People Try To Persuade Us To Side With Them In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Not Giving My Dinner To My Pregnant Sister-In-Law?
“I’m (18F) currently living with my parents, my brother (26M), and my SIL (25F), who’s 5 months pregnant. I study in the morning and I work in the evening, I come home usually around 8:30 or 9 pm and I have dinner, take a shower and do homework before sleeping.
Yesterday I came home super tired and all I wanted to do was eat and rest, I took my shower and I asked my dad if everyone already had dinner (it was around 9:15 I think) and he said yes, so I went to the kitchen and to fix my plate with the last of the food, I put in on the table and I was fancying a lemonade, so while I was making it my SIL came to the kitchen and snooped around the pans and saw that there’s no more food left, she saw my plate and asked if that was the last of it and I said yes, that I was making lemonade so I could eat it, but she said ‘Oh, don’t worry, ask (my brother) to order you something, our treat, I’ll have it’ but I was like WHAT?
No that’ll take ages, she was about to sit when I stopped and said that I didn’t want to order anything and that this was my plate, so she could order something for her, she pouted her mouth (??) and said that delivery usually takes around 40 to 50 min and I said ‘Yes, that’s what I don’t want it, I’m hungry now’ and she rubbed her belly and answered that they were hungry too as if they’re more important or something.
Plus, this would’ve been her second dinner, so it wasn’t like she was gonna go to bed hungry or anything.
We fought back and forth for a minute until she sat and yelled ‘Enough! Ask your brother to order you something’ but I took the plate and sat in another chair and began to eat it (no hungry eat it, normally eat it), she stared at me for another minute and then started to sob and got up.
Idk what happened, but when my brother came to berate me I was already finishing (both my food and the lemonade) and he called me cruel because his wife was pregnant, but I said that that was honestly not my business and she already had her dinner, so it was only fair and I didn’t have to wait another hour to eat just because they’re having a child.
He demanded I apologize to his wife and that I had to buy her something, but I said nah, got up, and left. When my dad heard of it he cut their nonsense off and told them to leave me alone, but my mom is siding with them, so I do not know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re hungry and probably more hungry than her who had dinner. Being pregnant does not give you the right to be a jerk. If she’s hungry, eat a snack (it’s 9 pm – it’s probably not the best to eat a whole meal that late if she can avoid it).
You have a right to eat and not have to wait an hour for delivery after a long day. Do not give her an apology because she does not deserve anything from you. Pregnant people only need an extra 300 calories a day (people think that pregnancy means they can eat a lot more).” TVDfan29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just because she’s pregnant does not mean she’s entitled to take someone’s dinner after she already had her own. I’m siding with you and your dad. He already said you could have it.
She and your brother owe YOU an apology! She should have sent her husband out to get her more food. Your mom is just siding with her because of the grandkid.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and an entitled one at that. Can’t believe she really tried to take your plate! WOW!
Being pregnant does not entitle one to be a demanding jerk. She is being a pregnantzilla. The world does not stop and begins revolving around her pregnant butt.
She can order but was using the pregnancy as justification to make you order – it’s not. If her hungry at all hours is an issue, perhaps they should plan to have food available for just her instead of denying others food.
Your brother was probably upset cuz now he’s got to deal with her sorry butt. Good luck to him after the kid arrives.
Do not apologize and do not buy her anything (that’s a new one on me!).” Ducky818
17. AITJ For Not Taking My Partner's Daughter To Disney World?
“My partner who I’ve been with for three years and lived with for a year has a 9-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. I have a 5-year-old daughter from a previous relationship also. My partner has had to go overseas to work for two months so I’m taking this time to go see my brother who moved to America (Florida to be exact) to live with his wife.
I’m taking my daughter with me, and he has suggested we take my daughter and his two sons to Disney World while we’re staying.
I have my partner’s ex on social media strictly so we can contact each other in emergencies on top of having phone numbers which is how she saw me posting about the upcoming trip.
The next day I got a series of messages from her asking why I hadn’t invited her daughter to go too and I told her this wasn’t a family trip with my partner if it was we’d, of course, have taken his daughter too but this was me just visiting my own family.
She seems to think that her daughter should come along despite this as the girl’s parents are together and it’d cause hurt feelings and like one is liked more if both do not get to go on this Holiday, she even implied her older daughter would get more enjoyment out of the trip than my daughter.
When I told her she was being ridiculous and I am not comfortable with taking her daughter without my partner she told me I was horrible and that I was going to make things tough between the girls in the long term and make her daughter feel unloved.
I like my partner’s daughter a lot she’s a sweet kid but I’m not her stepmother yet just I’m her dad’s partner and this is me visiting my own family which will just happen to include a Disney Trip but I’m feeling guilty about her messages and her ‘subtle’ posts about how having blended families are so hard when the other person isn’t making any effort.
Is it really wrong of me to say no?”
Another User Comments:
“International trip with a child you have no legal rights or responsibilities over is INCREDIBLY difficult, not just socially, but legally in that, you need a lot of paperwork just in case something goes wrong.
This is not a small day trip a couple of hours away. There is much more planning involved than her mother realizes. NTJ
And you’re correct: this is not a family outing. It’s you visiting your brother with your kid.
When the family goes on a family holiday, the daughter can go with the family. Right now it’s just dad’s partner traveling overseas with their kid. I think the mother just wants a free (magically memorable) trip for her kid that she didn’t have to pay for.” Der_k03nigh3x3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you only taking your daughter to visit your family is fine, really nothing wrong with that. But you’ve been with the dad for 3 years, you are closer to a step-mom than you think I feel.
There are a lot of stories of blended families not working out, but that’s mostly due to the step-parent trying to force the children to interact, but in this case, it seems like you are trying to push them away.
So while you are within your right to exclude them I think you’re missing a great opportunity to bond with them by taking them along.
A couple of notes though, the kids should be the ones that want to go, so far in your post, you only mention what the parents want you to do, and also their parents should foot the majority of the cost for taking care of them if you do decide to take them.
If neither of those is the case then the NTJ is even more valid.” Unit-00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like she wants time off and her kid to get a free trip to Disney.
You are right you are not her parent and her parent will not be there, you are not a step-parent, this is not yet a blended family. You would be looking after a minor child that you have no legal responsibility for, and could not make medical choices for and if the worst happens it would put you in a terrible position.
Keep saying no this is not a trip involving her father and unless a responsible parent is involved you would not take a young child abroad.” HexStarlight
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay With My Dad?
“I’m 16, both parents are in the mid-’40s
My parents separated when I was 11, having an on-and-off relationship until my mum met her partner. Dad met his partner (now wife) and I live between them.
My step-mum has never liked me and frankly, I didn’t mind her at first but now she’s just annoying; bad-mouthing my mum to my dad IN FRONT OF ME, talks about how her daughter does not ike her and she’s jealous of my relationship with my mum because her daughter does not like her.
My step-sister is chill tho, though we aren’t close but we get along as we like some similar things.
My dad never stops my step-mum from bad-mouthing me, accusing me of stuff I don’t do, etc, and this has caused a rift between me and my dad but as well as my mum.
Mum had a semi-decent good relationship with my dad for co-parenting but when she heard what my stepmother has been saying, she flipped and confronted him and now I stay with her 5/7 days a week.
(Custody of me is 90% to my mum and 10% to my dad)
What caused me to not want to stay at my dad’s anymore was the wicked witch of the East decided to accuse me of stealing my step-sister’s art supplies, because I had the same ones as her, (my dad gave us the same gift for Christmas) and had me pay her daughter ‘back’ for taking it.
Now that I live with my mum mostly, my dad is upset and is not talking to me anymore and only communicates with me through my step-sister but I don’t care and told him I won’t stay with him anymore if his wife does not apologize.
Now my paternal grandparents are mad at me and also won’t speak to me and calling me a ‘selfish brat of a granddaughter who disrespects her stepmother.’ Whilst chatting stuff about her too.
So am I the jerk for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stepmothers are notorious for being jealous of their stepdaughters. Cut your dad, stepmom, step sis and your grandparents out of your life. These people are out to belittle you and destroy your self-worth.
Your mom is awesome for removing you out of that toxic place. Do not ever return there. You are lucky you got out early.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad is the jerk in this scenario.
His job as a dad is to protect you. He should be standing up for you and having talks with his wife to not talk anything bad about your mom. It’s not her place to say anything bad ESPECIALLY in front of you.
She also should not be accusing you of anything without proof. in all honesty, it sounds like you are upset but handling it perfectly. Your step-mom is not treating you well at all, and your dad sits and watches without standing up for you, so you corrected the problem and now live with your mom and have gone no contact.
