People Pull Back The Curtain On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Questioning How My Son's Mother Spends The Child Support Money?
“My son’s mother and I did not work out. I travel 6 to 8 months out of the year due to work. His mother has primary custody and I do send the ordered amount and some extra when I can.
Fast forward to Sunday, I am back for the holidays.
I plan to take my son out for Halloween. He wants to be a Jedi, so I showed him my Jedi costume and asked to see the one his mother bought – I did send her extra to get the costume since I knew I would be back before Halloween just was not sure I would be back in time to get him the costume – she told him that I was going to buy it.
I was upset but just played it off and said oh that is right and it was in the mail. Thankfully I found a costume yesterday.
I did reach out to his mother when I had a moment in private to ask her where the money I sent went.
She told me that I have no right to question what she does with the money. Our child’s needs are being met and that is all that matters. She has primary custody and gets majority say. I told her that the money was meant for our child, not her.
She was not awarded spousal support. This is where I am getting mixed messages and where I wish to know if what I said made me a jerk.
My mom said I was being the jerk by questioning how she was raising our child when I am not around.
I do not think I was questioning her parenting but I did question how she used the money I sent. She said she would get him the costume.
If she needs extra for something that is related to him I will always send extra. Yes, early on I was more accommodating.
While she was not granted spousal support I did cover her rent and also childcare but she took forever to get a job and when she did get a job it was a retail job even though she has a teaching degree.”
Another User Comments:
“I get your reasoning, but YTJ. Honestly, why didn’t you just buy him the costume in the first place? Coming from my own experience, I saw my dad weekly but he still used child support as an excuse to put everything on my mom, every decision & every parental labor.
If that’s the case with you then I’d say yeah, she does get to spend the money how she sees fit. You traded in your say in the decision-making for the convenience of not raising your own kid.” VelvetPenguin87
Another User Comments:
“Child Support is there to help with the cost of raising a child.
It does NOT have to be spent exclusively on that child. A parent with custody needs to be able to house more people (the child). A single person may be happy sharing a flat – if they have a child this is more difficult. They need to have furniture for that child.
They need to cook larger meals to feed that child. They need to do more laundry to keep the child’s clothes clean. They need to use more water flushing the toilet and washing that child. Providing more hot water means extra energy bills. They might decide that they need to live in a safer area or one nearer the good schools even if it will cost more.
They might now need a larger car to accommodate a child seat or a newer more reliable car. The household will use more toilet paper, and basic health supplies (including soap, shampoo, painkillers, sticking plasters, antiseptic creams, sunscreen). Not all the costs of raising a child can be itemized. As long as your child is fed well, educated, clothed appropriately, and kept healthy, then sorry, but you can’t criticize the custodial parent’s budget choices.
A parent and child do not live as cheaply as a single person. YTJ.” Future_Direction5174
Another User Comments:
“Clearly A LOT of y’all missed where he sent the extra for the costume!! And if she didn’t have time to get the costume she could have told OP!
She did not instead she in essence took the costume money and did what she wanted with it. I don’t think he’s questioning her for no reason. And yes support is for whatever the child needs including help with utilities etc but he sent the money specifically for his costume and she knew that.
She also doesn’t say he’s not taking care of his kid.” VirgoQueen84
20. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Stop Sending Back Food Over Minor Issues?
“I would say maybe 1 out of 4 times my wife and I go to a restaurant, she sends something back.
To her credit, she is never rude or demanding about it though, and is apologetic to the waiter about wanting it remade. The issue with the food is normally something minor like a burger being medium instead of medium well, or that something wasn’t seasoned enough to her liking.
I would understand if it was something major like getting something burnt or the wrong order altogether.
I’ve brought it up before with her, but her defense is that if she is paying for it, it should be cooked to her liking. I’m more of the idea that I’m paying so I don’t have to cook the meal myself and if I want something cooked an exact way, I should cook it myself.
It gets on my nerves because I end up eating my food then having to sit and wait for hers to get remade, then wait for her to eat.
WIBTJ to tell her to stop sending food back over minor things?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s easy to see your wife has never worked in food service. I would encourage her to realize what happens when you send something back – it screws up all the other orders and makes an already challenging job worse. Obviously, if there’s a real problem such as something being sugared when it should have been salted, send it back.
But she might want to reconsider sending things back for truly minor issues.” Cultural-Ambition449
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but a soft one. You said yourself she’s not rude about it. When paying for something, you deserve to get what you are paying for. Meat cooked properly is a given.
If you order medium well, the meat should not be bleeding. Seasoning is different. Does it just need salt? Is it supposed to be a spicy dish and is not? Or vice versa? If you can find a way to compromise on what her complaint is, maybe she will not send food back.
Or find restaurants you can frequent that you know will prepare her food correctly. Otherwise, suck it up and deal.” Top_Ad5114
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a professional chef and I’m extremely picky about how my food is prepared and I can tell you that I’ve probably only ever sent food back three or four times in my whole life in the restaurant.
After all, I’m not eating my own food, and unless it’s burnt or there’s something seriously wrong with it I’m not going to throw the kitchen into a mess and hold everybody up because it’s not the way I want it perfectly. For that, she should cook at home.
But if she’s sending her food back one out of four times then I think she’s just being extremely pretentious and overbearing.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Looking Up Show Spoilers Because Of My Anxiety?
“I was never one to sit down and watch a show or movie before I met my husband. Naturally, it was him who introduced me to most if not all of the shows we now watch. I’m an anxious person by nature and when things are intense I can’t enjoy the show so I will look up what happens.
My husband gets so upset when I do this because he says the only reason he is re-watching this show/movie is so that he can watch my reactions to certain things in it and when I look things up I have no reaction at all because I know it’s coming.
It got particularly heated last night when we started watching this show called The Last of Us. It has quite a few tense moments and early on I started to look things up. He saw me doing this and after some back and forth he said he won’t be recommending anything else for us to watch if I’m just going to spoil what happens.
I think he is being a bit unfair because he had already seen the entire show and knows what happens but I’m not allowed to know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband asking you to watch stressful shows without looking up spoilers so he can see your reactions is basically saying “I am entertained by you having anxiety”, and that’s jacked up.
If he really can’t get on board with you looking up spoilers before then you guys need to find a different activity to do together. But overall I think him wanting you to be uncomfortable so he can see your reaction to that discomfort is weird.” adhdriddled
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also love spoilers. One of my friends said it’s my worst trait. I ask so many questions and if no one will answer them, I’ll look it up. I also don’t watch a lot of movies or series.
I couldn’t care less about spoilers. I’ll still watch it and enjoy it. It’s kinda like reading the last few pages of a book to find out what happens before you’re done. Definitely not for everyone… I think people who are really into movies and series care a lot more about spoilers.
As long as you’re not spoiling it for him, which it sounds like you haven’t, it shouldn’t be an issue.” Ali-Kitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! There is a good deal of literature explaining that the tendency to look up movie endings or game scores (that you’re watching on delay) is a common thing to do for people with anxiety.
I do it. My daughter does it. My husband doesn’t get it but he accepts that it makes us feel better. Sit him down and explain this to him. And explain that it doesn’t ruin the experience for you at all. It makes the experience better.
He’s prioritizing his own desire (a weird desire, at that – watching your reaction seems a little needy) over you reducing your anxiety. Not ok.” prevknamy
18. AITJ For Calling My Mother By Her Nickname In My Graduation Thesis Dedication?
“My mother’s name is Monica; everyone knows her as “Mon” and that’s what my dad always called her.
I guess that because “Mon” and “Mom” are so close, both my brother and I grew up calling her “Mon” around the house. I vaguely remember her trying to make us call her mom when we were little, but we’re just so used to it that there was no point.
And I assumed she eventually realized we meant it as a term of endearment, even though once in a while she still reprimanded us for introducing her to a friend like “This is Mon.”
Here’s where we had an issue. I published my graduation thesis and finally got around to giving my parents a copy.
They’re included in the dedication, precisely as: “to Dad and Mon”, plus some other acknowledgments. When she went over it, she was like “why did you call me Mon here? You called your dad “dad”, it makes it seem like you don’t have a mother and you’re talking about your father’s wife”.
I was a bit shocked by her reaction. Why does she care what others will think, since we both know I’m referring to her and I clearly wasn’t trying to snub her in any way?
