People Tell Their One-Sided “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wearing A White Dress To My Friend's Baby Shower?
“I (29f) have been friends with “Claire” (28f) since high school. We have a small group of friends that has stayed close since then.
Claire is pregnant and had her baby shower yesterday. I wore a white and blue floral sundress.
I didn’t think anything of it because, as far as I know, white is only inappropriate for bridal events.
When I arrived at the shower, Claire’s mood seemed to immediately sour and she was really cold toward me. Later, one of my other friends pulled me aside and asked me to leave.
She said that Claire was offended by my “attention-seeking behavior” and that it was inappropriate to wear white to Claire’s event. I left.
I’m super confused. Like I said, I thought the white rule only applied to bridal events. Our friends are refusing to take sides but a couple have told me I should apologize even if I don’t think I’m wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve never once heard of not wearing white to a baby shower. Depending on the pattern and style, I’m not even sure I would consider a white and blue floral dress an absolute “no-no” for a bridal shower.
It sounds like she was feeling insecure, and something about how you looked made her feel bad about herself. While that sucks, it’s not your fault.” easthighwildcatfan1
Another User Comments:
“Um, NO. NTJ. White is worn by the BRIDE at her wedding to imply that she is pure.
At a baby shower, it’s pretty clear that purity is not the topic we are celebrating. We got down, we got dirty and now we’re gettin’ a baby. Let’s say this was a gender reveal and you knew ahead of time that it was a boy and you wore blue to say ha!
I already knew! Or pink is a girl. Then you would be the jerk. Wearing white to a baby shower is harmless. My guess is that you looked pretty and the Mama to Be feels unattractive. That’s sad in the sense that pregnancy should be beautiful.
But that sure isn’t your fault. NTJ.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My opinion as a dude with way too many sisters I’ve been able to completely change what they thought about this so maybe I can help everyone.
Women should not care what anyone else wears ever. Not at a party not at a baby shower not even a wedding, if you care that’s a you issue and you should get over it. Anyone that disagrees that’s also a you issue and you should work on yourself and let go of your inner jealousy.
I’m gonna get attacked here but I’m right so who cares.” Fit_Faithlessness609
21. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Father?
“My (28F) father (57M) has always been bad with money. My mom passed away 4 years ago and I think she kept things afloat because he has been out of control since. He supposedly paid off their debt and mortgage with her life insurance payout, but during that time I noticed that he and his new partner (whom he met 3 months after my mom died) were going on vacations and making other large purchases.
Along with all that, he was making more and more comments about how much money my sister (16F) was costing him and how she’s ungrateful (blah blah).
So this morning I get a message from his partner asking me to help them with monthly expenses since she doesn’t want to anymore.
I am pretty sure it is because my dad got injured a month or so ago and she has had to take care of him, which she doesn’t want to do. So now she is trying to guilt trip me into giving them money by saying things like “I would do anything for my dad” and “How can you live with yourself.”
The thing is that I know she and my dad are heavy drinkers and smokers and that most of his income goes to booze every month. We’re talking CASES of booze at a time not just a bottle here and there, but then they’ll complain when my sister needs new shoes.
I refuse to enable his addiction, but I feel like a jerk because I know he needs help and they might lose the house since he’s getting behind on payments. I always make sure my sister is taken care of, but I have honestly hit an emotional wall with my dad where I just can’t get myself to care anymore.
They have done some pretty awful things to me and my sister over the last few years.
So AITJ for not providing financial help to my father?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. Not at all. Addicts take advantage of others to help themselves, and when they are family, they know exactly what buttons they can push to do so.
Being an adult means you get to make your own choices, and you are responsible for your own consequences. You’re being a good sibling keeping an eye out for your sister. Don’t give your dad or his partner any money, but do keep in contact with your sister because it sounds like she really needs you right now.” BulgingKegelMuscles
Another User Comments:
“Listen, this is going to be hard to hear… your dad is a grown man who is making his own decisions. You helping them financially only damages things because 1) he doesn’t experience the consequences of his actions and will continue doing what he’s doing.
2) it hurts you financially because that’s money you could be saving for YOUR future, your home, etc. 3) you will grow to resent them wasting away the money you are sending them and it will damage your relationship with your father even more.
Do not give them money. It also sounds like your dad’s partner is just using him for everything he’s got financially. NTJ for not giving your dad money. He doesn’t need it. He’s young enough to still change his habits if he chooses to do so.
He is NOT your responsibility.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Can you take care of your sister and let her live with you so the both of you can blow your dad and his new wife off for the most part?
If not, then just provide things that your sister needs directly to her, not giving him money for her needs that he can use to support his habits. You could call child protective services and get them involved and maybe get legal guardianship over your sister.
You and your sister owe your father nothing, you did not ask to be born. The responsibility is his not yours but for your sister’s sake, you might want to push this to get her out of that bad situation.
Good luck!” ConfusedAt63
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On A Family Vacation Due To Toxic Dynamics?
“So, I’m an 18-year-old female (recently turned) and I live with my mum (46), stepdad (67), and my autistic halfbrother (16) and halfsister (12) most of the time (the autistic part is relevant). My dad (49) and my stepmum live further, so I rarely see them because I don’t have my driver’s license yet.
I’m my dad’s only child and at my mum’s I’m the oldest. I’ve been raised by my mum to shut up and listen and never backtalk which is why it’s very hard for me to do anything other than that now.
Anyhow, a while ago my mum started talking about a mandatory family vacation for summer, but I really don’t want to go. Every time we go on a family vacation it just ends up bad because they always fight and my stepdad is borderline abusive.
He always directs his anger at my brother and my sister is the typical youngest who can’t ever do anything wrong, so my brother gets the blame. Then he just yells back at stepdad, mum is in a bad mood and Sis is being entitled. Brother and sister are also always bickering, and even when they’re just having honest fun stepdad has to yell at my brother to ‘leave her alone’.
I’m just always in between there like a darn babysitting referee and I’ve mentioned I do not want to go on family vacations anymore multiple times, especially this one.
Well, today, mum called me to her because she wanted to start booking so I sat next to her and I guess at a certain moment I just started crying because when she looked at me again she just lost it.
She sarcastically said ‘Well I see how excited you are’ and then went on and on about how ‘you know what it’s my fault I should have known my oldest doesn’t like her family anymore’ (I haven’t for a long time by the way).
So now she said ‘you know what stay at home go to your dad’s I don’t give a darn do what you want, I’d rather go on vacation without a mood killer anyways’. I tried to explain my point as calmly as I could between tears but she just left for work.
I hope she was serious about me not having to go but the risk is that my brother will now also be difficult because I am not going, which could make them stay and then I won’t have rest either way.
Am I the jerk for just not wanting to deal with this anymore and standing up (sort of) for what I want?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anyone is the “mood killer” it’s your stepdad. There is no reason you should want to spend time in what you describe as a torture session with them all.
At 18 you should be allowed to decide – you are legally an adult. Work toward independence so you can move out. Talk to your dad, if he’s an option for help or a place to live. If you’re not there with your mum and SD, they’ll be forced to see the dynamic with them and the kids more clearly.
Probably your mum doesn’t want that. Oh and congratulations on your first steps at establishing some reasonable boundaries for yourself. “No backtalk” is rotten training for people who need to learn to assert themselves.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“I am so sorry for your situation.
I am a step-father and I would never dream of treating you that way. And trust me, my kids have not been easy (not my assessment either–their mom and dad say that). But no matter what, your stepdad and mom have failed you.
Please see if you can go to your dad’s–at least for this vaca, if not permanently. Have you told your dad what life with your mom is really like–all of it? If not, please see if you can find the courage and will to do that.
You deserve it!” DomesticPlantLover
19. AITJ For Refusing To Install Life360 And Arguing With My Sister About It?
“So my mom and younger sister (16) have been pressuring me (20) to get life360 since I started college and every time I have said no due to not wanting to be tracked 24/7 and being uncomfortable with the idea of it in general since it also tracks how fast your car goes.
Yesterday, my mom sent me the link once again and again I said no.
