People Want Us To Have An Open Mind When Judging Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws To Leave Me Alone?
“My husband and I welcomed our first child into our family in October. Our son is named after my husband’s maternal grandfather. As someone who never had a family (a foster kid who never found a forever home), I loved that my husband had people he wanted to honor.
But my husband’s family is a little complicated. His mom passed away when he was 6 and he lived with his grandparents for two years because his father was seriously injured in an accident that took his mother from the family.
My husband’s two older siblings also lived with the grandparents. They all moved back in when their dad was back on his feet, with a roof over his head. But when his dad met his current wife the older siblings moved back in with their grandparents because they did not want a stepmom and did not want to live with her to give her the chance to claim a parental role.
They were both teens at the time. My husband was younger. He was maybe 10. He never cared much for his dad’s wife. His main issue with her is she forced hugs and other means of physical affection on him when he said no. His dad begged him to give her a chance to be a mom to him.
He said it was a very awkward few years and he grew to become distant from both. They had children together while he was still living with them.
One of the children died and that led to a very big fight in the family.
My husband’s siblings did not show up, either to the funeral or to the house after. My husband went straight from the funeral to his grandparents’ house. After that my husband’s father and his wife separated for a couple of years, she had a child, and they got back together (no divorce officially happened).
My husband is not close to his dad or his dad’s second family at all. He has a casual relationship with his dad but that’s about it. About three or four years ago my husband’s paternal grandfather died and left almost everything between my husband and his two older siblings.
My husband’s dad got a tiny sum. But none of the other grandkids got anything. This led to a big fight with my husband’s older siblings and his dad and dad’s wife. The drama just never ends.
Despite them not being close his dad’s wife has taken offense to the fact all of the grandkids are named after maternal family members.
She’s upset because she considers our child her first grandchild since she has never met the other children. My husband told her she’s not the grandma and she’s not his mother so he would never use her name or a name from her side.
Now she and FIL are asking me to do something about it. I asked them to leave me alone and speak to my husband about their issues. They told me they were coming to me because I am part of the family and it’s rude to dismiss them like that.
I wasn’t trying to be rude but this isn’t my fight, which my husband agrees with. She told me I need to learn how to speak to the family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a complicated situation that has decades of family dynamics that you were not privy to at the time.
You’re absolutely correct in that how your husband wants to honor his family or have them interact with your family is his to manage.
Your role is to support his decisions where it makes sense or at a minimum stand by his side in public and discuss internally in the relationship if you feel different.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not your side of the family that this happened on. The naming situation is for your husband to deal with and for you to back him up if/when issues arise. It seems very entitled that your husband’s stepmother would be mad that you and your husband (along with the rest of your husband’s siblings) decided not to name your child with one of her family names.
It’s clear that the relationship between your husband and his dad’s wife isn’t close because of her pushing and disrespecting boundaries. You and your husband have done nothing wrong when naming your child is obviously a decision between both parents.” Reapflower
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s his problematic family, you just happened to marry into it. When I have issues with my hubs’ parents, he deals with it because he knows best how to speak with them about complicated/nuanced stuff.
The opposite holds true as well.
I suspect the reason they are trying to get you to intervene is that they already know what he’s going to say and it isn’t what they want. They want to use you to soften him up, but good on you for supporting your husband’s stance on things and not letting them get a foot in edgewise.
It’s probably time to go low to no contact with these folks. You don’t need their nonsense drama in your life and MIL sounds like she’s not the type to take no nicely.” OftConfused4Another
19. AITJ For Not Going To My Mother's Wedding After She Kicked Me Out Of The Wedding Party?
“My (23F) mother (47F) is getting re-married next month. My soon-to-be stepfather (50M) has been with my mother for twelve years now and they have three daughters together.
I love my three little sisters but I don’t get treated the same way, you could call it neglect if you will. I left for college as soon as I turned 18 and had slight contact with my mother over the years, usually coming from me.
So when she called me a few months ago to tell me she was getting married I was very happy for her, she asked me to be a part of the ceremony and be the flower girl. I happily accepted because I would love to do that for her.
I asked about my three little sisters and if they would be in the ceremony too and my mother said they would walk behind me with flowers too, sounded great I was on board.
Now about a month later I had everything I needed prepared, bought an expensive dress that would match the wedding, and hired a stylist to do my hair and make-up.
Then two days before the wedding, my mother called me to inform me I wouldn’t be in the wedding anymore due to my soon-to-be stepfather and sister’s wishes, apparently, they said I’m not really a part of their ‘picture-perfect family’ because I don’t live in the house anymore.
My mother agreed and gave me a seat to watch completely in the back. I was shocked and quite offended that they said that about me. My mother said it was not that big of a deal and I could just watch from a distance.
I asked her why I had to sit in the back and that since I’m family I should sit in front, her reason was that people shouldn’t see me there because it would disturb people’s opinions.
This just made me furious so I told her to enjoy her wedding and her ‘picture perfect family’, but if people shouldn’t see me then I might as well not be there, with that I ended the call and didn’t speak to her again.
My soon-to-be stepdad called me calling me a jerk for upsetting my mother like that and that I shouldn’t do that to my family, I kindly let him know he was the one saying I wasn’t family so I didn’t really care.
My other family members are calling me a jerk too, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, NTJ, NTJ!
You are a lovely forgiving person to overlook the neglect and happily agree to participate in your mom’s wedding. Your mom, step-father, and badly-raised half-sisters, on the other hand, are just dreadful, with your mom at the head of the line.
Holy cow!
I hope that you have some friends as wonderful as you are and can go no contact with these awful relatives and create a warm, loving, and appreciative family by choice.
Don’t go. Don’t go under any circumstances.
Do not be guilted into attending to make these awful people look better. They deserve to look like exactly who they are.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Clearly, your stepdad and his family don’t consider you family but your mom doesn’t want to completely exclude you for appearance’s sake.
Unfortunately, your mom made her choice and she has to accept the consequences of that decision. If people in your family are making you feel bad about this choice then tell them the entire story. If they don’t listen or don’t care, block them.
Same with your mom and stepdad. Might be time to go very low or no contact.” Powerful_Ad_1239
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should blast this on social media.
You were asked to be in the wedding. You were so happy and excited to be part of the day, how you got your dress, hired a hair and makeup stylist, and were just so happy for your mom.
Then you got a call from your mother 2 days before the wedding and were told you weren’t family enough to be in the wedding and then were told you couldn’t sit in the front as a member of the family, but in the back so you wouldn’t upset other guests.
You decided it would be best not to go then since your mom made it seem like your being there would ruin her and her husband’s day.
Tag every member of your family, his family, and family friend then shut your phone off.
Let public opinion crucify them.” Altruistic_Spirit542
18. AITJ For Calling My Partner Every Time I Drive Home?
“I (F28) call my partner (M29) when I drive home from different places.
I call when I’m on my way home from work – I work late at night so calling helps keep me awake. He said he is fine when I call on my way home from work.
I also call when I come home from most places: my parents, the shops, getting fuel, from daycare – just to chat.
The other day he got annoyed and angry, saying that calling every time I’m on my way home is too much and he doesn’t want me to do it anymore. I said he was overreacting because we both work and have a child (F2) and chatting on the phone helps make up for the time we don’t get to ourselves.
He’s asked that I don’t call unless it’s home from work late or an emergency because he feels as though he either has to drop everything and answer or wait for the phone to ring and not do much else.
AITJ or is he overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This borders on needy and co-dependent. If he’s dealing with the toddler while you’re out especially, I don’t blame him. Learn to listen to audiobooks or podcasts. Sing. Crank up some music.
Have a late-day coffee. He’s not your entertainment committee. There is other stuff he wants/needs to be doing. As someone who has been married a lot of years, when my kids were small and I was home alone with them (or out) if my spouse called me and I didn’t feel like talking, we just wouldn’t.
And he was fine with it.
Do you have anxiety? I’d check in with your own mental health. This sounds really immature.” KickIt77
Another User Comments:
“Not everyone needs to mindlessly chatter all the time. Stop being so co-dependent and fill your time away from people with background noise instead, such as podcasts or music while you’re on the road.
While you see your constant need to talk as a time to yourself, your husband would also like some time with his own thoughts instead of having to help you manage yours. He must spend a lot of time dreading your inevitable pointless call instead.
One day there will be an emergency and when you ring, he will look at the caller ID, see it’s you, assume it’s not important, and ignore it.
YTJ. You come across as a nuisance caller.” NotYourMommyDear
Another User Comments:
“He’s not overreacting. He’s telling you what he wants.
He’s been very clear with you that he doesn’t want you to call every single time. Listen to him. Really HEAR him. Get out of your feelings and try to see things from his POV.
