People Are Petrified By Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Tales
20. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Publicly Mocked My Messy Room?
“So my roommate and I (22M) hosted a house party last night. There were about 25 people over and some people I had just met in the past week or even for the first time that evening.
My room is very messy at the moment. I moved in two months ago and have been putting off buying a bed frame, shelves, etc because I work 70-80 hours a week and have been using weekends to catch up on life admin like taxes, planning trips, etc, and relaxing.
I’ll admit it’s been two months and I need to pull the trigger and sort out my room (stuff still in suitcases, clothes on the floor, etc) but this past week was especially busy at work and I didn’t have time to clean my room up before the party.
I asked my roommate to close my door since guests would be in the (tidy) living room anyway.
I end up chilling in my room with a few friends during the party, sitting on the floor and talking/drinking.
My partner (29M) comes in and starts roasting me about the state of my room in front of my three friends, telling them how annoying it is that I won’t buy a bed frame, that he’s gonna force me to not sleep over at his until I sort my room out, etc.
I was a little embarrassed by this but brushed it off in a joking way. He’s also never told me he would force me to not sleep over but I thought to myself “Whatever, it’s just a snide/joking remark.”
He then goes away and brings like 6 new people in the gawk at the state of my room.
Some of these people (like his friend who’s visiting) I had met for the first time that evening. They start making ironic comments like “Wow nice room dude” and “The mattress on the ground is a nice touch.” I felt super embarrassed but wasn’t gonna lose it in front of these new people, so I joked about it, said I had worked 80 hours this week and didn’t have time to clean, etc.
People leave my room and I pull my partner back inside and shut the door. I start crying and asking him “Why did you do that? Why do you think it’s funny to embarrass me in front of everyone? That was so messed up” etc.
He gives me a long hug and says he’s sorry over and over and that he doesn’t know why he did that. I say I would never embarrass a friend in front of other people like that especially not my partner. My partner asked me if I would like to help clean my room, which I said was nice of him to offer but I could do it myself and it didn’t have to do with the fact that he embarrassed me in front of everyone and used my insecurity to make a joke.
I told my roommate about what happened and he said my partner was just doing that to “nudge me in the right direction” to clean my room. I guess it worked because I’m going to spend the day cleaning today.
AITJ for getting upset with my partner here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your partner even acknowledged what he did was wrong. Hopefully, you have a clear talk about boundaries and what’s ok to discuss in private Vs publicly. I’d be mortified if my partner did that and probably threw a fit, you handled it remarkably well.” TeferiCanBeaJerk
Another User Comments:
“If you didn’t want anyone in your room then why were you hanging out in your room? If you weren’t in there you wouldn’t have this problem. Hopefully, your partner motivated you to clean your room. btw — no one cares if you have a messy house but it is considered rude to separate yourself from your guests & host a party in your bedroom.
YTJ” Alarming_Reply_6286
19. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable With My Partner's Close Friendship With Another Girl?
“My partner and I have been together since junior year of high school. Our relationship started great. He’s the sweetest and most intelligent person I know. I truly can’t imagine living without him.
Recently, though, we’ve run into some problems regarding his friendship with this girl.
I want to clarify that I don’t mind my partner having female friends. He has a couple of amazing female friends who I have become very close friends with in high school.
This girl, however, is different. She’s the partner of my partner’s roommate.
She spends a lot of time with my partner. She even comes over when her partner isn’t there and just hangs out with my partner alone. In my opinion, this kind of makes her come off as clingy, but this is not exactly the reason why I don’t like her.
My partner told me that she asked a lot of questions about me and wanted to meet me. You could imagine I was surprised when she made a snide remark about my appearance as soon as she saw me. What surprised me the most was the fact that my partner didn’t stick up for me.
I have always been very insecure about my looks and my partner is aware of that. I felt tears welling up and excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I came back my partner could tell that I had been crying and asked if everything was alright.
I told him everything was okay simply because I didn’t want to ruin his night.
A couple of days later I brought up the whole situation to him. I explained to him that her comment towards me was hurtful and that I didn’t feel comfortable with her coming over and hanging out with him when her partner wasn’t there.
He tried to brush everything off and told me that she didn’t mean to come off as disrespectful and that I didn’t need to worry about her. I told him that I was still uncomfortable with the whole situation and that I didn’t like her, but he asked me to give her another chance.
I realized that he wouldn’t stop defending her, so I left it at that. We called it a night and we both went to sleep like nothing happened, but I was still feeling sad. Mainly because this showed he cared more about defending her than listening to me, his partner.
Fast forward to today. He called me up this morning to ask if I wanted to go have lunch with him and his friends. I asked who would be there and he named several people including that girl. I told him I didn’t want to go because I didn’t like her.
My partner lashed out at me because he had already heard that I didn’t like her and he didn’t want to hear it again. We got into a very heated argument because of this. I haven’t heard from him all day and I’m scared I might have messed up.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He dismissed your feelings when you were hurt by what had happened, and then got angry at you when you tried again to tell him how you felt. He’s the one who messed up here, not you.
I’ve heard of people who have branched out to become friends with the people their SO is friends with, but insulting someone to their face like that and then being excused for her rude behavior is unacceptable. She and your partner both need to apologize.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“Oh you sweet summer child, she’s coming over when her partner isn’t there but yours is too”hang out” and he defends her, He’s either hooking up with her or is hopeful to hook up with her, your young move on get someone who respects you because your current partner doesn’t, another question how does Her Partner feel about her coming around all the time when he’s not there, does he know or is he in the dark about it, might want to ask that question” grumpycat46
Another User Comments:
“No, You are NTJ. Your partner and his Little Miss Extra Special are. Ugh, she sounds awful and like she’s crowding you out as evidenced by your reluctance to go to lunch. Keep in mind, that she’s feeding the fire when you aren’t there that you don’t like her.
As someone else suggested, you might want to step back as he’s not treating you like a good BF should and is prioritizing the wannabe side chick. I wonder what her partner thinks of it all?” Temporary-King3339
18. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Financially Supporting My Wife's Ungrateful Family?
“I (57m) and my wife (54f) left Italy some 25 years ago, and have lived in the UK and now in the Netherlands. We have well-paying jobs, a comfortable life, and all. My wife had a difficult relationship with her family.
My wife’s sister & her husband are long-term unemployed. They have expensive tastes – weekly hairdresser, dinner out every Saturday, designer clothes for their daughter, and so on.
My father-in-law passed 10 years ago, and my mother-in-law has had severe health problems since and is dependent on daughters’ help for everything from grocery shopping to house chores. This is complicated by my sister-in-law’s temper – many of her interactions with my mother-in-law end up in screams and threats, to the point where my mother-in-law often ends up in hospital with fibrillation and panic attacks.
For the past 10 years or so, my wife has had to live away from our home, find a job in Italy, spend afternoons/evenings at my mother-in-law’s house, always accused by my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law of not doing enough, because in the morning she works instead of being a carer.
We have also been accused of selfishness because we bought a flat in Italy – we should have given that money to my sister-in-law who has to rent. I’ve seen my wife at weekends (when I could fly to Italy), Christmas, Easter, and in summer, when she came back home and left her mother in the care of the in-laws.
We also hired a lady who would go to my mother-in-law’s house for a few hours every day, clean, check on her well-being, and keep her company. My sister-in-law complains about this – my mother-in-law receives about 500 Euros/month from the state for this purpose and the money went straight to them; now we’re using 20% of it to contribute to the lady’s salary – we “take money from them”.
We were informed that “they’ve had it”, it’s unfair that they can’t go on holiday for Christmas and summer because we want to “enjoy the good life in NL at their expense”, and my wife HAS to stay there year-round. Their daughter has depression because she cannot go on holidays twice a year like her friends, while we “live a carefree life abroad”.
They “don’t want to pay” for our “choice” to live abroad, and if we want to be together I should quit my job, go back to southern Italy, and “do my duty” as a son-in-law. And we should take care of ALL expenses.
We lost our tempers and told them we have done more than our share and taken care of expenses, and since they claim we’re doing nothing, we WILL do nothing, stop all payments, stop giving money to my mother-in-law every time she transfers to them her pension and is unable to pay her bills, we’ll sell the flat and my wife is moving back with me in NL.
