People Can Go On And On About Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Build My Partner's Son A House On My Property?
“I, a 35-year-old female, have been in a relationship with my partner, 37, for 5 years.
We have a 4-year-old daughter (Hailey) together, and he has 2 children from previous relationships (Sarah 16 and Joe 17).
I bought a property with about 6 acres of land when I met my partner. I always thought I’d build a house for my child on it when the time came.
So when Hailey was born, I immediately started a college fund for her and a separate account to eventually build her a house when she turned 18 on the property.
She could live there while in college and still have privacy and space and could decide if she wanted to stay or buy a different house.
If she stayed, that plot of the land would be hers. (And when I say she’ll have privacy, that plot is on the opposite side of the property as our current house on the 6 acres. I’m well aware she wouldn’t want to be directly next to me but would be close enough to drive an ATV to the house if she wanted to.)
My partner is well aware of my plans and thinks it’ll be wonderful for Hailey to stay close to us. My stepchildren were older when I met them, so we never truly bonded. I tried, but they wanted to do their own thing, and I always respected that.
Joe came to the house this past weekend and asked when we’d be starting to build his home on the property. I asked him what he meant, and he said since we were doing it for Hailey, he expected the same since they’re both their father’s children.
I was extremely surprised and looked at my partner who told his son he didn’t own this property, and that’s a big request.
We talked about it that night in private, and my partner asked if we should use the money set aside for Hailey and build his son a house first. I said no. I love his children, but they have a mother and a father.
Hailey only has me and her father.
My partner thinks I’m being the jerk because this will create a wedge between him and his children. He said his ex won’t be able to afford to pay for his son to build a home or buy one.
And he can’t afford it between bills, child
support, and everything he has to pay for his older children.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – BEWARE! Seriously. Do not ever marry that man. What you do for your child has nothing to do with him, his children, or his ex.
They aren’t owed anything because of their proximity to you. Do not let them take from your child. If your partner doesn’t understand that then you need to seriously consider the kind of man you are with. Good luck!” BeeJackson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hailey is your child.
It’s your money and your property (your wording suggests even her father hasn’t contributed to this fund). While it is a shame that Joe’s mother and father cannot afford the same level of generosity you have done for your daughter, he is not your child.
You’re not even married to his father, and you have no relationship with Joe. It’s very entitled for Joe to ask in the first place. It’s even more entitled for his father to expect you to contribute towards his children.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not financially responsible for your partner’s kids. What you do for your daughter is nobody’s business. Even if you got married, you still wouldn’t be responsible for his kids. “My partner thinks I’m being the jerk because this will create a wedge between him and his children.
He said his ex won’t be able to afford to pay for his son to build a home or buy one. And he can’t afford it between bills, child support, and everything he has to pay for his older children.” So what? This is the same story for so many families.
Some people can give more to their kids than other people can. It doesn’t mean the people with more money have to bankroll other people’s kids.” Top-Ad-2676
20. AITJ For Not Giving My Stepmom Half Of My Dad's Life Insurance Money?
“I had a stepmom for many years. She was always good to me. She and my dad fought but I believed they loved each other on some level.
A couple of years ago my father passed away. He had life insurance money left in my name. My aunt was paying for his life insurance. It was a good amount – not life-changing for me but substantial.
My stepmom knew there was life insurance money and wanted me to give her half.
My aunt was very adamant that she couldn’t have it. She knows a family secret involving my stepmom and really hates her for it (has to do with being unfaithful). I had already given my stepmom money before and right after my dad’s passing (around 9k total and I paid for the funeral, which was 12k).
There was also a big deal of cash in the apartment that she apparently took with her. In total, she probably has been given the equivalent to 1/3 of the insurance money.
My stepmom claims she has been supporting my dad all these years. She also paid for my wedding 13 years ago and demanded the money back and then some.
What threw me off was that she took me out to lunch and gave me an ultimatum – pay her what she asks and she will be out of my life forever or don’t pay her have her in my life as family and we will support each other.
I told her I’d rather have her as family. We cried and hugged. She later messaged me upset that I let her pay for the lunch and that she still wants the money. She threatened to come to my house.
I probably would pay her back if I was comfortable with my finances but we just had another kid and we became a single-income household.
I know how hard she worked and she rarely took a day off so it gnaws at my conscience. I want to support her one day but the way she went about it was very off-putting. She is now in China where she claimed as soon as my dad died that she plans on going and has money there.
Should I pay her back for the wedding at least?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “A couple of years ago my father passed away. He had life insurance money left in my name. My aunt was paying for his life insurance. It was a good amount – not life-changing for me but substantial.” So if your aunt was paying for this premium, why would your stepmom expect anything from something that didn’t affect her in terms of paying premiums?
Your dad didn’t pay into it, nor did your stepmom. Respect your aunt’s wishes on the matter, given she paid into it.” Isyourmammaallama
Another User Comments:
“Keep the money. Keep it safe. Don’t blow through it. Then spend a little bit on therapy to understand why you feel compelled 13 years later to give someone money they do not need but are guilting you over.
Are you aware of this secret your aunt knows? Was your father? Do you have full visibility of the stepmother’s finances? Is she getting a pension, SSI payments, death benefits, etc., from your father? Is she getting the house? How much was in savings/checking/cash?
Did your father have a will? You need to be frugal and thoughtful because marriages don’t always work out. Do the best you can for yourself and your children. Look forward rather than backward. I’m sorry for your loss, OP. Good luck. Make wise decisions, not emotional ones.” Avlonnic2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your Dad wanted her to be a beneficiary, he would have made her one. He did not. Unless the money she gave you for your wedding was clearly stated to be a loan, you don’t owe her anything. She can’t just decide years later to revoke the gift and turn it into a loan.
You’ve already given her plenty by covering the funeral and other expenses – not to mention the amount she took in cash. You should not give her any more money. It’s pretty despicable that she threatened to cut you off if you don’t pay up.
I question whether this is a relationship worth saving. She sounds awful.” Used_Mark_7911
19. AITJ For Telling My Dad He Should Have Cancelled His Date As My Grandma Was Dying?
“My grandma (85) moved across the country last year to be closer to my dad (65) when her health issues started getting worse. My dad has been great about caring for her the last year – bringing her to appointments, checking in on her, doing her shopping, etc. I (33) don’t live in the US anymore, so the responsibility fell on him.
When my dad told me grandma was going into hospice, I booked my flight to the US. I spent the night with her, and my dad arrived at the hospice the next morning. The doctor told us that morning that she had about a day left. My dad left shortly after and said he wouldn’t be back until tomorrow morning because he was going on a date.
The next morning, my dad arrived at the hospice, and my grandma soon took her last breath. I am so grateful I was able to be there for her. But it was also extremely difficult having been in a similar situation with my mom 3 years ago.
We drove back to my dad’s house. And his date was at the house. I had to make small talk with her about my travels, what she does for work, etc etc, only an hour after my grandma died.
My dad and she decided to continue their date (2 hours after my grandma died).
They went out for breakfast followed by a bike ride in the park while I stayed at home. I don’t have any family or friends that live in this state, so I was all alone.
I had only been back in the US for less than 2 days, but only spent about 4 hours with my dad.
I just couldn’t understand how he would rather spend the final hours of his mom’s life with this random woman rather than spend it with his mom and daughter (who he only sees once a year).
After the woman left, we started making plans for the celebration of life.
He wanted to invite 25+ people but 1) I knew my grandma was only close to a few of them 2) I said that I’m really going to struggle to make small talk with a bunch of people I don’t know and who barely even knew grandma.
I said that it was even a struggle to talk to his date this morning. He got super angry and said he had made plans with her weeks ago before we knew about Grandma passing. I said that he knew a week ago that I was coming so he could have cancelled a week ago.
(To me, that should’ve been a reason enough not to go on a date when your daughter is visiting from abroad). And I said that we also were told yesterday morning (well before their date), that grandma would die within the day, so that he should’ve cancelled then before the date even started. He got really mad and said I don’t care about all that he has done the past year.
AITJ for telling him that he should have cancelled his date? Maybe meeting this woman was something to look forward to and an escape? Or maybe he didn’t have the capacity and this was just a strange way to process his grief?”
