People Try To Clear Their Name In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Posting A Photo With My Ex And Son?
“Me (M) and my ex-wife (F), Amelia, were together for 7 years and had our son, Aiden (5)
We broke up in a friendly way, there was no third party or anything like that, we were just unhappy in the relationship. After I broke up, she was a great friend and the mother of my son.
We decided together that we wouldn’t give up moments with our son because of our separation, so we go to the movies, amusement parks, hang out together and Aiden has never had any double birthdays, we do it together.
I have great affection for her, I love her as the mother of my child and a person I have known for over 10 years. I am happy to embark on this co-parenting adventure with a fantastic person who believes in the same ideals of raising.
We both have romantic relationships right now. And by our decision, Aiden would only meet our partner if the relationship lasted longer than 6 months.
I have been going out with Paula for 1 year and she is comfortable with my relationship with Amelia, she often goes out with all of us to enjoy together.
Amelia has been going out with Joshua for 2 months and he still hasn’t met Aiden, but apparently, he had no issues with her going out with me and our son.
Friday was Amelia’s birthday, I wasn’t in town, so I called and wished her happy birthday.
As we always do (she did the same), I posted a photo on Instagram stories with a picture of us and Aiden (not romantic) and written ‘Happy birthday. Thanks for being such a great mom and friend’. Keep in mind I always post with her and Aiden, them, me, and Paula… so it was never unusual.
Not 30 minutes later, Joshua texted me telling me to delete the photo, because it was giving the idea that we were still together and she was currently going out with him, so I’m crossing the line. I could have chosen a better photo (the photo was of my son singing happy birthday on his birthday, me holding him in my lap and Amelia clapping, Paula right next to me)
I was surprised and didn’t respond. But I asked Paula and Amelia if they felt uncomfortable with the photo and they both said absolutely no (+ ‘why would I?’). I sent Amelia messages from Joshua and she got mad.
They had a big fight and Amelia asked for a break.
Joshua said this to me with a ‘Thank you for not seeing that you’re crossing the line and bringing something between us into my relationship.’
I don’t think I did anything wrong, after all no one was uncomfortable besides him, but I feel bad for possibly messing up their relationship.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong and nothing that you hadn’t done a hundred times before. Joshua’s behavior indicated that he was always going to have a problem with your (healthy and appropriate) co-parenting relationship with your ex-wife. It’s honestly good for everyone that this happened now so that she could see the marinara flags now before she introduced this person to your son.” aliteralavocado
Another User Comments:
“Brava to Amelia for stepping in and asking for a break. Joshua was absolutely going to break the co-parenting dynamic you had with your ex if he got his way. It may start with a picture, but then it would have grown to him demanding the two of you don’t spend time together as much because it’s making him feel left out since he’s only been in the picture for two months and likely has not met your child.
He’s clearly not as comfortable with you, despite saying otherwise.
Also, kudos to you for treating your current partner and ex with respect and for seeking their opinion on how they felt about the matter since they were in the picture. They both seem like great people and I wish all of you happiness.
NTJ” jasperjamboree
Another User Comments:
“Not only did you not do anything wrong, but you also did exactly as you should. He deliberately went behind Amelia’s back and showed possessiveness and jealousy. She needs to know that! The relationship is 2 months old and easily ended. But if he’s been given longer, he might have noontime to try and control and isolate her, and – well, there are enough stories in the world of what comes of that.
His behavior was a waking red flag of football field-sized proportions. Your relationship with your ex is extremely healthy and a wonderful environment for your child to grow up in. Send her the text he sent you after, please. She needs to be aware that his reaction to being told ‘no’ was to do it again.
NTJ” ISTFMM
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad To My Dance Recital?
“My dad often is late to or entirely misses my dance recitals. He’s a very busy guy and yet somehow he has never missed my brother ‘Nick’s’ football games despite them probably being at more inconvenient times.
The latest one he missed out on was in September which had a choreography to one of his favorite songs so I wanted him to be there to see it, but he 100% missed it and arrived after I had performed, which he cited was due to some important work thing with a client that couldn’t be ignored.
I have an important and big dance recital/competition in November. I invited my mom and stepdad, my brother, my grandparents on my dad’s side, my stepmom and little stepbrother, and some close friends. Basically everyone except my dad. On the invitation, the card was addressed to only my stepmom and stepbrother’s names.
My dad asked ‘hey where’s my name on it?’ when he saw it.
I told him he didn’t need to come to it since there was only a limited number of tickets for my guests and I had already maxed out my family and friends.
I explained that since he’s often late to my recitals, it’s obviously not a priority for him or something he’s interested in, so there’s no need for him to come when I only have a limited number of tickets that I’ve already handed out to my family and friends.
He got upset and said I am being ridiculously mean and unfair to him and that he insisted on coming to this recital. I told him I don’t want him there and since it was my dance recital/competition, I’m the one who gets to choose.
For what it’s worth, my family is taking his side (even my mom and brother) and saying I am being cold and cruel to him and that my grandparents will certainly be upset too when they find out I excluded my dad. My dad also just sent me a long text saying how much it hurt him that I don’t want him there and that we need to work on our relationship and communication.
I feel bad now about everything but it’s MY recital/competition so don’t I get to choose who I want there? AITJ?
Update: In reply to my dad’s text, I sent him back a longer text detailing the reasons I don’t think he deserves to come.
He didn’t agree with it because he said he had apologized whenever he had to be late or missed one and that they were always caused by work emergencies he couldn’t miss, but he eventually understood my side of things. He stopped insisting that I invite him to this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, I would ask anyone who is pushing you to invite him how many times you are supposed to accept being last on his priority list. Like, it boggles my brain that they’re ok with him putting your relationship with him on the back burner but as soon as you match his energy it’s a problem.
I’m sending you big sis hugs through the void, cause I’ve been where you are. Take a moment to disconnect from everyone telling you what to do and think about what you want. If there’s still a part of you that hopes your dad will show and not make everything about himself, then listen and disinvite one of your immediate family members since they want to jump on you about it.
If their feelings are hurt then tough, this is what happens when you stick your fingers into someone else’s pie.
If you are truly to the point where you want to drop the rope and move on, then do that. Let everyone know that you refuse to be a bottom-shelf priority in your own family.
If your dad won’t step up then you have to step up and make yourself your own priority because if nothing else that’s what he’s taught you to do.” rando1955
Another User Comments:
“Tell him you’re happy to discuss his hurt feelings about not being invited to one recital AFTER he has sat down and heard you out about and made amends for (x) times that he was late to or missed. The first date you have available to discuss this is after the recital.
For your family, you’re happy to entertain their complaints to you about how cruel you were for this one recital AFTER they have handed over records of what they told him (x) times he was late or didn’t show. Guess when your first available slot to receive their submissions is.
NTJ. You have limited tickets. You wanted to invite friends and family, not empty chairs. Your dad had had years of time in which to make that something you didn’t have to consider, and he didn’t. His hurt feelings are caused by his actions and are his own problem to deal with because he left you to deal with yours that was also caused by his actions all those other times.” ISTFMM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he doesn’t even have the decency to apologize or feel bad that he’s missed your recitals when you confronted him and specifically told him why you’re doing what you’re doing. You are the CHILD he is the adult.
It’s obvious he doesn’t prioritize his daughter, even though he seems to be able to prioritize his son. Now they expect you to protect his feelings and his image when he’s had absolutely no regard for how his consistent lies and failure to show up have made you feel.
Dad needs a wake-up call before he loses you completely. He doesn’t get to have the glory without the work and you’re not a trophy he gets to wave around to make himself feel good while placing you back in the closet and forgetting about you when it’s inconvenient for him.” Littlelady0410
15. AITJ For Cutting My Sister Off Because Of Her Partner's Behavior?
“Earlier this evening, my (20F) sister (24) invited my partner (20) and me over to have a game night with her and her partner (25) because they just moved in with each other and wanted to celebrate. Initially, both my partner and I were grateful and really excited, we stopped by the store and picked up some food/drinks, and a game (What Do You Meme: Deluxe Edition) for us all to play, we thought that it would be fun.
Everything is going pretty well until it is time for us to play, in the deck of meme cards, there is a card of a kid pictured in a very provocative way, the moment my sister drew the card we were all uncomfortable with it, and decided to sit the card out of the game… except my sister’s partner.
He kept grabbing the card and making inappropriately charged jokes about it and stating that it ‘was his favorite card’ and was just being completely weird. Ultimately it made my partner and me so uncomfortable to the point where we didn’t want to play anymore and tried to steer the night in another direction with a board game.
However, he just kept making explicit comments about the said card, until my partner told him to shut up and called him pervy. This led my partner and him into a pretty heated argument, and I told my sister that I was going to leave.