Personally, the fact that you call him on every single trip home from anywhere is excessive. Are you especially afflicted with anxiety? If you are, get help and stop relying on your partner to be the only way you can manage it.
If you’re not, then as I said, listen to him and stop calling except for the circumstances he’s laid out.
YTJ.” yeah_right_4685
17. AITJ For Yelling At A Customer Who Tried To Enter The Store While We're Closed?
“My store on Christmas Eve closed at 8 pm.
The internet had the hours, we’d been answering the phone all day with ‘Hello, this is (my store). We close at 8,’ and our doors had BIG signs with the holiday hours. On Saturday we usually close at 10.
So, 30 mins past 8, our door security gate is halfway down, and the automatic doors are turned off, and 1 is locked. For ‘safety reasons,’ one was left unlocked.
I’m halfway across the store finishing up stuff with my 3 other workers. The door suddenly opens. I make it across the store in 10 strides (not a small store) and firmly tell the guy making his way inside. ‘EXCUSE ME! You can’t be in here.
We’re closed!’
He stopped shocked and told me, ‘I thought you were open.’
I stand in his way and tell him, ‘The safety gate is halfway down, and you had to pry open my auto doors. I’m obviously closed. You need to leave.
Now.’
He got mad and said, ‘I thought you were open. You don’t have to yell at me but don’t worry, I won’t be back!’ He backed out, ducking under the gate, and left.
I may have been a little forceful, but he literally had to pry open a normally automatic door.
I told my family when I got home, and they’re all like, ‘Wow, no customer service at all.’ So, maybe I could’ve been nicer. I don’t know.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would’ve topped it off with ‘OK — we won’t miss your business!’
But seriously, people like that are the worst. There is just no way that you cannot see a closed gate and have to physically open an automatic door and think ‘yeah, this place is open for business.’ Sometimes people see lights on and figure we need to cater to them because we’re still working… like yeah, working on getting home!
Screw nice. You do not need to supply ‘good customer service’ when your actual safety is at risk. Technically, he broke into your store past closing hours. There were no people other than a handful of workers trying to clean up and get out.
It was not safe.
Personally, I would make sure that the cameras were on and got the interaction (do they have sound as well?) because there is a good chance that the guy will call customer service and be nasty and it could come back to you in a negative way.
Report the situation to your superior, and get your coworkers to do the same if they saw/heard. Because God forbid you ended up letting that man in and something happened to any of you, it’d be your butt out of a job.” DryIce677
Another User Comments:
“Oh no! A person that shows up waaaay after close might shop somewhere else, and cost some personless corporation an extra couple of bucks. Not that!
NTJ. Your family is terribly insensitive and clueless. The only reason I can see, that your family would respond as they did, is if, in their eyes, they need you to be the one that is wrong no matter what.
Some families have that dynamic. No matter what you say or do, they will have a ‘better’ idea of how you should have done it.
Who cares if you could be nicer? That isn’t your job at that time. Customer service is for customer service hours.
Anyone that tries that hard to get into your store when it is clearly closed is potentially a threat. And you need to take control of that situation. My best guess if someone tries that hard to get into my store when it is clearly closed, is they are looking for a quick score right before Christmas.
Maybe get all the cash before it is deposited, maybe something worse. You did great.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He was lying for reasons unknown.
Saying he thought you were open speaks to one of the necessities to charge someone with Break and Enter: the intention of committing a criminal offense.
If you were open it could be argued that he intended to pay.
Or testing your security for another day.
Or diverting your attention.
Nothing good.
He ignored several clear indicators, written and physical, that the store was closed. He caught a lucky break that you didn’t call the cops.
Or used ‘reasonable non-deadly force’ to eject him. Surely your family is joking?” DaisyWheels
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Sister Opened My Kid's Gifts So Her Son Could Play With Them?
“I (36F) have two kids from a previous marriage. When it’s their year to be at their dad’s for Christmas, I host a small gathering with my immediate family to celebrate Christmas with them a few days before Christmas.
This was one of those years. My sister (31F) came over with her two-year-old son. I told her he could open his gifts from us to have something to open since he won’t know the difference on Sunday when we all get together at our mom’s.
She said no, it was fine and he’d just open them on Sunday. Cool, whatever. We have tons of toys that have accumulated over the years, and my kids are older so we have hung on to the toys for younger cousins when they’re over, so my nephew had plenty of age-appropriate things to play with.
My 6-year-old started unwrapping his gifts from his aunts and uncles and, in his excitement, was doing so quickly. He’d unwrap, go ooh and aah, and then go to the next present. When he was done, I noticed my sister had unboxed most of his gifts and her son was playing with them.
There were a few that were duplicates of things he had or had gotten for his birthday in November, so I was annoyed. My sister kept opening the boxes and taking toys out, putting batteries in them, or letting her two-year-old chew on them.
This was about an hour ago and she has left and I want to say something because now my kid has not gotten to be the first to play with his toys.
We had plenty of options for my nephew, I even bought him extra so he could open things tonight and Sunday since it’s a sort of delicate situation having multiple celebrations that he isn’t old enough to understand.
So WIBTJ if I call my sister out on letting this happen?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. You should have gone over to your sister and said something discreetly at the moment. These were your son’s presents. He has every right to be the first one to play with gifts that were given specifically to him.
You offered to let your sister’s son open the presents you had for him for Christmas, but she declined. You even had other toys there for him to play with but your sister made the choice to take your son’s new presents out of the box to give to her son to play with.
This wasn’t the actions of your 2-year-old nephew these were the passive-aggressive actions of your 31-year-old sister towards your child’s belongings.
Personally, I think that is really out of line. Maybe your sister has some underlining resentment for the whole event of having an extra celebration specifically for your son.
Maybe she doesn’t like attending an event that is strictly about him getting to open Christmas presents and this was her passive-aggressive way of expressing her true feelings about the situation.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
Your kid doesn’t have to ‘be the first’ to play with each of his many gifts.
The 2-year-old didn’t destroy them. You are micromanaging unimportant things and being a bit controlling. Don’t teach your child to be ungracious to family or guests or selfish with his many possessions by making an issue out of this.” LadyCass79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You literally offered her extra presents for her kid and she said ‘no’ – then decided all of your kid’s gifts were for her to rip open for her much younger child who probably can’t even play with half of it safely.
I would definitely bring it up to her and tell her you received several doubles that she opened, rendered unreturnable, and now your kid is stuck with doubles of stuff he could have exchanged for things he didn’t already own.
I would ask her to buy it from you since you wouldn’t have opened it from the boxes and fired it up to play with, you would have grabbed the stuff you already owned to entertain a 2-year-old for a couple of hours.
Or, just let him have the presents that are for him. Maybe look up the prices and show her what her playtime and ‘no’ answer to her own kid’s presents cost your kid, her nephew, in gifts this year.
She said no. She knew what she was doing.
Everyone knows someone like this. I’m sorry for you that it’s your sister.
Scorched earth advice – fight fire with fire. Return the gifts you got for her kid, and use the $ to buy your kid some replacements for the doubles.
Wrap up the doubles he got and give them to sister’s kid on Christmas. Make a big deal about there already being batteries and how you just knew he would absolutely love the presents. When she says anything about it, you act like you can’t imagine why she might be bothered. If she can play clueless, you can too.
Keep in mind this is about your sister’s behavior, not the kids or the presents. Her actions.” sheisthemoon
15. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister-In-Law's Kids?
“My (29m) wife Cami (28) is a 1st-grade teacher. Cami is very pregnant and after 2 traumatic losses her pregnancy is considered high-risk.
Cami used to babysit for her sister (Hellen 32) often. Hellen is a single mom and has 3 kids ages 11, 8, and 4. Hellen is a good mom and loves her kids, but isn’t the most responsible. She would always call us asking for money for food or electricity which we are happy to help but just for the kids.
She does it too often. She also takes advantage of Cami bc Cami’s work schedule lines perfectly with her children’s school schedule so she often asks her to babysit. Cami would babysit at the beginning of her pregnancy but now it is hard for her.
All of Hellen’s kids are currently sick and Hellen asked Cami if she could babysit tonight because she had to wrap presents. This made us very uncomfortable because we don’t want to risk Cami getting sick, the baby is due any day and she doesn’t need the stress.
We asked if she could wait to wrap presents till the kids are asleep and she said no because they wake up often and get out of bed. This is true because they do it at our house. We just simply told her we weren’t comfortable with it because they were sick.
Hellen got really upset and said it was just a little cold and she needed our help. We told her no and she called us jerks and said never to ask her for help.
