People Are Quick To Judge These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate About Leaving Me To Care For Her Dogs?
“I (20F) have a roommate (20F) who has a habit of leaving for extended periods of time without saying anything, and I’m left to care for her dog (a purebred boxer) and this week she is also dog sitting a cocker spaniel puppy (who isn’t potty trained by the way).
So basically yesterday I got home from an 8-hour shift and my roommate said she was going to get coffee with a friend and be back within an hour, I agreed to hang out with the puppy because he’s cute and it’s only an hour, right?
Well 6 hours later she isn’t home and I’m exhausted and have a horrible headache (the puppy is a biter) so I sent her a text saying that I think it’s time for her to come home and that her leaving this on me for 6 hours was inconsiderate.
We get into a big fight over text where she’s telling me that I should’ve just locked the puppy in her closet if I was annoyed and that I’m a jerk because “this is the first time she’s been able to hang with her friend in weeks” and I don’t know I’m not comfortable locking a little puppy away for hours on end and she does this so often that even when she’s home her boxer will come to me when she needs anything.
I don’t know am I the jerk? (side note, I don’t own a dog for a reason, they’re exhausting and I never signed up for this but I refused to let animals go neglected).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like an irresponsible pet owner.
I’d be sending evidence of her closet “solution” to the person she is dog-sitting for – and having a real discussion with her about the future of her boxer in your home. Tell her straight up that you didn’t agree to be a pet owner, but she forced you into the role.
Now you see it as your responsibility to make sure the dog is cared for and she isn’t doing the job. She will have to start bringing the dog with her, hiring someone to help, or looking to re-home the dog to a place where it can get the attention it deserves.
You are willing to help from time to time – but you are not willing to up-end your life so she can be out for a 6-hour cup of coffee.” aj_alva
Another User Comments:
“She sounds like an appalling dog owner – and I own cats, so I’m no expert on dogs.
I don’t think locking them in closets for an indefinite period of time is a good idea. Sure, some people have kennels or crates for their dogs, but I don’t think they leave puppies still being house-trained in them for indefinite periods. Or any dog, I suppose.
She is also extremely inconsiderate of you and your time. If she asks you to care for the dogs, it needs to be for a specific period of time, you need to agree and she needs to get back to take over when she said she would.
The fact that she hadn’t seen her friend in a while is irrelevant – her first responsibility is to the dogs. NTJ.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, was she getting paid to dog sit the puppy? Because she basically signed up to dog sit, then left you with the dog and went off hanging out with her friend for hours and got paid for something she didn’t do.
Tell your roommate from now on your rate for dog sitting is $X per hour. Every hour she leaves you alone to care for dogs that are her responsibility, you will be charging her. Remind her of this every time she says she’s leaving and asks you to watch them.
Then send the invoice on Venmo/PayPal/etc.” anbaric26
20. AITJ For Using A Baby Name That An Acquaintance Used For Their Miscarried Child?
“My husband (M 25) and I (F 23) have two kids and are getting ready to have our 3rd. We have had all three baby names picked out since we started seeing each other when I was 19.
4 years ago an acquaintance of ours had a miscarriage at 5 weeks pregnant and named the baby the same name we were planning to use for our third baby.
We had told the acquaintance of our names a few months prior to them naming their baby. We never said anything about them using the name, but we were still planning on keeping the name.
Flash forward to now we announced our baby’s name on a social media platform and she messages me mad that I didn’t ask her if it was okay to use that name.
I told her that we have had this name planned for years and that I wasn’t going to change it. She blocked me. Now a few mutual friends are messaging me to tell me I need to change the name, but I don’t want to.
My husband and I love the name and have a hard time agreeing on names, we never thought to think of a backup.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one owns a name… anyone can use that name. You told her that you were using this name before they decided to also use the name.
It’s not like they didn’t know this. I can understand if it might bring up emotions for her, but that doesn’t make you a jerk for wanting to use a name you’ve planned to all this time. She might feel it’s insensitive but it’s been 4 years!
She could try to see it positively but instead, she’s piling her feelings on top of you instead of dealing with them and getting your friends to help. Just because people are upset, doesn’t mean we have to give in to what they want.” pelorizado83
Another User Comments:
“I suppose you’ve used the term “acquaintance”, which means you either don’t know this person very well, or you’re manipulating judges into thinking this isn’t really a friend, it’s just someone you know. If this is a friend, you’re a jerk. If this is someone you don’t really know very well at all, then you’re not a jerk.
So if this is an acquaintance, how would you even know she had a miscarriage, why would she tell you, if you’re not friends? I suspect an attempt at manipulation here, I think you’re playing down how well you know this person. You’re going to get mostly NTJ judgments, so here is a YTJ for novelty.” Pale_Height_1251
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s still a grieving mom, even if it’s been a long time. And you had this name picked out for years in advance. She’s allowed to need space and you’re allowed to use this name. Grief and pregnancy hormones have both of you deep in your feelings.
The only thing that might have been done better/differently would be if you had told this friend privately in advance, rather than letting her find out on social media.” justsaygay
19. AITJ For Asking My Neighbors To Replace The Trampoline Damaged By Their Fireworks?
“Last night, my neighbors set off fireworks in the field behind our house. They did it pretty close to our fence. It kept us up most of the night, which was annoying but I can deal with it for a short time each year. (It’s Independence Day weekend here in the US.)
We woke up this morning to debris all over our yard, there was a carpet of debris on our trampoline, and the trampoline has a hole burnt through it. We have only had it for a few months and my kids are devastated. I don’t really know my neighbors so I’d have to go knock on their door to tell them what happened. WIBTJ if I asked them to replace or repair the trampoline?
I don’t want to cause problems with my neighbors or be labeled a “Karen.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take pictures so it’s clear it’s fireworks debris and act swiftly. Just go to them and say this is awkward, but their fireworks actually damaged your trampoline.
Let them respond. If they’re nasty about it, say you’re trying to be fair, you shouldn’t have to suffer damage for their activity and get a price for replacing the mat. Then if they continue, follow up with bylaw, etc. Hoping for a civil outcome.” notquiteright519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just be sure to be polite about it. Maybe along the lines of, like… “Hey, I’m terribly sorry for the disturbance, but while you were setting off your fireworks last night, I’m afraid the resulting debris seems to have burned a hole in our trampoline.
I know it could very well have happened to anyone, and I know you didn’t mean to do it, but since it happened would I be able to trouble you to help me with getting a replacement?” If you have recorded footage or picture evidence, you’ll have something to take to small claims if they are at all rude about it.” Derp_Aderpy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not clean it up. Call the non-emergency line and request an officer. Ask that they come to view your property and file a report for insurance or court later. Then very politely and on camera, knock on the neighbor’s door and explain the situation.
Hopefully, you can come to a rational agreement. If not, thank them for their time and bring them to small claims immediately. Summer only lasts for so long.” LongNectarine3
18. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Leaving Kids In My Room Without Asking?
“My (15F) family and I are on vacation, and my parents have a hotel room, and my sister and I are sharing one.
Earlier today I was sleeping, and my mom came in with her friend and her friend’s 2 young kids. I thought they were just grabbing something and leaving, but they left their kids in the room.
I got up and started calling my mom, thinking they were coming back in a minute, and she explained how she needed someone to look after the kids for a few hours.
I was furious and embarrassed as she hadn’t even asked me.
I started sending pretty mean messages, like saying how mad I was and telling her how this was unbelievable, and she ignored me. She later came back hours later and started saying that if the kids didn’t cause a problem she doesn’t see why I couldn’t take care of them.
My sister and dad both sided with her and now I’m reconsidering whether I’m right. I just feel like my privacy was competently violated but I’m not sure if I’m overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your responsibility to care for anyone else’s children EVER, especially when you’re a child yourself.
They shouldn’t have dumped the kids on you and it doesn’t matter how their behavior was. That was incredibly selfish. Remember – if anyone tries to do that in the future (forcing you to babysit for hours), educate them, this can be considered child mistreatment.
Do some research on it. I’m formally trained in Safeguarding, and although this kind of abuse is considered a very low risk, maybe this will make your parents think. Make sure you have evidence though (as a link to a law stating it) so they don’t try gaslighting you.” noonespecial_2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Probably not the best reaction, but I can also understand the frustration at a parent or adult who refuses to listen and gaslights you about the situation. Not only did she not even ask if that was something you were comfortable doing, but she didn’t mention them being there at all.
