People Attempt To Persuade Us That They're Not At Fault In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Partner Fund His Daughter's Trip To Europe?
“I (43F) have been with my partner (50M) for 6 years now. We have been living together for 5 of them. We are not married and we do not plan to marry in the future.
I have a son (19M) that is currently a high school senior. My partner has a daughter (21F) who is going to college.
The background you need to understand the issue: when I met my partner I was a widow of 3 years. I am lucky enough to have a very lucrative business and some family money. Also, my late husband left a substantial estate, including the house we live in. The house is a family home so it was passed to my son as the only heir.
My partner also makes good money and the difference in our lifestyles was pretty much negligible.
But while I and my late husband made sure to not spoil our son (he was responsible for keeping his room clean even though we have a housekeeper, he had chores during the weekends, we taught him how to cook, his allowance is reasonable, he has to save for expensive purchases like a car, a PS5… etc).
My current partner and his ex-wife spoil their daughter rotten.
Due to an incident when we first moved in together (she demanded my son’s bedroom since it was the second biggest, got rejected since it was his home and she only spends the weekend), and after some family therapy, we agreed that she will be treated like a guest by me.
She will have to follow the house rules and that is the extent of our relationship.
Now while she is spoiled she is a good girl, academically excellent, except for the aforementioned incident very respectful, and just a pleasant young woman.
The problem is that I did not know the extent to which my partner spent money on her.
He pays some money as ‘rent’ that I put into my son’s college fund and we split the common bills in half. Everything else is our own responsibility so we don’t know much about each other’s finances.
Now my son is planning to do a tour of east Asia during the summer and I was happy to give him the budget to do so (as a gift for getting into a very prestigious college).
When my stepdaughter heard about it she asked her dad to pay for a tour of Europe since he didn’t send her on one after she got into college.
He agreed because he never says no, but he came to me asking me to lend him close to $30k because he can’t afford the trip on his own.
I am not even giving that much to my son and his plane tickets are more expensive.
I refused. I said that since this wasn’t an emergency he can save and send her on the trip after she graduates college. Now he is not talking to me, saying that I am choosing favorites (I have no relationship with his daughter so I don’t know how that even is applicable) and that I am putting money over his happiness and relationship with his daughter.
So AITJ? I can easily afford to lend him the full amount I just don’t want to because his reasons are not convincing enough.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, his request is honestly ridiculous. You are obviously much wealthier than me and throwing that kind of money around might be normal in your circles but having the nerve to ask someone for 30k just so their ADULT kid can blow it on a trip is wild.
If his daughter is doing so well in school she can probably get a job that pays her enough to pay for that kind of trip for herself, or your husband can ask her actual mother instead of you for the funds. I could easily live for a year off 30k, I can’t imagine needing that kind of amount even to travel Europe for a month or two, I know for a fact it could be done on a fraction of that budget.” breathofari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good on you for planning your finances and spending so that you have enough set aside to do this for your son. Your partner didn’t do this. Since your lifestyle differences are negligible, and your ages are not that different, either, there is no reason that he couldn’t have paid attention to his financial planning as you have done.
He needs to be responsible for the results of his actions.
You are not married and have no plans of doing so (probably a wise choice). Consequently, he has no claims to your finances, and neither does his daughter. If his daughter has a job, maybe she should contribute to the cost of her exorbitant request. $30,000 is ridiculous, which I suspect you already know.” Illustrious-Tour-247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. As you said, this isn’t an emergency, and it isn’t playing favorites when he has spent money on his daughter but never on your son; why do you have to pay for both children but he doesn’t?
Also – $30k! What kind of trip is he planning for her?
That’s ridiculous and if he doesn’t have that kind of money, it’s a ludicrous luxury he simply can’t afford.
Most importantly, your financial agreement and your agreement about how you are involved in your partner’s daughter’s life were mutually agreed upon and worked all this time. Your partner never wanted you to have input into his spending or for him to spend money on your son.
He was fine with all this until he became tapped out financially, which is very convenient.
Absolutely tell him no. But also, I’d ask him if this means he is going to be paying for your son now as well, and if that means you two should sit down and change the financial situation where you both agree to expenses for both children and split them.
He isn’t going to want that at all, so that could be a fun conversation.” mfruitfly
19. AITJ For Being Concerned About My Relationship With My In-Laws?
“My (24F) fiancé (24M) and I have been together for 5 years.
We live approx. 1 hour from his parents, 20 mins from his sister, and 10 mins from his brother. He is the second child (oldest boy) and has 3 siblings in total. His family is super close.
For the first two years, his dad didn’t bother to learn my actual name. He has confirmed this himself. I tried for the first year to message once a week to do welfare checks, just asking how everyone is, etc. I would occasionally get a thumbs-up emoji but literally nothing more.
During our 5 years together, his mum has never cooked a meal for me other than one Christmas dinner. I’m not really sure if this one is weird or if this is a cultural difference because I was raised in an Indian household. Not that I would ever expect to never cook for myself but every time we go to their house, I have to cook for everyone.
And when I’m alone with his mum she’ll say that I have to earn my keep and don’t get to stay for free but then she also will shout at me because she doesn’t want me to use her kitchen.
We have also never been out for a meal or done an activity together. They do often go out with his sister and her partner but whenever I have invited them to come with us, they decline.
I even organized for us to have a girls’ night and got new bedding, matching pajamas, beauty treatments, etc for us. They both canceled on the day and said they couldn’t make it. I later saw that his sister had been at his parents’ house, and they did a girls’ night there. My fiancé’s mum has also said ‘I’ll always be the real Mrs. Smith’ (not their real surname) and ‘You’re not a Smith yet’ but she only ever makes these comments when my fiancé isn’t there.
The only person I have a really good relationship with is his Gran, I stay with her for weekends at a time and she introduces me to everyone as her best friend. His sister and mother have complained about how she favors me compared to his sister’s partner who has been in the family longer and it’s not fair.
I guess I’ll stop there but there are way more examples.
I had a long chat with my fiancé about all of this a few weeks ago and I was very emotional. He spoke to his dad about it who got very defensive and said the family does a lot for me, but he couldn’t elaborate and refused to get into it over the phone.
His dad said I was selfish for bringing this up when he was so worried about his mother’s (Gran) health but then went on a 5-day holiday the next day. His family is all still angry at me and hasn’t spoken to me since.
So AITJ for raising my concerns? Also, AITJ for keeping a mental track of things, I don’t know if that’s necessarily ‘normal’, but it wasn’t intentional at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for raising your concerns and for feeling this way. They sound truly awful (except Gran), especially when they had a girl’s night of their own after canceling with you. To me you have one of two solutions: learn to deal with your in-laws and try and make the most of it OR you talk to them in person and hash it out.
Find out why they are so rude to you. I guess there is a third option of breaking up with your fiancé, but I don’t think you want to go that route. I wish you the best of luck!” GreedoTheFett
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiance’s family is definitely concerning and not normal whatsoever. I’m glad that Gran has been extremely kind to you.
It doesn’t make anyone else in the family’s behavior excusable, though.
It’s a good thing you are trying to address this before you get married, because once you do, and if they continue to treat you this way? What will their excuse be then?
If things don’t change, you might have to talk to your future husband about how you will handle your relationship with the in-laws when it becomes unavoidable.
I hope he stands by you and takes your side and supports you despite being close to his family. You deserve to be treated with kindness and not treated like a servant by your in-laws.” versaillesna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – however boundaries and discussions need to be made before marrying into or having children.
Does your current fiance truly understand that their behavior towards you is unacceptable and he really needs to step up and support you over them? This means for the wedding, invite them but they will be strictly guests and nothing more (no mother-son dance, no bridal party, no special acknowledgment). When it comes to children, they will not be given the normal ‘family’ rights and will be demoted to cordial visits and general information.
If they have no relationship with you, they have none with any children. Seriously, this is a lot to unpack and get your fiance’s support for, so you need to have this conversation and make sure you are on the same page. Realize it has been 5 years and they still treat you horribly, nothing at this point is gonna change that.” SingleContribution97
18. AITJ For Deciding To Stop Helping My Parents?
“During my (34M) conscious life I have noticed that my older brother ‘Jack’ (36M) has always been the golden child. He always got more, they took him on more vacations, while I was left with my grandparents (which was nice, I love them). They always gave more expensive things to him. When I was 18, I got my driver’s license.
My brother took it 3 years ago when he was 18 and my parents immediately bought him a car. (and one of the more expensive ones.) When my 18th birthday came and my parents agreed to buy me a car, Jack decided that his was old and wanted a new one. So they gave him the new one, sold the old one, and told me ‘Sorry, his car was old, we’ll buy it for you one day.’ This was the last straw and I moved out.
