People Ramble About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For For Uninviting My Family From My Wedding?
“I’m (24m) getting married this year to my beautiful partner ‘Loly’ (25f) of 3 years. We are both very excited about it but we have been having some issues with my family.
I have an older sister ‘Li’ (28) who has always been my parents’ favorite.
It was pretty hard growing up while being constantly bullied by Li but I learned to live with it. I mostly kept it to myself and studied hard so that I could have good grades. Thankfully I was able to move out at the age of 20.
So long story short I haven’t been in much contact with my family until now.
A couple of months ago I posted about me and Loly getting engaged on social media. My family saw the post and sent me long messages where they said that they were disappointed that I haven’t introduced Loly to them yet and made rude remarks about how it was not ‘manly’ of me to let my fiance propose because she is a woman.
I replied that I will only introduce her to them if they behave. They needed to respect us and keep their rude opinions to themselves. They agreed.
Everything was going pretty well before the topic of wedding dresses came up.
Here’s the thing: my fiance doesn’t want to wear a dress.
She wants to wear a white suit-like outfit. She asked my opinion on that and I of course agreed to it. Because she should wear whatever makes her feel comfortable on our big day.
However, my family was horrified when they found out about Loly not wanting to wear a wedding dress.
First, they begged her to change her mind and when she didn’t, they started to make mean comments to her every time she tried to discuss anything clothing related. I of course have asked them multiple times to cut it out but they behaved only for a short period of time.
And also they complained abt our flower choices, the size of the wedding, the wedding cake, the location, and even abt our music choices.
I’m honestly so frustrated at this point that I don’t want them to come to the wedding at all.
My last straw was yesterday when Loly went to dress shopping with a couple of her closest friends.
Li and my mom showed up unannounced there and made mean comments the whole evening. According to Loly’s friends, my sister and mother fatshamed Loly and called her ugly in every suit that she tried. Then when she did try a wedding dress for peace’s sake they acted like over-excited teenage girls.
They even tried to buy it for her.
Loly came home crying her eyes out and has been upset ever since. And Loly’s friends got into a fight with Li and my mom and now both of them have been blowing up my phone demanding an apology from Loly.
I am so livid with my family but honestly, I’m not proud of my reaction either. I told everybody from my side to get lost because they are siding with my mom and Li. My family is mad that I’m not letting Li or my mom help my fiance.
I uninvited them all but I still feel pretty bad. They are my family after all.
Now they are mad that I uninvited them.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not even a little bit. OP, your family is toxic and behaving horribly, and you stood up for yourself and your fiancé.
This Mom is so proud of you! ‘My family is mad that I’m not letting Li or my Mom help my fiancé’ – doesn’t sound like Loly needed or wanted their help, seems you have everything well in hand, and they are way overstepping and trying to ruin your wedding by making it theirs!
No, you are right to uninvite them, and obviously, you were right to go in low contact with them after you moved out the first time. Maybe time to do it again.” maidenmothercrone333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see why you went with no contact/low contact with your family in the first place.
Your family has crossed so many lines of civilized behavior no reasonable person will blame you for uninviting them.
Keep one thing in mind: they are going to be mad at you no matter what you do, so you might as well do this and let them be mad about this.
Second: they already have shown a tendency to show up uninvited to events. Designate someone at your wedding to act as ‘security’ to intercept them and keep them out for when they inevitably show up, an invitation or not.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother and sister weren’t trying to ‘help’ your fiancé; they were trying to impose their will.
It seems pretty clear that they only ever pause their bad behavior because they don’t like being criticized for it, not because they’re considering whether it was bad behavior in the first place. If they come to your wedding, expect them to take every opportunity to make your special day miserable.” GeeksAreMyPeeps
21. AITJ For Not Accepting My Parents' Contribution To My Wedding?
“My fiancé and I (26F + 28M) are getting married. We decided to keep it small and simple, with only 30 guests.
This includes our parents, siblings (who are also at the wedding party) plus a few very close friends. We decided to have a child-free wedding, so no ring bearer and flower girls. The rings are with the best man. As to the expenses, we – my fiancé and I – are paying.
My mom is on my case saying we should invite three of her friends who wanted to attend because she mentioned that I’m getting married and she invited them (verbally, and without telling me). I said no because (1) I’m not that close to them (2) Fiancé and I want a small wedding.
Mom offered to pay for the wedding, but fiancé and I said no because we don’t want to open ourselves to a difficult situation like ‘well, I’m paying for your wedding so I get to do X.’ Now She’s been calling us and leaving remarks whenever we are with other people.
‘Come on, just three people, I’m paying anyway/ I’m your mother, why can’t you do me a small favor.’
I’ve stopped talking to her whenever she brings that up no matter where we are. If we are with people. I just go ‘Mom no. We talked about this.
End of story.’ My brother says I should just******* up because it’s for one day and I’m not interacting with the ladies anyway. My aunts said I should obey and apologize.
I think I’m the jerk for being firm about not inviting the ladies and for refusing my parents’ money.
Is this just ‘childish pride’ on my part?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother & aunts need to stay out of it. Not their business at all.
Your mom was out of line to invite people to an event that isn’t hers. Now she’s likely going to feel embarrassed having to uninvite them, but too bad.
Play games, and win prizes.
She needs to uninvite her friends, and you need to give her a deadline to get it done or do it yourself. If you’re not close to them, they will definitely understand not being invited to something that only has 30 guests.
Also, good for you for staying independent. Your mom likely feels that there is some shade from others on her for not paying for the wedding since traditionally it was the bride’s family that covers costs. She’s being old-fashioned. Explain to her that people who work in the wedding industry are VERY familiar with having the couple pay for themselves and that it is zero reflection on her.
Enjoy your wedding!” Logical_Block1507
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First and foremost, it is your and your fiance’s wedding day. If you both say no, it’s a no. Secondly, your mom’s a jerk for pushing the issue this far. It’s fine to ask, but after the first no, it should have ended there.
But she takes it a step further and gets other people involved in something that has nothing to do with them.
At the end of the day, it is your wedding. You and your fiance are paying for it, so no one else’s opinions, thoughts, and concerns matter.” DVKuno
Another User Comments:
“It is YOUR wedding. Why you ‘should just******* up because it’s for one day’ when that day is your WEDDING DAY!
Your mom doesn’t want to ‘lose face’ for uninviting her friends and is pestering the whole family into helping her change your mind so she’ll stop pestering them about it.
Your mom has a big problem with boundaries.
Tell her she can spend that day with her friends, but then she won’t be at your wedding, maybe that will stop her.
NTJ and enjoy your wedding.” DoIwantToKnow6417
20. AITJ For Pressuring My Husband To Ask His Parents For A Raise?
“My husband left his job where he was making $28 an hour not including overtime to help his parents start a business. They said they would start him at $20 an hour and then eventually give him a raise. He runs that business about 85% of the time because his parents don’t speak the language so he is the one speaking and sealing deals with clients.
He is supposed to work 5 days a week but in reality, he works 6 days and is even answering phone calls and dealing with clients off the clock. He gets paid for 5 days 40 hours a week regardless if he works extra or not.
My issue is, I was fine with this deal at first because I understand it’s hard to start a business.
but now we just had a baby and inflation happened. I am getting deeper and deeper into debt that I am scared of it. I barely scrape by to pay the rent and there’s never any money left over to save. I also work and the majority of my money goes to bills and the baby.
We don’t even have money left to go out on a date or go out to eat. I told my husband I wanted to look for a second job and he felt bad. But I have no other option.
It’s been over 6 months, he has been working there, and still no raise.
He doesn’t want me to get a second job so the next thing is he has to tell his parents what’s going on. I feel they are being selfish telling him there’s no money coming in but that is a total lie and I proved it to him (I also help with the business for free and do most of their bookkeeping).
It’s only fair I think because he took a significant pay cut. AITJ for putting that type of pressure on my husband to get a raise or go back to his better-paying job? I know they would love to have him back and have even offered to pay him $32 an hour if he returns.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you need to have a frank conversation with your husband because you working a second job because he won’t have a conversation with his parents is ridiculous. You don’t deserve to have to work harder because he made a choice to do this and make less money.
Stop the OT entirely, have him get a second job, or talk to his parents. His parents need to honor their commitment and offer or let your husband leave.” mabsmash7
Another User Comments:
“I have no idea if the family business is profitable and can afford to pay your husband more.
But your family – your nuclear family – is struggling. And your husband has options. He could return to his former employers, with a raise. Or he can stay and be overworked and underpaid. Or the family business can pay your husband more and he can stay.
It sounds like it is time for your husband to have an uncomfortable talk with his parents. They had a business before he worked for them. They can continue to have a business if your husband leaves them. Your husband is not the only person in the world that can do the job.
NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband are getting into debt, which you (presumably) wouldn’t if he were making $8 more per hour. So, basically, the business is dependent on pushing debt onto you and your husband.
It’s time for your husband and his parents to have a new agreement.
They need to pay him more per hour. They need to investigate taking out a small business loan (which would probably be at a lower interest rate than your credit cards!).
If the business is not able to pay him an acceptable wage, then he needs to get back into another job.
He can give them one month of notice, and they can pay someone else, and see how that goes.” sanityjanity
19. AITJ For Not Giving My Stepsister The Same Loyalty That I Give To My Sister?
“My mom married Jason 2 years ago. My sister and stepsister were both 13f and I was 14m. Dad went MIA when my sister and I were babies. Mom’s had a few relationships since then but Jason is the first husband she’s had. Jason’s daughter is Rylee.
Rylee’s mom abandoned her when she was a baby too. Her mom died at some point but she only found it in November. She’d never met her mom but it was hard on her.
Ever since Rylee found out her mom was dead, my mom has been trying to get her more friends in school.
She’s friends outside of school. But none are actually in school. She wanted my sister to invite Rylee into her friendship group and my sister said no. Rylee and my sister do not like each other. From the first time we met her the two of them have had their issues.
It bothers Mom that my sister won’t let it drop. It’s started to get seriously tense between my mom and my sister. Mostly because my sister was hanging out with her friends one day and mom asked them if Rylee could join in (this was outside of school) and my sister’s friends said no since Rylee isn’t their friend and because my sister doesn’t like her.
Mom said my sister didn’t mind. My sister said she did mind and she would rather stay alone in her room than hang out with Rylee. Mom told her she was turning into a real bully and Rylee was her sister and she should be trying to help her through her difficult time.
My sister told Mom they didn’t like each other and didn’t care about each other, so why would either of them want to help the other?
When my sister and I still hung out together after that incident, Mom pulled me up and said I should be blasting my sister and including Rylee more.
That I should be showing Rylee the loyalty I show my sister. I laughed and asked her why she thought I had loyalty for Rylee. Mom said of course I do, because we’re family and she’s my younger sister now and how could I not be loyal to her?
That I have always been loyal to my sister. I told Mom because my sister and I are siblings, close siblings, as well as friends, and I love her. That I don’t have to be loyal to Rylee just because I’m loyal to my sister.
I told her Rylee might be like a daughter to her now but she’s not like a sister to me. She told me I was saying horrible things and I should be better than this. I told her to ask Rylee if she’s an only child or has siblings.
Mom said Rylee would of course answer that she has siblings. Newsflash: she doesn’t but Mom and Jason kinda too, like to ignore this and act like Rylee was so desperate to be siblings with us.
Mom told me I should be loyal to both sisters but especially to the one who needs me most right now (Rylee in her eyes).
She told me I was not being a good big brother and I should be ashamed of myself for dismissing Rylee the way I do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom isn’t being a good parent by not listening to her children’s feelings and trying to force relationships on them.
Your mom isn’t being a good parent by trying to shame and bad mouth her own children because they do want to be friends with her stepdaughter who also doesn’t want to be friends with them. Ask your mom why trying to force your sister to be friends with her stepdaughter is worth your mom ruining her relationship with her own daughter because she doesn’t respect your sister’s right to choose her own friends.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s not your responsibility to have a go at your sister… And it doesn’t sound like Rylee endears herself to you or your sister. Effort/bonding is a two-way street.
If your sister feels strongly about Rylee then your mum needs to take into account how your sister feels.
Forcing her to do things will never work to create a bond. It will only make your sister feel she is being disregarded in favor of Rylee…
Mum needs to see it from your sister’s perspective, I would find it very hard to live with a girl who called me fat behind my back and seemed to openly dislike me.
And yes, her friends outside of the home could be her positive outlet/safe space. This should be protected.
My only comment would be, that you all have to live under one roof – if you think a counseling session between all of you could help to at least build some bridges, possibly proposing it would be a good idea (at the mother’s expense would be beneficial.)
Did Rylee when you first all became a unit try to bond with you both in any way?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think some adults forget that tv isn’t real life. You can’t just smash 2 families together and make a happy, singular household without putting in the work to make it that way.
It sounds like they got married, moved y’all in together, and just figured you’d figure it all out. Like shocker, it didn’t work that way.
If they want to make this work, rather than trying to smash a Mega Block into a row of Legos, they should have the entire family in therapy.
Step sister probably needs actual one-on-one therapy to deal with the abandonment and subsequent death of her mother. Parents should stop trying to force teenagers to ‘play together’. If y’all don’t get along, y’all don’t get along. Ask your mom if she’d be happy to have some unfriendly stranger come live in her space and be forced to spend time with them.
I’m sorry, friend. I’ve been there, and I wish that grown-ups put more thought and care into the families they try to blend. They need to put a lot more effort into their kids. That is their responsibility. Good luck, honey.” kfrostborne
Your mother needs to learn you can't force relationships to happen. The only thing that comes out of forces relationships, is resentment.
18. AITJ For Making My Neighbor Pay Every Time His Dog Dumps In My Yard?
“I rent a house, I have a neighbor on one side with no fence between our yards. They got a dog last year, which they let roam freely on both sides.
They used to come to clean up after it and apologize but did not build a fence or tie it up. My backyard is a ‘naturalized area’, which is allowed in my town, mostly a wildflower pollinator meadow, with a smaller grass area. The garden was already there when I moved in a few years ago.
This neighbor used to come and mow down all my flowers, saying it’s embarrassing to have his friends over and see them (separate issue). Now he says he ‘has’ to do it to find his dog’s waste. My landlord used to live on the property, they never mowed the meadow when he lived there.
My gate on the opposite side of the house from his was a bit loose, he came and installed an automatic gate closer to MY gate so that my kids can’t accidentally let his dog out.
The dog chews my kid’s toys, it ripped my back screen door, and pees on my deck.
In winter they started only coming to clean up the dog feces about once a week..they get buried in snow and can’t be found. Eventually, three weeks go by without anyone cleaning up. Once the wife saw the dog crap and she told me that she wasn’t going to pick it up, her husband wanted a dog so he has to do it.
He was at work.
Finally, I go to speak with them seriously, but they start yelling that ‘he does so much work on my property’, it’s a ‘shared yard’ (it’s not), ‘they can’t tell their dog what to do’, that I need to build a door on my deck to keep the dog off of it, and I’m just lazy for not having a real lawn and leaving my kids toys outside.
At this point, I feel an adult discussion is not going to happen so I called bylaw, and they are fining him a few hundred dollars every time the dog crosses the property line, and another fine if no one cleans up its waste. Now they are furious and told me that I ‘started a war’.
The landlord already offered a long time ago to pay for half the cost of a fence with them. AITJ? Why not just build a fence, tie the dog up until then, and not threaten me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will never understand why some pet owners are so entitled when it comes to their pet’s invasion and destruction of others’ property and space.
If the same were to be done by another human being, it would amount to property damage, assault, theft, etc. As a pet owner, you have a legal responsibility to control your pet and prevent it from running at large and causing harm to others.
Work with your landlord—the landlord should be at the helm of these discussions and taking necessary actions to protect the property. If you feel the terms of your rental agreement are being violated as a result of these conditions, that is again something your landlord must address.” Fit-Ad-7276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and go one further and call animal control. Most places have laws against letting dogs roam free.
Dog poop is full of parasites that are harmful to wildlife and humans, not to mention they may like to attack other creatures or run into traffic, etc.
If they can’t lift a finger to walk it and pick up its poop, they shouldn’t have the dog.
‘Once the wife saw the dog crap and she told me that she wasn’t going to pick it up, her husband wanted a dog so he has to do it’
That’s not your problem. THEIR dog poop is in YOUR yard and you have kids that could easily be blinded. They have no right to let their animal dump in your yard.
Get a camera in case you need to take it further. Their calling it a ‘war’ suggests they may get violent.
Can you defend yourself if that happens?” AlternativeScratch25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They started the neighbor war and now you need to finish it. They are acting in a completely entitled and irresponsible manner. They have no right to trespass on your property, including the dog.
I presume they are also breaking local laws by allowing their dog to roam off-leash in an un-fenced area.
They are not only being disrespectful to you but creating a health and accident hazard for your children. They could catch an illness from the dog waste or slip on it and injure themselves (which actually happened to another family’s child according to a recent post in the forum).
In addition to what you’ve already done, you may want to consult legal counsel to see if they can send a cease and desist letter and help you get a restraining order to keep them off your property. Hopefully, they will determine that defying you will be too expensive and they will either build a fence or keep their dog leashed when outside.
Your quality of life and enjoyment of your property shouldn’t be diminished because they are too lazy to walk their dog or too cheap to build a fence around their yard for it. They deserve every financial and legal consequence you can deliver.” kavk27
17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Twin Sister To My Wedding?
