People Get Mindful About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Unreliable Van After A Scary Highway Incident?
“My 2012 Toyota Sienna has over 200,000 miles on it and has recently become unreliable. A few weeks ago, I had a terrifying experience while driving on the highway with my three kids.
I needed to urgently switch lanes to avoid an incident up ahead when the car in front of me cut me off and abruptly stopped in the middle of the lane. I swerved to miss them and slammed on the brakes to avoid going off the shoulder and into a ditch.
My car came to an abrupt stop midway in the right lane of the highway, and then it just…died. It had no power, wouldn’t turn on, and I couldn’t even put it into neutral to push it off the highway.
We were sitting ducks, with traffic going 65 mph or more, and I was terrified we would be broadsided. As I was calling 911, I was trying to decide if I should have my kids get out of the car and stand on the side of the ditch or if we were safer buckled in the vehicle.
It was one of the scariest moments of my life.
A kind man stopped to help me, but even he couldn’t get the car to turn on or move. After what felt like an eternity, he managed to get it to start, and it limped onto the shoulder.
I was incredibly grateful and called my husband to tell him what had happened and ask him to come and get us so we could tow the van home. To my shock, he refused because he had a Zoom meeting. It was a meeting he attends but doesn’t actively participate in, one that he could have easily been excused from.
Feeling completely overwhelmed and not thinking clearly, I ended up driving home in the van. Once home, my husband looked into the issue and believed that the main battery power cord had been disconnected. He cleaned it, tightened the screws, and since then, the van has mostly worked fine.
However, I no longer feel comfortable driving the van. It let me down when I needed it most, putting my children and me at serious risk. We have the money, both in cash and the ability to finance, to get me a used car to replace the van.
But my husband thinks that I should continue driving the van because he believes he fixed the issue and that it runs fine now.
So, AITJ for refusing to drive the van anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He didn’t come to tow you all or even call roadside assistance to tow you because of a meeting he’s not even an active participant in…wow.
That’s terrible and what a terrifying experience. I would get the vehicle checked out by Toyota, but let your husband take it to them (without the children in the van). It very well could have served its time or end up costing more to repair than it’s worth.
Also, have a serious conversation about where your family and their safety fall into your husband’s list of priorities.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First step get AAA. They are great in emergencies for towing and dead batteries. Even mechanic discounts. Second, tell your husband to trade your daily drivers.
You’ll take him, he takes yours. If this is a no sell your van and get a different vehicle. Third, if the van is kept take it in for an inspection or diagnosis.” Forward_Nothing5979
Another User Comments:
“What’s he going to do? Stand on the highway and look at the van?
Do you not know how to have a broken-down vehicle moved? Take it to the shop and have it looked at or go trade it on something else. He already left you to fend for yourself. Stop depending on him, and take care of it yourself!” Appropriate_Gap1987
20. AITJ For Withholding Rent From My Mom After She Stole From Me?
“So I live with my mom and I pay her rent $300 to have a room. I usually pay half the first week and half on the 15th, so I’m giving $150 every other week. That’s just how it’s been and she’s okay with that, and I pay for the internet and phones we use.
I live in a state where certain substances are legal so I grow a plant here and there because it’s a fun hobby and cheaper than buying it. Well, last month I lost my job of 10 years for something stupid and found out my partner was being unfaithful all within a few days.
So I decided to set up my tent and do a grow to keep my mind off things. I have a Wyze camera I keep in there to keep an eye on the plants but this time I decided to set it up outside my tent I went to the store to get dinner and I got a notification and I saw my mom entering my room opening up a jar under my desk where it’s tucked away and taking some bud from me.
I got home and asked her why she was in my room. She denies going in there so I show her the video and she admits she stole from me despite having told her to just ask if she ever wanted any, it’s free.
Skip forward to today, she sends me a text asking if I’m going to get her the other half of the rent (I had already paid last month’s before I knew and gave her my normal half on the first of this month) and for whatever reason, I get mad and ask her “Why should I give you the other half when you stole from me?
Why can you break our rental agreement and expect a full month’s rent?” I even told her I doubted it was the first time because she knew exactly where to look. She gets all upset saying that I am just taking my anger out on her for losing my job and being betrayed. And she threatens to throw me out if I don’t pay because I’m breaking our agreement.
Even though she broke it first by stealing from me.
So AITJ in this situation? I don’t want to be thrown out but I also don’t feel like it’s fair that I can be punished and have that looming over my head and she gets to take from me and there be no consequences for her actions at all.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m guessing that you know about how much she took and what the current market rate in your area is for that particular strain. I would subtract the retail value from the current rent payment, note it in the memo section of the check you hand her.
That way, when she cashes the check, she agrees that the $150-price is what’s owed, and it also sets it up so you have proof of paying rent. In most states, she must give 30 days notice to kick you out, so you have a minimum of 30 days from the date the check is cashed. Everyone’s a jerk here, stealing from you wasn’t in the agreement, but not paying for a full 2 weeks because of some missing bud wasn’t either.
At least, not as stated in the post.” BeautifulPhantom1
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad To Walk Me On My Senior Night?
“I (18F) am a senior in high school this year, and I’m grappling with a tough decision about who should walk me on my senior nights.
My father remarried when I was three to someone I’ll call Mary, who brought her son, Tyler, into our lives. Tyler was three years older than me, and they later had a son named Bryan, though he isn’t relevant to this story. My parents had a 50-50 custody arrangement, so I would stay with my mom Monday and Tuesday, my dad Wednesday and Thursday, and alternate weekends.
When I was four and Tyler was seven, he began mistreating me. My father dismissed my claims, accusing me of lying to get Tyler in trouble. This continued for a year until I confided in my mom, who then sought full custody. My father and Mary sided against me, claiming I was lying and that my mom was planting ideas in my head.
It was decided informally that I would stay with my dad’s parents during his custodial time. This arrangement eventually led to me living permanently with my grandparents when I was ten.
During this period, my father struggled with an opioid addiction, often leaving me with Mary and Tyler, who treated me poorly.
My grandfather became my father figure, attending all my events and supporting me in every way. When I was twelve, my dad divorced Mary after getting clean. He moved out, and his custody agreement with Mary and Bryan became similar to my mom’s arrangement with me.
My father has never taken responsibility for his actions or the trauma he caused. He remains the only person who can manipulate and gaslight me effectively, which he knows and uses to his advantage. As I’ve grown and recognized the impact of his behavior, our relationship has deteriorated. My relationship with my grandmother is also strained because she refuses to acknowledge my father’s wrongdoing and continues to support his habits.
Now, as I approach senior nights for my high school dance and figure skating teams, I’m conflicted about who should walk me. I plan to have my grandfather accompany me for the figure skating senior night. However, I’m unsure if I should let my father walk me on the other senior nights.
All my friends believe my grandfather is my dad, and while I feel my grandfather deserves to be honored, I also worry that not having my father walk me might lead to emotional manipulation and guilt.
So, AITJ if I don’t have my dad walk me on a senior night?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand why this is even a question why are you giving this man so much power? Why are you spending so much effort thinking about him and his feelings when he’s spent the last 15 years of your life not giving a darn about yours?
