People Put Up Their Walls In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Wearing A Shirt That Seems To Mock My Own Speech Impediment?
“I am 16F and I have a very noticeable stutter that impacts my daily life, like school, my job, and socializing.
I love Adam Sandler movies and a couple of years ago, my dad got me a Billy Madison shirt for my birthday or a holiday.
It says “t-t-t-today junior!” On it.
My mom (50F) tries very hard to be woke and she’s an armchair activist. I wore the shirt today and she told me to take off the shirt before leaving the house because I could offend people with disabilities and she doesn’t want me to cause any trouble.
I was so confused because I literally have a speech impediment! I said this to my mom and she told me that people wouldn’t know by looking at me, which is a very valid point. This is why I think I might be the jerk for wearing a shirt mocking a disability.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People with disabilities sometimes wear such shirts. Because we find them relatable and hilarious. As for someone not knowing of your speech impediment. They do. When you speak, they know that they don’t have to be nervous around you. They can tell that you don’t take yourself too seriously, because you are wearing a humorous t-shirt.
Your mom is trying. I think it’s harder on them than it is on us, sometimes. Other times, they’re kind of… lost? Keep being you. You’ll find your way. She will find hers. I promise.” mrslII
Another User Comments:
“I’m disabled and having a sense of humor is part of how I cope with it.
Sounds like you do as well. Your mom is being sensitive to the hypothetical pain of others rather than realizing this is one of the ways you cope. So wear your shirt and tell her most of us with disabilities care less about someone wearing a t-shirt and care more about things like accessibility and accommodation.” Born_Ad8420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my not-too-distant past, I had doc appointments 2-3 times a week for two years. I was very depressed and one of the things that got me out of my slump was the British comedy The IT Crowd. One of the best episodes had a main character feigning a disability.
I laughed out loud for what seemed like 6 months. He said “I’m disabled” after getting caught in an awkward situation. I bought a show T-shirt that said “I’m Disabled” with the buffoon’s face on it and wore it to one of my doctor’s appointments.
My wife was aghast in horror. For my physical appearance, I look slim and healthy. My wife said it looked like I was making fun of all the patients who were wheelchair-bound or with walkers. I quickly covered up. I had to reveal it during the appointment and of course it was a conversation piece.
Let’s just say it was a hit, especially on my subsequent visits after some people watched the show. My wife says I’m still a jerk for other things but laughs at this story.” dal1999
20. AITJ For Not Buying Fries After My Wife Didn't Answer My Questions?
“I (34 m) asked my wife (33 f) yesterday morning if she wanted some fries from Mickey D’s.
She did not give me a direct answer to my question. I asked her if she wanted something from BK or Wendy’s as well. No reply. We get in the car and she goes to Dunkin Donuts to get herself a free iced coffee.
No problem there. I ask again about the fries because the coupon I had disappeared so she suggests that I check her phone. I indeed discover that her phone does not have the coupon either.
So I ask her again if she really wants these fries, no reply.
I ask if she wants something else, again no reply. I end up ordering food via the app and she was super angry that I didn’t get fries. I was called rude for eating in front of her which I will admit was a jerk move but I asked multiple times with no answer.”
Another User Comments:
“Were you two physically near each other when all of this was taking place or was this done over text? Another thing, for the future, don’t ask, just get the fries. If she wants them she will eat them, if not, you will.
But I am concerned that you are fighting over fries. How can you fight over something that provides so much happiness. That’s like being angry at the Fed Ex, Amazon, UPS driver. Can’t get angry at them, they are bringing joy, right to your front door!
Y’all have to admit, fries make you happy!” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“Unless a key detail was left out, NTJ. I mean, you can’t read minds and since she didn’t give a direct answer despite being asked multiple times, it’s very understandable that you didn’t get the fries for her.
While you certainly aren’t a jerk, your wife not answering after multiple times of being asked is weird in my opinion.” TrueCreatorOfReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe next time just get her the fries? I have issues feeling dependent on others. My spouse is as wonderful as they come, but my parents and ex made me feel like a burden my entire life.
I am fiercely independent, but can’t currently work because of medical issues. I hesitate to ask my hubby for necessary things. He asks me why didn’t I tell him I needed this or that, but it’s hard to explain the guilt I feel just by thinking about asking for anything, even deodorant.
I don’t know your wife, only you do, but maybe it’s time for a vulnerable conversation?” Mhorianna
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Hugged By My Coworker With Down Syndrome?
“I’ve been working at a retail store for about a little under a month and the store I work at is known for hiring people with disabilities. One day a coworker with Down syndrome came up to me and she says she has a crush on me, I tell her I’m gay and I have a partner and she’s super understanding, her para asks her to continue working and she hugs me.
At first, I understood and was okay with it but now every single time she sees me she comes to hug me. I would say I’m an understanding person when it comes to hugs but, I do not know her. It makes me uncomfortable because she latches onto me and sometimes I just flat out don’t wanna be touched. I’ve ranted about this to some of my friends and they say I’m being irrational or ablest or that “it’s just because she has Down syndrome.” Any advice or anything would be highly appreciated!!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’ve been really understanding of this coworker and their struggles. You have every right to not be touched when you don’t want to be. Is her “para” some sort of social worker or helper? If so I’d ask them for advice on the best way to explain to her that she can say hi to you, but hugs make you uncomfortable.
You’re a good person just for worrying about this OP def NTJ.” Sad-Ad-4384
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something that I have seen a teacher of special needs children do, is take a step back and say firmly but in a friendly tone “no thank you” while putting their hands up in front of them.
So that’s what I would do. Take a step back, and say “no thank you, I don’t feel like a hug today”. Then go about your business. Disabled people need to learn boundaries just like everyone else does. Maybe, if you feel comfortable later, you can start having a special greeting for her, like saluting when you walk past. Be friendly, but firm.” AwkwardAquarian
Another User Comments:
“The types of people who try to convince you that you are not allowed to have personal boundaries around disabled people are the actual ableist ones in my opinion. This person is clearly able to work and communicate. They are probably able to understand a simple “I don’t like hugs with coworkers.” Your friends’ attitude sounds patronizing in my opinion.
Also if your workplace is known for hiring people with disabilities, they should be well versed in helping people understand boundaries in situations like this. Maybe they’re not, maybe they just do this to be seen as an ethical company without putting in the work to support a staff with a variety of needs, but I would hope they would be able to support you in solving this issue.
Your friend telling you you should just let her do whatever she wants, regardless of your own comfort level, is essentially putting their own desire to be seen as someone who calls out ableism above your actual bodily autonomy. NTJ.” Extension_Ad_972
18. AITJ For Wanting Privacy During My Therapy Session At My Aunt's House?
“I (20F) stay with my aunt (51F) to take care of her because she’s disabled. I have therapy Zoom calls weekly.
Today, my aunt asked me to leave the door open for the AC to get to her room since it’s finally hot enough to have it on. The thing is therapy only lasts an hour and she has a fan in there that’s on.
The layout of the house is difficult to explain but the only space in which I have privacy is the living room because there’s actually a door I can shut.
I told her it’s only an hour and her fan works perfectly fine and she threw a fit saying she was going to suffer and that whatever happens to her is my fault.
I feel as though I deserve privacy for the one hour a week I get to myself. I said I would shut it off so we would both have to suffer then. Even if I shut it off, the house would probably still stay cool for the whole hour until it was turned back on.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I think you’ve offered a fair compromise. If you shut the AC off, she can’t accuse you of elder abuse because you are both operating under the same conditions for that hour. And bonus, you and your therapist can hear each other better.
Not sure what’s wrong with the old dear, but are you sure she isn’t demanding you leave the door open so that she can eavesdrop on your sessions?” JayMeiCee
Another User Comments:
“She’s being a jerk and you’re NTJ but I also assume you aren’t going to be able to move out immediately.
So, practical solutions. 1. Can you swap rooms? Can she hang out in the living room and you borrow her bedroom? 2. Can you lower the air conditioning a couple of degrees before therapy so that her room is cooler to start with? 3. Is there anywhere that using a white noise machine could block enough sound for you to feel comfortable?
4. Do you have a car? Could you do therapy in your car if you really needed to? 5. DOES her fan actually work well? Because some fans are bad.” doughnutmakemelaugh
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – It’s hard to claim to have a right to privacy while using the living room of someone else’s house, even if you’re doing them a favor.