My sister explained that she likes knowing where we are, being able to track us in emergencies, etc and my mom said she wanted to track us in emergencies and when there is a car crash since I go to college 2 hours away, but I explained to my sister and my mom that I can call and text them and if anything were to happen emergency wise.
I told them I understood but that is them and not me.
It led to a huge argument where I felt my sister didn’t respect my no and we got into a back and forth, but then she ended up telling me that she “felt like I was yelling at her” even though I was speaking in a normal, although clearly frustrated voice.
I know I’m wrong, but I whispered to her just to be petty and she said that she didn’t want to talk to me because I was “being rude”. After more back and forth with her saying that I was invalidating how she felt and me trying to apologize and fix it but still stating my point, she called me a jerk, to which I replied that she was the biggest jerk there was, to which she replied that I could shove it, with me replying that I would.
That was the end of it as she accepted my no and me apologizing for invalidating her feelings with both of us going to our own corners.
Later I heard her crying downstairs and wondered if I was harsh. My mom was passive-aggressive with me today and yesterday calling me stubborn and difficult and my sister cried again today even though she said that it had nothing to do with the situation.
So AITJ or was I just pushed to my limits?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to use that thing. I also don’t like companies tracking me (although in this case, it might not make a huge difference, as if you have a cellphone either Google (Android) or Apple (iPhone) is already tracking you constantly and very likely selling your location tracking data).
But what is that obsession of your sister wanting to track you? It’s fairly common for parents to be afraid for their children but I have never heard such a thing for siblings. I feel like that is such a silly subject to argue about though…” pastor_pilao
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I have Life360 on my phone, it’s something I’m comfortable with and partially because while I’m now living where I was born and spent part of my childhood, there are still parts of the local area I don’t know well.
Having it on my phone and my mom having it on hers allows her to make sure I’m going in the right direction if she’s the one giving me such via a phone call that’s coming through my car’s speakers via a Bluetooth connection.
You’re not comfortable with it and it’s your comfort that matters most.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. My family has used it since my eldest started secondary school (HS for those in the US) as they used to walk to school every day which was about 2 miles.
It’s become the bane of my existence over the last 3 and a half years. My husband died in 2020 and 3 of our 5 children are now adults. One of them, our eldest daughter, is partially fond of tracking me when I go out on my own and has epic hissy fits if I turn my location off.
To a point I understand why, she’s autistic and was very attached to her dad and is worried something could happen to me, but it’s become very frustrating. Whether you use it or not is totally up to you.” Potential-Bug1510
18. AITJ For Refusing To House-Sit While My Family Goes On A Secret Vacation?
“I (19F) am being forced to watch both my family dog and my aunt’s cat and house, while they go on a week-long vacation to Vancouver.
I just learned by accident from my aunt that my whole extended family including my two sisters, cousins, aunt and uncle, parents, and grandparents are going to Vancouver Island for well over a week. They have apparently been keeping it a secret from me because they just assumed I wouldn’t mind staying behind, despite never being asked if I was even interested.
I feel left behind and disconnected from the rest of my family and don’t know if I should even agree to house-sit during the week. AITJ?
Add on: I’m not just house-sitting my own house but also my aunt’s house and their cats, our houses are not that far from each other but I will have to go back and forth every day.
I also wanted to clear up that I live with my grandparents and my parents and I do pay rent.”
Another User Comments:
“The same thing happened to me when I was 18! My dad’s entire family went to Disneyland the week of my 18th bday and never invited me!
I asked why I didn’t get invited and my dad said they didn’t think I’d want to go. I had never been before!!! And I watched his dog. Oh, and I moved out of his house while they were gone.
OP, this isn’t okay and it isn’t normal. If I were you I would refuse to watch the aunt’s house/pets completely and demand to be paid for watching your parents’ pet. They do not get to exclude you and then treat you like the help.
I would also start looking into moving out. My mental health improved greatly after separating myself from them.” Neat-Pen6522
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but also you might be missing out on a house party for the ages. When I was 19, I would’ve killed to have my parents’ house all to myself.
I would have gotten a keg. I think you should sit your parents down and talk to them about this. Tell them that you’re hurt and you don’t understand why they wouldn’t want you there. They might tell you that they thought you would want to have the house to yourself, maybe even to have a party.
If I was in their shoes, I would’ve thought you would’ve been really excited about it. Just tell them that you love your family and you don’t understand why they don’t want you there. If you really want to kick them in the gut, ask them if you did something wrong.
That should do it. They will feel so bad lol. But I would also consider staying because once again, three-day rager. All my friends would’ve been sleeping all over the floor that whole week.” FindAriadne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they didn’t even consider inviting you and just expected you to house-sit while they all go on a week-long trip, say no. If they can afford a week-long trip they should have budgeted for pet sitters too, which is not what you are.
Say no and do something else with your time, because letting them make you feel left behind and feel bad is not what you should be doing with your time, they are inconsiderate and selfish!” Familiar_Room_9318
17. AITJ For Helping My Twin Nephews Leave Their Financially Abusive Mother?
“My twin nephews (18m) live in another state with their mother and her partner (not their father). We all lived together (partner excluded) when the boys were first born, and I was very close to them before they moved away.
I didn’t see them again until they were 13, when they spent a summer with me and my family. It took some adjustment, but soon it was like I had two new sons. When the summer ended, one returned to their mother, while the other, citing behavioral issues at home, stayed with me.
He had some challenges but adjusted well and became a really great and kind kid (still is). After about a year, his mother wanted him back, but he strongly preferred to stay. I discussed it with my sister, but she was against the idea.
Five years later, the boys are now young men. Although I haven’t seen them during this time, we easily reconnect when we meet. We joke, talk, and they share updates on their lives with me. During a recent conversation, they confided in me (asking me not to tell my sister) that they have jobs and their mother and her partner convinced them to hand over their debit cards under the pretense of “saving their money.” Both my sister and her partner are unemployed and have been using the boys’ income to support themselves, and spent every dime the boys have earned (~5k).
The boys want to leave, and I advise them to wait until they finish high school.
That was the plan until a few days ago when one of the boys argued with my sister and threatened to cancel his card.
To which she threatened to kick him out, and he called me, asking for help. I promised him a bus ticket to my state if she followed through on her threat. Last night, both boys called me and said they wanted to leave.
True to my word, I bought them bus tickets.
My sister called me today, furious that I hadn’t informed her about any of this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your nephews are 18, they aren’t running away, they are simply moving and you are helping them.
Make sure they can finish out high school so they get their diplomas, they may want to go to the school and make sure their mailing addresses aren’t with your sister. Make sure they have all of their important documents, ID, SSN card, birth certificate, etc They should check their credit as well and make sure their mom hasn’t taken out credit in their name.
If she’s stealing their paychecks, I doubt the financial abuse stops there Your sister is mad because you didn’t tell her the plan? Tough luck for her. Abusers don’t deserve a heads-up. NTJ.” s************s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, your sister was financially abusing your nephews, and they were right to threaten to cancel the cards.
They should never have given them to her in the first place, she was clearly being very manipulative when she convinced them to do so, and it’s great that they decided not to put up with it anymore. Second, your nephews are 18.
They’re adults who can make their own decisions about where to live, and you are under no obligation to tell her anything that they themselves chose not to disclose to her. On a side note, calling it “running away” plays right into the narrative that they’re still children who sometimes need to be protected from their own questionable choices.
But they aren’t. There’s no world in which you need to inform your sister of what her grown, adult sons are doing, particularly when they made the conscious choice not to tell her themselves. Your nephews are very lucky to have you in their lives, and I wish you all nothing but the best.” Xanthera
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. A few pieces of advice: Have them put a lock on their credit. We’ve heard multiple stories on this subreddit of parents opening credit cards in their kid’s names and wrecking their credit. Since your sister has just lost her gravy train she may well try this next.
Have them close their current bank accounts and open new ones at a different bank, do not tell your sister. Since it sounds like they haven’t completed high school definitely work with them on a plan to either complete it at a school near you or get their GED.” adeon
16. AITJ For Confronting My Cousin About Bringing Her Pet Monkey To Our Grandpa's Birthday Party?
“I (30f) grew up with strict values, especially when it came to table manners and how we present ourselves.
