People Ask That We Take A Moment To Read Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
20. AITJ For Getting My Dad Disinherited To Protect My Sister?
“I (19M) have a younger sister called Cassidy (16F). I have more younger siblings but this concerns Cassidy.
Cassidy is the person my dad blames for his divorce from my mother. He introduced his mistress to her when she was 10 (she was his favorite kid) and she told our mum.
They split, he has never forgiven her since.
My mum later married a man called Andy when Cass was 15. Andy is a jerk and he would constantly pick fights with Cass. This situation resulted in Cassidy having to move halfway across the country to live with our dad in London.
Dad’s wife, Sam, is also awful (the mistress he later married) and she hates the fact that he has other kids because that means he can’t give his full attention to her and her kids.
I try my best to keep up with Cassidy and make sure she’s okay, but I live in Scotland for university.
Train tickets for me to visit her or vice versa are expensive and I’m in no position to keep paying for them. I considered having her move in with me since I have a flat with my partner, but the education system in England and Scotland is slightly different (different exams) so I don’t know how well she’d do considering all the other disruption in her life.
Anyway, as I suspected, my dad is doing a terrible job of raising Cassidy. He allows his wife to bully her constantly, his stepkids are nasty to her and she’s having a miserable time there. He’s also been restricting her access to her phone (that I pay for by the way) because he doesn’t want her to tell me about what goes on in that house.
It all came to a head last week when she ran away and only reappeared yesterday. She’s refusing to tell anyone where she went but it’s obvious that this situation can’t continue. My dad said that he was going to send her to live with me which I was okay with, but I didn’t think it was the right decision for her.
She also doesn’t want to move up to Scotland either.
I decided to call up my dad’s parents and they have offered to take Cassidy. They live just outside of London and were also so upset that they’ve said they’re cutting my dad from the will.
They’re also disinheriting my half-siblings from his wife Sam and giving all of that to Cassidy as compensation for the trauma he’s caused her. It’s a lot of money that’ll definitely set her up which I think is great because she deserves it.
My father is infuriated right now. He said that sending Cass to live with me was the right choice for her since we get along really well (and she isn’t that close to our grandparents) but I think that they’ll be better equipped to look after her than me.
It also saves the disruption of having another big move in such a short amount of time for her. He said that I knew his parents would disinherit him which is true, they’ve threatened it before and he thinks I ‘snitched’ to make sure it would happen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to disentangle a few things here. Your grandparents’ decisions with their money and belongings are exclusively theirs to make. You did not get your dad removed from their will. His actions and your grandparents’ decision did that. This is especially true if they’ve threatened to remove him from their will in the past. (Your father sounds like a piece of work if he blames his daughter and not his infidelity for his divorce.) You may have asked your grandparents to take your sister.
But you did so because you thought that it was the best for her, especially in light of her having run away from home. I do hope that you’ve at least discussed this with her because, otherwise, you’re just setting her up for another round of trouble.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The dad here sure likes blaming others when he experiences consequences for his terrible choices and behavior, huh? Just as Cassidy did not cause the split between him and OP’s mom (his affair did that), so too did OP acting in Cassidy’s best interests not cause him to be disinherited (his years of abuse and neglect did that).
Bonus jerk points to the mistress for going shocked Pikachu over the guy with kids having to be involved with said kids. They deserve each other, but hopefully, all the children can escape from their talons and never look back. Classic FAFO right here.” ABeerAndABook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You put the needs of Cassidy first and it sounds like that has not happened before. Your reasoning about your decision is sound 1. She did not want to move to Scotland 2. Moving in with you would require a second upheaval event in a short time 3.
The education system may not have been a direct match. Your grandparents’ decisions in regard to their will are completely out of your control. You did not make this decision vindictively to deprive your father of his inheritance. It is just karma catching up with him, which is why he is so angry.” Late_Confidence8101
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host A Holiday At My House Due To My Sobriety?
“Hi there, recovering heavy drinker here. Been sober for 6 months and it’s been a struggle. Seeing a therapist and attending SMART recovery meetings. Not at all comfortable around booze, which has been a little isolating. Beer culture is huge here and every group, meetup, hobby, whatever, revolves around drinking.
Making new friends who don’t drink is difficult. Sober events here are either “wellness” scams or group sports and I’m not into them.
One of my biggest drinking triggers is holidays, especially the ones that revolve around drinking. I have done my best to be there with my family but I tend to have to cut out early and do some self-care after.
I am a new homeowner and massively lucked out in getting a 4 bed/3 bath with a good-sized patio and yard. Because of this, my family has pushed me to host. I have told them no every time. I am not comfortable with having booze at home and I know better than to try to tell adults not to drink for something like a drinking holiday.
I don’t want all that drama, so I have simply declined.
It has become an issue because now it’s going to be on my brother’s back to host the 4th. He has 2 kids with his wife and they’ve hosted before without issue.
He just didn’t want to this time and wanted a chance to cut loose himself.
He and I got into an argument over it because he thinks I’m being selfish and making everyone else accountable for my drinking problem. That no one else is responsible for my drinking issues.
I said of course they aren’t but I am trying to protect my peace by avoiding things I know will trigger me. He said that I was making excuses. That I’m a poor sister and that he’s tired of dealing with my drinking problem.
Which yes, there were a few times when I couldn’t go to events because I had been drinking and obviously couldn’t drive. None of them were important events, but I get why it annoyed him.
I talked about this with my therapist, and she has said that it’s perfectly reasonable for me to want to avoid booze in my home.
That I’m still fresh into sobriety and that it may be a few years before I’m truly comfortable in situations focused around drinking.
But I’m curious if the community thinks otherwise. AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at all. You are under zero obligation to assist others in behaviors you have distanced yourself from.
“He and I got into an argument over it because he thinks I’m being selfish.” Yes. Yes you are and I’ll tell you that this is something IT’S OKAY TO BE SELFISH ABOUT. That your brother isn’t supportive of your sobriety is super telling…and disappointing.
“He said that I was making excuses. That I’m a poor sister and that he’s tired of dealing with my drinking problem.” He’s kicking up an awful fuss about not being allowed to drink at your place. If he can’t go one day without…well it seems he might have a problem too.
Bottom line: Your house, your rules. If your brother doesn’t like it, he can host his own party.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“Goodness, your family. Your overall well-being vs. a holiday gathering that may trigger a relapse? No contest. NTJ by a mile. Your house, your rules.
It’s more than ok to not want booze in the home that you find is your respite. And they don’t get dibs in using your home just because you are family and it’s bigger than theirs. I also think being fresh on your sobriety and this holiday being a trigger you should probably find alternative plans so you don’t have to hang with a bunch of people who are drinking.
Check with your recovery community on options locally, or maybe take a trip for yourself: you both get to remove yourself from temptation, and your family doesn’t get to complain about you not hosting cause you can’t host when you’re not there. Good luck, stay strong.” rginsf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100% and then some. Well done on achieving 6 months sober and an even bigger well done for defending it against your jerk family. If they want a party with booze then it can be at one of their houses and they can organize it and, most importantly, you are under no obligation to attend it.
The only thing that matters here is your sobriety. You can tell anyone that you think threatens your sobriety to get lost without being a jerk. And I say that as someone who was married to a heavy drinker for 25 years. It destroyed her, destroyed our marriage, and destroyed her relationship with our 3 children.” Habitual-Reject
18. AITJ For Refusing To Ride Home With A Reckless Driver Despite My Friend's Pleas?
“This is not at all a dig on people who are people pleasers (though I do think y’all should do some self-introspection, preferably with a therapist to figure out why).
However, when you try to make your people-pleasing MY issue, that’s where you’re gonna get pushback… even if it’s brash.
My friends Stacy, Cara, and I (all 30s) were riding together to a group dinner. Stacy’s partner agreed to drive us.
Stacy’s partner is a terrible driver (something I did not know before getting in the car). Swerving in lanes, slamming speeding. I asked him to slow down at one point and was told that this was his car and he would drive the way he wants.
Fine. We got to the restaurant.
Towards the end Stacy let us know that she would talk to her partner about driving better. I told her that I will just take an Uber home. She did seem a little taken aback but ultimately didn’t respond.
I went to the restroom. Cara followed me and asked if I would just get into the car with them because she felt uncomfortable too but “it’ll be ok.” And I told her that she should just Uber back with me. Apparently, Stacy texted her about me being rude to decline a free ride.
