People Are Open To Hearing Different Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Grounding My Son For Making Inappropriate Comments About His Twin Brother?
“My wife (32F) and I (32M) have twin boys Milo (11M) and Leverett (11M).
On Monday was the 5th grade field trip to the planetarium. Milo is very into science and loves stuff like physics and astronomy, so he went on this trip with his friends.
Leverett finds science to be boring, it’s his least favorite subject and when permission slips came out months ago, he told us he didn’t want to go. We told him that was fine and we asked him if there was anything else he wanted to do on that day and he said he’d ask his friends.
One of his friend’s moms suggested a basketball museum in our state, it’s a bit of a drive but she said she and her husband were willing to take Leverett and his basketball teammates, and that’s what they ended up doing. On Monday, Leverett and his friends went to this museum.
The planetarium field trip was chaperoned by the teachers.
On Monday evening, once they got back to the school, parents had to pick up their kids from the school. I went to pick up Milo and his teacher asked if she could speak to me.
She said that Milo and his friends had made various inappropriate comments on the trip, she said that Milo mentioned what Leverett and his friends were doing and that they said he and the other boys were “slur” for not wanting to go on the trip, she said they also were making fun of Leverett for his skincare routine.
Milo had taken a picture of the skincare products Leverett used and was calling him a gay slur.
Leverett started using some skincare products recently after one of his friend’s partners told him that girls like boys with “clear skin”. His skin is already clear and we just got him some basic stuff.
We were a bit hesitant to get him these products due to all the articles we’ve seen on preteen skincare, but we never mentioned anything against it over fears of it being “feminine”.
In the car, I was talking to Milo and he said that he was just telling the truth and refused to apologize.
I mentioned what happened to my wife when we got home and she asked to speak to me alone. After speaking, we told Milo that he needed to write an apology letter or he would be grounded, he told us to ground him, but that we were being “unfair”.
When the boys got home this afternoon, we asked them about their day, Leverett said that Milo and a few other boys in his friend group were bragging about getting punished for “using free speech” and “telling the truth”. Milo still maintains the grounding is unfair and won’t even consider an apology letter.
My wife asked a co-worker of hers who has a “rebellious daughter” who’s also 11 for advice, and she said we should lift the punishment and that we were being too harsh on him, and that we should just let Milo speak his mind. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 11 is old enough to know that calling anyone a slur will get you punished. Be the parent and punish him. And PLEASE explain what free speech actually means to him. And telling the truth aka being honest isn’t a blank check to be a jerk and call people names.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would extend his grounding until he gives you an essay on the legal definition of free speech and the limits on it, and provides 3 ways it does not apply to his situation. Kids who love science bullying kids who love sports might come out of some perceived judgment of inferiority about not being athletic.
Mocking a sibling who cares about his appearance and being attractive to girls could come from a similar place. As a “smart kid” in middle school I remember being unkind to the pretty, popular girls because I thought THEY thought they were better than me.
I was wrong, I was just an insecure mean kid and it makes me cringe now. Milo may be the same way. That’s something you should address because until he is secure and confident in his sense of self he’s not going to get any nicer to his brother.” Esmer_Tina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You’re right to ground him. His behavior is unacceptable and if it goes unpunished what is he learning? If you don’t put your foot down you’re giving him exactly what he wants and he’s gonna pull this stunt every time he makes out-of-pocket comments.
He owes Leverett an apology and if he decides to be stubborn then he is accepting the punishment that comes with that. When he realizes you aren’t letting up he’ll crack and do what’s right. You’re being very lenient because you even gave him an ultimatum.
Milo needs discipline and structure and that’s what this punishment will teach him.” angeldruul
19. AITJ For Playing Piano At My Sister's Wedding Instead Of Letting Our Younger Sister Do It?
“I (22F) have been playing the piano for 17 years. I stopped taking lessons when I moved out of my parents’ house 2 years ago, but I still play every day to maintain my skill level.
My older sister “Katie”(24F) got married a week ago. She asked me a few months before the wedding if I would be comfortable playing piano as she walks down the aisle, and I happily agreed. We are very close and I was ecstatic to be able to do something for her.
My younger sister “Tina” (14F), who I am also very close to, started taking piano lessons last year. She is doing very well for the length of time she’s been playing. The day after Katie asked me to play, Tina independently offered to play for her.
Katie explained that she appreciated the offer, but had already asked me and that I would be the one playing unless I decided not to.
My mom heard about this and privately asked me if I would consider dropping out so Tina could play. I told her no, mostly because Katie is pretty particular about the “vibe” she wants for her wedding, and although Tina has been making really good progress, she’d still have to play a simplified version of Pachelbel’s canon.
My mom and later my aunt told me that I should just drop out because having Tina play would be more meaningful, as she is younger.
Although my mom repeatedly asked me leading up to the wedding, I did play piano for my sister. I received a few paragraphs from her and other relatives who were apparently informed about the situation expressing their disappointment in me.
I have no idea if I did the right thing in the end. I know Katie probably would have been fine with Tina playing if I hadn’t, and it is really important to me that Tina enjoys playing the piano, as it is something we bonded over.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This wasn’t about Tina and her showing off her new piano skills — this was about Katie and her wedding. She wanted you to play, with Tina being okay as a substitute if you weren’t able to do it.
Mom can have Tina show off her piano skills at home if there’s a post-wedding breakfast or some other little family gathering at the house.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a piano player myself, even someone who is doing incredible in their first year has still only played for a year.
No songs at that level are really “wedding performance” caliber. I’m sure there will be other chances for Tina to show off her awesome skills, but this was not the time.” swizzleschtick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister asked you to play. It’s her wedding and her decision on who she wants to play.
I have no idea why your relatives were so keen on overriding her and getting your younger sister to play instead of you, but you did the right thing by respecting your sister’s wishes on who her first choice was.” Mizu005
18. AITJ For Wanting To Use My Wife's Inheritance For Our Family Instead Of Donating It All?
“My (32M) wife’s (31F) father recently passed away, leaving behind assets worth nearly a million dollars, which we were very surprised by.
He worked in middle to upper-middle management of several small companies and was known for being personally frugal but generous to those around him, especially after his wife passed a few years earlier. My wife, as an only child, is the sole beneficiary of his estate and he did not leave any instructions for how this inheritance should be used.
This would be a life-changing amount of money for us. We are relatively lucky in that we are both college graduates and have good, stable jobs each making about $50k a year. However, with this amount of money, we could buy a house and eliminate our biggest expense which is rent each month.
We could finally upgrade our aging car to an electric vehicle, which we have wanted to do for ages partly for environmental reasons, partly also because electricity is cheaper than gas where we are so it would actually save us money long term. We have a small amount of student debt that we were going to pay off soon anyway, but we could pay it off immediately.
We could start a college fund for our children. And even though I am under no illusions of never having to work again, it would allow us to pull back on the hours and do more of what we enjoy, spend time together, travel and see the world, etc.
It seems like when my wife learned of this windfall, she immediately assumed we were going to donate it to charity. We have always supported charitable causes we care about and I don’t object to donating a portion. However, she seemed surprised that I wanted to use it for ourselves.
Her reasoning is that no one needs or should have this amount of money all at once. We didn’t earn it and didn’t even know it was there; we were getting along perfectly fine before, and we would still be perfectly fine without it. Sure, it could make our lives more comfortable, but the right charities could leverage this amount of money to change thousands of people’s lives.
It turned into a nasty argument. I told her since we are married I thought I should have some say in a major financial decision like this, especially since it has implications for both of us. She said the money was left to her, so she should be able to decide what to do with her inheritance.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Considering her father recently passed, she probably has a lot on her mind. This post reads as though you bombarded her with ideas. That’s the small detail why I think YTJ. But, why on Earth would you just donate an inheritance like that?
Is she someone who volunteers every week and does a bunch of community work?” Similar_City_7948
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not a distinctly black-and-white situation where I can say that either you or your wife is the jerk. In this housing market and current economic conditions, buying a nice, affordable home with a middle-class income is quite difficult.
