People Navigate Their Complex "Am I The Jerk?" Dilemmas
33. AITJ For Enforcing The Custody Agreement Strictly And Exposing My Ex's Neglect To Her Family?
“My ex and I have 2 kids b/g twins aged 9.
We split in 2017. She was unfaithful and fell in love with someone else. I exposed the other man to his wife and blew up his marriage. I filed for divorce and never looked back. We had some disagreements over child custody but settled on 50/50 custody. I knew it would not work because the ex worked so much and traveled extensively for her job.
The ex kept saying she would be able to do 50/50 and during our divorce stopped traveling for her job and put on a good show but it did not last.
Right after the divorce was finalized she started traveling again and was only getting the kids 4 days a month. Maybe 6 days but that was rare.
She never had them for a full 14 days per month after the divorce. I documented everything and kept meticulous records of her missed parenting time. It was so hard to plan anything because I did not always know when the kids would be with me during her parenting time. I did not want our life to revolve around her job.
After 1 year I filed for physical custody. The ex fought and she lost. I don’t want to say it was a slam dunk but she did not give her lawyer much to work with. She dragged it out and we had a whole custody evaluation and custody trial. There is a very detailed visitation schedule.
Also if she is more than 30 minutes late her visitation is forfeited.
Even after our second round in court I still tried to be flexible because I wanted her to spend as much time with the kids as possible but she still did not make them a priority. She was still late or returned them early.
I got fed up and started following the custody agreement to the letter. I refused to switch weekends with her and started enforcing the late clause. On four different occasions, I refused to let her take the kids because she was late as in not showing up until the next day.
She started telling her family that I was denying her visitation.
Her parents and siblings actually showed up at my door. I told them to stop acting like she was a good mother who was being deprived of her kids. We had this whole custody evaluation done and the report was terrible regarding ex-wife. The evaluator was not impressed with her at all. I gave them the report to read and told them to get off my property.
They read it. I know this because the ex called me screaming like a banshee because I exposed her lies and was called out by them. She said this was a private matter. I told her I would share the report with anyone she told lies to and I hung up. Her parents did apologize and her brother sort of did.
Her sister on the other hand tells me I am a jerk for not letting her see the kids if she is late. I told her I have the kids in therapy because of her neglect and that shut her up.
So AITJ? I think I might be the jerk because I showed her family the custody evaluator’s report and maybe I could have proved my point in a different way.
Edit: The twins see the ex-in-laws every Wednesday and the occasional weekend. They also vacation with them in the summer. I do not prevent contact.”
32. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Share His Gaming Room As A Guest Room?
“My husband and I are in the process of buying a house that we both really love and checks all of our boxes. The bedrooms for us and our kids are on the main floor, along with the kitchen, laundry, and two bathrooms. Downstairs is a finished basement with a large den/playroom, bathroom, bonus room, and down a hallway is an unfinished portion of the basement.
For me, I wanted a comfortable place to host family get-togethers. His family all lives within a 15 and 45 min driving distance. My dads, however, live several states away; anytime they visit, they stay with us.
My husband really wants a gaming room/nerd cave for his computer, legos, minifigures, and to host D&D games.
I am 100% on board with the extra bedroom being used for this. These things are a big part of who he is and I absolutely want him to have a safe place for them (we have a curious toddler and an autistic teen). I also assumed that this would be a good guest room for the times when my dads are visiting.
Our current house doesn’t really have a good way to accommodate guests – it’s small and has a weird layout. We’ve tried to host family events and husband’s D&D games, but everyone is too cramped and isn’t comfortable. My dads have stayed with us twice and both times we had to place an air mattress in our unfinished basement.
I was embarrassed and they were uncomfortable.
It’s important to note that I wasn’t raised by them. My mom and dad had a very bitter custody battle and when he won (a gay man in the early/mid ’90s) I was kidnapped by my mother. It’s a much longer story, but I’m in my 30s now and just beginning to have a relationship with my dad and his husband.
We’re still figuring out this father/daughter thing and where we fall into each other’s lives. It can be stressful and confusing at times. The last time they were here, things ended on a strained note.
Last night, we were talking about layouts/furniture and I mentioned getting a pullout couch for the nerd cave for when my parents visit.
He got upset that I was trying to “take away” his space. When I asked him where he had planned for them to stay, he said the unfinished part of the basement. This is where we plan to put our tools, storage, garden supplies, and most importantly – litter boxes for our 4 cats. He had joked about this before (at least I assumed it was a joke) and was furious when I realized it wasn’t a joke.
When I said that I don’t feel that’s an appropriate place for them to stay, he suggested that they get a hotel instead.
I love this house for a lot of reasons, but the biggest selling point for me was having a space for family – his and mine. I understand that he wants access to his computer and other stuff so I have been considering several other options that would still give my parents privacy.
I am just so angry that he was serious about this. I am angry that I’m the one trying to figure out alternatives whereas he would prefer to let them sleep next to literal waste.
Am I the jerk for asking my husband to share his space?”
31. AITJ For Exposing My Friend's Secret Weight Loss Procedure On Our Social Media Group?
“My friend “Ana” and I have known each other since we were kids; we are in our 20s now. Last year we both joined a social media weight loss group.
Neither of us is really overweight but we wanted to tone up our bodies. We became fitness buddies. We shared each other’s data and tracked our progress together. It was actually super helpful in helping us stay consistent.
I’ve lost some weight and some inches off my waist but nothing crazy. Ana has too but it’s mostly been from her waist. She now has a very hourglass figure.
I always complimented her and asked how she got her stomach so flat. She said it was her “healing herself from the inside” and getting her gut health in order. Her trick was lemon water and raw apple cider vinegar; and these vitamins.
Ana is very popular and active in the social media group. Her progress pics always get a lot of likes and some have even gone semi viral. She’s even gotten a small following on all her social media.
She shares her weight loss secrets and meals/workout regimen.
Recently I was at a friend’s house and Ana’s sister Winter was also there. During dinner Winter mentioned how excited she was to start her body sculpting sessions. I always thought those non-lipo procedures were a complete scam and I said something like that.
She told me that they really work and that it just takes multiple sessions to see real results. She casually mentioned how well it worked for Ana. I was shocked but I didn’t let it be known that Ana didn’t tell me.
I messaged Ana afterward asking her why she made it seem like lemon water caused her to lose the belly fat.
She said that her private medical procedure wasn’t anyone else’s business. I accused her of basically gaslighting me and everyone into thinking that lemon water caused her belly fat to disappear. She called me a hater and that it was none of my business. I was upset, I’ve been drinking lemon water and apple cider vinegar for months.
I’m not usually one to fall for marketing gimmicks but I really thought I could trust her. I saw her belly gradually shrink so I believed her when she said it was her home remedies and vitamins.
I posted our conversation to the social media group and I also tagged her. The post got a lot of traction and was even shared to other groups.
She ended being kicked out of the group. One of the rules is to be honest about whatever you did to achieve the result. The group is very focused on natural methods.
She messaged me angry that she lost a lot of followers because of me. And she had to make all her social media private due to “hate” comments.
But AITJ for exposing her publicly? Did I go too far by sharing our private conversation?”
30. AITJ For Making Dinner Without My Over-Sleeping Partner?
“I (27M) have been living with my partner (25F) for almost a year. Everything is great, but we both work long hours so we try to catch up during the weekends.
The problem is my partner is a sleeper. She literally sleeps 12 hours a day during the weekends.
Now, just to be clear… This worried me a lot. We spoke about it, and I suggested that there might be physical and/or mental issue(s) causing this. But she insisted that she just likes sleeping a lot and that there’s nothing wrong.
Either way, I still convinced her to get a checkup. They did some b***d tests to check her thyroid, sugar, iron levels, etc. Everything came back clean. They also looked at her b***d pressure and she’s in perfect health.
But she started missing our plans regularly. We’d have plans set over the weekends, and she’d be sleeping all day.
I will try waking her up and she’ll say she’ll get up soon, but just continue sleeping and then cancel when she realizes she doesn’t have enough time to get ready.
I tried speaking to her about it, telling her that I wouldn’t mind her sleeping in, but that she’d rather not make plans with me then.
I’d be okay with that, instead of getting excited and being let down. She said that it won’t be necessary and that I should just wake her up and insist that she gets up. I’ve tried, even started making her coffee, but she still doesn’t wake up and it feels like I’m begging in a sense.
Saturday we planned on making dinner, since we agreed that we didn’t want to go out. I was really excited and went to buy some ingredients as discussed. But again, my partner was sleeping. I tried waking her, asking if she still wants to make dinner.
She said yes. I made her coffee again but she said she just needs a few extra minutes..
She fell asleep again.
I decided not to try and wake her anymore and made dinner for myself instead. I went full out, and watched a movie. After finishing the movie, I took a shower and got in bed. Then my partner woke up and asked me the time.
I told her the time and she apologized for sleeping in again, and asked me if we could make the dinner tomorrow evening.
I told her that I already made dinner for myself, but she’s welcome to make her own dinner tomorrow evening. She went ballistic, saying that I’m being passive-aggressive and that I could’ve tried waking her up. I told her I did try, and that she didn’t wake up. I told her she’s an adult and that she needs to take responsibility for herself, that I’m not her alarm clock.
She went to sleep in the living room and I’m wondering if I did something wrong here… We have tons of tension between us, and she’s avoiding me. AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Not Addressing The Sexism In My Family's Holiday Traditions?