“I and my twin ‘Mary’ are 25. We grew up close but over the years she took a different path and got lost in illegal substance and drinking addiction and we just became distant. I tried to help as much as I could but learned someone who doesn’t want help won’t accept help.
My parents have always favored her and that’s another reason our relationship isn’t as strong. Over the last year, I’d say we began speaking again and aren’t super close but it’s better.
The last time we spoke was about 2 years ago when she revealed to my entire family that I was gay.
It was at a dinner and she got completely trashed and said it without thinking and made more comments voicing her negative her negative opinions on the topic. My parents spoke and both cried like I ruined their lives which is another story but they’ve somewhat accepted that I won’t change.
Which I can’t say about my sister.
I have been with my fiancé F26 for about 4 years and we’re planning on getting married in early spring. Although my sister has voiced her opinion on our relationship she still wanted to support and come to our wedding.
Recently she and her partner (M35) are both invited on account that she is respectful. I’m not having a traditional maid of honor wedding party it’s more just my close friends (m & f) supporting me and helping but nothing too strict. My sister didn’t want to be involved so I didn’t involve her but we both agreed for her to have a speech.
We were sitting down drafting some ideas when she said is it ok if I put some jokes in it. I hesitated but said sure write them and I’ll look over them. When I read what she wrote I immediately told her no jokes: all she wrote was rude comments toward my fiancé and the majority of it was homophobic and saying stuff like ‘It’s not a real wedding in God’s eyes so who cares’.
I then told her explicitly to not comment on my relationship at all during the wedding.
She argues that of course she’s gonna voice her opinion because she can’t control honesty when she’s wasted. I then say you’re not drinking then, I told her if she will not be respectful she doesn’t have to go.
If she wants to go to humiliate me and my fiancé I don’t want her there. She then goes you can’t expect me to be quiet I mean you’re marrying a woman. The convo continued until I ultimately uninvited her.
Now my parents are saying I’m being a jerk and they won’t go either because they aren’t going to support my actions if my sister isn’t going to be included. They say they will keep an eye on her but uninviting my twin sister to my ‘wedding’ – they put it in quotes – is messed up and I should be ashamed. I want my parents there because I do want their support even if they aren’t 100% they have shown effort in getting to know my fiancé but I don’t trust my sister and if I don’t invite her they said they won’t go.
So AITJ for distrusting her and uninviting her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly, go ahead and uninvite your ‘parents’ too before they can act like it’s a power move to refuse attendance themselves. If they’re also in the boat that your marriage isn’t a true union, then they don’t deserve to participate in one of your best days either.
Only those who actually care about you and actually want happiness for your relationship and your future should be there. It’s clear that your parents aren’t those people.
It must be so incredibly hard to consider that and accept that. I am so sorry. You do have a real relationship and a real wedding coming up.
Just like your sister has a real substance addiction and is together with a man 10 years her senior and somehow that’s better in these (for lack of a better word) freaks’ eyes than you being in a good place in life and marrying a good person who looks after you.
If your parents aren’t 100% then they are not 100%. If your parents think it’s better to have a substance-addicted daughter together with a man 10 years her senior than it is to have a gay daughter building a solid and happy life for herself, then that is THEIR loss NOT yours.
I guarantee you they will not stop your sister from making those ‘jokes’ at your wedding, and they’ll find a way to dismiss her behavior and make it your fault somehow. Just because they’re biological family doesn’t mean they should have the opportunity to scorn your happiness, especially on this major day in your life.” SulusSultryVoice
Another User Comments:
“You are 100000% NTJ – your sister absolutely shouldn’t be invited even if she ‘apologizes’ or promises to behave because based on this story, it’s pretty clear that she’s not going to. Don’t let her homophobic nonsense ruin what should be the happiest day of your life.
And if your parents are siding with her, then good riddance to them, too. There are absolutely 0 excuses for being a bigot in this day and time when information is so absurdly easy to access so you can educate yourself.” CarpyKevin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your sister is, and I’m sorry to tell you, but so are your parents.
They say they’re supporting you, but by standing by your sister when she insists she has a right to publicly insult you and your bride at your wedding, and by putting ‘wedding’ in quotes, they’re telling you they do not respect you.
If you want to try to maintain the peace (though I can’t really see why), have a separate post-wedding celebration dinner with your parents and sister in a public place, like a restaurant.
Save the wedding itself for people who really care about you.” nosecohn
And congrats on the nuptials.
16. AITJ For Declining My Partner's Gift?
“My partner often accuses me of ‘depriving’ myself because I don’t buy things he thinks I should have. He doesn’t get that I’m not interested in everything he’s interested in or that maybe I’m mildly interested but not enough to want to buy something.
One thing that bothers him is that when I want to read a newly released book I’d rather get it from the library even if it takes a while than pay for it. If it’s something I’m really excited about I’ll buy it but if it’s just something that seems kind of interesting, I’ll put it on hold, forget about it, and be pleasantly surprised when I get to pick it up.
He’s been repeatedly trying to convince me that it is silly to put myself on these long waiting lists when I can easily afford new books. I don’t know why he cares, but he’s so convinced that I’m depriving myself and that it would be so much better to just buy the books.
We were talking about Prince Harry’s autobiography. I wasn’t initially going to read it but decided to get on the bandwagon and check it out. There’s a long waiting list at the library but that’s fine, I’m not that into it.
My partner asked when I was going to read it and I said I’m not sure maybe May? But it doesn’t matter, it comes when it comes. He went on his thing about the library again and why don’t I just buy the book because I’m not poor, and I told him to stop.
The next time I saw him, he had a gift for me and it was Prince Harry’s book. He told me now I don’t have to wait for it for no reason. If we hadn’t had the previous conversations about buying books and he had reason to believe I really wanted to read this I would have thanked him and accepted it even though I didn’t really want it as a gift, but I turned it down because this was clearly part of whatever weird agenda he has.
I’m really annoyed by this and I don’t like him telling me what to do when he shouldn’t even care about this. So I told him to take it back and that I’d wait to get it later and that he needs to stop being so weird about me not wanting to buy every little thing.
He called me ungrateful and said he was just trying to help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has nothing to do with being cheap or poor; this is about him wanting to control you. He thinks he can decide what makes you happy—but he can’t, and it’s annoying him, so he’s putting the blame back on you by saying you’re ‘depriving’ yourself.
It’s a weird way to try to dictate your emotions. He wanted you to be like, ‘Yes, you’re right, I really AM happy to have the book now,’ and when you weren’t, he got upset. I have a feeling this need of his to control your emotional state will get worse.” claireclairey
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Softly. It was a gift. You are going to read the book eventually. You could have taken the book and put it away until May when you originally planned to read it. It sounds like your partner has a little ‘fear of missing out’ and thinks you’re gonna miss out, which you’re completely okay with missing things it seems like.
Just reassure him these are your choices and you like reading things at your own pace.” pecileci
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m afraid his behavior is a red flag.
If you had casually said you were on a waitlist at the library to read a book, and then he surprised you with said book, without being aware that you were not that into that specific book and are not the consumer type in general, then it could’ve just been a miscommunication.
But this isn’t the case. He knows fine well that you are not into consumerism, that you don’t like to buy every book you want to read and actually prefer to use the library. He’s tried to get you to buy books in the past and you have expressly declined and made it clear you don’t want to.
This wasn’t a gift. This is him trying to correct your behavior to what he thinks is appropriate, and emotionally manipulating the crap out of you when he didn’t succeed (that’s what the whole ‘you’re ungrateful’ speech is about, he’s just trying to punish you and make you feel bad, likely to get you to apologize, for not performing up to his desires).
Do what you may with that info. But don’t ignore the red flag, because it’s there and it’s pretty big.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
15. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Brother To Have Some Class?
“My partner just bought a house and is so excited. She invited a ton of people over for a housewarming. She put so much work into everything.
The house looked amazing, and the food was delicious.
Right after dinner, while my partner was getting dessert, her brother proposed to his partner. I was mad because he hijacked my partner’s event that she worked so hard for. Before she could answer I told him to sit down and quit being so rude and disrespectful to his sister.
He was mad, but his partner looked so embarrassed. They ended up leaving.
The party was very awkward after that. A lot of people left early. My partner’s mom was furious. My partner said I was sweet but didn’t need to do that. Her brother texted me calling me a jerk.
Was I a jerk for telling them to have some class?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m wondering what the family dynamic history is between your partner and her brother/mother. It’s rude to propose at someone else’s event without asking for permission.
Good for you for setting boundaries on this kind of attention-stealing behavior but ask your partner what this is really all about so you two can agree on appropriate boundaries for extended family in the future and be able to put up a more united front should anyone cross them going forward.” Yetis-unicorn
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He picked someone else’s event for a proposal, which is a no-no.