He didn’t put in the work he doesn’t get to enjoy the rewards. He wasn’t there for the tough times, the actual hard parenting, the day-to-day, so why the heck should he get the credit? He didn’t want to step up and actually be your dad, so why give him the credit/celebration, why should he get to walk with you during your successes when he wasn’t there for any of your struggles and kept putting you last?” AGirlHasNoGame_
Another User Comments:
“Firstly, you’re NTJ OP. Secondly, if the only reason you feel you need to let your father walk you on senior night is because he’s going to emotionally mistreat you if you don’t, then you shouldn’t. As Marie Kondo would put it: does your father walking you bring you any joy?
Would you enjoy your senior night if he was there? Would you enjoy it more if he wasn’t? Would you prefer to not go to senior night at all rather than deal with him walking or not walking you and all the lousy things that will come after?
Anyway, I’d recommend having your grandfather walk you because he’s the one who brought you up.” filter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a strained relationship with my dad for reasons that are completely different from your situation. He sometimes tries to manipulate and guilt me into doing certain things because “we’re family.” My internal response is that if we’re family, why didn’t we ever act like it until the family completely fell apart?
Some people take their loved ones for granted and assume that no matter how badly they behave, it’ll be okay because family automatically equals forgiveness. That’s not true, and even if you do forgive him for being a bad dad, it doesn’t mean he gets credit for being a good dad (that’s like believing that being pardoned for a crime means that you should be recognized for being a good citizen; no, it means you just avoid going to jail).
I think your grandfather will understand either way, but you should do what feels right for you. Don’t let your dad interject himself where you don’t want him; he’s just placing an emotional burden on you during a time you should be celebrating.” AFalsisPrincipiis
18. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Neglected Nephew And Confronting My Sister?
“I (16F) refused to babysit my nephew and my (22F) sister is calling me selfish. For some context, I always agreed to watch my nephew until he started to dislike me for some reason.
Like he was genuinely scared of me so I told my sister. I pointed out how uncomfortable he was here and that she would have to find someone else to babysit because his crying kept my stepmom, who works night shifts, up (my nephew was an infant at the time this was around two years ago).
Fast forward to this year, and things got better sort of. I wouldn’t babysit but I would go to her house and do whatever it is she wanted me to help with. And my nephew grew a liking to me, but only around her, if it were just the two of he’d throw a fit.
I let her know what was what and she started bringing him over and staying with him for a bit.
At my uncle’s repast, she showed up with my nephew dropped him in my dad’s car, and asked to take him to our house so he could nap.
We left at 4 pm and around 5 I texted her asking when she was picking him up because he woke up crying. She said she was in the ER and that she’d come ASAP. It was a lie when she did come which was around 10 pm she came dressed nicely with a full beat of makeup gave me a box of pizza and sped off before I could say anything.
She didn’t come back until 4 am. She tried to ask me to babysit a few weeks later for $50 but I told her no.
TODAY at 10 pm she walked into our house with my nephew and walked out later texting not to lecture her and that she’d be right back my nephew had no diapers no pants no shoes or socks.
Just a shirt and a soiled diaper. I called her about 30 times all met with declined calls and her location says she’s at home. So I sent her a few texts chewing her out and she said “I asked you to babysit and you said no and I have things to do” Her lazy partner stays home all day smoking and playing games I asked about him and she said “I asked one thing stop being selfish ill come back in an hour” It’s currently 3 am and I’m tired and my nephew just fell asleep and I’m wondering if I am being selfish or exploited. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being exploited. She doesn’t care about her child’s feelings nor yours, nor does she want to find a sitter for him. At this point, I wouldn’t open the door for her if she’s coming or rush out the door right past her saying you have somewhere to be.
Drop him off at his dad’s. If nothing changes after all this you could call CPS for her leaving a child in distress while she gets prettied up. If anything the check-in would make her reconsider dropping him off with you.” Embarrassed_Ad7740
Another User Comments:
“Tell your sister, very clearly, that if she drops him off like this again, you will call the police for child abandonment. They will come, they will attempt to contact her and then, if they cannot get ahold of her, they will have a social worker come pick up her child.
She will likely be charged as well. This isn’t a game she wants to play. Make this very clear to her that there are the next steps. Another option is as soon as she comes with your nephew, don’t answer the door. When/if you do, just leave and lock the door behind you.
Go anywhere else you can until she leaves. Once she sees that dropping him and running won’t work, she should stop trying. Lastly, you might want to consider calling CPS, period. If she is leaving him for hours with a soiled diaper and her partner is under the influence a large part of the time, your nephew might need help.
Removing the child from the home is a last resort, what will happen for sure would be a home visit and mandatory parenting classes as well as resources offered as support to your sister and partner.” AymieGrace
17. AITJ For Wanting To Change My Unborn Daughter's Name After My Ex Left Me?
“I’m not sure if my ex uses Reddit or if this would get back to him but frankly his opinion means nothing to me now and I want other outside, unbiased opinions.
My ex and I tried for five months to get pregnant. Almost as soon as we were successful (it took several months) I noticed a significant change in him.
Almost overnight it was like he stopped being happy, treated every request I made like a massive burden, started being an absolute jerk toward me, stopped communicating, stopped showing any affection, etc. When I brought up concerns I was met with being called selfish, having my past thrown in my face, yelling, and slamming doors.
At 19 weeks pregnant he ended things with me stating that his police officer training was causing him a lot of stress and that he’d like to just focus on FTO (field officer training) and then focus on our daughter once she arrives. He’s done next to nothing to support me while pregnant because “she isn’t even here yet.” This included him not caring when I told him I was sick or in the ER.
He’s since lied to his family about what has been happening and even changed or added additional excuses as to why he left. Frankly, I think he’s been unfaithful and a lot of people have drawn the same conclusion. He says he didn’t but after leaving the way he did I don’t feel like I can trust anything he says.
Anyway. I had a long list of names I’d always wanted for a little girl but he didn’t like any of them. We finally settled on a name that wasn’t on my list but both were okay with it. I always wanted a unique name for my daughter.
The name we chose is pretty but not unique at all.
Since he’s no longer in the picture (but says he will be when she gets here) my best friend asked me if I was going to change her name to one of the ones I wanted. I’m only 22 weeks pregnant now so there is plenty of time, but I know he’s going to be upset if I change her name.
My mom sees nothing wrong with it but my family isn’t his biggest fan so they’re a little biased. I do want to note that I do not want to change her name out of spite. He wasn’t even super set on it, it wasn’t like it held any special meaning or anything to him, he just hated all my other name suggestions.
So, would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He gave up the right to have an opinion when he abandoned you. He didn’t have to keep seeing you but if he wanted a say in his child’s life he should have been there for you as the mother of his child.
He was not. Also, if at all possible I would relocate far far away. If he’s becoming a police officer that could end up causing you trouble if he decides to start harassing you etc. You know that more than likely his buddies will cover up for him.
Better to be outside his jurisdiction.” Dschingis_Khaaaaan
Another User Comments:
“There are some real douchey people that are employed as law enforcement. I’m not surprised by this at all. You are NTJ. I doubt he will show up when she’s born anyway.
And even if he does, he’s abandoned you. You don’t need to take his feelings or preferences into account. That being said, don’t get too creative with her name. It can be unique without the pronunciation or spelling being a constant question.
My daughter’s name isn’t even that unique and it is a name that has been around for a long time, but it’s constantly mispronounced.” legallychallenged123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He chose to not be a part of your pregnancy. He chose to not support you during your pregnancy.
He chose to walk away from you and your baby. Morally, he gave up all rights to choose anything about your baby. Pick a name that is unique and special to you and your baby.” TempestBreyze2024
16. AITJ For Getting Kicked Out And Accidentally Getting My Step-Siblings Taken Away?
“I (16F) am in a really bad situation and I’m not sure if I did the right thing so I need some input from internet people because I don’t know if I trust any of the adults around me anymore.
