People Get Provoked In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Daughter-in-Law to a Bridgerton Watch Party?
“So I (F53) have 3 children, Caleb (M26), Kate (F24) and Madison (F19). We are a very close family and we tend to do a lot together.
Caleb got married last year to Ashley (F25). We like her. We are as close to her as she lets us get. By that I mean, that we treat her like family and invite her to everything, but she usually only decides to join us every third time or so.
She is an only child and is close with her parents, so we accommodate holidays around her schedule.
Before Caleb and Ashley got married, her MOH threw her a bridal shower. They chose the same weekend as our family reunion. Kate and I skipped the family reunion to go to the shower, but the rest of the family did not.
Since our family missed the shower, I decided to throw her another, surprise shower and invited all our family that missed the shower, her mom, and the bridal party. I chose a tea party theme. The shower went well, I thought, but as people were leaving, I overheard Ashley thanking her friends for being good sports about the lame tea party.
She never complained to me directly, but it did hurt my feelings.
Last month, my daughters and I went to get pedicures and invited Ashley, but she declined. We were talking about the Bridgerton release coming up and planned a watch party. We’re having an afternoon tea.
Madison asked if Ashley was coming, but I said no because Ashley doesn’t like Bridgerton or tea parties – the last watch party we had for Queen Charlotte, we invited her, and she left after about an hour and a half through the show. She said she just couldn’t get into it.
During this, DH is going out to a poker night and he invites Caleb. When Caleb asked Ashley about it, he found out we hadn’t invited her to watch with us. He called me up and yelled at me. I told him that I didn’t invite her because she doesn’t like tea parties and that she doesn’t like Bridgerton.
He said that didn’t matter, I should have invited her anyway. I called Ashley, apologized to her, and told her that we didn’t invite her because she didn’t like the show, and she just responded, “You’re right, I don’t.” So I just changed the subject and asked if we were doing Mother’s Day on the same schedule as usual. She said yes.
But then, because I still hadn’t invited her, Caleb called and said they weren’t coming to Mother’s Day at all and that I was being a jerk for excluding her.
Here’s where I MBTJ. I don’t want her to come and that’s why I’m not inviting her.
She was distracting when we watched Queen Charlotte, making comments about things she didn’t like about the show, and giving us dirty looks when we were goofing around in British accents. She declined any tea and just fidgeted until she left. I don’t want to have to worry if she thinks it’s lame that we’re being silly, or if she is enjoying herself.
But now my son is mad and telling me I’m being mean and horrible to his wife. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… She’s very much 2 faced. I wouldn’t be shocked if she tries to convince your son to favor/ spend all his time with her side of the family, shortly.
From what you wrote, you seem to be a cool MIL. Have your little party and don’t play her games otherwise, you’re gonna waste your time. Good luck.” OkBed007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Explain to your son what you overheard her saying and her behavior when you did invite her to things.
Say you are trying to have a good relationship with her but it has to work both ways. Hopefully, your son will understand the situation.” DontAskMeChit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – honestly your son is. It sounds like you and DL are fine with how things are.
She doesn’t care if she isn’t invited to everything and you don’t care that she doesn’t want to come to everything. Your son is mad things aren’t working out how he wanted and he wants you and his wife to change to meet his expectations.
Side note, DL was extremely rude to make a snide comment about not liking the shower. Tea parties are always cute shower ideas.” SherbetAnnual2294
19. AITJ For Not Siding With My Sister And Asking Her To Pay For Storage?
“(Jan) I (M32) helped my sister (F31) when she got evicted from her apartment. I moved her stuff, including over a pallet’s worth into my yard, rest to a friend’s she’s been crashing at, took in 2 of her partner’s cats at her request, and tried to help her dispute the eviction and get her damage deposit back (but she never sent me the documents so I couldn’t file).
I also started trying to be friends with her partner, as he was coming by frequently to visit/look after his cats. I had asked nothing in return, except that she pay me for storing the stuff if it’s more than a month; like CAD 30 (~ USD 20)/month.
~A month later she and her partner were having problems and the drama started. She’d exaggerate about something he did and expect me to immediately side with her, but it became pretty clear that she wasn’t being truthful. Like she said she broke up with him (temporarily) because he stood her up on a date for the 3rd time and doesn’t care about her.
But what happened is they were together, she didn’t get ready fast enough (which is his fault for not reminding her), and they missed their bus. So she got upset, and instead of finding another ride decided not to go and fight about it. He walked out because he knew he wasn’t going to win, she blocked him and messaged me crying about it.
More recently she was freaking out because her partner wasn’t responding for 24 hours to her texts. He had been sick from a medication change and I had barely seen him for a while. She said he blocked her and must have been out being unfaithful.
Seems he had been in bed (at his temporary apartment) that whole time, and when he was feeling better went to message her, saw SHE had blocked him, and blocked her back. She also said he dumped her, when she sent a wall of text ending with “fine, keep ignoring me, we’re done” to him.
I pointed out she broke up with him, should have just checked in on him, and she just needs to chill out and I’m sure it’d be fine. She has been jumping down my throat ever since. She wants to come get the broken litter box and stuff for the cats, as it’s her stuff but his cats, and leave me to figure it out.
I said no, she’s acting like a child, if she wants the cat stuff she can get her other stuff first and pay for the storage (hasn’t paid anything yet), and I’ll use that to buy new cat stuff. Now she’s accusing me of stealing her stuff, being a terrible brother, and insisting I must hate her.
She said she’s going to take me to court, but for what? The broken litter box? Really? She can get everything in my yard right now, I don’t want her stuff and don’t care if she pays the storage, but the cat stuff stays until they’re gone or she pays.
So AITJ for not immediately siding with her, not putting up with her drama, and telling her to stop acting like a child? Or am I right, and she should maybe show appreciation instead of using me and then biting my head off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is acting like a child and sounds a little unstable. You may want to give her a deadline to clear out her things (in writing) so she can’t be accused of theft later. Unfortunately, she’s this way. Some people are just abusive to the people who try to help them.
You don’t need to be caught up in that drama…” Queasy_Mongoose5224
18. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Abusive FIL Stay With Us For A Hospital Appointment?
“I (28F) have been with my partner (28M) for 8 years and in the first two years of our relationship, I had a decent relationship with my in-laws. At that time, my partner never made me aware of his childhood trauma and neglect by his parents and family and they never mentioned it and pretended like they were just one big happy family.
Fast forward to us getting married and my in-laws have shown their true colors, literally on the day off. They were extremely demanding and entitled to the extent that my mother-in-law tried to force me to leave one of my wedding events right before it was meant to start to pick her up, with absolutely no warning (I could have organized a driver for her if she let me know beforehand).
When I refused, she got really mad and all things went downhill after that. They consistently got mad at me and my partner over the dumbest things (like wanting to spend our first day as a married couple at home, in bed, relaxing, after a week of chaos and wedding events instead of hanging out with them) they took to social media about how ungrateful and horrible we were which only distanced my partners, entire family, from him even more and they even went as far as to move hotels without letting us know where so that we wouldn’t find or reach them.
This is all just a small snippet of things I’ve had to endure from my in-laws.
Now to my father-in-law, I truly feel for him and his own upbringing and toxic marriage however this man would consistently yell and berate me every time his wife was upset with me.
I was told to “go away”, and to “shove it up my behind” I was called horrible things and was constantly fuelled with anxiety because of the way he would attack me. He doesn’t even attack his children like this.
Luckily, my husband decided that we could finally distance ourselves and cut them off after our first daughter was born.
Now they are both having some health issues and my father-in-law has been needing specialists for a damaged nerve problem or something. They live up in the country and we live around the city, so he has approached my husband a few times about staying at our place because of a hospital appointment he had, to avoid the long drive, and I refused as I didn’t feel comfortable and I’m already struggling so much with this second pregnancy.
My husband is upset with me, he says that he’s been building up resentment towards me since I said no because I couldn’t “compromise” and “be uncomfortable” for him for just one day so that his dad could stay with us and go to the hospital and I’m so hurt and confused. Despite us “cutting them off”, since I found out about their health issues, I’ve had no problem going up for visits with our daughter so they could meet their granddaughter for the first time but somehow he says that wasn’t a compromise, and wasn’t enough.
