People Need Our Stance On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Refuses To Get Close To My Parents?
“Me (M21) and my gf (F20) have been together for about 2 years now. She’s amazing, funny, beautiful, and just everything I want in a partner.
She wanted to meet my parents in person before we officially move in together this year. So I said of course and went over to my parent’s for dinner. At dinner, everything was well except for the fact that my parents weren’t really asking my girl questions about her life or just anything about her really.
But that’s just how they are, and they don’t really like to pry into people’s lives.
After dinner, my parents invited us to go hiking with them and go camping for the upcoming weekend.
My girl and I said yes and that we were excited. The trip is where things kind of went down. My parents are very strict people in general. When they make comments, they’re not trying to be mean.
They’re just very straightforward.
On the way to the hiking trail, we were in the car with my parents. And my partner was sleeping pretty heavily. She works 60 hours a week so I didn’t really mind her taking a rest especially since it’s her day off.
When we got to the trail and got out of the car, my parents started making jokes about how “kids these days are so lazy” while looking at my gf. My gf didn’t really understand what that meant so I explained to her that it was because she kept sleeping in the car instead of talking to them.
After that, she didn’t really talk to any of us throughout the day.
Then to fill the silence, my mom started asking her questions about our relationship. What my partner’s goals are for our relationship, and whether she’s going to be cooking for me once we live together.
All of a sudden my partner was really upset and was looking at me like my mom was crazy. Personally, I didn’t think anything was wrong with what she asked. My mom started talking about other things too, like how she doesn’t really see my girl being physically intimate with me, and how it doesn’t look like she really loves me like how a real couple does.
Fast forward to now, and my girl and I are now living together. Except she won’t come with me to visit my parents, she won’t text my mother, and overall just doesn’t want a relationship with them.
I think this is ridiculous because we’ve talked about getting married already and when she marries me, she has to have a relationship with my family. I keep asking her to reach out, and she won’t do it.
It’s gotten to the point where I lashed out and told her that I don’t see us being together anymore if she won’t stop being petty about such a minuscule thing that happened months ago.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, obviously. Unless you’re sexist and actually don’t really care about the horrible stuff and digs your parents made towards your partner. She’s marrying you not your family so it’s time to put on your big boy pants and accept that your partner doesn’t have to be around people that don’t respect her especially if your parents who are in the WRONG haven’t even tried to apologize for it or understand.
What is wrong with you do you even love her?
That’s awful of you to lash out to her and make her reach out when she’s the INNOCENT person in all of this.
Grow a backbone and stop being such mama’s boy and actually stand up to your mother and make HER apologize. Your partner didn’t do anything except be tired from being hardworking and get verbally trashed by your parents for not looking like she would be a maid to you.” Global-Technology865
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! This isn’t the 1950’s where women were expected to get married and have kids, clean house, cook, and make everything perfect for her man.
The reality is in most relationships/marriages both parties work but unless you’re a jerk most people would split the household chores with their partner.
So not only did you introduce her to your parents, knowing what they’re like. Allowed your parents to invite the both of you on a family camping trip and despite knowing your partner the one you claim to see a potential marriage with, you allow your parents to call her lazy because she fell asleep in the car on the way and as if that wasn’t bad enough you didn’t according to you stand up for her when your mum was saying she needs to start cooking for you if you live together which you apparently now do.
You don’t want a wife or partner you want a live-in maid now that you’re not living at home, where I’m guessing your mum did everything for you! I sure hope your partner wises up that this is what you’re after and runs far and fast in the opposite direction to wherever you are!” Chilli2020
Another User Comments:
“So your parents treat her crappy, you back them up, and now you’re confused as to why she doesn’t want to touch that mess of a situation?
And you know what?
You’re allowed to be incompatible with someone without “lashing” out at them or manufacturing some fantasy where she did something wrong.
You want someone who will let you and your parents steamroll them. Your partner does not want to be steamrolled. Telling her you don’t see you two being together, if true, is valid.
If not true, it’s childish and manipulative. It’s not ‘lashing out’ to break up with someone unless you’re a jerk about it. So if you were a jerk when you could’ve just had a reasonable conversation, you’re an additional jerk.
As a tip – I’d be upfront with all your future partners that your parents sometimes treat your partners like crap, and you are unwilling to do anything to change that and will always take their side but that you also are not ok with them removing themselves from a bad environment, and that regardless of how they’re treated you expect them to bit their tongue, take it, and be alone.
If you’re upfront about that, they can make an informed decision on if they want to be with someone like that, because you probably could’ve prevented your girl from wasting 2 years on someone who doesn’t respect her on the most basic level.
YTJ, if it wasn’t clear.” notokintheslighest
15. AITJ For Telling My Brother That I'll Choose My Partner Over Him?
“Okay I know how crazy it can get here and the title may make me and my fiancé come off a certain way hear me out as we’re not horrible people.
Yes, my brother “Joe” (29m) and my fiancé “Claire” (30f) were a couple six years prior to our relationship, but the three of us didn’t know each other at the time. Joe and I (34m) our technically half brothers (same mom) but I was put up for adoption.
A few years ago, I met Claire through a work event, and we really hit it off. She had just moved into the area and so I became like this pseudo-ambassador to the city and after a year we got together.
It wasn’t easy because before me she had gotten out of a relationship that didn’t end well, and she had her walls up. Apparently, her long-term partner was suspiciously close to a childhood best friend which caused a lot of tension.
The ex swore that nothing was going on, but four months post-breakup, she was sent pictures of her ex and his “friend” hooking up at a party.
Claire understandably had some trust issues stemming from that, but she was seeing a therapist for it, and because of that, she never felt the need to speak to me on the matter, so we never talked about it.
Around Christmas time a friend gave me an Ancestry kit, which I took and got matched up with my birth mom. I was hesitant to start any form of communication, but we eventually developed a relationship.
This was something that I was really having an awkward time around, so whenever I talked on the phone or through video with her (and her family), it was always solo on my end, and I just opted to talk to Claire about it later.
When I finally felt comfortable enough for an in-person meeting Claire went with me for moral support and that was the first time Claire and Joe had seen each other in years. It was so awkward.
Everyone was mature enough to at least quietly sit down and have polite chat for my and my bio mom’s sake. Unfortunately, not too long after Joe and his “friend” started hooking up, she got pregnant but couldn’t deal with motherhood, and Joe has been a single father ever since.
Claire’s very loving and very petty sister had a field day with this information. I won’t go into details, but it got to the point where Claire had to put her sister in a temp low contact to get her to stop.
While I understand that this situation wasn’t ideal and I probably wasn’t going to have that special brotherly bond with Joe, it never once occurred to me to end things with Claire. I ended up proposing and about a month after the engagement Joe came to me quietly and said that he can’t accept me (his brother) having a relationship with his ex and said that if we went through with the marriage it would be the last time we spoke.
Not gonna lie I was a little bummed, but I plainly told him that while I miss what could’ve been I will almost always choose Claire over him. This has led to Claire and I both being painted as terrible people for rubbing our happiness in Joe’s face, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what an asinine thing to say to you, who ostensibly had no idea there had ever been any connection between Claire and Joe. There is no attachment so you’re under no obligation to maintain a relationship with this guy just because you’re b***d, he might as well be a stranger to you.
Similarly, he has no real grounds to hold it against you.
I do get being bummed, I can only imagine how exciting it must have felt to meet your bio mom and half-brother, only to have your half-brother be kind of a jerk.” the_paradox_lounge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So he had Claire and tossed her aside for “friend” and now “friend” doesn’t want him. Now he doesn’t want Claire but he doesn’t want you to have Claire either.
Sheesh, and you both are being painted as horrible people. You’ve managed to go through life without these people, you’ll manage just fine should any of them go through with ultimatums. Go marry Claire and be happy!
The world doesn’t revolve around Joe and his relationship with Claire has been over and no chance of it being resuscitated.” dragonmom03
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ here at all. These folks are ostensibly strangers to you.
You’ve known your fiancée longer than you’ve known your half-brother. Life is short, be with the woman you love and be happy. Joe will either get over himself like an adult, or he will miss out.
Sounds to me (based on the stories you provided) like Joe was a real jerk to your fiancée when they dated. He doesn’t get to turn around and begrudge her happiness now after his antics.
Joe needs to focus on being a dad and get over himself.” shooting_rainbow
14. AITJ For Leaving My Ex To Pay The Entire Rent Herself After Breaking Up?
“In June, my ex “Brit” and I broke up.
We decided to still live together.
I stayed because I didn’t want to move back home. My family are fundamental Christians and church members try to overstep boundaries to convince me to return.
In my eyes, living with my ex helped me escape from that. I didn’t have the funds to live alone.
After a big argument the night of August 25th, I decided I had to leave.
I told her that I would leave on the weekend, but she said, “If you’re going to leave, then leave tonight.” So I did.
NOTE: The apartment is hers. Her lease agreement ended and she has been living there month-to-month.
I was never on the lease.
I moved back to my family’s.
