People Tell Their Most Vulnerable “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother At My Birthday After He Excluded Me From His?
“Last year I (17M) got both of my legs amputated and now I’m in a wheelchair. Last month my brother turned 18 and he chose to celebrate his birthday by going out to eat and going to an escape room. Both of those things weren’t wheelchair accessible.
It kind of hurt my feelings and my dad and I tried to get him to change his mind because I really wanted to go because basically all of our family members were planning on going but he wouldn’t change his mind.
He apologized to me but told me that that’s what he wanted to do and he wasn’t going to change his mind.
My dad offered to stay home with me but I told him I was okay and that I’d just stay home. While I was home, I was just sad the entire time. It just made me realize how much I had to miss out on and it really upset me because this was the 2nd time I was excluded from an event my family was going to be at.
My birthday was yesterday and we’re planning on celebrating it on Saturday. I told my dad that I didn’t want my brother coming and he got sad. He asked me why and I told him how I felt and we kind of had a long talk about everything.
He told me that I shouldn’t exclude my brother because it would only cause more hurt feelings. My dad said that he understands why I’m upset but that I should just try to forgive because everyone wants to come to celebrate which is the problem.
My dad told my brother and he told me that he was sorry if I felt left out and that it wasn’t his intention but that I’m hurting his feelings because I don’t want him to come when he only wants to celebrate with me.
My dad keeps asking me to reconsider but if I’m being honest I never even asked to celebrate my birthday, I wanted it skipped. I just feel like I should get control over who I want to celebrate with me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but your feelings were genuinely hurt by this.
Your brother apologized, which is such a rarity you should treasure the fact he did feel bad. But it sounds like the people in your life aren’t listening to you. I mean, you didn’t want to celebrate your birthday anyway. Your dad and bro are jerks, but there needs to be a sit-down and tell your family that you are not being heard, and that hurts most of all.” JustWowinCA
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ and I am still sorry for your situation. Let me explain. It really sucks your brother chose a location that forced you to stay home. But I highly doubt he did it out of malice, which is kinda what you intend to do.
What he did was choose what he wanted to do for his birthday which imho is how it should be. Your disability wasn’t around for a long time apparently, so what I would choose to do is sit him down and share your feelings and thoughts.
Maybe he could have chosen another equally good restaurant or do some research and find a wheelchair-accessible escape room. He probably didn’t have a second thought about his choices until it was too late. Still. If it’s not possible for you to tag along, it is what it is.
It sucks, but it won’t be the last time. It’s important for others to consider your situation but not each and every time, balancing between complementing your needs and others’ wishes will be a struggle your whole life. And I am sorry for that. This world isn’t built for disabled folks, even though it’s getting better.
Back to the topic: you choosing to exclude him will only hurt feelings and I doubt you’d actually feel better.” PossessedPinkBunny
Another User Comments:
“I honestly don’t know how anyone can say YTJ. Sure, your brother wanted to do an escape room, but he couldn’t pick a restaurant that was wheelchair accessible or done something where you could have also celebrated?
He could have even done those two activities and did something low-key to the side where you could have been included. The world doesn’t have to revolve around you but for goodness sake! Like if you’re to be included adjustments will have to be made.
And what is wrong with your dad? He’s making you do something for your bday even though you don’t want to? Adjustments have to be made when someone becomes disabled but it seems like they just want you to accept that you’re going to be excluded from now and you don’t have the right to feel a way about it.
Shaking my head at your family. Maybe they need counseling on how to be a better support system. Right now they’re being pretty bad.” Unique_Status3782
21. AITJ For Insisting On A First Edition Replacement For My Damaged Art Cards?
“I (21m) own a set of original design cards from a local artist. I bought the cards at 17 at a cheap price, a piece of information I shared with almost everyone I know. The artist is now more famous. I own a few more pieces of work from her.
As for the cards, I put them on my work table.
I live with my father and stepmother. The house used to belong to my grandfather and he left the house to me and my father. There is a corner of the living room set as my workspace where I keep the previously mentioned cards.
My father and stepmother never touch anything there.
Last week I was in another city for a class project. While I was not home, my stepbrother (23m) and his partner visited. My father and stepmother had to go somewhere and left the house to them.
The partner got intoxicated, sat on my chair, went through my stuff, and ended up spilling drinks on my cards.
My father and stepmother insisted they pay me for the damage. My stepbrother gave them the amount of money I told everyone I spent on the cards.
I told all involved I would not take the money. Instead, they must get me another set of cards as replacement. The cards now cost 10 times as much because of the artist’s fame and its rarity. My stepbrother refused to pay that much. I told him I would be happy to file charges.
He then searched and found that the artist did a 2nd edition of the cards, same designs and everything, for about 2.5 times the price and said he could get me those. Again, I insisted on the 1st edition replacement.
My father and stepmother now tell me I’m being unreasonable and to just take the 2nd edition.
I refused to relent and told my stepbrother and his partner they had a certain deadline to pay me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Think of it this way. You somehow run out of money and need to sell the cards. The cards you used to own could fetch you $10.
Your stepbrother and his partner damaged your property. They offer to get you something that, if you need to sell, is worth $2.50 or less (cause, you know, why will people buy the 2nd edition cards from you when they can get them directly from the artist?).
No, definitely not the jerk for insisting they reimburse you correctly. You may also want to talk to your father about guests staying unaccompanied in the house. I mean, it’s your house, too.” BBQQuails
Another User Comments:
“The second edition isn’t worth as much if you were to sell it.
So no, that’s not an equal replacement. You were keeping this as an investment — not just eye candy. You made that clear even before they were spilled on. Also 10x something cheap is still pretty cheap. So let’s say they were $20. It’s $200 now.
That’s not nothing but it’s still something that he can easily save up. It’s not like you’re asking him for $100,000.” asecretnarwhal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your fault your stepbrother’s partner is an irresponsible intoxicated person. If they can’t respect other people’s property and privacy while being intoxicated and isn’t careful with other people’s stuff while being intoxicated, they have no business being intoxicated in your house.
If they don’t want to deal with the consequences of their actions, your stepbrother shouldn’t have let his irresponsible intoxicated partner go through your stuff, or let them get irresponsibly intoxicated.” Bluepikmin_64
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Mother Attend My Autistic Son's Birthday Party?
“I (38F) was diagnosed with Asperger’s at ten years old. My mother didn’t accept it, instead expecting me to, “Just be normal.” I had to internalize and repress all of my meltdowns and anxiety, to the point that now I struggle to voice my needs.
I never want my sons (six and one) to feel that way, and I go out of my way to make sure they feel heard, which I think every parent should do.
My oldest son, “Cormac,” turned six on Monday. He is autistic (level 2 support needs), so large gatherings are difficult for him to manage.
My husband and I talked with him about if and how he wanted to celebrate his birthday, and we planned the day together so that he would have a routine to follow and know what to expect. The people invited did not include my mother as he doesn’t like how she always demands a hug from him, demands him to speak “properly” (he has a stutter) and reprimands him for stimming.
But lo and behold, she turned up anyway. She invites herself to family events fairly often, so it wasn’t exactly unexpected but still annoying.
She called my phone to ask me to let her in (the gate was locked) and I called Cormac over.
I said to him, “Grandma wants to celebrate your birthday with you. Do you want her to?” He said no, so I informed her that I would not be opening the gates for her. She argued with me about it, saying, “Cormac is only 6. He’s too young to know what he wants.” and “You can’t block me from seeing my own family.” I only gave the same answer – “Cormac doesn’t want you there.
Please respect boundaries for once,” and she eventually gave up.
The other family members were sympathetic but also repeated many of the same arguments she had said, as well as that I’m setting my son up to fail by not teaching him to be flexible, and said that things won’t always go his way.
Some also said that I was unfair and rude to my mother. I think that their points have some merit, but I also think that I’m justified in prioritizing my son’s needs. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Except, don’t call this your child’s decision.
Ask preference, sure, but you decide who isn’t invited and why. You gave several good reasons why he wouldn’t want her there. Those are good reasons why you should not let her around your child on any day. You need to step up and make sure she isn’t demanding hugs and isn’t parenting your child.