It’s inherently non-private and it’s an unreasonable imposition. Additionally, many elderly people get hot or cold easily because the body loses the ability to regulate temperature as effectively when you get older so I would not trivialize her concerns. Instead, consider using a more private room or car if you want privacy.” Aggressive_Loan_8845
17. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Wife Over Towel Usage In Our Bathroom?
“We recently moved into a new house with a nice en suite bathroom. There’s a double vanity with a medicine chest on one end and two towel hooks on the other side.
I’ve been using the hand towel closest to the mirror. The other day I used it and it was wet. So I asked my wife, “Hey sweetie, which towel is mine again?” To which she replies, “Neither, this one is my hand towel and this one is my face towel.” “So none of these are mine?” “No.”
I walked away with a “grumble chuckle.”
Two days later we’re having a small disagreement about something unrelated and I blow up at her about the towels…how can you be so selfish??! There’s two hooks, there’s two of us. What the heck! She says I’m being silly and hasn’t addressed the body of the issue.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. What the actual?? Why do you have separate hand towels at all?? This is the oddest I’ve ever heard. Why are you evening arguing about something so banal?? If it’s that big of a deal – COMMUNICATE with your wife like grown-ups.
Tell your wife you need a towel hook for yourself and take one. If your wife needs two towel hooks – just she can put up another one.” DrVerryBerry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being annoyed, but stewing on it and blowing up later is a jerk thing to do.
She’s the bigger jerk for not sharing towel space. It’s an easy issue to resolve. A lighthearted conversation about sharing resources, and a reconfiguration of towel hooks. Two hooks at her sink, one hook at yours. (Or you can divorce.)” Johoski
Another User Comments:
“That reminds me of an argument I had with my partner earlier in our relationship.
We went to a hotel where we got 2 big towels and two smaller towels. The next day he showered first and when I got out of the shower I saw there was only one towel left unused. Where was my hair towel, you might wonder?
(I’m a woman with long hair) On the floor used as a bath mat! I said nothing until, like you, I exploded telling him he never took me into account! He even left me without a towel, he threw my towel on the floor to keep his feet dry!
Well, it turns out it had never occurred to him that I might need a hair towel. He thought the small towels left on the bathroom were hand towels and bath mats. I had waited so long to talk to him that I was really mad, and had been in a bad mood all day.
When I finally told him, he directly went to reception and asked them for extra towels. Problem solved in 30 seconds while I had been angry for hours. Lesson learned, talk to each other in the moment.” Economy-Grapefruit32
16. AITJ For Refusing To Remortgage My Flat For My Entitled Mother's New House?
“I F (41) have a flat my mum lives in.
When I was a fresh-faced 18-year-old (& naive af) I was working a fairly good job (been working since I was 11 under the table). My mum almost lost the place grandad (RIP) got for us, so I (dumbly) took out a loan, bought my uncle out of his half, had my mum’s shares transferred to me, and had the deed/title to the place put into my name on the condition she manages the repayments.
I was unsure but she begged me to “help her out”. I moved out at 20. I swear I don’t have sucker stamped on my forehead though sometimes I do wonder lols.
(Note she only pays for the loan as per our agreement, even then sometimes I have to cover it because she “can’t afford it this week,) l
Looking back I wonder if she preplanned it when someone opened their mouth and spilled the beans of my plans. (I was in the process of buying my own place 6 hours away). Just an FYI I am on the hook for Rates, insurance, and water for the flat and have dutifully (because I’m not a monster) been paying them for the last 23 years.
Cut to now she is a bit elderly and needs to move to a one-story as Grandad’s flat is upstairs downstairs and she can’t handle the stairs.
She rang hubby & me the other week and asked if we could consider remortgaging Grandad’s place and she find somewhere “cheap” and “easier for her to live” aka a one-story on the ground.
Hubby and I say we will think about it.
Later Hubby & I sit down together with our accountant who’s also MIL to make a budget so we could work something out like how much we would need to remortgage to find a “cheap” place for her to live.
We come up with a number after talking to the family peeps in the industry & they give us a massively good family discount quote that is suitable and will be easy for us to manage.
Hubby & I ring her and say yes sure we will remortgage the flat for x amount (I’d already spoken to the bank about using the flat based on current valuation as collateral to fund it, figuring we will be able to rent the current place out at market value, that will manage the loan repayments & rates for Grandad’s flat and we will have more disposable income if we don’t have to pay for that place.
When the kids get older they do what they want with it.) GOOD BUSINESS Yes?? Hubby, family and I think so. Even my oldest kid (16) was like that’s a good plan when I get older I’ll start a rental agency with Grandad’s place & because nanny won’t be living in her new place forever when she goes we can rent out that place too.
As per family ideas and brainstorming. I suggested we get one of those kit-set homes and a small plot of land because the loan amount and repayments will be smaller. The papers were ready to be signed, my hubby’s family has large land in the country.
MIL says she would sell 1/3 of an acre for 65,000 (way below market value) just to get my mum somewhere safe. Builders ready kit-set home sorted we found one that was super cute cabin style 2 bedroom with kitchen and small lounge area perfect for an elderly lady for about $65,000 total cost for land & kit set is at $135,000.
Add in building consent and costs for laying the foundation etc 150,000-250,00. The total remortgaging cost is estimated at $390,00 give or take. Repayments at $550 pw over 30 years.
3 weeks later; Ring my mum to tell her the plan. She told me to screw off & wants a 3-bedroom house in the middle of town, so her partner can move in with her.
(When I was 19 he stole my credit card from me and maxed it out, I have nothing to do with him and he’s not allowed near the flat when I’m seeing my mother I am NC with that person.)
To top it off my mother says no income from renting the flat will come to me.
(as in her) I say to her well how will we pay the loan and rate for the flat. She says “oh you & (insert hubby name here”) can manage. Umm no no we can’t we have 5 kids and our own mortgage to pay.
Our oldest is in her last year of high school and is looking at university in 2026 she wants to go into business management. At this point, if I’m going to be forced to remortgage, I’d rather remortgage it to fund my kids’ education.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. I said to her if that’s how you feel, and you’re acting this entitled when it will be myself and hubby on the hook if anything goes wrong, we won’t do anything and you can stay in the current flat for now.
She threw a massive tantrum that would put my 4-year-old to shame, saying it’s not fair, I have so much anger towards something so far in the past it’s absurd I still carry it with me. Why won’t I forgive (insert that person) & let him back into my life?
(I’m not a fool) She claims he paid the price for his mistake when he was sentenced and convicted. I’m punishing her for a mistake that was made & I should get over it.
I told her that ever since that person came into her life & even before that, I was placed into dangerous situations no young girl should be in (I had to buy locks for my room & the bathroom).
I said to her that I would never ever put money into funding a house for him to live in and if they were so keen to live together why can’t he put some money up instead of it being all on me? I also said that we weren’t taking out a massive mortgage when we have almost paid the one off on the flat.
(25,000)
Kitset homes are like $60,000 and a small plot of land is like 150-200 (not telling her we’re getting a good deal from hubby’s family cause not her business) getting plumbers and electrical & builders would bring it up to 260-390 instead of taking out 750-800 for a house in her preferred area.
She claims that I’m being unfair and should want to take care of her in her old age.
I shot back I’ve been taking care of you since I was 4, cleaning up your messes & I’m tired. I am seriously considering just selling the flat completely so I can go NC we are currently LC.
If I didn’t have the flat I wouldn’t have anything to do with her.
She then wailed her favorite 2 catchphrases “what about me” and “if you do sell the flat that $$ belongs to me (her) cause she “deserves it” and I “owe her”” which is how every conversation with her goes.
I think I need to stop worrying about her and concentrate on my own husband and children.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jeebus, what more does she want?!? You’ve secured housing for her, offered to financially extend yourself to get her something else and she’s an a*usive to you in response?!?
Let her stay in the current flat forever if you want to. Just make sure legally there isn’t anything she can do for example: sell it. Damage it with no consequences. Sublet it. Have an accident in it or someone else does and sue you.
Anyone who has treated you so horribly in the past continues to treat you horribly, and will also treat you horribly in the future. Yes, she’s your mother, and yes she’s getting older, neither of those things mean you should put up with how she treats you, you wouldn’t put up with it from a stranger or a tenant in the unit, would you?” Pascalle112
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what you owe in this situation is to allow your Mother to move where she wants, on her terms, with her own money. You do not owe to financially support her while she emotionally blackmails you. Allow yourself to put your own family first. Tell her this.