I’m not sure how well you know your mom’s friend and their kids, but it definitely isn’t okay that they basically left their kids with a stranger, knowing how long they would be gone, with no instructions or even ensuring they were being supervised. As far as privacy goes, that was not okay either.
You’re 15 and almost an adult. It would be a different story if she’d knocked and announced herself first, and then at least given you the option of saying ‘no’ to watching her friends’ kids (for free, at that, on your own vacation). I don’t know, I think I’m less caught up on the privacy matter (which is definitely messed up in its own right) than I am at your mom’s friend leaving her kids in a room without making sure they were safe and being attentively watched.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – is this your mom’s normal behavior at home? Holy crap she was 10,000% wrong. However – you need to apologize for the things you sent in text messages. Very very very wrong. Make sure you apologize in front of your dad so you have witness that you’re apologizing for things you said because you were way WRONG in the things you said but you’re not apologizing for why you went off.” MommaMS
17. AITJ For Refusing To Cancel My Trip To Care For My Roommate's Cat?
“I have a trip planned to go visit a friend I haven’t seen in a while and there’s only really a small window for me to go, and I’ve given over a month’s notice, but the same weekend she’s going to be out of town (Without actually telling me the dates ahead of time).
She assumed I’d take care of her cat while she was away (The cat who barely likes me as it is) and I’ve said no, tickets are already booked and I’m going. I’ve told her that it’s not my responsibility to make sure her cat is taken care of and I’m not changing my plans and now she’s angry.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should have asked you before assuming and accepted your refusal. You gave her plenty of advance warning of your trip, so she should have known it wasn’t going to work. If you’re feeling particularly generous, you could try to see if there’s a good and reasonably priced place to board her cat in the area and send her the info, but that’s only if you feel like it.
The cat isn’t your responsibility and she should have tried to talk to you before making it yours.” spaceyaceistired
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your roommate is a poor cat guardian! It is her job to see to her cat’s care well in advance. It is also necessary to ask and get a person’s consent before planning on a person doing it!
It sounds like she wants you to drop your trip (she knew beforehand when it would be) to watch HER cat that she never even asked you to watch. That sounds very much like a manipulative user to me but I hope I’m wrong.
I think long term you need a better roommate!” Super_Reading2048
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her lack of planning does not constitute an emergency or anything else on your part. She should have realized when you let her know that you were going on a trip over a month ago, that she would have to make other arrangements for her pet if she wanted to go/be away while you were gone.
In fact, it’s really poor of her to first assume that you would take care of her cat in general, and second for her to be upset at you for taking your planned and announced trip. She can find a friend to watch her cat or she can go and have it boarded somewhere if she’s going to be out of town and unable to care for her pet.
I hope this made sense and was helpful. Best wishes and good hope to both of you and the cat, I hope that you have a great trip/visit with your friend. Be strong, be safe, and be well!” Ground-Rat
16. AITJ For Leaving Dinner After My Father Insisted I Take Off My Jacket?
“I was having dinner with my parents at a restaurant and we were enjoying our meal. The conversation followed the meal when my father asked me to take off my jacket so he could see my chest (I’m a dude). I was uncomfortable with the request at the time so I declined. There were other people around too.
Whatever the reason, I said no.
He kept going at it trying to get me to take it off when I would repeatedly say no. Maybe 3 times. At that point, he started getting a little angry and I don’t remember what he was saying but I remember pleading, “Please stop”, and “I don’t want to fight”.
It didn’t work as he was totally in the mode to fight for some reason. I asserted that I’m allowed to say no and that he should just drop it. Then, I forgot what he said, but he said something in a way that there was no turning back.
Like, “drop what?!” Which just totally conveyed the fact that he was acting in rage and ready to fight at a restaurant.
Faced with this ridiculous situation, I muttered that I needed to go and left. I’m proud of myself for that. If I was younger I definitely would have fought there.
When I saw them again, somehow my father talked my mother into saying that I ruined dinner. That me walking away was the ultimate wrong. I countered by saying that my father is the one who gave me no choice but to leave. I saw two options: fight or leave and I wasn’t going to fight at a restaurant.
My father blames me and says that I ruined dinner and that I could have stayed and ignored him or suggested wrapping up dinner due to the sour mood but that sounds like a load of bs victim blaming to me.
If he wanted to enjoy dinner he could have just taken no for an answer.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: jacket? What kind of jacket? Is it like an indoor/blazer type thing or is it like an outdoor winter jacket? Because if it is the latter, then it is super rude to wear it indoors, especially in a restaurant.
However, despite that, your father was super rude too (even if he was right for pointing out that you should not wear a jacket inside). You are NTJ for leaving and not escalating the situation. You are kinda a jerk for wearing your jacket at the table (if that was the case).” kryskawithoutH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why was he even wanting to see your chest? If you got a tattoo there and he wanted to see it then, sure I can see him asking that, but there’s none of that context, and if that was the case and you told him no repeatedly, then that is your choice.
Your body, the jacket your possession, and all of your choice! He is definitely mentally underdeveloped and running from his issue if he fired his therapist for confronting him with an issue. Running from his problems will only catch up to him and probably make things worse than they are now, try knocking some sense into him.
If this continues to happen, odds are he’ll be low contact with you because his 5-year-old butt is tired of you not enabling him. Also, I’d ask your mother or other related family if he’s always had the emotional state of a toddler.” Gold_The_Gilded
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – just repeat. A professionally qualified person, selected by your father & paid for by your father has told both you and your father, your father is delayed. I assume from the story, your father has got all he is getting, and the delays that remain are for life.
This isn’t something that is going to change. You need to decide what relationship/events you can tolerate with your father and what you can’t. You can only control your behavior. Well done for walking away.” No_Apartment7927
15. AITJ For Wanting To Get A Cat Despite My Mom's Allergies?
“I (27F) have a mom (53F) who’s severely allergic to cats and has asthma, which cat dander makes worse.
My husband (32M) and I moved across the country a few years ago—from the East Coast to the West Coast—and since then, we’ve built our little fur family with two dogs. Now, we’ve been wanting to add a cat to the mix for a while, and we’re financially stable and not allergic ourselves.
A couple of months ago, I mentioned this to my mom, and her response was, in a snarky tone, “Well, just know the rest of your family and I will never visit you, but if that’s what you want, then fine.” It stung a bit to hear that, but honestly, she’s only visited us once in the years since we moved. I feel like we should be able to make decisions about our own home without her allergies being a factor, especially since she rarely visits anyway.
Some of my family thinks I’m selfish, but my in-laws think it’s ridiculous for her to expect us to put our plans on hold just in case she wants to come by.
AITJ for not caring about her allergies and getting a cat anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your in-laws are right. After several years, she has visited your home only once? Either she can’t afford to visit you at your home or she doesn’t care to visit your home. Regardless of the reason, she clearly is going to rarely visit your home again in the future, assuming she ever does.
It’s not like having a cat has stopped her up until now because there hasn’t been one. Getting a cat will have very little to no impact on her current visiting frequency. Even then, as I’m sure others have pointed out, there are other options like hotels/motels.
Don’t let her stop you and your husband from getting a cat that you want and will love. I do still have a question though. She made the threat that no one else on your side of the family would visit your home either.
How often have they visited before now? Why are they seemingly taking her side? Do they know that she has only visited once over the past several years?” DragonMaster7433
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re an adult and can do whatever you want. That being said, I myself am extremely allergic to cats.
If I’m in a clean home with a cat, I start having difficulty breathing within 30 minutes and have to leave within the hour. And those symptoms will continue to bother me for the next 24-48 hours. My wife’s best friend has cats and we only visit during the summer when we can hang out in the yard for this reason.
Or she and my kids go to visit (2 hours away) without me. With that in mind, I understand where your mother is coming from. She is warning you that you are creating a situation that would prevent her from coming over. I don’t think she did anything wrong by informing you as such.” PJfanRI
Another User Comments:
“So, you live 2000 miles or so from your mom who has a cat allergy, she may visit you once every few years, and you’re expected to plan your household around her allergies by not getting the pet you want? NTJ, but she sounds weirdly controlling.