It is your job to reprimand if you feel it necessary, not hers.” baloo1970
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom clearly has ZERO respect for your boundaries and your child’s boundaries. Being a grandma doesn’t give her the right to see YOUR child. You are both adults now, you are on equal footing and she doesn’t hold any power over you and by extension, she doesn’t hold any power over your son, regardless of what she thinks.
Your family members are not only enabling her but they are also undermining and disrespecting you as a parent. Your child clearly and calmly communicated to you their wishes for their birthday, you as a parent chose to respect that. it isn’t your fault that your mother has no respect and there is certainly nothing wrong with you standing firm, because if you didn’t you would not be teaching your child to be “flexible” you would be teaching him that grandma can do whatever she wants, even if it makes him feel bad or hurts his feelings, with no consequences and that no one will listen to his needs.
Things might not “always go his way”, but expecting his FAMILY to respect his wishes and needs and not make him upset on his BIRTHDAY is not an unreasonable request by any means.” KingdomKey10
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, your son, like all children, will have to accept at some point that things won’t go his way all of the time.
But I fail to see what that has to do with this situation. Does he have to learn to accept physical contact from people when he doesn’t want it? Does he have to learn that he has to put up with put-downs and emotional abuse in order to be loved?
Does he have to learn that he has to spend time with people he doesn’t want to see because they are cruel to him, let alone on his birthday? It seems to me that the only person here who needs to learn flexibility and that they don’t always get what they want is your mother.
She’s cruel to a six-year-old with a disability and a speech impediment and doesn’t respect his physical boundaries. I would keep her away all the days until she can act right. It’s not worth the risk to your kid.” Electrical_Curve_
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Half-Brother To Claim My Inheritance?
“I (18M) have a half-brother (16M) who I have never met. He is the result of my dad’s affair with another woman when I was a kid. My dad left my mom and me for his mistress and started a new family with her.
He never paid any child support or alimony, and he rarely contacted me. He basically abandoned me and chose his new family over me.
My mom raised me by herself and worked hard to provide for me. She passed away last year from leukemia and left me everything she had, which was not much, but enough to pay off my student loans and buy a small apartment.
I was devastated by her death and I miss her every day.
A few weeks ago, I got a call from my dad’s mistress, who is now his wife. She told me that my dad had died in a traffic accident and that he had left a will.
He left half of his estate to his wife and the other half to his sons, me and my half-brother. However, he also left a note saying that he wanted me to meet his family to get the money and forgive him saying that he regretted not being a good father to me.
He asked his lawyer and wife to contact me and make me aware that he had left me a substantial portion of the inheritance.
I was shocked and angry when I heard this. I hate him for trying to buy my forgiveness with his money, after ignoring me and my family for most of my life.
I told his wife that I didn’t want anything from him and that I wanted nothing to do with them. She sounded hurt and said that they were just trying to honor his wishes and that they wanted to get to know me and be a family.
She said that my half-brother was looking forward to meeting me and that he was willing to share “his” inheritance with me. She asked me to reconsider and give them a chance. I hung up on her and blocked her number. I don’t want to have any contact with them.
I don’t care about the money or the family. I only care about my mom, who was the only parent I ever had. She was the one who loved me and supported me, and she was the one who deserved the inheritance, not them.
I don’t want them to have it either though, it seems as if I am promised around 25% and I would rather have the money go to my youngest sister, but I don’t want to take what I see as a bribe. What should I do?
I am conflicted, I know I could just suck it up, but it feels like I would be disrespecting my dead mother if I did so, but I really need the money. Meeting them is a requirement to get the money, and I can’t just do it once.
It said I had to spend time with them and do “bonding” activities with them. I have to spend nearly 30 hours to be eligible. My younger sister, she could really use the money, and she’s the person I care about the most. I also don’t want to forgive the man who ruined Mom’s life and indirectly led to her death.
I’m sure I could make some money to help her with college/life, but I’m never gonna be able to match the insane sum that he left for me.”
Another User Comments:
“30 hours is nothing. You could spend those 30 hours telling them how awesome your mom was despite the extreme difficulty your sperm donor left you in.
Talk about when food was scarce or your shoes didn’t fit or you couldn’t go on that school field trip because you didn’t have the money (it doesn’t even have to be true!). Take the money and run. Claim your due from your deadbeat dad and then live the life you know your mom would want for you.” Illustrious-Onion329
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry for your loss. Please keep in mind that your 1/2 brother is innocent in all of this. Maybe he’s a cool guy that you might actually like. I would meet with them, do what you need to do, and take the money.
Then you can decide if you want to have a relationship with your brother or not. But you definitely don’t have to have one with his mother. Either way, get the money. You can keep it or give it away but don’t lose out on that, just to be spiteful.
You don’t have to forgive anyone.” TooCool9092
Another User Comments:
“Speak directly with the attorney on record, she might be making it up so you have to spend time with her. 30 hours is nothing, you can do it in a week then say bye as you skip away with your sister’s money.
Look at it from this perspective, you get to ask her in front of her son why she slept with a married man and broke up his family. Ask her son if he knew the real story, if not tell him but make it even sadder and paint them both out to be the monsters that they are.
Don’t do “bonding experiences,” do things where it makes sense for you to wander off and not communicate like kayaking (solo kayak). Get that money honey. NTJ. Sorry for your loss.” Whorible_wife69
18. AITJ For Refusing To Donate To My Coworker's Charity Fundraiser?
“One of my coworkers has been organizing a charity fundraiser for a local animal shelter. He’s been asking everyone in our office to donate, and most people have contributed something. However, I (24F) have chosen not to donate because I’m currently saving up for a down payment on a house, and I have several other financial commitments that make it difficult to spare any extra money.
When my coworker approached me about donating, I politely declined and explained my situation. He seemed disappointed and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. Some of our other coworkers have also started acting strangely around me, and I suspect that he’s been talking about my decision not to donate.
I understand that the animal shelter is a good cause, but I feel like my personal finances should be respected. However, I also don’t want to cause tension in the office or damage my relationships with my coworkers.
Not sure what to do at this point as I feel like it’s too late to reach out to even consider donating and still I don’t have enough on me at this time.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’d consider reporting the situation to HR, simply because this coworker has created a negative work environment due to solicitation. A coworker of mine posted a small sign on his office window that said “unless your child’s fundraiser involves bottles of liquor, leave me out of it.” Or something like that, but it was funny, universal, and clearly sent a message that avoided situations like this.
Additionally, who knows if the animal shelter actually got the funds. Someone who gets hostile over donations doesn’t make it sound like it was as much of a good deed as they’d like you to think. (Or maybe this is all the scam podcasts I listen to influencing my worldview – it’s hard to tell sometimes.)” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is why many employers, including my current one, have very strict rules about soliciting at work. I don’t care about your kids band camp, Todd! Now you’re getting treated differently and coldly by fellow coworkers, creating a hostile working environment.
“I understand that the animal shelter is a good cause” Anyway, there are thousands of good causes, and each coworker might have their own charity(s) of choice. Are you expected to donate to every one of them, too? Screw that.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I am asked directly to donate to something and I do not wish to, for whatever reason, I say, “no thank you, I have my own causes.” Which is true, I have two causes I give funds to—but when I was simply broke, it worked just as well, because I was my cause.
I also say “no thanks” to panhandlers now, because of the increase in panhandler aggression in my city. (The “thanks” part kinda throws people off in the right way.)” Auntie-Mam69
17. AITJ For Kicking Out My In-laws Who Were Trying To Break Up My Marriage And Treating My Daughter Unfairly?
“My husband (M33) and I (F30) have been married for over a year, have kids from previous marriages (stepson 11, daughter 10).
My in-laws moved in with us to our new house last summer because they needed somewhere to live. They always treated my daughter differently and more harshly than my stepson. They are Asian Pacific. They pick on my daughter for not following their rules and they were always yelling at her, ignoring her, pushing her away, not including her in activities, etc. I have brought this up to my husband multiple times and his reasoning is that they use tough love and he turned out fine being raised that way.
Recently I found out MIL has been trying to break up my marriage by telling my husband to leave me, and that my daughter and I would have no issue moving out because I make enough money. Her reasoning is that my husband is the saddest he has ever been in a relationship because we fight a lot.
