People Seem Out Of Touch In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Do My Sick Brother's Chores?
“I’m 16, and my brother is 22, so we’re six years apart. We lived in a single household with our mom after my parents divorced, and all the household work fell on me. My mom often says, “You’re home all day,” so I’m expected to handle most of the chores.
When summer started, I began working, and I assumed my brother, who wasn’t working, would take over the chores. It had always been the case that if he worked, I’d do the chores, but when he didn’t, I thought he’d do them instead.
But he didn’t.
I’d come home at 8 or 9 PM, and the chores were still undone. My mom would yell at him for it, so we made a deal: I’d do the chores on Monday, he’d do them on Tuesday, and so on.
Even now, in winter, we’ve kept the same routine, even though he’s working. We agreed it was only fair that he do his turn while I was working.
The problem is that my brother thinks he doesn’t have to do anything because he grew up with our mom doing everything for him.
When his turn came around, he’d leave the dishes for days until my mom yelled at him. The real issue came up when my brother got sick and left the dishes for three days.
I was in the kitchen when my mom came in and said, “Do his turn for the dishes, he’s sick.
He was throwing up all night.” Normally, I would do his turn in these situations, but this time was my last straw. It always seems like there’s something that happens with him, and he leaves the dishes to pile up. I refused and said, “No, it’s his turn.
It’s not my problem. Look at the dishes, they’ve been left for days. He had plenty of time to do his turn. I don’t care if he’s sick. When I’m sick, you don’t ask him to do my chores; you wait for me to get better.”
My mom didn’t say anything, because she knew I was right. To add a note, my mom would yell at me if I didn’t do my chores the same day, while she lets my brother do his whenever he wanted.
My stepbrother is older than me and could manage his time better to get the dishes done on time.
All he has to do is the dishes—while I do the laundry, mopping, and cook, all while balancing school and horse riding. I manage my time perfectly, but he’s just lazy, and I’m tired of my mom giving him an easy life.
This has happened too many times, and I feel like everything is falling on my shoulders.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given the history, you’re right to resist becoming the default for housework. Your brother should be doing most of the housework, as he’s not working outside the home.
The split is already unfair to you. If your mother wants to give your brother a day off his chores, she should cover them, not you.” Mysterious-System680
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s incredibly unfair that all the responsibility is falling on you, especially when your brother is a grown adult living in the same household.
You’re only 16, balancing work, school, and other responsibilities, and it sounds like you’re already pulling more than your fair share. Your frustration is completely valid, especially since your mom seems to have different standards for you and your brother. It’s not unreasonable to expect him to step up and handle his part, even when he’s not feeling well.
You’re right that when you’re sick, no one jumps in to cover for you, so why should the rules change for him? It sounds like he’s been enabled for a long time, and you’re the one bearing the brunt of it.
You have every right to set boundaries and stand your ground. If your mom wants the chores done differently, it’s on her to enforce fairness, not to push even more onto you. It’s exhausting to feel like you’re the only one pulling weight in the house, especially when you’re so young.
Hopefully, this situation helps your family see the imbalance and adjust expectations, but in the meantime, you’re not in the wrong for standing up for yourself.” User
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend's Casual Companion Staying In My Apartment Above Our Restaurant?
“Me & my husband own two bars/restaurants and have a third opening next week.
We have an old friend ex-employee of ours from years ago) who comes to stay with us from out of town now & again when we need a hand – maybe like once a year. He stays in the spare room in our small apartment.
We feed him all his meals & drinks from our restaurants on the house during his stay and pay him for his time as well.
Our friend is in his 440sand lives at home with his mom. I know he’s single as we only saw him a few weeks back and he mentioned he’s casually seeing (ie spending time with) a few different women.
He’s never had a serious or lolong-termelationship to my knowledge, but has regular casual attachments with younger women.
Anyway, he texted my husband earlier this week asking if it would be ok if he brought a ‘companion’ this weekend. We discussed it and I don’t feel that comfortable having one of his casual companions staying in our small apartment for a few reasons… A) we have been working flat out to launch the new business and will be working all weekend, B) Our friend was coming on a working basis, he knows the score it’s not like we’re roping him into anything, so what’s she going to do while we’re all busy, & C) I don’t have the time or mental capacity to host in my own home at the moment – the extra cleaning and pressure that comes from having a new person in your space.
It’s been back-to-back 12-hour days and will be for the foreseeable future. I just don’t need anything else on my plate.
Also, I should add that our apartment is above one of the restaurants. To get upstairs you have to go through the back of the house in the restaurant, so anyone staying upstairs has full access to stock, the safe, etc. I’d like to hope no one would ever steal from us but it’s obviously an added security risk having a stranger stay in our apartment.
My husband didn’t care that much but was happy to back me up and told our friend it was not a good time to bring someone along. He said next time give us a bit more warning and we can book them into one of the accommodation rooms in our business, and that it wasn’t a good time for us to be hosting new people in our home.
He didn’t hear back from our friend for a couple of days. The friend has now texted back again saying please is it ok, she doesn’t mind hanging out while we are all working, etc.
Am I being unreasonable here? If it was a steady companion (or at least someone we’d heard of before this week) or they weren’t staying in my apartment I obviously wouldn’t care.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to have anyone in your home or business that you don’t want to — it’s just that simple. (Side note though: whether your employee’s companion is causal, a “casual companion”, or whatever, is none of your business.
That’s just not part of the equation.)” Spiraling_Swordfish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever. On top of how busy you are, it’s just a security risk: plain and simple. You have known this friend for years and trust him, but you can’t vet or even guarantee a proper vetting of any person he brings in.
You and he just haven’t had enough time with the person to trust them with access to your wares. Not to mention, since the living space is *above* the business, noise could be an issue if she starts blasting music, or dancing, or… well, you know if he’s on break and they get up to any shenanigans.
Honestly, this person is likely to expect the same free meals your friend gets, so that’ll be a financial drain even if there doesn’t turn out to be a security risk. Offering to help find partner accommodations on a future trip is incredibly kind, and honestly, that’s more than you need to offer to begin with.
Bro needs to lay off asking y’all a second time after being told no. It’s nothing against him or her; it’s just plain smart business to not trust access to vital workstations/storage areas to a non-employee, and a stranger on top of that.” SqueamishSquiggle
18. AITJ For Hiding My Brother's Laptop After He Broke My Cane And Hearing Aid?
“I (17m) have a younger brother (12m). I try to tell myself he isn’t spoiled, because he has mental issues (ADHD/Autism and Anger issues), but at this point, I’m convinced he’s manipulated our parents into being obsessed with him.
I have Narcolepsy and POTS, which causes me to need a wheelchair or walking aid of some sort most of the time. I am also legally deaf and wear hearing aids. My brother is extremely jealous of the fact that I have “special treatment” and makes it his biggest goal to be able to also have that kind of attention.
There have been times when he has taken my cane, hearing aids, and even my medication once, purely to show off to his friends for attention.
About a week ago, he took my cane again and brought it to school. This time, he let some other kids borrow it, and it was broken (I have a foldable cane for easier transportation, and the kid snapped the cord inside of it, breaking it in half).
I was extremely angry and yelled at him for it, but my parents took his side and brushed it off saying I shouldn’t be so angry because he didn’t understand that what he did was wrong due to his Autism. Usually, I would give him the benefit of the doubt and believe it, but this is the third cane he has broken this YEAR.
I woke up yesterday morning to find one of my hearing aids broken, basically smashed. I knew exactly what had happened and decided I had dealt with enough. I waited for my brother to leave for school and then grabbed his laptop and hid it in an obvious spot I knew he wouldn’t look and waited for him to get home, knowing he would instantly want to go on it when he got home.
Surprisingly, he didn’t instantly barge into my room when he couldn’t find it. I didn’t hear or see him until dinnertime. My dad got home and instantly commented on the fact my brother wasn’t on his laptop, and he broke down having a fit because he couldn’t find it.
I giggled to myself a little, but loud enough that everyone must have noticed because the room went silent and my brother was staring at me angrily. He demanded I tell him what was so funny, and I told him I threw it out this morning.
Long story short, everyone was mad at me, and the rest of the night consisted of screaming and fighting.
