People Go Nuts In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Half-Sister's Second Celebration After Controversial Speech?
“My half-sister (27f) finished her education and got her master’s degree recently. To celebrate there was a party with all of her friends and family. This meant her maternal side, our shared paternal side, and all her friends. During the party, she was asked to make a speech and for a part of her speech, she talked about how she hoped her mom would be proud, how sad she was to not have her mom, and how growing up without a mom made her fight for the life she wanted because she realized how soon a life can end and how her mom was one of her biggest, if not the biggest, inspiration in her life.
My mom has been her stepmom since she was 8 and was upset by my half-sister’s speech she ended up leaving before the speech was over because of what my half-sister said. My dad followed her and she was crying on the way out. My mom was hurt that after all this time my sister still felt like she grew up without any mom when she did try to fill the void her mom left behind with her death.
But my half-sister never called her mom. I don’t ever remember hearing her refer to my parents as her parents. She’d say dad and my mom’s name or she’d say parents and then mention her mom was dead. She’d say Dad was remarried. But she never saw my mom like that.
So while I get my mom feeling that way my half-sister has been consistent about it.
Now our shared parental side is throwing a smaller celebration for my half-sister for only close family and well, even after what happened my mom and dad still plan to go and bring me (16f) and my brothers (14 and 13).
I’m refusing to go after what happened this time around. Besides, my half-sister isn’t close to me or my brothers. She doesn’t need or want us there. I’m almost certain she doesn’t want any of us there after what happened at the big party. When told I needed to be there I said I was already at the big one so I don’t need to go again.
I was told if I don’t go I’ll be grounded and I said that’s fine by me. I still have a few days to change my mind but I’m still refusing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not going YTJ for the reason. Your half-sister has done nothing wrong.
She doesn’t owe it to your mom to view her as a mother she doesn’t owe it to your mother not to miss her mom. You and your mother sound entitled beyond belief and shame on your father for walking out on HIS DAUGHTER because she was grieving her mother.
Maybe you guys should stop being so self-centered.” Illustrious_Bird9234
Another User Comments:
“Your mom sounds awful. She ruined your sister’s party to celebrate her achievements. How self-involved. No jerks here I guess for your conflict. You don’t want to go, you are willing to deal with the consequences, and hopefully, your sister is celebrated by people who love and support her.
I just hope your mom doesn’t throw another tantrum for attention.” SkyComplex2625
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to go to a party for someone you are not close to, but your half-sister is entitled to her feelings about her mom, and YTJ for how you described them.
She misses her, and that’s okay. Don’t be a jerk about her very valid feelings. Your mom’s behavior showed a major lack of empathy for a person who lost their mother. You can’t replace a parent like that.” fiestafan73
22. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate About Their Reddit Addiction?
“I (19M) have been getting steadily more and more concerned about my roommate (19NB).
Every day, they pace in the kitchen listening to Reddit videos. Every time they eat…Reddit. Every time they shower…Reddit. When they go to sleep…Reddit. I fear they are replacing all of us with Reddit…. and finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. While it was cute at first, with them screaming “REDDIT TIME!!” every time a new video is posted, they totally cannot function without those videos and I’m worried they won’t be able to get anything done without them.
Multiple times have I found them listening to Reddit videos in social situations by having their earbuds in (with their hair/hat covering them). They can’t talk to us if they have a Reddit video playing, and they reached 1000 videos on a single Reddit YouTube channel within a month.
Even while writing this post, they said they had to leave our discord call (we were gaming) to watch Reddit videos.
I told them they had a Reddit addiction and that it was impacting their friendships and mental well-being They completely blew up at me over pointing that out, saying it wasn’t an addiction and that they just really like Reddit videos.
They said that it was just an easy way to cope with focusing, but I insisted that they were ruining their focus as even halfway through this argument they started to drift away to another Reddit video. I told them they were a bad friend and didn’t care about me and our other housemates, and they told me they were oppressing them for not listening to the fact they needed these videos for neurodivergent reasons (to which they did not elaborate).
The argument ended with them calling me an “annoying jerk” and storming out t the room.
Now, things are pretty awkward between us, with them not talking to me whenever I see them in our house and playing their videos on full volume just to spite me, and I’m worried I went too far.
My other housemates think I shouldn’t have said anything, bar one who helped me draft this post.
Now I know this whole thing seems pretty outlandish and unserious, but I’m worried about my future living situation because of what’s happened. However, I can’t just let their addiction go as it’s seriously impacting the friendships within the house.
Was I the jerk for pointing out their Reddit addiction?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m neurodivergent and need background noise to focus without meds. I go through phases. Sometimes it’s audiobooks, sometimes binge-watching TV or listening to the same song for 8 hours straight. It’s a thing.
Unfortunately, you kinda blew it but your heart is in the right place. Just apologize and say hey, I’m sorry for blowing up at you. I was wrong. I just missed my friend and didn’t know how to say it. Then buy them a makeup pizza and move on.
Light YTJ.” Ok_Put_15
Another User Comments:
“Yes, they probably have a Reddit addiction. However, you can and must let it go, because you have no control or authority whatsoever about what another adult does. As long as they’re attending to their housemate duties like rent and their share of chores, you have nothing to gripe about.
I understand a word of concern as a friend, but if they don’t take it well, let it go. If it does start to impact the mutual household agreements, call a group meeting to discuss what expectations are and what consequences will be/by what date if duties stay neglected.” Perfect_Flow3165
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Future Mother-In-Law At Our Proposal?
“Will (23, fake name) plans to propose to me (F26) at the end of the month. We both want a meaningful proposal with a few close friends.
Will is not close to his family at all and is indifferent to his parents being there. But his mom is adamant that she, his dad, and his older sister be there.
She didn’t even ask him; she just said that she must be there as soon as she saw the ring.
I don’t want his mom to be there because she can be dramatic and overbearing. I feel like I have to be on my best behavior when I’m around her and I can’t act natural. I want to be relaxed at the proposal, not have to guard my behavior because I’m worried about her reactions or what she might be thinking about me.
Will and I are both Hispanic, first-generation Americans, and traditional Catholics, so I understand how important it is to honor parents and family. His mom is also Catholic and I think she genuinely cares about our souls and well-being. But the way she cares is too much for me.
She is constantly overstepping others’ boundaries. She treats Will like a child. When she isn’t included in his personal, health, and financial plans, she cries and says things like, how could you do this to me?
His dad and sister are pretty quiet with me and even with Will.
I think they would be fine with not being there. But they always side with his mom’s wishes when Will makes his own decisions in similar situations.
My Catholic parents are fine with not being there and said that this should be a special moment for us.
That I should be able to look back on it with happiness.
I might be the jerk because marriage is supposed to be about bringing families together and it is not uncommon to have family at proposals. And we are inviting friends so it won’t be just the two of us.
It might be insulting to not allow his family there and could cause a rift between our families.
Will hasn’t told her yet and I know she is going to be extremely upset. He wants me to consider allowing her there just so we don’t have to deal with the aftermath, especially while trying to plan the wedding, which we include her in.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you’re already engaged. This is just a piece of performance art. You got engaged when you agreed to get married and started planning this whole ‘moment’. His mother wasn’t present. If you want to use this as an expression of boundaries, that’s a good idea, although your bigger problem is your fiancé’s refusal to rock the boat with his mother, even if it upsets you.
But please stop pretending this moment is going to be some magical proposal. It’s a planned piece of choreography. You have already committed to marriage. Focusing on shows of commitment rather than the spirit behind them is always a bad sign for a long-lasting relationship.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not having her there will be an important moment for the two of you to set boundaries between her and your lives. After all, this is about the two of you leaving your childhood homes and starting your own lives and, if you give into this, it opens the door for her to interfere with other aspects of your married life.
Also keep in mind: the crying and “how can you do this to me” is a form of emotional manipulation, something she has trained your fiancee to react to get him to back down. He needs to learn to harden himself to it if the two of you expect to have a life without her controlling every aspect of your day-to-day life.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Who brings their parents to a proposal? It’s an intimate moment for the two of you. Have you considered making it a private moment for just the two of you and a photographer if you want? Then meet up with your friends at a convenient place like a local bar or friend’s place, to celebrate.?
