People Talk About Their Peculiar 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Calling My Mom's Family Pathetic After They Cut Off Financial Support?
“I (17f) come from a conservative country. So recently my dad got arrested for domestic mistreatment against me and my mom. Initially, we were hesitant about filing a complaint against Dad but my mom’s family stepped in and said they would be paying for our advocate’s expenses as long as it meant punishing my dad for what he did.
At first, I thought I had finally found my true happiness with my mom’s family.
My mom rented a new apartment which was expensive for her peanuts salary (she is a high school teacher) but we were making do. My mom’s family (consisting of her parents my uncle and his wife and another one of my single uncles).
They always invited me to stay at their home as they insisted because of my dad they never got to spend time with me when I was a child. I was so happy to get another family after losing my first one.
But then, one day my uncle (the one who is married) confronted my mom with pictures (which he got from her phone, he snooped around her phone without her permission) of her and her new partner and their chats and shamed her for seeing someone again when it hasn’t even been 3 months since her husband was gone to jail.
My mom and uncle ended up arguing and then my uncle said he was cutting off all the financial help he was providing us. This threw us both off as it meant we wouldn’t be able to pay our advocate’s fees. We were devastated, my mom because of the crumbling financial burden, and me because I lost a newfound family.
Fast forward to today, I went to my uncle/grandparents’ house to pick up my stuff but my uncle started badmouthing my mom and calling her characterless. It boiled my blood and I ended up calling him and his entire family pathetic. I told them that it was alright if they hadn’t helped us financially at all, but it was so awful of them to cut their help midway through after they promised us to help.
They were all shocked since I’m not confrontational. My uncle ended up accusing me of being just like my mom. That was enough for me and I stormed off.
Now I wonder if it was wrong of me to call them pathetic since they took care of me for a while after my dad got jailed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To be honest, your reaction was mild. I would have posted all of this to social media to expose them for the jerks they are, but I’m very petty. I’m sorry that you and your mom are going through this and I hope everything gets better for you.” Icy_Neighborhood3988
23. AITJ For Filing For Increased Child Support From My Ex-Husband?
“I (38f) have been divorced for over 4 years from my ex-husband (37m). We parent 3 biological children. Back story, he was unfaithful multiple times throughout our marriage.
We tried to work it out after the first separation but things were never the same. After gaslighting and harassment, I just wanted out. We filed a non-contested divorce with him paying $600 in child support a month. Throughout the years, he never really made the full amount.
I have a great career and have the kids all the time minus the every other weekend visitation (standard visitation orders due to his work schedule). Our child support order was through our decree. I agreed on that set amount because I just wanted out of the marriage.
Fast forward to now, I am in a committed relationship and my now live-in partner gets along with my kids so well. Seeing me struggle is not what he likes and offers to provide for anything. It’s taken me time to get used to that but I still don’t feel it is his responsibility to financially support children from a previous marriage.
Anyway, I recently requested an increase in child support since the economy sucks and groceries are expensive. I have bought the same groceries and they have increased in price substantially. My ex refused and after additional harassment and belittling on his part towards me he stated, “fine we’ll let the court decide!” So, after years of not having a backbone I filed for child support through the state.
He was so angry when he received his notice of the child support case being open. He has refused to even give anything at this point. He believes the money is for me and not the kids. Now I know there are some mothers out there that mistreatment the system but I can assure you I am not one of them.
I don’t spend anything on myself other than $50 a month for self-care. I am definitely in more of a bind now without receiving anything until our court date (his response). Mind you my portion of the bills are covered by my job (rent, utilities, etc.).
We both created these children and just because we got divorced does not mean he can stop raising our children financially. The kids continue to visit him at his scheduled time (I feel children need both of their parents). So, am I the jerk for filing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Continue doing what you’re doing. Don’t deny him access to the children, so that when you do go to court it’ll show you in a good light. He’ll have to back pay what he’s missed. 600/mo for 3 kids isn’t much, especially if he hasn’t even been paying the full amount.
Keep records of what he has sent you since you split, come to court prepared. Don’t say anything bad, just give the facts. He can make himself look bad and you won’t be accused of parental alienation. You aren’t the bad guy for seeking more child support.
You need it for your kids. Don’t let him convince you otherwise. If he is paying his fair share then he has nothing to worry about. He knows it’s too little so he’s trying to make you feel guilty.” salukiqueen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My ex is currently pulling the same stunt. I took him to court because he refused to honor our written agreement that we’ll each contribute 50% towards our son’s braces. Since I filed the paperwork he’s been working holding all support payments.
Jokes on him though because we’re back in court in August and he’s already been fined twice for noncompliance. You can’t outrun the law forever.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But make a spreadsheet of all the times he did not pay the full amount for the court to see.
I mean, he told you to let the court decide; did he think you’ll let him off the hook? Talk to your partner for an “unofficial” loan until you get the deadbeat to court. Don’t let that guy blackmail you.” redsoxx1996
22. AITJ For Working Late To Secure A Comfortable Future For My Family?
“I am a 52-year-old male who runs a very successful business all alone. This year has been the busiest ever- I am completely overwhelmed and have no employees (nor do I want to deal with having any)
My wife does not currently work but our business provides us with an excellent lifestyle we never would have dreamed of 10 years ago.
Beautiful house and yard, savings, vacations and not having to worry about most purchases. Not millionaires but let’s say 100-150k per year and zero credit card debt. Later this year I am buying each of us a new car and paying mostly cash. Not bragging by any means – just setting the scene for you.
Contrary to the ridicule of other business owners I work for, I do not work weekends. I am home all day on Mondays (office day) and Wednesdays (production day). Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays I am on the road most of the day performing work. I doubt I hit 50 hours very often but maybe one week per month.
Occasionally I get home as late as 10 pm (maybe once per month). 8 or 9 is common in the summer but I try hard to be home by 7.
The other day my wife asked for 1000 dollars for personal expenses and I immediately said yes. This week we have been under a heat wave and work has been sporadic.
So today I did as many smaller jobs as I could to secure her extra funds.
I was home at 8 pm and was given a massive hard time and told that all I do is work and I have lost sight of the important things in life like spending time at home.
I only have about 10-15 years left to earn as much as I can to have a future and a retirement. I was brought up that a man should work hard, work late sometimes, and do what he needs to do to support his family.
However, it seems I have lost any support I need at home.
I do not feel that I have done anything wrong. I would much rather be home sipping lemonade than out working in the hot sun. It’s even worse when you have to come home to this kind of ungrateful attitude.
AITJ for trying to make a living for us?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First of all, be honest, your funds get you nice stuff you like as well, so let’s take it easy on the altruism here. But being with your family is more important than buying that super expensive car or sofa for the living room.
I mean, you’re far beyond providing for their material needs here. You need to find balance” MaxHowe
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand your *why*, but I don’t think you’re understanding your wife’s *why*. You’re focusing on funds and financially caring for your family and future.
It sounds like your wife respects that, but is concerned about what it’s all for if you grow apart. If you’re not watering your grass…it doesn’t matter how expensive the seed was…it’s going to die. Your wife is feeling less like a wife, and more like a roommate or dependent.
She misses spending time with you and feeling like you *want* to spend time with her. That’s a great problem to have. Too many people get on here, complaining that their spouses can’t stand them. Your wife, on the other hand, *wants* to spend time with you.
It sounds like you guys need to come to a happy medium.” Additional_Jaguar_76
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are working at a successful business and that’s why it’s successful…because you’re working at it. I’m not quite sure why your wife is having issues but I think you need a conversation with her.
If you’re home on the weekends (and I mean fully home, not checking emails or taking work calls) then you need a deep dive into why she’s unhappy with your focus.” User
21. AITJ For Believing My Sister Deserves Our Grandmother's Inheritance Over My Brother?
“I (33M) have three siblings, “Jane” (30F), “Jack” (32M), and “Sophie” (26F).
Recently, our maternal grandmother “Mabel” passed away. My parents cut her off nearly a decade ago, as my mother never had a great relationship with her due to emotional mistreatment suffered in her childhood. Not too long after that me and my siblings went low/no contact with her as well, me in particular because of her racist tendencies knowing full well I have a diverse friend group.
Roughly five years ago, Mabel realized she couldn’t take care of herself anymore, and I learned through my extended family that despite her significant savings, she refused to check into a nursing/retirement home, majorly because of the “foreigners” who work there.
My mother had completely burnt all bridges with Mabel, so Mabel tried guilt-tripping me and my siblings into taking care of her.