She took the chance of venting about how she’s the only mother who never gets to be called mom and that my brother and I never gave a darn about her feelings.
I mean, honestly, she hadn’t brought this up in at least 20 years! AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“This clearly hit a nerve with your mother. While what you did wasn’t wrong it clearly touched upon your mom’s feelings of being undervalued. My guess?
You, your brother, and your father have downplayed her feelings about this. If she makes a big deal, like now, she’s making a big deal out of nothing. If she goes along with it then she can’t be that upset. If she asks for you to clarify in certain company that she is in fact your mother then she’s being silly and worrying over the wrong things.
The rest of you have decided this isn’t important, therefore it’s not important. I don’t think this was intentional or ill-spirited, although I do think your father should have supported your mother all those years ago. However, I do hope you use it as an opportunity to really think about if you are showing your mom the same support she shows the rest of your family.
There was a trending video not too long ago of a family asking their mother what she got in her Christmas stocking only to realize she didn’t get one because no one stepped in to give the family giver a gift. “Dad and Mon” sounds like you’re thanking your father and his new partner who you’re not close enough to give a term of endearment.
What have you done to show your mother and the rest of the world how much you love and appreciate her? YTJ.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m sorry OP, but, it kinda does sound like you don’t really care about your mom’s feelings in this matter.
You specifically mention that she continues to push back on being called ‘Mon’ (when getting introduced), even now. So clearly, using that moniker is being dismissive of her wishes and disrespectful to her as a person. You come across as taking your mother for granted – not the nicest feeling in the world for her.
Has she been a good mother? Supportive? There for you during illnesses and in tough times? Then why can’t you just call her mom/mommy/mother as she wants? I think you can do better OP. Try starting with a heartfelt apology, stop calling her by a name she doesn’t want you to use, and show more respect.
You can choose to be more understanding and give some grace and kindness instead of stubbornly trying to justify yourself here. (And by the way, I am SURE you can change this verbal habit if you want to. If parents of trans children can stop using a dead name, you should be able to correct yourself too).” busyshrew
17. AITJ For Standing Up To My Absentee Father's Expectations Of Forgiveness?
“I’m suffering major cognitive dissonance right now with no idea how to reach him.
Grew up in a two-parent household with a very absent father.
Yesterday I brought up how a friend of mine whose father left when she was a kid, was valid for feeling resentful and not wanting to forgive her father back into her life after her father came back wanting a relationship with them.
My father, who’s been uninvolved in my life only until recently (getting old and suddenly sentimental for family) got mad and said that she’s being vengeful and cruel for rejecting her father who’s asking for a relationship with them again just because her father wasn’t there before.
He claims that the absent father must have had an epiphany and realized his mistake. My dad most likely took it personally because he’s starting to realize now that my brothers and I (all adults now) are closer to Mum than him, and he’s been feeling excluded. I try my best to stay connected to him but honestly, we have weak roots.
I called nonsense on that and stood my ground – that there’s no reason for her to ever forgive him since he left in their time of need (girls growing up without a father, mother was low income too) and time of weakness (being bloody little).
He got mad at me, picking up that I also resent him for similar actions.
Then he blames ‘feminism’ for ‘instilling these family destroying ideas’ and says that the universe will punish me for supporting the idea of fatherly neglect and that I’m an individual with ‘a narrow soul’ because the girl and I don’t have it in us to be the better person and forgive.
I treat him cordially and respectfully. He’s still my dad. But I’ll be honest to say that I don’t have it in me to love him the way he wants me to love him – and he fails to see that that’s hurt me my whole life.
I said that men, as fathers and husbands, have a responsibility to provide for their children. Both financially and emotionally/mentally, you know, love, experiences, a bond! I told him that the girl’s in a better place now since she’s married to an amazing man who’s taking care of her and is in tune with her and her needs, fulfilling what her father didn’t and he got mad at me saying that it’s selfish to only love a man because he’s providing something!
Absolutely no idea how to convince him that it’s not evil to want anything from a man! Half of this stuff is reciprocated and a foundation for a relationship?! Sorry that someone expects love, time, a present, and attention?
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Objectively he’s just wrong, and obviously feels defensive because he’s being called out for being a terrible parent and failing you. Instead of taking any accountability though he just blames you (and feminism?) for him failing you as a parent, and tries to make himself the victim.
He sounds like a misogynist on top of being a deadbeat. He even went so far as to call you selfish. The only thing that’s selfish is having kids when you don’t have any interest in being a parent. He’s majorly projecting. Look up DARVO.
That’s what he’s doing. You might want to reconsider if you really want this person in your life when this is how he treats you.” Comprehensive-Bad219
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So here’s my take, your dad made this scenario you were describing not about your friend, but about his own feelings and regrets.
He didn’t like seeing the consequences of being an absentee father held up to be faced. And one can definitely be physically present, but mentally and emotionally absent. As he’s aged, your father notices it’s Mom who gets all the kudos, efforts, and praise from you kids.
He gets maybe a card and some golf balls or socks on his birthday or Father’s Day. He notices that he doesn’t get the phone calls, visits, or check-ins that Mom does. ‘But he was there! PROVIDING! And not one of you appreciates that! You owe him something now!’
What these men (and some women) don’t understand is that the reason that it’s so hard for their children to forgive or develop relationships later on is that they are strangers! Relationships take nurturing, time spent, reciprocation, discussions, sharing, and feelings of safety. When adults don’t take the time to interact with their children, you set yourself up for alienation.
It won’t matter how many hours you worked or how many gadgets you bought them. What will matter is the time missed and the memories that weren’t made. We all live in the real world and know that you have to work to make a living, but you also have to make time for what matters.
For the people who matter the most to you. On the other hand, I’ve found that so many children don’t really matter to their parents at all. When you treat your children as mere accessories to your life, don’t be surprised when they make you optional in theirs.” moew4974
Another User Comments:
“Common scenario: Person works long hours. Doesn’t give the people in their life face time (although in their heads doing the work is doing that because it’s for the family). Family gets on with their lives. Person retires and suddenly thinks everyone must drop what they are doing and include them, they’ve earned it.
Your dad will think that he showed his love by supporting his family, and that may well be true for him. It’s an old-fashioned attitude. It’s an unbalanced approach to life.” MsChievous1
16. AITJ For Not Forcing My Older Son To Play With His Aggressive Younger Brother?
“I am 31 years old and I have 2 kids, both males. My oldest Ethan is 13 years old and my youngest Elliot is 3.
Elliot is a very aggressive toddler who throws tantrums all the time.
Ethan told me how much these tantrums bother him and I sat him down so he could tell me how he felt about his brother. Some of the things he said broke my heart.
He had said that Elliot wanted to play but he didn’t because the aggressiveness made him hate Elliot because it reminded him of their awful father.
Ethan regretted saying it when he saw that Elliot heard him. Both of them just looked at each other hurt.
Elliot ran to me with fat tears rolling down his cheeks and asked me to make Ethan play with him. But I said no and explained that he didn’t want to play right now and that it was probably best if he waited.
Elliot had told his grandma and she called me a jerk because Ethan is older and should be a substitute for his dad because Elliot needs a male role model.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – do not allow your oldest to be parentified. The amount of therapy he will need later in life… also if your 3yo is acting out does he need therapy or testing? If they are living with or have been living with abuse they both need to be in therapy to deal with the trauma.
And cut back on seeing MIL.” pinkie18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. DO NOT listen to your mother. It is never okay to make your child a substitute parent for an absentee father. It’s an unfair burden to put on any child. Also, I don’t know many 13-year-olds who want to play with a 3-year-old even if they are family.
You would also be teaching your 3-year-old the wrong lessons if you forced your other son to play with him after he said no. The fact that your 3-year-old went running to your mom when you said no suggests your 3-year-old may already think he is allowed to get what he wants.
If mom doesn’t give it to me then grandma will.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parentification of a 13-year-old boy is mistreatment and MIL was way out of line for suggesting it. Ethan deserves a childhood and should be a big brother and role model for Elliott.
Yes, Elliott is going through the terrible toddler stage, but it’s alarming he’s consistently having tantrums. Sounds like MIL has been coddling Elliott as well. Hopefully, Ethan doesn’t resent Elliott too much and the toddler learns to not do this bad behavior. Going NC with MIL is the right call.