That way you aren’t leaving them out of an event you invited others to. They will be there for the wedding. Sounds like that’s going to be tough enough! Steel yourself for the upcoming wedding planning fights. And no having family at a proposal is not a “Catholic” thing.
Best wishes on your engagement.” Libra_8118
20. AITJ For Refusing To Sleep At My Partner's Place Due To Her Cat And Noisy Neighbors?
“We have been together for 6 months and live 50 minutes away from each other.
She comes over once a week and I go to her place once a week too.
I never really liked sleeping in the same bed with somebody. I feel like it is at best a minor inconvenience because the other person is making noises and won’t always have the same sleeping time habits.
She has a shallow sleep and a cat that goes back and forth all night. It has an issue of not being able to control itself as far as feeding itself and can puke two times a day (I’ve seen it happen). This is not usual for cats, I have had several in the past and never had an issue like that.
It is guaranteed to come and meow at least two times during the night. My partner would wake up, feed him just enough, and get back to sleep. There is a machine on top of that which feeds it at regular times, but the cat seems hardwired to ask nonetheless.
We tried other diets and all sorts of things without success. The vet says the cat is perfectly healthy. She has gotten used to it. I tried too but in 6 months it has not gotten better. There are noisy neighbors with babies that we hear also because of the thin walls in her apartment.
I tried earplugs but it is not enough for the meow noise, and it is such an inconvenience to wear.
I tried sleeping on the sofa but the apartment is small and I still hear everything.
I am a piano teacher, aspiring for more, who practices a lot, and any lack of sleep will just destroy a day’s worth of practice, sometimes two, because of the lack of energy and focus.
I have a very important competition next week, so yesterday, in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, I figured I would cut my losses and come back home. I don’t know if I will risk staying there in the future. The night I spend there every week is such an ordeal for me… Shy didn’t respond well and now our relationship is at a serious risk.
I know this is not reasonable. Maybe I should just accept the situation and loosen up on the practice regimen?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if she doesn’t understand basic needs you two might not have such a bright future, unfortunately. She shouldn’t be upset by this, it’s not like you are choosing to stay awake on purpose.
People have different sleep needs some can’t cope with a lack of sleep and need a solid 8 hours or they can’t function and some are fine with broken sleep or very little. If she can’t understand and you guys work around this it’s not meant to be.” Electrical_Proof5970
Another User Comments:
“Kind of hard to tell what the right answer might be. If it is a long-term relationship or just one that is close then maybe it is just a misunderstanding. If she thought everything was fine and to her this was out of the blue she might have overreacted. I think an effort to let people vent while you listen is better than arguing.” Goozump
19. AITJ For Not Signing My Roommate's Cleaning Contract?
“So I’m living with 5 other people in a college dorm, it’s pretty nice except for one of my roommates and her very particular standards. Let me start by saying that this place is kept pretty darn clean all things considered; there’s never clutter or belongings left out in the ‘communal space’ (kitchen, living room, bathrooms).
However, this person doesn’t see things that way.
She gets mad whenever there are any crumbs/dust on the ground, even if it’s barely noticeable, and leaves sticky notes around barking at us to sweep them up. Granted, this place is kept swept up by everyone, but I know at least I make an effort to do so.
But even the smallest amount of debris is enough to set her off.
She leaves the front door wide open during the middle of the night because “it stinks in here” and to cool off the dorm. Keep in mind that we’re in the PNW, it’s darn chilly at night and as far as the smell goes, I might be noseblind but it always smells like nice perfume or wood inside, not like body odor or anything warranting leaving the door wide open at midnight when we’re all asleep.
Most recently, she got mad that one of us used her sponge to wash dishes; keep in mind that she didn’t label these sponges, mention it beforehand, and just left it in the sink alongside all the other sponges.
This ticked her off so much that she called the RA (basically camp counselor for dorms) to try and resolve the “issue”, and scheduled a group meeting at the end of the day, during a time I had classes so as you may guess, I missed it.
I consider myself a pretty chill guy but I’m honestly really starting to hate this person and their borderline OCD behavior. Like, of course keeping the place reasonably picked up and clean is expected, but throwing fits over crumbs and sponges seems ridiculous to me.
I came here with the understanding that, with 6 people living together, this place isn’t going to be spotless. This person thinks otherwise though, and I’ve been tempted to tell them to then move out if they really can’t drop those sorts of demands.
Today she put out a contract for everyone to sign, including all her standards and demands.
I haven’t signed, and honestly don’t think I will at this point.
AITJ for having this mindset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and don’t sign anything she throws at you, she is a tenant, just as you guys are. Having a relatively clean apartment is good, and you should, but if she has extreme standards for what clean is, she can either clean herself to her standards or adapt to the rest. If she has OCD, it’s her responsibility to get treatment, not you and your roommate’s responsibility to adapt to her.” AgeRevolutionary3907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t own the flat, she doesn’t get to make all the rules and force you to sign a roommate agreement like she’s Sheldon Cooper. If she can’t handle living with others, she needs to get her place.
As long as none of you are loud, or gross, and use your belongings (to the best of your ability) it should be fine.” SL8Rgirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Have you spoken to the other roommates about this? Do they think it’s too much?
If so, you all need to stick together and approach the RA. Tell them you think that the terms of the contract are unacceptable and that her behavior and passive-aggressive note-leaving are unacceptable to the rest of you. That shows it’s a ‘her’ problem and not a ‘you’ problem.
BTW, who has a roommate contract except Sheldon Cooper? Also, holding a roommate meeting when you can’t be there is ridiculous. You need to be there to hear what is said and voice your opinion.” sandpaper_fig
18. AITJ For Revoking My Mother's Babysitting Privileges After She Upset My Son?
“My (38M) wife (38F) and I have one child together, a 6-year-old son.
When we got married, we agreed we both only wanted one child. A few years ago, my wife got her tubes tied. I also got a vasectomy last year, just to cover all bases across the board. We didn’t announce this to the family, but it also wasn’t a secret.
We’ve had a few people ask if we’re having another and that’s usually when it comes up.
I am one of 6 siblings. Our mother was one of 8 kids. Most of my siblings have had at least 3 children, if not more. Only my brother is also 1 and done.
Our mother struggles to accept this and has said several times that we’ll change our minds. Even knowing that my wife and I physically cannot have more children, she’ll always bring up adoption or say that my procedure could be reversed, etc. My brother and I always shut it down, have told her we’re not changing our minds, etc.
Recently, she was babysitting my son while my wife and I went out. We picked him up after and on the car ride, out of nowhere, my son started crying and asking if we were having another baby. We said “no”. He said that his grandmother kept asking him if he wanted a baby sister and saying that we should have another baby, he could be a “big helper”, etc.
We got home rather quickly, consoled him, and promised him we weren’t having another baby, and that his grandmother never should’ve told him this. I called my mom and got on her about this, telling her she stooped low by getting our son involved. She said that we’re overreacting to his crying over potentially getting another sibling is ridiculous and we’re raising a spoiled child.
I argued no, he’s a sensitive kid who doesn’t do great with change, and she scared him. I told her that until I can trust that she won’t say these things to him, her babysitting privileges have been revoked and she’ll only be around him if my wife or I are there.
My brother backs me up on this our mother tried the same thing with his son, and it led to a similar argument on their end. Our sisters think we’re overreacting and that this is a natural question and my mom is right that it shouldn’t have upset my son so much.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is not about your son being too sensitive or whether you want/can have another child. This is about your mother going ridiculously over the lines and crossing boundaries. If she is going to cross this kind of boundary, what other boundaries is she going to cross?
What else is she likely going to say to your son in the future to get her away? Your mother manipulated a little kid all for her benefit and that’s just not right. Tell your sisters that they have nothing to do with this because they don’t. This is 100% on your mother and she deserves to lose the babysitting privileges.
All they’re trying to do here is blame the victim and protect the person who crossed the line. The fact that she doesn’t even seem apologetic is very concerning.” Dry-Operation-7355
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think revoking her “privileges” is a good idea for now.