So I totally understand your reasoning in wanting to use at least this inheritance for that purpose. And also for your children’s future. You can really give your life a boost with this amount of money. Yes, officially this inheritance belongs to your wife and you have nothing to say about it.
However so blasély giving away the amount, without consultation, well, I would think something of that as a partner too. Whether it is to charity or something else. However, I would also approach this with caution. After all, you don’t want to make your wife feel like you’re demanding her to make a hard choice either.
Is there no middle ground negotiable? That you give a part away and use a part for your own?” Classic-Okra-3376
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I honestly don’t think I could stay with someone who donated that amount of money when it could be used to help our family.
For the rest of our lives, every time a monetary issue came up I’d be thinking ‘if you hadn’t done that, we’d be in a better position to weather this’. She doesn’t know what’s going to happen in the future.
One or both of you could lose your job, or become disabled. Medical bills could happen. Having your loans gone, the house paid for, and maybe even a cushion for the kids would be an absolute godsend. She wants to give that up for strangers.” FloatingPencil
17. AITJ For Locking My Intoxicated Husband Out Of Our Room To Sleep?
“I 28f have been with my husband John 26m for 4 years. We met at a party, and are very social people and love to go out. However, I prefer staying home more now and go out less than John does.
John has recently joined a new friend group and they are heavy drinkers.
John is a social drinker but doesn’t drink as much as they do. Now that he has started hanging out with them he tends to match what they drink and while they can pull it off, John gets very intoxicated.
When he gets back from these nights out he comes into our room to sleep and is very loud.
I get irritated as I have to go to work the next day and wake up at 7 and the next day John has no memory of waking me up.
I have told John many times to pace himself when drinking with those friends or at least be quieter when you get back home.
John went out with that friend group last night and I told him I have an important presentation at work tomorrow, so please don’t wake me up. John agreed and went out. He called me as I was going to bed, and sent me intoxicated texts about how he was sorry but he had too much again, but he will stop after the next one.
I knew he would wake me when he got back so I locked the bedroom door. We have a guest room downstairs and I left that door open to him with the light on to that room, closing all the other doors so he would know where to go.
When I got back from work today, John was upset I locked him out and went to bed after he sent me intoxicated texts. He said that judging by their tone I should have stayed up to watch him get back, or called to check on him as he was clearly very intoxicated. I told him he was a grown man capable of making his own decisions.
He is also upset I locked him out of our room and wants me to apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like he’s got a problem. Be that with drinking, or being a people pleaser to his friends, or both. If you’ve had regular discussions about how his behavior is impacting you and you specifically told him you did not want to be harassed/woken up as you had work, then he needs to listen to you.
Locking him out of the bedroom for your sleep health isn’t the end of the world. He had a bed to sleep in. Perhaps that will teach him that his actions have consequences. He’s an adult and needs to act like one.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think you should consider couples therapy and some type of AA program for him. People who have a drinking problem are very hard to deal with and usually end up disappointing you when you need them most. I would set the expectation of him getting help.
You did not mention children, if you don’t have any I would consider birth control to see how this plays out.” IllustriousValue9907
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ but I think there are other, more important concerns you are overlooking. I’m assuming he is driving home after a night of drinking because he wanted you to stay awake to see if he made it home safely.
I dearly hope I’m wrong because if you think getting woken up when he comes home after a night of drinking is bad, wait until he wraps his car around a tree or runs into another car and gravely injures or kills someone and you get that call in the middle of the night.
Or get a call to come bail him out of jail because he got pulled over for drinking and driving. Your husband needs to get his drinking under control or you need to think about a legal separation. A lawsuit and/or court case brought on by his drinking and driving could ruin you financially.
Could you live with it if he killed someone? How about if he severely injured himself? He is playing with fire and you, as the one closest to him, will surely get burned.” Crazy_Life61
16. AITJ For Reducing My Parents' Allowance After Discovering They Were Funding My Brother's Partying?
“My parents live in a less developed country than I do.
My siblings and I all live in North America or Europe.
When I got my new job I did my budget and saw that I could send home roughly $1,300 a month without it affecting my personal comfort. I would still be able to save for my future and my mom and dad could retire.
So when I was home I set up a joint account for us. That way I could see if they needed more and make sure that they were not getting scammed or anything.
After about a year and a half, I started noticing that there was a $200 transfer every month.
I asked them about it and they said he was having difficulties with his budget so they were helping him out.
My brother doesn’t need help. He is a scholarship student. He actually receives a stipend from my home government to study abroad. What he wants is money to party.
So I reduced the amount I give them by $200. Obviously, they do not need it if they can afford to give it away every month.
My mom called me when she noticed and was yelling at me for being a bad daughter and sister. I asked her to tell me exactly how much money they contributed to my party fund when I was away for school.
Just so you know the answer is $0.00. They also tried to talk me out of attending university in Canada. I’m not sure how common the idea of filial piety is in other cultures but it’s a big deal in mine. She went off about it.
I told her that they didn’t need the money and I had better ways to spend $200 than to gift it to my brother so he could have fun with his friends more.
She said that I am treating them like children by restricting how they spend their money.
I replied that I was not going to subsidize my brother through them. And that from now on the amount they got from me would be $1,100. And that if they sent him money again I would know and reduce their money by that amount going forward.
My brother called me to complain about cutting off his money from our parents. I said that I hadn’t. He was welcome to tell our parents to go back to backbreaking jobs at their age to pay for his partying in London. Then they would have my money to live off of and their wages to pay for his fun.
My partner is on my side. As are many of my friends. Most of my family and people from my culture think I am being a jerk. However, for the last two months, my parents have only been spending on themselves.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
And since your parents probably don’t tell you often enough, I’ll say it for them: you are an amazingly thoughtful, loving, and caring child to your parents. You send them upwards of $1000 every month just so they can retire and not have to work.
That’s amazing. You are also reducing the amount you give them as a preventative measure to make sure they don’t get taken advantage of by a spoiled son. If they give $200 now without consequences, it would eventually increase to $300 then $400 then $500, and so on and so forth.
You set a boundary that will help your parents keep their money for themselves so they can continue to remain retired and not spread themselves too thin.” WhilstWhile
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t want to be treated like children but will gladly take a monthly allowance from you.
An allowance they wouldn’t have if you had listened to them and accepted their lack of support. I doubt your brother will send them money when he gets a job. So they have a choice to make. Keep giving him the money they claim to need or use the money so they can have an easier retirement.” Glum_Hamster_1076
Another User Comments:
“Can I point out just how entitled your parents are behaving? To think that only you would need to contribute towards their lifestyle is eye-roll worthy. Honestly, I hope you reduce the amount you give them as soon as your brother gets a job in his field as he needs to step up and support your parents as well.
As it was, he was sponging off of your retired parents, reducing their quality of life. Your brother needed a dose of reality. NTJ.” ahopskip_andajump
15. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister-In-Law's Baby Shower After She Announced Her Pregnancy At My Wedding?
“I (32f) have two nieces (5 and 3) and a nephew (6mo) through my siblings who I love and adore. I planned and hosted the baby showers for each pregnancy, took time off of work to help care for the mothers, and presented a blanket for the baby with their name on it as well as a Push Present for the moms. I also love to spend time with them and plan outings or sleepovers at least once a month because I want my siblings’ kids to know me.
My (then fiancé but now husband) “John” (36m) and his family know how much I love them and I have a pic of my nieces and nephew as a screensaver on my phone. When my husband and I were planning the wedding it was a given that my nieces would be flower girls and I insisted that they wear white dresses like me and little tiaras like mine.
On the actual day of the wedding, John’s sister “Becca” (30f) wore a pink dress to the ceremony but came to the reception in a white dress.
Now technically, John and I didn’t say other people COULDN’T wear white but it’s usually a given in culture that only the bride wears white.
I tried my best not to make a big deal about it because at the end of the day, I was marrying the love of my life, but I guess my look said it all because Becca came up to me and said there was a reason for this and that she had a special surprise for me.
After the speeches, cake cutting, and first dances Becca took the mic from the DJ and made her special announcement.
She started off by saying how wonderful I was and how great of a brother John was, and that she couldn’t think of a perfect gift to welcome me into the family for months.