I’m really confused and I’m starting to feel like a bad person right now for saying no. So please, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Why oh why does your husband want to bring this toxic person into to home 24-7 to berate you?
Wasn’t it enough to have to endure them on a smaller scale before? Remind your husband of his promise to go to NC after 1st daughter is born? Hold him to that or it is divorce time. Time to grow a spine hubby and stand up for your wife here.
Is he building resentment towards you? He is the carrier of resentment himself.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Going to visit them is a huge compromise on your part. I would never be in the same room with these horrible people. I would not let my child around them.
Let your father-in-law stay in a hotel for the night. If he won’t do that or your husband balks, you take your daughter, go to a hotel, and treat yourself to room service!!” uTop-Artichoke5020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Father-in-law needs to sincerely apologize to you before you allow him in your home and one mean word from father-in-law to you, father-in-law is out the door and stays in a hotel.
You have a husband problem. Can you two get marriage counseling? Compromise does not mean your spouse gets to be verbally mistreated by in-laws. No one deserves that.” sk1999sk
17. AITJ For Refusing To Return Our Dog To My Dad's Family Who Neglected Her?
“My parents are divorced, I live in Germany with my mom (54), brother (18), and sister (13). My dad (52), stepmom (43), stepsister (18), and half-brother (3) moved to the States in October 2023. We have 3 dogs Boots (f10), Denki (m3), and Grace (f1). Grace is the daughter of our two other dogs.
We were selling the (3) puppies because my mom didn’t have the funds for three dogs and we sold Grace to my dad for 1100€ (they paid 850€ before moving and haven’t paid the rest yet).
When they moved they asked my mom to take Grace temporarily (2 or 3 months) because they flew to Cali to visit my nana and tata for a week and then flew to NC to look for work and a place to live and they didn’t want to take her on an 18-hour trip.
She agreed because like I said, she thought it was temporary.
Fast forward to now; my stepsister moved back to Germany and lives with her grandma for now until she and my other stepsister (23) find an apartment together. My mom and stepmom texted about Grace yesterday.
My stepmom said that Grace still belongs to them because they paid for her and my mom said that it’s been 8 months and that she isn’t a stuffed animal you can just ignore that long and then take her back, to which my stepmom said that if they had the funds Grace would already be with them.
She is scared of almost everything and it took her some time to settle at our place again after being with my dad for 3 months. He texted my mom after that and said that my stepsisters would get Grace once they found an apartment in a bit.
Now to be honest I don’t think they treated her well. They didn’t mistreat her but they neglected her a bit. When she was little we had puppy pads for them to pee and poop on until they were old enough to be housetrained. They never taught her that or other things like sitting either.
They gave her the wrong food so she was lacking nutrients and other stuff that is in puppy food. They also didn’t play with her or pet her enough either. Her life with us is much better and she is also never alone (because of our other dogs) when we are at work/school, which she will be if she lives with my stepsisters because the younger one is starting an apprenticeship and the other one is working full time.
In Regensburg, the apartments aren’t exactly cheap because it’s a bigger city (population of around 160.000) and they won’t have a garden like we have because we own a house so they have to go on a walk with her every time she has to pee or poop.
We do too but at night, for example, we can just let them out in the garden. There aren’t a lot of apartments that allow dogs and they can afford so it’s gonna take a while to even find one. None of us want to give Grace to them because of those reasons and also they would be overwhelmed with her after like two weeks because they never had a pet on their own.
So, are we the jerks for not wanting to give her “back”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They haven’t paid for her completely yet. Give back what they paid, text it’s been this long with no contact, no payment, so we are keeping said dog. They haven’t even paid for upkeep.
I don’t blame you. That’s an awful way to treat an animal, and shuttling her back and forth is stupid. They haven’t shown much love for the poor baby. Just document everything, and good luck.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. And tell your mother to answer that what the other family paid wasn’t the agreed price and she (your mom) has now spent it all on the upkeep of Grace and it didn’t cover the whole of it.
So either they cover the rest of the upkeep AND pay the agreed 1100€ or they can forget about the dog. But in that case, your mom sends back the 850€ and cancels the sale.” Renbarre
16. AITJ For Kicking My Brother's Partner Out After She Screamed At His Boss?
“My (29F) brother, Cody (25M) and I never had our dad in our lives and our mom passed 3 years ago.
We’re all the family we have left. Currently, we live together, splitting rent on a condo. Cody is seeing Shannon (24F). I like her and we have had no issues until now.
Last week, Cody was seriously injured. I’m his emergency contact and was told he was at the hospital. When I arrived, Cody’s boss, Martin was there.
Cody and Martin have a great relationship, much better than most bosses and employees, so he was just as worried. And not in an “oh crap, what will this do to the company” but an “I’m concerned” kind of way. Shannon arrived not long after I got there.
Immediately, she began screeching at Martin, asking how he could let this happen, etc. Martin was shocked and said he wasn’t even around when it happened. Cody wasn’t even at the main offices, he got into an accident on his way to a different site.
It was in no way the company’s fault. I tried telling Shannon that blaming people wasn’t going to help and we needed to focus on Cody.
Eventually, we got to see Cody and thankfully, he was okay for the most part. Shannon was continuing to freak out on medical staff and honestly stressing Cody a lot.
Even the nurse told me to take a walk with Shannon because she wasn’t helping things. I did so and told Shannon I understood this was scary but she needed to take a breath. She apologized and said she was stressed. I understood.
Cody came back to the condo and has been on bed rest. His work has given him paid leave and is covering all of the bills.
On Friday afternoon, I was doing the dishes and suddenly heard screaming coming from Cody’s room. I go in there to find Shannon standing by his bed. Cody is on a Zoom call with Martin and a few other higher-ups discussing the accident. Shannon is screaming at them that they better not let anything else happen to him, that they’re lucky Cody didn’t sue, and that they’re all jerks.
Cody looks embarrassed and keeps telling her to stop. Martin says they’ll talk later and ends the call. When I ask what happened, Cody says that he was discussing the company car that was totaled in the accident and when he could expect to get a new one.
Shannon interrupted their conversation out of nowhere and flipped out. Cody looked exhausted so I told Shannon to follow me.
I asked her to leave. I said she is putting Cody’s job at risk and she can’t go around screaming at everyone. She told me she’s just stressed. I said I got it.
It was terrifying to get that call and see him like that. But Cody doesn’t need everyone screaming, especially at people who have been nothing but nice. She got irritated and said she wasn’t going to go unless Cody asked her. I said it was my condo too and I didn’t want her there.
So, she left.
Cody isn’t mad at me, but he also says he wouldn’t have cared if she stayed. Shannon, however, is mad at me and feels I was diminishing her feelings. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Shannon needs to grow up. Screaming is a very immature way of dealing with this type of trauma.
Blamestorming is a very immature way of dealing with this situation. Her being stressed is honestly no excuse. You’re stressed too but you’re not having a toddler meltdown like she is. Is this how she’s going to be if the relationship gets serious with Cody?
Partner disagreements? Financial issues? Kids? Yikes.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think it was fair to ask the banshee to leave. It’s up to Cody if he wants her support, but she needs to be able to give it without alienating you and others. Ultimately, if she keeps doing this to Cody’s bosses without a full grasp of culpability, his bosses will likely start to blame him for his poor control of the situation. ” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is Shannon the type to overreact at other times? She needs to understand that her freaking out like that is not helping anyone but is hurting Cody on many levels. She is adding to his stress, and she is threatening his job security.” Ok_Conversation9750
15. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel On A Concert With My Partner's Friend's Partner?
“My partner & I have been seeing each other for 5 months. One of his friends (Nick) has a partner (Sienna). My partner scheduled a double outing to introduce us. My first impression of Sienna was she was verbally abusive towards Nick. She was making fun of him for being “old”, and “boring“, shoving her hands in his face when she didn’t like what he was saying.
I felt like she was very abrasive, & the things she brought up during lunch were inappropriate to say around other people.
After this lunch date, Sienna reached out to me and asked me to go to a concert with her. She said she had a hard time making friends and was socially awkward.