On this topic it’s a moot point, but if she’s doing this then who knows what other manipulations she may try that involve the child. In addition to reinforcing with her that you are not having more children, it’s also fine to reassure your son that you are not having more children and you would never make such a decision without telling him first. Encourage him to share with you anything concerning that she might say to him, and remind him about the time she was “confused/wrong” about you having more children.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your son’s reaction is irrelevant. Even if he had been ambivalent or excited or anything else, the actual problem remains the same. The actual problem is your mom undermining you and your wife as parents. Her direct attempts at manipulating you weren’t working, so she’s trying a new approach to manipulating you through your son.
She’s disrespecting your choices and going behind your back. THAT’S the problem. Not whether your son cried about it as a result. Also, if all your other siblings except one already have 3+ kids, sounds like she already has a plethora of grandkids. Why does she need you and your brother to have more??
Are her existing grandkids not good enough?? Maybe ask your sisters to consider why their multiple kids aren’t good enough to satisfy your mom.” anbaric26
17. AITJ For Keeping My Marriage A Secret From Overbearing Mother-In-Law?
“I (F) just got married, as in it’s only been one day. My partner (M) and I tied the knot for our reasons and some legal reasons to make things easier for ourselves.
We did a very small ceremony with just my partner’s parents with us and the only parent I talked to on a video call (my mom couldn’t attend but wanted to be involved). We didn’t plan on telling anyone we had a ceremony and continued with a big wedding in a little over a year with both of our families attending to celebrate.
Since we announced it to just our parents, my partner’s mother has been pestering us to tell at least their family what we’ve decided. I understand she’s excited but since we had our ceremony it’s only gotten worse, just in the last 24 hours she’s told us 28 times (I started counting after the 3rd time) to tell the family which my partner and I have both said we want to wait.
His mom is getting increasingly upset with us that we’ve decided to not tell anyone and has made comments like “I won’t keep it a secret this weekend if I’m tipsy with friends” which is making me a little stressed. I don’t have a great relationship with my family and have shared some details with his parent due to a few comments from them when we got engaged and I had not told my bio father.
This incident isn’t the only one where his mother has been overbearing though. She is also like this with having kids, we are on the fence leaning more towards not having any due to many different factors but his mom brings up us having grandchildren for her every time we hang out with his family.
She will make comments like a grandchild would be nice” or “Are you two ready to make me a grandbaby”. For those who think she’s just excited to be a grandmother she already had two grandchildren, one of them that was born about a month ago.
She also expects to be in the delivery room and the first to know everything if we do decide to have a child one day. I had a chance to experience the overbearingness through my BIL and SIL (partner’s brother and brother’s wife). So AITJ for wanting to keep my marriage a secret or is my MIL being too overbearing?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH while that is a ridiculous number of times and your husband needs to establish boundaries with his mother immediately, it isn’t a secret when that many people know. It would be a lot easier to just explain you had a private legal ceremony but will be doing a larger ceremony later with everyone when you can.
People are going to find out so why not be the one to control the narrative.” Pristine_Expert7906
Another User Comments:
“Even if she doesn’t get tipsy, you know MIL is gonna flap her gums. Do a preemptive first strike and send everyone an email along the lines of: “Hey, everybody, just wanted to let you know (husband) and I got married!
Very low-key no big deal. Planning a big party for everyone at some point in the future, details will come when we’ve got it settled. Love y’all!” MIL will have a hissy fit that she didn’t get to blow the secret, and you’ll have set a boundary that she never had a chance to break.
Is your husband fully on board with trying to keep her in line? He needs to be the point man on managing the crazy. When she starts yammering on about GRAND-BAY-BEEEEEEES!!, looks shocked/concerned and says, “Marge, why are you so obsessed with our personal life?
Are you having a crisis of some sort? Should we have your doctor check you out? Cuz not gonna lie, your fixation on this has us worried.” Set hard boundaries and enforce them. It only takes one moment of weakness to undo months and years of work.
Anyhoo, congrats on the wedding, and hope you have many years of delirious happiness!” CrazyOldBag
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, this is insane. ESH (but mostly your MIL.) My now ex-husband and I got married legally four months before our big ‘wedding’ (mostly for immigration reasons) and no one knew until we got divorced and it was on the paperwork, more than a decade later.
This is not *that* big a secret (a lot of people do this for various reasons – my cousin got married legally before her big wedding because she had serious anxiety, and wanted to get the ‘it’s all official’ part done so she could just treat the wedding as a party) and again, no one cared. You are going to have to set major boundaries with this woman if you don’t want everyone in the universe to know about your wedding, your future pregnancy, your miscarriage, your medical details, etc… this sounds like my aunt and I know so much stuff about my cousin’s wife (I’ve only met her twice, she seems lovely) that feels invasive and gross because my auntie ‘can’t help herself.’” rubythieves
16. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Hospitalized Dad Over Our Disagreement About Student Loans And Wedding Costs?
“My partner thinks what my dad did was wrong but my reaction was over the top.
My dad and mom divorced when I was young. I have 2 older brothers and they got college paid for. I did not. The reason my dad gave us was that he would pay for my wedding with the same amount of money instead. My dad argues that the men should pay for their wedding as it looks good on them but a woman paying for a wedding is shameful.
But a man needs a good education to pay for the wedding, a woman can expect things from her future husband including paying off her student loans. I’m Indian so the weddings are huge and as expensive or more expensive than a college degree.
But the problem is my student loans need monthly payments regardless which prevents me from doing other things whereas I don’t even know if I want to have a wedding. I don’t even know if I want to marry and expecting a man to pay off my student loans seems ridiculous now as I out-earn most men in my age range.
He also expects me to have 2 weddings which I doubt I will do which will probably upset him and he will refuse to pay for my wedding unless I do another one in India.
After arguing with my dad about his somewhat old-fashioned beliefs, I paid off my student loans to avoid more interest and stopped talking to him.
My dad says being raised by a single mom (that he created) means I will not want to marry because I’m not used to a man around and he wants to make sure I marry. I think this is his way to control me.
I was born here so he has always been worried I will be too Westernized and do things against Indian values. I heard from relatives he was t boned by another car last night and my partner is urging me to go see him. It seems pretty serious and I know my oldest brother is going today.
I honestly still am resentful about the whole student loans thing and refused to get on a flight back to India. It’s never inexpensive for last-minute flights and I don’t want to spend it on him. AITJ? It would be great if some fellow Indians could respond.”
Another User Comments:
“You mentioned he’s using money as a control… and that you’ve got family pushing you to go to India where people will be A Lot more on his side than yours… and he’s bringing up getting married A Lot… NTJ. I wouldn’t go.
I’d be too worried about your passport ‘disappearing’ and “Oh look I found a groom” before you can get to the consulate to find a way back out of India. No, I’m not suggesting the accident was faked, I’m suggesting that they might be opportunistic about having a ready-made reason to get you there.
I hope I’m wrong, that I’m being alarmist and jumping at shadows but if there’s one thing AITJ has taught me is that some shadows need to be jumped at.” Zhaitanslayer51
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Indian gal who grew up in Europe. After a lot of therapy, I accepted my dad will never change and I keep a relationship with him limited to how much he respects my boundaries.
He doesn’t tell me to get married because he knows I will stop talking to him. But growing up it was taken for granted that I would have an arranged marriage and I was terrified of it (my father is abusive, and my relatives are too.) Do.
Not. Get. Married. Until you are 100% sure your man is going to treat you with respect. Just tell your dad you’ll think about it. And then change the topic. He is not going to change. Keep the relationship on a level where it doesn’t hurt you.” summerlover28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Truthfully say you can’t afford it because you had to pay off your loans. Also as a woman, even one with family in the country, India is a dangerous place for women to go in general. Don’t go for both financial and safety reasons.
Once you find out his diagnosis maybe have your brother set up for a video visit. As to the wedding even if you do have one I’d refuse his money. He’s trying to get control over you through financial means so giving him leverage is a bad idea.
You may choose to elope or do a courthouse wedding. You may choose not to marry. You may choose to marry and not invite him. Keep your independence so you can marry (or not) as you want.” ApprehensiveBook4214
15. AITJ For Bringing My Daughter To A Child-Free Wedding After Babysitter Canceled Last Minute?
“I’m a 19-year-old mom to my beautiful 2-year-old daughter, Amelia. Just a bit of backstory: last year, I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a family friend’s wedding.
I was thrilled and immediately said yes, even though it was a child-free event. I had arranged for a babysitter, but about a week before the wedding, she informed me that she would no longer be in the city and couldn’t watch my daughter.