Another User Comments:
“Not knowing your father’s background with your grandmother, I’m going to say no jerks here. Is it weird to be going on a date when your mother has 24 hours to live? Yes. But, as you question in your last paragraph, perhaps this was his way of dealing with the grief or him needing an escape.
I would give him the benefit of the doubt here (again, I don’t know anything about your father to not give him that). As for you, I can understand why you are questioning him going on a date at this point in time. Also, I can understand how you’re feeling hurt by it as well.
Your feelings are valid.” seregil42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that’s your dad. Who goes on a date while his mother is actively dying? And even if HE DGAF about his mother dying or has already “grieved her passing”, he should have cancelled to be there for YOU, his daughter.
His daughter just lost her grandmother and he basically flipped you the finger. Personally after Grandma’s funeral, I would tell dad “I hope you find someone really special so you don’t die alone. I am done with you. I needed you and Grandma needed you and you turned your back on us.
Hope it was worth it.” Then I would go home and grieve the loss of my father and grandmother and move on with my life.” No-Abies-1232
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the woman your dad was seeing had any decency, she would have told him that they could go out at a different time.
She would’ve been the one to postpone the date. I cannot believe that your dad would take care of his mother like that and then just go on a date and not even care that she was dying. It could’ve been his way not to deal with it because he wasn’t ready to deal with it, but he went about it the wrong way.” Winter_Dragonfly_452
18. AITJ For Not Buying My Friend A Wedding Gift After Spending $5,500 On Her Bridal Events?
“My (30F) very close friend (31F) just got married two weekends ago and I was a bridesmaid. Needless to say, being in her bridal party was more expensive than I anticipated (I think more than she anticipated too). We went to Vegas for her bachelorette party a couple of months ago, her shower cost $300 per bridesmaid, not to mention the group shower gift between all the bridesmaids, wedding hair, makeup, shoes, dress, and alterations.
The wedding was in another state so my husband and I had to drive in, book a hotel, and pay my MIL for the weekend to watch our daughter and dogs. All in all, I spent roughly $5,500 after it was all said and done. I thought after all the money I put toward being a part of her bridal party and setting up her shower, setting up her wedding, and cleaning up the wedding venue, a wedding gift wasn’t necessary.
Apparently, I was wrong. When she got back from her honeymoon she called me to say she just went through all of her wedding gifts and didn’t see one from me and asked if I left it at home. I told her I didn’t buy her anything and that after all I did physically and financially in the bridal party I didn’t think a gift was a deal breaker.
She told me it was $160 a head ($320 for me and my husband) and it’s “standard” to give a gift to cover the cost of your seat. I didn’t even know how to respond other than with sorry. She said “it’s whatever,” hung up and she hasn’t talked to me since.
I tried texting her the next day to ask how the honeymoon was and she read it and didn’t respond. This is the first time I’ve been in a wedding, I’ve only ever attended as a guest/+1. I really didn’t think a gift was necessary, but maybe I misjudged the situation.
AITJ?
Info for context: the bachelorette trip was not required but it was a huge guilt trip and I was worried that the friendship would go south if I didn’t attend. I had the money so I opted to go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Just for the record, gifts for any occasion are not REQUIRED, they are GIFTS. Yes, if someone you know well is getting married, it’s nice to send one, but it isn’t required. Consult any etiquette book on the topic if you doubt me. Your friend is acting like a totally entitled brat.
If she is not normally like this, then you could maybe chalk it up to the stress of the occasion. Maybe her honeymoon didn’t go well, who knows? Perhaps a nice card with a small memento of your times together would have been nice, although I’m not sure she would have received it in the spirit in which it was given.
She has put a price on your friendship by quoting the food for you and your husband. In her book, apparently she expects a gift worth that much in return. IMO, you are right to question her priorities and sense of entitlement, especially since she doesn’t seem to be speaking to you now.
If this is her “real” face, maybe it’s time to distance yourself from her. Sorry she’s acting this way, you deserve better.” TabbieAbbie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She just proved she is a transactional “friend” so I would cut her from your life. A very expensive lesson to learn.
I’m sorry! I would send her a wedding card. Note inside: “(Friend’s name), I am so sorry that you think $320 is the cost of our friendship. I wish you would’ve told me before I spent $5,500 on your wedding and related costs. Best wishes for you and your husband going forward.
Lose my number. Sincerely,…..” Honestly, you spent WAY more than $5500 when you add up all your time and energy too. Ditch her. Next time listen to your gut. When there are huge guilt trips (Vegas trip), that was your first clue. There are way better people out there who will treasure you for being you!” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“The concept of guests having to cover their costs is absolutely repulsive. You are not a host if you demand compensation. You are running a business not a social event. If you can’t afford it without demanding quid pro quo, then you should scale it down.
She’s so very wrong about the “standard “. My suggestion, give her a bunch of etiquette books (hardback naturally). Honestly, if she’s that rude, entitled, and self-centered, you’re better off without her. While it would have been the polite thing to at least give a token gift, the way she approached you and what she said is just wrong.
NTJ.” AgitatedJacket9627
17. AITJ For Refusing To Cover Half Of My Neighbour's Lost Money On A Shared Fence Project?
“My neighbor said she wanted to erect a fence between our gardens. I agreed to do it as a common project, sharing the costs and the work, thinking it would be a simple job, but she returned a week later with elaborate plans that cost about 3x of my original estimate.
Of course it was designed to be a lot more sturdy as well, so I agreed. She took it upon herself to order the parts and wired 4000$ to the supplier company. Which then went belly up, without delivering anything, and swallowing all the money, because she didn’t deem it necessary to get any kind of guarantee – not using any of the large payment providers that offer insurance for such cases.
Now she expects me to cover half of the lost sum and half of the next order for the same project – which I refuse, on the grounds that it was her decision to take a known risk. Offering 500$ in the spirit of “hey, I know that sucks, let me take a little off the edge” only made her angry.
To her credit, she really did a great job with the planning, but for me, it’s completely unimaginable to part with this kind of money without a formal guarantee. So, AITJ for not wanting to shoulder the half of her lost 4K?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her actions are not your consequences. She should have gotten a guarantee for the work/materials. She decided not to. You were not part of that decision, so why should you be a part of that consequence? I wouldn’t even have given her $500, so she should be grateful for that much.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“We had some work done recently at our house. Two different things with two different hired companies. We made advance payments both times, but it was just a smaller part of the overall cost. The rest we paid after the work was done completely.
I thought that was the normal way? Paying everything in advance seems stupid. Even if the company didn’t go bankrupt, what if they had done bad work? The neighbor was not smart to pay so much money without some kind of insurance. NTJ OP.” opelan
16. AITJ For Teaching My Step-Cousin To Knit Despite His Mother's Objections?
“I am a 14yo male. I live with my grandma and she really likes to knit. I learned to knit from her when I was little and I really enjoy it.
Just when I’m bored or have free time I’ll knit. My family doesn’t care and it has caused no problems so far.
My uncle got married and he has a stepson who is 7 years old. We’ve all been getting on quite well. I gave him a beanie for his birthday that I knitted and he was really interested in how I made it.
So I told him what knitting was and he was really excited and wanted to try it too.
The next time we met I brought my old knitting needles and told him I could teach him. His mum heard and wasn’t very happy and asked what I was doing.
I told her that he wanted to learn to knit and she was a bit upset about it and said that he didn’t need to learn it and took away the knitting needles.
I thought it was some age problem like he’s too young to handle knitting needles but my uncle told me that she was upset about it because she thinks that boys shouldn’t have these kinds of hobbies and that she wasn’t happy with me introducing a girl thing to her son.
I was kind of offended but I didn’t say anything. The next time there was a gathering she sternly pulled me aside and said that now her son wouldn’t stop asking for knitted things and wanted to learn how to knit, and scolded me for introducing it in the first place.
I felt kind of wronged so we had an argument about it and I don’t know if I was in the wrong for it. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Granted I’ve never actually learned to knit, but from what I know about it, being a girl isn’t actually a part of it.