Tell her it’s time for her and Mr. Creepy to move to the future they want together. Tell her that you love her enough to let her go forward with her life and her future with Mr. Creepy. Then do exactly that. If this causes a LC situation, while you disentangle and reclaim the economic benefits your mother feels entitled to, then so be it.
This will need to happen at some point, so now is as good as any time. Good luck with your mother and happy 2025!” bronwyn19594236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Offer to let your mother buy you out of the flat, or offer to sell it completely and split the profits according to how much you each put in and the risk you took when you took the loan out for her.
But I really think you should find a way to cut all financial ties to her. She has already risked or destroyed your credit twice. She WILL do it again just to spite you for saying no to her. Find a way out of all financial entanglements you have before she manages to do so.
In your shoes, I would cut ties with a woman like this, mother or not. She has risked your future, your physical safety, and now wants to endanger your children’s home and future, all to suit herself and a foul thief of a partner. What does she bring to your life at all?
I’d wager the answer is nothing, but you feel compelled by her guilt trips and society to stay in touch. To be clear, you owe her nothing. Whatsoever. If you can’t bring yourself to cut this albatross out of your life, you need to make it very clear to her that you will never forgive her partner, that you do not care if that makes you selfish or cruel in her warped view, and the next time she mentions his name to you, you will go no contact for a month.
The time-out period doubles every subsequent time she does it.
Also, make it clear that you will not put one penny more towards her future than you already have, no matter how much she whines or yells. Don’t be angry or get sucked into an argument.
Just lay out the facts and tell her to figure her own future out, because you’ve done enough, and the only thing you will do is the flat as is, or a kit-set house that is primarily funded by her portion of the remortgage (although you’re being very naive about how much that would actually cost).
Then, be done with the situation. She complains? Hang up or leave. She’ll get the message.” Cursd818
15. AITJ For Not Attending My Husband's Family Christmas Due To My First Responder Schedule?
“I am a first responder and have been for the last 3 years. My schedule is a rotating shift pattern (days/nights). The pattern is consistent and I can tell you what days I’m working very far in advance. Because of this, I told my entire family last year that I would be working on Christmas this year and reminded them when we saw them.
This is the first time I have had to work on Christmas.
My side of the family understands and we are celebrating with just my parents and siblings another day.
My husband’s family is really into Christmas. Like everyone needs to be at SIL’s house at 8 am to open presents together and then we spend the entire day together.
So when I asked if we could celebrate together another day over the holidays instead it got shut down with statements like “Christmas is on December 25th.” or “I don’t understand, can’t you just ask for the day off?” So I let them know my husband would be attending solo this year.
This morning while I was at work, my husband (who works a 9-5 and is enjoying his day off) texts me “it would be nice if you could come by for a couple of hours tomorrow after work..” I declined because:
1. SIL lives ~90 minutes away, so that’s 3 hours of driving.
I would be driving home alone at night with not the best weather.
2. My job can be very stressful and my social battery is drained by the time I get home.
3. We already agreed that it made more sense for me to stay home and to have him go to his parents’ house on Christmas Eve so they could drive over in the morning together..
Well my husband is upset and thinks that I don’t want to spend time with his family. He’s been sending me passive-aggressive texts all day trying to guilt trip me… “we don’t know how much time we have left with my parents…” It’s working because I feel like I’m letting everyone down and I don’t want his family to think I don’t want to spend Christmas with them.
WIBTJ if I stuck to our original plan instead of making an effort to go see his family tomorrow after work?”
Another User Comments:
“I work in the field of emergency services and the fact is that we, as a group, are never off duty.
And unless you are going to mistreat your colleagues (and they’re going to somehow allow it), you have to take your share of holiday shifts. My family is completely used to celebrating important occasions with me on the wrong calendar date. OP, I don’t know how long you have been with your husband, so maybe the situation is salvageable, but he needs to get with the program yesterday.
NTJ.” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“You work emergency services. I worked in emergency services for 35 years. Holidays happen when we can organize them, sometimes not on the actual holiday. My family, my inlaws – they all understood this. It’s NORMAL. So many people have military, police, hospital, firefighters, and hospitality jobs that occur 24/7/365.
Your husband needs to realize your career is not like a business M-F 8-5 or whatever. You are an important part of society. You are not a jerk, you are an important person with an important job. Your husband needs to get on board. It’s about you, not his family.
DO NOT FEEL GUILTY, GET THIS ISSUE SORTED. If he never understands and is going to be pressured by his family to pressure you- draw that line. You are fine. Thank you for doing the hard work of serving the public. (I’m a dispatcher and I have some strong words if you need them!!)” crackersucker2
Another User Comments:
“Working in the health field runs 24/7 with rotating schedules, and we all have to work on Christmas at some point. Everyone knew in advance that you were working. Do not feel guilty for doing your job (which is stressful, who knows what will happen), and then taking time to rest. Shame on your husband for making you feel guilty, I would say he is the jerk.
Stick to your plan. Using that excuse of “we don’t know how much time we have left with the parents”…really is garbage…seems to be brought out at Christmas, and gee people can pass away at any time. but at Christmas, it is aimed only to make everyone feel bad.
Take care of yourself, have a good shift at work then go home and rest and recharge. You can call his parents and have a nice chat…pretty sure they will understand (hope).” the_power_of_a_prune
14. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Kids I Do All The Christmas Preparation?
“We (I, 40F, and him, 43M) have been married for 18 years and every single Christmas its overwhelming mental load falls on me.
I make the lists, I brainstorm ideas, I buy all gifts (our family, extended family), and I do all the wrapping—I spend months thinking about and working on making Christmas special for our family, including my husband. When I ask him for ideas, his standard response is “I don’t know.” So it’s all on me, every year again.
Would I be the jerk if I told our 3 kids (one adult, two teenagers) that I’m the one who did it all?
Bit of backstory:
My husband makes 4x the amount of money than I do, so especially early on in the marriage, he often paid for the presents so I was fine with him not really chipping in on the workload of buying and wrapping gifts.
I did ask him for more help over the last few years and told him that it’s too much stress for one person, he helped wrap (some) presents once, but usually he just plays games at night or goes to sleep early while I’m wrapping gifts.
This year, I transferred more money than I actually spent on all presents from my savings to his account, and I still did everything myself. It’s a lot. I spent every free minute after my stressful job on Christmas stuff, by myself, and when I sent him a list of exactly what support I needed from him, he ignored it and didn’t talk to me all day yesterday (he spent his day in the basement playing games) while I spent my Sunday working on wrapping and planning.
I don’t want to be petty, but at this point I’m stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, and mentally exhausted. And yes, I currently resent him for ignoring my needs when I spelled it all out for him and he could have helped out. Should I just keep it all inside or let our kids know that I was the only one making Christmas possible?”
Another User Comments:
“Christmas can be stressful and this sounds like it’s wearing on you… but you guys have been doing it this way for 18 years?! That’s essentially an unspoken contract. Why would he expect any different this year? 1. Don’t use your kids as a weapon.
2. Talk about it like mature partners. Your expectations may be way higher than his. He might be happy giving out gift cards and catering Christmas meals… if you want more personal than that, you’ll have to find a compromise. 3. When your husband used to make 4 x more than you did he tell the kids that the house they live in is 80% his and only the garage and one bathroom were paid for by you?
Hopefully not. YWBTJ if you do this to your kids and husband. After this Christmas sit down and talk through it for the future and everyone is on the same page.” OwnInspector4041
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Here’s the thing…. Christmas is as hard as we make it.
All of these expectations are from ourselves and others. Half the crap I do at Christmas would not be missed by my husband if I stopped. My kids are 17 and 19 now. It just gets easier. The lots of work years were when the kids were small.
If you’re this stressed out about it you need to reevaluate how you do things. One thing that totally made life easier was when my husband’s brothers and their wives and we just agreed to stop with the adult gifts and only do kids.” DELILAHBELLE2605
Another User Comments:
“Your children already know that mom buys the gift & wraps them while dad pays for them. They’re not deaf & blind, they figured it out years ago. You’re making Christmas harder than it needs to be, and I wonder if you do it not only for control but also so you can play the martyr. I can’t think of anyone that buys presents for their entire extended family, they don’t have the time or the money.
Rather, it’s common to either just buy gifts for children up to a certain age, or draw a name amongst the family members and set a dollar amount limit for the gift with the family member providing a list of items they can use or like.