I tried explaining to my sister that the comments this dude was making made me feel wildly uncomfortable, but she took his side. I eventually told her that I would not be coming back to the house as long as she lived with him, and she told me that I was being overdramatic and ridiculous and said that she didn’t want me to come back anyways because my partner and I were the jerks by starting said argument in their new home.
I don’t think my partner was the jerk at all to call her man out on the insane things that he was saying, but am I the jerk for basically cutting my sister off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The two of you asked him to stop talking about a topic because it made you uncomfortable and he refused to do so.
That’s a good enough reason for you never to go to their house again.
It might be interesting to see what the actual card was because people have different standards on what they consider inappropriate, but the judgment doesn’t depend on that.
When halfway-decent people try to tell jokes and realize that people around them find the topic disturbing, they tend to either apologize or shut up and leave the topic alone.
Then everyone can go on with life and not worry too much about it. That’s what should have happened.” sunroadreader
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – there are times and places where ‘inappropriate’ humor is a lot of fun (see cards against humanity), but once somebody says ‘hey I am uncomfortable’ you stop that line of jokes.
Going all in on jokes that push that boundary is inappropriate at best, and given the context, you’ve provided definitely creepy. I’d avoid the guy and listen closely for other red flags of abusive behavior.” lestabbity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, basically the card was showing something 3/4s of the party deemed not worth playing, and then her partner failed to tell a joke once, and proceed to tell it a bunch more after failing, before the creep stuff, that’s annoying, and then the creep stuff makes it worse.” AsuraRathalos
14. AITJ For Not Giving My Nephew Cake Unless He Apoloogizes?
“I’m 36M, I have 7 nieces and nephews (from 3 sisters) and we spend a lot of time together.
I don’t have kids of my own yet.
I was an army doctor for three years and then suffered brain and spine injuries in an attack. I had to relearn to walk, talk, and do most things I used to find normal. I was in a coma for almost a month.
This was 5 years ago. Each year I celebrate the anniversary of the day I finally woke up, like my re-birthday or something. I always invite my parents, and sisters with their families.
Last week I had the ‘party’, got the cake and all. My niece (5 years old) just recently broke her leg (a really complicated fracture) and is miserable about it, so at the party, I jokingly told her we are now the same (I walk with a cane, and she needs help standing up too now).
She found it amusing and said, ‘we are both superheroes now’. I then told her to blow out the candle instead of me, it made her really happy.
My nephew (9 years old) then threw a tantrum and called her a baby for complaining and said he wanted to blow the candle out.
I tried to move past it and told him he can have the first piece of cake. To that, he said, ‘you and (Niece) can shove the cake and eat crap’. I said that wasn’t nice and he needs to apologize. He refused to, then his mom (my sister) told me to just let it go and serve the cake.
I said he needs to apologize or he can’t have cake. He started screaming and crying and ran out of the kitchen.
My sister says I’m a jerk for picking a fight with a kid over cake. Am I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, actions have consequences, especially swearing at people, and the sooner the nine-year-old learns that swearing/tantrums will result in him losing privileges the better his life will be. What I disagree with is you immediately demanding he apologize – he was probably still angry, you should have explained to him that he disrespected you and since this is your party he no longer gets to share your cake.
That might’ve been enough to make him regret what he said in itself, prompting an apology.” Relevant_Maybe6747
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t pick a fight.
Your nephew tried to bully his sister and then proceeded to be absolutely nasty to you.
Not getting cake as a consequence for refusing to apologize seems completely reasonable, in my opinion. (Especially since he was nasty after you offered him the first piece.)
I suspect there’s something else going on, and he’s acting out – I wonder how many other times his sister is – from his perspective – getting extra attention and benefits.
BUT. That’s not a reason to be nasty to other people. Sounds like the kid could use some help expressing and managing his feelings from his parent.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You are not picking a fight over cake. You’re setting a boundary with another person (a kid), over how you are spoken to and treated, and calling that kid out on terrible behavior.
If his parents are okay with their kid cussing them out, I guess it’s their business that they want to teach yet another person to grow up a jerk.
But in no way are you obligated to not only put up with but reward that trashy behavior from a child or anyone else, in your own home, at your own party.
Children learn from the example we set, and the ways we communicate with them. Sounds like this kid’s parents fell down on the job big time, then had the nerve to act like you were the bad guy.
Is it possible that they’re expecting you to ‘keep the peace’ because they anticipate further tantrums at home, so they expect everyone else to enable that behavior rather than parent their own child?
I often side with parents who want to protect their children. This is not a departure from that. Not teaching your child courtesy and respect for others is not only harmful to the people around them, but it is also harmful to the child, too.
What do they think happens if you pull that crap on people outside the family, at work, school, or college? It gets you called a jerk and excluded.” CoyoteConscious
13. AITJ For Yelling At My Dad For Lecturing Me?
“I (16f) was in the car with my dad today and he was lecturing me for at least 15+ mins nonstop. First, it was about my grades and how I need to focus more at school, then it transitioned into how I should hang out with my friends less, how I should be paying a lot more attention to getting into a good college because the global economy is so competitive, how I should do some community service volunteering instead of sitting at home on TikTok (he HATES TikTok), blah blah blah some other things.
I honestly got so sick of hearing him lecturing me and examining my flaws. I told him to shut up and just drive which he got super mad at me for saying. We started fighting and at one point he said something like ‘I’m just trying to be a good dad’ and I said, ‘dude you’re a trashy dad.
You’re always lecturing me and Dylan (my twin brother) and ruining any happiness or joy we have’. My dad just shook his head and started ignoring me (giving only short almost sarcastic-like replies to anything I said).
My mom came into my room 30 min ago and said I behaved like a brat and owe my dad a gigantic apology for behaving so badly.
She said the words I said during the fight deeply hurt him and made him cry when he told my mom what I had said to him. Of course, she only heard his side of things so to her it sounds like I just yelled at him out of nowhere which is of course NOT what happened.
The whole story is that he constantly lectures me and my brother about school and grades and our friends and social media, which in my opinion is what a terrible dad does when of course, just hanging out with my friends is my and Dylan’s biggest happiness and joy in life.
AITJ for yelling at my dad and conveying how I felt?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. you need to grow up. Your dad wasn’t giving you sarcastic-like replies, he was as your mom said deeply hurt by what he said. Acknowledge that he’s trying. He lectures because he wants you to do as well as he knows you can.
When you said he was a trashy dad, that cut him severely. What if your dad had told you after you said you were trying your best to be a good kid, that you’re a trashy little kid and you sucked all the joy out of his life?
How hurt would your feelings be? Would he be the jerk or you? You’re a teen, I get you’re upset and feel you’re just constantly scolded, but it sounds like you’ve got a real attitude and attention problem that he’s trying to guide you out in the best way he can.
He is your dad. He’s your DAD. He loves you so so much. talk to him calmly, tell him you feel suffocated from his approach, and try to figure out a plan that helps you spend less time on TikTok, and enjoy studying, and have a good schedule for friend time vs downtime.
He is not a trashy dad. please don’t think he is. You’re right to want to spend time with friends, but you’re not right to treat the family that obviously loves and cares for you like trash. H**s your dad hit you? Guilt trip you into apologizing by saying things like ‘you just don’t care about me.’ ‘You’re a selfish kid for treating me like that.’?
Tell you to pack up and move out or get hit because you copped an attitude? Scream in your face about the smallest thing like you loaded the dishwasher wrong? Kid, you’ve got it so so so good if only you’d take a step back to look at yourself and your behaviors and habits and admit you need to change something, and maybe you’re not always right.
My thoughts out to your dad.” 61604070
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lecturing and hectoring someone doesn’t make them change their habits, it just makes them dig their heels in. Plus you’re a teenager, social media and TikTok are common use things for you and it’s no different from hanging with your mates for hours in the park in the 80s, it’s just the updated version.
Your dad may have legitimate concerns but if he keeps bringing them up by lecturing you and carrying on for 15 mins plus then they won’t ever get proper attention because all he’s done is get your back up and annoy you. Nagging at someone and haranguing them doesn’t work.
He isn’t being respectful to you or your brother so you aren’t listening. He needs to learn to communicate better, be constructive with his criticism, learn to also listen to your responses, and not then tell your mum an edited version. Hence, it sounds like you were rude out of nowhere- that’s super manipulative and that behavior will lose him your respect and company.
Also, with volunteer work? Unless he also does community service, he can shut right up. And college fees, does he have the funds to pay them? Because frankly a decent community college will give you less of a headache than some crazy expensive ‘good college’ and it’s snobby to say you will only succeed if you attend one of those.” Lulubelle__007
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Yelling at him and telling him to ‘shut up and just drive’ like he’s your freaking chauffeur? I’d have pulled over and kicked you out of the car right then and there. It sounds like you have a very entitled attitude, and your dad is right to be concerned about it.