I wish you and your boys luck.” Jake_Let_2991
15. AITJ For Banning My Sister From Using My Car After She Ruined The Brakes?
“I (27F) have been letting my sister (17F) use my car due to our mother taking hers away just “because she can.“ I’ve had multiple conversations with my sister about her driving due to the fact she is a terrible driver.
I went to take my car to get an oil change and immediately heard the brakes grinding. Took the car to the garage and they told me all but one caliper was stuck and I would need all new rotors, brakes, and calipers totaling just above 1k$.
I asked the mechanic what caused that and he stated braking really hard a lot does.
I immediately knew it was the fault of my sister due to her being the only one who drives the car and her driving. I lost my temper and called my sister going off on her with her stating her driving is perfect, she doesn’t speed so she has no reason to brake hard.
I called her out after looking at Life360 to confirm my suspicions. I told her she wasn’t allowed to touch the car anymore and she called me a jerk.
So did I react too harshly and am I the jerk?
Let me add a little clarification.
My mother is a heavy drinker. She constantly picks fights and holds things over people’s heads even if they’ve not done anything wrong. She took my sister’s car because my sister didn’t respond to a text she sent while under the influence.”
Another User Comments:
“I think light ESH — her more than you since she’s denying it and, you know, ruined your brakes and caused an expensive repair. That being said… she’s 17. Who taught her to drive? Why are people yelling at her and banning her from their cars instead of teaching her better?
If everyone just bans her from driving and no one says “look kiddo my Life360 and my destroyed brakes are undeniable evidence that your driving skills need some work. You’re still very new to being behind the wheel. Why don’t we go for a drive and I’ll give you some tips.” Then how is she supposed to get better?
Despite that example it doesn’t have to be you, car maintenance is expensive and teenagers are stubborn and can be hard to teach. But the point stands — if no one teaches her to be better, she won’t just magically become a better driver by herself.” tcdjcfo314
Another User Comments:
“Amateur mechanic here. The caliper being seized/stuck has nothing to do with the driver. It just happens over time due to rust and general failure of mechanical items. In fact, it’s these stuck calipers that went ignored that caused the brake pads/rotors to wear out so quickly.
The caliper being stuck means the brakes are being applied the whole time the car is moving. It immensely increases the rate of wear on them. The brake pads and rotors being worn out would not be caused by occasional use from one driver. On normal street driving they should last tens of thousands of miles.
I treat the road as a race track and am often in stop-and-go traffic and my brakes still last well over 30-40,000 miles. The worst she could have done is warped the rotors if she’s constantly on them and getting them super hot. What I’m trying to say is occasional use from one person is highly highly unlikely to have caused all those parts to fail.
They wear over a long period of time. Those stuck calipers caused them to wear out quicker than expected All that said I have to vote YTJ. But you’re not really a jerk as it was just due to a lack of knowledge. Keep a better eye on your car in the future!” TypicalM3Driver
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can’t get accurate info from life360 regarding braking. It’s your car and somehow you’re implying that you never drive it – why do you have a car that you never drive, unless you left that out? You haven’t given any information about the age or history of the car, but I’d bet it isn’t new and the brakes were close to the point of being the way they are.
You might be correct about your sister’s driving habits being bad, but you’ve basically transposed them to the problem with your brakes without any actual evidence that matches it. Put it like this, your sister would have to be driving like a Formula One driver to do the damage you suggest.” manowtf
14. AITJ For Refusing To Move Back In With My Sister And Not Wanting To Take On The Responsibility Of Her Kids Full-Time?
“I’m (26M) the youngest of five siblings. My sister (29F) has two kids, is separated from their father, receives government aid each month, and doesn’t have a driver’s license.
Since we were living with our dad, he would usually drive the kids to and from school. Recently, though, my sister got her own place and asked me to move in with her to help with the kids’ school runs, as well as any other transport they need, since she says she’s planning to get her license (though she’s been saying that for years).
I agreed to help, packed up my stuff (and my cat), and moved in. I helped for about a month until we had a huge fight. One morning, I asked her if she could wake me up because I was exhausted from studying and working on my IT projects.
Her response was, “I’m not your mom; you need to wake up on your own.” I was hurt and snapped back, “I’m not your husband, yet I’m taking your kids to school.” She took that badly, and we had a big argument. I ended up moving out without telling her.
I went back to live with my dad, where I was living before, and things were fine until today. He exploded on me, saying I needed to go back and help her, that it’s my responsibility. I told him I’d help out when I’m available but didn’t want to move back in with her.
He demanded that I be there at 7 a.m. tomorrow to take the kids to school. I tried to explain that I’m exhausted from studying, have a bad sleep schedule, and might not be able to wake up on time. He got mad and said, “That’s not how you respond; you just say yes and go.”
A few minutes later, I went back to try to make peace and said I’d go tomorrow. But that only triggered him more. He started yelling things like, “You’re 26, and you’ve done nothing with your life! You’re a useless brat, a loser who just stays locked in his room.
At 26, your brothers and I had accomplished so much. You’re nothing; you have no skills, no life. Aren’t you ashamed?”
I tried to tell him that I’m the youngest and feel a lot of pressure with two kids to take care of, on top of my master’s degree studies.
I told him that none of my siblings pursued higher education, and he mocked me, saying my degree means nothing until I’ve finished it and that my brothers have already done more in life without it.
When I pointed out that I’m still trying to build my future and need to focus on my studies, he cut me off, screaming, “We’re done talking, you little idiot.”
Honestly, I feel crushed by his words. I never expected him to come at me with that level of anger. Now I’m starting to question myself. Am I the jerk for refusing to move back in with my sister and not wanting to take on the responsibility of her kids full-time?”
Another User Comments:
“There are several elements at play here. Firstly, your sister is treating you as disposable, your time as if it rightfully belongs to her. Even if she treated you well and acted grateful for your help, you still wouldn’t owe her the help, never mind how she’s actually treating you.
The only way she’d be entitled to your time is if she paid you for it. The next time it comes up, you can suggest payment, though I doubt that’ll go over well. Secondly, the way your father spoke to you is horrible and I’m sorry you had to hear it.
It can be exceptionally painful to hear such harsh and cruel words from someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. For many kids, all you want is your parents’ pride, and to not receive it can be crushing.
That being said, the way your sister is acting entitled to your help is similar to how you are acting about your father’s help.
You are 26 and, as such, are not entitled to live in his house rent-free. You don’t say who is paying for your graduate school. Do you have a job that pays those bills, or is your father paying for your schooling? If the latter, you need to accept his requirements for your time, even if those requirements are for you to pick up/drop off your nieces and nephews when you’re tired. If you don’t want to, you should stop accepting money from him.
The same goes for living with him. He cannot require that you move in with your sister, but he can tell you his home is no longer open for you to live. I think it’s time for you to begin to stand on your own two feet, even if it requires that you slow down your schooling to allow you to pay rent elsewhere.
Get a job, even if it’s just part-time. Move out. If he isn’t giving you aid, he will have no claim to your free time.” OldPresentation3437
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dude, you are so used to taking abuse, you don’t even see it. Get out.
Find a place to live where you are not dependent, I know that is easier said than done, but her kids are not your problem. Your dad is just trying to dump the responsibility on you because he doesn’t want to do it anymore. You have your undergrad, get a job, and do your grad school part-time.
Take loans. Whatever. Get out.” bontemp420
Another User Comments:
“He wants to treat you like you’re worthless then get an apartment and change your number. Go do whatever you need to do to finish your degree and take care of yourself and your life.
You’re not the one that got yourself pregnant with two kids, not able to take care of them yourself. You don’t deserve to be treated like you were or spoken to like you were.” Grandmapatty64
13. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister Over Dog Sitting After A Long Trip?
“I (19F) have just come back from a trip with my partner to see his friends back home, 180 miles (or about 285km) each way. It was done last second.
While I was there I didn’t get to sleep as the house was right next to a pub and we were attempting to share a sofa.
So I was up for nearly two full days or 40 hours. I have suspected ME/CFS too so the long trip home was especially hard on me with the delays.
Today, I need to dog sit. My mum’s on a course and my sister (17F) needs to go to sixth form so I was woken up early because my sister needed to get ready for school.