If she had a peanut allergy would you be expected to avoid cooking anything with peanuts in case you contaminated your cookware? No. Nobody would expect that, and she’d eat in a restaurant when wanted to see you for dinner. Just as she can stay in a hotel if she ever takes it upon herself to visit again after you get your cat.” Mean_Breakfast_4081
14. AITJ For Adopting My Neglectful Neighbor's Dog From A Shelter?
“My next-door neighbor used to own this dog that they constantly allowed to run free during the day while they were at work even though we live in a city.
The neighbors are generally bad neighbors; they constantly block my driveway and are just rude people. Recently the dog went missing, they even came out on me accusing me of stealing the dog. I was very much offended. I had no clue where the dog disappeared. I do know the dog was always friendly with my kids and family.
It had been run over once before and had a permanently damaged leg but was still sweet. Well, flash forward about 2 weeks and we find the dog in an animal shelter. Apparently, a road crew found the dog on the street we live on and called animal control because they thought it was a stray.
No collar tags or chip obviously even though collars and tags are required in our city.
We decided to ask some questions. The dog had been in hold waiting to be claimed and had just been released for adoption because no one had claimed him.
We went ahead and adopted him making him legally ours, partly because we like the dog and felt we would be better owners. Partly because we are petty and want to get under their skin.
It worked. They are infuriated accusing us of stealing the dog worse than before we learned the dog was in the shelter.
We refused to give the dog back. They called the cops. We were able to prove they abandoned the dog and we legally adopted the dog at the shelter. Then they started backpedaling to avoid fines saying they could be mistaken but at the end of the day, it’s only made their behavior worse.
Honestly to be expected but I know as long as their behavior is worse it’s because I’m rent-free in their heads. What I want to know is AITJ for adopting the dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was honestly expecting this to be a different story, where someone decided to “adopt” a dog they really had no right to.
We’ve had a few of those posts in the past. But this one was different and very easy to judge. This dog was picked up as a stray, and they are held for x amount of days before being considered legally abandoned and up for adoption.
This dog was up for adoption, and no longer belonged to them. Most loving owners who lose a pet will haunt all shelters and pounds they can locate, over and over, never giving up the search for their pet. Since you were able to find this dog in a local shelter, that insinuates his owners didn’t bother to call or look for him.
He is now yours, forever. The family that lost him did so because they were neglectful. He is now in a safe and loving home. That is in his best interest. Tune them out, because they lost their right to him. Thank you, on behalf of an animal lover, for giving him the loving home and family he deserves.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“My former neighbor had the cutest puppy. She would chain it up in the backyard and it would scream and cry for hours. She would actually yell at it and scream at it. And I swear I heard her hit it one time and it yelped. I called animal control about many of these incidents and sent them over there for a welfare check.
They showed up and said the dog was fine. We could tell that it was skinny. Fast forward it gets out and comes over. I’ll pick it up it’s skin and bones. I can feel every rib and worse than that his skin was covered with like point scabs like canine tooth bites.
Anyway, I put him in my car and left town. I fed him gas station cat food and tuna. I took the dog out of the area to a shelter in a big city hundreds of miles away and I’m sure he found a much better home.
Sometimes you just gotta save the animal yourself.” OGBarbi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This happened to me too – neighbors had a dog they let run all over the place and he even got hit by a car like yours. I even had to call the police to file noise complaints because they would leave him outside on a chain barking all night.
One day he comes to our house while we are all outside throwing a football and we ended up having a great time with him. About a week later the neighbor mentioned they were looking for a new home for him – my husband called me at work and we had a dog that night.
Granted we didn’t have to go through what you did to get yours but the concern should ALWAYS be for the animal’s welfare. We didn’t want him to just go to some random family – we already had a connection with him.
Ten years later he’s still my best buddy. You did a really great thing by adopting him and giving him a great home.” LizzyDarcy1980
13. AITJ For Not Caring About Correcting A Grammar Mistake In A Family Group Chat?
“Today’s my birthday and my partner blew up on me after I resisted correcting a grammar mistake in our family group chat.
I was sending a thank you message to everyone for all their presents and I put two commas in a sentence that didn’t need them.
Growing up, people used to think I had ADHD or Dyslexia, nope I’m just dumb I guess. So, I have Grammarly as an add-on to my keyboard which I rely on to avoid big spelling/grammar mistakes.
They pointed out my mistake immediately and insisted I correct it asap.
I also got a super condensing lecture about how I sound dumb and it’s so embarrassing in front of their family. I did edit it but it took a few minutes to update and they kept going on and on till it eventually was “fixed.”
I do not care if someone makes a spelling or grammar mistake the majority of the time. If it’s some official document or there are so many the message is unreadable then sure, I’d think get it together dude. But a mistake here and there especially in a personal group chat who really cares?
I said I wasn’t embarrassed and now they’re upstairs sulking. I do regret shouting towards the end but I think I’m justified because they were being judgemental. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Texting is a very informal way of communicating, and it’s easy to make mistakes when typing on a phone, especially with autocorrect, tiny keyboards, and typing on the go.
I’m a super nit-picky English major, and I also make mistakes while typing on my phone and don’t rush to fix them all the time. And I don’t judge people based on typos in text messages. Could this be about some other underlying issues?
Did your partner express why this is such a big deal to him?? He’s choosing a really strange hill to die on.” Cherry-Monster
Another User Comments:
“This reminds me of the time I wrote “Happy birthday, Granpa” instead of “Grandpa” and my mom lost her mind over it.
She made me correct it because she said people would think I’m dumb and don’t know how to spell. I tried to tell her it didn’t matter, even my grandpa was upset I corrected it but she got under my skin to where I was self-conscious.
Don’t let that happen to you op. Write however you want, whenever you want (as long as it’s not at work). Trust me, no one else cares. NTJ but this partner is for sure.” hecatesdawg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a grammar stickler.
I argue with people about commas and enjoy the argument. But one of the strengths of language in general and English in particular is how it can change with time and context. I’m sure your partner doesn’t “Request the honor of your presence at our evening repast” when they want you to come down for supper.
The conventions for text messaging are different than the conventions for, as you say, official documents. Get a GenZer to explain the difference between “okay” “okay.” “ok” and “K” to your partner some time. Your partner is wrong – actually according to the rules wrong, because texting is in a different context than other forms of written communication, and it has its own conventions.
One such convention is that people type fast and mistakes are okay if readable. No cap. So you are not a jerk. Or, as the young people put it – “NTJ.”” revdj
12. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Helping My Coworker With Personal Errands?
“I (28F) work as a teacher, and a few weeks ago, a coworker started asking me for favors outside of work hours. It started off innocently enough…she needed a ride home one day since her car was in the shop.
I agreed because it wasn’t far out of my way, and I figured it was just a one-time thing.
But since then, the requests have kept coming. Now, it’s not just that she keeps asking for rides…she’s asked me to watch her pet for the weekend and even wanted me to pick up some stuff she left at work when she couldn’t make it in.
As a teacher, my schedule is pretty full even outside the classroom, and I need that time to unwind and prep for the next day.
Yesterday, I finally told her I couldn’t keep helping out with these extra things. I tried to be polite and explained that my own schedule was pretty packed, but she seemed really put off.
She even muttered that she thought we were friends, which made me feel guilty. But at the same time, I feel like it’s important to have boundaries outside of work, especially when my job itself demands so much of my time and energy.
So, AITJ for saying no to helping with her personal errands?
I get that maybe she doesn’t have a lot of support around, but I also feel like it’s unfair to expect this kind of help just because we work together.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she is not your friend. She is a coworker who has found someone she can take advantage of.
Has she ever offered anything in return? I’m guessing not and she’s trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty by pulling the “I thought we were friends” nonsense. Real friends respect each other’s boundaries and don’t try to guilt trip them when those boundaries are enforced. Good for you for standing up for yourself, but make sure you keep enforcing those boundaries or she will try again.” IsolatedAnthro
Another User Comments:
“If you work together, she should at least have a modicum of knowledge that teaching is not a job it is a career. The workday does not end with the ring of the final bell. If it doesn’t occur to her that you NEED your downtime as part of your job, I wouldn’t want her to be teaching my children.