I canceled my Netflix account prior to leaving. On August 27th, I got an email saying my account was reactivated. I forgot that she still had access to my Netflix and Spotify accounts.
I called her to inquire about it but realized she blocked my number. Frustrated, I changed my Netflix password, deactivated my account, and took her off my Spotify plan.
A few hours later, she called me.
At the time, I was in a public washroom and I had plans to meet a friend. I answered the phone and she complained about the cancellations without telling her and that she would have to pay to get a Spotify account when I know she was struggling financially.
It was very loud in the washroom. I told her I would talk later and I had to go because I was meeting someone. She got upset and complained that I was “putting a hoe first” before her.
I had enough. I told her that I wasn’t paying rent for the month and hung up.
Other reasons why I chose not to help with rent:
While we were together, she’d often quit jobs and hopped around whenever she didn’t like a job.
When she was out of work, it put a financial hole in my pocket.
I drove, she didn’t but expected me to drive her to work if I was available to, choosing jobs that were far or not bus accessible.
She found a job that she liked about 2 months ago and stuck with it. She never helped with paying for gas.
Her cat got poorly and we took him to the vet. The vet told us that he had a life-threatening condition.
He would require surgery or euthanasia. I encouraged Brit to try the surgery and I would pay. We both loved the cat dearly. She agreed and I put the bill on my credit card (~$3000).
I told her she didn’t have to pay me back, but she kept insisting to because she doesn’t feel right “owing people.” Unfortunately, the surgery didn’t help the situation and he redeveloped the issue.
Brit told me that she would pay me back, but blamed me for convincing her to get the surgery. It made me upset because I didn’t force her. All I did was encourage her to try the surgery.
At any point, she could have said no. We took the cat back to the vet to put him down. She wanted a cremation and urn which I paid for (~$1,000).
She’s angry that I didn’t give her enough notice before leaving (but she told me to leave that night?) because she’s in a difficult position to pay the rent in full.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She owes you $4,000 for vet bills, you were generous and said she doesn’t have to pay you back. What she owes you is gone. The apt is in her name, she is responsible for the rent.
She had access to and reactivated the Spotify and Netflix accounts in your name that you paid for after you deactivated them once you moved out. She expected you to continue paying for her entertainment after she threw you out.
Remember, she couldn’t wait for the weekend, you had to go immediately. “The night of August 25th, I decided I had to leave. I told her that I would leave on the weekend, but she said “If you’re going to leave, then leave tonight.” So I did.” “She’s angry that I didn’t give her enough notice before leaving.” Ever heard of cognitive dissonance?
She will try to rope you back in, don’t go back. She doesn’t miss you; she is missing the perks that you provided while living there. Your finances, transportation, the ability to quit jobs at a whim, and so on.” solitarybydesign
Another User Comments:
“Clearly an unpopular opinion but soft ESH. She’s entitled; she also demanded you move out immediately during a fight; she’s not great. However, you were living at the apartment until late August. She was owed more notice than a few days that you would be moving out/not paying September rent; it’s now too late for her to give notice and move out prior to 9/1.
In my opinion, you owe her your portion of the September rent (prorated, for 30 days’ notice), not as a favor but because you lived there, hadn’t given 30 days’ notice, and she reasonably relied on your commitment to pay your share of the rent while living there.
It’s reasonably arguable that she forfeited her right to your share of the rent when she kicked you out; however, you are adults. There was a more mature way to handle this on both sides, and you should have discussed the rent payment after your fight when you both calmed down.
For those commenting that he wasn’t on the lease – he still had all of the rights of a tenant from unlawful eviction. She would not have been able to legally kick OP out without proper notice.
The right thing to do OP, regardless of how you feel about her, is to pay the prorated rent you owe her.” Snoo5911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your lease, not your problem. She seems like she was very toxic and gaslighting you with how things went down with the cat.
You owe her nothing. Just block her and refuse contact as she did to you (until she wanted something lol)
I hope you’re okay after all of that. I hope that you’ll be able to fully financially recover from the debt she put you into whiles at your family, and you’re able to move on healthily from this.” Snommies
13. AITJ For Refusing To Sit Down At A Concert, So The Person Behind Me Could See?
“Last night my wife (40f) and I (40f) went to see Hayley Kiyoko in concert. She was a special guest, so she only did a 45-minute set after the opener, before the headliner. When the opener came on stage, a random scattering of people stood.
We remained seated. When Hayley came out, I’d say 1/3 of the crowd in the orchestra level stood (not counting the pit which was the standing room). My entire row was standing. My wife and I kissed, which we aren’t normally PDA people unless in a mostly queer safe space, even in a more liberal northeastern city.
However, Hayley being an LGBT artist, there were many queer people in attendance, and it felt safe. I’m not sure if the kiss is related at all or if this was homophobia or not, but the timing did make us wonder.
Less than five minutes after the kiss, an usher arrived and asked just my wife and I to sit because the people behind us couldn’t see. My wife said why just us; there are a lot of people standing.
She just said people behind you can’t see. My wife said if you ask other people to sit we will of course sit as well. She said I guess I’ll get security.
They never came. The usher was older I didn’t think much of it.
Then the man behind my wife started tapping on her and craning his head around to try and get in front of her face telling her he can’t see can she sit.
My wife said please leave me alone. This is a concert. We aren’t the only ones standing. You are free to also stand and dance. This behavior continued throughout the concert and got increasingly more aggressive.
They had a thick accent, so I’m wondering if they are from a country where people don’t stand at concerts, but clearly, we weren’t the only people standing. After Hayley, we had no intention of staying, but I did consider being petty and staying to remain standing in front of them for the next act.
Instead, after they repeatedly pestered my wife, I turned around to them and said we aren’t leaving, don’t worry. We are going to get drinks and booster seats, so I can make sure we block you well and good for the next act.
Without a doubt, that was a jerk thing to say, but I felt pushed and they had marred an evening my wife had been looking forward to for months.
Now looking back, I’m wondering, should we have just sat down?
The entire crowd wasn’t standing, but I assumed that was because they were here for the main act.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Just because others were standing, doesn’t mean that they weren’t blocking someone else’s view.
Some of them could very well have been blocking someone’s view and were also asked to sit. Other people’s wrong behavior does not give you the right to do the same.
Also, assuming that the people behind you are homophobic makes you a jerk.
They bought tickets to see an LGBT artist. That should give you some sort of clue as to how much they like/dislike LGBTs. You and your wife acted selfishly and rude at the concert.
That’s all there is to it. You should have sat down when you were asked to.” AB-AA-Mobile
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They paid for those tickets, and they were old. It’s entirely possible that they couldn’t stand up themselves and genuinely couldn’t see.
From the way you’re describing it, they didn’t seem homophobic. They just wanted to enjoy the concert they paid for too. You escalated the situation by immediately being so defensive about a situation that didn’t call for it.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“Umm, obviously NTJ. I’m super confused by all these people who seem to have never been to a concert before. I have been to country shows (Garth brooks, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Trisha Yearwood, Reba McEntire), rock concerts (Aerosmith, Kiss), and pop concerts (NKOTB, NSYNC, BSB) and have NEVER seen an audience seated in any section.
In fact, artists often encourage people to stand. There are so many interviews with artists who say if they see people sitting they’re disappointed!
This whole thread is totally bizarre. How is it reasonable for two people to demand hundreds of thousands of people collectively sit just because they want to?
That is the most entitled bullcrap I’ve ever heard. And yes, it does mean everyone has to sit. If OP sat, the people in front of her now have to. Then the people in front of them.
And on and on until an entire audience is accommodating two people. All you people calling OP a jerk are insane. And what’s with all the racist crap? She asked if it was a cultural difference and people say oh you must be racist?
What the heck?” East_Kaleidoscope995
Another User Comments:
“They didn’t ask anyone else to sit because the others weren’t standing directly in front of them. If you wanted to stand the whole time then get seats in the back row or in the standing-room-only section if there is one.
But don’t ruin the other people’s experience that they paid for by blocking them from seeing the whole thing. And don’t double down like you did by insulting them and being nasty about it.
Don’t try to paint yourselves as the victims of homophobia. You weren’t the victims. You and your wife were just being jerks. YTJ.” ComprehensiveBand586
12. WIBTJ For Asking My Husband If We Can Split Our Finances Equally?
“My husband and I are in debt. I have about $6,000 in a private student loan, a little less than $3,000 on a personal credit card, and another $1,500 for an educational program I was in.
My husband has like 15k in student loans I think, maybe a bit less, and only pays the minimum on them because the interest rate is super low. He also has like over 10k on a credit card I believe that is used for joint things.
I say it’s joint but we have different financial ideals- I never want to purchase anything so we can save and pay off our debt and he buys a lot of small things that I feel add up and we don’t really need. I feel our grocery spending could be way down.
I also don’t think we need 4 streaming services on top of YouTube premium and Spotify premium and his audible account. Only he has access to this card currently and he says he uses it sometimes to pay for bills and food.