The issue lies in the ways we dog sit. She feels that the only right way is to be in the dog’s face all the time no matter what, whereas I know that if you leave him be he’ll just take himself off to bed and relax there.
So she came to me to tell me that I needed to be with the dog in my parents’ room. He wasn’t doing anything, he was just sleeping. So I told her no because he doesn’t need me in his face while he’s trying to sleep.
She has a go at me telling me she’s trying to get ready for school (which is still two hours from now at 12 pm. I’ve been up since 8.) and that I’m “not doing it properly.”
At this point, I told her to leave me alone and let me sleep because I am inevitably feeling extremely unwell today.
She’s not said a word to me since. The dog is still sleeping and I suspect she’s going to refuse to go to school for this reason and blame it on me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. My sister does this constantly to me despite knowing I have been diagnosed with insomnia since I was a child.
It’s a lack of comprehension and consideration for people doing things differently than you. The dog was fine. Maybe setting an alarm to let him out is the only suggestion I could see being a concern. But you don’t need to watch him sleep. What does she think he’s going to do?
Lmao. Just close the doors to the rooms you don’t want him in and let him rest. I think it’s nice that you and your dog can nap together while in separate rooms. It’s way nicer when a pet has nap time when you need it.
Your sister is being controlling. If she stays home and blames you, that’s on her. And it feels like she was just looking for an excuse at that point. If your dog had a severe medical condition that needed your attention, I could see the concern.
But he doesn’t, or else you’d probably have given us that context. So yeah, she can leave you alone and throw a tantrum. It’s her choice if she stays home, that’s not your fault. If she has a serious worry that she isn’t communicating, that’s also on her.
But from the context given, NTJ.” Legolaslegs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No reason to get into this too much, but as you said, a dog will do what a dog does. Eat, drink, play with a toy, sleep a bit, ask to be let out.
My dog is totally content to just let me be on the couch and join me there. Occasionally getting my attention for a belly rub or bringing me her ball to play, but that’s that. Get your sister off to school. If she refuses, just note that and tell your mother.
Let her deal with it.” Random-widget
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here. You’re running on empty after a long trip, no sleep, and dealing with chronic fatigue symptoms, that’s a lot to handle. It sounds like you’re doing what you can to take care of the dog in a way that’s safe and comfortable for both of you, especially since he’s already resting.
Your sister’s idea of dog-sitting might be different, but that doesn’t mean your way is wrong, especially when you know he’ll be fine on his own. It’s understandable that you snapped at her. Exhaustion does that, and it’s hard to keep patience when you’ve been up since early morning and feeling unwell.
Your sister probably didn’t realize just how drained you are, and she might be overreacting because she’s stressed about her own morning routine. If it helps smooth things over, maybe have a quick talk later to let her know you’re just wiped out and it wasn’t personal. It sounds like she doesn’t quite understand what you’re dealing with in terms of exhaustion and chronic fatigue, so explaining that could help.
But in terms of taking a minute to prioritize your own rest, you’re definitely not in the wrong.” Myopinions_matter
12. AITJ For Letting My Biological Dad Into My Kids' Lives While My Step-Dad Is Distant?
“My biological father wasn’t involved in much of my life growing up. Approximately two weeks a year in the summer. We had a lot of issues and I quit speaking to him around 10 or 11.
My mother remarried when I was young and had my sibling. The guy she married is who I grew up calling dad. He was a good dad. Then he was unfaithful to my mom and they divorced. I was mad, but we had a decent relationship until 6 ish years ago.
Now, I am in my 30’s with kids of my own. My stepdad is so distant and has been since he was remarried. He never attempts to see my kids even though we live in the same small town. No calls, no texts. I invite him and his wife, along with my kids’ other grandparents, to every single thing my kids do.
He hasn’t been to a single birthday of my kids in the last 7 years. He doesn’t come to recitals, games, or school events. He did surprise me by showing up to Grandparents Day one time. I text him pics of the kids, updates, etc and he doesn’t reply.
But he is tech savvy so it’s not because he doesn’t know how. My youngest child didn’t even know who he was in photos, either. He also had been distant from my sibling as well.
Cue my bio dad. In my early 30s, I gave him a chance to be a grandpa to my kids.
He wasn’t a good dad to me, but I can tell he has changed, and wanted them to have a chance to know him and his family. He has not disappointed one time. He lives across the country and has seen my kids more than the man who raised me.
He calls to check on them, knows their hobbies, tells them funny stories over the phone, and even will FaceTime them to read them stories. I genuinely don’t hate talking to him. It’s been really nice.
Here’s where I think I’m the jerk.
I feel like I’m betraying my stepdad by allowing my bio dad to have an active role in my and my kids’ lives. It seems very jerk-like to almost kick my SD to the curb. I also worry his parents are going to think less of me when they find out I’m talking to my BD again.
It just seems like a slap in the face to the one who did the hard parts of parenting when he didn’t have to be. Am I the jerk? Should I cut ties with my bio dad? Any other suggestions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This part: ‘it just seems like a slap in the face to the one that did the hard parts of parenting when he didn’t have to be.’ No, he didn’t do the hard part, at least not after you grew up and had your own kids.
Where has he been since? Nowhere that’s where. But on the other hand, your bio dad has done the hard part himself in changing how he was to you and that was probably a hard thing to do as well. So I would say he has stepped up with you and your kids now and is giving a rich experience for them growing up.
Kids need as many good adults in their life as possible and they are lucky to have your bio dad in their lives now. Your bio dad has redeemed himself while on the other hand, your stepdad has now abandoned you. That is what you tell him or any other.
So, no betrayal from you here, quite the opposite.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t betray someone that doesn’t want to be involved. At the end of the day, you’ve tried to include him, he’s not interested. For yourself, take the years he was a good dad and hold those memories dear.
He did what he was supposed to do for you while he was married to your mom. For you kids, go where the love is. If Dad is ready to be a granddad, let him. The kids need love and not rejection. For everyone else, if they criticize, tell them Step has chosen to exit you and your kid’s lives since he remarried, no matter how hard you have tried. Now it is time for your kids to experience a granddad and your dad is willing.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are NOT betraying your stepdad. It is apparent that, although he was a very good stepdad and treated you well, you WERE his step-child and thus are really no longer part of his family. Don’t continue to put yourself and your children in a position to be hurt.
He is not their grandfather since he has chosen to not really care about them. He is their uncle’s dad. You can continue to attempt to have a cordial relationship. If he reaches out and tries to be part of your and their lives, the more the merrier.
Every child can use extra grandparents, but don’t let them be hurt and disappointed by his lack of interest. You need to manage their expectations. As for your bio dad. As you have obviously learned, people change and relationships change. If you and he are getting closer, giving your children another loving adult into their lives, embrace it.
You are NOT being disloyal, you are just strengthening and expanding your relationships. Neither of these relationships need to be exclusive and it sounds like the pendulum has just swung on whom is going to be closer to you at this stage of your lives.
Enjoy the ones who care and put in the effort to be in your and your children’s lives. Lower your expectations on those who do not appear overly invested or interested and just re-categorize them. Good luck.” Odd-End-1405
11. AITJ For Selling My Apartment To A Neighbor My Friends Dislike?
“I moved into an apartment building over four years ago. My partner (32M) and I (29F) met and moved in together in the second year, and since then, we have become close friends with our neighbors Scott (40) and Christy (43).
We’d hang out, go out for dinners, have drinks, take our dogs out for playdates, and had a great circle of friends that included two other women from the building. Scott and Christy lived across the hall and had an open-door policy, so we’d always pop in for a chat.
This friendship lasted a few years without issues… until my partner and I sold our apartment.
There was an “odd” couple at the end of our hall—mostly harmless, but they’d have loud arguments and were generally awkward to be around. The guy worked at a local bar we frequented, so we’d run into them now and then.
My partner and I had been house-hunting for months with no luck. Our apartment had to be sold for family reasons, so we were stressed and eager to find a place. Finally, we found a house that was perfect for us and our dogs, within budget.
We put down a deposit and started the process of selling our apartment. After several low offers, we got one above our expected price while on holiday and had to accept immediately, as we were close to the cooling-off period for our new house. The buyer was described as a “first-time investor,” and it seemed like our best option.
Just before we finished cooling off, we found out the buyer was actually the mother of the odd couple at the end of the hall. We were uneasy since we knew they weren’t well-liked in the building, but we’d already committed to the sale.