I also wouldn’t want her to teach my children that it’s OK to walk all over anyone. NTJ.” swadsmom2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For setting boundaries, especially when it comes to your personal time. It’s one thing if sometimes someone asks for something reasonable that doesn’t burden you or infringe on your own needs, but yes, it does seem that your coworker took advantage of your generosity.
You work a demanding job, and you need to do some unwinding, relaxing, and taking care of yourself.” twilightmia
11. AITJ For Not Sharing My Family's Pasta Sauce Recipe With A Friend?
“I (28F) have this old family recipe for pasta sauce that’s been passed down for generations.
My mom taught me when I was a kid, and over time, it’s become “my thing.” I make it for all sorts of occasions—birthdays, family gatherings, and even just nights in with friends. Everyone raves about it, and I take a lot of pride in keeping it close to the original.
One of my closest friends, Emily, recently asked me for the recipe. She’s been experimenting in the kitchen lately and thought it would be fun to try making it herself. At first, I kind of laughed it off, saying something like, “Oh, maybe I’ll teach you someday,” but she kept pressing.
Emily isn’t Italian and doesn’t have a lot of experience cooking from scratch, so I was a little hesitant. It felt weird giving away something that feels so tied to my family, especially since my mom always treated it as a bit of a “family-only” thing.
I tried explaining that it was a family recipe, and I didn’t feel comfortable giving it out. She got pretty annoyed, saying it was just sauce and not some “huge family heirloom.” She pointed out that I’d shared recipes with her before (which is true, but those were random ones I found online, not family recipes).
Now things are awkward between us. She’s been short with me ever since and even made a snarky comment at a dinner party about how I “gatekeep sauce.” A few mutual friends think I should’ve just given it to her to avoid drama, but others understand why I wanted to keep it private.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emily could have avoided all the “drama”, too, by not making a big deal about this recipe request. You saying “it’s a family recipe and I don’t feel comfortable sharing it” should have been the end of it. Family recipes typically stay within the family, passing down from generation to generation.
Having something unique, and getting lots of compliments on it, are the reason they are well-kept secrets. Otherwise, if anyone could get the recipe, it wouldn’t hold the same meaning of family pride! Emily needs to hone her newfound cooking skills and come up with recipes she can master and be proud of.
You are under no obligation to share.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“Whether your reason is “it’s a family recipe and it means something to me, so I want to keep it as something I’ll share with my kids one day” or even “nah. This recipe is my thing.
I don’t wanna share”, they’re both valid and should have been the end of that conversation. In the end, it’s your thing. You already shared recipes before, you’re entitled to keep something just to yourself. We don’t have to always share things. We are allowed to keep things just for ourselves.
“It’s just a recipe” okay then, if it’s just a recipe, then her being so angry over it is unwarranted and stupid. After all, it’s just a recipe, why is she so angry, she can just go find another one. NTJ.” corvidfamiliar
Another User Comments:
“Ehh, I mean, sorta not the jerk because you have the right not to share blah blah blah, but personal opinion YTJ. Once upon a time your ancestor read that recipe on the back of a can of chopped tomatoes, or in a magazine, or a cookbook, or a friendly neighbor taught her, or she learned it in school.
It’s unlikely that she created it from scratch without at least a basis that was kindly taught to her by someone else. Recipes are meant to be shared IMHO. Sitting on recipes like dragons on a treasure horde, what use is that? What’s the bad thing that will happen if you share recipes?
Someone else might cook it? Oh, the horror. My great-grandmother took the recipe for her famous pork roast to the grave because she had no daughters and didn’t like my grandmother who was the only DIL that A) lived close to her, and B) could cook.
May she rest in peace with it. I will always remember her for her pettiness more than her great meals.” eepithst
10. AITJ For Planning To Leave My Adoptive Parents' Household Without Notice?
“I (19F) was adopted into my family when I was in middle school.
My adoptive parents have always had a weird relationship with us. Most importantly my “mom”. She never called me or my other siblings her “real kids” or never treated us like it. She favors the boys in our house a lot more than the girls, especially my youngest sibling.
She has always called him her real kid and treats him like a spoiled brat. My other younger siblings get picked on and bullied by my parents and if I stood up for them, I’d get yelled at and punished.
My mom especially liked to pick on me, about my looks, my intelligence, and my interests.
She caused a lot of damage to my self-esteem and continues to do so in my relationship. Growing up with them, they always wanted a big amount of control over me and always had to have a grasp on what I wanted to do with my life.
I was an outcast for not working in the family business and they bullied me relentlessly during that period. My dad made me quit my job. (After saying he was okay with it, he’s very unpredictable). They never allowed me to explore on my own and kept me tied down to their household.
Anyway, my fiancé recently moved into my parents’ house. Which I’ve come to realize was a big mistake. I never should have brought him here and everything has become worse. My mom talks badly about my partner and then says the nicest things to his face.
She put more responsibilities on me even though I have been taking care of dogs and her kids (she owns 11 dogs). She continues to belittle me and refuses to help me get a job. (We don’t have a car yet since my partner just moved across the country).
I’ve tried working with them and finding odd jobs but it’s impossible to be hired anywhere anymore.
But recently I told my parents about my recent engagement, explaining that it’s going to be a long one and that it’ll be a few years until we have a wedding.
My mom then looked at my fiance and asked him if he was sure about marrying me. At that moment, I realized how much my mom cared about me. She had emotionally damaged me for years and never tried to help me succeed. She only kept me around and wanted me to stay in her house because I did everything.
I am nothing but a housekeeper and dog sitter to her. I’m not a daughter to her.
So in two weeks, I am packing everything up and leaving this house. I’m not telling anyone and I’m leaving very early in the morning.
I will not stand for the disrespect and abuse anymore, and she will be screwed without me. They will have no one to watch the dogs while my mom works and my dad drinks until he passes out for the rest of their lives. They will have no one to help feed their kids.
I know I’m leaving a mess behind me and I do feel a little guilty. But I don’t think I care anymore but I would like to hear if it’s normal to feel a little guilt.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Feeling a little guilty is normal because you feel empathy for your siblings. You can’t let guilt hold you back. All of you are being mistreated. By leaving, you are showing your siblings by example they can leave too. Next…. you need time to heal. Your fiance may look wonderful because he treats you better than your parents.
But it’s common that victims of abuse often end up in an abusive relationship. Not saying he isn’t truly a wonderful man, but there’s absolutely no info to know that. You need to heal to see the truth of your relationship.
Why did your fiance move into your parent’s home instead of you moving into his place?
How old is your fiance? What does he do for work? Does he work full-time? What’s his reaction to you going to college or trade school or working somewhere you can advance up the ladder?
Don’t tell your parents you plan to leave. If you have a good relationship with any of your siblings, have them memorize your number so they can call you.
Should your mom call, if she’s rude you can hang up. No one goes into marriage saying they’ll get divorced in 5 years. 50% of marriages end in divorce. For that reason, you must get an education or with your way up the ladder at Target/Walmart/post office/etc so that you can support yourself, just in case.
Also, until you can support yourself, do not have a baby. I have a friend who’s unable to support herself and her child so she’s unable to leave. There are many women in that situation. So get the education or on-the-job training to advance. If you have a healthy savings account you can leave any toxic environment.
Even work can be toxic or have toxic bosses. Money gives you options. So work to build at minimum one year’s expenses saved. Get a job that offers health insurance and get counseling. NTJ.” Outrageous-forest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When you leave make sure to block them everywhere, change your phone numbers, make sure ANY important documents that are yours (birth certificate, Social Security, etc.) go with you, Let someone know you’re not a runaway and you are safe so they can’t try and drag you back or report you and your fiance.
You’re legally an adult but they could try and report your fiancé saying they kidnapped you and so on to make police bring you back. Might want to look into how to protect yourself against that. Don’t let them use the other kids as bait to trick you into returning.
They will make them call you and cry to you as a way to guilt you into returning. I’ve seen so many people who escaped a bad family and they had to do a lot to not be dragged back. Look for domestic abuse shelters in your area and talk to them.