You’re 16, you should know better by now and should absolutely be putting some thought into how your actions now will affect your future. You should understand that your dad’s job isn’t to shut up and chauffeur you around, it’s to raise you to be a responsible, functional adult (which you will be an adult in less than two years).
You’re old enough to know better than to yell at your parents, let your grades flop, and defend it all by saying that TikTok and hanging out with your friends bring you joy so that’s all that matters.” Swirlyflurry
12. WIBTJ If I Don't Wear A Dress On A Wedding?
“I (24M) met my friend Elissa (26F) in college three years ago. We met in a class we hated, bonded over shared misery, and were roommates until she moved in with her partner Marcus (25M). She’s like a sister to me. I was stoked when she and Marcus got engaged and even more stoked when she asked me to be at her wedding.
Of course, I said yes. LOL.
Now the issue: I’m trans. I came out earlier this year and have started transitioning, but I’m not really there yet (to be blunt, most days I look like a butch lesbian). At the time Elissa was very happy for me, but since then she’s occasionally been a little weird about it.
She hasn’t said anything outright unsupportive, but she’s said a few things here and there that have made me concerned. But she’s been good about using my name/pronouns etc so I figured it wasn’t malicious.
Anyway, a few weeks ago she added me to the wedding GC with her other attendant, the groom, his two attendants, and the officiant, and started sending examples of the sorts of things that she wants everybody to wear, with colors.
For her side, she sent three dress styles to pick from. I messaged her privately to ask her if she forgot I’m a man and don’t want to wear a dress. I figured maybe she got so caught up in wedding planning that she forgot.
(I’m realizing how ridiculous this sounds as I’m writing it.) She said that she thinks that I look enough like a woman that I should wear a dress anyway because she wants her attendants to match. Like ok but I’m going on T and the way I look now might not be the way I look in six months.
Like, I could grow a beard between now and then (probably not but it could happen. LOL). She said I could shave and wear makeup. I pointed out that my measurements might change. She said I could get the dress altered. At this point, I could feel myself starting to get angry so I just said ok sure and put my phone down.
I really do not want to wear a dress, no matter how I look in it. I was ok with being called a bridesmaid, going to the bachelorette party, and wearing all the stupid hashtags bride tribe LaSt mAn fOrEvEr! nonsense, even going to her bridal shower and doing a spa day, but this one… I don’t think I have it in me.
I thought, ok, well, it’s HER wedding and you only get one of those (hopefully. LOL) maybe I can just wear the dress for the ceremony and change right after, but the more I imagine what that would be like, the less I’m ok with it.
I feel like… my body itself doesn’t want to wear a dress.
About half an hour ago I was trying to psych myself up for it and I felt like I was starting to dissociate just by thinking about it. I don’t want to step down because I love her like a sister and she only has two attendants and and the groom’s attendants are both his brothers so he can’t really ask one to step down either.
And knowing what her personality is like, if I did just show up in a suit, she’d be mad but I don’t think she’d try to stop me. So WIBTJ if I do that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s disrespecting you as a man, as a friend, as a person.
‘You look like a woman, so wear this dress’ – what?! No, that’s not okay. It seems like she’s having trouble accepting your transition, but that’s 100% her problem to deal with, not yours.
That all being said, I would not just ‘show up’ in a suit – I would sit her down and talk to her.
Tell her that wearing a dress is not something you are able to do, that it is deeply uncomfortable to you to a level that you can’t just ‘grin and bear it’ with – and that as a man and as her close friend, you hope she will be comfortable with you wearing a suit to her wedding and still standing up to support her in that attire.
Make it clear that this is your red line and you will not be wearing a dress.
Then… go from there. My hope is that this will be the moment of clarity she so desperately needs, and she’ll apologize and help you pick out a suit to coordinate with the dresses.
But if her reaction is anything less than a sincere apology and an enthusiastic consent to the switch in your attire, then I think that should serve as the information you need to end the friendship because clearly she isn’t supportive of who you actually are and you don’t need that in your life.” hannahsflora
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you showedup in a suit and she didn’t know… She WBTJ also if she does not get it through her brain that you are a man and you are not going to wear a dress.
So I guess you have a really hard conversation w her coming up where you refuse to cross-dress to make her comfortable and risk being kicked out of the wedding.
Honest opinion, I think she’s more of a jerk right now for insisting you present as female at her wedding. In my opinion, anyone who doesn’t understand you are a man now isn’t that good of a friend.
When you said you might just show in a suit, did you mean a suit in one of the 3 colors she choose?
Or like a black and white tux?
You should find pics of a full suit in the 3 colors she picked (e.g. she wants lilac, find a pic send it to her, and tell her you to plan on wearing a contrasting dress shirt underneath.) If she freaks and says you must wear the dress you have a hard decision to make.
Is the friendship more valuable than your dignity and comfort?” Responsible-Stick-50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if you were female, not all women feel comfortable in dresses either.
This is not to justify her requests – I suspect that some of your friend’s stubbornness is because she had a vision for her wedding with two bridesmaids and two groomsmen, and she’s struggling to let go of that vision.
If you’ve already compromised for a couple of events, she’s likely put in her mind that this is one more compromise for her big day. She needs to let that go. Have a sit down with her, and let her know the extent of the effect it would have on you.
Essentially she wants you to do drag for her wedding, and that’s not who you are. In the pictures and memories of the day, it should be you – the real you – in those pictures and memories.
Besides, you will likely be happier, this looks happier being yourself!
If the concern is that it would look like three groomsmen and a bridesmaid, maybe you could get a suit in a different color, maybe even the same color as the bridesmaid’s/maid of honor’s dress so it’s clear you are standing up for her.
She can title you as a bridesman, a bridal attendant, or just call everyone the wedding party without titles!
Wedding parties have become much more flexible. (And have been that way for many years now!) There isn’t a need to have gendered attendants or even numbers.
There are plenty of options for every part of the ceremony and reception for any type of bridal party.
If she is insistent on you wearing a dress, you have every right to step down from the wedding. And as painful as it may be, you can reconsider your friendship as well.” Olivia_Seaturtle
11. AITJ For Removing My Mom's Access To My Bank Account?
“I am 17 and have a full-time job. I work eight hours a day on top of school and I work really hard so sometimes on the weekends I’ll treat myself and buy something a bit expensive or go out. My mom and I are already on really shaky terms about finances because she can log into my bank account mobiley but won’t allow me to even know the password to see what’s on my card.
When I started working, I had my mom take half my paycheck and put it in savings. My mom keeps taking more and more funds. It’s to the point where I only see 1/4 of my paycheck. Usually, I don’t mind because I don’t need that much fund, but I lost my job last week due to downsizing.
I didn’t tell my mom when I received my last paycheck because I wanted all of it to stay on my card for anything I needed during the next few weeks as I looked for a job.
Fast forward to a week later and I decided to have a movie night with my little brother and sister because I am leaving for college in a few weeks and all three of us finally had a free night.
We went to Walmart and I let them pick whatever snacks they wanted and got them each a small gift. This ended up costing about USD 100.
My mom checked my account and saw the amount I spent and got angry. From the beginning, she has called me ‘irresponsible’ with my funds because I treat myself every few weeks.
To put it in perspective, I spend maybe $100 a month on non-essential stuff like new clothes, pizza, energy drinks, etc. She calls this rash overspending. She decided to completely clean out all the funds on my card and put them in savings.
Right before I had left, I had explained to her that I wanted the funds left on my card from this paycheck because even though I’m starting my new job soon, I won’t get another paycheck for probably a month and it makes me feel more secure generally to have funds.
I worked really hard for my funds and I think I should be able to spend it how I want. I called the bank and told them I lost the password to my account, they gave it to me and I changed it so now my mom can’t access my funds.
This may seem a bit rash, but things like this have happened before. I’m moving in a couple of weeks for college as well, so it feels like it’s time to make her back off.
Edit: I have contacted the bank and they’re sending me the statements.
I’m also going to talk to my mom in a bit and get her taken off of the account during office hours on Monday.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Excellent job seeing the signs for what they were… financial mistreatment… and getting a handle on it before it got worse.
Now your next step is to INFORM the bank that you are the ONLY ONE who should have access to your account AND when you turn 18 close that account and open one in your name only.
Get all your important documents together and lock them safely away.
Lock down your credit so she can’t screw that up either as it has been known to happen to others.
These are all just precautions to take. Knowing beforehand is often the first step in a longer battle to being an independent well-rounded individual. Being overly prepared now makes things easier in the long run.” SuperHuckleberry125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and changing the password is very smart. I too am concerned that your ‘savings account’ managed by your mother might be empty, given her behavior. You sound like you’re trying to be financially responsible and that’s great, but your mother is not helping you by shutting you out of any decisions on how you spend your own funds.
Any change in the percentage of your paycheck you put into that savings account should be mutely made between the two of you, not only at her discretion.