Our fighting has been due to him being a new police officer, surviving the academy, disagreements with communication, lying, and some other things. He has apologized for every instance, but he did vent to his mom at the beginning of the year that I was considering leaving if things didn’t get better with the home and work life.
I confronted MIL by calling her and told her we cannot live together if she is actively trying to break up my marriage and I was upset about the complete disrespect. She didn’t say anything on the phone so I hung up. We have been living with avoiding each other for a month.
Last week she was yelling at my daughter for being on the phone with my mom, telling her she isn’t allowed to be on the phone downstairs when they are there. I came out of my office (WFH) and told MIL that my daughter is allowed to be on the phone with my mom wherever she wants.
MIL told me no. It escalated and turned into a screaming match. I ended up calling MIL a mean woman and she called me a woman of ill repute, claiming this made us even, and this all happened with my daughter next to me freaking out about the whole thing.
I told her and FIL they were moving out or I was evicting them. MIL said try me.
My husband was reluctantly on my side. He didn’t want to evict them due to their rental history, didn’t want to tell MIL she was overstepping boundaries, nothing.
His response was that he can’t control her, she is a stubborn woman and with her own opinions. They told him they were having financial issues and needed at least 6 months. I said no. He told them he would give them money to move out.
I said no because now we will be financially strapped.
I found out yesterday I’m pregnant and that they are moving out this weekend, and moving down the street. I told my husband I am not going to be comfortable with them being around me when the baby is born and not sure if I will ever be comfortable with the baby being alone with them.
Husband is upset by this.”
Another User Comments:
“Hold your ground. Do not ever let someone around your child, especially not alone, when you KNOW what they’ll do–disrespect you behind your back, try to sabotage your relationship, use the kid against you. Whether they’re narcissists or not doesn’t matter–it’s a technique of all grandparents who are also mean entitled people; use the grandchildren against the child/in-law they don’t like, and scream bloody murder when they are denied access to said child, as if they have a right.
You will not be depriving your child; it is important to protect your child from bad people. It does NOT matter that those people are the child’s relatives. If they are bad for the child, they are bad for the child. Protect your kid. People like your in-laws have no shame and your husband, whose job it is to control their behavior, will not step up.
You are going to have to hardline. The child is as much your child as his. You get to say whether and when and how it sees more distant relatives. Don’t trust your husband either if anything seems fishy. He will take the kid to see them and even leave the kid with them rather than deal with the reality of this situation.
It’s his job to keep them from disrespecting you and being insufferable in general while they live with you and he is flat not stepping up. He likely never will.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother-in-law’s actions were incredibly inappropriate and harmful to your marriage.
Trying to break up your relationship is a severe breach of trust, and it’s understandable that you would not want someone who has demonstrated such hostility and disrespect to be closely involved in your family’s life.” -roseds
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Babysit Our Daughter?
“My wife (32F) and I (35M) have a nearly 2-year-old daughter. My wife is staying home with her but is going back to work soon.
I mentioned it to my (retired) mom (68F) and she was very insistent on babysitting for us.
My wife is a superhuman. I didn’t know mothers like this existed until I saw her with my daughter. She never raises her voice, she’s unbelievably patient, she always knows what to do and she’s just so loving.
She cooks each of our daughter’s meals from scratch and even makes healthy ice cream for the whole family. They spend multiple hours a day every day in nature regardless of weather. She doesn’t use screens – she’s that dedicated. I couldn’t think of anything our daughter would need that my wife hadn’t thought about and bought 3 months ago.
She is the best and I sincerely don’t know how she does it. Naturally, her expectations for childcare are very high. Good thing is we can afford it.
I mentioned to my wife that my mom insisted on babysitting for us when she returns to work.
She laughed and said ‘yes, I can imagine that. Our daughter eating frozen pizza in front of a TV while your mom talks to her friends on the phone, smoking inside, occasionally yelling at our daughter for age-appropriate behavior. And when we come back she swears upon god she did not smoke here, tells daughter was naughty and we must spank her or she’ll grow up to be a misbehaved individual’.
I laughed too and never mentioned it to my wife again.
Now, my wife did exaggerate but she’s not wrong. My mom is like that. The ‘children must be seen but not heard’ type. She also tells what she calls ‘white lies’ very often, basically refusing to admit she did something she was told not to do.
Because she does what she wants and believes she’s always right. So I realize her watching our daughter is not really an option, especially because our daughter does not like my mom at all.
Sometime after our initial conversation, I was talking to my mom on the phone.
She asked about wife’s plans regarding work and I eventually told her we’re already interviewing nannies. Long story short, I had to tell her that we don’t think her babysitting our daughter is a good idea and is not happening. She was very offended by the fact that we’d ‘rather trust a stranger than her’.
She cried and I felt bad (apparently not bad enough to change my mind as I still think what she wants is not in my family’s best interest).
I do feel bad about this whole situation but I must also say my parents are welcome to visit and interact with their granddaughter.
I’m not preventing them from being in her life.
However, my mom is giving me the silent treatment and my dad called me worse than a jerk. Apparently, Mom is really hurt as she already told everyone she would be having her granddaughter over every day.
I must say I never agreed to it and she never even mentioned wanting to watch her in their home, which is an automatic no since they smoke inside.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – while it sucks for your mom, you seem to be pretty clear that it would be bad for your daughter.
And as a parent, the person’s needs that you have to prioritize are your daughter’s. Particularly while she is this young and not able to advocate for herself. Your mom is an adult and should be able to manage her disappointments and expectations better than this – and the fact that she can’t/doesn’t is just more wood on the fire of why this would be a bad idea and bad for your daughter.
Any possibility that your mom would go for an explanation like “We want you to be free to JUST be her grandmother. We appreciate the offer and your desire to help. But we want you to be in her life as JUST her grandmother who has a bond that is special and different than someone who takes care of her because they have to.”” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the first and most important reason for not allowing it is, “our daughter does not like my mom at all”. My guess is that your daughter is already more intelligent than your mother both intellectually and emotionally and your daughter doesn’t like how your mother treats her.
You already know she doesn’t take care of your daughter as you want her to, so that is the second reason to say no. The third reason is your wife doesn’t trust your mother. I put them in that order because to me that is the order of importance.
You should be proud of yourselves, you and your wife, for doing what is best for your child rather than buckling under to your mother.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If your mother is not going to respect your wishes, there’s not much you can do.
And the silent treatment routine is just manipulative, which to me says that instead of changing her ways, she would prefer to make you uncomfortable until you yield because she doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong. Obviously, this does not mean you should write your mother off completely or anything like that, but it doesn’t sound like she has any business co-parenting your child.
And your daughter isn’t at the stage where she can report back to you, so unless you were to somehow rig up her house with nanny cams or insist that she only babysit at your house (which, given your apparent affluence and your wife’s parenting style, I’m going to assume will be rigged up with nanny cams as soon as a nanny is in the picture), there’s no way you can know that she’s respecting your wishes.
You know her better than anyone else in this equation, and if you don’t feel like you can trust her to obey your rules, I’m guessing there’s a reason. Maybe when the kid is old enough to talk and your mother has had enough time to understand that you’re serious about all of this, you can reassess, but as it stands, I see no reason not to go with a reputable nanny since that is something you can afford.” RyloKloon
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Off My New Partner's Overdraft With My Savings?
“I’ve known Ron as a casual acquaintance for a few years, but we started seeing each other about two weeks ago. I’m 19 and he’s 20. He has a full-time job and only pays his mum £40 a week for bills/food. His only other expense is his car.
So he has a lot of disposable income, but he doesn’t save, he blows it all on nonsense like gadgets that he then never uses again. So much so that he’s overdrawn by £2K.
I’m a full-time student who babysits on the side, and I’m frugal. I’ve managed to save £3K.
It has taken me about 2 or 3 years to save that. Tonight I mentioned that some friends of mine are going on holiday in September and I am going to join them. Ron asked me “How will you pay for that, you don’t have a job apart from babysitting.” I said “I have £3K in savings, so I will just use some of that.”
Suddenly Ron got a really calculating look in his eyes, and just outright asked me to pay off his overdraft. He said he would pay me back £200 a month. I said he should just pay off his own OD at £200 a month. He said “But then I have to pay interest!”