“My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We both work and we split chores and cooking 50/50.
In my family, none of the men cook. Now I actually don’t see anything wrong with that because none of the women work.
I want to be very clear. I believe being a stay-at-home mom is a job, but that is not what we are talking about here. My mom hasn’t worked since she met my stepdad when she was 23, she has always had a housekeeper so really all she does is cook. I know how my mom spends her days and it is a lot of tennis, yoga, and brunch with friends, so personally it doesn’t bother me that my stepdad doesn’t cook.
My aunt had three kids but she kind of refused to raise them, so I don’t even consider her a SAHM (my mom actually was a good hands-on mom). My aunt also had a housekeeper on top of a nanny doing most of the parenting, but she did make my uncle three meals a day and was the type of wife who would like bring him a muffin at the office or some nonsense.
My aunt is also vain and spends like 50% of her time getting her hair done or going to the spa.
My partner mentioned to me a year ago that the women do all of the work when we have family gatherings. I said my mom really likes to cook and to be fair she doesn’t do all the work because we all know she isn’t cleaning up when we go home.
My partner kind of agreed but said it still seems weird to her that my mom actually packs my stepdad’s lunch for work and she didn’t know people still did that. We also talked a bit about relationship dynamics and how both of those marriages are too co-dependent for our liking, and how when we have kids they will come first.
This year it is our year to spend Christmas with my family. Also to be clear my partner has never been asked to help in the kitchen. It is usually just my mom and aunt in the kitchen and sometimes my oldest cousin. I went in there once to get something for my partner and they were talking about personal matters, so I dipped right back out.
My partner asked if I could talk to my family about the sexism because it makes her uncomfortable. I said that I didn’t think I had the right because they have never asked her for help, so it isn’t really our business. She brought up that if we have kids in the future she would be uncomfortable with them witnessing it.
I ended up saying that I don’t think it is sexist. While I totally agree labor division is often sexist and unfair, in this case cooking is literally all they do. Neither of them has ever wanted to work, my aunt blows through money like crazy, and my mom heavily sleeps until 10 and pursues hobbies all day, so it seems like a fair trade-off.
My partner got mad and said I’m missing her point and that she hates being around them and I’m not doing anything to make it less awkward.”
28. AITJ For Not Sharing My Late Stepmother's Special Recipe With My Half-Brother?
“I’m 34M. My birth mother died when I was 7, and shortly after my father remarried “Abby”.
Abby became like a second mom and we had a great relationship. She died two years ago. It was horrible to lose her. My half-brother “Greg” is 27, but we have a pretty standard sibling relationship these days. We both get on each other’s nerves, but we love each other.
Abby had special hobbies with both of us.
Greg’s were painting, sculpture, music, and “getting lost” where they’d just go for drives together for several hours finding new roads and talking, and mine was that we would cook or bake together. Greg refused to join us, mocking me for being in the kitchen and insinuated I wasn’t a real man for it (and since I’m trans, this cut deep).
This continued well into my adult years, well into Greg’s too. Maybe to offset that, Abby and I for years worked on our own special recipe that happened to became an absolute hit with parties. If either of us were invited anywhere, we were asked to bring it. We promised each other not to tell anyone else, not even a partner.
Recently Greg has married Jen, and I couldn’t be prouder, or more happy to bring her into the family and meet her family too. She’s a wonderful woman and a joy to be around.
They wanted to host thanksgiving this year, their first time married, and Greg asked me for the recipe. Abby and I’s recipe.
I refused, saying I really wasn’t comfortable sharing it, and offered to make it and bring it, but Greg said that wasn’t enough, that he wanted Jen to be able to make it and show her skills in the kitchen for her first “real” thanksgiving with our family.
It’s not a particularly complex recipe, it’s more a few ingredients that are special and the timing of them, but it belongs to Abby and me.
I kept telling Greg I wasn’t comfortable with it and didn’t want to share it, but he called me selfish and accused me of stealing his mother’s memory.
After a solid month of him calling and texting every day, of him enlisting Dad and Abby’s siblings to pressure me, I caved and gave Greg a recipe that was close, but not quite the same.
I even checked it before giving it to make sure it was very close to the recipe Abby and I made. Almost imperceptibly, or so I thought.
Here’s where the real major jerk question comes in. Greg thanked me for Abby’s recipe, and I didn’t correct him. I let him, and by extension Jen, believe it was the true recipe.
When Jen made it, with Greg proudly announcing it was Abby’s, several family members mentioned that it tasted differently.
I found Jen tearing up during the party over what they said, upset that she wasn’t sure where she went wrong. I felt horrible, so I comforted her and explained I gave a different recipe to Greg than Abby’s, and she shoved me away from her, calling me a selfish jerk.
I apologized, but she spoke with Greg and he forced me out and called me a snake in the grass.
Edit: to be clear Greg knows the promise.”
27. AITJ For Not Speaking At My Father's Funeral And Refusing To Sit At The Front?
“So, my mom and dad divorced when I was about 5yo.
When I was younger and he took us on weekends, he would actually just dump us at my grandparents’ house. I didn’t realize that until we were older and honestly I loved hanging out there with my grandma so I didn’t mind. My grandmother passed away and that basically forced my dad to watch us on weekends because my grandfather couldn’t handle us.
I more or less stopped going when at Xmas dinner they decided to talk badly about my mom. He was the kind of guy who when my mom got the court to garnish his wages would quit jobs to not have to pay for us.
At 17yo I came down with a terrifying brain condition, I was in and out of the ER very often.
On one of these occasions, my stepfather took me. The doctors had drained too much spinal fluid at my last ER visit and I couldn’t walk for a month, I had to crawl with my head even to the floor because if I raised my head it felt like my brain was settling on my spine…it was the most excruciating pain of my life.
My father happened to be at the hospital too and saw me in the waiting room. He asked why we were there and seemed to care. I explained what was going on with me and my brain condition. Then I got called back to get looked at….
A few weeks later I was at home and came across paperwork on the counter.
It was my dad serving my mom yet again to try and get out of paying child support. Each sibling had a page detailing why he shouldn’t have to pay for that child. I flipped through and saw mine. He actually tried to use my illness against my mom to get out of paying child support for me…the one time I’d seen him in years, while I was in pain and terrified…and he tried to use it against my mom to not pay for me… seriously?!
I saw him one more time after this. His doctor’s office was still the one my mom and us went to. I walked in with my son in tow and saw him. I walked by and didn’t acknowledge he even existed.
He passed away and my siblings expected me to go to his funeral. I honestly didn’t even want to go.
I asked my mom if she would go with me (the woman he talked badly about every chance he got) she went with me and we sat in the back row, because that’s what parents do, supports their kids.
My siblings and stepfamily wanted me to sit at the front. Wanted me to say something nice… I said, “No one wants me to say anything, I’m only here to support my siblings.”
Am I the jerk for not sitting at the front with my siblings and trying to muster up something nice to say? I don’t see why my siblings hold him up as some kind of hero, they get mad when I tell them he was a piece of junk.”
26. AITJ For Moving Out Because My Sister Constantly Insults Me?
“I (22) live with my sister (25) and her spouse (28) in a two-bedroom apartment. We’ve lived together for 3.5 years with ease. It was a sober household for the first 3 (no substance use in house) for various reasons, but over the past 6 months, drinking and certain habits (I don’t partake) have come into the house.
That’s all I can reason as to what has changed.
Anyway, 2 months ago, my sister had too much to drink (multiple drinks), and I had a drink too and we got into a silly argument (about nutrition) that blew up. She started yelling at me, calling me ‘a little jerk’ and yelling ‘you’re so autistic’ and ‘you don’t understand social interaction because you’re so autistic’.
It hurt me really bad. I don’t even know if I’m autistic — she thinks I am. I’m a little weird, but even so, saying it so many times like it’s a bad thing when she believes I’m autistic really shook how I viewed our relationship. She apologized the next day (and I apologized for the part I played in the argument), and I accepted her apology.
But I still felt yucky.
Over the next 2 months, she began making comments out of the blue like ‘you’re acting crazy’, ‘you’re crazy’, ‘you’re thinking like someone on substances thinks’, ‘you’re being weird’, etc. Each time she made comments like this, I told her to please not say these things. They’re hurtful comparisons after she had recently called me autistic as an insult.
Ultimately I told her a final time 2 weeks ago and she said she has the right to say these things because she’s looking out for me and I’m actually crazy.
I’ve seen a psychiatrist regularly for years. I take antidepressants and mood stabilizers for Bipolar 2 and haven’t had symptoms in years. I called my psychiatrist immediately after hearing this and he said I’m doing fine and it’s time to move out.
So I told my sister and her spouse I’m moving out on January 1st to live with a friend. I said I can look for a roommate to fill my room (lease ends April) but they said they didn’t want a new roommate. I was never actually put on the lease despite asking my roommates for years (to build credit), and with 1-month notice it’s legally not my obligation where I live.
My sister’s spouse said I’m ‘messing them up’ by doing this and that they can’t afford to pay an extra $500 a month. They called me ‘a nightmare roommate.’
Then they said that me moving out like this is me burning bridges ‘which is what unwell people do with family’. I feel super gas-lit. My friends, parents, and psychiatrist think I’m doing fine.