We also have 2 bank accounts. One only he has access to and “mine” which we both have access to.
He makes around 130k before taxes and I make about 40k before taxes. We’ve been wanting to put together a budget and he wants to make it so we both have access to both cards and accounts which I agree with generally.
However, right now he’s taking about 2k out of my account monthly and using it to pay down the card he has access to, leaving me about 600 dollars a month for my personal debts and personal belongings (makeup, haircuts, etc.)
Hes stated before that he wanted to keep our finances merged but to prioritize his cc debt even though mine has the highest interest rate. Hes also now had the idea that he wants to split the bills 50/50 and that it will work out the best for me in the end but I think that’s absurd given our huge salary difference.
He also has 3 children (my stepkids) that he has split custody with that are here. I have no biological children and we don’t plan to have any. I don’t mind contributing to the household bills but for him to suggest an even split doesn’t make sense to me.
I want to get out of debt, save for our future, and further my education. WIBTJ if I suggested we do a split of finances in the meantime in an equitable way but not equal?
Oh. And he is owed thousands and thousands of dollars from his first ex-wife for child support but won’t pursue it for some reason (the child is about to be 18 in December and then he won’t have the option to pursue it) but then is so angry for the child support he has to pay to second ex-wife.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you are turning into a total case study in why most women are usually financially way better off if they never get married. If your family budget were run rationally and ethically, you would not be giving him a cent, or joining your finances, until he has secured the owed child support and paid off his debts.
I strongly recommend that you do not meet one on one with your numbers, but with someone at your bank who handles debt management. You can even package it as, “Would you come with me to meet with this bank officer who has offered to help me with debt management?” And, by the way, I think you might want to check with the ex-wife if he’s telling the truth about her not paying child support.
This whole situation is pretty darn suspicious.” cadaloz1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Change your accounts to deposit your pay into an account only you have access to, pronto. Devise a budget and offer to pay into a joint savings account for combined costs – groceries, house bills – an equitable amount based on the ratio of your earnings (so roughly 1/4 is what you should be paying) – 40/(40+170).
Don’t pay for any of his debt, pay ALL of yours off, then start your own PERSONAL savings.
You really need to protect your finances from this guy. He has two exes, refuses to be transparent with you about child support, and is flat-out taking most of your savings while telling you it’s for your own good.
Spoiler alert – it isn’t.
Protect your savings.” briareus08
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and move your income to an account he can’t touch. He doesn’t get access to your finances until you get access to his.
Have a safety plan in place in case he flips out. You may think it’s overkill, but better overkill than being killed because you’re one of the millions of unfortunate women who thought “he’s not one of those men.”
Also:
He keeps promising to give you access to his account. If he really meant it he would’ve done it already. He obviously doesn’t intend on giving you access. There’s a reason for that and it’s not good.
How convenient for him that his debt just so happens to be the one that should be paid off first. He’s using you to pay it off, so he doesn’t have to touch his own savings, with no regard for how it affects you.
Again, there’s a reason for that and it’s not good.” fading__blue
Take the excellent advice others have already given you, and safeguard your money from this clown. You make less than 1/3 of what he does, but he's using YOUR money to pay off his debts?
Umm, NO.
Not only would I never give him another cent, I'd seriously consider divorce. See, I was married to someone just like him, and I can tell you that he'll never change, and he'll spend every penny he can get his hands on, on himself. If heweren't like that, he wouldn't have so much debt and still keep using your funds to support himself.
My ex spent every penny he made AND every penny I made, and still ran up credit card debt that *I* paid, and the balance never went down. And then tried to cheap out on alimony by accusing me of infidelity. (I was faithful) Real charmer. Six years of my life wasted on that @****t.
Don't make my mistake. Get out while you can.
11. AITJ For "Lying" To My College About Having ADHD?
“I (19f) just started my sophomore year of college. Over the summer, I was diagnosed with ADHD after struggling for a long time. I now have a prescription for medication that helps me focus and I get extra time on tests and I can take them in a quiet room.
It’s honestly pretty great and has been helping me out a lot. However, I was warned by my doctor and a few people who work for my college that I should be careful about who I talk to about my ADHD diagnosis because of the street value of my medication.
They were worried that someone would take advantage of me to try to steal my medication or convince me to give it to them.
I debated telling my close-knit group of friends. I decided not to tell them about my diagnosis because most of them used Adderall to study last semester and I was worried one of them would steal my medication.
The only problem is that all of them are in my major and we share a bunch of classes, so they would know that I wasn’t in the room during a test. I decided to tell them that I lied about having ADHD to get more time on tests to give a reasonable excuse for not being there but also protecting me from explaining my ADHD to them and risking them stealing my medication.
Most of my friends thought this was cool when I first told them. One of my friends “Sam” (19f) didn’t. Sam pulled me away from the group and gave me a lecture about how this wasn’t fair, and I was using resources that other people needed. I told her that I didn’t think it was a problem.
Sam started yelling at me that I was inconsiderate and only think about myself. After that, I asked to speak to Sam privately and I told her about my real ADHD diagnosis. She said she didn’t believe me and couldn’t believe I’d pull a stunt like that.
Sam reported me to my school for “faking an ADHD diagnosis.” The college just double-checked my information so nothing changed, but I was really upset to have my character called into question like that!
I told Sam that she needed to stop and this wasn’t fair to me, especially since she knew I had a real ADHD diagnosis. Sam got mad and stormed off. Sam ended up putting a very biased account of what happened into our group chat and in order to defend myself, I had to tell them about my real ADHD diagnosis, which I didn’t want to do in the first place.
Now half of my friends aren’t talking to me! I don’t think I did anything bad but Sam’s really mad at me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You could have just told them you didn’t get medication for your ADHD.
Instead, you lied about faking a diagnosis and getting help and support you weren’t entitled to. That’s gonna put a lot of people off you.
I’m not sure why you think Sam should have just magically believed you when you said that you actually did have ADHD.
Or why you think they called your character into question by…believing the lie you told about yourself.
Ultimately people don’t like being lied to and don’t like being around liars. All this is on you, so if you want to try to fix it you have to own it and apologize.” CheerilyTerrified
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends are.
Sam is not your friend, never was, and never will be. She ratted you out to the college Administration. Even if you were faking, friends don’t do that.
Your doctor and school officials scared you into hiding your diagnosis and prescription. You know your friends misuse your medication recreationally. I would be more worried about them using peer pressure to get your pills than them trying to steal them, but that speaks volumes to the (lack of) trust you have in your friends.
You have 3 years left of college. Find new, good, friends.” Lonely-World-981
Another User Comments:
“I see a lot of people saying YTJ, but I think there are NTJ. Mental illness still has a lot of stigma, and in college, you really don’t know who to trust in terms of friends.
But I also don’t blame Sam for reporting you. She deemed you untrustworthy for good reason, but I can understand that the heart behind your lie was not bad. You just wanted to avoid awkward questions.
However, everyone’s health is their own business, so I personally think you should have just told your friends you had accommodations for something you’re not comfortable sharing about.
I think you could be a little bit the jerk here, but I have strong empathy for the struggle of sharing something so personal. It took me a long time to grow comfortable sharing about my severe anxiety, and my medication isn’t valuable on the street.” MyDearestAcadia
Another User Comments
“Complete YTJ. Lying about your diagnosis makes it harder for people who are real and upfront about theirs and actually represent their disability properly. You’re upset your character got called into question?
You’re the reason it was called into question and you essentially told everyone you were faking instead of being honest that you actually HAVE ADHD. Nobody is going to steal your medication if you don’t tell them where you keep it, and if they do and you live on campus, there are cameras, man, and stealing medication is serious.” KotaCakes630
10. AITJ For Not Allowing My Partner's Son To Come To Our House?
“My (38F) partner (unmarried) (40M) lives w/ me and my kids who are 7M, 12M, and 18M. He has 2 kids 5F and 13M but they live with their mother.
We’ve had his kids over whenever we can and I enjoy it.
However they are very different from mine w****e all mostly easygoing and respectful, & it has been just the 4 of us for most of their lives. His kids are very loud, destructive, and demanding.
We made the adjustment, and eventually, they started staying over every other weekend.
But, his son ‘Spencer’ has become harder to deal with over time. He’ll blow up if he doesn’t get his way, insult my son if he loses a game, goes into the bedrooms and takes things without asking, complains about every meal we make, expects us to buy him whatever he wants no matter cost and generally acts like a spoiled brat.
He can also be sweet of course, he’s a child and he’s not evil, but this is fairly constant. We don’t let it slide, but I also want to give him benefit of the doubt.
He’s 13, he could be acting out for lots of reasons with a weird family dynamic I’m sure. I try my hardest to help him feel comfortable & heard w/ us, but his entitlement is rampant.
It’s started to stress my kids out, & yesterday was the last straw for me.
We were all about to go to the mall when my 12-year-old son asked if anyone had seen his birthday funds.