Friends had even joked, “hope you don’t sell to them,” but we felt we had no choice.
We celebrated the sale with the two other girls in our group, and one of them, who lived in the complex, was a bit annoyed but completely understood our situation and was happy for us.
Later, Scott and Christy joined us, and when we told them, they lost it. They called us “dogs,” said they were “done with us,” and insisted we’d made the worst mistake of our lives. We tried to explain our situation—that we would’ve lost the house if we didn’t take the offer—but they didn’t listen and just kept yelling.
After a week of no contact, Scott and Christy left a gift bag at our door. Inside were dog-themed kitchen sponges that read “dirty dog” on the packaging, a bottle of wine (they knew we didn’t drink wine), and a lollipop (which my partner loves).
The card inside said something like “Thanks for being great neighbors and good luck.” We couldn’t tell if this was a peace offering or another dig.
I’m now writing this from our new house, where we’ve been for over a month. We never heard another word from Scott and Christy, apart from a few awkward smiles in the hallway.
Thankfully, the other two women have stayed in touch and remain wonderful friends.
As much as I’m sad and hurt by everything that happened, I still feel weirdly guilty about giving them a “bad” neighbor. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’ve no obligations when selling your dwelling other than abiding by applicable laws regarding discrimination/etc. Neighbors’ desires likely could get you in trouble due to not being based on ‘legitimate’ reasons. It’s unfortunate you lost friends over this; hopefully, you’ll find some new neighbors to make up for the lost ones!” ManchmalHumanistisch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, even if you knew it was the mother of one of those people, so what? You have a right to sell your place, you would’ve lost your pending purchase if you didn’t, and what’s the difference? That other couple already lives there, that’s not your fault or problem.
Maybe the mother’s presence will be good because the loud arguments may stop. Who knows? Neither you nor your so-called friends know, so why are they acting like you’ve literally destroyed their lives? Forget them.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s really unusual for neighbors to have the kind of close relationship you and your partner had with Scott and Christy.
(I, personally, find the thought of an ‘open door policy’ with neighbors APPALLING but it’s evidence of the really rare level of neighborliness I’m referring to!) In the grand scheme of things, having neighbors across the hall who’re a little odd and sometimes too loud is…pretty much par for the course.
It’s pretty ridiculous for S & C to have expected that you’d make ‘finding them good neighbors’ your priority in the important, complicated, and stressful process of purchasing a new home. I think they’re entitled to feel disappointed that folks they don’t like are moving in across the way, but I don’t think it was fair of them to actually be mean and snarky to you.
PLUS, chances are decent that if you’d tried to personality-test prospective buyers, S & C would have ended up with so-so new neighbors who were just excellent at selling themselves to you during their ‘testing’, lol.
IMO, you have nothing to feel bad about. You weren’t able to set up S & C with awesome new neighbors, but that was never a realistic goal for anyone to have had.
I’d think of S & C like work colleagues you got along well with when you shared a place of employment but the friendship just didn’t ‘transfer’ when your life circumstances changed. It’s too bad things between you ended a bit bitterly, but I don’t think you owe them any more of your mental energy/headspace at this point.
Congrats on the house & good luck settling into the new neighborhood!” EnvironmentOk5610
10. AITJ For Not Attending My Dad's Wedding After Being Uninvited For Being Underage?
“I’m 17f (turning eighteen in a month) and my dad and his new wife are having a child-free wedding, and due to me being 17, they have now uninvited me to their wedding (previously I was meant to be there).
When uninviting me my dad and his then-fiance said something about wanting to keep a sophisticated ambiance and that was their reason for not wanting kids.
I thought this was unfair as I was going to be eighteen in a month and expressed my opinion on it, (we had about three conversations).
After they still refused and stuck to the reason that my being there would ruin the ambiance, I left to go stay with my partner.
A few days after that my dad called me and told me that I was now welcome to come, I refused saying that I already had plans (I did) but he got annoyed and said that I was putting friends over my family.
I still didn’t go and my partner and I went out to the beach on the day. Now that I’m back home things are still tense which I understand but my dad’s been trying to force me into apologizing to his wife which I do not want to do.
So am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they had really wanted you there, they would have made it a priority to include you from the beginning. You then gave them ample opportunity to change their minds, but they didn’t. Now you have other plans.
I’m all for child-free weddings, but not when the people getting married have kids, for goodness sake. Your dad and his new wife are jerks. That really sucks, but it’s not your fault. Don’t make them a bigger priority in your life than they make you.
Honestly, their wedding sounds like it will be super boring anyway.” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You were hurt by his decision to exclude you and talked with him several times. When they said no each time, you accepted it and made other plans.
Them changing their minds does not mean you suddenly owe them your attendance or that you didn’t have somewhere else you would rather be, with people who actually wanted you there. The same way they wanted you to accept their rejection with grace, they need to do the same.
You’re all adults now, but they are looking at you like a kid who owed them something they did not owe you.” External-Hamster-991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re definitely not wrong for deciding not to attend after being uninvited over something so minor. Being a month shy of 18 and getting excluded for not meeting the “child-free” requirement seems unfair, especially when you were initially invited. It’s understandable that their preference was for an adult-only event, but treating you like a little kid so close to a milestone birthday does feel unnecessarily strict.
Your dad and his wife uninviting you, then expecting you to just jump back into their plans when they changed their minds, shows a lack of consideration for how their decision affected you. When they told you that your presence would ruin the “sophisticated ambiance,” it’s no wonder you felt hurt.
And once you made other plans, it makes sense you’d stick with them—especially since they didn’t seem to prioritize you at first. Now, pushing you to apologize to his wife feels like they’re sidestepping their responsibility in all this. You voiced your feelings and made a choice based on their actions; they need to respect that.
Take care of yourself, and don’t feel pressured to apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong.” Basic_Dig1720
9. AITJ For Asking My Overweight Friend To Pay For The Designer Chair She Broke?
“I have this friend who is pretty big. Like, 350lbs or maybe a bit more, while everyone else in our circle is more on the slim side. I love her very much and want her to feel at home at my place, so I made sure that my new chairs at the dining table were safe for her to use.
But then she didn’t really find them comfortable. No armrests that would be tight to fit in or curved seats to press into her legs or anything, it was just that they weren’t upholstered enough for her liking or something.
So then she saw that nice comfy lounge chair in my living room and dragged it over to the table because she wanted to use it instead.
I told her it might not be as sturdy as the chairs but she still wanted to use it. It’s a designer chair, one of those cup-formed ones with thin brass legs, beautiful but not very stable. Got it at a designer outlet for 250$ a few weeks ago.
She sat down in it, all good. Then she raised one of her legs to put it on the rim of the chair and against the table. Ok. Then she decided to fold her other leg below her onto the chair and shifted her weight back and to the left to do this, tilting the chair slightly back while holding on to the table to do this acrobatics.
The chair creaked, and then the leg bent and broke and she crashed to the floor with it.
My friend hurt her elbow and everyone was all over her and making her feel good that night, including me. We got her an ice pack and everything and no blame, she was clearly shocked and shaken so it wasn’t the time to talk about the chair… she blamed the chair for not being sturdy right away though, and said many times how it sucks to be treated like this by the world.
I didn’t say much in that moment. But the next day I called her to ask about paying for the chair. See, it cost a lot and I didn’t offer it to her, and she broke it? She is extremely angry now and our group of friends is split: some say that I’m wrong because her weight isn’t her fault and she should be able to do what she likes regardless, otherwise, it’s discrimination and also I should have told her absolutely not to sit on that chair if I wasn’t sure it would support her.
Some are on my side and say, she shouldn’t have dragged a chair over that wasn’t intended to be used at the table and if she did, she should have just kept her feet on the floor as that clearly worked better, and that she knows her weight and associated issues best. I agree with the latter and also want the full price from her.
I won’t be able to replace the chair with the same model (the regular price is just too high and none are left at the outlet), but it was just a few weeks old so I think I deserve the full price to get something else instead.
Also, I’m just 120lbs, and like, I love her, but why would I have to buy only chairs that can support thrice my own weight? That’s not how it works in my head.