They might be able to help you out with things to help you get out.” Poly-Pan-cakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Leave. Your “mom” has mistreated you for so long. And I use quotation marks because a mom is and should be a mother to any child she adopts or gives birth to.
The woman you ended up with is horrible and using you like you aren’t even a person that was once a child that she adopted and she ruined the hope you had as a child to have a family and to have someone that loves you like a parent should.
Leave. Keep in contact with your siblings to try and help them if you can or need to. If they are being mistreated as well you could go to CPS.” AccomplishedFan9522
9. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sick Wife To Meet My Family Because She Went Out With A Friend?
“My wife (F33) and I (M30) have been married for four years, and during that time, we haven’t had a chance to visit my family abroad, partly due to unforeseen circumstances.
This year, we finally saved enough to plan an amazing trip to my home country, where she could meet my family and see where I grew up. We spent six months planning it and were excited.
The trip was a tour of several cities, visiting family and exploring.
Things went well until the last city, where I planned to meet my dad (who raised me after my parents divorced) and some aunts. My wife mentioned she had a friend in town she might see, and I was fine with that. But when we arrived, she got sick and felt terrible, so she wanted to stay in bed and insisted I go see my family without her.
I stayed with her for a bit, got her food, and told her to reach out if she needed anything. I visited some friends and later returned to the Airbnb that night.
The next day, she was still unwell, and again urged me to go meet family.
I had lunch with my aunt, who was asking me about my wife and even suggested medicine for her when I told her she was sick. After lunch I told my aunt I was going back to the Airbnb to check on my wife, and on my way there I texted her asking how she was feeling to which she replied she was still very sick and with a massive headache.
She told me to stay out, to go and enjoy my time in the city, so I decided to walk around my old neighborhood and eventually met up with my dad at a mall. That’s when my wife texted, saying that her friend had texted her saying he wanted to meet up with her and go grab a coffee, and she pretty much said that since her friend lives in Florida and now they happened to be in the same city she did not want to lose on the opportunity, this happened around 5 p.m. I was surprised but told her okay.
I was with my dad until 11 p.m. and then I went back to the Airbnb. She was not there yet when I arrived and ended up coming back at around 1 a.m.
On our last day, my family invited us to breakfast. I got ready early, and my wife suddenly felt better and wanted to join.
I told her it felt too late—she had chosen not to meet them before, so I went alone. Throughout the day, she blew up my phone, accusing me of being unfaithful, and claiming that my behavior meant I must’ve reconnected with an ex or met someone.
She didn’t seem to consider that while she was too sick to meet my family, she was fine meeting her friend. I lied to my family the last day saying that my wife was still sick and, that she was not going to meet them when she was feeling better, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yes, her staying out until 1 AM after feeling sick all week was kind of rude. But it also sounds like you two just don’t communicate well. What was the point of you not allowing her to see your family the next day?
If you were upset with her about staying out until 1 AM, maybe you could’ve communicated that with her. Also, couldn’t you have communicated with her while she was out and said hey if you’re out with your friend, how about come meet me and my dad and join us for a little bit as well.
Since you were out late with your dad as well. I mean her blowing up your phone about being unfaithful sounds odd. Overall, it just seems like there is a lot more going on and you two just don’t know how to talk to each other.” lakeviewdude74
Another User Comments:
“It’s funny how she automatically went to accusing YOU of being unfaithful. That is classic projection. She should have made your family a priority and certainly didn’t until the very last minute. I get the feeling her illness might not have been due to any germ.
And having you conveniently stay away gave her lots of “free” time. She could have easily met up with you and your dad for dinner and met her friend earlier for coffee for a couple of hours. Coffee normally does not last till 1 am. Your instincts are talking to you.
Listen. You need to talk to your wife about this, and I guess keeping her from your family might be OK since you need to revisit this relationship.” xraymom77
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You could have communicated in the moment that you were disappointed she chose to see her friend rather than rest for your final day so she could meet your family.
It was petty of you to have spent 4 years planning a trip for her to meet your parents to deny her that chance. I also don’t understand how you managed to spend the whole day apart from her and only question if you were wrong when she made accusations.
Surely you knew it wasn’t okay to exclude her like that. Her behaviour wasn’t considerate of you or your family and it seems strange she was well enough to be out until early in the morning after having been ill. She should have returned early to prioritize meeting your family on your last day.
As for the rest, there isn’t enough information as to the state of your marriage to know if she is wrong to accuse you of being unfaithful over nothing or this is because of something that’s happened before.” elgrn1
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Paired With A Disabled Student For A Group Project?
“Today in school we had a group project. I was sitting by myself but I was getting up to do the project with my friends.
But then my teacher told me I was going to be working with a student with an intellectual disability (let’s call him J). The project was supposed to be done by 4 people but it was only me and J. So, I had to do all the work and watch him, as his aide just told him to help me but then did nothing?!
I think I’m the jerk because I am horrible at hiding my emotions and might have hurt his feelings with the clear annoyance on my face. But I was really stressed and it was almost late. I’ve always been told to watch over others, like loud boys or J.
Just because I’m a quiet girl doesn’t mean I’m willing to watch over everyone.
I think my teacher’s the jerk for making me do the work of 4 people and watch J. But my dad says I should have more empathy for J and that it was a compliment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is very typical. Teachers will use a quiet female to make their job easier. No. Do not accept this treatment. By being made to babysit difficult students you are losing out on working with your peers. You should not have any more empathy for others than anyone else has.
That’s a bad excuse. You need to get the most out of your education and not babysit others. Do not accept this sort of treatment. Too many women are expected to sacrifice themselves to make others have an easier life. NTJ.” hopingtothrive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the main issue isn’t J’s disability, it’s the teacher making someone his partner. By this I mean it sounds like you were able to make your own group, and was paired with J, and nobody else was. I understand he probably wouldn’t have been picked by anyone, so I understand the assigning of a group but then everyone should have been assigned their group.
The teacher was not making sure the project load was less/time increased due to only having two people but really just one capable. Dad is half wrong. While you should show empathy it is not a “compliment” to be used to handle other students.
That’s the teacher and aide’s job. You are being used unfairly and next time counter with “If I’m being selected to handle another student, I should automatically receive full credit for the assignment.”” AddressPowerful516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My teacher did the same thing to me in 3rd grade.
Put me with the problem kid all semester because I was a “good influence” but all he did was make my life harder. The first week of school every single day I came home sobbing and my parents had to have a meeting with her (for several reasons, she in general was not a good teacher).
Spring semester comes around and we get new partners and I get paired with the new girl. She was fine but quiet and did not want to be friends so I went from being the babysitter of the annoying problem student to being the babysitter of the new girl while everyone else got to be with their friends.
And yes I was the nice quiet girl who was expected to be a good influence on them. This happened many times through elementary and middle school and only stopped because my high school teachers let us pick our partners and groups.” Vast_Self1149
7. AITJ For Wanting An Apology After Allegedly Stealing My Friend's Proposal Idea?
“I (29M) proposed to my partner (25F), now wife, in March 2024 and my former friend (24F) was and still is upset 7 months later.
I proposed to my partner by doing a donut around her while my two best friends did a burnout nearby.
Everything went well and she said yes! We are now married and everything has been great. The only issue has been that one of my former friends (“Jane”) was very upset about how I proposed and the type of ring I used as she claimed I stole her ideas and involved her partner (one of my best friends).
I have been friends with her and her partner for two years and I would say I was the reason for them getting together. I was their confidant and we shared a lot of good memories together.
The ring and the event itself, to my understanding, are the main reasons according to her.
During the holidays we went together to shop for gifts. During the trip, she wanted to stop by a Moissanite store to show her partner some rings and I went with them. I never really liked diamonds and was trying to find alternatives so I thought moissanite was a good option.
Jane was about 4 months pregnant. My best friend (her partner) had seen a video on IG about a burnout gender reveal and wanted to do the same thing. I suggested a spot I knew that would be perfect.
My wife and I are really big car people.
We met after she saw one of my cars at a show. She DM’d me and on our first date we did donuts on the spot I would later propose and the place I would suggest for them to do the gender reveal.
After I proposed, Jane started acting weird.
She leaves all the group chats and she turns off her location, etc. I asked her what was wrong and tells me she is upset that “I stole her idea” and involved her partner. I tried to explain my rationale as to why I proposed the way I did but she didn’t care.