I was staying with a friend before I could rent my own apartment. At the time I was working full-time and attending college that my parents DID NOT pay for.
Ever since I graduated I was hired at a nice company in my hometown that pays really well. Jack on the other side, dropped out of university because of a drinking problem he had.
He jumped from one job to another and finally landed a full-time position that pays less than mine does. I helped my parents with the bills, mortgage, etc. My brother did not because he barely made the two ends meet for himself. Without my knowledge, six months later he re-enrolled in university, and when he graduated five years ago, he started a job that pays a lot more than mine.
I do not envy him, I am happy for him, even though our relationship has not always been wonderful.
Around that time, my parents invited me to a family dinner. There I was told that my brother had started a good job and I congratulated him. Dinner passed and I left. Later in the evening, my father called and said that since my brother was making more money, my ‘services’ were not needed and they were proud that at least one of their sons had succeeded in life.
I was devastated, but I didn’t answer, I just fell silent and hung up. They didn’t call again. That was 3 years ago.
Not until a week ago. When they called anxiously and asked me to pay the bills because their electricity had been cut off. No ‘how are you’, ‘it’s been a long time’ or even a ‘sorry’.
Just straight-forward. I asked why didn’t their successful son pay them. Then I was told that he had been terminated because of substance use in the workplace and wasn’t able to find a new job. I laughed, told them that they had lost the right to my help the moment they told me that they didn’t need my services, and it was as if I was the family’s disappointment.
They begged, but I shut them up. Since then, I have received messages and calls from them, my brother, and other relatives. Only my grandparents (with whom I stayed as a child while my parents went on vacation) stood by my side, knowing how my parents behaved.
AITJ for refusing to help my parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not at all are you the jerk. Your parents messed around and found out. They are reaping what they sowed. They are getting their just deserts and their comeuppance. Insert a few more cliches about karmic retribution if you want. I don’t believe that karma is a real thing, and this isn’t even a good example of what it was.
If it was, you’d be rewarded by the universe with the job of your dreams and a ticket to an easy rest of your life.” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I disagree with you though, they didn’t lose the right to your help, they never had it.
Families are complicated. I’ve realized over the years what a number of my parents did to me, and they were really doing their best. Birth order really can affect kids’ experiences, I’m pretty insightful and I even get it wrong with my kids.
My advice is to know your boundaries and step away from any behavior that feels psychologically damaging, but also let it go in terms of how you view them. Hold some space for yourself, don’t expect them to do better, and make realistic choices based on realistic expectations. Put your well-being first. That might mean putting a lot more distance between you and them.” WeNamedTheDogIndi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And it must have hurt so bad when they told you your ‘services’ weren’t needed and at least one child ‘succeeded’. You were already very generous that you paid their bills the first time, as they never did much for you financially or emotionally. It appears they have absolutely nothing to spare for you other than using you when they need funds and there are no other options available.
You don’t have to be forever grateful to your parents just because they are your parent. (Especially if they have never chosen to take up the role of a parent.) Keep your distance from everyone that is on their parents’ side even when they know the whole situation.” Mischungu
17. WIBTJ If I Ask My Daughter's Dad To Pay For Prom Photos?
“My daughter’s prom is next week. Her father and I split when she was a baby. He pays his child support mostly but it’s very low having been set 15 years ago based on a minimum-wage job. I have never sought to revise this agreement and have never asked him for financial help for things our children wanted to do because it would start a fight.
But now I feel as though he SHOULD help pay for things especially since this is an expensive year for her prom and graduation.
The expenses keep piling up from senior photos, cap, and gown, prom dress with alterations, hair styling, and a yearbook that I had to pay to put in a message to my child and have to buy the book.
I’m in roughly $1k for her senior year things and these photos are under $50. More than likely it will cause an argument between us and he will say something to her about it. I do my best to keep my kids out of our issues but he always drags them into it. I feel like I might be the jerk because I am fairly certain of how he’ll respond.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can have your daughter ask her dad. She’s going to know you spent a lot already, and he knows he’s getting by with minimum child support. She’s old enough to see clearly, so just have her ask her dad for money for pictures.” AttemptedAdult
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking him about this particular expense, but you should have gone to court years ago to have your child support adjusted to an appropriate amount. In my state, child support can be adjusted every three years at the request of either parent (takes into account changes in income and other factors that occur over time).
You should have done something like that if the option was available to you.” pbc85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Before you ask him let your daughter know you will be asking him. Explain to her you have been paying for everything her whole life with no help from him and you need help with these costs as they are too much for you financially.
Tell him he can either help with the cost or you will take him to get his child support revised. Don’t let him walk all over you. You’ve done your part all these years now it’s his turn for once.” HighElf_Queen_Jen
16. AITJ For Renting My Own Airbnb?
“So, my in-laws really enjoy this tiny beach town on the panhandle of Florida. Last year was the first year we as a family (60F, 55M, 32F, 35M, 28M, 28F, 26M, 26F, 1M, 2M, and 1M) all stayed at the beach house for a week.
It is a HUGE house that more than accommodated everyone and it was a big deal for my mother-in-law.
She made sure to emphasize multiple times how important it was for her to have this be a new family tradition of coming to this beach town every year to see the kids running around and playing as they grow.
To be honest, while the house is nice, it’s also a bit of a miss for me for a couple of reasons. The biggest reason (and the reason for this post) is it’s not pet-friendly.
Guys, I love my dog. She was and always will be my first baby and I say that AFTER pushing out my son.
The in-laws told me multiple times they would absolutely choose a pet-friendly house this year. They have a dog too, granted they crate her all the time and treat her like a nuisance, but they even talked about how finding a sitter was stressful.
However, my husband just told me that it’s the exact same house as last year and they still don’t allow pets.
This vacation is in a month.
For your information, I have checked and the area does have the same-sized houses that are pet-friendly in the area. They just didn’t choose one of those.
I scrambled for the better half of a week to find a sitter starting with my usual guy who usually watches her at his house for us and ending at my neighbors/parents and no one can take her.
Finally, it dawned on me last night to just rent my own pet-friendly Airbnb.
We’ll be staying in town about 20-30 min away from the beach house. I’ve confirmed with the owner my dog can stay there, no problem. We can visit the in-laws for a few hours during the day (and I can bring my dog who can sit with us on the beach) and return in the evening.
We haven’t told his mom just yet (we’re visiting them this weekend and this JUST happened) but I know it won’t go well. On top of that, MY mom is laying on the guilt THICK and calling me a jerk for not just boarding my dog in a place where they will keep her in a kennel all week with one hour max of yard time a day.
To make things even more stressful, she has been nearly attacked by two different dogs on walks I’ve taken her on recently. I’m not comfortable putting her in a facility where the faculty would definitely put her in close proximity to bigger dogs. I would be a nut case the entire week.
BUT I know this will hurt my mother-in-law.
Her other sons and grandchildren literally live in the same neighborhood as her so she pops in on them all the time. Think Everybody Loves Raymond and you’ve got the idea. She guilts me for living one state away every time I see her because she claims her grandson won’t ‘know who she is’.
So, AITJ for renting my own Airbnb?
It will mean my in-laws get way less time with their grandson on this vacation, but my dog will be taken care of.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are doing what’s right for your dog at the moment, and balancing her needs with your commitment to the other members of your family. Your MIL isn’t a jerk for booking the same AirBnB you used last year – she likely assumed you’d have no problem making arrangements for your dog as you did before.
(She sounds like a real winner on the ‘oohhhh you live so far away!’ front, but that’s neither here nor there.) You’ll be able to spend all day with the inlaws and everyone will be thoroughly tired (and tired of each other, I’m sure) by the time the week is over.” riverrocks452
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have accommodated them by going to the same place, you don’t have to live in each other’s pockets! Also, how dare she guilt-trip you for not living in her neighborhood! This is your life! I live in Finland, my wife’s home country, and my parents live in Wales, where I am from, that’s the other side of Europe, I see my parents maybe once per year.
They have never once guilt-tripped me about this.” Alun_Owen_Parsons
Another User Comments:
“You do realize that by not explaining the broken agreement to them and then blindsiding them with this knowledge they expect everyone in the same house… you are igniting drama forever! And ever!
This will never be forgotten by any of them.
‘We’re here, we did it, OP is so special, why even come?’ This is how they’ll all feel.
There are so many wonderful dog care facilities. You didn’t even try and you know it.
Good luck. This is going to blow up just like you planned it would.