I thought maybe my sister was herself having a break from reality to come to these conclusions about me, but her spouse seems to think the same thing. I’m at a loss, and have been kinda depressed thinking about losing my friends I know through my sister’s spouse. I really didn’t want to burn bridges with them, and it’s all happened so fast. I felt backed into a corner and offered to pay $200 a month which I can’t afford and don’t know what to do.
AITJ for moving out?”
25. AITJ For Visiting My Career Mentor Who Is Also My Ex's Mom?
“I met Anna when I was in a relationship with her son Joe in college. She’s in the same technical career field as I am and I really looked up to her.
When my ex Joe and I were still together, I really started seeing Anna as a career mentor and as a friend.
We’d go to happy hours together every few weeks to vent about work and catch up.
Joe and I ended our relationship when we graduated. I stayed in touch with Anna afterward, we didn’t talk much about the breakup because it was a raw subject for me. She and I kept meeting up as friends though.
Just a few months ago, Joe and his partner Lia moved in with Anna. I guess he lost his job and needed a place to stay when looking for a new one.
I hadn’t known until then that he was seeing someone new, but I wasn’t upset to hear it or anything. Honestly I didn’t think much about him at all; college when we were together feels like forever ago.
Anyway, Anna invited me over for coffee last Sunday. When we were at hers, Joe and his partner Lia came in. He had a real double take seeing me and said something to his mom about not realizing “her friend Kat” was me.
I let them talk and I got the impression Joe hadn’t been really close to his mom in a couple of years, and he’d just heard her mention stuff like “having Kat over” for years just thinking she meant a work friend.
Meanwhile, his partner Lia stared at me looking kinda mad and then stormed off upstairs without saying anything. Joe followed her upstairs.
Anna and I had a little laugh about how oblivious boys can be, how can someone hear about “Kat the electrical engineer” and instead of connecting it to me, assume she had made another friend with the same name and job?
You can hardly find two women at all in my job, let alone two with the same name.
Soon, Joe came back down to tell his mom “How long are y’all doing this, Lia wants to cook.”
Anna said we could go sit in the living room (next to the kitchen, in an open-concept layout) and Joe said that she’s gotta know how disrespectful this is.
It was clear as day I was coming around “dressed like that” right after he and his partner move in, trying to disrespect his relationship.
I spoke up for the first time and butted in to say “Dude, this really has nothing to do with you, this is just how I dress nowadays and Anna and I have been friends for years, I’ve been visiting every Sunday, which you’d know if you visited your mom more yourself.”
He got real mad at me saying that what I was doing was really creepy and stalkerish
Anna snapped at him and said that I wasn’t doing anything of the sort, and that he was acting real rude and he better remember he’s a guest in her house too. He went back upstairs and I heard some arguing.
AITJ for visiting my career mentor who’s also my ex’s mom, when he and his new partner were staying at her house?”
24. AITJ For Kicking Out My Freeloading Brother And Our Parents From My House?
“I (27F) have a little brother (23M) named Tyler.
Tyler has always been the golden, prodigy child. I was unplanned and my parents have always resented me. They never wanted me and reminded me of it every day. The moment I turned 18, I moved out. I attended a prestigious University and became successful.
Despite my parents’ best efforts, Tyler never reached his potential. This didn’t upset my parents, even after he dropped out of college, right before getting his degree.
He finally pushed our parents off the edge after finding out he had twins with a girl he had been involved with and broken up with in HS. My parents were furious and finally kicked Tyler out.
A few months ago, Tyler reached out to me begging for a place to stay for a little while.
He had run out of rent money and needed help. I was reluctant but soon broke down. I did request that he found a job ASAP. He agreed and I told him my new address and flew him in.
Things started off fine and I brought home job papers and brochures as an attempt to get him working again.
He signed up for a few interviews, dressed up all nice and left the house. He wouldn’t be back till late at night or sometimes even the next morning, saying he got “caught up” or “met old friends”. Long story short, in his off time he was seeing a girl.
Tyler started bringing her around a lot more often.
And after a few months I realized that she was starting to get big. Soon, they let slip that the child was conceived in my home. I was angry and almost kicked them out there but didn’t have the heart to do it.
Tyler mentioned something about our mom and dad wanting to meet his new partner.
I said it was probably a good idea for him to head home. In a few weeks I heard knocking at my door. Tyler had invited our parents over to MY house, to meet his partner in hopes of them being proud and letting him back into the house. I was furious, but I wasn’t going to give up on this opportunity to get Tyler out of my house.
We sit down and ate dinner, but the entire experience was horrible. My parents ignored me the entire time and forgot my name. They talked about how much they missed Tyler and regretted what they did but were proud of his success and huge living space. They were sure it was his home. And my brother didn’t even defend me!
He went along with it as if it was his own home. The conversation turned to Tyler and his SO’s “romantic” stories. Quickly I saw timelines didn’t add up. He had to have been seeing her while I was at work and he was supposed to be finding work.
Here’s where I think I might be the jerk in the situation.
I told them all to leave politely but things escalated and I ended up insulting the lot of them before forcing them out my door. I set them up in a motel for the night.
Since then, my brother keeps texting me about how our parents won’t let him back and how he doesn’t have enough money for rent.
I keep refusing but I’m starting to feel a bit guilty.
So… AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Not Bringing My Toddler To My Aunt's Funeral Despite My Mother's Insistence?
“My (28f) aunt (mum’s sister, 80s) passed away, funeral is next week. Mum (60s) and I were very close to aunt and devastated by her passing. I said I was planning to ask FMIL if she would be able to watch toddler (20 months f). I don’t feel a funeral is appropriate for such a young child, she will see people very upset and not understand why.
She also wouldn’t be able to sit still, use a quiet voice during the service so I feel to bring her would be inconsiderate to my grieving family. Due to the time of the funeral, it would also mean she’d have no nap, be very grumpy, and start acting out which I don’t want to deal with at a funeral when we’re all mourning.
I was chatting with mum about it again and said FMIL had said she would take care of toddler for us. Mum then said “Oh it’s a shame you’re not bringing her because aunt “Mary” (mum’s other sister) will be there and she hasn’t met toddler, she could see her for the first time”. I replied that this is a funeral and we could go to visit Mary another time and that I still felt this was not an appropriate event to bring a toddler to.
Mum replied that my cousin was bringing her kids. Cousin’s children are 5 and 7, so can be quiet and sit still so to me this was a null point.
Later mum mentioned again about bringing toddler. “Eddie” (Fiancé 32m) has offered to drive us a 4-hour round trip on the day to make sure we’re safe, if too upset to drive.
He’s booked the day off work (without pay as aunt is not his direct relative) to take and support us. What mum said next is what I may have overreacted to. “Why doesn’t Eddie just walk around the cemetery grounds with toddler while the service takes place and then just drive us to the wake after?” I felt like this was so rude, I replied “again this is a funeral, not a tea party.
Think about the rest of our family, especially aunt’s sons, think about how they will feel having a toddler cry through their mother’s funeral. Have some respect. It is also rude of you to suggest that Eddie walks about outside, in the cold with a baby in the middle of December (I’m in the UK, 4 degrees on a good day).
He’s attending the funeral to support both you and me. He is a member of this family and I won’t treat him like a glorified childminder. Don’t ask me about bringing her again.”
I’d like to point out I didn’t shout but used a firm tone. Mum went silent and didn’t talk for a few minutes but looked upset.
She hasn’t mentioned it since. I feel bad but I don’t feel like she was respecting my decision as a parent on what is suitable for my child. She has been a helicopter mum and has also subjected me to narcissistic abuse. I’m still in contact with her because I have been conditioned to serve and I know this, dw.
I realise she’s grieving but the suggestion is out of line to me. She also has this thing about if you’re not b***d, you’re not family and has never accepted any husbands of her sisters so suggesting Eddie spend the funeral outside got my back up.”
22. AITJ For Refusing To Convince My Best Friend's Fiancée That We're Just Friends To Attend Their Wedding?
“Okay so hear me out. I have this amazing friend! I love him to death. We have been friends for almost 9 years now. We have had our ups and downs and many years ago we used to be involved with each other.
It sucked! We were so toxic together.
We would get together and break up. Over the course of like 1 or so years. We finally decided that we were better off just staying friends and our relationship got so much better.
I think about a year ago now he started seeing this new woman after being single since he and I were involved. Their relationship is absolutely amazing.
She seems like a wonderful woman from what he has told me. She is also a minister for a church.
He proposed to her not too long ago. I was excited and asked when the wedding was. They want to wait about a year just to see how things go.
Sadly though my best friend told me I wasn’t allowed to go.
When I asked why he said that his girl didn’t feel comfortable allowing him to invite any of his exes to the wedding because it would be ‘Too uncomfortable for her.’ (He wants to make her happy and I can kinda see how she would feel about it. Then again if she truly 110% loved and trusted him it shouldn’t matter who he invites.
Right?)
Recently though he reached out to me. Telling me I had a shot to go to the wedding but I would have to meet his girl and get to know her.
Sure! Great I am all for that. I asked him when he wanted me to meet her and he invited me to go to church that Sunday.
A few things about me. 1) I am not religious by any means. (Growing up I was forced to go to church and wear frilly dresses.) My best friend knows this about me. 2) I work on Sundays.
Well Sunday came and went. I didn’t go to church because I told him I couldn’t and he decided to call me.