I don’t think I’m the jerk because it’s not our kids it’s hers.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way! If a parent has sick children, they are responsible for caring for those children. If she asked and you had said yes she should have been kissing your feet, but it sounds like she has an expectation that you and your wife are at her beck and call.
As a single parent, I understand how challenging this can be to deal with alone, but that’s my job as a parent. Regardless of the fact that your wife is pregnant. No person is obligated to watch someone that is ill if it makes them uncomfortable.
As your wife is pregnant, there is even more reason to be cautious, especially when she has struggled before. You and your wife need to put your family’s needs first.
This will probably continue as you set boundaries with your growing family and your sister.
She may expect that if you or your wife are doing something with your child that there is no reason you can’t include her kids. Don’t let her make you feel guilty for putting your family first and continue to set healthy boundaries.
In the end, it will be best for your growing family and hopefully, things will find a better balance for you all!” ItIsWhatItIs4664
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is this your first child? Because it kind of sounds like it is and Hellen is going to be ‘surprised’ when you can’t do everything for her anymore.
She’s ‘not going to understand’ why you can’t look after her children with a newborn, why you don’t want her kids around your toddler when they have a cough. She’s not going to get it when you can’t/won’t take her kids with you to family outings.
She’s used to leaning on you, used to your support, and she’s going to resent you when it stops. She won’t see you doing what is best for your child, she will only see that her children aren’t getting what they used to.
You need to have a talk with her, in person, without the children, as soon as you can (but well after the birth of your child, congratulations!) Lay it all out. Make sure she isn’t relying on your/your wife’s parental leave to care for her kids.
You have other priorities now and she’s going to have to make other arrangements.” Natural_Garbage7674
14. AITJ For Accidentally Making An Offensive Joke?
“A friend of mine has a wonderful little girl, Tia, who was born with one foot. She had that thing where bands grow around the fetal limb and cut off the b***d supply. As such her foot was amputated at birth.
Tia is a really cool kid, funny and smart. We used to see the family often but the last year or two have been hard on everyone.
We finally got together recently and I’m pretty sure the friendship is over because I put my foot in my mouth.
I promise it was unintentional, I was just being thoughtless or careless with my words.
So, Tia’s parents have been saving up since Tia was born to buy her a top-of-the-line prosthetic foot. They finally reached their goal and Tia now has a great foot.
She’d been wearing it for about a month when we all got together.
Tia was 3 the last time I saw her, she’s almost 5 now. Until she got her new limb she used a wheelchair or crutches on a good day.
Like most kids, she’s grown a lot since I last saw her. With her new limb, she stands taller.
So I say to her, ‘Tia, wow, you’ve grown a whole foot since the last time I saw you!’ I immediately regretted my choice of words.
Tia’s parents look mad and offended but Tia, bless her heart, was howling with laughter and showing off her new foot.
Tia’s parents decided to leave, despite my fervent apologies. I truly did not mean to say what I did, and not the way they took it.
Tia’s dad has only texted me back once to tell me to leave them alone. I apologized once more but I think I’m blocked. Even my wife has sent apologies but I think she’s blocked too.
I swear to God I’m not cruel, I’m just a really big dope.
I didn’t mean what I said to sound like it did. And I apologized. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP is definitely NTJ. I also understand why the parents had the initial reaction of being upset. But I feel like the parents’ overreaction could be even worse on this little girl rather than the unintentional joke.
They are showing this young girl that if someone says something like this they are automatically a bad person and maybe even making this girl feel more self-conscious and possibly ashamed of her prosthetic. Am I saying this will for sure happen to her, no. But could this behavior of overreaction have some serious consequences down the line for her if not brought into check by the parents, yes.” Stephfer85
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – that’s a really common thing to say to children, a completely believable mistake. Plus you apologized immediately and sincerely.
At the same time, I can’t blame the parents, who have surely been stressing for their daughter’s entire life about her facing mockery/cruelty, among other hardships.
I would say that you should send them a letter apologizing once more – saying that you love Tia and would never mock her, that you spoke without thinking and intensely regret that you hurt them and risked hurting her… basically what you said here.
Then let them get back in touch with you if and when they’re ready.” TipTopC
Another User Comments:
“There are 2 jerks here: Tia’s parents. Obviously, Tia is comfortable with herself enough to laugh heartedly at your remark. This is wonderful because she is growing up accepting and living with her body.
She was born without a second foot. She has a prosthetic foot she is proud of. Her parents should be glad and encourage her life-affirming attitude; instead, they act like she should be dying of embarrassment. Then to reject your apologies for a simple slip of the tongue that caused no harm is too much.
They need counseling about dealing with their child’s condition.” barskin
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host Our Christmas Celebration?
“I have been lucky to have a group of about ten friends that get together on a somewhat regular basis. As often as adults can get together when they are in their 30s anyway.
We all met in college. Every year for the past ten years, we have had a Christmas celebration either before or after the holidays, depending on everyone’s schedule. People take turns hosting.
I recently bought a larger house, so it was suggested that I host at mine.
I said I didn’t think that would be a good idea and have been getting flack for it, and a few people have told me I’m being a jerk.
My reason is my dog. I have a large younger dog who cannot stand kids.
About half the friend group has had kids in the past few years and there are 6 kids under the age of five in the group. I do not see that going well at all.
A couple of people have suggested that I kennel or put my dog up but I’m not going to lock a member of my family in my room for hours or pay to have him boarded. I have tried to find a compromise and said we could have our party later in January and make it an adult-only affair if they really wanted it at my house but that was met with even more pushback.
Even though we have had adult-only gatherings at my previous place because of my dog, apparently Christmas is different.
Am I really being a jerk here? I just want everyone to be safe.
Edit – My dog was severely mistreated by the children of his first family.
He is terrified of children. We have put in a lot of training, and he is a very, very well-trained dog (including crate trained), but there is only so much training that can help. We have gotten to the point that he will ignore kids that aren’t in his space or aren’t actively approaching him, but that’s where he has gotten stuck.
I have hosted multiple other times at my house. My friends have had no problem with adult-only gatherings until this time. Our holiday gathering is a potluck. It’s very low-key.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Who you host is your own business, and your friends will react according to their own feelings.
You don’t have to throw a party if you don’t want to.
I do wonder about your inability or unwillingness to put your dog in a separate space for a short amount of time, to be honest! It’s not super friendly dog-owner behavior, and I hope it doesn’t become a wedge between you and your friends.
And it’s kind of human anti-social.” einsteinGO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your so-called friends don’t sound very friendly. I can understand them not wanting to attend holiday events without their children, but to then insist you host the party is over-the-top entitlement.
I don’t understand how people have the nerve to decide what others should do with their time or property. If they want a holiday party with their children, one of the people with children should host it. It’s not your responsibility to cater to them at the expense of your own comfort (in terms of your dog).” Far-Ad1450
Another User Comments:
“No. Your dog is part of your family. If you personally don’t feel comfortable restraining your dog in his own home, then you just don’t feel comfortable. If you don’t think it’s a good idea for smaller children to be around him, then I’m pretty sure you have a good reason for it.
You’ve offered a compromise, if they can’t accept that’s on them. You can also let them know that you’d be willing to host them in the future when your dog is better socialized. Just be prepared for them to be upset with you.
But that’s the joy of being a homeowner and a dog parent. NTJ.” EveningMycologist968
12. AITJ For Wanting To Build Traditions For Our Family?
“Husband and I lived in a different state for a number of years. Since moving to where his family lives, we go to EVERY holiday gathering at MIL’s house (Easter, 4th of July, Labor day, memorial day, etc). In addition, we meet at least one Sunday of every month to celebrate birthdays.
I never spend any holidays with my family who is in a different state because of work and travel. Even when I lived in the same state, I didn’t see my family as much as I see my in-laws now.
In December his family meets on the second Sunday, then MIL has the grandkids sleep over on the 23rd (I don’t let my daughter sleepover because she’s too little – which is another contentious point!), then we all have breakfast on the 24th, then they all meet AGAIN on the 25th.
Since having my first child, I don’t want to go anywhere on Christmas. Growing up it was our tradition that Christmas Eve is for the extended family and Christmas Day was for the immediate family.
For the last two years, his family has complained that it’s so awful that we won’t just come over on the day of.
They guilt us for the time we spent in a different state and how we finally live locally and we won’t even come for Christmas. They say they just want to see my daughter open presents. I don’t understand why we can’t celebrate on the 24th (when we are all already gathered!).
I just want to build traditions for our family. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because your in-laws play the fiddle, it doesn’t mean that you have to dance to their tune. You’re doing the right thing by putting your family first, and you’re not wrong for wanting your own version of the holiday.