Jane, Jack, and I refused quickly, but Sophie broke down. If I’m being candid, Sophie has the tendency to be a bit of a pushover, which is why Mabel probably got to her fairly easily. So for the past five years, Sophie had been living with Mabel and looking after her, and only receiving a stingy pay each week.
When Mabel passed, we learned that in her will, she had left some money to my mother, but left the majority of her savings and her sizeable house to Sophie. Her savings were significant, amounting to the high six figures. I felt that it was only right Sophie received a hefty inheritance, as did Jane and our parents, but Jack disagreed. He thinks that it’s “only right” that the four of us receive an equal inheritance, and is trying to pressure Sophie.
I wholeheartedly think the opposite for a few reasons. Number one, despite the person she was, Mabel had the right to grant her inheritance to whoever she desired. Number two, Sophie put up with her for five years and deserves the world for that. Many times I checked in with her and she looked about to crumble, constantly under emotional duress.
Jane agreed with me but refused to speak to Jack at all, as she shut him down pretty quickly. The reason I’m asking here is because I’m in a pretty good position financially. I’m by no means flying off to Europe twice a year, but I’m stable, so an inheritance wouldn’t benefit me that much.
Jack, on the other hand, was recently laid off due to downsizing in his department and is currently living with our parents while he gets back on his feet. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You said Sophie’s a pushover. So until she grows a spine, she needs someone in her corner loudly advocating for her and publicly shaming anyone who tries to take advantage of her.
Jack is not entitled to any of that inheritance. Sophie earned every bit of it. Jacks need to focus his energies on finding another job and leave Sophie alone. Jack is a huge entitled jerk.” solo_throwaway254247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but Jack is. Sophie put up with Mabel’s mistreatment and poor pay to take care of her for 5 years.
The rest of the family had no contact with her. How dare anyone contest the will or even suggest they should all divide the inheritance equally? Jack didn’t want anything to do with Mabel so Jack should reasonably have nothing to do with her inheritance either.
What a selfish dude.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, First talk to Sophie. Make sure she does not falter. The inheritance is her back pay for 5 years of 24/7 work. As someone who is currently doing what she did, I know the struggle and strain it puts on you mentally, emotionally, and physically.
And I don’t work for someone who is, let’s say an old hag. Next, I would tell Jack to F off for trying to steal someone’s wages. Ask your brother if he would be willing to work a job 24/7, with no holidays, sick days, or time off.
because that is what live-in care is. Again you are NTJ for going to bat for someone who has worked for every cent of that inheritance. I get that Jack is struggling right now with being unemployed, but he did nothing to earn that inheritance.
Your sister did. She probably put up with a lot of stuff that she shouldn’t have had to. Things she may not want to talk about. Please tell Sophie that she is an angel for putting her life on hold to take care of someone else.
She deserves to take a break and figure out what she wants to do next.” Fancy-Spite-1304
20. AITJ For Using The Family Name For My Daughter That My Grandmother Offered?
“My dad is not my biological dad. He’s raised me since I was 7 months old though. My biological father was in and out of my life and was not good to me.
I never really wanted him around. I had such a good relationship with my dad. I knew love and family with my parents over the guy who just wanted to mess with my mom and stop me from being adopted, but never showed any interest in me as his flesh and blood kid.
I have younger siblings from my parents. My dad has siblings and nieces and nephews and both his parents are alive. I’m so close to his parents. My grandparents never saw me as less than their grandchild. Blood and legality never mattered. I was one of theirs and they were my granny and grampy, and grampy was born from my inability to say grandpa as a little kid for some reason lol.
I got married to my amazing wife Caylee and my wife and I are now expecting a baby girl. Granny approached us and said that she wanted to make it clear that if we wanted, and there was no pressure, we could consider using the family girl’s name for our daughter.
It’s a name usually used in the middle name but every few generations gets used as a first name and usually goes for the first granddaughter. My wife and I loved the idea and we loved the name. So we decided to use it as a first name, which made Granny so happy and my dad cried when he heard it.
But the other members of my extended family were not so pleased and I was accused of “stealing” the name from the legitimate first granddaughter, the one who would be blood and I was stealing it from my cousins who should have been the priority to use the name.
My grandparents and dad said my daughter and I are legitimate members of this family and I stole nothing. Granny even said she offered it to me. But the extended family said I should have the common sense and the compassion to understand I’m not an actual blood member of the family and neither is my daughter.
A fight broke out over this. And I know most of the extended family firmly blame me for agreeing to use the name.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandmother offered you and your wife the name. For those who are saying you are not actual blood, what TF does blood have to do with a name?
Grandmother offered the name to you for a reason – she considers you to be family because you ARE family. The negative remarks from others just show you who they are – selfish people.” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your extended family are jerks.
They are still your family, real family are often jerks. Your Dad is 100% your Dad. Your granny, who OFFERED you the name, is 100% your granny. Also, there is no such thing as stealing a name. There are 7 billion or something other people on the earth.
She is not the only Seraphina. It’s a gorgeous name. Don’t hurt your granny by turning down this precious gift she offered by listening to others’ opinions. Hers is the only one that matters. It would be disrespecting her to turn it down since you love the name.
Screw the haters.” Fooftato
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like Grandma and Dad understand how families work, and the cousins don’t, or are jealous. There have been so many families that are related by blood that can’t stand each other. Many true families come together by marriage, adoption, or circumstances that truly care for each other.
The name is beautiful, congratulations (to your wife mostly) on the pregnancy, and I hope this works out well for everyone, I think the name is worth fighting for, but I’m not telling you that you must. It’s your (the two of you) decision to make, and good luck.” trisanachandler
19. AITJ For Calling Out My Roommate's Messy Habits And Lack Of Responsibility?
“I have 2 roommates. I’ll call them Michelle and Sarah.
Sarah has been an issue since the day she moved in. Not following rules, leaving insane messes, and dishes piling up for weeks. She won’t even do her dishes no matter how many times I have to remind her because she knows at some point I’ll get fed up and do them myself.
But she refuses to take responsibility for any of it and deflects and speaks in generalities when it’s brought up. Textbook weaponized incompetence.
Recently Sarah has been leaving garbage with food still left in the bags out in our living room. My dog has allergies and has gotten into the bags and eaten the food left in them which is causing an allergic reaction.
So I messaged Sarah and I brought it up and just asked to keep garbage in the kitchen. She deflected the conversation to the kitchen saying we all need to be mindful of the garbage in the kitchen as well. I agree, but all of the garbage on the floor in the kitchen is hers from her bedroom.
It’s not much but it’s still there. Including dirty cat litter that she constantly leaves to pile up in our kitchen. So I feel as though it is unfair to speak in generalities when she’s the one causing the mess. So I sent her a picture of the state of our kitchen and said it’s all hers because I’m not sure what she wants me and the other roommate to do with HER garbage, and she came back saying “Well I was just speaking in general not pinpointing who’s making the mess” like????
Huh??? It’s your mess??? She then said she couldn’t take the litter out because our bins were full, which was last night. That is a lie because I just took the garbage down and the bins are empty and I called her out on it but now she’s saying I’m trying to control her and that I need to lay off which I have laid off immensely because this has been a conversation for months and I don’t bother her about the dishes anymore which is what she wanted. And now she’s trying to make me shut up again by saying I’m the problem.
I need to know if I’m in the wrong here. I’m not trying to fight her but I’m tired of the general speaking when she’s been the problem. It makes me feel like she’s just avoiding responsibility. AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your other roommate need to be a united front against Sarah. You both need to sit her down and let her know that going forward everyone has to clean up after themselves. When she tries to deflect, bring the conversation back to the issue.
Let her dishes sit in the sink if she doesn’t clean up and don’t allow her to use yours. Put her garbage outside of her door if she won’t take it out. Don’t argue with her, just tell her that would not happen if she cleaned up after herself.
Good thing she is moving out soon, but don’t let her off easy in the meantime.” DontAskMeChit
Another User Comments:
“I honestly think everyone has a roommate like this at some point in time and they make you forever swear off living with another human being unless you’ve vetted them thoroughly.
I know I had one, best of luck to you, document everything and save your text messages. Expect it to get worse the closer her eviction date gets and for her to blame you for everything, likely trash the place or at a minimum her area, and leave everything for you to clean up.
And if you two are in the same circles, she’ll be talking about you to anyone who will listen. Ignore that. Just get rid of her lazy self!” National-Praline-766
18. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate About His Poor Hygiene And Disrespectful Behavior?
“For some backstory, we’ve been friends for almost 3 years and have been living together for about 7 months.