My mother-in-law has the initial symptoms of dementia, a triple bypass, chronic heart problems, fibrillation, and other issues. Prolonged interactions with my sister-in-law ended up in hospitalization. If we leave, she may be again in hospital, or worse, soon. On the other hand, this is unsustainable, I miss my wife and she misses me, and we cannot continue being the family’s sugar daddies to receive abuse and constant accusations in return.
I don’t know if we’ll pull back and ignore my wife’s family, but if we do, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you can, I would try and find a way to bring Grandma with you, but I understand she may not want to leave her home and that it may also not be as feasible.
The other daughter doesn’t want to be burdened with caring for their mother, and these tactics are an attempt to shift the responsibility onto you. They are free to also not care for the grandmother, and it sounds like there are already options in place for her to receive care from the state or state-paid nurses.” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. It’s ridiculous that you two are sacrificing so much for such ungrateful people. I recommend that your wife come up with a plan on what she’s going to do if she needs to cut off all communication with her mother and sister or if her mother gets sick or passes.
It won’t be her fault!! But she may feel like it is, or feel guilty regardless. Would therapy help with that? What kind of mental support can she build for herself? What about your mental health if that comes to pass?” KingBretwald
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. So stop paying for your brother-in-law’s lifestyle. “For the past 10 years or so, my wife has had to live away from our home, find a job in Italy, and spend afternoons/evenings at my mother-in-law’s house,” .. Nonsense. She did not have to.
She chose to do this.” Aggressive-Mind-2085
17. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Can't Expect Us to Pause Our Lives to Support Her New Mom Life?
“I (39F) have a 6 person girl group since college (37-39F) and that includes Mary (38F). We’ve been close throughout the years and have been at milestone events for each other. Mary just had a baby and completely fits the crazy new mother stereotype.
In college, Mary has always been someone who had to make it known that she was unique/different from the rest of us which wasn’t as draining then as it has become now. For starters, all the other women in our circle got married between the ages of 22-27 and we all have multiple kids.
So the 5 of us were able to experience those milestones alongside one another and got closer as we shared similar lifestyles.
Mary was very adamant about not settling until her 30s because she wanted to travel and have different experiences which we all supported. Regardless, she would continue to make comments about how she’s so lucky unlike us because we’re “tied down with husbands and babies”.
I think this is where she grew resentment towards us because we were in different places in life and she was upset we couldn’t have our group be similar to how it was in college.
Then into our mid-30s it became a whole saga of she’s getting older and can’t find a husband because all the “good men” are married or divorced with kids.
When she finally got married, many could not attend because it was a destination event and child-free. This caused a fight because she said how she was there for us during our weddings but we couldn’t put aside a week for her. We had all told her how we wished we could, but it simply was not financially feasible and didn’t logistically work with our kids.
But she just refused to hear us out and was simply so inconsiderate about our lives and families, saying we were horrible friends.
Now, Mary just gave birth to her first child and I was very excited for her. The only issue is that she moved from our state to a very remote place that’s only accessible by a 6-hour car ride.
Her baby is 6 months old and none of us have been able to go up to visit her. I think she’s been having the wrong idea of what a “village” is and has essentially demanded in our group chat that we come up for the holidays and help her out because she’s having a hard time adjusting to mom’s life.
But this would entail we all take a week off, arrange childcare, figure out transportation, and book hotels during the holidays. It’s gotten to the point where she’s posting cryptic messages on social media bashing “fake friends” who won’t be there for her.
As much as I wish I could, I cannot physically support her in the way she needs me to do in this stage of life. It would have been completely different if she still lived in our city and this was earlier in life when we had fewer commitments/priorities.
So I told her this and that if she was hoping for this big village and constant support, she should have thought about that when planning out her life because we can’t all just pause our lives for her. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I have to ask has she provided much support to the group? Was she there for your weddings which may have made difficult demands on her? Has she provided time and resources for the group’s children over the years such as babysitting and the like?” Dangerous_Initial684
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your friend is delusional about her demands but this has nothing to do with your timelines. If she had kids when you did, you would’ve had your own kids to care for. If anything, your kids are now around 10 so it should be easier to take off a week.
The issue is that she lives too far away for you to help support her. It was as rude for you to shame her for having standards and living her life as it was for her to shame you for not being able to attend her wedding.
If you want to be in her life I hope you send her baby gifts. If you don’t, no harm no foul.” dobbysreward
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Let’s just ignore the destination wedding. Your comment about her life choices was out of line and rude.
How does she line up her life with yours exactly? How did she “plan” to have kids when you did? If she can’t find a partner to connect with in that period, that’s a real jerk thing to bring up. Now she’s also acting immature and thoughtless.
And bringing this nonsense to social media always makes someone a jerk.” TheSciFiGuy80
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Mom The Sum She Deems Appropriate From My Activity Benefits?
“I(19F) recently have had to go one more term in college, because I missed a course.
In my country(Sweden), you’ll receive funds for going to school, and until you’re 18, that money goes to the legal guardian.
It’s important to explain that my mom has always had it horrible with money, she spends money she doesn’t have, borrows money she can’t pay back, and is in 1.2 million kr debt, (ca 120k USD).
And everything has always been about her and her money. Whenever I hurt myself, it’s been “How can I get insurance off of this”, whenever something breaks, “Money.”, whenever I’m home from school, it’s never “How are you feeling?”, she immediately shames me for being sick.
You can probably imagine what that has done to my self-worth and confidence.
Now, I have several mental illnesses, the specifics are not important, but my mother has done everything to profit from them. This is important because when I had to take an extra term in college, we couldn’t get the usual money for me.
After all, it wasn’t full-time. So instead my mom found out that we could apply for “Activity benefits” (roughly translated), something only people with handicaps and mental illness can get. It was granted, and I was given a big sum of 2800$ USD for the three months I’d already gone to school.
Now, I don’t have a problem with paying rent. Even though I don’t have an obligation to yet as long as I go to college, I don’t have a problem with it. But I know my mom, and I knew she would ask an absurd amount.
Mind, we live in a small 880$ a month apartment. The monthly sum she came up with was roughly 830$ a month, which I thought was ridiculous. And because of the three months I didn’t pay her (I had no income), she wanted 1780$ of the 2800$ I got.
When she told me all this, she must’ve noticed I got upset, and I finally cracked and said all the things I’ve been bottling, how it never seemed like my well-being was considered. How it wasn’t fair because I live 65% of the time at my Adoptive dad so realistically speaking he should get the majority, which of course she hadn’t even considered.
I was quite surprised she let me say all this. For a few seconds, she was silent, and then she went off on me, calling me everything but a burden, which hurt a lot. She said how cruel I was being, that she had no money and I responded with “Who’s fault is that?
Because it’s certainly not mine.”. Which made her even more angry. I finally said something I sort of regret, I said that I wanted a mother, not a landlord. I still mean that, because she hasn’t been a mother to me in years besides feeding me, I guess.
She gave me the most hateful glare at that, and I thought she was going to hurt me. She said something that stuck, “I’ll never forgive you for this, I swear to God.” And she hasn’t yet, hasn’t even spoken to me.
I just need to know if I’m the jerk, I feel like I’m being reasonable, and logical, but she calls me childish and stupid at every chance she gets.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Man, your mom is bad at parenting. Parents are supposed to help you on your journey to adulthood, not sabotage it. In a normal household you should not have to pay a cent unless it’s for personal things, and only worry about school and your future.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Is it feasible for you to live full-time with your adoptive dad? As a fellow Swede, I’m trying to rack my brain for what else you may be able to do. Where in Sweden are you based? If you’re in Stockholm, my mom and younger brother were talking not too long ago about renting out my old bedroom.
It’s been let out before and rent was about 2500kr. Send me a message if you want me to check if the room is available and can facilitate the contact with my mom.” BlackBoots0088
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m sorry that your mom just isn’t there for you in the way you need her to be.
Is it possible for you to move to your adoptive father’s permanently, or possible for you to move into your place with your Activity Benefit allocation? It sounds like your mom is just using you for cash, and if it’s at all possible, I would recommend finding another place to stay.” AffectionateYoung300
15. AITJ For Accidentally Letting My Sister's Friends Think My Baby Is Vegan?
“To preface: I do NOT have a vegan baby and I think this is mostly a misunderstanding.
My daughter is six months old and breastfed. I am vegan, my husband isn’t, and our toddler is vegetarian/vegan-ish (he doesn’t like animal dairy but will ravish eggs). We don’t cook meat in the home, although my husband eats it out of the home, and our toddler isn’t a fan.