Him: ‘Hey sorry we missed you at church.’
Me: ‘Sorry I couldn’t come. Work and all.’
Him: ‘Yea I get it. (Pauses) Hey so I still want you to meet my girl so you can come to the wedding. If you want to go to the wedding you need to meet her and convince her we are just friends.’
This statement set me off and I lost it.
Me: ‘I am not going to meet your soon-to-be wife to convince her to not see me as your ex but as your best friend. I shouldn’t have to bend over backward for her just because she is so insecure in her life! There is no way I am going to do that.
If that means that I don’t go to the wedding then I won’t go. I shouldn’t have to validate myself to someone that doesn’t know me and already has this messed up view of who I am.’
My best friend got quiet for a while then said he had to go and hung up.
A few days later he calls me again and said that he was sorry that I felt the way that I did and that he didn’t mean to make me feel that way. He just really wants me at the wedding.
I told him I was sorry for going off on him but just couldn’t hold it in any longer.
The call ended shortly after that and we have barely spoken since.
Edit: I have offered other places to meet and even offered to cook a nice meal but was turned down. My friend even asked me to take a Sunday off from work so that I could meet her.
So, AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Telling My Younger Sister She Was Adopted?
“I (M22) have a sister (F14), Cassie. Our parents adopted Cassie when I was 8 and she was five months old (they wanted to have a second child but mum wasn’t able to get pregnant again). Of course, at the beginning I wasn’t very fond of having a younger sibling.
But as for now I love her deeply and despite our age difference, I’ve had good contact with her (or at least I assume so). She’s actually pretty funny to hang out with.
We never really talked about her being adopted and I never heard my parents talking about that with her. However, since she’s 14 already, I assumed they talked to her about the issue.
Especially since Cassie doesn’t resemble either me or my parents. She has a tad similar hair colour to mum’s but that’s it. To be honest, I never really thought about it.
Anyway. A few weeks ago my sister came to me and straightforwardly said: ‘I’m adopted, right?’
I was dumbstruck, as I was sure she knew it already.
However, I asked her, why does she think so. She explained to me that she had been thinking about that for some time, mainly because of how she looks different than the rest of the family. And how she got almost sure after biology class, when they talked about genetics and she realized she has an attached earlobe while the rest of us don’t (as I said, she’s the smart one).
So, I told her the truth. I also told her that it doesn’t change anything and she’ll always be my little sister, as well as our parents’ daughter. (And actually she was like: ‘Duh, I don’t doubt it, I just wanted to know if I’m right about the adoption.’) I wasn’t sure if I did the right thing but she is 14 already and she was the one asking so it didn’t feel right to lie to her.
Anyway, when our dad came back home, she simply told him she knows the truth (she also mentioned she knows from me) and asked why they didn’t tell her. In my opinion, she didn’t seem angry or sad and asked rather out of curiosity. Dad was pretty cool about the whole ordeal, told her they wanted to tell her when she turned 18 (in our country that’s when you reach adulthood), she seemingly accepted it and that was it.
Our mum, however, went fully hysterical upon learning that Cassie knows everything. She started crying, hyperventilating and then shouting at me that I had no right to tell this to my sister, that ‘I just had to ruin everything for her’ and that I’ve no say in the matter as I’m not Cassie’s parent. We tried to explain to her I wasn’t even the one bringing the topic up but she didn’t listen.
Now our mum doesn’t talk to me, as well as part of her side of the family. They say I am the jerk for violating our parents’ rights by telling Cassie the truth. (By the way, from what I gathered it seems like mum didn’t want to tell Cassie about adoption at all and ‘telling her on her 18th birthday’ was dad’s idea.)
AITJ for simply answering my sister’s question about adoption?”
20. AITJ For Standing Up To My Yoga Instructor's Insensitive Behavior About My Arthritis?
“I (21F) don’t live with my mother, but I go to visit every now and then. One day, I went to visit on a day when she goes to yoga. She said I could come with her if I wanted, and I figured why not? She had talked about how she really loved her yoga class in the past, and so I thought it might make her happy if I went with her.
However, I have rheumatoid arthritis. My mom said in the car on the way there that the class was a very non-judgmental space, and that it was a mild class but that I could sit out, take a break, or modify poses if things got too hard on my body.
When we got there, my mom started telling the instructor that I have arthritis and may have to sit out of a few things and she looked at me like I was insane.
I just said not to mind me, that I didn’t want special attention or anything, but that I might just have to not do certain things. During a certain pose, I noticed a sharp pain in my knee and so I stopped and started to rub the area.
The instructor said, not to me, but to my mother, “OP’s mom, does she take medication for that?” First of all, it is so disgusting to be talked about as if I’m not right there.
Second of all, she felt the need to make a big deal out of this in front of the rest of the class whom I had never met before. It was so inappropriate.
My mother opened her mouth to respond, but I cut her off before she could begin and said that yes, I am medicated and receiving treatment, but that any questions regarding my disability should be directed at me and not her.
The instructor continued this behavior, talking about me as if I weren’t there, as if I were some sort of small child or pet or something, which is SO dehumanizing and sadly something I’m very used to thanks to growing up disabled. My mother and the rest of the class looked pretty uncomfortable as well.
Eventually I got fed up, and said that since she kept talking about me as if I weren’t there then I might as well just not be. I said it was inappropriate to publicize information I shared in private, that it was disrespectful to talk as if I weren’t there.
After the session was over, the instructor actually told my mother not to come back because I had ruined the session.
My mother was really upset because she had finally found something she enjoyed doing every week and now I’ve taken that away from her.
I keep countering my negative thoughts, like that it’s not my fault. I didn’t ruin the atmosphere; the instructor did. And that I didn’t take away my mother’s safe space because with an instructor like that, it wasn’t really a safe space because my mother shouldn’t tolerate someone who treats her kid that way.
My mother being unfairly punished was a way to deflect the blame and make her mad at me instead of at the instructor. But something inside of me keeps eating away at me and I just feel awful. I know inside that I’m not the jerk here, but it’d feel better to get more feedback.
So AITJ? And… give me some advice. How can I fix this?”
19. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Apologize For Hiding That I'm A Donor Baby?
“I (30f) have always been a family history buff so naturally I did an Ancestry test years ago. I connected with some distant cousins and had some connections I couldn’t place but didn’t think too much about it. Anyhow, 7 years later a half-sister contacts me informing me I’m her half-sister.
Which is impossible. I’m an IVF baby and have always been told stories about it being the last round etc etc. Now I’m thinking there’s been a mixup at the hospital and my parents will be devastated. Then I realized my actual sister is also only coming up as a half-sister but I’d never thought much about it.
I called the hospital who didn’t even have a record of my mum but suggested I was a donor baby and my parents lied. I’m in denial, impossible!
I get up the courage to message mum. She’s cagey. I organize a call. She makes me reveal that I know it before she admits it.
I tell them I still love them the same and not to feel guilty but that I’m really upset and it will take me time to come to terms with it. I feel like I’ve been really mature about what is a soul-crushing revelation for me. Not only did my parents lie to me for 30 years, I missed out on my siblings’ lives and I feel absolutely gross about how I was conceived. I don’t know who I am anymore and I feel disgusting.
I may never find all of my siblings, there are at least 10 families with my siblings out there.
I asked mum for information to find the donor and to get the medical history. She refused and told me that she’s sad too, and I feel made it all about her. She told me I’ve put her through things too and she got over it, and that how could I expect her to reveal this to a moody teenager.
Well, I’m 30 now. You’d have thought finding out I did the Ancestry test when I was 23 would be a perfect time instead of waiting for an internet stranger.
I asked my parents to go to therapy and they refused. I told them I just want an apology for lying for 30 years and to admit and own they made the wrong call.
I want them to take responsibility for their choices and how they impact me. Does that make me the jerk? I’m trying to be a grown-up about it but the responses from my parents are alienating me and making me want to cut contact. I sent dad a nice message after and he only sent 2 words back.
It’s been 3 days and neither of them has called me to check on me. I’m having a mental breakdown.”
18. AITJ For Insisting My Neighbor Pay For His Kid Damaging My Laptop?
“I am a high school student and live with my family.
I was doing some homework on the patio table outside and I was the only one home.
I went inside to refill my water bottle and came back out to see my laptop on the ground, and my neighbor’s kid running around the deck. The neighbor lives next door in a different house, we don’t have a shared yard, so I was not expecting his kid coming around.
I tried to catch her and ask what had happened to the laptop and she ran away to her own house and wouldn’t talk to me.
I went home and checked on the ring camera and saw a video of my neighbor’s kid running into the yard, running under the table, pushing up on the underside of the table causing everything on it to tilt and slide to the ground, and running away, in the under a minute I’d been inside.
I downloaded the video to my phone and went to the neighbor’s house to ask him for money to replace the laptop.
I decided to ask for $1700 for the laptop and $159 for the lost time that I spent doing the homework that I’d have to redo. I valued my lost time at the amount I’m paid at work since I’d likely have to skip a couple of shifts at work to redo the assignment.
I went to the neighbor’s house and he said he wasn’t gonna pay because I shouldn’t have left the laptop out and anything could have happened like rain or something.
I said it was a clear day and I only went inside for a minute. Anyway ‘anything’ didn’t happen, I had a video of his kid ‘happening’ to my laptop and since she was too little to pay for it herself he had to as her dad.
He said no.