I haven’t told anyone where the laptop is, nor have I admitted to just hiding it. I was planning to put it back in his room or on the table after a few days, but now I am not sure what to do.
I feel like it’s a harmless prank to teach him that taking and breaking others’ important and personal belongings isn’t okay, but my family is currently treating me like I committed a crime as bad as murder. Was this an unreasonable thing for me to do?
Or should I just continue my original plan?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Autism does not mean you get to treat others badly without repercussions and your parents could’ve made it into a learning situation but they chose not to.
However, with actions like hiding the laptop,p you’re only going to make things worse for yourself. Maybe you can sit down with your parents and tell them clearly how you feel and how it’s affecting you. In the meantime is there a way you could hide your canes or lock your room so your brother doesn’t get to them?” cats_schroedinger
Another User Comments:
“Well… your parents are awful, and they’re teaching your brother to be awful too. I don’t think that stealing his laptop is going to teach him anything. I don’t think he’s going to learn anything like that as long as your parents are excusing everything he does.
Unfortunately, sometimes being a teenager is just a matter of marking off the days on a calendar until you can leave home and get toxic people out of your life. Put a lock on your door, never mind teaching your brother anything, and start figuring out what resources you’ll need to move out and what programs can help you with them.” writinwater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I feel for you. Your parents have effectively allowed him to weaponize his challenges. His AuDHD is not a get-out-of-jail-free card, and it does not excuse the kinds of behavior he is showing. Your parents have failed both of you now.
You, for not standing up for your needs, and him for not disciplining him on repeated negative behavior. I wish you loads of luck and positive energy, cause you will need it. As others say, put the laptop back.” TheMerle1975
17. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friends After They Mocked My Culture And Grandmother?
“I, 17F, am an immigrant from Pakistan. I apologize for the bad grammar in advance. Last night, I invited a group of school friends to my house for a sleepover. I was excited to have them over because I thought I successfully got friends, despite having a bit of an accent that I was insecure about.
My grandmother was home, and she did not speak a word of English. In the beginning, when I introduced her to my friends, I got a weird vibe because I saw them laughing among themselves at her broken English. I wasn’t sure at the moment, but it felt off and I shook it off.
Later, when my mother called us down to dinner, one of them made a joke about the smell. My grandmother was really happy that I got friends and she cooked some traditional food for them. My friends sat down and didn’t eat the food. They picked at it and one of them asked if we could get pizza instead.
My grandmother came and asked me if my friends didn’t like the food, because they only picked at it. I didn’t have the heart to tell her what they were saying. I felt left out because my friends were laughing with each other and saying how much they liked pizza, pasta, and other things, obviously mocking the food that my grandmother had made.
I was frustrated and I told them to not be rude. They just giggled and said nothing more.
The third incident was later that night. I was getting ready in the bathroom and they were in my room. I overheard them laughing and saying why my grandmother was wearing a costume in the house, as she was wearing a traditional dress from Pakistan.
I also heard them whisper that she smelled bad. That was when I got really angry and I came out of the bathroom and exclaimed loudly for them to shut up.
My friends all told me that I was going too far and they were just joking.
However, I don’t want them to disrespect me, my country, and my grandmother in my own house. I told them to get out of my house. They were upset and left, driving away. It was around 11 p.m.
I don’t know what to do now because they were my only friends and I feel like kicking them out was too much.
I tried texting them afterward and they blocked me. I don’t know how I’m going to face them in school next Monday. My Grandmother was very sad about what happened and I didn’t dare to tell her why I removed them from the house. I feel bad because I told them to leave late at night, but they do have Driving Licenses.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As an immigrant who has had a similar experience, I empathize with you and forget your friends. They come into your house, make fun of your grandma’s accent, don’t even seem like they appreciate grandma, and then call her outfit a costume?!
What are they, 110-year-old babies? You’re 17 and I assume your friends are 17… this is just childish behavior… and then the audacity for them to block you? Please find better friends. Find people who can appreciate other people’s cultures. You’ll be much happier.” AwesomeAsian
Another User Comments:
“Hold your head high. The complete disrespect is pitiful. If they confront you at school next week, just keep repeating that you don’t have time for racists. To come back to you when they apologize and grow up a bit. University and/or a job are right around the corner.
High school children are and will be irrelevant. Give your grandmother a hug from this old, white New Zealand lady, and know you have my respect.” Qwarla888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as the daughter of Indian immigrants, I can tell you that these weren’t friends and not the kind of people you’d want to make friends with anyway.
My friends in school were the ones who were so excited to try anything from a new culture. We were all from different backgrounds but it didn’t matter because we loved getting introduced to new food clothes and ideas. We went to Korean karaoke, chaand raat parties, afternoon teas, and every event thrown by the multicultural club.
You want to look for curiosity in people, not smug ignorance.” SnooPets8873
16. AITJ For Ignoring My Coworker After She Kept Interrupting Me?
“I (19F) have been working with my coworker (25F) for 2-ish years. We go to school together (college courses) and hang out outside of work. We have never argued or got into a fight before, but I have been holding back some things that have been bothering me.
She tends to cut me off when I am talking at work and often ignores me as well. For example, I’ll be talking about something that happened the prior day or a random story to my other coworkers, and mid-talking she will cut me off and talk about herself or something along those lines.
Now I wouldn’t be upset if she cut me off to ask for clarification or to add to the conversation, but she just starts a whole new one. If I am talking to her about something, she also just blatantly ignores me and will either be on her phone, or I would have to repeat myself for her to respond.
I find it very irritating and disrespectful. I remember a coworker commented about her cutting people off and she just laughed it off.
So here’s where I might be the jerk:
She ended up cutting me off 3 times in one conversation and I just had enough and I stopped talking.
I didn’t start any conversations with her and when she would speak to our other coworkers, I just stayed on my phone or caught on on schoolwork. She noticed and asked what was wrong but I just said nothing. I could’ve told her what was wrong, but I didn’t want to make it a big deal and put her on blast in front of our other coworkers.
I wish she had the same morals. The next day when we had downtime, she turned to me in front of everyone and said “Okay I’m sick of you acting like this what’s wrong with you; Why are you ignoring me?” so I told her “I’m sick of you interrupting me and ignoring me when I’m talking.” She rolled her eyes and snapped back “Oh my god this is what you’re ignoring me about, what are we 5” To keep peace in the workplace I just said “Yeah seems like it” and turned away from her.
I have not talked to her since and unfollowed her on all my socials. I don’t want to associate myself with someone who can be so disrespectful and when we talk about it, downplay how I feel and don’t take any accountability. Granted I could’ve been the bigger person and talked about it instead of ignoring her, but I’m working on my communication skills and I don’t like confrontation.
I just feel like my feelings were pushed aside and I was embarrassed that instead of talking to me in the break room or alone, she interrogated me in front of everyone. So, I probably am, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if someone cuts you off, it’s incredibly annoying and completely disrespectful.
Let alone 3 times in one conversation. This is the type of person who thinks ‘I’m great to talk to, I don’t understand why no one wants to talk to me’. You should not engage with this person if you can help it” ozzyozzyozz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but as the person who often interrupts people and accidentally starts a convo that seems to not relate to the previous one (I connect the two in my head but others don’t see it) and it took someone telling me and communicating with me for me to realize what I do and still do sometimes.
Usually, the person will give me a look or huff and I’ll realize and apologize. You said you don’t like confrontation but it isn’t exactly confrontation, it’s just communication about how this hurts you and throws you off. I know speaking up can be hard but she may not realize it even if it seems super obvious” PaganGoose
15. AITJ For Refusing To Make My Younger Sister A Sandwich After School?
“My younger sister (15f) is the golden child of our parents. I (16m) hate it. My sister is terrible to be around and we hate each other. Sometimes she goes out of her way to prove our parents prefer her to me.
My parents deny they love her more or see her as the favorite but other people around us see it. She gets bigger and more expensive gifts, she gets to do more stuff than me, and they invest a lot into her because she’s really into gymnastics.
While they scoff at my interest in game development and refuse to support it. And they raged at my grandparents who did support it and paid for me to go to classes on Saturdays. They accused my grandparents of favoritism because they paid for that for me but wouldn’t pay for my sister’s gymnastics.