I told Cara I care more about my safety than being perceived as rude for not getting into a car with a makeshift Dom Toretto wannabe. Again I offered that she could just come Uber with me (cost was not an issue for either of us).
There was some back and forth with her trying to convince me to let great value baby driver cart us back but I wasn’t budging. Ultimately I told her she could do whatever she wanted, but so could I. That (albeit nice) car wouldn’t see me.
I took an Uber. Everyone got home safely thank goodness. Then I get a somewhat long text from Cara saying that she was disappointed in me for not having her back. And that I know that she has difficulty saying no to people sometimes and that I should’ve just hung with her because she also was uncomfortable and also concerned about her safety.
That I knew she is a people pleaser and she’s working on it but needs support. I’m not gonna lie I was kind of over the whole thing. And this is not the first time Cara has had difficulty standing up for herself and trying to corral someone else to “just go with the flow” so perhaps that is why I was a bit short with her?
Either way, I told her that her people-pleasing tendencies are not my problem and I’m not gonna be uncomfortable alongside her just because she doesn’t have the mental wherewithal to say “no.” She didn’t respond.
Honestly writing this out, makes this whole thing seem even sillier to me!
How are you worried about your safety but willingly doing that unsafe thing?!! The only reason I’m here is because our other friend CC said that I might get some different opinions. CC agrees with me but wonders if we’re just too harsh lol.
Again, please don’t dog on people pleasers! It ain’t my ministry but I’m sure some people are working through it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you offered for her to come with you – then you asked multiple times after AND expressed that it wasn’t safe.
If she agreed that it wasn’t safe then she should have gone with you. People pleasing is one thing but to put herself in a dangerous situation and also expect others to is a serious issue and one she should talk to people about.
Also, your friend with the partner should have stood up for you. I wouldn’t get in a car with someone who isn’t worried about anyone’s safety.” _divascalp_
Another User Comments:
“What if they had wrecked and been seriously injured? Would you be doubting yourself like this?
Not at all, because you would have been proven right that he was not safe. I had a similar experience in high school. My mom told me you NEVER get in a car with someone who has been drinking. She said no matter where I was or what I was doing, she would come get me and I wouldn’t be in trouble.
Well, in 9th or 10th grade, a friend took me to drag races with her dad. It was so cool! We got to ride in his car up to the line and then get out so he could race. He was done relatively early and then proceeded to drink the rest of the day.
I felt so awkward I didn’t know what to do. We were 4 hours from home and I had to tell my friend to leave me so someone could come get me. I could tell she was shocked. She made some comment about it’s only been beer.
I told her I was so sorry and I felt so embarrassed, but it was ingrained in my brain. A little time passed and her sister’s partner showed up and asked my friend’s dad if he could drive back. Her dad said sure!
My friend looked at me and smiled and I had never been so happy in my life. Sometimes insisting on safety is uncomfortable. I’ve never regretted it though.” fanofthethings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can’t do any more than what you did, which was offer for her to get in the Uber with you.
That’s being supportive and helping with the people-pleasing tendency, she had support to not be the only one saying “I’m not comfortable riding with a careless driver”, she could have just left with you. Being supportive as you say, doesn’t extend to YOU also staying in an uncomfortable situation/potentially unsafe car journey, because she can’t say no. If anything you modeled how to NOT be a people pleaser to the extent it’s affecting your safety.
I don’t even think you were harsh, you’re her friend – not her therapist taking her out for exposure therapy and then ditching her.” Confident_Board_5210
17. AITJ For Thinking My Husband Was Rude To A Neighbor While Filming His Skating?
“My husband is learning to skate and he asked me to film his moving Ollie to see how high he can go. So, after filming a couple of tries, a lady calls to me from her porch and asks me not to get her in the shot.
Which is fine, I gave her a thumbs up as I wasn’t close to filming her anyway.
But my husband replies back, “It’s a public street”. Which I thought was very rude. I mean, we’re from the Midwest and he’s acting like this is Boston.
I said it’s fine and that I was more than capable of filming him without filming her and she asked nicely. But he starts having a back-and-forth with her.
“I just don’t want to be in the shot.”
“Yeah well it’s a public street.”
And after that, I stopped filming and left. He didn’t think he was being rude and that he was simply stating a fact.
But I think it was rude. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Stating a fact can be rude. Your husband isn’t very smart. See? Both rude and a simply stated fact. Tell your husband that skating culture doesn’t appreciate him perpetuating the stereotype that skaters are immature imps who like causing problems for people and being disrespectful of property.
A lot of people are aggressive and rude towards skaters, but this woman made a simple, reasonable, polite request. He’s a jerk for not responding in kind. NTJ.” 1568314
Another User Comments:
“Reminds me of this story I read about once. Two women decided to actively demand a UK man filming himself playing the Elton John piano (which was donated to the city by the artist and allowed for public use) not film them…the camera was not aimed in their general direction and was on a rig or something.
He tried to explain how they just walked into the shot, and he’s not trying to film anyone but himself, but these women kept demanding it and eventually, police got involved, I think. Now, the piano is no longer allowed for public use and is instead locked up.
Obviously, this is nothing like that situation, so NTJ. But it’s amazing to me that some people can just be plain rude without a care.” Nytro_Switch_2372
Another User Comments:
“One can film anything from a public location or your own property, you cannot trespass the eyes.
This would include anything that can be seen from public into private, be it in the open or through a window. Some images would be illegal if shared. As for the terse reply and the following spat, kinda rude if the tone implies being rude.
As for you just leaving, kinda ok, just not wanting to be part of the scene. A civil conversation you two should have about this needs to have a happy ending between you two. As for the porch lady, a ‘sorry’ would be nice, a short excuse, then drop it so it does not fester into a poop pile that keeps being stirred. Just my 3 cent opinion.” tgfflynn
16. AITJ For Cutting Off My Friend After She Constantly Asked For Money Post-Birth?
“I (33 F) am friends with a (36 F) named Ashley.
Ashley recently had to have an emergency C-section at 6 months pregnant. She and the baby are doing well but the baby girl is in the NICU and she is recovering. When I found out I immediately sent her a care package, bought a crib she couldn’t afford, and reached out regularly within the past month.
I live across the country from her so I can’t just up and travel.
I noticed over that time Ashley would ask for things or complain about feeling that her friends and her child’s father are not doing enough for her or being around enough for her.
I would do what I can with the monetary requests she has made and reach out to check in when I could. I told her that I am very annoyed by her complaining and she needs to accept that my life does not stop just because she had a baby.
She responds by saying “I almost died giving birth”. I responded that she has said this every time I have spoken to her when she complains about something. I also said that she cannot make monetary requests, complain afterward, throw almost dying in my face, and then make more requests like I’m an unlimited ATM.
She said that until I experience what she has then I won’t understand where she is coming from and being there for her in these ways shows how important she and the baby are in my life. I responded that in the time since she gave birth, I have injured my foot and can barely walk which led to unexpected financial problems and have other challenges in my life that she does not even ask about.
I said I was not in the bedroom when she got pregnant so she needs to take this up with the man who knocked her up. We haven’t spoken since then and I refuse to help her anymore as long as she acts this entitled. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ …and this is coming from someone who does understand how it feels to be in your friend’s position. I had an emergency c-section at 6 months. My baby was 100% my priority, but on no planet did I expect him to be everyone’s.
I actually welcomed talking to my friends about their lives because it was an escape, of sorts, from the constant stress of the medical situation. And I was beyond grateful for any support anyone offered me, but would never have the audacity to DEMAND it, not caring whether they were able to help or not.
The stressful situation doesn’t excuse continuous poor behavior.” Tntmadre
Another User Comments:
“Good heavens. NTJ but maybe someone needs to tell your friend to ask her doctor about postpartum anxiety or depression. Unless she’s always like this and it’s just how she is – and if that’s the case, if you choose to ever reinitiate contact, make sure you set some firm boundaries about how she treats you and what you’re willing to gift her/what she can ask you for.
If she continues acting like this, she’ll alienate everyone who wants to help and then she’ll really be in a world of hurt. She deserves to understand why, so definitely explain it (kindly) if you have the opportunity. If it’s a postpartum issue, she can seek help and get better.