Am I the jerk for asking for 250€ for the damaged chair? It can’t be repaired either.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not a fan of people saying “her weight isn’t her fault”. Listen, thyroid issue or not she knows she’s heavy and it’s HER responsibility to be careful with other people’s furniture. Her weight may not be her fault (according to her and those who enable her) but her weight is part of her life and she needs to be more careful.
She should absolutely pay for the chair she broke. If she’s a real friend that (offering to pay) would have been the first thing she did after she felt ok.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“Look, I’m all about body neutrality, I think fatphobia is VERY real and it sucks that so many people have to deal with a world that does not quite work for their size.
I’m sure your friend felt like a mess, I can’t imagine the embarrassment, and I’m really sorry she had to go through that. That said, I don’t understand how offering to pay for the chair wasn’t her first instinct. She’s the one who dragged a chair that was not meant to be used in that context AND used it wrong.
You literally warned her. I would have offered to pay right away. NTJ. Although, we don’t know how you communicated it to her, so maybe the delivery could have been a problem if she got so mad? But based only on the facts, yeah, NTJ.” CarolZero
Another User Comments:
“Her weight isn’t her fault?! What?! I don’t care what medical condition she may or may not claim to have. If you burn more calories than you take in, you WILL lose weight! Biology doesn’t lie. She absolutely can control her weight, as can EVERYONE in the world – she is just choosing not to because she’s lazy or doesn’t care.
Now, it may be more difficult for her to lose weight than others, or she may have a slower metabolism or a disease, but I promise you, if she burns more calories than she takes in on a consistent daily basis, she 100% will lose weight!
I hate people who make excuses for something that is 100% under their control. If she stops overconsuming calories, she will not gain weight any longer. And if she consumes less calories than she burns, she WILL lose weight.” imyy4u
8. AITJ For Kicking Out My Partner's Overly Possessive Best Friend?
“My (22M) partner Hayden (21M) has a best friend Rory (22M) who’s straight. They pretty much know each other all their lives. Both of them came from abusive homes with Hayden pray the gay away nutso religious parents and Rory’s heavy drinker jerk of a dad.
They even ran away together for a whole year and a half when they were 14/15. I don’t like Rory though at all. He’s so weirdly possessive and “protective” of Hayden. Like he’s disliked all of Hayden’s partners including me.
He wants to be around all the time even when he has a partner.
I almost never have any time alone with Hayden where Rory doesn’t somehow just pop up or invite himself or Hayden brings him along. Rory disliked when I finally convinced Hayden to move in with me and out of their shared apartment. He’ll literally ditch his partner to hang out with Hayden and Hayden does the same to me.
They’ll have sleepovers all the time and end up snuggled up on the couch or on a pallet on the floor in the living room. It’s like Rory is always trying to get in between us. Any argument Hayden and I have, Rory’s around the corner ready to tell him how horrible a person I am.
I even checked around with some of their old friends and a few of them told me how it was the same for them. How Hayden couldn’t have any other friends and how they haven’t talked to Hayden or Rory in so long because they pushed everyone else away.
I had planned this whole romantic dinner Saturday. I cooked and everything, literally candles for our anniversary. Rory knew this and of course, he comes home with Hayden and like just pulls up a chair. I’m of course upset and Hayden is just like it’s fine and that we could all share.
I tell him that’s not the point. I got really mad then and I kicked Rory out and made him go home. Hayden got mad at me asking why I was acting that way and I told him that Rory is a creepy weirdo. He said I had no right to say that.
I yelled at him that he literally doesn’t have any other friends because Rory pushes them away. He starts crying and of course runs off yelling that he was staying at Rory’s. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for kicking him out of your anniversary meal. But have you actually spoken to Hayden about this?
Calling Rory a creepy weirdo and yelling isn’t the best way to have a conversation and figure out what some good boundaries would be to put in place. Your partner is the one who goes to Rory too. If you want this to work out, then you need to have a calm talk.
Perhaps in couples therapy? (You and Hayden, not Hayden and Rory).” WhyWontYouHelpMe
Another User Comments:
“I really wonder if Rory is straight. He’s acting like a scorned lover/affair partner. It could also be he’s just very possessive due to their extensive history. Either way, Hayden is the issue.
You have a major partner problem. He should have set boundaries in this and all prior relationships. Hayden has communicated very clearly you come at best second to Rory. There may be other priorities above you, but Rory is certainly far more important than you.
That’s an undeniable fact. You have to either accept this status quo or move on.” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ honestly I see some people suggesting they’re secretly involved but I don’t get that vibe. I do get a lil of the vibe of potentially closeted feelings but I’ll take it all at face value and assume Rory is straight.
They sound codependent af and both probably have abandonment issues so they overly rely on each other and push others away for fear of losing their closest friend. Someone pointed out how you said your partner is doing the same things as Rory and that’s something that should be examined. Ultimately right now you need to talk about boundaries with Hayden and recognize that Rory isn’t going to go away so you either need to live with that and find a compromise like not having him there for dates (which honestly should be assumed imo huge overreach for Rory to be there for your anniversary), or you just gotta end it because he isn’t leaving Rory until something bad enough happens to snap him out of it.” chalksea
7. AITJ For Not Helping My Husband Get Ready In The Morning?
“I (25F) have been married to my husband (25M) for 4 years now. We have a child so it limits our schedule a lot.
Here’s how our mornings used to go 4 months ago: I would wake up around 6 am, get ready, and go to work by 6:45 am. My husband would wake up when our 2-year-old woke up. Usually around 6:45 to 7 am, then get ready and take the child to daycare.
It worked for a bit but my husband hated the schedule (Couldn’t be helped, I was required to be in at 7 am for work).
After some back and forth, I applied for a part-time position at work/basically gave them 2 months heads up that I’m quitting (my husband doesn’t want me to work anymore and I don’t mind because it was his decision that I worked in the first place) and now I’m the one who takes the child to daycare and my hours are significantly decreased.
It was great, but my husband still woke up same time anyway. Around 6:30 to 7 am. I told him that I am quitting work because he promised to wake up earlier instead of me. I started working out in the mornings too, so I wake up by 6 am to work out and then take a shower hopefully before the child wakes up.
It took some time but we finally agreed to start waking up 5 am together and start our day (my husband keeps saying he wants to get up by 5 but he can’t if I’m not getting up). It worked great and honestly, I was very happy with it.
But apparently, my husband doesn’t like it.
Today, we woke up at 5:45 am, late because he wanted to sleep in so I’m like forget it, I’ll sleep in too. Our child woke up twice at night and I’m the only one who settles the child at night so I’m tired anyway.
We wake up, he goes to shower and I go to work out. Our child wakes up just as I’m done on the treadmill so I got about 20 minutes of workout in. I hand the child to my husband and tell him I’m taking a quick shower.
He’s upset. It’s 6:15 am. I ask him what’s wrong and he goes on a rant that he hoped I would help him get ready.
I’m confused because I don’t usually help make breakfast/lunch for him unless we have nothing prepared in the fridge for lunch (I prep food before or we have leftovers for lunch) or if I want to make something special for breakfast. Plus we woke up late.
So I told him if he wanted my help, he could have asked. I didn’t realize he wanted my help. He gets more worked up and says that he needs to leave earlier and now he’s late.
I went to take a shower and reflected on it but I just can’t see his side in this.
So when I was done and took the child (it’s 6:30 am) and he’s still upset, I ask him why he’s upset with me. He again, says that I should have helped him with breakfast so he could have left earlier. I just told him that if he wants my help, to ask me next time and he left for work in a huff.
AITJ in this situation? I’m just so confused.”
Another User Comments:
“What is going on in this situation? It was his decision you should work and his decision you should stop? What do you want to do? And why do you both need to wake up earlier when it was fine getting up at 6.30 to get the kid ready?
Why does your husband need help getting ready? Impossible to tell who is the jerk, it just sounds like you are both terrible at time management and scheduling and need to communicate better.” krankyspanky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, your situation is very concerning. He controls what field you work in, he controls when you quit, and he’s unable to pull his weight with childcare or even get his own breakfast?
He sounds dangerously controlling. I highly recommend you read the book Why Does He Do It? by Lundy Bancroft and see if it describes him. To be honest, the more you’re able to be financially independent, the better off you’ll be in the long run, given how your husband is.” Alternative-Being181
Another User Comments:
“No part of this situation makes any sense. He used to wake up around the time that you would leave for work so he was getting himself ready, getting your child ready for daycare, and doing the daycare drop-off all on his own and clearly was doing fine even if he didn’t really like it.