He had $100 saved and it disappeared from his desk. Everyone, including Spencer, looked everywhere. Spencer even asked my son if he’d spent it & forgot, or if he’d left it at school, etc.
Spencer then went outside to sit in the car alone and wait to leave.
My partner went out to talk to him, which eventually lead to getting him to empty his pockets. He had stolen the $100 to spend at the mall. My partner told him off, texted his mom about it, and told me then gave it back to my son.
Quietly furious, we went out as planned after a talk with Spencer as to not ruin the day for the other kids. He didn’t seem to feel guilty at all, even asked us to get him a $120 jacket while out.
Once they were back at their mom’s, I told my partner I don’t want Spencer in the house anymore, at least for now. I do love his kids, & I don’t want them to not see their dad.
My partner has a house he doesn’t use so I suggested on those weekends we take the kids there for now, then when any of mine aren’t feeling it they can go home and he/we can get some quality time in so his kids don’t have to share his attention as much.
He thinks this is dramatic, an overreaction. I’ve told him I’m open to other ideas but won’t budge from my stance.
I feel like a jerk, but I don’t want my kids feeling like they need to guard their space or to be uncomfortable in their own home.
My youngest has autism and gets overstimulated with them around sometimes (he gets along w/ 5 y/o but needs breaks), my 12 y/o is quite anxious & 18 y/o has bipolar disorder. They’re introverted, home is their safe haven & weekends are the only real free time they have.
But, I also don’t want to be unfair to his kids.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please stand your ground because your kids should always come first. As you say it yourself, their home is and should remain their safe haven and you need to protect that.
They have a right to feel comfortable in it, and leave their things in their rooms without fear of them being stolen or destroyed by some entitled brat. Your partner is a huge jerk not only for guilting you for standing up for your kids but also for not parenting his own.
You are not responsible for raising his children and you should not feel bad or guilty about some 13yo brat that bullies your kids, steals, destroys stuff, and damages the peace in your home.
If your partner cannot understand that he is just as entitled and spoiled as his 13-year-old. Please don’t back down, stand up for your kids, and don’t let other people’s unwillingness to be a parent to their own children damage your kids’ safe environment.” strongandwhatever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You came up with a solution the best you could think of; your husband doesn’t agree, so maybe you should come up with an alternative together. I’m not sure counseling is in order here or the best solution as times it does more harm than good.
(Yes, I am a mental health/substance addiction major, and have 5k hours of counseling) Personally, with my children, 6 in all; their punishments were always suited to their personalities, hit them where it hurts the most..for instance, one of them was always a people person… The isolate was effective for them, but I did and do prefer natural consequence as an eye opener..maybe the next weekend they come for a visit, take the other kids somewhere fun and exciting while the one stealing can do community service to learn that finances aren’t easy to come by?
And casually converse with him about the effects of stealing.? Once my teenagers all decided to sneak out of the house in the night and got caught… Of course, they lost their phones, and social media..which was extremely important to them, but they all had to research “child abduction” and do a 5-page report on the statistics.
Scared the living crap out of them once they realized that 1 in 3 never return. It was an eye-opener for them and the last they ever snuck out..In fact they are all grown and have children now, and still talk about it.
I hope this helps.” stepstothehouse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is seriously slacking on this. If it’s possible, change all the bedroom knobs to be key locking ones. Make extras of the keys and keep them in a locked safe.
Having the ability to lock up my spaces in my home has been the only thing giving me peace of mind with my SD who had a very traumatic childhood and has had a LOT of issues in the past 5-7 years.
It also came in handy when she’d say things that resulted in CPS visiting. A specific instance I can cite: we would have our sharp knives, booze, and all medications locked in another bedroom and CPS came to visit after she had told camp counselors she was going to get intoxicated that night.
So it can be a CYA tool. I highly recommend getting it done for the safety of you and your family.” Significant-Rip4332
9. AITJ For Kicking My Aunt From My Wedding Reception?
“I [28M] got married on 14 June and just got the guts to post this. I honestly don’t know where to begin.
Me and my wife [26F] have been in a relationship for 6 years (married for 3 months) already and through those years have met most of my family including the aunt, my parents and other relatives welcomed her -while this aunt [59F] has been giving her the stink eye the very first day they met.
I already know my aunt… the most religious, deeply conservative, “holier-than-thou” person you’ll ever meet, and I’ve learned to avoid her and ignore everything she says so I decided to inform my wife (partner at that time) to avoid that aunt at all costs, and she agreed…
No major issues then.
Then a few years ago, both I and my wife lost our job (we worked in the Hotel-Restaurant Industry), so we decided to take online freelance jobs… and then we both gained weight.
Now, fast-forward to 2022 my wife and I endured these hard times and decided to make our own business and move back to my hometown 900 miles away from the city. Before starting the business… I wanted to marry her first, I proposed, and she said yes.
We made plans and initially it was just me and relatives (aunt not invited), but you know how the parents are… From a small party of 9, it became 50.
It was all going great until the aunt suddenly showed up (my mom invited her without telling me) and I prepared for the worst…
I already know how she’ll behave -but I forgot to prep my wife about it. At least she was 5 tables away… I said to myself.
But the entire time she was loud about how we both gained weight and then proceeded to go to the in-laws table and then talked (to make sure my wife hears) about “It’s the wife’s duty to take care of the husband’s health” and “If my husband was sent to the hospital for his health, I can find a new man” also “If you let yourself go, then you failed as a wife” and a whole lot of crap about religion (she’s Catholic while FIL was Protestant), politics (she’s far-right while FIL was leftist).
I tuned her out… until I noticed my wife shaking, I asked her what’s wrong and she said “I can’t take this.” I was clueless, then I saw my aunt gone from her table.
Then I stood up and yelled, “Are we really doing this right now?” and then I proceeded to yell out all of her crap. I was about to vent out more of my frustrations at her, but finally, I was able to control myself -I then told her to leave and never speak to me, my wife, or the in-laws ever again.
Most of my relatives agree with me but told me to forgive my aunt… while there’s a minority who says I’ve gone too far and ruined my own wedding. I felt that I did nothing wrong, I was just defending my wife and it was a bonus that I released some of my childhood frustrations at my aunt in the process.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, your mom sucks. She went behind your back and invited this abusive person she knew was unwelcome.
You defended your partner and refused to allow abusive behavior to continue.
Good job. If anyone is to be blamed for “ruining” the wedding…. come on, that person is obviously your aunt.
You know what? You and your new wife should go celebrate together and have a little “do-over.” Get dressed up and go out for a really special night on the town.
Go away for the weekend to a cute b&b. Take a honeymoon as fancy as your budget will allow. You deserve to reset the energy for the beginning of your marriage and create some aunt-free memories.” cookiequeen724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I have one rule with my family and they are all very much aware of it. I do not tolerate toxic people in my life.
That you stood up for yourself and your wife at your wedding is fantastic.
I would say that you should have done it sooner (like uninviting her or telling your parents not to invite her to start with). Go no contact with that judgemental jerk, and enjoy your life together.
Don’t sweat the weight gain. It happens and doesn’t change how you feel about each other.
I would say that you need to address something with all the parents though. You wanted a small intimate wedding and they ignored you.
It wasn’t their wedding and they should have respected your wishes. That they didn’t was a major boundary crossing. For your own happiness, you need to speak up sooner rather than blow your lid later.
Have that talk now so they don’t overstep again.” Short-Classroom2559
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say YTJ— you knew how your aunt was. You not only didn’t warn your wife OR make sure your aunt wasn’t allowed in, but you also ruined your wedding by shouting like you did and not handling things with any grace.
I feel sorry for your wife because weddings are supposed to be once in a lifetime and she’s just had a terrible one. You should have said something long ago before it came at the cost of your wedding and your wife’s happiness.
Waiting until you couldn’t possibly ignore things anymore is what makes you a jerk, and if you don’t learn to deal with things proactively, well, your wife might eventually get a do-over wedding with another man because I wouldn’t stay with a partner like you.” MagicCarpet5846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for kicking her out, but Y T J for letting your mother and family take over your guest list in the first place. It’s not a matter of “you know how parents are” with your shoulders shrugging off responsibility, it’s a matter of you having the duty to be on guard to make sure that your family doesn’t ruin the wedding for your wife and you.
It’s your job to handle your family. After you let your mother inflate the guest list so drastically without opposition it’s no wonder she added your aunt. You should have stopped her before she even dreamed of crossing that line.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Don't listen to anyone saying YTJ; they would probably act like your monstrous aunt. YOU didn't start the ruckus but you d****d sure finished it, and that's what matters. You made it excruciatingly clear that disrespect and passive aggressive b******t will not be tolerated, and your wife loves you for that, trust me.
Now you can iron out your rules with your mother, who is the real jerk in this scenario. Make sure you give her twice the grief you gave your aunt, since none of this would have happened if mom hadn't overstepped and invited auntie to begin with.
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Husband's Biological Family?
She has a good reason for it.