If it’s a personality issue, she can seek help and get better.” MaileKalena
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This person went through a significant trauma. You have done your best but this is complex and I would go so far as to say that she probably needs some professional help.
I don’t mean that in a critical or disparaging way – genuinely she may have PTSD or complex PTSD given what she experienced. It does not sound like she is in a good place psychologically. If she is correct and people are not supporting her – it is not your responsibility to fill a gap that is left by the father, her family, and medical professionals.
You’ve done what you can but you cannot be expected to pick up the slack of family and statutory services or provide the level of service they should be providing! You are not the jerk but you do need to recognize that you responded in a particular way because of how this situation – which is not of your creation – has impacted you.
Recognize it for what it was. You said something in a moment because you are being emotionally, psychologically, and (I might venture that you’ve been literally picking up the slack – e.g. the crib, and therefore) physically impacted! You are not the jerk. Far from it.
So don’t be a jerk to yourself. You can be a loving friend WITH appropriate boundaries, no matter how fraught the situation.” JackHazzardUK
15. AITJ For Not Informing My Ex-MIL About My Husband Adopting My Child?
“My ex-husband/father of my child (m26) and I (f25) got divorced in 2021. Since then I’ve had to beg, plead, and force any kind of contact between my child and bio father.
When our divorce finalized bio father was always too busy or never responded to my texts/calls to try and let him see my child.
This did change recently when he got a new very sweet partner (f25).
My husband (m38) and I got together after my separation from my ex-husband started and is very involved in my child’s life.
For the last 3 years that we have been together/married, he spends more time with my child than my ex has ever done without me even asking.
Recently my ex approached my husband and me and asked if my husband would adopt my child so he could get out of CS.
My husband and I are overjoyed to start the process because we truly think it will benefit my child.
About 2 months into getting the attorney, paperwork, and funds together my ex-MIL found out and seemed upset.
I understand this is very hard for everyone involved, but this was her son’s idea.
Side note: When my ex-husband was refusing to make time for my child she would sneak my child over to see him and not inform me. She then would lie to my face when I found out and raised concerns that the court order dictated that I was to have knowledge of all visitations and communications due to safety concerns during our divorce.
We are still going through with the adoption, but I’m afraid she will try and talk my ex into trying to fight it…. AITJ or selfish in this? My child’s well-being is all I’m trying to protect.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is a weird situation.
If she asks later you can tell your ex to tell her. But you want full custody and a happy family and the other parent wants the adoption to go through. Letting his mother change his mind won’t necessarily make him a better dad. If you think he will suddenly become the greatest guy then, yeah, don’t do it, but you know this person.
You might have to deal with your child’s biological family forever, though, and your kid might care to do that. Not now, but in the future.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“There’s a few things that kinda raise some yellow flags. Your husband was presumably 35 and you 22 when you met?
Your kid was already born, so the kid is what age now, for sure over the age of 4? If your ex-husband had to be begged into seeing him, why did the MIL have to sneak him over? “See him and not inform me. She then would lie to my face when I found out and raised concerns that the court order dictated that I was to have knowledge of all visitations and communications due to safety concerns during our divorce.” What were the safety concerns?
Is he violent? Would he harm your kid? Why were you begging and pleading for a man who is this dangerous to your kid to see them? “My child’s wellbeing is all I’m trying to protect.” From what exactly? I don’t understand. If this was the bio dad’s full decision and he came to you, how would he be talked out of it?
What about your kid, are you planning on cutting off their bio family (grandma specifically) and carrying on? What if your kid grows up and didn’t want this?” brokenhousewife_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you would be justified if you were. I recommend getting a little leverage if you can.
Since you have started down the adoption road, do some investigation. The ex is obviously not wanting to support his child, so look into the financial situation. See if he has any new assets, raise or promotion coming at work, etc. Make it clear to him that if he doesn’t go through with the adoption you are going to push to have your child support increased. Keep the incentive of being a court-sanctioned deadbeat front and center for him.
Your ex’s mom’s emotions are not your problem. Keep the goal in mind and keep moving forward.” Big-Data-Isaac
14. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Move Out After She Overstayed Her Welcome?
“I (26M) and my wife (26F) are newlyweds. We got our place in October of last year. In November last year, we decided to help my mom out through a tough personal situation.
We both agreed that before my mom moved in, rent-free, there would be a clear understanding of how much time she needed and that, if in the time she moved in we felt differently, we would tell her we needed our space back. We brought this up to my mom and she agreed; that at any point we want our personal space we can just say so and she’ll move out.
At first, she would help out, clean, buy groceries, and cook (she insisted). Then all these things started slowly stopping until nothing was done. When these things were done it was met with an attitude towards us. She began to be cold and distant to my wife and me, and unfortunately, it feels like we are walking on eggshells in our own home.
Recently, after talking in therapy, we came up with a game plan as to how to talk to her. I approached the conversation in a de-escalation position but it didn’t go the way we had planned (or any of the plans that we thought would happen).
I had the conversation with her and while I did stand firm that she needed to move out, the guilt tripping hit a little hard.
Unfortunately, my point was not getting across and it was spun as me going back on my word to help.
My mom doesn’t think it’s fair as she has no money to move and her family is saying that I went back on my word of helping. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
““Family says I need to help out” – they can show you how by leading with their own example – throw it right back at them with ‘if you feel so strongly that family should help, then great, I will drive her over now seeing as you’ve volunteered to be the next to help.
I’ve been helping for 7 months, is today fine, or does tomorrow work better for you?’ There was an agreement in place and it’s being enforced. The agreement didn’t dissolve itself due to extended time. You need to start your life as a married couple, and that doesn’t involve her making your home uncomfortable.
NTJ.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But unfortunately, if she is going to act entitled, you’re going to evict her. Let her know this and start the legal process of giving her a 30-day notice or whatever length your state law requires. If she doesn’t move by then, continue with the evicting process.
You should also let her know that having an eviction record will make it hard for her to rent a place. It is her decision to be responsible or not and her action will have consequences.” v2den
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She lived with you for over 6 months.
Not your fault, she couldn’t save up. You let her live rent-free and in return, you have to walk on eggshells in your own place? That is not fair. She overstayed her welcome. And it was clear, that you would ask her to leave then.
If any family member tries to give you a hard time because of that or guilt trip you, tell them ‘oh, that means that you are accepting to host her from now on. How nice.'” Trevena_Ice
13. AITJ For Wanting To Act Like A Tourist On Our Trip To France?
“As a post-graduation trip, my (21F) friends and I are planning a trip to France next summer.
This is my first time going to Europe so I’m really excited, and we’re currently in the planning stage. This issue concerns one of my friends, Katie (also 21F).
Katie has never been out of the country, and somehow she’s gotten it in her head that the worst thing someone can be in another country is a tourist. I think she’s read too many articles and watched too many TikToks about how Europeans dislike American tourists.
Anyway, she’s now trying to change our trip to be as un-touristy as possible. For example, she’s sent the rest of the group pictures of French street fashion and is insisting that we can only pack outfits that look like it. When one person said she didn’t have clothes that looked like that, Katie just said “guess you’ll need to go shopping.” She also says that Europeans do not wear sneakers and will immediately label us as tourists if we’re seen wearing them, so we can’t bring them (even though we’ll be walking a lot).
Additionally, when I tried to suggest places for us to visit (Eiffel Tower, Louvre, Versailles, etc), Katie immediately shot them down and said that those are too “touristy” and we should try and find other places to go. When I asked her what kinds of places, she pulled up some French residential neighborhoods and local shops and said we would be better off spending our time there since it’s more “authentic.” To be clear, she’s not concerned about avoiding pickpockets since we’ve already purchased pickpocket-proof pouches.
It’s JUST about “looking like tourists.”
In my view, there’s nothing wrong with being a tourist and doing touristy things as long as we’re respectful of the locals and French culture. Besides, if I’m only getting a limited time in France, I don’t want to be spending it all just walking around random people’s houses and looking at them like they’re zoo animals.
I told this to Katie and she got upset and said I was the reason why Europeans dislike tourists so much. I told her we ARE tourists, why try to hide it? I’m pretty sure French people would be MORE annoyed if we tried to act like locals instead of just being respectful visitors.
Katie got even more upset and said that if I want to be disrespectful of French culture so bad, I can go to France on my own time. She then left our planning session.
The rest of our group is kind of split on this issue.