So now that you’re quitting your job why does he need to wake up earlier when he’ll have less to do, since you’ll be there to take care of your child? And why do you also need to wake up earlier when your child is presumably waking up at the same time and you don’t need to get ready for work anymore?” Odd_Prompt_6139
6. AITJ For Not Weighing My Potatoes At The Grocery Store?
“I (54F) just moved to a new city last month. The vibe here is a little different than my old city but it’s the same region of the country so not a drastic change.
Last night I was hanging out with a friend (61M) who’s lived here a long time and it came up in conversation that we both needed to make a trip to the grocery store. We decided to go together.
I only needed a few essentials but I saw they had some good-looking fingerling potatoes, so I bagged some up and headed to meet him at the register.
When he saw the potatoes, he told me I had to go back to the produce section, weigh them, and print out a tag. I said, “No, the cashier can just put the code in. Like every other grocery store I’ve ever been to or worked at.” He started getting visibly agitated and insisted the cashier was going to kick me out of line and make me go back to weigh them.
I said, “It will be okay.” And of course it was, she looked at the little book for maybe five seconds, put in the code, and that was that.
Afterward, he said I embarrassed him and upset the cashier by not doing it the correct way.
I mean I could get it if it was coffee or pastries or something she couldn’t just look at and see what it was, but produce in a clear bag? That’s a routine part of her job. And she sure didn’t look upset to me.
This seems incredibly overblown and petty, but maybe I’m a hick unfit for big-city society. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If tags weren’t available how are you going to convince the clerk of the weight? ‘Oh, it’s 3 pounds,’ while trying to get away without paying for 5 pounds.
Also, the scales in the shopping area aren’t regularly calibrated. They’re meant to give you an idea of weight, but only the cashier has the tools necessary to charge accordingly so the store is not losing money. NTJ.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“So…pretty much everyone weighs and labels their produce at the grocery chain I shop at (Wegmans).
They have multiple scales throughout the produce department that print out a sticker with a barcode to stick on the bag so the cashier can scan it. Basically, everyone does this and I do feel ‘bad’ if I forget to print a label for one of my items. However, it’s NOT a big deal if you don’t, especially if you don’t have like, an entire shopping cart of unlabeled produce.
The cashier will just punch in the code and weigh it at the register and it’s nothing someone should actually feel bad about. I did want to mention that there are places where customers labeling their own produce is the cultural norm, but definitely… NTJ.” esg4571
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It depends on the store. For instance, in my area, we have grocery stores where they have machines set up for you to weigh your produce and print the sticker. While they are capable of doing it, I think it’s kind of a jerk move to say I’m not weighing it because that’s their job.
It’s like people that don’t put back carts or leave stuff all over the store because they think that’s what the workers are there for.” keesouth
5. AITJ For Raising My Voice At A Coworker For Implying I'm Pregnant?
“After a meeting today, a coworker came up to me and tapped my stomach with her pen and said “you don’t need to worry about the class, you won’t be here next year,” and winked (we are teachers and we were building the classes for next year).
In retaliation, I raised my voice and said “No I am not pregnant and that is rude!” I then left the room to people laughing.
I have been seeing people look at my stomach and questioning if I am pregnant, and honestly, I do look it as I have turned vegan for health reasons and have probably been eating too many beans, so I am very bloated. I am also very self-conscious of my weight, always have struggled with it and after having 2 kids I am struggling to lose 25 pounds, so I am extra sensitive about it.
AITJ for how I spoke to her? I can own up to my mistakes and will apologize if I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have done far worse. The absolute GALL to tap your stomach with her pen. Even if you were pregnant that’s such a weirdly inhuman way to do an already unwelcome type of touch already.
You never comment on pregnancy unless told. You ALSO never TOUCH A STOMACH, PREGNANT OR NOT, WITHOUT PERMISSION.” SlammyWhammies
Another User Comments:
“This happened at my husband’s work once and the woman shouted no she wasn’t pregnant she had just eaten too much cake.
It sounded hilarious but I did feel so bad for her as it must have also been embarrassing so I am glad she shouted to embarrass the idiot who asked her in the first place as he deserved to share the embarrassment! And so you’re NTJ for doing the same!” Visual_Meet_84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Just had a similar experience, myself, however I just gave them the finger and walked away. And easier said than done, sometimes, you just need to walk away. You can’t change ignorant people, like most are saying go to HR and file a report, they will think twice about saying stupid things like that.” Bug_One
4. AITJ For Refusing To Plan My Estranged Cousin's Wedding?
“I’m (23f) a wedding planner and my mom is a wedding officiant. We have a very successful wedding business for all budgets and brides.
Two years ago, my cousin Jack decided to cut off my family for no reason. When I asked him for a reason to see if I could fix it, he wouldn’t answer so I let it go.
(Still don’t know what my family did for him to up and leave us)
Recently he got engaged and his fiance messaged me. I told her congratulations on your engagement but I won’t plan their wedding since Jack hasn’t contacted us for over two years without a reason.
Jack called me and told me that I should be a bigger person. I told him that he had no right to demand things from me because of how he decided to leave. I told him that he missed out on milestones and that his siblings wanted him to be there for them.
He hung up and left a horrible review on my business page that I had to delete.
Half of my employees told me that I’m a jerk and the other half said I’m not.
But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He ruined his relationship with everyone and he wants YOU to be the biggest person?
He expects to get what he wants (no relationships, you to plan his wedding), but when you want to NOT plan his wedding, it’s an issue. Yeah, good thing you did not, imagine how he would be if you did work with him.” zoloblaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t trust your cousin or fiance. If they actually cared about you as a person, they would have been more interested in connecting on a personal level. They could hire a wedding planner if they were just looking for that service. They want you, specifically.
Why? Because they either want to get away without paying and/or they want to be able to make unreasonable demands to a service provider who would have a hard time walking away. And they’ve already proved you can’t trust them. Cousin is trying to ruin your business because you had a problem with being commanded to work for them after a few years of being ghosted by him.
Since he has not actually used your services, I hope there’s a way you can report him for a fake bad review.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You reserve the right to refuse service to ANYONE. And I’m going to assume if he’s this entitled they would have wanted you to do this for free or highly discounted. This isn’t a hobby, it is a career you have worked on and built.
For him to leave a bad review that could potentially damage your livelihood shows he has no actual love for you as family but would rather just take advantage of you.” Comfortable_Read3801
3. AITJ For Calling My Mom Unreliable After She Forgot To Buy My Project Supplies Multiple Times?
“I’m 16 years old and I needed a foam mat for a science project.
The only problem is these are not near our house and at a store 30 minutes away. I don’t have a license so I told my mom before I went to school to buy it for me. Just to make sure she did, I even sent her messages during school to get it which she agreed to.
When I got home (Tuesday), I discovered that she completely forgot about it and said that she was too tired to drive to the store right now. I was slightly nervous because the project was due Friday but it wasn’t too big of a deal because I was sure I could do it in that time.
So, I told her to buy it tomorrow (Wednesday) and sent her a message during school again to buy it.
When I got home, she was chatting with friends she invited over. So I asked her if she got it and her reply was no, so I asked if we could go right now but she said no because her friends are here.
At this point, I was irritated but didn’t push it and just made her promise she’d get it tomorrow. Eventually, her friends did leave around 7 but I was already deep into my homework by then and didn’t get to bed until 11.
So today rolls around, and I told her she must absolutely get it now as the project is due tomorrow.
She confirms and says she got it but when I got home, she didn’t have the dang thing. I was irritated at this point and just remarked that even with all my reminders she still proves to be unreliable. She got mad and started screaming at me calling me ungrateful and critical of her mistakes.
So now I’m in the car with my friend going to that store because my mom refused to take me after I said that to her.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All parents will forget important things like this at least once in their lives, but a good, reliable parent will actually get it on day 2, even if it means they have to say goodbye to their friend early.
Because at this point they recognize that they’ve had 3 missed opportunities (Tuesday day, Tuesday evening, and Wednesday day) and it just needs to get done so their kid can get their school project done. I know mine might have asked Tuesday night if I needed them to go get it despite their fatigue or if it could wait until the next day, but they’d have gotten it without fail on Wednesday.