Personally, I think you should stay no contact with your dad and grandparents. When they do reach out to you tell your dad that other girls can turn to their dad for help and protection and you cannot because your stepmom attacks you by accusing you of stuff you didn’t do and instead of standing up for you he stood up for her so he obviously cares for her more and yo not being around should not be an issue.
Your grandparents, tell them that normal grandparents adore their grandkids, they do not take the 2nd wife’s word over their grandkids without any proof just empty, false accusations.” ElephantNecessary366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as your step-mom and dad are creating a hostile environment.
If you’re able to, just stay with your mom full-time. Your dad is an adult and he should be facilitating a relationship with you. Let him that that his continued support of a hostile environment has caused you to need a break from them.” Anxiety_CatSuit
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Stepfather And Half-Siblings?
“This is about me (16f), stepsiblings (15m and 14f), and half-sister (7f). So my dad died when I was 8.
He and my mom were separated at the time and she was already with her husband. I had never met him or his kids before but his kids knew my mom. I struggled a lot with my dad being gone and having these new people thrust into my life, and my mom’s husband (then-partner) living with me and trying to parent me.
I struggled with her telling me I had siblings now. Three days after I lost my dad she told me she was pregnant. She and her husband were only together a few months by then but she was pregnant, they were living together and then they decided to rush getting married so she could have his insurance.
The whole thing was a lot.
Early on, my stepsiblings were really dismissive and mean about my dad. They’d tell me I was depressing everyone, they called me a baby because I wouldn’t take off my dad’s watch (which I have worn all the time since he passed away) for her wedding and the photos (taking into account she got married less than two months after he passed away).
They would get mad when I would ask to have photos of my dad in the house. They told me he wasn’t part of the family and he’d be forgotten. I think my stepsister was copying her brother but having both of them say mean stuff was a lot.
I told my mom about it only after they told me their dad was adopting me. I got so upset. Mom told me she and her husband would take care of it. For a few years, it stopped.
It started again about 3 years ago and it was because I wouldn’t join them for a Father’s Day thing at their dad’s work. He took them and their half-sister but I had said no to going.
They told me I should be treating him like a dad, they taunted me that I didn’t have one if I wouldn’t let him be my dad.
The last few months it’s been worse, and my half-sister joins in.
They have said how they’re glad my dad is gone and how I make everyone miserable so I do not deserve a dad. My stepbrother said my dad was dumb, that he was a freak and people like him didn’t belong in the world.
We got into a fight. My stepsister told me my dad’s passing was the best thing that would ever happen and then I yelled out that I would feel the same way when their dad passes away, that maybe I should throw a party and celebrate when it happens because they’d deserve it and I hate them.
My mom and her husband overheard. Things went down. They got in trouble for what they had been saying, so did I. My mom’s husband was extra mad at me though. He told me how ungrateful I was and how dare I speak like that to his kids, to hurt them like that, to wish that on them.
And how dare I feel that way about him when unlike his kids to my dad, he is actually my parent and my family and I should not be comparing things at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s not now, or ever going to be your dad. Your mum might be the best thing that ever happened to them, but they aren’t it for you and they need to get over it and fast.
I think in their minds (both your mum’s husband & his kids) your dad was the only thing stopping you all from being a ‘real’ family. The fact they already knew your mum adds to you just being dumped into an already made family, with no support and expecting you to be happy about it.
Your mum, in my opinion, is the biggest jerk here tho. She’s never defended you. She’s let her husband and now all three of the kids treat you like this for years.
Would it be possible to see if you could stay with someone from your dad’s side?
If so, I would suggest reaching out to them and asking them to tell them what is happening at home.
You’re NTJ, never was. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back after years of emotional abuse.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“OP, your stepsiblings are pigs, jerks, you name it. And they have had poor parenting if they think what they are saying is acceptable and appropriate.
I’m sorry for the loss of your dad.
Your stepfather is an insecure moron, who has probably enabled or even encouraged their behavior. What you said about him was wrong.
Write him an ‘apology’: ‘I apologize. I was wrong to think that I should copy what your kids can get away with saying about my dad.
I apologize for not understanding there is a double standard in this house. In the future, I will know that constant derogatory, spiteful insults to me about a deceased member of my family are acceptable.’
You need to get out of that household as soon as possible. Talk to a counselor at school. See if s/he knows of any organization that assists teens in bad family living situations. Talk to your school friends.
Sometimes teens in your situation end up being able to live at a friend’s house. If that’s not possible, try to stay away from the house as much as possible. Part-time job. After-school activities. See if you can have sleepovers at a friend’s house.
Camps with youth organizations.
If you are going to college, start finding out about scholarships, etc. Do not expect any financial help from your mom and stepdad. Get access to your important documents- birth cert, ssn, etc. Contact the credit agencies to lock down your credit, so no one can take out loans or credit in your name.
Lock away your valuables- particularly photos of your dad, and things to do with him. Scan all photos and store them in the Cloud. The idiots you live with might spitefully destroy them. A box with a lock on it.
I hope you have a good circle of friends. Let them sustain you until you can get out. Hold your head up. I’m baffled as to why they’d be hostile to your father having been ACE.
Continue to honor him.
I hope you are really happy and successful in life. When you leave, go no contact with them, except for your mother. A happy, successful you, IGNORING them, would be the best revenge on those idiots.
Hold your head up. Your dad would be proud.
Very much NTJ.” Successful_Dot2813
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a thousand times.
Stepdad is focused on what you said but ignores that he raised his children to be so absolutely cruel and horrible human beings.
He is more bothered that a child who is being tormented by his kids lashed out in hurt than he is that his 3 children would gleefully torment a child whose dad passed away. Stepdad – just the kind of dad every kid wishes they had!
Your mom has been aware of the stepkids’ attitudes for years and never thought to get anyone into counseling to deal with emotions and attitudes. From the get-go, she only focused on her moving on from your dad and showed not a bit of care for what you were going through and needed in the way of support to adjust to everything.
Another prize-winning parent.
I’m sorry that the cruel streak has infected each of those other three. I know it’s not much of a light, but you will hopefully be able to leave the house in 2 years (hopefully to go to college).
The more independent you become, the less you have to bear the presence of any of them.
Keep building good friendships. Look for parental-type support among your friends’ parents or teachers or other adults you know well.
Focus on your studies and where you would like to go post-high school. Good wishes for you in all of this!” swillshop
14. AITJ For Calling My Dad A Creep?
“I (24F) currently live with my parents. I pay rent to them and have been actively trying to purchase a home for about a year now, but there are plenty of other subreddits to discuss how that’s going for people.
My brother is in college, and my parents spent this past weekend visiting him Friday through late Sunday. While they were gone, I was home watching their dog. The problem arises from these fairly new cameras my dad has set up inside and outside the house.
They apparently have an app that alerts my dad when there’s movement, as well as a speaker that he can talk through using the app. The cameras can also pick up sound so he can hear if I reply.
The entire weekend, my dad would yell through the speakers every time I left my room. He would be notified every time and start talking and watching me. Usually, it was to yell about aliens; I know this sounds really weird, but he started going off to me about aliens years ago, and it seemed like a joke at the time, but it has gotten very old.
Other times, he would try to talk to me, but the audio isn’t great, and I was usually mad he was watching me, so I rarely replied after he ignored my begging him to stop because I was uncomfortable.
He has cameras all throughout the first floor, as well as in the front outside (he could watch/yell as I got in my car) and overlooking the backyard. I kept telling him to stop watching me and that it made me uncomfortable, but he didn’t stop.
As a result, I barely left my room except to take care of the dog and eat one meal a day.
My dad texted me at one point over the weekend and asked, ‘who loves you?’ I replied, ‘Hopefully, someone who’s not a stalker creep,’ and he said I was mean.
When my parents returned from the trip, my dad was sulking, saying I was mean for what I said. He maintains that I was meant to not talk to him through the cameras and for telling him he was creeping me out.
My mom agrees with me that the cameras are creepy but won’t say anything to my dad. My dad says he can do what he wants in his house and that I’m lucky to be able to stay here.
I’m awful for not being close to him because he’s going to be gone soon (he has said this since I was a very young kid), and other things like that. I understand that I’m lucky to be able to stay with my parents until I can get an offer accepted, and I express thanks frequently.
The things he’s saying are really starting to eat at me, and I’m starting to feel like maybe I am in the wrong for feeling weird about my dad’s home security measures in his own home, and therefore am a jerk for calling him a stalker creep despite everything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, so very much not the jerk. How creepy.
It sounds like your dad needs serious mental healthcare. This is truly insane. I get putting security cameras outside. I even kinda get putting them inside to watch the entranceways to your house, I guess.