My parents split up a couple of years ago because my mom was unfaithful.
I haven’t seen my dad since he left because he moved out of state but he calls or texts sometimes. So I lived with my mom even though I didn’t want to because she moved her partner in and I hated both of them.
He came with two kids (7M,5M) that he has most of the time and they are the worst-behaved kids I’ve ever met. I was always in trouble because I would have to babysit them but they crash around and break things and I’m not allowed to punish them but it’s my fault anyway since I was watching them.
They broke the TV throwing a baseball in the house and my step-dad lost his mind and demanded I pay him back for it but I told him I was sick of being blamed for his awful kids and he could shove it. It turned into a big fight and they kicked me out and told me not to come back until my attitude was better.
They took my phone so I tried to call my dad from a friend’s phone but he never answered and I couldn’t remember my grandma’s number. My friend told her parents even though I asked her not to tell anyone and they called the cops and it turned into a whole thing.
My mom told them that I ran away because I was mad I had to babysit but they didn’t believe her I guess because my grandma finally came and picked me up and she said I was staying with her until my dad could get here to take me back with him.
My mom called my grandma last week yelling because her partner’s kids got taken away to go live with their mom because of the whole thing and it’s my fault. My grandma says it’s not my problem but I know the kids hate going to their mom’s because they pitch a fit any weekend they have to go.
Also, I know this is a big hassle for my grandma even though she doesn’t say anything and it’s not good for her health. Now my dad has to come back from overseas to deal with it too. Maybe I should have just apologized even though it wasn’t my fault and waited it out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I cannot express how much you are NTJ here. No sixteen-year-old should be left in a situation like this. Your mom and dad need to take care of their children; they can’t leave it to you. It sounds like your dad simply ducked out and your mom started exploiting you so that her new partner wouldn’t have to take care of his kids.
I’ll bet those kids hate going to their mom’s because she doesn’t let them run around like savages. Your friend did the right thing by calling the cops. I just hope that your grandma is treating you right and that you can spend the last couple of years of your childhood just being a child for a change.
I’m sure the cops didn’t believe your mom because her story makes no sense. What kind of kid in this day and age runs away from home without taking their phone with them?” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“I used to work for an attorney that specialized in criminal and family law, and that included defending parents who have had children removed from their care.
I have seen cases like yours, and you are NTJ. Your friend did the right thing by telling her mom. Here’s why: Social workers are overworked in a big way. They don’t want any more work than they already have. It is incredibly rare for multiple kids to be removed from the home after the first incident with only one child.
So many kids run away multiple times and are simply returned home, or maybe that child is removed but the other ones stay. Whatever CPS found after you left had to have seriously disturbed them. It’s truly not your fault.” Floating-Cynic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
None of this was your fault. They kicked you out. You had to go somewhere. You even asked your friend not to say anything. This situation was out of your control entirely. You could not win at your old house and you have zero control over what the adults around you are doing, including the authorities.
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I hope your dad is kind to you. Your Grandma, she’s good. Yes, you might be doing some extra work for her right now, but I am guessing she does not mind at all.
Lean into her and get support. If you feel safe, talk about what you have gone through. Again, to make it clear, you are NTJ. You have done NOTHING wrong. Stay safe.” OhmsWay-71
15. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Fiancée Wear My Father's Deceased Wife's Wedding Dress?
“My father lost his first wife (I’m going to call her Mia) more than 30 years ago.
It is a very long and complicated situation but to summarize it: my mother is the second in his heart because he’s always said that the love of his life is Mia and he always made it clear. My dad still wears his wedding ring with Mia in one hand, my mom bakes a cake for her birthday, and my mom leaves my dad alone when it’s his anniversary with Mia and he’s feeling down, there are many photos of Mia in the house, there are even photos of her in their room because my father never wanted to change them, etc. As crazy as it may seem, this kind of thing is very normal within couples of this type and they see that as something normal and sweet even if it is not, for example, making a cake every Mia’s birthday was the idea of another woman who is also married to a widower and does the same thing.
I’ve been raised that way, kind of having two mothers… Even if it wasn’t like that. It was not a healthy childhood but luckily I have gone to therapy to work on all the issues that this caused.
My mother always says that he gives her the space she deserves and feels equally loved like he loves his first wife, my siblings and I don’t see it that way because our mother deserves better, but if she is happy we will not ruin her happiness so we never talk about it.
Now, coming to the problem; I’m going to marry my fiancée, her mother never had a wedding ceremony so she doesn’t have a wedding dress to inherit so my partner excitedly told me that she thinks it would be cute to ask my mother if she can use her dress.
My mom has mentioned that in the past and I don’t have any sisters so I thought it was a nice idea.
Anyway, I talked to my mom about lending her dress to my fiancée and she got excited and said yes. My mother had spoken several times about wanting to have a daughter to wear her dress and she was very excited when my fiancée asked her to wear it, she even tried it on.
That conversation was closed.
Now, almost a month after we talked about it, my mom asked my fiancée if it would be nice to wear Mia’s wedding dress. My fiancée told her no, she feels a connection with my mother and not with Mia, she doesn’t even know Mia.
Since then my mother has been asking me to try to convince my fiancée to wear Mia’s dress, My father wanted me to put up the typical decoration to commemorate the deceased, but I told him I wouldn’t do that, so my mother now wants my fiancée to wear Mia’s dress to commemorate her and for her to be present too because she was someone really special(again; I never meet her, I don’t know who she was.
My fiancée told me that Mia is a total stranger to her). My fiancée wants my mother’s dress, she wants to give her a special place at the wedding since my mother sees her as a daughter and she is a second mother and wants to have a special moment.
I told my mother that I didn’t intend to do that, it even seemed gloomy and weird to me but I have been raised around Mia’s memory and sometimes I don’t even understand if I am exaggerating or not. AITJ? Being raised in this kind of way sometimes makes me feel confused about what is normal and not in a family, it would be normal to ask my fiancée to wear Mia’s dress in my family dynamic, but I don’t know what someone who was raised normally would do and if I am a bad person for not wanting to have done it.”
Another User Comments:
“Tell your parents if they want to include the long-demised Mia in a wedding, they can renew their vows, and your mom can wear Mia’s dress. She’s so invested in this Mia fairy tale that I’m surprised she didn’t wear Mia’s dress at her wedding.
If it makes things easier, your parents could arrange to have Mia’s favorite song at the reception, and–no. No enabling their sick fantasy. No extending the Cult of Mia into your wedding. If your parents refuse to attend, let them stay home with their pretend friends.
Have a lovely wedding.” 13surgeries
Another User Comments:
“I feel so desperately sorry for your mother. She has found a way of rationalizing / accepting this life, maybe made her peace with it, but I can’t believe it doesn’t hurt. Your father has created a dysfunctional family situation.
You do not have to go along with it to keep the peace.” dudleymunta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I don’t understand this fixation on wearing old dresses. My mom’s old dress was somewhere in the basement. I never once thought of wearing it.
Wanted something in style, that fit me well. Just say “We decided to buy a new dress that (fiancée) loves”. Then buy it. Your parents both need serious therapy.” qt-cyclone
14. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Dinner For My Criticizing Husband?
“My husband (27m) called it disrespectful when I (24F) didn’t cook dinner last night.