I mean, I could be wrong! Maybe it’s to hold the yarn? I’d be trying to get an adult, possibly my grandma, to intervene on my behalf. You’re 14 and she’s out here being accusatory to you. Tell your grandma the whole story that you posted here and ask her for her help, either to tell this woman to back off or maybe even set her straight, depending on what your grandma thinks.” Beneficial_Local1012
Another User Comments:
“Tell her that women don’t get to talk to men like that. If she wants to live with medieval ideas, then she can live with all of them. Call her a slattern for showing her ankle. Haha don’t do any of this by the way “being mean back” is never the right answer, I’m just joking about how much of a hypocrite she is being.
At the end of the day you at 14 years old are already wise enough to know anyone saying “this is for girls” or “this is for boys” is just preaching some old-fashioned outdated beliefs that, to be completely honest, will probably have died out completely by the time you’re 24.” Weary_North9643
Another User Comments:
“My 13-year-old is as rough and tumble as it gets. He’s been running heavy equipment since his feet could reach the clutch. He stole my welder when he was ten and makes useful stuff and sculpture stuff. He does carpentry, woodworking, and full renovations with his dad and grandpa.
He buys old lawnmowers and weed whackers to fix up and flip. He outworks most adults. AND…. He loves “girly” crafts. He tumbled rocks, handmakes jewelry, tried crochet and knitting, really anything small and nimble. He said it helps him learn how to use his hands and makes it way easier to hold little bolts and nuts and get his hands in weird places when he’s working on equipment.
And helps him tie flies for fishing with those tiny knots. Plus he gives jewelry and crafts things to his friends and the girls in his grade go crazy for it. I’ve never learned how to run my sewing machine without breaking it, so I leave the sewing to my husband.
He grew up in and out of his grandma’s custom dress shop and can sew wayyyyy better than I can. She’s really shortchanging her son there.” Open-Incident-3601
15. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Multiple Family Events Due To My Wife's Divorced Parents' Competition?
“My wife (35F) and I (36M) have been married for 4 years and have 2 kids (3 & 1).
My wife’s parents divorced when she was a teenager and both her mom and dad have since remarried. There is a lot of competition between her mom, dad, and stepmom in terms of “family time.” Everything has to be equal. Meaning if we spend an afternoon with her mom, then we have to do the same thing with her dad and stepmom.
Mom and stepmom especially put a lot of pressure on my wife and guilt trip her about it.
My wife has a lot of trouble standing up for herself and saying “no.” Before we had kids, this wasn’t as big of a deal. If we had to attend 2-3 different Thanksgiving or Xmas gatherings, not a huge deal. I mean, it sucked, but it wasn’t the end of the world.
Now though, with 2 young kids, it’s exhausting and I absolutely hate it.
My wife and I have had numerous talks about her setting boundaries about this because I am at the end of my rope with it. The bickering and pressure are constant and the need to keep everything “equal” essentially determines our entire non-work schedule.
We had to attend 2 separate Easter events this Spring (we’re not even religious) because we went to one with her mom, so we “had” to do one with her dad and stepmom. After that, I told my wife I was done with this nonsense. I told her that she needs to stand up to her parents and start setting boundaries and saying “no.” I told her I won’t allow her parents to continue to dictate how we live our lives.
I told her if she is incapable of doing this, then I will absolutely step in and tell them off.
But she begged me not to do that because she doesn’t want to ruffle feathers and promised she would do better. Of course, that didn’t happen.
We ended up having to run around to 3 separate places on Memorial weekend because of this same stuff. After we got home from the last stop, I told my wife I am done with this and will now pick and choose which things I want to go to.
I won’t stop her from going and I will stay home with one or both kids if she doesn’t want to take them, but I’m done.
Lo and behold, this past weekend she was talking to her mom and the 4th of July came up.
My FIL had already invited us to his house for a pool day and my wife told her mom about it. So, of course we have to do something with them that weekend as well. When my wife told me about this, I told her that I will not be attending both and I will choose if I want to attend either.
My wife must have vented to her mom about this because a couple of days later, I got a call from my wife’s stepdad (the only sane person in this, really). He told me that he completely agrees with me and that he’s talked with his wife numerous times about not pressuring my wife, but she doesn’t listen either.
He suggested that whenever his wife pressures my wife into keeping things “equal,” that he and I go golfing together instead. When I told my wife about this idea, she called me a jerk and told me I’m being unsupportive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you two need to work on this to find a solution.
Personally, the solution should be along the lines of telling everyone “With two young kids, it is just not possible to keep running around to different households for events and holidays. We are finding we don’t have time to establish our own traditions with the children because we are trying to ‘keep the peace’ between you two.
With this in mind, we will be alternating holidays, and choosing to skip some that we will want to keep to ourselves. Should we host, invitations will be extended to everyone, and we expect a civil gathering. If you don’t feel you can contribute to that environment for the sake of the kids, then please RSVP ‘No.’ Thank you for understanding.” Your wife calling you unsupportive just reads as her needing someone to stand up for her because she doesn’t want to do it for herself.
Have a talk with your wife about how exhausting this is for you. Focus on wanting to spend more quiet time with her and the kids instead of not wanting to do things with her family. Something you don’t mention is your family – when do you spend time with them if you are divvying up holidays between two gatherings already for just her family?” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you have been exceptionally patient with the situation, and you and Dad have told them the problem they’re causing. Your wife should respect your boundaries, or fix the situation. Both options are fine, but fixing it would be better.
Many families swap and rotate holidays and that seems more reasonable. I feel for your wife; it sounds like she is caught between feuding wives, but too people-pleasing to stand up for herself.” TheEmpressIsIn
14. AITJ For Not Cancelling My Trip To Care For A Friend's Stranded Daughter?
“So my friend has a daughter and asked me to watch her for a trip she went on to California.
However, the next day I am going on a trip out of state as well. She went on her trip and is now stranded because she didn’t have enough money for the flight back. As I am leaving tomorrow I don’t have any money to spare since it’s for my own trip.
She has no siblings and doesn’t want me to take her to her mom’s house because she doesn’t trust her mom’s partner. She is now saying I should cancel my trip and make sure her daughter is safe.
AITJ for dropping her off? I can’t reschedule my trip.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t have the money for a return ticket? Why on earth would anyone go on a pleasure trip without having paid for the return trip home, especially if they’ve left their child in someone else’s care? And who takes a trip without being sure all expenses are paid for?
Your friend sounds manipulative and it makes me wonder if her mother’s partner really is unsafe. If he is, why would she take a chance on not returning home when she said she would knowing you are leaving on a trip? If this were my child, I would have planned to leave my own vacation a day earlier to be sure no delays kept me from getting home on time.
I hope knowing you have to leave inspires your friend to find the money she needs to get home.” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who in the heck goes on a trip without buying a round-trip ticket? She has no money for a return flight?
That sounds like a load of nonsense. You are under no obligation to cancel your trip because of her lack of planning and poor preparation. She needs to pull her head out of her butt and figure this out. Her child, her responsibility. When you’re a parent, you don’t get to just fart off on a vacation and not come back when you say you will.
She’s the one who needs to be responsible and make sure her daughter will be safe by getting home when she said she would be there.” schmoopser
Another User Comments:
“Depends on whether there is a safe place to leave the child. It’s up to you whether you believe that grandma’s SO is unsafe, but even if the ‘can’t get home’ story is not true, why would the mother lie about grannie’s SO?
Granny’s house has got to be the easiest option, so why throw a spanner in the works? Let’s ignore the specifics of this situation: Let’s say you’re driving in the middle of nowhere and you see a child standing by the side of the road.
Middle of nowhere. The next town is 50 miles away, but you aren’t going there, you’re going camping in the bush. Would you be a jerk if you left the child by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere because to take them somewhere safe – police station, social services, school – was inconvenient?
Yes, yes you would. Same here. Call the mother, tell her you won’t take the child to the granny’s house, but you will take them to the local police and social services. That might get her home, and if not, the child is at least safe.” CatJarmansPants
13. AITJ For Accepting A Large Monetary Gift From My Grandparents That Wasn't Given To My Half Siblings?
“I (17m) have this super messy family background. My dad has this on and off again relationship with my mom and also with his twice-ex-wife. He just has me with mom but he has three kids with his twice ex-wife (who he’s living with again).