My sister calls me a loser, a nerd and she tells me her friends think I’m disgusting and would never go out with me. It doesn’t bother me because I don’t like girls, my sister doesn’t know this. But she always brings up girls to me and how gross and repulsive I am to all the girls in school.
She bullied a girl who said I was cute and the school came down hard on her because the other girl left school in the middle of the day because of my sister.
My grandparents won’t let my sister come to their house anymore because she won’t be nicer to me and they refuse to let it slide.
My parents told me I should stick up for my sister more. I asked why she gets to say mean things about me but I have to stick up for her and they said she’s my little sister (we’re 11 months apart!!).
I get home from school before her every day because of her gymnastics and I make myself a sandwich or a quick noodle bowl.
My sister gets home and she’s hungry and she’ll tell me to feed her and I say no. She mentioned it to our parents last week and they told me to make her a sandwich for when she gets home. I said no. They told me I don’t get to say no when I’m eating their food.
So I asked my grandparents if I could go to their house after school and get something at their house and they said yes.
My parents are angry that I won’t do this for my sister and they say I should be a better big brother and overall a better sibling.
My grandparents called them names when they heard what my parents said and took my side saying they need to teach their disrespectful little girl manners because the way she talks to and about me is not okay. My parents told them to stay out of it and I should still help my sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Are her hands broken? Is she mentally or physically incapable of making herself a sandwich? It doesn’t sound like it. I’m really glad your grandparents don’t put up with their BS.” MissNikiL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t do a thing for people who treat you badly.
If your parents are ok with that behavior, you need an exit plan for when you are a legal adult.” TreadmillGangster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The fact your sister bullied someone so much that the other person left the school says A LOT… about what you are dealing with, about your parent’s denial about the daughter they are raising and their inability to see the imbalance in how they treat the two of you.
I can’t help but picture you going on to have a good career ie game development and your parents think you should help/bail out your sister (or even themselves) because “well, FAMILY!”. And their shocked faces when you decline to help. Is there any chance you can spend even more time with your grandparents, possibly even live with them?
Also, talk to your grandparents about your plans for training or education /living /transitioning into a fully independent adult after high school. Your parents are not likely to be willing to help you out much, so you need to know what resources you can count on and how you can fill in the gaps.
Good wishes to you!” swillshop
14. AITJ For Not Comforting My Friend Enough At My Birthday Party?
“It was my birthday yesterday, and I had a small dinner with a few friends to celebrate. During dinner, one of my friends kept leaving to go to the bathroom, and when I tried to start a conversation with her, she would just respond with short “yes” or “no” answers.
Then, she started to cry, so I asked if she was okay or if something had happened. She said no. I asked if something had upset her about what happened today, and again, she said nothing had happened. After that, she got up, paid for her meal, and left the restaurant.
One of my other friends, who is closer to her than I am, went after her, and they talked outside. She returned alone, saying that my upset friend hadn’t explained why she was upset. I then texted her, asking if she was okay again, and she replied that she wouldn’t be good company and that I should enjoy my birthday without her.
The whole situation made it awkward for everyone at the table, so we stayed for a little while longer before heading home. The next day, she sent me a long message saying she felt like I and the other friends had purposely excluded her by talking about things she didn’t know, and she wanted to end our friendship because she didn’t think she could stay friends with people who do that.
She said she didn’t trust that we wouldn’t do it again, even if it wasn’t on purpose.
I was stunned because she had told me the night before that nothing happened, and she was upset about something else. I didn’t think she’d see me as someone who would purposely ignore her, especially since I did try to talk to her, but she only gave me short responses.
I assumed she was upset about something unrelated. In the past, I’ve always dropped everything to comfort her when she’s upset. I’ve helped her with writing essays, job applications, and always been there for her when she’s had a tough time.
So, I replied to her message, saying it was never my intention to ignore her, and I thought she was upset about something else. I also told her I’d respect her wishes if she no longer wanted to be friends. She responded by saying that I didn’t care about her at all and that I should have dropped everything to make sure she was okay when she was crying.
She said if the situation were reversed, she would’ve done everything to make sure I was okay.
Now, I’m confused because I have no idea what she wanted me to do. I want to remain friends with her, but I’ve already apologized and promised something like this won’t happen again.
She said my apology didn’t seem genuine.
Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her she’s right and it’s time to end the friendship. You don’t need that level of drama and friend “testing” in your life. You gave her every opportunity to verbalize what her problem was but she had to do the big exit while crying expecting everyone to run after her.
She’s got a serious case of main character syndrome. If you continue this “friendship”, it will be a series of dramatic events where you have to prove yourself to be the best friend ever every single time or you will be declared a bad friend who doesn’t care.
Don’t set yourself up for this. Respect her wishes and leave her to her crying for attention self.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“Yeah NTJ. She’s 28 years old, and you’re 21. You’re acting more mature than she is, and her acting this way instead of talking to you like a mature adult isn’t a good sign.
Even if she did feel left out, she could also ask questions about what you guys were talking about you were trying your best to check in on her, and your friends cared about her too, so I don’t know what the problem was. Don’t be too hard on yourself, if she doesn’t want to be friends anymore then that’s her choice, not your problem anymore.
It sucks, I get it, but other things are going on that are troubling her that are not you.” RogueX047
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but… She wanted you to chase after her and abandon your birthday party? Nope. That being said, I have been to gatherings and parties where I was completely left out of the conversation aside from the occasional check-in and it sucks.
Not enough for me to cry and be all dramatic but I have left early after trying to move the conversation to something I can join in on and being rebuffed. For this reason, I always try to keep conversations going that everyone can join in on- especially if I notice one or two of the people there aren’t participating.
So I sympathize with being left out of conversation but not being so dramatic about it. I fully realize this was unintentional on your part which is why I’m not going with YTJ.” MissNikiL
13. AITJ For Asking My Houseguest To Limit Her Partner's Visits?
“Okay, I (late 20s F) just need a sanity check on this one to make sure I’m NTJ before I put my foot in it/ back down.
A friend (late 20sf) I’ve known for about six years has temporarily moved in with me and my partner into our home due to her living situation not working out.
Since we’ve known her for a while, we feel fairly comfortable around her but still struggle to share our space to recharge. She has been here about a month now and has had her partner (late 20s m) over about 3-4 times a week, we’ve seen him every weekend in one way or another.
He is nice enough but quite loud and wants to talk a lot. We don’t know him, have a lot going on, and need a lot of time to recharge as people. He also lives with his parents, which is relevant.
The first week she moved in he was over 5 nights, she brought this up and apologized, saying he would only come over at weekends.
The next week it was 4 nights, granted we didn’t see him during the week. This week he wanted to cook for us all but we already had food, he then came over at seven and took over the kitchen making food and being super loud.
I was feeling ill and annoyed my friend hadn’t stuck to what she said about weekends as I needed to go in the kitchen and tidy up and having to chat felt super draining.
So, today I asked if she could start splitting her time with him at his parents at the weekends.
She said she could ask but it was hard with him living with his parents. I received a big message saying she is upset because:
A. She wants alone time with her partner without his parents there for privacy
B. Weekends are their only proper time together
C. Having a set time he can come over feels weird & like she is not an adult
D. He wants a chance to get to know us and she feels this will upset him
E. She feels like a burden and like we regret letting her stay
For me, this feels like for A&B I could turn around and say, that’s how I feel about my home and partner. D also feels irrelevant, forced hangouts don’t make friends.
I’m worried I WBTJ because it feels like it’s controlling her autonomy and feels harsh or extreme, I also don’t want her to feel unwelcome.
But it feels like it has been affecting my partner and me to have to constantly keep our social face switched on whenever he’s over, especially when we need to recharge at the weekend. It means we’ve both been more snappy with each other and feel more drained/overwhelmed easily.
So WIBTJ if I double down on this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She is treating your place as if is it hers. While you may want your guests to feel comfortable, they cannot be so comfortable that they make you and your partner stressed out.