Then “as if by fate” the universe granted a perfect gift for me and announced that she was pregnant. People on John’s side started to applaud because they knew how hard Becca and her husband were trying for a baby but mine were ticked off as much as I was.
There was a brief argument between my family and Becca but she defended herself insisting that her announcement was a gift as I did technically say that finding out she would give me a niece/nephew in the future would be. I did not want my wedding to end like this so I just told everyone to forget it and keep the party going but my sisters knew to keep Becca away from me.
John apologized and insisted that he knew nothing about this and I believed him and we went on our honeymoon. Since then I have not initiated contact with Becca at all, haven’t asked about her or the baby, and did not help with the planning of her baby shower when asked. A couple of weeks back I received an invite to her shower but didn’t respond until the day before saying that I couldn’t make it because of work.
I guess my absence was noticed because Becca’s husband called me saying how disappointed she was that I didn’t attend and just opted to send a gift. I said I had work, which was true, but he and Becca felt that I should’ve made more of an effort like I did for my bio nieces and nephew.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Would have told them, that her speech was out of line at your wedding. And although it might have sounded perfect in her ears, she should have seen how much it upset you and apologized for it. As she didn’t, they can’t expect you to let everything drop for them.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am so sick of women thinking the whole world is just as excited for their pregnancy as they are like congrats and all but… Also w*f did she have to wear a white dress to announce that she is prego?
It’s obvious she just wanted attention. When and if you decide to have children of your own make sure you announce it at her kid’s bday party. The kid won’t care but she sure as heck will and that still wouldn’t even compare to what she did.” trudyking3011
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I suggest you brace yourself for the incoming firestorm when you don’t do squat for Becca’s child (I’m actually sad that you even sent a gift because Becca didn’t deserve one). I hope the next time they ask why you aren’t involved in her child’s life, you be honest. “You have never apologized for stealing the spotlight at my wedding.
Your announcement was not a gift to me, it was simply you being a jerk and trying to make my wedding reception all about you. At this point, there isn’t any point in apologizing because you aren’t sorry. You showed me who you are and I am keeping that knowledge with me at all times.
I have no desire to spend time with you.”” TossingPasta
14. AITJ For Calling My Stepdaughter A Bad Sister For Not Bonding With Her Half-Siblings?
“My (47F) husband (51M) has a daughter from a previous marriage who is 19. My husband and I also have 2 kids together who are 3 and 1.
My stepdaughter has never liked me.
My husband told me not to worry about it and told me that she was mad at him and not me. I met her soon after her parents’ divorce and I figured it had to do with that and her age (she was 15 when we met) and that she would grow out of it.
However, it’s been 4 years and she still avoids me and is always angry when we’re together.
Both times that I was pregnant my stepdaughter congratulated us but was completely uninvolved beyond that. She didn’t come to the baby shower for my first child and didn’t come to visit in the hospital either time.
Even now we’ve been trying to arrange for her to spend time with them and she turns us down every time.
Last week we got into an argument. She came by our house to pick up a jacket she left the last time she was here.
She was only here for a few minutes and my oldest asked her to play with her and my stepdaughter said that she didn’t have time and left.
I called her later and told her that she was out of line and could have been nicer about it and she told me word for word that it “isn’t her job to coddle them”.
I told her she is an adult and needs to act like one and that she was a bad sister and was making my children feel like she didn’t want them around. To which she just replied that she doesn’t and hung up.
My husband agrees with me, however, I’ve been telling some of my friends about it and they told me I shouldn’t have said what I said to my stepdaughter.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. She doesn’t need to pretend like she cares that you were pregnant. She doesn’t have to attend your baby shower. She doesn’t have to want any relationship with her dad’s new kids. “She’s an adult and has to act like one” – what part of this interaction did she not act like an adult?
Because she doesn’t care about your kids? You’re not her mother, and she obviously doesn’t view you as any motherly figure in her life. You trying to force her into something she has no desire for is inappropriate. You call yourself her stepmother, but in reality, you are her dad’s wife.
Nothing more. I think you have to learn to accept that and stop trying to force your family on her.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “I told her she is an adult and needs to act like one.” She is acting like an adult, who if she doesn’t want to do something, doesn’t have to do it.
She’s under zero obligation to have anything to do with your family which includes you, her father, or her half-siblings as she is an adult. I will give you some advice, it’s better not to have adults who want nothing to do with kids than trying to FORCE a relationship between an adult and a kid.
“I met her soon after her parents’ divorce.” Pray tell, if you met her after her parents’ divorce, when did you meet your husband then or did you just leave that out because you were the cause of the divorce?” Kishin21
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
And also you calling her a bad sister doesn’t really do diddly squat as an insult to her. It sounds like she obviously doesn’t consider herself a sister to anybody. There is not one single thing that you mentioned, that indicated that she in any way wanted to foster ANY kind of sibling relationship with either of your kids.
I just can’t understand why now you’re certainly giving this what I imagine a Pikachu surprise face, at your stepdaughter’s actions.” Lithogiraffe
13. AITJ For Choosing A Traditional Polish Name For My Child Despite Bullying Concerns?
“My fiance and I are expecting our first child and have been discussing potential names. Both of us immigrated from Eastern Europe (I’m from Poland, he’s from Kazakhstan) and we both want our children to have names that reflect their heritage.
We decided on the name Wojciech because it was my great-grandfather’s name and my fiance is a huge soccer fan.
We’re in a group for expecting parents (something like a mommy and me group but you can join before your child is born.) and at the last meeting, the topic of baby names came up.
I explained the name we had chosen and while most of the others said that they liked it, some were apparently concerned about the pronunciation and one of them asked if we were completely set on that name. When I told her yes, she asked if we weren’t worried our son might get bullied for it because it’s not a common name here.
I told her that we aren’t because the pronunciation is not as difficult as it looks and he would probably go by Wojtek anyway. She doubled down again and asked if we had discussed any other options. I told her we did, we also thought about Przemysław and Mikołaj.
I didn’t say it in a friendly way because she was annoying me and after we got home my fiance told me I should’ve just left it alone and ignored her comments.”
Another User Comments:
“First, I LOVE the name Mikołaj. SUCH a great name!
Second, kids are always gonna find a reason to be little idiots to each other. If it’s not a name it’s your clothes, your teeth, the way you sneeze, etc… Having exposure to names from other cultures is a fantastic first lesson in learning about new people and places, and honestly, most of the middle schoolers I met made friends specifically because someone asked them curiously about their “weird but like, so cool weird bruh!” name.
Frankly, I find pressuring parents to use “Western”/“Anglicized” names to be rather xenophobic. (And don’t worry about teachers – good ones ask for proper pronunciation and practice until we get it right!) NTJ but that other Mom sure was.” Reevadare1990
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but you are definitely setting your child up for a lifetime of “how do you say that? Is there a wo check, wog sheik, wo jeck here?” Which is not me putting the blame on you or your child, but it is the reality of what they will have to deal with.” bamboo_keys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think he will get a lot of bullying over his name. It all depends on what words creative kids can find that sound similar. But he will get some laughter and ribbing every time he has a new person doing a roll call who can’t figure out how to pronounce his name.
Phonics is going to fail with this one.” becoming_maxine
12. AITJ For Using The Men's Bathroom Due To My IBS Emergency?
“So I (23F) have had lifelong IBS and as a result, have very unpredictable instances where I need access to a restroom immediately and there is no holding it.
I’ve had about 2 or 3 humiliating instances in public that I really wasn’t looking to repeat.
This past weekend, my friend and I went to the mall and in the middle of our trip, I experienced a sharp pain in my stomach and knew exactly what it meant.
Luckily, we weren’t too far away from a restroom, but the line for the women’s restroom was ridiculously long. At least 20 women were in line outside of the restroom, and I knew there was no way I could wait. Meanwhile, the men’s restroom had zero line.
My friend told me to just go into the men’s restroom and she would stand outside, so I did and ran into the men’s bathroom. I heard another woman’s voice say something while I was running inside, but I couldn’t make out what she had said.