However, it was already happening when you stopped it. From your description, the attention had already been called to him and his partner, all eyes were on them so all you succeeded in doing was making it a bigger scene.
Now people will remember your partner’s housewarming for the interrupted proposal, not for the lovely event it was up until that point.” GreenEyedKittyCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said your partner is used to her family hijacking her events. Also stated, she didn’t know about the proposal. AND they purposely waited for your partner to be away to do it because they knew she wouldn’t be happy.
Mom is only mad because ‘Why can’t your partner just let us steamroll her as usual? Her dang husband got in the way.’
People like them, know exactly what they are doing. Usually, it’s even planned out. They specifically wait to take advantage of someone else footing the bill for the party.
Only to steal the free spotlight. And then not have to clean up afterward.
Ugh, it’s like people who join someone else’s celebration dinner. Graduation, promotions, etc. Only to sit down and try to talk about THEIR most recent success. They know exactly what they’re doing.
Good for you for standing up for her, OP. Maybe after some time, you partner will realize she deserves to have the spotlight at her own housewarming party.” OsaBear92
14. WIBTJ If I Don't Want My Family To Talk To Me About My Sibling?
“My sibling ‘Louise’ (F/24) and I had a good relationship growing up. One day out of the blue, she sent me a nasty and lengthy text telling me she hates me with no explanation. This was about 5 years ago.
Since then, ‘Louise’ has bullied me, excluded me, and overall ignored my existence.
My parents and other siblings have no clue as to why she did a 180 on me and nobody else.
My issue is this: every time my parents or other siblings talk about ‘Louise’ to me (i.e. ‘She got a new dog’ or ‘I’m going to a cooking class with her’), it makes me so sad and angry.
I thought I mourned the broken relationship, but clearly, I’m still not over it. WIBTJ if I told them it makes me upset when they talk about my sister?
I’ve always been the ‘peacekeeper,’ but I want to stand up for myself. I have a good relationship with the rest of my family, and I don’t want to lose that.
I feel if I would be unnecessarily causing tension because my other siblings and parents haven’t done anything to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are allowed to set boundaries for your own mental health and soundness. It can start with clearly laying out to your parents and siblings that you don’t want to talk about or hear about Louise.
She’s not a topic with you.
Your family is maintaining a relationship with someone who really hurt you, and that’s their right. But if they want a relationship with you, they should also care about your feelings. They don’t have to bring her up.
If they can’t keep to it, maybe increase your distance. I’m sorry your sister flipped the script on you, that must have been very painful.” einsteinGO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Being ‘the peacekeeper’ is not good for your mental health and probably because of that role you never stood your ground before.
Maybe your family doesn’t even know how much it hurts you to constantly be reminded of your broken relationship. Please, do tell them that. If they really love you, they are going to understand and respect your wishes. And if they don’t, well, are they even worthy of keeping them in your life?” Pelonek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would suggest that you be reasonable about your expectations. It’s probably not realistic to expect that Louise’s name will never come up. It’s totally reasonable to ask them not to mention her unnecessarily (e.g you don’t need to be filled in on what she is up to).
But if they see her regularly, her name might come up. If you ask your parents what they did over the weekend, and they had dinner with Louise, what do you want them to say? Do you them to lie? Should they mention dinner but not that it was with Louise?
Can they briefly mention it and move on? Any of these options is fine, but you might want to establish specific expectations and boundaries upfront.
Also, consider how you will handle it if they do cross those boundaries and mention her. Even if they make their best effort to respect your wishes (and I hope they do), they will probably slip up sometimes, especially at first. You might want to have an established phrase/statement for when that happens (e.g ‘You know, it still makes me sad to hear about Louise, so I would really prefer to not talk about this.
Can we change the subject?’ And then actually change the subject). And if they don’t respect your wishes and continue to talk about Louise, how will you handle that? Again, it might be wise to establish that upfront. Finally, are there any instances where you would want to hear about Louise?
For example, if she was sick/hurt (or worse). You might want to discuss this with your family and figure out how you would like them to approach it.
Good luck. I am sorry you are going through this.” CosmicGreen_Giraffe3
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Meal?
“A few weeks ago my SO and I were traveling in Thailand.
We went to a small, family-run restaurant and ordered our food. Thai green curry for me and coconut milk curry for my SO; both came with rice.
As soon as we arrived my SO suggested we leave, as we were ignored when we entered the restaurant, the waiter didn’t reply upon our attempt at saying hello in Thai (Sawatika!), and after waiting a while and asking the waitress if we could order, we were again ignored with no reply.
I suggested we stay, and managed to get the waiter’s attention and order.
Our rice was brought out first, and my SO noticed tiny ants, both dead and alive, scattered through the rice. We told the waiter, who looked at the ants and agreed to bring us fresh bowls.
The waiter brought two new dishes of rice, but again they were both scattered with ants.
Both main dishes arrived at this point, so my SO looks through her curry, said she couldn’t see any ants and was about to start eating. I looked through my dish, saw something black, and thought it may be an ant.
I’m not 100% sure it was but had lost faith at this point.
Given we had ordered twice rice, and both were riddled with ants, I said I wasn’t happy eating any of the food, told the waitress, and stood up to leave.
A German lady and her son were sitting at the table next to us, and when I stood up to leave the lady said ‘YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT’.
I replied, ‘THERE’S ANTS IN THAT, WHY WOULD I PAY FOR IT?’.
The German lady said ‘YES, BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT’.
I replied ‘I ORDERED GREEN CURRY WITH CHICKEN, NO ANTS, BUT YOU’RE WELCOME TO IT IF YOU WANT IT’.
The German lady said ‘THEY HAVE USED THEIR INGREDIENTS’.
I replied once more, telling the German lady I wouldn’t pay, and was getting quite frustrated as to why she was even getting involved as each time I asked if she would eat it, she avoided the question.
As I was walking out, the chef shouted to me that I should still pay, to which I said back ‘I’m not paying for food with ants in it!’ And walked off.
I understand that is a small family business, but I don’t feel like I should pay for something inedible.
Also, neither my SO nor I ate any of our food.
AITJ for refusing to pay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, come for me if you like but it’s based on knowledge of Southeast Asia.
Menus in English and other foreign clientele usually indicate that the place has dealt with foreigners before.
Also, the West did not invent eateries, so yes the etiquette in this specific case wouldn’t have been new.
It can be sensitive due to people ‘losing face’ but yes people can and do send back food if there is a terrible issue like bugs!
You got served four contaminated bowls of rice, so what were you supposed to eat the mains with? Even assuming both mains weren’t contaminated.
Lastly, 2 fairly common curries would not have broken that establishment. Again, as happens in most other places, the family or the staff would have eaten it that day or the next.
OP, though, in the future if people are ignoring you like that, it’s a huge red flag. It may be that the staff knew something was WAY off in the kitchen and tried to let you know you should go… Also, it’s a tonal language so believe it or not, if you pronounce things with the wrong emphasis people will literally not be able to understand you, even if you think you’ve hit all the right ‘letters’.” SienteElBern
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to your SO. You should have listened to her and would have avoided the experience. You were ignored. Good time to leave. You were again ignored. Another good time to leave. You were served rice with ants, great time to leave.
You asked for new rice, again ants, even better time to leave. Why you thought the entree would be ok is beyond me. They say hindsight is 20-20, but at this point, your sight should have been 20-20. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Who gets the shame for the 5th time? If you’re ever in a horror movie, you’re definitely gonna be the first to die. ‘Let’s pick up this hitchhiker. I’m sure he’s not the escaped convict we heard about on the radio.
The prison was like, two miles behind us’.” Own_Purchase1388
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No matter where you are nobody deserves bugs in their food unless of course, that’s what they order, I think that restaurant needs to clean their kitchen and get some ant removal stuff going whether it’s a lot of traps or hiring someone to do it.
If the ants are causing them to lose money they might just do it. But if I were you I still wouldn’t trust them even if I were to go back in the future. Just avoid them.
And was that woman literally screaming at you about this?
She sounds nuts. I feel bad for her kid. Also to the using their own ingredients thing. Because ants are their own ingredients right? Is that what she thinks? Well if she gets sick it’s on her. I still feel bad for the kid.” MelodySetsuna915
12. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's Wrong For Telling Our Parents Her Reasons For Being Child-Free?
“I always knew I didn’t want to have kids. I don’t have any specific reason for not wanting children, I just lack the desire and I strongly believe that the question should be ‘Why do you want kids?’ instead of ‘Why don’t you want kids?’.
My older sister, Sadie, was very vocal about wanting to have children in her early 20s, but now that she is in her late 20s, she changed her mind.