You’ve offered a very reasonable compromise of celebrating with your in-laws on the 24th. They can take it or leave it. Don’t let them make you feel guilty for doing what’s best for your family.” steampunk_ferret
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know if anyone is really being a jerk here. You have traditions you want to start and stick to, and his family already has their own established traditions they expect you to participate in. Ultimately this comes down to you and your husband talking it out.
I just would remind you that his family has been doing things their way for a while – maybe don’t expect them to completely rearrange their schedule of things. But choosing which events to show up to, compromising on not going every single time, that’s more than reasonable if you ask me.
Hopefully, your husband is open to hearing you out and compromising. Best of luck.
No jerks here.” puzzlepikachu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You and your husband need to be on the same page and he needs to communicate with his family.
These are his family’s traditions and he may not seem to need to change them up. Your in-laws created their traditions over time and you should be able to create some of your own.
I’d create the 3rd weekend of the month family time or something like that before they want every weekend.
Also, you don’t need to agree to sleepovers if you don’t want them.” travelkmac
11. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law That We Have No Family Member Named Stephanie?
“My brother and his wife are expecting their first girl after two boys. I love Ricky and Jace, and so does my SIL, but she has always wanted a girl and is very excited to be having one.
She also wants to name the girl Chloe, as she loves that name. My brother hates the name Chloe and really wants to name their daughter Stephanie. They have been arguing about it for a few weeks, since finding out the gender.
I got to my parents’ house late last night and my SIL was the only person still awake. We talked for a little bit, and she asked me the weirdest question. She asked me if I knew any stories about great aunt Stephanie.
I was so confused. I literally said, ‘who?’
SIL clarified that she was talking about our grandmother’s older sister that died when grandma was a little girl. Our grandma had two sisters, but their names were Judy and Lynn.
There’s no one in our family named Stephanie, as far as I know. I told as much to my SIL. She changed the subject after that, and we soon went to bed.
This morning my brother and his wife were both sulking during breakfast. Even the kids could tell.
Ricky kept saying ‘stop being grumpy on Christmas.’ So it wasn’t just my imagination. I got my brother alone and confronted him. He snapped at me for ‘meddling’ and told me to stay out of his marriage.
My brother is mad at me, and my SIL won’t even talk to me.
I’m afraid to say anything to my parents and drag them into this, especially since I still don’t know what this is about. Either my grandmother had a secret sister that I don’t know about but my brother does for some reason, or my brother lied to his wife to convince her to name their baby Stephanie.
Both options seem equally weird to me. Maybe there’s a third possibility I’m not seeing?
Am I the jerk? If so, please explain to me why. I don’t want to be the reason Christmas is ruined.
Update: Most awkward Christmas Eve dinner ever.
Everyone now knows what my brother was doing with the kids’ names (except the kids obviously). They are mad. Weirdly my mom is the maddest. A Christmas truce is in place for the kids, so no fighting on the holiday.
However, the baby is definitely going to be named Chloe. My brother very quickly backed down when my mom said a few choice words to him. The topic is completely banned for the rest of the festivities, so, for now, at least, they’ve tied a bow on the situation.
Aside from some glaring over a couple of the boy’s stocking stuffers (Robin Funko pops), everything went well with the gift opening. I think my brother realizes he crossed a line and has been very attentive to his wife. He mentioned getting Chloe’s name embroidered on some stuff when they get home.
He even told mom he would do the Christmas breakfast so she could have a break and he gave me an ‘I’m sorry’ grin when I opened his gift. I think everything is going to be fine.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, she asked you about your non-existent great aunt Stephanie and you understandably said that you had no great aunt Stephanie. You just spoke facts. You didn’t bring it up. You weren’t meddling in their marriage, how were you to know that had anything to do with their marriage?
Not your fault your brother lied to his wife and got found out. I get why the brother is mad (at being found out not at you) but no idea why your SIL is mad. Don’t sweat it. You didn’t ruin Christmas.
If anything you should be mad at them for dragging you into their drama and spoiling yours.” nykjhs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your brother is for lying to his wife to prevent her from naming their daughter Chloe. You did nothing wrong.
No, your grandmother did not have a secret sister who died (even if she did, why would your brother be the ONLY one who knows?). Christmas is ruined because of your brother alone and no one else. My husband and I argued over our baby girl’s name and ended up putting the two together… mine first, his as the middle name because his was harder for me to pronounce.
What did our daughter end up favoring? The middle name. They should keep tossing other names back and forth together to see what sticks. Sorry your Christmas is ruined, but the blame rests squarely on your brother’s head.” P*********t
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
To be honest, I’d confront your brother and ask him what his problem is. If his problem is you saying there’s no aunt Stephanie, then say ‘don’t get mad at me because you chose to lie and weren’t smart enough to one figure out that’s a bad idea, and two understand if you’re going to lie make sure it’s one that doesn’t fall apart the first time your wife speaks to your family’.
And as for your SIL, I’d ask her what her problem is too. She’s treating you like you’ve done something wrong when you haven’t.
I wouldn’t tolerate being treated like that, to be honest.” broccolicabbagebean
10. AITJ For Making My Mom Take Care Of My Daughter?
“I (19f) have a 9-month-old daughter that I share with my partner (19m). I spent most of my pregnancy alone due to my partner being in a different relationship however, we have come together and have moved past that and are doing great now.
He goes to a university 2 hours away from me and he sees our daughter 4 times a month on weekends.
I have been very stressed and have postpartum depression from being in the house all day, I was promised help and assistance when everyone including my mom ofc found out I was pregnant and for the first few weeks my mom helped, however anything after that I was on my own.
I had to buy her diapers, do full-time schoolwork, and do everything else online.
These past few weeks I’ve watched all my friends go to parties, and take videos of them drinking, having fun, etc and it’s made me feel left out.
My mom never helps and doesn’t do anything for us, she’s lazy I feel and is selfish and I know that I deserve to live a normal teenage life. So a few days ago I was invited to go to Houston, which is 3 hours away from where we live, and I spent 3 nights with my friend, where my daughter’s dad was also there and I left my daughter with my mom.
I told her I’d be back in a few hours however I was mentally drained and needed a break. During this time my phone broke and I wasn’t able to get in contact with her, so the day I was set to go home, my friend gave me a ride and took me home and when I got back my mom told me that she was going to call CPS on me and have my parental rights taken away.
I don’t see what I did that would equate to her threatening my motherhood and making me feel like a bad mom, I honestly don’t feel I did anything to her that was bad besides leaving her with her granddaughter who she should be happy to spend time with.
My aunt said I’m in the wrong however many of my friends have told me that my mom is just looking to pick a fight.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s not up to your mother to be looking after YOUR child.
She had nothing to do with conceiving it, nor did she have a say on whether you used protection or not.
Grow up, and take responsibility. You ruined your own life, not your mother, now you have to own it.
Trust me, you do not have postpartum depression as you would not be talking the way you have.
You abandoned your child and broke your mother’s trust. Say goodbye to free babysitting, as no one will ever trust you now.
Oh, and your friends are immature if they don’t see the wrong in a mother abandoning a baby. Your mother is trying to look after your well-being. What you have done, is broken the law.
YTJ.” Andrewoholic
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely YTJ. Your mom wasn’t the one who chose to have the baby, and it is not her responsibility to take care of her. It’s yours and your partner’s. You essentially abandoned your child without ensuring her care for the entire duration of your absence, so I would say she is in the right for calling CPS.
You clearly are not mature enough to have a child, and you’re burdening the people around you with your own responsibilities at the expense of not just your mother, but your child too. If you wanted to have a normal teenage life, maybe you shouldn’t have had a child.
Grow up.” senatortoast
Another User Comments:
“I can’t imagine this is genuine, but just in case…
You can have a ‘normal teenage life’ OR be a teenage mom. Your responsibilities change when you decide to have a child. And you should never be entitled enough to push those responsibilities onto someone else for selfish needs.
And your phone broke so you weren’t even checking in to make sure your child is ok?
I get that it’s difficult and sometimes people need a break, but that’s when you work and pay for someone to look after your child.
Unfortunately, this is the path you chose and it’s tricky. Best of luck, but YTJ. It’s called child abandonment and your child could be taken away from you. Be a better mom.” Ju5tSomeb0dyEls3
Ytj SO HARD. You don't deserve a child, and bc you had one, you dont deseve a normal teenage life. Get it together.
9. AITJ For Standing Up To My Mother-In-Law And Possibly Ruining Christmas?
“So my husband and I both had our end-of-year work events last night and my in-laws kindly offered to look after our 3 and 6-year-old kids for the night.
They came to our house this morning to drop the kids off and the first comment out of my MIL’s mouth when she walked in the house was ‘What a mess’ referring to our house.
My husband, who usually never stands up to his mum’s rude comments, responded by saying, ‘Gosh, mum what do you expect?