For context, I am a stay at home mom of two children and we just got a puppy. I also am trying to start an Etsy. Yesterday I had to run errands and I sent out my first order. It was also national dog day and I wanted to get the bandanna from Dutch bros for my dog which wasn’t going to be handed out till after 5.
When I got home he had just gotten home and was already eating something before asking if I was making dinner. I often don’t even make dinner because he always finds a way to say it’s gross when the two kids and I like it and he also is very particular about his protein/calories.
I suggested he grill and he said it was too late. When he grills all he has to worry about is getting the grill started and putting it on, as I always do the prep/marinade seasoning clean up and what not. So nothing ended up getting made, the kids ate chicken nuggets which is always a hit with them and he ate whatever he made himself.
In the end, I didn’t even eat dinner and just went to bed after I got the kids to sleep.
When we were laying down we were talking and ended up in an argument and part of it was that I was a disrespectful jerk by not making dinner.
When he has even told me not to cook anymore because I always make “raw” chicken. That happened once when I didn’t have a thermometer and I baked something years ago. Now I have a thermometer and always check to make sure it’s not.
I’m not a great cook by any means but it’s not bad. I just stick to basic things (rice, chicken, salmon, pasta) and make it different ways to keep it fresh.
I used to love cooking when we first got married but now it’s more of a chore than anything and I hate it.
He doesn’t watch the kids while I cook nor help with clean up. I end up cooking and the house is destroyed by the time I’m done because I’m trying to juggle two toddlers and a dog and make sure nothing is burning.
Then when I’m done I have to clean it all up, get the kids to bed and clean up the living room because no one could sit and watch them. So AITJ for not cooking dinner for my husband anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…call me a jerk & there won’t be any kind of cooking at all. Ask my ex. He criticized my biscuits once. I am always asked to cook at family events, which because we share a child & grandkids, he is at. Thirty-seven years later, if he even THINKS about a biscuit, I will put a fork in him. But this isn’t about cooking & I think you know it. It’s about control and respect. He is a grown man, & one night of chicken nuggets or fixing himself a sandwich isn’t going to kill him. See if you can talk it out. Him name calling you is 100% disrespectful *(wanna borrow a fork?)* Ask what his expectations are and remind him how much you are doing right now. If he expects that you cook 7 nights a week, in spite of everything else you do, this is probably a bigger conversation.” Tossing_Mullet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I say this with so much sincerity, please run for the hills. Do not stay for the kids, don’t stay because “divorce is messy and it’ll take a long time”, and don’t stay because you’re convincing yourself he loves you.
He doesn’t. Someone who loves you would not treat you like this. He isn’t helpful at home, and still has the nerve to call you a jerk? Get yourself a lawyer and get those papers. Raising your children in this environment will only set them up for failure.
You’re showing your kids this is how love should be, and it isn’t. You need to put yourself and your children above everything else. This is not something you can fix. It’s going to get worse. Please listen when I say this will NOT get better.
He treats you as if you’re a servant, not his wife. Get out.” cheonsa_tokki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not cooking dinner for someone who calls you a disrespectful jerk and does nothing to care for his children. You are not in a healthy equal partner relationship and I doubt he’s going to change suddenly to fix that.
Also remember your kids will see this treatment of you and think that is ok in their future relationships if you allow it.” Fun_Milk_4560
13. AITJ For Inviting My Sister's Ex-Husband To My Daughter's Birthday Party Without Asking Her First?
“Tomorrow is my youngest daughter’s 5th birthday party. She’s having a fairy-themed party and my husband has gone above and beyond to turn our backyard into a fairy garden.
He’s been helped by one of his best friends, who also happens to be my sister’s ex-husband. He’s proficient in woodworking and he helped make several things for the décor. Today he and my husband have been setting up the yard.
I sent my sister a video going around the backyard.
She replied complimenting the work but had heard her ex-husband talking in the video and asked what he was doing there. I told her he was helping set everything up and she was upset that we had asked her ex-husband to help with the party instead of her.
I explained to her that my husband has overseen setting up for the party and requested her ex to help because he’s handy. She didn’t seem very happy with my answer.
Because she was upset about finding out he had helped with the party, I thought it was best to let her know I had also invited him to the party tomorrow.
She replied to me with “Why would you do that?” and then “You could have at least asked me.”
Her ex is great with kids, especially with my 3 daughters who all adore him. My daughter specifically requested his presence when we were doing her invitations.
On top of that, his and my sister’s son (9) will be there, and I knew in advance it would be his weekend to have him. I, therefore, assumed my sister already knew he was invited as otherwise she would have had to organize him dropping him off for the party.
I told her my reasoning and she hasn’t replied. It’s been a little over 3 years since they separated, and this is the first time I’ve invited him to one of my kid’s parties since. Have I been the jerk inviting him? My mom thinks I should have asked my sister before inviting him and now I know how she feels asking him not to come.
My husband thinks that would be what makes us the jerks especially after he helped so much.
My sister is bringing her partner and her partner’s kids. I don’t think her ex and partner have spent much time around each other before so there is the potential of things getting awkward.
My sister has complained in the past about our family still preferring her ex to her new partner, so I see why she’s upset.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – I wonder if some of you understand how uncomfortable it can be to be forced into the same settings with your ex?
This is your sister and she has to co-parent but outside of that she’s free of her ex. She can relax. It’s on her to arrange with her ex consideration so that their son can attend a birthday party on her side. That’s not for you to solve.
I feel sister Trump’s friend but I get it, your husband got help from the ex so yes, it would feel like using him to not invite him. However, I also think you should have considered your sister and given her the heads up from the very beginning.
It’s 3 years of him not joining in and suddenly he’s there. I think she had a reasonable expectation that he wouldn’t be in “her” (meaning her family’s) space after a 3-year pattern. If that was going to change she was owed a conversation in.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“Tbh, it sounds like you all still have a relationship with her ex. It is your right to choose, but if they are not copacetic, it is fair for her to be upset. Especially since this hasn’t happened in previous years.
While they share your nephew, choosing “sides” is pretty standard in a divorce, and if you’re gonna choose him, you should be clear with your sister and not just surprise her with it. I don’t know what caused the split, but the least you owe to everyone is transparency so they can make their own choices.
Just be aware that picking her ex for his “handy” skills could mean losing your sister’s trust.” random_broom_handle
Another User Comments:
“Slightly different from everyone else but No jerks here. I see both sides and don’t think either of you is a jerk.
You don’t need her permission to invite him and she’s not wrong for expecting a heads-up that her ex will be there when you know she would also be there. But if I had to choose a side I would agree with your sister. Because as you said this is the first time you invited him in the 3 years they have been separated. So yea the first time you are a simple heads up would have been considerate” Apart-Scene-9059
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Switch Rooms In My Mom's House?
“17m. So for starters, my mom asked me if I wanted to switch rooms, the keyword is asked so I thought I had a choice.
In our house, the laundry gets piled up in our den next to our dog kennels. My bedroom is in the laundry room of our house, and recently my sister moved across the country, so her room is open for someone to move in. My mother wants my brother to move into her old room and have me move into his room.
The room is completely ruined with paintings and writing on the walls and has no airflow. I am in love with my current bedroom, I restored it from being a disaster of a laundry room into a functional bedroom. My mother asked me multiple times if I wanted to move, and each time I said no. Every time we talked about it she got more and more aggressive and upset with my response, “I don’t want to change rooms.” She argues that the laundry would more easily get done and that we could move all of our dirty laundry to my room and the dog kennels into it after I move out of it and it’s turned into a guest bedroom.