My mom keeps taking him back and so does the ex-wife. There has always been a back and forth and during a breakup with both of them my dad was with someone else and he has a kid with her who isn’t around and I think my dad and the ex and my mom like to ignore the fact dad made another kid.
My half-siblings don’t know about this other half-sibling.
My dad could have more kids too. I’m not too sure but it’s likely given his back and forth and I don’t believe it’s only my mom or his twice ex-wife he’s unfaithful with. But that’s not really any of my business and I don’t care if he has more kids, which might sound bad because we’d technically be related but I don’t see that as a chance to be family.
The ones I’m supposedly “family” with I’m not at all close to and we hate each other’s guts. They hate me for my mom being around and I hate them because they go from wanting me to not exist to expecting me to worship the ground their mom walks on.
They also complain that I don’t have the same rules or expectations they do and that’s because my dad knows I don’t respect him and so he told me to go away and basically he makes me go to his house to get out of child support but I get to do my own thing.
So yeah, not a healthy “family”. I don’t have a good relationship with Mom either because I hate that she puts Dad before me.
The people I have the best relationship with are both sets of my grandparents. My mom’s parents I spend more time with because they live closer but my dad’s parents are great too.
My dad’s parents gave me a huge money gift for my future and they told me they had put aside money since I was born and they were hoping it would make my transition to adult life better. I put it straight in my bank account that neither parent can access.
But this gift was controversial because they didn’t do the same for my half-siblings. My dad, his twice ex-wife, and my half siblings said I should have rejected the money if it wasn’t equal and I was told I should be sharing it with them if I accepted it.
I told them it wasn’t my problem and they don’t matter to me so they can all screw off. My grandparents defended me when they were made aware of what was being said.
I was told I should be doing a better job as the oldest (by 5 months).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, if you are the oldest then the others may get a similar gift when they reach the same age. Second, it was a GIFT and the grandparents can give any gift they want in any amount to anybody without having an obligation to do the same for anyone else.
Maybe your half-siblings treat them like crap so they didn’t feel like assisting them. Maybe they are being better financially supported by your/their father than you are and your grandparents wanted to try and even things up. Maybe your grandparents are trying to compensate for the way your father (their son) treats you.
But none of that matters. It was their money to give out as they decided. Anyone who doesn’t like it can address their concerns to the grandparents. But my guess is they know your grandparents will brush them off and not cave into the demands, while they think they can bully you into caving in and sharing YOUR gift. Don’t do it.
Keep the money, give your grandparents a sincere thank you, and use it to make your best life.” SSN-683
Another User Comments:
“Wow! That family history is complicated. But you did nothing wrong, the grandparents can do what they want with their money. Then you did the right thing by putting it in an account that no one but you can touch.
You do not owe your half-siblings anything. The only reason they’re complaining is that some have found out you got more than them. You sound like you’re not going to waste it but when you turn 18 talk to your bank to see if they have a positive investment strategy that you can use for some of the money so that it can grow better than just a bank account.
Go for safe investments and use them for your future. Don’t worry about those other people. They’re just jealous especially since money is involved NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“Your grandparents saved the money for YOU. They didn’t save for half siblings because your dad is out there acting like a fool.
Hang on to that money. Let the beef be with your grandparents. You are just receiving the gift. Keep the amount to yourself and when your parents ask for money (and they will) tell them you don’t have any disposable income. In fact, if I were you I would put it in a CD or something to gain interest that you can’t touch for at least a year.
That way you can tell them it’s tied up. Don’t give them money because they will siphon it all from you before it’s done.” No_Tough3666
12. AITJ For Not Wanting Anything To Do With My Sister's Baby After She Ignored Mine?
“My mother met my stepfather and he took me in as his own, they then went on to have my sister (A) a year later. My mum died and my stepdad kept me as his daughter and then remarried (B) when my sister was 2.
B disliked me as I wasn’t my dad’s and looked a lot like my mom and eventually talked my dad into kicking me out of the house in my mid-teens and I went to live with my dad’s sister and her wife before I went off to college.
10 years later I’m married and have two children. When I was pregnant with my first, A was super excited to be an auntie and came to my baby shower and everything, however, once my daughter was born she never visited. I offered to go to her, meet her halfway, go do something like a coffee date or beach day or something but she was always busy.
The same thing happened with my second daughter, A was a no-show. We’d message all the time but when I invited her for birthdays or weekends she’d say she was coming then just not show up.
Fast forward my children are 8 and 9 years old and have never met their aunt, they don’t actually know anything about her, no “how are you” texts for about 5 years now as I stopped reaching out because she just kept blowing us off.
My sister had her baby 4 months ago which I found out via social media. I didn’t message her because I thought she didn’t want anything to do with my kids why should I bother with hers?
I borrowed something from my dad’s sister and went to drop it off the other day while the kids were at school.
My dad, A, and B were there with A’s baby. I tried to just leave but A cornered me about not congratulating her about the baby or asking how she was doing, and I said why would I, you didn’t do it for my kids?
She blew up at me calling me selfish, I yelled back I don’t make a habit of asking after strangers’ babies and that’s what she was to me. My dad said that we were sisters and family is supposed to be there for each other.
I’m ashamed to admit I did lose my temper with him and call him a cold-hearted jerk and who was he to talk to me about family wearing his no.1 grandpa shirt when he had grandchildren he had never acknowledged?
Where I am probably the jerk is this all happened in my aunt’s house and in front of A’s baby who was sleeping at the time but still it’s not ideal to be screaming in front of an infant.
My aunt thinks I was in the right and it was a long time coming but her wife thinks I could’ve used this as an opportunity to reconnect as maybe now A is mature enough to be able to have a relationship with me and my kids.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A didn’t want a relationship. Not now, not ever. If she was mature enough, she could have reached out at any point. Before her pregnancy, during, and after. She didn’t. You accidentally bumped into her and she immediately made it into a scene.
As for your dad, he deserved what you said. You don’t get to preach family when you’ve forced part of it to leave because it was inconvenient.” Beneficial_Local1012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I will never understand people who put zero effort into maintaining a relationship and then get upset when the other person gives up on them too.
She’s made no effort to keep in touch with you or meet your kids. It’s not your responsibility to maintain a relationship with her if she cannot/won’t reciprocate. She is a stranger to you by her own choices. This is all on her. Kudos to your aunt for being rational and identifying you as the true victim here.
I suspect your aunt’s wife means well too, but it’s not your responsibility to make a reconnection at this point (if you even want one). You’ve already gone above and beyond, the ball is (and has been for a long time) in your sister’s court.
If she wants a relationship with you, she’s going to have to earn it. As for Dad, if he didn’t want to hear the ugly truth of his own actions, then he should have minded his own business.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Reconnect?
There were no invitations to reconnect. It’s one thing for A to ignore you and your baby, but I didn’t realize your dad forgot you existed too? Screaming in front of an infant is not that big of a problem in the context of this situation.
Why is your aunt making excuses for A – there’s no indication A wants a relationship with you or your kids. Your dad said family is supposed to be there for each other? That’s a bizarre comment from someone who doesn’t know his grandchildren!” noccie
11. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Partner's Sister For Stealing My Car?
“So my (22f) partner (27m) and I took in his sister (23f). When she first asked us for a room it was because she was trying to get away from her abusive partner. We said of course you can move in with us. At the time I was 9 months pregnant.
The extra room was our nursery. She took over a month after the baby was born to move in. In that month she got back with her partner who was sending her funds. She and her 4-year-old son moved in.
I went back to work but started working from home (easier to take care of a baby).
She never came out of her room until her brother, my partner, came home from work at seven pm. She then complained that we were jerks and that she didn’t want to be around us, but only ever talked to us when she had been drinking.
I told her that I have an extra car for when she needs groceries or needs to do anything for her kid. We were hoping the car would make it easier for her to get a job. She started taking off when she wanted for weeks.
The car wasn’t the best but it’s a super reliable car with low miles. It started to have some problems (found out it was a blown gasket and a flat tire) and told me about it a week after the car had been sitting in a town 100+ miles away.
