People Raise Their Concerns Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
27. AITJ For Feeling Excluded By My Roommate?
“So I (19F) started Uni and moved into student halls and everything was going okay, or so I thought. Each floor had like 8-ish rooms, a communal bathroom, a communal lounge area, and a communal kitchen.
For the first month or so people were just cooking their own food, but word got around that ‘Tom’ (18M) was a pretty good cook, so some of the people on our floor basically came up with the idea that we buy all the food and he cooks a few nights a week.
Also, it was already a tradition that Saturday night was takeout night, so everyone said to make it fairer on Tom that they would pay for his food when we got takeout.
Tom is really shy apparently so it took some convincing, but he eventually agreed. Tom asked for a list of any allergies and stuff, he did take some requests but in general, he just made what he wanted and cooked enough for everyone.
Now just because of certain commitments I had, I was never around for takeout night until last week.
We put our orders in and I got out enough cash for my food ready to give it to the guy who was gonna pay, then they ask for another £1.15, I asked why and he said it was my part of Tom’s food. I said I wasn’t paying for his food since I’m never around for takeout night and it doesn’t seem fair.
He said that I eat what Tom cooks, and I’m flakey when it comes to helping with groceries so it’s really only fair I pay and that it’s not that much. I got upset that he called me flakey and said if it’s ‘not that much’ then Tom should just pay for his own food.
He just gives me my money back, keeping £1.50 of it, saying if I want takeout, to get my own.
I yelled and called him a thief and tried to get campus security involved but they wouldn’t listen to me and let them keep my money since I had agreed to this arrangement at the beginning of the year (I don’t remember agreeing to it but they have texts that say I did).
Now they are excluding me, not cooking for me, giving me dirty looks and I just feel so isolated and excluded. Since this all revolves around Tom I wrote a note saying how I felt and that I thought he was nicer and better than this and slid it under his door. Apparently, Tom has been emotionally on thin ice recently and broke down.
Really? Like you should have a better hold on your emotions at our age.
Now everyone is calling me a jerk and a bunch of the people have decided to stop the cooking agreement for a while because Tom apparently has too much on his plate right now. And some people are also mad that I ‘pushed him over the edge’ and messed up the agreement.
With so many people mad at me, I can’t tell, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Tom cooks for you once a week, but you’re not willing to put in a small amount to pay him back? It makes sense that they aren’t cooking for you anymore, since you weren’t willing to go along with the agreement.
I don’t think you can salvage this either, because you even went ahead and tried to get campus security involved and called him a thief. If I were them, I’d want nothing to do with you.
You’re a big jerk.” KnavishLagorchestes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You not being around for take-out night just means you haven’t been paying Tom anything for his work, despite you agreeing to (you not remembering is irrelevant, they have proof you did).
It’s not a defense, as you think it is. You have been around to eat the food cooked, you just haven’t been around the days that the food was ordered and you had to pay extra for it. He didn’t steal your food either, since he paid for it and returned your money.
And if you don’t want to be called flakey, then change your behavior and pay in time.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
26. AITJ For Telling My Ex's Fiancée That We Have A Son?
“Not many people knew that my ex and I have a son together, especially not people who knew both of us before. The reason is that I left my old life behind after I found out I was pregnant.
I moved to a different country and only kept in touch with one other person who wasn’t family. My ex is also extremely private so wasn’t exactly advertising the fact that we have a son together and both of our families have kept it quiet for their own reasons.
Despite that, my ex visits our son frequently.
He’s engaged to someone who we both used to be friends with. I assumed he would tell her about our son but he never did. She found out he kept visiting and came all this way to confront me. She wanted to know what was going on between us. I told her I thought it was best if she spoke to my ex but she started crying and I think she was having some sort of panic attack because she was in a really bad state.
It was obvious what she was assuming was going on and I felt bad for her so I blurted out the truth; that he comes to visit his son.
At first, she didn’t believe me but when I showed her a picture of them together, she asked if she could meet him. I did agree and briefly let her meet him.
When my ex found out he was furious with me for interfering in his life. He said I had no right to tell her and that he was going to tell her himself eventually. He also said it wasn’t up to me to introduce them and he seemed angrier over that than anything else. She also told others even though I asked her not to and the gossip is spreading like wildfire, so much so that my sister called me to tell me everyone was talking about it which I know both of our families are upset about.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She was standing on your doorstep crying. You did what you could to get her to talk to her partner first. He was lying to her by omission, and if they’re engaged, a child is an insane thing to hide. He is your son and she his future stepmom. They should know each other!” robotcrackle
Another User Comments:
“Going with NTJ
If he’s going to marry her and he can’t figure out a way to explain his visits aren’t an affair without mentioning the kid before he wanted to, and causing her to go overseas just to get the truth, that’s his problem. You were looking out for her mental health when he wasn’t.
The consequences aren’t on you.” BKDOffice
25. AITJ For Sitting On My Husband's Lap At Thanksgiving Dinner At My In-Laws'?
“I (f, 28) have been with my husband ‘Shaun’ (m, 33) for 2 years, married for 5 months. Most of his family are decent people but his mom can be a little passive-aggressive and tends to criticize me a lot. Shaun sees it as ‘her still not getting used to me being around’ but I don’t know, because she treats his ex ‘Julissa’ well.
MIL says that Julissa has been around the family for ages and her past with Shaun never affected her relationship with her. Fine, I never minded her attending every holiday and being around til yesterday.
We had Thanksgiving dinner at my MIL’s house. Shaun went there before me and when I arrived it was already dinner time.
Everyone was seated and I saw that all chairs were taken. I asked MIL why she didn’t save me a seat and she said ‘sorry’ and that one of her granddaughters decided to show up last minute and the chair was taken. I looked at her then at Julissa who was sitting next to Shaun and tried to point out how I was more deserving of her chair since I’m the DIL (I know shouldn’t have said it I know… I know).
MIL flat out said that Julissa is as much FAMILY as me, and that it was rude to imply otherwise. Julissa was nodding confidently while glancing at me.
I was so upset I wanted to leave but decided to just sit on my husband’s lap and act as casually as possible. I sat on his lap asking if he was okay with it (don’t worry I’m petite, he’s strong built), and started eating so casually while smiling and complimenting the food and mentioning to Shaun how warm and comfortable his lap was now and then.
The table went awkwardly silent. BIL would try to break the silence and change the subject but it somehow goes back to being awkward. MIL and Julissa were barely eating and were staring at each other then at me eyes wide open.
Minutes later, Julissa excused herself to the bathroom and so did MIL. It was still awkward but I did my best to focus on dinner.
Shaun was eating as well. Later, there was just so much tension and MIL was barely able to speak after Julissa left (early, like right after dinner). Shaun and I went home and MIL tried calling but then called Shaun and texted me saying what I did was inappropriate and that I ruined Thanksgiving dinner and made it awkward.
She said it wasn’t her fault chairs were taken and I could’ve dragged a chair from the kitchen but acted childishly and made Julissa (and family) uncomfortable with how inappropriate I was.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the whole ordeal could have been avoided had your husband done what he should have done, and given you his seat while he went to fetch another one.
In fact, he should have already had an empty seat beside him waiting for you. I can’t imagine putting my wife in such an awkward situation.” jaxbravesfan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MIL suggests after the fact that OP could have dragged a chair from the kitchen. It was MIL’s job, as host, to do that herself; failure to do so was an obvious attempt to make OP ill at ease.
OP responded delightfully. It was MIL’s fault that it turned out the way it did.” b1lllevansatmariposa
24. AITJ For Blowing Up At Dinner With My Partner's Family Over His Relationship With His Sister?
“I (F26) have been with my partner for nearly 4 years and during our relationship, his sister made it clear that she doesn’t like me and that I am temporary and she will always be my partner’s ‘number one girl’. In the beginning of my relationship, I tried extremely hard to make her like me but she wanted no part of it.
The more time I spent around her and my partner I realized that their relationship is weird. Almost like she has a crush on him. She will laugh extra hard at all his non-funny jokes and grab his bicep while laughing. At family dinners, it’s as if she races me to fix him a plate of food.
I tried to sweep it under the rug, thinking I was overanalyzing it but I couldn’t hold it in anymore so I confronted my partner about this to which he said ‘That’s gross, she’s my sister’ but he doesn’t shut her down when she starts her flirtatious antics.
Gladly when the global crisis began we saw so little of her that I forgot that the dynamic between them even existed. Until Christmas Dinner last year at their family home.
My partner and his sister were sitting directly across from one another and his sister said the chicken she cooked tasted so good and she wanted my partner to taste it so she cut a piece onto her fork and leaned over the dinner table and my partner leaned over and, with his mouth, took a bite of the chicken while he had some on his plate.
At that moment I stood up and blew up at her for being disgusting and then I stormed off to the bathroom.