He’s an amazing and super friend but can be inconsiderate and just nasty at times. I’m constantly having to clean up after him and it’s becoming very mentally draining. He never puts his dishes in the sink, he showers and leaves bits of hair and dirt(?) behind in the tub, and rarely cleans the apartment without being asked to in advance.
He constantly smells like B.O and garlic which I can sometimes smell around the apartment after he’s left, his room always stinks because he doesn’t clean it and leaves his window shut and you have to force a healthy meal down his throat because all he does is drink energy drinks, coffee and eats junk and snacks.
And just so you know, I’ve had multiple conversations with him about these things.
When I went to go use the bathroom I saw his half-flushed stool floating around in the toilet bowl. This is not the first time, it happens a couple of times a month.
I yelled at him to go take care of it and that it was a disgusting thing to have to walk into. He didn’t say anything and flushed it.
I tend to keep my toothbrush in my room because he goes like 3x a day and the idea of the germs spreading onto my toothbrush disgusts me, but I had forgotten the day before putting it back.
So when I decided I’d go take a shower and brush my teeth I saw that my toothbrush was wet and used. Mind you he has a bad habit of not rinsing off his toothbrush after use so he always builds up with spit/toothpaste and gets all grimy and nasty.
I yelled at him for the second time today just angry because what
? I was disgusted! He deflected and blamed me for leaving it in the bathroom, to begin with, and huffed and puffed that he’d just get me a new one and leave.
I’m at a loss, I can’t afford to move and neither can he. I’m so angry I have half the mind to just yell at him about all the nasty and annoying things he does but I know that it’ll upset him.
But at the same time, I’m the one that’s constantly dealing with all this stuff and my mind keeps telling me that he should deal with the burden of my frustration the same way I deal with the burden of his reconsideration.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He doesn’t recognize boundaries and it sounds like the two of you are just basically incompatible. There may be a mental health issue at play with him, but that doesn’t mean you should be uncomfortable in what is your home, too. You may not be able to move now, but you should consider it, and tell him that if this behavior continues, you’ll have to part ways.
In the meantime, keep your things well out of his reach.” Living-Assumption272
Another User Comments:
“He needs to be told straight up because nasty people can’t smell their filth and they have no pride in keeping their living space clean and tidy. Tell him in private and be nice but firm that he’s gotta take better care of himself or you gotta part ways.
People like that will keep you in a state of depression just like them just by being around them. It’s like they leave a film on everything they touch.” LeftInvestigator8827
17. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Reimburse Me For Groceries While Watching My Brother?
“I [F22] am watching my brother [M16] for five weeks while my mother goes abroad on vacation with her partner. Initially, she was going to have him stay by himself the whole time, but I told her she couldn’t do that because 1) he’s still a kid and b) he has autism.
Granted he has low support needs but you still need to remind him to clean up after himself and make sure he eats stuff other than top ramen.
She countered having someone come for two weeks, but I told her that was still too long.
I’ve always been guiding her on how to be a parent and taking over for her, even so far as going to a parent-teacher conference for my brother when I was fourteen. I offered to have him come stay with me but she declined since he had summer school and work.
She asked me if I could come and I told her I couldn’t just leave my job for an entire month as I’m a nanny and don’t have PTO. I compromised and told her if she paid my half of the rent ($1000) I would ask to take an unpaid leave which I was lucky to have my boss said yes.
Fast forward and right before she leaves we were supposed to get groceries but we didn’t have time, so she told me she would pay me back. I said okay and things were fine. Today, I went grocery shopping and spent $145. I tried to be frugal and get stuff on clearance/sale to make it a little easier for her.
I called her and asked her to reimburse me but she got annoyed and changed the subject. She asked how much was my brother working, which I didn’t see the point of as he’s a child; he’s entitled to free food. She ended the call by saying she would pay
me, but an hour went by so I sent her a request for money which she’s still ignoring. I’m debating if it’s worth the effort because she’s usually really hard to get to pay back the money, she’ll even get upset and start whining which makes me feel guilty but still.
A part of me does wonder though if I’m being a jerk because I am an adult and would have to pay for groceries anyway so I should just take the responsibility, but on the flip side, I’m moving when I go back home, and wasn’t trying to deplete my savings especially since I gave up a month of income ($2000).
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother is responsible for feeding her minor son. Since you are doing her a huge favor, she should also cover your food. I hope she paid you the $1000 she agreed to. If she can vacation for 5 weeks, she can certainly do those things.
What kind of parent takes off for that long and doesn’t ensure their child has everything they need while they are gone? Doing her a favor shouldn’t cost you money. You’re losing 5 weeks of pay and you only asked for half your rent payment? She should be paying for the whole month.
You owe rent whether or not you’re there and you are losing a lot of money.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she keeps blowing you off, not repaying you for the food, tell her that is not just her promise to you – it is HER responsibility to pay for feeding HER son!!
Not yours. You do not even live in that house. And if you want to be hard-nosed, tell her that Child Protective Services would be mighty interested if she refused to send funds, to feed a minor with a diagnosed disability, while she left on vacation.” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here. She’s a bad mom, but you agreed to $1k to watch your brother, you can’t add more on top of that unless it was previously discussed. You can ask, but this should have all been sorted before you agreed to take him.
A better route would be to go to CPS with this situation, although since you’ve agreed to take him, you can’t claim she abandoned him. If she leaves him again, you could try calling him CPS. Ideally, they’d place him with you and you’d receive money as foster parents.
They’d also cover his health insurance. But yeah, you’ve gone about this entirely wrong if you wanted to get paid.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Wanting To Expose My Friend's Sister's Deception To Save Her From An Unwanted Marriage?
“I (F, mid-20s) have a friend (F, mid-20s), let’s call her Fatima. We’re from a country with somewhat traditional values and the like, but her family is more conservative than I am.
I live in a city, she’s from a small town/village. We met when she’d moved here to study, but she had to go back after she lost her job in the city.
So Fatima has a younger sister, Aliya (name changed). She’s had a steady interest in a guy from the same town for a while, but the families know about it and it’s cool because they’re not doing anything “wrong”.
They just hang out, maybe the most they do is hold hands. The older sister had to marry first, so Aliya started looking for marriage “prospects” for Fatima. Fatima is well known in her town for her social work, and while most admire her, she also attracts negative attention from some who disagree with her work or her methods.
One of the local men started showing some interest in Fatima, but she was not interested in him at all. She’s willing to help and sees him as a friend, but nothing more. Aliya kept trying to match them, but Fatima caught on and told her off.
Aliya got mad at this and lied that she was pregnant out of wedlock, which is considered an incredibly huge deal here, especially in the smaller towns.
Fatima kept her sister’s secret, but that meant she would have to marry first so that Aliya could be married before she started showing.
Fatima had to agree to the marriage proposal she had. They had a formal meeting with the families together, and things were moving forward fast until Fatima overheard Aliya talking to her partner. They were laughing about how they had tricked Fatima into marrying, so that they could marry, too.
Of course, this broke Fatima’s heart. She hasn’t told anyone else but me. I want to tell her fiance and her parents, but Fatima is scared this thing could end her family’s reputation in society. But, she could end up married to a guy she doesn’t even love.
I think some cultural aspects here might be confusing to some, so I hope I explained it right. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend could have a miserable life by marrying a man she does not love. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for her, and how hurt/betrayed she feels by her younger sister.
Due to cultural norms, she might not speak up to protect her sister, but she cannot give up her life because of her sister’s actions. The younger sister has to bear the consequences of her actions, and perhaps once the family finds out about her pregnancy, they might allow her to marry first. You should try to convince your friend to speak up, maybe she can even give her younger sister an ultimatum: either Aliya tells their family or she will.
If you are close with the family and Fatima refuses to speak up, I think you would be saving her from an unhappy life by telling them.” EconomyOwn9329
15. AITJ For Expecting My Younger Brother To Do All The Chores While I Work And Study?
“I (17F) have a brother (15M). For context, we have moved to the US for 6 months now.
This all started when I turned 17 this year. My birthday present is to get a part-time job to help my mom pay the bills. I understand what I have to do and continue to both work and do housework at the same time.
Things got complicated during this summer, however, as I had to work more hours and attend summer school.
I attend summer school because my grades got all messed up when I transferred and I have to make up for it. Having to work 5 hrs shifts and study at the same time wore me down. I complained this Saturday to my mom about my workload at the house, that I wanted my brother to do all of the housework because he doesn’t have to work like me.