But putting a camera outside your bedroom door that alerts him whenever you exit/enter your room is so beyond not ok.
And that does not even get to the screaming at you about aliens through the cameras part.
It also does not touch on the part of him seemingly being truly hurt that you do not like this absolute craziness, either.
Also, does he also really think he’s dying soon despite thinking it for 20 years while still being very much alive?
What? My stepdad used to tell us he was hugging us extra tight because it would probably be the last time… for about the final 3 years of his life, at which point he had cancer and was in complete kidney failure with a liver starting to fail… so, you know, he was actually dying.
It’s very odd for someone to act like this when relatively healthy, well, physically healthy, at least.” cinderparty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if this is a relatively new behavior that has gotten worse over time, I’d encourage you to speak with your mom about getting him to a doctor.
Sure, he could just be odd and creepy. But the fact that he wasn’t like this while you were growing up, and it’s getting worse over time, makes me think he should at least get checked out.” seraphinethomas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘I’m awful for not being close to him because he’s going to be gone soon (he has said this since I was a very young kid).’
Okay, so he’s a manipulative, abusive creep.
This isn’t normal at all; if anything, your reaction is downplayed by being used to it.
Do not doubt yourself at all, and do not feel guilty about not having much of a relationship when you move out.
Any parent that even scratched the bare minimum of ‘acceptable’ would take seriously your discomfort. He’s a bully and has a lot of experience pushing your buttons.
Unless you were really worried about getting kicked out, in your shoes, I’d just disconnect them when he leaves the house.” Irish_Whiskey
13. AITJ For Saying My Sister-In-Law's Daughter Wasn't That Important?
“I (45f) have 2 kids (17m and 13f). For some context, my son is deaf so me and my daughter knows sign language due to this. Around 6 years ago my brother (47) got remarried and had a kid from his previous marriage (15m), and had a daughter (8) with his new wife(42).
Normally whenever we visited me or my daughter would act as a translator but his son is taking ASL in school as a second language, so when we visited last weekend both of our sons were signing
It was completely in ASL (American Sign Language), but my son did have to finger-spell some words for him. The last time we saw their daughter she was 4, because we haven’t been able to visit in a while, and she kept whining that she couldn’t understand what they were saying.
My daughter offered to translate but she said she wanted to listen to them directly. I tried to explain that there really wasn’t another way as he couldn’t speak. My sister-in-law told me to tell them to go to another room, but her daughter didn’t want that either.
She told me to tell my son to stop signing then and I was flabbergasted that she would say such a thing. I told her no and she told me it was for her daughter because it was making her upset.
I said that I wasn’t going to prevent our kids from merely communicating because her daughter was upset and that she was being ridiculous, she was about to start yelling when my brother calmed it down and was able to talk to his daughter and explain and get her to be understanding.
I am starting to think I should rethink my words and maybe I am a jerk for what I said.”
Another User Comments:
“While it is generally rude to have a conversation in front of someone that they cannot understand, that only applies when all parties have a language they are mutually fluent in.
Therefore, it does not apply to a conversation your deaf son was having with his ASL-learning cousin (although it might have applied if your daughter was having an ASL conversation with her cousin, given that they are both hearings).
The thing that really appalls me about the situation (besides the discriminatory cruelty of attempting to insist that the person with a disability be prohibited from using his only method of communication) is that your daughter offered to translate!
She was literally willing to let your niece in on the conversation!
Now, I do not blame your niece. She genuinely may not have understood that your daughter was offering to give her what she wanted and may have been confused because her half-brother can choose between English and ASL.
But your sister-in-law has no such excuse.
NTJ. Thank you for standing up for your son… And for your nephew as well.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This was a wonderful learning opportunity for your niece and your SIL just… squashed it.
Your niece might not have understood that this was your son’s only way of communicating, and she may have felt like they were using a ‘made up’ language to exclude her (because of her age, etc).
That’s okay – she’s young. But it would have been so easy for your SIL to explain that this was how your son talks and that your daughter could include her in the conversation and/or even teach her some words.
She did not, and that is absolutely a her-problem, not a you-one.” endearinglysarcastic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Harsh language might have been needed because it seems your SIL is a bit dense.
SIL was giving in to her daughter rather than educating her daughter.
That’s a good way to raise an entitled brat.
SIL was also overlooking the fact that your son was helping his cousin become more proficient in ASL. That could mean a better grade for your nephew.
SIL didn’t pick up on that because she was too busy trying to let your niece have her way. I wonder how well your nephew gets along with his stepmom.” Sea-Confection-2627
12. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law That She Has To Move?
“My (32f) MIL, Pam (57f), found out she had breast cancer +/- 2y ago.
As my city has a reference hospital for cancer treatment across the country, my husband and I agreed to let her live with us.
Pam is a difficult person to deal with, very critical and stubborn, but my husband controlled the situation.
It was ok for 6 months. But after that period, my husband was sent to work in another state for 2 years.
It’s 4 hours of flight and no direct flight.
He stays in the city for two months, two weeks here, and comes back
After that, it was the worst part of Pam’s treatment, and I felt overwhelmed because she had surgery, she was in very bad health and everything was on my back.
In addition to being treated badly and being a maid for Pam.
Also, as my husband had to rent a house there and pay bills, I was 100% responsible for our house financially. Pam never contributed.
Every time I complained that my MIL didn’t pay anything (she has a fat pension) and mistreated me, he took her side and said that I should be patient with her because she is in a bad mood because of the treatment.
But even garbage was better treated than me.
I do not know how I held on, but a part of me didn’t give up because she didn’t have anyone else to take care of her.
But it really wore me down emotionally and physically. Having to tolerate and care for someone who is ungrateful and disrespectful.
1 week ago, we got the good news that she is completely cancer free and that was a great relief.
But I had my limit when she said she was thinking about putting her house (in another city) for rent since she was around here. I burst out (crying) saying I couldn’t take it anymore and that she had to move out of my house as soon as possible.
My husband found out and yelled at me that I couldn’t make this decision on my own about our house and that I made it very clear that PAM was being a burden, making her uncomfortable.
I replied with, ‘I pay all the house bills myself, I took care of her without saying anything and I do not want that anymore. So yes, it’s my decision in the house that I pay and I do not want to have such an exhausting presence anymore.’
Pam is at the hotel right now and all the relatives are calling me a monster for doing this to someone who has recently been cured of cancer. It’s okay, my husband might become an ex, but at this stage, I’m just relieved.
My heart says I’m right, but I wish I had an outside perspective.
AITJ?
Edit: I barely woke up, my officially future ex-husband called and said that after what I did to mom and disrespecting his opinion on an important decision, he said he can’t trust me anymore and will return to town on Monday to sort things out, but not to fix our relationship, but to determine how we will go our ways.
Do not worry, the house is entirely mine before I married him, although now it’s a memory of bad things, it’s a house and who knows in the future, maybe I’ll sell the house, but right now I’ll stay in it.
I even considered trying couples therapy, but when he brought up the possibility of divorce, my heart was flooded with relief, and honestly? I love him, but as many of you have said, someone who loves stands by his wife when she is mistreated. So… I think we’ll really walk separately.
Going to the market right now for snacks and a good drink to spend the day.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s very convenient that he scooted right off at the peak of her worst spirits and health so you could be both physically and financially responsible for his ailing mother.
Every last one of his people and him are jerks. You are NTJ. You are worth more than this. You shouldn’t spend a second more wasting energy on these people. They all know who she is and what she’s like, that is why no family member, including her son, wanted to care for her.
Run. Like your tampon string is on fire. These people are hideous.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband moved to another state for work and stopped contributing to your household. Why, exactly? I get that he had to rent a house there but surely he could’ve done that without cutting off his family?
When you said that your MIL should be contributing financially to the household, and she can afford to, your husband said she was in a bad mood. That isn’t even related to the topic at hand.
If I stopped paying bills and rent every time I was in a bad mood, I’d be on the streets.
She’s now cancer free which is wonderful news. Instead of moving back to her own home and showing even an ounce of care towards the person who has taken care of her through her treatments, she said that she’ll put her house up for rent so she can live with you.
Free of charge, I’m assuming.
Your husband yelled at you that you can’t make this decision on your own. Normally I’d agree, but isn’t he the one that conveniently took off, leaving all financial responsibility, plus the responsibility of looking after your MIL to you?
So decisions must be made together unless it concerns who’s forking over money and acting as a caretaker?
Your relatives are calling you a monster, so why aren’t they welcoming MIL into their home? If their houses are far away, why aren’t they financially helping her with a hotel, etc?
These people sound beyond wonderful.” Brave_Fennel_6476
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While ideally, you could have tried to wait and talk to your husband I understand how overwhelmed you were when she suggested that she would continue to live with you permanently.