When my partner and I got home we got into a massive argument and he told me how immature I acted, how I ruined the atmosphere of the Christmas dinner with my ‘childish outbursts’ and that I embarrassed him in front of his whole family and that I owe his sister and whole an apology but I refused. I think I’m the jerk because maybe I should have handled it better but I reacted in the moment where I was being disrespected.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for causing drama at the Christmas dinner table.
BUT NTJ and YTJ are not the big issues here.
The big issue is you are in a relationship where you are jealous of a non-removable part of your partner’s life… his sister. There may or may not be some weird emotional i********s dynamic between them… she may even (god forbid) be attracted to her brother but ultimately it doesn’t matter because he thinks his relationship with her is OK and normal and he is highly unlikely to give her up for you.
If he does give her up to make you happy he will most likely end up resenting you for it. She hates you and it’s not going to change and she will constantly be competing with you for him. Do you want to be doing this in 20 years?
The global crisis has given you two bubbled years but fingers crossed we are coming out of the global crisis now and this problem clearly hasn’t and isn’t going away… You probably need to move and find someone who doesn’t have this dynamic with his sibling for your sake.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here because of how you blew up but you are extremely right in thinking this is weird… it is. I’d leave him. This behavior is obviously not going away anytime soon, do you really want to be miserable when you don’t need to? I can’t imagine telling my brother’s partner I’m his number 1.
I’ve always tried to be nice and welcoming because that’s what family is supposed to do. She probably does have a little hero crush on him or something.” Books2day
23. AITJ For Making My Partner Pay For The Makeup His 2-Year-Old Daughter Destroyed?
“My (30f) partner (33m) has a 2-year-old daughter who I absolutely love to death. I’m definitely in mom mode with her since she lives with us most of the time.
This morning she, yet again, got into my makeup and completely destroyed my Jeffree Star eyeshadow palettes. This has to be the millionth time she gets into it and destroys it and it’s finally at the point of no return.
I had to throw out 4 palettes worth a little over $200. He doesn’t think he should have to buy me new palettes because he thinks I should have put them up out of her reach. My counterargument is that they have a specific place where they go and he needs to just teach her to not be getting things that are not hers.
With his logic, we would have to put everything out of her reach and that’s physically impossible. She’s at the age where she needs to start learning not to be touching things that are not hers. He says that because I refuse to put them up out of her reach it’s my own fault and he shouldn’t have to buy me new ones.
We’re not exactly in the best financial situation at the moment and $200 for makeup is ridiculous but I feel like it’s the principle.
My daughter is 7 years old and I’ve had makeup her entire life. I had to teach her to not touch things that were not hers. And that’s because my daughter loves makeup too and I’m pretty sure if I ask her to bring me anything that the baby has destroyed of hers she has quite a few things as well.
And my daughter doesn’t have cheap makeup she also has Jeffree Star cosmetics because she takes care of her things. She’s been getting very frustrated with having a little sister because of how destructive she is and my daughter has a lot of things. I feel like we just need to teach her to not grab things that are not hers.
AITJ for wanting him to replace the makeup she destroyed?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s two. Have you completely forgotten what your daughter was like at two? Two is an age for childproofing, not saying ‘Don’t touch that’. Move your makeup and stop expecting a two-year-old to do things she’s literally not developmentally capable of doing.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you have a 2-year-old living in your house. A toddler breaks things, is curious, pushes boundaries and you can correct a toddler 2000 times for the same thing. She’s touched your makeup several times and you still haven’t put your makeup somewhere she can’t reach? You are very stubborn. Your partner is right in saying to put your things away where the 2-year-old can’t reach them.” Competitive_Lime_852
22. AITJ For Wanting To Set Financial Boundaries With My Friend?
“My closest friend (24F) and I (26F) are practically like sisters and I would do anything for her. When she asked me to pay for her nails I was happy to do so. However, she asked me for 300 euros and I started to get a little bit suspicious.
Where we are from, nails cost 10 euros at a normal salon and up to 20 euros if you go to an extremely expensive place (there are maybe 2 in the entire city).
It is a very cheap country and I know for a fact that nails would never cost 300e, because I get mine done twice a month in an expensive (relative to the country) salon for 20 euros. I asked her why she needed so much and she said ‘Oh I’m just not sure how much it will be’ despite going every month.
She has 5k in savings that she doesn’t want to touch (fair) and gets paid at the end of the month.
I kind of sucked it up and told her no worries, I would it send by the end of the day. As the day went on, I started to feel a little bit uncomfortable so reminded her that nails are only 20e.
She then said, ‘Well yes, but I want a little bit extra to go out with friends till the end of the month.’ This upset me. I have a lot of savings and a steady paycheck, but I don’t like that she neglected to tell me that she also wanted spending money. If she had told me this from the beginning, I would be happy to give her some with no expectation of being paid back (she makes very little compared to me).
She lives with her parents and they still give her money when she asks for it, which is also why I am a little bit annoyed. I told her that I wouldn’t be giving her any money anymore, since a true friend wouldn’t lie to me. She said that I was overreacting and I should have deduced myself that she also needed funds for going out, even though I specifically asked before.
The more I think about it, the more I think that maybe I was just overreacting. Maybe I should have just given her the money. After all, she is a very close friend and she clearly needed it, I may have just been bitter because of past experiences (a lot of people have stolen from me, exes, friends from work, etc….) so I could have been taking it out on her.
I am split between wanting to set boundaries with people so I don’t get financially used again and then thinking that maybe I am overreacting and taking out my issues on my friend.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s taking you for a ride. She’s leeching off you. She has her own money, so why should you give her money for ‘fun’?
She’s not your spouse, significant other, or child. She’s not your responsibility. I would recommend cutting her off, to be honest.
You could offer to book and pay for an appointment at your salon and say ‘I’m sorry, I don’t have the capacity to fund your lifestyle.'” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not at all clear to me that your friend ‘really needed’ money from you to get her nails done and have fun.
You are not overreacting and my suggestion is you really work on setting those boundaries about (not) giving away your income.” lonnielee3
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex-Wife Bring My Son Over?
“My ex-wife and I got divorced (one of the reasons is that she was (still is) married to her job and not me) 3 years ago. We have fifty-fifty custody of our 4-year-old son.
I met my current partner almost 2 years ago and we’re planning on getting engaged at the end of 2022. My partner adores my son and likes to spend time with him, She’d even let my ex drop my son off at our place because of ‘work’ (she’s a nurse).
This occurred several times and although my partner never complained, I just couldn’t help but feel that my ex was taking advantage of my partner’s good nature and basically messing up our custody agreement.
The other day my partner and I were home. My ex-wife called her asking if she could drop my son off for a few hours, my ex-wife was on speaker when she was speaking to my partner on the phone so I heard from a distance.
I took the phone right before my partner could say yes and firmly told my ex-wife ‘no’, and to stop taking advantage of my partner. She kept on about how she needed to cover this emergency shift right then and couldn’t find a replacement on such short notice. I said it wasn’t mine and my partner’s fault and that she should be ashamed of herself for using my partner like that.
My partner kept staring as my ex said that she wasn’t using her since she’s my son’s future stepmom, I said ‘Well, that doesn’t make her your personal babysitter, for Pete’s sake’ but she said it’s between her and my partner. My partner told me to let my ex-wife bring my son over but if I let it happen AGAIN this will set a precedent for my ex-wife to pull similar stunts in the future.
My ex-wife begged but I told her to get a babysitter. She said something about not finding one but I hung up and handed the phone back to my partner.
My partner looked upset with me and said that none of what I did was called for and that I should’ve let my ex-wife bring my son over.
I asked if she was fine with being used as a babysitter and she said that spending time with my son is not like babysitting. I let her know that always saying yes and not setting boundaries won’t do her any good. She got more upset and said that I blew this out of proportion and ruined some great time with my son.
She went upstairs and acted hurt by how I handled this situation. Though, I thought that I was helping her stand up for herself and set boundaries with those who try to take advantage of her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Go and be a parent. I get so angry with this kind of nonsense.
You have a four-year-old son. Who would you rather have your son be with? His mum, dad, and one of their respective partners? Or a babysitter. Your ex-wife doesn’t need you, your son does. Maintain a good relationship with his mother, that will 100% benefit your son. This is not about you or your ex-wife working her butt off as a nurse in a global crisis.
This is about two people who loved each other enough to create a tiny human being and now you are being petty over his care. Partners who stay together during these years also fill in for each other every now and then. You are still parents. Together. A mum and a dad.
Be the dad.
Step up when your child needs you.” Pergamon_
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, YTJ here. You created a problem when there wasn’t one. If your partner genuinely enjoys spending time with your son, and especially if your ex is not only okay with this but encouraging it, I can’t imagine a better situation for you. Do you have any idea how many exes make the lives of step-parents miserable out of pure spite?