Fortunately, I made it just in time and no men were in the restroom at the time.
As I was coming out, I could tell that a few women were arguing with my friend. Once I stepped out, one of the women called me “entitled” and told me that I “can’t just cut the line.” My friend was telling the woman that she needed to mind her business and that it was an emergency.
I opened my mouth to say something only for the woman to look at me and say “if you can’t hold it and wait in line like the rest of us, you should just wear a diaper when you go out.” The women she was with nodded and “mhmed” in approval. I really did not want to explain that I was two seconds away from soiling myself, so I just took my friend’s hand and walked away even though I was upset.
I’m not confrontational at all and figured the mature thing to do would be to walk away. I called my sister to rant, only for her to agree that I was in the wrong. She says that going into the men’s bathroom was “inappropriate” and that while she understands that I needed to go, she says that I could’ve just gone into a stall into the women’s restroom even if that meant actually cutting the line, which I believed would have been incredibly rude.
If I was able to hold it, I absolutely would’ve waited in line. Yes, waiting in line when you have to use the bathroom is uncomfortable, but it’s part of being an adult. I would not have done this in any other circumstance, but I had no choice, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What woman hasn’t gone into the Men’s at some point? Look, if the line is long and there are no men nearby who want to go in, any woman is justified in using the Men’s. A toilet is a toilet. Add in the IBS and you are even more justified.” Novel-Vacation-4788
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely NTJ. Dealing with IBS is no joke, and when nature calls, it’s not something that can always be ignored. You had a legitimate emergency and made a quick decision to avoid a messy situation. Your friend had your back, and those judgmental women in line need to mind their own business.
It’s easy to pass judgment when you don’t know the full story. In urgent moments like these, finding any available restroom is the priority, not waiting in line for the sake of social norms. Keep your head held high, and don’t let those busybodies bring you down!” Marigold1245
Another User Comments:
“I only say this because if a man were to do it, he would get a different response from everyone else, but YTJ. Just a few months ago, we tore down a man who used the women’s restroom. It was a rare occurrence where there was a line for the men’s restroom and not a line for the women’s restroom.
He used the women’s restroom and upon coming out, women were yelling at him for being in the restroom. When he entered, there was no one in there. We told this person about stories of women being assaulted in restrooms. Women are taught to be fearful in private places.
It’s a double standard and it’s not fair. And just like you, the individual at IBS. Let me tell you something about IBS, my husband also has it. There are times that he’s clenching his butt cheeks. But, because he’s a man, he has to wait every now and again.
He’s not allowed to go into a women’s restroom. If he did, he would probably be arrested.” camebacklate
You did nothing wrong. All public facilities should have private cubicle and not be segregated by jerk/gender. We all need to pee or poop and there should be enough facilities available.
11. AITJ For Stopping Babysitting My Nephew After My Brother Refused To Babysit My Son?
“I (F33) am a SAHM with my 3-year-old son while my husband works full-time.
This story involves my brother (M31). He is also a parent and lives with his wife and two kids, (F7 and M3).
My brother and his wife both work during the day, and their youngest goes to daycare three days a week.
The rest of the week, they usually relied on my mom for childcare. However, she has recently started refusing and said they need to find other arrangements.
This caused a pretty big rift in their relationship to the point where my brother wasn’t speaking to our mom and my SIL refused to spend Christmas with her. They’re on better terms now but it was quite tense.
My brother has asked if I can take my nephew for 2 days a week.
I agreed, it is a bit of extra work for me but he is a good kid and my son looks forward to seeing his cousin. We had this arrangement going since right after the holidays.
Last week, I asked my brother if he and his wife could take care of my son on Saturday, as my husband and I were attending a child-free wedding.
Originally, my MIL had volunteered to babysit but unfortunately she had to cancel as she was sick.
My brother agreed. The next day, he sent me a long text message, saying that he and his wife agreed that I “put them on the spot” and made them feel that they had to babysit, and that they aren’t obligated to watch my son just because we’re family and that they might have other things to do.
I was quite annoyed at this, especially since I’ve been watching their child without complaining?! I admit it was a last-minute request, but I think my brother is being crazy unreasonable. I texted him back and said he can’t have it both ways. expecting me to help him out with childcare because we’re family, but I can’t expect the same from him, and if that’s the way he wants it, I’m not watching his son anymore.
My brother says I’m being childish and that he didn’t say he won’t watch my son, just that I shouldn’t expect him to always say yes since he and his wife are very busy, and it’s not like us attending the wedding was urgent. He’s now not speaking to me.
My mom told me to just not play his game but I just need some outside opinions here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother has crossed the line. He could have refused but he blamed you and felt pressured to look after your child?
And he argued why they have more right to refuse and the non-urgent reason for your request. I think you’ll help, help, help these people but you’ll never get anything from them. It’s not a question of expecting something in return, but there is something called “solidarity”.
When your mom refused to offer them her services, they should have thanked her and moved on instead of holding it against her. Stop babysitting your nephew and let them fend for themselves.” Lower_Blacksmith8914
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and stop helping them. They can pay for childcare like everyone else has to.
You’ve been giving them 2 days of FREE child care a week for some time now. He knew the risks when he said no. “He and his wife agree that I “put them on the spot” and made them feel that they had to babysit.” Like he and his wife thought they were entitled to your mom babysitting 3 days a week and then not speaking to her?” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“Your brother and SIL are wildly entitled. Giving your mother the silent treatment because she didn’t want to be their slave anymore? Holy heck. And you DIDN’T PUT HIM ON THE SPOT. Putting him on the spot would be showing up at his house right before the wedding and asking him to watch the kid.
You asked days beforehand. Calling someone up and asking for a favor isn’t putting them on the spot unless, maybe, you’re demanding an immediate answer before he can consult his calendar and talk to his wife or something. If it was an issue, he could have said no, and you’d have found another option.
Heck, if he had an issue with how you asked, he could have even brought that up. Like, if he asked for time to check in with his wife and refused, then yeah, I’d say you were being a jerk about it. But just asking for help a couple of days before said help is needed?
That’s not putting someone on the spot. That’s just literally how people ask for favors. Honestly, OP, stop watching your nephew or demand compensation for it. Your brother and SIL have grown way too complacent and entitled in how they expect service from you and your mother.
But it feels important that the free ride be gone until your brother and SIL learn to actually respect you and your time.” idiggory
10. AITJ For Not Buying My DIL A Ticket For Our Family Vacation Because She Missed The Payment Deadline?
“I am going to retire soon. I work at the airport and the job allows me to have cheaper flights. My wife asked me if we could use my discount to go on a family vacation.
Over the holidays I informed all the kids and their spouses that we are going on vacation and are welcome to join. They need to give us the discounted prices of the tickets and the rest is paid for by us.
Later that month I informed them over the group chat that they needed to give the money by the 30th of January so I could buy the tickets on the 31st. I got everyone’s money besides Jenny.
Jenny is my DIL and has a habit of being late to events and other things. I gave her a call on the 29th and she never answered. I bought the tickets and Jenny doesn’t have a ticket. My son does have a ticket since he gave me the money a while ago, and according to them, they have separate finances.
I never heard back from Jenny until now. We are leaving this Friday.
She was asking what time the flight was, I told her I thought she wasn’t going since she never gave the cash. She doesn’t have a ticket. This is where the argument started. She is calling me a jerk for not buying her a ticket and I told her this was a hard deadline.
You didn’t send the money so you either don’t go or pay full price. You are an adult, you need to understand the deadline and I am not chasing you around.
She called me a jerk and the family is torn. They agree it’s her fault but I could have been nicer.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The audacity of Jenny as a DIL to expect FIL to pay for her ticket! Also, DIL was disrespectful for not respecting your time by not paying by the deadline you said and on top of that not responding to calls!
Why is your family torn?! Unless they don’t have respect for you. Your son is the one everyone should be upset with. Why didn’t he remind his wife unless he didn’t want her to go or secretly wanted her to learn a lesson without him being the bad guy I wonder.