When I was out today I received this message.
“This is hard for me. I shouldn’t have a hard time standing up to you or telling you what I want. I do. I’m worried you will hate me or never speak to me again.
I hate upsetting you and disappointing you.
But I am allowed to stand up for myself and the things I want. So just know as I type this I am in tears. Terrified to type the next words. But I’m going to because I shouldn’t feel like this with you.
Our relationship is my longest relationship with anyone that has never been broken or destroyed. I don’t want that for us.
I am taking the laundry room back over. I hate having the dog kennels and laundry in the nook and I don’t want it there any longer.
I have an opportunity to make something good come from a bad situation so I am doing just that.
I will be moving (brother) into (sister) room tonight. His room will be emptied and available for you to start moving into tomorrow when you get home.”
I completely disagreed with this and even tried to compromise by letting her have those things in my room but I got told, “It’s my house, my say, my rules.”
Am I in the wrong for not wanting to change rooms, even though my room feels like a part of my identity?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for answering her question honestly. She asked you if you wanted to, and you said no. It’s pretty clear she wants to have her way and her asking you is her way to try and save herself the guilt of going against your wishes.
As for the overall situation, IDK. Does it sound like a generally bad situation? You’re living in the laundry room, which is… in fact, something that sounds like it’d be difficult for the other people in the house. I can understand her deciding to make your move to make it easier to use for everyone else.
However… I can say that her solution to that isn’t at all fair. She’s asking you to move from your room which you improved for yourself to live in, to your brother’s room, which it sounds like you specifically don’t want to move into. A good compromise to that would be for you to move into your sister’s room instead, which it doesn’t sound like either you or your mom is considering.
Why? You don’t have to deal with your brother’s bad room, and the laundry room is free for her. If that isn’t an acceptable solution, then your mom isn’t being honest about her reasons either, IMO.” SayoYasuda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are justified in not liking her ruling.
At the same time, I’d see if there’s a compromise to be made. Why does your brother need to switch rooms? Can’t you just take your sister’s room? Can your parents help fix your new room since they’re making you move? How long do you need to live in the room before attending college/moving out (if applicable)?
Sometimes, it’s not worth the fight to keep things 100% your way, and attempting to meet them in the middle can make everything leagues easier. Especially if you communicate how much your room means to you and how you feel like it’s unfair that all your hard work is seemingly being disregarded for the sake of their convenience.” Academic-Necessary89
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I understand why you don’t want to move, and you can say no, but OBJECTIVELY, you don’t have a leg to stand on other than “I prefer my current situation”. It’s mom’s house, mom has the final say. But consider this: 1.
If the laundry is done more efficiently, everyone benefits. 2. If you took such pride in changing the laundry room into something you enjoy, I don’t see why you can’t do the same in your brother’s room (like paint over the walls). 3. If you have plans to move out after you turn 18, this is a temporary situation.
4. The room you sleep in should not be part of your identity, rather it should reflect you as a person. Don’t be attached to a room that you realistically won’t stay in for much longer.” Argylesox95
11. AITJ For Walking Away From My Dad After He Criticized My Life Choices?
“I (28M) had dinner with my father (60M) recently.
For some context, my parents are divorced and I live with my mum, he visits once a week. I had dropped out of uni and have been applying to various jobs and courses.
The plan was to have dinner out with his sister, and for all of us to catch up.
On the car ride there and back, he asked me what I was doing. I mentioned that I had recently done two things, managed to get an interview for a social marketing part-time job, but it didn’t go through, and that my application for a course had been approved. He spent both car rides to the restaurant and back berating, questioning, and disapproving of everything (“The job you applied for is a scam, they just want cheap labor” and “Why are you applying for a part-time job, you should be applying for full-time jobs”, etc).
It got worse when he realized that I had only gotten the application approved, and not gotten into the course itself. During the dinner, he didn’t make any of those remarks, because the last time he did it in front of his siblings, he got called out on it.
So after dinner when he dropped me off, I had spent about 20 mins each way listening to all this negativity. He got out of the car to hug me goodbye, but I wasn’t feeling too affectionate towards him so I just turned and walked away.
This resulted in him blowing up, yelling at me for disrespecting him, and demanding that we sit down and have a discussion about why I’ve been acting out towards him, resulting in another hour of trying to explain my point of view while he kept on going on about how I’ve disrespected him.
I know I messed up by yelling back at him but it was the straw that broke the back after a 1000 cuts. I tried explaining to him that I appreciate his advice and all that he’s done for me, I just didn’t like the way he’s been saying it my entire life, but he took it as me not respecting him at all.
At this point, I’m tired of having to deal with him because every dinner alone is the same song and dance of him disapproving of my life even though I’m trying to get my stuff together. He left saying that he was disappointed in me and the answers I gave him during the fight, and I’ve also been feeling guilty for some of the stuff that I said,”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is contingent on you trying to get your stuff together. Only you know whether you’re trying your hardest. If the only news you can give him is scoring an interview for a part-time job and getting accepted to a course, and this has been the norm for some years now, maybe you’re a little too comfortable living at home and not having to take any huge risks.” Filippo1981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your life, not your dad’s. He is bullying you into doing what he thinks you should do. Do you want his life? I’m guessing no, so why would you take his advice? Respect is a word that is thrown around a lot when an older person has their opinion challenged. They feel they are right, and we should just listen…anything else is disrespectful.
Try to either sit down with him or write a letter. Explain that you know he is trying to help, but it is not helping. You now know how he feels about the situation, and it only makes things harder for you. You know the reason why the harsher comments were in the car and not at dinner, is because others would have said something because it is uncomfortable and unnecessary.
You like spending time together, but not when you leave feeling like a disappointment. You are going to make choices he might not agree with, but they are yours to make. Everyone makes mistakes, and that is how they grow and become who they are meant to be.
He needs to let you make yours. He needs to keep his mean and disappointed comments to himself. You will no longer be listening, so if they start, he can expect you to walk away. You will always come back to try again, but as soon as he starts in, you will remove yourself.
You can not control what he does, but you can control what you endure. You can not change how he thinks, but stop letting it into your brain.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I understand that he is your father and you want his approval, but you are 28 years old.
You can’t HAVE to obey his demands. You very easily could have told him no when he demanded a conversation. The fact that he didn’t bring any of this up in front of his sister tells me that he knows he’s the jerk and doesn’t want to get called out.
The next time he pulls this, suggest calling his sister or your mother for “advice” on the situation.” lostalldoubt86
10. AITJ For Complaining When My Dad Used My Savings Without Permission?
“I (16F) have been saving up money with my little sister (primarily me) for as long as I remember so we could buy our PC.
It consisted of mostly small coins and notes from birthdays, chores, and other events. It was all kept in a box under my bed.
Back in 2022, my dad was picking me up from school when he explained he had taken the money from the box and ‘put it in a bank’ for safekeeping.
This weirded me out but I brushed it off eventually.
For Christmas and New Year’s this year, we went to California to visit family. One of the days, we went to Universal Studio. After, my dad told my sister that he had used our money to buy our Universal tickets after he told me that I “shouldn’t even ask for Christmas or birthday presents because he spent so much money already”.
My sister told me and this annoyed me but I brushed it off as I didn’t want to start an argument on our holiday.
Recently, my sister and I created an Amazon wishlist of the things we wanted, getting help from our brother picking out PC parts.