Our parents never liked that I don’t want kids, but they didn’t care much about it either, since they knew Sadie will give them grandchildren.
But now that Sadie changed her mind, they are panicking.
They invited us both over to dinner, then ‘confronted’ us on why we don’t want to have children and demanded a reason. I told them I just simply lack the desire and I expected Sadie to do the same, but instead, she threw me under the bus.
She decided to perpetuate the child-free stereotype and said that she is too lazy and selfish to have children. She doesn’t want to start her mornings by making breakfast, getting the kids ready, and taking them to school, she is just too lazy for that and doesn’t want to give up her nice vacations and hobbies.
Thanks to her, now our parents are bugging me too and believe I’m a selfish, lazy person. I told Sadie she was wrong for telling our parents that’s her reason and she should’ve thought about me before opening her mouth.
Sadie said she has every right to tell our parents whatever she wants and it’s not her fault they are the way they are and that I can’t stand up for myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she didn’t throw you under the bus, she gave her explanation, which had nothing to do with you. If your parents made that connection that’s on them, but your sister was just being honest about her opinion. She did nothing wrong.
Why would she need to think about you when expressing HER opinion? She’s her own person with her own opinion. Which is just as valid as yours.” PlateNo7021
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She had every right to lay out her reasons, even if you don’t like her word choice.
I find people often use it because it is a difficult topic and even a light humor barrier can soften the blow. It isn’t up to her to make sure your parents don’t ask questions. I would tell them firmly that those are her reasons.
You have your own. You may decide to share them someday, or you may not. You are sure this is what you want though. I think their doubling down had less to do with her reasoning, that with desperation anyway. There are other ways to help children and build grandparent-type relationships than becoming biological grandparents.” Trinitymb
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sadie is right, she gave your parents her reasons for not wanting kids.
If your parents are bugging you, that’s on them, not Sadie. She didn’t ‘throw you under the bus’, she answered the question they asked her, honestly, about her reasons.
It didn’t have anything to do with you at all.
If your parents are making the assumption that her reasons are also yours, that’s on them.
Repeat what you’ve told them before. ‘Nothing’s changed, I’ve been clear for years that I don’t want children, it has nothing to do with being ‘selfish’, and everything to do with the fact that I strongly believe that it is inappropriate to bring children into the world unless you actively want them, I haven’t ever felt that desire, and it would be cruel to deliberately create an unwanted child.’
If they raise the things Sadie said then say something like ‘Those are Sadie’s views, not mine. She and I are two different people with 2 different sets of reasons for our choices. I’m neither lazy nor selfish, but it would be incredibly selfish for me to have a child just because you want to be a grandparent, knowing that I couldn’t give them the love and care they deserve.
I’m not prepared to discuss this any further. If you want to discuss it with Sadie that’s up to you, but we are both grown adults and entitled to make the choices we feel are appropriate for us’.
Ideally, you’d also add ‘and it’s not selfish of Sadie to have decided that she doesn’t want children.
It’s very sensible for her to chose not to go down that route if she feels that she might resent the child’.
I think you owe Sadie an apology, and really, you’d do better to cooperate with each other to help shut down this line of complaints or comments from your parents as soon as it starts rather than turning on each other.
A blanket ‘We’ve both told you our choices, this isn’t up for discussion anymore’.” ProfessorYaffle1
11. WIBTJ If I Try To Get Sole Custody Of My Daughter?
“I (40F) have a daughter (13F) who I have 50:50 shared custody with my ex (45M). I live alone and never remarried and he has a new wife.
The reason my ex and I split up was while we were both not religious when we dated and both had Muslim ancestry, after we got married, he started believing again and wanted me and my daughter to do the same.
We did for many years but then, eventually, I realized I was just pretending and hated that life. I told him and filed for divorce and he got really angry. The custody was split and I had to pay child support as I made a lot more than him.
It has been 3 years and when my daughter lives with him, he makes her wear an abaya and hijab, including at school and tries to convince her to believe. She says that he shouts at her if she ever questions it or expresses that she does not want to.
I have always told my daughter that it is her choice and she can choose to believe or not but did tell her that I do not believe and think that these practices are sexist. My daughter chose to also stop believing and my ex blames me and said I brainwashed her since she used to believe when we were together.
My daughter cries every time the last day she has to spend with me in the week arrives. She says she has to do their housework there.
I am thinking of seeing a lawyer to see if I can get full custody and stop the child support and thinking of asking my daughter to secretly record him with a small dictaphone when he gets angry.
However, I do feel like this might be a step too far and make me a jerk as he might want to see his child. His new wife is pregnant though and he will have another child soon.
WIBTJ if I try to prevent him from seeing his child?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for trying to protect your child and getting full custody but you shouldn’t ask your daughter to record him. Her word alone should hold a lot of weight in front of a judge, you don’t need footage of it.
especially if she is really this adamant about not wanting to go there, given her age, they should be more inclined to let her decide what she wants. please don’t try to force her into an uncomfortable position where she could get treated worse if he found out she was secretly recording him.” aflyonthewallll
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
I think a change in custody is reasonable. Your daughter can spend the majority of their time with you. But realistically anyone who has shared 50/50 time with their child up until now will still want to see their child at some point.
You need a new proposed custody schedule. It can be every other weekend, one weekend a month, or whatever. It can maybe just be scheduled FaceTime. But if you try to ‘prevent’ him from seeing his child at all, that would make you the jerk, in my opinion.
You also implied that he might not care to see your daughter anymore because he’s having a new baby. I don’t think that you should be banking on that.
Also don’t involve your daughter by getting her to record. If you guys end up in court, she is probably old enough to make her wishes known.
That’s enough involvement.” DeepPossession8916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are doing things in the wrong order. The first thing you should do is file a complaint for domestic violence against your ex-partner. Additionally, take your daughter to a psychologist and have him evaluate her.
After that, start a process to take custody of the recordings are moderately useless because the expectation of privacy would prevent them from being taken as evidence, in addition to the fact that as the ordering party, recording it would be understood as planted or manipulated evidence now the reality is the concept of violence and parenting as defined by the court in your state because if He does not understand these acts as violence because you are wasting your time.” CowObjective
10. AITJ For Blaming My Sister For Our Parents' Divorce?
“About a month ago, my (24, M) parents (55 F, 57 M) announced they were getting divorced. This has been quite a shock to most people as they seemed to be having to issues out of the ordinary.
However, I have been the one privy to the information of why they are divorcing.
It’s because of my sister ‘Anne’ (26 F). Anne is a deadbeat. She has never worked more than 14 hours a week since getting expelled from college for multiple acts of dishonesty and code of conduct violations 5 years ago.
All she does is sit at home most days watching TV or going over to her loser partner’s house to get high. She feels no need to support herself and expects my parents to carry her through life. She’s been in therapy since she was 14 but cannot keep one for more than a year because she gets dropped as a client due to her lying and inability to show up to appointments.
My parents have spent over a decade trying to get some mental issue pinned down for Anne and all they’ve gotten is she’s just a lazy narcissist.
Last year my Mom decided enough was enough and planned to kick Anne to the curb and wash her hands off her.
Dad disagreed, and in the end, the two’s marriage got torn apart. I know because both have come to me basically admitting that if Anne was not a factor divorce would not even be a consideration.
I don’t get along with Anne for a variety of reasons.
She has always been a bully and owes me a large sum of money at the moment. The thing that boils my b***d though is that she’s oblivious to the situation between our parents, or just doesn’t care. She had a literal tantrum when the possibility of the house being sold came up because she didn’t want to have to move to an apartment with my dad.
Last night I found myself at my parent’s house and had the misfortune of talking to Anne. Anne mentioned that she’s getting really sick of my mom’s ‘melodramatic nonsense’ and not just leaving the house to her and my dad. Something struck me at that moment and I just asked Anne if she really does not care that she’s such a selfish, garbage, waste of space human that she’s driven her parents to get a divorce.
I elaborated and told her the full truth that she is in fact the only reason they are getting a divorce because Mom’s finally realized that there is no hope Anne will ever grow up.
The chaos this caused was massive. Anne acted as if I sold her out to the Romans and my parents argued between ‘she deserves to know’ and ‘we told you that in confidence.’ Because Anne cannot keep her mouth shut either, the entire extended family has begun to hear too.
I want to know before opinions start forming outside the inner circle if I am the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! Truth hurt? Sometimes the truth is the only thing that will snap a person out of it. She needs to stop being a leech, I get where your dad is coming from, as a daddy’s girl myself I know my dad would’ve probably been the same way as parents we do EVERYTHING in our power to love, protect, and support our children and a lot of times the line between that and straight up enabling gets blurred. And I get where your mom is coming from clearly pushing your sister out on her butt and forcing her to grow up is the only solution left that has hope.