Given the short notice, I approached the bride and asked if I could bring Amelia to the wedding, as I didn’t have time to find another trusted babysitter. My daughter is overall a very easygoing baby—she’s comfortable with people and happy as long as she’s fed. The bride knew this since she’d watched my daughter on multiple occasions before, and she happily agreed, saying that having Amelia there would make the wedding photos even more special.
The wedding was going smoothly, though I noticed a few stares from the groom’s parents. Amelia stayed with my sisters for most of the day, but during the reception, I took her with me to congratulate the couple. As I approached with Amelia in my arms, the groom’s mother suddenly commented, “You shouldn’t have brought a baby to a child-free wedding, especially when she doesn’t fit the family.”
I was completely taken aback. For context, my daughter is mixed—I’m half white and half Hispanic, and her father is Black. I’ve been called “white-washed” because I’m not in contact with my Hispanic family, so I knew exactly what she meant by saying my daughter didn’t “fit the family.”
The bride looked shocked, and the groom immediately stood up and led his parents away. Taking this as my cue, I decided it was time to leave. I made the rounds to say goodbye to everyone and put Amelia in her stroller. As I was leaving, the bride came over to apologize for her in-laws’ behavior.
I was upset, but I knew it wasn’t her fault, so I simply wished her luck and left.
Now, about a week after the wedding, I got tagged in a social media post—strange, because I don’t use social media. The post read: “I’m outraged that my grandchildren weren’t allowed at this event, but when a teen mother who couldn’t be responsible enough to leave her child with the father brings her baby, it’s perfectly fine.” The post was from the groom’s mother.
To make things worse, she’s also been telling family members that I’m lying about what she said regarding my daughter’s appearance.
So now I’m wondering, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, NTJ. I opened this thinking I might vote differently–it’s not cool to just swan into a child-free wedding with a kid–but you had responsibly made arrangements that fell through, then correctly asked for permission to bring your daughter.
That permission was generously given by the bride. It was not the groom’s mother’s place to decide who could and could not attend. Given the nasty thing she said on that day, and the drama she’s so determined to stir up online, it is very obvious that the groom’s mom is the jerk in this situation.
You did your best in a rough situation. She, on the other hand, only seems able to do her worst.” MonarchOfDonuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: But to be honest part of me really wants to say No jerks here because I kinda think the grandmother is justified in being upset but she should have been upset with the bride and not you.
Because it is a little messed up the groom’s (I assume) nieces and nephews couldn’t come but the bride’s friend’s child could. Sidenote: I am also curious if she simply meant your child isn’t family and this wasn’t about race.” Apart-Scene-9059
14. AITJ For Calling Out My Younger Friend For Her Insensitive Behavior At Our Friend's Baby Shower?
“We are a group of four friends, all women, most in our mid to late thirties, but one friend, let’s call her Sabrina (25F), (over) a decade younger.
Sabrina and I (38F) are both from this country, but our other two friends aren’t. There is Louisa (36F), who is going to give birth to her first child in about a month, and Idris (35F), who already has a small kid and has been married to her husband for a good minute.
(They were high school sweethearts and immigrated together and have been together 20 years).
Yesterday was Louisa’s baby shower. Besides us three, one of Louisa’s friends from her home country and a host of her husband’s cousins (whom we had never met) attended. We organized it all together and all went well until Idris had to leave even before we started the games.
Her husband didn’t want to hang out with the other male spouses (it was a women-only party) and declined our offer to join us at the baby shower and made his wife leave earlier than she wanted to, which is a recurring issue, I believe, the crux of their problems. Idris can’t drive in this country and can’t use the train on these occasions because her husband gives her a hard time when she does get back.
All 3 of us know this. Idris was crying in the kitchen and me and Louisa were comforting her. She didn’t want to go back into the living room to get her bag and jacket and asked me to do it.
So I went and got her stuff from the living room and, as I did, I motioned to our younger friend Sabrina to keep the conversation going and not ask any questions now.
She instead got up and came into the hall and loudly and a bit accusatorily asked Idris if she was leaving and if she wasn’t even going to say bye. After Idris had left, Sabrina proceeded to complain to the whole company that Idris didn’t even say bye and that she could’ve taken the train, blah blah, until I snapped and told her not to diss our friend in front of the company and that she should try and understand Idris and respect her wished to leave quietly.
After the party, Sabrina sent me a foot-long text about how I had hurt her feelings. Now, I agree that calling her out in front of these people we didn’t know might have been bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You called out her juvenile behavior.
Trash-talking to someone who considers you a friend is just garbage, especially for something that was already upsetting. Idris wasn’t disrupting the party and was attempting to choose discretion over making a scene. Sabrina not only crossed a line by trash-talking Idris but attempted to completely take the focus of the party off of Louisa and her new baby.
Sabrina and Idris’s husband are the only jerks here.” Kaynico
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but here’s the thing: Sabrina is NOT your friend. You’ve mentioned that she has habits of gossip-mongering and inserting herself into other peoples’ business. It’s clear as day that she sees your friend group as a source of drama to feed off of, not as actual friends.
I don’t know how long you’ve been letting this behavior slide, but if Sabrina is blowing up over what you said, it’s probably because she’s not used to getting pushback for being a jerk. If you choose to keep associating with her, keep pushing back each time she pulls this nonsense.
If she’s an actual friend, she’ll take the hint and remedy her behavior; if not, it’s time to cut her out.” AlrestWhenImDead
13. AITJ For Only Helping One Son With His Kids And Not The Other?
“I have 2 sons, Michael (34) and Dylan (32). Michael is married with 2 kids and Dylan’s wife, Laila (30) just had their 3rd kid 4 months ago.
Laila has an autoimmune condition. She was in remission for 8 years until having her 3rd kid.
Childbirth triggered a severe flare-up. She’s gotten blood transfusions, is on the maximum dose of 2 very strong medicines, and has a consultation scheduled to get a series of surgeries over the next year and a half. She is barely strong enough to make the 2-mile drive to the pharmacy.
She can’t cook, take care of the house, work, or do much with the kids.
Dylan has to work and I always planned on lessening my workload so I took an early retirement and I’m staying with Dylan to help take care of Laila and the kids.
We got the kids in part-time daycare and during that time I take Laila to appointments, clean, and meal prep. Then I pick the kids up and help Laila with them in whatever way she needs until Dylan gets home. Laila’s disability checks aren’t nearly what she used to make so I’ve also been helping out with the bills.
Michael called me and asked if I could keep his kids during the day since I already have Dylan’s kids. I said no because I already had my hands full between Laila, the kids, and the house. He asked if I could create a schedule, like his kids 2 days a week and Dylan’s 3 days, or if I take his kids in the mornings and Dylan’s in the afternoons.
I said no. Dylan and Laila are going through a crisis. They need help with the house and the kids and they don’t have other options that they can afford, since Laila’s family all live overseas. His wife’s parents are down the street from them and he can afford a babysitter if they need help.
Michael says I need to be fair and treat the grandkids equally. I can’t make it so Dylan’s kids only go to daycare for 3 hours a day but his kids have to go for 8, on top of saving Dylan and Laila thousands a month in daycare costs.
I still refused to help them out but now he’s refusing to let me see his kids unless I agree to watch the kids either with Dylan’s and Laila’s kids or switch days/shifts. Now I’m wondering if I was wrong for only helping Dylan.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s the thing, fair and equal are not the same thing. It would not be fair to give Michael the same amount of time, money, and support as Dylan. He does not need it as much and that would take away necessary resources from where they are truly needed. He needs to be an adult and understand that concept.
Additionally, no one is entitled to any of your time. You are choosing out of your love and goodness to be a wonderful support. That does not suddenly mean people are owed you for doing so. You get to choose when to turn the tap on or off and for whom.
Simply put, Michael is acting like an entitled brat.” Elegant_Bluebird_460
Another User Comments:
“I am going against the grain here. I understand your point of view, but I understand Michael’s too. Laila and Dylan chose to have another kid when they knew it was risky for Laila’s health.
Now, you’re giving time, effort, and money to them. Michael is on the sidelines. Sure, no one is entitled to your time and money, and of course, you want to help Dylan’s family, but know that you are damaging your relationship with Michael by not compromising a bit.