Before anyone jumps on my back, he has been introduced to it because his dad eats it. He just prefers fries. (Same, kid).
Anyway, I took my daughter to my parent’s house about a week ago. My mom is also vegan so we were eating our tofu and rice.
My daughter has just started solids so she was also going ham on my plate. My parent’s dog ate more than I did.
My younger sister (15) had her friends over. They were having burgers or something and watching me with my daughter. After I ate I nursed her and one asked if I was vegan.
I said yes, she got this weird kinda look, and asked if my baby was going to be vegan.
I just kinda shrugged because, you know, she could be a dairy-hating fry fiend like her brother or a cheese-aholic like her daddy. Maybe, maybe not.
My sister’s friend nodded and spoke to me a little more before leaving.
I thought it was a little odd but shrugged it off. Teens are weird creatures sometimes.
Anyway, unbeknownst to me, this teen had decided I was a crazy vegan mom. There are a few tiktokers who are not smart about their kid’s safety and happen to be breastfeeding vegans.
Like yours truly.
I thought all was well – my sister sent me a link on the importance of a balanced diet for kids among a few other bits and eventually, I called her. I was like, what the heck? And she started going on about how I was a bad mom.
I told her to watch her mouth and she blew up and said I was the one with a ” vegan baby”.
So, turns out, her friends are all convinced my children are abused by my veganism, and because she’d never seen my toddler eat meat it was true.
I told her to calm down and explained my parenting, yada yada.
She then got mad because all her friends thought I was a terrible mom and I should have been clearer and not just shrugged her friend’s question off because I should have known what they would have assumed I meant.
I think she’s being dramatic. They were worried, wires got crossed, and all was well. She’s still acting like it’s the worst thing in the world.
So, AITJ for making a mistake and having my sister’s friends think I’ve got a vegan baby?
As a side note, my husband was feeling petty so he went and got ribs for lunch.
Filmed a little lady eating her first rib. I can now firmly say she will not be a vegan, vegetarian, or anything of the sort. Happier than a kid on Christmas.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Generally, the opinions of 15-year-olds shouldn’t be trusted and, unfortunately, your sister hasn’t learned that yet.
She’s probably afraid to lose the social currency of being a righteous educator amongst her friends- she had a purpose to brag about and now she doesn’t. This is entirely about the teen social hierarchy and not about you at all. She’ll get over it when the next life-shattering drama happens.” SpicyTurtle38
Another User Comments:
“To be fair, it seems like she was trying to approach a very complicated topic with tact and simply missed the mark. She was worried about your baby and you. She went about it the wrong way, and it seems like things got heated (as they often do when you are questioning a parent’s parenting—not that your sister has experience with that).
You are allowed to parent as you see fit but if your family can’t speak to you honestly when they’re worried, who can? Maybe that’s just my family or I’m missing details, but it seems to me like no jerks here.
Just miscommunication.” Chantal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not going to go off on your sister too much since she’s still a kid but who the heck named her and her friend Dietitian of the Year? They can shut right up. If anybody’s at fault here it’s your sister for totally failing to have your back.
She just assumed her friends knew more about feeding your baby than you do? She can get mad at herself if she’s embarrassed.” magicsusan42
14. AITJ For Wanting To Trust My Son Despite His Partner's Irresponsible Mother?
“My husband (54M) and I (50F) have a 16-year-old son who is seeing a girl (16) whose parents initially seemed to have similar rules as us. But recently her parents split, her dad moved out, and her mom got a new partner.
And that was when the problems started.
Our rules for when he is at her house (adult is present, not allowed to hang out in the bedroom, no drinking, no smoking, no substances), have been repeatedly broken by our son, but also his GF’s mom.
Since the dad left, GF has been allowed to smoke and drink. Her mother provided booze to her and our son and then left to go on a date, just a week after we had spoken and (so I thought) had agreed on these rules for our kids.
Additionally, when we have told our son he’s not allowed over there anymore, GF’s mom then retaliates by not letting GF come here, or by manipulating situations so that he ends up staying there longer than allowed (inviting him out for dinner, then do take out and bringing it home instead as one example).
So now we are at the point where my husband is being very firm – son is not allowed over there at all. He is allowed to walk her to and from home if he’s back within 15-20 minutes. Son is repeatedly pushing that time allowance, and getting grounded almost weekly (and it seems like not always his fault; like she says she’s ready but then she’s not).
I’m just exhausted with all the arguing and drama and almost to the point where I just want to say go ahead and do what you want, you know our rules and you will be right back at this point if you break them again.
When I proposed that to my husband he blew up; and said “They give drinks and pot to minors how can you even consider letting him go there”. Yes, but at some point we have to start trusting that he will make smart decisions on his own, right?
Better now when he’s under our roof and has consequences for bad decisions than when he’s on his own? My husband is also being very strict in monitoring how long he is there, in addition to tracking his location on the Find My app whenever he goes somewhere with his GF and her mom (and then gets mad and metes out additional groundings if he’s not exactly where he’s supposed to be at all times).
He’s a good kid. He’s doing well in school, he does his chores, he follows all our other rules with no issues, and when he does drink, he tells us about it. And if he hadn’t I never would have known because he only had a couple of sips.
He says he understands why he shouldn’t drink or use substances and will respect that in the future.
So AITJ for wanting to give him another chance to behave responsibly? I know it’s unrealistic now to depend on the “adult” there to respect our rules and that’s fine; I think we need to teach our kid to be the adult when he’s there…or is 16 too young to expect that from?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, bad situation. Time to start getting creative as a parent. I know having been a teenage boy that cracking the whip on someone who already would make the right choices and obey your rules did nothing but cause animosity.
You and your husband need to approach this as a negotiation, not a power trip. Lead him to not want to spend more time with her at their house instead of drawing lines. It’s a give and take.” aloof_and_discreet
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: Sounds like you’re tired of parenting your child so your response is to do whatever you want.
This partner and her mother are bad influences. Is your son’s future not worth you making sure he goes down the right path? This smart young man could easily one day be introduced to hard substances by this woman or end up with a dependency on booze since it’s freely given to him.
He’s only 16 your job isn’t done yet.” theassholethrowawa
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think this is a jerk question. It’s a parenting and relationship question. You KNOW that if your son sees this girl, he WILL be in a position where he has access to substances and drinks and there are adults in his life who are casual about supporting their use.
That is not going to change. You cannot have other households follow and enforce your rules. That means it comes back to simply; as a couple what is the hill you two want to die on?” StripedBadger
13. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Needs to Leave After Overstaying Her Welcome?
“My mom (70F) was previously living in the area where I (35F) grew up., helping to take care of my grandmother who suffered from Alzheimer’s. Her brother was a controlling, sexist person who was constantly at their house belittling my mom.
Finally, she stood up for herself and he lashed out at her in a way that made it unsafe for her to be around him going forward. She has 2 sisters who witnessed it. They agreed it wasn’t ok but refused to stand up to him or do anything about it, I’m guessing out of fear.
After this, understandably, my mom did not feel she could live there anymore and went to stay in my cousin’s spare room.
After a while, my cousin strongly hinted she couldn’t continue to house my mom. Me and my then-fiance (now husband) agreed to offer her our basement in exchange for watching my stepsons during their summer break and then she would find a place by September 2022.
She agreed to that plan and arrived in May 2022.
As you may guess, it’s October 2023, and she still lives here. She’s applied for a few jobs, and looked at a few places, but hasn’t made much effort. In the year and a half, she’s lived here I’ve had my wedding, gotten pregnant, lost my job and found/started a new job, gotten preeclampsia, and given birth to a premature baby who was in the NICU for 3 weeks and then rehospitalized and put on oxygen.
Through all of that she rarely helped to clean the house, didn’t always clean up after herself, rarely went grocery shopping or did errands to help us, rarely made meals, didn’t help with household chores or contribute to the home financially. I’ve asked her to do these things on a weekly or monthly basis, and she agrees but doesn’t follow through.
She does watch our baby while we work, but we pay her for it. Not a lot, but it’s something.
She freely adds groceries to our list that are only for her. She also will make comments if there aren’t groceries in the house and will ask what’s for dinner, as if she expects it to be made for her.
I have told her these things bother me. She has over $70,000 saved up, we have no savings currently.
My resentment has been building and my husband feels the same. Finally, I blew up at her. I told her she wasn’t considering my and my husband’s feelings.