So to be open to new people and give her a second chance, I agreed to go to the concert bought a ticket, and booked a hotel.
Before the concert date was a mutual friend’s wedding. 1 hour before the ceremony Nick called saying that Sienna needed help with her hair.
She made a last-minute appt and needed to leave it 1/2 dry to be on time. Sienna had spent about $100 on this hairdo and had taken it all out in a sort of emotional breakdown. If we helped we would be late, so my partner and I apologized for not being able to help.
We ended up showing up to the ceremony exactly on time. Nick and Sienna were delayed and had to sneak in the back. When we greeted them later, it felt as though Nick had some resentment towards us due to our inability to help with this last-minute problem.
(Since we arrived on time). During the reception, Sienna was aloof, pouty, and very nonresponsive to questions. She didn’t greet us or say much of anything. I tried to engage her a bit, but she was just very flat. She was so upset with her situation that she ultimately sat in the car during nearly the entire reception.
Nick had to try and deal with that situation while trying to be present at the wedding. You could tell that Nick was frustrated with Sienna and the situation. After the wedding Nick invited us over to have drinks at his hotel pool and Sienna stayed in the room.
Nick and my partner made plans the next morning to have lunch. I was hoping this would give Sienna time to calm down, regroup, and redeem herself. We agreed to meet at 11:30. My partner and I arrived right on time then Nick texted my partner they were going to be 30 minutes late.
45 minutes go by before they show up. Again, Sienna had nothing to say and sat in silence during the entire meal. She didn’t even say hello and didn’t say goodbye either.
The concert with Sienna is coming up soon for a band that she likes (that I have never heard of).
The concert is 3 hours away and I already bought a ticket that was under $50. I also found out she invited another person (even though she prefaced her invite saying she didn’t have anyone to go with).
WIBTJ if I cancel the concert with Sienna?
I don’t think she’s a good person and I don’t want to waste my weekend.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You tried to be friendly but she isn’t putting in the effort to reciprocate so why waste a whole day going to a concert for a band you don’t know with people you don’t like?
Make an excuse if you want to be polite, or just don’t show up, it doesn’t sound like she’s going to be around for long anyway.” LongjumpingEnd7535
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you get to choose your friends and who you spend your time with as an adult, and Sienna ain’t bringing the vibes.
I’d just let her know something came up and you’re not going to make it. Maybe offer her your ticket for another ‘friend’ if she wants it.” KBD_in_PDX
Another User Comments:
“She’s blaming you for her failure to plan with enough time for her hair to be ready for the wedding.
And now she’s sulking because she realizes she can’t pass the responsibility to you. An instinctive feeling is normally right. Don’t waste your weekend because the third person is there to allow her to ignore you. NTJ. And I’d cut her out completely.” Top-Put2038
14. AITJ For Confronting A Deaf Classmate About Disruptive Behavior During Performances?
“First off, for some context, I am a music major in college and I’m all for accessibility, when, let’s say, Joe, when Joe introduced himself and his interpreter I said wow!
This is interesting.
Everything was fine, we all got used to the interpreter being there and no one paid attention to the fact that he was deaf. Except for one class. A class that everyone as music majors take, a performance recital class. In this class people take turns each week to perform, it was explained to us at the beginning of the year some of the basic common decency like clapping when they finish singing, not talking, turning off your phone, and stuff like that.
Just being nice to the performer… Do you know?
Anyway, the year started fine in this class, but lately, you could tell he wasn’t signing to his interpreter about the songs, the reason for this is that we sing opera/classical songs in this class so the interpreter didn’t know the language to be fair NO ONE did so she definitely wasn’t translating the songs but rather just cracking jokes because He’s laughing!
In the middle of the performances! You could just imagine as a performer seeing someone laugh as you are performing?! On top of that, this is all happening in the front row! With the interpreter in front of the stage on the side laughing as well!
Snickering and giggling throughout the performance so much so that even one of the performers looked to the side to see what happening but just kept singing and ignoring it.
I tried ignoring it thinking you know what, he’s deaf, he already has a hard time, no need to bug him more but I finally had enough when a friend of mine sang her song and she and I previously translated the song, it was a very very sad song about death and erasing yourself.
What was Joe doing? Signing, not just signing, SMACKING- ( EDIT; I say smacking because I had asked another deaf friend of mine and he said a deaf person knows when they are smacking their hands because it hurts and if he was doing it loud enough to hear then he knows what he’s doing) -his hands and laughing bout something else, he made a gesture that you do when someone is pregnant?!?!?
You know like the making a circle over your stomach and rubbing anyway Maybe that means something else, but laughing like come on, not just quiet laughing btw audible snickering.
Finally, I had enough and went up to both him and the interpreter how I understood the need the translate the slate what the teacher was saying and everything else but that the last song that my friend sang was not funny and that it was not only distracting but rude to be talking and laughing while someone is performing even so when you’re right smack in the front row.
The interpreter stayed quiet and he just went on to say that I’m an abilist and that it shouldn’t matter what he does because he’s deaf and I can’t take his means of communicating, but I’m not saying he should stop!
I’m saying in the middle of performances to at least not laugh. Anyways, what do you guys think, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“WOW, THAT was a bait and switch. BRAVO. I was ready to blow up about how much of an ableist jerk you were… BUT NOPE.
Nothing ableist about this, and that guy is making an absolute mockery of a very serious issue by throwing that term around casually to cover his misdoings. He should be ashamed of himself, and that translator is a disgrace to their field to behave in such a way.
So grossly unprofessional. NTJ. Not by a mile.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well played my friend, I was so ready to say you were. But the deaf guy audibly laughing during a performance and then saying “It shouldn’t matter what I do because I’m deaf,” is insane.
And then he dares to say you’re being ableist when he just implied he should get to live by different standards because he’s deaf. Wild.” Agitated-Account2138
Another User Comments:
“WOW. NTJ I am going to start by saying that I am deaf, and I think the behavior you described is so incredibly unprofessional on the interpreter’s part.
They are paid to interpret exactly what is said and not to make any comments at all. There’s no excuse for a Deaf person to behave inappropriately while others are performing. The student sounds like a spoiled brat.” Cascadian
13. AITJ For Moving In With My Fiancé And Upsetting My Parents?
“I (33 F) have been engaged to my partner (37 M) for a year now. We’ve been together for 3 years. He’s an amazing guy and I cannot imagine my life without him.
In January we found a pretty little house close to his parents for sale and started the paperwork at the bank.
Now, to be fair, up to that point I have been living with my brother close to our parents (my father and stepmother). My partner and I could meet only on weekends, mainly Saturday afternoons and Sundays because of our work schedule but we made it work for a while and decided that it may be a better option for us to move in together.
My parents don’t have jobs, they are not retired either. My father quit his job in 2020 because of health concerns and never even tried looking for a job since. My stepmother has some sort of disability income which is not much (we live in Eastern Europe).
My brother and I work in the same factory, on different shifts. And since 2020 we’ve been giving our parents almost half of our paychecks so they could get by. Ever since I met my partner he has been helping them as well. He’s a car mechanic and overall a very good handyman.
He can fix anything. Every time my stepmother’s car broke down he fixed it and never took any funds from them. If something needed to be changed I paid for it. He fixed their bathroom as well, TV, Internet, mobile phones, light in the kitchen, etc.
Once last year it came into discussion that we may move in together sometime in the future but not where I lived. My stepmother didn’t like it. I tried explaining to both my parents that where I lived was much too far from his workplace.
(I lived approximately 30km away from him and his workplace was 8km from his house in a different direction) That kind of distance is costly to do every day by car.
Now, in January we told my parents that we’ll move in together. At first, it didn’t seem like they had much to say, later on, they kept saying “Make sure you think it over well before making a decision “.
But we already have, the papers were in motion, and at the end of April, the house was ours. We both took a week off from work for the move and a bit of renovation. On Sunday we went back home so I could collect all my clothes.
My parents came by and asked my partner to fix the lawn mower and he did. And I had this burning feeling of hatred around me. My brother was ok, my father was smiling but my stepmother wouldn’t even look at me let alone talk to me.