Most of them agree with me and think it’s a waste of time to walk around residential neighborhoods instead of seeing the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre, but they also are very afraid of being perceived as annoying Americans. So I’d like to get some more perspectives on if I’m the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“I have traveled a lot. People in other countries love tourists, they just dislike arrogant Americans. It does sound like Katie is that sort of arrogant American that people from other countries will not appreciate. Tourist attractions have the infrastructure to support tourism.
Choosing not to go there and instead go only to areas that may not have that support isn’t somehow going to make you all beloved to the French locals. By all means, visit some off-the-beaten-path destinations. Find a local guide and enjoy the path less chosen.
But don’t miss out on other cultural locations simply because you don’t want to be a tourist. Just be a polite and culturally sensitive tourist.” Big-Data-Isaac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless you can all speak fluent French with a perfect accent, you will all be recognized as Yankee doodles instantly anyway.
Tourists going to tourist places are perfectly fine. You will find local people will be much more annoyed if you go wandering down some residential street gawping at everything. Some touristy things are a bit much, like being herded through the Louvre to the Mona Lisa, but you are better off going for the less crowded tourist things, like looking at the rest of the galleries at the Louvre, rather than just totally avoiding tourist areas.
Going to look at some French dude’s house, and then going to Carrefour is not what you fly 3600 miles for. Also for the clothes, French people wear jeans and trainers, they aren’t all dressed like they are going to be on a magazine cover. Look at Google Street View if you want to see what people are really wearing in the streets.
Also giant lol at the “you can go to France on your own time” comment. Like, you’re already going on your own time, aren’t you? Does she think this is a business trip?” BoingBoingBooty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, tell Katie to get off Tik Tok.
Tik Tok is not reality. You’re going to look like tourists French street fashion or any city’s street fashion is not how everyone in that city dresses. Average people wear average clothes and a small handful of very fashionable people dress fashionably. Regardless of what you wear, you’re going to look like tourists.
You can either look like tourists in normal clothes or tourists trying to cosplay as fashionable Parisians. People don’t hate all tourists. People hate: tourists who don’t bother learning a few key phrases of the local language, tourists who don’t try to use Google translate or other translator tools to attempt to communicate, tourists who are loud, obnoxious, or rude, tourists who have no awareness of their surroundings, tourists who act entitled to things or treat people poorly, tourists who leave messes, throw trash on the ground, etc. Katie is way overthinking things.
I understand where she is coming from but her efforts are misdirected. Katie needs to chill, do some French DuoLingo, and read a couple of articles about basic French customs for dining at restaurants and behaving in public. Dressing fashionably and avoiding tourist spots don’t matter if your behavior is crap or you don’t try to use a few key phrases in the local language.
Beyond that, she needs to stop worrying about looking like a tourist. They’re gonna know either way.” TopRamenisha
12. AITJ For Laughing When My Nephew Hurt Himself With My Professional Yo-Yo?
“I have been playing with yo-yos my whole life. Since I was five probably. My uncle taught me how to use one. I have used them in talent shows.
I have even been on TV news and on a show demonstrating tricks. I even worked for a company that makes them on a demo team. I know I know. Women want me and men want to be me.
My brother cannot use one to save his life.
He just can’t understand the hand movements. That’s fine he has many good qualities.
Unfortunately, forethought is not one of them. I have boxes of starter yo-yos. They are lightweight and easy to learn with. I also have a bunch of balls that have a self-retracting mechanism inside so you can get used to the feel.
I was showing off for the kids last weekend at a family birthday party. Everyone wanted one. I went to my garage and got a box of the freebies.
My nephew kept looking at my Maplewood yoyo. He wanted that one. I said no. He went crying to his dad who went to our mom.
She came stomping over with my idiot brother. She said that I had hundreds of yo-yos and that I could give one to my nephew.
I said it was a bad idea. I explained that my yo-yos are set up for professional use.
She insisted and my brother started insulting me for playing with toys at my age.
So I took my nephew and I gave him a ball and a starter yo-yo. I told him to start with the ball until he got the feel for it. Then the light plastic one. I told him only to use the fancy one after he was sure of himself.
Ten minutes. Ten darn minutes later my SIL is bringing him to the bathroom because he hit himself in the mouth. I couldn’t help but laugh.
My brother is upset because his wife is mad that he got his son a “wooden morning star”. This is not accurate.
The yo-yo was inspired.
My mother appears to have forgotten her part in this play because she is mad at me.
My brother told me that I had to pay the dentist bill to get the rest of the baby tooth out. I told him to eat a doughnut.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You explained the risks, you told the kid not to use the big one until he’d practiced, you told your brother not to give it to him because it was dangerous. He insisted, he’s the parent and has ultimate decision-making on giving his child something dangerous and then leaving him unsupervised with it.” 3OrcsInATrenchcoat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I suspect the child had a better learning takeaway than the parents. I’m from a culture where if a child doesn’t listen to a warning and goes on to fall or experience a small injury, the adults say something similar to “That’s how you’ll learn.” If they’re older they might get the equivalent of “That’s what you get for acting like a dumb-dumb.”” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hit myself in the mouth thinking I could upgrade to a wooden yo-yo from a plastic Duncan and a Yo-Yo ball when I was a kid. Lesson learned. If any of my older family members had witnessed my idiocy, they would have laughed too.
What’s that phrase? “Play stupid games. Win stupid prizes?”” Sea-Collection-7367
11. AITJ For Wanting To Take My Milestone Birthday Trip Alone Because My Partner Can't Afford It?
“I (39M) am seeing someone (33F) and have been for the last 3 months. Things were going well until the topic of my 40th birthday came up.
Next year I turn 40. And I’ve never taken an actual vacation.
I’ve extended work trips to do something fun where I am. I’ve traveled to visit friends or family. Always just for a long weekend (never more than 3 days total). I want to take a week and travel purely for recreational purposes. My criteria is that the trip needs to be at least a week and be international.
I’ve also worked hard to get my finances in shape since my 20s. Now that I have a decent business and some funds set aside I feel like I’m ready for a trip and next year would be a great opportunity as it is a milestone birthday.
My partner is great. She works hard and supports herself. But she doesn’t make as much funds and, most importantly, is currently saddled with around $20k in credit card debt arising from a period of unexpected unemployment she had in the past that forced her to burn through savings and live on credit cards.
When the topic of this trip came up she first asked if she could go. I said sure. She then asked if we could go to Vegas. I told her about my desire for this to be an international trip. Then she expressed concern over whether she could afford it while in debt.
I told her I’d be willing to cover our lodging and, depending on where we go, help her pay for airfare. Because we haven’t been seeing each other long I don’t feel comfortable paying her whole way and feel she should contribute financially to come along.
She then told me she didn’t feel she could afford to cover meals + half airfare even if I went somewhere relatively cheap (I was thinking possibly the Caribbean where trip flights are running typically under $500). So I said that I understood but I also have been wanting to do this milestone birthday thing for a while now and I still intend to go even if just by myself and would only be gone a week.
She became upset that I would travel without her and it caused a bit of a fight. My friends and family are split. On the one hand some point out how many things I wanted to do but didn’t get to do because my ex refused to “let” me and so I should go forth with or without her.
On the other, some are saying it is cruel of me to be planning a vacation in front of a person who is trying to pay off large amounts of debt anyway.
I can see both sides and just want to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“To say it’s “cruel” to leave a partner of three months behind for a one-week vacation is just… insane. The thing about milestones is that you never know if you’re actually going to reach them. Like, what if you make a plan to go on a big trip when you’re 50 and you don’t get to live that long?
You’ve been planning this your whole life. You deserve it. If your partner is making a big deal out of this, I’d look deeper into this relationship and what you’re really getting out of it. 100x NTJ.” RelevantSchool1586
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Just from what you have said, it doesn’t sound like she’s in debt because she’s just a complete idiot with her funds.
And it doesn’t sound like you’re flaunting funds in front of someone who is struggling. She’s not a jerk for asking if she can join you, her partner, on a vacation. And she’s also not a jerk for trying to figure out ways to make it work financially.
Likewise, you’re not a jerk for holding your ground on what you want out of this trip and not wanting to foot the bill for someone so early in a relationship. While you also may not want advice on this I’ll offer some anyway… Be really careful with debt and relationships.