Because after all, they are the ones intruding, not you. What I would do is explain to her that the partner is just too much and it has affected your home life to the extent you are no longer able to enjoy your place. So, I would tell her that you don’t want any more overnights and if her and her partner feel such a need, they can get a motel for those times.
That would be the condition of her being able to stay with you and if she can’t abide by that arrangement, she can of course move. Remember it is you doing her a favor, not the other way around.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would be totally within your rights to say no guests at all ever or any other rule you like.
This is not a negotiation situation. You are doing your friend a huge favor letting her stay at all! If she and her partner don’t want to be treated like children, then they should save up and get their place like adults! She is a burden and you do regret letting her stay.
The solution is for her to get her place like an adult, and in the meantime, obey whatever rules you set. Just because she’s your friend doesn’t mean you owe her the red carpet-treatment. IDK if she is paying you rent, but if so, I think the best move is for you to forego that rent as long as you can hold it for her to use as a down payment on a new place ASAP.
You don’t need the money, you need to get your life back and try to not have the friendship be destroyed by the time you get it.” Oso_the-Bear
Another User Comments:
“You’re not wrong to set this boundary. You and your partner need to have space to recharge, especially since weekends are your time to relax.
Your friend is staying with you, so it’s reasonable to expect her to spend more time at her partner’s house too. It’s not controlling, just maintaining a balance in shared living. If she values the arrangement, she’ll understand. It’s fair to ask for time without her partner in your space, and setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad friend.” SereneSiren81
12. AITJ For Wanting To Adopt The Same Cat As My Roommate?
“I (F22) recently moved into an apartment with a friend and roommate (M23). From day 1, I made it clear to him that I wanted to adopt a cat.
It would be the apartment’s cat (we have two other roommates), but I would be the main owner, taking responsibility and bringing the cat when I moved out. It’s not something I take lightly, as having a cat is a commitment for the next 15+ years.
I got in contact with a cat foster parent through a mutual friend who sent me pictures of two cats, a boy tuxedo and a girl calico. I sent these pictures to the apartment group chat and my roommate said he instantly fell in love with the girl cat.
I said I was leaning towards the boy, but wanted to meet them to see their personalities. He said that he had to get the girl cat and that I could adopt the other one.
Ok, well our third roommate is hesitant about having two cats.
I’m also hesitant. It’s a lot to go from 0 to 2. He tries to convince her by saying he’ll put the litter box in his room. He says we need two cats.
We go to meet the girl calico cat together and both fall in love with her, she’s super sweet.
No joke and the foster thought of the same name for her independently. It seems like a done deal. But my roommate is saying that it’s going to be his cat and that he has a claim on her because I initially said my preference was for the other cat.
But that was only based on a picture without even meeting them!
We’ve argued a lot about this. I don’t want to let it interfere with our friendship overall, but it’s making me angry at him. I was excited to have a cat of my own.
It’s annoying to me because he could have adopted a cat at any point in the last year living in this apartment, and he waits for me to set everything up, and now expects that it’s his cat. I’m afraid if I give in to this we’re not going to get another cat for whatever reason, and I’ll have to wait another year to have a pet of my own.
I talked to my parents about this and they think I should just be the bigger person and adopt a different cat, that I’ll just find another one. It just feels very unfair to me. As of now, my roommate is unemployed, while I have a job.
He’s never had a cat before but has pet-sit for his partner. He’s given me all sorts of reasons why this NEEDS to be his cat.
I suppose the mature thing is to just give in and adopt another one, but man it’s bothering me.
Am I being unfair by “changing my mind” and trying to “steal his cat”?’
Another User Comments:
“Kittens NEED another cat around. They will bite and be bitten, and they will understand that biting is hurtful. You get one cat, and it will bite YOU and never learn not to bite.
Socially, you need two. So get them both and let the cats choose – find out which cat likes which roommate the best. The wand chooses the wizard and the cat chooses whatever the heck it wants because it is a cat! Who knows, neither cat might like either of you and they will both choose the third roommate.” WEM-2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I suspect that even if you get another cat he will at some point decide it is his cat even if its chip is registered to you and you are paying for all of its care. Especially if he’s being emotionally manipulative about his reasons for needing the cat to be his.
It might be easiest to just get the cat you want to get (the calico), register it to pay for its care, and tell the housemate that you can have a sensible conversation about ownership if and when one of you moves on. Cats choose their humans and when you live in a shared house sometimes they will pick someone who is not you.
They sometimes even decide your neighbor is their person and just move them out. Even if you’ve invested in their care for years you may reach the point where you want to move out and realize the cat just won’t be happy going with you so you need to leave them with the person they’re happy with.
Also if one of you has the financial means to care for the cat and the other doesn’t you may decide for the cat to stay with the person who can afford it. Cats are willful wee beasties. You may get the sweet calico and find it’s a complete demon when it’s in your home.
It may end up hating your housemate anyway and scratching him to ribbons. I’m pretty sure he would drop any claim quite quickly if that’s the case” Significant_Fox_6969
Another User Comments:
“I think you guys both should get another cat, it’s a stupid thing to lose a friendship over and I can bet your dynamic will change because one of you will feel mad over the other keeping the cat.
There are so many cats you guys should both find another cat except you look for yours and your roommate finds his” User
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My MIL To Stay At Our House?
“We (26 F and 26 M) are a pair of newlyweds just trying to figure out life, we are doing good and are in love. We got married less than six months ago and my parents paid for our dream wedding and are still supporting us.
My MIL constantly told us she would give us funds but she never did, I never asked for it and honestly didn’t need it thanks to my parents… but it was annoying hearing the same story where she promised something we all knew she could never give us….
She was the only one giving us a hard time while planning the wedding because she wanted to invite a ton of people we barely knew… she didn’t put a penny out of her pocket but still wanted to have a lot of people at our wedding which made me angry but I never told her or my husband just to be respectful.
She didn’t seem happy the day we got married, not sure why since we always had a good relationship and she ended up inviting a lot of people… I was always respectful and even asked her opinion on some wedding stuff so she could feel she was part of it.
Long story short, she lives in another state, and every time she comes to TX stayed with her brother (he is single).
Yesterday we picked up her from the airport and she told my husband she was expecting to stay with us, I talked about this before telling him I don’t feel comfortable with family members staying over at our house, they could visit and everything but not sleep in our home and that it was one of my boundaries, which he agreed.
She’s playing the victim saying her brother andsher got into an argument a few months ago and they don’t talk anymore so now every time she comes over she needs to stay with us… when we dropped her at her brother’s he was nice and kind to her, he always said she could stay with him and that he could also help her with any errands she needed to…
She never told my husband about the situation and never asked him or me if it was ok that she could stay with us. I get she’s my husband’s mom but I feel like she needs to understand that we do have boundaries and she can’t come and expect us to accommodate our schedules around her.
I don’t feel comfortable with anyone else staying because I work from home and I clean, cook, and do chores at my own pace so I don’t want to have someone just saying what I need to do.
I’m not happy that she planned her whole trip expecting us to accommodate her without even asking us… we always thought she would stay with her brother as she always did before!
She was never clingy to my husband when he was single, not sure why she wants to play that role now…
Spoiler, she stayed with her brother but I feel my husband is resentful now since he thinks I don’t want her mother just because I’m mean… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good on you for not caving and letting her stay with you. It was wrong for her to just assume she could stay with you, without having discussed it at all. Remind your husband that you don’t want *anyone* staying at your house at this point, not JUST his mom.
Also, note that it was wrong of her to expect to stay with you when she didn’t have enough respect for you guys to ask ahead of time. Establishing and sticking to boundaries as a couple from the start will ultimately be good for you both.
Others will simply have to learn to adjust to that, as difficult as some find it. FWIW when my sister first got married and they started establishing boundaries with immediate family, both sets of parents had a hard time with it. It took a while for them to accept that this was the new normal and respect their decisions, whether they agreed or not.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go against the grain and say ESH. Look, yes, expecting to stay with someone without even *informing* them (much less asking) is ridiculous, and 100% jerk. You are not obliged to host her if you’re not comfortable, even if she had asked in a reasonable time frame.