“My husband Johnny is 43, I’m 31. We have been together for 8 years. I’m white; he is black. We have 3 kids together (5-year-old triplets). I don’t even know how to word this without sounding bad, so I guess I will just tell it as it is.
My husband was adopted when he was 9. His biological mother gave him up for adoption when he was 8 and up until last year, we had assumed all of his siblings were adopted out or put in the system.
He went on a search for his 4 brothers and 2 sisters with my help. We found two of them (the others have gone no contact with the family) and come to find out, my husband was the only one given up for adoption.
He was one of the middle children and from what his bio sister says, their mom simply couldn’t handle him because he has ASD and was a hand full growing up. This truly does not sit well with me, having a boy with Autism myself.
It makes me absolutely hate his bio mother, though I truly try not to judge.
Secondly, both the sister and brother he reconnected with told us that they have been financially supporting their mother since they turned 16 because their mother refuses to work.
They have stated that if they refuse to help, the mom goes off the deep end with the “I freaking raised you, you owe me” bullcrap. Shortly after the bio mom found out about Jhonny reconnecting with his siblings, they started asking about our financial status.
We are sitting on the border of middle and high class financially because my husband is a surgeon, and I am a psychiatrist. His mother all of the sudden wants to meet and I fully feel it’s due to our financial status because his siblings have stated she is on the brink of losing her home and they can’t support her anymore due to having minimum wage jobs and kids themselves.
Here’s the issue… if my husband knew how to say no, it wouldn’t be a problem. But I know how giving my husband is and how much he loves helping people, and I know for an absolute fact that he would fully jump on board with supporting his mother financially because he desperately wants to please her.
He has been guilted into believing that he was a bad kid and that he deserved to be given away. His mom wants to meet him Saturday and he asked that I go with him with the kids and I told him I didn’t want to.
Not only because my son has Autism and she already gave up a kid who has it so how is she going to treat my boy? And because I will not be on board with supporting her financially and if she even so much as suggests it, I’m definitely going to say something and it will probably cause problems. My husband says he is disappointed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but go with your husband and get a sitter for the kids. You both need to be able to focus on your MIL without emotional distractions. Ask your husband to withhold judgment and any commitment until you have discussed it together later and come up with a mantra for responding to any ask that she makes, like: “Husband and I will talk about that and let you know.” Don’t deviate.
Decide ahead of time if you will be the “bad guy” to take point on denying immediate commitment.
Afterward, do a debrief. First him, then you, so you can both see the other’s point-of-view.
Agree to a response, or figure out what you agree on and what needs to be decided later.
Treat this as a business plan.” sezit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you don’t go! You need to be there to help steer the conversation away from your finances.
Keep her from shaming and manipulating your husband. And make sure if she asks for finances, you say NO.
Sit your husband down and set ground rules for this meeting. You’re his support and his protector in this.
Be there for him!” ryvvwen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I agree with those who argue you’re better off going & supporting your husband even if it means risking confrontation with the birth mother.
Obviously, I’m not acquainted with the players here, but I can’t help wonder if you might also help him to see that he doesn’t need her approval anymore, that she relinquished that right along with him back in the day.
One last thought: He’s a physician while the siblings who remained earn minimum? Would a few dollars (& I do mean a “few”) sent her way to be the simpler way to ease his mind, rather than constantly picturing his mother homeless, on the streets…, especially while he’s elbow-deep in someone’s pancreas?” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband needs some therapy if he’s still trying to please the woman who gave him up. Both of the siblings that she didn’t give up have warned you of her behavior, is he not taking any of this under advisement or are you just sure he’ll give in to her plea for help even though he’s been warned?
If he’s fully committed to going through with this then you two sit down and discuss what help you’re willing to offer her and what strings are going to be attached to that. Because if she’s fully able to work and just mooching off her children you’re going to need some strings there to deter her.
You have three children you’re absolutely committed to giving a good home and good family to, he needs to know better than to endanger that.” dublos
7. AITJ For Asking My Co-Worker To Quit Talking About His Home Country?
“I am a 32 yo man, who works in a software development company. More than a year ago, the company got this new hire, a Venezuelan immigrant here in the US, he has been living here for some years, and when he was hired, we all were working from home.
He was assigned to my development team, and we got along, sometimes he spoke about his home country, and was good because I like to hear about other people’s experiences. I myself come from a Mexican family, but I was born here in the US.
Some months ago, we started working at our offices again, this was the first time I actually meet this guy in person, it started good and normal, being teammates, but over time, I started noticing how often he talks about is country, and how much he compares whatever happens in the US with Venezuela, and how Venezuela is always worst. Always has a tone of “You can’t complain about what we have here in the US because Venezuela is worse,” and yeah, I know the situation in that country is rough and harsh, but we have our own problems, and we struggle too.
Last Monday, during launch break, he was ranting about how socialists infiltrated the US Government, and we are on our way to becoming Venezuela. I was stressed because in the morning, everything was going wrong with my code, and just told him, “Can you please stop talking about Venezuelans?
For once, I don’t want to hear about your country.” He shut his mouth but later started to complain to other coworkers about how I was rude and that it was racist to tell him to shut up for talking about his home country.
My coworkers say that it’s stupid to call me racist, but I should just let him be.”
Another User Comments
“ESH, as a Venezuelan ex-pat, I can empathize with the feeling of being an immigrant and having to compare everything because yes, the country is a craphole and falling apart in a very unique way, but I can get how and why it can be grating for others.
You have to understand he’s probably traumatized and will take some time to adjust, it takes longer for some than for others (and yes, some never leave that mindset), but it’s a mixture of being traumatized and having no other frame of reference to compare things to when it comes to your new life.
So yes, you were impatient and insensitive too, both of you suck for different reasons.
I don’t speak about my past or my homeland anymore, I actually plan to renounce my citizenship eventually, there’s no fond memories for me of that place but that doesn’t mean I have to make that someone else’s problem, and that’s the best way I have found to cope with it, so just give him some time.” Eusine2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Venezuelan here,
Try to imagine how much of your worldview and fears would be shaped if you had to leave your country and family behind. You would see signs and threats everywhere, it would haunt you.
I’ve seen a lot of violence firsthand. Was dragged out of a car at gunpoint, had friends kidnapped and I suffer from PTSD. I can’t sleep without checking all my locks and frequently I dream someone gets into the house.
I really don’t want to live in Venezuela ever again, and I don’t want anyone to go through what I’ve been through. Yet, I’ve learned people don’t really care. Your colleague is probably going through that right now.
I understand you don’t like hearing about it so much, and probably you are allowed to let him know that it can really get to you and that you don’t have the same problems, and neither does he anymore, but blowing up like that sounds like too much.
I don’t think you’re racist at all, but it does sound quite entitled to tell someone to shut up in front of a lot of people without trying to understand what they’ve gone through, which I can tell from my own experience: is heck on Earth.” salsaparapizza
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you could have approached the issue better:
He’s allowed to say anything he wants within reasonable parameters.
You’re allowed to get frustrated by someone undermining your own experiences and frustrations every single day of your life just because his are ‘worse.’
Another very important thing you have to understand:
What happened in Venezuela changed its people at a psychological level, trading empathy for the inability to understand why others in more ‘privileged’ positions (such as being born in a first-world country) can’t handle or get frustrated by, what they deem, simple matters.
What your coworker is showing is simply that, ignorance and a lack of empathy. Hopefully, he’ll grow out of it.
Solution:
Talk things through. If he’s making you feel uncomfortable at work, don’t wait for the bubble to burst or until you have a bad day to unload it on them.
If you are not willing to ask politely then, as your coworkers said, leave him be.” Arlemish
6. AITJ For Using My Stepdad's Credit Card Without His Permission To Take My Cat To The Vet?
“I (15m) got a job when I was 13, so my mom and stepdad (SD) let me get a cat on the condition that it would be my financial responsibility.
When I turned 14, I got a 2nd job so that I could start earning some savings. A few months ago, my mom got pregnant and SD asked me to start contributing to bills, so I got a 3rd job, so I could afford to keep my cat (they wanted me to get rid of her, so I could pay bills).
The cat has been sick, and I held off taking her to the vet even though she has insurance (which I pay for) since I’m using most of my savings on helping with bills.
She got worse 2 weeks ago, so I put her into her carrier to take her to the vet and went to get my savings (around $400) from a code-locked box under my bed. I found that the box had $30 left in it, and the lock had been opened with force.
I thought we might have gotten broken into so I told my SD who told me he had taken it to pay medical bills from mom’s pregnancy appointments. I was livid; that was my savings, and without it, my cat would die.
We had a big shouting match and mom took SD’s side, so I told her it wasn’t the cat’s fault they were having a baby and locked myself in my room.
I spent 4 days calling emergency vets and asking if they could do anything for $30 but all their basic fees were more than that. I sat with my cat the whole time thinking she would die in my arms because I had my savings stolen.
After that, she wouldn’t make it another day so I snuck into my SD’s wallet and took his credit card, took my cat on the bus, and went to the vet. She needed IV medication and they kept her in for monitoring overnight.