Now this might be petty but I have his Venmo because my family and his family did a barbecue block party thing and I had to pay him for a share of the shopping.
So every day I’ve sent a $1859 request to him and he keeps declining it.
I told my family and they think I shouldn’t have left out the laptop and that I was harassing him doing that and they will replace it for me.
They would use some of my college fund money.
But I feel like they shouldn’t have to pay. Plus I’ll need that college fund for college!
So I’ve kept Venmo requesting him and also posted the video from the camera on the community social media saying ‘Hey any advice here? I had a neighbor’s kid come to my house and break something expensive, on camera.
Are they supposed to pay and how can I do that? The parents have been refusing to pay a bunch of times. Is there some homeowner insurance to help? Sorry for the dumb questions, I’m a high schooler and have never dealt with something like this before!’
Anyway, my parents found the post and got upset at me for stirring the trouble, and for continuing to Venmo request him.
AITJ for being so stubborn about getting paid for the broken laptop?”
17. AITJ For Changing My Mind About Adopting My Cousin's Baby After Learning It Has Down Syndrome?
“I (M34) have a cousin, Lili (F21) and the situation is pretty straightforward, she is currently 7 months pregnant, it was not planned and the baby daddy isn’t being very supportive.
When Lili told her parents she was pregnant they didn’t take it well as she is currently still at uni. Due to her parents’ religious views, they went with adoption.
I’m currently single but don’t mind the idea of being a parent so when they approached me about adopting the baby at birth I wasn’t closed to the idea if clear boundaries and proper documentation existed.
This got everyone’s hopes up especially my parents and aunties who all offered their support if I were to adopt the baby (babysitting, baby stuff and maybe a little finances).
At this point, no legal document existed and I officially hadn’t said yes but to be fair it was pretty much implied since I also never said no.
In all honesty and after some financial consulting I thought this would be a good idea but then it happened, when Lili was about five months pregnant a checkup raised some flags and finally it was confirmed that the baby had Down syndrome.
We were told that while the test is not 100% accurate, they were pretty sure about the diagnosis and when the child was born they would do some test to determine the severity of his condition, but the most likely scenario is that the baby will have profound intellectual disability.
For me this changes a lot and honestly I don’t think I can handle having this baby, like I said I would be a single parent and after a little research I wouldn’t be able to provide adequate medical and therapeutic care for him.
At first, uncle and auntie told me to think about it, and along with the family I was told there would be no pressure and they would all provide extra help now that we know this information, still I was sure I wouldn’t be able to care for him and when I finally made my decision public to my family a switch flipped and was basically cut off from everyone and was told to not come back until I decide to make things right.
I totally get their point of view I can see why I’m the jerk in their eyes but at the same time I feel like what I did is justifiable. I really am on the fence here and can’t make up my mind so am I the jerk?”
16. AITJ For Closing Off My Property That Neighbors Used As Public Access To The Lake?
“Background: I recently purchased several acres of wooded property, a good portion of which juts out into a rather large lake.
My little peninsula gives me some great lakefront, there’s a smallish strip of “beach,” a dock, and a few boat slips. Because of the woods surrounding the lake, I’m the only lot for several miles that has access to the water without going bushwhacking through the trees.
Apparently, over the years my neighbors have gotten used to taking their boats down my driveway to launch, or going and spending time on the beach.
I bought the place over the holidays and just recently moved in at the beginning of the summer, and before anyone introduced themselves to me I was met with a regular stream of traffic cutting through my lot to the water.
At first I thought it was because I purchased the property and didn’t move in right away, that everyone just assumed the house and land were vacant and could take advantage until that changed. So, I started walking out when I saw people and letting them know that I lived there now, and also making a point to make it obvious the house was lived in.
Not much changed so I got blunt and started asking people directly not to trespass on the property.
I wish I could say my direct approach solved the problem, but people would still trek right through. I put up a fence, and put up a sign stating “private property” as well as a sign letting folks know that my dogs were on the property.
Once I put the fence up I started allowing them (the dogs) to roam the property and didn’t want any trouble.
Unfortunately, my neighbors took the fence and the dogs, despite the fact I owned the dogs well before moving to this lot, as an act of aggression. I had a neighbor come to my door and literally yell at me because my dogs barked at her kids when they tried to pull their raft up onto my beach.
That same neighbor advised me that my lot has always been the neighborhood entrance to the lake. Apparently, a number of the neighbors built the fire pit and put the tables and rocks and park-like features out there.
In chatting with a couple of the friends I’ve managed to make in my new neighborhood, they confirmed that what the neighbor said was true, that my property has always been more of a park than a private lot.
Anyway, while I feel bad that the convenience of nearby lake access has been cut off, I live by myself and I’m personally not comfortable with anyone and everyone just traipsing through my yard. On one hand, I feel like it’s absolutely my decision to restrict access to my lot but on the other I’m wondering if I’m breaking some sort of unspoken rule of access that was established before I ever got here.
Am I the jerk for closing off my property?
ETA: I’m not asking for legal advice, I have a lovely attorney and I’m well within my rights to close down access to the property. There is no easement and I own the shoreline.
The neighbors took me letting the dogs out on the property as a sign of aggression, they didn’t literally take my dogs.
As the dogs are a pair of Malinois, good luck taking them someplace they don’t want to go.
The lake has two public parks, complete with boat launches and docks that are open for anyone’s use. The nearest of which is a few miles down the road from my property. If a person were wanting to launch a boat, it would take about 15 minutes longer to do so by going to the public launch versus down my driveway.”
15. AITJ For Reporting My Coworker Who Ignored A Resident's Emergency Call?
“I work as a caregiver. The way our residents call for help is through the pendants they wear, and we receive the calls on pagers. We have a resident who abuses his pendant and cries wolf a lot, but regardless I always go and answer his page, even if it’s nothing.
You never know if it truly is an emergency, we’ll call him T.
A few weeks ago, it was just me and one coworker (we’ll call her J) working the floor. She has a pager – I have a pager. I got started on the shower list and I told J to answer pages while I did this.
As I was showering a resident, my pager was going off, I radioed to J and said “T is paging, can you go check on him?” She says sure and I go back to assisting this resident.
Another 5 min go by, pager goes off again. It’s T. My hands are wet as I’m assisting the other resident so I just assume J is making her way up and just hadn’t turned off his pendant yet.
Another few min go by and his call is still coming through the pager.
I dry my hands off and radio again “Hey J, did you get to T’s page yet?” As it’s been around 15ish min now. She says she’s getting to it. I finish up with the resident’s shower, I dry them off, assist with clothing and then I’m done.
At this point, it’s been 30 min now, and T’s page is STILL going.
I get on the elevator, I run into J, I ask “Did you get to T or do you want me to?” She said, “No, I’m waiting because he always calls for no reason so I know it’s nothing important, he can wait.”
I was in disbelief at her attitude, got off on his floor and I heard SCREAMING. It’s T screaming for help because he fell and couldn’t get up. He was on the ground for 30 min!!!!
After assisting him, I told her that she needs to answer his pages (and everyone’s regardless) right away because even if it’s nothing, there’s times where it’s SOMETHING.
Which was that time, he was on the ground because he fell. I stepped outside and called our boss. I told her what J said, what happened to T, and that I think it was highly inappropriate for how J acted about it.
Other coworkers later on found out and called me the jerk for “snitching” on J.
J is mad at me. And other coworkers said I did the right thing.
AITJ for calling the boss because someone basically wasn’t doing their job/let a resident just lay on the floor for 30 minutes because she thought it wasn’t a big deal? I hate drama and I hate being a snitch, but something didn’t sit right with me with how J acted.
EDIT: forgot to add, after my report to the boss, we had a meeting about it the next day and how we ALL need to answer pages right away. J told everyone it was me and that we all got talked to because of me snitching.”
14. AITJ For Deep Cleaning My Mom's Messy House While She Was Away?
“I’ve recently come back home to spend time with my family before starting a career overseas. I came home to a home that’s so messy, I couldn’t even see the floors.
Stuff was piling up everywhere. The hallways were covered in tons of stuff. I’m surprised that my mom and younger sister are able to live in this filth. So I cleared out my childhood room, which had been utilized as a storage room. I cleared out the hallways upstairs as well so I don’t trip and fall down the stairs.
My mom has severe asthma (she coughs every minute and can’t breathe) recently she had to be hospitalized for it. So while she was gone, I took it upon myself to clean her home. My mom had been sleeping downstairs on the dirty floor with the pets and her room had piles of stuff. I cleared out everything.
I threw away all the garbage (it was a lot of garbage) that accumulated everywhere. I tried my best to keep most of her things, by buying organizers to place them away in cabinets/closets. I vacuumed years worth of dirt and dust, moped, and wiped down everything. Cleaned all of the bathrooms and even the laundry room (I had to take a pile of clothes to the dry cleaners since it would have been impossible to do it at home).
It took a long 4-5 days and a ton of garbage bags to accomplish the cleaning, my younger sister helped as well. I bought an air cleaner (filter) since we have cats and dogs. I even bathed them and cut their hair because they were smelly. The house is pretty much spotless to the point where we can actually invite people over.
I thought I was doing a good thing.
Well when my mom came home, she was absolutely furious at me. That she had given me permission to organize the house a little while she was gone, not get rid of everything. I tried to reassure her that most of her things had been in organizers placed away.