I told her I would pay for it, I have an account with Les Schwab. She paid for it all and is trying to use it as leverage against me to take the car. I started to need the car to get to work once I returned. She knew this and lied to me about where she was going and hasn’t returned.
She made a deal with her brother to buy the car, 1000 in four payments with the first one being in two weeks. I am the legal owner and did not agree with this from the start. I never wanted to sell that car. It has been a month and a half later with no payment.
We told her we need the car back and she said she would crash it before returning it. She is a felon and is usually with her kid. I want to call to report the car stolen but I don’t want anything to happen to her kid.
Would I be the jerk if I reported it?”
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk if you reported the car stolen, as right now, you own it and she won’t return it. She made an agreement to buy it from someone who doesn’t own the car, and as no money has actually changed hands (to say nothing of the title still being in your name).
However, your biggest problem seems to be with your partner, who keeps enabling her. You don’t have to let her treat you like a doormat because he won’t tell her no.” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. Frankly, it sounds like maybe the best thing you could do for that kid is get the mom into the system.
It does sound like you’ve let this go on too long though, and you’ll get a lot of pushback from police and your insurance. However… report it now, because the longer you wait the harder it will be. Expect that this will cause tensions in your husband’s family, and ignore those tensions.
Then make sure you officially kick sister out of your home and change the locks.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to make a report to the police YESTERDAY. Do you know if she even has a valid driver’s license? Let’s say you don’t report the car as stolen.
She gets intoxicated and gets into an accident while driving the car where she’s found at fault. The consequences for her would be pretty minor compared to what they would be for YOU from an insurance perspective. I say this as an insurance professional with almost 30 years of experience.
It’s unfortunate the kid has a crappy mother, but you can’t risk the financial well-being of your own family for him.” SpeakerDelicious6315
10. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Wife's Irritation When I Couldn't Find Her Medicine Pump?
“I’m the husband (33M), my wife (32F) married for 5 years asks for a favor to get her medicine pump from the bathroom to help with bowel movements. No specific instructions, I went into the bathroom for about 3-5 minutes scanning the area, and told her I couldn’t find it.
She starts getting agitated and angry and told me it’s a box in plain sight. I tell her I have scanned the whole bathroom and cannot find it. She gets more agitated and starts giving the ‘w*f’ vibes as in it’s right there.
Spent another 1-2 mins looking and told her it’s not here, she gets annoyed and then realizes it’s not in the bathroom but on her makeup desk.
I tell her that it’s disrespectful to ask for someone to do a favor for you, and then proceed to be irritated. She starts snapping back with some gibberish that I couldn’t remember, ended with saying she can’t be bothered having a fight right now over this… even though she induced it.
I know this is a very common occurrence with marriages, thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“When she’s feeling better have a conversation with her. Obviously, she was wrong for snapping especially since it wasn’t where she told you it was so you’re NTJ but as someone who’s been constipated their whole life, there’s been times I’ve been in an incredible amount of pain and been snappy.
She was wrong but I understand being snappy if you’re in pain. Hopefully, she apologizes when she’s no longer in pain.” Ahluvgreggafreedom
Another User Comments:
“It’s CRAZY the difference in response people give for men vs women. I guarantee people would be saying “he’s toxic for snapping, revaluate your marriage” if it was a dude snapping at a woman.
To be clear, the responses here are correct, no one’s in the wrong here, she was in pain, needed to vent, and should apologize for snapping when she’s no longer in pain, I just find the dichotomy between the responses to men and women when it comes to how to treat your partner wild.” ShockTheMonster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m a married woman with a husband who tolerates a lot of attitude. He’s Italian from Brooklyn so thankfully he has really thick skin and is not bothered easily. I could see how frustrating it could be trying to help and getting yelled at for it would be.
What has worked for us is discussing the issue after we’ve had a moment to cool off. Communication in marriage/relationships is everything. Even though this may be a small argument, resentment for things like this can add up and unload at the wrong times.
You both should be able to communicate about issues that arise without it becoming an argument and if that isn’t happening I’d highly suggest marriage counseling. Also, I did see the comments about her being in pain, etc.. I do understand and empathize with that, but I also don’t think it’s an excuse to be rude to your partner.
An apology and or a conversation when she felt better would go a long way.” HurryOne8096
9. AITJ For Moving Across The Country After Disagreements With My Daughter Over Grandparenting?
“So I have two grandkids who are 4 and 7. I live about 45 minutes away from them. In the beginning, I was still working so it was hard to make time to visit them.
I would go up to visit them and it sadly was not fun. I am not baby crazy and do not want to spend my whole day watching a kid sleep. So I would stay for 2 to 3 hours before going home. My daughter hated that I wouldn’t spend more time and I told her when they are older we will bond more.
I got in a car accident, it wasn’t bad and it was my fault. The sun got in my eyes and I bumped into someone’s car. In total, it was like 300 dollars of damage since their car had dents in the back. It was a very minor accident.
After that, my daughter forbade me from driving anywhere with her kids, so now when I go up, I can’t do anything with the kiddos. There is only so much I can do in the house and I would have loved to take them out to places.
I have asked her to drive down since I live in a walkable area but no. It is too difficult to get them loaded up and down here.
I still tried but the more she didn’t want to visit me the more I got tired of this.
Not to mention she was always on me about not being more involved. I have told her so many times that you don’t let me do much with them. My breaking point was last summer. I was babysitting them in the summer and I brought up a kids sprinkler.
You connect it to the hose and the kids run through it on the splash pad. The kids had a great time but my daughter was upset since it ruined the grass. The water made mud and kids running messed up the grass.
After that, I just stopped trying, I told her to take her kids to me and she refused. I am retiring and selling my home.
I wish to move near the Blue Mountains which is across the country. I told all the kids and everyone was happy for me but my daughter. We got in a huge fight about me being a bad grandparent. I told her she is the reason I am an absent grandparent.
She called me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not that hard to get two kids in a car for 45 minutes. She just doesn’t want to. I actually live at the base of the Blue Mountains and my in-laws live near the airport. We go visit them with our 7yo roughly once a fortnight.
Sometimes they come to us, but we like going out there and looking at the beach. We’ve done this since little one was a baby. It’s not hard. They have the best adventures, can jump on the light rail, ferry, whatever and go to different places.
Good luck with your move.” CrabbiestAsp
Another User Comments:
“Moving away, you are NTJ. That being said, it will probably further strain what sounds like an already strained relationship. Sharing what I witnessed, as the aunt, in a similar situation. My sister set up boundaries, some arbitrary some not, and my mom struggled with them in regards to the grandkids.
Mom’s idea of a grandma was to spoil them, with no responsibility, and then give them back. My sister’s was you are the adult watching them and rules need to be enforced. Fast forward a few years, and they are no contact. Ultimately, my mom wanted a TV-grandma relationship and couldn’t respect my sister’s boundaries.
Despite being retired with lots of free time, my sister with a full-time job and 4 kids had to come to them. On the flip side, my sister would put some unreasonable demands and restrictions. Basically, looking for reasons to exclude things. I think this is due to seeing her kids getting the attention she wished she had gotten from my mother and trying to sabotage things.
The grandkids are the ones who suffered in the end. Going no contact has helped them both thrive and become better people. I’m not saying this mirrors your situation in any way. Just shared to provide a different perspective.” Final-Bug-7092
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go against the grain and say everyone’s a jerk here.
You can do a lot of things with your grandkids that don’t involve sprinklers or being in a walkable city. My parents come down quite often and will walk my son to the park. They’ll watch a movie with him. They’ll pull out building blocks and will spend hours just being with him.
They brought down a pumpkin and spent a day carving pumpkins and then spent the last 15 minutes cleaning up the mess. My parents go down and watch my nephews play soccer or baseball almost every other week. It’s about being there for them. They always communicate their plans with us before doing anything, so we are prepared and can ask for a different idea.
It’s really not easy to load a kid up and drive them. It feels like you both need to work on your communication skills. She is allowed to be upset by the sprinkler ruining her grass and making her backyard a mud pit. “I would go up to visit them and it sadly was not fun.
I am not baby crazy and do not want to spend my whole day watching a kid sleep.” I hate to break it to you, but babies really aren’t fun. They sleep a lot. It’s not about doing fun things with them at that age.