I stayed at a friend’s that night. After insurance, the bill came to > $1,000. As far as I’m concerned, the new debt on the card is just him paying me back for stealing from me since it would have been cheaper if I could have taken her sooner.
My cat is now fine, she had medication to take, but it was only $24, so I have $3 left of my > $400.
When my SD found out he blew up and screamed for a couple of hours.
He said he only took my savings for the baby, but it doesn’t even exist yet whereas my cat does, I shouldn’t have to pay for their baby and my cat shouldn’t have to die for it.
He says they’re already in a bad enough financial situation, so I told him they shouldn’t have a baby and then went to stay at my friend’s house again (with the cat).
I have not been back in 9 days, and they haven’t come looking for me.
I do feel kind of bad now because they really were badly in debt already, and they don’t even have my income to cover bills now that I’ve run away, but I still think it was my right to use my own income to save my cat’s life.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s hard to know where to begin.
No decent parent gets a pet for their child and makes them fully financially responsible. It might be one thing to make you responsible for the animal’s care or even for something extra like toys or treats.
But a pet, as you’ve discovered, is very expensive and no child should have a job or need a job to come up with that kind of finances. Especially at such a young age.
Your parents have zero business making their financial issues your problem. I don’t know where you live but in my home country (USA) Medicaid is available to all pregnant mothers and covers the cost related to prenatal visits.
It sounds like they’re going to struggle to provide for a baby regardless after it’s here. Therefore they are jerks for not practicing birth control or appropriate family planning.
They need to be seeking out other resources such as food banks or other charities to take care of this.
Maybe you should speak to some other family about what’s going on at home. Do you know why they are in such big financial trouble?” Issyswe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you had to do to save your cat.
You had the means to care for your cat, but your SD stole your savings and put you in this terrible position. Given that they made you get an extra job to pay for THEIR expenses, I’m not too concerned about paying back SD.
But if you’re feeling bad about it, then work to pay him back $600, since he did steal the other $400 from you.
Make sure you graduate from HS and save as much as you can.
Consider asking your friend’s parents for financial advice, so you can be ready for either college or moving out on your own after graduation.
On a side note, you should check out your local Humane Society for future vet needs.
They usually have a sliding scale when it comes to veterinary care. And if they don’t, they can probably direct you to a place that provides care for low-income households. I’m not going to fault you for not seeking them out earlier.
You’re only 15, and you had no one to help you figure things out.
I wish you the best, OP. And I’m glad your cat is ok.” PerpetualConeOfShame
Another User Comments:
“ESH…
You shouldn’t be working to support housing expenses at your age; you should be working to support your cat and any extras YOU want.
Secondly, that was your savings he stole, and he had ZERO right.
However, you shouldn’t have stolen his card; in some states, that’s a misdemeanor that’s provable with credit card records. And frankly, that was way out of line.
Set boundaries moving forward… You are a minor and will not be contributing to any joint or household expenses. Save as much as you can to move out; open a savings account if you can.” censormenow2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to get emancipated; they are financially mistreating you and will have the legal right to do so as long as one or both of them are your legal parents.
They will also (although check the age rules in your state) probably have the right to declare you as a runaway and have the cops bring you back home unless you get emancipated. Secondly, will your friend’s family let you live with them, either for free or a small rent?
It sounds like you already know how to work, so you can survive as an emancipated minor.” Reddit User
5. AITJ For Requesting My Cousin To Get Us A Private Room At Our Stay At A Free Lodge?
Sometimes not all accommodations can be met.
“My cousin (the bride) is getting married in the Rocky Mountains, where she booked a large lodge in the woods for the family to stay free.
Her brother, “Jim” ( age 30), is doing the wedding planning, including lodging arrangements. Today is a week away until the wedding day.
Weddings are romantic times, my wife and I (age 39 and 35) love going to weddings.
After the partying and drinking, we usually plan to have some time to ourselves and need a private room to do that, of course. My wife also has a chronic illness (although, cousin Jim probably didn’t know about this), and as a result is an extremely light sleeper, so a private room is actually important.
So a month ago, after seeing the initial lodging arrangements, where my wife and I were assigned to a bunk bed room, sharing it with other younger, single cousins, we complained to Jim in an email.
I argued that my wife and I are an officially married couple in the family, and we require a private room, or we are also happy to book a hotel nearby if it’s not possible, just let us know.
After debating to an impasse (Jim seemed insistent that we stay at the lodge, but cannot give us a private room), I did the first thing that may have been considered a jerk move.
I CC’ed the bride and my parents on the email thread about the impasse to see if we really cannot get a private room (escalating up the authorities to apply pressure). The bride (who is closer to me than Jim), pointed out that one couple with kids can swap their private room with my bunk room since they are sleeping with their kids anyway and don’t need privacy.
My wife and I were happy with this room swap and agreed; we canceled our backup hotel room.
Fast forward to today. I checked the latest “Welcome to the wedding week!” email from Jim and was shocked to see in the updated lodging arrangement; my brother (age 34, single) is now assigned to the sofa bed sharing my room with my wife.
I emailed him nicely:
Hi Jim,
Could my brother not be assigned to my room? That kind of defeats the whole point that we’d want a private room as a couple. I remember my brother was previously assigned to sharing bunks with the other cousins and kids, could you move him back?
Thanks in advance,
Best,
He emailed me back a single word:
“No.”
At this point, I was furious. I thought the single-word email was extremely rude whereas I was pretty polite. I replied and CC’ed the bride and my parents this time, asking him: “Why not?
I see there are still empty beds in bunkroom A and B” Then I reiterated our requirement for a private room that I mentioned to him a month ago.
He then wrote back:
Unfortunately, this is not your wedding, and you do not give the requirements; you have the audacity to tell us that you MUST have a private room?
It is extremely rude. I am shocked by your behavior and the complaints from you given that this is an entirely free lodge that is being provided for you and your family.
Edit: We just booked our own hotel at this point, we are a dual-income no-kids couple and didn’t need to sweat a few hundred bucks if it will save us from this kind of stress.
Staying at the lodge with the extended family would have been fun and feel included. However, going from not being clear whether a private room is possible for us, to it being offered, and then changed so it’s no longer private, was not cool to my wife and I.
I feel wronged, but cousin Jim probably also felt wronged when I CC’ed the bride to escalate this matter.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for thinking your romantic life means that you should get a free private room.
It’s extremely entitled. Frankly, if you reached out to me about this the way you did to Jim (getting a no, then playing him off against the bride and other members of your family, etc., repeatedly asserting you should have a private room because you want one and are married) then I’d respond in kind.
There aren’t enough rooms for everyone to have a private one. You don’t know what other couples’ requirements are (especially around disability, which you didn’t even tell Jim about re: your wife). You didn’t come across as asking nicely, you came across as abrasive.
The wedding is about the couple – not about it being romantic for you and to get alone time with your wife. The run-up to the wedding is also usually very stressful with trying to coordinate everything and last-minute changes.
Your desire to have a room to yourself is the last of the couple’s (and by extension, Jim’s) problems. You’re being incredibly self-absorbed.
Assigning your brother to share with you made more sense than assigning your brother to random people he doesn’t know.
You’re the jerk because you should have just insisted from the start that you would stay elsewhere so you could control your sleeping arrangements. You would have been fine if that’s what you had done.
But the way you went about this was jerk-ish and your entitlement to have others pay so you can be alone together is jerk-ish. You shouldn’t have entered into a debate with Jim and should have just said we won’t be staying at the lodge.
By starting out as being willing to stay but only if you get a private room etc it is no longer doing them a favor by staying elsewhere but trying to exert leverage. Especially if the bride wanted all her family there (which may be the case – given the booking of the entire lodge, she probably wanted to celebrate throughout, not just the times of the ceremony).” sunkathousandtimes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel people are missing the fact that OP said from the start that he would get a hotel room if necessary. He got angry when the agreed-upon room designation was changed last minute, AND he got a hotel room.
He’s not under an obligation to stay in a sleeping arrangement he doesn’t like, and he’s allowed to ask for one he does like. How is that being an jerk? Even more importantly, he’s done what everyone keeps suggesting he do.
He was s******r than necessary, but his actions overall seem pretty reasonable to me.
Why he wants a separate room isn’t really relevant. He asked, was told yes, was at the last minute told no, double checked, was still told no, got a hotel room.
That just seems… ok. (Kind of a jerk for all the CC-ng but not enough to bear the full jerk burden.)” mamiesb2001
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your uncle for pulling that power move on you, you for rEqUiRiNg a PrIvAtE rOOm fOr~.
Nobody cares; it boils down to you guys wanting privacy, and your uncle probably being fed up with all the requests being made to him when organizing free lodging for family. Don’t get me wrong; it was crappy of him to change things up after making a promise, but that’s kind of to be expected and you put extra stress on the bride, who might have anticipated that kind of stress, and that’s why she outsourced that kind of job to your uncle, then you pull her back into it.