If you check with your extended family, they’d probably prefer to spend the time with their immediate family or themselves. Also, when you get to a certain age, you don’t need more stuff and gifts end up squirreled away in a closet or donated.” Amazing-Suggestion77
13. AITJ For Wanting My Brother's Partner To Help Clean Our Shared Home?
“I (18M) live with my mother, brother 23M, and his partner 18F and the living situation is rather cluttered. Ever since my brother’s partner moved in, things have been very stressful for me because I was the only one who would clean the house since my mother and brother worked so much they didn’t have time, and now with an extra person here the mess of the house has been getting worse and worse.
His partner straight up refuses to help out or clean and just stays in his room and then brings down a mass amount of dishes she’s been keeping in the bedroom they stay in and doesn’t even rinse them off or anything. They are always caked in ketchup and hot sauce.
Then on top of her not doing the smallest thing to make my life simpler, she also refuses to do her own laundry and expects me to bring the laundry up to the room when it’s done. She doesn’t have a job and I’ve recently started working and every day after work I come home to a disgusting house that I have to clean.
The worst part is my room is right next to theirs so when they are being intimate I can hear it and it disgusts me so much and it’s kind of rude to do that with someone else in the room right next to you especially when we have paper-thin walls.
I’ve talked to my mother about this and she doesn’t see an issue with it at all and just stands up for them. His partner recently brought her male cat who wasn’t neutered and it urinated all over their room to the point where the smell was seeping out into mine and male cat urine is one the worst smells I’ve ever smelt.
It’s getting to the point where I feel like flipping out on her especially because how can you move into someone else’s life and do this? Wouldn’t you want to clean up after yourself? Wouldn’t you want them to like you?
She doesn’t even interact with me and acts weird and scared when I do like she knows what she’s doing is kind of wrong. She acts like more of a child than me and it makes me feel kind of sick to my stomach there’s someone who still needs proper raising living with us.
What made my brother want to be with an 18-year-old who acts like she’s 14 is beyond me. She doesn’t even cook just eats our air fryer food all day.
So, AITJ for wanting to tell this girl to start helping out? I feel like it shouldn’t be my place to say something but at the same time it makes me so mad that she’s allowed to do that but if I did that I would be yelled at and criticized.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop doing their chores for them. You’re only 18 and living at mom’s house, so you’re going to need to talk to her first about your frustration and get HER to bring up that freeloader-partner needs to step up and start adulting.
Mom probably won’t kick bro or partner out…so the best course of action is to start saving up any funds you can, finish school, get a job, and move out. Let them live in glorious squalor without you.” EndFew4838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – get a large plastic tub and every time she brings dirty dishes downstairs put them in the tub with a note attached that says I am not your maid wash them yourself.
Put it right back in front of their door. Same with her dirty clothes don’t wash them period leave them in a pile on the floor next to the washer and walk away. When she eventually runs out of clothes she will go looking for them.
Tell her again I’m not your maid! I agree with another person on here to pound on the wall when you can hear them being intimate. Point is let them be as uncomfortable as you are in the whole situation. She is nobody to you.
She needs to earn the respect in the household. Please stop being a doormat. Good luck.” OwlUnique8712
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want it to stop. STOP cleaning the house. How sweet of you to do that for the family when your mom and brother were working.
You were doing this for a while. Do you like cleaning? If so, maybe just ask to be paid. Passive aggressive options: If you can stick it out, get paper plates and other throw-away dining utensils. I hope you have a desk in your room.
Only wash your clothes and dishes that are yours. If you have to, go to a laundromat to wash your clothes. They seem like the kind of selfish jerks that would throw in a load of laundry, and you instinctually would dry clothes and either leave their wet clothes in a pile on top.
You’ve talked to your mom about it. Personally, I think you are underappreciated. I wouldn’t clean up after her, either. You work now and are busy. This could boomerang, and she may want you to pay rent, so obviously use your best judgment of what your mom will do.
If they want you to clean, they can pay you. Cat urine=$200. You gotta fight for your right to not live in a mess. Sorry, You can’t change others, so change yourself.” unnecessary54321
12. AITJ For Expecting My Sister To Share Her Leftover Food With Me?
“I 21f went over to my sister’s 25f apartment to hang out from about 1:00 – 7:00. This was an agreed-upon time. My sister told me that for dinner she and her friend were having pasta and that she didn’t know what time it would be ready.
We made hot chocolate and she did offer me cookies to eat. Here’s what I’m wondering about:
During my visit, my sister got leftover Chinese food from the fridge. I asked her if I could have some and she told me that they were her friend’s.
She ate her food on the couch as we played video games and during this time called me childish. She said if she went over to our older sister’s apartment she wouldn’t expect to be fed leftovers. She told me that I was an adult and had a job and that I could pay for Chinese food myself.
This made me feel really bad about myself. At around 6, her friend came home and she asked him if he was going to eat the Chinese food. He said that he didn’t want any. So I guess if he’d said yes they were both going to eat Chinese food in front of me without even offering me some?
That seems rude but I don’t know. Especially since they make over 100,000 a year.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a Southerner, I literally have nightmares that a guest I am hosting will leave my house hungry. There’s no such thing as not providing food for somebody that I invited over to spend an extended amount of time.
Your sister is an awful hostess. Your ability to pay for your own meal is completely beside the point. I understand that there are some countries where it is not customary to feed guests, but since you and your sister grew up in the same home, it doesn’t sound like that is the case in this situation.” LowerAd9859
Another User Comments:
“The type of food and the origin of the food is irrelevant. The actual issue is that while you were at somebody else’s house, they decided to go get some food and rudely eat it in front of you without offering you any.
If they got hungry, why would they assume that you wouldn’t? That’s horrible hosting! Your rude sister’s reaction makes it seem like she expected you to leave and go buy your own food if you were hungry. Or to bring your own food with you, I guess? If it happens again, I would suggest doing either of those 2 things, but be sure to NOT offer her any.
Just “Whelp, I’m going to go get some food, see you later” then eat it in front of her. And if you have extra, she can’t have that because you need it for tomorrow’s lunch or something. But let her have a small cookie or something, since I guess that would make it even.
NTJ.” Lizwings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time, if you’re not offered a meal at mealtime, cut your visit short and get food on your way home. She can’t get mad about you leaving to go eat if she’s not going to provide food. If she tries to shame you for it, act super confused and surprised…
because of course you should eat when you’re hungry, right? (She certainly did!) There wasn’t any food she could part with, so of course you would go find some elsewhere. I mean, you wouldn’t want to impose upon her, right? She’ll probably miss the sarcasm, but if the tone of your delivery is sweet enough, she’ll just look stupid for essentially telling you to starve yourself for the sake of enjoying her presence.” oheyitsarainbow
11. AITJ For Proposing To Spend Christmas Separately From My Fiancé?
“My fiancé and I come from very different backgrounds when it comes to holidays. I grew up with small family gatherings that were more about good deeds and travel, while he comes from a big, tight-knit family that treasures being together during holidays.
Over the years, holidays have become stressful for me. Our families live far enough apart that visiting both on Thanksgiving and Christmas is inconvenient. My relationship with my mom is strained, so spending holidays with her often feels like an obligation rather than something I enjoy.
Meanwhile, my fiancé loves being with his family and wants us to continue celebrating with them. This has caused conflict because he doesn’t see rotating holidays between our families as fair—especially since he knows I don’t enjoy the holidays with my mom and doesn’t want to sacrifice the fun he has with his family.
I’ve tried to compromise. I told him we could always spend Thanksgiving with his family since it’s his favorite holiday. But for Christmas, I want to start creating traditions that we both enjoy, rather than always defaulting to his family’s plans. However, he feels strongly about continuing his family traditions and doesn’t want to miss out, especially since we moved out of state last year.
This year, I proposed something different: I stay home with our dogs and relax while he spends Christmas with his family. For me, taking a break from the stress of holiday obligations—watching movies and truly unwinding—sounds like bliss. I framed it as a win-win: he gets to enjoy time with his family without compromise, and I get a peaceful holiday.
We can celebrate Christmas together when he returns.
His response was that he doesn’t want to spend Christmas without me because we’re partners, but I know he’d be unhappy if he stayed home just for me. I suspect he’s worried I’ll be upset if he goes without me, but honestly, I’d rather he enjoy the day with his family than resent missing it.
I also think his nieces and nephews will love having him there, and that feels like a meaningful gift to everyone.
I know this doesn’t solve the bigger issue of how we handle holidays as a couple long-term, but with just a few days until Christmas, this seemed like a reasonable solution.