I refused to lend him the money for several reasons:
1. He’s such a spendthrift I don’t believe he would pay me back. If he can’t set aside £200 a month to pay off his own OD, he is not going to set aside £200 a month to pay me back.
2. I earn a small amount of interest on my savings. Why should I lose that to save him interest?
3. What if I have an emergency, or an opportunity like my upcoming holiday? I then won’t have any money to pay for it.
And I didn’t say this one to him, but also I don’t want to lend him the money because he has such a bloody cheek.
I know we’ve casually known each other (friends of friends) for a few years but we’re only really just now getting to know each other properly and I just think it’s such a rude and selfish thing to ask. It’s really made me see him in a different light and I don’t like what I’m seeing.
Anyway he thinks I’m the one being selfish because the money is “just sitting there” and I “don’t really need it.” So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t care if you had 100k in savings a partner is not entitled to come to you to pay off HIS debts that he incurred through FRIVOLOUS spending.
A 2-week partner has the gall to demand 2/3rds of your savings. He’s what we call part of the “catch and release program”. You don’t really need your money? If you don’t then no one else does either. The only selfish person in this scenario is him thinking he can take other people’s money for his debts.” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Isn’t it wonderful that you are learning all about him so early in the relationship before you lose your savings to this selfish, disrespectful, opportunistic, immature guy? I expect your view of him is not going to improve over the summer.
Enjoy your holiday!” Firm-Molasses-4913
Another User Comments:
“If it isn’t obvious enough — NTJ. You don’t owe him anything. I would never ask a friend or a partner for money. Especially not two weeks into a relationship. Further, he is not entitled to your money, and you have no obligation to pay for something, that was caused by himself in the first place.
You earned and saved that money. He spent his money without thought and apparently wasn’t smart. I mean, you never spend money you don’t have. It’s pretty simple. So, what this shows, too: You two aren’t compatible in the least. And you should dump him.
He doesn’t sound like a good partner or a future partner for when it comes to a stable life/kids.” xXMimixX2
14. AITJ For Insisting On Having One Of The Rooms With A Private Bathroom During Our Family Vacation?
“We will soon be going on the annual family vacation with my husband’s family. We are the youngest adult couple. We are 22 total, 16 adults, 6 kids.
The arrangement is that only the adults pay. This applies to both accommodation and groceries.
I earn about twice as much as my husband, and one of our financial agreements is that I pay for our vacations.
When the agreement about the cost distribution was made a couple of years ago, I had no objections.
Over the past two years, I’ve felt increasingly uncomfortable with it.
Two years ago, when I grabbed a snack, I was told it was for the kids. Last year, I was told the same thing. In both cases, I ate the snack anyway without discussion.
Two years ago, my husband and I went grocery shopping with Aunts B and C. The rest of the group had a warm lunch and left nothing for us. My husband and I went out to lunch. Aunts B and C made a sandwich.
During lunch last year, food was passed around.
We sat at the end of the table. The dishes we received were nearly empty. When we mentioned we had only two servings for five people, we were told to get something else from the cupboard.
I genuinely don’t think there is any ill intent behind these actions, nor that they are directed at me personally.
However, I feel that I show more solidarity than I receive. Another factor is that my husband and I are the only couple without our own home. My husband is trying to build his own business, and I have two jobs with which I am trying to pay off my student debt more quickly.
Income-wise, we are not far off from the other family members, but in terms of capital, we are far behind.
This year, a vacation home has been booked, of which only 4 bedrooms have a private bathroom. My husband and I have previously indicated verbally that having our own bathroom is very important to us.
We also mentioned this in the group chat during the booking. No promises have been made to us. Some have said they don’t mind sharing, most have kept quiet.
AITJ if I insist that we get one of these rooms? My husband would rather avoid the whole discussion; if it were up to him, we wouldn’t go.
For him, the bathroom is now a hard requirement. We have already paid. Normally, the best rooms go to the oldest family members.
I wonder if I’m just being stingy and should keep quiet. The vacations are very enjoyable, and the children are pleasant company.
On the other hand, I don’t want our negative feelings to take over and make us not look forward to the vacations anymore. I plan on discussing the cost distribution after this vacation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ wow oh wow there is a lot to digest here.
First off, this financial agreement… are you able to renegotiate? It sounds like you’ve been swindled, my dear. As for the bathroom, go ahead! I’ve found people generally avoid conflict, especially those as slimy as you’ve described. You should have your pick of the bunch.” Bunlord3000
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like bullying. So let me get this straight, you pay the same as other people but have no say in how rooms are decided, you buy groceries but end up having to eat out because they already ate, you get almost nothing out of the food prepared and is told to deal with it yourself, and you are still going with them out for what reason?
You pay for your stay you have a right to get a room as good as other people, they shouldn’t have to default to giving what’s best to the oldest family members when you’re all paying for the rooms. They should learn to compromise sometimes.
NTJ but YTJ if you compromise and go back to being a doormat.” KazeKae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Everyone who pays a fair share gets an equal say in choosing rooms. No private bathroom while others get one? Those pay more. Everyone else is ok with the status quo because they lose nothing.
They get the bathroom. They get food first. Paying for food but not being able to eat what you want? If only kid snacks, then parents pay for kid snacks. You will chip in for only adult food. I would suggest a lottery system. Put names in a hat if those wanting a bathroom and pick names.
Otherwise next year, I would opt out of family shared home and book your own BNB.” Worth-Season3645
13. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Sister's Kids On Our Family Vacation?
“My sister left her husband and is living with my mom.
She has 3 kids (6m, 1.5 y, and 4 y old). I have two kids of my own, 5 & 7. My wife and I have tried to help out when we can and have been spending a lot of time helping my sister get back on her feet. We have also been helping my mother financially.
My wife and I go away and visit her family for almost 2 weeks a year around the 4th of July. They have a home on the beach, and since my wife doesn’t see her family as much, it’s time for her and our kids to reconnect.
We also fly, and it’s over a thousand miles away to visit, so traveling is an ordeal with my two kids, and it’s expensive right now.
My sister heard we were still going, and she’s panicking about how she and (our) mom can handle her kids for two weeks.
Also, my mom started with how it’s unfair that my kids get to go to the beach and my sister’s kids can’t and wondered if we could all go. I said no, it’s my wife’s family, and she doesn’t get to see them that often, and it’s not fair to her to take it away.
My sister and mom started talking about how they had money and could afford to host. This comment upset me, and I told them to stop thinking they can rely on other people’s money. I told them since I’m going on vacation, I will not be helping my mom and sister with June/July bills, and they need to figure it out.
It’s been six months, and my sister needs to pull herself together. I’m also not helping as much with childcare because both are ungrateful.
My mom was shocked at my attitude, but I feel so used and upset that they would even ask that of me and my wife.
My mom has tried to backtrack, saying stuff like, “I just thought it would be nice of you,” but I’m not having it after all we (my wife and I) have done for their ungrateful selves.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. Their expectations of you are shocking.
As a married woman who’s husbands brother is incredibly well off and lives on the beach in San Diego, I would be horrified if my own immediate family ever had expectations of me to invite them along. I would be so embarrassed to be so rude as to ask if I could bring my family.
Also, your sister and mother should be grateful for everything you’ve given them and should have zero expectations of anything more. Just their attitude about it would make me want to stop helping. If I were planning to leave my husband and had expectations of anyone, I would’ve had a discussion prior to the separation.
And if she wants her kids to go to the beach, she should ask her ex for financial help with that!” Sea-Relationship6918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ so in addition to free childcare she wants a free vacation. Nope. It’s not up to you and your spouse to sort out someone else’s lifestyle choices.
Maybe she should use those weeks to earn money and get back on her feet. She already has 3 other adults helping her, she needs to quit trying to drain people of more than she already is. “My mom started with how it’s unfair that my kids get to go to the beach and my sister’s kids can’t.” I had wealthy cousins who got to go on big vacations while my siblings and I couldn’t.
It was no big deal. No trauma resulted. That’s life.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ. These aren’t communal children that you’re equally as responsible for. Whether your sister wants to admit it or not, her kids are her responsibility – you’re not her co-parent.