We aren’t obligated to be nice to people who are inconsiderate of our boundaries. She is a grown adult and expecting her FIL to foot the bill is not only narcissistic behavior but entitled. In my case when my in-laws plan vacations and pay for everything up front, if they need a portion my husband pays for both of us and he can take it up later with me (although he doesn’t).
We also have separate finances but I think that if the status quo in your relationship is that DIL pays her portion directly then she was aware of the rules but chose to disregard them and that’s awful.” SaltyBabushka
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you notified everyone about the deadline for the discounted tickets, you wanted all of them to have a fair chance to go on the family vacation.
Her failure to respond or send the money by 30th January was her fault and put you in a difficult situation. Especially with all the arrangements that come with family vacations. But your extra effort to contact her directly before booking also shows you wanted to include everyone.
So it’s not your fault for her habit of being late and missing deadlines. This is a pretty much straightforward scenario and you did your part of being transparent and fair to all family members.” AvaApple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She assumed that you would just buy her a ticket on your own dime and then she would be ever so gracious and pay you back when it would be convenient for her.
Isn’t that entitlement? Yeah, it’s entitlement. Don’t let her or anyone else come at you with an angle like “couldn’t you have just” or “why didn’t you just”…. A deadline is a deadline especially when money is involved. Nowhere did you say that you were going to front the cost of the tickets.
You just said that you needed the money by X date and she couldn’t even do that.” slap-a-frap
9. AITJ For Snapping At My Husband Over My Daily Cookie Habit?
“F27, he is M28. We’re both super into fitness and wellness and have been before we met. I go to the gym 4-6 days per week and am super happy with my current health and physique. My health is extremely important to me and while I don’t consider my diet to be restrictive, some might.
I eat primarily whole foods and I don’t drink booze or eat refined sugar except for special occasions (vacations, weddings, etc). I never was really one to crave desserts, but in the past few months, I have been having odd cravings for warm chocolate chip cookies.
Not pregnant, just craving cookies lol.
So I started making cookie dough and freezing it, and now most nights a week I make a warm cookie before bed. It hasn’t really impacted my fitness, energy levels, etc, so I’m gonna keep having my night-time cookie until/unless I stop wanting them.
My husband didn’t say anything in the beginning but now that it’s become a habit, he is not happy. He told me that he feels like I’m starting to value my health less and he feels like this will be a “slippery slope” to eating unhealthy.
He said he’s especially concerned since we’re “not getting any younger.”
I reminded him that I’ve never had any issue maintaining a healthy diet and that a cookie a day is nothing to be concerned about, but he keeps making comments about his concern that I’m “changing.”
He’s continued to make comments about it for weeks, and eventually, I snapped and said that I’m healthy, that my diet is absolutely none of his business, and that he needs to stay in his lane and shut up about the cookies. He got super upset and told me I was being too harsh on him and has been down ever since.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s great that you and your husband have a shared love of fitness–but, standing alone, it is not a suitable foundation for a relationship. Fitness ups and downs, health problems, changing exercise schedules, and evolving food preferences are just the facts of life.
It’s super unrealistic for him to expect that neither of you will ever change in this regard. And I promise that I’m not saying this just because I have long considered a warm chocolate chip cookie to be the perfect dessert. NTJ.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, his reaction to you having one homemade cookie a day in the context of an overall healthy lifestyle is super concerning. His concern is pretty unreasonable and shows a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food and that actually feels more like a slippery slope to me than a cookie.
You definitely did the right thing in standing your ground on this one.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“I feel like this relationship isn’t sustainable in the long run. One cookie a day isn’t going to ruin a diet. That one cookie doesn’t negate all the exercise and healthy eating of the day.
But the reason I feel that this isn’t sustainable is because health fluctuates. If he gets this upset over one cookie, how would he feel if OP got pregnant and had some weird pregnancy cravings that aren’t exactly healthy? Or if there was a health scare and OP couldn’t exercise.” AnimalGoddess0113
Neither of these things should be let slide. He either minds his limits or he can get out.
8. AITJ For Not Keeping A Closer Eye On My Sister?
“I (M17) and my sister who I’ll call Laura (F17) went to my gym two weeks ago as my sister was having a “bad day” (story for another time) and asked to go to the gym with me. I didn’t want to as I like to go by myself and don’t even have a gym partner, as socializing when I am working out is not for me.
So, my sister came to the gym with me and went on the treadmill, as she was walking away, she said to me that she would probably finish before me, as my workouts are typically 45 minutes to 90 minutes, and go into the sauna. I said, “okay but be ready to leave for when I finish”.
Then we went our separate ways.
Later, an hour into my workout, my mother texted me telling me to come home now, and that I shouldn’t keep Laura there too long, as she had had a long day. I replied saying that I would finish up asking my mother to text her, she said she did.
I went into the locker room and then into the car, which was right in front of the well-lit entrance. Now this building ONLY has exits on one side of the building, with one side being connected to another building and all windows and possible exit points on 2 sides, which from where I was I was able to see fully.
After a few minutes, I got tired of waiting for Laura to come out so I called her cell phone, but it went straight to voice mail. She had blocked me. I do not know why, she had texted me asking me to go to the gym 2 hours before.
I then texted my mother that she wasn’t answering my calls and that I didn’t know where in the gym she was, but it was most likely the locker room and that she should call her since her phone number has an emergency override, and would make the phone ring no matter what.
My mother then called me on the phone and was full-on screaming at me. I could not understand her and, like I do most of the time, just let her tire herself out.
She told me to go to the front desk to get an attendant to go get her, which I did, but in the process of getting out of my car, my phone connected to the Bluetooth CarPlay and played a noise, which my phone picked up.
This caused my mother to think an alarm was going off at the gym and started yelling at me again, only this time it was a lot louder. As I was walking in Laura came out and was very quiet. I then yelled at her because she had decided to disappear for 10 minutes and went no contact with me, or anyone else.
She didn’t say anything the whole car ride home.
When I got home my parents were waiting for me. They proceeded to scream at me for tons of different things. Some of which were how I didn’t protect my sister at school (I wasn’t there), how I wasn’t keeping an eye out for my sister at the gym, and how she could have been kidnapped or worse.
They said that I was not panicking, and this is due to the fact that I am a gamer. They then limited my device usage severely and I’m not allowed to use anything without their permission. I feel that I am not in the wrong, as I was able to maintain calmness until my sister was “safe.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and W*F? Are you responsible for your sister, who is the same age as you? Why didn’t she get in trouble for disappearing and throwing your mother into a panic attack? Next time your sister asks to go to the gym (or anywhere) with you, say no.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“Stay home ‘sick’ someday when your sister has a test at school. Attempt to call her during said test period. Try 5-6 times, then go into full-blown panic mode. Run around your house screaming, making sobbing sounds, etc, while calling your parents and insisting that something has happened to your sister because she’s not answering.
Put that pinching shoe on someone else’s foot. NTJ.” Sociopathic-me
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your sister went off to get substances/go hook up with someone/something of the sort. That’s not something you are responsible for nor should you be. I would plan on moving out ASAP once you turn 18.
See if you can find a friend to stay with or another family member who isn’t in cahoots with your parents. They can’t legally keep your things once you are 18, worst-case scenario you can have the police come with you to retrieve them. But you need to remove yourself from this situation as soon as you have the chance.” Its_Big_Fungus
7. AITJ For Revealing My Friend's Psychotic Episode To A Prospective Employer?
“A year ago I had a friend going through psychosis which her father mentioned could potentially be genetic as his sister had schizophrenia. During that time, my friend truly believed this department head at her school was the devil and that a member of the coding team she was on was her soulmate.
She believed the devil was trying to keep them apart. She believed her soulmate would send her messages through numbers on the radio or clock to contact her. She also believed she was working with the federal government on a secret mission from God. She believed it for 2 weeks and messaged me when she came back to reality and realized what had happened. Rather than get any help for it, she believed it was a one-time thing.
Fast forward to this year, I get a call from a police department she applied for as a reference. I knew she’d be using me as a reference as she had been for years, but this was the first I had even thought about it in a couple of years since I’m rarely contacted.