Whenever two people are in completely different places in their life it makes relationships tricky and unbalanced. This can happen when you have an age gap. This can happen when you have wildly different careers/earnings (e.g. a neurosurgeon and a retail worker). It doesn’t mean it can’t happen.
But it is something you need to carefully navigate. Because, honestly, a compromise somewhere along the line is needed to reconcile it. And that compromise will either have you spending less than you can afford to spend or paying for more things for her to enjoy those experiences.
Neither is wrong if you freely choose them. But carefully consider if you want to freely choose them.” TheFire_Eagle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve barely been seeing each other. She has a year to figure out a way to budget to pay down her debt while saving money for this trip.
If she can’t put aside $100 a month to pay for a flight and some meals, then that’s that. And she absolutely shouldn’t be asking you to not do the things you want to do because she has put herself in a position where she can’t.
The fact that after three months she would expect you to pay for a dime of this trip is such a huge red flag to me. I would just plan the trip alone and let her know the details and say “if you can afford the flight and your expenses, of course I’d love it if you joined me” and leave it at that.
Do not make financial or booking commitments a year down the road with someone you haven’t been dating long. If she really wants to go, she can figure out a way to budget for it.” kittygattochat
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend My Weekends At My Wife's Countryside Family Home?
“I’ve been married for over 3 years. My spouse and I have a three-month-old boy. We both reside in a country with a cold winter and a hot summer. I left behind my friends and family to relocate to her country.
The family of my wife likes to spend their weekends in the countryside every summer, which runs from June to August. Her mother essentially spends the entire summer there because she works remotely.
They have many allotments there to grow tomatoes, cucumbers, and other vegetables since she loves gardening. My wife’s father passed away a few years ago, so her mum’s on her own + my wife to maintain all of it.
In the past, before our son was born, I didn’t really enjoy going there for the weekends because:
- Toilets are poor
- There is no AC; I sweat very easily while my wife gets cold very easily
- The mosquitoes there love me and I absolutely hate them
- The roads are tough to get around with a stroller
Please understand that I have no problem lending a hand to my wife’s mother in the garden, I just dislike the surroundings.
I admitted to my wife (about 2 years ago) that I disliked going there, but I’m willing to find a compromise. Maybe I could come for 1 day every weekend, go home, and spend Sunday at home? My wife did not like that suggestion, but she reluctantly agreed.
Things have changed a little since we had our son. My wife is currently on maternity leave (which lasts 3 years in her country), which is typical in her country, and she essentially spends 4 or 5 days a week with our son over there. I am the primary provider, which I don’t mind because my wife does a great deal to support and nurture our son.
My spouse replied that our son would benefit greatly from the air in the countryside, as opposed to the city (we live in a large metropolis). She would tell me that since she is there with our son, I should come as well, that I should not put myself first, and that I should not stay at home and do nothing (which is untrue since I do the cooking, cleaning, washing since my wife got our son).
She would also say that I should leave my bad thoughts behind and simply show up in the countryside whenever I have the chance.
Am I being too harsh? Do I have to accept it? Open for feedback!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As beautiful as the countryside can be, the conditions you describe sound absolutely dreadful.
All that aside, you work hard all week to provide for a family you clearly love; it’s not unreasonable to want to have the weekends to rest and recharge. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you would be doing at your MIL’s house. Moreover, it sounds like you do a lot of work inside the home, on top of working a full-time job.
You deserve to have some time to relax. If she agreed to your compromise before, what’s changed? Why has she suddenly decided you’re selfish? In my opinion, she’s the selfish one here. It’s not a very loving thing to do, asking your partner to be miserable just to keep you(her) happy.
I would sit her down and, again, lay it all out for her. You shouldn’t have to do anything you really don’t want to.” Accomplished_Rip5620
Another User Comments:
“If I imagine the country correctly it is true that there is that strong tradition of the countryside houses in summer.
It is considered healthy and generally the right thing to do to stay there in summer, especially with a baby. So it’s not only about you and your wife but it’s the traditional way of things you are fighting. You are NTJ but she may be genuinely unable to share your point of view.
I had a friend who would do exactly that — visit his family for a day during the weekend. But he was lucky to have an alibi. They had two cats who didn’t fit well in the countryside. Maybe you should create an excuse too?” Boring-Magazine-1821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Admittedly, I’m biased as this is my idea of a terrible time- I hate the countryside and gardening, never mind the lack of AC and poor toilets. As a person in a relationship, you don’t get to determine your partner’s weekends for the rest of his life unilaterally, never mind signing your partner up to weekends of indentured labor.
Clearly, there are people who love all of this, and I know it’s a big part of the culture in parts of Eastern Europe, and they are welcome to it all, but you didn’t marry their country dacha.” DazzleLove
9. AITJ For Asking My Family Not To Mention My Deceased Dad At My Wedding?
“My (26f) dad passed away last year very suddenly. I hadn’t spoken to my dad for two years when he died, as he was an addict and when he was on substances he had tendencies that were very traumatic and scary. I distanced myself from him, but kept in touch with my grandfather, aunt, and cousins.
Occasionally my aunt and cousins would be curious about why I didn’t speak to my dad, but I felt it wasn’t their business and I didn’t want to cry while spending time with them, so they didn’t know exactly what my dad had put me through.
Which is where I might be the jerk in this story…
Anyway I am getting married this summer and my dad’s side of the family was all invited. I was talking to my therapist about being nervous about my dad being brought up at the wedding and the possibility of being asked why I didn’t honor him with a memorial and having to explain myself and possibly being hit with a huge flood of emotions about my dad on an already emotionally charged day.
So, I was like … what if I just asked my immediate family + my dad’s side of the family not to bring my dad up to me just for the day of my wedding? My therapist supported it, so I got to typing in the notes app the draft.
I started off talking to my mom, and my siblings. They all supported me. I then sent the same text privately to my aunt and my cousin and was about to send it to my other cousin and grandfather, when I got responses from both my aunt and cousin.
They took my message as hateful, singling them out, pointless, and calling them children essentially.
My cousin’s text hurt the most as they said “I feel truly sorry you felt the need to send it because it truly shows how much hatred you have in your heart” “You can take me off your RSVP” “Grandmother (also passed) would be so disappointed in you, honor him (my dad) for her.”
This text is probably the most disrespectful text I have ever been sent in my 26 years of living… I immediately called my mom and siblings crying. After an hour or two, this sadness turned to rage. I couldn’t believe my cousin had the nerve to even press send without even knowing what my dad put me and my family through.
I took screenshots of the private texts I had been sent, messaged the family group chat with everyone on my dad’s side in it, and blasted the disrespectful texts. I went into extreme detail as to why I didn’t want my dad spoken about to me for four hours on my wedding day, explaining all that my dad had put me through, and that now my aunt and cousin were uninvited in front of everyone.
My cousin responded, “How were we supposed to know what he put you through?” with her backtracking her text along with my aunt. Neither she nor my aunt gave good apologies so they are still both uninvited BUT, with them not knowing what my dad had put me through, did that make my request ridiculous and unnecessary?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Annnd keep those people off your guest list. They might not have known exactly what your dad put you through, but if he was an addict with traumatic and scary tendencies, that sort of thing is pretty hard to keep hidden.
They had to have had a clue. They could have taken your request and extrapolated there was a significant and uncomfortable backstory and just – I dunno – respect your wishes without giving you such a hard time? But they couldn’t do that. Well, you told them.
Good for you, now they know.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would be nice to have a bit more detail to the exact wording of the text, but I’m assuming it was well drafted in a very polite and tactful way. If that’s the case, then your cousin’s responses are uncalled for and too quick to judge.
Whether or not they knew about your dad’s problems is not the point – the point is they could have taken just as much time to think through their response and approached you in many other ways about this subject, but instead decided to just throw out a knee-jerk response.
That’s not your fault – it’s theirs. And this is why it’s never good to jump to assumptions and conclusions because we never know what even our close friends and family might be going through/have gone through before.” nextstopFREEDOM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting him to be brought up, regardless of the reason.
When my friend got married, we accidentally triggered her by jumping up and down and excitedly yelling, “Mommy mommy mommy!” at another friend’s mom because her mom passed when she was a teen. I felt like crap because I hadn’t even considered just hearing the word would upset her so much.
So, your family could easily honor your wishes whether they agreed or not. Even if they didn’t know what he did, surely they could understand that hearing him referenced on such a big day would be hard/upsetting to you regardless. Then to try and shame you into doing it was a bridge too far.