I told her that she was taking advantage of us and now my choices are to say nothing and let this continue or say something and be the “bad guy” because she always responds by crying. I told her I felt like my mother didn’t care about me.
She said I don’t understand that she is old and she gets tired very easily and doesn’t think she can handle a part-time job anymore. She said she is depressed over everything that has happened and she isn’t sure why she’s being this way.
I told her I care about her and want her to figure it out, but it’s been a year and a half and I need her to put effort forward.
So, AITJ for basically telling my mom she needs to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“Other commenters are right – did you consider the change in your babysitting pattern if mom does not live there? you may be going to pay much more to a stranger while you could have a loving grandmother watching them instead. It is also possible that your mom is just starting to suffer from old age (onset of Alzheimer’s).
If this gets worse, have you thought about what you are going to do? I hate to say that but possibly the live-in situation could result as the least stressful option?” User
Another User Comments:
“You guys have both gone through a lot lately, but no matter what, your mom is family, and I think she needs some tough love right now.
She’s been through a lot and probably feels like she could use a little extra support. But she needs to realize that you and your husband are not going to be her caretakers forever (I mean seriously, a year and a half is a very long time).
It’s important to set some boundaries, and maybe even give her a deadline in which she needs to find a new place and get back on her feet.” Willing_Foundation90
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mother is watching your baby. That’s not an easy job, especially when your baby likely needs extra care due to being born prematurely.
Live-in nannies do not do all that you are expecting and they are housed and fed. They are responsible for the children during the day and in the evening the parents take over. You can’t see that it’s a blessing to have your mom live with you and watch your baby.
But you’ll see when she moves out and you have to pay market rates for childcare.” Dazzling_Mixture_311
12. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Poop Outside Because She Won't Clean Our Shared Bathroom?
“I’m just going to preface this with yes, I understand the title makes me sound like a massive jerk.
But please, hear me out. I (17) have a sister (14, almost 15). She’s wonderful.
But over the past year, she’s been refusing to flush the toilet in our shared bathroom. She doesn’t flush and leaves the toilet lid open constantly. My mom excuses her behavior as a symptom of a traumatic brain injury she suffered years ago, but I feel like the least she could do is lower the toilet lid so aerosolized waste doesn’t go everywhere.
I understand being startled by the sound of a toilet flushing. But addition, to the toilet, she leaves period blood-stained pants in the sink, trash on the floor, doesn’t clean up after her dog, and refuses to clean out her shower. And this bathroom is about two feet from my bedroom.
My bedroom is beginning to smell awful, and no amount of candles, plug-in scent things from Bath and Bodyworks, or perfume can mask it. I’m at my wit’s end. So I texted the family group chat about it. I explained all of what I just said and told my sister that if she can’t treat the bathroom with a shred of respect, she should be pooping outside with our dogs.
My mom immediately jumped to my sister’s rescue, telling me to use hers and my dad’s bathroom. Quick side note here: our house has three bathrooms in total. Two upstairs with the bedrooms, one downstairs. My dad banned me from his bathroom because he was convinced I stole his soap.
This means that out of three bathrooms, I can only use one.
Anyways, my mom told me that if I hadn’t “clubbed my sister like a baby seal earlier this week”, my sister could’ve done better. (Context for that load of a statement: I opened a freezer door that my sister was standing under and she hit her head on it.
Entirely unintended and an accident, and I’m being treated like it was intentional.) This whole thing continued until my mom threatened to make me pay for my phone bill if I sent another text.
From there, my sister sent increasingly emotionally manipulative texts, such as “I cried cleaning the bathroom” and “[my name], enjoy your tear-stained bathroom.” I was extremely over it at this point and just shut off my phone.
My sister ended up leaving the house shortly after, and when she hadn’t returned in fifteen minutes, I went outside to check for her. I didn’t find her and assumed she went for a walk.
Soon, they came home together and began laying into me.
(A bit more context for this part: I am clinically depressed and diagnosed with ADHD.) My mom told me that “of course” she’s not respecting my feelings, I’m off my meds, and unstable. I struggle with consistency with my depression medication and sometimes will miss days.
I was pretty much done with the conversation at that point and left.
I’m honestly not sure what to do, but I don’t even know if I’m in the right here.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I have a Traumatic Brain Injury and when I forgot to flush the toilet a time too many, I was grounded for it.
I don’t blame anyone for wanting a clean bathroom, Your statement was harsh but you now have permission to use another bathroom that your family keeps clean so don’t press the issue anymore. I don’t think you’re a jerk. I think you were just fed up.
Be kinder next time.” Dukklings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling the way you do. Why is it that your sister’s brain injury is such a cause of concern for your mum, but your feelings that might have stemmed from clinically diagnosed mental illnesses do not matter?
I’m not very well-versed in medical knowledge regarding traumatic brain injuries, but I don’t think that’s a valid excuse to constantly stay unhygienic, especially when it’s directly affecting others. Your sister is 14. She should know better than to use her tears and cry as a means to guilt-trip you.
However, the delivery about asking her to poop with the dogs MIGHT have been a tad mean. You could’ve been kinder, but I understand that it might have been a heat-of-the-moment thing to say. Not the jerk” shakybowTM
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I get it, you’re frustrated and it boiled over.
However, it’s impossible to exactly what is affected when someone has a brain injury. My mom had a stroke and she will be the first to admit that the part of her brain that reminds her to do certain tasks around the house doesn’t work well anymore.
That’s how it is sometimes. It’s said sometimes brilliant people can’t do very simple tasks. The mind is such a complex thing. It’s very possible your sister simply forgets. That seems crazy to people who don’t have brain injuries. Perhaps try to be a bit more understanding.
As frustrating as it is for you it might be for her too.” MunchkinD13
11. AITJ For Encouraging My Niece To Lose Weight After She Asked For My Advice?
“I (27F) was obese throughout my childhood and teenage years. It was because food was my comfort then. My obesity came with many health concerns. I was always sick, and I was so weak that I couldn’t walk more than 30 minutes and I couldn’t wear a padded coat because its weight made my shoulder hurt.
I was 5.2ft and almost 200lbs. My health deteriorated fast, so I decided to lose weight. I lost 90lbs but gained 35lbs because I had depression. It had nothing to do with diet, but it started because I was so stressed about my GPA in uni, and also was homesick.
After I graduated, my depression didn’t go away, and it was a tough year for me.
I recently started to lose weight again, and surprisingly, eating healthy and going gym not only helped me lose 10lbs, but it saved me from depression. Later, my doctor told me one of my reasons for weight gain was related to depression and hormones, so losing weight was a good choice for my mental health, and encouraged me to stay fit.
My husband(28M) was such a blessing through all this. We married for a little over 1 year and were together for 2 years. He was a rock for all my hard times. He is actually from an unhealthy and obese family, and only one didn’t come out as obese because he never liked eating, and enjoyed sports.
He does not like eating because he has sensitive guts and some allergies.
Last month, we went for a visit to my in-laws. I started intermittent fasting, which worked wonders for me. I didn’t eat breakfast usually, so it was not a big deal for me.
But it became a problem when I didn’t eat late-night snacks at my in-law’s house and went out jogging with my husband in the morning. My SIL(35F) accused me of being anorexic, which I’m not. And she constantly called out me for fatphobia and anti-body positivity.
She also said I was a bad influence on her kids(who are also morbidly obese, even at a young age.). It annoyed me, but I just let it slide.
But then one of her teenage daughters, Lisa(15F) reached out to me and asked if she could lose weight, too.
Her mother said she should never bend to society’s prejudice and lose weight, but Lisa disagreed. So I gave her some basic advice. Cut back on sugar intake including soda, juice, chocolate, and cookies. Eat more greens. Take a walk, and try to go gym, if she can.
And I gave her some recipes for quick and delicious diet-friendly food. Simple salads, poke bowls, and some desserts.
When my SIL heard it, she lost it. She called me some dirty names, and I should stop hating plus-size people, and work on my ED. I became so annoyed that I told her no, I don’t hate overweight people, I respect them, but I am afraid of being obese because it is unhealthy in general, and it was personally damaging to my health and mentality.
After that, almost all my in-laws are telling me I’m in the wrong and should apologize and also get some therapy for my non-existent ED. I just don’t know what to do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a savior to your niece Lisa.
Thank God she has you and is comfortable enough to reach out to you like she did. Obesity is very unhealthy. Your SIL is being a bad parent, IMHO. Aside from modeling poor nutrition to her children, she’s actively keeping them from getting help.