They explain, of course, the seriousness of the job and that she will have a gun and all that. I sing her praises all through it. At the very end she asks “Is there anything else I need to know that would be important for the department to consider.” I thought about those 2 weeks of psychosis and I had the feeling she did not tell them and would be very upset if I did.
But ultimately, I decided it was too important to not mention for the safety of others as well as herself. I gave the officer the bare minimum of the situation. The officer did confirm that she asked my friend about any mental health issues, but my friend claimed nothing since high school.
I reiterated how capable she was as I truly believe it, but if they wanted more info about it they needed to speak to her.
The officer assured me the process was anonymous, but I called my friend that day and told her so that when they asked her about it, she wouldn’t be blindsided. There was nothing easy about that call.
I understand her being upset, but now, a month later, we have talked and she told me everyone she talked to about it told her I was out of line for betraying her. Everyone I’ve talked to about it told me I did the right thing.
We mutually agreed to end a decade-long friendship over this.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All her friends think that giving someone with potentially very serious mental issues a gun and authority is a good idea because they think they’re “on her side”.
People who are actually on her side don’t want to see her put herself in a position to mess up her life or the lives of other people. I’m sure her friends would think completely differently about it if it was a cop they didn’t know that pulled them over and then had a psychotic episode.” Fragrant_Spray
Another User Comments:
“I had a brother who did well on the police exam and was high on the list to be hired by our town police department. However, my brother was an active drinker and a brute. For example, he would get in fistfights because he wasn’t being respected by strangers in bars.
There are many other examples of him being a bully. He also told me he couldn’t wait to legally beat people who disrespected him as a cop. I promised myself that if he were ever on the verge of being hired, I would go to the police station and say and do everything in my power to prevent him from being hired as a cop.
Fortunately, the chief of police “didn’t like” my brother and never hired him. But I completely understand the difficult position you were in OP. You did the right thing. NTJ.” AbleRelationship6808
Another User Comments:
“Thank you for being a good citizen and thinking about your fellow citizens’ safety.
This is a hard decision to make and is causing you great personal pain I’m sure, to lose an old friend because you did the right thing. Hopefully one day she’ll be able to see how you actually helped her instead of being complicit in her not getting the help she needs.
I have an Aunt RIP who had schizophrenia and her son, my cousin, was refused to join the military due to the same discovery of schizophrenia diagnosis during the health part of the background check. It is scary to see someone you love lose it due to severe mental illness.
Where was her family during her flare-up? Why was she not put straight into a mental health facility? My mother had to commit my Aunt when she first lost her sense of reality. She carried a dictionary to not allow the FBI, CIA, the Police, and government spies to use big words to trick her.
She wore her sunglasses all day and night to protect mind reading. It was bizarre hearing her talk about all of this crazy stuff. She didn’t talk to my mom for a couple of years but finally came around once she got on meds and regulated her mind back to reality.
My cousin is lost, we don’t know where he is after her death. He disappeared. You are NTJ!! Don’t be hard on yourself. You’re a better friend to her than the people in her life allowing her to not take responsibility for a major health issue that needs attention.” TheRealLosAngela
6. AITJ For Not Buying Vegan Marshmallows For My Friend At A Potluck Party?
“So I (28F) have this friend (28F) named Molly who has many food restrictions – she is vegan, gluten-free, etc. I try to accommodate her when I can but it’s not always possible.
I invited her to an annual Christmas party I host with a few of my friends.
I usually have a cookie or cupcake decorating station. This year I baked rice crispy treats to decorate. The recipe called for 2 packs of marshmallows which were $1-$2 each. I’d also like to mention that this is a potluck party.
So the party commences and everyone brings a dish – Molly brought cookies and vegan spring rolls.
Other people brought a mix of dishes that were vegan, vegetarian, and meat dishes. There were lots of different foods for people to eat and everyone, including Molly, had dinner.
For the decorating station, we didn’t all do it as a group activity – it was just kind of there and people could go to do it when they felt like it or just mingle instead.
Anyway, Molly seemed really upset that the rice crispy treats were not vegan. She made some snarky remarks to other people at the party that I heard about later. She could have decorated a cookie or something but she kept making comments about not having a rice crispy she could eat.
She complained to one friend that I could have bought vegan marshmallows but I chose not to (and for context, I didn’t know those existed but I looked it up and they’re $7 a bag comparatively and I’d need 2 bags for the recipe – so tbh I probably wouldn’t have bought it even if I knew about them).
Molly started going through my fridge and freezer during the party to find something to eat for dessert. I feel at this point she felt she was “owed” a treat that she was deprived of. She pulled out a box of ice cream sandwiches and shouted across the room if she could have some.
I said sure. Someone told me later that she opened the first one and it had freezer burn and she threw it out right away. Then she opened another one, tasted it, then said it tasted weird and threw it out too.
The next day, I was feeling kind of off about everything and felt she was very resentful about the rice crispy treats.
I texted her that it wasn’t cool that she threw out two ice creams and that they weren’t cheap. Also that I don’t mind if she goes through my freezer any other time but asked her not to do it at a party – what if everyone wanted one?
There wouldn’t be enough to go around (it’s like 4 to a box and she tossed 2). She replied back “then everyone wouldn’t get one. The way everyone didn’t get a rice crispy treat. Same energy.”
And then she sent me money for the ice creams which I refused because it wasn’t about that.
Anyway, we haven’t spoken since and it’s just weird now. So AITJ for not buying vegan marshmallows and for telling her off about the ice creams?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Molly was a bad guest. As a guest you are not entitled to anything, you gracefully accept or decline whatever is on offer.
In a potluck situation, if you have special dietary restrictions and really want a dessert, you bring one you can eat yourself. What you don’t do is go raiding the fridge and the freezer, take what you like, and then discard it like a petulant child.
That is just plain rude, and I wouldn’t be sad not to see Molly as a guest again.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Molly isn’t much of a friend going through your food, complaining about you, throwing stuff out? I have vegan and gluten-free friends and they have no sense of entitlement.
They are happy when someone else makes food they can eat, but they always offer to provide their own food—you have to reassure them that you are glad to make something vegan or gluten-free—and they don’t go around expecting dessert, much less demanding it.
Molly could have run out and bought vegan marshmallows once she knew what you were making, or she could have brought something else to contribute for dessert to the potluck. Instead, she made a jerk of herself.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Molly is a jerk.
I’d like to point out that even if the rice crispy treats were vegan, they wouldn’t have been gluten-free. Kellogg’s rice crispies contain gluten. You could use rice Chex, but traditional rice crispies are a no-go. Basically, you saved her from her gluten intolerance by using cheap marshmallows.
The fact that you’re still getting flack from her at least 2 months later is truly astounding. Time to write her off.” Cruella_deville7584
5. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Remove Her Toddler If She Gets Loud During My Wedding Ceremony?
“I’m getting married in a couple of weeks. It’s a destination wedding with only a few guests. My sister is bringing her 1 y/o toddler. The child is more than welcome – she’s part of the family and we want her there as part of the day.
However, as she’s still very young (and very loud at times), I’ve asked that somebody take her out during the ceremony if she’s being distracting and shouting/babbling loudly. I know that this will probably happen as she’s constantly chatting loudly and is never quiet but it’s only for half an hour and she can be as loud as she likes for the rest of the day.
I just want everybody to be able to focus on the ceremony and I don’t want the distraction. My partner and I have planned some spiritual moments and we want everyone to be able to enjoy them. Also, to be honest (again a bit jerkish perhaps), we want the guests’ attention focused on us at this point.
My sister has told me I’m being a jerk for ‘excluding’ my niece from the ceremony and therefore by default ‘excluding’ my brother-in-law who will be the one to take her out. She says that I’m asking him and the 1 y/o to go all that way just for the evening meal as they will miss the ceremony and that the 1 y/o will most likely miss that too as it will be after bedtime.
I’ve told her that there’s a whole afternoon of relaxed things going on – photos, cake, a little walk outside, late lunch, etc that they will be part of but apparently, she’s still really annoyed with me.
She’s now saying that I should’ve said that it was a child-free event from the start and that they would’ve planned to leave her behind.