It’s about being there. And helping your daughter who has a baby and was probably struggling. No, mom wants to hear their child is not fun after opening up their home. It would make me not want my mom to come around. My dad isn’t baby crazy either, but he has never verbalized it.” camebacklate
8. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother's Phone Obsession At The Gym?
“My brother is recently single and on apps nonstop. I’m happy for him. We’ve been going to the gym, but he gets so hypocritically self-righteous sometimes.
“I hate when people hog the machine” “when we’re at the gym, I hate when people are on their phone” but recently he’s been on his phone for minutes between sets. He says he’s waiting for me but I don’t think he’s self-aware or present enough for him to notice I’m waiting for him.
I tried calling him out on his hypocrisy and he’s like “I know what I said”.
After the gym, we went to a nephew’s soccer game, and in every photo with my family in the background, he’s on his phone. I thought it was funny and screenshotted a photo zoomed in on him in the background..
on his phone. He says I’m being mean and bullying him and now he’s in a mood. I said sorry, and that it just sucks seeing him not present. Am I being too controlling and a bully?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but if by recently you mean a few weeks or a few months out of a serious relationship, cut the bloke some slack.
Though unhealthy to be on relationship apps, your brother may be doing the version of “just getting out there.” Relationship apps are not the best medium to do that but it does offer a minimum of distance that meeting people on cold contact does not.
Trying to serially contact people on relationship apps may be a sign of a deeper wound. Eventually, you may do good by advising him to talk to someone if this continues. Regardless you are not the jerk.” yago1980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But learn to frame these issues as solely your problem.
“I miss when we’d work out together without the distraction/obsession from the phones.” “I understand why you’re excited and trying to meet someone but I want to enjoy being with you when we go to the gym.” Don’t talk about his conduct as much as what you miss or need. And if he can’t accommodate you then you’ve got decisions to make.
But that’s part of the conversation. People are so wrapped up in their own behavior that they don’t notice how it impacts others. Sometimes the kind thing is to be very direct about that. But not in a way that casts blame. We all forget what’s really important from time to time.” CaptainLammers
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk, but definitely not understanding where he’s at right now. I think he’s still dealing with his breakup, and it sounds like he’s not great being alone. It’s tough, but try to support him. I know he seems distant now, but he will appreciate your efforts when things settle for him.
Maybe you could spend time looking at potential dates with him. He’d probably appreciate the support, and any opinions you might have about the people he’s considering.” RMor25
7. AITJ For Claiming Our Child's Neglected Puppy As Our Own?
“We got our child a puppy when they were about 13. As is expected we paid for everything.
Not complaining about that, they were only a child. But they never did any upkeep. No walks, no feeding and water dishes, etc. (No matter how much we asked, and yes we did have consequences.)
They’re 21 now and have been employed fairly regularly for about 4 years.
Only pitched in a couple of times for upkeep. About 2 years ago they adopted another puppy. They did pay for everything for that pup, until we moved (about a year’s worth). Now we’re back to paying for all the food and their little brother takes care of the pet chores.
Here’s where we might be the jerk (their friends think so)… Are we the jerk for saying the older one (around 7yo) is our pup? For not wanting them to take them when they move out?”
Another User Comments:
“Bought my son a kitten at 8 years old.
He did care for the kitten, we paid for everything but he even went with me for the cat’s checkups. When he went into a college apartment he tried to take his cat and the cat freaked out. Wasn’t her house, wasn’t her whole family of people.
Son was sad so the cat was his when he visited but otherwise, the cat became my cat when my son wasn’t home. Later when my son was out of grad school I bought him a sibling set of kittens who are with him after 10 years.
Totally his responsibility. The dog is yours and you can ask your son to leave, at this point your job as a parent is over.” Slightlysanemomof5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the dog is yours because you are the ones who feed him, walk him, play with him, and do everything for him.
If he’d been your son’s, he’d be a dead dog or a dog returned to the shelter. Your son never stood up for him and therefore that is not his dog. Also, what happens when the dog gets ill or has needs? Is he your dog again then?
This is the ultimate consequence of not looking after the dog and dumping all the care on you – the dog is yours.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“When my brother moved out, he tried to bring one of our family dogs (we have 2 dogs at our parents’ place, one is technically his dog and one is mine but I still live at home).
His dog was already 7 years old, and he really didn’t like my brother’s house. It just wasn’t his house, he couldn’t seem to get comfortable there, I guess since he only lived in one house for all his life and he’s older now he just can’t get used to it.
So we decided he would stay here with us instead, my brother visits very often anyways.” Dull-Wrongdoer5922
6. AITJ For Defending My Mom Against False Accusations From My Dad's Family?
“I (15f) am in a weird situation and would like an outside perspective. I am the only child of my mom (37f) and dad (42m).
I also have a stepmom “Eve” (42f). From what I was told, my dad and my stepmom were a couple first but things didn’t work out shortly after they had my siblings, and my dad eventually met and married my mom after she discovered that she was pregnant with me.
My dad didn’t marry Eve and from what my aunts told me she was really bitter about that and used my siblings as a weapon to punish my dad and mom.
My mom tried her best but after she found out that my dad and Eve were sleeping together she filed for divorce.
During the marriage, my dad had an established business that grew and because my mom was able to prove that she had done unpaid labor for my dad’s business my mom had some leverage within the divorce and agreed to relinquish a stake in the company for alimony, the house, and a car for herself while getting child support for me.
For the next couple of years, my mom focused on me and going back to school because my dad convinced her to stop while she was taking a break from her studies to save up more money.
She eventually graduated and tried looking for work but nothing really interested her.
My dad and stepmom (who had gotten married by then) were always angry with my mom for not getting a job so that they would have less alimony to pay and tried to get 50/50 custody of me to try and reduce child support but I never liked living with my dad full time because I was often made to babysit their younger children, my older siblings were never warmed up to me, and I didn’t like the way Eve and her family would talk about my mom.
Eventually, my mom got certified for a job she wanted and has been an independent contractor for years. Because of this, my mom submitted the paperwork to stop alimony and she’s been living life. Last week, Eve, my sister “Zoe” (20f), and Eve’s sisters were in the living room saying very rude things about my mom.
They called her a side piece, a gold digger and said that my older sister had to take out loans because of the increase in alimony that my mom was awarded. I walked in and called Eve and Zoe liars, that my mom was never the side piece, and my mom has been working for years so there was no alimony.
There was a big confrontation and I ended up leaving but I later sent Eve, Zoe, and one of Eve’s sisters a link to my mom’s professional social media page that listed the companies she worked for. Turns out my dad never told his family that the alimony payments stopped and instead of putting the extra money toward them he’s been keeping it for spending elsewhere.
It’s crazy over there and my dad and a few of his family members are saying that I’m wrong for meddling in “grown folks’ business.” I just hated how they were talking and spreading lies about my mom but maybe I went about it the wrong way so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you had no way of knowing that Dad was lying to his wife and her children. You were defending your mother and her accomplishments. Eve and crew should have kept their opinions to themselves while you were anywhere nearby, that was freaking rude and uncalled for.
Because even if your mother was still collecting alimony, that was a legal decision your dad entered into. Your father and his other family are the jerks here. Dad shouldn’t be keeping secrets and his wife and children should be keeping their opinions to themselves.
You in no way ruined Eve and Dad’s marriage – they did that to themselves.” SusanfromMA
Another User Comments:
“Man, OP, your dad, stepmom, and siblings are all toxic, it seems like they have some sort of weird resentment against you and your mom for whatever reason, you were just defending your mom’s accomplishments and it seems like they’re just extremely jealous/resentful towards that.
NTJ. Plus, you didn’t ruin your dad and stepmom‘s relationship, they did that themselves. I’m giving your dad 4.5/5 bad guys, your dad is just a jealous, unempathetic lying jerk (saying that is being extremely generous), and I’m giving your stepmom, and anyone else that supports them all 3/5 bad guys.
I’m giving you 0/5 bad guys. I’m also giving your mom 0/5 bad guys, I mean, what did she do?” Yo-KaiWatchFan2102
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I was a teen, I disliked when adults assumed that the average teen wasn’t capable of having a basic understanding of “adult” topics.