She told me that I shouldn’t compare and be jealous of my brother because he does not stay home by choice, that no one is gonna hire a 15-year-old, and that summer school just ran out of slots for him. My brother overheard the conversation and chimed in that he had already done all the cooking for me since I was at school.
I was mad at this point that both my mom and my brother were not hearing me out.
Things escalated when I said, “Well, darn me for trying to get my life on track then. Guess I won’t be going to summer school anymore”. That irritated my mom even further and she said that I’m the older one, I should be helping my brother, that when he grows up he’ll have to do even harder work than me.
Saying blood is thicker than water, all that jazz.
To prevent things from getting worse, I ate lunch alone. I now have some time to reflect and I’m still not sure why I’m in the wrong here. I guess I might be the jerk because I talk back to my mom.
And I feel kinda guilty too since my mom did work all her life and still has to get home and take care of me. As for my brother, he might be upset because all of a sudden he has more chores to do and he thinks it is unfair to him.
AITJ for expecting my brother to do all my chores since he stays home and does not work?”
Another User Comments:
“I am sorry to say, but it only gets more difficult from here on. If you decide to go to university, you will most likely have to work, study, and do chores all by yourself.
That’s what adulting looks like. If you put the work and effort into figuring out how to manage your time better now and make it a habit, it will save you a lot of stress and issues later on. YTJ for expecting your brother to do all your chores.
He has his own. You have your own.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ There’s an argument you can make here that you shouldn’t have to do as many chores, but the way you want about it was misguided. It’s not very reasonable to suddenly place the entire burden of chores on your brother, but even if it was, you should’ve asked him or your mother for help instead of the passive aggressiveness that you ended up using.
It’s okay to ask for help, but that’s not really what happened here.” Other_Quote
14. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Move His Anxiety Comfort Sword?
“I (34 F) have been married to my husband (32 M) for about two years, together for five. My husband has serious anxiety. He’s on medication for it, and it works great. He went from having three panic attacks a month to having one every three months.
Getting on medication was his idea, and I fully supported it. But it’s not a miracle cure, and he still very much has anxiety.
I have to travel out of town for work now and then, usually just for a night or two. We have a sofa in our living room where we sit together and watch TV/cuddle before bed. Every time I leave for a work trip and come home, I sit down in my spot only to yelp and leap up.
My husband has one of those wooden kendo swords (because we’re nerds, not because we’re accomplished swordsmen), and, when I’m gone, he keeps it next to him.
I asked him why, and he said it was for protection. He gets scared when he’s home alone, thinking that someone is going to break in.
He knows it’s unlikely and also that a wooden sword won’t do much against a serious home invader, but it makes him feel better, and you can’t reason with anxiety.
I said, “That’s fine, I get it, but do you need it during the day or just at night?” He said just at night.
I then pointed out that all he had to do was put it back before I got home. My husband’s counterargument is that he has very severe ADHD (he does; this is a fact), so he forgets all about the sword as soon as the “danger” has passed. Also, I only go out of town maybe 4 nights a year, so it’s not like this is a constant problem.
I said that’s true but also, since I don’t stay away from home very often, I forget every time to check for the sword before sitting down. And he could just prop it against the sofa instead of putting it on my seat. It’s not sharp–it’s not going to cut through anything.
There are a million solutions here that don’t involve me sitting on a random sword.
But thanks to ADHD, it is legitimately more difficult for my husband to remember things than it is for me, so maybe I should just make a note to myself and call it a day.
It does make him feel better.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You recognize the pattern in HIS actions, but do you recognize the patterns in YOUR actions? You sit on the thing (“every time“). Asking him to be mindful of putting it away is reasonable. Looking at where you park your butt is also totally reasonable.
Find the middle ground. NJH” potato_soup76
13. AITJ For Feeling Hurt That My Partner Chose His Friend's Baby Birth Over Meeting My Family?
“I (F39) have been with my long distance (3hrs drive) partner (M43) for 3 years. No option of living closer for at least another 2 years. So the time we do have is precious.
My brother is due to visit from overseas, with his wife and kids.
He visits about every 5 years and hasn’t met his partner. The trip has been planned for over 6 months, and they will only be here 5 days before traveling on. When they confirmed their visit I asked my OH if he would be able to arrange to visit for a few days to meet him/possibly book a few days off work.
He agreed and said he’d book the time off.
He forgot to book the time off and to be fair I forgot to follow up. About 2 months ago I asked him again. He then looked at the date and realized that the 5 days he was visiting now clashed with his best friend’s wife being due for a planned c-section.
He then said he wouldn’t come as he “wanted to be close in case he was needed during the birth”. I expressed that in my opinion was unnecessary, having had 2 babies myself I said I couldn’t imagine a role that the father’s best friend needed to play until after the baby had arrived and been brought home.
He disagreed and refused to discuss it. He didn’t acknowledge that he’d previously agreed to visit with me, and described that weekend as “always off the cards”. I was hurt but didn’t push it. I clarified- that his friend had NOT asked him to be available – it’s a commitment he has taken upon himself.
Later, plans developed more and it became clear that my estranged sister ( NC for 18 months) was also going to be there. This made me very anxious and I wished even more that my partner could be there.
AITJ to think there could have at least been a discussion?
That to just blankly say he can’t come to even 1 of the 5 days was unfair? I feel like I’m being told very clearly I don’t matter. I have asked him for something important to me, and he has instead chosen to do something for a friend he hasn’t even been asked to do, and frankly is not as “normal/expected” as he insists it is -or is it?
I feel embarrassed that I have to tell my brother my partner isn’t coming to meet him and anxious about seeing my sister again without my partner’s support.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Yeah I think this is a situation where the term “gaslit” actually works, six months ago he agreed to take the time off but come now he’s telling you this was always “off the cards”?
Nah. He has shown you that his best friend is a priority over you, for something that I can’t imagine him being needed for. Do with that what you will.” applebum8807
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like he doesn’t want to attend for some reason.
It seems like he would have told you about the scheduling conflict the moment he learned about it if your family’s visit was important to him. Plus, 3 hours isn’t extremely far relative to an emergency, but, like you, I can’t think of an in-hospital pregnancy emergency that would require a best friend on a moment’s notice.
I’m sorry. I hope you have a nice visit without him.” SnoopyisCute
12. AITJ For Being Upset That Our Friends Invited Extra Guests To Our Shared Vacation Rental?
“I drove 13 hours with two young kids to a vacation rental that we are sharing with friends. They live close to rental whereas we do not. We paid our share and they paid theirs. Get there after driving overnight and find out our friends had friends over without mentioning it to us.
Annoying but no big deal. We were then told that our friend’s daughter had a friend coming to stay with us for two nights later in the week. I was surprised to hear this as it wasn’t mentioned before. A day and a half later, we were told that another friend (and child) had an issue with their rental down the street and “asked” that they stay one night in our rental. I was caught off guard and said Ok.
One night turned into two without any further discussion or permission. Both of these nights, their friend had their bedroom and we then had to unexpectedly share a bedroom with our friends. I told my husband multiple times that the situation bothered me and he asked that I try to keep the peace for him.
It’s his friend from HS. I tried my best not to say anything, but after telling my husband multiple times that this was not what was agreed upon, it came to a head.
On the second night, I took my son to bed in our room and our friends came in later and slept in our room again without asking.
I was mad. I went outside and told my husband and his friend this was not OK and that I was upset. I felt as if this wasn’t my vacation and I was simply joining them on their vacation. We spent thousands and took a week off from work.
The husband apologized and said that he thought this was discussed and agreed upon. It was not. We had a few words and, he went to bed. My husband told me that I handled it poorly and that I should have kept my mouth shut and just got through the vacation.
I woke up this morning very upset. Upset that my husband didn’t support me, that our friends were more concerned about their friends than us, and that my vacation had taken a turn for the worse. I’ve kept to myself for most of today and I honestly just want to go home at this point.
AITJ? For clarification, their friends stayed for free.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. First of all, I’d be upset if I paid my way and others were staying for free. If your friends want to cover the cost of their friends, great. But you should not be expected to front those funds.
Also, why are your friends sleeping in YOUR room?? That’s unacceptable, especially if your child is already sleeping in there.” OkraBig8679
Another User Comments:
“I think it is time for a group conversation. You are all adults so your husband’s comments about keeping your mouth closed and bearing with it are nonsense.