If it’s not a question of budget; just get the hotel room and be done with it.” ChickyNuggies6789
Another User Comments:
“YJA buddy. This wedding is about your cousin, not you and your wife.
Why are you CCing the bride repeatedly when she has a billion other things to be stressed about? But you decided to create another stupid, meaningless issue for her? Are you for real? Tbh, the way I was raised, I would’ve just been grateful for the room without fuss.
You sound incredibly entitled. If it bugged you so much, I would’ve politely made an excuse to pay for my own room- without the entitled hostility- so that the poor brother didn’t feel obligated to force you to stay at the lodge.
It’s clear there weren’t enough rooms, which is why they put your brother in your room, yet you KICKED UP A FUSS A WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING. CCING THE BRIDE YET AGAIN! Get a grip man!
What? It didn’t occur to you to say nothing, quietly get your own room in a different hotel, be polite about the whole thing and mention it to no one, then quietly slip out to your hotel on one of the wedding week functions- mentioning it then and making light of it?
TRUST ME, the wedding is NOT about you, so NO ONE would care. It would be a relaxed “oh ok,” ” awww, you should’ve stayed with us,” to which you would reply “I know, I know,” and it would be let go and no one would really care- you know why?
BECAUSE IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! Sheesh, no home training at all!” IndigiSquash18
4. AITJ For Refusing To Avoid Scheduling Meetings On Mondays After A Co-Worker Asked?
Talk about entitled.
“I was recently hired as a coordinator but the director of my dept. has been borrowing my time from my manager frequently to use me more like an admin or office manager.
One admin task she has me doing is scheduling one meeting a quarter with each dept. in the org. to include the other department’s director and managers, 5 of our managers, and our director.
These meetings include some of the busiest people in our org, and because there are so many that we are trying to squeeze in, it can be extremely difficult to schedule and find a time when availability lines up.
A couple of days before an upcoming meeting that had been on the calendar for weeks, one of the managers from my department (let’s call her Beth) sent me an email letting me know that “she really tries to avoid scheduling anything on Mondays” with a request that I cancel and reschedule the meeting and avoid scheduling any of these meetings for Mondays in the future.
Beth, also has a history of pinging me the day of a meeting asking that I cancel it for reasons like “that conference room smells bad,” etc. These aren’t my meetings, I am scheduling them on behalf of the director, who we can call Sara.
The first time I got one of these requests from Beth I spent an entire day trying to coordinate a last-minute schedule and location change for 15 people, for Beth to then tell me “well I don’t really think this meeting is necessary can we just cancel?” I told her that was out of my hands and that she would need to talk to Sara about it.
Anyways, I was taken aback by Beth’s request. I found it frustrating and inconsiderate of how difficult and time-consuming it is to coordinate these meetings. I replied and explained the difficulties of scheduling the meetings with so many stakeholders and said it wouldn’t be possible to just block out 20% of the calendar for her.
I said that if the meetings I was scheduling weren’t satisfactory, I was happy to hand the task off to someone else. (again, I’m not an admin, secretary, or office manager, etc.)
Apparently, my email made Beth go absolutely ballistic, and she was blowing up my manager’s phone for hours about it. I assume she was blowing up Sara too.
The next day I was called to a meeting with Sara and my manager where Sara (who is BFF with the no-Mondays Beth) said my email was an uncalled-for response to a “perfectly reasonable request.” She said that my response should have been “okay, let me see what I can do”.
She also said my response made me a “psychologically unsafe co-worker”. Which left me floored as it seems like an overreaction, and just really harsh.
I’ve been told I need to do everything in my ability to not schedule on Mondays, even though it is the only day that Sara’s schedule isn’t packed. Scheduling is now at least four times harder and my team now has a ton of meetings at noon, 4 pm, 9 am, and on Fridays.
I’m in disbelief that we are sticking to the narrative that this is a “completely reasonable request.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve dealt with this before. You should have avoided the “get someone else to do it” remark, but otherwise, Beth is being a self-centered pain, and that is the main issue.
You do need to have a conversation w the director asking you to schedule the meeting and let him/her know about the challenges you are having. I’d keep it factual and unemotional… just lay out that one leader’s calendar is very challenging, why that is, and that she has also questioned if the meeting is necessary.
Any decent leader worth their salt knows how much of a pain it is to schedule these complex meetings and will put their foot down on behalf of admin or coordinator and get their subordinates in line.” Rooster_Local
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s a tough pill to swallow, since Beth may be a jerk too (to put it mildly), but you aren’t scheduling the meetings on your behalf; you’re scheduling them for Sara, the director.
It doesn’t sound like you actually ran the issue by Sara or asked what Sara preferred. Instead, you tried to stonewall Beth unilaterally. That created the perception that was described as “psychologically unsafe” – if someone makes a request, threatening to quit a task feels like overkill.
You should have seen what you could do and then, if you really couldn’t do anything or found the task frustrating, run the issues by Sara. If you have a problem with how Beth is handling you, run it by HR.
I’m sympathetic since it seems you’ve been roped into a set of administrative tasks you don’t like. But the larger solution there is to discuss that shift with your director and, if you continue to be assigned these tasks, find a new role or job or take a step back and just do the bare minimum.” TaliesinMerlin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I think you want to keep working there so: If this task wasn’t described in your contract or before hiring you, I recommend you to go or send an email to the HR department; or you could talk with your superior (manager who’s in charge of you) about this, the make a meeting with Sara to think about this problem.
And mention that the department should have a secretary to do the task you’ve been doing so far.
You should also mention that the other department and their managers are also busy. And that you should put the group’s schedule to prior over the one who isn’t.
But that you’ll try to accommodate something but they should know that this is not productive and it wastes too much time to the point you can work on the functions you were hired for.” Justpassingbythere
3. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate Who Has Cancer For Lying About Being In Remission?
“So I (24m) have this roommate Josh (25m) who pays half the rent for our apartment while I pay the other half.
For the past two years, Josh has been battling cancer. Chemo, hair loss, all that crap. Josh has insurance but it didn’t pay for everything and cancer treatments are still expensive so I cut him some slack on his share of the rent.
He pays me what he can or sometimes I let him slide. Least I can do, right? Guy has cancer after all.
Past few months, he was unable to pay any of his share of the rent because he said they jacked up the prices for his chemo treatments or something like that.
Last week, I saw him drinking down at the bar when I thought he was supposed to be at chemo. I asked him about it, and he said he usually stops there after his chemo, and I didn’t think anything of it.
I don’t know crap about cancer stuff, so I just took him at his word.
A few days later, Josh’s mom called looking for him while he was out, and I told her he was at chemo, and she got really confused. I asked what she was talking about, and she told me Josh finished his round of chemo last year and has been in remission for like 6 months.
I told his mom about the rent issue, and she was even more confused.
Later that night, Josh came back home, and I confronted him about what his mom said. It turns out whenever Josh had been going to “chemo” for the past 6 months, he was really just going to his friend’s house and getting high, going down to the bar and getting hammered, spending time at the local “massage parlor,” and spending all his rent on that stuff.
He launched into this huge sob story about how he wasn’t ready to die, and when his cancer went into remission, he went a little crazy because he got this new lease on life and wanted to live it up as much as he could before his cancer comes back or something like that.
I was like, first of all, you owe me for all the rent you haven’t paid, secondly you better call up one of those friends of yours cause your butt is out of here, and thirdly you lied about your cancer for nearly a year saying it was worse than it was all just so you can party.
He begged me not to kick him out, but I didn’t care. I missed rent payments because of this jerk. I practically had to get on my knees and beg the landlord every month to cut us some slack because that jerk was dying.
Just to be clear in case there’s any confusion, he wasn’t lying about the whole thing, and he really did go to chemo. For a while there, it really was pretty bad, and he did have financial troubles because of it.
He only lied about the remission and led me to believe he was sicker than he really was.
He’s been couch surfing for the past few days, and all his friends are telling me what a jerk I am for “kicking out a dying man.” I was pretty angry when I found out and I do feel like I could’ve given him a chance to get his crap together but what he did just felt so scummy to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re kicking him out for being dishonest and taking advantage of you. That’s a perfectly reasonable reason to want a roommate gone. You’ve gotta have a certain amount of trust to have a good roommate relationship, and he’s broken that.
If they’re so concerned, ask them if they’d tolerate someone lying and shorting them by however many hundreds (thousands?) he’s up to after 6 months in remission and who knows how long without chemo before that.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Josh was being deliberately manipulative and took advantage of you by continuing the cancer story.
OP, all you need to remind yourself is you’re not kicking Josh out for lying about his whereabouts when he’s saying he’s in chemo, he literally lied to you and spent his share of rent funds.
End of story. I hope he wises up and pays you for the last few months but I doubt he will. His couch surfing is completely on him, not on you.” lizzylou365
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is fraud. It’s really no different then when people do a fake Go Fund Me claiming to have cancer when they don’t. Those people get arrested when it comes out because that’s financial fraud.