I apologized as it was never my intention to “steal her idea” but she didn’t care.
I gave her time because she’s hormonal due to pregnancy.
I learned later that she had apparently been bothered about the ring for a while. She had told another friend about it but she never told me anything even after I showed it to her before I proposed.
Months go by and I stop trying to apologize. I wish her well wishes for the delivery. After her baby was born I had some hope she would reach out but she never did.
The more time passes the more I know I didn’t do anything wrong.
If you google diamond ring alternative Moissanite is the first result and a gender reveal burnout is nothing unique. She never communicated anything to me even after she knew about the ring and proposal. She made my whole proposal about herself and now has ruined a special moment.
I told my best friend how I felt and that I’m owed an apology and he agreed and said he would tell her.
I just recently learned that she told a coworker that she is never going to apologize and that she doesn’t feel like she did anything wrong.
AITJ for wanting an apology?”
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion but… YTJ. SHE wanted a moissanite ring. And HER SO wanted a burnout reveal. These ideas were found and first desired by them. You took both and made them special in your relationship which is… allowed but is clearly a bite.
You knew that though. She didn’t make a stink at your proposal. She didn’t have a tantrum. She just saw you taking all the special things you knew she wanted for herself and decided to stop being your source of ideas. She doesn’t owe you anything.” im_just_a_them
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She has nothing to apologize for, she didn’t do anything wrong! She (and her partner) ‘found’ the idea of the burnout. You ‘stole’ it for your proposal even though you knew that was the special thing they were going to do for their gender reveal. You’re hiding behind the fact that it’s not ‘unique’ but it was not so common either – you didn’t know about it until they told you about it – and even knowing that it was their special plan.
You NEVER told them you’d decided to do it too….. jerk move. Jane is entitled to feel hurt, and she didn’t ‘make your proposal about her’ – she NEVER SAID/DID anything at the proposal to steal the moment (she left a group chat and stopped responding, that’s the OPPOSITE of making it about her).
So STOP skewing the details to favor yourself! Extra YTJ on you for that deception. Bottom line: you are no longer friends, so your ‘demand’ for an apology is POINTLESS – coming here to weeny whine about a drama you caused and demand an apology from someone who’s not even your friend anymore is worthless.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What did Jane actually do, that you want her to apologize for? All you’ve said is that she was upset afterward, and you’re saying that it ruined a special moment for you. But the only thing that you said she did was tell you, afterward, that she was upset, and be a bit argumentative about whether you’d co-opted her ideas.
And it seems pretty jerkish to be claiming that she “ruined a special moment” for you with that after-the-fact argument. She was upset, she’s dropped you as a friend; why are you demanding that she apologize? She’s also potentially a jerk for having argued, but at this point just let it go.
She’s probably primarily upset because she saw you using the ideas while her partner did not, and she doesn’t want a front-row seat to more of the same. But people get upset, they decide they’re done with you, and pushing them to apologize for doing so doesn’t crown you with glory either.
Focus on yourself and your wife, and your memories of your proposal that really aren’t tainted by a later argument unless you let them be.” calling_water
6. AITJ For Not Attending My Stepfather's Family Dinner Due To Their Negative Comments About My Mental Illness?
“My (16f) mom has been married to her husband for 7 years. My dad has been out of my life for almost as many years. But even before my mom and “Ted” got married he wasn’t a big part of my life. You see, my dad is mentally ill.
There’s a family history of it on his side of my family. He’s got it bad and isn’t capable of being a good dad or really a reliable person. Last I remember of him he couldn’t really take care of himself. BUT and this is a big thing, I still love him and I have some good memories of him.
Ted as a stepfather, I call him my mom’s husband, is deserving of better or not good depending on your view overall. He provides for me, calls me his daughter, tries to spend time with me, offered to adopt me, and provide for me well into the future.
I said no to the adoption and didn’t really let the incentive of being provided for long term sway me. My reason for this is due to how often he talks negatively about my dad. My mom lets him so I have issues with her too.
But the focus of my post is more about Ted and his extended family.
Ted is always so fast to remind me that my dad chose illness over me. That he has never paid child support and has a lot of child support debt to his name.
He discouraged me from looking at photos of my dad or his side of the family and would tell me he was a better choice for a dad and his family was a way better family. Ted’s family also repeats this to me a lot.
I get reminded every time I see them that Ted stuck around, Ted stepped up, Ted isn’t some “crazy waste of life” which is what they call my dad.
Last year it was clear I had inherited the mental illness gene. My mental illness is OCD.
I got really bad because of it. A part of me always knew I was different. I had strict rules for stuff most people didn’t think twice about. Like making my bed, writing, bathing/showering. I also freaked out a lot if I couldn’t make things fit okay in my school binder or books/video games on my shelf.
My mom and Ted saw it too but mom didn’t want to believe I could be ill and Ted believed his influence could prevent it. A crisis at the start of the year proved it all wrong and I got diagnosed. I spent some time doing inpatient because of how bad it got.
When I got home and Ted was alone with me or me and my half-siblings, I’d hear his family talk about me in ways that made me so uncomfortable. They said rejecting him made me sick because it pushed me more toward Dad than Ted.
Ted’s parents wanted to have a big family dinner yesterday and I was told repeatedly they wanted me there. By them directly and Ted and my mom. I chose not to go and I said I could not get off my planner right now. Which is true.
But I just knew I couldn’t be around them. My mom and Ted weren’t happy and they said I had no trouble going off my planner to see my grandparents (mom’s parents) or my three uncles and cousins. They told me I was being totally unfair to Ted’s family by not showing up and treating them like they’re not family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, you need to protect your mental health. You do not need to spend time with people who have such ridiculous and false ideas about mental health, it would be bad for you. The fact that they’re all thinking and saying your diagnosis could’ve been avoided if you spent more with Ted. WTF.
Ain’t enough hugs, or father-daughter days in the world to prevent mental illness from displaying in those with a mental illness. You can treat it not prevent it. Being around people like this would only worsen your mental health not improve it.” AGirlHasNoGame_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mom and Ted that family does not insult and sneer at family members with illnesses, physical or mental, even ones that are incapacitating. Your father doesn’t “choose” mental illness any more than a cancer patient “chooses” to be exhausted and sick. Ask them if your dad was diabetic, would they blame you for inheriting the disease because you didn’t will yourself to get Ted’s lucky genes rather than your father’s?
And if your mom or Ted get cancer or Alzheimer’s in old age, do they want you to refuse them care because they chose to be ill rather than staying healthy by sheer willpower? Surely they would never get sick if they chose to love and associate with and be related to only healthy people, shunning and insulting anyone selfish enough to be sick, right?
Surely they wouldn’t want you treating them as loved family members if they were selfish enough to be sick and need help?” Katja1236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But they sure are. Please make sure your therapist or doctor knows what they’re saying because they are directly undermining your treatment in their efforts to control and manipulate you.
Meanwhile, sincerely, begin making plans to take care of yourself from the moment you legally can. Make sure you have possession of your birth certificate, social security card, passport, and any official documents of that nature. If you trust your grandparents to keep them safe for you, keep them over there.
Or maybe ask them to open a safe deposit box for you that your mother and stepfather don’t have access to. This sounds like an incredibly toxic situation for you. If living with your grandparents is an option, might be worth considering. You’re 16. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Hang in there. I’m so sorry you’re having to handle all this.” InternationalTexan71
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Celebrate Christmas With My Partner's Family?
“I (28F) am not close with my parents (long story short, they’re not exactly good people), but I’m always cordial with them and have always come home for Christmas.
Last year, I invited my partner (28M) to come if he wanted (after asking my parents—they were fine with it), and he came and we had a good time.
This year, he’s inviting me to come to his parents’ house for Christmas. I like his parents, but I must admit I don’t really want to go because (this may be shallow) I don’t think it will be as fun.
My parents, for all their flaws, like to have a good time—there’s always lots of booze, great food, and general festivity at their house over the holidays. Even more importantly, Christmas week has always been a time for me and my sister (who live in different cities) to hang out and have fun.