I can see where this caused their split but yeah your sister needed to know. Your extended family’s opinion doesn’t really matter either if they aren’t stepping in with solutions they don’t matter. Coddling her is how it got this bad, continuing to do so is just ridiculous.” Harleevivi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but she probably doesn’t care. She cares that people judge her for it but not enough to not ruin your parents’ lives.
Your mother has reached the ‘Anne has to hit rock bottom’ realization and your father is willing to spend the rest of his life supporting and minding her.
He is 57 – What’s going to happen when he gets ill? Anne isn’t going to care and your mother will hopefully have built a new life full of positive retirement plans.
Your father, because he loves her, is willing to be dragged down the road to poverty and emotional exhaustion by her.
Your mother has worked and she is entitled to comfort and security in her old age (she is still young but most of her earning has been done by now)
I’m sorry that your father is such a sweet person that he is volunteering for this.” Fancy_Avocado7497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Your sister sounds exactly like a narcissist and likely will never be able to learn or deal with that fact. Your father has chosen to enable her and that it’s a deal breaker for Mom. Your sister has refused to even take therapy seriously and may have used her narcissistic traits to attempt to manipulate the therapists.
That could be a big reason as to why she keeps getting dropped as a client. I have seen that happen in my mental health workplace. She likely will never ever change.
Pathological narcissists are incapable of doing so even in an inpatient clinical setting.
The best they can do is be made aware of their tendencies and behaviors and will only course correct if they realize that it’s in their best interest but that’s so rare of a case that my clinical department director has only seen a pathological narc change behavior once in his 30-year career that was beneficial to his loved ones and not only the narc.” fliccolo
9. AITJ For Not Giving A Refund?
“In December 2021 I sold a guitar amp to a buyer on an online marketplace. The buyer came to my house where I offered to let him test it, but he declined. He was excited to buy the amp because he’d been looking for that model, and I was happy to sell it to him because of how excited he was.
In February 2023, 14 months after I sold him the amp, the buyer contacted me with this message:
‘Hello —-, you sold me an amplifier that does not work for $350. I’m requesting 100 dollars of my money back due to extensive repair bills. I trusted you and did not test the amp when I picked it up.
The electronics tech has said that there is no way it was possibly in working order (due to internal missing parts) when I purchased it. I’m paying an additional $300 to get it in working order. I feel like this is a reasonable resolution.’
I responded that the amp was working when I sold it to him and that I would have refunded his money had he let me know it wasn’t working at the time. When I asked why he was just now asking for a refund after over a year, his response was ‘I never used it.’ After some back and forth he finally said he was going to report me and review me, and I told him to do that if that’s what gives him closure.
He went on to tell me that his suggestion ‘was a reasonable suggestion. Clearly, you’re not a reasonable guy. I’m sure it will come back your way.’ He did indeed leave me a 1-star review on the online marketplace to which I have not yet responded.
I feel bad for him that he has a broken amp, but I have no way of knowing what happened to the amp in the 14 months since I sold it or the legitimacy of his amp tech. I understand requesting a refund for a short amount of time after purchase even if there isn’t an explicitly agreed-upon guarantee, but after over a year, it seems reasonable for me to decline a refund.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like a low-budget scam attempt. Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt, there is no way to tell what happened to it in over a year (if parts were really missing, did anyone else have access to it?).
I would respond to the 1-star rating with the truth. ‘Sold this guy a working amp in 2021. He had it for over a year without a single complaint, now claims it doesn’t work, and wants money. Not sure what his problem is, but even the manufacturer doesn’t warranty these for that long when they’re new’.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely sounds like he was trying to run you for some money. What’s funny is if he says, tried to sue you, you have a text message proof where he outed himself on buying it without testing it. That’s on him.
I suppose if you want to be extra safe going forward you could make it a policy to always demonstrate the item works and that you will not sell it without that demonstration but honestly, I don’t think it would’ve mattered here. He would’ve found another reason like a clearly faulty part that was ready to go at any minute when you sold it to him or something.” Elismom1313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The responsibility for this one lies completely with him.
Anything bought used is bought at the buyer’s risk. It is up to them to do the appropriate checks and testing before they hand over the money. As soon as it is out of your hands you no longer have any knowledge of how that item is being treated, or whether the fault they are claiming is genuine, a problem they have caused, or an attempt to scam you.
Stores may offer refund guarantees and warranties, but they also have the benefit of larger sales volumes to absorb some losses, manufacturer support, and higher selling prices and profit margins.
In this case, his request is even more idiotic. If he had tested it when he got home and found a problem then some could argue for consideration, but leaving it for over a year is absurd and just complete laziness and irresponsibility on his part.” nrsys
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Family Anymore?
“I (21/F) am the eldest daughter to a family of 4.
My mother is a single mom who is currently working abroad to provide for us. I work from home and I help with paying bills, paying rent, and with the living expenses of me and my siblings.
I don’t earn much but I know I am expected to help the family since I earn money now, and I hate doing it so much.
I and my mother used to have issues but over the years, we kind of just got tired and tried to get along (or at least keep things civil). Now that I’m helping with stuff, she spams me these long messages about how she’s so proud of me for being so responsible and strong and supportive and being there for my siblings.
I hate it when she does that. It doesn’t feel good, and it doesn’t feel flattering. I hate being patronized. I’m none of those things at all. It makes me mad whenever she sends these long paragraphs of how proud she is of me now when she never showed the same energy when I was a kid.
I didn’t want to be ‘responsible, strong, responsible’ and whatever nonsense she says. I always felt like I was forced to be those things because I was expected to do so as the eldest (I come from a Filipino household – if you know, you know).
I want to be selfish and do whatever I want with my hard-earned money, for myself and only myself. I know they’re my family, but genuinely I just want to live for myself and stop putting others first.
I’m tired of it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You absolutely should live your own life. Particularly since it seems you’re the default caretaker. And that responsibility will be dumped on you for a very long time.
I can easily see you being roped into caring for any babies they might have. So it will be never-ending.
This is why your jerk mom sends you such long texts, to try to keep you from leaving.
However, make sure you’re making enough money to live on your own before you move out.
And expect a ton of blowback from your mom. But her kids are absolutely her responsibility, not yours.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“I think this is probably a ‘no jerks here’.
It’s fine to want to be selfish. I think that’s how 99+% of the population feels inside their heads. We’d all deep down much rather do what we feel like than sacrifice ourselves for the good of others.
But your Mom isn’t technically patronizing you either. She doesn’t see inside your head. She sees what you do, and what you do is pretty impressive. You’ve stepped up remarkably.
Now without knowing the lady I can’t say whether her praise is actually trying to manipulate you into continuing to do what you’re doing, or whether it’s sincere gratitude and appreciation.
If it’s the first that’d convert this into an NTJ. But her statements at face value are true.” Ok-Insurance-1829
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should be out having fun, living the life of a 20-something not taking care of children that you didn’t choose to have.
Your mother is the parent of these kids, not you. Your best bet is to tell your mother that she needs to come to get these children and you need to find a place of your own, be it at a friend’s house, a family member’s house, or find someone looking for a roommate.
If you don’t get out now you will be forever in the role of a foster mom.
I am sure your siblings have used that ‘you aren’t my mom’ excuse on you for rules that you try to enforce. I’m not going to lie, being an adult does suck but at least your bills are your own and the only person you are responsible for is yourself.
I can’t imagine having left my children behind, even for work. My babies moved wherever I moved until they grew up, and moved out on their own. You are too young to be carrying someone else’s burdens like that. You are going to have to be your own motivation for change and you need to stand up for yourself and tell your mother that these are her children and therefore her responsibility!” NCHAIRSTYLIST77
7. AITJ For Going On A Trip While My Wife Is Going Through Something?
“My wife is going through a hard time at work (she’s a doctor that works as an associate at a few practices) and is working on buying a medical practice of her own. It’s not going well, as the bank is giving her a lot of grief over the loan, and yesterday she found out it might not be possible at all.
She’s been depressed lately and this is one more thing on top.
Meanwhile, I’ve been planning a four-day flying trip with a pilot friend and his SO for a few weeks now. My wife won’t join because she hates flying/fears small planes, and her demanding work schedule wouldn’t allow it anyway.
I don’t get to do long trips like this often (once every 2-4 years) and I’m excited about the trip. Flying is a core lifelong hobby for me.
I’m supposed to leave later today on my trip, but my wife is making me feel terrible for going, a combination of accusing me of not being supportive for not being here during such a difficult time plus subjecting her to worry all weekend because I’m flying.