I’d ask her something like ‘I’m going off to college soon, can you please transfer the account (or ideally transfer the funds in the account to a third-person account only you have control of) to me so I can start planning on how to budget for rent, food, tuition, etc.’ If she has any issues with that then you need to be firm and insist and perhaps ask another adult to come to the meeting and support you (dad, aunt/uncle).
Open a new chequing account at a new bank she doesn’t have access to, and don’t let her have access to any in the future.” DellaLiz1990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, your mother sounds like my narcissistic mother. This is financial mistreatment and coercive control being disguised as parenting.
If she’s anything like my mother this won’t stop once you turn 18, and if you can’t vouch for the funds she’s already taken I would wager it’s gone for good. If it’s legal to do so where you are you should take steps to open a new account immediately and get future wages paid into that starting right now.
Also, set up your own savings account and transfer half your wage on your own to save for yourself. You will have backlash for doing this, and I’m willing to bet your mother will call you all kinds of names and possibly even become verbally abusive.
Stay strong, don’t give in, and don’t believe whatever lies or insults she throws at you. Having been through this type of controlling behavior before myself and gotten out the other end, I know you can do this. Stay strong.” S_Defenestration
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner When He Shouts Weird Things In Public?
“I (F24) have been with my partner (M22) for 2 years. ‘Sebastian’ has a thing for moaning sensually or shouting the weirdest things in public for a laugh – personally, this isn’t my type of humor, but I did find it kind of funny at the beginning of our relationship.
As time progressed, I began to really dislike it as the things he said became progressively more embarrassing, and we constantly get weird stares.
The thing that finally got me to write this post is when we got to the airport. Sebastian isn’t from the UK, but I am so we took a trip to London to visit his parents.
He’s always made fun of the British accent, but he took it a step further when we got to the airport on our way back to his home country. During the trip he was mocking the people he heard in crowds, yelling ‘you alright MATE’ and other such things in the most put-on British accent he could muster.
I was embarrassed, to say the least, and asked him multiple times to stop, I don’t like it, and it was disrespectful. I’m sure if the British went to his country and started mocking the way they speak, he wouldn’t like it. I’ve said this kind of thing before but he wouldn’t listen and just brush me off.
Skipping forward to the airport, we’re waiting for the shuttle in a group of people when again he blurts out ‘EXCUSE MEEEE’ in his ‘British accent’. People turn to look at us, me, and his parents. I sigh and start walking toward the shuttle gate.
On the shuttle, he points out that his parents found it funny and I’m the only one that didn’t. I just repeated what I said last time and left it.
He’s always done this and I’m not sure it he’ll ever stop. I personally think we’re a little too old for these kinds of jokes, it was funny when we were 14 but I’m approaching mid-20s and I’m questioning if I’m just too serious nowadays and should lighten up or if other people also think that this is kind of immature.
We’re planning to move to London soon and I’m scared he’ll do it in front of the wrong person/people and it won’t end well. Is my worry justified or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your partner sounds extremely immature. You’re growing up, he’s not.
You’re considering other people’s feelings and comfort, he’s not (including yours). It’s a very immature and self-centered state of mind to believe that yelling obnoxious stuff in public is ok. I would guess this isn’t the only immature and self-centered behavior he has.” ultrarelative
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ. I completely get your embarrassment but this is who your partner is and he has never hidden it from you. Sometimes people can be almost perfect except for that one deal breaker. Neither you nor your partner is a monster but you do sound incompatible.
There is no point resenting him, blaming him, or wishing he would change this aspect of himself because you don’t want him to be that person. He is that person, and if you are resentful after two years, do you really want a lifetime of this?
You need to either embrace his weirdness or break up.” Cherry_clafoutis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This behavior is so entitled. Really, he thinks that he should be able to control the experience of everyone around him. Not in a fun, ‘let’s bring some delight to the world with a flash mob’ kind of way, but in an awful ‘I’m going to make fun of you all.
I’ll then rely on social norms of politeness to not get punched. I’ll delight in your discomfort, but also claim that discomfort is you just being a snowflake who can’t take a joke.’
He’s not just immature, he’s a jerk, and you should leave him so you can be away from this ugliness.” OkItem6820
9. WIBTJ If I Announce A Fake Pregnancy During My Brother's Baby Shower?
“My partner bought a fake positive pregnancy test and wants to ‘announce’ it at his brother’s baby shower as a prank.
I think it’s a bad idea for OBVIOUS reasons.
But he insists it’s hilarious and that it will be fine because that is his family’s humor.
Since we don’t agree, we decided we would leave it up to the internet to decide.
So would he be the jerk if he announced a fake pregnancy at his brother’s baby shower?
Edit #1: I want to show him how bad of an idea this is and to encourage him NOT to go through with it.
I have no desire to be, and will not be a part of the prank, but he said he wanted to do the prank whether I attended the party with him or not.
Also, I am sterile, so he believes there is an extra layer of ‘humor’ to the prank.
(I do not care about being sterile because I hate children and have never wanted any.)
Edit #2: My partner’s brother and wife actually did the same fake pregnancy prank a couple of years ago at my partner’s sister’s baby shower – so there’s a big possibility my partner wants to do this as a payback of sorts.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
There’s nothing funny about that. Firstly, there are people out there that can’t have children, and making believe you’re pregnant is just wrong. Second, it’s a baby shower. That is just about the worst place to announce a pregnancy, let alone a fake one.
If your partner thinks it’s so funny, he can go by himself and announce it while you stay home. Once he does, you can tell everyone how you stayed home cause you knew it was a bad idea.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – his family might have a fantastic sense of humor, but the hormonal, anxious sister-in-law might now take it very well.
She might blow her lid and it will ruin her entire day. Pregnancy does messed up stuff in peoples’ brains. One minute they’re fine, the next they’re eating pickles and sugar while crying. Don’t do it.” f0xfern
Another User Comments:
“Hilarious.
Let’s prank the pregnant hormonal lady. And naturally, your being sterile only makes it funnier. I’m not sure how and I hope you are comfortable with your health issues being included in this ‘joke’.
Basically, one of the problems with this so-called prank is that it includes you.
You being pregnant and you being sterile. It also involves all of the guests at this shower including his SIL’s family and friends. If you can’t stop him, then tell him to do a prank that doesn’t involve you. Maybe he could tell them he can’t have kids because he got his balls cut off by a shark instead.
Personally, I think this is a jerk move. Even in the ‘prankiest’ family, things can go wrong.
So, yes, he WBTJ to go ahead.” 8kijcj
8. AITJ For Calling Out Some Girls For Doing A TikTok Video In A Public Restroom?
“I (34f) am not a very confrontational person and I feel really weird about an interaction I had yesterday.
I was at a mid-size movie theater.
They have about 12 screens. As such, the bathrooms aren’t huge like in some theaters. When you walk in, there are about four sinks to the right and a large mirror to the left. You walk past this area to get to an area with about eight stalls.
Yesterday I was seeing a movie and had to go to the bathroom. Right, when I walked in I saw three ~13-year-old girls making a Tik Tok video. They were playing music and doing a synchronized dance in front of the mirror. As such, I have to walk behind them to go to the area with the stalls, ostensibly appearing in the background of this video.
I was annoyed, but whatever. When I exit the stalls, I notice that the girls have the camera slightly tilted to face where the bathroom stalls are. They all turn to look at me and one presses the ‘pause’ or ‘stop’ button on the video.
Their facial expressions read as if they were irritated that I ruined their video. The following conversation ensues:
Me: ‘You know, you shouldn’t be making a video in a public restroom where people are going to the bathroom. This is supposed to be a private area, ya know?’
Girl: ‘Kinda.’
Me: ‘No. It is not kinda. People expect privacy when they’re trying to go to the bathroom. It is super rude to have to force them to worry about being heard or seen in a Tik Tok video when they’re just trying to go to the bathroom.
If I told the staff, they would come in here and tell you to cut it off.’
I still had to wash my hands, so two of the girls went into a stall together while the other just stared at me.
I feel bad ruining anyone’s fun, but what if I had explosive diarrhea?
What if I needed to vomit? It just seemed completely inappropriate to me.
So AITJ for saying anything?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely not the jerk. They are jerks, and I didn’t have to scratch my chin at all to come to that conclusion. Imagine the kind of hilarious content they would have created once you left the stall if they were to hear you take a dump.
You know it, they’re teenagers, they love the novelty of poop and that’s no secret. You would find out weeks later that you have become a famous TikTok meme because someone recorded the sound of you taking a dump (and then, no doubt, passed a few cringy ‘jokes’ about this exciting situation they find themselves in).
And the fact that this special one thinks she can intimidate you into, I dunno, apologizing or something, by staring at you… that’s just the icing on the cake. That’s crossing the line from behaving like an obnoxious jerk to behaving like a little thug.