Do I think your ex is taking advantage of your partner, yes. But any extra time you have to spend with your son seems like a win to me.” Intelligent-Help8946
20. WIBTJ If I Kick My Brother And His Family Out For Still Communicating With My Dad?
“My brother (32M) and I (28M) recently got into an argument as I found out that he had been keeping contact with my abusive father.
For context, I am female-to-male trans and I have been since the sixth grade. When I had announced this to my family, my father was very strictly against this. He started doing everything in his power to attempt to convince me that I am a girl but the more I rejected feminity, the angrier he became.
It started out with verbal abuse but it very quickly became physical before my mom decided she had enough. She said she fully backed up my decision and that if he couldn’t accept that, he should leave. He ultimately did and later got a divorce from my mother, leaving her to care for 5 kids on her own.
With her help, I was able to begin testosterone and by the time I was a sophomore in high school, I had fully medically transitioned to a man.
Flash forward to now, I’m doing very well financially and was able to afford my own home. My older brother, who is struggling financially, and his wife needed a place to stay as she had recently gotten pregnant, so I offered to let them live with me.
They have done so for a year at this point and we only ever had trivial problems. However, that changed when I recently found out that he had not only gotten into contact with my father after all these years but basically forgave him for all the bad things he had done to me and our family.
When I confronted him about this, he first tried to defend his actions with tired platitudes like keeping the past in the past, but once he saw it wasn’t working, he decided to come clean. He wasted no time admitting he always blamed me for what happened with my father and that we could have had a perfect family had I just kept my mouth shut.
I was floored by this and was about to offer a rebuttal when what he said next completely shocked me. He would go on to imply the only reason I am as successful and who I am today is because of my father’s stern teachings before implying I should be grateful to him.
I will admit I blew up on him far more than I should have, hurling insults and obscenities, but I was completely enraged with what he was implying.
I reminded him it was my mother who had done everything for me and that I’m where I am in spite of my dad, never because of him. We argued for a while but his newborn daughter crying took his attention away and I stormed off. However, I did it not without throwing out a threat that if he says anything like that again or keeps in contact with our dad, I’d kick him out with his wife and kid too.
Looking back, I feel completely sick about making such a threat. His wife and their newborn daughter don’t deserve to be punished for his actions. However, I refuse to allow my love for them to be a shield to protect him from the consequences of his actions. So, WIBTJ if I actually did kick them out if he does it again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother is living off of your mercy right now. Mercy which you do not owe to any of them. They are not entitled to your wealth. He can keep his toxic victim-blaming to himself.
You’ve given him a warning.
If he does it again, give them 30 days’ notice to move out, or whatever tenant rules dictate where you are.” JemimaAslana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can kick him out and let your SIL and daughter stay. He doesn’t respect you and his saying the abuse was your own fault shows what he really thinks about you. Do you really want someone who hates you in your own house? Would he even be in contact with you if it wasn’t because of financial issues?” AbenaGH0209M3
19. AITJ For Moving Back To India With My Son?
“I (34) and my son Ajay (13) live in Surrey in Canada. My husband and I moved to Canada after we got married, his family did not approve of me so they stopped talking to him. My husband died after we learned we were finally having a daughter like we always wanted. I have no close family here, no friends, and things are getting worse.
I will lose my job soon because I will have my baby soon and I cannot afford to stay here anymore. Even if I could I hate this country so much and it feels like my mind is breaking. So I phoned my family and they said we can move back home to India which we will do as soon as I am able to fly.
Ajay is upset and doesn’t want to go. I have tried to get him excited because here we live in a basement but in India, we live on a big farm in a mansion but he said he does not care. My son loves the army, he plays that army game on my phone, and my brother and his wife are soldiers but he said it does not matter.
His cousins are so excited to have him live with them as their brother but he said that’s stupid. My parents are so excited to have their only grandson live with them. I can even send him to a top-class private school there because my brother will pay but Ajay says he won’t fit in but I know that he will.
Yesterday he started screaming at me about us leaving and I could not handle it anymore so I finally told him why we were going and why we couldn’t stay. I promised him that I would do whatever to make India good for him. But then he got so sad and started crying in my lap and kept saying sorry and that he didn’t know and he’d try and be happy in India.
He was so sad he went to sleep hugging me and he hasn’t done that since his dad died.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like his life is full of changes right now. Losing his father. Getting a sister. Leaving the country he knows and his friends. All happening when he was 13, which is an emotional time anyway for a kid.
Keep communicating with him. He won’t understand all the choices you have to make for your family. He’s a kid. Keep him involved and keep the communication open.” PolesRunningCoach
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are both grieving and processing major changes to your lives – losing your husband and relocating.
It is important to recognize that, although YOU feel alone and adrift, without social structure and support in Canada, your son does not.
Your son is more than old enough to have established serious friendships and social networks in Canada. So, this isn’t quite like an infant or toddler you can just pick up and move – let alone to the other side of the world. Children are very adaptable, yes, but you need to allow children (especially older children) time to process major changes.
They are also old enough to understand consequences or actions and effects.
If anything, you were doing him a greater disservice by not being honest about your reasons for moving. By initially telling him you were moving and trying to frame it as an upgrade, you were setting it up like his life in Canada was terrible or a bad thing.
He clearly did not think of it that way, so it likely came across as an abrupt, frivolous relocation. By being honest with him, he can understand that you weren’t ignoring his life and needs, but that your FAMILY has needs, too.” thatsharkchick
18. AITJ For Saying Things To My Dad And His Wife In Front Of My Siblings?
“I (18m) moved out like 3 weeks ago (wasn’t technically 18 yet when I moved out). Had a big fight with my dad and his wife before I left. We had it out and I said some things in front of my younger step and half-siblings.
The story goes: Mom died days before my 8th birthday, Dad married again just after my 9th birthday, and his wife came with a couple of kids.
His wife had no family, her ex was not involved and neither was his family and my dad’s family are trashy people (and yes, I know they are, everyone knows they are) so weren’t in our lives. I had my mom’s family still. They treated me well. But didn’t want to know my dad’s new stepkids or the baby his wife was pregnant with soon after their wedding, so my dad and his wife decided they couldn’t have a relationship with me and said I needed to understand it was wrong to exclude my ‘siblings’ and think of the hurt it would cause them.
She especially went in on how much it would hurt her kids to see me with family they didn’t have. I said I didn’t care.
That quickly got me put into therapy and everything I did was monitored closely so I couldn’t reach out. I blame my dad and his wife. But it did mean I didn’t want to bond with the other kids.
To me, they are not as important as my extended maternal family.
I ended up making contact with one of my uncles and my dad found out and told me he was grounding me. It was so close to my birthday that I sent my uncle a text that I was coming over and then we had it out.
I blew up. Told them to all get lost and stay out of my life, that they meant nothing to me anymore, that dad had failed me, that he thought I would care more about his stepkids and other kids but I just wanted my family and he took them from me. I called his wife a name and told her she had no right to come between me and part of my family because of her kids, that she didn’t have the right to expect anything from people who were nothing to her or her kids and to make such a big deal out of it meant she was as big of a jerk as my dad.
The other kids were all there and heard what I said. I sorta left on my own and was kicked out. But I have heard ever since that I should never have said that stuff while the kids were around. A friend of my dad’s told me I acted like a toddler and should apologize and think about the kids.
I blocked my dad and his wife because both called me a jerk.
As much as I don’t care about the kids, I don’t want to hurt them either, so I wonder AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I can’t imagine how upsetting it is to lose your mother and then lose her family as a support system.
Your father and stepmother are the jerks. Your mother’s family owes no obligation to the woman or children that their ex-son-in-law decided to be with. Their lack of family is not anyone else’s responsibility to take on. I don’t blame you for wanting a relationship with them and being upset that your father took that away.” Smart-Bake713
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I think it’s unfortunate you said all that in front of the kids, they essentially held you prisoner in your own house to keep you from your maternal family all because they didn’t want anything to do with your step and half family.
What did they expect would happen? You’d finally give in and just go along with them being selfish and abusive?
Your maternal side of the family has no obligation to them. You have no obligation to them. You never have any obligation to be polite, kind, or even civil to people who mistreat you and then demand an apology for your reaction to it.
As I said, it’s unfortunate that the kids were present, but this blow-up was years in the making and you reached your breaking point.” sharksarentsobad
17. AITJ For Embarrassing My Brother In Front Of Our Family By Telling Them He Knows Nothing About His Kids?
“My brother has 2 kids with his ex-wife. Ever since they split he’s been constantly saying she’s a terrible mother who doesn’t know anything about the kids and doesn’t deserve any custody of them, but the examples he gives for this seem to me like moments of absent-mindedness. Things like her giving a wrong date of birth (she said 8th instead of 18th, then corrected herself), forgetting which kid is on which sporting team, not knowing one of them only eats one flavor of a particular food, and buying the wrong flavor.