YTJ
They broke an agreement but, you can’t talk about it?
You’re just going to dump on everyone on purpose. That sucks.” Lurker_the_Pip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your family needs were not fully considered when you had already made them clear. They will just have to lump it because they don’t get to decide how your pet is looked after, where you holiday or where you live.
But also remember it is very difficult to organize big family occasions and it may not be intentional to leave your dog out of the plans. Good luck.” Usual-Worry8412
15. AITJ For Canceling Plans With My Mom?
“I am still in school and my mother and I were supposed to meet at the place she works then we’d go get her car she was planning to get for a while, then have a mother-son evening.
I have a really strong relationship with her so these things are common.
I had a really rough day at school as I had a very serious fight with one of my best friends. So when I got to the place she works I wasn’t in the brightest mood. I got there a few minutes after the time we agreed on meeting, but she still wasn’t there so I waited for about 30 minutes and sent her a message telling her I was waiting for her.
An hour goes by I was just scrolling through the internet then I send her another message asking her how much more time she will spend. She replied and told me to do whatever I wanted and that she was very sad I was being impatient so I told her I was going back home and I would go back or something to pick her up or she picks me up.
So when I got back home she started full-out flooding me with messages and they were very rude messages telling me I did not care and I’d rather go back home and play video games than stay with her. I replied saying that wasn’t true.
A bit of time later I didn’t even boot up my steam and she sends me a message saying she will take drastic measures (take away my PC) and the oculus quest I literally just got as a birthday gift. A few hours go by she takes everything when she gets home as expected. I apologized and said time with her meant a lot to me.
I forgot to add but later I discovered my dad was messaging her saying this is all because of games and stuff (I didn’t even play anything that day).
I am writing this one day later. My mother is not mad at me anymore. I am not mad anymore either but my game ban is still on.
So tell me, AITJ?
Update: so apparently my mother was in a really important meeting and that’s the reason she was late.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to talk to your parents and find out why they are so against you and your video games if they just bought you new ones. Also, ask what an appropriate wait time is before returning home.
Wait for their answer before reminding them that you waited a full hour before leaving. Either they are completely irrational, or something else is going on that they’re upset about.” AttemptedAdult
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Being an hour late and getting mad & calling the waiting person ‘impatient’ is ridiculous behavior; it makes a difference that you’re the kid and she’s the mom.
(Calling her out on this ridiculous behavior would be a bad idea, however.) The appropriate thing to do when you’re an hour late is to apologize for keeping the person waiting, not start accusing them of random things.
Hope today has been a better day than yesterday!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ. She was not at the agreed meeting place for more than an hour.
It’s all on her. You didn’t deserve her messages and you certainly don’t deserve the game ban. Your parents are jerks, but especially your mother for not meeting you where and when she said she would. Does she do this a lot? What’s her problem? How can she accuse you of not wanting to ‘stay with her’ when she wasn’t there?” Harmlessoldlady
The larger problem is that I am willing to bet that this was not an isolated incident, and it is things like that that cause kids to go low to no contact with parents once they get out of the home and on their own. They will pull the same stunt then and the child, who is now an adult, will not tolerate it at all and that will cause the parent to get angry as they no longer have the control that they used to have.
14. AITJ For Inquiring About An Auto Mechanic's Previous Work?
“Previously, I’ve had minor scratching that I normally get a local person to fix on my car. I did have a bad experience one time where the repair person didn’t have the knowledge or tools to bring it to good condition, so it taught me to start checking certain things before agreeing to paint jobs.
Recently, someone scraped the side of my car. So I needed to get a paint job. Many estimates came back around $1000-$1500. Given the amount, I wanted to check certain things. Mainly the following: Do you have all the tools to bring it back to good condition or close to it? (Ie: primer, paint, clear coat) The amount is not small, so I wanted to do my due diligence.
I reached out to one local auto shop (which I won’t name because I’m not here to hurt a business). Upon asking that question, the contact proceeds to send me a whole bunch of pictures of previous work done. One of the pictures sticks out because it looks like a job where a clearcoat wasn’t applied which is what happened to me a while back.
The moment I asked about it, the conversation quickly turned. The mechanic said that he no longer wants to deal with people like me who are extremely cheap and will watch them work over their shoulders.
Just to be absolutely clear, I never had an issue with the estimate that was presented to me, nor did I say anything about watching people.
I never talked about the cost at all. This person essentially decided what kind of person I was because I asked about a picture. It was that drastic of a turn.
Because the conversation quickly turned after I asked about one picture, I was really shocked. So I asked the mechanic if I had said something that offended him.
He proceeded to say that he knows people like me and that we will make his job horrible and that I’m better off going somewhere else.
After that, I try my best to reassure him that I’m only asking a few questions because I want to make sure that we can both agree on the work quality as well as what to expect.
I didn’t want to be screwed over or put in a place where I have to review their shop negatively after. Despite my multiple attempts to get him to understand, and to really bring back the peace, he continues to say negative things about me.
I let him know that I respect his expertise in the field, and I just hope that he can understand my position in trying to choose a service.
I thanked him for his comments and time spent. He proceeds to tell me that he will waste no more time with me.
I know that sometimes customers can be irrational and possibly overbearing, so I wanted to ask the community. If there is something that I should change about myself and how I approach auto mechanics, I would like to better understand that.
AITJ for inquiring more about an auto mechanic’s previous work?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Obviously, the business believes it has the tools necessary to do the job. Otherwise, they would not take the work. The shop offered you examples of its work. If you believe the work was not up to snuff based on your review of those photos, you should have stopped the conversation there.
Instead, you ask the shop to justify its work. Under similar circumstances, I would have not taken you as a customer—too much potential aggravation.” He_Who_Is_Right_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were screwed over in the past by someone who said they knew how to do the job and just want to make sure you’re going somewhere reliable this time.
You wanted to know why that one photo stuck out, and from your wording, it sounds like you weren’t rude about it. He immediately assumed what kind of person you would be and was rude about it.” Zynian1
13. WIBTJ If I Start Getting Cars Towed?
“I live in a townhome complex. We own the townhouse we live in. We own two parking spots that have our house number on them. Not hard to figure out.
There’s a sign that says resident parking only.
The townhouse next to us is for sale. They have two parking spots as well. Right next to ours. Yet all throughout the day people looking at the house are parking in our spots. I come home from picking up the kids or dropping them off at school and someone is there.
It’s a minor inconvenience but it gets annoying having to park elsewhere while wrangling the kids inside. I have an autistic daughter as well and some mornings getting her to school can be a struggle, she has darted into the street before. I often have to carry her to the car. She’s 11 so she’s not exactly small and easy to carry.
I called the realtor and told him. He said he’d update the showing instructions. My father is a realtor. He understands how this works and told me to call. The fact that even realtors are parking in our spot when there are two empty spots for the complex is pretty unprofessional. Our numbers aren’t even close to the same.
There are signs that say not to park, it’s private parking. Of course, I get home, and again someone is in our spot. My husband is at work so technically no one’s parked there for a while. But I’m starting to get frustrated.
WIBTJ if I call the towing company at this point every time someone parks there?
I know it’s not a long time and more of an inconvenience but the realtors should also know better.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, as others have stated, they will likely be gone before the tow truck gets there.
Instead, hit the realtors where it hurts. Let the listing agent know next time it happens you will have to go directly to the viewing and ask that the car be moved. You have been polite, but they have not corrected the issue.
You are perfectly willing to embarrass the agent, the potential buyer, and yourself b/c you understand that the more you look like an insane neighbor, the less likely the buyer will want to move in. The choice is up to the listing agent.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Towing seems drastic. Also, the tow truck probably wouldn’t even arrive before the people left. From experience, I know that you don’t usually spend that long looking at a house (there are exceptions of course).
The realtors are probably telling the prospects it’s no big deal for them to park there. I’d get a couple of those orange traffic cones and place them in each of your parking spots.” Admirable-Frog-3748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But why don’t you put a (polite) sign on the door of the place for sale explaining that parking spaces are assigned and cars are subject to towing unless they are parked in (insert places they are allowed to park)?
That way they will be on notice. One of these people could be your new neighbor and they are most likely making an honest mistake. The realtor could be telling them it’s fine to park there ‘for a few minutes.'” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I know you are inconvenienced but by the time you call – they send someone – the lookers will be long gone.
Instead call/text/email the broker who holds the agent’s license and let them know about the situation… or report the real estate agent to the state board – after you tell him that is your intention… give him one more chance… then follow up.” Texascoastalsunshine
12. AITJ For Not Telling My Grandpa That His Siblings Aren't Doing Well?
“My Grandfather is the eldest sibling of 6.