What has gotten into your husband? You indicated he knew how his mom was and handled it (her) when he was there – but now he takes her side after all the time YOU’VE been the only one taking care of her, living with her, being abused verbally and emotionally by her?
IF he really cared about Mommy so much why did he take the out-of-state job so he wouldn’t be around while she was undergoing treatment? He wasn’t there to help take care of her – he left YOU to care for your mom 100%.
How fair was that? It was very good of you to do that even if she was a loving MIL, but as she isn’t but instead is demanding, selfish, and unappreciative of your time, home, or care.
She has not even helped you with any finances while she has been staying in your home. I do not blame you for being done.
You need to sit down and talk to your husband about what has been going on, what is going on, and where you go from here.
But MIL goes HOME no matter what. She’s fine now, you do not need to continue to be her maid and caretaker.
I wish you luck.” 1moreKnife2theheart
11. AITJ For Not Paying For Dinner When I Go Out With My Parents?
“I (21f) moved out this past spring, and I moved a few hours away from my parents and brother (22).
It’s important to note that when I was 17, I was hit by an intoxicated driver. The accident left me with lifelong injuries, and as such, there was a lawsuit. I got some funds from that, which I set up with a financial advisor, as I plan on using it for my health moving forward.
In addition, I started my own business, which is pretty successful. I’ve fought hard to recover in the past four years, and I’m now able to live comfortably in terms of finances, which is important to me.
Now, my parents and I have a bit of a strained relationship. It’s been better since I moved out. My parents were never very wise with finances in various ways, and they struggle to get by.
For the past two years, I have loaned them roughly $4,000 to help cover their bills a few times. They repaid me by covering some of my bills when I still lived with them, but it never amounted to the money I paid out of pocket.
They expect me to pay for meals when I’m with them, even after moving out. When we go out to eat when they visit me, they expect me to pay, even if they’re the ones that want to go out.
This means that I’m usually stuck paying for dinner, lunch, and breakfast for the three or four of us when they come. I even offer to cook at home, but they’d rather go out.
It’s started to bother me, especially since it’s usually $100-$120 for a dinner for all of us.
Anyways, the last time they came, I agreed to go out but made it clear that I couldn’t continue to pay for their meals.
I stated that I have a budget, and I need to keep to it. My parents got mad, throwing my settlement from my lawsuit in my face and the fact that my business does well, claiming that I shouldn’t be so ‘selfish.’ They insist that since they ‘put so much money into raising me,’ I should at least buy them meals now.
I told them they were crazy to hold that over my head. They ended up getting so mad, they cut the trip early and went home.
My brother called me to tell me I was being unreasonable since I’m the only one out of us with money.
I told him that isn’t my problem, as I shouldn’t be expected to support all of us, especially since I’m not even living with them anymore. Now everyone is mad at me, including my grandparents, as they all think I’m being selfish.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Everyone reading this, please remember this: children do not owe their parents anything for having raised them. Period. Parents owe their children everything for having brought them into the world.
It is absolutely absurd to me that there are parents that act this way. I have made more than my parents for years now and I still have to fight them to even contribute to the bill at a restaurant.
If they’re asking to go out, they should be paying for themselves. That’s their choice. What would they do if you didn’t go with them? They’re draining you big time. The entitlement is palpable.
You are not selfish for putting funds away to ensure the long-term sustainability of your health.
Your brother here seems to empathize with them because he also does not have a lot. That’s not your issue. What nonsense this is. They’re making their love for you conditional on you treating them to meals out, which is not something good parents would ever do.
Set boundaries and if they can’t respect them, then do not have them come visit you anymore.
Also, congratulations on your business, and I wish you a lifetime of good health.” DaBooba
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do not understand why parents still think ‘look at all the money I spent raising you’ is a valid argument. By choosing to be a parent, you are choosing to incur that financial responsibility, and the fact that they did not plan or budget better is not your responsibility.
YOU received that fund for your lifelong injuries – and unfortunately, all the money in the world can’t fix that, but the sum you received can make it manageable.
Your finances are none of their business anyways – it’s not your fault that they made poor financial decisions and I think it’s probably a safe assumption that they didn’t help you make yours.
Beyond that, it would be understandable if they only wanted you to pay for yourself, but the expectation that you pay for the entire family when you didn’t even want to go out is ridiculous.
Stay firm on your boundaries & financial decisions.” lyingintheclouds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So you get into an accident that leaves you with medical problems for life but have spent years recovering from. You were young but made very smart moves on what to do with the funds from your settlement.
But your family who do not have to go through life with those medical problems and make bad financial decisions feel like you should constantly pay for them. I would consider going low contact/no contact with these people.
They are trying to milk you for money that you wisely invested to help you through life when you can’t work anymore. They didn’t help with your business, so they aren’t entitled to your hard-earned money.
Adults pay for themselves even if they have family or friends that have more money than them.” TypicalAd3575
10. AITJ For Crying At My Sister's Baby Shower?
“I (35f) attended my sister’s (37f) baby shower this weekend. I sew as a hobby so I thought it would be a sweet gesture to make the new member of the family a teddy bear.
Admittedly, I’ve only been sewing for a year and a half so I’m not making factory-made quality items, but I think they’re cute, and I’ve given them to friends’ little ones and have got thanks so maybe I’m just oblivious to people being unkind but I think I’m good at what I do.
I also got a little onesie so it didn’t seem like I was trying to get away with spending no funds/giving a crappy gift.
My sister has an odd sense of humor that I’ve personally never found funny.
I’m biased, but to me, she just insults things in a funny voice and passes it off as humorous. When she opened the present she immediately said. ‘Oh, a little creepy bear!’ in her ‘funny’ voice.
I used buttons for eyes (like four-holed buttons), and I guess it can be creepy to some people. She then noticed the seam on his back was a little funny from when I hand-stitched it up and then joked that he had scoliosis.
She saw the onesie and said thank you and was much more grateful for that item.
I held it in while she finished opening presents but when it was over I stepped into the other room to cry.
I feel like I put a lot of effort into a cute gift for my sister’s son and she made fun of it. My sister’s husband noticed me crying and tried to get me to calm down, not because he was worried about me but because I ‘shouldn’t be taking away attention’ from my sister.
I do not know. I feel like making fun of people’s gifts is in poor taste but crying at someone’s baby shower is also poor taste, but that’s also why I stepped into another room to cry.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is a passive-aggressive and rather emotionally immature person to do that, especially since she’s well aware that her ‘funny voice’ antics irritates you.
And your BIL was out of line with implying that you were taking focus from her special day.
If you were trying to do that, you would have broken into tears in front of all the guests instead of going to another room where you had privacy. Sounds like he’s a good match for your sister.
(sigh)
Some people just do not appreciate handmade gifts, no matter how professionally done they are. Remember that your intention was kind. You can’t control how others act when you gift them something you make (or in any circumstance); you can only control how you react to the situation.
So make a mental note that henceforth, any gift for sis and her family will be store-bought because she’ll appreciate that more than all the hours of personalized labor and love you pour into making something for her.” The-Answer-Is-57
Another User Comments:
“‘I will no longer give you any gifts because you make inconsiderate and hurtful comments about something I worked hard to make. You have made it clear that you are not worthy of my time or funds.’
You can say that, and I would probably throw in how I pity her child who’s going to grow up learning that mean behavior and likely become a bully. Your sister is a bully.
She may not necessarily project directly at you, but she knows that talking in her stupid voice is a way to get under your skin.
Fun fact, you can technically make a voodoo doll if you wanted to.
NTJ” jasperjamboree
Another User Comments:
“Something handmade, whether it’s sewn, knitted, quilted, or wood crafted, is such a heartfelt gift. Please just do not have these lying around the house. They are made for a purpose, and often, the time spent making them is spent thinking about who they are being made for.
Your gift came from your heart, and anyone who can’t see that isn’t worth your time. I’m very sorry this happened to you. You had the right to cry, and you did it in the most tasteful way possible (I have to say, my tears probably would have started to roll down my face during the event).
You’re not the jerk but a caring heart who any descent mother would be proud to have as an Aunt for their baby.” Every_Cap_532
9. AITJ For Not Choosing My Mom's Husband To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I’m getting married next year. My fiance and I are deep in the planning stages still.
But we’ve got some things locked and ready to go. One thing is the roles. My younger sister and I are very close. She’s 4 years younger than me but someone I have always had in my corner.
She’s the best a person could ask for, and given that we lost our dad and our relationship with our mom is complicated (which is a very long story in and of itself), I saw her as the perfect person to ask to walk me down the aisle.