AITJ for not wanting to bail last minute on my friend and our trip? He would still go on the trip without me, but both of us would be sad, and I’m sure it wouldn’t lead to more future invitations.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it doesn’t sound like you go away a lot. She was invited and is choosing not to go. They’re always going to be struggles in life, we can’t stop doing everything else just to focus on the negative. Sometimes getting away from the problems and clearing your head is what is best. It’s too bad that she won’t go but maybe she can go somewhere with a friend of hers, maybe a girl’s weekend at the spa or something she enjoys.” OutlandishnessNew259
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Does she expect you to not spend any time with your friends the whole time this is going on? Because it could be a while.
Also, she shouldn’t be making you feel bad about going when you’ve invited her but she won’t go.
This may seem insensitive but her issue is a hurdle. Yes, it’s stressful, but nobody died, nobody’s in the hospital (except her patients), nobody is losing their home, and no other life-shattering events are going on.
She should be making the effort to take her mind off all this stress by going on vacation herself.” Gabbz737
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I say this as someone who has battled on and off with depression for years since my teens. Yes, it sucks for your wife right now, but this does not seem like it’s going to be a quick fix – who knows how long the bank will take to get their crap in order and your wife gets a proper answer.
It is toxic of her, or anyone, to expect others to put their life on hold entirely for them. I don’t think there are any jerks here, and it’s just your wife’s low mood talking. But if she’s purposefully trying to make you feel bad about it so you don’t go, then that makes her more of a jerk here.” Chupa97
Her worrying isn't your problem either. That's a her problem.
6. AITJ For Uninviting My Fiancé's Ex's Sister From Our Wedding?
“My (25F) now-husband (24M) has an ex that had been talking behind his back even though to his face she said they were good.
He was initially quite hurt when he first heard about it because he honestly thought they were on good terms after the breakup but I guess not.
Note that she was the one who broke up with him and she was also the one who started seeing someone new first.
Now on to the sister of the ex. I was friends with his ex’s sister before I had even met him (but not the ex).
We weren’t best friends but we were close enough that we would see each other in group settings regularly and catch up one on one occasionally.
Before I and my husband dated, this friend? never ever once mentioned her sister to me, ever. I only knew she had a sister from another mutual friend who knew her.
Now, as soon as I told her I and my husband were together she started bringing her sister into every small thing even though I did not ask.
Examples: I showed her my new car and she decided she needed to tell me her sister recently bought a Prius.
When I shared with her the financial struggles of the job I was in she responded with ‘My sister makes so much money she doesn’t even know what to do with it’.
When I invited her into my home and we were talking about house decor, she decided she needed to bring up about how her sister only wants fabulous things in her home.
It’s just every little thing is brought back to her sister which I find extremely odd because before I told her I and my husband were together she never once mentioned she even had a sister.
Considering this friend’s real sus change in behavior and how horrible her sister has been towards my husband post-breakup I did not want her to be at the wedding because I don’t know what they were saying behind our back and I don’t want anyone at our wedding that says bad things about my husband or makes him uncomfortable – it’s just not necessary.
So I confronted her about the change in behavior I had noticed and also about her sister talking trash behind our back. She then started crying, saying how she didn’t even realize she’s been bringing her sister up and felt like this was between me and her sister.
But there was a lot of crying and so not a lot was clarified in that conversation.
I struggle to believe her in all honesty because there are just too many ‘coincidences’ and from what I know about her family it just makes her intentions real sus and I don’t even know if she was ever a real friend from the start.
I left the ball in her court because I’m honestly getting too old for this stuff that if she wants to reach out she can, but if not that is okay too. But I just want to know, from what I shared, AITJ for even considering uninviting her from the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think you are making a big deal out of something that does not have to be a big deal.
She seems like more of a casual acquaintance than a good friend, so you can easily put some distance between the two of you going forward, and you don’t have to invite her to the wedding.
If you invite her to the wedding, you can be sure she will be taking photos and video and reporting back to her sister with snarky comments.” newfriend836639
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like ex and sis knew who you were and were trying to show your husband in some weird way that his ex was doing much better without him
Other than that, I can’t imagine what their thought process was and what they were trying to achieve.
Keep both from the wedding.” Intrepid-Database-15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding. Do what you think will be least likely to cause drama or make it a less fun day for you and your husband.
But just be prepared if you have the same group of friends that not inviting her could cause a rift in the group and some people might get upset at you about it.” Ok-Amphibian-9422
5. AITJ For Not Sharing My Inheritance With My Aunts?
“I (25F) recently lost my mother to cancer.
I and my brother (35M) are her only children. For the past 7 years, I’ve been staying in an apartment my mother bought. She always told me that when she died, she wanted me to have it because she worked so hard to ensure I always had somewhere to live.
So when she died, she left me the apartment in the will. My brother has no issue with this, he makes more than enough of his own money and actually owns an apartment in the same building.
However, my aunts (A and B) have an issue with this.
A has had money issues for as long as I’ve known her and my mother was always helping her out with money when she was alive. B is financially stable, but in no position to help A. They both think that since I make enough money to be able to rent a place, I should let A stay in the apartment and rent my own because that’s what my mother would have wanted.
I said no, stating that my mother wanted me to have a place of my own. I am currently saving all the money I would have used on rent and intend to buy my own house when I have enough saved.
When I said no, they then suggested that I should share some of the money my mother left me with them.
She had two life insurance policies, both of which went only to my brother and me. She also left us the house and her car. Basically, everything was split between my brother and me, and no one else got anything. My aunts feel that this was wrong and that they, especially A, deserve some of the money.
My brother blocked them all on platforms when they asked this of him and suggests I do the same, but I feel guilty about cutting off my family.
But I also feel strongly that if my mother wanted them to get money, she would have left them something.
But she didn’t. She chose to leave EVERYTHING to my brother and me. My aunts are saying that my mother did that because she assumed we would share. But I knew my mother. She would have told me if she wanted me to do that.
All she said was that she wanted to die knowing that I and my brother would be able to support ourselves.
So, AITJ for not giving money to A or allowing A to stay in my apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems pretty clear what your mother wanted. If you want to help your aunts out, you can.
If not, you’re not under any obligation beyond the obligation you felt before your mother passed.
Your aunts seem like they’re trying to dismiss your mother’s wishes. It seems pretty clear why they’re doing that. Your brother is right to block them, although you’re not obliged to.
But they’re clearly interested in nothing more than a payday.
My concern is that this seems straightforward. Your choice to post it here tells me you feel insecure about this decision. Why is that?” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom made wise choices with her money and invested in an apartment.
That is an amazing thing to do for you. Plus life insurance to ensure you were taken care of. Your mom loved you very much and wanted these things for you. When you buy life insurance, you have the option to split the money between several beneficiaries and you can change the choices anytime.
So it’s clear your mom never meant for them to have any of it. Keep all your property and money and build the best life your mom wanted for you. Don’t let them know what you have, say you blew it on a bad investment.” TemporaryMeringue714
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t even know where to start honestly. The fact that A and B are coming at you for something your own mother gave you and your brother is just ridiculous. Your mom gave you and your brother that stuff. If she wanted it to go to her sister’s, she would have done that.
It sucks, money can be a blessing but it can be a family ender. I know from first-hand experience. My dad went through it with his brothers and it’s starting to happen with my siblings.
You need to look out for yourself. I would confront your aunts and say if they can’t respect your decision to follow your mother’s will, you will cut them out too.
It’s gonna hurt but boundaries are going to be important in this situation.” LetIt_BeKnown
4. AITJ For Telling My Significant Other's Dad A Fake Story?
“My SO left home on his eighteenth birthday after a big fight with his dad. He tried to reach out after that, but his dad completely ignored him and wanted nothing to do with him. My SO was really depressed about it, but he eventually got over it.
I remember one night we all got wasted (we were apartment sharing with friends) and he told us that he was dead to his father, and that stuck with me.
Yesterday, he just showed up, my SO’s dad, that is. I and one of our roommates were the only people home.
I answered the door, but I didn’t let him in. He said he wanted to talk to his son and I said ‘Oh, your dead son?’ He must not have remembered or understood the reference, because he went completely pale and asked how/when he died. He looked almost as upset as my SO had been, so I decided to let him stew in it.
I told him a fake story. He looked like he was going to throw up, and he asked if he could come in and have some water. I reluctantly let him, because he seemed very ill. Once inside, my roommate saw us and asked what was going on.
My SO’s dad asked if he knew his son, and my roommate was super confused and it quickly came out that my SO wasn’t actually dead.
My SO’s dad was furious. He said I was a sick person with a hateful heart. I told him he said his son was dead to him, so why would he even care?
He said he made a mistake in a moment of anger, but I made a cold-blooded decision. My roommate also said that what I did was messed up.
I went to our room and called my SO, who said to make sure his dad left before he came home, which I did, and he did, reluctantly.
I didn’t tell my SO about the dead thing, just that he showed up and seemed to regret things. My SO is shocked by his dad just showing up and I don’t want to pile more on. My roommate said I was a huge jerk because ‘no one deserves that,’ but I’m not sure.