2 of his brothers B (79M) passed away last year and C (80M) earlier this month.
He got really depressed when he heard that C passed away last April 4, 2022. He requested that all his remaining siblings N (83M), M (77M), and P (74M) be at the funeral as they weren’t able to go to B’s funeral. We told him that N and M won’t be able to make it as they are having health issues and were scheduled to go to the hospital for checkups.
So only my grandfather and P were at C’s funeral.
On April 7, M was admitted to the hospital because they found a mass on his Pancreas which was to be operated on. And N was also admitted to the same hospital on April 8th due to his being Malnourished, having dementia and depression. (he still has no diagnosis since he refuses to be tested and is still in the hospital as of today)
On April 11th, M was operated on but it was Stage 4 cancer. So the doctor closed him up and was going to have palliative care. (We only found out today that the diagnosis was cancer)
We opted not to tell our grandfather that his siblings are not doing well because he’ll be more depressed and stressed out.
But I do feel guilty as it is his younger siblings and he has the right to know. So AITJ for not telling?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have no right to withhold such information and prevent your grandfather from deciding how he wants to spend this time with his siblings. There may be things he would like to be able to say before it is too late.
You are robbing him of the opportunity to prepare for their death, how would being blindsided be emotionally better for him?
In my opinion, withholding this type of information is just cruel and you are treating him as if he is incompetent when all he is is old. Offering extra support during this time in his life is much better and more loving than withholding information.” nemc222
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s a tough choice and situation. But I think you should tell your grandfather and here’s why:
I had a similar situation where my grandfather was really sick and hospitalized and his elder sisters (he was the youngest of 6) forbid everyone from telling him that his elder brother passed away (peacefully).
It was easy because we lived in a different country so it wasn’t like he could see his brother or other sisters easily.
Anyway, we didn’t tell him for the last year of his life. It was difficult and sad but he was so sick and couldn’t take any more stress. If we did tell him, I doubt he would’ve lasted even 3 months.
Your grandfather will definitely be depressed. But unlike my grandfather’s situation, yours still has a chance to spend time with his brother. And I think he’ll be more depressed and regretful knowing he didn’t spend time with his brother before he passed. I know that that’s my feeling if my brother was about to pass and I didn’t know and didn’t make time to be with him.” Master-Manipulation
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
He is really concerned about his family. It’s all he’s got left, so why not help him out?
You think you are sparing him from pain, but really, you are just lying to him and creating a situation in which he has no contact with his original nuclear family members. That is isolating him on purpose.
Not good.
Put yourself in his shoes. Unless I absolutely hate a family member, I’d want to know how they are and how to be in contact with them.” User
Your grandfather is an adult, not a child you need to shield from hard knocks. I'm* so sorry it makes you feel bad seeing him sad, bu**t******* up. He's a grown man who deserves the facts.
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Partner To A Party?
“I (18/m) was on a college trip to Germany. There were a few people from my class and a few from others. I met some of the other people on the trip and they were really nice. The first non-toxic friends I had in a while.
Whilst there, a girl on the trip (let’s call her A) mentioned she lived near me and she was having a party that weekend.
I asked if I could come and she said ‘sure but it’s only a small house so don’t invite anyone else’. Before I could ask about my significant other.
I told my SO right away about the party (a week in advance) and that I wouldn’t be able to go to her house that night.
I explained that A and her friends are really nice and I’ve not been around nice people in a long time so I really wanted to go. She got angry and kept saying that these girls were going to try to make a move on me. (both the girls, by the way, have partners.)
I offered several times to ask A to let her come but my SO kept complaining that I should’ve done that right away.
Edit – after I offered this she said she didn’t want to come to the party.
Then she asked how I would feel if she went to her ex’s party (her ex is still in love with her so clearly a different situation). I eventually asked A but she then said no because she doesn’t know my SO.
So yeah, am I the jerk for going to a party and respecting the wishes of the host?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO is clearly anxious and jealous. While that’s not healthy, it’s also not abnormal. If she’s jealous a lot when you go to parties you both need to have a real conversation that reassures each other about your commitment to your monogamous relationship.
If she still acts jealous then she’s being possessive and you’ll probably want to reassess if you want to remain in the relationship.” Infamous-Sprinkles58
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you offered to ask A if she could come and that should have been the end of it. Maybe you should have off the bat but that is irrelevant now.
I hate this ‘My partner/husband should be able to read my mind and always make the right move before asking’ attitude, it’s unrealistic and immature.
If I were you I’d ask A now. I’d also consider if I want to be in a relationship with someone who is this insecure, clingy and immature.” captgabesparrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You essentially invited yourself to A’s party, and since (let’s be honest here) she doesn’t really know you all that well (you didn’t specify how long your trip was), she’s being right in requesting ‘not inviting anyone else’. She put a full stop to you even bringing up asking anyone else (which is her right since it’s her place and her party).
Plus, she doesn’t know and has never met your girl, even though they have met you, you’re still kind of a wildcard ‘let’s see how he acts in this situation’.
And we’ve all been there when a small house party turns into a much bigger rowdier affair when people start bringing SOs and the SO thinks ‘Well I don’t know anyone there, it’s not fair to me, so I’m going to invite a friend or two of my own’ and then it becomes a free for all…
Your SO needs to back up, and I agree her example is a banana to a Gekko comparison, not similar situations at all.” Kindly_Delicious
10. WIBTJ If I Report My Ex-Husband For Not Paying Child Support?
“My ex-husband (M31) and I (F27) have a daughter together aged 6. We got divorced 2 years ago. The separation/divorce proceedings were very hostile from my ex, think stalking, gaslighting, and trying to isolate me from friends. For reference, he did not want the divorce. It was completely my decision. We attempted couple’s therapy early on, and I really and truly tried my best to resolve things before it got to the point of leaving.
Onto the issue at hand: in August of 2020, we attended mediation and agreed on all aspects of divorce. Our attorneys were present, and this took 5 hours of negotiating. One of the conditions was child support. The state calculated his child support would be $812 per month. We negotiated down to $650 per month. My ex is a notoriously bad financial manager (one of the issues in the relationship.) He has always complained that he can’t afford child support despite bringing home 2x the amount I do in income.
Relevant to the story: I have our daughter 75% of the time. I carry all financial responsibility for her care except for food when she is at his home. I handle all activity costs, fundraisers, clothing, insurance, medical bills, transport, etc. Early 2021, he began paying the $650 amount after my attorney contacted him for non-payment. (child support is state mandated. Neither parent can choose to forgo it.
And honestly, I work full-time and still need assistance. I live with my parents and have done everything I can to limit costs. I pay for everything, but have almost nothing left over.) He ended up paying the full amount for about 6 months. He has lost his job and now gets only his VA benefit.
Which is comparable to what I bring home. He has stopped paying child support and has not secured another job yet. He is also notorious for not taking certain kinds of jobs (customer service, food service). It’s been about three months. I get a lot of help from my parents for groceries (I pay about 1/3) and the extras (daughter dances).
WIBTJ for reporting non-payment to the child support office and allowing them to collect the payments and arrears? (He’s in arrears approx $6000).
Edited to add: I’m worried I might be the jerk because he lost his job and that’s why he’s not paying. But this is a common occurrence and he’s even mentioned that he may not get another job, and just live off the VA benefit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! NTJ! NTJ! Child support is mandated. Since he lost his job it is HIS RESPONSIBILITY, NOT YOURS! to contact the relevant authorities, lawyers, whatever, and renegotiate if possible. This is all on him and has nothing to do with you. What you need to do however for the sake of your daughter and your sanity, not to mention to hold your ex accountable for his responsibilities as tiny as they are, is report his nonpayment.
Should have done it before this. Do it now.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, him for not paying child support but if you report non-payment what can happen is he will go to jail/prison for non-payment and you won’t get the funds anyway. Let him know that he can either have this life of poverty or he can step up and start paying again.” captgabesparrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would just try to let it go for now. Child support will still be due to you or your child at the current rate. He’s not paying anyhow. Let him go to court for reduced payments. What if he wins the lottery or gets a better-paying job later on?
You’d have to go to court. Do the best you can and keep records of how much he does pay. Been there.” dinahdog
9. AITJ For Expecting My Best Friend To Pay Me Back?
“So a few months ago in December I (26F) came into about $40,000 through a court case and around that same time, my best friend (also 26F) since we were little, was finally getting out of a horrible marriage with her toddler.