You didn’t have to blast them in the family chat, knowing they didn’t know what he did, but, bygones.” Live-Pomegranate4840
8. AITJ For Wanting To Publicly Call Out My Tenant For Damaging My Property?
“I (37f) rented out one of my houses to a single mother. I was kind and let her slide on not paying late fees or we would work out arrangements if she couldn’t pay.
Sadly I had to finally give her a notice to vacate because of her allowing others to live there, the amount of animals and annoyances her children were causing.
Well, I inspected the house and she has removed cabinets and taken them, holes in so many places including the ceiling.
Parts of the walls missing. I’m just sick. She kept it all up until she had to move out. I have pictures of before and for sure after. I’m also making a police report because the damages are well over 3500. But would it be wrong to make a social media post calling her out since she is ignoring my messages and calls?
I’d let everything be done and over with if she would just return my cabinets. One was built INTO the house. The work to remove it wasn’t easy… so WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would think trying to shame her through the social network can backfire in ways where police reports, damages, and letters from a lawyer probably will not.
Consult with legal advise before you do it because it can complicate any potential suit you file against her if she refuses to return the things or settle.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“I’m a property manager. I understand your frustration but do not do this.
It wouldn’t necessarily make you the jerk, but it’s not a smart idea. No matter how wrong the tenant is for what they did, posting about it on social media with identifying information about the tenant makes you look unprofessional. These situations suck. But it’s just part of the business.
Happens all the time.” IngovilleWrites
Another User Comments:
“Not sure what country you are in, but in Canada, there are residential tenancy boards for each province that you have to go through when there is a rental dispute. The arbiters could find against you if you post on social media and name someone.
However, it can be helpful to contact local media with pictures of the before and after – often they will report on the story, and leave names out of it until the tenancy board brings back a judgment. After that, the case proceeds to Small Claims Court to get the money.
If you can, don’t let her get away with it! Hopefully, you get the cabinets back, but get her charged for the damages. You might never be able to collect, but in some cases with a judgment, you can get wages, etc. garnished.” DS3333
7. AITJ For Refusing To Hike In High Heat Due To Health Concerns?
“So I’m from the UK. I am very very pale, like Casper the ghost-level pale. I burn instantly and have to bathe in suncream to even look outside.
If you’ve been to the UK, you’d be aware that the sun doesn’t come out except for maybe a few weeks in the summer so my body struggles with any kind of heat.
In 2022, I went on an exchange year to Alabama.
The humidity was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I struggled to acclimatize because I arrived in mid-August and it cooled off before I could.
I met my partner at the end of 2022. He’s native Alabamian and has grown up with the heat and humidity.
When I left we went long distance and have been together since. But he’s never really seen how much I struggle in the heat.
I’m due to visit him for a few months in a few weeks. I haven’t really experienced high Alabama summer but the humidity and heat in August gave me enough of an idea.
I know I’m going to struggle. He’s spoken about hiking and climbing mountains because we’re both active people. I asked what kind of temperature is it usually in July and he told me usually above 90. I know there’s absolutely no way I can do that in that kind of heat.
I told him I’m concerned that I’d have a heat stroke but he dismissed my concerns and said I’d be okay. I was adamant that expecting me to climb a mountain in heat that I’m not used to would end up hospitalizing me.
He countered that I’d just have to drink water and stay in the shade and that he’d go crazy if he was stuck inside all day. I flat-out refused and told him he’s not caring about my health and he got upset because he really wants to climb this mountain with me and doesn’t want to be trapped by my inability to deal with the heat.
I don’t know if I’m being overly cautious or neurotic about being in the heat and walking in it. I’m fine going outside but I’m worried about being in the sun during its peak. I am a hypochondriac to some extent and I’m worried this might be another case of me being one.
So my flat-out refusing and not coming to a compromise may make me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That sounds like literal torment. In my opinion, there is no need for couples to be attached at the hip and the only way you would be a jerk is if you were sulky about him going without you.
You are in an LDR, he must typically hike with others or by himself, your not going does not prevent him from following his usual routine. There are plenty of things you can do to be active together when it’s hot, swimming perhaps, or indoor sports.
You said you’ll be there for a few months, and the mountains will still be there in the fall. You’re not “trapping” him and if he can’t graciously accommodate your health needs, that sounds manipulative and concerning.” NotThisAgain234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Heat exhaustion and stroke are a thing.
Much higher temperatures and humidity will make you sick especially if you aren’t used to hiking on a trail (on a mountain no less) and misjudge how hydrated you are. I used to train people on my walking route (mailperson) and an amazing amount of young fit people do struggle with constant walking and maintaining hydration if they don’t have an endurance exercise routine in place.
You need to build up to being used to weather, altitude, and such or it will have consequences. Together, you can visit a town or hike somewhere flat and see how you do before trekking up a mountain that is more isolated and further away from your vehicle or supplies if something does happen.
Baby steps. Walk before you run so to speak.” WorktheMoo
Another User Comments:
“I am born and raised in Southern California. I have always lived here. We rarely have cold weather. I’m quite acclimated to our warm and sunny weather. I’m also a hiker. I will not and do not hike in hot weather.
In fact, if it’s over 75°, I don’t hike. I know what I can comfortably withstand. At that temperature, and with bodily exertion, that’s just my max. And I’d like to add, that we rarely have high humidity, and I still stick with lower temps. My sister and I just did an 11.2-mile, difficult-rated trail, in our local mountains.
It was 73° and I was hot and sweating, wearing shorts and a T-shirt. The trail was 85% uphill, and I felt every single bit of it. You are NTJ. Stick with what you know you are comfortable with. Your partner sounds like those people who take novice skiers on black diamond runs.
It just ruins the experience.” One-Low1033
6. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Work At His Office During Summer To Avoid Disturbing Our Kids?
“My husband chooses to work from home. He has optional office space at work, on a very nice campus, less than a mile from our house, but he has to reserve workspace. The kids, 6 and 8, just got out of school and I asked him if he could start working from the office over the summer.
Before they started school, he actually rented an apartment to work from because he had such a hard time working with the kid chaos.
He agreed to go in a few days a week, but today, on the day he decided he was going to start going in, he got incredibly angry with me for forcing him to go into the office.
I feel like it’s unfair to the kids to have to be at work with dad all summer, especially when he has an option so close by.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him he doesn’t have to go in and you aren’t forcing him to, but the kids are going to kid all summer, and so it is his choice what to do.
Make it clear that the kids will be watching TV, playing games, and probably shouting, and you won’t be enforcing any noise rules because he has an office he can go to. You’d be happy to compromise with him staying home 1-2 days a week and those being the days you take the kids out and ask them to be quiet for a few hours.
But 5 days a week of enforced office silence – no way.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That sounds like it would make your life very stressful having to keep the kids constantly quiet. Does your partner stay at his office while he’s working or does he try to hang out in the common area like the kitchen or living room?
Does he have his meetings scheduled in advance so you could try to keep the kids quiet for a couple of hours at a time during them or does he have meetings scheduled with short notice? If the answer is meetings are scheduled with short notice he is better off at the office.
If he has meetings in advance and it’s only a couple hours a day to keep them quiet then it might be worth working with him on keeping the kids quiet or going to a park for a couple hours. It is not reasonable for you to keep the kids completely quiet for 8 hours a day.” Other_Unit1732
Another User Comments:
“I for one love work from home, and I’d be unwilling to give it up under most circumstances too. Asking me to go into the office is equivalent to asking me to take a pay cut, since I have vehicle maintenance and gas fees added on, unpaid travel time cuts into my free time when I’m not working, it means I have to actually have a paid-for parking pass, etc. Then there’s the traffic to deal with, trouble finding parking… Plus, even though work from home is work and it’s not the same as just being at home while off of work, it’s still nice to be around family more and in a comfortable environment.
That said, if you two can afford to rent an apartment just for work purposes, then you can afford to do some proper soundproofing on an in-home office and invest in good noise-cancellation audio equipment. You’d want both active noise cancellation in a headset, and background noise cancellation/filtering for the microphone (which might also be built into the headset.) The former cuts out background noise for the one wearing the headset, and combined with the sound-proofed room should be more than sufficient for your husband’s needs.