Still, I wonder if I’m being too rigid or selfish for wanting this time for myself.
So, AITJ for suggesting we spend Christmas apart this year?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Alternating holidays is a fair plan. Your years don’t necessarily need to be spent with your family, but he doesn’t get to do everything the same as he always has just because things in your family are stressful.
Especially if he’s already getting every Thanksgiving with his family. He doesn’t seem to understand compromise or value your opinions and needs as much as his wants and you should spend some time thinking about that.” balconyherbs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My wife didn’t (past tense because my wife is still alive and I am married to her but family has dispersed so no more outings) like to come to my family outings and I never insisted. I always told her when they were and that she was welcome but she was a homebody who preferred to stay home.
She did not dislike my family in any way, she just didn’t want the effort of gathering herself up driving for a couple of hours, and being uncomfortable all day. So I went myself and when asked, told the truth. That she wasn’t “mad” at anyone and didn’t dislike anyone, she just loved our home and wanted to stay there.
She would send cookies and gifts, which seemed to help a lot. The bottom line, I have never seen it as my job to force my partner to do something they did not want to do. So I don’t. I do not believe that that is how a healthy relationship works.
I think that the two of you have some talking to do to work out who goes where and when. Christmas and Thanksgiving are supposed to be fun days, not days when one person or the other or both are miserable. When you reach a solution that no one likes but everyone can live with, you will have truly compromised and can settle on that plan.
Which is what grown-up civilized people who are not jerks do. Good Luck to you.” grckalck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you may want to consider if you’re truly compatible as life partners. Approaches to family and extended family are an important part of life.
I’m guessing this won’t just extend to holidays, but your approaches to family in general. Are you planning on having kids? How are you going to approach kid relationships with their extended family? My SO has a pretty similar approach to family and extended family and we still have conflict all the time about how much time we spend with each family member (and effort/money we spend to make all of it happen).
There’s no right approach to family, but being on the same page is pretty important otherwise you’ll both constantly feel like you’re not having your needs met.” tofustixer
10. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom For Assuming I'm Gay And Telling Her Friends?
“My (20m) sister (14) was reading a book yesterday when she asked me ‘What does a Greek god look like?’ I asked her why she was asking me that and she showed me a passage saying a guy has the features of a Greek god.
So I told her ‘You know, muscular and handsome.’
I noticed my mom giving me a weird look and asked her if something was wrong. She said ‘Nothing’. Later asked me if I like my best friend (20m) because he’s tall and muscular. I was taken aback.
As it turns out, she had always assumed he and I were gay, which is not the case. I quickly told her we’re not gay but she didn’t believe me, saying the way we behave around each other leaves no other possible interpretation.
So I told her she should stop trying to interpret and see things that are not there.
She said ‘Okay’ before telling me she told her friends that I am gay but haven’t come out to her yet and that she was worried about me keeping it bottled up inside.
I snapped at her for it. I have nothing against gay people but I don’t want them to think I’m one when I’m not since it’ll only lead to awkwardness.
Not to mention one of them has a daughter I have a crush on and might ask out. She said she only told them because she was worried about me and wanted some advice on what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!! Mom went way out of bounds with that!
Not only should she NOT have confronted you, but she NEVER should have said anything to anyone else! As a mom, I am completely taken aback by her actions. If and when you are ready you need to sit her down and explain to her how this really affects you.
Though you are not gay, if you were, it would be your choice to tell others. It would be up to you, OP, to decide the who’s and when’s. Being that she made a completely false assumption about your sexuality, and told others, MOM should feel like the jerk!” Ok_Historian_646
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her she better clarify things with her friends. If she refuses, in front of her pull out your phone and pretend to make a phone call saying, “Man I just realized my mom is in a gay relationship with her best friend.
Yeah, I’m sure. They whisper and talk to each other so no one can hear. They laugh at things that no one else understands. They touch each other’s arms. They go on dates. They meet at each other’s houses when no one else is there so they can have private time.
Yeah, I’m sure they’re both gay.” Hang up and ask mom how it feels for people to think she’s gay now? Don’t tell her until later that it was a fake phone call.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ when my son was 13 I said something about his future wife (joking about how he’d be making his wife happy someday because he doesn’t mind doing laundry), then my brain glitched and had a “what if he wants a husband and not a wife “ moment so I added “or husband happy, whatever works for you.” He turned, gave me a look, said I’m not gay mom, and I said “wife it is then!” And since then I have operated under the assumption that he’s straight.
I have registered my support regardless of what gender he’s into and now will treat him as straight unless told otherwise. It seems like the style to be the supportive parent to a gay or trans or anything not straight child. Can we just make the style to just being a supportive parent?
Honestly, his personal life will be his business. If he has questions, I’ll answer them, if he has concerns, I will listen. I have educated him on both male and female perspectives of puberty. But his actual personal life? That is NONE of my business.
He knows to be safe, he knows the mechanics, he knows he can talk to us (he’ll never talk to his dad, they just aren’t that close lol) and he knows that I will love and support him… but him actually getting involved with someone at some point?
That’s HIS business.” Sweet_Vanilla46
9. AITJ For Leaving My Mother's House On The 23rd Despite Her Booking Our Stay Until The 24th?
“My (28M) wife (26F) and I have been married for about two years. As the old stories go, my wife and mother have not always gotten along. In fact, when I first got married my mother was so mean to my wife, I stopped talking to my family for about 6 months.
Last year during Christmas my wife, mother, father, and I all got into a yelling match that ended up making a horrible Christmas.
The issue really springs from my mother wanting us to be around on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We are trying to split the holiday between my wife’s family and mine.
So the plan was to go see my family the 20th-23rd of December, head home to have Christmas Eve and day just my wife and I, and then head over to see my wife’s family for the 26th-29th. We thought this would be a great way to balance our time, and to be fair to each family by not choosing to see one family over the other on the holiday.
In theory, this makes sense to me, but my mom feels like she is just getting the short end of the deal. She has also booked where we will be staying for the 21st-24th. I can’t help but feel like she has done this to force us into being around for Christmas Eve, and I can see her doing stuff to make us stay until late on the 24th.
AITJ for standing our ground and still leaving on the 23rd? I don’t want this to end up in a big fight again like last year. But I don’t want to be forced into staying.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s amazing you’re able to dedicate 9 days to the holiday and its various family celebrations, and you’ve demonstrated you’ve been very, very equal in your plan.
No one is getting Christmas Eve or Christmas Day so you’ve taken competition for those coveted days off the table. If it were me, I’d visit your mom starting on the 21st – since that is when your lodging reservation begins – and leave on the 23rd as planned. You aren’t obligated to stay until the 24th even if that’s what she booked, and she shot herself in the foot by attempting to shift your stay, because she will have effectively shortened it, by having it start a day later.
There is a certain irony to your family/mom acting so miserable towards you all because they want to spend more time with you. Like can they not minimally see that the more strife this causes, the less you will want to be around them?
I do not see how your mom can justify that she’s getting the short end of the deal and the history here suggests she would be happy with NOTHING short of ‘her way’, whatever that is, so don’t fret. Make the plans you want to make and if she’s so unhappy about it that she refuses to participate in the time you’ve made available she is cutting off her nose to spite her face and probably only a situation like that will cause her to change.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“Contact the hotel and change the departure date to the one you and your wife want. Don’t even mention it to your mom until you say goodbye to her (the night before your morning of departure or after breakfast with her the day of departure, it’s up to you).
If she gets upset because she expected you to cave to her demands, just state the only relevant fact: “No fussing, Mom. I told you from the start what our plans are. Now hug us goodbye and let’s end this visit on a pleasant note.” Then LEAVE.
Do not get sucked into a debate or argument. You are a grown married man. You and your wife decide your holiday schedule. Take control of your plans and schedules now — because as things stand, she will get more demanding if you have children.” enroutetoyou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Other than guilt, she holds no power to make you stay. You know what you want and you have come up with a way to be fair to all. If they don’t like it, that is on them. If she really wants to see you, then she does, and if this will make her not want you to come then DON’T.
Give her power and she has it (and it’s not getting better), but be firm and it’s up to her to be the problem. In your situation, don’t fight, just tell her what you can do and will do and that is it. No screaming if you walk away from the screamer.” catskilkid
8. AITJ For Uninviting My MIL From Our Christmas Dinner After Her Rude Comment?
“My husband (27M) and I (25F) decided to host a big XMAS this year. We’ve never really done this and our family would just go separate ways after visiting us, so I was really excited.