She had been a stay-at-home mom so I knew going into this that she would not have money at first. I offered for her to move in with me and said I would cover the bills while she looked for a job. She’s always been extremely reliable so I didn’t foresee any problems, but instead, she put off getting a job while promising she was still looking.
She started going out with a guy she’s known forever, and she started visiting him where he lives one state over.
In the meantime, I was paying all of our bills and buying everything we needed, which she didn’t seem bothered with. She finally came back from a visit once and told me she had gotten a job where he lived and she would need to be there.
Her name is also on the lease, but any time I’ve tried to talk to her about it she blows me off. I’ve finally put my foot down and now she thinks I’m being horrible for expecting her to pay me back right now when in reality after paying our rent, bills, buying groceries, and having some of my own personal stuff happen I am now down to $12,800.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong, but she seems to think I am. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Ah yeah, you’re definitely the jerk… from her perspective. You were the cash cow and now you’re cutting her off. Regardless of how you handle it, she’s going to think you’re a jerk for actually wanting her to pay up despite how nice it was of you to take her and her kid in.
By my math, you’ve spent about $27,200 on her ($40k-$12.8k). How is a single stay-at-home mom even supposed to pay you back? Mostly just curious about that. Do you have a payment plan set up or something?
My actual verdict is NTJ, but I wanted to emphasize she’ll think you are no matter what you do.” tcdjcfo314
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. And so ends a lifelong friendship. OP I’m sorry you have learned this ugly lesson. You put her name on the lease but did not require her to pay rent? You bought ‘everything we needed” and did not at least sit down with her regularly — over the past how many months?
— to let her know how much you were spending on her and her child. How can she pay you back ‘right now’? Does she suddenly have money? No. She is moving out and leaving you in the lurch while she runs off with yet another man.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry your money is gone.
Maybe put the remainder away safely in a savings account or mutual fund and don’t touch another cent. I hope you have a job and can continue to pay your own rent. Eat beans for a while, and you’ll get over all this. Let your friend go, and chalk this one up to experience. Sorry for your loss.” Harmlessoldlady
8. AITJ For How I Parted Ways With My Therapist?
“I started seeing Linda (pseudonym) in 2016 to help navigate a nasty divorce. We’ve had weekly sessions since then, dealing with a multitude of issues from agoraphobia to job loss. Our relationship has been stellar. In August 2019 I lost my job due to layoffs. Linda allowed me to pay out of pocket ($60/session) until I obtained better insurance.
Two plus years and three jobs later, I finally landed a job that’s a perfect fit. It offers great benefits, too. My psychotherapy copay is $10 a session.
Unfortunately, Linda has a long, frustrating history with this insurance provider. Per Linda, the company jerks providers around, all but refusing to pay them. She went on: their fax number is ever-changing, the online portal is hit and miss/down for months, and mailed-in claims often vanish without a trace.
Linda said that if I wanted to use my insurance for our sessions I’d have to submit the claims myself. I took her statement as hyperbole, as being over the top and jokingly outrageous is one of the themes of our dynamic. After that session, I scanned & emailed copies of my new insurance card (with provider submission instructions) to her.
My new insurance kicked in on March 1st, 2022. We’ve had eight sessions since.
‘The insurance thing’ led our session last night. Linda was frustrated that she hasn’t been paid for our sessions since my insurance became active. I asked if she’d submitted claims for those sessions. She had not. She reminded me of her ‘if you want to use your insurance, you’ll have to submit the claims’ statement.
I refused, stating that submitting claims is her responsibility as the provider. She stated that she refused to ‘play (insurance company X’s) games’ and that she ‘isn’t going to roll the dice of whether or not they pay’ her.
I advised that I felt she was playing hot potato, tossing the frustration of dealing with the insurance company onto me.
I also expressed that my role as a patient is to bring issues for her to help me unpack and pay my required copay and that anything beyond that was in her wheelhouse. We went back and forth, with her refusing to work with (insurance company X) and me refusing to essentially act as her claims processor.
Eventually, we decided to part ways, with her offering to provide me with therapist recommendations, me declining, and we hanging up amicably.
Feelings. All the feelings.
I feel as though Linda transferred her frustration of dealing with the insurance company onto me. At its core, it feels like she is adding stressors to my life rather than reducing them.
Diving a bit deeper, I also struggle with OCD (intrusive thoughts) and can’t stop considering that I’m an exhausting patient and this gave her an easy out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It sounds like the process you’re talking about would take weeks to months of a person’s time, jumping through hoops for your insurance company, just for her to get paid for one session.
And whoever did this would have to do it for every session. You’ve been seeing her for 6 years. You will probably be seeing a therapist for at least a few more years. Going through this process repeatedly for years sounds exhausting. And for her, she has other patients that probably face the same issue. If she didn’t have this policy, she will probably be spending literally years’ worth of her time arguing with patients’ insurance companies, trying to get paid.
She made it clear up front that she wasn’t interested in dealing with your insurance company and would only take your insurance if you handled the paperwork. It’s up to you as the client to decide if you want to go through the trouble or find a different provider.” GlassSandwich9315
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Many ************************************ refuse to submit claims to insurance companies, for precisely the reasons you list. There is no standard that says handling insurance is solely the provider’s responsibility; it’s the provider’s choice.
‘I took her statement as hyperbole.’
Why? She was quite clear that the insurance company was wasting her time, and gave concrete examples of how they were wasting her time. She doesn’t get paid for the hours a week (consider how many different patients she sees, and it adds up) that she spends trying to get insurance to pay their bills.
Handling insurance is a stressor, absolutely. But the idea is that it’s, therefore, your therapist’s duty is out of bounds.” ThingsWithString
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You poor dear. Sounds like your doctor/patient relationship has run its course. I hope you find another provider. I keep hearing ads for the online 24/7 talk services, I wonder if they’re any good.
Yes, the US health care/insurance scheme is horrible for everyone. It sure is. Nonetheless, you only have to bear your part in this horror show, not your doctor’s. Her decision not to file claims is of course her right, but also her responsibility. If she doesn’t want their pay, that’s fine. If she refuses to take your insurance, she should have spelled that out in the written office policy.
Some providers don’t take certain insurance, but they tell you on day #1. From your account, she was the one playing games and making a joke about the difficulties.
Will she go after you for the balance due from the sessions where you have paid only the copay?
ETA: OP has a six-year history with the provider.
Just the past 8 sessions are in question. OP had insurance that the provider (‘Linda’) accepted and the provider filed claims. Then OP paid cash for a period of time. Now OP has a new insurance. Linda’s statements about the insurance make it clear that she has filed claims with Insurance X in the past. Linda, the provider, accepted OP’s $10 copays for 8 sessions before she raised any objections.
None of this makes OP the jerk. None of this sounds like a clear, written, formal office policy on Linda’s part. I don’t blame OP for not understanding Linda’s point of view.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The provider is not required to accept your insurance; the obligation to pay is YOURS. Many (most in the US) providers will file the claim for you and bill what insurance does not pay because insurance is a more reliable payor than the patient – but they are in no way obligated to do so.
You were lucky she did not require you to pay upfront and then seek reimbursement from your insurance company; many who are sick of dealing with insurance do that.
So she told you how to handle it and you basically went deadbeat and refused to pay for 8 sessions because you were not willing to do a little work.” Attorney26
She said you'd need to pay, you aren't paying.
Discuss this with your insurance rep.
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Roommate's Friends To Stay Over?
“I (22f) am currently in a co-living situation with a friend (19f). We share an apartment and split rent and utilities in half.
Recently she told me that a few (5) of her friends would be visiting from out of state for her birthday. I thought that was a nice idea until she mentioned that they would be staying in our home for the duration of their weeklong trip. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with that as we don’t have enough beds for that many people, two of her guests are straight members of the opposite gender which creates a safety concern for me especially because our bedroom doors don’t have locks and I have a past experience that has led me to want extra precautions in those circumstances and having extra people over means higher expenses.
Is she going to shoulder the extra charges on our bills? (This reason isn’t such a big deal to me, just something to note I guess.)
Before moving in together, I interviewed my roommate and let her know that overnight guests were not okay with me unless it was family. She agreed. I also constantly reminded her that if she had any questions or concerns, she should bring them up to me so we could be on the same page.
She never brought anything up. Fast forward to today and now she thinks that I’m being too controlling because she is always following ‘my rules’. She thinks, because we go fifty-fifty on rent, she should be able to do whatever she wants without me protesting. And I agree to an extent. I don’t dictate what she does in her private spaces (bathroom and bedroom).
She also has the liberty to use the shared spaces. However, bringing other people into our home is a completely different issue for me.