BUT. You and your husband need to start talking openly about stuff. “-which made me angry but I never told her *or my husband* just to be respectful.” “-I feel my husband is resentful now since he thinks I don’t want her mother just because I’m mean…” If you can’t communicate with your partner, you are not ready to get married. You are, so now you need to be aware that this is an issue and put conscious effort into improving.
Otherwise, MIL issues are ultimately going to be irrelevant… your marriage will not last without communication.” hadesarrow3
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are the jerk. It seems like you and your husband simply were not ready to get married and assume the responsibilities of marriage.
You admit your parents are supporting you. Why are your parents still supporting their married daughter and new son-in-law? And it seems your relationship with your mother-in-law is entirely transactional in your view. Although you state you ended up not needing your mother-in-law’s funds thanks to your parents, you seem bitter that your mother-in-law hasn’t given you any funds.
You indicate your mother-in-law didn’t seem happy on your wedding day. Perhaps that’s because she saw her son and his new wife were not ready for marriage.” freelancerjourn
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Flatmate's Unemployed Friend To Live With Us?
“Me and my wife moved in with another couple after emigrating to a different country whilst we settled into life here. They’ve recently flown back home due to a family member passing away, and the guy has just let us know that his partner will not be returning for several months and asked us to reduce their part of the rent during that time.
Whilst we were considering this, he then asked permission for their (m) friend (who we’ve never met) to stay in our flat for an undisclosed period, throwing in the fact this person could cover our other flatmate’s portion of the rent whilst she is away.
We were hesitant about this for several reasons:
1. The rental market is crazy here and it’s highly unlikely this friend (a single guy with no job experience in the field he’s hoping to get into once here) will find a place any time soon.
2. This person is also a total stranger to us (we don’t even know his last name).
3. Me and my flatmate also have jobs that require us to be away from home, sometimes for up to two weeks at a time. This could mean that my wife could be living alone with this stranger whilst he is here, and she has understandable concerns about this (again, we do not know anything about this person).
4. We don’t want our house to turn into a glorified youth hostel. This is not the first time friends of theirs have stayed for extended periods, and being married with flatmates plus extras on the couch is less than ideal.
5. Our flatmates were planning on moving out in a few months, and we had said to family members visiting that we had space for them to stay at Christmas.
However, it’s now looking like they won’t be out by December, and we’ll also have an additional body on the couch.
I replied that we would have to think about it and asked when their friend would be arriving in the country.
We expected this would be at least a month in the future and plan on being able to chat with our flatmate in person to express our concerns when he gets back next week. However, when our flatmate got back to me he revealed that the friend was actually on the same flight as him.”
Another User Comments:
“You’d be insane to say yes. Does your country not have rental agreements/leases? Also, why would YOU reduce their rent? They signed an agreement with the landlord and can bring it up with them. I would’ve said no so fast but I am a woman and would never invite an unknown man to live with me.” Jetfaerie777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, text back, “You and your wife committed to paying X amount of rent each month, so you need to stick to that agreement. And, we are NOT comfortable having a strange man move in with us. We don’t permit for him to even stay for a single night, so he needs to find other accommodations.” Have it in writing.
Make yourself very clear. You don’t need to permit to let trouble into your door.” crystallz2000
9. AITJ For Asking My Long-Distance Partner To Help Pay For New Tires?
“When we met he had his own car (two-door, turbo-charged automatic) and a full-time job. I had just finished studying and started my own small business that obviously wasn’t making any profit yet. I had a small car (2.0 manual).
We’ve been long-distance since 2020 (been together since 2019) however we’ve always tried to make it a priority to spend time together pretty often.
He has a child from a previous relationship and I don’t have kids. I’ve never had an issue with that.
The child lives with the maternal grandparents. And the mother is barely involved. In 2020 he chose to quit his job because he was making more from his side hustle and his job was depressing him. I supported him. His family believes in employment and not entrepreneurship so he told them he was retrenched.
Things went south… his car was repossessed and he was forced to move back home to another province. I still lived with my parents and we talked every day. He needed funds to keep his side hustle going and my mom graciously gave him a loan.
I decided to go back to college full-time after working for a few years so money is tight. Fuel is expensive and so is vehicle maintenance. I also recently moved out of home. He’s now working full-time again in a job he loves and is making decent money.
He refuses to buy a car on credit (he is still owing on the other one). He now lives and works 1 hour away from me and I generally don’t mind picking him up however last week I was unable to do so due to college commitments that I had forgotten about.
I was reminded the day before and I told him immediately. He blew up at me saying that he contributes more to the relationship financially than I do and that I’m canceling on him for something that won’t matter in the long run.
All but saying that I don’t value our relationship as much as he does because when he was working 8 hours away he chose to come and spend time with me and not his child or his family. Claiming that I have never sacrificed my family time for him (which I certainly have).
This was the first time I said I couldn’t come to fetch him in 5 years and he threw everything in my face. AITJ for telling him that although he does contribute to my fuel when he needs to use the car, he also has to now help me pay for new tires.
Everything I do is within a 15km radius and he lives 145km away from me and we often drive to far places for stuff he needs, including going to visit his child who lives about 50km from me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re balancing a lot—college, a small business, and managing your finances.
You’ve been supportive of his decisions, including loaning him money and accommodating his situation. He should understand that your time and resources are limited, especially with everything you have on your plate. It’s unfair for him to blow up at you for not being able to pick him up once, especially after all the times you’ve made sacrifices for the relationship.
The fact that you’ve been driving long distances to see him and help with his child, even when it’s not easy for you, shows you’ve been putting in the effort. Your suggestion that he help with the tires is not unreasonable—especially since he expects you to drive long distances for him.
He should be willing to meet you halfway, both emotionally and practically, especially when he’s in a more stable position now. His reaction to this situation, where he’s throwing everything in your face after one mistake, is a huge red flag. Healthy relationships involve mutual support and understanding, not guilt-tripping and blowing up over minor issues.” User
8. AITJ For Refusing To Be The Best Man At My Best Friend's Wedding Because I Dislike His Fiancée?
“To dive right in, I’ve been best friends with Bill (26M, not his real name) since college. We’ve always been more like family and I love him like a brother. We met as freshmen and were roommates until he graduated (I stayed an extra year at that college because I did a co-term ).
Now, Bill has a rough history with his family. Without getting into too much detail, his dad was a terrible person, and that deeply affected Bill’s life. His mom was a bit better, but she never stepped in when he needed support, which strained their relationship.
This is important because Bill has only invited a few family members to his wedding—just an uncle and aunt who took care of him during high school. Because of this, he’s been adamant that I attend.
Here’s the issue: I don’t like Bill’s fiancée, Amy (25F, not her real name).
I can’t tolerate her at all. Bill and Amy have been together for about two years, but their relationship has been on-again/off-again. Amy was unfaithful at one point, and although they’ve worked things out, I saw firsthand how much mental torture Bill went through.
She’s manipulative and somehow came out of that situation scot-free. As a result, I can’t stand her. I’ve made that clear to both Bill and Amy—probably in language that’s too explicit for this post. Amy also dislikes me and holds a grudge because I told Bill to leave her after she was unfaithful.
So, the feeling is mutual.
Anyway, about three weeks ago, Bill called me and asked if I would be his best man. He said he really wanted me there because I’m one of the few people he considers family. I wanted to say yes, but I know that if I’m there, Amy and I will end up in a confrontation.
I told Bill I didn’t think it was a good idea for me to be his best man. Attending the wedding is one thing, but being at the wedding party is another. I can’t stand her, but Bill insisted. He told me I might be the only “family” he has helped him in this process and really needs my support.
I explained to him that, as much as I love him like a brother, I don’t think it’s the right decision given the animosity between Amy and I. After about an hour of back-and-forth, he said he understood. But then he asked me again this week.
I feel really bad, but I know myself, and if I’m involved, I’m going to ruin this thing. I don’t like her but I don’t want to ruin his first wedding for him. I’m not good at biting my tongue, especially not for months of wedding planning.
I’ve also asked my own younger brother and my partner. They both also said it was the right call.
I feel guilty, but I believe it was the right call. Was I wrong to say no? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is one time when someone (you) needs to be the bigger person.