Our family has always been the one to host gatherings and big family get-togethers, putting a lot of effort into making them special. This time, it was my grandpa’s 85th birthday, and we were excited to go all out.
I spent hours decorating, Mom was busy contacting people and cooking up a storm, and Dad spared no expense to make sure everything was perfect.
Now, my cousin Jane (22f) has had a tough time growing up because her parents were never quite stable — dealing with drinking problems and even incarceration. Mom has always felt sorry for her and sees Jane almost like one of her own.
Because of this, Mom tends to cut Jane some slack that she wouldn’t for anyone else.
Jane herself is a bit unconventional, and I don’t blame her given her rough upbringing. She recently started seeing someone and they adopted this “marmoset monkey” named Nips together.
What bugs me isn’t so much Jane’s choices but rather that she insists on bringing Nips everywhere — including our house.
My mom used to have strict rules about animals indoors. She wouldn’t even allow a big dog inside because she thought it was unhygienic.
Yet, when it comes to Jane and Nips, suddenly all rules seem to fly out the window. Mom finds Nips adorable and can’t help but coo over her whenever Jane brings her around, even at special events.
Jane originally couldn’t make it to Grandpa’s birthday because she had another commitment — which honestly gave me some relief.
But then Jane shows up later, saying the other event got postponed due to the host being ill. And of course, she brings Nips along.
Mom doesn’t scold Jane like I expected. Instead, she starts fussing over Nips and showing her off to everyone, including Grandpa, who clearly looks uncomfortable with the whole situation.
I lost it. I couldn’t hold back and asked Jane why on earth she thought it was appropriate to bring a monkey to Grandpa’s birthday. She looked confused, saying she always brings her along. I told her it was disrespectful and she should’ve left Nips at home.
Jane started crying, apologized, and left.
Mom was furious with me, saying I ruined her efforts to make Jane feel welcome in our family. Grandpa looked really sad after Jane left, and now I’m stuck feeling like the bad guy.
Everyone seems to think I overreacted, but seriously, who in their right mind brings a monkey to a family event?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is not your house to enforce rules. It is your parents’. You had no standing to lash out like this, it is not your place to draw lines in the sand regarding what comes into the home.
It is your mother’s and your father’s home and if your mother is fine with Jane bringing Nips then it is up to you to keep quiet and step in line or excuse yourself. You feel like the bad guy because you are the bad guy.
You did overreact. You were completely out of line and for a 30-year-old woman you should know better than to try to police other people in your parents’ home. For a 30-year-old you act like a bitter teenager with this “Waaa I couldn’t do this so why can she????” nonsense.
Grow up.” PupperoniDemon
Another User Comments:
“You could have handled it differently. Instead of thinking of the rules when you were raised, think of it as your mother’s rules now. Also, parents have a higher tolerance for those who are not their children.
Seriously, nieces, nephews, and grandchildren all get treated differently, so why are you acting like a petulant child? Just know that in a few years, Jane will be complaining about her pet and looking to get rid of it because it destroyed the furniture (due to boredom).
Until then, don’t be the howler monkey. YTJ for making a scene at your grandfather’s birthday.” ahopskip_andajump
Another User Comments:
“I LOVE monkeys!!! They’re my favorite animal. I’ve learned a lot about them, which is why I would never, ever have one as a pet.
(Even if they were legal to own in my state, which they aren’t, and for good reasons.) Marmosets are adorable, but they tend not to live long as pets because people don’t bother to learn enough about them to take care of them well.
(People who do learn about the monkey pet trade tend to decide not to get one.) They‘re susceptible to human diseases, and things that cause our bodies minor irritations KILL them. Plus like someone else mentioned, they’re social animals – pairs bond for life, family groups are usually made up of a set of parents and 3 or 4 sets of twins who all help raise the babies.
They sleep in a big, warm monkey pile, forage together, and talk to each other all day long. They NEED their own families. I could go on, but you get the idea. …But you’re not asking “who in their right mind owns a monkey” just who in their right mind brings it to an event.
And it sounds like that just wasn’t up to you to decide. It sounds like you have a sibling rivalry of sorts going on with Jane, maybe it’s fair that you resent that she gets special treatment, but it isn’t fair to let it boil over onto other people, like your grandpa on his birthday.
YTJ.” EmilyAnne1170
15. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner For Consistently Leaving Poop On The Toilet Seat?
“My partner (m30) and I (f27) have lived together for a year and a half. During this time, almost any time he uses the bathroom to poop, it somehow gets on the toilet seat. I can see one, maybe two times, but almost every single time?
How can you be 30 years old and get poop on the toilet seat!? How can you be any age outside of elementary school and not check to make sure the seat is clean if you know you do this? And before you ask, yes I’ve asked him how this happens, his answer is always the same, “I don’t know”.
Am I the jerk for screaming at him over this for it happening for the umpteenth time?
For clarification, he is not fat. He’s fit, and he’s a clean person. Just decides to leave his poop on the toilet seat because he’s too lazy to check it when he’s done.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Deal breaker. I would never attach myself to someone who is capable but refuses to clean up after their own bodily functions. I’d be offended, disgusted, disrespected, and LIVID. You did nothing wrong, in my opinion, you were merciful for just screaming at him.
You are not his mommy and he is not a toddler who needs his waste stains cleaned up for him on a daily basis. Unacceptable. I’d be taking pictures and sending them to his mother every single time it happens until arrangements to separate are secured. Ask if she raised him like that, I hope she didn’t.
He deserves to be shamed if he won’t clean up after himself.” trow_away999
Another User Comments:
“…It’s happened to me. I’ll admit the embarrassing thing people don’t want to so A) they don’t have to and/or B) they legitimately have no idea how it can happen.
The way it happens to me is you wipe, then as you pull the paper away you somehow smear it on the seat. It’s kind of a lazy and careless thing. Like you don’t stand up enough, you’re not careful with your hand, I don’t know exactly.
But. It’s happened. Now. To have it happen EVERY TIME, or even often, I don’t understand, and to not clean it? Even once? Yeah, I can’t explain that one. I live alone and was grossed out and immediately cleaned it.
This is a once-every-three-year occurrence, maybe even less frequent. At least sober. Inebriated might change things I don’t know.” freshnewstrt
Another User Comments:
“I have severe IBS, have done for 30 years, I can have diarrhea up to 10 times a day when having a flare and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve got waste on the seat.
This goes beyond just having poor hygiene which is vile enough, but it’s surely a form of trying to mess with your mind. He HAS to be doing it deliberately. This is deeply abnormal behavior. I couldn’t be with someone like this.
It’s disgusting and no way is it accidental. Think about the implications of that on who he is and how he’s treating you…” Curious_Reference408
14. AITJ For Refusing To Loan My Parents $60k To Save My Brother's Failing Business?
“I (32, M) have been living with my parents (both 50+) since I was evicted from my apartment.
It’s been a struggle to find somewhere new to live when your old rent was $700 and the new average rent is $1200. As such, I have been saving money to put a down payment on a small-sized home.
As this has to do with money, I should mention my parents refuse to accept rent, even when offered, but I pay for groceries, phone, internet, and car repairs when needed.
A few years back, my brother (42, M) began a business venture, but before he even began it I honestly questioned if he could be an owner. I saw my brother as too passive and he always tried to keep everyone else happy over himself, and could not make decisions on his own.
Despite me being open about my opinion, my parents lent my brother the money he needed to begin his business venture, becoming joint owners. I made it known I did not want anything to do with the business, though I welcomed my brother to prove me wrong.
As dumb as this sounded to me, I still wanted him to succeed.
This drained my parents’ bank account, though I was not exactly sure how severe it was. Over the course of the next three years, my brother made questionable business decisions, and he, our parents, the bookkeeper, and my brother’s partner constantly disagreed on how the business should be run.
It got to the point where I considered fronting the money for a show like Restaurant Impossible or Bar Rescue to come talk sense into everyone as the only thing the family talks about now is how the business is failing.
A few days ago I learned just how severe the situation was. My father took me out for dinner and asked me for a $60k loan. He would sign the family house over to me until it was paid off.
The $60k would pay off the loan my parents took out to start my brother’s business, rent, and some other things.