We’re trying but we work full time.’
She said back, ‘If you’re going to be rude I’m leaving!’ And stormed out the door without saying goodbye.
I stood up for hubby while she was storming out and said, ‘It’s pretty rude to come into our house and comment on how messy it is’ which she ignored.
My FIL just said to hubby, ‘You shouldn’t have said anything, you know what your mum’s like’. For context – my husband’s family has always let MIL speak to them like trash and constantly make comments like this. Since we had kids, MIL has made a few rude comments to me about our parenting, which pushed hubby over the edge to start sticking up to her.
Yes, the house is a mess. We both work full-time hours and have 2 very energetic, messy children as well as a puppy that likes to drag whatever he can find around the house. It’s late in the week and we got home late last night so it’s at its worst but it is just a bit messy with toys and kids’ stuff all over the place, it’s not a cesspit!
So hubby went to the shops a little while later with our daughter and of course, he just so happens to run into MIL. She’s still mad at him and says, ‘I’m not talking to you, you’ve ruined Christmas!’ And walks off.
He legit thinks he’s caused this.
I told hubby he has not ruined Christmas and if she continues to be a brat then it will be her that ruins Christmas. Our kids are their only grandchildren and I will be telling the in-laws that if we do go to their place on Christmas Day, and she is rude to us (and probably wasted like usual) then we will be leaving immediately.
To me, Christmas is for the kids, not for her. And if she is willing to ruin everyone’s day with her own comment, then I don’t think we will be hanging around.
For reference – we go to my family’s house in the morning and his family’s in the afternoon.
If we left their place early the only thing the kids will miss out on will be a bunch of adults talking trash.
So are me and hubby jerks? Did he/we ruin Christmas?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
As a matter of fact, screw your MIL.
She’s a rude jerk. Tell your hubby he and you are done dealing with this overgrown child who treats people like trash and wants everyone to kiss her behind and beg for her forgiveness.
You don’t need to explain to anyone why your house is the way it is.
It’s your home and your business. She doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to ever step foot there again.
Do Christmas at your home and leave his parents to sit alone as punishment. They deserve to be treated the way they treat others.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“There’s no way you don’t know that you’re NTJ. This is a very clear case and I’m sorry you are in this family situation. One of the worst sentences anyone can say is ‘you know how they are!’ Like knowing that someone is a tool would somehow mean that everyone has to tolerate it.
I’m pretty sure I’d be in no contact with a MIL like that. Anyone coming into my home with a comment like that would be met with a ‘hope you remember where the door is. Now close it behind you and do not come back.’ What a vile, revolting woman.
She’s not a child, from what I’ve read she’s not mentally ill. She has no excuse.
And of course, now you have children as well. You must protect them from an influence like that. Nobody needs this sort of toxic stuff in their lives.
Best of luck sticking to your guns! Make sure to communicate with your hubby clearly and in detail, and be in agreement that you two will not tolerate any of this any longer.” Lousha1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Of course she is saying he ruined Christmas to make him feel bad and apologize to her.
See if she doesn’t make herself the victim, she has no leg to stand on.
She can say whatever she wants, but no one can defend themselves.
Honestly, I would provide a big consequence of NO XMAS WITH THE KIDS OR YOU BOTH UNTIL SHE APOLOGIZES.
DON’T REWARD HER ON XMAS.” McflyThrowaway01
8. AITJ For Not Coming To Dinner Because My Mom's Partner Is There?
“When I (25m) was a full-time student I lived with my mom.
During this time she got a man who treated me two different ways; well when my mom was around and horrible when she wasn’t. I’m talking about throwing beer bottles at me, telling me I’m a freak and a failure, and more.
Since he treated me well when she was around my mom had a hard time believing me.
Ultimately, this led me to drop out to get away from them. Since then, my mom and I have worked to rebuild our relationship, and I’ve made it clear I don’t want a relationship of any sort with her partner.
It usually works out that I’ll work all major holidays and so she’ll celebrate them with him. Then when I have a day off, we do something together. Christmas was supposed to be no different.
This year she decided to have a private celebration with him, and a family dinner when I’m off.
I have one day off between Christmas and New Year’s. When her partner found out that it was a ‘family’ dinner he insisted on coming. I told her that was fine and that I’d drop off her and my family’s gifts sometime that day then.
She insisted that I stay for dinner – that my fam is coming to see me anyways. I told her I’m not going if her partner is there, and that I’d been abundantly clear about having no relationship with him.
She’s been insisting that I don’t have to have a relationship with him to go to that dinner, and I said I don’t care: I don’t want to spend the only day off I have this holiday season with someone who makes me sick.
My family has stepped in to let me know that since my mom is hosting she can invite anyone she wants. I’ve repeatedly countered that whole truth, I can also decide that I don’t want to go because of who she’s invited.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘My family has stepped in to let me know that since my mom is hosting she can invite anyone she wants. I’ve repeatedly countered that whole truth, I can also decide that I don’t want to go because of who she’s invited.’
I mean, you’ve summed it up perfectly. She’s allowed to invite who she wants, you’re allowed to go where you want.
Your mom knows your boundary. She could choose to forbid her partner to come (although from what you’ve described, I suspect she’s in a bit of an abusive relationship and maybe has lost some of her agency).
Regardless of your mother’s issues, that doesn’t mean you have to suffer.
Maybe this will be the thing your mom needs to realize her partner is a jerk. (Probably not). I mean, why is he pushing himself into a family dinner if not to cause conflict and drama?
But until your mom is ready to see it, she won’t see it (as you clearly know).
I’m sorry, though. It must suck to have your mom essentially held hostage like that, even if she basically agrees to it.” sjsyed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And while I don’t want to point this out; your mom is making it clear that if she has to invite either of you, she’ll pick her partner first.
Instead of making a sacrifice and telling an abuser he’s not welcome, she rather sends her flying monkeys to harass you into coming over anyways.
She’s disrespecting you and the boundaries you’ve set up while siding with a man who physically and emotionally mistreated her own child.” User
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, NTJ.
If the guy takes advantage of you, you 100% have made the correct choice by keeping your distance and upholding your boundary for your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
I think it’s sad your mom doesn’t trust you about his behavior, and that it put you and her in this situation.
I think a good compromise, if possible for the next year, is finding a location to go out to eat with the understanding that your mom won’t be with her partner.
I’m sorry you have a situation where other people don’t truly understand your position. I have an abusive Ex Friend (32 years old, F) whom I had known since high school. And we still have mutual friends who don’t want to acknowledge the fact she mistreated me and treated me like garbage and I don’t want to be around her because of that.
I hope you can still maintain a good relationship with your mom. And that you still get to have a happy holiday.” HallisonCane
7. AITJ For Not Appreciating My Husband's Gift?
“My husband of 8 years lost his earphones and always borrows mine, so I decided to get them new ones for Christmas.
He also mentioned that he would like to have a better speaker to use in our kitchen and living room, so I got him one as well. Just for context, I never listen to music at home because I’m already constantly overstimulated caring for three children.
You’ll never guess what he got ‘me’ for Christmas. Earphones and a speaker. Believe it or not, the exact same ones, so now we have two of each. I guess at least I know I got him exactly what he wanted… He started laughing his butt off, but to me, it felt like a slap in the face, especially after the difficult year we’d had.
I couldn’t believe he’d get me something only he would be using, something that wasn’t actually for me. So I said a little dryly: ‘Huh, so I got you something you wanted and you got yourself something you wanted. That is funny’.
He snapped and left the room. Later he explained that we had agreed we’d only give each other a small gift and he thought it was something practical. AITJ for still being a little hurt over this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does he normally do things like this? He knows he was being selfish and you called it out. This is why he snapped.
People who do things like that typically exhibit behaviors where they always prioritize themselves over their partners.
The fact he couldn’t be bothered to get you something you would like shows a distinct lack of caring. You agreed to get each other something small and he couldn’t be bothered to give you something meaningful?! It’s honestly a little cruel.
My heart hurts for you.” SunnyDelights95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Women that happen to be wives and mothers are autonomous beings. Something society loves to forget.
Your husband is 100% the jerk here. Fine if he got them as a gag gift and had your real gift hidden.
But that’s obviously not the case.
He doesn’t need two of both. Just return the items and save the money for yourself. But also I think a real conversation needs to be had. You are not the house.
You are not the family. You may be a primary caregiver and wife but that does not erase who you are and what you NEED AND WANT. You NEED for your partner to remember your WANTS and see you as an autonomous being.
Not an adult who is happy their children got a bunch of crap as their gift on the holidays. Not an adult who should be happy that something that benefits everyone is their gift. You deserve to be remembered as uniquely yourself.