You cannot split equally because the two families’ needs aren’t the same, but you can also help Michael.” Timely_Proposal_1821
12. AITJ For Not Helping My Rude, Sick Roommate After She Embarrassed Me At Work?
“Almost a year ago, my roommate and I had our first big fight. We had just arrived abroad for our studies, and I didn’t know her before that. We were also working the same part-time job that day—it was our first time working together, so we didn’t have much experience.
She caught on quickly, but I was nervous and not performing well. From the start, she was pretty harsh about how I was doing my job. I understand that my work ethic wasn’t great, and I can see why she might have been frustrated, but if her approach had been nicer, I would’ve handled the situation better.
During lunch, we ate seafood, but it gave her stomach cramps. She told me she felt sick, so I offered to take on the harder tasks. Even so, she continued being rude. By the time we were closing up, I had finished taking out the trash on my own without asking for her help because I knew she wasn’t feeling well.
But then, she couldn’t find the staff bathroom and got frustrated, asking me to check with the other staff members where it was. When I did and mentioned that she was feeling nauseous, she got angry and cursed at me, claiming I embarrassed her by saying she needed to throw up.
This was my first real confrontation abroad, far from my family, and she was the only person I knew at the time. I was trying to help, so I didn’t understand why she was so upset. After work, we got on the bus together but sat in different spots.
She didn’t tell me that she was going to get off and throw up. A few minutes later, she texted me asking for help, but by then I was almost home, so I declined. She blocked me on all social media after that.
We didn’t speak for a few days, and we never brought up the incident again—until recently.
When we talked about it, she insisted that her actions were 100% justified and that I was the selfish one. She said she wished I had gotten sick like her and that she would never have helped me if the roles were reversed. I understand her frustration, but I don’t think being sick excuses rudeness.
That day was also really hard for me, and I was just trying to help.
So, what do you think? Was I the one in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds incredibly rude and immature, to be frank. You can’t be rude to someone time and time again all day and then get upset when they don’t want to assist you when they need help.
She probably would not have helped you if the roles were reversed either.” Enough-Pirate9448
11. AITJ For Sending A Petty Message To My In-Laws For Not Inviting Me To A Family Event?
“For context, my mother-in-law hates me. She doesn’t think I’m the right match for her son and has done many things to show me this.
I won’t go into it for the sake of brevity.
My partner (22) and I (22) have been together for 4.5 years.
I recently moved States to save money and be with my father while my partner finishes university; while he was studying I moved 10 hours away from home to be with him, dropped out of uni, and became the sole income of our household.
He will then drive to my state and we will live with my dad until he gets a job and we move out.
He has an older brother who lives in another state, and he has 2 children. Often they go to visit, but it is during the week and I am unable to go.
These trips are often on a whim and my job requires 4 weeks’ notice, so my partner always asks me and I am unable to.
His mother recently booked a holiday to go see the older brother for his daughter’s birthday over the weekend, neither he or any of his family invited me.
My partner and I had a big argument about this, but have resolved it between ourselves. A point I brought up was that his mother (who usually would invite me) never mentioned it.
I don’t want his brother to think that I don’t want to see him or his kids- because I do, and I feel like messaging “Happy birthday!
Would’ve loved to be there if I was invited. Have a great day!” to him or the in-law’s group chat would be petty, but surely justified?
Would I be the jerk if I sent a message like that?
I’m at the point where after 4.5 years I would think that I would be accepted into the family.
Inter-family politics! I’ve asked my mother what she thinks but she is all for stoking the fire and says that I should. She doesn’t think they should just ‘get away with it’.”
Another User Comments:
“Gently, yeah YTJ in this case. If you want to congratulate them and make sure the brother notices your absence you could write “Happy Birthday!
I hope you have a wonderful celebration” and instruct your partner to get them a specific gift to gift them from you. However, stressing that you weren’t invited when wrapped together with the congratulations is spoiling everything for everyone and that is on top of that you claim that the mother-in-law usually invites you and that you are never able to go because your work requires long-term planning.
You will not warm up to the family by guilt-tripping them.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“Do you think it’s possible that they didn’t invite you because you couldn’t go? Or like, could they have somehow gotten the impression that you didn’t want to go (missing the fact that your work requires advance notice)?” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Refusing To Plan My Obese Wife's Diet?
“My wife is obese. She’s been like that for most of her life. A few years back she went on a diet made by a professional and lost a lot of weight in 2 years in a healthy, steady way by controlling the calorie intake.
She then stopped this diet because she thought she got the hang of it and immediately gained the weight back. Her obesity is her major struggle in life, she brings this up quite often. I accept her the way she is, but she already has health issues stemming from her obesity and we’re just in our early 30s.
I want to help her be more healthy.
She found out some time ago that she has insulin resistance and that requires a specific diet. She does not follow the recommendations, though. I feel like I’m the one who is more serious about it, as I’m doing the reading and trying to find out how to help her.
I offered that I could cook the meals for her (I do most of the cooking/grocery shopping anyway), but she needs to do the research about proper diet for her and plan the menu – I will do the rest (shopping and cooking).
She got very angry and told me that she didn’t want this, because if I wanted to help, I should help all the way through, and not impose conditions under which I would help.
She also absolutely refuses to count calories, claiming that she will start being more active and that will be enough (even though calorie counting 100% worked for her in the past). I currently feel that if I don’t make sure to buy only stuff that she can eat, she doesn’t give a darn about the culinary restrictions she should follow.
Her obesity has been her struggle for most of her life, but for some reason, she refuses to do a deep dive into the topic – there are so many resources that she could use. She could even find her old recipe books and just tell me the recipes, but she doesn’t want to do this.
I want to help her, but it’s getting to the point where I’m behaving as if I was the one who was obese and had insulin resistance, not her. I want to help, but I feel like she should be more involved, I can’t do all the work for her.
AITJ for not wanting to plan her diet?”
Another User Comments:
“You cannot continue to care for her health more than she does. If you do most of the cooking and shopping as you suggest where is she getting the calories from? Is she still mobile or can she still drive?
Addicts (and she is a food addict) often have to hit rock bottom before they realize how unhealthy their lifestyle is. Worse yet…she may just eat herself into an early grave. You may need to resort to some very tough love.” ConsitutionalHistory
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My partner has medical conditions that require certain things to be cut from her diet. We sometimes grocery shop together or we go individually based on our work schedules and she makes sure she gets what she needs or she’ll ask me to pick up specific things.
I do the majority of the cooking and she often reminds me of what can’t be added to hers, so I either make separate dishes or I’ll omit it so we both can enjoy them. You are not responsible for going all in and planning and shopping and cooking for her dietary restrictions.
She has to be accountable to herself and her needs for her health. Learned helplessness is what she’s doing and she’s also trying to guilt you into doing everything for her. Her health is her responsibility and you’re helping. She has to help herself and not expect you to do it all for her.
It’s a collaborative process and you’re already doing plenty. It seems like she’s making her weight loss and health journey entirely your responsibility and that’s ridiculous.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“Obesity is a psychological issue before anything else and someone can rarely handle it themselves.
I think your wife is unfairly getting angry at you because she knows she doesn’t want to put an effort into finding information and planning things herself. That first step is the hardest one. This is why dietitians are important and work – because they do all the work and check if you followed the rules.
I think the best thing, if she has this attitude, is that you encourage her to go back to a professional nutritionist/dietitian so that the planning part comes from them. It’s great that you want to help with groceries and cooking, and you can still do that part.
Trying to handle things without a third party will likely be unsuccessful and add stress to the relationship. NTJ btw.” electrolitebuzz
9. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Fiancé's Family's Phone Upgrades?
“I (40f) live with my fiance (m46) who has 2 kids. He and his youngest are on our plan. I pay the $180 cell phone bill for us 3, as my contribution towards bills.
All in all, I pay about $350 a month in bills. My fiance pays the rest. He pays about maybe $1400 on house bills.
I also work and he does. He makes a lot more, 100k a year, I’m a server making 30k. To make up the difference, I do all the cooking and most of the cleaning, and all the laundry.
He does not help. Our cell phones are due for an upgrade. He assumed I would pay the increased plan amount, which I agreed… and he also thinks I should pay for the phones, since they’re going to be put on the bill instead of paying outright.