I would go as far as to say that your mother either has always been enabling or at the very least definitely is right now, to your detriment. No thanks lol. I also always love the ridiculous non-apologetic tone that comes with “well but it sure would be nice.” Almost accusing you of not being nice – oh my, what an accusation, I’m sure that hurt.” OffKira
12. AITJ For Having My Cop Friend Pull Over My Speeding Daughter?
“My work has me interacting with cops often and a few of them are my friends. My daughter got her license through the school and she is not a good driver. I will never go through the school again and instead, the rest of the kids need to pass through the DMV.
I noticed that she doesn’t use her turn signal and has a bad habit of speeding. I have sat her down multiple times but she doesn’t think it is a big deal. I have grounded her also when I catch her. I am very close to taking her car privileges away.
I was venting about this to one of my cop friends. He told me that he is willing to hang out one day by our place. That seeing cops in the area could deter people. Thought it would be a good idea.
He pulled over my daughter last night.
She was speeding in a 15-mile area. She got a warning and a lecture by him.
My daughter told us the name and my wife recognized it as my friend. She asked if I had anything to do about it and I told her that he offered to be around our area.
We got into a huge argument and she thinks I am a huge jerk. My daughter is blaming me for getting pulled over. I pointed out that if she hadn’t been speeding this wouldn’t have been an issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for having her pulled over.
YTJ for allowing her to continue driving. Why are you wringing your hands like you’re powerless here? Your daughter is a child, you are an adult, and at present, you are knowingly allowing your daughter to go out there and put lives at risk because, what, she deserves more chances?
Having her big-sad at a punishment will make you feel bad? What? Normally, I try to take a softer touch, but you’re gambling with other peoples’ lives here, and, forgive me, but that’s very irresponsible. Do your job. Take her car away. You know there’s a problem, you know she’s not trying to fix it, what are you waiting for, blood on the bumper?
Do your job and prevent your child from hurting someone, or worse. Your inaction on this is inexcusable and at this point, if your daughter hurt someone with you sitting at home knowing that’s a very real possibility, that she’s dangerously irresponsible, should be considered criminal negligence.
If your daughter harms someone, I’d want you put in jail for it. Do. Your. Job.” Longwinded_Ogre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s better that she gets this lesson now before she seriously harms somebody. Car accidents are no joke and can be devastating even when everyone survives.
Also, I’m not sure why your wife would be so mad when all she got was a warning. Some people get 400+ dollar speeding tickets and points off of their license. She should be grateful that you love your daughter enough to teach her a life lesson and reduce the risk of a super-preventable death.
She may be angry now, but it’s still better than grieving the loss of your child.” lavenderpotato14
Another User Comments:
“Maybe to your wife it seems a bit underhanded, but your daughter needs to be taught a lesson. She’s going to be a danger to herself and others if she continues the way she’s going.
She’s lucky that this cop was your friend. Any other cop may not have been as lenient. However, I do think you should have told your wife beforehand. Both parents need to be on the same page when it comes to punishing their children/trying to teach them a hard-learned lesson.
NTJ.” JaneDoe_83
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Work At 14 To Support My Family?
“My mum is a single parent. My brother (22M) stays somewhere else because of university but it’s near enough that he comes by every 2-3 days to check on us.
My mum doesn’t make that much money and to support us all, my brother helps with money too.
I (14f) don’t have a job so I can’t really help a lot.
2 months ago my mum lost her job and she hasn’t gone searching for a job yet. Then a few days ago my brother had a row with my mum about it and told her she needed to get a job again or he’ll stop sending us money.
My mum got mad and said she didn’t want to yet. And what happened was that at dinner she brought up that since she can’t find a job right now, maybe I should consider working. But I didn’t really want to because I’m in orchestra and I have violin practice like almost every day of the week because it’s peak season.
My mum got even angrier and said that by the time my brother was 14, he was already helping with money by tutoring. I got angry and told my mum to stop being lazy. Then she called me a freeloader for not contributing anything. My brother told her to shut up and told me to leave with him back to his flat.
I’m staying at my brother’s flat for the next few days because my mum says she doesn’t want to see me. And he thinks she’s being crazy and told me I’m not in the wrong, but after thinking about it for a long time I am starting to think maybe I was a jerk after all.
I guess, money is more important than orchestra. And I’m not contributing at all in the first place. But I think she overreacted by saying she doesn’t want to see me. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are 14. YOU ARE 14. In a lot of countries, it’s illegal to work before 16, it’s considered child labor.
Freeloader? That’s the definition of an underage child, if she didn’t want a “freeloader” then she shouldn’t have had kids. Wtf? Definitely NTJ, your mum is a massive jerk.” albrossa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so sorry that your mother is acting this way. She is wrong and you and your brother deserve better treatment than you are getting.
Ask your brother what he thinks a good next step is. Is living with him a possibility (and it’s okay if it isn’t)? Are there family members (aside from your brother) locally who might be able to house you while you’re in school if going back to your mother isn’t going to be safe?
Are you able to speak with someone at school to help give you more concrete advice and help you make a plan? If you’re able to get into counseling through your school, check that out. Disclaimer: some counselors/therapists are not good at their job, so if it doesn’t work out with one don’t throw the whole therapy baby out with the bad bathwater.
Having an unstable parent is hard and they raise us to think that they’re always right and we’re the ones overreacting. You aren’t overreacting, you aren’t supposed to be supporting your mom at this age, she’s supposed to be supporting you.” KintsugiMind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been raised wrong by your mom. You are a child. Funding your home isn’t your responsibility – it’s hers. Your brother is protecting you from an unfit parent and trying to spare you from the trauma he dealt with. Regardless of how you view yourself, you’re a kid.
You need to enjoy life and work towards your goals. Not support your household because your mom is too lazy to work.” giantbrownguy
10. AITJ For Asking A Customer About The Meaning Of Her Tattoos?
“I work at a grocery store where customer service and being nice are emphasized. You’d probably know the name of the store but I’m not going to say the name. I was working today and we are encouraged to talk to customers and make conversation.
This woman with a bunch of tattoos came through my line and I was putting her groceries in her cart. I said “Hey, what do your tattoos mean?” And she gave me this kinda disgusted and mean look. She was like “Are they supposed to mean something?” I said “Sorry, I was just curious.” After I finished with her groceries she left.
I wasn’t trying to hit on her. I just thought maybe she’d be excited to talk about her tattoos. I felt bad about it.”
Another User Comments:
“Very mild YTJ. Next time you want to know about someone’s tattoos, start by just saying “Nice ink!” or “Wow, I love that forearm piece!”….some people are delighted to talk about their tattoos and others, especially women, would really rather not, and asking a stranger about the meaning of their tattoos carries the risk of treading into the ‘way too personal’… yeah, that unusual design might be as simple as “oh, it’s a detail from the cover of my favorite album ” or something equally ‘light’ but it could also be the last thing their dead brother drew or it could represent some really dark thing they overcame.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but I wouldn’t expect you to know differently. I’m a heavily tattooed woman and we just get asked this a lot. I think we expect that society knows it’s kinda a weird question these days BUT I also don’t get upset when I see it.
I do love when people ask me what my first one was, or what my favorite is! Don’t be too hard on yourself – I have to remember that for those not tattooed, tattoos are a conversation topic. You were well-intentioned and I’d say she was maybe a bit dramatic.
Live and learn!” Acceptable_Service
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Many tattooed people are very put off by this question because it’s pretty personal, but I think a lot of people who aren’t part of tattoo culture aren’t aware of that taboo.
I think you can be excused for asking the question, and the woman can be excused for not wanting to engage. I do think she could’ve been kinder about declining. Agree with what others are saying in that next time, it’s safer to start with just a compliment and let the person go deeper if they want to.” BumbleBeeThayn
9. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Should Have Taken My Advice After Her Plan Failed?
“So I (25M) and my friend (27F) were sitting together some days back when she told me about a work-related problem she was trying to solve (It would look really good as she was up for a promotion). Seeing how important it was for her, I spent the next 3 days coming up with a plan to solve the problem.
Not gonna lie, I was pretty proud of myself for that. When we met again in the evening, I told her the plan and even offered to help in any way I could.
