JustMeJET
Metaspoon User
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NTJ. She didn't want the property enough to be willing to take on half the upkeep when you offered to put her on the deed as well. She has not put one bit of anything into the care and expense of maintaining it. But she and her family have been able to pretty freely enjoy use of it because you have been kind and have allowed it.
No, she does not deserve half the proceeds, not at all.
NTJ at all, and Owen is awesome for not putting up with his mother's hateful behavior. So glad you are now several states away, but as much of a pain as it can be, change your numbers and make sure they're not listed publicly somewhere.
No jerks here, really.
You're NTJ to want to host a 21+ party, and I commend you for caring enough about kids to not want them exposed to that kind of substance use. I'm always horrified by people who don't give a [bleep] about kids being around and get trashed with them there... One time attended the Sweet 16 for the daughter of one of my husband's coworkers, and the coworker (I guess she was 40 or so years old at the time) was absolutely trashed at her daughter's party. It was ridiculous and I felt really bad for the daughter because her mom's behavior was embarrassing even us as guests. I could only imagine how the daughter felt, especially with her own friends around. I feel that way anytime adults forget (or don't care) that there are kids around and get inebriated and high with them there. So I actually have a lot of respect for you that you don't want to expose kids to all that.
At the same time, your friend is not a jerk for not being able to attend, though her second comment to her response wasn't necessary and does read like a jab. That second comment was rude, but please don't be offended that there will be friends who, due to being at a different place in life because they ARE parents now, won't be able to make it to the party. Their heads and hearts are in a different place now, and they do have different priorities and responsibilities, and that's okay.
It's fine that you are childless. It's also fine that they do have children, and that that is where their focus is and they are no longer comfortable partying like when they were college kids.
We missed a number of child-free family weddings when our children were young. We never left them with anyone but our parents (but our parents would either not have been attending the weddings due to distance, or they would have been guests as well), and we were not comfortable leaving the kids with strangers in order to attend. And that was just as fine as those who found their own sitters or used the provided childcare and were able to make it.
Gently going to say, though, that life "back home" is probably not going to turn out how it seems you're hoping it will. I promise this is no jab, but your friends do have children now and that changes everything. I wouldn't stop being friends with the old crowd, but it might be a good idea to start to branch out and maybe find new friends as well, friends who are more in the same place as you are, with not having kids yet or not planning on having kids. Once you're a parent your schedule revolves around your family so much of the time. We were married and parents before all of our college friends and any siblings were, and we were 4 and 4-1/2 hours away from family for a few years. So until we had some moves to places where we were either close to family or to where we were able to get connected with new friends, we were largely on our own and it could be lonely at times. Connecting with others who were also "where we were" helped with that. Your situation is opposite ours, and I worry that you're going to end up feeling separated from your old friends, and disappointed when your hopes for restoring those relationships to how things used to be "back-in-the-day" don't come to fruition. Just as it helped us when we were finally able to form friendships with people in a more similar place in life to where we were, I feel quite sure that it will help you to form friendships with those who are in a similar place in life to where you are. Don't lose the old friends, just adjust and make some new ones as well.
NTJ. If there was decent free care available, this was not a need.
Also, I'm a little confused about the maiden name thing. I'm in the U.S. and I'm not sure if you are. (The free public hospital vs private hospital thing has me wondering if you're in a different country than mine.) So - maybe it's different where you are, but as far as I know here in the States that's how birth certificates are always written. My husband and I were born in two different states, our son born in the same state that my husband was (but different place), and our daughter was born in yet another state. Three different states of birth, but all the birth certificates have the mothers listed with our maiden names, not our married names (my mom's maiden name, my mother-in-law's maiden name, my maiden name), and then the father is listed (my dad, my father-in-law, my husband). It just seems to be the standard here to list the mother's maiden name for the mom, and then to also list the dad. So here, if your wife was threatening to list her maiden name rather than her married name, she would have totally been tricking you in order to get what she wanted. If things are different where you live and the married name is what is used there instead of the mother with her maiden name and also the father...or if you mean she only listed herself with her maiden name and you're not on there at all, and/or she gave the baby her maiden name, I apologize for being confused. If you're not on there at all and it's just her and the baby with her maiden name, yeah, that's horrible and messed up. She is absolutely unhinged and toxic.
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