I asked my parents when would they come to visit our new home. My stepmother said ” we don’t have funds for that” and left with my father. That was weird. The following day she blocked me and my father deleted me from his social media friend list and would not pick up the phone.
My partner is also blocked but by my father only. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They can’t keep you from living your life, and if you are going to marry this man moving in together is the logical next step. Your father needs to get over himself and get back to work instead of expecting you to put your life on hold to pay for him to be a deadbeat.” FHTFBA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But this is a golden opportunity to cut ties with your parents anyway. They will forever be a drain on the two of you if you ever have to reconcile with them. But please tell me after they have broken contact that you are not still supporting them?
If they want to break things off that should also break off you giving them anything. Let them stew in their anger alone. Free at last.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you were already doing them a big favor giving them half of your pay, says a lot for their character that they blocked you as soon as it’s become clear you won’t be doing that anymore.
It’s time for you to live your life, and for them to start supporting themselves rather than freeloading from you, your partner, and your brother.” Meguuunn
12. AITJ For Revealing My Partner's Real Age To His College Friends?
“I am 40 and my partner is turning 40 too as well very soon. We have been a couple for almost a decade now, living together for a while. When he lost his job, I kept us afloat with my salary while he tried to get by, until he decided to go back to college because he never got any degree after high school.
We discussed it, I was ok with him not working to support his studies. At first, he really struggled with focusing and concentrating and almost gave up but I noticed his improvements, encouraged him, and now he is on a good track for excellent grades.
Later this year he will get this degree and has already some good ideas about what to do afterward. What has been bugging me lately, is the fact that for the past year, he’s been going out with some “friends” he made at college. Dudes in their early 20s, young adults, while he is twice their age.
Now, he can pass for way younger than he is (you know that sub “13 or 30”?) and I guess they took him for a late 20-something. What initially started with “I am going out to study with them” ended up with him crashing at somebody’s place because they partied too hard.
I know he is not being unfaithful to me, I follow them on Instagram and I see what they do. Just guys being dudes I guess. The problem is I need him functioning because we have stuff to do around the house and I rely on him since I am at the office all day.
We don’t have kids, but you know, commitments and errands like adults.
When I confronted him about his behavior, he defended himself saying that he never got to experience “college life” and that he just wanted to have some fun. I was ok with it initially but as the degree is approaching they are taking it too far.
Now he is even talking about going on a vacation with them this summer. I was like “Excuse me? Vacation with teenagers now? Maybe you should bring me for supporting you during all this mess” He said he would, but wanted to have one last shot at the college life he never had before parting ways forever with them.
Eventually, I had enough, and I sent a message to one of the “dudes” asking if they could please leave him alone for a while because I had to step up and be the only adult, he clearly could not keep up with them and I am afraid this will affect his grades.
He cannot go out as much as they do, he has responsibilities being almost 40 and stuff. Well, they distanced from him ever since, he was enraged when he found out and I said I would have preferred if he did it himself, but apparently, he was so enthralled by college life that, for a moment, I thought he self-convinced to be 20s again.
He stopped speaking to me, and said he wants to focus on his final exams.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Telling his friends to distance themselves from him was pretty petty and controlling. Acting like a 20-year-old out partying with the guys and going on vacation with them was pretty immature, irresponsible, and disrespectful to the wife who is covering all the bills so he can play instead of focusing on school.
Did those guys even know he was married?” lilies117
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk – if you had children he was pushing aside, sure, go nuclear. But as-is I think messaging the friend was nuts. It’s great that you supported him this whole time, and maybe he’s a jerk for not being more grateful and regressing so hard.
But there’s also no way he knew your love and support was this conditional with the threat of destroying his social life.” SgtMartinRiggs
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk, really taking into consideration, that it’s your funds you’re spending to put him through college, and instead of dedicating his time to studies he’s partying with people half his age.
Plus the fact that y’all aren’t even married goes to show just how much he values you as a person. Y’all been together for a decade and he’s living with you. No job, no house, no car. He is just mooching off of you at this point.” donny_bae69
11. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner My 'Cousin' Isn't Biologically Related?
“So me (F22) and my partner (M23) met 1.5 years ago and we got together 9 months ago.
I have a sister Emi (F27), a brother Leo (M26), and my « cousin » Kai (M26).
Some info: When I was around 6, Leo and Emi met Kai and they became close quickly.
Now I was quite young at this time so I don’t remember everything very well but I know that by the time they were 12, Kai was at our home every day after school and had sleepovers at least once a week and when he was 14 he was also sleeping over on some weekends and coming with us to family events.
For high school, my parents paid for his tuition so he was able to go with my siblings, and from that time he moved in (I think it was when my parents became his guardians).
After that, he came everywhere with us and it’s when we started telling people that he was our cousin to avoid questions and long explanations.
It helped that he already knew our whole family.
For my aunts and uncles, he is their nephew, my grandparents call him their grandson and he is the cousin of everyone.
Now as I said I am very close to my family and my siblings so in my close group of friends everyone knows them.
My parents have a big house with a pool so in the summer, I and my friends often go there and pretty often my siblings are also there.
It’s how my partner met my family. At that time he was still my friend and when I introduced him I told him that Kai was my cousin.
The same thing I say to everyone.
After we got together he came to some family dinners at my house and of course, Kai was here.
Now the issue: This weekend we had a big family party with all the extended family and I invited my partner.
It was the first time that I was introducing him to all the members of my family. Everything went well until he asked where were Kai’s parents. At first, I didn’t understand until I realized that indeed if he was our cousin his parents were supposed to be there.
So I told him the truth, that he wasn’t our cousin. My partner said ok.
I didn’t realize it at the time but he got weird, and he was distant on Monday so yesterday I went to his place to talk to him. He told me that he was upset that I kept the fact that Kai wasn’t my real cousin a secret.
As my partner he should have known that I was spending so much time with a male family friend, he especially talked about vacations and stuff like that. That he felt betrayed.
I honestly don’t know what to think. I am indeed close to Kai as much as my siblings, I don’t see any differences between them, but I also realize that our family dynamic isn’t the norm, I also think that my partner has no right being mad at me for being this close to another man.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We are Chinese and our best friends are white. My kids refer to our friends as Aunt and Uncle (because we are Chinese, lol) and they refer to friends’ kids as their cousins. Even little kids can understand that there is a family that you choose and family that you share blood with, but that they’re both “family.” ieatthatwithaspoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, are you a POC person, usually that’s how black people talk about the child of a family friend. I acted like you. And your partner is insecure you told him you grew up with him, you have a brother/sister relationship and that’s all.
Not all men are rivals, especially in this context.” Habanerojess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Truth be told, your partner is being too dramatic. In my opinion, unless there were full-blown “we’re in this for the long haul” motions, he doesn’t deserve to know everything.
His “betrayal” is borne out of pure nosiness. Kai is your cousin. End of discussion. Either your partner accepts that you made the choice and decision to introduce him as such or he leaves but you do not EVER need to be questioned on family dynamics that he hasn’t earned the status or right to have a relevant opinion on.” IndependentBid1854
10. AITJ For Telling My Dad I Don't Want His Involvement In My Life After His Negligence and Betrayal?
“I (15f) and my dad (48m) have a rocky relationship.
It started when he divorced my mom, and then continued when he moved to a different state for work leaving me and my brother (13m). After he moved to a different state, his then-partner, now his wife (40f), moved in with him. His wife has a cat, and I am severely allergic to cats.
One time when I went over, the cat gave me pneumonia, and another, asthma. I do not have a history of respiratory problems, it is only with this cat. Later, my anger with him was furthered when I found out that he had been unfaithful to my mom for a while during their marriage.
I am in a constant state of anger with him over these things.
So this story started when I got an F in math as my interim grade. My parents were not very happy with me, and we had a call to discuss the plan.
Part of the plan was on my dad’s weekends to have a call with him and my mom to go over homework because she is more organized. My dad wanted to be involved in all the calls every night, and I told him that it was hard for him to do that because of how far away he was and the fact that I did not need his help.
Eventually, we agreed that he would only be involved in homework during his weekends. Then, he proposed that he install an app that would be able to monitor all my texts and stuff. That made me mad.