She told me that she had talked to another colleague and he helped her come up with another plan.
I thought that plan was idiotic and I pointed out all the mistakes I could see and told her to not do it. She brushed me aside and said that she had already made up her mind. I was pretty angry/upset and had no option but to watch it happen.
3 days later, she comes to my apartment crying and tells me that her plan actually worsened the problem ten-fold and her boss was pretty angry. And for the cherry on top, that same colleague gets her promotion. I didn’t say “I told you so” or anything like that but I didn’t sugarcoat it and told her that she should have listened to me rather than her colleague.
As you guessed, now she isn’t talking to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she was smarter she would have found a solution with her coworker that wasn’t completely brain dead, what you said would happen happened. Maybe your idea would have been stupid too, but to completely ignore the flaws that you clearly pointed out is on her, not you and you have a right to have said, “I mean, I did point out the flaws that came to happen.”” Environmental-Term61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She went with a coworker’s plan and it failed. In all reality, that coworker could have intentionally set her up to fail so that they would get the promotion. Which makes even more sense because they did get it. She should have used a little more common sense.
You had no reason to lead her wrong being at a different company. They did because they were also competing for the promotion.” amber130490
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. In general, when you tell someone something, it should be 2 of the following 3 things: true, productive, kind. “You didn’t get the promotion because you didn’t listen to me” may be true.
But it is certainly not kind and I am struggling to see how at this stage it’s productive. When you first said “I see flaws in the other plan” it was both productive and true, therefore well within the rights of a friendship to bring up.
But at this point, you’re just rubbing it in. I don’t see how it’s productive to a friendship to keep digging when someone is already hurting and they can’t fix it. If you separately want to bring up feeling hurt that she didn’t trust you or that you felt like you did a lot of work to help her that she didn’t acknowledge, then those may be productive to furthering the relationship, but that’s not what you’re talking about here.” _bloop_bloop_bloop__
8. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Ate My Special Cupcake?
“So I just turned 19 and my sister isn’t really in my life much, she came over and brought some specialty cheesecake cupcakes and let me pick 6 of them.
I picked 2 of my favorites and let my mom and dad each have a choice to pick one, my dad didn’t want any, and mom picked one out. The other 3 I didn’t really care about and picked random flavors.
Today I went to the fridge to get the second one I had wanted only to find out that it was missing so I got pretty upset and made it clear I was upset.
My mother claimed I was being a brat because it was one cupcake and they do so much for me that I have no right to be mad especially since she apologized. I started crying and shouted that I wasn’t mad at her and instead was just upset because I was looking forward to that cupcake after a very rough workday.
Am I the jerk for being upset over such a childish thing?
For clarification of why this impacted me so much I am autistic and was very very set on the cupcake.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is the jerk. She knows it, that’s why she’s trying to guilt you and shame you for being upset that she took something belonging to you.
If she can focus on your behaviour she doesn’t have to admit she was wrong So you have to decide if you want to be “right” or you want to be happy…. I have a feeling mom won’t back down so you may need to let this one go … especially if you’re sharing a house.” WhizzoButterBoy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should’ve asked before she ate it, especially if it was clear that people were picking their cupcakes. That’s not very thoughtful of her and you actually do have a right to be mad at her, even if she apologized. What you feel is what you feel.
Apologies should be more than just words. They’re about making a repair to some kind of rupture. Her apology came with a lot of Buts. “I’m sorry BUT it’s just a cupcake.” “I’m sorry BUT we do so much for you.” A sincere apology would be, “I’m sorry.
I didn’t realize you were saving that cupcake and I should’ve asked. I’ll try to check with you next time before I eat your food.”” tinyrevolutions45
Another User Comments:
“I think this is about a few things. 1. Your sister isn’t around much and did something special for you, and Mom took it.
2. Your feelings were invalidated, 3. You had a tough day and you were looking forward to that particular one. I’m sure if your mom knew that was the one you had your heart set on, she probably wouldn’t have taken it, so I would probably apologize to her.
(Although I would also ask her to try to be mindful of your feelings as well and not undermine your feelings.) We all snap sometimes, and especially when you have autism, it can definitely make that more prone to happening. I wouldn’t say you were the jerk, and neither is your mom.” klynard
7. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate's Partner Who Overstayed Her Welcome?
“I (25F) and my friend (24M) have been living in the same house that I’ve been renting from my parents for about 9 months. I’ve been living in the house for about 5 years now and my ex-husband used to live with me before he moved out during the beginning of our divorce.
I have a kid (2F) that I share 50/50 custody with my ex-husband (26M) with one week on switching.
My friend started seeing this girl (24F) recently that I had a past with. I used to be friends with her about 10 years ago before going to high school.
She recently had a falling out with her grandma where she lost her car, was forced to quit her job, and then without speaking to her parents or grandparents moved out due to as she stated “not following the house rules of no tattoos or piercings” being the main reason.
He asked if she could spend one night over to which I had no issue with one overnight to figure things out. He had asked me over text but I never answered because it was 11:30 at night and I was already asleep. I woke up the next morning to her sleeping next to him on my couch.
Again, it’s whatever it’s one night. One night turned into 3 nights and I put my foot down and told him she needs to go because I can’t have people coming in and out of my house while I have a young daughter to take care of.
My mother was not into this arrangement at all and said it was either him or her.
I told him what she said and he said he would let her live here and he would move back in with his family. I told him absolutely not.
I have not seen this girl in 10 years and I’m not about to have her start sleeping under my roof with my child in the house. I trust him way more than her, especially with her past and now my daughter being involved. AITJ for standing my ground and kicking her out after I felt my hospitality was taken advantage of?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Your tenant/roommate does not get to arbitrarily decide who gets to live in your house in place of him. Especially if there is a signed lease in place. It should be considered a breaking of his lease or an ending of the arrangement, after which YOU and your parents decide on the next roommate (background check, credit check, employment requirements, etc.) Tell your roommate to have his friend go live with his parents.
Why is he okay burdening you with her? You’re right to protect your daughter.” IllustriousEnd2055
Another User Comments:
“If he isn’t careful, he will lose his free rent home that isn’t in mom’s basement. When my son rented rooms in his home, there was a lease, one line item was that no overnight guests more than two consecutive nights and no more than 3 times in one month.
If the renter wanted a longer visit, they had to let everyone in the house know ahead of time and still, it wasn’t for more than 7 nights.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is really disrespectful. He is living with you rent-free and now wants to add another person to the mix.
You should prioritize your child always. Means nothing you knew her ten years ago, you were children and it’s been 10 years. She is a stranger. You should have a chat with your friend, he can’t be having people over without proper notice (especially if your daughter is with you) and he can’t have people over who decide they’re moving in.
Like what?!” Otherwise_Degree_729
6. AITJ For Calling My Friend Stingy Over 77 Cents?
“Any time money is exchanged or she pays for something, Nadine will immediately Venmo request us for the exact amount owed. If she doesn’t immediately then she does it pretty soon after, like maybe a day.
None of my other friends are like this, it’s usually “I got lunch, can you get the coffee?” or “I got drinks last night, can you do dinner tonight?” and it’s always been FINE.
Most of my friends and I are in the same income bracket, and Nadine actually makes a little more than me but by like $2k a year so she’s not like richy rich.
Well, last week Nadine, Chloe, and I were at a used bookstore. Chloe and Nadine had gone out and gotten coffee before and Chloe said she’d pay Nadine back. Nadine wanted a copy of The People We Meet on Vacation that was like $2.50 or something, so Chloe said she would get the book to pay her back for the coffee.
Nadine said, “Ok, and then you can Venmo me for the rest.”
The rest was 77 cents!!! Not even a dollar!! I said “Are you serious right now? It’s 77 cents.”
Nadine was in fact being serious and said, “it’s 77 cents that she owes me and I’d like to be paid back.” Chloe and I locked eyes for a second and Nadine saw and said that we’re not entitled to her hard-earned money.
I said no of course we’re not entitled to her money, but it’s 77 cents between friends and I do not have any other friends who do this. That it’s not like we’re running up a tab but it’s just how friendship works and that it makes her seem kind of stingy.