I would never ever ask a new mum to go away for a weekend on a plane without her child, particularly as this was organized a while ago when the child was still very tiny and dependent. That to me would’ve been even more jerkish!
My sister’s now threatening to come without her partner and child. We’ve called her bluff and said that if that’s what she wants to do then we understand. To be honest, she’s annoying us so much that we’d be fine with all three of them not coming at this point!
I’m wondering if I’m the jerk here? I don’t think that I’m asking anything unreasonable. All I want is a peaceful, relaxed ceremony where we can all focus on what’s going on without a toddler babbling away. Also, to be honest, even if this WAS an unreasonable ask, surely as it’s my wedding day then it’s up to me?
Isn’t it the one day of my life when I can do literally anything I want?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and that was a completely reasonable ask. Your sister’s being difficult. And a one-year-old has no idea what’s going on. And you are not banning the child from anything except a quiet service that will be spiritual and lovely.
And you are not a jerk for wanting your guests’ attention on the couple getting married and not some loud happy baby babbling away. Call your sister’s bluff in a nice way like you did, and say if that’s what you need to do then do it.
We want you here, we want your daughter here. But if she gets loud during the ceremony, please take her outside.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ. In 2022, I took my then 8-month-old daughter across the US to my husband’s brother’s wedding where my husband was best man.
I completely realized no one wanted to hear her noise during the ceremony mass and exited without being asked. I was there to also attend the rehearsal dinner, the reception (which I stayed at until 8 or 9 pm then drove my BIL’s car back to the house with my daughter, allowing my husband to stay on), and be a part of a special family event.
To me, your sister is completely absurd for not thinking of you, your partner, and the other guests first. Who cares about a child who won’t remember missing the ceremony? She’s being self-centered and silly IMHO.” Sea-Relationship6918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but here’s a solution I don’t think anyone has mentioned yet.
Hire a babysitter. If it’s a destination wedding then the venue or hotel might be able to help you hire someone to watch the baby just for the ceremony. It’s usually done when you’re having a church wedding and there is a daycare room, but I would be shocked if this was the first time a request like this was made if this is a typical destination wedding spot.
It doesn’t help with your sister’s dumb “she’s being excluded” argument, but it does help with BIL logistics and then your niece can enjoy the events before and after. She won’t understand a wedding ceremony and won’t remember anyway. There’s no reason for her to be there.” memily11
4. AITJ For Not Referring My Niece For A Job Because She Couldn't Answer A Technical Question Quickly?
“I am a senior software engineer and work at a local software shop. We aren’t super big but we are profitable and make a b2b SaaS web app. It is a small company and everyone knows each other really well.
I was recently having dinner with my sister whose daughter graduated in CS 2 years ago and was a junior programmer. She worked for iRobot but got laid off recently.
We were talking about tech-related topics while we were having dinner and she seemed like someone passionate about the industry so I mentioned that there were openings at my workplace.
She then inquired about job referrals.
Since we never really worked together, I told her I could do so but I’d like to ask her a question to gauge her knowledge and would only refer her if she passed.
I asked her a problem I knew off the top of my head on dynamic programming to use CS concepts to maximize the number of coins by opening boxes, which is quite similar to a popular problem on bursting balloons (on LeetCode).
She failed to produce an efficient answer within 45 minutes and only finally got it after an hour and a half after a hint so I said I could not refer her but she was free to apply on her own.
My sister is now upset at me and called me a jerk and said I should still try to help her and that it was unfair to test her on the spot.
The thing is I don’t want to take any risks as if I did refer her, she would probably get hired as our interviews are very easy, and almost all referred candidates get hired. But then if she performed badly after being referred it would reflect really badly on me.
I know the question I asked is not related to the job but I still think it is a good way to test one’s intelligence.”
Another User Comments:
“If you had given her a test question related to the job, that would be reasonable. But you didn’t.
You came up with a random question you decided was a test of intelligence, totally unrelated to the job. She failed to answer in the time frame you decided would show she was smart enough. Good grief! The arrogance is breathtaking. YTJ.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You deliberately set her up to fail by asking questions you knew weren’t related to her work or the job in question. You wanted her to fail, you questioned her intelligence (w*f!), and probably left her feeling humiliated and stupid. She’s your niece of course she wouldn’t have the same level of experience and knowledge as someone decades older than her!
If you didn’t have a desire to refer her, you should never have brought it up. You wanted to show off and score points to make yourself feel superior and your sister is right – you are a raging jerk.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
So the entire basis of you refusing to give her a referral is her not being able to answer one technical question, not relevant to the role, on no notice quickly enough for your liking? What about her work ethic? Desire for knowledge? Educational background?
Experience with the tools? Interpersonal skills? Ability to learn? For someone coming into a junior position, there should be an expectation of a learning curve. You said she did come up with an answer, but just not fast enough. The same would likely be true at work.
She might be slower at the outset due to inexperience but when that happens it’s on senior staff (such as yourself) to help guide her through. The only way she would reflect poorly on you would be if she disregarded guidance from more experienced colleagues.
But you have given her no guidance, yet you jumped to the conclusion that she might damage your credibility on the basis of a single question. A question that she did answer, by the way. I wonder what your subordinates say about your leadership…” JPenelope
3. AITJ For Not Maintaining My Late Husband's Friends' Relationship With Our Kids?
“My (37F) husband, Jacob, passed away 11 years ago. We had two kids, Maggy (12F), and Wyatt (11M).
We lived in his hometown.
He had a group of really close friends. His best friend Carter and C’s wife Ella were my rocks after. I had no family or friends of my own in the area and they kept me sane. We are still close and my kids call them Aunt & Uncle
The others in our group included: Demetri, who regularly stopped by my house to fix things and do yard work for years.
Robert and Hannah, who helped pay for the funeral and financially helped out for two years until I got paid enough that I wouldn’t lose our house.
Nick and Brittany, who did not reach out to me at any point.
I stopped going to their friend gatherings after Jacob died. It hurt to see the gang and feel that empty space. And I was juggling 2 under 2 trying to make ends meet. My kids didn’t see anyone who didn’t put in the effort to come to us for years.
I haven’t spoken to Nick/Brittany in ~ 6 years (outside of the occasional social media comment). What brought this up is Wyatt got recognized for an achievement in a sport and Carter posted online about how proud he was of him and how they spent over 50 hours that year practicing.
Nick reached out to me stating he would like to spend time with Wyatt practicing as well. I asked Wyatt if he would like to and he said no, he does not remember Nick and it’s his thing with Carter.
I told Nick that it’s really Wyatt and Carter’s thing but thanks for the offer.
He texted back saying he is hurt that I’m not putting any effort into developing his relationship with my kids over the years and that they could use some male role models (they have a few). Mind you this is the first time he’s reached out about meeting one of my kids.
I was annoyed so this is where I may be the jerk. I responded with “The phone works both ways. I’m not responsible for you having a relationship with them.” He responded back saying, “You are actually, you didn’t bring them around for years so we didn’t get a chance to know them.
Jacob would have wanted us in their lives.” I said my kids know everyone else, because they put effort into being in their lives. I told him I wasn’t close to him or Brittany so I wasn’t going to beg them to see my babies when I was freshly widowed and I was not thinking of him at all.
He said Jacob’s death wasn’t all about me and I wasn’t the only person affected but that I’m not doing what Jacob would have wanted.
Jacob did place a lot of value in friendships as he didn’t have much family.
I know he would still be close with his friends but I don’t think I’m the jerk for not going out of my way to keep my kids close to friends who haven’t been there for us for ELEVEN YEARS. I’m doubting myself because Brittany shared a photo of them and Jacob saying how she wished he were here so that their families could be close and continue old traditions.
And how they missed him.
AITJ for not putting in the effort when Jacob died?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. You were a fresh widow of 2 under 2. You were BARELY keeping your head above water. Yes. Jacob’s death IS all about you and his children because you are his wife and your children are his children.
Let’s be real – Nick and Brittany might have cared, even loved Jacob. But at the end of the day, if they couldn’t be there for Jacob’s widow and his children for 11 years, they would not be worth ANYTHING to him because they proved they didn’t actually give a rip about the people he loved most in the world.