Amy didn’t do anything to you personally. She was unfaithful to your friend, not you. Your friend, who you claim is very important to you, has begged you to be there for him. You should support him at his wedding, and ignore Amy as much as possible.
At the end of the day who your friend chooses to marry is up to him, not you.” Striking-General-613
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ Anyone saying otherwise has no idea how relationships work. You can go through a day without being rude to Amy, if she can’t it’s on her.
Bill knows how you two feel about each other and still asked so he’s already weighed up the risks Your friend/brother needs you and this is where you step up. If you don’t you will most likely irreparably ruin your relationship.” Swimming_Purchase201
Another User Comments:
“When my sister married a man I thought was abusive I talked to her. I said I am standing beside you because I do not believe he is a good man. I am not supporting the wedding. I am supporting you. He’ll try to say “Your family doesn’t care about you” and pull you away from us.
And you remember this day when I stood next to a monster to stay in your life. YOU will always come before my emotional comfort. And within the year he’d said that very thing and things started clicking for my sister. Eventually, she was able to escape him.
It cost her but she did it. The only thing I asked her was to not have the pastor say “if anyone knows a reason why these two should not be wed…” because I have a big mouth and I would have said something. Lol If you can keep quiet leave it in.
Maybe someone else will come forward.” Mysterious_Book8747
7. AITJ For Telling My Friend It's Her Fault She Has A Deadbeat Baby Daddy?
“I’ve been friends with “Anna” for over ten years, we’re both 24. Last year she started seeing this guy and immediately I could tell he was a bum. He’s 28 and lives in his parent’s basement, using substances every day (literally), hasn’t had a job since he was 19, plays video games and watches streams all day, has told her he only bathes every two to three weeks, and is very rude.
I’ve been around him a few times and this is all very evident, he doesn’t hide this information. I was shocked that my friend would even look in his direction. She has her life together, has a stable job, and lives alone. I questioned her on why she was settling for his bum self and she said she loves him and sees his “potential” and that she supports his streamer dreams…
My sister has a deadbeat ex and they are so similar. I know it’s not my place, but before she was even pregnant I warned my friend to get on birth control and use protection every time she sleeps with him because he has every sign of being a deadbeat.
He doesn’t even take care of himself, there’s not a single paternal bone in his body. Anyone who brags about not changing their clothes for weeks, pees in bottles, and does substances every day is not good dad material. And in my opinion, if you’re sleeping with someone, especially in a red state like ours, you’re consenting to them being the potential parent of your child.
She told me I was insane and who thinks that way, and that she has no intentions of getting pregnant.
Well… she did. Just like I expected when she told him he told her to travel to get a termination and she refused. Then he blocked her everywhere.
She was devastated during the pregnancy saying she couldn’t believe she was doing it alone and I bit my tongue considering her vulnerable state. Well, the baby is nine months now and she still complains about how hard being a single mom is, that it’s not okay for him to be a deadbeat, and that she wishes she could have known he was a deadbeat before having a baby.
Again I bite my tongue because I know she’s struggling.
Recently she found out that he has a partner and has been going OFF. She’s messaging her on social media saying she’s disgusting for being with a deadbeat. She asked me recently if I would be willing to confront this girl at her job as a barista with her.
I said no. She got upset and said if I was a true friend I would. That’s when I reached my boiling point. I told her that I WARNED her before she was even pregnant how big of a loser he is and that she has no place to judge anyone for seeing him when she procreated with him and went out with him too.
She started crying and saying I’m a jerk because it’s not her fault she has a deadbeat BD. I just rolled my eyes and said it kind of is. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Her plan to start a harassment campaign around his new partner tipped this into NTJ territory for me. Your friend needs to be humbled before she makes a complete jerk of herself – or worse, finds herself in legal trouble.
She’s not better than this new partner, and she picked this man knowing that he has no job, no motivation, and no interest in being a responsible adult. She *openly admitted* that she was going out with his “potential.” Potential that never manifested, and that she never had any evidence to support. Your gentle sympathy was not helping her.
Maybe some blunt reminders will. Let’s hope so.” DiTrastevere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Her approach to bothering his new partner and trying to get you involved is pathetic and stupid. She should ease up on complaining to you all the time about these optional problems. I think you did well in holding your tongue all those other times.
Unfortunately, her way of thinking is pretty common: “My partner is great, you just don’t know them like they do. I have no intention of getting pregnant/impregnating someone, so that won’t happen to *me*. I know my partner has demonstrated zero maturity but I think that this is the type of parent my child deserves.
Nothing but the best for my kid! Even though the red flags were waving in front of me and I was warned, how could I possibly foresee any of this happening? I’m a victim and I didn’t have a choice in any of this!” paul_rudds_drag_race
6. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize For What I Wrote In My Private Journal About My Stepsister?
“I (16f) like to journal. It helps me with some stuff. I first started journaling when my dad passed away. I don’t write in the same journal now but it’s been my therapy almost. I hold nothing back in it either.
And when my mom first met her partner and I had a lot of thoughts and feelings I documented a lot of stuff. I have written more in it since then too. Like more than I used to. I just have a lot more stuff to get out.
Some of that is about the blended family my mom and her husband made. It’s them, me and my stepsister (8). And my mom’s been married again for 6 years. She married again 3 years after Dad passed away.
The things I wrote in the journal that got me posting here are about my stepsister and how I don’t love her, see her as a real sister, don’t enjoy spending time with her, mention that mom sorta makes me spend time with her so she’s not sad.
I had a few pages where I’d be venting about stuff that she did or how I hate her coming into my room and that I think she’s a spoiled brat when she gets away with that stuff. There were also mentions of me being glad when I could move out and not spend time with her.
When I was in school and she was home (not sure why) she went into my room and she tossed all my books around my room. Then she broke the box I keep my journal in and she was reading it. She read my old one too and tore pages where I talked about missing my dad.
But she found the pages about her in my current one and she started crying and my mom went into her and saw the mess she made in my room. But the only focus once mom found out what she read was the stuff I wrote.
I got home that day and my mom’s husband was home already and they were so mad at me. My stepsister was crying and mom told me what happened and she kept staring and waiting for me to go and comfort my stepsister. But I didn’t.
My mom and her husband said I owed an apology to my stepsister and mom’s husband for the stuff I wrote. I said no. It was private and I could write what I wanted.
They told me that it was a poor excuse to hide behind and I should care that I devastated my little sister.
I told Mom that what I wrote was how I felt and I was not going to apologize for her getting hurt when she went into my room and trashed stuff. Mom said it was such a cold way to be, to not care about a little girl’s feelings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother and SF are focusing on the wrong thing – your stepsister violated your privacy and tossed your belongings all over your room, including vandalizing your journal. That is the real crime here. Journals & diaries are private for a reason – so you can put your private and uncensored thoughts down so you can help deal with them.
And reading it without the writer’s permission is a huge violation of the writer’s privacy. The message your mother and SF just sent was that your SS has complete freedom to break into your room and vandalize it whenever she wants without consequences.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ, no question. It always boggles my mind the number of blended families that go the forced sibling route. My father remarried and I have two 1/2 siblings, they tried the forced bonding act, I was 12 and 15 years older than them. The worst part is they wanted me to share punishments, even when they were adults.
I never lived with them, was visiting one weekend, and learned that my brother had totaled a car, gotten a DUI, and lost his license for a year. Our father demanded that I be forbidden from driving and had to surrender my license to him.
Not only had I driven there but I was 35 at the time and lived 4 hours away, he actually thought I was going to take a Greyhound home and public transit for the year until I earned the right to drive again. After all, it would be selfish of me to drive when my brother couldn’t.
I had many angry voicemails waiting then I got home. Going NC was very cathartic.” Total-Temperature-46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. If she wants to violate your privacy, she is responsible for the consequences of that. It’s not like you talked badly about her to anyone behind her back, you have a right to a private outlet for your private feelings.
I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation.” futurechildeducator
5. AITJ For Being Upset With My Dance Group For Not Practicing?
“I’m a 16-year-old girl, and I was assigned to a group of four for a dance project. It’s for marks that are important to pass the subject, and I really want to pass. In our group, there are two boys and two girls (including me), and one of the boys is the group leader.