My partner’s parents don’t drink, they don’t do anything special for holiday meals, and they live in a suburb far from fun activities. His sister and her husband have a just-turned-one-year-old, so the chances that we’re going to be able to go out and have fun with them are somewhat slim.
More than anything, I’ll miss my sister. However, if she goes back to her city for New Year’s Eve, I may visit and see her then.
Re: my partner’s situation: he’s not particularly close with his family either, but I think he feels he should come see them this year since he was with my family last year.
I think he wants me to come both because, of course, it’s nice to be together over the holidays, and because my being there will make things more fun for him. He says he’ll try his best to make things fun, and I believe him.
Re: my sister: I’ve talked with her, and while she’d like to see me over Christmas, she says she’s okay with my going to my partner’s parents’ if it’s what I want to do, especially since we might see each other over New Year’s.
WIBTJ if I didn’t go to my partner’s parents’ for Christmas simply because I don’t think I’ll have as much fun?
More info, in case relevant: I went to his family home for Thanksgiving last year, and I’ve hung out with his parents and grandparents a decent amount.
I like them and am normally eager to see them; it’s just over Christmas that I don’t want to do it.
Maybe I should have mentioned this earlier, but his family is Jewish, and they don’t attach as much importance to Christmas as some people do, but they do exchange presents, so I think it’s still fair to say that they celebrate it.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO – How long have you been with your partner, and more importantly, do you see a future with him? If you expect to be with him for the foreseeable future, YWBTJ for not going to his parents. Do you think your partner would be hurt if you said, “I’m not going to your parents’ place because they’re boring and don’t entertain me.” Healthy relationships are about compromise, and in typical relationships, people make compromises around holidays.
One year with my relatives, one with yours. Be grateful that his family is just boring, not hateful and toxic. OR you could do separate holidays and see how your relationship works out.” NonaYerBiz
Another User Comments:
“It depends on where you want this relationship to go.
If you want it to be a mutual relationship where you support each other’s participation in family events, then you need to either alternate years, as your partner proposes, or divide Thanksgiving and Christmas between the two families, and you and your partner have to agree.
I think the extra fun at your family’s home and seeing your sister are good arguments for attending your family’s Christmas, but if you really value this relationship with your partner and plan to stay with him, then you need to work with him so both are reasonably happy.” Regular_Boot_3540
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on several levels. The booze being your priority isn’t even the biggest one. Christmas isn’t a Jewish holiday; if anything it’s the most un-Jewish holiday there is. It’s literally celebrating the birth of the Christian Messiah. Christianity spun off from (and generally violently disavowed the connection to) Judaism, so why would they celebrate Christmas?
(And yes I am aware that there’s an increasingly large percentage of the population who think Christmas is a secular holiday. It’s not. Thanks, capitalism.) Then there are your comments about how your future with this guy depends on the post-educational phase of your life.
Why are you with him? If you’re in a relationship for the long haul, family is usually part of the equation. If you’re so disinterested in his family now, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with them? Forget whose house you’re going to.
Set this man free now rather than drag it out until after school.” DisposableAccount986
4. AITJ For Wanting To Include My Daughter In Our Annual Fishing Trip?
“For over a decade, I and my four best friends have had an annual fishing trip. There has always been a “no wives, no partners rule” since the beginning, and no one has ever violated it.
Two years ago, my friend “Tim” told the group he wanted to bring his five-year-old son, to sort of pass the tradition on to the next generation.
At that point, only Tim and I had kids, but my daughter was three and too young for fishing. We all supported Tim’s idea and made a big deal over the little guy. He had a great time and came last year as well.
My other friend, “Randy” has a four-month-old son now.
When the baby was born, Tim gave Randy a children’s fishing pole to give to his son on his fifth birthday. So it seemed clear to me that the tradition had evolved to us + our kids, which I’m cool with.
I mentioned to my friends the other day that my daughter was excited for this year’s fishing trip and they looked at me like I was crazy.
Tim said I shouldn’t bring her, and I was baffled. I was super supportive of him bringing his son. This is no different. My daughter is now the age Tim’s son was when he first came on the trip.
Another friend brought up the “no wives, no partners” rule, which annoyed me.
My five-year-old daughter isn’t anyone’s wife or partner. I said if they don’t want my daughter there, then I don’t want Tim’s son there. Tim was offended and stormed out. Randy said what I said was uncalled for. I said I’m bringing my daughter and that’s that.
I just want to make sure I’m not being an entitled jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends are sexist jerks. The fact that they brought up the “no wives, no partners” rule with regard to a 5 y/o girl is creepy. I hope that you take your daughter fishing without those guys because I can’t imagine that spending time with them is fun for her.
I’m a 23 y/o girl (well, woman at this point), and some of my best memories with my dad are the times we spent outdoors together when I was younger, hiking and cycling. Literally, just thinking about those moments with my dad and typing this comment out made a tear roll down my face.
There’s nothing better than being a kid and being outdoors with your parents and making memories that’ll last for a lifetime. Good that you are making sure that your little girl can do that too.” Remote-Ability-6575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but before you bring her, I suggest you think back to previous fishing trips and ask yourself how much of their time was spent complaining about women.
Because the “no wives, no partners” rule was clearly a no females rule, and I’m willing to bet it’s because they wanted to complain about their women in peace. And maybe you joined in thinking it was all in good fun, I don’t know.
But if that is the case, as I suspect, please DO NOT subject your poor little girl to that. I think maybe it’s time to end your boys club tradition instead. Tell them you’ve grown up and have a happy family now, and you’ll be fishing with your girl from now on.
Heck, maybe your wife would even be keen to come along and chill with ya! Show these men that you’d choose your daughter over them any day of the week.” sirenwitchy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friends are clearly being discriminatory, I get not bringing wives/partners so that no one pairs off and ignores the rest of the group by making it about their relationship with their significant other, but that doesn’t apply to kids, there is no valid reason for their sons being able to come but not your daughter.
Some of my best memories growing up is when my dad would take me and my twin sister on a 3-day trip once a year in the summer, we’d get up before dawn, have breakfast at the same roadside diner every year, launch our canoe on the river and paddle up the river for three days, fishing and camping on the shore each night before packing back up and getting out where our dad left his truck further downstream.
We really looked forward to those trips and they make up some of our best stories from our childhood. Take your daughter on a daddy-daughter fishing trip each year instead, she’ll never forget it and you’ll have a lot more fun just the two of you than having to deal with those friends of yours.” Halleaon
3. AITJ For Refusing To Stop Training My Dog In My Yard Because My Neighbor's Child Is Afraid Of Dogs?
“My neighbor moved in a few weeks ago, and I happen to do reinforcement training with my dog every day doing the basics: sit, stay, heel, follow, lay down, drop it.
Much of the training involves distractions so my dog learns not to chase, and recall during distractions. There are times that I will be outside and eating a meal and I will toss a ball or a few to reinforce the distraction training.
The neighbors behind me moved into the house that is directly behind mine and the mother complained about me training my dog in the fenced-in yard claiming that her child is afraid of dogs.
So I basically told my neighbor that she can get bent, and that her child’s fear of dogs is not my problem, that we are separated by a fence.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dog, your home, your yard, your fence. It isn’t like the dog is running free and going into her yard.
And if her kids comes into your yard? Well, that’s still not your problem as long as you have a sign (that’s the law in my state, yes I know that may be different so check on it to cover your backside and spare your pup if she decides to be stupid).
If she filled a report, she would be laughed at. Plain and simple. If her child was that afraid of dogs, she should have researched the neighborhood better and moved somewhere where the nearby houses didn’t have dogs. Not your problem she didn’t go the extra mile.
NTJ.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a great way to help her kid get over the fear if she wasn’t playing helicopter. Like, literally. Seeing a dog from the other side of the fence, seeing a dog being well trained and obedient, seeing a dog being social and safe and loving, knowing the dog can’t approach closely?
That’s pretty much textbook exposure therapy. Also, I’ll bet your puppy looks happy, proud, and excited about being able to show what a good, clever boy he is.” MarkedHeart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if I were your neighbor I’d be glad that you’re training your dog.
My daughter was attacked by our neighbor’s dog recently. She is okay, didn’t have any scarring (thank goodness) and my neighbor has been promising to get their dog trained through obedience school. I’d actually feel safer if I could see them training the dog myself.