I know his ex, and from what I’ve seen she’s a great mom. So unless I’m seriously missing something, it seems like my brother is just exaggerating to make her look bad. I’ve also always had a sneaking suspicion that he doesn’t know very much about his kids. His wife had them for New Year’s and I figured he’d have a lot to say about it, so I found out some info about the kids and when he started claiming his ex knows nothing about the kids and is therefore a terrible mother I quizzed him on his kids.
It was pretty simple stuff, favorite toys, teacher’s names, allergies, favorite colors, favorite TV shows, what they want to be when they grow up. He didn’t do very well. Incidentally, my other brother and sister knew all of that information about their own kids.
My brother was mad at me then and is still mad at me over 2 weeks later.
My parents say I need to apologize for embarrassing him in front of the whole family. I think if he was gonna claim his ex knows nothing about their kids and that makes her a bad mom, he should be prepared to demonstrate that he actually knows things about them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is bullying his ex-wife, it’s a big deal. He’s manipulating others to see her badly to hurt her, I’m sure it’s not the only way he tries to hurt her.
It’s essential that you support her in this situation, the fact that you are his family makes it more important that you don’t support his behavior.
Do NOT apologize to him. It will only teach him further that he can manipulate to get his way no matter the cost.” beth_hazel_thyme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he wants to trash talk his ex and the mother of his children by claiming that she doesn’t know her children and therefore she’s a bad mother then he sets the standard for what a good parent is himself. Therefore should be prepared like you said to prove that he is a good father because he does know all this information about his kids.
You were not the jerk, you were just one such bringer of consequences to someone’s poor choices in behavior. You are like a vehicle delivering karma however you get there. Isn’t it always the way that everybody blames the person who calls out the bad guy and not the bad guy for causing the problem in the first place?
It’s just sort of asinine to me because it probably wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for your brother – you just happen to be a part of it and got caught up in the vortex of feeling you needed to say something in a situation that wasn’t in your mind cool.
I always say if you don’t want to be called something then don’t be that thing.” Orphan_Izzy
16. WIBTJ For Taking My Mom To Court For Stealing Almost $15K From Me 5 Years Ago?
“In 2014 I got into a car accident where the car flipped 3 times down a ditch while I was passenger.
I fractured my collarbone pretty badly but luckily that’s all it was.
I moved out of my mom’s house in 2015 because her partner and I never got along so I decided to move out for the better. I moved in with my homie after that. After about a year and a half, he asked me if I ever received my settlement check from the accident and I told him no.
So one day I overheard my grandma on the phone with my mom and she said ‘Why would you spend his money like that’… so I took it upon myself to research where my check was. I called the company and they basically told me that they sent the check out a whole year ago.
It was 2016 and they basically were saying they sent it in 2015.
So I asked how if I never received it. The lady basically told me that my mom came with some boy who looked like me in a way and picked up the check. My mom was also being petty after I moved out and wouldn’t give me any of my documents (passport, ID, social security card, etc.) so I had no identification for a while which made it hard for me to get a job.
So it makes sense how she even got my check and was able to cash it out…
I was told so many times I should take her to court but at the time she was pregnant with my little sister who is now 5 years old. I didn’t want my mom to go to prison for over 14,000 but it really sucks I could’ve done something with that.
Is there any way for me to get that from her without her going to jail or is it too late and I should just take the loss?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Get a free consultation. In just a matter of minutes, they can tell you if the statue is up, and what you can expect to get.
She might have assets she can sell, such as if she bought a property, jewelry, vehicles, etc. with the money. They will tell you the likelihood of what you can expect to get back, and what their fees will be. Their fees might even be tacked onto the settlement she’d be expected to pay.
She stole your identity.
She brought in a boy to IMPERSONATE YOU, and used YOUR DOCUMENTS to do this. This is beyond scary, and now that she’s gotten away with it, who’s to say you are her only victim?
Even if you get nothing, PUT HER IN JAIL.” AbbyFB6969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 15k is a lot to lose but I understand why you dragged your feet.
I’m concerned about the identity fraud. If your mother robbed you of 15k then I would almost be surprised if she hasn’t taken a loan out in your name or opened a line of credit. There are resources that you can use to check on that. I’m not sure what you should do though. A credit check maybe?
You could call the local banks where you don’t have an account and say something like, I might have an account with you guys but I don’t remember if I opened one or not, can you check with my name, birthday, social security number? I don’t know, but I’m really worried about you. I hope that she hasn’t done more to damage your financial future.” i******g
credit bureau to freeze your credit abd tten no one can open anything in your name. Yoi can password protect the freeze so if yiu need to itrchsee something on credit you can do so but don't give that info to anyone unless it is your attorney
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Kill A Spider?
“I (26F) live in Sydney where huntsman spiders are our common house spider. I’ve had one (who I’ve named Simon) in my living room in the ceiling corner for about 2 weeks now.
He’s hard to reach for me to trap and put outside, and honestly, he doesn’t bother me. He can chill there for as long as he wants so long as he keeps eating smaller bugs and so long as I can see him.
A couple of weeks ago I had a friend Ben (26M) and his partner, Shay (26F), stay over for a couple of nights.
He lives in Melbourne, she’s from Wales and has only moved here recently. They’re traveling around Australia and Ben asked if they could stay at my place in Sydney as a favor. I was happy to do so! But I did warn him that there was a huntsman in my living room since I know foreigners can freak out about them.
Anyway, Shay and Ben got here and we were all having dinner/watching TV, etc. when Shay noticed Simon chillin’ in the corner. She freaks out and says I need to kill it. I said no, I’m not comfortable killing spiders and he’s not hurting you. Apparently Ben hadn’t specified how big huntsman spiders are and Shay didn’t know.
Shay kept telling us we needed to kill it. I said I didn’t want to, Huntsmans are harmless and timid and they actually eat mosquitoes and other bugs you would rather not have in here. I asked if she had a phobia of spiders, and she said no spiders are fine but having one inside the house is messed up.
I got kind of mad at that because I’m doing her a favor by letting her stay for free, cooking for her, etc. and she’s calling me messed up for not killing a harmless creature, so I said ‘I doubt he’s the only spider, he’s just the only one you can see’.
This annoyed her even more (which I obviously understand so I get I may be the jerk for that).
In the end, Ben and I ended up getting a step ladder, trapping him, and putting him outside (she was not happy with this either and said that I should have killed it after putting it outside).
She basically called me a jerk and gave me dirties the rest of the night. They ended up leaving a day early to stay in a ‘clean hotel’ (her words). This again rubbed me the wrong way because my house is clean, it just had a spider in it (one that cleans by eating bugs and not making webs!).
Anyway, do you think I’m the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered them a place to stay and warned them ahead of time. Even removed Simon from the house, which is more than enough accommodation for Shay. Simon is clearly the better house guest and I’m glad you let him live.” MushiiMelon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you gave fair warning to your Aussie friend about the arachnid houseguest, he downplayed it to his partner. This is on him. And for someone supposedly without a phobia, she sounded awfully mean about Simon. She might want to read up on the other spiders, snakes, octopi, crocs, etc. that are endemic and dangerous before she continues her trip.” BikingAimz
14. AITJ For Not Scolding My Son?
“I (33M) have a wonderful ten-year-old son, who means the world to me, I have full custody of him.
When I was 22, I met his mom (32F), and we started seeing each other (nothing serious). She got pregnant but didn’t want to be a mom at the time so she left (she kept in contact).
2 years later she told me that she wanted to be in our son’s life, so we agreed that she’d have custody on weekends. When my son was 6, she did something illegal and the court reduced the custody to visitations only and that’s how we’ve been working, she came once a week for two hours (letting her out with him would be up to my discretion).
Last year she started going out with a guy, so she started skipping her visits, which hurt my son very much (she still comes but every other week).
Whenever she comes I let them be alone in the living room while I’m in my little home office, so this time, I heard my son yelling at his mom so I went to see what was going on; she was crying, my son was crying and saying: ‘I hate you, get out’, I didn’t understand what was going on so I (as my son was crying) went to hug him and comfort him, I didn’t scold him because he was being rude to his mom since I didn’t know what happened. I just asked her to go, then she called me stating that she was disappointed because I didn’t scold him, and called me a jerk for asking her to get out instead of solving the problem right there.
Then I asked my son what happened and he said that she told him that she was pregnant and that she would start coming less due to her pregnancy so my son felt hurt and started yelling at her, I didn’t want to scold him right at the moment because he was so sad and depressed. He says his mom is picking her new child over him.
She keeps calling me a jerk for not scolding him and asking her to leave.
So AITJ for not scolding my son immediately?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son’s mother has been largely negligent and has repeatedly proven that she values her new partner over him. If she valued her son she would make time for him, pregnant or not.