Quote from my dad: “I am in a tunnel, and I don’t see a light. I am asking you for help because I want a light at the end of the tunnel.”
When he asked for that money, I told him the truth. I said I cannot in good conscience lend him the money when I told him this was going to happen, especially when I want to use that money to get a new house or apartment.
I asked him instead how much it would be to file for bankruptcy and he told me about $15k. I told him I would lend him that much, but $60k was out of the question. The conversation was painful, I’m only giving the CliffsNotes.
For the past week or so, my parents have been acting cold, and my brother isn’t responding to any more texts or messages. When I asked my dad if this was about the loan he said “You said no, and that’s the end of it.
I’ll find some other way.”
I feel like I am letting down the family, especially if they were desperate enough to come to me who can’t even find an affordable house, but at the same time, I can’t just give that up so that maybe my brother’s business would survive.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I can see you helping your parents file for bankruptcy – but it seems somehow your brother was to be included in this ‘bailout’. It doesn’t matter that you thought he would fail, etc – what matters is that he did fail and took your parents down with him.
THEY made that choice to back a risky business. it doesn’t cost that much to file for bankruptcy so I have to wonder if your parents are STILL looking for ways to get money to your brother… Your father would ‘sign over the family house’ – is it paid for and worth that much?
Or is it encumbered by mortgages? Are your parents close to losing the house?” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When someone asks to borrow a personal loan from you to pay off debts they can’t afford, they’re basically asking for a gift. Because they already owe the money and if they can/will repay the debt, it shouldn’t make much difference to them whether they owe it to a bank or to you.
So, the ONLY real benefit to the borrower would be if they don’t plan to repay the debt, don’t intend to pay interest, and/or don’t intend to repay promptly. You absolutely shouldn’t loan any of them a penny. That said, your parents helped you out for the last four years and it’s time you did something to help them even if modestly.
If you plan to continue to stay with Mom and Dad, you should be paying that $700 in rent you mentioned was previously affordable to you as well as your share of utilities and groceries every month. Don’t wait for them to ask for help; pay rent and your expenses.
$700 a month could help pay down the $60k of debt.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered your parents to pay rent and even when they refused you are pulling your weight and not freeloading, so you are not in debt with them, that part is cleared. You voiced your opinion on the business and told them you wanted nothing to do with it, now you even offered them an option by lending them the money to file for bankruptcy.
I don’t think you should give away your savings just because they are family and refuse to see that the business is not working. They have a way out, they just don’t want to take it. I think things get extra complicated when you mix family and money.
Maybe if they were in a situation where they would all be homeless and used every last resource, you could question your morals for not helping when you could, but that’s not the case here. They will struggle for sure, but right now they have options.
They are being childish by giving you the cold shoulder. That being said, might be better for you and your peace of mind to rush your plans and rent any cheap place, move in with a friend, share a flat, or find any other option even if it might delay your plans.
You know better than me if this situation will be solved soon or not, but trust me that living with them around while they keep that attitude will be detrimental to your mental health and might even cause bigger issues, other family members chiming in, or them emotionally (and maybe even financially) put pressure on you to just lend them the money.” Dizzy-Potato3557
13. AITJ For Asking My Freeloading Sister To Leave My Apartment?
“My sister (31 years old) has a luxurious house under construction (it’s not finished yet) and one day her partner (the father of her daughters) decided without warning to rent out the house they were living in, leaving my sister without a home.
So my other sister offered her an apartment that she was about to rent out, but my sister rejected it because it was only for 15 days and she would get her house soon, so she and her partner could look for another place.
My other sister decided to proceed and rent the apartment to other people. But in the end, they couldn’t find a place to stay, so I offered her (again, because according to her it would only be for 15 days) the option to stay in my apartment with me but without her partner (because he was unfaithful to her recently and doesn’t financially support their daughters).
But my sister got mad at me, saying that if I did that, I would destroy her family and that she would never let me see my nieces again.
For my peace of mind, I ended up agreeing because, according to her, it would only be 15 days.
Those 15 days have now turned into 4 months. My apartment, which was brand new, now has written-on walls and dirty sofas because she has small children. Additionally, she doesn’t pay the full bills, which made me angry because we had agreed she would leave the apartment in the same condition.
She refuses to repaint it (one day she says she will, the next she says she won’t).
I told her I was tired of her and that she needed to leave the following week. Her partner earns approximately $1500 a month (which might not be much in the USA, but it’s a lot here), and he doesn’t even pay for his daughters’ food; he just spends it on booze.
He doesn’t help my sister with the bills or the maintenance of his own daughters.
I don’t know if I’m being an idiot by telling her to sort it out on her own or if I’m just acting out of resentment for everything I’ve kept quiet about over the years.
At work, she wouldn’t let me do anything and then got mad because I wasn’t doing anything, but when I asked what I could do to help, she would say she preferred to do it herself. This happened countless times, going from not letting me work to treating me like a freeloader.
I particularly resent her because I once told her I wanted to study in another city at a public university and that I would get a job and the only extra expense would be rent. She said there was no money, which I understood, but a few weeks later, she paid rent for a house for herself and her partner and started taking extra money for her house under construction (this money was taken from our joint business).
I never told her how that made me feel; I just kept it to myself. Recently, I told her, and she just replied with, “Well, cheers.” Since then, I can’t see her the same way, and I don’t know if I’m acting out of resentment or if I’m right.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has been taking advantage of you for way too long. It’s okay to want your own space back! Maybe have a clear conversation with your sister, explain that you need your apartment back, and offer a reasonable deadline for her to find a new place.
Be firm but fair. It’s also okay to set boundaries with your sister in the future. You can’t control her life choices, but you can control yours.” dashing_smiiith
Another User Comments:
“Her SO rented the place they were living with no backup plan on where to live?
Did I read that correctly? This makes no sense. Their self-induced homelessness is not your problem. Nothing else you wrote matters other than they put themselves in this situation and they need to fix it. You have been more than kind.
Why are you in joint business with your sister if you can’t agree on things? She seems to boss you around at work and treat you like crap at home. Find a new job and be done with this mess.” Random-OldGuy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for having the backbone of a dead jellyfish. Stop letting your sister walk all over you and take advantage of your spinelessness. She threatens you by saying that you can’t see her daughters. “Oh well, how sad, too bad,” and wait for her to come crawling back.
Stop moaning about how bad things are when you refuse to do anything about it. You know what to do but won’t do it. Stop being a victim.” JimmyVoid019
12. AITJ For Not Renting A Bigger House So My Kids Don't Have To Share Rooms?
“I currently live in a 2-bedroom apartment that I’m renting. I also own a 3-bedroom house that my ex-wife lives in with our two sons (12 & 8).
I also have an older son who is 14.
Currently, my eldest son stays with me every other week and my youngest two are with me every other weekend (plus some extra random days during the week). In my apartment they all share a bedroom; the eldest has a loft bed with his PC and other stuff underneath, and the younger two share a bunk bed. At their mom’s homes, they each have their own bedroom and although they have issues with sharing at my house, it’s only 3-nights every other week.
My partner and I are in the process of moving in together. She has a 5-year-old son. We have found a great home to rent that has 4 bedrooms, a large yard, and is still a reasonable price. 4 bedrooms means that 2 of the boys are going to have to share a bedroom.
This is news that didn’t go over well with my boys and is still a conundrum we are trying to solve.
The oldest two are closest in age, but arguably the eldest should get their own room. The middle two are the only full siblings but the furthest apart in age (12M is going through puberty) and the most likely to fight with each other.
The youngest two are closer in age (2.5 years) and get on pretty well. My 8-year-old likes getting to be a big brother for a change but has still been adamantly against sharing a room with the 5-year-old.
The bedroom issue has caused problems all around, even though this is only temporary and I plan on buying a second home in 1-2 years, which will hopefully have enough bedrooms.
Everybody (me, my partner, the kids) has a different opinion about who should share the rooms, but that’s not really the point of this post. 12M & 8M were still arguing about bedrooms while at their mom’s house and the next time I saw her she chimed in with the opinion that the boys shouldn’t have to share.
I told her they either have to share with each other or one of them is going to have to share with one of the other boys as the only other option is the 14 and 5-year-old sharing.