I brought up how a while ago she asked if I wanted to split sandwiches with me because they were both sounding good and I agreed and she said that I had to pay her $1.50 since her sandwich was like $3 more than mine.
Nadine got super defensive and said again that she works hard for her money and she doesn’t just give it away, and if we have a problem with it, too bad.
This whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. I have never had a friendship like this, money has always just passed between friends without issue. And for me personally, while I don’t do this and none of my friends really do, even if someone who made less money than me didn’t pay me back for some things I wouldn’t chase them down.
But am I the jerk and was I wrong to say something to her about it?”
Another User Comments:
“I am so close to a NTJ here, but I’m gonna have to say no jerks here. Nadine sounds like a friend I would NOT like to have around, sounds like a pain, but it sounds like she’s consistent and there are probably some strong reasons why she’s like this.
Someone that stingy/money-conscious might have had some severe trauma around money, whether experienced deprivation as a child or heard stories from relatives scratching out an existence in poverty. Either that, or she has had so-called “friends” stiff her on money before. You can choose to distance yourself from Nadine (I would), or decide to limit the number of times that you engage with her on anything related to money.
Despite my distaste for someone that preoccupied with small sums of money, I don’t think anyone is in the wrong here. Nadine was owed money, however small the sum, and is entitled to ask to be made whole.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
She’s consistent, she asks every time so it’s a personality thing. She’s not even thinking about the amount, just that there is some. I have friends that pull out the calculator every time there’s a check so everyone knows what they owe to the penny and the tip is exact.
Just realize that’s who she is. I don’t think you’re wrong for talking to her about it, friends should be able to talk to each other. Maybe don’t call each other names. Personally, I’m more like you. As long as you’re close, it usually evens out after so many years.” Unicorn_dreams42
Another User Comments:
“WOW! NTJ, but I certainly would reconsider having her pony up for any little thing and just take care of my own expenses at the time and stop splitting or sharing what amounts to “the check with her.” She has a right to be made whole, I don’t dispute that, but man, this is really beyond petty.” many_hobbies_gal
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help Design My Wife's Tattoo?
“I don’t like tattoos. I find them off-putting and unattractive and I don’t think they look good on anyone, man or woman.
It’s entirely 100% a “me” problem.
Intellectually I know that there’s nothing wrong with tattoos, and they’re a great form of self-expression and they can be moving and meaningful and all that jazz. I know that. It’s just a visceral gut reaction I have that causes this particular hang-up.
My wonderful wife of 13 years wants to get a tattoo. She knows I don’t care for them and she asked me what I thought about her getting one. I said tattoos weren’t my favorite but it was her body and her business and I would love her just the same if she got one.
Maybe not a super well-phrased answer but she grumpily accepted it.
Now she would like me to help her design the tattoo, and/or make it a tattoo in my handwriting maybe? I said I wasn’t sure I was super comfortable with that and that she should do what she wants to do but that I didn’t really want to be involved in the process.
She didn’t like that reply.
She is upset now because she says that I’m making her feel like she can’t get a tattoo and she’ll never get one now even though she’s always wanted one. I feel like she wants me to be excited about this and I really want her to do what she wants, but I’m NOT excited about it and I just don’t know if I can pretend to be.
That’s not a permanent lie I care to commit to.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You expressed a preference when asked, but are taking no direction or action from stopping her from doing what she wishes. You’re also declining to participate in a process that doesn’t interest you.
But one piece of advice: Like you, I don’t care much for tattoos. My wife has several. You know what I do like though? Confidence. If those tattoos help her feel confident, help her feel bold, then I’m calling it a win; even if I don’t care for them aesthetically.” Illuminator007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am your wife in this situation; my husband dislikes tattoos but did not attempt to dissuade me from getting one, which I did. But I’d kind of always been interested in one and finally committed after I had an idea that I’d liked firmly for a year or so.
I told hubs what I was thinking so it wouldn’t be a surprise or anything; he nodded and smiled and that was it and that was all I expected. (Going through a similar thing now as I’m adding some color to it.)
If your wife was DEAD SET on a very specific thing that would be important to her that required your involvement, like “I want my tattoo to be our signatures tied together so I need your signature” I think that would be an okay ask, but still up to you to do it or not as you see fit.
But if she wants a tattoo it’s not YOUR responsibility to come up with one she likes and you don’t owe her your creative labor on something you’re not even into. TBH if she can’t come up with a tattoo idea she likes herself she might not be ready for a tattoo?
But if she’s really determined to get one without having something in mind, she could always just find a local tattoo artist she likes and go through their books to pick something. Like it’s fine if she wishes you liked it more, but she shouldn’t take it out on you (which is how I’m reading your statement that she’s “upset”).
You feel how you feel.” oliviamrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The people here saying otherwise are being absolutely ridiculous. You clearly told her you’re not objecting to her getting a tattoo. You’re not trying to talk her out of it or trying to infringe on her right to do what she wants in any way.
Saying you’re ok with her getting one, but not comfortable being involved to the point of helping design it is very reasonable and she’s being a jerk by trying to manipulate you. If a woman was on here talking about how her husband was pressuring her into doing something by trying to guilt her into it with phrases like the ones you mentioned (“She is upset now because she says that I’m making her feel like she can’t get a tattoo and she’ll never get one now even though she’s always wanted one”) people would be saying he’s gaslighting, toxic and she needs to get away from him as soon as possible.” Nihlys
4. AITJ For Assuming My New Classmate Is From Poland?
“At my (16m) school, a new person (≈16m) joined my class. A few things to know:
He had a Polish first name, a very long Polish last name, and a thick Polish accent, he sometimes speaks in Polish (like when angry playing basketball or something), and his Instagram is filled with pictures of Poland and how great it is. I was talking to him with my friend and I don’t know how it came up but we were speaking about shows we used to watch on TV.
My friend asked the new kid if he had seen the show, and he acted very confused and said he had never heard of it. I said to my friend that you probably just don’t get it in Poland.
The new kid started to get annoyed and called me racist for assuming he used to live in Poland.
He stopped speaking to me and walked away.
I get I could be a light jerk, but with all my reasons, I just assumed. I’m not racist at all, I (would have) had no problem with him living in Poland, but just guess he probably had bad experiences with things like that.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk but tbh having grown up in a different country from where I was born I can say that’s a pretty annoying comment. It’s probably even more annoying if you have never actually lived there. When you do something differently to others “that must be how you do it in (country)”, when you don’t know something “Oh you don’t have that over there”… it’s just quite aggravating, people are individuals not just a nationality.
The real issue here isn’t that you’ve assumed he lived in Poland at some point, but that must be the explanation as to why he hasn’t seen a TV show. I notice it wasn’t even a question, you’ve just kind of told him that’s why it is.
In general, try not to do that, is all I’m saying.” Sophie_Blitz_123
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you implied he hadn’t heard of a show because you assumed he grew up elsewhere. Nothing in your narrative suggests this. And do you even know that for sure?
I don’t know if racism is the right word, but if, say, people were discussing something I hadn’t heard of, and their first thought was an assumption that I was from out of the country, it might rub me the wrong way, too.
Especially if the assumption is incorrect. Not everyone knows every single show out there!” watermark3133
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t deliberately being unkind, and with all the indications of a particular ethnicity, it was logical to assume he was from that part of the world.
He probably has gotten teased (or bullied) by others and assumed you were teasing him too. It’s easy for a young person to be defensive when they’ve been attacked for things in the past, so try to be understanding. Invite him to participate or be inclusive and maybe he’ll realize you weren’t being negative about his culture.” savinathewhite
3. AITJ For Making Korean Food My Husband Refuses To Try?
“So I’m very big into cooking and trying new cuisines. My husband on the other hand is not. I especially love a lot of Korean food, so I decided I’d make a Korean meal spread with a wide variety of banchans. Now, my husband has at the very least said he likes kimchi before, and he also liked the bulgogi I made before, so I figured he could at least eat some of it if he was hungry and didn’t want to find his own food.
He didn’t seem to see it the same way, though.
He saw my big spread of dishes and said eww that looks gross. I told him he should at least try some of it because I think he’d like several of the things I made.