One of these days she’s going to try that with the wrong adult female and earn herself a bald patch, I can tell already, I’ve seen it happen a few times and I can’t wait for the next one.
Furthermore, you are not in their video, their video is in the public toilets.
They don’t have a monopoly on trashy content, they only produce about 0.0001% of it, if even.
Verdict: NTJ, beyond any shadow of a doubt.” darth-canid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where are their parents? Their parents seem to like the appropriate people to tell them this and it sucks that you had to be out in the awkward position of saying this.
It’s general consensus that you don’t take pictures or videos in a bathroom ~when there are others around who do not want to be recorded or photographed~. Would be a different story if they were alone and then didn’t make a scene when you’re just existing in a restroom.
Some might try to argue that all they did was make faces. I argue that nonverbal communication makes up over 90% of our communication.” starbycrit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! It is out of control with these people who film everywhere they go and expect people to just keep going.
We might be the main characters of our life but these people act like they are the main characters of the world!
People need to stop filming in public bathrooms when other people are trying to do their business and they need to stop taking pictures and videos of randos just going about their business and posting it online.
(Note – I’m not talking about people committing crimes, just people living their lives) it is super weird.” Princess_Delphinium
7. AITJ For Not Buying Another Bridesmaid Dress?
“My sister has a borderline personality disorder, which means she’s had a long and difficult history of dramatic behavior that’s put a strain on nearly every relationship (romantic or otherwise) she’s ever had.
Also, I’m a revert to Islam. I changed religions 3 years ago and went hijabi (I cover everything but my hands, feet, and face) two years ago. My sister isn’t religious.
My sister got engaged a couple of months ago. I was really happy for her and agreed to be a bridesmaid at her request.
She had initially given us paint chips of two different shades of blue that she was thinking of for wedding colors. She told us that we could choose the dresses as long as they were the right color.
I found a dress online that I could wear (which met the modesty standards) and ordered it.
The day it arrived I texted her pictures of the close-ups of the paint chip and the fabric of the dress. I was FaceTiming her and my mom at the time, and I said I was worried because the dress was slightly darker than the paint chip she had given us.
She told me not to worry and that it was fine, that she could always do an ombré thing or something if needed, so I kept it.
The return window passed and later all the bridesmaids had an in-person appointment at a bridal shop. The bridal shop had a color of fabric that matched the one I already had, but my sister chose one that was several shades lighter.
This dress shop didn’t have any dresses that I could wear without altering the sleeves, neckline, and skirt on the few options they had available with sleeves (essentially redoing the whole dress). She was mad I didn’t try anything on, but I couldn’t because there were men present (and she had told me the dress was okay).
Regardless, I was still trying to help my sister and found another dress online that would meet hijab requirements in the correct shade she wanted. I sent her pictures of the new dress and she exploded.
She made me cancel the order and demanded that I buy something from that bridal shop ONLY (despite her repeatedly saying that the dress didn’t matter, only the color).
I told her that I’d tried several times to do what she asked and that it didn’t make sense to buy a dress only to redo the entire thing in alterations.
She ended up kicking me out of the bridal party. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should be able to wear the outfit that you guys had agreed on, and she had no room to get so angry at you. She should be grateful you spent all that time looking for the perfect dress for her wedding and got the closest color you could to the one she had requested. If the way you look is more important than everyone enjoying the wedding and you being there to congratulate her, then she’s just inconsiderate.” C0smiccollective
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister doesn’t listen to your needs as a bridesmaid. Your religion calls for adaptations to your clothing in order for you to be in the wedding party, same as if you were in a wheelchair, overweight, etc. If she can’t respect your needs, or work with you on the dresses you’ve already bought, she is being inflexible and disrespectful.” RyNoona
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Instead of wearing the dress in the wrong color shade, you tried to buy one in the correct shade that also aligned with your preferences. It sounds like your sister is being difficult and doesn’t want to compromise because she wants to have it her way.” compositionaquarius
6. AITJ For Unintentionally Disrespecting My Mother-In-Law?
“My husband and I have been married for six and a half years. His mother means well, and we used to have a great relationship, but things have been pretty tense over the past few months for one reason or another. We went on a family vacation, which his parents did pay for, but at the end of one day, his parent said they wanted to talk to us because there was some obvious tension, which kind of came out of the blue for me because I was having a great time.
His mom then went off on me because four months ago, we went to Pride together, and I didn’t go for the whole day with her. She said she asked me to go to support her because she felt uncomfortable (her youngest son recently came out as gay and wanted to go) and ‘in this family, we support each other’ but I was too busy being laundry.
I told her that’s not what happened, we were initially supposed to meet at 12, then she texted me at 10 saying she was almost there, and I had started laundry that would have been done by twelve. On top of that, we had a fuse go out in our car, and we had to get that fixed, so that also made us a bit late.
She then went off about how that morning when we had decided to get Starbucks, I took us to one that was a stand-alone Starbucks instead of one that was in a Target. She never specifically asked to go to that one, she just said ‘the one in Target is possibly closer,’ and I said, ‘there’s actually a full one not far away.’ She said I needed to have some respect, and that I should have just gone to the one in Target so that it was easier on her husband who was meeting us there.
I told her I didn’t think it was that big of a deal because the one I took us to was literally less than half a mile down the road from the one in Target, and that my thought process was since we were getting drinks for ourselves and other people (it was eight drinks in total) it would probably be faster since the ones in Target don’t usually have as many people working and they don’t always have a full menu.
She said I had also made a comment about only spending 5 or 6 hours at the space center, which I don’t even remember saying, but if I did, it was probably because that’s how long I thought it would take to see everything. She said, ‘Well we probably should have gone for longer because her son still wanted to stay,’ to which I replied, ‘We were ready at 10.
You and your husband were the ones not ready until 12.’
She was fine after that conversation, but I was still a bit annoyed. His sister thinks that we need to just be nice to her since they paid for the trip, but I literally don’t understand how anything above annoyed her that badly.
I told my husband that if we ever go on vacation with them again, we’ll be taking our own vehicle and paying for all of our portions because this whole thing was just too dramatic for me. Am I the jerk for unintentionally hurting her feelings?
Edit: She is not starting to or recently went through menopause. She had an ovary removed after her third child, and she started early. I don’t know how long exactly, but it was before I came into the picture, and we’ve been together for over seven years.
I did make the mistake of not giving the full tone of the conversation on the front end. This was not a ‘hey, this happened, and it made me feel some type of way, can we talk about this’ conversation. The was a full-blown yelling and screaming and cursing event that came out of nowhere.
Our families are very, VERY different (they talk to each other and would see each other every day if they could, I talk to my mom, dad, and brother maybe once a week max and see them about once a month). At first, the closeness was something that I really liked and something that I thought I wanted, but now, hard pass.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From your description, you literally did nothing wrong, and she feels good now because in the middle of a vacation she got to confront you. That’s the biggest issue I have here, she took time during this vacation, where you couldn’t leave and go home when She started getting disrespectful to you, and she went after you when you didn’t have a real exit strategy.
So to me, the situation reads as if she has beef with you because she thinks you’re supposed to be acting like a servant and asking her a bunch of questions to figure out exactly what she wants and giving her full control of all the planning, and also like dropping your laundry and immediately running when she said she was almost there.
Because you’re not doing that she’s going after you.
You literally did nothing wrong, and you and your husband absolutely must have exit plans if you choose to spend time with them again because she has shown you that she will treat you wrong if she has control.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother-in-law’s feelings are not your fault or responsibility. If she’s not being upfront at the moment, how can you help?
Additionally, it sounds like a lot of manipulation and cluster B personality disorder stuff there (and like you’re not taking the bait – go you!) Either she’s purposefully recalling details incorrectly (gaslighting), or she’s convinced herself of a different reality to perpetuate a victim mindset.
Neither of which is within your realm of control.
What a piece of work! Pour yourself a glass cuz you deserve it! Whew!” Dangerous-Raisin1067
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s just being difficult for the sake of it. She sounds like she has mental problems because literally none of this is worth being mad about.
Yelling, screaming, and cursing over this? No. She’s lost it. You really need to put distance between both of you because that is really unstable behavior.
Personally, I would’ve placated her until I got back, blocked her and everyone who supported her, then changed my number and told my husband it’s his problem now because that was super dramatic and not the kind of behavior I want in my life.” snailranchero
5. AITJ For Fighting With My Wife In Front Of Our Child?
“My mom was a great mother. I had a really good childhood, especially considering how young she was and that my dad is a piece of work. I really appreciate how she shielded me from all of that.
My mom is married to my former boss, and while it sucks for me, I do believe she did her duty as a mother and deserves to be happy.
I used to work for ‘Brandon’. This was one of those jobs where networking was everything, you really needed the boss to like you, and you had to present a certain image. I will admit I tried way too hard and to put it lightly, Brandon did not like me.