For weeks, I have been asking my dad when he is going to pay us back, sending him all the links to what we want, etc. Whenever it is brought up, he ignores me like he never heard me.
One day he finally replies to me saying that he doesn’t want to buy us a PC because he wants us to focus on our studies – mind you, both me and my sister have good grades consistently and both enjoy studying.
This annoys me and I ask why we can’t spend our own money that we worked for and stormed off to my room.
I brought the situation up to my mom and she told me it “wasn’t any of her business” and “maybe it was not the right time” which frustrated me and I said that “he could just have the money if he needs it that bad” which she replied with “he doesn’t need money, he has a good job” and I end up getting frustrated with her as well.
The whole ordeal is super stressful to me and they keep giving me lectures that they are just “guiding me” so maybe I am in the wrong? Yes, it may have been wrong of me to talk back to my parents but what can you expect from a frustrated 16-year-old girl?
AITJ for complaining after my dad took €600 from my savings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would ask your parents how stealing from their children is “guiding” you. Your father is a jerk, I sincerely doubt he has a good-paying job since he has to steal from his children.
You just have to start saving again – that money is gone and he had no intention of returning it. But do not tell them where you’re hiding it. Google Secret Hiding Places to figure out where you’ll keep it. Good luck and I hope your parents choke on it.
They both suck.” Ok_Homework8692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this. In my opinion, parents should support their children no matter what. They give birth to you, then they shall spend money on you. The money you saved up is yours, even if it’s a gift from the parents.
It’s weird to take back a gift from a person without telling the person. Tell your dad to watch TV shows from the other side of the world if he thinks he is spending too much money on his children. He would be glad to find out that he does not have to pay for his child’s marriage and housing expenses.” Apart-Damage6822
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Recovering Addict Mom Meet My Baby?
“I don’t post on Reddit much, but out of the now 3 times I have, one has been about my mom. I (22F) found out I was pregnant 5 months ago.
I have custody of my younger brother (17) as well. Let me start with the fact that I don’t think I’m in the wrong for not letting my mom see my baby generally speaking, but the circumstances are… weird. My mom was a very neglectful parent.
Between me and my brothers, we went without food, electricity, school clothes and supplies, you name it. She’s never held down a job for more than a couple of weeks, and her addiction always came before we did. When I first found out, I didn’t plan to ever tell her.
I didn’t want her to have anything to do with my daughter. Then she was hospitalized and was dangerously close to not making it. The doctors called me to come and say my goodbyes. It’s weird, but I still have love and compassion for my mom.
I always wanted her to get clean and better herself and have always been willing to give her a chance if she did it and stuck to it. I came to the hospital to tell her goodbye, and there was no hiding the fact that I was pregnant.
I had a very noticeable bump by this time, but I was hoping she’d be so out of it she may not put two and two together. But she did. So she knew about the baby. She told me if she made a miracle recovery she would get and stay clean, apologized to me for everything she had done, and sobbed on her hospital bed while she begged me to give her a chance to meet her granddaughter.
I didn’t know what to say or do. I agreed to let her meet my daughter if she got clean, but I was still under the impression that she was not going to make it.
That’s the thing, though. She DID have a miracle recovery.
She’s been sober for 2 months now, but I really can’t trust her. She’s been to rehab dozens of times and relapsed within 6 months every time. I’m due in November and everyone keeps asking if I’ll let my mom come to the hospital, and even though I agreed to let her, I just don’t think I can do it.
I don’t want my daughter to experience what it feels like seeing her get clean and then relapse again like I have many times. If I don’t want her around my daughter AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Protecting yourself and your children/family is never the jerk move, if you allow her to meet your child that happens on your terms, it doesn’t mean you have to let her fully back into your life or give her unrestricted assets to your daughter at her convenience, it means when you’re comfortable she can meet her granddaughter under your terms if that’s seeing her in the hospital or 6 months later in your home or at a safe location in public.
However, if she has made the turnaround she promised it would be unkind to not hold up your side of the bargain.” DFTgamer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your experiences and trauma growing up like that are valid. She’s 2 months sober now, but you said you can’t trust her because she’s gone through the cycle of getting clean and relapsing far too often.
Not being able to trust her is valid. Getting clean and sober is hard. Staying that way is hard. *If* she’s still sober in November, give her a shot, but always in public. You know what it looks like when she relapses, so have a plan to get out.
If she relapses, I certainly wouldn’t blame you if you cut her off.” ArtichokeDistinct762
Another User Comments:
“Two months is both nothing and a lifetime when dealing with an addict. Don’t trust her, she hasn’t earned anything, the first bump in the road and she’ll be using again.
Don’t let her around the children. Tell her you’re going to revisit the possibility when she gets a 12-month chip .” SummerStar62
8. AITJ For Not Making Enough Food For My Sister's Partner Who Keeps Eating Everything?
“My sister has been seeing a guy for almost a year now and they live pretty close by so they sometimes come over to our parents’ house to eat. He’s a bigger guy and he has explained this is the reason why he loves to eat.
I’m cooking the meals now since my mother had a little car accident and can’t move around the house as much. Now my sister is staying over to help take care of mom and he decided he’ll stay over too because he wants to help…needless to say, he’s just been eating, not helping.
He’ll try anything and everything in the house so if I don’t want hands digging into something I bought for myself, I’ll take it upstairs to my room.
At about 3 in the morning, I’ll hear him get up and go search through the freezer for ice cream (that we specifically left for my mom because chewing harder stuff hurts her jaw) or look through the fridge for leftovers.
Last night I made dinner for everyone and also my mom’s favorite dish: lasagna.
Everyone in the house was aware that it was a surprise for her. When I leave the food down to cool and go check on my mom I hear someone go into the kitchen.
And I know it’s him because he has a very distinct heavy walk and is the only one who runs up and down the stairs. I go back downstairs and find both meals with a big dent in the middle. And he didn’t even wash the spoon.
Of course, I’m annoyed and go to my sister’s room to ask if anyone’s eaten the food. He denies it of course and even suggests that “the heat in the oven probably made it sink.” I didn’t want to make a scene so I tried talking about it to him in private.
He told me I was being ridiculous, even when I showed him the spoon that he had used. So after this point, I told my sister, who insisted it was an accident and he didn’t know. Again…everyone in the house but my mother knew.
There was a whole joke that I wasn’t going to be able to make it right.
So when he and my sister went out this afternoon I made a smoothie and purposely made sure there was not enough left for him because he annoyed me off.
According to him and my sister, I’m inconsiderate because I “know he likes food.” OK.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister needs to deal with this. He either has some sort of compulsive behavior that he’s struggling with and it’s impacting everyone, or he’s a giant jerk and it’s impacting everyone.
Either way, your sister needs to address this. In the meantime, they both need to leave. He’s not helping your mom, and it sounds like your sister isn’t doing anything to help the situation either.” willikersmister
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy is a greedy mooch.
He’s not there to help care for your mom. He’s there to help himself to your family’s food. You are cooking but who is paying for the groceries? This guy needs to go. If your sister wants to feed and pander to this glutton that’s her business.
Tell both of them that he needs to stop taking food. That you will not be cooking food for him and that you will be making enough food for your recovering mother and he better keep his thieving hands off of it. I also don’t care if he has any issues with food.
We have got to stop excusing rude behavior. If he has a problem with food then he needs professional help. It’s not your business or your problem. Yeah, you “know he likes food” but you don’t care because you aren’t his girl or his mommy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that is so rude of him. You don’t stay in someone’s home and help yourself to food in their kitchen without asking, especially food that was just prepared, and that no one else has eaten yet. That was also just insanely audacious of him to be upset that you would dare prepare something without making some for him too.