However, she started yelling at me that she doesn’t know where all of her things are at. That she knew where it was placed before (in the piles of stuff and garbage). We got into a huge argument since I told her that it’s probably the dirty home’s fault that her asthma made her sick.
I had severe allergies when I came back home (sneezing, snot, unable to breathe… everything). Now she won’t even talk to me.”
13. AITJ For Refusing To Remove My Late Father's Picture From My Living Room Wall?
“My (F32) dad passed away when I was 4. He was only 34 and suffered from congestive heart condition. My mom raised me and my brother by herself and never married again.
I love my dad and I have a great connection to him because of the stories my mom tells about him. I also connect to him spiritually through his pictures. I have the majority of his belongings and I have a framed picture of him. Sort of like a mug shot. He looks young and vibrant in it.
It was black and white but I had a friend add color to it which was very nice of her. I paid for the costs with my own money and hung the picture in the living room of my apartment while my partner was on a work trip. He came back, saw it, and said it looked fantastic at first but then in about 2 weeks’ time he told me he was becoming uncomfortable with my dad’s picture on the wall and asked me to remove it.
I asked why and he gave the following reasons:
- Said my dad looked young in the picture and he was tired of people constantly seeing it and asking if that was a deceased/late partner of mine (he says people think so because of how common it is)
- He said the picture I picked was not suitable and he constantly doubts himself seeing how good-looking my dad looked compared to him.
In other words, it caused him some damage to his self-confidence.
- He said it’s NOT HEALTHY nor safe to hang a deceased person’s pictures because it might invite spirits into the apartment.
- His parents saw it and want a picture of themselves hung on the wall too.
I refused to remove it and he said it was ok but then kept pestering me about it.
The final straw was last night when he invited his friends over and I was in the kitchen and overheard them looking at my dad’s picture and talking about it. One of his friends suggested my partner remove the picture when I’m out and ‘make it look like an accident’. I saw my partner nod.
I snapped and had an argument with his friend. My partner said I needed to chill but I said if he agrees with those who disrespected my dad then he’s no better. I had his friends leave and my partner said I overreacted because he’d never touch my dad’s picture and his friend was being a jerk.
He then was like ‘see hanging it in the living room wasn’t a good idea’ and suggested I remove it to keep it safe but I firmly stated the picture stays put. AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Eat My Friend's Food Made From Dumpster Ingredients?
“My (32F) friend ‘Timothy’ (33M) really loves to cook. He often posts on social media about cookbooks he’s reading or recipes he’s trying.
I’ve eaten dishes he’s made in the past at parties or picnics and they’re usually good. We’ve been friends for a few years now, but I only recently found out that in addition to his culinary interests, he’s very passionate about food waste. As part of that, the majority of what he eats is made from ingredients previously thrown out by grocery stores and private consumers.
I discovered this at a potluck picnic two months ago. Timothy brought a complicated, fragrant artichoke dip and someone asked him the recipe. He talked about how he made it and then mentioned proudly ‘and all of the ingredients came from a dumpster!’ When someone asked him what he meant, he elaborated on his long-standing practice of getting food ingredients out of other people’s trash – items thrown out half-full or unopened items past their sell-by date – because ‘we throw out a ton of food we don’t need to.’ He mentioned that he rarely buys new food from a grocery store since there’s so much of it in dumpsters and trash cans.
He also mentioned, proudly, that he rarely ever gets sick from what he makes.
A few of our friends at the picnic expressed surprise that he could make that from thrown-out items. Others echoed his position on food waste. I didn’t say anything. I do agree with him that people waste a huge amount of food, and absolutely those resources can be saved and distributed in better ways.
But in that moment I felt sick. The thought that the dip I was about to eat came from someone’s trash made me nauseous. And I suddenly felt a little horrified that I’d previously eaten food that he made without knowing that this was his practice. (Sure, those dishes tasted good then, and I didn’t get sick – but I still feel gross about it.) I didn’t eat any of his dip at the picnic, and I didn’t say anything about how I was feeling to anyone.
Flash forward to now, Timothy has a birthday coming up and is having a party. He’s been texting me telling me about new recipes he’s trying for the party, and can’t wait for me and the rest of his friends to sample them. I am sure that the food will again be made from thrown-out ingredients, and the thought is making me nauseous all over again.
But I really want to go to the party because he’s my friend and I miss hanging out with him as much as I did before.
WIBTJ if I didn’t take any of the food he offered? In the past he’s been pretty pushy about the food he’s made (he says he’s that way due to family tradition) so I’m sure I’d have to come up with a pretty strong excuse but I hate lying to him.
(I do not plan on telling him the real reason – I know our friendship would suffer.)”
11. AITJ For Insulting My Brother's Sister-In-Law Who Turned Out To Be My Fiancé's Ex?
“I (28f) have a brother ‘Mike’ (34m) who’s married to ‘Lori’ (32f) and she has a sister ‘Amy’ (28f).
My brother and SIL have been together for 7 years and married for 3. Since the first year of their relationship I was always aware of Amy but never really close nor did I spend any time with her. It wasn’t until during that actual wedding planning that I started to get to know her better and we clicked. Not in a ‘bestie’ sort of way but I would say at least a step above In-Laws status.
Around 24 I met my fiancé ‘Kai’ (29m) and he’s a really great guy. He’s smart, kind, good-looking, well-traveled, and speaks multiple languages. I could go on. I was so excited when he proposed because he did it in his newly purchased house and told me that this was the home he wanted us to raise our future children in.
Up until this point Kai and I had a mutual agreement on social media to mark ourselves as ‘In A Relationship’ but never post pics or give any details to avoid drama (i.e. nosy family members) but those close to us knew what the deal was.
Because of this while Amy was aware that I was in a relationship she didn’t know with whom.
When Amy saw the pics she messaged me wanting details, which I thought was a little weird since she knew I was in a relationship, the person’s name, what he did for a living, and a few of his interests. Amy wanted to know when/how we met and if Kai had ever mentioned any previous partners before.
I asked her why she wanted to know that and responded by saying that Kai seemed like such a sweet guy and just wanted to know how our love story began. I told her I’d met Kai and that after a couple of months of knowing each other, we became an item and have been in love ever since.
I kept going on and on about how happy and lucky I was and prayed that I wouldn’t make the same mistake as his idiot ex. Amy asked me what I meant. I told her how Kai’s first love was his high school sweetheart who wanted to go on a ‘break’ while in college for a few weeks.
Kai mentioned how he didn’t think that that was a good idea but was convinced that it would be better in the long run and agreed. However, it horribly backfired and two weeks after the break Kai ended the relationship.
Kai talked about how crazy she got that he decided to delete his profile, make a new one but still rarely goes on there because of how stalkerish she could be.
I laughed calling Kai’s ex pathetic and how she only wanted a break so she could be unfaithful with no consequence and ended up losing a great guy. I didn’t hear from Amy again but Lori called in and berated me for insulting her sister, and that’s how I found out that she was Kai’s ex.
AITJ?
Edit: Just for context Amy and Lori are technically half-sisters and didn’t really become involved in each other’s lives until they were adults so Kai never met Lori as Amy’s sister.”
10. AITJ For Revealing My Sister's Deceit About Our Other Sister's Baby's Gender?
“I 29 male have 2 sisters Sierra who is 33 and Selena who is 27. They are both married and are both also pregnant. Sierra has been trying to get pregnant for many years while this will be Selena’s second child. Our whole family is excited for them of course, and since I am close to both of my sisters they gave me their gender envelopes so I can plan the celebrations.
I am an event coordinator.
The original plan was to have a double gender reveal first and then have a double baby shower later. However, last minute Sierra told the family that we should just have one big party in order to save money and time. We all agreed and I revealed to the family that both my sisters are having girls!
We just had their party last month and everything went well. I threw the most lavish party I could come up with for my future nieces.
However, last week I was over at Sierra’s house and went into her bedroom to grab a pen from her desk. When I opened the drawer I found an opened gender envelope addressed to Selena.
I saw that Selena was actually having a boy and not a girl. When I confronted Sierra over text about having Selena’s open envelope, she confessed that she switched the envelope before I took it to plan the party. She also confessed that she’s upset about Selena being pregnant for a second time and that it’s not fair for her first child to have to share the spotlight.
Especially considering the years of infertility she faced. She made me promise not to tell anyone.
I sympathized with her at first but I asked her what’s the point of changing the gender? Sierra said and I quote “I tricked Selena into coordinating her baby registry list with mine. So whenever she finds out that she’s actually having a boy, she can give me her registry things.
Plus she already has a son and her husband is a doctor, so she can afford to buy new things for her son or just rely on hand-me-downs.” That statement felt so disgusting to me and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
What’s even worse was that yesterday Selena and her husband came back from the doctor’s office and were heartbroken to find out they’re actually having a boy because they already made a girl nursery room.
She apologized to me profusely about having to plan the wrong gendered party and that her guests wasted money on the wrong gendered things. When I saw tears in both her and my brother-in-law’s eyes I couldn’t stop myself from confessing the truth. Rightfully so, they both became extremely angry and told our family what I told them.
As of right now, Selena is only talking to me and nobody else. Sierra on the other hand got the whole family on her side. My family told me I had no reason to cause drama. They’re also telling me that Sierra’s health is at risk from all the stress and if something happens to her first and possibly only baby, I am at fault.