He sent us the dance moves over the weekend, and I practiced them diligently.
On Monday, our teacher gave us time to practice together. To my surprise, none of my group members had bothered to practice. I told myself it was fine since we had until Friday, so I kept practicing every day until Thursday.
On Thursday, we were supposed to practice again, but guess what? They still didn’t know the moves, even though I had reminded them multiple times to practice. I was frustrated, so I told the teacher my group wasn’t cooperating. She said we could perform the following Wednesday and came to check on our progress.
When she arrived, my group panicked and asked me to show them the moves so the teacher wouldn’t suspect anything. Feeling bad, I showed them. She didn’t realize they hadn’t practiced (I probably should’ve let them handle it themselves).
Fast forward to Monday, and they still hadn’t learned the moves.
Suddenly, they decided to change the dance, adding just three new moves, but by Tuesday, we still hadn’t made any real progress. At this point, I was fed up and told them they weren’t taking it seriously. My friend, the other girl in the group, got offended and said, “So what are you trying to say?
That you’re serious and we aren’t?” She also told me I was overreacting.
A friend from another group chimed in and agreed, saying my group wasn’t serious. I started to feel bad about what I had said, but I was genuinely frustrated.
On Wednesday, we performed in front of an audience, including students from other classes. Honestly, I was so embarrassed because we didn’t do well at all. I don’t ever want to be in a group with them again.
To add to this, I’ve been thinking about ending my friendship with the other girl in my group.
She makes me uncomfortable, often oversteps boundaries, and has a negative vibe. She never does her work and usually asks me for mine. I think she can be aggressive at times. If I stop being friends with her, she’ll likely end up alone, but I’m starting to feel like she’s toxic, and it’s draining me.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s frustrating to be the only one taking something seriously, especially when your grade depends on it. You were trying to hold the group accountable, and their failure to prepare isn’t your fault. If anything, you were generous by showing them the moves when they hadn’t practiced—it shows you cared about the group’s success even when they didn’t.
Your “friend’s” response—calling you overreactive—sounds dismissive and unkind. You have every right to feel upset when you’re putting in the effort and they’re not. Feeling like she oversteps boundaries and relies on you for work are legitimate concern. If ending the friendship feels like the right thing for your well-being, don’t let guilt about her being a “loner” stop you.
You can’t stay in an uncomfortable friendship just because you feel responsible for her.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s incredibly unfair that all the responsibility is falling on you, especially when your brother is a grown adult living in the same household.
You’re only 16, balancing work, school, and other responsibilities, and it sounds like you’re already pulling more than your fair share. Your frustration is completely valid, especially since your mom seems to have different standards for you and your brother. It’s not unreasonable to expect him to step up and handle his part, even when he’s not feeling well.
You’re right that when you’re sick, no one jumps in to cover for you, so why should the rules change for him? It sounds like he’s been enabled for a long time, and you’re the one bearing the brunt of it.
You have every right to set boundaries and stand your ground. If your mom wants the chores done differently, it’s on her to enforce fairness, not to push even more onto you. It’s exhausting to feel like you’re the only one pulling weight in the house, especially when you’re so young.
Hopefully, this situation helps your family see the imbalance and adjust expectations, but in the meantime, you’re not in the wrong for standing up for yourself.” User
4. AITJ For Confronting My Hoarder Grandma About Her Unhealthy Living Conditions?
“My Grandma is a clinical hoarder living alone (widowed). She has all of the typical characteristics including refusing any help, being incredibly defensive, being maniacally stubborn… blah blah blah. If you’ve seen the show Hoarders….she’s that. I wouldn’t say the family coddles her or enables her by any means, but we have all always had an unspoken understanding to just let her live her life how she sees fit and love her anyway knowing that no attempt to help her will ever be successful.
When her AC went out this past summer, every company that came out to replace the system refused her service (it’s that bad). My brother and I have our own HVAC company but she never came to us because it’s gotten so bad she no longer allows family into the house.
She only came to us after she was left with no choice. So of course, we order the system and install it for her free of charge. Like clockwork, after a week, the system is completely frozen. We go out there to fix it and find every single return and supply vent completely covered with decades of stuff.
(I should mention, her air handler is in the crawlspace, so we were able to install it without ever entering the home. She would not allow us to enter the home). We spent hours moving all of her hoards of stuff out from in front of her vents with her badgering us the entire time (“Don’t touch that!” “Be careful with that!” “I need that!”).
The following week, we get called out again.
The system has broken down again. This time, she informs us she forgot to mention that she had shoved old blankets down several of the vents years ago to keep the mice and rats from coming through.
She also did not remember which vents. So, again, we spend hours looking down each vent and pulling out the decades-old dry rotted rat urine-covered blankets while being badgered the entire time. The following week she called again and I grabbed my brother’s phone before he could answer.
I picked up the call and said something to the effect of “ Listen, Grandma. We love you and we’re doing everything we can for you, Mike (my brother) is too sweet to tell you this, but he is using time, money, and resources that we don’t have every time we come out there and we haven’t had the heart to tell you that this system is never going to run right in that house in that condition.” She is, of course, she got defensive, then accusatory, then turned on the waterworks for the famous Hoarder Victim Routine….the whole usual range of emotions within a few seconds (if you have one in your family you know).
Anyway, I know I’m NTJ for standing up to her, I’m just wondering if I’m the jerk for snatching the phone out of Mike’s hand and doing it for him. She literally would have drained him of every dime he had and every minute of his time.
She does this ith everyone who has ever tried to help her. And he would have let her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandmother needs a plan to deal with this unsafe situation, which means involving an expert who is experienced in handling hoarders. You & yours know that going in there & hauling out that junk will not work & will just cause her to respond as a victim & fight you every step.
Even with an expert, you may not be able to make a dent in the mess.” FunnyAnchor123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She needs help that you won’t be able to give her until she sees that the problem is all her. I would refuse any help on the HVAC until she can guarantee that the vents will remain empty and clear.” Humble_Scarcity1195
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who’s dealt with a hoarder in the family, I completely understand the emotional and logistical nightmare this creates. It’s like walking a tightrope between wanting to help out of love and knowing that their mindset makes it nearly impossible to offer effective assistance.
Your grandma’s situation is heartbreaking, but her refusal to address the root of the problem puts everyone in an impossible position—especially when it starts to drain your time, energy, and resources. You weren’t being malicious by stepping in; you were setting boundaries, which is essential for your own well-being and your brother’s.
It sounds like he might not have been able to say no on his own, and honestly, enabling her (even unintentionally) wouldn’t solve the issue anyway. Hoarding is a mental health problem, and unless she’s willing to confront that (which seems unlikely from what you’ve described), no amount of HVAC repairs will make a dent in the larger issues.
You did the right thing by being direct. It might not have gone over well, but sometimes tough love is the only option. Hopefully, she’ll take a step back and see the bigger picture, though realistically, that’s probably wishful thinking. Hang in there—this is a tough situation, and it’s okay to protect your own boundaries.” User
3. AITJ For Wanting To Protect My Marriage From Husband's Disrespectful Friend?
“My husband and I got married in July, and since then, I’ve had ongoing issues with a mutual friend, “A.” While my husband thinks her behavior is fine, I feel disrespected and uncomfortable, leading to several arguments between us.
A is someone my husband met through his D&D group. I didn’t know her well initially, but I got weird vibes during our first hangout. At a BBQ we hosted, I gave her a tour of our apartment, and she made strange comments about our possessions, asking how we could afford certain things and what my husband thought of them.
I initially brushed it off, thinking she was just being curious, but as time went on, her behavior started to feel invasive.
To give her a fair chance, I invited her to dinner and a play, and we seemed to bond. Eventually, A became one of my bridesmaids, which I now regret.
As we spent more time together, her behavior toward my husband became increasingly inappropriate. For example, she often made comments about how attractive she found him and even said she would sleep with him if given the chance. On three occasions, she said this directly to me.
She also asked who in our friend group I found most attractive and then answered herself by saying my husband’s name.
A’s manipulation extended to another friend, “C.” She told us she and C were fighting, implying we shouldn’t invite her to our wedding.