He didn’t ask or talk to me about it. He told me then got mad when I told him no, you all pay for your own personal items- I agreed to pay the plan service contract amount.
He gets so mad, says how he pays all the bills.
I’ve moved into my dad’s, as he threatened to kick me out now after 3 big fights about this. He swears I’m wrong. I am shocked that he’s acting like it’s reasonable that I pay for their phones. No way he doesn’t know how outrageous it is to demand it.
Also, since his other daughter (21f) moved in and brought her partner 2 years ago… our relationship has soured. He’s got a chip on his shoulder, throws monetary stuff in my face, claims his daughter does the cleaning when I literally am the only one cleaning or vacuuming.
She loads the dishwasher every 2 days usually and then finally does pans after 3.
That’s all..and he tells me I’m lying. So I feel like he’s devalued me, thinks I do nothing, and now thinks I owe him and that’s at least partly why he demanded I pay for all our phones, and threatened me with breaking up over it.
He doesn’t pay all the bills, she doesn’t clean outside of dishes (usually she doesn’t wipe down the counter or stove or anything either)
The last fight made me move out. I’ve never seen him be like he was to me, to anyone. Screaming, calling me cuss words and talking badly about my family, saying stuff about my dad dying (he’s sick).
He says I’m paranoid and it’s all me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The craziest part of this is you think the cellphones are the problem. This man does not respect you. He has four people living in this house (him, two kids, and daughter’s partner) so he should be paying for more than you are whether you clean or not.
You aren’t responsible for upgrading phones, but regardless of the disagreement, why are you with a man who is this cruel to you? NTJ, but for goodness sake, be done with the dysfunction.” MiddleHuckleberry445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He should have asked you about paying off the phones before assuming you would agree.
It doesn’t matter that he’s been paying more of the cost of living together, he doesn’t get to decide what you do with your money. LOL If you have someplace to go, go, stop paying their phone bills and figure out where you want to go from here.
He’s very unkind to you when he’s upset, so it may be that the relationship has run its course.” hadMcDofordinner
8. AITJ For Flipping Out On My Mom After She Nearly Crashed The Car?
“I (17) have bad anxiety, especially when it comes to being in a car with another person driving, and this has been an issue between the two of us for some time now which has led to many, many different panic attacks on my side, and she knows this.
Today we were driving down a road going rather fast 60mph/96kmph, and she wasn’t paying attention to the road. She nearly drove us straight into the back of a car completely braked waiting to make a turn, causing her to have to swerve out of the way, nearly spinning out/flipping the car with a large drop on one side.
I lost my cool at her and told her to pull the car over because I needed to get out, which she begrudgingly did, pulling into the parking lot of a church.
I got out and took a few minutes to get my cool together before getting in the back seat, something I have done before when driving with her when she drives in a way that makes me anxious, so it wasn’t anything new.
I even told her that I was getting in the back seat so that I wouldn’t watch how she was driving and flip out.
She then proceeded to scoff at me and tell me it was no big deal and that car crashes happen all the time.
And that all that matters is that she almost crashed, but she didn’t.
I screamed at her for that, which, yeah, probably wasn’t the best thing to do, but I was just trying to get her to understand that the fact that she almost crashed was still messed up and we almost died and I have a right to be freaked the heck out.
The biggest thing for me is that this is an entire thing that we have talked about before and we worked out a solution to before but when I tried to go and use that solution she mocked me for it and downplayed the situation.
I have never been in a car crash, but I have seen multiple fatal crashes happen/seen the aftermath, and that very well could have been us.
Am I the jerk for flipping out on her like that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom sounds like the jerk.
Her carefree attitude that “accidents happen all the time” is gonna get someone hurt or worse. You had a very normal response and I’m surprised you even got back in with her after you got out. I would never ride with her again.” Master_Bad_2738
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is a childish jerk. I’m happy you yelled at her. She deserves worse honestly. If your dad is in the picture I would tell him 100% what she is doing and how she is acting when you bring up a legitimate concern or use your solution.
Don’t let her gaslight you that it wasn’t a big deal. And next time she tries to brush it off with “car crashes happen all the time” remind her that people also die all the time and as your MOM she should want you to be safe.
That includes when she is driving and that emotional damage is just as valid as physical damage.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Refusing To Live With My Paternal Grandparents And Attend College Near Them?
“I (17M) live with my maternal grandparents several states away from my paternal grandparents. The reason I live with my maternal grandparents is that both my parents are no longer alive. My mom passed away when I was 6 and my dad when I was 9. My dad had remarried after my mom passed away.
It wasn’t very long but he did have a child with another on the way with his wife. But anyway, because dad remarried and his wife wanted me, a custody battle happened because my maternal grandparents wanted me but so did my dad’s wife. When she lost, my paternal grandparents also fought for custody of me.
I wanted to be with my maternal grandparents though. I had a better relationship with them than my dad’s parents even if they lived so far away. It was a big mess because my dad’s wife told me she wanted me to be raised with her and my dad’s kids and she didn’t want to lose me after she lost him.
But I only kind of liked her and I knew if I stayed it would be awkward for me because I didn’t want a new mom (or dad if she remarried).
My dad’s wife and paternal grandparents tried to insist on visitation every summer but it was denied. My maternal grandparents offered to let my paternal grandparents visit during the summer and to bring the other kids.
They knew I didn’t want to maintain a relationship with Dad’s wife. So they never offered it to her.
But anyway, I never liked those visits because I got a lot of pressure to go back with them and be a brother, son, and grandson to them.
So the visits stopped when I asked.
My paternal grandparents called a lot and invited me to stay with them but I’d say no.
Their latest idea is I should go to college back there and live with them for the first two years at least. I told them that wasn’t what I was planning but they said I should consider it.
I said no. They asked why and I told them I didn’t want to go to the college there and I didn’t want to live with them. I told them they won’t change my mind.
They told me I should be willing to explore different options at my age and this would be a perfect way for me to reconnect “with my real family”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Gonna be honest, when I heard the word “kids” I instantly figured their insistence was to do with being a free babysitter. OP you have no obligation to these people. They may be family in the technical sense, but you know who your true family is.
Kudos to the maternal grandparents for being completely supportive of OP’s choices here. OP, go live your life and don’t pay any mind to what the paternal side is saying. You do you because, at the end of the day, you are most important to you.” TheoryofEeveelution
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just keep saying no, you’re not going to change your mind and you’re done discussing it. Then immediately change the topic and ask about something else in their life. If they don’t stop then politely cut them off and tell them to call you when they want to catch up but you’re not talking about this again.
End of. Now that you’re older they won’t be able to blame your maternal grandparents and will try to manipulate you. Start setting boundaries now I suggested above. They are not entitled to a “reason” that they will find acceptable. There’s also no point in pointing out things in the past. They will dismiss you given your age and the narrative they’ve made up in their heads.
Trust your gut and stay firm.” Ok-Try-857
6. AITJ For Not Going On A Family Cruise And Refusing To Watch My Parents' Dogs?
“My family is going on a cruise in a couple of months and I am not going. My sister organized this cruise with her partner’s family and invited my parents to join.
Then after they all made their cruise plans and decided what time/destination/price was best for them, she invited me and some of our other extended family, thinking the more the merrier. I spent a lot of time thinking this through and deciding if I could go or not, and ultimately I decided I was not able to comfortably afford this trip– The cruise is on school vacation week, it’s a full week long, it leaves from Miami so flights are insane, and it’s just not in my budget right now.
Not to mention I am the only single person in the entire group, which meant I would have to pay for both spots in my room, so it’s twice as expensive for me. And, a cruise would not ever be my first choice on how to spend my money, a full week at sea does not appeal to me at all– the only reason I would have considered it is because it breaks my heart to miss out on a family trip, something we haven’t done since 2006.
This trip has unfortunately turned into a full family vacation that was just not planned with me in mind, and I can’t make it work. When I told my parents I couldn’t go, they then offered to pay for my room, which at that point felt like an afterthought and like pity so I declined– especially when they weren’t paying for my little sister’s room.
I have been really sad and frustrated about the entire situation, but I’ve accepted that the trip wasn’t planned for me and I can join in on the next one hopefully.
Fast forward to today where my parents asked me to drive 3.5 hours home to stay with their dogs for the week while they go on this trip.