And they’d have been likely to just get it done Tuesday evening if they were able, despite being tired, because they placed a lot of importance on supporting my school needs.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did you only find out about a major science project on Tuesday that was due Friday?
That seems suspect. Doesn’t the teacher provide a syllabus of major assignments at the beginning of the year? As a parent, I have access to my 11th grader’s list of upcoming assignments. Plus, he’ll tell me a couple of weeks in advance if he needs something because I usually will just order from Amazon to avoid going to the store.
If I need to go, he has to come with me to pick it out so having at least a full week’s notice will include the weekend where we can go together. Your mom doesn’t sound very organized, but it sounds like you are continuing to rely on her when you know she has a habit of not following through.
Just get the money from her in the future and figure it out yourself. There is a saying that goes: “If you want something done right, do it yourself.”” BayAreaPupMom
Another User Comments:
“Hey OP. Respectfully, reading between the lines, it sounds like you were able to get this done yourself and instead put the burden on your mom.
The fact that you say you repeatedly told her to get it (not asked) and that you only wanted to go get it when it was convenient for you (as you said you were “deep in your homework” when her friends left and she was free to take you to the store) give that impression.
Now, you are 16, so independence is relatively new and probably still somewhat restricted, but I think you need to take on some responsibility here. It’s your project, not your mother’s. It’s your grade, not your mother’s.
You’re 16, not 6. You’re old enough to drive or you have friends who drive, but you didn’t take any steps to get the foam board, other than hammering your mother regularly to do it for you.
You didn’t walk there, you didn’t get an Uber, you didn’t order it on a delivery app, and you didn’t just move ahead and repurpose an old foam board or tape together some pieces of posterboard or even printer paper. You had a lot of options other than what you chose to do.
I know you don’t want to hear this, but you contributed to the situation quite a bit. Your mother should not have screamed at you, end of sentence. You should have been kinder to her and more proactive about getting the foam board. These are small tasks you can take on on your own now that will help you establish some independence, and problem-solving skills, and also help heal your relationship with your mom as you not leaning on her so much will let the two of you give each other a little space and grace.
Ultimately, ESH. But just a little.” pickledpl_um
2. AITJ For Giving My Daughter's Friends Soda Despite Their Mom's Rule?
“My daughter’s best friend comes over for sleepovers and stuff all the time. Her mom is a bit of a crunchy hippy and doesn’t want her drinking soda. She tells me not to give her soda when she comes over and I think she is too strict with her kids.
I grew up on soda and it’s been fine but she insists no soda only give her water or tea even if they ask.
My kids drink soda all the time and I feel it’s not fair to her kids never to get any when their friends drink it in front of them.
I know her kids aren’t allergic to anything in soda their mom confirmed she just won’t let them drink it.
Her daughter and son came over after school and I gave them a can each because my kids were drinking it too and they asked. The next day she called very angry because her son couldn’t sleep and said he had a soda from me.
I don’t believe the soda was the issue who can’t sleep after a soda? But the mom said she wouldn’t let her kids over after school since I won’t enforce her rule.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Regardless of your opinion. These are not your children.
It’s appalling to me that you “don’t think” the soda is the reason the child couldn’t sleep. If they don’t drink things like they often then the sugar in it alone is enough to keep someone going like the energizer bunny and that’s not even touching the caffeine!
Don’t get me wrong I like soda – don’t drink it much – but I like it. Maybe this family has a propensity to cavities, and because it’s been scientifically proven that sodas are somewhat addictive maybe she doesn’t want to have to struggle with dental issues.
Maybe she is a total jerk who doesn’t want her kids to have anything fun in life. Ya know what that doesn’t matter. Y’know why? They. Ain’t. Your. Kids.” blanketfortqueen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ “who can’t sleep after a soda?” A child who doesn’t normally consume large amounts of sugar and caffeine… that’s who.
Sugary soft drinks are not healthy. Childhood tooth decay, obesity, and diabetes rates are skyrocketing because food manufacturers have been using more and more sugar in their products over the years. The soda and overall diet you were raised on is not the same as what our children consume now, so just because you’re ok doesn’t mean the younger generation will be too if they’re on the same diet.
You also undermined her as a parent. To you, it’s one soda to a deprived child, but to the mother, it’s a child who’s more likely to be defiant and resentful because they don’t understand why their mom won’t let them have the same food as their peers.
What if another parent gave your child booze and they came home tipsy, and the parent came back with “it was just one shot, I used to drink with my parents when I was your kid’s age, and I’m ok”? It’s the same concept, just a different harmful substance.” depleted-user
Another User Comments:
“YTJ!!!! The PARENT said NO. That’s it. Final answer. Also, soda is packed full of caffeine and for a child who never drank soda of course they are gonna have an adverse reaction to it! Soda is full of sugar and caffeine.
Naturally, they ain’t gonna sleep. How would you feel if you told a parent “hey my kid can’t have any candy at your house, we are going to a special dinner tonight” and they stuffed your kid full of candy and they were bouncing off the walls and refused to eat dinner.
You’d be upset right? Exactly. Also, the mum isn’t being a “crunchy” parent. They just know their child and most likely figured out that the kid gets WAY too hyper when given caffeine or sugar and has decided to not give them it. It doesn’t matter if you drank soda growing up or if your kids live off it, you are not the mother of that kid!
You follow the parents’ decisions or you don’t watch the kid or have the kid over. Simple as that. Also, word does travel so chances are you may have messed up more playdates for the future. Not many parents are gonna be happy to hear that you disrespected a parent’s directions regarding food and drinks.
That’s one thing that parents will avoid another if they feel that the parent won’t respect dietary restrictions (regardless of how you feel about them it’s not your kid so not your decision to break it). Shame on you. Just shame.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit Rome With My Partner Because Of Past Relationship Memories?
“My partner (28F) and I (28M) are planning a road trip around Italy for this summer.
The only problem that we are having is Rome. I’ve told her that I don’t want to go there and we’ve had a fight about it.
The reason that I don’t want to travel to Rome is that I used to be in a relationship with a girl from there, I’m from Lisbon so we had a long-distance relationship but we traveled to the city of each other almost every week.
We were together for 5 years and we broke up in 2020. The weekend we broke up was the last time I traveled to Rome. It would be weird for me to go to that city with my current partner as when my ex and I broke up it’s almost like I also broke up with Rome and the life that I used to have there.
Going there with my current partner would be weird for me and I don’t think that I would enjoy it.
I’ve explained this to my partner, but she doesn’t understand that even though I don’t have feelings for my ex, I don’t think I’m ready to go to that city.
Italy has a lot of beautiful places, I don’t think it’s a big deal if we skip Rome. She says that I’m being selfish.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re allowed to have mixed feelings about visiting the city again, but please remember you break up with PEOPLE, not PLACES.
You can choose to look at this in a positive light by using this opportunity to make good memories there or you can live in the past. Are you really ok with letting a previous relationship dictate where you can and cannot go with your new partner?
Light YTJ for now because I do understand your reluctance, but you would be a pretty big jerk to make your current partner miss out on going to Rome because of your past partner. Almost sounds like you aren’t really over her yet. Is that the message you want to send to your current partner?” LarkspurSong
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That’s like if you used to go out with someone in Paris and said it wasn’t a big deal to skip it because there are plenty of beautiful places in France. It’s weird to skip the top travel destination in the country.
Imagine showing your friends pictures of your trip and explaining why Rome was avoided, your friends would feel really embarrassed for your current partner.” cassowary32
Another User Comments:
“I mean, I kind of get it, there’s a city like 20 min away that I hate going to because someone who harmed me lives there.
I know rationally that my going there does not mean I will see him, but it does create a proximity that is difficult for me to handle. However, I have appointments there sometimes, sure, I could ostensibly move the appointments elsewhere, but then I would be going even farther away, and it makes more sense to just deal with it.
Especially with current gas prices. Your situation is similar yet not the same. Your ex lives there, but your partner wants to travel there. I’d say a mild YTJ. It’s not realistic to just avoid a place forever because a person lives there, and you have a sour memory of it.
Make new memories, live your life, and don’t let the memory of your ex determine your path. That’s disrespectful to yourself and your partner.” Queen_Sized_Beauty