From then on, I’ve made it a point to hear younger folks out and acknowledge that they’re likely smart enough to understand delicate subjects when information is presented appropriately. This is a topic you’re capable of understanding and people spewing lies about your mother is your business.” paul_rudds_drag_race
5. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Prioritize Our Date Night Over His Regular Weekend Plans?
“My husband (m30) and I (f29) have been married for 6 years. For 5 out of those 6, he has spent every Saturday and Sunday with a group of his college friends golfing, drinking or going to car shows.
Last week Friday, I asked him to stay home for the weekend for a date night since we haven’t had any time for ourselves as a couple since before I gave birth (we have a 5-month-old).
I wouldn’t necessarily say he got angry, but the atmosphere in the room went from flirty to irritated; He then explained to me that he wanted to go out the next day because one of his friends was having a going away party (he is temporarily going back to his home country) and he wanted to drink with him one last time before then.
He also emphasized the fact that a date night wouldn’t work out because of our daughter, but I assured him my mother wouldn’t have a problem babysitting.
Despite this, I brought up the possibility of rescheduling to the week after, but he said that he had plans (but did not elaborate).
I just left it alone after that.
I think there’s some tension in the house. He hasn’t been like himself lately and has been basically avoiding me (sleeps in the guest room, rejects the advances I make on him occasionally, very short with responses, only interacts with our baby, etc).
I asked him what’s wrong the other day and he gave an obvious excuse. I don’t want to press on but I’m feeling a lot of guilt for asking him to go out, and I suspect I’m the reason why he’s upset.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a five-month-old child and your useless husband is still going out drinking and cavorting with his buddies EVERY WEEKEND? And he’s throwing a tantrum because you asked him to stay home one time? He’d better be making BANK because I can’t see why else you would even stay with him if he’s as unsupportive and childish as you describe.
Does he at least take the child during the week sometimes so that you can also get a break from parenting? (I’m going for a loose definition of “also”; it sounds like he isn’t really parenting at all).” JPenelope
Another User Comments:
“NTJ is any, way, shape, or form!
This makes me so incredibly sad – and mad – to read! Asking for your partner to act like a decent husband and father makes you think that you’ve done something to upset him? That is SO wrong in SO many ways! Your husband is a childish, selfish and idiot of a human being.
Where is your chance for YOUR life, time to relax, etc., while he is out acting like a single college-aged fool every weekend? How is this arrangement even remotely fair to you? Screw a date night with him. If your mom will watch your baby, please go do something nice for yourself and let him be petulant and pouty.
And seriously, consider if this is how you really want to spend your married life and if this is the kind of behavior you want to set as an example for your little one. You deserve a better husband and your baby deserves a decent father that actually WANTS to be involved with his family.” DizzyDucki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think people are being a little harsh with the comments, but honestly, from just what you said, this is not an ok situation. If he works Mon-Fri and is gone most of Sat&Sunday the amount of time he has to give you and your child is negligible.
We’re looking at maybe 3 hours each day during the week depending on bedtimes? I don’t know how much of the weekend he’s gone, is it all day Sat & Sun or like a few hours? Either way that is a lot and not fair to you.
Your job is also a full-time gig but he gets weekends off and you don’t. No wonder you’re burning out. He is trying to punish you for asking for the smallest bit of attention. A single date in five months is not a big ask.
And like, he could just have easily been like oh I have plans at x time so how about we do our date in the afternoon instead? Or agreed to next weekend like you requested. You also mentioned you don’t have much of a support network right now?
Only talking to your mom? That’s a very scary situation you’re in. Do you have any of your own money? I’m not saying he’s necessarily doing this on purpose, but your situation sounds very isolating, and his reaction is a pretty big red flag. I really hope you’re safe.” TelephoneMurky1854
4. AITJ For Telling My Lesbian Friend About My Crush On A Guy?
“I (17F) have a friend (16F) who is a lesbian. She used to be my very best friend until yesterday. Recently I have been telling her about a guy I like. I’ll admit, I may have been slightly overbearing; telling her about his eyes and his smile, etc. But yesterday she snapped.
She got very upset and told me that it was insensitive of me to tell her about a boy I liked whilst I knew she was gay. Mind you, she knew I was straight. I told her I didn’t understand the problem because she didn’t even like me in that way, so what was the problem if I told her about a boy in my life?
She constantly told me about the girls in hers. She said I would never understand and now she is ghosting me.
AITJ for telling her about my crush?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’s expressing similar sentiments about the girls she’s seeing or has crushes on then you’re well within the implicit boundaries of your relationship to express your admiration about your crush’s physical traits.
She may not want to hear about his bum or whatever, but it sounds like the discussion was pretty much “PG” and in keeping with the ways she’s spoken in the past about romantic interests. It sounds like you’ve tried to reach out to her.
I’d give it some time. Hopefully, she’ll realize how silly she’s being and perhaps once she comes to her senses you both can have a constructive conversation about what it was about what you said that bothered her (as well as giving you the opportunity to express your boundaries when she talks about her crushes, although it sounds like it doesn’t bother you).” LaurelCrash
Another User Comments:
“Having once been a 16 yo bisexual girl – it’s possible that she has a crush on you, and hearing all about this boy just reaffirms how unattainable you are for her. But that’s a her problem. You are NTJ at all. Who else are we supposed to get dramatic and excited about our crushes with, if not our friends?
If not our BEST friends? Give her a few days and then sit her down for a real conversation. DO NOT ask/accuse her of having a crush on you – it’s a wretched trope we deal with where everyone assumes that because you’re Not Straight you must be in love with everybody of the same s*x.
I mean, straight people don’t love all opposite-s*x people, right? Just get her to open up about why it hurts her to hear about your crush. Really listen and do what you can to stay calm & on topic. Assure her you’re super excited to hear about her likes & loves, and that you hope she gets equally excited for you.
Good luck!!!” MaPetite_ChouChou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the only reason I can think that she has that feeling, is either she has a crush on you or she is jealous of the relative ease and acceptance heteros*xual relationships have. If I like a guy, I don’t usually fear that he could be gay, and I don’t fear what society will think.
Being gay can be hard in both aspects depending on culture, country and religion. That’s all I can think of. Yes it was just between you two, but it may be the topic and not the person she is upset about.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Calling Myself An Only Child In Front Of My Stepbrothers?
“My parents got divorced when I was around 5, my mom had full custody of me and she did get remarried but my stepdad had no kids.
My dad started seeing someone when I was around 7, my stepmom had 3 boys who were 17, 9, and 8. The oldest had a lot of issues with his mom so he lived practically full time with his dad. The younger 2 lived practically full-time at their dad’s while I split time pretty evenly between both my parents.
I don’t want to come across as mean or judgmental but I hated being around them. They weren’t mean to me that much but they weren’t the most “kind” kids if that makes sense. I know a lot of it wasn’t their fault and their parents’ divorce was pretty hard on both but they were without a doubt “mean kids”.
They would fight with each other A LOT like enough to land both in therapy over it, both were bullies in school for a while and had some other mental problems. They couldn’t really be trusted to share a room so the older one got moved in with me.
They’re better now and kind of outgrew that phase, but as a kid, I wouldn’t say I felt “unsafe” with them around but I sure wasn’t comfortable when they were around.
I was recently playing an online game with a few friends in the living room and had my headset on.
Most of my friends have never been over to my dad’s and don’t even know about my stepbrothers because they go to a different school. My older stepbrother was in the room with me but he was doing homework or something. So while we were talking the subject of siblings came up and they asked me if I had any, and I said no and that I am an only child.
It didn’t even cross my mind he was in the living room with me but he either didn’t care or didn’t hear me because he was still reading after I said that.
I thought that was the end of it but later one of my friends who had been over to my dad’s texted me asking why I “lied” about being an only child.
I told him that’s just how I feel and he said it’s a bit “weird” to not even mention them. I don’t think I did anything wrong AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I call myself an only child in front of my b***d-related brothers.
Family is not set in stone, you can just declare people strangers. B***d is not thicker than water, that is what abusers tell you to chain you up. But I don’t think this case is bad enough for this, you weren’t thinking about that moment and never really considered the definitions in detail.