To whom do you owe an apology? Your in-laws are simply defending their unhealthy lifestyles. They accuse you of having an ED because to see what you truly have done (healthily losing weight with diet and exercise) shows them that they can change, too, and they don’t want to.” Dancingyogi111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re making healthy choices for yourself and you’re not forcing this on other people nor does it sound like you’re forcing your in-laws to diet or gym with you etc. Your NIL, I believe, just wanted advice from you, so I don’t see the problem with this.
Promoting healthy lifestyle changes isn’t fat-phobic, nor does it mean you have an eating disorder.” MegRea678
Another User Comments:
“I had a friend like that. She would eat ricotta with a tablespoon and then go shopping and roam department stores shouting they hate fat girls because her larger size wasn’t in the regular section.
YOU ARE NOT WRONG. Your SIL shames YOU for not supporting her body choices, but does she support yours? Seems she is the prejudiced one. Accountability is harder than projecting self-hatred on others. She needs psychiatric help, while you have used yours well. Stick to your values and good luck.
NTJ!” Which_Apartment_
10. AITJ For Not Supporting My Sister Going Out My Colleague?
“My sister (27F) and I (25F) are Thai. We are almost like best friends and we share everything, we don’t keep secrets from each other.
She met one of my colleagues Josh (25M) a few months ago at my company’s party. They have been talking for about 2 months.
He hasn’t asked her to be his partner but they talked about “moving forward together”.
Josh is in my team, his desk is next to mine and I work and talk with him every day. I am working in a “male-dominant” industry so I am the only girl on the team.
Also, the country I live in is known for “dark humor” and bigoted jokes. My team is friendly and helpful to each other for work issues, every time we go on coffee break, they always laugh about other colleagues, mock other ethnicities, imitate accents, and are quite misogynistic as well.
Frankly, I call them out sometimes but I don’t have the energy. I am at my workplace so I don’t want dramas.
Back to Josh, he is not exempt from these jokes and even initiates them most of the time. He is also very judgmental. I explained to him that in our culture we respect elders a lot and we can’t talk to them in a familiar tone, or call them by their first name.
Josh said we were weird and he doesn’t understand why he should give elders more respect. Another example is when we happened to have a team dinner in a Thai restaurant and he said straight to my face that our food is disgusting. I understand that some people are not used to the taste, but he could express it while staying respectful of other culture’s food.
The thing is he acts differently when he is with my sister and she would have no idea of his true personality if I didn’t tell her of his racist jokes at work. But she hasn’t seen it with her own eyes and everything is going so well for her that she’d rather turn a blind eye.
I can’t force my opinion on her and don’t have a choice but to let her see by herself.
I will also add that he is with my sister but it doesn’t keep him from checking other girls out at our workplace and proudly says that his taste in girls is a “skinny blonde white girl with blue eyes” (obviously opposite of my dark-haired curvy Thai sister).
He also told me multiple times that he hopes she will pay for dinner next time (she mostly pays 1/2 times so I don’t know what he is on). I didn’t tell her this part because I don’t wanna hurt her more and she won’t believe me anyway.
To conclude; seeing them together stresses me out for a lot of reasons, whether it is his behavior, or that
my oversharing sister might tell him my deepest secrets. I am scared for my sister and also that their relationship could impact my work environment, so I am not that happy about them.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to dislike your sister’s suitor, and not be willing to support her. However, I’d advise against sabotaging it in any way or even badmouthing him anymore. You have warned her, she wasn’t interested in the warning, her problem, your job is done.
Otherwise, they’ll likely both turn against you once they’re together your sister will inevitably tell him all the bad things you have said about him. Be as neutral as you can. Be prepared to pick up the pieces of your sister in 6 months, 1 year, or 2 years if he’s as bad as you make him.
Meanwhile, live and let live.” clairoobscur2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there’s nothing you could say that would change your sister’s mind or not make you look the bad one. People dig their heels in when you try to give them advice about bad partners or choice of friends, it’s almost like even if they did have doubts they going to do it anyway now because of what you said.” Sad-Crab-7002
9. AITJ For Kicking My Misbehaving Nephew Out Of My Wedding Reception?
“My husband (31) and I (34) got married in August of 2020, and my sister (32) was my matron of honor, and her daughter, my niece, 7, was one of the flower girls; her husband was supposed to come with her to help with her other two kids who were 13 and 6 at the time.
Well, he decided that he didn’t want to take a day off from work; there were a lot of things that went wrong surrounding our wedding, from having three months to find a new venue, to the cake not being ready, but I did my best to just roll with everything and not be a bridezilla.
My sister showed up to the cabin the day before the wedding and kept my husband and me up until 1 AM the night before the ceremony; she wouldn’t take the hint that we were trying to go to sleep, and we were exhausted from last-minute wedding preparations.
Everyone has their limits, and while I dearly love my nephews, they can be a bit much; my older nephew, we’ll call him K, said a lot of offensive and frankly disturbing things to my friends when my sister wasn’t within earshot. His brother, we’ll call him E, told my new mother-in-law to ‘screw off’ when she politely told him to stop messing with her dog; worse still, he tried messing with an ax at the cabin during the reception that we had rented for the week to have our honeymoon.
I told him that he couldn’t mess with it, and he said, “Yes, I can!” I said, “No, there are too many people nearby, and this isn’t ours,” he said, “Yes, it is!” I said, “No, it doesn’t belong to us; we rented this place for the wedding, and we’re responsible for any damages.”
I tried to be understanding because they live on a farm, and he’s probably allowed to chop wood at home and his grandparents, but this wasn’t the time or place to be swinging around a tool. My husband was getting frustrated, too, and I finally told my sister that E had to go home because he wasn’t behaving; I said that my niece and other nephew could stay, but E was out of control.
She got upset with me and is still holding a grudge over three years later. She’s civil towards me, but I have heard from others that she is still bitter about me kicking her out of the reception; we don’t talk as much as we used to either.
I felt terrible at the time, and I still feel guilty for telling her that E had to go; I didn’t say that they all had to go, and her husband could have picked him up since he was the one who decided not to come to help her, they’re his kids, too.
E has always had boundary issues, and some more serious behavioral problems that my sister can’t seem to see; K was upset because he wanted to camp, but I don’t think that he knew that he wasn’t going to be camping outside our one bedroom cabin on our wedding night (awkward).
Am I the jerk for kicking my nephew out of my reception?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe E is a nicer kid now, but he was a nightmare at the time. His parents had to know he was a handful, so the husband should have missed work to come and help out, and when he didn’t, it should have been no surprise that E was too much of a disruption.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone should have been keeping an eye on the kids. Your BIL is the jerk for not helping out when your sister was busy with MoH duties. Also, your sister is (slightly) the jerk as well for keeping you and your husband up so late and not acknowledging that her son was doing something completely unsafe.
As the bride, you should not have had to argue with your nephew about putting down an ax. And I’m very curious to know how your older nephew got it into his head that they were going to be staying with you during your honeymoon.” the_greek_italian
8. AITJ For Taking My Car Back From My Mentally Unstable Soon-To-Be Ex-Husband?
“24f and my soon-to-be ex-husband 32m are in the early stages of getting a divorce because he’s been having mental breaks because he claims my brother Bob (not real name) has been stalking him at work and everywhere, but he has no proof of him being stalked. I’ve asked repeatedly for proof, but now I personally don’t like my brother at all due to things in our past as kids, so I don’t keep in contact with him at all.
I was the stay-at-home mom and my husband was the breadwinner. I was trying to be nice and let him use my car for him to be able to get to work, he said he would get some shift hours. The thing is, he hasn’t been to work in about a month.
My soon-to-be ex-husband kept going off with these crazy stories about my brother and my family, so kept getting mad at me over them for not believing him, and he claimed that was the real reason he got fired from his job. Even though he was getting too intoxicated multiple times and didn’t wake up in time, even if I tried to wake him up, and then he got fired from his second job because he wore slippers/slides instead of shoes to a job site.
We’re going to be kicked out of our shared apartment because he lost his job and can’t pay rent.
Two weeks ago, he was going off on a story about my brother and was getting angry at me and started yelling so I asked my SIL (brother’s wife, we have a good relationship and my brother doesn’t live with her atm) to come get me and my kid because of his behavior, we have been living at her house ever since.