I’ve tried compromising with her by saying the girls can stay at our place the whole time but the guys can only stay over the first night and then have to find somewhere else to stay.
They were upset by this and according to my roommate, all the outsiders she’s told about the situation agree that I’m in the wrong. Which leads me to question, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 5 people in a 2-bedroom apartment for a week? That is a huge ask! In any case, in a roommate situation, all roommates need to be on board in situations like this.
Essentially, each roommate has veto power over overnight guests. Especially with this many guests for this long. After all, you will hardly be able to use the common areas, and, if you don’t have the master bedroom, the bathroom.
Besides, you got her to agree to no non-family overnight guests when she first moved in.
Now she is trying to renegotiate the deal. Not cool.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
In a shared living situation like this, the fact that you pay rent 50/50 means that you both get an equal say on disagreements like this. You already said no. You had previously established you are uncomfortable with overnight guests. You already offered a compromise, (that if I was in your situation, I would not even consider offering.)
Not only would their staying over create liabilities (both for yourself and your property) but it would also show your roommate that you don’t have a backbone.
OP, it sounds like she doesn’t respect your opinion, feelings, or safety concerns. For the future, I would recommend having a written list of house rules so you have a solid ground in future disputes.” detectiver-r
Another User Comments:
“I do find that your rules are a little… hindering, honestly. She pays half the rent, meaning she has half that apartment/house to do what she will with it. You are definitely dictating what she can and can’t do, and it’s preposterous that she can’t have a few friends stay over when she pays for her space.
You’re projecting worries over people you don’t know, and your roommate probably knows and is willing to take the bills and consequences.
Overall it’s a light ‘everyone sucks here’ for me because you’re dictating what she can and cannot do when she pays half the rent and owns her own space, and because you made a rule of not being able to bring people over to stay the night unless they’re family.
For her, she could take your compromise but won’t. So yeah. Everyone sucks here.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for saying no to 5 extra people in the apartment for a whole week. That’s just absurd and could potentially get you in trouble with the landlord.
But it does seem unreasonable that she can’t have ANY overnight guests EVER.
You’re paying 50/50 on everything. This is her home too and she should be able to have a person over once in a while as long as it’s within reason. (I.e only one person, only one night, notice in advance, and the invited person has never specifically done anything to make you uncomfortable).
I’m sorry you went through something traumatic in the past, but you’re making it your roommate’s problem and that’s not fair to them either.
What happens when that family member you previously said would be okay turns out to be her straight brother or cousin? Will you change your mind about your own rule?
Talk to your landlord and get a lock for your door.” SaffronStorm93
6. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom About Finances?
“So ever since I started working, my mum immediately turned around to me at the age of 16 and went, ‘Time for you to start paying rent’.
I was earning around £180 every two weeks, she wanted £250 every four weeks for rent. I immediately turned around and said no and we settled on me paying £200 for rent, to live in the family home, whilst I was still in education. I was already at this time paying for my phone bill as well.
I do also have disability payments coming into my bank account but the sole purpose of these payments is the name of it which is ‘Personal Independence Payments (PIP)’ which in turn is meant to be used to help disabled people have more independence by any means.
I’ve actually ended up using this to pay for my rent every single month.
So at this point, though I am already annoyed at my mother for asking me to pay rent, with her sitting at home gambling or going to bingo. (Dad is still involved and brings in the funds).
Fast forward to September 2021, when I’m 18, now working in a pub, doing long hours and not sleeping great, and going through a tough time mentally.
I’m still paying rent at this point as I have done for the past year and a half anyway, but eventually, everything catches up to me and I quit work and isolate myself. During September, I actually end up getting diagnosed with depression, and the only times I was going out were for football and occasionally drinking.
The occasional drinking stopped when I realized it was fueling my depression and the funds I had saved from working during the summer went.
This is important as to after I quit working through depression, my mum still expected me to pay rent, which I did use the disability fund for, which if I didn’t have I would have had no income.
She still expected me to pay for food/drink and everything on top as well, whilst spending 95% of my time, in my room, not speaking to anyone or doing anything.
Come October I forced myself back into a job at the pub which was bad for my Mental Health. During the 8 weeks, I needed help financially, I racked up around £400/450 in debt to my mum supposedly.
This is what she is charging her 18-year-old kid at this point as well as paying rent. I have yet to pay it off fully since then because it was her going ‘get your driving license done, get a car, etc.’ which was very costly but I managed to not have to get her involved at all to pay for it.
I have tried explaining to her multiple times that I don’t see why she has practically charged her own 18-year-old kid for having depression, as this is what caused me to leave work and have no money for only just a month, forcing myself back into a job which was bad for my mental health.
So AITJ for being mad at my mother for forcing me to pay £200 rent at my family home as well as forcing me to pay every single penny I spent whilst being depressed at the age of 19 (Just turned 19 this month).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – clearly your mother is taking advantage of you. I question what your father’s role in all of this is, if he is going along with it he’s the jerk as well.
Contact social services, there has to be a way for you to receive support and move out. I would also go no contact with them as well.. your relationship with your parents shouldn’t be transactional. Does the rest of your family/grandparents know this is what your parents are doing? Perhaps moving in with a different family member until you can get everything together is an option.” Jdpraise1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is a piece of work. She’s charging minor children rent (which is illegal in the US, I don’t know about the ages in the UK or Europe.)
Her behavior is sketchy. You are going to have to start talking to some of your older friends about how they successfully split from their families, and about the skills you need to make it all work.
And you are going to have to decide when it is actually depression (clinical) or just the ‘blahs’ because as an adult you need to work through the blahs, not wait for the world to catch up to you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – legally she cannot charge you rent as a minor. What parent does that?
I am sorry you got this in the parent lottery. I would suggest stopping paying her rent, saving it, and getting your own place. What is she going to do? She may make you miserable but it will give you time to save up. You deserve better.” crazycatlady45325
5. AITJ For How I Train My Service Dog?
“I (21) have a service dog (f2) and I also have a partner (m21).
For the last maybe 6 months or so almost every time I work with my service dog and am not speaking in a calm tone 100% of the time he gets mad. He is currently taking a class at college on learning. So the current issue. This morning during my first work appointment I left my service dog in the car.
I came out and she has eaten through her treat bag. I got upset but didn’t punish her because I had not been there when it happened.
After work, I went to my partner’s house and when walking in I was saying heel multiple times in a somewhat harsh tone. I knew I was still upset with her so I didn’t use her collar button.
I kept repeating heel and she would listen for a few seconds and then start to pull. My partner gets mad (as he normally does) when I repeat a command more than once. This ended up with us getting into a fight because I said ‘please let me work my service dog as I am doing.
If I were to ever get abusive then you can butt in but right now please stop’. He replied ‘well I don’t want you to get abusive.’ Which like yeah I agree with but I’m not.
One of his other issues is how I give treats to her (like what I’m saying or doing right before) or when I use her collar at all.
My service dog does not show any issues with me raising my voice every once in a while or repeating commands. AITJ for working my dog like I normally do?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Is this a certified service dog, or just a pet you’d like to use as a service dog? Normally service dogs are trained very well before they ever go to their new owners.
If it was trained, you should contact the people who trained her for help with the correct way to go forward. If this isn’t a trained service dog, you need to contact a trainer who can help you reinforce the behaviors you want to see.
As far as leaving a service dog in the car goes, stop it.
It doesn’t matter how comfortable you think the dog is. At the very least, one of these days you’re going to come back to a car with a broken window, a policeman, and an agitated passerby who was concerned about the dog. At the worst, you’re going to come back to a dead dog because the temperature went up while you were away from the car.
Even a car with windows rolled down can become overheated quickly.” Background-Ad-4616
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – said with compassion. It really sounds like you could use some more training on working with your service dog. A few sessions with a certified trainer who specializes in service dogs could really help set you both up for success if this is a self-trained dog.
While we don’t know what ‘a harsh tone’ means to you or your dog, the fact that it seems you’re getting frustrated speaks to your need for support here. And there is absolutely no reason a fully trained service dog should be on a remote collar or a prong. I know some organizations do all their training on these tools, but the modern science of dog training is saying you don’t need them and they often cause unnecessary stress.
I’ve trained service dogs for a couple of years now – I promise there’s a different way.
Having a background in animal behavior and learning, I’m inclined to think your partner may be on to something with his criticism. That being said, that’s not his job, and criticizing you is going to put a strain on the relationship.
Raising concerns is normal, but nit-picking and pestering aren’t helpful.