The latter cuts out background noise for listeners to your husband’s microphone, such as those in a meeting or call with him. With the mic sensitivity properly tuned in a sound-proofed room, there shouldn’t be any real concerns with kid noises. So, no jerks here, but I feel there’s a compromise here that isn’t being properly explored.” 4mb1guous
5. AITJ For Not Accepting A Surprise Puppy After Losing Our Family Dog?
“My family and I lost our family dog about a month ago.
My little cousin (18f) surprised us a couple of days ago with a 3-month-old beagle chihuahua mix puppy. She called us one afternoon to come outside and handed the dog to my dad. My dad was shocked and cried but left to go to work.
My cousin and her family left because they also had to go back to work.
I was left with a puppy which I had no warning whatsoever about. I freaked out and my dad sensed the energy as well because a day later he also decided he couldn’t do it and it was too soon.
My grandma said we’re pretty mean by not giving the puppy a chance. We ended up giving her to my brother, but now I’m wondering are we the jerks for not even giving her a chance? I did end up getting fond of her and I miss the little puppy but I feel like it’s too late and we can’t even take her back.
The news got to my cousin that we didn’t want the puppy. She hasn’t texted me back.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only are pets not a gift, but there’s so much that goes into picking them out, this was as thoughtless as they come.
Situations like yours are why so many dogs end up in high-ill shelters. Things your cousin failed to consider: Timing (maybe you want a vacation this year), family finances (the medical care up to losing a pet can be a drain on the family), breed/temperament (chihuahuas can be vicious and beagles can be escape artists), responsible breeding… I bet I’m missing a lot more.
You didn’t abandon this puppy or not give her a chance – you recognized that you were not the home for her right now. Your cousin and grandma are selfish in their judgments.” Floating-Cynic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no such thing as a “free pet” and they should never be a surprise.
I’m sure it may have been well-intentioned, but there are so many factors that go into the decision to get another dog that it is very personal and can’t be decided by someone else. Thank her for the intention but don’t feel bad about saying it’s not a gift that can be accepted.” Easy-Tip-7860
Another User Comments:
“No you have every right to not accept it and if your cousin truly cares about you she will understand. It’s a lifetime commitment not just a comfort toy. It is too soon to get a puppy when you’re grieving the loss of your dog..
and your puppy would not be happy living amongst all the grieving. It’s a mistake I myself made, getting a puppy when I had just lost my dog of 13½ years who I had never spent one day apart from. I was too sad to deal with all the puppy behavior, like ripping up all my things, and toilet training, and trying to play all through the night, etc and it just made me miss my perfectly behaved dog more.
Which wasn’t fair to the puppy either.” Pennypenny2023
4. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Can't Be Mad At Her Husband For Not Cleaning Up?
“So I have a friend who’s 31f who’s pretty spectacular at giving gifts.
She showers her family, friends, and husband when it’s Christmas or a birthday.
Every year on Father’s Day since they had their first daughter (8f), she’s always planned something elaborate and thoughtful for her husband.
On Mother’s Day, her husband has dropped the ball pretty much every year.
Between doing nothing at all, or planning an event where she ends up doing the majority of the work, he’s never done a great job celebrating her. This year he and the kids made her breakfast in bed, and said they would have a family day!
Later, she called complaining because although the pancakes they made were great, he left the kitchen a mess which she ended up cleaning.
Her husband is a very traditional man despite the fact that she does work (part-time) outside of the home. He doesn’t do many household chores outside of the stereotypical ‘manly’ things like taking the trash.
Anyway, this morning I asked her what she did for Father’s Day and she said she “matched his energy”. On Saturday, she ended up grilling up a storm and left the grill, which is pretty much his baby, a mess. She purposely did this on Saturday so when he would notice the next day he would be off from work and would clean up.
Just like she thought, he saw the grill Sunday afternoon and was upset especially since he was about to fire up some steaks.
Her husband is of course upset and asked why she didn’t clean up and in her words, she unloaded on him how he doesn’t help with anything or clean up after himself and she wanted him to get a taste of her own medicine.
Although I’m one for petty karma, I told my friend you set the expectation that you’re fine with settling for a low experience, you can’t just expect him to be a mind reader and shower you with things… she didn’t care for my response.
I told her I understand what she’s saying but if I were her, I would have left my husband a while ago if he did what he did. Because I would never want to be with someone who doesn’t want to celebrate me.
But she does and after 8 failed Mother’s Day attempts, her husband probably thinks he’s doing a spectacular job because she’s never corrected it, just said thank you and vented to us later.
After a few choice words, we ended the call. And now I’m thinking that I was a little too harsh and should have just told her I’m glad he got a taste of his own medicine.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How do you know for sure that your friend hasn’t talked to her husband about this in private? After 8 years of this kind of behavior, I would say the husband has it coming. Even if he isn’t a mind reader, he should have the basic human decency to understand that a gift like this shouldn’t be half-baked. Also, the excuse that he’s too “manly” to do dishes is frankly nonsense.
If you know how to cook, you better darn well know how to clean up after yourself.” nerdgirlnay
Another User Comments:
“Her husband doesn’t need to be a mind reader to know the way he is behaving isn’t good. Only a complete idiot would make a celebratory meal and not clear up.
She’s made her point and it’s provided the listening space for her to clarify how he should behave. He should be an adult and rapidly transition from upset about the grill to buying her flowers for taking her for granted. Instead of having her back, you’ve suggested she divorce him years ago.
That’s a bit smug. YTJ and your last paragraph is correct.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“Hard YTJ. Not being a mind reader excuses someone for getting you a facial when you really wanted a massage. It doesn’t apply when the options are to do nothing at all or make a token effort and leave the recipient to clean up the mess afterward.
People need to stop weaponizing “communication” as a way to blame women for men’s lack of effort. Being a man doesn’t stop you from understanding that the default position for holidays is to care about them unless the guest of honor gives you explicit permission not to, especially when they go out of their way to celebrate the man’s special days.” OverlyVerboseMythic
3. AITJ For Withholding Child Support To Ensure It's Spent On My Kids?
“My ex-wife (35F) and I (30M) divorced two years ago, and we have two kids together, aged 6 (F) and 8 (M).
I pay a substantial amount of child support each month, which is supposed to cover their living expenses, food, clothing, school supplies, etc.
Recently, I found out that my ex-wife has been using a large portion of this money to fund vacations with her new partner.
They just came back from a week-long trip to Disney World, and this isn’t the first time they’ve splurged on lavish trips. Meanwhile, my kids have mentioned that they often eat ramen noodles for dinner and that their shoes are getting too small.
In response to this, she bought them dollar-store flip-flops that fell apart the same day.
I was furious when I heard this. I felt betrayed and couldn’t stand the thought of my kids being neglected while she was off having fun. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
In a fit of rage, I told my ex-wife that I would be withholding child support until she could prove the money was being spent on the kids. She didn’t take me seriously, so I went a step further.
Last weekend, I picked up the kids for my regular visitation.
Instead of taking them home on Sunday, I kept them with me and sent my ex-wife a message saying that she wouldn’t see the kids again until she refunded the money she wasted on vacations and could prove she was spending child support correctly.
I know this was extreme, but I felt desperate and wanted to protect my kids from her irresponsibility.
My ex-wife is now threatening to call the police and take me to court for kidnapping, but I genuinely believe that what I did was in the best interest of my children.
I plan to take this to court to get a modification to ensure the money goes directly to the kids’ needs.
So, AITJ for withholding child support and taking drastic measures to ensure my kids’ well-being? I know it sounds crazy, but I felt like I had no other choice.
Am I being unreasonable here?”
Another User Comments:
“Dude, you can’t refuse to send the kids back home – that is kidnapping especially if she has full custody. Disney World sounds like a family holiday rather than a romantic couples holiday so she is entitled to take her kids on holiday with child support.
You’re speculating that she used it to fund her partner’s trip too (also if it’s a new partner then how can they have gone on vacations already). If you’re so concerned about the shoes then you would have bought your kids new shoes but be honest with yourself.
You’re angry because she went on holiday, not because your children may be neglected.” illanakhn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. BTW, there is no law that says she can’t use child support for vacations. Also, child support covers part of the expenses at her home. You are still responsible for feeding, clothing, etc the kids as well as she is.
So if they need shoes then on your parenting time you go buy shoes for them. It is not meant to cover her household plus your expenses for the kids. That’s not how it works. And feeding them ramen or even grabbing flip-flops at the dollar store are not signs of neglect.