So, last weekend, my mom got a text from my dad saying that he wanted to do homework with me.
I said no, and that this was what we had agreed on. He then called my mom and started yelling at her. I grabbed her phone and told my dad that she was staying out of this. I then yelled at him for everything that he had ever done to wrong me.
I told him that he was just playing the act of an involved father, that he was ignoring everything that he had done wrong. He tried to say something about him getting a house in the OG state, but I told him that didn’t just get rid of everything that he has ever done.
The entire time he would take no blame and there was not a word of remorse from him. He just said that I did not get a choice anymore and that I had to do this with him. I told him that I did not need his help, wanted him out of my life, and that I was sick of him and his fake fathering.
He then got quiet and told me to get my mom. She took her phone back and they talked for a while. After, my mom and I worked out my homework together.
Now, my dad hasn’t talked or called me all week, and I haven’t done anything to reach out to him.
So that leaves me wondering, AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad has caused all of the damage to your relationship and put your health at severe risk. Now he refused to take responsibility for his actions. I can see how the stress and turmoil can have affected your grades.
Please tell me that your Mom has you seeing a therapist.” Solid-Feature-7678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The truth hurts sometimes. He chose to leave you and your brother behind and become a “part-time” parent. These are the consequences of his decision. I’m so sorry about the asthma and health issues.
Many people don’t realize what severe allergic reactions can do to your respiratory system!! It took several doctors to figure out what caused my severe asthma coming on as an adult…allergies.” bokatan778
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To be honest, he sounds like a narcissist with him not accepting any kind of guilt over the drama and problems that he caused, but I can’t say that for sure since I have little info, I haven’t met him, and I’m not a psychologist. All I’d recommend would be for you to be very clear with him about what you think of him if he tries to contact you and sweep everything under the rug or gaslight you.
This way you’ll at least have explained your thoughts, and he can’t complain about not knowing why your relationship isn’t good.” Jonyodisa
9. AITJ For Hanging Up On My Husband While My Father Was In Surgery?
“My father was in a very lengthy heart surgery today, my husband kept pressing me about the weekend and wanted to know specifics as he wanted to head to the lake to open up for the season as well as figure out Mother’s Day on Sunday.
(for context “today” is Tuesday) The lake also is about an 8-hour round trip, so popping down even for a few hours is an entire day event and that doesn’t include any projects he might need to address. He called me several times throughout the day as he stated multiple times why he wanted to go to the lake/cabin for the weekend and the sorts of things he wanted to get accomplished to prepare for the upcoming long weekend with the family.
Nothing truly out of the ordinary, but not exactly the best timing considering my dad’s health and family traveling in.
My husband calls me again this afternoon as he had not gotten the answers he wanted from me earlier; However, I just don’t know how the week will play out and affect the coming weekend.
In my mind everything is up in the air at this point. During this phone call it was right at the end of my work day and I was leaving to pick up the kids from daycare, my father’s open heart surgery was entering the fifth hour and we were told it could be an hour more.
I was getting frequent updates from my mom and aunt who were at the hospital together. I was exhausted, distracted and honestly stressed. I’m not usually one to worry until I need to, but I definitely just needed support and love. And at this point I had tried answering his questions several times by saying I don’t know what will be happening this weekend, I don’t know if my mom will be with us or at the hospital that day, we don’t know how long my Father’s hospital stay will be.
And we don’t know exactly what my brother and his wife are planning to do yet either as the surgery changed all original plans, and the outcome of the surgery is not known at this point. I just didn’t know anything, and neither did any of my family.
My husband then gets very angry with me because he is trying to figure out his weekend, and insists I be cooperative and demands I be more clear and give him the answers he needs. I then state that I believe he is experiencing an internal conflict that I cannot assist him with at this time, I don’t have the answers he wants and it is up to him if he stays home with us or goes to the lake.
I am not putting pressure on him to go to the lake this weekend and while I’d rather he be home understand it is his choice either way. He begins to get very loud and belligerent and I cannot reason with him or get a word in, as I feel my body tighten and my brain starts to buzz I decide the healthy thing for me is to cut off the call, I hang up.
I feel some relief but also completely dumbfounded. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly, I would send him a really snarky message. “MY family is currently worried about MY father who is currently in surgery. I plan on spending MY mother’s day weekend with MY family, which will include my recovering father.
Let me know if you would prefer to spend your time at the lake or as a part of the family. I will no longer be taking your phone calls until my father is out of surgery.”” Sissykaye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He should be supportive of you at such a stressful time not expecting you to assist with his appointments.
Tell him that you are unavailable as you are focused on your father’s surgery and your family’s needs right now. Your husband is an adult and will just have to cope independently, that is the minimum expectation in this situation when really he should actually be stepping up to see how he can help.” theficklemermaid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Or you should’ve just said, “You know what you can take the kids to the lake this weekend while I try to figure out if I have to plan for my dad’s recovery or not.” Now he would know it’s ok for him to go to the lake and he will have the kids and you will not be attending the trip to the lake.” Effective_Brief8295
8. AITJ For Resenting My Stepbrother for Interfering with My Relationship with My Half-Brother?
“This happened within the last hour and I’ll admit I’m a little emotional at the moment. So I, 20f, have a half-brother we’ll call him Alex, 6m, related by the same dad. I don’t know my family. I’m pretty sure my dad and stepmom love me and I want to form a relationship with my brother Alex because I know he’s going to remember it for the rest of his life and I want him to know that even if we’re cities apart I still love and think about him.
So recently I’ve started calling him when I can to talk and learn about him or just hang out while he does other things. I scheduled a phone call with my stepmom to hang with him on Facetime about an hour ago and halfway through my step-sibling Kevin (10m?) joined the table for dinner sitting in view with Alex.
I had no problem with this and listened to Alex ramble while I filed my nails when Kevin started giggling at me because he thought it looked like I was doing an inappropriate hand movement if you catch my drift. I brush it off and say nothing because I don’t care and in the past, he’s made it clear he hates me and doesn’t consider me a sibling, which is fine I feel the same minus the hate part until tonight when he just hung up the call interrupting Alex.
Of course, Alex calls me back right away and something else is said by Kevin when Alex speaks up about being an innocent 6 year “But she’s my sister” Kevin replies with sarcasm “She’s not my sister I don’t even know her” I calmly say “Why don’t you mind your business, Alex and I were talking that was rude of you” I know I come off blunt often, I don’t mean to it’s just how I talk.
Now I’m not upset at his next actions but he called over my stepmom and told her I was “being a jerk” and yelling at him. It’s funny how she was sitting right across from them at the table but told him to buy out and Alex would call me when I was “in a better mood.
I know he’s young but why has he not been taught that this isn’t okay behavior? Cursing, throwing rude gestures, screaming he hates me. I feel like nothing is being done. I cherish these calls with my brother and he feels he has the right to determine if I can talk to him for whatever reason.
I don’t know. I know I’m an adult and I am a very emotional person but my little brother’s going to be all I have when my grandparents pass and I don’t want to miss making this connection with him because this kid doesn’t like me.
I’m ready to give up as this has been repeated for years and I feel like a jerk but I am starting to resent Kevin for hindering my connection to my little brother. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know who to talk to, to be honest. I’m happy to provide more context.
I am so over this and nothing ever changes. I know he’s a kid but I cannot force myself to like him and he has no reason to interact with me other than to start crap. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. You would think with his mom being right there she wouldn’t have told him to stop or something.
All of my siblings have other siblings from their fathers so we were all pretty used to them having their time with their other siblings we were all pretty respectful about it. I think it’s great you’re getting to know your brother but seems like maybe your stepbrother is jealous of it?” Aggravating_Green952
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he is probably jealous. I know it sucks, but just keep enduring and eventually, probably sooner rather than later, your half-brother will have his phone and more privacy and because you endured will be more than willing to continue a strong relationship with you.