This stings! I know I was invited and I am choosing not to go, but the idea of sitting home with their dogs while they all enjoy a vacation feels so bad.
1. Am I the jerk for not going on this trip?
2. Am I the jerk for telling them I can’t come home to watch their dogs while they go on a family vacation that I can’t afford to go on?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You’re having a pity party and refused to go even when your parents offered to pay for you. Now they have the opportunity to make sure their pets are safe and with someone they can trust, who told everyone they don’t want to go, and you’re being melodramatic about it.
Newsflash, family trips don’t have to be planned around 1 person lol This was ANOTHER family’s trip, and yours got invited to come. This was an opportunity that was presented to you, not something bad that happened to you. Now you want the dogs to be left with someone who loves them and cares for them less?
Because punishing them makes sense how? You didn’t have to go, but you’ve only got yourself to blame for getting bitter and resentful about what was a lovely invitation to tag along on someone else’s trip.” wwydinthismess
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on both occasions. You have every right to not go on this vacation because you’d rather spend that week doing something else.
But you choose not to go because of your ego. How dare your parents offer to pay for your trip when they didn’t pay for your little sister’s. And what with the “the trip wasn’t planned for me” of course it wasn’t planned for you.
It was your sister’s plan for her and her partner’s family. Of course, they chose what was best for them. Your feelings are hurt because what? You wanted them to plan a vacation for you and you alone? And what would that look like? It is on a school vacation week which means you won’t have to skip school.
Your parents offered to pay so you don’t need to spend money. What more do you need? As for refusing to help your parents. If it was because you had other plans I’d say not the jerk but you are doing it out of spite.
YTJ again. And please try to grow up and stop acting like a child.” HostIndependent3703
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – The trip was initially for your sister’s partner’s family. The trip was not for you solely so I’m not sure why you keep saying the trip didn’t have you in mind… YOU KNEW THAT because you posted it???
You can’t afford the trip & your parents offer to pay so you can go anyway and YOU declined because of a reason you made up in your mind. Declining to watch the dogs because YOU decided multiple times not to go because “it wasn’t about you” Excuse me, “it wasn’t planned with you in mind” is so childish.
“I know I was invited and I am choosing not to go but the idea of sitting home with their dogs while they enjoy a vacation feels so bad” Ma’am.. and I can’t stress this enough, get over yourself. Glad you aren’t going, you seem like a self-centered joy kill.” bea4bandz
5. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friend To Volunteer At The Dog Shelter After She Complained The Whole Time?
“I 21F like going to the local dog shelter to help out. The shelter has a daily schedule when you can come take a dog for a few hours to hang out in the park near the shelter.
The pups have time to run around and play and the people coming to walk the dogs have a good time too. I mentioned doing this to my friends (27F and 28F) and 28F became very attached to the idea, always asking when we’re finally gonna go.
This weekend the three of us went to the shelter. From the very start, 28F seemed to be in a negative energy. She decided she wasn’t gonna take a dog and would just walk with me and my dog and my friend 27F and hers.
These dogs spend most of their days in cages so of course when we take them out they want to run around and sniff and pee everywhere. Of course they will occasionally pull the leash in the direction they wanna go and be a bit crazy running around, especially since the dogs we had this time were teenagers (approx 2 years old).
28F was complaining the whole time that the dogs “weren’t well behaved” because they weren’t just calmly sitting there looking cute and were trying to lick her (which is kisses), etc. She was on her phone the whole time. Then she took some pics with the dogs and posted a ton of stories on Instagram saying she “had so much fun helping the poor dogs at the shelter, playing with them” etc. After that outing, she texted us thanks for today, turns out walking dogs isn’t much fun”.
It’s not supposed to be. I get that dogs make everything seem like it should be loads of fun, but you don’t go to a shelter to be entertained by dogs, you go to entertain and give love to the poor fluffy babes who don’t have a family.
Since 28F didn’t enjoy it the first time we went, the next time it was just me and my other friend 27F, and afterward, we got some drinks and food. 27F posted to her story that we were hanging out. When 28F saw her story she said she was offended that we went out and didn’t invite her.
We explained that we didn’t bring her because she didn’t enjoy the experience, but she’s still mad that we didn’t bring her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend sounds exhausting. She doesn’t care about the dogs at all, and that is telling about her personality.
She only went to get social media credit for it. Let her whine, but don’t listen or respond. Do not invite her ever again to help with the dogs. Does this person add anything positive to your friendship?” More-Yogurtcloset531
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These are natural consequences of her behavior.
You can have a conversation and talk it out with her, it’s natural that she would have that butt-hurt feeling by being excluded, but there are good reasons for it and you were not wrong to exclude her. Tell her that if she wants to come, she has to be positive in her attitude towards the dogs.
And hold her to it.” Competitive_Cod_3843
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I work at a dog shelter. The last thing these dogs need is negative energy Of course they are not perfectly behaved. It takes time and effort and these dogs have usually been through a lot.
Don’t take her again. She is doing it for vanity likes.” Individual_Metal_983
4. AITJ For Refusing To Contact My Estranged Father To Help His Current Wife?
“I (36F) have a long and complicated history with my father. To give some context, I wasn’t even his first family. Before he married my mom, he was married to someone else and had two kids with her. He left them, married my mom, and had my sister and me.
Then, when I was 6, he divorced my mom, too.
After the divorce, he stayed in my life, but I was more of a prop for him to show off that he was a “family man” rather than a parent. It felt like he used my sister and me to attract his next wife, whom he married not long after.
That woman was incredibly mentally abusive towards me. It got so bad that I stopped living with my dad part-time and only saw him occasionally.
That marriage ended when I turned 18, and since then, my father has gotten married three more times. I eventually cut him off entirely because he’s always been a self-centered, manipulative person who made my life miserable.
I needed to distance myself for my mental well-being.
Recently, I was contacted by his current wife. My father left her and her 5-year-old son (I’m not related to the child) to move to Thailand, where he’s now living with another person. His wife has been pleading with me to get in touch with him and convince him to come back.
She’s struggling and in a rough spot.
I’ve already explained to her that this is what he does—he leaves families behind and moves on. I told her he’s not worth her time, but there’s an added complication. He brought her and her son over from China, and I think her citizenship might be tied to their marriage.
This makes me feel even worse because she’s in a vulnerable position and likely terrified about what could happen to her and her son.
While I do sympathize with her situation, I just can’t bring myself to get involved. My father has left multiple families in his wake, and I don’t see how contacting him would make any difference.
He’s shown time and time again that he’s not capable of being a decent person. I don’t want to open that door again or get dragged into his chaos. But, I do feel a bit guilty because his wife and her son are now facing the fallout from his actions.
So, AITJ for refusing to contact my father and staying out of this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Your father ditched your family, so you owe him nothing. Sadly, his new wife and son are in this position but in all reality, your priority should be your well-being, and you shouldn’t be forced to extend an olive branch to someone who did such a thing to you.” amongusgod1234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your odds of hurting yourself are high. You are estranged from your father for very good reasons and contacting your father seems emotionally risky. By contrast, your odds of helping the current wife seem low. Why would your Dad care what daughter from wife #2 thinks about his responsibility to wife #5?
Even if there was a high probability that you could help, I would still say that you aren’t a jerk if you decide not to do it. However, I might say that it would be a good deed if you could find it in yourself to try.
In this case, however, I can’t think of any reason at all to do anything. It almost certainly won’t help and it could very likely hurt you. I’m sorry about your dad, but it sounds to me like you’ve managed to get yourself to a good place.
Please don’t do anything that would risk the progress you’ve made.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I sure understand how you feel guilty. It isn’t that YOU have done anything wrong, it’s that this woman and her child are co-victims of your father, and so you feel empathy for her.
Which is a natural and normal thing for a human being to feel for someone who is going through a similar trial. In all honesty, I don’t think that there is anything you could do that would make any difference, even if you felt inclined to.
Dad has moved on and there probably is no bringing him back. It might make your Current Wife feel better if someone were to make an effort, and if you felt so inclined to do so that would be a tremendously fine thing for you to do.
But you are not obligated to, so you wouldn’t be a jerk to simply walk away. Good luck.” grckalck
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Overstep Their Boundaries With My Kids?