I also asked her if she’d want to do a dance with me to honor our dad. She said yes.
I knew my mom’s husband would be expecting those duties and the role of Father of the Bride to go to him.
He married my mom when I was 14 and at that point, I knew him for less than a year. I never looked at him as a father figure. I never would have considered him a dad to me.
I remembered my dad clearly, not to mention I was very independent at that point because of the tricky relationship with mom I wasn’t around much. I pretty much walked everywhere and stuff like that.
So he wasn’t taking on much with me and he wanted to, but I didn’t want him to. He never liked that. We argued about it. He couldn’t have kids of his own so he wanted to try and make me and my sister those kids he could never have, the fact we were girls he thought he would get daddy’s little princesses for himself.
So after talking to my sister, I spoke to my mom and her husband. Told them what my sister would be doing and that he would not be doing any of the traditional fatherly roles at my wedding.
He said he wanted to do them. I told him I didn’t want that though. My mom argued on his behalf. She asked what the point of telling him was if I wouldn’t give in when he didn’t like it.
I told them it was so he could not claim to be left in the dark or blindsided. She told me my father was long since gone and wouldn’t care. I told her I would care.
That I only had one dad and if he couldn’t be there, then the only person who would make sense is the other person he helped bring into the world and loved.
They both then told me how that wasn’t a healthy choice, and how we should have followed mom’s lead (because my sister has a very similar relationship with him that I do) and allowed him to become our new dad figure.
They then told me I was wrong to bring it all up just to say he would not be treated well at my wedding and would be denied the role he should have. They accused me of rubbing it in his face.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you already know that. I think you also already know that no matter how you handled the reveal, he wasn’t going to get to play the father of the bride; he and your mom wouldn’t be happy about it because no answer other than ‘yes, I would love for you to walk me down the aisle and dance with me and give a big speech’ will satisfy them.
But given that they’ve had the entire duration of your (lack of) relationship with the guy to come to terms with the fact that’s not the relationship you have, their refusal to do so is 100% their problem at this point.
Good luck with the wedding planning – and if at some point, you have to just tell them not to bother coming, that’s okay, too.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s very sad that your stepdad wanted to build a parental bond with you that was rejected by you and your sister but it was your right to decide you didn’t want him to play that role in your life.
Your mom probably pushed him on you too fast and he came on way too strong.
You weren’t rubbing anything in his face, you were informing him of your wedding plans so that he wouldn’t be shocked when he wasn’t in any of the roles he imagined himself in.
Had he and your mom approached things (long ago) in a different way, you might have had a healthy relationship with him and wanted him to fulfill some fatherly roles that your dad isn’t around to fill but that chicken has already flown the coop.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean you need to just look at the history and note that your mother married a man who had clear expectations that he was just going to get all the credits and honors of being a father and didn’t actually care about your feelings in the matter.
She has spent all this time, all these years, telling you that your perspective does not matter and that you just need to go along with what her husband wants because that’s what she sold to him when she married him.
To both of them, your autonomy and your feelings do not matter.
There’s nothing that he should have at your wedding; it’s your wedding and who you choose to walk you down the aisle is your business.
The fact that they both are still telling you that they do not see you as an equal human and that everything needs to be about what they want and what they think works best for them and not your feelings is a problem.
You should rub it in their faces that they have no actual power here. Despite years of treating you, and your mother is the worst of it because she was your parent and should have done right by you, they can’t force this situation and try to make part of your wedding about his feelings.
My question to you is, do you actually gain anything by having them at your wedding? It does not sound like either of them supports you or sincerely loves you, what do you gain by having them there.” JCBashBash
8. AITJ For Asking For A Student Teacher To Be Removed From My Class?
“So I had a student teacher in her mid-to-late 40s. On the first day, she comes in 1 hour after the start of the school day. She literally has nothing to do but observe while I continue teaching my four straight classes until lunch begins.
We chat briefly, and she starts giving me her demands for this placement:
She can’t arrive before school starts because her dog has separation anxiety issues and she can’t leave him all day long. She lives about 45 minutes away from the school, so she’ll be arriving late and leaving early every single day.
She does not t like the fact that I’m teaching an integrated science course (life, physical, and earth throughout the year).
She will only teach life science. (It was the start of my physical science unit, too.) She is experiencing very heavy periods because she’s nearing menopause, and some days she’ll just have to stay home to deal with it because it’s too embarrassing to be in public when she floods.
I let her talk, and took notes, saying, ‘Hmm…’ a lot, then explaining that her expectations would be an issue. I introduced her to my students because you don’t just throw a new adult into the classroom without telling them what’s going on.
I called her university supervisor and quoted her to the supervisor, who basically only gasped at every new demand. Then I said that I didn’t think she was right for this position at this time, and asked that she be pulled from my class.
The supervisor pulled her from placement for the entire semester and recommended counseling.
She blew up! She tried to sue the university, me, my school district, her supervisor, etc. She didn’t get anywhere, and she dropped out completely.
I feel bad for having her ‘dreams’ crushed and some people have told me that was a bit harsh. But at the same time, I had to put some pressure on her. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She clearly was not prepared to do the duties required for the position.
Imagine coming to the first day of a new job (regardless of whether this is a paid position or not) and making demands like that.
Sorry boss, but I can never get here on time and by the way, I don’t like how you’re running things here so I will only work on these tasks and ignore those other ones that you’re doing wrong.
Um, no. You can tell by how her university supervisor gasped at each new demand that this is highly out of line.
And her getting angry and threatening to sue everyone is part and parcel of why she received a recommendation to get counseling.
This is all a HER-problem, not a YOU-problem. You did the right thing for your students and yourself.” The-Answer-Is-57
Another User Comments:
“She was a student teacher already acting like an entitled tenured professor.
She does not get how schedules work and she’s acting way too entitled to be demanding stuff like this.
I work at uni and we have some pretty entitled professors (think Nobel-prize winners, Pulitzer, etc.) and if they ever made demands like this, they would be laughed out of the institution—not just by their peers, but all of the academia because professors love to gossip more than students realize.
Other than the unreasonable demands, she was being disruptive to your teaching environment. That alone would make me remove someone from a class. You can’t become a teacher if you’re not there to teach.
Also, I know so many professors who teach multiple subjects because funding cuts happen and classes/programs are cut from the curriculum. By demanding she only teach life science, she’s already minimizing her chances of being hired anywhere because there will be more qualified teachers.
NTJ” jasperjamboree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are expectations that come with a job, and if you are unable to meet those expectations, then that isn’t the job for you. Refusing to teach most of the class subjects?
Saying she wouldn’t be keeping her schedule because of her dog? Saying she’s just flat out going to no-show a lot of days because she does not know what adult diapers or heavy pads specifically for that kind of thing are?
Making ridiculous demand after ridiculous demand?
No, she definitely shouldn’t be in any sort of teaching position… or any job, it sounds like, until she shapes up and learns to put on her big girl underpants and do the job she was hired to do.
I’m sure that she was given a list of what the job entailed and what her expectations would be before she was hired on, if she chose to say that she could do that and is now backing out and saying she can’t, it’s entirely right that she be fired.
If I claimed to be a five-star chef and got hired somewhere, then told them that I wouldn’t make anything but peanut butter sandwiches and would never come in on time, and would just skip out on a lot of my shifts but still expected a full salary, I’d rightfully be tossed out on my butt and probably barred from working in that industry ever again!” Dark_Moonstruck
7. AITJ For Standing My Father-In-Law Up?
“I (30M) married my wife (23F) in the summer. Our marriage was kinda arranged. We were introduced by our fathers, who are close friends and we dated for a year, but the expectation from the beginning was that we’d marry each other.
Nevertheless, we’re in love and couldn’t be happier.
Strangely, I’m closer to my FIL than my wife is. My wife grew up halfway across the world but her father lived in the same city we do now for all of his life so he wasn’t present for her teenage and young adult years.
I’ve always thought we was a great guy, and I was closer to him than I was to my own father, but since marrying my wife I’ve learned that there is a dark side to him.
I don’t want to get banned by the sub, so I’ll just say that he was an awful father to her and the majority of her mental health problems are because of him.
Now that I’m married to her and she lives only twenty minutes away instead of 10 hours by flight, he is trying to be as present as he can.
Which includes him turning up at our home without warning and often when my wife is alone. She’s a stay-at-home wife (she’s telling me to say stay-at-home cat mum but her cat is very independent so I’m considering this a case of empty nest syndrome) because she wants to get control of her mental health before going back to work so FIL often comes over when I’m at work.
She hates it. On the surface, it looks like he’s just trying to catch up on lost time, but my wife believes that he wants to keep an eye on her for whatever sinister reasons he has.