She could make some sort of arrangement with you to alter visitation. Your son is old enough to understand that he is playing second fiddle to her and that she is making these decisions without any consideration for him. She deserved to be kicked out, it’s his home, he deserves to feel safe there, regardless of who she is.” SpaceKates
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no reason to trust her over him. She’s been very inconsistent in his life.
It sounds like he still cared for her, even though all she manages is two hours every two weeks. Cutting that back even more will be hurtful to him. News like that she should have perhaps talked to you about first as you are the main caregiver.
The mum has been a jerk his whole life and I can imagine he’s had enough.” Normal_Fishing9824
13. AITJ For Not Getting Anything For My Son's Teacher?
“My son, George (12), is in 6th grade. His school emailed his dad (my ex) and me, and all the parents I assume on Friday to remind us about teacher appreciation week this week. That was basically it, ‘be nice to your teachers’.
I asked George if he wanted to give his teacher something. In the past, I’ve picked up a gift card or something.
He said ‘No not really I don’t like her’. I said ‘Are you sure?’ And he said ‘Yeah, she’s mean and yells all the time’.
His teacher this year is… well, you know how we all have a teacher we remember from when we were in school? Not because of what we learned or how they helped us but because of how mean they were.
I’m sure that’ll be ‘Ms. A’ to him. George has said in the past that she yells a lot and is mean. He said that her favorite students are the ‘smart kids’ and she doesn’t even hide it.
My friend is a class helper for her son in 3rd grade. She said sometimes when she’s coming or going she can hear Ms. A screaming at the class.
In January they had a ‘student appreciation day’ and kids weren’t supposed to get any homework. Ms. A assigned them a bunch of reading. George said that someone in his class told her they weren’t supposed to get homework and Ms. A said ‘Reading isn’t homework since it’s fun’.
She’s kinda condescending during parent-teacher conferences.
George struggles with some subjects like Math and science. He still does his homework and does okay on tests. We asked for ways that he could improve and she said ‘Well study more obviously, less time playing video games and more time with science’.
In the past when we’ve asked teachers for recommendations to help him get better at a subject, they gave us some websites and apps to help him learn it.
Not point out the obvious.
Saturday when his dad picked him up he asked if I was ‘getting something for that teacher thing’. I said ‘No, George said he doesn’t want to’. He said ‘Nevermind I’ll ask him’.
He dropped him off last night and said ‘I really think we should still get something for him to give his teacher?’
I said ‘We? No I’m not but if you want to you can go ahead, I’m not making George give a gift to someone that he doesn’t like and thinks is mean’.
His dad said ‘What if he’s the only one that doesn’t give her something he’ll be embarrassed’.
I said ‘I doubt that’ll happen it’s not like it’s required.’
He said, ‘no but it’s recommended obviously’.
I said ‘Well you’re more than welcome to run to the store and pick something up’.
He said ‘Isn’t that usually the mom’s job?’
I said ‘Eh maybe but you’re the one so worried about it’.
He told me I was being petty and left.
AITJ for not getting anything for his teacher?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your husband is. The mother’s job? If I ever hear something like that from someone I know well enough, I would let them have it.
OP, you handled that beautifully. No one is ever obligated to give a gift. If so, then stop calling it a gift. OP asked if the child wanted to and he didn’t.
He is the one who deals with the teachers.
But, I understand social norms. The husband wanted to adhere to social norms. In that case, HE should have gotten the gift. It was to make HIM feel better.
NTJ and you need to have a talk with him about abolishing gender roles.” MarlyCat118
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
In my opinion, it’s rude of the school to solicit anything for Teacher Appreciation week and it would be equally rude of the teacher to expect gifts and take note of who didn’t give one.
The teacher is an employee doing the job they’re paid to do. I’m sure gifts are appreciated, but they are also voluntary.
If your ex would like to show his appreciation for his kid’s teacher, there’s nothing stopping him. He can choose the gift, pay for it, wrap it, sign the card, and deliver it himself.” throwaway20698059
12. AITJ For Letting My Son And His Friends Watch A Horror Movie?
“Last week was my son’s 14th birthday. He wanted a sleepover with his eight best friends, which we compromised to a party, and then the boys could sleep over but the girls had to go home by 9:30.
After the main party activities were over, my son wanted to watch a movie before the girls needed to leave, and I said this was fine.
My son needs my permission to rent or stream rated R movies, but if it’s a DVD we own, he doesn’t because it’s something we’ve already watched together. My son said they were going to watch one of our DVDs, and I thought nothing of it and started cleaning the kitchen.
My son loves horror movies, and we have some R-rated horror DVDs, but nothing I think is excessive for his age group.
At one point while I was cleaning I heard a couple of the kids start screaming, so I poked my head into the living room. They were watching Us, the Jordan Peele movie.
One of the kids was clutching a pillow and occasionally shoving her face in it. One was shaking his head and mouthing ‘no, no’ over and over.
I asked, ‘Everyone okay?’
My son said, “Go away Dad; you’re ruining the ambiance.’ I looked at the two kids again, and I decided they weren’t distressed in an over-the-top way.
They were still choosing to watch the film. So I went back to the kitchen. When the movie was over, the kids all kept hanging out until the girls’s parents arrived. They talked about the movie, and no one seemed deeply traumatized.
When the girls got picked up, one of the parents asked what they did, and the kids mentioned the movie.
She laughed and said ‘I don’t want to hear it if you have nightmares tonight,’ in a jokey way. No one else commented on the movie.
In the morning the boys got picked up, and a few hours later I got a call from a dad cussing me out for letting his son watch an R-rated movie.
He never told me his son couldn’t watch R-rated movies. He said anytime a kid under 17 watches an R-rated movie, parental permission is required. But that’s for the cinema, not private homes. If there are certain movies he doesn’t want his kid to watch, he should have told me and I would have enforced that.
If no one says anything, I assume they’re cool with their kids watching whatever I let my kids watch.
We went back and forth and I apologized for the misunderstanding and said it was a learning experience, but he is still mad. He called all of the other parents as well. Most don’t care and said they let their teens watch horror movies, even R-rated as long as it’s not over the top.
One agreed with the angry dad, and one said she wasn’t happy her son watched the movie but that it was on her for not asking horror movies not to be played.
So AITJ? Because he’s still sending me angry texts.”
Another User Comments:
“Well, if parents entrust you with their kids they trust there won’t be any activities that aren’t advised for their age.
That movie wasn’t advised for their age so they shouldn’t be watching it.
On the other hand, they’re 14 and it’d be weird for a parent to lurk on what a group of 14-year-olds are doing at a birthday party inside the house.
Had they asked you to see the movie I think you should have said no. As is, I think you’re NTJ.” ExcellentPatience298
Another User Comments:
“Soft ‘everyone sucks here’. Would have been wise to check with parents ahead of time for R-rated movies. Some are very sensitive to that, which is their prerogative, whether we think it is reasonable or not.
But that other father is majorly overreacting by calling the other parents and overdramatizing the issue, especially given that you apologized. And he is definitely not helping his own child by doing that.” Rooster_Local
11. AITJ For Telling Our Friends How Hard Being A Parent Is?
“I’m 28. I’ve 4 kids but we planned on only ever having one child so after my daughter (4) was born my husband (28) got the snip. Well, as they say, life is full of surprises.
I welcomed my triplets into the world 18 months ago. Now I love my boys, I really do, but my god are they hard work!
Not to mention my stomach, butt, and chest are ruined.
I’ve zero time for myself like having a private shower and taking a dump is a luxury. Now my husband does pull his weight because I am not one of those women who puts up with that nonsense but unfortunately he had to take extra hours at work because 4 kids especially at the age where they grow out of everything so fast is expensive.
So tonight we had for the first time in two years a night out with our friends. We have 3 child-free friends – a couple (Dan 29 & Kat 28) and a single friend Alice (25).
Everyone was, in my opinion, putting their opinions and noses where they shouldn’t be – about why they should want kids and basically telling them how great being a parent is that kids make everything better.
I couldn’t help it. I said ‘Guys it’s really not. Being a parent is hard. Yes, there are more positives than negatives and I love my kids more than life itself but they can be jerks. Like sometimes I want to sleep till 6 am but unfortunately, I have 4 hungry angry kids that need attention so mama has to wait ’til nap time to brush her teeth’.
Then I went on to tell the story of how all four of my kids p**********d all over my husband at his brother’s wedding.
So most of them started laughing telling stories of the real side of parenthood and what they missed. Of course, my child-free friends were extremely thankful and enjoyed a laugh.
But two friends asked me to walk to the toilet and chewed me for being so rude and putting my kids down, that if I hated being a mother so much I should give my kids up.
I told them I loved my kids and loved being their mom but we shouldn’t crap on people about parenthood.
I got called a jerk, and a Karen, and one even left early while the other was in a mood that ruined the whole night causing most of the group to go home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was an open conversation about parenthood – and the reality is that being a parent is the most amazing, awful, rewarding, backbreaking, exhilarating, tiring, soul-sucking, joyful experience possible.
