out of the second bedroom for one hour.
He said he doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal and that I massively overreacted by snapping, and hurt his feelings. It’s been over 24 hours and he’s still mad at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why did you apologize at all? How are you not recognizing that he tried to sabotage you?
At the drawer you were SITTING AT? Is he supportive of your career? Do you make more money than him? Have you had disagreements on whether you should be taking on more domestic duties? Have you had conversations re children? He knew exactly what he was doing and frankly you UNDER reacted. Why is his hurt feelings a whole thing when he’s the one who messed YOU up?” dowjess555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only did he disturb you when you had asked him not to enter the room for one hour but he started rummaging into the desk drawers, the desk you were taking the test on? There’s no way someone is so clueless, he had to have done it on purpose to sabotage you for some reason.
I can’t imagine someone can be so clueless and tactless. Even if you weren’t nervous, having someone go through desk drawers while you’re taking a time-limited test can be disruptive. To top it he is now gaslighting you instead of taking accountability.” Otherwise_Degree_729
Another User Comments:
“Nothing was so important he couldn’t wait 20 minutes. There is no such thing as a headphone emergency. He had one task, do not disturb, something a 10-year-old can manage for an hour, and he deliberately not only came in but invaded your personal space to rummage around looking for bloody headphones.
NTJ. And now he’s emotionally manipulated you into taking the blame. Your husband’s behavior in this episode is toxic and more disturbingly, seems well-practiced. You should perhaps consider his response to all this as it indicates his lack of support and responsibility is a deeper issue.
A normal person would instinctively know they messed up and how and why and be groveling apologies. He instead goes straight to gaslighting blame. No wonder you’d rather be out of the house at work, home seems an exhausting terrain.” Viva_Veracity1906
1. AITJ For Not Allowing Popcorn On The Christmas Tree Because Of Bug Problems?
“I 35f and my husband 36m are hosting Christmas this year for my brother 33m, his wife 33f, and their kids 6f and 2m.
So far it’s been pretty good but there’s one issue, apparently, they usually string popcorn on their Christmas tree, my brother and I never did that growing up but his wife’s family did and she has now gotten them into it.
The problem is that my husband and I have had big problems with bugs lately, we had a bunch of flies in our kitchen swarming around and ants crawling around on the counter.
We believe it happened because we had been busy and weren’t able to keep the kitchen as clean as usual which drew them in.
We were able to get a hold of the issue by using sprays and fly hotels and picking up the slack on keeping the kitchen clean.
And now the house is back to being pretty good and clean and we believe we can keep the bugs out by keeping the house clean.
So we have made it a rule of not leaving food out anywhere, and we are afraid popcorn on the tree would attract more bugs.
When we told this to my brother and his wife they got upset and said they always strung popcorn on the tree and that the kids will be very disappointed, we told them sorry but we don’t think it’s a good idea because popcorn will attract more bugs.
His wife still insisted that the kids would be very disappointed and that we were being ridiculous.
My husband and I still think popcorn on the tree is a bad idea but we are sorry to disappoint the kids.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I have never strung popcorn on a tree but always considered that a fun activity for an outdoor tree so birds and squirrels get a treat.
I would never want that on my indoor Christmas tree. And it’s also very rude of your brother and wife to insist and to keep harping on how their kids will be disappointed. If their kids were that disappointed, they can do that at their own house then.
NTJ but your brother and wife are.” PopulationMe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are having trouble with bugs, you have to follow through with the cleaning instructions and not leave food out. I used to get an infestation of ants every year, at least partly due to free-feeding my cat dry food.
There is a sort of barrier insecticide that you can get at hardware stores and some grocery stores. I bought it. sprayed it around the perimeter of my house outside a couple of weeks before the ants usually showed up, with double treatments at doorways.
and it ended the ant infestation.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ x 100. Your house, your rules. A six-year-old? How disappointed could she really be? And 2 mos? They don’t even know what they’re looking at! That is ridiculous! She’s weaponizing her kids. No, SIL is the one who is going to be crushed with disappointment because she doesn’t want to break the tradition.
She can do as she pleases in her house, but not in yours. To act like this under any circumstances is rude, but knowing you had a pest control issue? How selfish! Again, NTJ, she is the jerk.” vav70