Your roommate was basically stealing from you, if your friends all think it’s so awful why don’t they take him in? I suppose if you want to see your face you can say he can come back if he pays you all the ranch he owes you, plus continues to pay his fair share.
He won’t be able to do that and then it won’t be your fault his couch surfing.” Reddit user
2. AITJ For Causing A Scene At My Brother's Funeral?
“So basically I lost my brother (25) due to him not getting a kidney transplant in time. Now, this isn’t going to be me blaming my sister (27) for not giving up a kidney. Our father and grandmother both had issues with their kidneys (grandma died; Dad got a transplant).
So no one on dad’s side was asked to even get tested just in case, but my sister forever the attention seeker made sure to call me (23f) and my older brother (30m) out multiple times for not getting tested for our bs excuses (kids).
She was a match and lapped up all the attention till it came time, then she changed her mind, my brother Dylan (the one who died) forgive her and no one ever held it against her.
She used my brother and his four-year-old son for social media attention, posting pictures of him in his last days (something he wouldn’t want), and starting fights with his ex for leaving him (he ended the relationship due to his health).
I kept away from her because I knew I couldn’t keep my mouth shut literally blocked her off everything when she held a “pity me, he died because I was selfish” party on social media.
The day of his funeral (today), she gave an Oscar-worthy performance as in screaming it’s her fault till someone gives her attention, videoing parts of the funeral, and making comments about kicking out his ex for leaving him.
But what I couldn’t stand it anymore was when she started upsetting my nephew by telling him he’ll never see his dad again and it was all her fault begging him to forgive her and making fake promises
So while she had my sobbing nephew at his dad’s picture, I walked up to her I’m guessing my aunt knew what I was gonna do because she got my nephew off my sister and walked off.
I literally got in her face and screamed “GET THE HECK OUT AND LOOK FOR PITY SOMEWHERE ELSE.”
She broke down and tried to say I was doing it because she never gave the kidney at this stage my living brother told her no one cared about that everyone was just disgusted by everything she did.
Everything stopped when our parents got involved
My mother is upset at me and refuses to talk to any of us because we made a scene and my sister’s partner told me my sister was having a hard time as it is now she thinks we all hate her (right now I do).”
Another User Comments:
“Holy Heck…
NTJ.
Your sister was recording the funeral…? That’s crappy of her, full stop. She was also using your DYING BROTHER AND HIS SON for likes on social media? She sounds like a complete narcissist.
Also, she threw a pity party because “Woe is I, I didn’t give my dying brother a kidney because I’m selfish”? That’s ridiculous. I get that she didn’t want to give a kidney probably because of the history of kidney issues in your family… but I can’t help but worry she may have had other motives behind not doing it because of the loads of attention she got from the fam.
I’m just stuck on the stuff that happened with the nephew. What she did was horrible; it could cause the poor kid issues in the future when others close to him die.
And kicking out the ex-partner HE broke up with because of his health issues?
What the heck? I’d understand if SHE had been the one to, but she wasn’t. Your brother did it for the ex-partner’s sake.
Yes, it wasn’t okay for you to scream at her during the funeral…
you could’ve handled it better.. but, considering the circumstances and how she was acting? I have to give you a pass on that. You were upset. Your brother died and your sister was posting it all over social media and overdramatically sobbing over it and recording it and upsetting your nephew further.
I’d have blown up, too.” Pawziplier
Another User Comments:
“I’ll say ESH.
First, I’m sorry for your loss.
You were a bit of a jerk for screaming at your sister during the funeral. I can understand that you were grieving and on edge.
Your sister’s behavior was like pouring gasoline on a fire. However, it would have been better if you had escorted her out and told her off in private.
Your sister is a bigger jerk.
She might be feeling a lot of guilt because she was a match, but did not donate a kidney. That does not excuse her behavior. The funeral was traumatic enough for your nephew. Your sister did not need to traumatize him more.” Sea-Confessions-2627
Another User Comments:
“ESH – a funeral is neither the time nor place to make a scene and scream at people. Both of you are grieving, I’ve been there, done that, but you both could’ve waited a day, or at least until it was over, before getting into it.
She may have started it but it sounds like you escalated it.
And his poor son. Honestly, is that what you want him to remember about his father’s funeral? His dad’s family fighting and screaming mean things to each other?” Valuable_Ad_742
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Cousin Bring A Second Plus-One To My Wedding?
“I’m getting married this year and while I’m incredibly excited, it’s come with a few unexpected dilemmas.
I think I’m a pretty tolerant and accepting person. About 5 years ago, my mom came out as gay and I was very happy for her that she could now be her true self.
She married my stepmom a few years ago who has brought so much joy to her life and I love the two of them very much.
I am also inviting another lesbian couple and a gay couple to my wedding.
In addition, we also invited my cousin who is transgender.
My family for the most part is pretty accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. I have one aunt who refused to come to my mom’s wedding because my mom was gay so I am not inviting this aunt to my wedding.
My fiancé’s mom expressed that their side of the family may not be as accepting as mine and they may have a problem with seeing gay and transgender people at my wedding. I asked for names of who she thought might be an issue since I don’t want anyone at my wedding who will cause a scene.
My fiancé and I reached out to these family members individually to discuss and none of them seemed to have an issue with it. Honestly, I think his mom is secretly the one with the issue and she was just trying to pawn her discomfort off onto others but I digress.
Now onto the main issue…
My wedding is a few months away and my cousin, Tammy, reached out to me and asked if she could have an additional plus one so she could bring the other two members of her throuple relationship.
Tammy was not in this relationship when I initially sent out save the dates earlier this year so we had only planned to give her one plus one initially.
While we have the room to give her the extra plus one and I’m really happy that my cousin is happy in her new relationship, here are my issues with this:
Tammy lives several states away from the rest of our family and no one else knows she’s in a throuple. I don’t like the idea of her essentially “coming out” at my wedding and taking the focus away from me and my fiancé.
Prior to this, she has only ever been in monogamous heterosexual relationships so this would be quite the news for everyone.
Tammy’s mom, Tasha, is very religious. I don’t think Tasha knows her daughter is in a throuple.
Tasha is helping us out tremendously with decorations for our wedding all as a wedding gift to us. And even though Tasha is accepting of the other LGBTQ+ family members we have, I’m not so sure she’ll be as accepting of her daughter’s new relationship.
My fiancé’s mom already seems nervous about the LGBTQ+ family members we have coming. Inviting a throuple might just push her over the edge.
My mom thinks I should invite Tammy’s partners since she views it the same as not inviting someone because they’re gay.
My fiancé isn’t really on board with inviting them because it’s a new relationship and he doesn’t want to cause any issues with anyone or have the focus taken away from the two of us on our day.
So what do you think? Will I be the jerk if I don’t invite them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no matter what you decide.
I personally wouldn’t invite the third member of the throuple because it may cause resentment among everyone else.
There will be people who will be paying for babysitters because they only got a “plus one” and that means the kids are at home alone. There will be people who will have had to choose who to invite as their plus-one and that may have offended other people in their lives.
The tradition is only to invite married couples because that way there are fewer people to pay for. Many people have had to relax that rule for relatives/friends in long-term relationships for whom it would be rude and weird to leave a partner of decades at home.
But this person Tammy wants to bring wasn’t even romantically involved with Tammy when you sent the invitations out. Their relationship is new.
I think Tammy was rude to ask. Everyone knows it’s rude to pressure to be allowed to bring extra people to a wedding.
So there are reasons that have nothing to do with the potential drama surrounding the Throuple announcement.
I think it makes a lot of sense that you don’t want drama at your wedding. If you ultimately decide to let Tammy bring the third person, you should be very frank with her.
Require that she informs any of her relatives who will be at the wedding before the wedding. You don’t deserve to have your wedding descend into Jerry Springer territory.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, your wedding should not double, even incidentally, as her relationship reveal event. She must know there may be reactions from her family that could cause a disruption at the wedding.
It’s not a matter of not accepting her relationships, it’s a matter of there being a time and place for dealing with potentially loudly emotional and difficult family and relationship issues and your wedding isn’t it.
I would keep the reason to yourself if possible and just tell her that you’re sorry but you can’t accommodate another plus one for her as you you are having to manage numbers and whatnot.
Hopefully, she’ll leave it at that considering it’s so close to the wedding.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“I’m going YWBTJ here even though per the update its purely academic at this point.
I was going to vote NTJ, because I think its perfectly fine to exclude “new” partners from a wedding.
I certainly did at my wedding, we only invited “long-term” committed relationships (without a strong cut off, mind you. A year was fine, a bit less would have been too if it had come up.
Basically just wasn’t paying to feed the girl someone had been on 3 outings with.)
However, you didn’t do that. You clarified in the comments that when you offered Tammy her initial +1 she was single.
You had no problem with her bringing someone new or someone you hadn’t met. The issue was simply the shape of their relationship, and seemingly particularly the fact that one of the partners was another woman.
That’s jerk material in my book.” AtlantaBing