I remember days thinking I’d never get through another minute, and others where maternal love and pride had me bursting with happiness. People for the most part only want to talk rainbows and sunshine, forgetting there has to be rain too.” darklysmiling
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, parenthood is hard, and honestly, it’s for the best that you’re honest about the struggles of being a mom.
If everyone kept sugarcoating it and making it out to be the easiest thing in the world, we’d have a planet full of really trashy parents.” captainkaiju
10. AITJ For Shutting My Mom Down When She Made My Brother's Coming Out All About Her?
“My (21M) mom is a pretty self-absorbed person. I won’t call her a bad mom or evil ‘per se,’ but it doesn’t matter what you’re trying to tell her or what you say at family gatherings, she always makes it about her as if she tries to ‘relate’ to you, but ends up taking the spotlight.
She just has to have ‘all the attention all the time’ and is tiring. We’re quiet fellas because she never let us express ourselves while growing up.
Thanks to that, my mom is pretty much alone, she doesn’t talk to her family, and doesn’t have friends and my older siblings (30F, 25M, 23F), don’t have much contact with her, she only has my dad and my young brother (16M) but only because he still lives there.
We don’t enjoy her company as bad as it sounds and my dad is such an enabler. To give you some examples:
Every time we try to tell her about something we did or something we want to do, she always dismisses us and tells us right away how she never got to enjoy anything because she always had to work.
Same with school or job affairs, she just says ‘Good for you’ and starts to talk about how many opportunities she missed and turns it into a pity party for her, she doesn’t even acknowledge us.
She’s ALWAYS comparing us (my siblings, my nephews, and me) to her or her family, we can never do anything without her saying ‘Oh!
they’re JUST LIKE ME’, ‘Oh you got that FROM ME’ ‘I ALSO like to do that’, but if we do something bad or something she doesn’t like, we’re just like her mother, like her sister, like my dad’s family and it’s tiring.
When we’re saying something she interrupts us and starts to talk about ANYTHING, it doesn’t even have to be about something related to what we’re saying.
And if we tell her ‘Hey, I was talking’ she gets mad or sad. Then she doesn’t talk to us anymore.
Now, the issue was a few days ago. We have a weekly dinner to stay in touch with my dad and brother. All of my siblings were there, and my little brother got up and told us he had something to tell us, he started to come out to us and when he was saying how hard it was to gather the courage to tell us, my mom interrupts him and says ‘We love you anyway!
So, yesterday I went to your aunt’s house an-‘ and I kid you not, you could see my brother’s face falling off while he sat down. It was enough for me and I told her ‘Not everything is about you or what you do, we don’t care mom, let (my brother) come out in peace!
You didn’t even let him finish’. My brothers went like ‘Yeah, not now, Mom’ and she got up and went to her room crying. My dad tried to say something but we jumped to my brother and encouraged him to keep talking.
Now my dad is expecting me to apologize to my mom since she already did to my brother (I’m sure it was about how much my reaction affected her but anyway), but I don’t think I did something wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“She deserved that. Good on you for not letting her continue the interruption. I NEVER would.
I would aggressively call her out every time. She deserves no apology, and actually, she should be the one saying sorry.
NTJ. And your dad sucks too. Sick of parents who side with their spouses JUST because they’re your spouse.
That doesn’t always mean they are right.
Sometimes a kid needs an advocate and support too.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and for the love of God, don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong, and she needs to understand that you don’t (and shouldn’t) feel guilty in the least for correcting her.
‘If we tell her ‘Hey, I was talking’ she gets mad or sad.
Then she doesn’t talk to us anymore.’
Sounds like the answer is in the question. If you all correct her whenever she does this, eventually she’ll be sulking so often that she won’t be as annoying. Practice saying firmly ‘Excuse me, I was still talking’, and then, while she’s processing what just happened, continuing on with what you were saying as if nothing happened.
Bonus points if you start doing a ‘bup-bup-bup’ when she interrupts, for comedic effect.” fernAlly
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister's Significant Other That She Lied About The Art She Showed To Him?
“My (16F) sister, ‘Amy,’ (18F) and I are really close. We are rather similar too – e.g. having the same interests. But what made me different from her was that I loved art, and I am an artist. Drawing is what I’m best at, and I spend several hours a day drawing.
Amy never cared for art, and she isn’t good at it.
For background, ~4 months ago, Amy was ‘forced’ by her form teacher to join an art festival. Since she couldn’t draw, she begged me to draw something for her. I accepted, under the condition that she wouldn’t flaunt this art (outside of the festival) as hers.
I spent over 80 hours drawing my best work, and Amy was overjoyed. She won Gold at the festival, and I was really happy.
Now, about 2 months ago, Amy met a guy (long-distance). He loves art, so she told him she was an artist. He actually never asked for a picture of her drawings. Which is until now – because he asked for a picture a few days ago.
Amy (without asking for my permission) showed him the art I made for her festival. He was amazed and said she was a professional artist.
The funny thing is, Amy actually never told me any of these things. Her birthday was yesterday, and her significant other posted something really sweet on social media for her.
He made a slideshow of her pictures… and guess what? One of the pictures was the art from the festival… as well as another of my work.
I felt really hurt and confused. I’ll admit that I was jealous (the post was full of comments amazed by her artistic talent), and well I just felt betrayed. This is where I might be the jerk… In a fit of disbelief, I messaged her SO and said that the art – they were all my works.
I had pictures of ME drawing those, and I showed him.
He was shocked and mad at Amy for lying to him. He ended up telling her he needed time to reconsider their relationship, as he thinks trust is the most important factor. She found out what I did, and went berserk. She yelled at me for destroying her relationship and making her seem like a liar.
She said because of my jealousy, I made her lose her SO.
She went to stay at a friend’s house, and I felt really guilty. Amy was so happy with her SO, and I could’ve kept my anger in check. However, my mom told me it wasn’t my fault, and that Amy messed up her own relationship.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t make her seem like a liar, she just is a liar. She chose to lie about your work being hers in the first place when she should have just done her best. Then she chose to further the lie to her new SO who I guarantee wasn’t with her just because of an art piece.
He’s right to leave her, these are egregious lies that also show major disrespect to the original artist, you.” Flat_Lengthiness_319
Another User Comments:
“‘She yelled at me for destroying her relationship and making her seem like a liar. She said because of my jealousy, I made her lose her SO.’
Your mom’s correct.
She destroyed her relationship because she was a liar. She lost her SO because she was dishonest and took credit for your accomplishments. She’s decided it’s easier to feel mad at you rather than accept that she messed up. I know self-reflection is hard but she’s gonna have to learn at some point.
Her SO is an art enthusiast, so it would’ve been entirely acceptable for her to have shown off your skills without lying about it being hers.
She’s now taken advantage of your hard work twice. You’ve no reason to feel guilty, but she sure does.
NTJ.” SamW20910
8. AITJ For Telling The Family About My Brother-In-Law's Discord Chat?
“I (24F) have been married to my husband (29M) for two years. For two years, I worked a stable job and helped provide income. Most of my income went towards savings, as he has a high-paying job. We aren’t wealthy, but we are stable and prepared. I grew up in extreme poverty, so I made sure to try and work.
My parents didn’t help me, so I did it all myself. My husband comes from an upper-middle-class family and his brother (34M) is a divorce lawyer. Let’s call him John. After a pizza delivery incident, he started verbally attacking me. It started off with just a few comments here and there. Saying I ‘acted like a jerk’ and stuff like that.
I had to take in a family member’s child due to unforeseen circumstances. I now am the sole caregiver for a toddler, and my husband was more than willing to do this when confronted with the news. My niece is now in our care. I dipped a little into my savings to renovate her bedroom, fill it with clothes and toys, and give her a proper place here.
I didn’t want her to feel unwelcome, and my husband agreed. I was taking time off work in between jobs due to family issues, and then I have just stayed home now trying to adjust a toddler to a new environment that she isn’t used to. We want her to grow up happy and loved.
My husband showed me a chat on Discord that John had started where he was asking for details of our marriage. Asking if the toddler was permanent, asking if we had gotten a prenup, if I was spending all of his money, and if my husband could get a screenshot of my savings account. Asked if my husband needed help in divorcing me.
Asked my husband if my niece had any diseases. He insulted a toddler, saying she would be money-hungry. He insulted me, saying that poor people were a ‘different breed’ of human. He said I am ruining the family name. John told my husband that he needed to think about his family name.
We were angry.
John had a dinner for his wife to close a deal on a really expensive home. We printed out 5 copies of the message and took them with us. My husband’s parents were absolutely angry at John. My husband’s sister sided with John. I showed his family because he clearly meant for it to be secret.
He didn’t want people to know what he thought of me, so he had to hide it all the way in a barely-used discord chat. John and his wife told me I ruined the party and left a ‘sour spot’ in their evening. After we left that evening, apparently his wife admitted that she had the same worries as John.