But frankly, I don’t give a darn about Sierra anymore. So AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Quitting My Job Over A Suspected Scam Transaction?
“Last year, I worked at a small-budget grocery store. A guy wanted three $500 prepaid Visa Gift Cards.
I immediately say, ‘Hold on, are you sure this isn’t an advanced fee scam?’
‘No, no, they are for my personal use.’
That is the response that phone scammers tell people to say if they are asked about why they are buying large denominations of cards.
There were two tills at this store: mine, and the manager’s. For some reason, the manager wasn’t allowed to sell that amount of gift cards on their own terminal. (Possibly an anti-theft measure?) But that meant that the $1500 of Visa Gift Cards had to be rung up on my terminal.
But I didn’t feel good about this, so… I refused.
I asked the customer what they were for if it wasn’t a scam. If he gave me an alternate reason, like ‘My three kids are all getting PS5s,’ I would have done it. But he refuses to clarify and apparently can’t even make up a lie. When I refuse to budge, the man leaves… I presume to talk to the scammer outside on his phone.
We call up the head manager and she says… well, we warned him, and that’s all we can do. I say that we could do a little more and refuse to participate in this nonsense. Let him go somewhere else for his criminal activity.
The manager on the floor says that I have to do it because she can’t do it on hers.
She literally tries to push me out of the way of my terminal to do it, and I stand my ground as she tries to hip-push me, in what must have been a rather pathetic display. She finally says, ‘you can do this, or you can leave.’
So I left.
After I cooled down a bit and got lunch, I call the head manager again and ask her… ‘Should I even come in tomorrow?
It’s hard to hire people in December, so I am willing to stay on. We can gamble on this not happening again.’
She decides that, nah, let’s just make a clean break. I say, possibly interrupting her as she waffles, ‘Alright, then. Lose this number,’ and hang up on her.
It sucks that this guy got taken for a ride, but it also sucks that I basically threw the job away for no gain and he still got taken for a ride.
(It was a minimum-wage job. I wasn’t attached to it or anything.)
A younger co-worker at my other job didn’t understand why I did it. ‘They don’t pay me enough to be a hero.’
My response was, ‘No, they don’t pay me enough to be a villain.'”
8. AITJ For Asking My Neighbors To Keep Their Kids Quiet During My Exam?
“I’ve lived in my house for three years now with my partner. Really quiet neighborhood, awesome people to live next door to. About a year ago we had a family move in behind us with two young kids (maybe 5 and 7 F) younger couple, all good.
We initially tried to say hi and welcome them but were met with a really cold reception so we left it at that and didn’t really engage with them. They put the kid’s play equipment literally right on our back fence (even though they have a massive yard) so we hear everything the kids are doing when they’re outside playing.
Even with windows closed and TV on it’s completely unavoidable.
To preface this, I just wanna say I love kids. I understand they play in the backyard and make heaps of noise. That doesn’t phase me. I have headphones when they get really loud. It never drowns it out but decreases it a bit. Of late the kids have a new game where they bang with sticks, rocks, and toys on our shared fence.
It’s colorbond (steel) so it gets really loud and irritating to be honest but I haven’t said anything because the parents really don’t seem to care what their kids get up to so it’s not really my place to tell them to stop. This can go on for hours sometimes coupled with high-pitched screaming and crying.
This past week I had a massive exam to do from 1-4 in the afternoon, due to circumstances we are doing everything online at home and I really don’t have anywhere else I could have gone. So I decided to get the mum’s attention last week and just ask politely if on my exam day at this time could you please not let the kids bang on the fence.
I wasn’t asking them to not go outside and play, just if their mum could stop them from the god-awful banging. I was really nice about it but she flipped at me and told me that I didn’t have kids so I wouldn’t understand how hard that would be for her to do and basically in her speech she told me to go away.
Come my afternoon of exam and loud music is blasting from their house and the kids are banging and screaming at the fence. I had no choice but to put headphones on and try to drown it out whilst I worked. I actually broke down crying midway through because I felt like I couldn’t concentrate and was getting so frustrated so I don’t feel like I did really well as I had hoped.
Fast forward to this week and they’ve made it a point to be as loud as possible and every time I go outside to my external laundry the parents make it a point to scream things at me about how pathetic I am and I can’t handle their kids blah blah.
When I told a friend the story she told me I was awful for even asking that of the parents and that I didn’t understand because I don’t have kids just how rude that was.
So now I think I was in the wrong? AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Not Apologizing After My Mother Fed My Niece Solids Without Permission?
“My brother and his wife had their first baby 7 months ago. My mother who lives with me recently started watching the baby instead of placing it in daycare.
So the baby is at my house all week. It’s been a month and my mom says that the baby barely sleeps. Will cry and show signs of tiredness, but only naps for half an hour at the most. My brother and SIL have also told us the baby still wakes up almost every 1-2 hours throughout the night like a newborn and it’s extremely exhausting.
They’ve tried plenty of different things but nothing has improved much. The baby only drinks breast milk.
While I know EVERY baby is different, and what works for some might not others, I still can’t help but think they aren’t feeding the baby enough. As a mother of 3 myself, all my kids started differently (one ate baby cereal at 4 months, another didn’t take to solids until 6m) but I think I have a good sense of when a baby is ready to start taking in more.
After finding out that they only feed the baby 4 oz at a time, I suggested talking to the pediatrician about starting Baby on solids. They said the Dr. already gave them the go-ahead but my bro/Sil didn’t think the baby was ready yet. So I said I think upping his ounces in milk would probably help Baby sleep better.
Fuller = longer stretches. They brushed me off.
Then last Friday my mom was watching the baby and decided on her own to give the baby smashed-up banana. Which the baby absolutely loved. My Sil was upset and obviously I can see why. It wasn’t my mother’s call to make for numerous reasons. But my mom wouldn’t back down saying they are starving her grandchild.
So they called me and basically demanded I get in the middle and make my mom apologize to them or she wouldn’t see the baby anymore. I told them I think she should apologize for not getting their permission but that I don’t think my mother is wrong for her reasoning. That they aren’t feeding their child enough and maybe because they’re new parents, they ought to hear other parents out.
They called me some choice words and said they don’t feel comfortable leaving their child at my house anymore until we apologize. I said I wouldn’t give their baby anything they didn’t want me to but that I will NOT apologize for voicing my opinion. Am I the jerk for not just apologizing and keeping my opinions to myself?
Now my mother and I might not get to see the baby for the foreseeable future.”
6. AITJ For Making Up A Curse To Get My Engagement Ring Back From My Future MIL?
“I (F26) just got engaged. My soon-to-be MIL is a nightmare. We are currently renovating a part of our place and she has been lent a key in the meantime because she keeps coming over uninvited under the guise of “helping” clean up, but she really just likes to snoop and interfere.
I do martial arts and take my engagement ring off before class. I came home from an afternoon class one day and my engagement ring was not in the jewellery dish that I usually leave it in. I asked her about it and she told me that she’d taken it to a jeweller to get it cleaned. She looked super smug about it and when I asked which jeweller, she pretended she couldn’t remember.
I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of having a reaction to it so I just let it slide for a couple of days.
A couple of days pass and I ask her about it again and she’s super vague, still pretending she can’t remember which jeweller and saying she’s too busy to go pick it up anytime soon.
So I said, “wow, I really feel for that jeweller… hope nothing happens to her.” She asked what I meant, and I told her that my superstitious Brazilian grandmother had performed some traditional ritual on it that’s usually known to curse anyone who takes or handles the ring other than the owner. She looked uneasy and asked me a couple more questions about this ritual and I made some story up about how my mother’s ring had been taken by a burglar who was crushed by a pillar of cement on his way out of the house.
(I totally made this entire ritual up and I do have a Brazilian grandmother but obviously she did not do some ritual to my ring.)
The next day, my fiancé told me while I was out that she was there to clean up a bit… Lo and behold, I get home (she had already left) and find my ring where I had left it.
It didn’t look any cleaner than it had before lol.
A week later, I receive an abusive call from her saying she’d been in a minor car accident and she was blaming me and my “witch doctor” grandmother, saying she was now cursed for having touched it. I passed the phone to my fiancé who tried to calm her down, but she was hysterical. I told my fiancé what I had told her, and he scolded me a bit because we both know how she is and I should have known she’d react this sort of way.
It’s been a further week since then and she refuses to talk to me and keeps slandering me to my fiancé. Overall he sort of recognises how ridiculous she’s being, but the drama of the situation is making me wonder if the whole curse tale was taking it a bit too far. So, AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Using Humor To Counter My Nephew's Homophobic Comment?
“My family (my folks, my brother and his family, my sister and her family, me and my husband) had a get-together on the weekend, during which I discovered my formerly adorably precocious kid of a nephew has hit his ‘edgy teen’ stage with gusto.
He had an attitude all afternoon, which culminated in him asking me and my husband (gay couple) which of us was the ‘woman’. I was pretty taken aback and just said ‘neither of us, we’re both men, that’s the point’, at which point he came up with some evo-psych nonsense about how male always seeks female and therefore even with two guys, one will always be the more feminine or something.
The thing is, I know he knows better and his whole attitude was blatantly just trying to get a rise. I didn’t feel like ruining a nice afternoon by giving it to him, so instead I decided to make a joke of it and told him seriously that no one had told us that, and in that case we’d better figure it out ASAP huh?