She told me I should be renting a bigger house then and I let her know the reason I’m not is because I’m still paying the mortgage on the house she lives in.
She told me she knows I could afford to rent a bigger house and I’m being a jerk to the kids just to save a few dollars.
I technically could afford the more expensive rental that would get me 5 bedrooms (and there’s literally only 1 option) but I would have to cut costs in other areas and put less towards my savings that are going towards buying a new house.
She thinks I should put the kids first and it’s unfair to make the boys share when they don’t want to especially as I’ve already “upended their life multiple times in the last few years” and they have to adjust to a new partner and her son.
Am I being the jerk? Is it really so bad to make my kids share for a couple of years?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – “She thinks I should put the kids first” – YOU ARE. Putting someone first doesn’t mean giving them every single thing they want.
For three nights every other week, they can share. Asking them to share a room is an incredibly normal thing. Also, if they decide to go to college in the future and live on campus, they’ll have to share a room there with a stranger.
If anything, it will be a good learning experience for them. Do not sacrifice your own savings/financial planning because your kids don’t want to share. Sharing is a part of life. They need to be able to do that.” calicocowcat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It won’t kill the boys to share a room. They may be doing that if and when they go to college, so learning to be roommates is a good thing. I shared with my sister until she went to college.
I know a family where 6 kids were in one bedroom, 4 in another. None of them grew up to be serial killers either. Your 12 and 14-year-olds are old enough to sit down with them and start exposing them to the realities of life.
They can’t always have everything they want. You’re not made of money and just because they have that at their mother’s does not mean they will always have that. Older boys should share. Younger boys should share.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is absolutely nothing wrong with making them share a room. Sounds like they could use more strict boundaries and assertions that as children, it’s not always up to them to decide. You also do not need to justify to anybody why you didn’t choose to rent a bigger house.
Even though technically you could afford it, it is not a financial choice you are willing to make because you want to maximize your overhead. There’s nothing wrong with that. It also doesn’t make sense to pay more for separate rooms that would only be used 6 nights out of the month.
That just doesn’t justify the additional cost in rent. If they are adamant about not sharing, they set up an air mattress in the living room while they are there.” RiseAndRebel
11. AITJ For Expecting Direct Answers From My Wife About Childcare?
“I feel like I’m losing my mind. I have communicated to my wife on multiple occasions that she doesn’t pay attention when I talk.
She will sometimes just be completely unaware of what I just said, which she has acknowledged and tried to work on. But she just kinda blew up at me on a similar but slightly different scenario.
She first pointed out that the baby’s diaper was wet.
I asked “do you want me to change her?” And she responds, “well I’m going to feed her in 10min.” To me, that could either mean she wants her changed now, or she wants me to wait (because baby almost always gets a new diaper right after eating).
Baby isn’t fussing at all, so we sometimes wait. I pointed out that she had not responded to the question. She then responded with “whatever you think” which I was happy with. She is upset because she says she wasn’t sure if she wanted to say yes or no, and that her comment should have indicated her uncertainty clearly enough for me.
“I don’t know” is a response, that’s great. “Slightly related context” is not a response to my question. Am I a jerk here? Am I expecting too much, or am I correct that a direct question deserves a direct response?
Even if the response is “I don’t know, you decide.”
I’ll also try to anticipate some blowback from y’all – I changed the baby. I was only asking my wife because she sometimes feels it’s wasteful to change her right before feeding (if baby is wet but not fussing).
I was asking in an effort to respect her desire to not use more diapers than needed.
Let me know what you think, jerks.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. After reading your edit, you may have to take the brunt of the male stereotype, as most men do not change more diapers than women do, nor do they always actually help around the house.
I would say your wife could be more clear in her communication because I don’t like it when people hint or suggest things or phrase it as ‘do you want to do x’ I prefer direct asking if someone wants something.
I think it’s fair to communicate to her that when she announces that the diaper is wet, that is open-ended to announce and ask, what is the reason for her announcing it? Would she like help? It seems like a half-measure that stops short of a request. So what would she like?
I would be confused by this too.” Gnardashians
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.” She is upset because she says she wasn’t sure if she wanted to say yes or no, and that her comment should have indicated her uncertainty clearly enough for me.” Your question was a clear one and hers was a non-answer.
Deliberately so, it seems. “Well, I’m going to feed her in ten minutes” doesn’t add up to “I’m not sure” as it could be interpreted as her wanting you to change the diaper because you have ten minutes to do so, or her not wanting you to because you might end up having to change her again after the feeding, which is coming up soon, and that would waste a diaper — something you know she has a bee in her bonnet about.
Her answer needed another question to clarify what she wanted — and you were concerned to know what she wanted because she has a thing about wasting diapers. She was unreasonable to be upset at you wanting clarification. If she wants you to just use your own judgment then she has to also be cool with you deciding to use a diaper when she might have chosen not to.
She can’t both want things done her way (or else) and be upset at you for not taking the initiative. If she expects you to read her mind and get it just right when even she doesn’t know what she wants then good luck with that.
You’ll need it.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be confused by your wife’s answer. It seems like a non-sequitur. Sort of like her saying, “Wow, the refrigerator is empty.” You reply, “Should I go shopping?” She replies, “Well, my car needs gas”.
This could mean 1) Yes! You go shopping, take my car because it needs gas.. fill up while you’re at it. 2) No. I will go shopping and fill my car up because it needs gas. 3) I can’t go shopping because my car needs gas.
4) I can’t go shopping because my car needs gas, you go shopping. Etc. I would reply to her, “I don’t understand your answer”. What makes this situation so weird is SHE was the one who noticed so why didn’t she just change the diaper or hand the baby to you and ask you to do it?
Her making a statement and then not directly answering your question seems like game-playing. I would get exhausted trying to read into situations if my spouse did this a lot.” Firestar2063
10. AITJ For Laughing When My Therapist Compared Our Jobs' Workloads?
“In a therapy session with my SO the therapist tried to compare the workload of our jobs.
The idea came about when I was talking about how I like to have a day to do the things I enjoy to unwind (i.e. working on cars, hanging with friends, mostly playing video games). I work a hard labor job in the desert sun and usually have long days.
The therapist has an office in her home and usually works 6 days a week usually about 5 hours. She tried to compare jobs saying that she never needs a day to herself. I immediately stifled some laughter and apologized because I know her job is difficult, but it feels like she’s trying to compare a mental workload with having to physically recover from a week.
She then tells me how hard her job is and how I wouldn’t last a day in her chair. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve worked in warehouses, food service, manufacturing, customer service, and sales. Some jobs required me to be on my feet 8-12 hours a day.
Others were mostly behind a desk dealing with people and paperwork. Physical labor makes your muscles and bones tired, people and paperwork drain your will to live and mental capacity. Both are tiring and both benefit from days off. The therapist thinking that just because they don’t need a reset means you shouldn’t is ridiculous, and physical labor needs physical recovery.
She can reset with a hike, you reset from not being on your feet.” verminiusrex
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ. However the job of a therapist.. if it were my job.. I’d absolutely need a whole week to recover. I soak up emotions like a sponge and I NEED that day to myself to function properly.
That’s why I decided to not be a psychiatrist. I’ve been both.. the “therapist” (stay-at-home mom) and the labor worker out in the sun. Both way different, but both are equally difficult (in my unique situation). However, the hard labor job doesn’t give you the option to******* up.
When you’re physically tired, you’re physically tired.” Animal_s0ul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speaking as someone who works in behavioral health and who did physical labor – they are both hard but for wildly different reasons. The mental health field is toxic, exhausting, and causes burnout (compassion fatigue I think its called?
Common in all care professionals), and can even be traumatizing and you can be holding someone’s life in your hands. However, it’s kind of an “I’m good until I’m not.” Physical labor is physically exhausting and can be mentally exhausting just for the wild hours you may have to pull, amongst other things.
Completely different boat, completely different needs. Rest from physical labor is immediate. Also that’s just really weird and unprofessional of them. I would never dream of saying something that stupid to a client.” waytoochatty
9. AITJ For Refusing To Do My Husband's Work At Our Shared Workplace?
“I’m (29F) in a leadership role at a publishing company.