However, I’ve never had a good relationship with my MIL.
My husband wants us to get along but it’s just not possible – she’s ignorant and doesn’t have any boundaries. Of course, all these past few years we invited her to our house alongside our family, but as I said we never hosted an actual Christmas dinner/party at our home.
Anyway, I wanted to invite her this year, I really did (I wanted to make things work so we could all have a great time) and my husband found it super sweet and I was very happy. So, I called to invite her and she said “Oh!
Finally, you make a GREAT decision! I think it’ll be your last one though!” and then proceeded to have a good laugh.
I was very surprised and not in a good way. I told my husband what happened and he just laughed it off, saying stuff like ‘she’s just like that’.
I said I didn’t want to invite her into our home anymore and he freaked. When he was sleeping, I sent her a very polite message saying we want a closer group to come to our XMAS dinner and that it’s not a good idea for her to come.
She hasn’t seen it yet, and here I am writing this.
I don’t think that it’s okay for her to talk to me like that and then expect to still be invited. What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is your husband’s party, too, and you already invited her.
Rescinding the invitation because she made a dumb joke is tacky. Know what I think? I think that this won’t be an issue next year because you’re going to drive your husband away with shenanigans like these, and he’ll be celebrating Christmas in a different house.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You’re handling this all wrong. Your husband has been conditioned to believe his mother’s insults are ok. They aren’t and he’s not standing up for you because of it. You are being a coward by writing this “polite” note to your MIL while your husband is sleeping.
Why not just call MIL and let her know that comment wasn’t acceptable? Why not just communicate directly with MIL and see if you can clear the air instead of being petty and going behind everyone’s back to disclude her? You’re just going to make this worse.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The time for you to address the comment is when it’s made, not behind your husband’s back later on. Why didn’t you say something when she made the comment? People who act like that do so because they haven’t had consequences for their bad behavior.
She treats you like this because you’re not pushing back and clearly your husband isn’t either. In other words, you allow the behavior. Rescinding the invitation is going to come back to bite you. And this cycle is now your life. Congrats! You’ve likely made this worse now… because you’re not willing to address it and stand up for yourself and your husband clearly doesn’t care either.” Icy_Pass2220
7. AITJ For Criticizing My Housemates' Eating Habits Due To Our Shared Food Arrangement?
“The 5 of us share a big house. We are all acquaintances but not really close friends, but I do think they are all nice people who are fun to be around. We have basically an open fridge policy for groceries where we all get groceries, and if it’s in the fridge it’s free game other than restaurant leftovers and I’m totally fine with this for the most part until recently when stuff I got for my lunches (I pack my lunches for work, nobody else does) has been disappearing at an insane rate.
Like I got a pound of ham, turkey, provolone, and a loaf of bread and it was gone in 3 days.
I brought this up that hey, if all the stuff is gone that much faster than I expected I have to scramble in the morning to make sure I have something I can bring to work to have for lunch.
They said I thought we all had an understanding on this, and I said we do and I’m totally fine with anyone eating the stuff I buy for sustenance. The issue I have that I brought up is that people aren’t eating it for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
It’s getting run through so quickly because they will sit around and just stand there and graze. Or late night come down and eat out of boredom.
The 4 of them are rather overweight and drawing this distinction hurt their feelings, with them saying who am I to say what food is “necessary” to eat, and what is gorging (I didn’t use that word I thought I worded it very very gently).
And I said I’m not deciding what is necessary but come on, you KNOW eating a third of a lb of turkey out of the bag at 11 pm after having 3 full meals during the day is not sustenance helping you get through the day and stay fueled.
I still buy ingredients and snacks and make dinner often because I love cooking for people, but I also bought a mini fridge and keep the stuff I use to make my lunches in my room now. Am I a jerk for bringing it up?
Should I have just got the mini fridge and gone about it quietly?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re all jerks for thinking this type of arrangement amongst adults would work. Unless you are all doing your shopping together and budgeting TOGETHER someone is always going to be messed over.
YTJ for commenting on other people’s eating habits. How much they eat is not the problem. It’s this dumb arrangement that is the issue.” -cheeks
Another User Comments:
“A loaf of pre-sliced bread has between 17-22 pieces. A serving size of sliced ham and turkey is 3 oz; so that’s 5 servings per pound.
That’s like less than 2 sandwiches per person for 5 people, and tbh, that’s being generous. So if 5 people are having a sandwich per day for 3 days, that’s like… a very normal amount of time for food of this quantity to disappear. YTJ. If you don’t like the grocery arrangement, change it for yourself, don’t be a jerk and judge or police what your roommates are eating when they’re doing literally nothing wrong but following the guidelines you ALL agreed to.” hexxcellent
Another User Comments:
“If your fridge is emptying faster than you expect either learn to buy enough for everyone or stop sharing what you get for you. You can’t expect people who have been told they can eat whatever NOT to eat whatever, and trying to control their intake is way creepy when instead you can simply make the things you depend on to last off-limits.
One of the guys I live with can eat a pound of deli meat in a single day across 3 sandwiches and a charc board snack, not to mention all the produce and cheese he eats as a working guy who uses medical and hits the gym regularly.
He buys his own and it’s marked for him because the rest of us can’t support his 7lb of deli meat per week lifestyle. He does this because when we first sat down to talk about our food philosophies I really wanted to share groceries, and we mostly do— but on learning how much food he goes through, now I have some items marked specifically so he asks me before using if he can have some and how much, and he’ll always leave the last serving of anything we share for me to have when I get to it.
They aren’t jerks for believing you when you say your food is freely available to them. You wouldn’t be a jerk to change your mind—but not changing the arrangement or your behavior and trying to shame them about their food intake IS jerk behavior.” JustJudgin
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Return A Stray Cat To Its Original Owners?
“Three weeks ago, I found a cat meowing on my back porch. It was very cold outside, so I approached him, and he allowed me to pick him up and take him inside. He had no collar and was not neutered, so I assumed he was a stray.
Regardless, he was clearly begging for my help. That night, I fed him, gave him a warm bed, and purchased a cheap litter box. I posted about him on Nextdoor, Ring, and social media groups for lost pets, but I had no luck finding his owner.
The next day, I took him to a vet to get scanned for a microchip, but he didn’t have one. After trying everything for a week with no success, I decided to invest in a better litter box, food, and a collar. I also put down a nonrefundable deposit at a vet to have him neutered and microchipped.
However, last night, the night before his appointment, I received a message on one of the apps from someone claiming that he is their cat. I asked for photos, and I could tell it was definitely him. After digging a little deeper into his story, I learned that he is a strictly outdoor cat, but they allow him to sleep in their garage.
We’re in the midwest where it is currently 8 degrees, and I live in a heavily wooded area where there are coyotes all over.. that made me uneasy. He is such a loving cat, and I could tell when I brought him in that it was his first time being in a home.
I’ve continued to let him be an outdoor cat, and he shows up in my yard each night.
The owner is demanding that I return him and hasn’t offered to reimburse me for anything, not that I would accept it if she did; it’s the principle of the matter.
Plus, I believe it should ultimately be the cat’s choice. I admit I’m biased because I want to keep him, but I genuinely want to do what’s best for him. The owner mentioned that her kids have been crying and that their other cat has gone missing because they think he is out looking for his brother.
I told her I would return him tonight, but there’s a good chance she will never let him outside again, or he might come back to me, which would make things awkward.
I really wish I could keep him. What would you do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I completely understand where the owner is coming from and her kids being upset, but it sounds like this cat is attached to you – he keeps coming back every evening even though he could just go back to them. I’d tell her you have let him out and he hasn’t returned, and you assume he is at hers?!
I have had cats who were outdoor/indoor like yours, they’d go out during the day and wander around and sleep at home at night, and if they had not returned one night – my mum would wait for them all evening to return and look for them.
I’d been on these neighbor’s group 1st thing in the morning to look for him instead of responding to someone’s message a few weeks late. In a different situation, I would absolutely tell you to return it, but look – he’s had plenty of chances to return, and she responded to your messages weeks late instead of proactively posting pictures herself asking if someone had seen him.” PurpleMuskogee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, also if this cat is “strictly outdoors” he will be tossed outside the moment you drop him off, I wouldn’t be surprised if they just had you drop him in their yard, I also guarantee the kids don’t care as much as the mom is pretending they do.