I hope he’s contributing to groceries with the way he’s eating because that’s ridiculous. No one does that.” barr6789
7. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Get Abs After He Commented On My Weight Gain?
“I and my partner (both 36yo) have been together for 4 years. My partner and I met while traveling and he admitted that he was attracted to me at first sight because he found me attractive. At that time, I wasn’t looking for anything serious so just went along with it.
I used to surf which he found attractive. He is also very sporty himself and works as a carpenter. So he is strong, however, he has a big beer belly which I don’t mind. He is healthy, he is strong and can do pretty much anything.
I have known from the beginning that he prefers girls who are on the thinner side. My weight swings from 118-124. I’m 5’1. But I’m in perfect health and pretty much can do physical labor too. We both don’t go to the gym but we love hiking and my partner considers his job as a carpenter a form of workout.
Recently, since I moved to his country to be with him, I found it difficult to do any exercises (I’ve been procrastinating a lot). I’ve been down as well from having left everything behind with none of my original social support. He’s not also here often because of work (he spends a month away from his job and 14 days at home and so on).
So I’m mostly alone in the house doing my remote work.
A few hours ago, I told my partner that I was getting bigger that my belly was getting bigger, and that my weight was at 123 lbs. I’ve been stress eating lately. His reply was: « you know I don’t like bigger girls ».
He added that it’s no surprise I’m getting bigger because I have not been doing exercises. So I told him it’s rich of him to tell me that. And I said, «Why don’t you get abs? ».
I eventually sent him a message telling him that I felt hurt and that it seemed like it would be easy for him to get rid of me if I got bigger.
I told him that his body was never an issue for me as long as he was healthy. That I love his belly and I will never replace it even if he changes his body.
I understand his preference and he did tell me that in the beginning but I feel like he could’ve said something different if he wants me to lose weight.
But I also feel like I went too far when I asked him if he could grow some abs and lose his belly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this sounds very childish. Are you sure you are both 36? A healthy adult relationship would call for you both to communicate about hurt feelings properly and address them head-on.
The name calling and one-upping each other is more expected from a middle school or high school relationship.” SFallon93
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here. He sounds immature. You both do. I can’t at all understand why you’d move to be with him if he’s barely there.
Your weight fluctuating SIX POUNDS does not mean you’re big, good lord. I’m also a little sad for you that you weigh yourself enough to know such a small fluctuation. Your weight legitimately doesn’t matter. But it’s also crazy that his ” beer belly” is perfectly acceptable, but if you had the same, I bet you’d both be horrified. And suddenly he’d be “very concerned for your health”.
It’s almost as if there is some kind of…double standard happening. He is allowed to be strong and healthy with a “beer belly”. Which is excess fat, let us be clear. You put on an entirely insignificant amount of weight and likely look no different at all, and you’re “getting big”?
You should move back to where your friends are, throw out your silly weigh scale, and go live your best life. Try doing a relationship again when you get a clue.” focusfaster
Another User Comments:
“I hate this idea of because you are on your feet doing labor that it’s considered a workout.
I know carpenters who bust their backside in the gym after the hard work they put in. He needs to take accountability in the fact that he’ simply won’t put in the work because he’s lazy. Period. And on top of that you say he has a belly yet says he doesn’t like bigger girls?
Talk about walking hypocrite.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Confronting A Gym Member About Their Sweating And Lack Of Cleanliness?
“I am a big boy and I’m trying to get into shape and I sweat .
. . A LOT.
Physical injuries and emotional issues make going to a gym difficult so I try to go when the rest of the world is busy. I have to use machines because of physical handicaps.
Another heavy sweater seems to be trying to get there just before me and use the same equipment.
This is not a big deal with two exceptions.
1. The only recumbent stationary I can use has a lake under and all over it after they are done.
2. They make no real effort to clean up after.
As a result, the floor under the stationary stays sopping wet all day after they are done until second shift staff quickly mops around it.
And it stinks horribly.
Making it worse, this person drinks at least a half gallon of water during their workout, increasing the sweat output.
I always carry extra towels with me plus I use the gym-supplied sprays and paper towels to clean equipment after I use it.
Especially the stationary. And I use the gym-supplied mop to remove any sweat from around. I even regularly donate cases of cleaning supplies, including odoban, to the gym, and before this have never complained about anything.
On multiple occasions, I have tried changing my gym time to different times, but it doesn’t take long before this person seems to find me and starts showing up just early enough to get on the equipment first and pour out sweat everywhere with only a pretend wipe down after done.
I have approached the staff and have been rebuffed. Finally, I asked the person to please clean up after themselves and stop leaving the lake. And they got offended, claiming they have a condition. To which I responded so do I but I don’t force others to swim in the aftermath.
Now the gym staff is threatening to cancel my gym membership.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You seem to commingling two issues. The first is whether this individual is stalking you. You seem to think that they are, purposefully, getting on the equipment that you use before you use it.
Without proof that they are doing this on purpose, I can’t accept it. And I think that this belief — that their actions target you – colors your perception of them. The second issue, on which you have a firmer standing, is that individual’s seeming failure to properly clean up after themselves.
However, even there your attitude seems to be one of veiled contempt; e.g., “*I asked the person to please … stop leaving a lake*.” That is an exaggeration designed to put the other person on the defensive. What is more, your response to their telling you that they have a condition is insulting and belittling: “*They got offended, claiming they have a condition.
To which I responded so do I but I don’t force others to swim in the aftermath*.” If this individual is not cleaning a machine properly based on some objective standard not just by yours, you’d be in good standing to point out areas in need of cleaning to the staff — taking pictures if needed — and you could/should ask them to clean those areas.
If the gym staff continues to ignore on ongoing problem of maintaining a properly cleaned gym, you should document the problem by taking pictures and report the gym to the health department for its failure to maintain cleanliness. Alternatively, you could join a different gym.” Individual_Ad_9213
5. AITJ For Renting My Basement To My Friend's Ex After She Had An Affair On Him?
“My friend(33F) and I(32F) have known each other since high school. She started seeing her ex about 6 years ago and they got engaged 3 years ago. Then the engagement ended a year afterward and they broke up but had to keep living together.
I found out later she had been unfaithful to him with a married coworker multiple times for a few months before he found out. The affair caused the coworker to be divorced. Due to housing issues in GTA, they kept living together and got back together a year after that breakup.
The problem was she agreed to leave her workplace because the coworker still worked there. Well, he said she agreed and she said she would try. She never did and he began getting paranoid she would be unfaithful to him again with the coworker because they were still working in the same place every day and seeing each other.
This was at an accounting firm and she claims she couldn’t find a job that paid as well.
Finally, the coworker’s ex-wife sent a photo of the coworker and my friend together after work having drinks and my friend’s fiancé lost it (they got reengaged).
She and him continued to live together for another week and he told a bunch of friends that he found himself forgiving her again because she kept saying it was nothing and it was just drinks but he needed to get out of there if he could move on from the relationship.
I have a walkout basement suite I rent out and I didn’t have anyone living there I was redoing it to sell the house so it’s a bit of a mess but I offered it to him if he didn’t mind the mess.
He took it immediately and offered to pay full rent but I gave him a deal because he would have to deal with construction. I didn’t want to be renting it out but I felt sorry for him as he definitely would have left the first time if he had the option and wouldn’t have restarted a doomed relationship.