He’s been driving a neighbor around for him to be able to and from work, and saying that the neighbor Sam (not his real name) will pay him back or that he’ll get him a job, but still doesn’t have one and isn’t being paid back.
I also haven’t seen any of our bills getting paid. He kept spending so much time with Sam even on our hardest day (our second child’s death anniversary). I tried talking to him about how it hurt me that he spent all this time with his friends instead of his family, but he turned it around on me and made it my fault.
He said he let Sam take my car to work without even asking me. I told him that it upset me that he gave my car to somebody else without asking beforehand, and he told me he didn’t care because I didn’t play by “his rules” which means blindly believing every word he says about my family and admitting everything wrong in our marriage is my fault.
The title of the car is only in MY name, not his. So tonight, my SIL and I drove to the apartment and took the car without telling him because I’d just had enough of his disrespect.
I feel like I am the jerk because I took the only vehicle that is here in our current state, his vehicle is in another state over 1,000 miles away at my grandparents’ residence, and I feel guilty that he won’t be able to go out anywhere or go to work when he gets a job, nor will his friend be able to get to work.
I have an interview lined up for this weekend and I need to be able to get work if I land this interview. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for protecting yourself and your child. Your husband is going through a psychosis episode, which is terrifying at least from my experience.
The guy needs help. Maybe suggest he find somebody to talk to or see a medical professional. Feel bad for the guy going through this sort of mental health crisis, but you need to protect yourself and your kid.” Radiant_Positive_481
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If he gets into an accident or hurts someone, you’re legally on the hook. Especially since you knew he was having mental issues and may not be able to tell reality from delusion. If you feel safe contacting him, text him that he does not have permission to use or loan the car to anyone.
If he takes the car, you’ll report it stolen. That way you have a time/date stamp denying him permission if he does take it later. Good luck and stay safe.” Sugar_Mama76
7. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Sister At Night After Her Previous Unsafe Behavior?
“First things first– I desperately need feedback, I feel like I’m going crazy. My dad and sister keep saying I’m holding a grudge, but I think I’m setting a fair boundary.
A few weeks ago, I (19m) drove my sister and her friend (both 14) to the grocery store at night as a favor.
I’ve had my license for a few months, I’m a safe/competent driver but still new at it. Usually, I have no issue driving at night, as long as there are no major distractions.
My sister immediately started acting wild (how 14-year-olds act with their friends late at night).
She was talking loudly in the backseat, we were driving about 35mph on a dark road. She immediately starts blasting music from her phone, trying to connect it to the car. She leans up from the backseat to rummage for the aux cord– I told her not to, and she insisted it was fine.
I told her that it would be on max volume, but she didn’t believe me. Cue the music (sped up because, of course, it was) blasting at literally the loudest setting the car has. She laughed as I turned it down. I had to keep asking her to turn it down.
Her seatbelt had locked when she leaned forward, so she unbuckled it while I was going 35mph at night. I told her to buckle again, and she waved me off, saying she would get it. The car ride was 7 minutes, she could’ve waited, or just not played her music.
We got to the store. She and her friend got what they wanted, then we drove home. She insisted on playing the music from her phone loudly and directly next to my head, and I had to ask her three times to stop. Her friend told her that she was being “the worst passenger ever”, and she still just laughed it off.
By the time we got home, I was shaking with nerves. I told my dad I wouldn’t drive her at night again, and he shrugged it off and said:: “fair”.
Cut to tonight. My other sister (17f) needed to go to the store, and my dad said he was too tired, so I said I would drive.
14 y/o sister immediately asks if she can come, and I say no, because of what happened last time. She immediately blows up, saying I’m being unfair, that it’s a different situation, and that I’m holding a grudge. My dad agrees with her. He says that I’m not setting a boundary, I’m holding a grudge, and that I should give her another chance.
He says I’m being petty, and that it probably wasn’t even that bad, after hearing her (extremely biased) account of what happened, and says that she isn’t with her friend tonight, so it would be perfectly safe.
I feel unsafe driving her at night after what happened last time.
I feel like it’s a fair boundary for a new driver to set, especially since my dad wasn’t there, and I know for a fact that he would go ballistic if anyone did that to him. I feel like I’m being fair and safe, but I keep doubting myself.
I feel like I’m going crazy. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’s being irresponsible in the car, you have every right not to drive for her. Her throwing a mini tantrum is another reason to stick to your guns because if she can’t behave here, with your parent present, how would she behave in the car in the current scenario with you in charge?” thareaqa
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but it’s very simple. Stop offering to drive around people at night. You’re not comfortable with distractions and your little sister doesn’t respect your driving enough (yet) to understand you have the same authority as your dad when he drives.
I bet if he tells her to sit her backside down and buckle up she does it immediately. Well, you’re not your dad and you’ll have to be ok with it. In your little sister’s eyes (who’s never been anything but a passenger), you’re the opportunity to have all the fun she can’t when your dad drives her somewhere.
And the only solution is what I said above. Stop volunteering. It’s not a necessity, everyone will live.” lujza_blaha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And your Dad is your Dad, and you should respect him and do whatever chores/etc. that he asks for at/in the home, but he’s not allowed to volunteer your driving services like you’re a taxi service.
Don’t get me wrong, if he asks you and you say no, he can always say no to you when you want something in return, so it’s in your best interest to accommodate whenever you feel safe in doing so. But no, he can’t just command you to do something you don’t feel safe doing.
You’ve indicated that you have no problem driving your sister during the day. Night driving is different, even for experienced drivers. Frankly, I’m surprised that your Dad wasn’t more impressed by your maturity here. Unless you feel certain that your sister understands just how dangerous her behavior is, you can’t expect that she will behave differently.
If your Dad is saying that it probably wasn’t a big deal, then your sister is less likely to change this bad behavior.” Red1-on-Reddit
6. AITJ For Unfollowing My Cousin Who Just Graduated Med School?
“I was in med school for a couple of years, I did pretty well except in one class, physiology.
Not that I didn’t understand the topics, but my problem was the test. Long story short, I failed it 3 times, and when you fail a class 3 times, they kick you out of med school.
It pushed me into a deep depression. I loved the class despite how much I hated the tests.
I understood the topics and tried to participate in class to try to see if I was understanding them.
Well my cousin, a couple of years older just graduated this summer and is now in her internship. I’m happy for her, but I can’t help but feel mad as well.
She and I have had some rivalry since we were kids, and both being in med school didn’t make it any better. It was always passive-aggressive, but it always shined through when she would offer to help me out since she was a few years ahead.
The first time was when she offered to help me out with my first anatomy test. She invited me over and let me use her books. I felt like it was a big advancement between us until it got weird when her partner, also a med student who was a year above her, started helping me out.
He told me what questions the doctor liked to ask and what pages to focus on, but she started to shush him and tell me it was the opposite. The second time was when she recommended I take Biostatistics as an add-on since it would complement well with pharma 1.
I took the class just to be told by friends that what my cousin told me wasn’t true, that it was one of the most hard and time-consuming classes, mostly avoided by students. When I confronted her about it, she denied ever giving me that advice and told me she never took the class since it was very hard to pass.
After that, I stopped asking for her help.
Now I may seem salty about it all, but since we never really got along, I just blamed myself for ever asking for her help. I passed Anatomy on my own, and Biostatistics as well (barely). So my failing med school is not on her.
But seeing her post pictures on Instagram of how much she’s loving her internship, her in scrubs, making tik-toks about loving every moment of it, really burns. Not from jealousy, but from knowing I won’t get to live that. I’ve unfollowed many medical accounts and stopped watching Dr. Mike because of the same reason, so I decided to unfollow her as well, just until I get to a better mental place where it won’t hurt as much.
But I guess she noticed and told her mom. Now I’m being called a jerk by her and my grandma, who says I’ve always had it out for my cousin, and that I can’t get over the things she’s done to me (she bullied me because of my weight and my family’s economic situation when it was low)
So AITJ for unfollowing her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why not just mute her? People who send – and read – messages in people’s social media activities need to grow up and that applies to you both. But ultimately I don’t blame you for not wanting to see her content, especially since you also decided to back away from OTHER med-related accounts.
To your critics, you could say something like “Actually I unfollowed a lot of accounts that focus on the practice of medicine as it’s really painful for me, as I figure out what my next steps are, to be seeing a lot about medicine. It isn’t about her and I wish her the best.” That’s all you need to say.