Whole gifts are not the same as love, they’re a symbol of how we show someone we love and/or care for them. The lack of thought into a gift actually shows the lack of love, care, and consideration on the ‘givers’ part, but your husband honestly just hasn’t even earned that title.” PettyHonestThrowaway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are justified in feeling hurt, but also I would say just take his gifts and return them and buy yourself something nice. Especially if you’ve had a bad year, I feel like if you want to do your relationship a favor, try to not internalize this as ‘just another sign’, talk out why this was an issue to you, tell him and especially yourself it’s not the end of the world, and he will hopefully not do this again.” User
6. AITJ For Not Deleting My MyHeritage Account?
“I (18F) have two older half-sisters (from my dad’s side) and two younger brothers.
A few years ago I did one of these DNA tests because I found the idea super cool (my parents are from two different countries and one of them has seen a lot of migration in the area). When I joined, it immediately gave me a notification and showed me my cousin (from my dad’s side), who had apparently done it a few years earlier.
Last year both my two maternal grandparents got the tests for their anniversary and also did it. This was even cooler because I could see how much I am related to each of them etc. Since then I’ve been trying to convince my dad to do it as well.
The other day my sister (22F) and I were sitting at her cousin’s house (23F) and I brought up the test. My sister got super upset and told me I should remove my account because it was also her DNA and she didn’t feel comfortable having it online.
I was really surprised, and when I tried to protest she said that it’s like posting a picture on social media with her in it without asking her. When I brought up the fact that our cousin had an account as well, she said that it wasn’t the same thing as they weren’t as closely related. When her cousin took my side she got even more upset.
We haven’t spoken about it since – we only saw each other once after that, since we live in different countries, and she didn’t mention it – but I feel like there’s an elephant in the room.
My other sister also thought it was unreasonable/a strange reaction. At the same time, I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t think I’m in the wrong if I don’t delete my account though, but what do you think?
EDIT: I THINK she might be worried about another sibling appearing. Since both my two sisters and I were by accident… but that’s just me speculating because I’m not sure (she didn’t make herself very clear).”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Yes, it is your DNA and you have the right to do with it what you will. But she is also right that as you are related by extension you have submitted that genetic material too against her will.
Unfortunately, none of us have any possibility of consent in these cases if a relative decides as you did. Keep in mind that hypothetically your DNA also contains the medical data of your relatives.
This is an interesting moral dilemma.
You are not at fault for wanting answers or just being curious and she is not at fault for not wanting part of her DNA to be shared and sold for a tiny amount without her consent.
Nobody really knows what will be done with that gathered information and how good or bad it will be used for.
Maybe cure for cancer or maybe restricting access to health insurance as you might have a potential for chronic illnesses.” KassKaks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your data.
But it sounds like she’s concerned about something popping up, like a family secret in the form of a child no one knew about or an adoption or something somewhere along the line.
I have more than one friend who discovered relatives they didn’t know about or found out they were adopted or found out dear ol’ dad wasn’t actually their father.
DNA isn’t the exact science we want to think it is.
Innocent people get wrapped up in criminal investigations based on having similar DNA occasionally, for example. A criminal defense attorney friend advises against doing commercial DNA testing simply because if the info is out there you have no control over it.
If you need it for medical reasons it can be obtained from a doctor in ways that are legally protected from disclosure.
And when companies sell that data to medical research companies, for example, it’s aggregated but still identifiable. Your identifying markers are still on the data, just encrypted, so if the company receiving the data manages to unencrypt it, it’s no longer private.
In my case, I work for the federal government. Fingerprinting was part of my background check, and a medical exam was required for onboarding. If ‘they’ want my DNA for criminal profiling or insurance, they’ve probably got it. If they don’t have it they know where my desk is.
I gave up that bit of privacy when I took the job.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have every right to create and maintain an account. Your half-sister has every right to be freaked out.
The scientific fact that half-siblings only share about 1/8th of their DNA with one another (the same ratio as first cousins) doesn’t really matter.
If she’s freaked out, she’s freaked out. But her analogy is very flawed. You having a profile when your DNA only overlaps with hers by 12% is not nearly the same as you posting a picture of her without her consent.
This is like you posting ‘I have a cousin who lives in X city in Y country’ and her accusing you of doxing her. Posting her city and country is not the same as posting her name and address. You having a profile with your DNA is not nearly the same as sharing her DNA online.
Both are examples of you sharing personally identifiable information that could make it easier for other people to find her, but her desire for privacy only applies to her DNA sequence, not yours. Not her decision to make.” throw05282021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your DNA, not hers on the site and she can’t stop you from learning the family secrets. She may know a thing or two about someone’s parentage that she doesn’t want to come to light.
Nope, she doesn’t get to control what you do with your own personal information and her demand was ridiculous and overly controlling.
She does not get to make those kinds of demands on you. Your DNA is NOT her DNA. But it makes me wonder what secrets she’s keeping about the family. Is there a secret baby adopted out in the family somewhere, I wonder?” depressivedarling
5. AITJ For Not Allowing My Nephew To Sit In My Car?
“Earlier this month, I received a promotion which I have been working towards my entire career at this point. I decided to celebrate by purchasing an expensive luxury car for myself.
Fast forward to today when my brother and I had plans to drive to our parents and spend the Christmas weekend there before driving back as we both live close, while our parents are three hours out. He asked if we could take my new car as that would give him and his wife a chance to see it and ride along which I have ZERO issues with and would gladly agree to.
However, I replied to his text and told him ‘I don’t want us to take the Urus as L (nephew) tends to make a mess like he did the last time in my car. Will you get him to behave or should we take your car?’
This prompted my brother to get offended and insinuate that I was acting like a piece of entitled trash because I think I’m ‘doing better than them so I look down upon their lives.’ NONE of this is true.
It’s all because of my nephew’s history of spoiled behavior which bothers me.
My nephew is seven years old and a MENACE with no care for his, or anyone’s belongings. The last time I let my brother borrow my previous car for a few days while his was in the shop, he texted me to let me know that said nephew spilled his juice all over the leather seats, or ‘accidentally’ used his markers to draw on the seats.
I use accidentally in quotations as I KNOW my nephew and how spoiled he is. My brother and his wife let him get away with anything at home, whether it’s screaming tantrums or buying him whatever he points his finger at in a store.
I told my brother I was upset as my seats were ruined but he texted me back, telling me how ‘it’s not a big deal I can clean it off’ and that ‘nephew is just a kid, you can’t control that.’
I was so upset as I trusted him to return my car to me in the same condition I gave it to him in, but here is my brother who doesn’t seem to understand teaching his kid basic manners.
Now, it’s been a few hours since the argument and my brother hasn’t replied to my calls. I understand how he might feel hurt as he was looking forward to seeing the car and because I caused conflict right before Christmas which hurts me as well and makes me feel like the villain here.
But at the same time, I still think I am right because this car is the most expensive thing I have purchased and I REFUSE to let my nephew in it because I know my brother and his wife won’t control his behavior.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I hope you presented him with a detailed bill after the last incident. The juice is something that can honestly happen with any child or adult drinking in the car. Accidents happen.
The marker is completely deliberate. Either way though they should have had it professionally cleaned. It is completely acceptable to ask parents to control their children. But it sounds like they wouldn’t honor a no drinking, no food, no being destructive rule so I wouldn’t let the little troublemaker in my new car either.
Still have an older vehicle? Take that one… then take bro for a ride to the dealership and point out ‘your’ car. He can even take it for a test drive.” Any-Blackberry-5557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop calling him. The conversation is done.
You’re not the one making drama, you were ending it by not giving him the opportunity to vandalize your vehicle. And you should see now, that if to try and placate him you give him your car to borrow, it will come back ruined entirely to spite you.
If they were willing to screw up your last car even without them holding any resentment, they absolutely will destroy this car given that you’ve told them very clearly that they are bad parents and jerks.
Stop calling him because you crawling to him is giving him power in the situation.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have EVERY right to not want your things to be damaged and to take steps to avoid that. The fact that your brother’s response was ‘It’s not a big deal I can clean it off’—and I’m assuming he meant that YOU would be cleaning it off, not him or the nephew—says to me he has exactly the same amount of respect for you and your things as your nephew does: ZERO.
NONE. NADA.
Also, an accident? Are you kidding me? As my driving instructor explained to me and the rest of my class, an accident would be ‘if the phone flew off the wall and hit you in the head’ or ‘if the ceiling where you are sitting suddenly caved in on top of you’ (yes I was the example in these accidents).
An accident is something out of your control. I don’t think that it was an accident.
My final point is this: I did some DUMB DUMB things as a child, one of which was throwing rocks at a car. Don’t know why I did it.