She does not want me to confront him even though I have been itching to.
Last weekend, FIL wanted to meet up with both of us for lunch. My wife was all ready to go, but she suddenly felt anxious and decided she didn’t want to go.
I sent him a quick text saying, ‘sorry, we can’t make it, wife is sick’, and then we turned our phones off to watch a movie.
Cue FIL knocking at the door and demanding to know what his daughter is sick with because we ‘can’t stand him up like that.’ I answered the door and said she was extremely dizzy (a lie) and he refused to believe me and demanded to be let in to see her.
I refused entry and shut the door.
Now, FIL and my father are extremely annoyed and are demanding that we apologize for standing FiL up and denying him entry into our home. AITJ?
Edit: he’s a narcissist, not a nonce (as far as I know, my wife hates talking about him, and I don’t press her about it).”
Another user Comments:
“NTJ for standing up to him. But at risk of being the jerk if you try to maintain your relationship.
‘I’ve always thought we were a great guy and I was closer to him than I was to my own father, but since marrying my wife I’ve learned that there is a dark side to him.’
I’ve got experience with a situation like this. For the sake of your partner, you really can’t treat him normally and as if he’s okay just because he’s okay TO YOU.
Reading between the lines, he was abusive to her, and she’s keeping her distance to protect herself.
Even if she says she’s okay with you having a relationship with him, you should be keeping a distance and keeping in mind how he treats you does not change who he is to her.
‘Forgiving’ can come across as inconsiderate to her trauma and create distance between you and your wife.
Not saying you need to kick his a*s and never see him. But don’t be buddy-buddy with your wife’s abuser, even if it wasn’t physical abuse.
Also, his behavior after you canceled really validates that your wife is right and that he hasn’t fully changed, and she’s right to be scared that your relationship with her dad is being used to have more info and control over her.” Irish_Whiskey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… And I would encourage you to go a step further. If your wife agrees, have a conversation with him where you set some boundaries. Make it clear that it is your house and that you and your wife have agreed that ‘drop-in’ visits are no longer allowed. If he wants to visit, he has to ask at least 24 hours in advance or wait for an invitation.
But from now on, if he shows up without permission, he will not be allowed in.
Normally, I believe that each member of a couple should be responsible for dealing with their family of origin.
But given the specifics in this case and her long history of having to secretly protect herself, I suspect she will be grateful to have you standing up for her, so she isn’t alone in this fight anymore.
If he gives you a hard time, I would suggest going the very traditional route: ‘Look, FIL, I’m a grown man, and a man’s home is his castle. You get to set whatever rules you want for your home, but I get to do the same for mine.
And I found your actions the other day to be incredibly disrespectful. My wife felt unwell and so I politely canceled. I understand that you are her father, but I am now her husband, and it is my job to protect her… and that includes taking care of her when she feels sick.
She is my priority. For you to show up on my doorstep demanding answers is incredibly rude and disrespectful of my role as the man of the house. And what answers did you even want from me?
We couldn’t meet you for lunch because she was sick… That’s probably the most straightforward type of cancellation there is. You and I have had a good relationship for a long time. I would hate to see that change just because I am now your daughter’s husband’.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and thank you on behalf of humanity for being an excellent husband and person. You didn’t ‘stand him up’ – that implies that you had an appointment that you just failed to keep.
You canceled on him. You have a valid reason and you gave him a valid reason l, and it does not matter that the two are different from each other because he didn’t deserve any reason at all.
Your obligation is to your partner, not her father and not yours.
And from a between-the-lines perspective? His showing up unannounced is a frightening red flag. Even if this incident smooths over, boundaries need to be set and enforced. A home security system, even just a cheap camera, may also help set your wife’s mind at ease.” MeanDebate
6. AITJ For Wanting The Profits From My Sold Car?
“I (M) bought a new car in 2020.
My ex (M) and I were together at the time. I decided to keep my previous car and let my ex drive it since he didn’t have a car. We broke up about a year ago, and it was mostly amicable.
I let him keep driving it even though we were no longer together. We discussed him buying it from me several times. However, that never happened.
A few months ago, the car broke down and it’s just been idle because he didn’t have the budget to fix it and I didn’t either.
A potential buyer reached out today, so my ex and I had a conversation. In the phone call, my ex was under the impression that he would be given the money that it was sold for.
I stopped him and said we had never talked about that because he never bought it from me. He then refused to tell me how much he thinks it’s worth because he did the research.
His reasoning is that I never cared about the car (which is true), but the only reason I kept it was to help him out. Now, he is saying that it’s messed up that I want to reap the profit, even though I didn’t care about the car, and that I asked what he researched for it (?).
I’m genuinely racking my brain trying to figure out how he feels used when that’s exactly how I feel right now.”
Another User Comments:
“It was very nice of you to loan your car to your ex for free for two years.
Now that the time has come to sell it, it’s still your car, so he has no right to the money. Really, he has no right to be involved in the decision to sell it.
If he does not have alternate transport and was counting on the funds from the sale, that’s his fault. He should have been saving the $300/month or whatever he would otherwise he would have had to spend on payment, for the last two years, to be able to buy himself a used car now or a decent downpayment on a newer car.
NTJ” AnonymousWritings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How can he possibly think he has any right to the money from the car? It was not a gift or anything right? Just said he could use it.
Part of that would normally include him putting gas in it, tires, and maintenance. I am thinking if he did maintenance on it like recommended by the vehicle specs or close to it, it would not have broken down.
Your car is worth less because he used it. you could have gotten more for it 2 years ago if you were not being nice by letting him use it.
If he wants to play the entitlement game, give him the prize of paying the difference between what it is worth now and what you should have gotten out of it 2 years ago.
If you went to court, you could make him pay for the repairs and more so you can get the full value out of selling it at its current worth. I do not see how he is trying to claim the money for the vehicle.
It seems he was amicable because if he wasn’t he would not have had a free car for 2 years. Now that there is no car, he is not so amicable. How you proceed is up to you and your feelings on the matter.
If he wants to act this way like a bad kid throwing a tantrum, spray him with the hose. LOL.” Mindless_Sell_9283
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your car, your money. Make sure you deal directly with the buyer, not your ex.
You could have sold the car any time you wanted, but you were kind enough to let him continue to use it while there was wear and tear and aging on your car. In today’s car market, you would have gotten more funds with it with lower mileage if you had it sitting lightly used so if anything, he owes you funds for using it for free.
He’s trying to misdirect you about being used. You’re the one that has been used. Make sure you get any keys off of him and make sure he can’t damage or strip the car in any way before you sell it.” KarmaWillGetYa
5. AITJ For Calling My Best Friend's Fiancée Greedy?
“My friend (28M) has worked hard his whole life – he makes over 700k a year as a software engineer.
His new partner is a doctor making around 270k
Recently he started seeing this girl let’s call her ‘Sakshi’ (27F). Now he has only met Sakshi 6 months ago online, but he asked her dad to propose to her right around the six-month mark.
Not soon after, they did a roka (traditional Hindu engagement) – and that’s where things started to get crazy. Their roka (engagement celebration) was literally bigger than my wedding. They had over 100 guests AT LEAST – it was insane with a band, live dance performances from relatives, fancy gifts, and crazy (beautiful) clothes.
He told me the man’s side traditionally paid for the roka and the woman’s for the actual wedding. I was shocked he dropped 50k on her but I moved on. Then he asked me to go with her to buy her wedding ‘lehenga’ (a form of ankle-length skirt from the Indian subcontinent) and some other jewelry.
Apparently, the man pays for her wedding lehenga. Usually, his parents would be the ones going to buy her outfit, but as his close family was in India he said as his ‘brother from another mother’ I could represent his side of the family and go with her.
He gave me his black credit card to charge, and he gave me an ‘unlimited budget’ – basically buy whatever she wants. I figure it’ll be 2-3k, and I have his black card so it’s fine.
We get to the store, and immediately I am shocked, it looks crazy designer, they are bringing out samosas (snacks), champagne, tea, macaroons, etc while she sits and they show one outfit after the next.
My head is spinning at this point – somehow I manage to get out – how much are these – they say, the outfits start at $15,000- 25,000 dollars. FOR A DRESS SHE WILL WEAR ONCE.
I decide to call him and tell him what is going on. He frankly shocked me when he was like – of course, I told her to get something she loves, just buy her what she wants (with the card he gave me).
I said no I can not spend such a disgusting amount of funds on a gold- digger. This is where he started getting angry – he was like bro just pay for the outfit. I said no, and then he was like just give her my card, and leave, so she can buy it.