My husband (34M) freelances for the same company. I’ve risen through the ranks from writer to my current position.
My partner often asks me to write his assigned stories when he’s tired or ill, rather than just seeking advice. I’ve suggested he inform his team lead when he’s unable to work, as the company is understanding, but he refuses.
Instead, he pressures me to do his work.
This situation has strained our relationship. I feel taken advantage of, as he wouldn’t ask this of other employees when they were in my work role. He seems to expect me to take over his work because I’m his partner, and I work from home.
When I refuse, he makes me feel guilty, and like a jerk.
I genuinely don’t think this qualifies as “help.” He’s asking me to write half or the entire story on his behalf. I’ve never asked him to complete my assignments.
At most, I’ve sought his input or perspective on certain matters. He’s welcome to ask me for advice on improving story angles or information about sources, just as any other writer would. However, I draw the line at actually doing his assigned work for him.
Is it just me or am I missing something here? Am I genuinely the jerk for refusing to do his/help him at work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he can’t handle the work he’s being given, that’s something he needs to address with his boss.
I can understand asking you if he gets sick unexpectedly with a deadline coming up, and it only happens the one time because he’s really in a pinch, but it sounds like this is happening a ridiculous amount. Being partners means splitting responsibilities in the home, such as cleaning, buying groceries, raising kids, etc. It doesn’t mean that you do his jo* when he doesn’t feel like it.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to divorce. Exactly what does this mean being in this relationship? It’s not love. You don’t treat someone you love like he treats you. It’s not respect. He treats you as his servant. It’s not finances.
Sounds like you got him this job and he refuses to do it. This man is a financial loss and can be detrimental. This man is not enjoyable. Is it a ring? You can just marry yourself if you’re that into being married.” Maleficent-Bottle674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He definitely seems like he’s trying to take advantage of you. Either that, or he’s just a really big baby. (Have you asked him if it’s that?) You’ve got your work to do, and he’s got his.
I can’t imagine how sick I’d have to be to not be able to sit in a chair and write. The only work I’ve been unable to do when I was sick was some type of hard physical labor, but even that I’ve almost always worked through it.
I know writing would be harder if your mind is a bit clouded due to illness, but he needs to work through it or tell his boss he’s unable to do his work. It’s not on you to pick up his slack.” SoMNMasseur
8. AITJ For Offering To Pay For My Bridesmaids' Dresses And Telling My Sister Not To Come After She Insulted Me?
“So I (28F) have an older sister Melly (32F). I got engaged 9 months ago and wedding preparations are well underway, we are set to marry this August.
A few weeks ago I approached some select friends and my sister Melly to be my bridesmaids.
They all accepted and I was very excited, I made a group chat to send dress inspo for them and me because I wanted to share my plans with my friends.
The pictures I sent were of a colour palette and styles, I told my bridesmaids to pick a colour and stay sort of within the style of the dresses I thought looked nice and wrote that I would pay for it because I have the means to do so and I thought it would be a nice thing to do.
My sister is very touchy about money, she doesn’t have a stable job and she often has to ask family members for help with bills etc. For the record, I have never judged her for this and I have helped her in the past when needed.
Melly saw the message I sent and immediately left the group chat which confused me so I messaged her privately and asked her why she left so abruptly and she said she didn’t need pity money from me. I was really upset that she took my gesture the wrong way and I told her that it wasn’t just for her I was paying for everyone’s dresses because I wanted to.
I told her that if she wanted to she could buy her own dress if that made her feel better and she said she didn’t have the money for a dress she would only wear once.
She then rang me and shouted that I was a pompous jerk and all sorts of other expletives.
I just told her if she didn’t want to accept my offer then she didn’t have to be a bridesmaid and better yet if she wants to be nasty she can just not come at all.
Her best friend Eliza (33F) rang me and told me that what I said to Melly was so cruel and that I needed to apologise to her or she might never speak to me again.
I’m fine if she wants to take off in a huff but I just want to make sure I’m not somehow in the wrong here, another perspective would be nice. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being way more generous than some brides these days.
You seem to understand that paying for a dress that you will likely wear once which may or may not be in a color or style you prefer is a big ask, and therefore are offering to pay for those dresses.
Just because your financial situation is better than your sister’s does not give her the right to lose her head. I would be very frank with her, and her meddling friend. The offer was made on a group chat for everyone, and not as some elaborate cover-up, but because you can and want to pay for your bridesmaids’ dresses.
If she wants to see it as an insult, so be it.” Consistent-Warthog84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oof. Your sister may be very sensitive about her poor financial situation, but that does not excuse her reading far more into your offer to pay than was actually intended, and it especially does not excuse her using you as her verbal punching bag.
Ever. Boundaries, they are beautiful things. All you can do is enforce them. How she chooses to respond is 100% on her. Don’t allow people to push you into being responsible for her feelings and actions.” Better2021Everyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister sounds incredibly self-absorbed. Her behaviour has classic main character syndrome. You literally offered to pay for everyone’s dress not just hers, this isn’t about her. If she’s going to get all worked about it but then reject to notion of paying for her own dress then I’m truly at a loss of what you’re supposed to do here other than say she doesn’t need to be a bridesmaid then???
She’s creating an issue out of NOTHING and your friend who is trying to back her up and make you feel bad is way out of line. I’d be considering rescinding her invitation to be a bridesmaid as well. If a friend was trying to justify this insane behaviour from your sister, I’d be giving them major side-eye.
How anyone could think you were in the wrong here is beyond me, and this is supposed to be your best friend? She’s clearly got a screw loose.” ariesgal11
7. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister-In-Law For Not Including Me In Family Plans?
“I’ve been married to my husband for 3 years and we live in the US. Every year for the summer we go to his home country to visit his side of the family which is always difficult for me because I don’t speak their language.
They speak Arabic and English and I only speak English. I’ve been taking Arabic classes for a while now but it’s still hard for me to understand especially when they’re all talking fast. I always feel left out of the conversations and usually, there’s so much going on that it gets hard for anyone to translate for me.
I understand parts of the conversation but not enough that I can contribute.
My 2 sisters-in-law speak Arabic as their native language (and yes they all speak English fluently) and they leave me out of the conversations. If my husband is there he’ll help translate and I can join in but when he’s not there they talk and laugh and I usually just sit there and go on my phone.
A week ago they made plans to go to the beach and they told my husband to tell me and he forgot and told me at the last minute and I couldn’t go and when they got home they asked why I didn’t show up.
I told them no one invited me and they immediately blamed my husband and we left it at that.
Today at 8 pm my mother-in-law who speaks very broken Arabic told me about wanting to go to the beach tomorrow so I brought it up to my husband and he said that the girls are going to the beach and immediately I realized that no one told me again.
When we got home around 11 my SIL came to me asking what I’m going to wear in front of my husband and out of my frustration of not being invited I shouted “yeah thanks for not inviting me again” in a sarcastic tone and immediately my husband took me to the room and scolded me for talking to his sister like that.
I tried to explain to him that no one is inviting me anywhere and he cut me off saying that I shouldn’t talk to her like that and that I shouldn’t need to be invited by them personally that I should know I’m already included and I told him that they leave me out and he said that I’m overthinking everything and that’s not true.
He told me that I was invited by his mom and I told him that his sisters don’t ever ask me they always assume that he’ll tell me and he forgets. We’re in a huge fight because he thinks that I overreacted and that if I were to ask any person they would agree with him.
I want to know from people who are completely unbiased if I was truly in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. They are poor hosts for speaking a language that will exclude you from conversation. However, your reaction to their behavior makes you a bad guest as well.
It seems on one hand you want to be treated like family and automatically included in activities/events, and on the other hand you want them to be making special accommodations for you. (In normal family interactions, verbalizing a plan does act as an invitation.)” aj_alva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you are causing problems for no reason. They TOLD your husband to tell you – he speaks both languages. He forgot – but even when he did tell you, you are still complaining. I’ve been in countries where only my husband spoke English – and I stayed with the families.
I was ‘included’ in everything but not ‘invited’ – they assumed I would want to go with them to the beach, to the bath house, to the market, etc. To complain about not being ‘invited’ would have been hurtful to them and rude.