Also, just maybe keep your stepmother’s behavior with this in the back of your mind, it kind of illustrates that she will not stop her son’s behavior to help you. Or more bluntly she might not care as much as think about your relationship with your half-brother or helping develop that relationship.” Both-Enthusiasm708
7. AITJ For Telling My Dad and Stepmom That Their House Isn't My Home?
“My parents had me and pretty soon after they divorced. My parents’ divorce was not amicable. I (16f) don’t know all the details obviously, but I know that bad blood exists on both sides. And if you want my suspicions. I think they divorced so badly because my dad wanted to set up his own business but my mom didn’t want that to happen right after me.
My dad owns his own business he owned two, and the first one he had to close up. The first one he started right after the divorce which is why I suspect what I do. My dad also complained once or twice that his mom never supported him.
So there are issues between my parents. When I’m with my mom you would never know it. She does not vent about Dad, badmouth him, or try to hide the fact they were married and had me together. She has some photos of us before the divorce in our living room among the rest of the family photos.
And while I have issues with my stepdad and he’s not my favorite person ever, he has never complained or tried to erase the fact he married a woman who had a kid with someone else. He never got that part wrong despite our issues.
But my dad’s house is so very different. It got worse after he married my stepmom. I’m not supposed to mention my mom at all, they don’t let me have anything there that my mom bought, even my favorite plushy that my mom bought me as an infant.
I can’t have a single photo of my mom or my half-siblings on her side. I used to have a little pinboard of photos and my dad and stepmom went into my room in the past and removed all traces of mom. My stepmom even said she burned the photos of Mom.
They have told me in their house they do not want to see my mom and my room is not a compromise. So of course I don’t like being here. I spend 50% of my time here, and no the courts won’t let me stop coming and they would punish my mom if I stopped the judge told my mom if she did not force me to go and stay, she would pay.
After our last attempt a few months ago Dad started telling me I don’t treat my room like my room or I don’t act like it’s my home. He asked me why I wanted to leave “our home”.
On Sunday my dad and stepmom told me I act like I’m a guest in their house instead of part of the family and that it’s my home.
I told them it’s not my home, it’s their home. I told them I couldn’t mention my mom or keep a photo of her in my room. I can’t do whatever I want with my room like they claim so no, all of that means this was never my home.
I told them I am a guest here half my life and that’s all I will ever be. They told me I was being melodramatic and my stepmom called me manipulative.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they need to know how you feel because of what they’ve created. At 16, do the courts not allow you to have a say in where you spend your time?
Maybe when custody was first agreed you may not have gotten a say but it might be worth asking your mum if it can be looked into. And have you spoken with your mum about the situation and how it’s affecting you? Your dad and stepmum are creating a negative space for you and it’s not healthy.” Grandaj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The question is do you still want to have a relationship with your dad? Do you still want to be there? If not tell him I’m 16 now Dad and I’m (?) weeks away from turning 18 when I will no longer have to stay here.
When that happens after you focus order to live under these conditions 50% of the time I will be free and you won’t see me anymore. Tell him you’re there because he forced you and you’ll use any means possible under the terms of the court order to spend as little time with him as you possibly can.
Only because you love your mom so much and don’t want her to get in trouble.” LouieAvalonMac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They put restrictions on your presence, and now they wonder why you act restricted. You’ve done nothing wrong. From the way you describe the atmosphere at your dad’s house, I wouldn’t expect anything to change in the next few years you’re required to be there.
Wondering if you could keep a tiny photo album in your backpack or something. You can get a small one from the dollar store even. You’ll have photos with you when you need them, but they won’t be displayed and can be safely tucked away when not in use.” HighlyImprobable42
6. AITJ For Refusing To Read In Russian At My Cousin's Church Ceremony?
“My (18F) Baba was born in the Soviet Union and is Russian Orthodox. So, my older cousins and my older sister speak, read/write Russian fluently. However, as my Baba got older and had more grandchildren, she lacked the time and energy to continue dragging us to Saturday school and teaching us the language.
I am grandkid number thirteen, I speak very little Russian, and I can’t read/write it at all.
My cousin Madelina is turning thirteen, which is a huge milestone and represents becoming a woman. As the next oldest cousin, I am expected to sort of ‘mentor’ her through the process.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve enjoyed teaching my younger cousins about our culture, so I agreed, and it’s been a lot of fun.
However, my aunt recently asked me if I’d looked at the readings I’d be doing. I should have known there were readings, but I assumed my next oldest cousin Annastaczia would be doing them, as I did one at my ceremony and it went disastrously.
Baba had to anglicize it for me so I could read it, and my pronunciation was so terrible my family joked that I was speaking Spanish. I still get jokes made about it to this day, all in jest, but it’s still a bit hurtful.
I joked to my aunt that I could only read it if it was written in Spanish, but eventually realized she was serious. After talking to my Baba and members of the Church I found they were highly reluctant to let others step in, as it was traditional for the next oldest girl to do it.
They told me just to practice, but it’s a long bible passage, not easily memorized.
I told my Baba I would not do the reading and she was extremely upset with me. I offered to read it in English or let Annastaczia or another cousin do it.
She told me I was selfish for taking away from Madelina’s day, and that if I didn’t want to mentor I should have said no from the beginning. The dress had already been bought for me as a surprise, and my Baba had hand embroidered me and Madelina matching traditional hair covers especially.
My whole family is furious with me and Madelina is distraught – she says I’ve taken away the ‘tradition’ of her day, and I shouldn’t have agreed to mentor her if I didn’t want to. I apologized, but my aunt (Madelina’s mum) told me not to bother coming to the ceremony, and that if I felt that way about church I shouldn’t worry about going anymore.
I feel terrible. I just can’t embarrass myself and my whole family like that again. It’s a small Church and people talk, and everyone was so disappointed in me when I screwed it up last time. I hate to have let Madelina down, and I know I should have known there would be a reading in the first place, but I also think it’s unfair that they expect me to do it knowing how it went last time.
Despite all this, I know that Madelina will be better off with Annastaczia anyway.
So, Am I the jerk for refusing to participate in Madelina’s Church ceremony?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if tradition was important to them, they should have carried it forward so you would have been able to do the reading.
It isn’t you that broke tradition, they broke it with you. Because of them, the tradition has been broken, and you are not part of that, and because of them, Madelina’s ceremony can’t be done in the traditional way they want. This is 100% on them.” PenBoom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. But the people who made a joke about it and embarrassed you about it are! If they cared enough, they would you support in simply doing your best in speaking in a language that is not your native tongue, not laugh at the fact that you sounded Spanish to their ears.
That’s awful. No wonder you don’t want to do it. Also, how can you say no at the beginning unless they have told you exactly what you’re getting into? And surely they still wouldn’t be happy because it’s still breaking tradition? Unfortunately, I think they put you in a no-win situation and it’s out of order.” Swimming_Possible_68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You aren’t the one who broke tradition your older family members are. They failed to teach you the language and now expect you to perform a ceremony in a language you don’t know. Are they offering you tutoring so you don’t embarrass yourself and others?
Or are they just throwing you to the wolves? The tradition isn’t just the moment you stand in front of the congregation, it’s the lifetime of passing down pieces of a culture and a language. People need to accept the responsibility of passing down the traditions or they will die out.” minimalist_coach
5. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Daughter Do Her Friend's Schoolwork To Help Her Graduate?
“I (42f) have a daughter, “Mia” (17f) who attends online school, and her best friend is “Emily” (17f) who she met in the 6th grade.
Last year, Mia started slipping with her grades a lot. She did have trouble in school before, but it was usually just math and science-based subjects that she struggled with, and reached out for help when she needed it.
This was due to a mental health crisis since our house had burned down, and a lot of valuable things were lost. Also varying health scares and surgeries with close family members.
I put Mia into counseling and I worked out a deal with her school, where in short, she’d only have to keep her grades passing or above passing to graduate.
Mia improved a lot after that, and she has been keeping her grades above passing ever since then. Her graduation is next month.
“Susan” (45f). Emily’s mom had gotten the same deal, but Emily hadn’t bothered trying to keep it up. Emily also has struggled in school, but from what Susan and my daughter say, she doesn’t try to improve.
Mia herself has tried to help Emily in the subjects she does well in (English and History) in the past and it did work for a little bit, but then her grades dropped again.