I said no, not handing her your card. He started to really lose it and I was like ‘bro trust me I am helping you’. Then I went inside and informed her I will not be paying for the dress, she looked confused and was like, ‘what is wrong?’.
I told her she was greedy and that she would suck him dry. She looked shocked and then embarrassed; at this point, I was kind of yelling and red. She said, ‘do not create a scene,’ handed the shop guy her own card, and left.
The next day my friend came over to take his card back, said I ‘brought dishonor on him in more than 100 ways’, and that I was no longer invited to the wedding, and that his entire family was ‘shamed’ because of my behavior (and that he and his family would have to apologize to her family on my behalf) WHICH SEEMS TO BE A HUGE OVER-REACTION.
He said she was not a gold digger, and she would be spending over 200k on the wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… are you Indian? Cuz I am… and with families that have the funds, this is 100 percent in line with what we do.
Also, it may be too much for you but if you’re buying Sabyasachi, Manish Malhotra, or designers of that level, who are the equivalent of Oscar De la Renta, etc of the desi fashion world, that is the price.
Regardless of that, you undermined your friend and his judgment. You disrespected his fiancé. You IMPOSED YOUR OWN LIMITING BELIEFS and mindset based on your finances on them, which was inappropriate and meddling.
Your friend gave you clear instructions, makes enough money, she’s also making good money, their families have met if the Roka has happened, and the desi vetting process is pretty thorough.
If there were issues, they would have brought it up to their son then. It wasn’t your place and what you did was trashy and disrespectful. You even created an issue after he clarified it on the phone and ignored his wishes.
She clearly has the money, since she dropped her credit card and told you to stop being overly emotional and making a scene.
This story just wreaks of jealousy and insecurity and having a poverty mindset that you’re imposing on someone who is in a different financial stratosphere.
It’s not your money. It’s not your place. And you’re rightfully uninvited for the disrespectful and crass way you spoke to him and her and causing a scene. You do not have to agree with how someone lives their life or spends their money, but you also do not get to tell them how to.
It’s not your life, not your money.
Lastly, your wording on the story is deceitful and misleading. It was your friend’s credit card and he was paying. He should have just let her go by herself and give her the card.
You weren’t paying or asked to pay for her dress. He considered you close enough to represent his family and you were asked to accompany her. You desecrated that job. In turn, disrespecting and violating your friendship and insulting his family, her, him, and the entire union in the process.” RLuna911
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It wasn’t your money, it’s not your fiancé, and it’s not your wedding. You dishonored your friend by how you acted. I’m not up on all the cultural aspects involved here, but this much seems really, really clear.
You inserted your own ideas of what is affordable and correct into your friend’s business. He clearly told you TWICE to let her get what she wants and said it didn’t matter what the cost was.
That’s HIS money, not yours, and you had no right making a scene, disrespecting your friend’s wishes, and embarrassing his fiancé the way you did.
If you want to keep the friendship, you owe both of them a big apology.
How would you feel if the tables were turned and you asked him to help your fiancé pick out something affordable and instead, he urged her to spend a lot more? Geez. Why does everyone want to make weddings about themselves instead of just letting the bride and groom do what they want to do?!” The-Answer-Is-57
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s not your money, not your wedding, not your fiancé, not your problem. He gave you instructions to act on his behalf, and you questioned those instructions, then argued with them when he told you to go with what he said.
You had no right to stick your opinion where it wasn’t wanted or needed. You ruined some poor woman’s happy occasion because you felt so entitled to voice your opinion. You ruined your friendship with someone because you couldn’t be quiet for long enough to get out of the situation.
Shame on you, truly. You should be the one apologizing for your bad manners, bad attitude, trashy disposition, and overall bad behavior. You acted like a child in an adult body and threw a fit; now, others are suffering for it.” TinyManatees
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner's Mom For Judging Me?
“My partner ‘Matt’ and I have been together for two years.
His mom ‘Cara’ has never liked me and tries the typical MIL from the underworld stuff though he does great shutting it down. Cara has calmed down in the past year. She still does not like me, but she isn’t that interested anymore and no longer tries to break us up.
Still, I do not see myself ever being close to her.
Recently we went to an event with Cara and her partner. We didn’t really go together as there is still tension, but they had extra tickets because a client at his work gave them to him, so they invited Matt and me.
We did go in one car.
At the event, Matt thought it would be funny to get down on one knee, act like he was going to propose, and then be like psyche. To be fair, he now knows how badly he screwed up and he has been bending over backward to make up for it.
He really didn’t understand how not ok it was, but in the moment I was furious.
I found Cara, who was with her partner and a friend and explained what Matt did. She just rolled her eyes.
I asked if we could leave as I was no longer able to enjoy myself. Cara said no so I said I would be calling an uber. She rolled her eyes again and was like oh my God.
I snapped at her that I was hurt and didn’t need her judgment. Cara said ok whatever she just couldn’t imagine ruining everything over a prank.
At this point, I was beginning to tear up, and I yelled at her that I didn’t judge her two years ago when she was acting like an absolute witch over her unfaithful husband, taking it out on me, and wouldn’t she have just liked someone to support her back then without asking questions.
Cara was furious and told me to get away from her. She said I’m evil for bringing that up, called me trash, and her partner and friend agreed. Matt also thinks I took it too far and said it’s messed up to throw something that traumatic into a fight.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your partner was the jerk that night, and you are entitled to your feelings about what he did. However, Cara’s rolling of the eyes is a minimal form of expression (she didn’t actually say or do anything that would be truly judgmental).
You were in a highly charged emotional state and you ‘read’ her rolling eyes as you saw fit then blew up at her. You were the one who escalated a small, ambiguous thing into a full-blown, nasty drama.
All you had to do was walk away and call Uber as you had decided to do. Cara was staying quiet and, even though she does not ike you, was essentially not getting in the middle of your fight with your partner.
You were the one pushing this escalation, and bringing up a personal thing from years past was just ugly on your part. I was going to give you a soft YTJ because you were hurting and upset, but when you chose to lash out and be hurtful to a 3rd party, you lost your ‘innocent-victim’ status.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your partner probably sucks the most – like, who is this funny for? It feels more like he’s laughing at you, than with you. Pranks are supposed to be fun for everyone; otherwise, it’s just mean.
You suck for ruining everyone’s night over your partner’s idiocy. You could have gone and hung out in the bathroom or near the exit, somewhere away from everyone else to calm down and wait. Also, it’s not a good look to be throwing her husband’s infidelity on her back in her face.
She was trying to be nice, invited you, and between you and your partner, definitely ruined the night for her and her friend and mom’s partner.
His mom sucks but mostly for her previous behavior.” SuzieQ4624
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You and your partner both acted atrociously.
You and your partner were guests at an event, courtesy of his mother.
You and your partner accepted that invitation and a ride from them.
And by clarifying that you didn’t go ‘together’, that means you essentially were taken as a favor.
Your partner’s prank was publicly humiliating and immature.
Your response was publicly humiliating and immature.
It’s totally fair that you wanted to leave, but you tried to treat his mother like a taxi, and you threw a tantrum when she refused. Your partner did something really crass that did not entitle you to cut the night short for your hosts.
It certainly did not entitle you to publicly humiliate Cara. She rolled her eyes at her son’s behavior… after you rocked up to her in front of her friends and pretty much declared that you and your partner cannot behave in public venues.
As the person responsible for bringing you and her son, I imagine she was trying to save face.
I get that her response was hurtful, especially because of your baggage with her, but your response was just over the top and meant to tear her down.
I do not understand how you can hold this amount of vitriol for someone yet accept their invitation in the first place. I also do not understand how you are readily forgiving of your partner for upsetting you enough to ‘justify’ this behavior, yet flaying Cara for not supporting you through this drama.
Because it really sounds like you and your partner brought a whole truckload of drama to this evening.” CastIronKettle
3. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister-In-Law When She Called Me A Horrible Parent?
“My (25F) SIL (32F) and my brother (31M) came to visit us for my mom’s birthday this weekend.
Nothing’s wrong with that by itself, but my SIL is UNBEARABLE. We disagree on a lot of things when it comes to parenting. She’s the type who wants full control over whatever her kids are doing, thinking, watching, basically their entire life.
I’m the type who thinks that their kids should learn to be independent and grow as a person without me breathing down their backs over the smallest details. SIL has always disliked me for this POV.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll discipline my daughter (9F) when she does something bad, but I’m not going to punish her for having interests/being herself.
This all came to a head yesterday when my SIL asked me when I was going to be making dinner (they just got here yesterday).
I said that we do not eat dinner together (I know it sounds weird, but everyone in my house is on their own schedule and my daughter does not like most of the things I do).