The American attitude does not translate well in many other countries. You’ve been told you are always included…what else do you want? Sarcasm and rudeness do not work well in other parts of the world.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – family just talks about what they are doing, you don’t need a formal invite each time. And if they all speak English, they could make an effort to do so a bit more often. If these trips are going to continue each year, seems like maybe it’d be good for you to put a bit more effort into learning the language.
I can imagine it isn’t easy, but engage your husband in it. Make certain nights you only speak English, then other nights you only speak Arabic. Or put a ton of effort in alone and it might pay off in a different way – I speak more than one language, and I will tell you I’ve learned a lot from being around people who assume I don’t understand their language.
You might find out some new things from your SILs and husband speaking in front of you assuming you don’t understand. Or you might find that you’ve been overthinking things and enjoy the trips more moving forward. I would NOT suggest hiding your skills for an extended period of time or doing a big GOTCHA to embarrass anyone.
Hear something rude from SILs? Let it go–then when MIL walks in the room, ask her some kind of nothing question in her language…having a little convo with her in front of them — they’ll know what’s up and you took the high road.
I suggest dubbed movies/TV, especially shows you are familiar with. It’s like people that come to the US and say watching Wheel of Fortune helped them learn English.” CornerSevere
6. AITJ For Refusing To Take Pictures With My Partner Despite Posting Myself Online?
“I’ve been with my partner for 8 months and we don’t have a single good picture together. We have a couple of stupid silly ones, but he’s been wanting a “good” picture of us for a long time. I’m not against this, I just really hate taking pictures of myself.
I’ve taken one picture of myself the whole time we have been together that I actually somewhat like. I posted that one on my Instagram months ago. And I occasionally make TikToks of myself just talking. I have like 6 on the page that I’ve had for over 2 years and the last time I posted on it was about 4 months ago.
I was trying to make one today when he tried to call me and I told him I’d call back when I was done.
He got really upset with me saying that it’s stupid that I post myself online but I won’t take a picture with him.
I told him that it’s different when I’m alone and in control of the camera because people only see what I want them to see. And I take every video at least 10 times before I get one I find at least a little acceptable to post. I didn’t even end up posting the one I made because I hated the way I looked in it.
Taking pictures with me is a nightmare because I feel embarrassed the whole time I’m doing it and I can take 500 and hate every single one.
He got upset and said he would just start showing people my mugshot when they asked to see a picture of me then (it was a minor offense and my case got dismissed) but I feel like it’s very rude to say that.
I’m not upset with him over it because I know he’s just frustrated and doesn’t mean it, although I know it’s not cool for him to throw that in my face.
I love him a lot, and he does think my intentions are bad with the way I won’t take a picture with him, but I really just barely take pictures of myself at all and really hate taking them, and I feel like TikTok is especially different because the stuff I post has nothing to do with my looks.
I’m talking about stuff I’m interested in in all of them. Am I the jerk? Do I******* up and just take a picture?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t understand why every picture needs to be the perfect picture. Sometimes the pictures that aren’t perfect are the best. Stop worrying so much about what you look like.
Life gets so much better when you stop worrying about what other people think of you so much. I know you are going to say you don’t care what other people think but you obviously do. You’re so worried about the perfect picture that you would rather upset your SO than god forbid let anyone see you not making the perfect pose lol.
Grow up.” Complex_Storm1929
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ as it doesn’t even seem like you have tried a photo session together and this seems important to him. Can he afford pics from a professional and a makeup/hair person?
A photoshoot with a pro in a pretty park for a couple of hours can be done for a few hundred dollars, depending on where you live. A good photographer will be familiar with the best angles and lighting to make you both look amazing!
It is so much less stressful to know that someone else is worrying about that stuff so you can just focus on your poses (and they will tell you if a pose or facial expression isn’t working). The main key is to review their online portfolio and be sure their style of photos fits what you want.” NeptunianCat
Another User Comments:
“It’s the inconsistency. That’s what men see. We understand it’s a “small thing” to you, but the INSTANT we notice inconsistent behavior, we’re on high alert. Saying, “omg, I hate taking selfies,” but then immediately mentioning how you had to take 500 selfies tells us you’re a liar.
It tells us you don’t believe we’re intelligent enough to see through your nonsense. “But I only post twice a month.” Right, but it’s still posting. People who genuinely hate taking selfies, posting themselves online, etc. tend to not do it AT ALL.
That’s like saying you hate inappropriate content, but then turning around and making online content. Your actions must match your words. When they don’t, people (read: EVERYONE) notice this. The effects are especially emphasized in relationships as “inconsistencies” are the breeding grounds for problems.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom About The School Dance?
“I’m in 8th grade and the school dance was yesterday. I didn’t want to go to the dance so I didn’t send a permission slip nor did I tell my mom. Usually, the school counselor tells my mom everything happening in school, including grades.
We were watching Harry Potter. I don’t like Harry Potter. I was just watching it to make my mom happy and she mentioned the school dance. I said that it already passed and said it was yesterday. She looked offended. I tried to explain myself saying that I didn’t want to go and saying that it wasn’t mandatory, she said going to see my nana isn’t mandatory either and said I’m not going.
Everything went quiet and after trying to watch a little bit more Harry Potter, I came up to my room and typed out what you’re reading right now.
Some more context for my school breaks. I usually go over to my nana’s.
Especially over the summer. And now I’m wondering. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’d say try to have a conversation with her. Say that you didn’t know it would upset her. I don’t know what exactly your mother is like.
You could say that you will try to keep her more informed of school events, some schools have calendars that keep track of when they have events. That way when something comes up you can have a conversation with her, to hear her opinion on why she wants you to go, and if you want to go or not.
There are a lot of opportunities in high school for you to go to dances when/if you want to. Also, try to talk to your nana and explain your situation, she might be able to talk to your mom.
When you talk about the conflict with your mom, explain that you feel your time with Nana is important to you and makes you really happy, and how you would feel if you didn’t get to see her. Trying to have an open form of communication with your parents can be hard if they dismiss you and what you have to say.
It is still good to try to communicate the best you can with them about your feelings/what you want. Sometimes it doesn’t always work out, but I assume your mom has the best intentions for you and doesn’t want you to miss out on fun opportunities.
I wish you the best!” eepyepi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ due to your mom’s reaction. However, it’s possible she was acting in good faith. I was in a similar situation years ago. Shortly after I started 7th grade, my mom strongly encouraged me to go to our first dance so that I’d have an idea of what teenagers’ social events were like.
I was reluctant at first because I was so nervous, but agreed to go after my parents signed up as chaperones. I ended up having a great time at the dance. That said, the decision to attend school events is ultimately yours to make.” ixfd64
Another User Comments:
“INFO: 1. Did you and your mom have some sort of agreement dealing with school activities? Like her saying that you could have X if you go to at least 3 school events/dances. 2. Have there been issues with you lying or withholding info from her in the past where she’s said there will be consequences if done again?
If there was some sort of agreement that you went back on then you could be the jerk but otherwise, you wouldn’t be the jerk. If there have been trust/lying issues in the past your mom would still not be the jerk for canceling your trip since this was a known issue she’d talked to you about before.” MustangTheLionheart
4. AITJ For Taking Back Gifts From My Ex-Husband To Offset His Debt?
“My ex-husband asked me to borrow $2k from my parents so he could send it to his mom (who lives in Mexico) to buy a car.
First of all, I have not asked for money from my parents since I was 18, and to just ask like that I was not going to. So, I let him borrow that money from my savings.
He ended up going to Mexico himself to spend time with his family and left me in Canada alone for 2 months with all the bills.
(I took care of most of the bills, sometimes he would pitch in but that’s a totally different subject)
Well, yeah, he was unfaithful to me while being over there, simply he was just not a nice person. I was treated poorly is an understatement.
This was finally my last straw and when I left him I took the Xbox, the Beats speaker, and AirPods I had gifted him for his birthday to try to even make up the money he borrowed but he stated that he would not pay me because his mom is my family too.
Regardless I left him and took those things, plus he would not pay me for his cellphone bill, etc.
He said that you should never take back what you gift someone.