I was on the phone with Susan earlier, and she was venting to me about how if Emily didn’t complete her overdue work and get her grades up in the next two weeks ( May 17th is their last day to turn in school work except for credit classes), she wouldn’t graduate and would have to repeat senior year.
She then asked me if Mia could take on the responsibility of getting the majority of Emily’s work done so that Emily could have passing grades and graduate.
I was shocked that she would ask that and asked if she was joking. Susan confirmed she was in fact, not joking around and said it would be nice of my daughter to help out her best friend like that.
I gave her a hard no. Not only was that super against the school’s policies, and could get them both kicked out before graduation, but Emily has an insane amount of overdue work and Mia has her work to focus on that would hurt her grades if ignored in favor of Emily’s.
Susan tried to argue with me and plead her case to me but I hung up on her without thinking. Later on, Susan sent me multiple screenshots of Emily’s overdue homework ( 28 in total) and said that Mia would only have to do half of that.
I told this to my husband, thinking he’d agree with me that it’s an insane request, but to my surprise, he said that I should consider it since Mia is doing way better in school than she was before, and Emily has been her best friend for 7 years.
He also that it would probably make both girls feel horrible if one graduated while the other got left behind.
I don’t think I’m a jerk, but Susan and my husband seem to think otherwise. I would greatly appreciate an outsider’s perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ!! No offense but Susan and your husband are out of their minds. Are they going to expect Mia to do Emily’s work in college too? Will they expect her to do her job for her? Please stand firm on this because this sounds like it’ll only be the beginning of Mia being guilted into doing Emily’s work.
Mia worked hard and earned her grades and graduation, Emily did not. If Emily fails that will be a good learning opportunity for her that effort goes a long way and you can’t just assume other people will do everything for you. If Mia wants to help her friend that’s great but no way should she have to do her work for her.” 1283throwaway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only could your daughter get in a lot of trouble for this, but her friend will learn not to bother doing her stuff because someone will bail her out. That’s a terrible lesson to teach because she’ll get into the workplace and get a painful dose of reality when her co-workers don’t want to do everything for her.
Also, never assume that your daughter won’t get caught if she does this. Prisons are full of people who didn’t think they’d get caught, and that didn’t go well for them.” Chance-Contract-1290
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband is an idiot.
Why would he encourage dishonesty if it meant his kid could get expelled? I am sorry for Emily’s situation and maybe Mia could help her with assignments but Mia should not have to do the assignments for her. Proofreading is great but writing the whole thing is wrong.
If Susan keeps asking or if Emily starts asking, I would send a screenshot to the school and let them know about the harassment. What she is asking you to do is not okay. I am happy to hear Mia is doing well in school but she should not risk her future for someone else’s.” SockMaster9273
4. AITJ For Screaming At My Sister's Unreliable Babysitter?
“I (16f) grew up in an immigrant family and have a little sister with special needs. I was raised by a single mother since my parents got divorced when I was little and my father had no contact.
So all this is to say that my mom doesn’t have much time for me.
I’m not okay with this, and never will be, but it’s not like I have much choice in the matter, so I just dealt with it.
I always wanted to spend time with my mom and jump at every opportunity to, and when she found a babysitter of sorts (I say of sorts because this is not a random teen we found online, this is a grown woman who works for a company specializing in situations like this), I was hopeful that she would have more time for me.
It would have been like that if the woman had done her job. In her almost year-long employment (we kept her because it was better than nothing), she canceled 37 times and was late over 30 minutes 109 times.
She was a pleasant enough woman so I didn’t exactly dislike her, but I was prone to being annoyed by her inability to be professional.
Or that was at the beginning, but as time went on, I slowly started to resent her because she canceled or was late literally every single time my mom and I planned to hang out.
A list of everything I wasn’t able to do with my mom because she was late/canceled:
Museum-4
Opera-1
Musical-1
Movie-7
Park-12
Mall-4
Other-13
So I started to resent her, but I stayed pleasant because my sister liked her. One day, I woke up to her and my mom arguing.
Please note that I had been sick for several days with a fever, so I was much more emotional than usual, in addition to the stress of missing so much school.
I woke up to go to the restroom and they were arguing, and the gist of it was that my mom was mad that she was late again, and the woman was mad because she’s had to wait for my mom before as well, and the way my mom was speaking to her was unprofessional and disrespectful.
I then told her that for others to be respectful, you had to be respectable, and for others to be professional, you had to be as well. She rolled her eyes at me and told me that it was not my business.
I then lost my temper and screamed at her that it was completely my business because her incompetence had cost me every single thing I had planned with my mom.
It’s almost the truth since there have been only 3 instances (that I can remember) of me being able to do what I had planned with my mom.
She then said that I had no right to talk to her that way and stormed out. Now my mom is mad at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Agree with your mom. But I’ll say gentle YTJ as you are reflecting on the behavior. That was between a babysitter and their employer. There are late/no-shows people all the time, but your mom is the one who continues it.
Either your mom doesn’t mind the cancellations, or there are no other options for babysitting. Your mom is probably angry ’cause she looks incompetent because it looks like she can’t manage her teenager.” Orangebiscuit234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This woman should have been replaced within the first month, at the 2nd time she was more than 30 minutes late.
The cancellations are also way excessive. She is unreliable and unprofessional. She probably should not be working in childcare at all, much less in a situation as you have described. If you have not already done so, consider making her employer aware of her behavior.
There is no “courtesy period” for being late. Being on time is being responsible and considerate. Being habitually late is careless and disrespectful of others. Screaming at people isn’t generally helpful, but I can imagine why you did. You had been ill, and you woke up to an argument.
I hope your mother can find someone else soon, and that the new person is a better fit.” TabbieAbbie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have every right to voice your opinions, especially if you’re one of her clients. It would be a different story if your mother was her employer and you simply butted into the adult business.
However, since she works for your sister, and you are one of her representatives, it is completely reasonable for you to give your input on the situation, especially when it is so personal to you. What is not reasonable is the way you delivered your opinions, but given that fact that you were sick, stressed, and woke up to an argument, your reaction is completely understandable.” Neanderthal_1999
3. AITJ For Making My Husband Return His Over-Budget Mother's Day Gift?
“My husband (42 M) who I’ll call “AJ” and I (38 F) have been together for nearly two decades.
Our first baby is 6 months old. We’re older to be first-time parents, but we both work in the arts and want to wait to be financially stable. We’re not well-off, but we get by, and we have a small savings account that has stayed stagnant the past several months despite efforts to grow it because of some unexpected medical bills.
We live in a high cost of living city in the US—in most other places our income would make us middle to upper-middle class, but where we are, we’re working class. Regardless, we’re okay as long as we live frugally. Of the two of us, I’m the one constantly thinking about funds.
AJ has never been very good with funds, so I make us a monthly budget and factor in things like gifts for birthdays/holidays. Sometimes we forego giving gifts altogether if the budget is tight.
I’m the primary breadwinner as an arts administrator, though AJ (still pursuing the artistic side of his career) does bring in about 1/3 of our income.
He’s tried to apply for administrative jobs in his industry but hasn’t had luck, so he mostly gets freelance gigs. He doesn’t feel great about this because it means I’m away from the baby more often while he does 60-70% of the childcare.
He’s a wonderful father, but I wish I had the option of being the baby’s primary caregiver. He harbors a lot of guilt about this.
A couple of months ago we discussed the spending budget for our first Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.
I said we could comfortably spend a max of $200 on each. We agreed that we’d each give a gift from the other parent and do something for the baby.
Then came taxes. Our tax guy told us that AJ hadn’t withheld enough on his freelance income and we owe over $4000.
AJ felt horrible and beat himself up over his mistake for days. I had to arrange a monthly payment plan to pay it over time.
I told AJ that if he hadn’t already gotten my Mother’s Day gift, we should cut the budget in half so we wouldn’t strapped when the payment on our taxes came around.
But he told me he already ordered my gift from him. And the one gift cost a little over $200. I asked about the gift from the baby, and he said he was still thinking over what it would be. So I told him he needed to return the one from him because it wasn’t in the budget we agreed to in the first place.
He was so sad and ashamed. He apologized for going over budget and told me he just never gets nice things that are just for me so he got carried away because he wanted to do something special for my first Mother’s Day, but agreed to return it.