No one in their right mind can force you to follow someone’s social and anyone who puts this much weight in it should get over themselves.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was almost gonna say you were until you mentioned the things she’s done.
it’s one thing to unfollow someone out of petty jealousy and anger, but you have good reason. you might be cousins, but you aren’t friends. and you can unfollow and follow anyone you want. I don’t see how it’s your family’s business. I’m sorry you got kicked out of med school.
it sounds like it was a big dream of yours. maybe try looking into other fields, find something else that suits you that you enjoy. sometimes you find happiness where you least expect it, you know? I don’t know how med works, but if you still really want it, maybe try getting back into med school.
though I imagine that’s pretty expensive. your cousin sounds cruel though. especially since she was giving you bad advice to attempt to make you fail. don’t blame you for unfollowing her. I wouldn’t even fault you for blocking her if you did.” jowowoker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s totally up to you who you follow and don’t follow on social media. It’s kind of petty that she noticed it and told family members – depending on how many followers she has she wouldn’t know who unfollowed without checking, or she’s looking at your account and can see that you’re no longer following her.
Also, if she did bully you and they’re aware of that why is the family defending her? You don’t have to get on with everyone in your family but unfortunately, some people don’t think that way. You’ve taken responsibility for failing and it’s a massive disappointment in your life so if it gives you some peace not to see the person that bullied you bragging then I say you do you!” AvalonWood
5. AITJ For Refusing To Talk To My Grandma After She Refused To Bury My Cat?
“I (20f) and my grandma (65f) have always been on good terms.
Last September my cat Loki passed away after getting hit by a car. I was devastated. I was a crying mess and I wasn’t lucid. After asking some neighbors to move his body in a box so I could bury him I realized I couldn’t bury him in my garden (since it’s not deep enough to bury things).
So I called my grandma asking her if she could bury him in her garden since it’s bigger. She accepted and said before closing the call “C’mon stop crying now”.
After she came to my house to get the box she came inside wrapped an arm around my shoulder and said “c’mon stop weeping and crying.
It’s just a cat. You’ll get a new one. Get over this”. I was a bit mad but I didn’t pay mind to it. After 10 minutes she went back to her house with the box she called me all worried saying “I don’t think I can bury your cat.
If my neighbors see that I’m burying something they might get suspicious and sue me. I don’t want the police to fine me”. After she said that I checked online to see what the law said. The law says that it’s not illegal to bury a cat or a pet in a garden.
You just have to dig 1 meter underground so other animals don’t dig up the body. So I assured my grandma that she wasn’t going to get fined. Then she started complaining that she called her vet because she wanted to bring my cat to the vet to get it cremated. I told her that it was not what I wanted. So she kept complaining about herself and the fact that she would be fined, despite me telling her that she wasn’t going to, then she told me to stop crying and get over it already.
I admit I wasn’t lucid and I yelled at her, I was rude to her and told her that I was trusting her with my cat’s burial.
After my mom came home I told her what happened and initially, she was on my side. She went to take the box back and brought it to another person (a family friend) and she buried him in his garden.
After some days my mom tried to convince my grandma to apologize to me for how she treated me but she complained that I should be the one apologizing for how I talked back at her. My mom tried but she wasn’t successful.
After some weeks my mom was annoyed by the fact that I didn’t want to talk to my grandma anymore.
When one time my brother (17m) tried to explain to my grandma that she had to apologize she insisted that she didn’t remember what happened but that I should still apologize. She pretends nothing happened and that she is in the right. So I keep refusing to talk to my grandma.
Now my mom is on her side and wants me to “get over this silly argument”.
AITJ for still being mad at my grandma and that I should apologize to her?”
Another User Comments:
“To be frank, no you’re not a jerk for refusing to talk to your grandmother if she’s refusing to listen or respect your request BUT yes, I think you’re (both) being jerks if you both are demanding something the other doesn’t agree with.
IMHO, the non-jerk way to proceed would just agree to disagree, and find an alternative place to bury the cat (which you did, eventually, I see). It sounds like you and your granny both love each other and want to help, but it’s not always possible to agree with everything, even if you want to help.
Or what do you think about that idea? Could you reconcile now by just asking her to agree to disagree and then hug it out?” calmer
4. AITJ For Defending My Work From Home Lifestyle Against A Guest's Criticisms?
“So I (m30) live with my partner (f29) we recently had another couple over to our apartment for a wine and cheese night. The girl is one of my partner’s good friends but her partner is new-ish and we have only met him on nights out in large groups so didn’t get to know him other than that he seemed very nice.
Anyway, for context, I have been working remotely since before the health crisis in a very niche field for a small company. They treat me very well and I manage my workload well enough so that usually I get up early and finish early, with a nice long walk at lunch, and also have time throughout the day to clean the house, cook dinner, etc.
I do occasionally have to work long hours but like only a couple of times a year when something unexpected happens. Anyway, my partner is a doctor as are both of the other people. They do amazing work and work long hours almost every day and our country’s healthcare system is in a shambles and treats doctors poorly.
Anyway, the new partner got quite inebriated throughout the night, but we were all drinking and I understand the need to cut loose. Something about my work came up and my partner laughed and said something about me having spent most of the day playing PlayStation.
I just started playing BG3 and do indeed sometimes play it during work if I don’t have work to do.
I laughed and said I have gotten very far in the game today! The new partner didn’t seem to like this at all and started interrogating me about how it is morally wrong to play during work.
I told him I don’t think so, I get all my work done, on time and to a high standard, regularly helping out my colleagues with their workloads.
He then started saying it must be nice being a trophy husband, doing all the cooking and cleaning.
He was trying to wind me up with this but I agreed with him, yes it is lovely to be able to stay at home and ensure the house is clean for my partner! He sneered at me and said he couldn’t do it, he would feel terrible having to depend on ‘a woman’ like that.
Again I laughed and said, I definitely could depend on a woman and my masculinity wasn’t that fragile, but also I don’t. I earn more money than my wife does as a doctor while working from home with a great work-life balance.
He just went to the bathroom and his partner went to have a chat with him.
She apologized but said I didn’t have to put him down like that and I was a jerk for it. I don’t think I was rude for stopping someone insulting me in my house while they were eating my food and enjoying my drink.
I also didn’t even insult him back.”
Another User Comments:
“Looks like you invited the green-eyed monster for cheese and wine and all he did was whine! He was seriously jealous that he chose a career path that works him to death for the money he makes and requires him to work hour by hour; while there are people out there who work for even more money and only need to work until they get their job done and then can kick back, like yourself.
And honestly, since it was your partner that started this discussion she should have said something to back you up during all of this! I definitely would not be extending any more invitations to these people. Edit: oh yeah, NTJ!” Aspen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have many doctor friends and this is a problem with so many of them.
They tend to have a condescending attitude towards other professions and always mention their long hours. You didn’t put him down at all. He tried to put you down and failed then got embarrassed. Where was your partner though? You are fully capable of standing up for yourself I’m sure but some support would have been nice.” broadcast_fame
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s jealous and was embarrassed that you have an easier life than him. Being a Doctor used to be a prestigious profession, with high earnings and a lot of power. Now doctors are undervalued and overworked and it’s a very difficult life.
He’s not happy and was hoping to take you down a peg or two. You didn’t do anything wrong.” International-Fee255
3. AITJ For Snapping At My Brother Who Accused Me of Stealing Our Parents' Attention?
“I (16f) have had a lot of medical problems for as long as I can remember, expensive medical problems.
When I was 5 and these problems started, my parents quickly realized that if this continued (and it was looking like it would) they wouldn’t be able to keep up financially, so my dad started working more hours, while my mom who was a stay at home mom until that point (I have 2 older brothers 21m and 18m) got a job at my grandpa’s business.
He pays her more than he should for her job and lets her leave work whenever she wants so she can take me to a doctor’s appointment, the hospital, and just whatever I’m doing to try and help the whole thing at the time.
We realized a long time ago that my main problem is that my biggest medical issue is not something that we’re going to be able to make go away, it’s going to stay forever. Since then, my mom has started taking to anything that she thinks will help no matter how weird it is.
With all of that happening, my mom barely has time for my brothers and I admit that they kind of raised themselves.
I know my parents feel bad about this and they do try to spend as much time with them as they can but it’s not nearly enough.
My oldest brother, we will call him Y, has grown to hate me because of it, and honestly, I get it but he never really said anything.
He’s in college now and he came to visit last weekend. I had a flare-up and my dad took me to the hospital while my mom stayed home with my brothers so that my brother’s visit wouldn’t be a complete waste.