I said if she wanted, I could order something for her, but she said something like, ‘how could you just leave your daughter to eat by herself? And you let her watch her tablet while she eats?’
I said yes, I do, and my daughter prefers to eat alone, so she does not have to turn off her shows. SIL called me a horrible parent and said that I should be watching what my kid is doing at dinner.
I told her to shut up, and that she should let her kids breathe for a darn second because she was’s suffocating them with her controlling behavior. She started crying and hasn’t spoken to me since, my brother agrees that she was being rude, but what I said was also out of line.
I don’t think so, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There’s a way to say things, and that’s not it. Whenever people want to say mean things that are critical, all you need to say is, ‘well, I’m sorry you feel that way.’ There’s no need for the swearing or judgment of her parenting style.
I also think that your parenting style is way too relaxed and will really bite you in a few years but that’s not my business. I also don’t think there’s an issue with your SIL voicing her opinion; the ‘you’re a horrible parent’ is a bit aggressive.” yyz34
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Neither of y’all should really comment on the other’s parenting style.
Everyone has their own way of parenting. Parenting is an experiment for every parent, no one will ever do it the same way as another.
And honestly, everyone needs to accept that. My family all eats together, and my children have a certain set of rules, but my daughter gets her tablet whenever she wants and gets snacks throughout the day.
Her bedtime is somewhat late, according to almost everyone I know, but she sleeps all night and wakes up happily. She’s a happy, healthy girl who knows she can come to Mama if she needs anything.
We reward good behavior and discipline bad behavior. And that works for us.” dragonfier4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I never subscribed to the whole ‘families need to eat together’. By dinnertime, everyone in the family is tired, and being left to eat and read a book or watch a show was what everybody wanted. We did lots of stuff as a family on weekends.
We’d have together time throughout the week, just not an enforced family dinner. We’d do a family Sunday dinner usually. And pizza and a movie Fridays.
Your sister totally deserved the clap back. The worst people for mommy shaming are self-righteous helicopter mothers.” EntertainerFlat
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here: occasionally letting her eat alone and watch her show is fine, but that’s a trashy family dynamic. If you’re worried about her having to turn off her show for 30 minutes while you eat, you’re harming your daughter, and there’s a good chance you’re raising a person people won’t want to be around later in life.
You could watch her show with her on occasion too… you know, showing an interest in her likes.
Your sister does not have the right to come into your home and dictate to you, so that’s a jerk move, but she’s right.” ophins13
2. AITJ For Telling My Coworker That It's Creepy That She Uses A Nanny Cam On Her Husband?
“My (f29) coworker (f32) has been going through some rough times lately. Her husband is sick (respiratory issues) and was admitted to the hospital for 2 weeks. He’s at home now and is bedridden.
The other day, We were (me, her, and other coworkers) sitting together chattering when I noticed my coworker looking at a live video of her husband sleeping in their bedroom.
Out of curiosity, I asked her about it, and she said she installed a nanny cam to be able to watch her husband while she was away from home. Not gonna lie, this felt kind of violating to me especially when she said he didn’t know she put the cam in there.
I pointed at her phone and said that it was creepy if her to do that and without him knowing about it.
The other coworkers stared at us and she lashed out saying that she was doing this out of concern for him because although his sister comes over to take care of him, she (my coworker) still needs to keep an eye on him.
I said that this was my opinion and that situations like this do not exactly excuse violating someone’s privacy. She got mad and said that I must be projecting which might be true but still, it was about the concept of privacy.
We had an argument and got a bit loud and she walked away upon saying that I was judgemental and that it was none of my business anyway.
The other coworkers were split on this.
Some chose to stay out of it and some agreed with me that my coworker has no respect for her husband’s privacy.
Given the current atmosphere at the office, I’m beginning to think that I shouldn’t have talked to her about it.
She keeps avoiding me now.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You gave your unwanted, unasked, and unsolicited opinion in a situation you have no clue about. Yeah, it’s weird for her to watch him through cameras, but also she might be scared to death that something will happen to him and this calms her nerves.
Also, you chose to voice your unsolicited opinion in front of your co-workers, thus completely humiliating this person at the place of work, making her life even more difficult.
You should’ve approached her privately and with more compassion, not judgment.
She is in the wrong, but she might need the support instead of scrutiny, and that might encourage her to speak to her husband about her fears and anxieties.” Cocoasneeze
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You do not know if her husband is deeply ashamed about needing help, or not in possession of his full cognitive abilities due to his condition, medication, or trauma.
You saw a woman who cares deeply about her husband and probably worries sick about him when she isn’t nearby and decided to give your unwanted opinion about the one thing that relieves her anxiety.
She is under more stress than she has ever been, coming to terms with her husband’s health, possible revisions of the future she envisioned for them both, dealing with insurance, (if you’re in the US) medical debt, and not losing the job she desperately needs so she can continue to pay for his treatment.
Have some compassion! Should she tell her husband? Yes, and maybe she will when the time is right and he makes a full recovery. Maybe he knows and is just playing dumb because he knows it makes her feel better.
You do not know, and it’s none of your business.” VirieGinny
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s possible that it’s creepy, but there are too many details missing for you to know for sure. You do not know how sick he is or whether he’s capable of having a conversation about it.
You do not say explicitly that she told you that he didn’t know. And if he was in a situation where he wasn’t capable of understanding at the moment, and she was concerned about his care, This would be a jerk move to point out.
Especially if they just went through a bunch of trauma at the hospital. She’s probably exhausted and this wasn’t your business. It does not sound like she asked for your opinion. If she did, I would be saying not the jerk.
But she didn’t. So you are.” User
1. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Buy Me A Limited Edition Item?
“I (21f) collect squishmallows. For those who do not know, they’re super soft collectible plushies that are basically the beanie babies of today. I have about 30 of them ranging in size from 24 inches to 3 inches.
My partner (21m) thinks they are a waste of coins, but I plan for them in my budget and do not buy them all the time, only the ones I really love. It’s a hobby like anything else.
I was out of town on vacation when a new Halloween series was going to be released at my local five below. These have been super hyped up and I knew it would be hard to get my hands on them.
I asked him if he would mind dropping by and seeing if they had any (a total of about 10 minutes there and back). He said no because I already have too many. He wasn’t busy or working, he just didn’t want to.
I found a bear where I was on vacation, but by the time I made it there, they were out.
Now I was super upset, not because of the plushie, I mean it’s just a stuffed animal at the end of the day.
It mostly upset me because I asked an easy favor of him and he refused. I was going to pay him for it if he found it of course. I explained how I felt to him too, and he does not seem to understand.
He has every right to say no, but I will add that I make and bring him food at work anytime he asks. If he needs something I do my best to do it for him even if it’s not important to me.
Am I the jerk for being upset with my partner for not doing me a favor?
Edit: I think it’s a deeper issue. I do not get many surprises or favors from him, I clean around our apartment more and am always willing to help but I’m not feeling the same effort from him.
I’ll definitely have a talk with him about what’s really wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s a reasonable request. It sounds like you would have been completely understanding if he actually had been busy or couldn’t make it for some other practical reason.
His saying he’s not doing it ‘because you already had too many’ sounds like that he would have gotten you something you requested if he personally deemed it to be a valid thing to get.
That’s really mean and judgmental! And he told you that (instead of pretending he was busy or something) to punish you and make you feel bad for wanting something that he does not approve of.
This collection is something that means a lot to you, and getting that new one would have made you really happy. He does not like it when things make you happy if he personally thinks those things are stupid – even though they’re in your budget and not negatively affecting your life.
I’m sure he has interests/hobbies/joys that you do not share, and you probably do not look down on them or try to shame him into not doing them.
Your edit tells me that you’re really invested in his happiness, and he’s invested in how you can bring him more happiness.
Squishmallows make you happy and not him, so of course, he thinks they’re ‘wasteful’. That’s a really sad and selfish way to feel toward a partner!” charonthemoon
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If you really hated cooking, would you still make his lunch any time he asked?
If so, then I think you need to ask yourself why you do not actually feel comfortable saying ‘no’ to things despite recognizing that’s an option.
This is your hobby, and he’s been pretty clear it’s not one he wants to get involved with even tangentially.
If his reaction is causing you to reassess whether you want to be with someone who’s unsupportive of that hobby, so be it. But if I were you, I’d just remind myself there’s no guarantee he would have found anything, either, and just move on.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, possibly everyone sucks here but I do not think so.
He said he wasn’t interested in helping with this and you should have just accepted no, regardless of why. Ask somebody else who wants to help.
There’s a difference between a favor and a demand and I’m not sure you know which is which.
He was definitely unsupportive and kind of judgemental, but at the end of the day, he simply said no and that’s enough.” Cheezslap