My father made me pay for that damage. I don’t remember how, but I do remember that part of my punishment was he took away a cup that I absolutely loved, and I remember being devastated. My point is this: there are consequences for doing trashy things.
Teach your children right from wrong or it becomes a reflection of you—and sometimes that will cost you a ride in a cool car.
Again, far and away, NTJ.” Cecil-Kain
4. AITJ For Refusing To Forgive My Father After He Didn't Attend My Wedding?
“When I was 10 my Father moved to another country to work (US from Canada). At 12 he and my mother divorced after he had an affair with a woman where he was living.
After high school, my Dad invited me to come to live with him for my university. I agreed as it would obviously save me a bunch on living expenses and I was excited to reconnect with him and spend a few years together.
What he didn’t tell me until all the plans had been made and I paid for my first semester, was he had moved his partner in with him so I’d be living with both of them. I wasn’t thrilled but it was too late now.
His partner made it clear from the get-go I wasn’t welcome. She felt threatened by my presence as she was quite invested in having my Father integrate completely into her large family. She excluded me from any of her family gatherings while also making sure in the 4 years I was there I didn’t get literally an afternoon alone with my Father.
She would even insist on coming with us to the freaking hardware store.
As graduation approached she made it very clear I wasn’t welcome to stay to the point she informed me the day after I graduated that if I wasn’t on my way back to Canada she would call immigration on me.
I let my Father know and he just wouldn’t believe me.
So I moved back and basically stopped interacting with my Father beyond yearly calls for Birthdays and Christmas.
15 years later I met my future wife, got engaged, and started planning the wedding.
My sisters had been on me for years to work things out with my Father, so I had been making an effort for 6 months prior to my engagement. I thought this event would be a chance to further mend some fences.
So I invite my father and his wife (the girl I had to live with) to the wedding. At first, they agreed, but about 6 weeks before the wedding he emailed to say they couldn’t make it, something to do with them just selling their house.
I was upset but whatever, I was surprised when they agreed in the first place.
So wedding week comes around and I see on his wife’s social media page a post about how much fun they were having at her yearly Family Reunion.
The kicker, the family reunion that year was at her daughter’s house less than a 2 hr drive from where I lived and where the wedding was. This would be about a 14hr drive from my father’s house.
So I was pretty mad, to say the least. Haven’t spoken or communicated with him since then (10 years now).
He is getting old (85) now and my sisters tell me I’m a jerk for not speaking with him for all these years. Of course, they never had to live with his wife or have any idea how I was treated while living there.
They say they would have forgiven him for missing their wedding, which I know is easy to say when it didn’t happen to them.
AITJ for not forgiving him for missing my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It isn’t your job to mend the relationship.
Your dad made his choices, the consequence is no relationship with you. His getting old/dying isn’t a reason to forgive and forget. I have never understood this. So everything you did is fine because you are old? Totally fine you abandoned your kid because you are old.
He prioritized his wife’s kids, and that is who he now has.
Tell your sister she needs to butt out and you will no longer discuss your dad with her. He made his choices and had every opportunity to mend fences.
He chose not to.” HappyLifeCoffeeHelps
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like gaslighting to me. The onus is on you to forgive him, to reach out to him, to give him peace, to reconcile, to extend an olive branch – there’s a lot of one-sided you doing everything even though you were a child with a deadbeat dad.
He is a father who knows he has failed in his relationship, and responsibilities, if he was truly tormented by that and wanted peace then it is up to him to make the effort and acknowledge that his actions in the past weren’t great but wanted to make it possible for some kind of reconciliation.
It is clear he doesn’t care, your sis has her own set of daddy issues and is clinging onto a dysfunctional relationship for the sake of bragging rights to having a relationship and being able to forgive.
Forgiveness is an ugly word because it puts the pressure on the child an innocent victim rather than holding the deadbeat donor accountable for their poor parenting life choices.” Snoo-39259
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you sure the issue is forgiveness for missing the wedding? It seems to me you have pursued a relationship with your father to the best of your ability. Obviously, his partner blocked that and also obviously he allowed it.
This is one of those ‘if he wanted to, he would’ situations. If he reaches out, it would be generous of you to respond in kind. But after 25 years of almost no contact, I doubt that chasing a relationship with him would be fruitful.
Your sisters probably mean well, but they haven’t walked a mile in your moccasins. Do what you feel good about.” Anxious-Engineer2116
3. AITJ For Expecting People To Hide Their Pets When I'm Visiting?
“I’m allergic to cats and dogs – as a kid, I had to go to the ER twice for difficulty breathing after attending sleepovers at a home with pets. I’ve avoided ER visits as an adult by being really cautious.
It’s very scary for me when I have trouble breathing. I have had the practice of asking people to put their pets in another room when I’m visiting (of course there will still be dander in the environment, but having the pet in a different room helps a lot).
I didn’t think this was a big ask, but I’ve gotten a lot of pushback.
One time a friend said she’d do it, but then she didn’t close the door and acted all surprised when the dog came into the room and didn’t try to put the dog out again.
It seems pretty obvious that the dog won’t stay in another room if you don’t close the door, so I thought maybe it was a passive-aggressive refusal. Another friend did as I asked once (we went in the basement, and dogs stayed in the rest of the house – they barked and whined at the door for a while but then went away), and I thought it went well, but the next time I suggested getting together at her house the friend refused because of the dogs.
I haven’t been there since. Another time I went to a get-together at a friend’s place, and when I asked her about putting the cat in another room, she said no because others want to play with the cat.
This sort of thing happens often enough that I’ve given up on asking – I just leave early when I have the first sign of allergies.
I manage, but I also feel bitter and hurt that my friends are so unwilling to make a safe and comfortable place for me. So I thought I’d ask the internet – AITJ? Is it unreasonable to expect people to put their pets in another room when I visit?
ETA: I think I should clarify what I mean by ‘expect’. I’m not showing up at people’s houses and telling people to banish their dogs on the spot. When a friend who I know has a pet invited me or a group over I was in the practice of explaining about my allergies and asking if the pet can be in a different room AT THE TIME I WAS INVITED. Meaning before I went over.
I expected that the answer would be yes in the same way that if someone was invited to dinner and asked their host ‘could you not serve peanuts? I’m allergic’ I would expect the host’s response to be ‘sure’ not ‘no, we serve peanuts at every meal, we cannot be without peanuts at any time.’’
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You can ask them to put their pets away before you get there, it’s for your health and it’s not rude depending on how you word it. But also understand they have these pets because they’re important to them, and often feel like part of the actual family.
They’re not the jerks if they don’t want to lock them up as long as you know beforehand. They don’t have to agree to do it and that’s okay. If you’re worried about your safety and comfort, why can’t you hang out at your place?
Or somewhere public, instead of trying to go somewhere knowing there’s something dangerous to your health and also inconveniencing your friends?” strawberrimihlk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s a fair request especially of how allergic you are. However, this should be under the concept of them inviting you over and agreeing to those terms beforehand.
If you invited yourself over with the expectation, then ‘you are the jerk’ for not communicating the parameters of the hangout and assuming they will just do it. People adore their pets and some pets have separation anxiety so while a no-brainer for you, you also don’t know the pet.
I would probably either just invite them over to my place and avoid the pet altogether or meet at a mutual third space without the pet.” Passing_squarebubs
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re allowed to ask. They’re equally allowed to say no. Hosting is a choice, and they’re allowed to put boundaries on that choice.
It’s their house, not yours. Your comparison is a bad one because peanuts are not a living creature that lives in the house full-time.
If your allergy is as severe as you’re describing, I honestly would not be comfortable having you in my house at all while I owned a pet.
The thing that causes pet allergies is the hair – and anyone who has owned a pet knows that the hair doesn’t leave the room with the pet. If you own a pet, that hair is everywhere in your house.
To truly remove the allergen, your friends would need to spend hours deep cleaning. Otherwise, you’re being exposed regardless of whether the pet’s actually in the room. Just removing the pet isn’t actually enough.
With that in mind, and given how severe your reactions apparently are, I wouldn’t be willing to take that risk at all.
And I don’t know why you are.” lordmwahaha
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. The animals live there and you don’t. Just don’t go to their houses. If this is a problem, invite someone over to your place instead.
I would not accommodate this request from you and I doubt anyone with respect for their animals would do so. Your request is unreasonable. It’s their house and their animals’ house, not yours. Just explain that you can’t go to houses where people have animals because of your allergies and ask if they’d like to come to your place instead if these are people you really want to socialize with.
You don’t get to make demands of people or animals in their own homes.” righteouswind
2. AITJ For Deciding To Spend The Holidays With My Partner's Family?
“I (26M) moved back home with family earlier this year to finish what’s left of my school and move back out in the next month or two.