Sit folks down and say hey I have some issues I would like to talk through for this vacation. * I was under the impression this vacation was for our two families to hang out. Instead, we are hosting a bunch of friends * There has been zero communication ahead of time about any of this and putting it on us at the last minute puts us in a hard situation where we are jerks if we say no * Your other friends are staying here free, we paid for half of this and are sharing a room with you that should be our own.
Honestly, at this point, I would be asking them to refund you your half so you can get a hotel and enjoy the rest of your vacation. If your husband sides with them, say great enjoy your vacation together I am going to find myself my place and enjoy my time.
It is your vacation and you are not enjoying it and you are paying for other people to have a good time. Stand up for yourself and don’t let yourself be pressured or walked on.” SeaworthinessBig8083
Another User Comments:
“Ntj your family paid to have a room to yourselves not share.
The husband definitely should have backed you up on that part of the situation. As for the friends’ friends showing up and being there you might as well definitely try to make the best of it the money spent and it’s a valuable lesson in not doing this again.
If you try to get the other people to leave that will make you the jerk unfortunately so defending the privacy you spent time and money on is the only real way to not be the jerk.” Miserable-Wasabi9599
11. AITJ For Not Correcting My Peer's Error During A Competitive Internship?
“Here in the UK (and probably like most other places), entering the legal profession is extremely competitive.
Most elite law firms in London will receive 5,000 or so applications every year and only the most serious candidates tend to apply. All in all, your odds of getting a training contract (the route to qualifying as a solicitor) are around 2%. To make it even more complicated, many firms run “vacation schemes”, which are effectively two-week paid internships where you experience life at the firm and their departments, complete assessed tasks, and likely an interview.
If you do well throughout the scheme, you may land yourself a training contract.
After three years of applying, I managed to secure a vacation scheme this summer at one of the most prestigious firms in London. I was overjoyed and it felt like a culmination of all my hard work.
I knew it would be competitive and for the 20 that got a spot, the firm only had 8 training contract spots.
I ended up sharing an office with another student on the scheme, who I’ll call Sam. Sam was a nice guy and I got on well with him, and he explained how much securing a TC meant to him as well.
One of the assessed tasks we had to complete was effectively to test attention to detail, and we were advised that this task was important. Sam asked me to check through his work to see if I agreed before he submitted it, and I noticed he had made a glaring error and had chosen the wrong option by not reading the footnote correctly.
I thought about correcting him, but then I thought about how competitive it is and the fact it was ultimately his work. I told him it looked good and he submitted it.
We finished the scheme about two months or so ago. I ended up getting an offer, and it was one of the best days of my life.
Sadly, Sam did not, and he told me how devastated he was about having to do the process all over again. When he received his feedback call, he was told he excelled in many areas but scored poorly in the assessed task. I feel incredibly guilty about this and feel I should have corrected him, especially as he said it was his dream firm.
However, I also know that it could have been him who got the spot instead of me.
AITJ for not correcting him?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your response when he asked should have been something like “Look I like you but this a competitive internship and they are trying to assess your attention to detail, not your ability to obtain a proofreader.
I certainly hope we’re both able to obtain one of the 8 positions, just take your time and read the instructions carefully, I’m sure you’ll do great” But hindsight is 20/20, since you did accept to review it, found an error then lied about it YTJ” Cultural_Section_862
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for saying you would check over his work and then not doing it, but Sam for sure made mistakes in this too. You were advised the task was important. It’s a smart move to ask someone to check over your work for a very important task.
Not as smart to ask your competition to do it. At the end of the day, you’re correct in saying it could have been him taking your spot. Yeah, you were a jerk in that one instance. It doesn’t make you an awful person.” Fantastic-Sea-3462
Another User Comments:
“You were competitors, you had no obligation to help him. However, the fact that you acted as if you were looking at his work in good faith, rather than tell him that you didn’t feel it was appropriate, then lied to him makes YTJ and shows that you are cold, deceitful, and machiavellian.
I would have had no issue if you had just said ‘Look, this is a test of our work, and honestly, we are vying for the same spot, I don’t think I can help you here’. But what you did was dirty.” AdAccomplished6870
10. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Toxic Home But Feeling Guilty About Leaving My Younger Sibling Behind?
“I (21F) live with my parents (49F and 54M) and my little sibling (11).
We live in a nice little house in a quiet little town. My mom does all the work, my dad stays at home. Just some context to get us started here.
Recently, my parents have been irreparably angry with me. Like shouting at me almost 24/7 for reasons I don’t even understand.
I don’t do anything, I stay home, I’m knee-deep in my college courses, I don’t hang out with my friends much, I go to church and I sing choir, I live by a curfew that I don’t break even by a few seconds. They keep claiming that I “have to be lying” about everything I do.
The only thing I lie about is going to therapy, which I do in secret because I have a couple of mental problems going on. My mom would barge into my room daily and shout at me for “lying” and “having a problem” or that I “don’t appreciate anything” and I’m “too disrespectful.” I’ve done everything correctly, followed all the rules, did everything right, it’s never enough.
I want to leave, I want to get out of my house and start anew someplace else. I have friends willing to house me and I have a remote part-time job, I know I will be okay. The thing I’m most worried about is my sibling, and maybe my parents a little bit.
Despite how much they likely hate me, I still care about them quite a bit. My parents aren’t that old, but they aren’t very healthy. I’m afraid if I left they’d drop dead or something, they’d just get heart attacks and die. I don’t like them very much, but I don’t want something to happen to them just because I left.
I’m most terrified for my sibling. The child is young, these people are awful. I need to get out for my own sake and safety, but I feel like I’d be doing something terrible abandoning my little sibling. I raised that kid, I would hate to see them broken down and exhausted before they turn 18.
I’ve protected them our whole lives so far, but now I may have to leave them behind. It’s heavy on my heart, I feel like these are two entire paths that will impact the rest of our lives permanently. I don’t want to open them up to the damage I’ve been keeping them safe from, but I need to get out of here.”
Another User Comments:
“OP, what is going on with your parents? It’s almost like they want you to be guilty or something and because you’re following all the rules they can’t punish you so they’re getting mad about that. Make no mistake.
This is mistreatment, it may not be physical, but it sure is mental, I would recommend contacting some extended family members to find out why your parents are acting like this. NTJ, I understand you’re concerned about your Sibling But you need to think about your mental health first, leave that toxic household it’s obvious that your parents don’t want you there But they can’t do anything about it because you’re following all their rules.” Yo-KaiWatchFan2102
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. my question is for how long will your friends house you? If you do plan to leave, I would make a solid budget of all your expenses and whether you can truly afford to live on your own. This way you don’t end up on the street, in debt, or coming back.
I’m sorry your parents sound like they want total control of your life and probably have their traumas. Instead of leaving do you think your parents would be open to a counseling session? Do you think maybe secretly they want you out ?” Cosmic_lobster_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My sister had to make a similar choice when I was 12. She chose to leave for her own mental health and well-being. I kind of understood why then, and I understand why now. I am glad my sister was able to cultivate the opportunities she has now because of the choice she made then.
There may be a day when your sister needs your help OP, you might want to set yourself up to be in a position to help her. The only way you can do that is by helping yourself now and leaving. You might want to provide your sister with a private email that you do not share with your family just in case you have to change your number.
Hope this helps and good luck. Your sister is lucky to have you.” WasabiExtreme6373
9. AITJ For Inviting Friends Over Without Asking My Partner?
“My (30m) partner (29f) moved into my flat a couple of months ago. Last Saturday, I invited a couple of close friends over. It wasn’t planned but we will regularly hang out at each other’s places. We were drinking and watching films/sports and settled in for the rest of the day.
My partner was there and was welcome to join, although drinking for the sake of drinking isn’t her thing. I will admit when my friends and I are together we can get pretty immature and there is a lot of banter (I realize that to most outside people, this would be poor chat but I’ve known these guys a long time, we have a lot of inside jokes)
My partner and I have been together for a couple of months. It was very early in the relationship for her to move in but her landlord was awful, she was looking for somewhere else and I was just moving back into my flat having been letting it out for the last year.
It made sense financially for both of us, and I made it clear that if we didn’t work out, I’d stay away for a couple of months whilst she found somewhere else to stay, or if we felt it could work we’d live together as friends.
I work away Mon – Fri and have accommodation with my job full time, so that would be easy.
My partner doesn’t know my friends well yet, she has met them a couple of times. She didn’t want to hang out with us and went into the bedroom.
After 3-4 hours, I went to ask my partner if she was ok and she said she didn’t want to hang out with my tipsy friends that she barely knew and felt like her privacy was being invaded and asked us to leave. We did, but I’ve been pretty annoyed by this ever since.