He was a condescending jerk, and my mom was aware as I vented to her about work. He wasn’t outright abusive but did laugh at me a lot and make a few comments that weren’t cool.
My mom and Brandon met at our wedding. Now I don’t believe in love at first sight, but they definitely had something there, and my first instinct was eww, but they got serious really fast and I have to say he makes her really happy, and she has never seemed truly happy before.
I hate being around him, wish this never happened, but I am happy for them. My wife thinks my mom is a bad mother for putting herself first.
Recently my five-year-old son asked why we don’t see my mom as much as my in-laws (about once a month vs once or twice a week) My wife said that while my in-laws were the best parents, my mom was a bad mom because she married Brandon who had not been nice to me, and we don’t spend much time with her because she was selfish.
I was furious and told my son that was not true. I said we don’t spend time together because my mom has a busier life, and because MIL doesn’t work so they sometimes go over during the day. I said that it was wrong of my wife to say that and that my mom was a great mom.
My wife told our son I was wrong and that a good mom would not have married someone like that. I snapped and told my son not to listen to his mother, and she just doesn’t like my mom. I said that women with adult kids should put themselves first and maybe it isn’t healthy how much we see MIL, but my mom is a great person and I won’t hear anything more about it.
When my son went to play, my wife confronted me and said I undermined her and was acting like a mama’s boy. She said I should not have raised my voice (didn’t yell but did raise it) and that I shouldn’t be confusing our son when what my mom did was objectively not ok.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your wife is the jerk here, but I also think she’s offended on your behalf which is a nice thing.
I don’t think you and your wife should have argued about this in front of your child, but the way you have presented things it seems that you were reasonable – actually my mom works more, etc., and your wife should have stopped there.
I don’t think you were undermining her and I also think it’s inappropriate for her to tell your child his grandparent was a bad parent since you all have a relationship so it creates unhealthy resentment with your son and his grandmother. I also think you’re right that your mother has the right to live her own life, although I can’t imagine marrying someone who actively dislikes my son, even if he were an adult, and I can see your wife’s point on that.
However, I think you’re a little bit jerk for saying that it’s unhealthy how much time you spend with your MIL. There is no such thing – some families and in some cultures grandparents even live with their children and grandchildren. It’s all about what works with your family.
If you think your family is genuinely negatively affected by how much time you spend with your MIL then have that conversation, either way, bringing it up in an argument is only going to upset your wife and make her feel like you’re attacking her relationship with her mother and, as you’ve just experienced, it makes you unhappy and prolongs arguments and hurt feelings.” Necessary-Bison-4315
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but the kid.
Why are you two using the kid as a family therapist to voice the feelings and opinions of your mom?
If you aren’t seeing mom as much because of her husband that really isn’t your 5-year-old’s business.
It’s ok not to answer that question fully. Kids have diarrhea of the mouth and there is no reason to use him as an excuse to ‘accidentally’ have him spout off the next time he sees his grandmother. Exactly what’s he supposed to call your tormenter you don’t say.
You also haven’t said whether or not your former boss now stepfather was man enough to own his behavior and apologize. Need a little more data.
I disagree with you that an adult parent has carte blanche to pursue a relationship with someone that tormented you.
You did give a subtle nod of approval for this guy by inviting him to your wedding. I think you made the right decision to avoid them as much as possible and bear in mind the tormenter could care less he’s hurting your mom’s relationships.
You don’t mention whether or not your mom has come up for air long enough to realize your absence. If she has, my guess is instead of being honest that you don’t want any kind of relationship with him you’re saying how busy you are.
Wife needs to close her mouth regarding your Mom. The future is unknown and there’s no reason to poison your son’s thoughts.
Edited to say since your stepfather clearly loathes you and your wife it’s unhealthy to spend ANY time in his proximity. Stepfather hates being sucked up to but he went to your wedding.
Tells you he has a sixth sense about golddiggers and you’re obsessed with your mom’s funds? He’s super toxic. If Mom is insistent on him being present any time you see her she’s consumed the Kool-aid. If she’ll come to your house without him then you two might be able to have more frequent visitation.
Your stance of ‘I’m glad Mom is happy’ is mature and isolates the both of you. Your approach would be healthier had she chosen someone that isn’t toxic. Mom blaming you for sucking up too much is her deflecting that she chose a man over her established family.
No, I don’t respect that. I have no problem saying I don’t respect it as I have made the same error and then corrected it.” HunterIllustrious846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You did the right thing here. What your wife did was wrong. She has no reason to say that and those words only came out of her mouth in hopes your son would start to hate your mom.
It was an attempt to put her in a bad light in front of your son… Now you need to wonder what else she said when you weren’t there. Based on what happened I can tell you she’s the kind of person that will speak badly about someone quickly.
You stood up for your mother. Now your mother being with Brandon is a bit odd but as you said she is happy. But you need to not let that guy treat you like nothing. If you are around him and he treats you poorly today you need to stand up for yourself.
If not you are showing your son that it is okay for people to treat you poorly.
Now you also need to talk to your son and explain to him that your mother is good and your wife shouldn’t be saying mean things about people.
Maybe turn this into a lesson. And apologize for fighting In front of him.
Now, I don’t know how your marriage is. But let’s say things get worse and your marriage just ends up bad. Do not stay together. So many people stay together for the kids and all it does is teach the kid to be with someone you don’t want.
And again, she’s said this about your mother, mean things and she will say them about you too if she wants.
NTJ.” DazzlingDingos
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Why in the world would you continue to fight using your son as a prop? If you have a problem with what your wife was saying (which honestly is fair, she shouldn’t be saying that to her five-year-old son) then you ask to speak with her privately and air your grievances then, she’s right that all you’ve done is confuse him and all you’ve probably taught him is that bringing up your mother will start a fight between you.
You both need to get yourself together and get on the same page for your kid’s sake. Your wife is allowed to feel disgruntled about what your mother did, what she shouldn’t be allowed to do is let it affect the relationship between your kids and their grandmother, especially when the one actually affected by their actions (you) doesn’t feel the same way.
You both should honestly be apologizing to your son for making him witness that kind of thing.” bethanyanne171
4. AITJ For Refusing To Support My Sister And Her Mom?
“My sister Missy (16) is actually my older sister’s sister. My older sister and I share the same mother, I am the product of an affair.
My stepdad raised me and maintained a relationship after he divorced my mother.
My stepfather passed away almost a year ago. I was supporting his household, Missy’s mother hates me and has always thrown in my face ‘You are not my child’s sister.’
I continued to support the household including her older son (24). When my stepfather passed, I tried to maintain contact and help as much as I could. After the funeral, they cut ties with me.
I would try to call Missy, and it would go to voicemail (I maintained the contract on the phone and paid for the service.) I did notice the phone was still being used, but I just figured her mother didn’t want her talking to me.
Missy reached out this week asking if I would help them move because the mother’s partner is ‘acting crazy’. I offered her a place to stay and she stated ‘we just need funds to move or one of your rentals. My mom hates you.’
I asked her if that is why she didn’t reach out until now, and she said ‘My text and calling do not always work.’ I said my offer to stay with me is on the table, but I cannot give more.
Missy’s mother called me saying I am trying to steal her daughter, and I should want to help them.
I offered her a job managing my rentals, but she said she would never work for me.
I ended the call and went for a run. I came back to floods of calls and texts from my family asking why I am refusing to help my sister.
Saying ‘You won’t allow your gay sister in your home?’. Saying I am
a jerk and want to see them homeless.
I didn’t know my sister was gay, nor would I have ever cared.
I sent my sister a message saying ‘I cannot help you or your mother.
I will maintain your phone until you are 18, but you will either have to pay for it yourself or pay me. I love you for who you are no matter what, but please never contact me again.’
My older sister said I am being a jerk because I am bitter Missy won’t come live with me.
The reality is, I actually never wanted her to live with me. I just really do not want to support her mother and brother and whoever else anymore.
AITJ?
Edit: Missy’s mother has hated me since I was about 16ish. I was not welcome at the wedding, because she felt ‘I would set a bad example for the future.’
I am assuming this was related to my mother’s affair. She has called me every name under the sun, and I let it go until I was about 24. I snapped and I did say some unsavory stuff, but I have apologized. She has maintained that attitude ‘You are a flirt, and I hate you.’ These are her words, my stepfather did leave her and took Missy with him.
When he got sick she moved back in, my older sister refused to help him when he could no longer work. I stepped in, I loved him and Missy. The mother invited her son into the home to ‘help’.
My biological father wasn’t the greatest, but he left me a hefty trust. This provided the house Missy and her family lived in until my father passed away.
Her mother decided to move back to FL and asked me to sell the house and give Missy half.