The only problem is, my family is very religious and strict. No cooking after 10 PM (when my father goes to sleep) because it wakes him up, despite my class schedule being night and therefore I’m up all night. No friends come over unless it’s to do wholesome things and even then if he hears them curse he yells and corrects them.
If I go out with a friend or my friend who’s wasted needs a place to stay, they say they can’t stay here (I know, very Christian-like from a religious family). Essentially, textbook control issues.
Anyways, when I first moved back I was allowed to have my long-time partner sleep over if I slept on the couch.
My father slowly changed that to complaining if she’s here for more than a day or two because if I sleep on the couch it ‘disrupts his day’. Now they have officially banned her from staying over – stating if she wants to stay with someone in town, her brother lives close enough by and she can stay there.
This led to me essentially saying that I will be out of town with my partner and her family then for the holidays. Since then, my mom has texted me on several occasions telling me that she is ‘more disappointed than upset’ with me for being petty and going against my father and simple house rules.
I told her that they enable his control issues by not saying anything due to fear of being lashed out at and if she wants to be upset with someone, look at her husband. AITJ?
Edit: Not only does my dad do the above, but he blocks adult searches on the internet or anything he deems to be adult (a lot of just normal websites, at one point even Twitter was blocked.) with the message ‘I WILL SEE WHAT YOU SEARCHED’ – was even worse when we were younger when he tracked everything we did and not only that but confronted us for what we searched seemingly monthly or often enough.
Just recently he started eavesdropping on everyone in the house using the bathroom and confronted someone for not washing their hands long enough in the bathroom, even my partner, a guest. Just a month or two ago my parents had to text me and tell me that I can’t watch the shows that I watch in the privacy of my room because they heard cussing and don’t think I should be watching them..
the list goes on.
For the heating up food, he unplugs the microwave and puts a note on it saying to eat cereal or a sandwich. I can’t heat up water for ramen, microwave food for 1 minute, etc etc. This isn’t me ‘cooking a full meal’ with tons of smells, I can’t use the microwave for a minute because that 30 seconds of aroma ‘wakes him up’.
I can’t even prep healthy food earlier in the day and reheat it for 30 seconds…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are respecting their boundaries and house rules (their house, their rules) but that does not mean you have to be a part of it.
If your mom is upset about that and their relationship with you is more valuable than ‘disrupting your dad’s day’ then they have the ability to compromise with you. Attempting to guilt trip and pressure you is not a compromise.
And if not disrupting your dad’s day is more important than their relationship with you, then that is their decision.
If they are claiming it is because of Christian values and it is worth it to you to try and salvage this, bring this up together with their pastor for further insight.
I hope you get to move out quickly and swiftly.” foxyshazam16
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re not a jerk for not wanting to stay for the holidays, but I don’t see where your dad is being overly controlling or unreasonable.
Not cooking food after 10 pm when the owners of the house follow a daytime schedule and your cooking would wake your dad up (when he’s in his bedroom) is a reasonable rule. Your dad having expectations for the behaviors people have in his home are reasonable, and it is your responsibility to inform your guests of those expectations.
Not wanting adults they don’t know sleeping over, especially wasted adults they don’t know, is reasonable. If you’re awake at night and sleeping during the day, it’s reasonable for your parents to get frustrated that you are essentially hogging up the common area for days at a time when your partner is over.
Your parents aren’t being unreasonable, you’re just an adult with your own life and wants and expectations and now that you’ve moved out for a bit and grown away from your parents living with them and their rules feels constricting.
Move out once you’re able to.” WildExtreme5505
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting your parents to treat you like an adult and stop with the controlling micromanagement. But seriously, you know who they are. You’re there for a month or two.
Finish the schooling and get out of there. It’s their house, their rules, and their controlling nature. You don’t really have the right to impose your desire for more flexibility when you’re living there. Smile, nod, and mark off the days on your calendar.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here/soft everyone sucks here. The rules in the house are pretty reasonable although a few are old fashioned they’re not textbook control issues. The main problematic thing I see from your dad is yelling at friends for swearing however it’s also pretty problematic of you not to inform your friends of that rule before they come over and to be inviting your partner over for more than 2 nights without asking in advance, I can’t help but think if you did that they might revoke the ban.
Although whilst the rules aren’t that bad I do agree your dad does have some issues and his reactions to certain things seem pretty trashy (if anything is control issues it’s less the rules and rather his reaction to them not being followed).
You can spend Christmas wherever you like and have the right to do so.
(By the way, if you can’t cook past 10 pm have a hot lunch and cold dinner.)” yeet-im-bored
1. AITJ For Still Making My 10-Year-Old Daughter Sit In A Booster Seat?
“My (31 F) husband (33 M) and I have two wonderful kids, a son (14 M) and a daughter (10F, 11 in march).
I am a firm believer in car seat safety and doing what is best to keep my kids safe.
My daughter still rides in a high-back booster seat, she is 4″3 63 lbs, and 10 years old. She has recently started expressing disapproval of it.
A couple of weeks ago we were on our way to school and I noticed she had climbed out of her booster seat.
I told her to get back in it and she said she was never sitting in it again. I told her that she needed to sit in it because she was too short to ride safely with just the seatbelt.
She got upset and started yelling at me saying I’m ‘being a jerk’ and ‘treating her like a baby’ and that she is ‘too old for a stupid booster seat’.
After a minute my husband came out and asked what was going on, she told him I was being a jerk and treating her like a baby.
He told her not to talk to me that way and that she needed to sit in her booster seat to keep her safe. I then got out of the car and told her that we weren’t going anywhere until she was in her booster seat, and if she made us late by refusing she would deal with the consequences, and that if she continued to refuse and make us late for school or any other event she would be grounded.
After that, she got back into the booster seat and buckled up.
Since then she hasn’t refused again but still complains sometimes.
Her brother told me I was being a jerk for treating her like a baby and that I should just let her ride with just the seatbelt.
My husband says I’m doing the right thing to keep her safe but I’m still not sure. I mean I’m just trying to keep her safe and she never complained about her booster seat before. But on the other hand, none of her friends still use booster seats and she is getting to that age where peer pressure is a very tough thing.
So AITJ?
Edit: I’ve been meaning to talk to my daughter for a while but things have been kinda chaotic over the holidays and I’ve been trying to find a good way to approach things. I think including my son in the conversation is a good idea.
I know he loves his sister and doesn’t want her to get hurt either. I mentioned it to my husband and we talked about it and we have decided to sit down with both our kids and talk to them about the issue and try to work out a solution.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not even for your choice in using a booster. But you’re definitely the jerk in how you’ve handled your daughter’s feelings on the issue. She’s 10, not 2. You don’t just strap her in when she’s clearly not understanding it, feeling embarrassed, and hating it.
Talk to your child like she is a person and discuss your reasons on why she is in that seat and ask her what you guys can do in the meantime (until she can safely just use a seat belt) to make her feel less embarrassed.
Figure out a compromise. She will be 18 in 8 years and if you think she will forget how you invalidated her feelings, you’re kidding yourself. Instead of wasting time garnering internet points because you feel guilty, maybe just go talk to your kid.
She’s the only one that can take the guilt away because she’s the one whose feelings you’re invalidating.” mrsgip
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are necessarily the jerk here, however, I do think you are completely ignoring your daughter’s mental wellness and hyper-fixating on her physical safety.
She says she’s embarrassed and feels infantilized, and any attempt to talk to you about it has been shut down. She will be bottling this up and letting whatever feelings she has towards you grow and fester.
You need to talk with her about this.
She is old enough to be talked to and have things explained to her. Work on a compromise. Even if her friends haven’t bullied her, that doesn’t mean other kids haven’t. Kids are MEAN. I knew a kid in a booster up until middle school and that poor kid was bullied relentlessly.
Her mental health and well-being are just as important as her physical safety, but you need to be willing to compromise on this and TALK to her.” thatfrogbithc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children should remain in a booster seat until they’re 4’9” tall, to ensure that the seat belt sits on their lap and shoulder properly and keeps them restrained during a crash.
To respect your daughter’s feelings, I’d have a gentle and age-appropriate but honest conversation about why she needs to have a booster seat, and what could happen to her in the case of a car accident. Make sure she knows she can express her feelings and that you respect them, and why you have to draw the boundary of her sitting in a booster.
Better to have an irritated but living child in a booster seat than a horrifically injured or dead one without a booster seat.
Also NTJ for how you handled it when she refused to sit in her booster. Refusing to move the car until all passengers are properly restrained is the bare minimum responsibility of a driver, especially when the passenger in question is a child.” theymightbetrolls69