I didn’t think it was that big a deal, and she was welcome to come and join us. We did leave straight away and went to a bar
So, AITJ for putting her in that situation in the first place, or for getting bothered by being asked to leave?
I don’t find hanging out in my living room with friends that much of a weird/unacceptable thing to do”
Another User Comments:
“It’s rather misguided to move in together when you’ve only been together two months and it doesn’t sound like she had met your friends before.
So, to her, they’re strangers in what is now her home. I think it’s customary when living with a significant other — or, even roommates — to give a heads up / get an okay when you’d like to have a group of people over and monopolize a part of the apartment.
It didn’t sound like your plan was just in hopes of having your friends meet your partner. If that were the case, why not ask her how she’d like to meet them? In smaller groups? Everyone all together? Is it okay that it’s in the home?
What would make her comfortable? As a woman,and a super introvert, I wouldn’t love a surprise group of tipsy dude strangers to me in my home when I had otherwise thought I’d be alone / with my partner. I get that she had the bedroom to retreat to….
but what if she needed to use the bathroom? Get some food? And didn’t feel comfortable being around a bunch of tipsy guys? It’s all just not being a considerate partner/roommate. YTJ” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You now live in a shared space.
You gave her no heads-up that you were having people over. You and your guests were loud and tipsy. Then you dare to turn it around on her and be mad at her for being uncomfortable or not wanting to hang out with a bunch of rowdy, tipsy, men she barely knows who are making inside jokes?
Jokes that, by design leave people out of the conversation and make them feel like “outsiders.” Just be single.” O4243G
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Go get tipsy at your friends’ homes. It’s close to scary (for a woman) to be in an apartment with men that you don’t know who are drinking, etc. And why would she want to get to know them when they are drinking and talking nonsense, etc.?
She stayed in the bedroom, which was her only option other than going out. She was right to ask you to leave after 3-4 hours of your tipsy little get-together.” hadMcDofordinner
8. AITJ For Being Upset About Moving In With My Husband's Parents?
“My husband and I (both early 30’s) live a 4-hour plane flight from his family.
We can’t afford to get a bigger place or buy a house in the area we live in. We are planning to move to my husband’s hometown and live with his elderly parents for up to a year while looking for a house in the general area.
Lots of pros to this plan. I’m 7 months pregnant (yes, planned) and this is speeding up our need for a larger home.
I am vastly more upset about this situation than my husband is. I strongly dislike where he is from, but it is practical to move there due to housing being so much more affordable.
He also strongly dislikes where I’m from, though he’s only been there twice. I would like to retire there eventually because his home area is very hot and I have an illness that makes it difficult for me to be in the heat for extended periods, whereas I’m from a much cooler climate.
Background aside… recently we were visiting our husband’s parents. His mom was showing us where we could set up in their house (it’s a large house in the suburbs, with plenty of space). My mother-in-law is SO excited for us to move back and live with them, and my husband and mother-in-law were both talking about the arrangement as if it could extend longer than a year if it works well.
I was doing my best not to cry. I’m hormonal, and I don’t want to move away from the family and friends I have where we currently live. I love his parents, but I hate the idea of living with them, and being in their house makes me feel suffocated. So as she talked about it, I wasn’t saying much because if I did I would have cried.
Mother-in-law stopped talking and said, “I guess (my name) isn’t looking forward to it.”
I tried to play it off but she was sad and packed away some baby items. I went back downstairs because I had started crying and didn’t want to make a big deal. My husband followed me and told me off for making his mom feel bad and that he didn’t appreciate it.
This has become a point of contention for my husband and me. I talked it out with my mother-in-law and we’re fine. But my husband doesn’t see my point of view and feels like I needed someone to snap me out of my mood because it was affecting his mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please take a long hard look at moving someplace you don’t want to be. You are believing this is very temporary, yet he is discussing with his mom, the potential of it being a much longer term. You’re 7 months pregnant and very hormonal and yet he feels the need to come at you because you’re quiet and sullen and not acting overjoyed at the prospect of moving in with his parents.
You should have given it right back to him for not showing you at least a little support. On the surface, this looks to be a very bad move. In addition to all of that, do you have a medical condition for which the heat aggravates it?
Did your husband consider anything about you before planning this move? This does not sound practical.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. but your husband is! You’re seven months pregnant! Hormonal and in a delicate health state! Feeling like that about moving – and to a place where you don’t expect to feel super comfortable at that – is not only understandable, it’s to be expected!
And he’s worried about his *mother*’s feelings?? When you’ve already talked to her and the two of you are fine?? Unbelievable.” Overall-Salad8740
Another User Comments:
“And this is just the beginning of how your life is going to be. Is this how you want to live?
I get that marriage involves compromise, but where is the compromise? If you aren’t happy living there, and he isn’t happy with your hometown, then the only option is to move someplace in between. Once the baby is born do you think that your husband will side with you over his mother when she overrides parenting decisions?
Why wasn’t your health taken into consideration during the decision-making? If the heat makes it worse, are you saying you’re willing to be miserable for six months out of the year? Assuming that the other three seasons are smooshed into the other six. NTJ but you need to sit down and explain that his “reasoning” is unacceptable.
You don’t need to be “snapped out of your mood.” It’s not a mood, it’s a situation! Good grief, I can see the train wreck coming and I’m hoping you stay in contact with your friends and family, you’re going to need them.” ahopskip_andajump
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister To Use My Past Struggles As Lessons For Her Kids?
“I 30F have always been close to my older sister 38F. I love spending time with her kids and often help out in my free time. Growing up wasn’t easy. I juggled multiple jobs and worked hard to get where I am now without ever asking for financial help from anyone.
She has been using my past struggles as examples for her kids to avoid a lot lately. She’ll say things like “Look at Auntie. She struggled a lot because she didn’t plan well. Make sure you study hard and get a good job so you don’t end up like her” then she will wink at me as if to reassure me it’s for their good.
What does she even mean by ‘end up like me’ I know I’m not as successful as her and our other siblings but I have a job and a place of my own. I’ve never asked for money from them or needed to stay with them.
I’m not rich but I’m financially stable now. It stings because it feels like she’s only focusing on the negative parts and not acknowledging how far I’ve come.
Last week she asked me to sit down with her kids to give them advice. During the conversation, she brought up a specific situation from my past as a “what not to do” lesson.
A few years ago. I went through a messy divorce that was emotionally draining and took a toll on my well-being. She used this difficult experience as a cautionary tale for her kids. To warn them about the importance of making careful decisions in relationships.
Every time I hear my personal experiences discussed in this way it makes me feel exposed and reduced to a lesson about what not to do. Talking about it made me feel like my whole life was reduced to that one mistake.
When I brought it up with her, hoping for some understanding, she argued that she was just trying to teach her kids to be responsible and learn from others’ experiences.
She thinks it’s good for them to hear about my failures so they can avoid similar situations. I told her that while I get her point, constantly using my past as a negative example without acknowledging my successes feels unfair. I said if she keeps painting me that way to her kids, I’ll have to rethink how involved I am with them.
I’m afraid about how this might affect our relationship and her kids’ view of me. But I believe it already took me long to set some boundaries.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, she’s messing you over in regards to her children’s perceptions of you.
This is cruel and deliberate. She’s making you seem like you have a terrible life and are nothing but failures. I’m dirty, so I’d start dropping embarrassing things about her and framing them as lessons to benefit her kids. But whatever you choose to do, you can’t let this continue.
NTJ” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“She is awful. You are NTJ, but she is. She could be saying things like, “Sometimes people face unexpected hardship, but look at how Auntie worked hard and persevered and ended up the fine person she is today.” Depending on how old the kids are, perhaps you could share an important lesson with them by telling your sister, in front of them, that you are done being criticized in that way, and that you will come back when she treats you with respect.” Beneficial-Produce56
Another User Comments:
“Oh dear. I suspect your sister will come to regret this as your life continues to improve and it’s easier and easier for her kids to look at you, decide that their cool Auntie is living a perfectly fine life, and realize that they don’t have to take Mom’s advice.
As someone who didn’t have a plan (and had some serious struggles and mental health issues along the way) but who got to a good place anyway, I find that younger relatives often seek me out when they are having problems because they feel like I would understand.
But the fact that she’s extremely shortsighted doesn’t change the fact that it’s incredibly jerk-ish of her to use you as a negative example. NTJ. Whether you limit your involvement or not, I would encourage you to speak up when she uses you as an example and correct her faulty assumptions with what *you* think is the proper takeaway.” DinaFelice
6. AITJ For Asking My Dad To Help With University Costs When He Fully Funds My Brother's Life?
“My father has 2 biological kids, Me(17F) and my Brother(29M). My parents are divorced so I also have 4 other half-siblings who used to consider my dad theirs until falling out.