I got home on Sunday morning and my brother was very snappish with me but I let it go because I was tired.
Later, while he was packing up, getting ready to go back to college, he took my other brother’s sweater (I think by accident since they’re the same size) so I told him since I know it’s my other brother’s favorite one and it’s new and he blew up on me with what is probably a lot of pent up anger and yelled that I already ruined his life and that I don’t need to police his wardrobe too.
I snapped back that my life isn’t much better and the fact that no one cares about him doesn’t mean he can steal things.
He yelled “Like you steal all of Mom and dad’s attention”
I didn’t want to fight with him but I couldn’t let people yelling at me go, so I yelled back “It’s not like we’re having a heart-to-heart conversation while I’m in the hospital, they know me about as well as they know you.”
This is true, my parents know my medical file by heart but they do not know my friends, my favorite colors, my favorite food, or anything else like that, they don’t know my brothers either.
He kind of got quiet and just walked away but I feel really bad.
I know I’m kind of the jerk here but am I fully?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You knew your brother was on edge because he was upset everything had to be about you again for his weekend visit and he didn’t get to spend time with his dad.
You then proceeded to accuse him of stealing and tell him no one cares about him. He might’ve snapped first but you were being very annoying and you have no authentic sense of empathy for how it feels being a glass child.” Outside_Guidance4752
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. None of this is your fault. You cannot help your health situation. Your parents are trying to do their best to look after you and seem to have taken their eye off the ball when it comes to your brothers and your personal life.
It’s not fair on any of you but that is not down to you. It’s a bad situation all around and sounds like your brother was blowing off a bit of steam brought on by frustration. You snapped back because there is nothing you can do about it and are also frustrated.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You didn’t ask for these medical issues and you certainly didn’t ask for your parents’ undivided attention at the expense of your brothers. It’s an unfortunate situation that happens quite often in families when you have one child that requires more attention at times than the others.
On balance, your brother – to your point – has pent-up anger and resentment and his feelings are valid but he’s misdirecting it. It’s something that he needs to work through with your parents. Even though your time with them wasn’t all roses and butterflies because you were feeling pretty lousy – your brother’s perception is that you still got a lot more time with your parents than he did.” LorAsh288
2. AITJ For Taking All The Credit On A Group Project After My Partners Did Nothing?
“I (15m) had a group project with some others in my class. The project was about the timeline of Sweden’s economy during the 21st century presented in a 5-10 minute long video.
I was paired with Gustav (15m), Fiona (15f), and Alice (14f) who are all known for being late, “sick” or not working.
The first days were as expected not very active, even though I did nothing. I realized that I would have to do something about it and called them about it.
They all accused me of trying to push the responsibility of the project onto them so I wouldn’t have to do anything. After this, I just began researching the topic and all that jazz so that we would get somewhere.
I made a group chat with them and asked “Hey, I need you guys to pull your weight a little and work for once” and they ignored it.
All I got was a meme two hours later from Gustav. I just began laying out and planning the shots for the video.
A week before the project was due I tried talking to them about hanging around after school to work on the project since it was going to be a big part of our grade but I couldn’t get their attention since afterward they didn’t come to the designated place where we would do it, the library.
I finished the shots for the video and began editing it and recording the voiceover when my friend called and asked how it was going. “Pretty bad, my group partners have bailed on me and all work is on me so, yeah” I responded. He told me that my group partners, who were supposed to be helping me with the project, had gone out partying.
I was livid hearing about this and vented at my friend for a bit until I just hung up out of frustration.
It took three days for my OCD to let the video be acceptable to show. To solve the personal problem, I just edited another one of me in those shots where it was necessary (I do a lot of editing so I know this stuff).
But then I realized something.
I decide what goes in the video.
In the credits of the video I put my name on everything and my partner’s name on “did absolutely nothing “. The day of the presentation came and I played the video with my partners just looking at their phones.
Whenever I was on screen twice I heard the occasional giggle and the room erupted with laughter from everyone when the credits rolled.
After the presentation, my partners pulled me aside and told me “You jerk” and went to the teacher. I explained my side of the story and I got the equivalent of an A and my partners got to redo the entire project.
I think I acted accordingly but my “partners” think I’m a jerk for failing them. I can see their point of view but I never lied about anything and I told them that they needed to help out. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you did all the work, you should get all the credit. You gave them several opportunities to step up and do their part but they ignored you and straight up ditched you. They planned all along for you to do all the work and thought they would still get credit.
You taught them a valuable lesson!!! Tell them to go kick rocks!!!” wildflower7827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve dealt with people like this in graduate school. It does not go away. We kept the professor informed the whole time, so he knew. The other contributing group members were more merciful than I am and didn’t let me take his name off the presentation entirely, but we made darn sure the professor knew who had done what.
And this dude couldn’t get anyone to work with him later, he did this to everyone and burned every single bridge possible. Your groupmates messed around and are now finding out. You’re fine.” Cat1832
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear My Fiancé's Stepmom's Jewelry At Our Wedding?
“My fiancé and I are engaged and during our early wedding planning, we agreed to each wear/carry something of his mom’s at our wedding.
I’m wearing a bracelet of hers that she treasured and my husband is going to wear both her favorite necklace together with the chain necklace she bought him when he was born. He wanted something that tied them together and felt that while the two might be an odd combo, would be extra meaningful for him.
My fiancé lost his mom when he was 5 and his mom wasn’t gone six months when his dad remarried. His stepmom stepped into their lives and wanted to be my fiancé’s mom badly. She adores him. He doesn’t like her or his dad very much and the relationship is strained. But he remains distant but polite.
The plan is to invite them to the wedding though.
His stepmom learned of our plan and she offered me a piece of her jewelry saying I could have both MILs honored on the day. She suggested she had wanted to mention it to my fiancé but knew he would not.
But she thought I would not hold any hard feelings toward her and might even like to make the effort. I told her it was kind but I didn’t see the need for that. She was upset and told me she understood.
That was not the end of the topic though.
She and my fiancé’s dad told me they would feel slighted if I chose to represent a future MIL I will never know over the MIL I could have a very healthy relationship with. I told them I understood they might like it but it was not something to be forced. My fiancé’s dad said we should think ahead to future children and how it would be a shame if we no longer speak and our future children miss out on having grandparents because my fiancé’s dad and stepmom feel disrespected and like they are unimportant.
My fiancé told them to stop pushing and told his stepmom she was not his mom and would not be my MIL.
They returned to me and told me I would help to cement the distance between them and my fiancé and I could be the one to bridge the gap.
By not doing it I will be failing to see the benefits of them being a bigger and closer part of our lives. They also said it would appear like I hold a grudge against my fiancé’s stepmom when she has always been friendly with me.
My fiancé and I have spoken about all of this a couple of times now. He has never told me not to. But I know it is not something he wants and that’s more important to me than his dad and stepmom’s feelings.
Still, the dispute and conflict are hanging over my head and his aunt (his dad’s sister) told me I could do something small and give some good feelings on the day that might leave a door open for the future if my fiancé ever regrets pushing his dad and stepmom away.
WIBTJ if I don’t wear something of his stepmom’s?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re trying to manipulate and emotionally blackmail you. They have no desire to forge a real relationship with you, you are simply a pawn in their game because they couldn’t do it with your fiancé.
I would tell them this: X & Y, fiancé and I are a team and his feelings far outweigh your wants and opinions. Our decisions will not change and if you cannot respect our choices then maybe we should reconsider your invitation to the wedding.
Also, your hypothetical children don’t need grandparents like them anyway.” over-it2989
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it sounds like you’re not even wearing something from your mother, correct? You’re not specifically honoring the parents or the parents-in-law, you’re wearing something in memory of a loved one who cannot attend the wedding.
It’s also your wedding to manage so it’s your choice about what to wear anyway, but the above alone makes you NTJ for me.” lettherebecookies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Wow the stepmom is a piece of work. I can see why your fiancé doesn’t like her.
The Dad is something else too. Trying to go behind your fiancé’s back and undermine his feelings is also disrespectful. To say that they would feel disrespected and your future children will suffer is another level of toxicity. In other words, ‘we the parents, are so petty that we will hold this as a grudge for a very long time and have no relationship with our grandchildren to retaliate’.
Why should you feel guilty about this? This is a very good reason to cut them out now. You should carefully think about even inviting them to the wedding.” [deleted]
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