He did look so sick, but part of me thinks he brought it all upon himself. I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. No matter what your SO said to you in a moment of anger, that doesn’t mean you involve yourself in his relationship with his dad.
You purposely made up a wild story about his child being DEAD. You didn’t tell your SO about it because you knew it makes you sound completely psychotic. Regardless of what happens between your SO and his dad, I suggest you get therapy.” claireclairey
Another User Comments:
“You were almost fine just saying ‘your dead son’ but then you crashed into jerk zone and made up some ridiculous story about how your SO died. You need to tell your SO what you did, if he does decide to reach out to his dad again and rebuild that relationship you have effectively nuked any good feeling they could have for you.
All you had to do was say ‘He’s not in, your free to leave a message, and if your son wants to contact you then he will’ close the door and leave it up to your SO. I get wanting to ‘let him stew’ for the upset he cause your SO but this was too far.
YTJ but so is the dad for telling his son he was dead to him.” ComparisonSuper9492
Another User Comments:
“YTJ totally here.
This is 100% correct:
‘He said he made a mistake in a moment of anger, but I made a cold-blooded decision. My roommate also said that what I did was messed up.’
You were cruel and heartless. They had a huge blowup and perhaps the relationship is over, but you never know if they can eventually repair it, perhaps the dad was coming to apologize (now or even later) and make amends and you just stomped all over it, first potentially forever having him think his son was gone and then by lying to him about being dead.
You should have just stayed out of it and only said your SO doesn’t want to talk to him and then let your SO handle how he takes it from there.
He needs to know the truth of what happened here and you need to apologize to both him AND his dad.
I hope your SO makes you an ex shortly for this.” KarmaWillGetYa
3. AITJ For Throwing My Dad's Plate Of Food Into The Trash Can?
“I’m 24F and currently living at my dad’s house full-time (I got laid off a month ago).
He’s been generous and letting me stay here rent-free which of course I appreciate so I’ve been trying to help out like for example with cooking.
I have never cooked before. I had dining hall food throughout college and then once I graduated my former work used to give us breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
So I’ve been learning how to cook and have been liking it so far. I’m proud of the progress I’ve been making.
This evening today my dad was being (in my opinion) annoying and rude. He came downstairs where I had finished preparing a meal for him, my little sister, and me.
I was dishing out the food onto the plates when he came up to the food and started making stupid jokes ribbing me about being an adult but having to learn how to cook basic meals and that I still don’t know how to season food properly yet.
He’s often a joking guy but I still felt very irritated by his remarks. I felt like I was doing him a favor by cooking and instead of appreciating it, he was insulting me and the food I made. Like whaaat?
Maybe I overreacted but I threw his full plate of food into the trashcan (my sister had come downstairs by this point) and kind of told him off.
I called him a pain in the butt and said he doesn’t deserve to eat the food I made, only my sister and I are eating this. And that we both can’t wait to move out of his house and he’ll have to eat his meals all alone by himself.
My dad stormed out. Then later wrote me a long text saying my reaction was totally disrespectful and hurtful. From my point of view, he was the one who initiated and escalated this conflict by making these remarks in the first place.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here: it was rude and silly of him. But your reaction was also not appropriate. Also, unfortunately, when you get a free space to live, it comes with a degree of flack in exchange. However, really it is a failure on his part to have never taught you to cook.
It is sad that he, instead of encouraging you and appreciating your attempt, he trashed it.
Please don’t stop trying and learning to cook. It is an empowering skill to learn.” valk-n-chips
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I understand his sense of humor might not be appropriate for your sensitivity.
My guess is you were trying to do something nice yet he was not being appreciative.
HOWEVER, there are ways to communicate better than throwing his food away. (1) it’s a waste. (2) you are living under his roof for free.
You can start by communicating how the remarks made you feel; why he made such remarks; how you would have preferred him to approach the situation.” OkMongoose3422
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I don’t blame your dad for criticizing you, but he should have done it in a positive constructive way in order to help you improve your cooking.
You on the other hand need to work on anger management.
You went and said a bunch of stuff that went beyond the scope of your original issue which was the food and then on top of that, went to physically take back the food you gave already and throw it away. That’s horribly disrespectful and rude.
Between the 2 of you though, you’re the bigger jerk though. Grow up.” Bunnnykins
2. AITJ For Having A Child-Free Wedding?
“My wedding is coming up towards the end of the year. We don’t want noisy kids running around the place and also monetary reasons, I and my fiance decided that our wedding will be for 13 and up.
One of my (34F) sisters ‘Tammy’ (38F) has 3 kids (16F, 9M, 7F).
My 16-year-old niece is invited, but the 9-year-old and 7-year-old aren’t.
Tammy didn’t take this well and pretty much went off at me. We do have one exception to this, my FBIL’s son who’s 11 (12 at the wedding). Tammy tried using that as an ‘example’ and also said her 16-year-old is invited, but I told her that’s because she’s over 13 and my niece is too.
She did seem to understand and calmed down, but recently told me she won’t be coming because of this. On top of that, my niece is also saying she won’t come because it’s ‘unfair’.
I and Tammy had a huge argument over this and I told her to stop being selfish, my guest list is my guest list and she’s acting like she’s doing the world a huge favor.
She got really upset with me and we haven’t talked since then. I didn’t apologize to her.
My other sister is telling me I was a jerk for saying that to Tammy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can invite or not invite whoever you want to your wedding but when you choose to invite some members of a family but not others you have no right to get upset or call people selfish if some people choose not to attend because some of their family is not invited. And it is unfair that you are making an exception by inviting your future nephew who is under 13 but not making an exception for your own niece and nephew.
If your wedding is 13 and up no child under the age of 13 should be invited.” Motherlove84
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can invite or not invite whoever you want, it’s your wedding. But you’re not entitled to someone’s attendance, even your sister’s. A lot of people don’t seem to realize that when they make their weddings ‘kid-free’, they also take the risk that guests will children will be unable or unwilling to attend.
This is especially true with family members because often the guest’s regular babysitter is a family member and also attending the wedding.
You sound like the selfish one to me.” Sufficient-Ant6619
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you’re not having a child-free wedding, which if you were you would be completely entitled to do so and your sister would be the jerk if she pushed for exceptions to the rule.
You’re having a ‘not related by blood’-free wedding. So I bet she’s only pushing for exceptions and for dragging the argument out because she knows about the other kid. If you were genuinely having a child-free wedding, and your sister was acting like an entitled mombie, then you’d be justified in your argument.
But that’s not what’s happening here, so you don’t.
Have your wedding whichever way it is because after all, it’s your wedding and you’re paying for it, but you need to re-examine your idea of ‘family’.” NeverCadburys
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Guest Sleep On My Dog's Sleeping Place?
“My best friend’s husband ‘Bob’ (my husband’s close friend) was kicked out of home for being an idiot and asked if he could spend the night at our place.
We have a comfy pull-out sofa in our living room, which is where our dogs sleep. They had separate dog beds in the past, but they hated it so they sleep on the sofa now.
Because of that, I told Bob he can have the air mattress.
He asked if he can sleep on the sofa instead and I told him no because that’s where the dogs sleep. Bob didn’t like it but accepted.
This morning, Bob was complaining about the air mattress deflating during the night and being so uncomfortable he barely slept all night.
(I checked and the mattress was fine.) He also made some sarcastic comments to the dogs and me.
My husband wants us to apologize to Bob for making him sleep on the air mattress. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he disrupted your household, you are doing him – a grown adult – a favor by letting him stay.
He could have shelled out for a hotel or Airbnb and seems like he might have to find his own place for ‘being an idiot’.
If you do someone a favor, they shouldn’t complain about it. It’s very rude. If I’m starving and you invited me to eat a home-cooked meal with you, wouldn’t it be terrible if I complained about your cooking?
Same thing here. It’s your house and you have your routines. You have every right to arrange things however you want, he was an unexpected guest and should be grateful for the accommodation.” Cubanhen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
The circumstances of his stay are irrelevant.
You accepted him into your home and treated him poorly. Your dogs would sleep off of the sofa just fine; if you didn’t want him in your home then you should have told him to get a hotel. You didn’t do that, so you shouldn’t treat him like garbage.
Which you did. And dogs aren’t going to remember not sleeping on the sofa and being treated this way.” SaltyBabySeal
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I think it’s wildly crazy you are putting your dogs’ comfort over that of a person. There’s no reason to delegate him to the floor on an air mattress that most certainly starts to sag and deflate halfway through the night when he could have joined the dogs on the actual bed. Bob sucks cuz anything is better than being homeless but, to be fair, I’d be mad you’d value your dogs over our friendship too and probably be looking for another place to stay.” Local-Study-5576