My dad since my brother turned 18 has fully paid for all of his expenses. Housing, Food, Entertainment, etc. My brother has never had a job, had a higher education, or even driven a car. Even recently got my brother his apartment where he will continue to pay for everything.
My father has a high-paying job so he pays about 1.4K in child support, so recently I asked him that when I go to University he could instead send that 1.4K or part of it to me to help me pay for expenses. He responded that he “would not be paying for a grown adult’s life for the next 10 years when they could do it themselves.” I chose to remind him that he to this day pays for a grown adult’s life, which was the wrong response as he left me on read.
He then apparently called one of my sisters to let her know he would not be attending my nephew’s birthday party tomorrow, and not send a gift anymore because I made him feel “unwelcomed”. My sister was super angry about this and told me, and was mad at me.
She said I should have waited for a better time to talk about this instead of messing up her kid’s day, and I wasn’t exactly expecting my dad to bail on his grandkid due to this.
I’ve already had other people contact me, including my dad’s partner, telling me I could have waited, been nicer, that I was greedy to expect funds from someone, and even called ungrateful.
Usually, I wouldn’t have cared but I also can understand it’s considered taboo already to ask someone for funds or question how they choose to spend it. I don’t think my dad’s response was in any way my fault but I also am now unsure if it was appropriate for me to even ask someone for funds and expect it in the first place because in no way was I entitled to it.
Our relationship was also already pretty rocky which makes me question why I even thought to ask. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I need more context. I am inclined to say NTJ but I feel like the tone of the conversation and some details are missing to know for sure.
If it was done for your sibling, it is usually ok to ASK if there will be financial assistance. Nothing wrong with asking, just as there would be nothing wrong with him saying no. Nothing wrong with pointing out he pays for your brother either.
This is the kind of information I would take into account to decide involvement with the person in my life and when they are old. For example, my parent has no issue saying no but it is to all his kids. While not equal, treatment has been fair to all children (in what was given and refused).
He’s a jerk for making the nephew pay for your falling out though. Absolutely 100%.” MidnightInside7845
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Send your dad a letter pointing out that you are asking for help to accomplish something positive for your future. Point out that you would appreciate not being punished for your brother’s failures.
Keep it simple. It is not taboo to ask your dad for college funding. It is taboo to demand the funding. Let your dad know you love and appreciate him. Again, keep it simple. Good luck.” C_Port_Sissabagamah
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with *asking*, but I am very confused as to why you thought text message would be the most appropriate means of communication.
It makes me question how you phrased the question and what the lead-up conversation was. I’m also curious if your older brother has developmental or other problems that led your father to support him more. That said, your father calling another relative to complain and then refusing to go to a family event is extremely childish.
Tentatively everyone’s a jerk here.” Egoteen
5. AITJ For Not Changing My Eating Habits For My Son's Mental Health?
“I have allowed my 27-year-old son to move in with me so he can save money for a house. I am not charging him anything even though he has an excellent job. I want him to be able to afford a house and I don’t have any money to give him.
I can do this for him though.
The problem is that he thinks I’m not considering his mental health with regard to food.
He has been diagnosed and received help for stuff when he was younger. To the best of my knowledge, he is still in therapy and still taking medication to help him cope.
I don’t judge him for this. If I were younger I might consider it for myself. As it is I would rather just drink and have short-term relationships with low-class people like myself.
One of the main concerns he has is about how I eat.
I love garlic sausage. I always keep a ring of it in the fridge. I can fry some up for breakfast, add some to pierogies, or even just break off a piece and eat it cold.
My son hates it when I do that. Just tearing off a piece.
He thinks I should take it out, put it on a cutting board, slice off the part I’m going to eat then slice that into smaller slices So I don’t need to bite off pieces.
I told him to stop looking at my food and to stop watching me eat if it bugs him so much.
I also said if it was an issue for him he was welcome to slice up the sausage and put it in serving-size containers for me.
He said he does not like to touch meat and that he isn’t my servant to cut up my food for me.
I told him tough luck. I don’t have the patience to deal with this.
He says that I’m a bad parent for not caring about his mental health. I told him to buy a refrigerator for his food so he does not have to see mine.
He also has a problem with how I leave half-finished bags of chips. I rarely eat an entire bag of chips. So I will roll up the top and put a rubber band around it to keep them fresh. He insists that I buy some special clips to seal the bag or throw them away half-finished.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I must admit, taking a bite out of a ring of sausage is new, never known anyone who did it but it’s up to you how you eat your food. And expecting someone to throw out a partially eaten bag of chips is downright ridiculous.
Your son is 27 years old not twelve. He has the means to move out of your house if living with you is unbearable. It may put him off his financial goal to save up for a down payment for a house but it’s not out of the realm of possibilities.
You made a couple of suggestions to ameliorate his concerns but if he’s not willing to figure something out that works for him, he’s free to pack up his stuff and find somewhere else to live.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m all for supporting someone’s mental health, but we’re talking about sausage and food preparation.
While what you’re doing maybe. unorthodox? I can’t even think of something to call it because I’d just be like “Huh, the first time I’ve seen someone do that.” Also, you don’t need bag clips or to throw away a half-eaten bag of chips. He’d probably hate me too.
I put the bag in the freezer. They stay crisper there than if I leave them out at room temp.” kipsterdude
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mental health isn’t a weapon to be wielded against other people. You’re not encroaching on any of his boundaries. He is using his mental health to control how YOU live in YOUR house which is a big no-no. I’m glad he’s trying to better himself but he hasn’t learned the lesson of only being able to control your own life, not anyone else’s.
If he has an issue with how you live then he should avoid the things he doesn’t like, not start trying to control you. If he hates seeing your sausage in the fridge (which btw what the heck? There are bigger problems in the world than jagged flipping sausage) then he can cut it himself or get a minifridge so he doesn’t have to look at it just like your suggested” jp11e3
4. AITJ For Hesitating To Give My Mom My Phone Due To Past Privacy Invasion?
“I (19M) am autistic and just spent 50 minutes in the kitchen just frozen after being yelled at by my mom (57F). All because I took too long/hesitated to give her my phone as she wanted to call her friend from my phone as I think he wasn’t answering calls from hers?
She asked me if she could use my phone because her friend wasn’t answering her calls (I think?) and I was going to give her my phone, but I hesitated because while I have let her use my phone to call people before I just don’t feel comfortable every time she does or asks me because of something she did almost 4 years ago.
My mom had gone through my phone and other personal belongings while I was showering and read text messages I sent to my older half-sister venting about mom and saw that I told her that I was venting to other people about my mom as well.
She saw that as “talking behind her back” and took away my electronics (which are my only way to contact to outside world) and my current sketchbook (at the time) which I cried about when I was alone because it was personal to me.
She got mad at me for hesitating and taking too long to give my phone to her.
Thinking I don’t trust her and called me “selfish” and “ungrateful” for not giving her my phone and told me to never use her phone again if I wasn’t going to let her use mine and said she was going to change her phone’s PIN.
The funny thing is that she came to me to help her how to change the PIN on her phone right after. (Which I refused since she doesn’t want me to use her phone)
So afterward I spent about 50 minutes in the kitchen frozen from being yelled at by her and in the dark because she turned off the light in the kitchen and once again called me ungrateful/selfish (not sure which one she said despite it happening just a few hours ago) for wasting electricity and not using the kitchen if I was standing still and not moving.
I’m aware that I’m a hypocrite for hesitating because I’ve used her phone before, even without her knowing on rare instances, so I’m not innocent at this.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is yelling at her autistic son for freezing after being given a request?
I’m usually against giving people a free pass to do whatever they want ‘because diagnosis’ but this one seems like a pretty cut and dry situation. Does she, like…know how autism works?” annotatedkate
3. AITJ For Letting My Nearly Adult Son Explore A Tourist City Alone During His Sister's Sports Tournament?
“My son is a senior in high school. He is not quite 18 but will be in a few weeks. He’s always been very responsible and mature and loves to do things alone, like go for drives, go to movies, and even out to restaurants.
He has a great group of friends that he does socialize with but there are times he likes to experience things by himself. I understand because traveling alone is one of my very favorite things to do.
So now the question. My daughter has a sports tournament coming up in a couple of weeks in another state, which happens to be a big tourist destination.