The day I said no, contact stopped. My older sister spends a lot of time with Missy, but will not give her a single penny. She will buy her an outfit here or there.
I called CPS to do a welfare check, they said they would investigate. My older sister has doubled down on me being a jerk. I ended the call by asking her to move out of my rental or start paying rent as well.
I have allowed some of the most toxic people into my life.
None of these people are in my family, including my older sister. I changed my number this morning, I spoke with my mother and I explained to her she gives my number to any of them and she will be cut off as well.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to keep contact with them and they cut you off without reason, and then only contact you now for funds? Screw that. I do not see how Misty’s mom can say ‘you are not my child’s sister’ and exclude you from the family but still expect you to give them your hard-earned funds.
They’re in a desperate situation, and instead of immediately taking you up on the job offer and housing they decide to be choosing beggars. It’s their fault, not yours.” Soggy-Calligrapher24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Missy’s mom is OK with using your funds and taking advantage of you, but also with openly hating you.
You’ve been far too kind.
Time to cut the post strings entirely, in my honest opinion. No more funds, no more contact. (And everyone else will picky and find themselves on the wrong end of Missy’s mother’s temper)
Tell your older sister, and every single family member who calls you to berate you ‘I offered them a place to stay in my home.
They said no because (Missy’s mom) hates me, and that was the reason I was given. I offered (Missy’s mom) a job. She said no because she hates me and will never work for me. I don’t have funds to spare, so I tried to help how I could.
However, I’m SO GLAD you can take them in our give them funds! They must be so happy with your offer of help. I’m very glad you can help them right now. I’m sure they will be even more grateful, as they don’t hate you!’
And then start cutting out every single person who still yells at you (the rest of them are going to go suddenly quiet at the idea they might have to help).
Your mental health will be much better without them.” justheretolurkreally
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First, when one asks for help, it must be on the terms of the helper. You don’t go to the bank to tell them the loan you want. You go to the bank to see what loan they are willing to give.
Given that they stated clearly that you’re not family, it’s plainly obvious that they’ve burnt so many bridges that you’re now on the top of the list for help.
That doesn’t bode well for how desperate they are now. Demanding funds from you means that they think you’re at fault for their problems, ie. if you hadn’t been born, you wouldn’t have caused mom’s problems in her affair.
Second, you stated clearly your terms and boundaries that had nothing to do with the properties of Missy, and suddenly it became a prejudice issue.
People started blowing your phone up without even asking your side of this issue. They’re willing to lie to put pressure on you, and their friends/family are willing to take those words without any verification from your side.
Imagine for a second you said you would help them, they blow through the funds, and they demand more?
What are they going to say next? That you robbed them? Will they be ok with just coming after you like an angry mob? Contact with these people cannot go anywhere but downhill. It’s obvious they are irresponsible and don’t respect you, at all.
I also suggest that you don’t rent a unit to any of them.
Given their lack of responsibility by mom, something bad is going to happen while they are in the unit. You’re going to want/need to evict them, but mom will fight. And, it’s obvious that mom is willing to blame you. In court, this won’t be a renter problem.
It will be a civil fight over a landlord using her hatred of being an affair child to get back at mom.
You could help the son, solely. He’s of age; however, Missy will be under the custody of mom, so wouldn’t be able to keep her away.
Your better bet is to help lend funds and/or cosign another place. Maybe you know another landlord with who you’re friends. You can explain the situation up front that there is an issue here, and you’re willing to make sure he’s made whole if something goes south.” GW2_Jedi_Master
3. AITJ For Not Allowing My Little Sister To Sleep In My Bed?
“I’m f16 and my sister is 4.
She is my only sibling and we’re 12 years apart. I care a lot about my sister but she is the VERY obvious favorite to the point that I get in trouble for almost everything. I poke her, i get in trouble. I tell her not to touch me, I get in trouble for hurting her feelings.
Anyway, for my 16th birthday, my parents gave me their old king-sized bed and they got a new one. Once I got it I started to decorate my room and my sister asked if she could sleep in my room with me, I said yes but only once.
Last week we had a sleepover and surprise I didn’t get a good sleep, I didn’t mind because I have a long weekend. This week I don’t, and today was a very tiring day and I wanted to go home and have a nice sleep.
My sister asks if she could sleep downstairs and I say ‘not this week’ and she flips out pouting and whining. My dad says that I should do it because I said that I would and when I told him I did last week he said ‘but you said you would do it every week’ (I didn’t) I told him that I just wanted to have a good sleep and he told me that I would even if my sister was in the bed. I stood my ground and continued to say no because she gets everything she wants and I just wanted a night for myself.
My dad called me a jerk and that he will give me a load of chores tomorrow so I can’t leave the house. So I don’t know, was I in the wrong?
Update: Today was really tense around the house, I had to clean a bit but it wasn’t as much as usual. At the end of the day, I was on my computer and my sister kept taking my expensive microphone away and every time I told her Not.
To. Touch. It. but every time she would and shocker she ended up breaking it. So I ran downstairs and told my parents that she broke my mic and they didn’t do anything until I said ‘well aren’t you going to do anything?!’ My mom looked up from her phone and called my sister downstairs and she was crying and saying she didn’t do anything my mom made her apologize and I said ‘it’s okay just please don’t touch my stuff without asking’ (by the way she has a habit of doing that and she has broken some very personal things to me).
She ran upstairs to her room and my dad looked at me and asked me when I was going to apologize. I was kinda taken aback and asked why I need to apologize, and he said ‘because you hurt her feelings, and it’s what you have to do being the older sister,’ I asked if this was about how I didn’t want my sister sleeping in my bed with me, he and my mom backed me into a corner and how some of you guys guess, started complaining about how she’s been sleeping in their beds and they want a break.
I asked them why I have to sleep with her and that is when I understand I have to take care of her (being the big sister) I don’t want her to start crawling into my bed at night. My dad said that won’t happen and he just needs a break and I said I didn’t sign up for being the parent.
He and my mom then got really upset by that (which I can understand why) and my mom started saying ‘what happened to my little girl that always wanted a sister’.
I wanted to leave the area to get away because I was gonna start crying so I went to check on my sister and she was in her room (might I add she has a way nicer room than me she has a bunk bed something I’ve always wanted and toys and projectors, you know, the ones that shine stars) she was under the covers and crying and I asked if I could sit on the bed and talk she got out nodded and I asked why she was crying, I was expecting her to be crying about how she got in trouble but it was because the fairy lights on her bed stopped working, I told her that dad will buy her new ones calmed her down and got her dressed for bed and put her to sleep.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You are 16, and every girl of your age relishes her private time to chat with friends or paint your nails in peace or whatever you feel relaxes you! I think you are a very good sister, in letting her have the sleepover with you, but that doesn’t mean it’s supposed to morph into a continuous thing!
Your dad is wrong because he is ‘punishing’ you for something you should not be held responsible for! She is much younger than you, she is their child, and she has her own bed! I’d try to talk to mom, and see if she can help explain this to your father.
It’s not fair, and he is the one who is the jerk!” Effective-Gur-242
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should have just said ‘No,’ rather than start with the ‘she gets everything she wants’ line. You should have known that would have no traction with your parents.
Not wanting your sister to sleep with you is a fair request. Talk with your father and let him know that you DO NOT sleep well with your sister in your bed. If he keeps telling you that you will sleep just fine, ask him to try it tonight and get back to you.
You should be able to have your own private space.” No_Pepper_3676
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way they are treating you isn’t fair and by raising your sister the way they are, they are setting her up for failure. This may be a great opportunity here for some malicious compliance.
When it comes to the day of the sleepover, I suggest you make yourself smell bad and keep doing this each time the sleepover day comes until she stops wanting to sleep with you. Also, is your sister scared of anything? If yes, start filling your room with objects that scare her which may help make her not want to sleep with you and could also keep her out of your room.” CutEmOff666
2. AITJ For Insulting My Brother's Fiancée?
“Sarah is dramatic and gossipy. It always has to be something with her. She is always talking about someone else in a negative light behind their backs and I cannot stand it to tell you the truth. However, I put it aside because she is my future SIL and I just want to keep the peace.
I and my sisters always have a girls’ night out once a month. When my other brother married his wife, Angie, we started to invite her out with us as well because we all like her. When Sarah learned about these nights she asked to join us once she was engaged and we agreed even though most of us don’t like her.
Sarah has never liked Angie which has always made the nights harder to deal with because Sarah will just ignore her. Angie is an angel and puts up with it though.
Last week, Angie was sick and missed the night. Sarah took it as an opportunity to trash-talk her all night.
Angie does not have a college degree, and only has her GED, and Sarah would not shut up about how much of a ‘moron’ she was all night. Sarah has her masters in biology and intelligence is one of her favorite things to insult people on.
Well, after I got a bit intoxicated I had enough of it. Angie is one of the sweetest people I have met and has never once said a bad thing about Sarah.