You should do some soul-searching to find out your own opinion, but at the end of the day, the answer is up to you, if your dad agrees with it or not is his cross to bear and outside your control. Whatever feels right to you is the answer, nobody can help with that.” Worth_Paper_6033
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a brother (through mom, but different dads) who’s 20 years younger than me. I moved out the year he was born. I have another 2 step sisters through my stepdad who I never lived with (younger one eventually lived 3 years with my parents, but again, I was out).
I call myself a single child. Not technically, but for all purposes psychologically I am. It’s not that serious. You’re asked about an experience and its best equivalent “feel like a single child in a complicated family system”. People who relate to people who grew up in bigger families will have a different experience entirely.” Subjective_Box
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not everyone sees step-siblings as their actual siblings, or even half-siblings. Some have full siblings they cut off they don’t count anymore. It’s each person. I would say if you two had a wonderful relationship you would be a jerk but it sounds like he doesn’t really care if he didn’t mention it.
That said I count all my step-siblings and an affair half-sibling as my actual siblings even though my bio parents are both gone now and we’re all adults. If people get technical I say siblings by b***d to refer to those ones. But I’m also very close with all of them or miss the ones who are gone.” Equal-Statement6424
2. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Plans To Join My Partner And Her Friends?
“Last weekend my partner had plans to meet two of her friends for food and drinks. They were meeting mid-afternoon and the plan was to get food then go to a few bars for drinks.
Since I had the day to myself I made plans to go to the cinema and then relax at home watching a show on Netflix or Prime with a few drinks.
My partner went to meet her friends about an hour before I was due to be at the cinema.
I arrive at the cinema and my partner texts saying that they’ve just bumped into her friends’ partners and asked if I would come and join them so she’s not the only one sitting there without her partner.
I told her she knew I had plans and that I’m sorry hers haven’t gone as she expected, I’m still going to see the movie.
She said she was feeling awkward just sitting there without me since their partners were there but I just pointed out she could always leave.
I mentioned she could always point out to her friends that it was just supposed to be the three of them but she said she can’t do that.
She said I should be fine changing my plans and that I could do what I had planned another time but I still refused and she called me unsupportive.
AITJ for refusing to change my plans?”
Another User Comments:
“No, forget that noise. NTJ. You aren’t an accessory she can demand to come to her at any time for appearance’s sake. You weren’t part of her original plans, and that’s fine, and it’s absurd to think that she can summon you for a ridiculous reason.
She wasn’t in danger, she wasn’t injured. It’s ridiculous that she tries to frame this as “unsupportive”. I would’ve thrown that right back at her “You’re being unsupportive of my need to have time by myself to do things I had planned”.
Her selfish wants don’t outweigh your plans. NTJ.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“Good grief you are not some accessory your partner can latch to her arm to show her friends ‘Look I have a partner.’ She made plans with her friends and you made plans to see a movie.
If you had been sitting at home not doing anything it would have been one thing to make that request but her message clearly is that your plans & wants are not as important as her wants and ‘appearance’ are. Your plans are just as important as hers and if she isn’t comfortable hanging out with her friends when their partners are with them then that’s on her.
NTJ.” KimB-booksncats-11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I guess, since no one is obligated to completely change their day when someone else’s plans change. But these small things add up in a relationship. She was asking for you to make a small sacrifice to make her life just a bit nicer.
Those little bids for attention and how we react to them are the real measure of a partner, and you missed an opportunity to be a great one. Would she have changed her plans for you if the roles were reversed?” SuzieQbert
1. AITJ For Choosing To Travel Alone To My Fiance's Army Graduation Due To In-Law Drama?
“My fiance (19m) and I (19f) have been together for over a year but have known each other for 15 years. We grew up together due to MIL and my parents being good friends. The timeline goes: we got engaged in December 2023, he signed his army contract in March 2024, got shipped out in April 2024, is set to graduate from BMT in June 2024, then AIT in September 2024.
I’ve maintained a civil relationship with MIL and FIL and it’s gone well for the last year. I’ve known MIL for a long time but I hadn’t met FIL until mid-2023. They’ve been divorced for a very long time.
The issues started last week when I got in contact with FIL about the graduation and he told me that he didn’t want me or my parents to go (I needed to go with my mom/dad because I can’t rent a car/get a hotel under 21) because it’s too personal to share the day with anyone else.
He also said the day was too important to him and that since my fiance and I are so young we have time together when he comes back from AIT.
Of course this upsets me but I didn’t respond to him, I didn’t want to possibly say something disrespectful or cause more drama.
It got resolved the next day when MIL and my mom discussed the issue and I was going to travel with MIL and MIL talked to FIL about being chill about me tagging along.
Now onto the current issue with MIL. She’s a boy mom and used to being the most important woman to her husband and kids.
Which is fair. I’m not going to take away that she’s their mom. However, I’m not going to take any disrespect. I had my weekly phone call with my fiance where he tells me that MIL was complaining about the tap out and that she wanted to do it even though she knew that my fiance wanted it to be me.
In that moment MIL texts me informing me that she wanted to be the one to tap him out and that even if I wanted to it’s what she wants. I responded hours later where I only said that fiance wanted me to do it so what were we going to do?
She quickly got on the offensive and says that she’s his mom and because of that it’s going to be her and that’s it no more arguing. She also lied about my fiance telling her to say that when it wasn’t true because he and I were on the phone when she initially texted me.
Anyway since she said no more arguing I didn’t text back. Until FIL sends me another message. He texts me telling me that he didn’t support certain things about my relationship with his son and that she’s his mother who birthed him and it’s her right to do the honors and that after this message there’s no more contest.
I don’t know who’s initiating any kind of competition or contest because it certainly isn’t me. I’ve remained respectful and polite. But after these conversations, I decided to back out of traveling with MIL and make my own travel arrangements. Clearly, I am disturbing the peace so I’ll travel alone to stay out of the way.
I know when she sees my text she’ll have something (probably not so nice) to say.
AITJ for choosing to travel on my own for my fiance’s army graduation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have bigger problems than how you travel to the graduation.
Fiance’s parents sound like dreadful people. The father (who I’m guessing has been absent for most of his son’s life since you have never met in the 15 years you’ve known fiance) believes you’re not close enough to fiance to attend. The mother believes she should tap him out because she is the most important woman in his life and she sure doesn’t plan on ever sharing the throne.
I hope a long engagement is planned.” Aw_Yeah_Nuh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to have a serious talk with your fiance about boundaries, and how your relationship is going to go forward. As you will not accept, MIL and FIL telling you what to do, ordering you around, or treating you like a child.
You are both grown adults and MIL and FIL can’t do anything to you or punish you. They give you the silent treatment oh well. She’s his mom so she should get the honors. Too bad, that’s not how it works. You both need to put your foot down and enact consequences.
It’s time to remind fiance that he’s entering the army, he’s now an adult and equal to his parents. He is no longer a child who has to listen to them, he’s about to be doing army stuff and getting married. He’s a man now and needs to act like it.
He no longer has to do what they want, and it’s time for him to put his foot down, be the man he claims he is, and support and protect his family which is you. Tell fiance that he needs to decide who is going to tap him out and let that be the end.
Set some rules about what happens if MIL taps him out before you do and let MIL know what the consequences of that will be. I also would make sure you get to him quickly and tap him out before she can. You need to set boundaries and consequences for MIL and FIL when they disrespect you and treat you like children.” New-Link5725
Another User Comments:
“You and your fiancé are jerks. Married life in the military can be really tough, particularly for entry-level troops. Base housing is mediocre. You’ll get an additional stipend to live off base if you choose to do so, but it won’t be enough to get you anything decent because the housing allowance for a junior E3 is not great.
You’ll be pregnant within a year and divorced before his enlistment ends. This is exactly why MIL wants to do the tap-out. She knows the odds of your relationship actually lasting are somewhere between 0 and 1%. Why does she know this? Because you’re both 19 and still acting like angry toddlers.
Be humble and step aside so that mom can participate in this moment with her son. You know, the one she grew inside of her and then raised for the last 19 years.” OGBrewSwayne