I strongly recommend you work with a trainer. And remember, anyone can call themselves a dog trainer – even for service dogs – with absolutely no credentials. Sounds like you got some crappy advice and your partner is learning about the actual science right now.
It may do both of you good for you to seek out a professional so you can learn and he can get off your back.” Straberb
4. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Don't Want To Do Her Job?
“So my (M24) partner (F26) and I have way different jobs and it’s never really been an issue.
We both met several years ago at a mutual job working manual labor for a sanitation company. It was pretty hard labor working with large machinery, corrosive chemicals, and extremely hot temperatures. The difference was I was doing it to pay for college and she was doing it because she’s always worked manual labor jobs.
So fast forward to today and I have a pretty comfy job inside an office working for the county after graduating and she’s working for a local pool service company. And right from the start, she makes way more than me since her job is pretty demanding. (Cleaning, servicing equipment, and building/construction/concrete work.) Well, last Saturday she had to put in some overtime because a few motors had gone out and needed service and she wanted me to go with her for the day.
For more context, she’s tried to get me to go with her on several occasions. I straight up told her that I didn’t want to be out in the hot sun working on motors on my days off and she got very upset saying that I didn’t appreciate how hard her job is and started to bring up that she makes more money than me.
That’s when I told her that I spent 6 years working on my degree so that I would never have to do that work ever again, I even took a 15k pay cut when I took my current job because of how much I didn’t want to do blue-collar jobs anymore. Well she started to flaunt how much she makes again which I think was some sort of weird power move or something and once again I told her I wasn’t going and after she got off she wouldn’t even talk to me for like an hour because I don’t respect what she does but I do, I just don’t want to do it lol.
AITJ?
Edit since I never specified what I do: I’m a probation officer/caseworker for my county’s juvenile services.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your partner wants someone far more driven than you are, and your belief that you are now above it isn’t helping. She wants someone who respects her choices, and someone who is willing to be uncomfortable to make more money.
Eventually, this will be a dealbreaker for one of you. In my opinion, there’s no compatibility here in the long-term.” frozenpotatohead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you do look down on her work as menial although it sounds more technical since she is paid more than you. It also sounds like she likes to flaunt her income.
Maybe a better way to express it is that you do not want to go to anyone’s workplace unless it includes a pool with a swim-up bar on your day off (insert your preference for a day off, just an example). Reinforce that she gets paid well to do difficult, technical, labor-intensive jobs. Ask her if she would want to go in on her day off and do it for free?” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
As you explain it I can just see that the manual/blue-collar labor isn’t what you personally want to do but it’s the way you are explaining things that comes across as disrespectful and insulting. And you come across as rejecting your partner instead of rejecting what she’s doing.
You really need to change how you look at this situation.
Stop looking at it as a negative that you give up your free time for. Look at it as spending quality time with your partner supporting her in what she wants to do. If you want a healthy long-lasting relationship you have to be there for your partner by sharing and participating in the things your partner wants to do, even when it’s not something you like doing.” YanceyWoodchuck
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Now, understand, I totally agree with you. Your job is way better, and no matter the money, it will always be preferable to the job your partner does. But telling her like that, maybe not so smooth. I see you were provoked though. Because of her attitude that you should come to be her helper in that awful job, and that she’s better than you because she makes more money, those are just awful attitudes.
I do not foresee your relationship lasting because your goals, values, attitudes, and general comfort levels are so different. There are men who would kill to be with a girl like yours. You are not really one of them, it appears.” Harmlessoldlady
3. AITJ For Prohibiting My Roommate's Partner From Visiting?
“My current roommate R is an old friend and they live with my partner and me.
So, before R moved in, we were great friends, talked, and hung out frequently. Then, they met their partner G at a psych ward and have been together for 4 months. R moved in with my partner and me in January to get some independence from R’s mom. Before R moved in, my partner and I made a list of rules; clean up after yourself, clean the common areas regularly, and no company without permission, and my partner and I have to both agree.
R’s partner comes over almost every weekend and it is terrible each time. G doesn’t clean up after herself, leaves her things lying around the house, and talks/laughs so loudly it wakes up my partner early in the morning. (my partner works the night shift.) My partner and I have tried talking with R on multiple occasions trying to get their partner to be more respectful.
R just said, ‘I’ve tried talking to her, but I can’t control what she does.’ I just let it go.
About a week ago, R asked if G could come over and my partner said no. He said he didn’t want G over as she’s too loud and he just wants to relax in peace for the weekend.
G texts me, begging me to let her come over but I stand firm, telling her that I’m not keeping her from her partner, we just don’t want company this weekend. G then proceeds to tell me that my partner and I are loud when she comes over, so her being loud isn’t a valid excuse.
I’ll admit, I lost my cool, and told her that I didn’t like her and she’s no longer allowed over at my house. G texts my roommate about our conversation and R says I was rude and out of line. That I should have explained myself better to their partner. I asked why would I explain myself to someone who repeatedly disrespects my home and doesn’t pay any bills.
Everything turned into a big argument with my roommate believing that her partner was right and that I’m a bad friend. She says that since she pays a little bit of rent, she should be able to have anyone over that she wants. But I told her we’ve already agreed that you need to ask to bring company.
So, now things are awkward and she’s still living here. It’s becoming tense as I’m no longer able to ignore the way she lives seeing as we are no longer friends. Ex: her personal hygiene sucks, it makes her room and the entire hallway smell rank, she doesn’t wipe properly and leaves stains of bodily guilds on the toilet and floor, doesn’t clean unless asked, and doesn’t pay for the WiFi.
Now that I’m calling her out on these things, the mood of the house is even worse and she barely comes home. Am I wrong?
Update: I’m not a control freak. R has a history of bringing dangerous and mentally ill people to my home before she moved in. The rules my partner and I made were in response to the company she keeps and she was well aware.
R has even said, ‘I only know crazy people I’m sorry.’ So it’s not about control, it’s about peace.
Update 2: R has moved out as of yesterday. She left a horrible mess behind. Walls stained from smoke, other strange stains on the walls, blackened windowsills, and brown blinds. My lamps in the room were so smoke-damaged, they were no longer white.
I’ve tried contacting her asking to pay for the damages and she’s blocked me. I guess asking her to leave was for the best.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning toward NTJ. You and your partner had established boundaries regarding guests and expectations before the roommate moved in. I can’t quite find you totally NTJ because it sounds like things should have been addressed that you were able to ignore before the blow-up.
I once lived with a woman who almost ended our relationship over a toothbrush. She held onto things and never mentioned things that bothered her until the pressure valve blew. I mentioned some small thing, and she unloaded six months of annoyances on me all at once. It felt like an ambush, and similarly, it seems rather unfair to your roommate to dump a load of issues on her that she didn’t see coming.” ExSeaDog
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. They were right, there was no reason to be rude, and you should use your words to give examples not insults. It is not a requirement for a friend to have a SO that you like. That is your problem. It’s funny you want respect, but rudeness gets you no respect and throws your argument out the window.
It is the roommate’s fault for not cleaning up after their partner. They made an agreement and they are the ones responsible for it, not the SO. You took the argument to the wrong person. Again, that is on you.
Then you bring in unrelated stuff which makes you the jerk again. Once again, this is exactly why you do not move in with friends.
It blows up more relationships than maintains them. It really sounds like you would be better off living alone as your attitude doesn’t seem to play well with others, it’s your way or the highway and you can do no wrong. Common courtesy to even people you don’t like is the only way roommates will work because there will always be someone you don’t like coming over at some time.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Here’s the thing, even if they pay a little bit of rent, it’s still your place? You already set up the rules, and they aren’t going to be adjusted, so they need to be followed or R needs to find a place where they CAN bring their partner. Not every roommate situation has an ‘all guests allowed’ policy, and R has to deal with it.
It is not fair to you and your partner that in YOUR HOME that you graciously allowed R to live in, you have to be uncomfortable every weekend. They have made you and your partner uncomfortable weekend after weekend, and R and their partner don’t have a right to do that. They need to find somewhere else to hang out.” User
Another User Comments:
“I’d say there’s a bit of ‘everyone sucks here’ in this.
G is obviously out of line by not abiding by your rules in your home – even if she thinks they’re unreasonable or unnecessary, she can think that all she likes as long as she abides by them or keeps out – and for trying to argue with you when you tell her it’s a problem, and deciding your opinions aren’t a ‘valid excuse’, excuse me?
That’s just rude, plain and simple. If she doesn’t like how the home is run, she’s welcome to stay away and have R come visit her instead, but she doesn’t get a vote on house rules.
R just seems a bit airy fairy. They agreed to your rules, but they see no issue with G breaking them, and won’t make the effort to bridge it.