My husband grabbed a notepad, drew columns for each of us, and we started noting down our various ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ aspects, deliberately absurd stuff like I wear more pink but he cries easier, he’s much better at sports but I’ve got him beat in survival skills, etc.
At some point, the other adults minus my folks drifted over to see what we were doing.
My brother immediately wanted to join in, saying he’d never really been sure in their case either, so he and his wife started their own list, and my sister and her husband (parents of nephew) followed suit. It was honestly pretty funny, we made up a points system and debated the gendering of breakfast foods.
My nephew got more and more sulky (we kept asking for his verdicts) until finally he walked away in disgust and ended up hardly saying a word for the rest of the afternoon.
At the time I thought it was a harmless and amusing way of making a point about the stupidity of his argument without giving him the satisfaction of the ‘you’re too sensitive’ rise he was obviously looking for, but earlier today from his brother (19 – he was not at the get-together) saying my nephew was really upset and accusing us of being a bunch of adults ganging up on a child, and of drawing his own parents into it.
I honestly hadn’t thought of it in that light, and now that I do, I must admit it’s not a great look. I still think he’s old enough to not be catered to when he acts like this though. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Defending My Son's Language Learning Progress Against My Wife's High Expectations?
“My wife and I are both highly educated people.
We both have doctorates and several master’s degrees, as well as being successful in our professional lives. We also have a son, Caleb (18m), who is our pride and joy.
Throughout Caleb’s life, my wife and I have had some disagreements about parenting. I’m someone who values my son being a ‘well-rounded’ person (which means I don’t want Caleb to just have good grades and I don’t care if he doesn’t get a perfect score) and my wife is someone who values grades and discipline.
It has taken us a long time to find a balance between what I and my wife want.
Caleb is in his first semester of law school. One of the requirements to graduate is to certify that you know the English language. Since Caleb already has a certification, he decided to pick up German as a fourth language.
I advised him to maybe wait until the third semester to start learning German, just to give himself time to get used to how the university works, and also because he has a history of pressuring himself a lot when studying. Caleb was adamant about starting now, so I didn’t push the issue forward.
He just finished his second evaluation and he’s not doing as well as he expected. He’s doing, in my opinion, fine: 9 out of 10 in his first test and 8/10 in his second one, but he is very upset with himself.
I tried to console him, and told him that if he wanted to, we could look for some private tutoring, and I also reassured him that, for someone who has never spoken an ounce of German, he is doing amazing.
My wife, on the other hand, is furious with Caleb. She told him that his grades are unacceptable and to start putting more effort into his education.
Caleb got even more upset and started crying. She tried to ground him for two weeks with no outings, but I didn’t let her do so.
So now she is mad with me. She says that my ‘weak parenting’ is allowing our son to be mediocre and that she didn’t raise Caleb to be average.
I got mad, because our son is not average nor mediocre, so I asked her how many languages she speaks? My wife answers ‘one’ so I tell her that she really doesn’t have a say on this particular issue, since out of the three of us, she is most likely the mediocre one in that department.
She got even more furious, so now I’m sleeping on the couch until further notice.
I think I really messed up here, but I got very mad with her for making our son cry, so I couldn’t keep quiet.”
3. AITJ For Defending My Wife's Choice To Bottle Feed Our Baby Against My SIL's Criticism?
“My wife gave birth to our first child in July of this year. She tried to breastfeed our son but couldn’t handle the pain, she also suffered from postpartum depression so I suggested we try formula. Our baby is growing healthy and happy and my wife started to feel good again.
She still feels down sometimes but her medication has helped her a lot.
My brother and his family visited us last week. They gave us gifts for the baby and asked how things are going for us. We were just chatting in the living room when our baby started crying. My wife hurried to the kitchen to prepare our son’s bottle when SIL followed her.
She said something along the lines of ‘are you sure you want to feed your baby cow’s milk?’ My wife said yes and explained that she tried breastfeeding but it was too painful for her. SIL then went on to say that when she had her firstborn she never complained of pain and that her ‘great love’ for her child helped her overcome everything.
I told her everyone’s experience is unique but she continued to say we are depriving our child the best nutrients because we’re feeding him cow’s milk. This time my wife already went to the nursery to feed our baby. My SIL said she can’t believe how some moms are so selfish by choosing to bottle feed to not destroy their figure (my wife is slim even after giving birth).
I told her that is not the reason we chose to bottle feed. She stopped making comments because her daughter started to get fussy. She pulled a snack from her diaper bag and what do you know, she handed her daughter Cheetos. I wanted to say something but I stopped myself because I thought it’s uncalled for.
We continued talking for a few minutes when my wife joined us holding our son to help him burp. SIL went on to say ‘Oh you poor thing. Did mommy give you cow’s milk? I hope you don’t end up malnourished.’ My wife didn’t say anything but I could see from her expression that she was hurt.
I told my SIL ‘can you stop being a hypocrite and give your daughter a healthier snack.’ My brother got upset that I called his wife a hypocrite. We got into a verbal altercation which ended in me kicking them out.
Our parents are now angry at both of us for acting like teenagers.
They want us to apologize to each other but I refused. I said only if SIL apologized to my wife first. AITJ?
Edit for clarification: we use Kirkland’s signature ProCare. It is baby formula. My SIL calls it cow’s milk. I don’t know maybe to make it sound awful.”
2. AITJ For Forcing My Youngest Daughter To Help With Gardening To Bond With Her?
“I (47f) live with my husband and my youngest daughter (15f). My oldest daughter (20f) no longer lives with us and I feel a bit lonely since we did everything together.
We liked the same things and we were best friends. I love my youngest daughter equally, I don’t have a favorite child, but it has always been difficult for me to bond with her because we’re too different.
My youngest daughter clearly prefers my husband, given that just like my oldest daughter, they are best friends: they do everything together, they like the same things, and they often bond over games, music, and anime.
I’ve tried to bond more deeply with my daughter, but I don’t understand her tastes, and when we’re alone we hardly ever have anything to talk about. My husband doesn’t see it as a problem, and he often says ‘each parent with its own daughter’, but it doesn’t seem right to me.
I recently decided to build a garden and asked my daughter to help me, as I often bonded with her sister on gardening.
She said no right away, but I forced her anyway. I thought it would be a beautiful afternoon, laughing and chatting, but it wasn’t. She complained ALL the time, that the dirt was gross, that the sun was gonna burn her and every time I turned around, I saw her using her phone.
At one point I got bored with her attitude and said ‘if you dislike this so much, go and leave your mother alone.’ She went back into the house.
I thought she would come out in a few minutes, she would apologize and we would start over (like in the movies), but an hour passed and nothing. I walked into the house and saw her in her room, playing on her computer.
I got mad and grounded her without games for a week. She wasn’t even sorry she left me alone and she called it ‘a wasted afternoon’, which hurt me.
My husband defended her by saying that if I really knew her, I would know that she doesn’t like outdoor activities and that I should’ve tried to bond by doing something she likes instead of forcing something that I like on her.
He also accused me of trying to turn her into a version of her sister and of trying to take ‘his daughter’ away from him.
Now they’re both against me and give me the silent treatment. So, AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Didn't Take Me To An Event I Bought Tickets For?
“My Christmas present from my husband in 2013 were tickets to see a musician I absolutely love. Like I love their music and really enjoy it so I was really happy and grateful my husband got me tickets. It was kind and thoughtful and I told him how much I appreciate it.
He got me 2 tickets so I invited my sister and we made a girly weekend of it. My husband was upset that I didn’t take him; he’d bought the tickets for us to go together. I pointed out that it was a gift to me so I could decide who to take and most importantly, I feel he would have ruined the experience.
I’m a superfan of this artist, and my husband is kind of a super hater. He pokes fun and criticizes everything: music, lyrics, looks – he just disparages it because he thinks they’re overrated and need knocking down. We’ve had words about this and why he feels the need to do that and we can’t agree.
Anyway, I chose to go with my sister because I needed someone who would match my energy and genuinely enjoy the concert. My husband said this was him making an effort to get into my world and I denied him that. I apologized and thought that was that.
Fast forward to this year. I bought my husband tickets to a major football game.
Now I’m not a football fan: you won’t catch me sitting every weekend following the games or looking at charts. But I love the atmosphere of live events and always watch major games like the World Cup/Euros/AFCON etc. in the final rounds because I love the excitement in the air. We host friends or go to parties specifically for this and I genuinely enjoy watching the game – like screaming at the players like I could do better lol.
My husband loves this because he finds it funny how invested I get and says he likes it when I watch with him and get involved.
I got my husband tickets to the Euros semi-final where our country was playing. I booked a hotel as soon as it was clear that the game was going ahead and I was getting excited. I was very excited and telling people about it, only for my husband to say he’s taking his friend.
I asked why and he made a reference to how I took someone else to the concert so he’s taking his friend. I told him that was different because he wouldn’t have enjoyed the concert, I would enjoy the game and I was very much looking forward to it and I had apologized. He said it didn’t matter, his tickets his rules and went with his friend.
I was obviously very hurt by him going out of his way to ‘get even’ when I thought this was water under the bridge. I was hosting a social for the final and his mum asked how it felt to be at a live event after so long. I told her I didn’t go because her son chose not to take me.
We got into a back and forth and I ended up calling him a petty, childish jerk and it kinda ruined the vibe for our guests. AITJ?”