Stop second-guessing yourself and don’t let ANYONE paint you as the villain here.” lovetotravelanytime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is actually more common than you think. The likely reason Nick hasn’t been around for 11 years is because he actually had no desire to help out.
He gets to be the cool uncle who hangs out with your son now (if Wyatt had wanted to). He is doing this for his own ego. If he gave a rip about Jacob and having a connection with his wife and kids, he would be in your lives as actively as Carter’s family has been.
It’s kind of messed up to show up 11 years later and guilt you into allowing him to have a relationship with your son which he contributed nothing to. Sorry, no. Also, Wyatt gets to decide who he wants around and being a good parent is respecting his boundaries around this.
He doesn’t want to know Nick and that’s entirely his choice.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, Brittany is quite the manipulator. After 10 years she posts something to guilt you. You’re right – where was she all these years? All your other friends did things to support you as a recent widow.
These people did nothing and that’s what you owe them.” AndrosGirl
2. AITJ For Refusing To Transfer My Mom's Loan To My Name After She Disowned Me?
“I arranged a meeting with a trade school, they had a representative come to my house and I had my mother attend as we went over the specifics of what the school would entail and options for loans and whatnot.
He directed us towards a parent-plus loan. The original agreement was that I was to pay off the student loans myself.
Fast forward a few years, and I have left school, working in my trade career. I’m paying all my own living expenses as well as making payments towards the loan.
Total amount after graduation was around $40,000 or so. I paid the loan down to around $11,000. Then my mother and I had a falling out, she was completely removed from my life.
Just before we had a falling out (for separate reasons than this post), and her divorce from my father had been completed, she wanted to buy a car.
She had noticed that her credit had jumped significantly over the last few years and thought she was in a good position to get something newer and more reliable. So she goes to get a loan for the car, and it gets denied due to her having too high of a DTI.
She calls me and demands that I have to get the loan “transferred” to my name so she can buy a car. I did try looking into it, and called the lender multiple times trying to figure out what the options or process would be but was left on hold for hours, and due to my work schedule and their operating hours, it was proving difficult.
So it was never done. The loans went into forbearance for a while. I had paid way ahead on loans so I took the opportunity to stop paying on them for a while. Since the falling out I haven’t paid anymore towards them.
Now, my mother is using my oldest sister to try and get ahold of me to get the loans transferred once again.
The original lender has been bought out and is now contacting her to set up a new account to continue payment. We haven’t spoken in 3 years. I’m not tied to the loans in any way, she completely disowned me but still wants me to take these on as my own.
I explained to her that the reason her credit score had gone up was due to me paying off a loan that was solely in her name. I lost out on years of credit-building history. Then as soon as it was an issue for her that’s when it all of a sudden became my issue to resolve and responsibility to take on.
During that time of repayment, I even bought my mom a car because she was so poor and her car was so old and broken down that she couldn’t get to work. I’ve done more for her than anyone in my family ever has. But now that the connection has been severed, I no longer feel that it is my responsibility to handle it.
She’s a grown adult that signed onto a loan on her own, that (as far as I am aware) has no legal tie to me.
So, AITJ for just telling her off and that it’s her problem to deal with?
Edit: My mother disowned me due to my s****l orientation, told me I was no son of hers, and that she would never claim me as her own.”
Another User Comments:
“Going against the grain here and saying NTJ (well maybe a little bit but justified) but a parent’s love shouldn’t be conditional on your s****l orientation. How much was the car you bought her? Add up anything you helped her with like the car and subtract that from what is still owed then pay off the rest if you feel the need to but I wouldn’t hold it against you if you didn’t.
If someone would disown their child for their s****l orientation or religious beliefs, etc then they shouldn’t have ever become parents.” mocha_lattes_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The loan was for your education, you completed the course and are gainfully employed. Whatever happened between you and your mom, including the car you bought her, is irrelevant to your obligation to pay off the education loan as agreed and you certainly should not be vindictively ruining her credit.
That doesn’t mean you should transfer the loan to your name, that would probably add some other fees and bump up the interest rate. Just keep making payments directly to the loanholder until it’s paid off. You can build your own credit in other ways and you know it; a couple of credit cards will do for a start.” NeedPanache
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am not from the USofA, but I have had it explained to me that the parents are the ones who should pay back the parent plus loans. Did you receive any of the money that your mother took out this way?
If you did, I suppose it would be fair for you to pay that portion back, but if you didn’t, your mother must pay them herself. As I see it, she took out those loans with you as collateral, but you didn’t sign up for them or benefit from them, so why should you pay?
And now that you are NC and have been for years, there isn’t even any reason to do it out of charity or familial obligation or something like that.” FragrantEconomist386
1. AITJ For Asking My Cousin To Change His Wedding Date That's A Day Before Mine?
“My (29f) cousin Frankie (33m), and his wife Nora (32f) have been married almost 15 years. They got married a couple of weeks after Nora’s 18th birthday.
Last weekend they announced to the family at a get-together that they were having a second wedding in September as they were now in a position where they could afford to finally celebrate their marriage with friends and family the way they wanted to.
When they married originally it was just the two of them and two friends at the courthouse. But Nora had always wanted the big fancy white wedding. Now usually this wouldn’t be a problem, I’m happy for Frankie and Nora and excited to get to attend their wedding.
However, the date they’ve picked is the day before my wedding.
My fiance (29m) and I have been together for 9 years and have been planning our wedding for the last 3 years. We’ve had our date and venue booked for 2 years. Our save the dates only went out last month.
When they announced their date, I asked Nora privately if they were joking about the date they had picked. Nora looked at me really confused, until I pointed out they were having their second wedding the day before my wedding. Nora told me that the date they’d chosen was the date they’d met in high school and it was an important date to them.
Later on, Frankie asked me why I wasn’t happy for them and I told him that it was rude of them to have their second wedding the day before mine. I told him that he had essentially ruined my wedding because no one is going to attend two weddings in a row on a weekend, especially not our elderly grandparents.
Frankie apologized and said he didn’t know our wedding date when they booked it. He told me that they weren’t going to move the date and had the gall to suggest that I move my wedding if it mattered that much to me. I snapped and told him that it was tacky to have a redo wedding because they decided to get married on a whim at 18 with barely a penny between them.
Frankie got mad with me, and he and Nora left shortly after.
That night Frankie and my aunt (his mom) sent me angry messages telling me that I know why they got married so young. Nora came from an abusive household, she was essentially the punching bag for her brother and her mother let the abuse continue.
They married because Nora and Frankie saw it as her only way out. My aunt and Frankie have since told other family members who are mostly mad that I suggested Frankie move his second wedding. Some think that given he’s already married then he should move it.
AITJ for asking my cousin to move the date of his wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is absolutely crazy behavior from your cousin who knew exactly when your wedding is and planned their big vow renewal for the day before. Engaging with them further won’t help anything because they see absolutely nothing wrong with their actions.
Just ignore them. If anyone besides Frankie, Nora, and your aunt talk to you about it just say, “I have had my wedding date planned for two years. Frankie and Nora were both aware of the date well in advance and save-the-dates have been sent out for my wedding to everyone I want to celebrate with Fiance and me.
I’m looking forward to seeing you there!” Don’t say anything bad about them, don’t gossip about them, just emphasize how much you’re looking forward to your wedding. You can only control your own behavior.” Zealousideal_End2330
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s extremely weird that they picked this date at all.
And it’s quite obvious they lied about not knowing the date. Also not sure how that little sob story your aunt told has any relevance whatsoever here. You can leave your home at 18 without being married and also, why would that mean it’s ok for you to pick the day before your relative’s wedding as your wedding date?
They sound completely deranged, it might not be a bad thing not to have them at your wedding.” RiverCat57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they can argue all they want that they didn’t know but you informed them well in advance so they actually just didn’t care.
If the day before is an important date to them they would have probably noticed and realized when it was in my opinion. I have attended weddings the day before, after and on my birthday and since it’s an important date to me I definitely remembered their wedding date from the moment they mentioned it.
(My birthday often falls over a long weekend where I live so popular for weddings).” ILoveWaffles8681