R should be the one explaining to her better, R should be the one doing any negotiating as to whether she can come or not, and the fact G just bypassed them to go bug you says they either washed their hands when she tried or was too laid back about it for G’s liking.
Ditto how they declared G’s behavior out of their control (no one’s saying R should whip G into submission, but ‘talk to them and make them understand’ is hardly an unreasonable ask!). Fence sitting when you’re directly involved is just abdicating to others that which you should be handling yourself, and that’s lazy at best.
You, well, you set rules for R that are more like parents than roommates. You and your partner get to veto any guests they have, need to give permission, need to have your peace take priority, etc. It’s your place and R just stays there, not in a shared household. Fair enough, R agreed to it, but as said R seems pathologically passive, so that’s not good support of the status.
And now you’re nitpicking on things that, while unequivocally bad, were never enough of a problem before. That’s petty. If they’re problems, address them as problems in their own right; if they’re not a big deal, mention them and move on or ignore them. Making problems out of things you were happy to ignore before just makes it look like you’re trying to find excuses to snipe at R because of the drama.
Pick your battles and let the dust settle before pushing the next front so they don’t get conflated, in your mind or R’s.
Currently, between the unfairly weighted rules and the nagging, you look like a control freak, and even if that’s completely unfair it will undermine any valid point you try to make. Don’t muddy the water, talk about G’s presence and the topic of guests in general as equals with R, and get that resolved. Pin the rest until later.” GojuSuzi
2. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Dad About A Dog?
“My partner (20M) and I (18F) have been together for 3 years and we’ve finally gotten our own apartment. We both grew up around dogs and other animals so the most important thing for us has been looking for a place that accepts animals.
I already have a gecko and a rabbit (which I impulsively bought without telling my dad) but my partner really wanted a dog so we went looking for one since our place allows us to have dogs.
My dad has a really tough relationship with his kids. My older sibling has a bunch of animals (3 snakes, a bearded dragon, fish, and a few cats) and my dad doesn’t really like that.
He doesn’t like us having pets.
Even tho I’ve experienced maltreatment from him, I’d say that, out of 4 kids, I’m the one that has the best relationship with him. We both had to go to a therapist and I have seen some improvement. I still believe he’s a good man.
My older sibling doesn’t talk to him except when she comes over to visit.
Anyways, my partner and I went to look at dogs at the SPCA (Canadian ASPCA) and we found a doggy that fits us. He’s an 8-year-old Shih Tzu that has been neglected for all of his life so we just wanted to give him a better life. We’re supposed to get a call soon to see if we get approved as the owner but we took a pic of the dog and I sent it to my friends and family.
I also sent it to my dad. Bad idea.
‘Yeah, make sure that you act like your sibling and make sure that you don’t have enough funds to feed yourself,’ was the first thing he said.
I, of course, get mad. I told him that I work and that my partner works 2 jobs so we have enough money.
We also work around 4 pm to 9 pm so it’s not like we’re never gonna be home.
He started rambling about what the dog would need as if I don’t know how a dog works and says that it’s not a lifeless thing that I can put in a drawer when I don’t want it anymore
It’s really infuriating that he believes I’m not responsible enough to get a dog.
I get that he wants me to be sure that I will be able to take care of a dog but at least he could have told me in a different way. He could have said, ‘Do you really think that getting a dog is the right choice for you?’ or ‘You should really make a decision with a clear mind’ or some stuff like that, not comparing to my sibling and saying I won’t be able to support myself.
Am I the jerk for getting mad at him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to seriously drop your expectations of your father. You can’t keep telling him things about your life and then get upset that he acts like a jerk because you’re expecting him to be someone he’s not.
He’s a terrible father. Period. The sooner you accept his limitations and change YOUR behavior such that you are limiting the ways in which he can be awful, the sooner you will be able to live without the constant disappointment from him not meeting your expectations.” Epsilon_and_Delta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: it’s your life.
It sounds like you have weighed the pros and cons of the decision. It truly is none of his concern, since you do not plan on having him involved in the caretaking of the dog.
It might be time to set some healthy boundaries with your dad, where you tell him what is and is not okay for him to comment on.
This could help prevent situations like this one from occurring in the future.” Red-Pixie
Another User Comments:
“He may be a jerk about many things but not this thing. He asked all valid questions that everyone getting a dog must answer. I understand he is not the person you want any kind of advice from.
But don’t make the mistake of ignoring the message because you don’t like the messenger.
Have your feelings about his involvement and tone. But when it comes to mistreated and abandoned pets, they deserve to go to a home where the people have asked and answered these questions.” harpejjist
1. AITJ For Ditching My Friend In Paris?
“I (M) had some work to do in Paris and asked one of my good friends (F) to join.
We’re both in our early 20s. I paid for the trip (gas and hotel).
I drove for around 5 hours by car, then we arrived. The trip was supposed to be 5 days. During these days we also had some fun, but most of the time she was moody, behaved too self-entitled, and made my days very stressful.
I think the worst part was when she asked me to bring her an iPhone charger because she was out of battery. I came all the way from where I was working, which was a 30 minutes trip. She was in an enormous shopping mall and I asked to meet her at the entrance. She said she is at a specific store and I had no idea where/which floor it was.
She told me to find it myself in an angry tone. It took me like 15-20 minutes to find her. Once I brought her the charger, she said she didn’t tell me she needs it and we should go back together from where I came from. I asked super politely why I had to make such a long trip for nothing.
Then she realized that it was weird. I asked her again, in a polite tone, and she started screaming that I am a jerk and she doesn’t need to explain this.
People started looking at us and I said ‘okay, let’s go home’. By this time my phone battery was dead and I asked her to show me where to go exactly because I didn’t know the directions and the Metro in Paris is very complicated. We arrived at the station and I stayed next to her all the time.
Somehow she left me and she ended up on the train and I missed it. I had no idea which lines to take back. In the end, I managed to arrive but it was stressful.
The next day (the departure day) was a weird vibe between us. I took my car and left. I texted her that she can get a train home because I do not feel comfortable driving with her in a safe manner for so long, and suggested she take one of the many direct trains to our country (a 3h trip).
She called me and started saying mean words to me and that nobody’s ever done this to her.
To some extent, I feel bad for leaving her like this, but she’s an experienced traveler (went to Africa solo) and she would easily manage to get home. The majority of my friends agreed with me, others said that I put her in a dangerous situation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she seems irrational and unhinged and I would not want to spend any excess time with her either. Paris is a relatively safe city (the only crime tourists really deal with is pickpockets), she’s only a 3-hour train ride from home (I’m guessing y’all are from Belgium or the Netherlands) and she was an experienced traveler who probably speaks the local language so she should have been fine.
It’s a little bit of a jerk move but given the circumstances it’s understandable.
Also for the context of other commenters who say that it’s a big deal, the train would be about €120 and they run every hour. It’s as big of a deal as leaving someone stranded in New York when you live in Boston.” captgabesparrow
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You didn’t stick with driving her back (which would have been 5 awkward but not dangerous hours) so I can’t give you NTJ.
You didn’t leave her in a dangerous or crazy expensive to get out of the situation and she clearly looked for it so I’m not saying YTJ.
If there is any consolation I may have done just like you. Sometimes it’s fine to be jerks to people who were jerks to you just to save yourself 5 painful hours. I guess you were not expecting to still be friends after anyway.” Ad0r4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, while it’s not ideal that you left her in another country, I can understand you wouldn’t want to subject yourself to irrational behavior for a 5-hour journey home.
You had no idea what was going on with her and if she’s that irrational you don’t know what she’s capable of saying happened in the car.” freckles-101
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you were a huge jerk for both escalating a stressful situation with your condescending nonsense ‘polite’ statement and her for ditching you at the train station.
You are however the monumentally BIGGER JERK for ditching her the next day.
So you had a misunderstanding in a stressful situation and instead of being mature and letting the situation de-escalate you decided to cop an attitude ‘why I had to make such a long trip for nothing’. No matter how you dress your nonsense up that was an extremely condescending thing to say.
There was no way to make it sound polite. You then pushed it again and she started shouting at you.
Then to top it off you royally screw her over the next day by ditching her in the city.
What a huge jerk you are.
Next time you feel like opening your mouth in that situation don’t.
Wait 10 minutes for your emotions and her emotions to die off. Instead of saying something stupid and condescending say, ‘I thought there was an emergency. I brought you this charger as soon as possible. I get there may have been some miscommunication, but I think I deserve some thanks all the same.'” YanceyWoodchuck