The gift arrived today. AJ was away from home and texted me to let me know he got a delivery confirmation email. I brought up the logistics of the return. I just know he feels so sad and awful about this and I feel like the biggest jerk on the planet because this gift came from a place of love.
Am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but you may want to reconsider. It may not be in the budget, but unless it is breaking the bank, it could be worth letting it happen. I know couples that have been together for decades and a forced returned gift from way back is still a point of contention for them.
Making it clear that a heartfelt gift that strayed outside the budget lines is now unwelcome and must be gotten rid of leaves a mark. Maybe for you two, it will be fine. It’s down to who you are. But what you mention of your partner here, I suspect this is going to become a core memory that will affect a lot going forward.” Zamastyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m not nearly as charitable to your husband as you seem to be. He’s a grown man who knew the budget and has turned it around to make you feel like you’ve done something wrong to enforce it. How often do you end up consoling him for his mistakes?” painful
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – One day at work a coworker got 2 dozen Red Roses from her husband. Sweet right? She started cursing and headed out the door. Watched her go to her car, get on her phone, and could tell a very heated argument was taking place.
When she came back in, we were a bit wary of saying a word. She got herself settled and then told us that they’d had a huge fight the night before over funds and his spending habits. So his apology was to spend lord knows how much on 2 dozen roses.
She divided the roses up between all our coworkers and kept one for herself. They were divorced within the year.” bflamingo63
2. AITJ For Refusing To Eat My Mother's Leftovers at a Buffet?
“My (18m) mom likes inviting me and my older sister who lives on her own out to eat at a Chinese buffet once or twice a year. For context, my mom and sister are both a bit overweight and I’m thinner.
My mom has a habit of loading everything she sees at the buffet on her plate because she wants to taste everything. Then she usually finds she doesn’t like some stuff although she puts a lot on her plate at once, or gets too full to finish.
Since I was young she would always put her food she didn’t finish on my plate and tell me to finish it since I’m young and skinny and I’ll be fine. The last time we went I ate too much and felt sick after so I decided to eat less this time.
Right when we went to pick our food my mom was looking at what I was grabbing and said why wasn’t I taking more, it’s not worth the price if I don’t take as much as I can. I said if I was still hungry I could get more, but she already seemed annoyed.
Then we ate and I finished what was on my plate and didn’t want to go for a second round, I felt I had enough. My mom argued with me for about 5 minutes telling me to go with her to get more food or else it’s not going to feel like a family meal. I tried politely telling her I didn’t want to eat anymore.
My sister was silent through this all. Finally, they went to get more food and my mom came back with another full plate.
As I expected she finished less than half of the second plate she got. She said she didn’t want more because she still wanted to get dessert and told me to have the rest. I declined and said I was full and she shouldn’t load up her plate so much.
She got very mad at this and said I was embarrassing her and to just eat it because I’ve always eaten more before and I was just trying to embarrass her. She said everyone in the restaurant was staring at us because of the argument I started and that I was making her look like a fat pig by not eating more and she didn’t know why I was doing this because she so nicely was getting us this nice meal. I told her then I would pay for my food if she was that upset and she said I was being cruel and manipulative and she didn’t know why I had such an attitude problem today.
Anyway, she finally saw I didn’t want to dig through her leftovers and gave up and got some cake and ice cream for dessert. She didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.
Later after my sister left she sent me a text saying I was being very selfish and ruined our family outing and I should have just done what my mom wanted to keep peace and remember she might not be around much longer (my mom is in her early 50s).
So do you think I was in the wrong in this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your family members are. 1. You didn’t make her look like a “fat pig”. She made herself feel that way and then blamed you instead of taking accountability for a start.
2. You didn’t “ruin the outing”. Your mother did by making a scene when you put a boundary in place. 3. Calling you manipulative was a deflection as she was annoyed her manipulation tactics have stopped working.” lynfaix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is putting her insecurities about her eating habits onto you.
That is not right, or kind, or in any way ok. You are not a trash can. It is not your job to eat your mom’s trash. Your sister is trying to keep you from rocking the boat, by standing up for yourself. She knows your mom is wrong.
She is a boat stabilizer, which just means she is avoiding the real issue (your mom and her behavior). I’m sorry you have to deal with this nonsense. Keep standing up for yourself.” _Ruby_Tuesday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The wonderful thing about a buffet is being able to try a variety of foods that are offered. Stuffing yourself to an explosion to get your fund’s worth is ridiculous.
Yes, people do it all the time but that’s a warped view. Your mother embarrassed herself by overeating. You only have control over yourself and you ate what you needed to be satiated. I expect she has an issue with you not being fat like her.
The only thing you can do is not go to buffets with her. Your mother is a jerk for her behavior and your sister is a jerk for what she said. If she wants to keep the peace, she should eat your mother’s leftovers.” tatersprout
1. AITJ For Not Reparking After A Homeowner Told Me To Leave A Public Street?
“I had the unpleasant experience of being threatened by a homeowner as I parked my car on his street. I received an important phone call as I was passing through a mid-size city in rural Washington state, and instead of taking the call on the road, I turned off the highway and found a quiet residential neighborhood where I could finish up the phone call.
I had been thinking of grabbing a coffee and a sandwich anyway so it was good timing. I turned onto a pretty side street and parked in an appropriate street parking place. My car is a normal-looking compact car in good condition, and I am a normal-looking person who does not at all look intimidating.
It was a beautiful day, and across the street, I saw a 70-something man doing yard work. He eyed me immediately, and after about five minutes, he approached my car, knocked on my window, and asked if I had any business on this street.
I said I just parked on a side street to take a phone call.
He insisted I leave. I said, “Is this a public street?” He said, “It is, but we don’t like any trouble here.” I laughed and said, “Do I look like trouble? I’m driving a Toyota Prius.” He said, “No, you don’t look like trouble, but here in this neighborhood we’re a family, and we run people out who aren’t part of the family.” I found this statement fairly disturbing but didn’t challenge him on it.
Instead, I told him again I was simply taking a phone call and looking for a coffee shop in town. He said, “Well there aren’t any coffee shops over here.” I clarified, “No, I’m looking for a local coffee shop on Google Maps,” and held up my cell phone to show him.
He then threatened to call the police. I said, “OK, well I’ll tell them the same thing I just told you. I’m taking a phone call while parked on a public street.” He said, “Are you saying you’re not going to leave? That’s loitering.” I said, “This is a public street, and I’ll leave when I’m done with my phone call.”
Throughout this exchange, I was polite, referring to him as sir. Eventually, after making it abundantly clear that I was not welcome in his neighborhood and once again threatening to call the police, he walked away. I wrapped up my call and also drove away, bewildered.
I had planned on spending some time enjoying the nice day and walking around downtown that afternoon, but after this exchange, I was too weirded out by the unwarranted paranoia of one of its senior residents. As I drove away, my emotions switched from disbelief to anger to pity.
I don’t know that man, or what sorts of traumas he may have experienced in his life. But I saw him act insane to a normal person in a normal car who was doing nothing but quietly sitting and talking on the phone. If that is how he wants to live his life, through a lens of fear, then that’s a real shame.
Anyway, am I the jerk for not reparking somewhere else after he told me to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a public street. He has no right to be attempting to gatekeep a public street in a random neighborhood. You did nothing wrong. He was just a jerk on a power trip.
Wonder if he’s trying to make the area into a HOA with the plans for him to be the president or whatever.” Dragon_Queen_666
Another User Comments:
“Were you on speakerphone audible on your car speakers, because that’s a jerk move. Going with NJH, your phone call is perfectly legal but who knows how often this gentleman is annoyed by people taking their phone calls at his house.
We have a tree out front so our curb is also super popular for strangers making phone calls, the cars idling so long that the basement fills with exhaust and the CO detectors alert and shut off the furnace, people using this stop to empty their car of food trash and old beverages or to empty their bladder on the front step.
Was your ego so large that you couldn’t say “sorry to have bothered you” and move your car to the neighbors, or take this “important” call at the coffee shop you said you were looking for? Nobody wants to hear your conversation at their home.” PreviousPin597
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