He absolutely did not want to and asked what he was going to have for lunch so I said well you can choose some of the dishes I made or I’m not sure you’ll have to figure out something. Maybe you can make some chicken to put over the rice.
He said the rice looked weird and he didn’t want that rice (it was purple rice). So I just told him I don’t know you’ll have to find something.
Of course he got mad because I put a ton of time and effort into making this big meal spread but wouldn’t make him anything he likes to eat.
But I didn’t want to have to cook more after making all this, I just wanted to sit down and enjoy my food. When I showed my mother the spread she said looks nice but will your husband eat that?? I told her no he wouldn’t try any and was mad I wouldn’t make him something else.
She actually agreed though that it was wrong of me to make all that and nothing specifically for him since I knew he’s not very adventurous and wouldn’t want anything from it. So now I’m wondering AITJ? A lot of the dishes weren’t too out there, I really think he’d like them if he just tried one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knew what you were making, said he didn’t want it, he didn’t ask you to make something else for him, so it’s up to him and his loss. Sure, you could have offered to make him something else, but you’re not obligated to make food for anyone other than your kids if you’re a parent.” linzerdsnort6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that your husband will not try something you know he will like ‘just because’ is beyond childish. If you do get him to try something, do you have to hover the spoon/fork around in the air and make airplane noises so he will get excited enough to open his mouth?
Or do you ask him ‘How does the piggy eat?’ like in the movie Christmas Story (if you have not seen it, just Google “piggy Christmas story” to watch the clip). You should not have to put extra work on yourself just because he will not eat things you know he will like.
Just keep some Dino chicken nuggies in the freezer that he can microwave if your food looks yucky.” jeffprop
Another User Comments:
“He uses his pickiness as a way to control you, make you do things for him, like cook the foods that he likes most of the time rather than also cooking more to your taste.
Ignore him from now on and let him shop/cook and feed himself. Cook all your favorite foods all the time. Life is too short to sacrifice all the time for someone who looks at your cuisine and says it looks “gross”. NTJ. Cook up a storm for you you you.
Bon appetit!” hadMcDofordinner
2. AITJ For Kicking My Misogynistic Brother Out Of My Son's Birthday Party?
“It was my son’s 16th birthday party and we surprised him with a car.
He also had his partner over, they have been together for a year.
My brother Tom has a drinking problem and never moved on from his divorce which was almost 13 years ago. It ended because of Tom’s affair, so you can’t fault my ex-sister-in-law.
They had two kids but Tom became dependent on booze and with a court order, he stopped visitation almost 10 years ago. So not a stellar father figure either. His kids are older now, but his ex moved out of state, and her new husband adopted the kids.
We don’t have contact.
At the party, he was saying stuff in front of my son’s partner about how evil women are and girls that age are best because when they get older they get corrupted by society. I shut that down reminding Tom he was the reason for his divorce and his attitude is the reason why no one will be with him and I find what he is saying disgusting so kicked him out of my son’s party.
Tom didn’t go quietly and both my husband and son had to make sure he left. Our mother said how we treated Tom was awful and Tom has the freedom to speak his mind. I told her not saying disgusting things in my home.
Afterward, Mom and Tom continue to reach out and Mom is insistent that Tom was dealt with a bad hand.
Tom tells me all men stray and my husband probably has too which got him blocked and my mom acts like I’m causing drama.”
Another User Comments:
“Your brother is a liability. You don’t need those comments in your life, or for him to poison your son’s view of the world.
Your mother has the right to feel sorry for her broken son – doesn’t make her or him right though. NTJ for getting him to leave your home or telling him the truth.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tom might have the right to speak his mind, but that only means the state doesn’t get to punish him for his opinions in public.
It doesn’t mean that he gets to spout off his nonsense without repercussions from other people. Especially not in their homes. Your mother seems to have enabled this behavior and still seems to enable it. Cut your losses and move on. You can let them back in your life when they start seeing reason.
Otherwise, good riddance.” AffectionateHand2206
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good on you for pointing him out as an example to your son of how not to be. I was at a family BBQ a few years ago and found one of the uncles telling one of the 14-year-old cousins from the other side about how he should pretend not to know how to do anything so that his mother and sister would handle everything for him and he could go relax and chill.
I explained weaponized incompetence to the cousin after the uncle wandered off to drink and pointed out that was the exact reason his wife left him and he hadn’t seen his kids in over a year. She had the receipts of all the times he’d proven himself incapable of taking care of the kids and told her how she should just do it.
The judge agreed with her that he clearly wasn’t capable of providing them even a minimum of care. Sometimes you can learn a lot from a bad example.” misoranomegami
1. AITJ For Inviting My Parents Over After They Didn't Answer My Fiancée's Emergency Calls?
“My fiancée Allie (31f) is the type of person that calls people 2 or 3 times in a row when she wants to get ahold of them for anything. The first time she did this to my parents we were driving to a concert and I asked her to call my folks from my phone.
She called, they didn’t pick up. She started calling my mom again right away and I asked what she was doing. My mom picked up right away worried. Allie asked our question, I told mom false alarm, hung up. She asked why my mom had been irritated and I explained to her in my family, we only call twice in a row if it’s an emergency.
Allie has never followed this and will always call them repeatedly for the most mundane stuff. If one doesn’t answer she’ll sometimes call my other parent.
All that to say a couple of weeks ago she broke her leg while working around the house. I was in a workshop for work that day and could only check my phone on breaks.
She called my parents since they live a couple of streets over but neither answered their phones. She wound up having to call an ambulance. I got her message about 2 hours after she fell and went to the hospital. She was pretty mad at my parents when I got there.
I let them know what happened and they also rushed to the hospital to apologize and check on her. She didn’t want them coming in so they sat outside for a bit, got her flowers from the gift shop, and eventually went home.
I took some time off work to take care of her and my parents have been offering help as they could.
Her sister drove in to help so I could go back to work. Last night I decided to make a nicer dinner than usual and wanted to invite my parents. I gave her a heads-up I was inviting them and asked if she wanted me to rearrange some of the chairs and table so we could all eat together.
She got mad I wanted to invite them and is of the mind I shouldn’t be wanting to see/speak with them after they ignored her. Her sister agrees with her and feels I’m putting my parents over my soon-to-be wife. Up until this point, I haven’t said anything to her about the situation but I did then and told her it was a massive mess-up in communication on everyone’s part and it was time we all talk it out to put it behind us.
Neither she nor her sister think she should stop being mad at them. Was I a jerk to invite my parents over?
Info: My parents were sitting outside for their quiet time when she called. It’s not unusual for them to not answer calls/texts and wait to return them later when they do that.
I myself had to do the two calls routine so they knew it was urgent.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is focusing on the double calls, BUT, even if that wasn’t an issue, it’s just as possible that the parents missed the “urgent” call. They could have been napping, watching a show, doing yard work, etc etc. I see no part of this story that shows the parents willingly, knowingly, or maliciously mistreating your fiancee.
To punish them over it is deeply into left field and not fair to anyone else in this situation. Most likely, your fiancee felt scared, and it ramped up higher when she couldn’t reach anyone to help. I would not focus on the double call situation, but on her being hurt and unable to reach anyone in an emergency.
Arguing over phone habits isn’t going to resolve any of this, and from her view feel like she is getting blamed for feeling alone and scared.” NewWayBack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told your fiancée how multiple calls are used in your family. She chose to ignore that, effectively crying wolf until they just started treating her multiple calls as a normal phone call because that’s what her actions repeatedly told them to do.
You can’t keep treating normal contacts like emergencies if you want people to respond to emergencies urgently. She created the mess herself because of her own insistence on being heard right away whenever she wanted. If she’d had a little patience with your family, she never would have been in that pickle, but she lacked consideration.
Why didn’t she text that it was an emergency when they treated it as a normal call? That would have let your parents know this was different, even if she refused to stop treating every time she wanted to talk to someone as an emergency.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is the jerk. She has been disrespectful of your parents’ time for years, refused to change when asked, and then has the nerve to be mad when the situation she created blew up in her face. Now she is trying to alienate you from your family?
WTF? She sounds like a drama queen who thinks the world should stop and respond to her, on her timetable, time for her to grow up.” Laines_Ecossaises
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