They wouldn’t be signs of neglect at your house and they are not at her house. What you have done here is create a situation where she could easily go to court and request supervised visits for you.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“Legal assistant here with several years of experience in family law.
IMO, anyone who chooses not to pay child support is the jerk. Full stop. I hate it when divorce sends adults back to kindergarten. You want her to spend the money on the kids. How can she do that with the money not coming in?
Also, keep in mind she may be holding it against the kids that they told you. For the love of all that is good and holy, do this stuff the adult way and do everything you can to make sure those kids are not pawns and know it’s not their fault.
Disclaimer: I have not been to law school and this response is not intended to be legal advice. These are only the opinions of a person on social media. Your solution here is to get a lawyer and get proof. In the discovery process, I think the lawyer can make her show bank records and receipts for what she claims to have spent on the kids.
But if you go this route, you need to be as beyond reproach as you can. I also think you should make all communications with her about the kids in writing. Text or email. So that you can print them off for proof. And if your kids need shoes, buy them some yourself (and keep the receipts).” Independent_Prior612
2. AITJ For Not Allowing A Friend To Join My Wife's Surprise Party Without Paying?
“My wife is 30 years old in October this year and I set up a WhatsApp group and invited 7 of our friends in to arrange a couple of nights away as a surprise.
As many in the group are struggling for money, I’ve tried to keep it as cheap as possible.
Most places I found online were too expensive, however, I found a suitable place in both facilities and price and booked it. The only negative I suppose is that it isn’t far away at all – but we just intend to stay at the accommodation and use the hot tub they have and the decent-sized table to play games.
Everyone, bar one, is happy to pay. Even though it is close by, it is still a weekend free of kids and has a hot tub – something none of us have. This one friend though, wants to get a taxi to and from on the first night and then drive the second.
Now, AITJ for saying no? The rest of us have paid x amount for the use of the facilities and use of the house, but she wants to get it for free basically and justify it by not staying over. I said in the group that I can’t have that, it’s not fair on the rest of us.
She asked if I was being serious and I said I was. She flipped, said it’s not fair and that she would do something separate and quit the group.
She then messaged me reiterating how unfair I’ve been and that I’ve singled her out in front of everyone.
She says she can’t afford it and that my wife will want her to be there. Now I’ve got it on good advice that she has thousands in savings and far more disposable income than anyone else in the group, so her saying she can’t afford it is utter garbage to me.
She says I’ve made her upset, feel like crap and she’s been crying about it.
Now AITJ for firstly telling her she can’t come based on the above, then also sticking to my guns about it?
What’s more, I play Fortnite with her and my wife on a team, and this is going to mess things up.
I think it’s going to make it very hard to keep it a surprise to my wife going forward.
End of the say she was wanting use of the house and facilities and not to pay for it and I’ve said she’s not coming if she’s not paying.”
Another User Comments:
“Look, I don’t think you’re necessarily a jerk, though the discussion should have happened privately and not in the group chat. Since she wouldn’t have been staying the night, you could have just asked her to pitch in a smaller amount for using the hot tub and contributing to food/drink she’d have while there.
Basically like buying a pool pass. “Now I’ve got it on good advice that she has thousands in savings and far more disposable income than anyone else in the group, so her saying she can’t afford it is utter garbage to me.” Hearsay is always totally true.
Even if she does have that, you don’t get to dictate how she spends her money. You’re being petty over something that was easily solvable. Especially if your wife would want this woman at the party that is for her.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here — I don’t think you’re the jerk, but I don’t think she’s the jerk either. Look, you might have it on good authority that she has lots saved and tons of disposable income — but you don’t really know the truth of her financial situation.
What if she’s got an ill parent, or she’s saving for IVF, or she fell asleep at the wheel three years ago and is paying for her victim to learn how to walk again? You see her as freeloading. And I don’t know her. Maybe she is!
But it sounds like she’s a good friend of your wife, and she wants to hang out and celebrate her. Can you invite a seventh person, so that the rest of you aren’t burdened by her essentially coming but not paying? Can she cook for the group, or contribute in another way?
You sound like a good husband, and I really hope drama doesn’t ruin this awesome surprise!” wonderfulkneecap
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Thousands in savings in 2024, if it is actually true and not just gossip, is not a lot to have in savings. You sound very young and naive about the brutal facts of survival in what are hostile economies in most of the world right now.
Jobs vanishing and prices rising are likely to bring all sorts of chaos and badness into the world. It would be far smarter to have a meaningful but less expensive celebration, a ratio of less money spent to far more effort and thought about letting your wife know that she’s a wonder to you and her friends.
You could organize a day-long celebration in your own town with games of all sorts, including a scavenger hunt around the neighborhood or town with clues that speak of your and your friends’ love for her. Instead, you’ve alienated one of her closest friends and taken that gift right out of her life.
Awful. Also, there’s a good chance the excitement you say your friends showed was in large part them being polite and supportive while silently not being at all happy about what this would cost them, like, the price of a hot tub each.” cadaloz1
1. AITJ For Accusing My Sister Of Unemployment Fraud?
“I sent the following text message to my sister the other day:
“Hi (sister name)! I was laid off on Tuesday. I was surprised that I already had an account associated with my Social Security number with (my state) unemployment. I was also surprised to see that another claim had been filed on my behalf a year ago when I was still employed and that it was associated with your email address and payments were supposed to go to a debit card.
I don’t think the claim went through, but I sure hope this previous claim doesn’t mess up my current, actual, unemployment. If you ever need money, I’d rather you ask for it rather than find out through a surprising situation.”
She wrote back with four rapid-fire messages where she denied that she had any involvement, how dare I accuse her, and she doesn’t need my money because she has enough money on her own.
She further said that she does not have access to that email address anymore and that it’s probably our father who set up that email account for her ages ago.
For further context, she did use that email address as her primary email until she established a different email.
Also, she borrowed money from me years ago and paid me back. She’s recently borrowed money from our mother.
My sister’s reaction made me feel really bad – as if she was kicking me when I was already down. Our other sister said that my text message was the problem because I was accusing her of being broke.
So, I’m asking if my message was problematic.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Only because I can’t vote since I don’t know what happened. I think you may be legally obligated to report this crime and let the state and/or federal government sort it out.
I would think there is some chance that you will be asked about this prior claim, and you probably can’t just go along with the fact that somebody but you don’t know who filed it. If any money was disbursed in the past then you almost definitely have to report to find out who stole it.
Hopefully, it was a series of identity theft stuff and not actually your sister or father.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“Ugh – this is hard. She either did this or didn’t (I know, duh) but, hear me out. You could apologize to her for accusing her; that you weren’t thinking straight after losing your job and then seeing this fraudulent attempt to collect unemployment benefits associated with her personal information.
‘Of course, dear sister, I know you would never do such a thing and, as such, I’ll be turning this in for investigation”. At this point, if she did it, I am guessing she’s going to come clean lightning fast. If she didn’t do it, then she should have no problem supporting the investigation because whoever was responsible tried to pull her in too.
Either way, though I am sure money is tight right now, get an Identity Protection solution in place ASAP – one that offers credit monitoring, ID Protection, resolution assistance, and reimbursement insurance. Someone has your info and has tried to use it once; it might have already been used for more.
If this wasn’t her, you might be the tiniest of jerks. If she did do it, then you are not.” Agnessp
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your father and your sister have access to your SSN. So do a handful of people at every company you’ve ever worked for, and many other companies, like utilities, insurance, banks, etc. Through leaks or hacks, it’s statistically likely that your SSN and other identifying information have been accumulated by people who you would rather not possess them.
Email accounts get hacked all the time and are used for nefarious purposes, especially obsolete accounts that the legitimate owner no longer pays attention to. So let’s take your SSN and your sister’s account, and some other shared information, be it last name, prior address, or … anything really, and accumulate that into a large relational database which is at best moderately accurate.
A fraudster comes along, picks you, and tries to use your information to defraud someone. It fails to work because the information isn’t accurate. So they move on to the next one on the list. One would think your sister or your father would have better luck providing accurate identifying information rather than some criminal living in a 3rd world country halfway around the world.
And to justify your accusation you provide the anecdote that she once borrowed money….AND PAID IT BACK. That’s about the most senseless argument imaginable.” Restil
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