After Sarah finished one of her insults about Angie being ‘The farthest from traditionally intelligent’.
I said, ‘Is the reason you’re insulting Angie here like a coward because she’s traditionally beautiful, and you’re the furthest from it?’ Sarah is about 300 lbs, and by all regards quite ugly. This is a massive trigger point for her as well, and I know she has emotional issues surrounding her weight.
We got into a fight, and I ended up tearing her appearance apart point by point until she was visibly near tears. In the end, I told her I’m only doing exactly what she does when she gossips about people. I only talked about her like she talks about others, just to her face unlike her.
The night was pretty much ruined by this and we all just went home separately.
Well, now things escalated quickly. Sarah is demanding an apology and I will not give it to her. My sisters agree that what I said is directly in line with what Sarah says about others but disagree with me and said I should not have lowered myself to her level.
Last night I got a call from my brother and now Sarah is threatening to postpone their marriage if I don’t apologize, which in my opinion says more about her than anything I could have said. But, I actually feel bad now that I have had time to think about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and Angie probably wasn’t sick, she was in the process of slowly fading from your girl’s nights probably because everyone’s let Sarah get away with being toxic. No one’s gonna put up with that and if Angie is as sweet as you say, she’d do the slow fade to not hurt anyone’s feelings nor start a conflict.
You stood up for her before you even realized that’s what Angie was doing. Should’ve happened from the get-go and not needed liquid courage to do but you’re on the right track OP.
Don’t apologize, and stop inviting Sarah Sarah o girls’ night.
She doesn’t even follow the girl code. She can be big mad by herself.” YourCatChoseMeBirch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you did to Sarah exactly what you found repulsive in her. The proper way to deal with it would have been to shut it down the moment it started and if she continued, get up and leave.
The bad behavior of others is no excuse for bad behavior in ourselves.
But the damage is done, so time to move on. Tell your brother that you will apologize to Sarah; right after she apologizes to Angie and the group collectively for trashing Angie in front of them when Angie was not there to defend herself.
If she will do so, then the incident is in the past and everyone can be grownups and move on. If not, then it’s up to Brother to decide if he wants to marry this person or not.” grckalck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So basically, Sarah is a bully and a coward who waited until someone wasn’t there to talk trash, you gave them a taste of what they were dishing out and they couldn’t take it.
Now she is bullying your brother so your brother wants you to apologize to the bully rather than address the fact that he’s marrying a bully.
You feel bad because that kind of behavior is terrible, but you’re not a person who does it regularly because you like being cruel to other people.
You did it the one time because you were upset about how she was speaking about Angie.
You need to forgive yourself because while what you said was cruel, you said it to a cruel individual, and you need to tell your brother that he needs to accept the woman he’s with and if she chooses to leave because you won’t put up with her crap, then so be it.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“EVERYONE IS THE JERK here.
I completely understand your response to Sarah, she shouldn’t be bad-mouthing people like that. Clearly, she has to tear people down to feel validation for herself.
But you all should have intervened the moment she started bad-mouthing Angie.
Why are none of you defending Angie when she isn’t there? You claim she is an angel, but can’t stick up for her when she isn’t there to stick up for herself.
I understand it’s hard to hear, but this could have been dealt with a lot calmer.
Calling Sarah out for every time she said bad about someone when it isn’t needed, also the possibility of not inviting her, etc.
In regards to your reaction, glad you called her out but aiming straight for the throat with such harsh words that you know will tear her down was probably too much, she’s going to remember that for the rest of her time around you.
Words don’t leave people like that. Sarah shouldn’t be acting the way she is, and yes it does say a lot about her.
To resolve this, I would probably apologize purely for not saying something to Sarah sooner about her attitude, but you apologize for how you dealt with the situation.
You didn’t mean to be as harsh as you were because you aren’t like her, but she pushed you too far. Next time, it’s about stopping it before it gets this far.
Hope this helps!” elliejohns45
1. WIBTJ If I Put At Sign In The Bathroom?
“My partner, our baby, and I have recently moved in with his parents to save funds, as the cost of living in our city is in the top 5 most expensive places to live in the province.
So, I (21f) am very, I can’t think of the right word, but I guess particular? About how a bathroom should be maintained. Water is cheap, always flush even if you just peed, etc.
Well, the problem is that between my partner, his brother (22m) and his dad (60 something m), and occasionally his nephew (8m he stays over every weekend) do not flush the toilet after peeing.
I have an ‘overactive bladder’ where I don’t get the feeling of needing to use the bathroom until suddenly I get the strong urge to go. I can’t explain it too well but needless to say, I cannot hold my bladder long. The problem comes in, I don’t want to pee into a toilet bowl with someone else’s pee in it.
I know it doesn’t seem like much to wait for the toilet to flush before I can pee, but I’ve almost wet myself several times in the last month because the toilet takes a good 20 seconds to fully flush (not that long I know)
I’ve spoken to my partner about it and he just shrugged and said ‘well mum was the only woman in the house until we moved in’ but like, dude.
It’s gross
I am at my wit’s end with it, I want to make a sign to put in the bathroom saying something to the effect of ‘please flush the toilet’.
I know it might be petty, but I can’t even approach talking to the guys about it so I don’t know, would I be a jerk if I did that?
I just really, really do not want to pee myself because someone else didn’t flush the toilet.
ETA: I’ve brought it up with his mom, and she just kinda laughed it off and said ‘that’s men’.
I grew up with narc parents, typical stuff you would see on r/raisedbynarcissists so as such, I have a deep-rooted fear of confrontation/speaking up for myself.
I’ve tried going to therapy but the first therapist I saw was an absolute dream but was too expensive.
ETA 2: A big part of why we moved in with his parents was to save funds, but the second reason is I’ve been having seizures recently.
The decision was made when I had a full-on Grand Mal Seizure about two-three weeks before we moved in. Before that, I’ve had focal seizures, and have for years but they were pretty infrequent until some point last year.
ETA 3: I would not be nailing anything to the wall, I will try and talk to his mum about it again later today, I’m going to try and sleep as it’s now 4 am and I once again, cannot sleep because of my bladder.
ETA 4: I talked to my partner and he said he would talk to his mom about it, hopefully, she can remind them to flush. Regardless, of saving water/environmentalism comments that were brought forward, we do not live in an area that gets droughts; the last one was in 2015 and if I recall correctly, it only really affected crops and the like because it didn’t rain for several months.
If I recall we were not advised to lower water usage as I know they’ve done for droughts in California.
The amount of times the toilet gets flushed stays the same as I have to flush it before I can even use it, the only thing that changes is who’s flushing it (AKA me).
EDIT 5: I won’t be putting up a sign, as generally, that seems to be a bad thing to do that will only cause more problems.
I’ve gone to several doctors. I’ve gone to every clinic in town, and I’ve seen most of the doctors at the hospital. They have all refused to treat me, they assume it’s ‘period issues’ without really listening to me or even trying to do an actual check-up.
I do not get my period because I take Depo Provera (Birth Control) so I find that it’s just dismissal on the doctor’s part.
I am exhausted fighting with doctors to get the most basic of healthcare. Only exasperated by our provincial non-stop cutting funds for healthcare, education, etc.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re young, saving up for a house and your partner’s parents are helping you out massively with accommodation. You have a baby and urinary challenges, and the bathroom hygiene is not how you like it.
It’s stressful. You’re adapting to so much change at 21 so fast – family politics, where you live, baby, etc. Best wishes for the future.
Here’s the thing though. Someone else’s house, someone else’s rules. Anticipate, come in with wipes, flush, have a quick wipe and you’re good to go. You’re making more of this than it is.” CertainCertainties
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I get, it is gross and I wouldn’t be happy about it either but at the end of the day, it is their home and that is how they have agreed to operate (either explicitly or by never correcting it) for whatever reason (justifiable or not) and clearly MIL has never considered this a hill to die on and still doesn’t.
Either flush before you use the loo or accept that you are gonna have to pee on it and give yourself a bit of a wipe down after in case of splash back, then do what you can to get yourselves back in a position to be in your own place where you can set your own rules for cleanliness/hygiene.” Sunflower_dream85
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – but you need to get some therapy if you cannot pee just because there is already pee in the water. This is more than just thinking it’s gross if you are physically unable to go to the bathroom, despite a desperate need, until the toilet is flushed.
Asking them to flush is just fine, reminding them with a cute, decor-appropriate, approved sign is a bit much but also fine. It’s your description that shows you have an actual problem that should be addressed. And please do not dismiss water conservation as a need, just because someone hasn’t ordered you to conserve water does not change the fact that you are being unnecessarily wasteful.
Do you know that the water all goes to the same place so your pee m****s the moment you flush? If so you are just frivolous wasting water.” Kind-Philosopher1