Just tell her he got outside and you had assumed he went “home” then get him neutered and keep your kitty, alternatively you can also add up everything you have spent on him + a daily boarding fee ($50/day sounds right) and tell them once you’re reimbursed you’ll bring him home.” cosplaylover267
5. AITJ For Retaliating Against A Classmate Who Bullied Me Because Of My Ethnicity?
“Whenever I walk home from school I always go with one of my friends (He is Chinese and I’m Brazilian) but lately this kid from my class has been following us and literally no joke spitting at us and telling us homophobic insults, one day he told us that we were immigrant pieces of junk and that we should go back to our country.
I had enough of this at this point so I went off on him about how racist he was being and in the end I said ” Shut up you fatso.” I made a couple more fat jokes and went home.
The next day my friend and I told our teacher about what was going on so they called him over and we discussed this for a while.
Today the day after the incident I found out that in private he told the teacher a different version of what happened and now every teacher thinks I’m a bully and is treating me likewise.
I feel like I shouldn’t have called him fat when he is chubby but I was also just defending myself.
What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“I used to work with teenage boys who also had the mindset of “they started it so it’s ok.” But as soon as you stoop to their level, you have given your power to them. They now know that that is the line they have to cross to get a rise out of you.
Instead, use your phone which you probably always have on you, and record what’s happening. Proof will always be your friend. Report them for harassment and bullying. First to your school and parents, then (if it keeps escalating) have your parents report to the police.
Let them be the bad guys. Keep your cool, and stay in control of the situation. Life will be a lot easier for you if you don’t let jerks like this have power over your behavior. In this situation, everyone’s a jerk. Learn from this so that if it happens again, you know how to control the situation better.” GeomEunTulip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Smartphone his backside verbally abusing your friend. I am pretty sure your school has some type of code of conduct. Show it to the teacher. Also, on a serious note, your friend needs to report this treatment (or have their parents report it) in an email or text for documentation purposes.
Start a paper trail, in case the chubby bully decides to escalate the issue. Be strategic, not emotional. His behavior needs to be stopped.” HeidiDover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has purposely targeted you. For all you know, this could have been his plan, keep badgering you until you retaliate and get you into deeper trouble.
This is a bully tactic, make themselves out to be the victim so they can keep doing this junk and you let them get away with it because “I’ll look like the bully.” So like some others have said, record what is happening WAY before anything occurs or you will get the whole “what did you do to provoke this reaction” Don’t let them get away with this or it’ll keep happening, don’t make yourself into a victim.” Mean_Living_1535
4. AITJ For Switching Bathrooms Because My Suitemate's Guests Are Messy?
“Recently, I started my first semester of college, and I’m currently staying in a dorm. At the beginning of the semester, I had two suitemates—let’s call them Nia and Rae.
I live in a suite-style dorm where I have my own room but share a bathroom with one other person and a living room with everyone else. The dorm is designed for four people, but due to my cohort having very few girls, we were short one.
Recently, Nia left, leaving me with just Rae.
At the beginning of the semester, I decided to make the dorm feel a little more like home and decorated the bathroom. I provided pretty much everything. While I can be a bit of a neat freak, I typically try not to make it Rae’s problem.
I clean the bathroom every weekend or so because I get grossed out pretty easily.
Here’s where the problem starts. Rae frequently has guys over, and yes, they do the boombayah. I have no issue with that—while I’m personally not into it, as long as it doesn’t get through my headphones, it’s not my business.
My problem is that whenever she has people over, they leave the bathroom and shower messy (not flushing, leaving urine on the seat and floor, etc.). Annoyed, I brought it up to Rae. She said she’d try harder and that she appreciated everything I did, but nothing changed.
The last straw for me was finding a wad of feces in the toilet. After that, I moved all my stuff to the other bathroom since our original suite-mate Nia left and that bathroom was now free.
A few days ago, I was talking to a mutual friend, and they said they felt me leaving the bathroom bare was harsh and that I was indirectly shaming Rae.
They argued it wasn’t technically Rae’s fault that some guys were messy and suggested I see a therapist if I can’t handle a messy bathroom from time to time.
Looking back, was I too harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“Screw that noise. Shared a house with a woman who had regular guy guests, and one in particular used to get more pee on the floor than in the bowl.
After a few times, my other housemate and I just told her flat out that we didn’t care if he cleaned the floor, or she did, but one of them needed to be sure the floor was urine-free by the time the rest of the house was up.
“They argued it wasn’t technically Rae’s fault that some guys were messy and suggested I see a therapist if I can’t handle a messy bathroom from time to time.” That’s not a friend. Is it Rae’s fault? Eh, let’s say no, but it’s her guest so if they’re not going to clean up, it should certainly be her and not you responsible for cleaning after them.
Exactly which part is harsh? Like, all you’re doing is NOT cleaning up on her behalf for her. Why is that harsh?” shontsu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ why isn’t Rae cleaning up after herself and her guests? You weren’t shaming her, you were pig-shaming her.
Her guests are pigs and as the host of the pigs, it’s her job to clean up after them. She failed in her job. What does she honestly expect you to do here? Just tolerate it? Can she not see that the power rests with her to change the situation and either stop inviting pigs into your shared space or clean up after the pigs?” pixie-ann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t shaming her. In fact, you could make a case that you are making it easier for her to do whatever she wants, since she no longer has to require common decency in her mates. And no longer has to worry about you bumping into them or getting upset.
Darn. You are practically playing None of Your Business by Salt-N-Pepa. Separately, kudos to you for recognizing the problem is mostly yours, finding a solution, and implementing it, without any drama or fighting or other assorted ridiculous stuff we see (and live to read). That’s actually pretty impressive.
Go forth, and enjoy your clean bathroom. If you are feeling nice, maybe go to the dollar store and buy her a curtain and mat so it doesn’t look all crazy. Or not. You do you, just like she’s doing her.” KaoJin-Wo
3. AITJ For Booking My Wedding Venue Despite My Brother's Unstable Plans?
“I (25F) recently got engaged to my partner of six years, and we’re planning an autumn 2026 wedding. I’m a bit of a goth and have always wanted a celestial, spooky October vibe for my big day, and this felt perfect. However, my brother (26M) is making things difficult.
For background, my brother has a history of addiction, legal trouble, and financial instability. He’s also been the center of attention in my family for as long as I can remember, due to these issues, and often overshadows my milestones/problems. A couple of examples include: he crashed his car when I graduated from my postgrad, revealed a debt of 10k at my master’s grad, and went missing for two weeks when I was hospitalized for my mental health (substance misuse bender).
I love him, but his behavior has always been hard to deal with, and I’m tired of making excuses for him.
My brother is currently seeing a significantly older woman (43F) with three kids (the oldest of whom is 21). They’ve been together for five months, and while I’ve been supportive, the relationship is unstable, and his complaints about her and her kids are constant.
About a month ago, my brother asked when my wedding would be. When I mentioned autumn 2026, he claimed that he and his partner were planning to get married then too, and even gave me a specific date. I was shocked since they aren’t even engaged. When I asked if they could hold off a bit, he insulted my relationship (saying it doesn’t take him six years to know he wants to marry someone), called me insecure, and told me to “get over myself.” I’ve not spoken to him since.
My dad tried to mediate and told him to apologize and sort things out with me, but it’s been almost a month, and I’ve heard nothing.
I’ve since found the perfect venue that fits my wedding vision, but I’m hesitant to book it.
My brother’s relationship is unstable, and it’s unlikely they’ll even make it to 2026, let alone actually get married. She’s also still married and needs a divorce before they could wed. I’m sick of having to live my life by his rules.
Still, I don’t want to cause more drama.
Would I be the jerk if I booked the venue for October 2026 without consulting him first?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s Dec 2024, first one to actually book something, actually put a deposit down, actually send out a save the date owns the date.
Not the month, not the season, the year, just that date. One of you would be a jerk to book the same date after receiving confirmation of something more than an idea y’all just going back and forth for. Y’all should be able to have a convo about possible events years in the future without having it go to insults and needing a mediator, but clearly y’all can not so it’s a loss to me why y’all are even having these convos with each other.
It’s like you’re giving him pre-notice on when to ruin things. First one to do a save the date which shouldn’t happen till someone puts a deposit down on a venue.” pottersquash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He isn’t even engaged, his partner is still legally married and he is seemingly not even that happy in this relationship.