“I (25f) just had my second baby eight weeks ago.
My mom has been getting on my case about not asking her for help with the baby, but her idea of help is taking my kids away from me and I don’t need that kind of help. My son (4) loves going to her house so I let him once a week, but my parents have been coaching him to ask for sleepovers.
For context, my husband and I aren’t comfortable with our son having sleepovers yet as we feel he is still too little to sleep away from home. But now our son will ask us to “stay the night at Nana and Pop’s house” because they bring it up to him all the time.
It puts us in a weird spot, and my dad told me “I’m going to keep asking until you guys relent.”
Also, my mom is very passive-aggressive by nature and if I mention anything about lack of sleep or the new baby being colicky, she immediately jumps down my throat with “Why don’t you ever ask me for help?
I can’t beg you to ask me for help. You need to ask me, I want to help her wish you’d understand that.” She screenshot a picture that my father-in-law posted of him holding the new baby a few days ago when they came for a visit demanding to know when the picture was taken because she was upset that I might have asked my in-laws for help before I asked her.
For some background, we asked our in-laws to watch our son when we gave birth to our newest baby because my mother-in-law doesn’t work, and my mom does work, so my mother-in-law had a more flexible schedule since labor is usually spontaneous. My mom was upset about this and made my entire birth about how upset she was that my in-laws “got to watch” our son and “we didn’t, it’s not fair to us and we feel left out.”
My parents are more on the self-centered side, but also really love their grandkids and want to have them all the time to the point where it’s suffocating/overstepping. My best friend thinks I’m the jerk because she says she wishes her parents were half as involved as mine.
But honestly, the things I mentioned about my parents aren’t even half of it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to set some boundaries now. When you need help, it’s in your home, not theirs. You don’t want your four-year-old spending the night at your parent’s house and if grandpa keeps getting your child to ask, grandpa loses access to grandkids.
You need to remind them that you are the parents, this isn’t a competition between inlaws, and that your parents need to calm down.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother has main character syndrome and it shows she doesn’t know how to be a team player.
She can’t be supportive of someone else’s cause, it needs to be about her. Your parents are also purposely contradicting your parenting with a 4-year-old, an age where kids haven’t developed common sense or a sense of right and wrong yet, so what their relatives tell them matters regarding their safety.
If your son was a teenager and knows what you expect of him without asking, it wouldn’t be as big a deal, but he’s four years old, so I think it’s kinda lousy your parents are doing this.” User
Another User Comments:
“My parents have always been ‘whatever the parents need, that’s what’s happening’..it’s fostered wonderful relationships.with their inlaws and caused a heap of trust.from the grand kids parents. Which is very valued as one sibling is a complete parental disaster. Respecting your boundaries is so important since your parenting style will be different from theirs.
Your beautiful boy and new addition have plenty of time for sleepovers with their beloved grandparents in the near and distant future. It’s not too much to ask for them to respect your timeline.” whocaresgetstuffed
2. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Wear An Ugly Bridesmaid Dress She Hates?
“My cousin Christie (27F) got engaged a few months ago and asked my sister Jessica (20F) and I (25F) to be bridesmaids in her wedding. She recently sent the bridesmaid dress she picked for us in the bridal party group chat, and everyone immediately gushed about how much we loved it, Christie was very happy and excited about the dress.
It’s an orange satin dress with a pink floral pattern. It’s a very bright and bold choice, but I think it’s really pretty and fits her colorful tropical wedding theme nicely.
However, my sister Jessica hates everything about dress. She thinks the color is ugly, the pattern is tacky, and that satin is impractical for a beach wedding.
She does not want to be seen wearing it or have pictures of her posted on social media. She has been begging me to help her talk to Christie about it and tell her to pick a different dress or let us choose our dresses.
She also wants to reach out to the other bridesmaids (who are mostly Christie’s friends who we barely know yet) and ask them their opinion, because she is certain no one else likes the dress.
I’ve told Jessica that she just needs to suck it up because part of being a bridesmaid is realizing the day is not about you or your preferences.
We are there to support the bride and make the day special for her. Christie has a certain vision for her dream wedding, and I feel like wearing the dress she wants for one day is not a huge ask.
Jessica does not see it that way and believes she should not be made to wear something she is not comfortable with.
It would be different if her discomfort came from the dress being too revealing, or if she wasn’t comfortable wearing dresses in general. But her argument boils down to the dress being ugly in her opinion and not her style. I don’t know how we would confront Christie with this without insulting her taste and potentially hurting her feelings.
The wedding is still 8 months away, so if I’m the jerk here and should try to change Christie’s mind on behalf of my sister, now is the time to do it before everyone has bought the dresses and gotten alterations. But I would rather just avoid the drama.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think you’re right that this would be different if her concerns were about the dress being more revealing than she’s comfortable with or if she didn’t like dresses. But this is just a stylistic difference. I think it’s very reasonable for a bride to want her bridal party to stick to a certain theme as long as it’s nothing outrageous or unreasonable.
This isn’t outrageous or unreasonable, it’s just a theme. This is the kind of thing where Jessica has two choices. Wear the dress and be a bridesmaid, or don’t be a bridesmaid and wear her dress as a guest.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Might be time to show your sister 27 Dresses. Honestly your sister either needs to step out of the bridal party or get over it. The dress has nothing to do with her and everything to do with what the bride wants. Acting like a brat about it isn’t going to do anything other than make her look like a brat.
I look like a sickly Victorian child in certain colors but if my friend wanted that color for her bridesmaids I would wear it gladly. If nothing else it would make her look even more amazing on her special day.” MissNikiL
1. AITJ For Cutting Off My Step-Daughter Financially After She Gets Married?
“I 35 F married my now Husband 41 male 7 years ago. My husband had three kids from his previous marriage and I had two kids from a previous relationship.
My husband and I welcomed a child together 8 months after getting married. I have always treated my stepchildren like my own.
My husband’s oldest daughter we will call her Kelly 19F is a sophomore in college and recently got engaged to her high school sweetheart we’ll call him Zach 19m. Both go to the same college and have been together for 4 years. We all love her fiancé and his family.
Zach asked my husband for his blessing and everything. We all figured they would get married after they graduated. My stepdaughter told me they plan to get married next summer after they are done with their sophomore year.
She and her fiancé plan to get an apartment at college and stay with his grandma in her basement during the summer.
Kelly works as a host at college and babysits during the summer. She refuses to get out of college loans and after financial aid, she has to make payments of around $800 a month.
Her mother helps and we help what we can but ultimately we told her if she chose an out-of-state college she would be financially responsible.
I told her I respect her decision but to be aware she will start her nursing classes her junior year and it is nearly impossible to work during those two years.
I informed her this weekend when she told us her plans to wed next summer that I will not be paying her car insurance or cell bill after she gets married. Kelly got upset with me and refused to talk to me even though I explained my reason.
I told her that it was her decision to get married young and by doing so you’re saying I am independent and ready to start a future with my husband. She explained well yeah but I still need your help I said yes of course I will help here or there but not paying your bills every month until you can pay them yourselves.
I just think they both should focus on school and get married after they graduate so they can both be financially independent instead of being married but still independent of my parents. So AITJ for cutting her off.”
Another User Comments:
“I-n-f-o- if your husband agrees with this decision, why is he letting you be the bad guy here?
And what does her mother think/will she continue to give financial support if Kelly does get married? You’re NTJ based on replies and added info in comments. If Kelly wants to hurry up and play house, she and her partner can figure out how to manage their expenses.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re actually doing her a favor if she’s in the U.S. A married student submits the FAFSA with the income of their spouse as well as themselves. However, if a married student is living with or receiving financial support from a parent, they are still considered a dependent student, and the parents’ income must go on that year’s FAFSA as well.
If your stepdaughter wants to get married her wisest option would be to not live with either parent and not accept financial aid from either of them. The income of two students is not likely to be very high, and so her eligibility for various awards grants, and programs goes up.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“She’s going to be an RN? Her choices, she needs to own them. She chose an out-of-state college. But school loans won’t hurt her too much. She will have a steady, relatively well-paying job immediately after graduating. She can pay off some loans with no problem with even mediocre money management.
DO NOT let her bully you with anger/no contact/whatever. Hopefully, she grows up soon.” [deleted]