We have vacationed here before as a family, and there were things my son (who was 15 at the time) didn’t get a chance to see that he wanted to. When I booked the trip, I asked if he wanted to come along. He said he would be interested but not if he had to tag along and watch his sister’s tournament every day.
(He loves his sister but has limits on how much of her sport he can watch before getting bored. He’s not a sports guy.)
We talked and I said he could come with us and I would cover the hotel and flight but he was on his own if he chose to do things/eat places that his sister and I were not eating at/doing.
He agreed because he wants to go and because most of our activities are with her team and he most certainly does not want to spend 5 days hanging around 16-year-old girls and their families. He can’t rent a car but he knows how to use public transit so he can get to anywhere he wants to go in the city.
I bought the tickets and let their dad know (we are divorced) and told him that my son would be flying down with us and staying with us but mostly doing his own thing. My ex was livid and said I was irresponsible for letting my (nearly grown) son “wander” in a tourist city and I never should have “allowed” him to go.
He said that if our son gets hurt or something happens to him or he “gets into trouble” it will be my fault for caring more about our daughter’s sport and “letting my son run wild in a tourist town.”
AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“So, I guess if he doesn’t go your son will just have to wait until college to get into trouble? What a bizarre overreaction to a perfectly mundane event. Of course, you’re not the jerk. IMO this is a great way for your son to flex his independence without being completely unsupported. NTJ” loverlyone
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, people that will be eighteen in a few weeks *go off to college*, all the time, all by themselves, sometimes far away from the watchful eyes of mommy and daddy. And he will be with you at night, you will be nearby, in the same city.
And you think he is a responsible kid. It’s time to loosen the apron strings a little. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ When I was 17 my parents booked a holiday I did not wish to attend. Instead, I bought a “youth railway ticket” and traveled from town to town from youth hostel to youth hostel for a month on my own.
Of course, I was responsible. Agreed, it was in Germany in the 80s but a lot of young adults did so. Only a few years ago, my daughter and also nieces and nephews flew from Germany to Australia or New Zealand Japan, etc. to travel for 3 -4 weeks on their own.
Trouble can happen everywhere…” Outrageous-Muffin375
2. AITJ For Wanting My Sister, Not My Mother, To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“My (25F) mother (59F) got angry with me and told me she wouldn’t attend my wedding if she wasn’t the one to walk me down the aisle.
Trying to be concise here so in short, my parents divorced when I was 5 and since then they have not spoken to each other at all. Initially, they were amicable with each other but eventually became no contact during my teenage years. I maintained a relationship with my dad as much as I could however when I was 10 I moved interstate with my mother and older sister (5-year age gap) and so only saw my father on holidays.
As time went on the relationship became more and more distant and hollow.
I always thought if I were to ever get married that I would not want my father ‘giving me away’ considering he hadn’t done much to raise me and didn’t deserve that responsibility at my wedding.
Also, I think the idea of a man owning you until they hand you off to another man is just stupid and oppressive. But that is beside the point. I am not getting married, I am not even engaged.
I am incredibly close with my sister and I trust her over anyone.
She is the only person who has always been there for me. Because of that, I’ve always wanted her to walk me down the aisle should I ever get the opportunity.
During a normal conversation on this topic, I expressed this idea/thought to my mother, a hypothetical situation as, again, I am not even engaged. And she became genuinely angry with me.
She said that if she couldn’t do it then she wouldn’t want to come to my wedding at all. It turned into a full-blown fight as in my eyes my relationship with her has always been far from perfect and I think she was blowing a hypothetical scenario way out of proportion.
She thinks that if it’s not my father then it should be her or at least her and my sister. I thought she would have thought it was sweet that I would want my older sister to play that role. I believe we could have just had a normal, nonexplosive conversation about her thoughts and feelings but instead, she got angry with me which in turn only solidified my feelings on not wanting her to have that responsibility.
So AITJ for wanting my sister to walk me down the aisle?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mother doesn’t see you as an individual. She sees you as an extension of herself. Even as an adult, she doesn’t respect that you have opinions and can think for yourself.
If I were you I’d completely steer clear of wedding ideas, and maybe even elope if/when the time comes.” PittsburghGal85
Another User Comments:
“Oh my, making such a hot topic over a hypothetical. This shows a lot about your mother’s character. There is a lot to this, it’s not about who gets to walk next to you, it’s about your relationship to the people in the family.
She will likely feel disrespected, unappreciated, taken for granted etc etc. I suppose this will not make you feel like walking with her. If you two have a half-decent relationship sit down and talk, not about the hypothetical wedding but about what she means to you.
NTJ” User
Another User Comments:
“Well, you can want anyone in the world to walk you down the aisle, it can’t make you a jerk. But you show how much you value your mom, and she feels rejected and unappreciated if she gets no role in a hypothetical wedding.
It’s your relationship and they are 25 years in the making, and no one here knows what was leading to this point. But the result hurt her feelings. What to do with that is up to you, depends on how much you want to improve or ruin the relationship you can apologize or continue this argument for years.” FatSadHappy
1. AITJ For Wanting To Give My Roommate Less Of Our Lawsuit Winnings?
“I (Ann, F 20) and partner Brianna(F 21) live with Catherine (F 24, Brianna’s cousin).
We live in a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment. Brianna and I live in one room and Catherine lives in the other room and the kitchen and living room separate our bedroom. Our apartment leaked (they thought they fixed it multiple times) that started 4 months ago and then our walls started growing mold for the last 3 months (they wiped the walls each time they “fixed” the leak).
After 1 month of multiple “fixes,” we started seeing mold grow up the walls and it then traveled into our closet. So we packed our stuff that didn’t get damaged into boxes and moved everything into the living room. The only thing that stayed in our room/closet was our bed. Brianna and I set up code inspections through the city and they reported everything, visiting on multiple occasions.
Then I also paid for mold testing that of course required fumigation. The apartment complex refused to acknowledge that there was a serious problem. We then went ahead and sued (we even had support from the code inspector and mold fumigator). I was the sole contact with the lawyer, taking and providing all of the evidence for the case.
We didn’t actually get an exact $ value yet because the case is still in progress but this was to be prepared for a win, and then I could scale it depending on the actual amount (the case was taken on where we wouldn’t pay unless we won the case, so we are expecting to win).
All 3 of us are named on the lawsuit as residents of the dwelling. I would like to hear unbiased opinions on whether I’m the jerk for thinking Catherine doesn’t deserve more than $5k since she wasn’t directly impacted and didn’t help with providing any evidence for the case (and that still is pretty generous) Brianna’s initial thought was that Catherine should get ⅙ of the winnings which would equate to about $8k.
Brianna and I are still together so we aren’t fighting over it between us. (Brianna and I also have 2 cats that stayed in our room when we slept throughout this time)
Catherine had a smaller leak a year before that needed repairs that spanned about 1 week.
Catherine didn’t provide that as extra evidence against the apartment complex for negligence when I brought up that I was going through with a lawsuit. What do you think is the fairest way to split lawsuit winning between the 3 of us?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I have to disagree with your logic, but let me explain. Catherine was definitely affected when you and your partner moved all your stuff into the living room. It wasn’t your fault that you had to abandon your bedroom, but it certainly wasn’t her fault either and I’m sure she lost most of her living room access while you two used it for a bedroom.
You may have been more inconvenienced, but she wasn’t completely unaffected. You could look at it this way: if the three of you divide the money 3 ways as ‘individuals,’ you and your partner will end up with 66.666% of the winnings. But if you and your partner as a couple split it with Catherine, the 2 of you together would only get 50%.
So take the win! By dividing it 3 ways as individuals, you and your partner will still come out on top. I think that would be very reasonable considering the 2 of you were more inconvenienced than she was.” Oddly_quirky
Another User Comments:
“If you haven’t won the case yet, I would hold off on deciding who gets what.
I’m assuming your lawyer is representing you on contingency which means they get a percentage of the final judgment or settlement. The longer the case goes on, the greater the attorneys fees and expenses will be and the more that will be taken out of the final reward.
It’s not even worth it to discuss percentages right now because you don’t know what number you’ll be taking a percentage of. There’s a huge difference between 10% of $50k and 10% of $20k.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Lawsuit damages have nothing to do with the amount of labor each plaintiff put into the case.
Also, you all need to talk to your lawyer about this because if you’re not in agreement as to how to apportion damages, there’s a conflict of interest between you and you will all need your lawyers (and your current lawyer may need to withdraw altogether).” Dan_Rydell
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