Am I the jerk for taking some things I gifted him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you were taken advantage of and treated unfairly. Taking back items you gifted him, esp. considering the circumstances, seems understandable. Your actions were a way to reclaim some of what was owed to you, both financially and emotionally.
It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and set boundaries, even if it means reclaiming gifts.” kissmichelle
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. There’s an established way to resolve the division of property upon dissolution of a marriage.
If you followed it you would have gotten your $2k back and then some, instead you have an Xbox, a Bluetooth speaker and a pair of headphones. Frankly, this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense if you actually went through the process of formally divorcing him.” piray003
3. AITJ For Considering Taking My Neighbor's Frequently Escaping Dog To A No-Kill Shelter?
“My neighbor is an irresponsible dog owner. She has this sweet German shepherd mix that continues to escape her house and wander around. Keep in mind there are busy streets around. I have also watched this lady do nothing as her dog takes off after huge packs of deer and elk.
The dog has shown up waiting at my back door twice in the last week. The dog does not have tags despite me imploring her to do so upon returning her dog. If this happens again and the dog still doesn’t have tags, I am considering taking the dog to a no-kill animal shelter.
I would notify the owner afterward.
Would I be the jerk and/or be breaking the law for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you checked your city’s animal ordinances? We have very good/aggressive animal control where I live.
If you call them, they will pick up loose animals ASAP and the irresponsible pet owners have to pay hefty fines to get the animals back. After the third time, you don’t get the animal back.” myshellly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had to do this a few years ago. Our neighbor had an adorable small black dog that wasn’t getting enough attention and figured out how to get under their fence. Once out, he loved to be chased by people who were trying to catch the loose dog.
The first time we caught him, a lengthy process, we brought him to the neighbor. (At least he had tags.) She didn’t seem too concerned about him getting out, but said she would try to figure out how he was doing it.
The next time I saw him it was dusk and I was worried about him getting hit by a car, since he wasn’t very visible. Caught him, brought him back to the neighbor. She said thanks, but didn’t seem very appreciative.
The third time he escaped I put him in the car and took him to the shelter. I let them know that he belonged to a neighbor because then he would be held for a longer time without being adoptable.
No more escapes after that, so I guess that she either figured out how to keep him from getting out or decided to let someone else adopt him.” T_G_A_H
Another User Comments:
“I called the ranger to come and collect my neighbor’s dog (not desexed and not registered) after it broke into my yard for the sixth time in a fortnight.
I kept taking it back and the neighbor was pretty dismissive, blaming the state of the fence. I was concerned that the neighbor might become aggressive or retaliatory and the ranger advised me not to inform them and they would be notified that it had been picked up in the street.
My neighbor subsequently put up an ugly but effective barrier and I no longer have a wolfhound cross leaping around endangering my pets.” Uppercreek101
2. AITJ For Not Pretending My Partner's Plushies Are Real?
“My (M/27) partner (F/27) has lots of plushies (about 30). Every morning, she arranges them on her bed, and every night they go from the bed to the couch, still neatly arranged.
One morning she asked me to put the plushies on the bed and got upset when I didn’t arrange them properly.
I asked her what the big deal was since they’re gonna be back on the couch at night anyway, but she got upset because she “wants them to be comfortable”.
Every now and then when we’re watching TV or something, she’ll ask me to hold a plushie because “they need attention”.
I’m fine with all this and used to think it was cute but it’s gotten to a point where she wants me to talk to them. She’ll pick up a plushie and pretend it’s talking to me and expects me to play along.
I’m not into it and mostly just ignore this, but recently she got annoyed at me. She asked me why I don’t care about them or talk to them and I said “you understand they’re not real, right?” And she got extremely upset and yelled at me for being mean and not taking her seriously.
Some things to note:
- she’s very stable, has a good job and is a homeowner.
- some of the plushies have sentimental value (she’s had them for decades) but some are just random ones she’s picked up from Target or whatever
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Okay, I get that she loves plushies and treats them like children. If she wants to talk to them and treat them like they’re real, that’s her business. You only have to make sure you placed them properly and didn’t mishandle them or anything.
You shouldn’t have to be expected to play along with what she does. I get it if she’s a kid but she’s an adult and shouldn’t expect others to be into plushies like her.” DestronCommander
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a wolf plushie that I adore and will sometimes just sit with and hold because it is the perfect cuddle size.
She gets a forehead kiss and I sleep with her every night. She gets sat nicely upright when I leave, sometimes I arrange her like she’s curled up the way animals do when they sleep. I never leave her on the floor because I feel like it’s mean to her.
But there is simply another level of attachment/odd behavior happening with your partner.” j-allen-heineken
Another User Comments:
“Look I don’t think YTJ, but here’s my perspective: From what you have said, I am the same as your partner with my love of plushies.
My partner plays along because he knows it is important to me. I know it’s weird, he knows it’s weird, but he plays along regardless and I love him all the much more for it. I also listen to him talk about his special interest, even though I don’t actually understand it half the time, I try because he gets excited and it makes him happy.
I have also been with someone who told me it’s childish, and it hurt. Sadly I let it get to me and got rid of them. I started to collect again a few years ago, and I feel very safe now with my current partner who just lets me do me and welcomes it.
Perhaps you are not well matched, and maybe you are both better off with someone else who will play along and welcome said special interests. References: 29F, stable job (upper management), mass plushie collector, autistic.” Much-Butterfly-4297
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Keep The AirPods I Bought With My Own Money?
“I’m 17(F) and recently I upgraded to a pair of new AirPods Pro, I had the first ones (gen 2) before. I had them for about a year and I also own another pair of Sony headphones.
Since I had the money and was saving up a bit from the part-time job I have, I got them.
At first, I wasn’t too sure because I knew my Hispanic mom would not be too happy with my purchase.
However, it’s my money that I’ve earned and I feel like I should be able to use it on things I want. I got them and automatically my mom started lecturing me and telling me that I already have too many electronics like what else do I need she exclaims and she brought up how I’m not happy with what I have etc. She then proceeded to take them from me and told me that they’re hers now because I lost a pair of Bluetooth earbuds years ago, they weren’t $200 which is what I paid for the pros.
I took them back and told her they’re mine because I paid for them. I was feeling so suffocated with the complaints and lecturing so I decided I was just going to return them the next day. I placed the box with everything in it including the airpods right next to my bed and in the morning they were gone.
I went into her room and she had them. At this point, I was getting annoyed, but that’s when she told me not to return them (the airpods), that she would buy them from me, and I agreed to her proposal.
I later changed my mind and took them back and told her she hasn’t paid me anything yet so I have the right to use them because they are MY AirPods. So I used them for a full day and she didn’t bug me for them.
I thought that was the end of this dilemma we were having. But no she storms into my room the next morning asking for my AirPods and me half awake and seeing her mad face, I felt like I had no choice but to give them to her she used them the whole day and I asked for them back but she told me I had my previous ones.
So this morning my little brother found & gave them to me so I brought them to work, while I’m at work she sends me a message calling me “estúpida” meaning stupid, it has a worse negative tone and meaning in Spanish.
She sends me a whole audio message telling me that I should not count on her for anything and that now I have to buy my own supplementary needs, mind you I have a part-time job not a full-time one, I only work weekends at that for 6 hours each shift.
So am I the jerk for not letting her have them? Should I just give them back to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to pay for the AirPods, not just take them. You bought them and you worked for them.
I think it’s right for you to tell her that you still depend on her and you are mostly a student with a minimal part-time job.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, hope there’s an update after you talk to your mom.
She sounds really entitled and kind of spoiled. Who holds stuff like taking care of your kid’s needs above their head over some headphones? Not that you should have to after how childish she has acted but maybe you can offer her the old ones you said you have to try and smooth things out.
Either way, NTJ, you worked for the money to get those, it’s not like you got your mom to buy them for you.” Sure_Sheepherder2190
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You may have bought the AirPods, but your mom/parents are supporting you.
Once you pay your own bills, then you can “buy what you want with your money.” You live under her roof, eat her food, use her electricity/WIFI, etc. Show her some respect. You’ll be on your own soon enough.
Take the time to learn from your mom now.” CuriousMe6987
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