That me being in the family could disgrace their name and her reputation.
John’s wife sent me a message apologizing. She hits all of the ‘I shouldn’t have done that’ and ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I take accountability’ points, but it still feels forced and fake. I haven’t replied. A few hours ago John called asking why I hadn’t accepted the apology.
I know I don’t need to, but I feel like I should just to keep peace again. AITJ if I don’t accept and apologize too?”
Another User Comments:
“You are in a no-win situation. If you accept the disingenuous apology, it’s a tacit agreement that what they said was OK, and they will continue their campaign.
If you DON’T accept it, they will claim you are proving their point. Nothing you do will change their vile, nasty opinions.
Go no contact, and live a happy life with your husband and niece. I’m sorry his family is so awful.
NTJ.” MerelyWhelmed1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It felt forced because it didn’t hit the right notes, I think.
They acknowledged that they shouldn’t have done it, they were sorry, and that it was them that did the wrong thing.
But nowhere do you mention them saying what they did was wrong, that it was hurtful, and that you did not deserve to be treated that way. You don’t mention them saying that you are a valued member of the family, or that they are glad you married your husband.
They should say they were being super judgemental and that’s the issue they need to work on because they are shallow haters who will lose all their friends. Some combination of those would be a real apology.
What you listed was lawyer doublespeak. It sounded like an apology without actually saying anything meaningful.” Few_Improvement_6357
7. AITJ For Being Fed Up Of My Fiance's Spending Habits?
“We have separate finances and bank accounts so no he isn’t spending my money but he 100% would if I let him. He is a good guy. The only problem is financial. Which is huge in my eyes. I want to save up and better our future. He on the other hand thinks I’m too concerned with money that we could ‘just earn back’.
Often says that money holds nothing to being able to experience certain things. Therefore, he is terrible with finances because he doesn’t see anything as a big deal. I have had several conversations with him regarding his spending habits and it falls on deaf ears. He just tells me to live a little and to ‘treat’ myself with material items that I have no use for.
He has a habit of going shopping just because, buying random things, and then never even taking them out of the package – losing said item and then going back to the store for the same item months later because he can’t find the original thing he bought. He also has a habit of buying things that he thinks would be useful, which turn out to never be useful.
He never takes my advice either. Like fans… he wanted a garage fan which I understood completely. We go and I tell him which one he should get and he ignores it and gets a much smaller one. The next day he went and bought the one I told him to get in the first place and never returned the other one.
So over $300 for 2 fans. Or he went and bought more RAM for his computer and got the most expensive one he could for no reason cause he hardly uses it. Realized he bought the wrong one so he bought another one and never returned the original because he ‘might need it later’.
Well, yesterday he came home with like 4 bags of stuff from the store.
Like 8 things of Air in a can, a butanol torch, a spice rack that we don’t need, camping chairs, a new mop, several dog coats for his dog, a new knife set, etc. You get my point. I just walk past him because I’m admittedly getting mad and rethinking everything over this spending and he asks me to come look at what he got and I said no. When he asked why I said, ‘Because it’s just some more stupid purchases’.
He says I’m a jerk for ruining his excitement.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancé appears to have a compulsive shopping issue. I’d also bet that his areas in your house/apartment look hoarded.
Your fiancé likely needs some therapy; he will not stop this behavior. While I would typically say stay out of other’s finances, you are planning a life with him.
You cannot stay out of his finances.
You need to rethink marrying him.” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you’ve said, the problem isn’t just that he shops impulsively.
He lacks the responsibility to do household chores such as returning redundant purchases. He’s blind to clutter. He lacks the reflection to know what the house needs, which leaves you with more work – the mental load of running the house.
The biggest problem is that you two want to save for a house and have agreed on a savings goal and he can’t stick to his goal. That means he can’t keep his word; he can’t achieve goals in a major area of life; he’s holding you back from buying a house, which potentially means he’s holding you back from marriage & kids (if you or he views financial stability as important for that.)
The yellow flags of a romantic partner who doesn’t pull their weight in terms of the mental load of running the household, can’t achieve joint goals, doesn’t keep their word, and is holding you back from progressing the relationship… wouldn’t be the type of equal partner I need.
You’ve talked about it (I assume). My theory is sometimes it’s better not to give someone an ultimatum, but rather just explain your reasons for leaving in the hopes that they fix themselves for their next relationship.” jrl2014
6. AITJ For Leaving The Country With My Soon-To-Be Husband After We Get Married?
“My fiance (21) and I (24) plan on eloping without either of my parents there – I have two sets (divorced and remarried) and we’re a blended family of 6 on my father’s side. I will be blunt, I don’t really like my family.
Some are heavy drinkers or just jerks, and they stress me out. I plan on leaving the country with my fiance and cutting ties with my mom/stepmom/stepbrother/SIL and yes I’m well aware that this will make me lose the ones I do love.
The problem is, that my stepmom doesn’t like me and hates my mom, and vice versa.
Stepbro is a heavy drinker, and SIL won’t talk to me, among other issues. Frankly, with inflation, I don’t want to spend a lot on stuff for them to have a fun time when they don’t even like me and can’t trust anyone to get along. Both moms are crazy. My stepmom went as far as telling my dad when they went to merge assets no money was supposed to go to having me see my mother when I lived with him.
My stepmom was asking about wedding planning and how she wanted to be involved. My mother already offered to pay to see me get married. I simply told my family during family dinner that a wedding wasn’t right for me or my fiance, and we wouldn’t be having one more than a signing of papers.
They kept pressing and I could tell my fiance was getting annoyed. They don’t treat me well at all. Eventually, after pestering and pushing I got frustrated and asked them ‘Why would I pay $150 a plate for them to have a good time when they try to make me miserable? I can’t trust them to get along with anyone at all.’ This did not go over well.
My fiance stepped in and admitted once we get married I’ll be leaving the country, and probably not returning. My family freaked out and started yelling, how it wasn’t fair, and he couldn’t just keep me tied to him. He said with how they treat me, he doesn’t respect them and merely tolerates them for my sake, but once the papers are signed we won’t be visiting them.
They then got mad and asked if we were going to cut off his family as well.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the best way to live your life is to do what makes you happy (i.e. eloping and moving), not worrying about upsetting others. This sounds like what you want to do and will make you happy, so who cares if they’re upset about it.” Crafty-Body1436
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unlikely your family will come to terms with this and you need to accept that. They’re probably going to keep pestering you, you just need to stand your ground and rise above it. I wish you and your partner every happiness however you decide to get married, and beyond.” Secty
5. AITJ For Not Entertaining My In-Laws Who Showed Up At Our House Unannounced?
“I get out of work at 5:30 pm, I work from home. I think in this new age people think that working from home means you’re available at all times because you’re ‘home’.
Several times my in-laws have shown up unannounced during my work day as well as immediately upon me getting out of work with no notice.
Today I got out of work, and have had an incredibly long and awful day. Wanted to hop in the shower and wash the day off. I have a screen door at the front of our house, had our main door open and the screen locked. I have 3 dogs who are very protective. I’m showering and actively hear my dogs squeal, howl, and bark like someone they know is here.
I’m still showering and not getting out because I’m not done. Not to mention if someone’s here, I will be coming out in my robe. My husband gets home at the same time I’m coming out of the shower and we peek around the corner and here are my in-laws just sitting at my front porch peering in our windows and waiting for someone to answer the door.
I finally look at my phone and see no one called for a heads-up. And the only call I got was one from my father-in-law 10 minutes after they had rang my doorbell (ring camera so I can see), banged on my door, and yelled at my dogs. I get dressed and tell my FIL that they need to call or text if they’re going to show up at our house.
This has been said to them several times and has been ignored. He said, ‘I guess I could have called’. And then followed it up with ‘Don’t blow a gasket’.
I shut our door and didn’t allow them inside. My husband said it was rude not to call and then they left. Am I the jerk for refusing to entertain my in-laws without a heads up they’re showing up at my home unannounced?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to find a way to turn it around. Some people just can’t put themselves in other people’s shoes.
So, instead of reiterating and repeating ad nauseam ‘Don’t show up without calling first and getting an OK’, instead say: ‘How would you like it if I called you in the middle of the night just because I felt like it?
Or, I was up at 4 a.m. for a jog, so I stopped by your house for breakfast and rang the doorbell and stared into the windows until you got up and made me breakfast?’
‘Maybe you need to understand what it feels like because that’s what it feels like you are doing to us.’
And if they do it again, do call them at 4 am to chat or stop by for breakfast.” sezit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve communicated this common courtesy of calling ahead many times. They don’t do it, because they don’t care. The only solution is to turn them away EVERY time they don’t call ahead and you say it’s fine to visit.” TwoCentsPsychologist
4. AITJ For Not Cleaning Up After My Lazy Brothers?
“My dad and stepmom are going on a cruise for the next week and a half. While they are not here they are having my 4 brothers take turns staying with me because I need ‘protection’ or something. Before my parents left my brother made the comment that I would be doing all the cooking and cleaning as that is my apparent duty ‘as a woman’.