My kid has to have constant, close supervision whenever she is outdoors. She loves being outside and running, and she loves dogs too, so it’s a lot of time spent making sure she doesn’t get attacked again. (We’re working on making sure she gets permission before she pets dogs, she’s a toddler.)” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend About My Pregnancy Sooner?
“My close friend is upset with me for not telling her sooner that I was pregnant and because I told our other friend, who has a kid, before her. I had told our other friend early because I had a ton of questions and it was nice to have her support answering them.
Once we had our final first-trimester test cleared at 12 weeks, I immediately told my parents, and then my close friend. There are mutual friends between my husband and close friend, so I made sure to tell her first so she didn’t find out from anyone else.
I also had a miscarriage earlier in the year (which I honestly hate talking about) but I told her about that with the pregnancy news. She congratulated me and gave condolences about my miscarriage, but also slipped in a few passive-aggressive comments about how she was so out of the loop and how I could have just told her sooner.
I looked past the comments to not create any drama.
A week later she sent me a very long text about how hurt she is that I didn’t tell her sooner but I told our other friend and that she feels like I don’t trust her.
She also said it put her in an unfair position because our mutual friends would bug her asking if I was pregnant and it sucked not to know I actually was. She said she’s been crying over this with how hurt she is and that my not telling her about my miscarriage sooner is even more hurtful and that I left her out of the loop.
I’m a pretty reserved person and don’t get all mushy with baby stuff. It took us almost a year to finally get pregnant and I had a lot of spotting with the first. I didn’t want to tell anyone early (besides my other friend who had been through it) in case it was a miscarriage (which it was) because then it’s so uncomfortable to have to go back and tell people just kidding I’m not pregnant.
It was overall a very stressful and frustrating experience trying to conceive and with the second pregnancy, again I didn’t want to start telling people until we had all the tests come back as low risk.
I understand that my friend might be upset feeling I don’t trust her, but that’s not it at all and honestly this just has nothing to do with her.
I like privacy and really hate talking about my miscarriage and I wish she would just respect that instead of being hurt by it. Her feelings are valid but I wish she had vented to a friend about it instead of me. It’s put a rain cloud on announcing it and the more I think about it, the more annoyed I get that she’s made my pregnancy about her.
Am I being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lots, and I mean lots, of people do not announce a pregnancy publicly until the 10-12 week mark. The reasons for doing this are obvious, even for people who do not have a history of miscarriages. The reasons are even more so in your case.
She is getting hurt and upset over a very common practice. She is making your anxieties about your pregnancy all about her feelings and wanting to be told sooner? That’s honestly a bit weird, imho. You didn’t even tell your parents until 12 weeks. Did they get all hurt and upset about it?
Why does your friend think she is more important or was due more advanced notice, than the grandparents of your child? Your life doesn’t revolve around her and you are entitled to tell people about your pregnancy when you are ready. You are entitled to tell anybody you like about your previous miscarriage.
That was a traumatic time for you, and maybe you were not ready to tell lots of people. Instead of meeting you with empathy on that one, all I’m hearing from your friend is me, me, me and how hurt she is. She is being a drama queen at best, and actively insensitive at worst.” crazyheather345
Another User Comments:
“You are 100% NTJ and the way she has responded is incredibly selfish and lacking empathy. Regardless of your miscarriage, it is always your choice when you tell anyone about a pregnancy. This could have been your first pregnancy ever with no prior trauma, and it would be fine to tell people only when you want to.
Considering your previous experience with pregnancy loss, it is beyond understandable that you would be cautious about telling people. She is making your miscarriage about her feelings, which is not OK. Agreed, she can feel however she feels, but she absolutely should not have said any of this to you.
Also, telling people about a miscarriage is so unbelievably personal – why does she feel entitled to this information?! It’s your choice how you proceed, but I would be communicating to her how unacceptable her reaction is and how she needs to reflect/apologize before you continue to include her in your life.
But you do you. Congratulations on the pregnancy and I hope everything goes really well and safely from now on, and that you’re surrounded by positivity and support!” beeeea27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My close friend only just told me she was 20 weeks. We message every day and have kids the same age.
We were hoping to be pregnant again at the same time. That was going to be next year so this is totally out of the blue. I was devastated and yeah, like your friend I had a bit of a cry about it. ‘We’re clearly not as close as I thought.’ ‘How can she have been listening me to talk about conceiving and just sort of lied her way through the conversation?!’ But you know what?
I cried to my husband about it, not her. Nothing would have possessed me to share that with her – because it’s none of my business and not about me! Now I’m over it, it turns out not even her parents knew about it and she’d been really stressed. So yeah, it was literally nothing to do with me because I’m not the main character in her life.
Your friend is being an idiot and it also sounds like if you’d told her she’d have absolutely let it slip to people asking if you were pregnant. Why did she need an answer either way for other people’s interference?” AcornPoesy
1. AITJ For Pretending To Be A Teen Boy To Boost My Roommate's Twitch Stream?
“A few years ago my (26F) roommate (26M) started streaming games on Twitch.
The guy has a serious follow-through problem. If he doesn’t see immediate success, he gets depressed and gives up. I really wanted him to give it a good try, so I made an account, followed him, and started chatting with him as a teenage boy.
He came out of his room the next day beaming about his first follower. I kept it up for a few months until he had what I thought was a decent following for a new streamer and returned to my regular sleep schedule (he would stream from 7 pm to 1 am).
Last week my partner who I told about it let slip that I was the teen boy and he got angry. He started saying he wanted to get big on his own (he has about 1,200 followers now). I explained that I didn’t want him to give up early and knew that people probably wouldn’t join the stream if no one else was watching, but he insisted that I pity him and think he can’t do anything without my help.
I do have a tendency to try to help my friends with these kinds of things whether they ask me to or not. I really was just trying to do a nice thing for him.”
Another User Comments:
“Many people responding don’t understand how Twitch streaming works.
Or the level of effort you put in to help your friend. NTJ, your wording is wrong. You didn’t really deceive him in this situation because it’s not like you tried to get anything selfish out of it. You helped him beat the algorithms and gain extra followers because you were watching and interacting.
He showed up when others searched for his niche. Your partner is a jerk. There is a large chance he told your secret on purpose out of jealousy. Personally, I think you should have taken this to the grave. Sit down with your friend and have a real conversation with him.
I apologize for the partner being the reason he found out. Let him know that you really did become a fan ( or already were) and that a content creator channel doesn’t grow unless people like the CC, so of course it’s from his hard work and the fact that you added a spark to his stack of wood isn’t the reason his fire is so tall, it’s the day to day work he puts in.” ForMyFather4467
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the YTJ comments are insane to me, you did an extremely kind and sweet thing for your friend that materially helped him out and yes it sucks a bit that he found out about it this way but like??? What kind of toddler behavior is this… he did gain his followers on his own, it’s not like you were out there paying people to subscribe to him??
Having someone already in the chat is a smart move, something he probably should’ve thought of himself and asked a friend to do (which I personally absolutely wouldn’t by the way, you’re a saint for this) if he’s serious about gaining a following.
your worst crime in this situation is literally being too invested in his success and going about it in a sneaky way because he apparently wouldn’t accept help any other way? Honestly, I think you should’ve told him it was you as like, a funny story that you can both look back on and laugh about because I would’ve thought the reaction to hearing this was gonna be at most some embarrassment and mock outrage, which was then instantly vastly overshadowed by gratitude for having such an awesome friend.
Like I’d get choked up about how the sheer COMMITMENT shows just how much you cared about me as a friend??? I’m very sorry that he’s instead throwing a tantrum like a baby.” sollunaaron
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. At first, I thought you weren’t, but as I was writing, I realized you were.
Your friend really wanted to succeed on his own (which is tricky with streaming, since an audience is obviously necessary). Still, you could have shown support in a respectful way. You could have followed him on Twitch openly, not hiding your identity, to let him know you were there for him.
Alternatively, you could have watched it anonymously and kept it to yourself. But instead, you chose to talk about it with others, which could be embarrassing or degrading for your friend. You agree you have a tendency to “help” people even when they don’t want it, which suggests you may not fully respect their boundaries.
In the end, that’s what makes you the jerk.” [deleted]