He can’t just claim he is going to get married on this date and expect you to take it seriously. Quite frankly, it sounds like he is jealous of the fact that you are in a better place than him in every aspect, and he wants to bring you down a peg to make himself feel better.
Don’t give in to his drama. Book your venue and focus on your wedding. It is time to think about yourself and the life you are building with your partner. If you keep putting your brother first in matters like these, you will only be hurting yourself in the long run.” imamage_fightme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BOOK IT BOOK IT BOOK IT. IT’S YOUR WEDDING (sorry didn’t mean to be yelling still)! It’s your (and your fiance’s) wedding, not your brother’s or anyone else’s. Wedding planning brings out the best and WORST in family members, you’ll never please everyone, so you and your fiance need to make pleasing you two THE MOST IMPORTANT.
Do what you want! Make your wedding the day of your dreams and tell your brother if he isn’t happy with it, then tough noodles, he doesn’t have to come (obviously an empty threat). If it matters to you, consult with your parents privately (without telling brother), make the plans, and let your parents handle your brother.
I know people will say they 26 is an “adult” but honestly sometimes a good verbal kick in the rear from your parents sets you straight lol.” SJsomethin
2. AITJ For Refusing To Wear Clothes My Mother Bought For Me Against My Wishes?
“I (F21) and my parents (F52 and M50) get along well, but there are a few things we standardly disagree on.
My clothing style fluctuates a lot. I will wear long, flowy dresses and skirts for a while, then I’ll switch over to wearing pants with a blouse, and then I’ll decide that I want more bright colors for some time. Sometimes I’ll remain in a specific mood for weeks, but other times it’ll be days.
The one style I do not like and will not wear is oversized/overly casual. I don’t like wearing tracksuits or oversized hoodies. I don’t like wearing jeans and low-cut trousers because I think they don’t look good on me. Shoes are a more specific matter as I gravitate towards more formal models like boots with a small heel or leather shoes.
Usually, I don’t wear makeup, but occasionally I’ll put some on for special occasions. I understand that me having these preferences is a personal thing, and I will never shame someone for wearing something I wouldn’t wear. But my mother occasionally does it to me.
She will say things like “you look out of place beside your peers”, which I think is hurtful, especially since I was bullied a lot growing up. When I am in a phase of wearing more formal clothing, she will say I look “like an old soul”.
My mother apparently went out and bought clothing for me at Primark, even though I have asked her in the past to not do that. She is very much aware that I like shopping on my own. She bought two pairs of jeans, white sneakers and a slightly oversized sweater.
She was really happy with herself, saying that “I will look awesome instead of old”. They all fit me, but I don’t like the way I look in them. She has ignored my request to not buy clothing for me in the past, and I always ended up wearing it in the end, but only for activities that weren’t important to me.
I have warned her in the past that if she were to buy clothing that she knows I won’t like, I won’t wear it.
My mother was really offended and my father took her side. He pointed out that she spent money on clothing for me.
He said that it was selfish of me to ignore that and refuse what she gave me. I replied that she can return the clothing since she has the receipts (or at least, she says she does), so this doesn’t have to be lost money.
When I met up with my friend group, two people agreed with me. They said I was right to refuse the clothing. One friend said it was rude of me because my mother did put time into choosing the clothing for me, and she did it with good intentions.
So I decided to ask on here to see what other people think.”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother needs to stop trying to change who you are to fit her idea of who you should be. However well-intentioned she wants to tell herself she is, she’s out of line.
You’re an adult who is fully capable of dressing yourself but she seems to need to exert control over you despite being asked not to buy clothes for you. What exactly does she hope to accomplish by insulting your choices and infantilizing you at the same time?
If this is your hill to die on, you need to be firm in rejecting these “gifts”. She needs to understand that you’re no longer a little girl she can dress as she sees fit and she’s creating dissension where it doesn’t need to exist. Maybe explain that you love her but her buying you clothes is not up for discussion.
I’m a mom and can’t imagine giving my child a gift I know would hurt their feelings. This is her issue, not yours, but it’s still sad. Good luck and NTJ.” forgetregret1day
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a grown-up now, and you are allowed to choose your own clothes.
Your mother is being a jerk because (1) she keeps treating you as a child that she gets to dress. Your mother is a jerk because (2) you’ve made a simple request (“Please don’t buy me clothes”) and she keeps ignoring you. Your mother is a jerk because (3) she insults your look.
You have responded well by setting a boundary: “If you buy me stuff, I won’t wear it.” All that’s left is to follow through! The most important part of setting a boundary (“If you do X I will do Y”) is following through, so it’s very important that you do this.
If you don’t follow through, your mother will still be buying you clothes you don’t like when you are fifty. She needs to break out of the mold that you are “her little girl”. You are powerful! You are grown-up! You are a woman!” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. You’re an adult. Your mom can return the clothes. That’s what receipts are for. If she threw them out 1) that’s a her problem 2) she can take them back for store credit and use it for herself or give it to you to get something you’ll actually use.
Buying someone a gift they’ve told you in the past they don’t want isn’t OK. Then trying to guilt them saying “but I spent money!” OK, and?? That was YOUR choice. Your dad is out of line too. If he is gonna take sides he should be on yours.
Your mom is bullying you, and making poor financial decisions. Stand your ground. You’re perfect as you are! If it was me I’d tell your mom “I won’t be wearing any clothes you CHOOSE to spend money on, unless it’s something I’ve explicitly told you I want.
Any money you choose to spend otherwise will be your CHOICE to throw away. That’s your problem, not mine. I like my personal style. I don’t care if it’s not what’s specifically trendy right now, it makes me feel good. Why are you so focused on having a daughter who conforms to ever-changing trends?
Do you realize that the person who bullies me the most for how I look is you?” Have a convo with your dad too. Tell him that this hurts your feelings. Tell him you’d prefer he stay out of it going forward. Remind him that what your mom is doing is bullying and cruel.” manonaca
1. AITJ For Not Going On A Family Trip 2 Months After Giving Birth?
“In May, my (23f) husband’s (26m) parents planned a huge family beach vacation (brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and all) for his grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary for next summer.
And we had 100% planned on going.
However, we found out in September that we are expecting a baby and the due date is about 2 months before the trip. I told my in-laws that we will not be able to go on the trip as I don’t want to travel with a 2-month-old across the country.
And that we also could not afford to take the extra week off of work because I will not have paid maternity leave.
His mom is very frustrated with me because they were planning on having my husband and I drive his grandparents down with us (which we were never told or even asked) and that a baby is completely fine to travel 700 miles after 2 months.
When I bring up my concerns about not being able to afford to live she’ll say “well let’s just hope he’s born a week or two late”. Which I think that’s kinda not nice to hope for.
My husband is completely on my side, and his siblings/cousins are mixed. Some saying we should honor committing to go because we said we would before we knew.
Others understanding our concerns.
So Am I the jerk for not going on a family trip after giving birth to my first baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re going to be sleep-deprived even in the best of situations, which makes a 700-mile drive really difficult.
The baby’s immune system won’t be fully developed and they won’t be old enough for a lot of immunizations they need. Really small babies shouldn’t spend long periods in car seats. You’d need to stop a lot to deal with nursing and changing the baby, making the trip take forever.
You have no idea what your own physical recovery will entail and whether you can comfortably sit for this drive. And honestly, the fact that your in-laws are making this about “how dare your giving birth interferes with our plans to use you as drivers without your consent” makes me think they are not going to provide a lot of help to make this easier on you.
In general, sure, it’s good to keep your word, but finding out you are expecting a child is a perfectly valid reason to reconsider vacation plans. Also, sorry about the lack of maternity leave, that’s awful.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“Wow, your MIL is a piece of work.
Let’s give her grace for the logistical difficulty of planning for such a big group and being thrown a curveball. Hopefully, that’s just her initial bad reaction and she’ll regain her empathy quickly. It’s unfortunate on the timing but you’re being entirely reasonable to look out for your child’s well-being, which includes managing your stress levels.
MIL shouldn’t be counting on you for anything having to do with the vacation, just in case, Heaven forbid that you have complications with the birth. Sounds like your husband is standing with you and that’s a relief. Stop explaining yourself to the relatives, simply state your boundaries, rinse & repeat.
Let them know that you’ll be temporarily blocking people who can’t accept your decision and continue to harass you. Talk to the grandparents to convey your regrets and ask if there’s something you and hubby can do with them another time to make up for not going.
All this to say, no, YWNBTJ. Good luck and congrats!” Majestic_Register346