I didn’t say anything because I don’t mind cooking for them because I enjoy cooking but I will not be cleaning up after them because they are old enough to do that themselves.
I decided yesterday that I wanted brownies and as I was cooking I smelt dog crap. I went into the dining room and called out ‘Hey your dog pooped on the floor will someone please clean it up?’ I got the response ‘Why don’t you do it?’ I calmly responded that since she is not my dog I shouldn’t have to clean it up as it is not my responsibility.
They got all mad about it but someone cleaned it up. I also noticed that my stuff was never where I put it last. And when I was using the restroom I noticed someone had taken my feminine hygiene products and moved them. I walked out and said, ‘Where did my tampons go?’ And my brother yelled back that he had put them away because he shouldn’t have to look at those ‘disgusting things’.
I just went to the restroom and put them back next to the toilet as that’s where they are the most accessible to me.
The last straw for me was when I walked out of my room and stepped in a pile of crap, I cleaned it up and contacted my parents. I can see why they think I am the jerk as I’m not cleaning up after them, but is that really my responsibility?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t clean up after your entitled sexist brothers. Don’t cook them food. Don’t even talk to them anymore.
Document it all. Send it to your parents as it happens. Don’t whine, just photos of dog poop on the floor, or the piles of dishes, or whatever.
Brothers were left to take care of you and are treating you like a slave.
Screw ’em” odubik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brothers are jerks… more importantly, your parents have failed as parents, by allowing their sons to grow up into sexist, misogynistic, entitled jerks.
Your parents didn’t leave you there to be ‘protected,’ OP. They left you there to be your family’s cook and maid.
Tell them you’re done being their indentured servant.” claireclairey
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Borrow $5-10k From Me?
“My mom has only started with this just a few weeks ago. Constantly on social media, chatting with random people (some strangers, some she knows) and they’re basically flashing this lifestyle to people. How this business now got them to live in big houses and own multiple more.
And all this promise about health and beauty benefits. It’s Kangen Water/Enagic. It only took me 5 mins of research to learn this is nonsense. It’s literally like a pyramid multilevel marketing (MLM) scheme. And the product itself has no scientific backing to prove benefits.
It’s a hard sell, like how many of our middle-class family friends would be interested enough to shell out 10,000 Canadian dollars for basically faucet filter products?
It’s a hard sell. Mom doesn’t even know the company name or who runs it, her answer was ‘some two guys’ name’. She is brainwashed and probably having a midlife crisis. She was put on leave without pay for a year now and she’s become too bitter to come back to work once restrictions are lifted from the company.
And she’s become too comfortable at home to go back to the workforce. So now she thinks starting this business is her next venture.
I only work part-time at Starbucks, making minimum wage, usually 20 or fewer hours per week. I get paid bi-weekly, usually around $400. And another graphic design part-time which pays $500 a month.
Basically, I don’t make big bucks. And I pay monthly: $500 as my cut in house bills + $100 phone, + $50 life insurance + sometimes $80 for my dog’s food. And we recently just bought/moved into this house where I shared $10k as a down payment and none of us have fully recovered from that yet.
She sprung this on me 5 minutes while I was getting ready to leave the house for work.
I can’t make a $5k-$10k lending decision within 5mins. So I told her exactly that. Though I’m definitely gonna say no. But I feel like a jerk because even though I share the mortgage/bills of this house (it’s also my house, my name is in it), I get fed here for free.
She does groceries for her but I can’t lend her my saved funds.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You will never get that money back, especially not from the MLM itself. NEVER get involved in an MLM, you’re doing the right thing for both yourself and your mother. But I’d try to talk her out of the idea of an MLM (perhaps show her some stuff online about them) because once in a while you can actually save people from getting into these schemes.
Even though, yes, your mother does seem exactly the type to fall for that nonsense.
Also, don’t let her manipulate you into believing that you owe her anything. You put funds into a downpayment on HER house? And you do contribute to rent + bills.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for so many reasons, first and foremost being that you can’t afford to give away 5 to 10 grand… especially if you are going to wind up having to pay the entire mortgage, which is a real possibility if she keeps sliding down this path.
If she has chops as an outside sales rep, she should seek a job with a reputable company that isn’t selling snake oil.” rapt2right
2. AITJ For Taking Care Of My Nephew So Well That He Prefers Me Over His Parents?
“I (30m) have a brother, ‘Nick’ (39m), who has a son, ‘David’ (6m).
Nick has a wife, ‘Katy’ (38f), who was diagnosed with lung cancer around 4 years ago.
When David was around 2, Nick used to bring him over to my place 2-3 times a week and I’d babysit him for a few hours at the time, so Nick could take Katy to the hospital or when he was working.
As the time passed, I’d babysit David more and more often. When he was 4, they all moved to another city because there was a better hospital and Katy would probably get a better treatment there.
He also asked me to go with them, but I refused because I couldn’t just leave like that.
After a month, Nick brought David over with all of his stuff and asked me if he could live with me for some time, saying that they didn’t have time to look after him and couldn’t find anyone else there.
For the last ~2 years, David has been living with me. Nick used to bring him to the city every weekend so he could be with his mom, but that didn’t last long. Every weekend turned quickly into 1-2 days a month.
I’ve gotten along with David pretty well, but I don’t miss those days when he was crying for his mommy and daddy every day, and me having to explain it to him every time.
Last week, Nick picked up David and they were away for 3 days. When they returned and David went inside, Nick called me to come outside to talk with him. The moment I got out, he started screaming at me, calling me a jerk, saying that I ruined his child, and accused me of turning his child against his own parents.
He also told me that he wished that I was the one with cancer, before getting to his car, calling me a jerk once again, and leaving.
Apparently, David barely spoke with his parents, didn’t want to greet his mom, kept saying that he didn’t want to be with them, that he wanted me, and cried a few times to go home.
Before someone attacks me, I’ve never told David anything bad about his parents. I kept reminding him how much they love him and that they are doing their best to be able to be with him more.
I’m not sure what I did wrong. I’m just trying my best to help because I feel bad and sad for everyone involved.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did nothing wrong. David doesn’t understand what’s going on he just knows he’s been sent to live with you. You’re the constant in this little boy’s life right now.
Your brother shouldn’t have lashed out at you and I’m hoping that when the air clears you are offered a heartfelt apology.
I also suggest getting David into therapy now. Wishing you all well.” Dominique_eastwick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Anyone in the equation who isn’t receiving counseling probably should be, including you.
This is an incredibly difficult position to be in for any of you involved.
David is a child and confused no matter how much or how well you explain what is going on.
Even if to some degree he understands it he is surely confused and probably scared.
Nick probably let frustration with everything in life come out on you and if you’re close brothers keep this in consideration moving forward.
Everyone should be seeing some sort of counselor here though.” The_Soccer_Heretic
1. AITJ For Not Paying For My Date's Food And Not Driving Her Home?
“My sister set me up with her friend a few weeks ago.
Yesterday I picked her up from her house and took her to a restaurant for dinner, after we finished eating, she asked the waitress to refill her glass of water.
The place was packed and the waitress passed by our table multiple times. Instead of a friendly reminder, she told her if she’s mentally declining she should be in a retirement home instead of leaving people thirsty. The poor woman looked like she was about to cry, she started apologizing to my date and went to get the water.
I was shocked, embarrassed, and angry at the same time. I asked her why would she even think about that sentence let alone say it out loud. I excused myself and went to apologize to the waitress. I paid for the food I ordered, tipped her big time, and left.
This morning my sister called me angrily saying how much of a jerk I am for what I did to her friend.
Apparently, after I left the manager threatened to call the cops if she didn’t pay, she had to call her father to send her the payment for the dinner and the ride back home.
I explained to my sister what her friend did but she wasn’t interested in taking my side. She told me since I picked her up from her place and since it was my turn to pay for the date I should have just done so and driven her back home or given her money for a taxi.
I wasn’t interested in arguing with her so I said I’ll send the funds to give to her friend and told her god have mercy on both their future partners. She said if they were a jerk like me she wouldn’t even touch them with a ten-foot pole and hung up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister sucks. That date sucked. I’m glad you stuck up for the waitress because not many people do. You aren’t obligated to spend your money on anybody, and she was stupid to go out with somebody she’s never met without any money. She needed to learn that lesson big time.” TheCurvyGamerGirl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not about the waitress, but definitely for not paying her part and leaving her stranded.
If you made a deal to take turns paying, you should have honored that. Also, you picked her up so you’re her ride. You could have just cut the date short, explained why you did so, and dropped her off without even getting out of your car.” Lagadisa