After the event, when A and C reconciled, A told C different stories about why she wasn’t invited, suggesting that my husband and I didn’t like her, which created unnecessary drama.
During the wedding, A’s behavior was noted by friends. They mentioned she frequently touched my husband’s velvet suit and hugged him.
Later, she told a friend she didn’t bring a gag wedding gift because it would “ruin my husband’s wedding night,” which felt incredibly disrespectful.
After the wedding, A spread rumors about our relationship, saying I was “financially abusive” because my husband and I keep separate finances.
She also implied we weren’t compatible and shouldn’t have gotten married. These comments were hurtful, especially since I tried to include her in my life.
Despite everything, my husband brushes off her behavior, saying, “That’s just how A is,” and insists he won’t confront her unless she makes a blatant move.
I’ve told him her comments make me feel disrespected, but he doesn’t see it as serious because they weren’t made directly to him.
The final straw came when my husband wanted to help A move because she didn’t have a car.
I couldn’t join them due to work, so I told him I wasn’t comfortable with them being alone together, especially given her history. While I trust my husband not to be unfaithful, A’s behavior makes me uneasy. I don’t want them to spend time one-on-one without clear boundaries.
I’m fine with group settings, but am I being unreasonable for wanting to protect my marriage?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I can’t believe your husband is brushing off these comments just because they weren’t said directly to him. Has anyone else backed you up and told him what A has said?
But, even if they haven’t, just her comments about wanting to sleep with him would’ve been enough for my husband to cut her off immediately. It’s weird yours is excusing her.” AmyB003
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t trust your husband not to be unfaithful.
He’s already accepting behavior from A which is disrespectful to your marriage and enjoys her touching him and saying she’ll sleep with him. He’s not shutting her down and frankly – I may be the A but I’ve also been with my husband for a very long time – A needs to be out both your lives.
If your husband is unwilling to protect your marriage, is he worth having? You have a husband problem.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, if my husband had a “friend” like this and didn’t immediately put her in her place I would no longer have a husband.
You don’t have a friend issue you have a husband issue. The first time she admitted she would sleep with your husband you in my opinion should have called her out right then and there. And then the fact that your husband didn’t talk to her about it is TELLING.
You can’t protect a marriage when your husband doesn’t seem to mind you being continuously disrespected.” awkwardzombi3
2. AITJ For Confronting My Son's Coach About His Unhealthy Weight Gain Plan?
“Last year, my son’s coach told him he needed to gain weight—a lot of weight—like 40 pounds. The idea was to get him up to 200 pounds for this season.
Now, my son, being the rule-follower and total team player that he is (plus, he can eat like no one else), didn’t question it and just went for it. The problem is, I had no idea this was happening, and it wasn’t until recently that I realized just how extreme the coach’s advice was.
The coach gave him a whole list of “rules” to follow to pack on the weight quickly. We’re talking calorie goals every day, specific fast food orders to hit those numbers (hello, McDonald’s), drinking more soda (which we don’t usually keep much of in the house) and even ordering supplements online.
Now it makes sense why boxes of Boost started showing up on our doorstep out of nowhere! And to top it all off, the coach told him to cut back on cardio—including swimming, which is something he’s always loved.
I didn’t put all the pieces together until later, but now, looking back at this summer, it’s so obvious.
He wasn’t running as much, and his swimming practically stopped, which was strange for him. And the food… it went from the usual healthy stuff to fast food galore. But honestly, I didn’t think much of it at the time. I just thought it was him being a lazy teenager.
Fast forward to now, and I can definitely see the difference. He’s already put on 35 pounds, and it shows. I hate to say this, but his stomach is starting to look like his dad’s. And he’s never had a weight problem before!
He’s always been fit and active, so this feels like wrong. And I can’t help but worry this is setting him up for bigger problems later on.
I asked him what was going on, and to his credit, he was pretty upfront about it.
He explained the coach’s plan, and he doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here feeling so guilty for not catching on sooner, and also furious at his coach for encouraging this. Both my son and my husband acted like I was overreacting.
My husband knew about it all along and was quietly supporting it! They both say I don’t “get it” because I’m more into swimming than football.
I requested a meeting with his head coach one-on-one, but husband and son both say I’m majorly overreacting, don’t understand how football works these days, and that intervening made me a “Karen.” But I’m worried about his health in the long run.
AITJ for contacting his coach?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I suspect your one-on-one with the coach won’t achieve anything. Coach is giving medical and nutritional advice when I suspect he completely lacks any medical qualifications to do so. (I suspect he lacks the intellectual capacity to get those qualifications, but that’s another matter).
Can you take your son to an actual licensed physician for a full medical work-up? If his doctor finds things to be concerned about, the doctor might be in a better position to complain to the school about the coach’s wild ideas.” flick_of_diamonds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but be aware that it probably won’t make any difference. High school and college sports are, in many cases, terribly abusive to the kids that participate, causing them to make unhealthy and unwise life decisions that can have long-term impacts. It’s like War Games — the only way to win is not to play.” EndielXenon
1. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Ex's Stepchildren's Class Trip?
“My ex and I (both 30) separated after the birth of our twins 8 years ago.
We had only been together for 14 months when she got pregnant and we only stayed together during the pregnancy because we wanted to try and be a family for our kids’ sake. But she met someone else and fell for him and wanted to “have a chance at love”.
Our separation was amicable enough. We co-parented well for the first two years. But when she met her husband (not the guy she fell in love with during our relationship) things changed. He was a single father and sole provider for his daughter who was the same age as our kids and she declared I would be responsible for including her like she was my child too if I was buying gifts or doing anything fun with our kids.
This started us on a bad path and now we parallel parent instead of co-parent because I was expected to babysit her stepkid (and nephew and now younger daughter) when I wanted to have fun with my kids and I was supposed to spend equally across all kids for gifts.
Ex and I have 50/50 custody. Nobody pays child support because we both have our kids an equal amount of time. My kids and I are close. I do not include the other children at their mom’s house when I have them and I do not interact with those other children.
Three years ago their stepdad’s nephew moved in with them and a year later their mom and stepdad had a baby daughter together so they have a stepsister, stepcousin, and a half-sister at that house and my ex is expecting again (potentially).
This is partially where the fight comes from.
The school the kids go to is small so they’re in the same class as the steps. And they have a class trip coming up in November to an interactive museum. It’s expensive for a class trip at their age but I can afford it and the kids want to go so I paid.
But my ex was angry. She and her husband can’t afford to send the stepdaughter and nephew and my ex told me I should either pay for all four to go or all four could miss it. I said no. I told her I have the right to pay for them to go and the trip falls during my parenting time so I can send them.
Her husband told me I was sabotaging their family and being a jerk to kids who get to see their family go on the class trip they can’t be a part of. He told me I should care more about all the kids. My ex backed him (of course) and said the kids hating each other would be all on me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You have zero responsibility towards children so wholly unrelated to you and, frankly, if you start there will be an ever-ending series of demands. To be honest, if they can’t afford to pay for the trips why on earth are they potentially having another child?
Where are the step and nephew‘s parents in all this? Where are all the bio grandparents? You do need to make sure that your children are not being penalized by the mother and stepfather whilst they are with them. I dread to think what will happen when you help your kids through college.
NTJ” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your ex made her decisions about how she wanted to live her life after all broke up. But that’s the point- you broke up. You aren’t responsible for funding those decisions. It sounds like you are doing your best to respect her wishes in general when it comes to the whole dynamic (her wishes sound kinda messed up if you ask me…).
But it’s not your responsibility to fund the children other than yours. Instead of asking you, they should be looking at ways they can tighten their belts to fund the kids that they are responsible for, and be glad that you are 100% funding your kids for this (instead of expecting her to pay for 1/2 theirs too)… Suggestion for them: Not sure where they live, but one of them can take on UberEats on Fri & Sat nights to fund the trip for the other 2 kids if they can’t think of any way to make extra funds.” Ok-Horror-1049
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s on your ex and her husband making their kids resentful, not you. Their kids expect you to pay because your ex tells them you will, they didn’t come up with that all on their own. If they can’t afford those kids why on earth are they having another one?
I would not start paying for anything, it’s a slippery slope.” Ok_Homework8692