My friend was upset once she found out I let him rent my basement and began telling me and other friends I had betrayed her as a friend. I probably shouldn’t have gotten involved but I thought it wasn’t a betrayal as I’m just giving him a place to stay until he can find housing.
But she thinks because I let him stay I’m on his side and throwing our friendship away.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re fine, and you getting involved probably did wonders for that ex’s life. Your friend has turned toxic; she’s emotionally abusing him.
They got engaged, broke it off because she was unfaithful, got back together, re-engaged, broke it off because she had drinks with the same guy, and then he was on track to forgive her again because he was stuck with her. You have rescued him from a situation he is going to need years of therapy to recover from.
Your friend has no right to criticize you for “getting involved,” given what she was doing. I wonder why you still consider her your friend. You’re absolutely NTJ; neither is the ex, nor the coworker’s wife. It’s your friend and her coworker.” Surosnao
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She literally got back into a relationship with this man and was still advocating for the relationship to continue. This isn’t some jerk Ex with a list of reasons why she hates him and/or wants nothing to do with him.
She doesn’t dislike the guy. There weren’t even “sides” to pick, as they were still together until you gave him the option to end the relationship for good.” SupermarketNeat4033
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm sounds like an ex-friend to me. She’s one to talk of betrayal lol. NTJ.
That woman is an absolute mess of a human. Had she been the one to leave their place, I’m sure you’d have offered yours to her as well, so it’s not even like you were picking sides. A friend needed a place, you had a place.
If she wants to make it something more, that’s all on her.” HousingItchy8561
4. AITJ For Refusing To Dress My Twin Daughters Identically For A Family Photo?
“I’m the mother of 1-year-old identical twin girls.
I have never liked the idea of dressing them identically because while they are twins, they aren’t the same child. So whenever I’m given matching outfits, I mix and match them to make them look different or rotate who wears what. I’ve always felt it’s important they be allowed their sense of self and not have “Twin” pushed on them as a major part of their identity.
Family pictures are coming up soon for my great-grandmother’s 80th birthday. We want to commemorate this with pictures and my mother has booked professional photographs for this. The dress code is formal. I’ve bought one daughter a sparkly purple dress – she is like a little magpie, anything sparkly and she is all over it.
My other daughter I’ve bought a green dress with flowers on it as she loves flowers. I plan to do one daughter’s hair in pigtails and the other will have a hairband.
My mother called me and asked me to dress them alike as it would look cute in the picture.
I told her she knew how I felt about that and that we wouldn’t be doing that. I told her I’d even bought dresses already. She offered to buy them new matching dresses but I refused. She told me I was being ridiculous and that it was only one picture and wouldn’t kill them.
When I asked if she’d bought my brothers’ daughters who are 11 and 7 matching dresses, she said no, why would she do that, which led to me asking her why my children should dress alike then, which of course the answer was them being identical twins.
This led to a rather heated conversation and I told my mother that they are my daughters and it’s my call. All she needs to be concerned about is them being presentable and matching the dress code. She told me I was being selfish here and it wouldn’t matter, pointing out how lots of twins like to dress alike.
I told her that if they wished to dress alike one day I’d not stop them but till then this is what I was doing.
My brother has since called me and asked me to just do it, that our mother is stressed out about how I can change the girls out of it after the picture, and that it’s only a picture and it’d keep the peace.
I know it’s only a picture but it just sits wrong with me. Is it jerk of me to not bend on this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The kids are yours and ultimately their clothing choices are yours. If your mom wants a photo shoot, she has to negotiate with you regarding how the kids are dressed. You have laid out your limits, and she can either agree or not have photos of the kids done.
Those are her options. I’m glad you are not indulging in the twin thing. There have been some really sad and troubling posts here about families that went way too far on it.” DisgruntleFairy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as a twin thank you. My mum thought it was cute to dress her twins alike and it ended up with one of us being the thin and pretty twin and the other being “the other twin” I was always made to feel like the one who was never good enough or loved the same.
We were always “the twins” and yeah please keep raising them like they are unique different people” Kattiaria.
Another User Comments:
“That this is an issue speaks a lot about your mom and your brother. That this is a conversation at all, given you’ve told them (and re-iterated multiple times) that the “dressing the twins alike” thing is a non-starter, pretty clearly conveys that they view these kids as dolls, not children (or humans).
That’s pretty gross actually. NTJ proposes that you and your brother wear identical dresses and hairstyles” SoImaRedditUserNow
3. AITJ For Considering Missing My Best Friend's Bachelor Party To Extend My World Trip?
“I am currently traveling the world for already 2 months with my partner. One of my best friends, let’s call him “Mike”, has his wedding pretty soon. Me and Mike had a conversation before my flight and I told him that I’ll make it to the wedding so he shouldn’t be worried. The wedding is planned for the 9th of August and I originally planned to come back a few days before.
My partner was also invited to a family event that we should attend on August 4th so we agreed ahead to shorten the trip a little bit more and fly back home together on the first of August, so the schedule won’t be too tight.
Here is the thing, I recently got invited to Mike’s bachelor party which will take place on the 29th of July – and this will also be the first bachelor party of our boys. That means a flight on the 28th of July will be the latest one I can attend to make it in time.
I’m currently having a really good time and I enjoy the trip. I feel like I don’t want to come back home but I have some “real life” things to do when I come back (other than the wedding). I just don’t know if to shorten the trip a little bit more and cut my good time to make it in time for the bachelor party.
If I do it, it will shorten my trip by ~4 days (3-5 days, depending on exact flights), which can be another cool destination I’ll miss, or just more adventures, chill, and fun.
One more thing to add is that the party itself is not only the “boys”, but it’s also a mixed party with all the bride’s partners, so it feels just like a party and not something special (if that’s relevant information).
On top of that, I feel like I don’t want to just get inebriated or stoned, that’s what they will probably do there, and I became not the biggest fan of that. If I were Mike, I might be disappointed (I am not sure if it’ll disappoint him deeply or not) if a good friend misses the party because of 3-5 days of the trip he won’t want to shorten, and that he’s already 2-2.5 months abroad.
I will enjoy more this 3-4 days extra trip than the bachelor party, but he’s a good friend of mine and I might have guilty feelings or disappoint him.
WIBTJ for missing the bachelor party, what do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get wanting to be there for your buddy, but you’ve been traveling for a while and it sounds like you’re having an awesome time.
Plus, the bachelor party doesn’t seem like it’s going to be anything crazy. If it were me, I’d probably just stick with my original plan and enjoy the rest of my trip. You can always celebrate with your friends when you get back. Just my two cents!” pretty_purple22222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s not just your trip you are shortening it’s your partner’s too. This seems to be an internal fight with yourself because you don’t mention anyone saying anything to you. You’re having a fight with yourself over this and trying to justify to yourself a reason to come home early. You are coming back for the main event.
Enjoy your trip, go to the wedding, and have fun. ” GapApprehensive3184
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if he is a good friend why don’t you just talk to him about it? You will be able to register whether he seems very disappointed about you missing the party or not.
If he is disappointed, you might (or might not) want to rethink your decision. If he understands your situation and is cool with it, then you get to enjoy the last week of your trip without any guilt.” Signal_Wall_8445
2. AITJ For Blaming My Husband After A Cooking Accident?
“My husband (26 M) and I (21 F) have been married for a little over a year, together in total for 3. Today we argued, it was mainly petty, I made a stew and it was too full to put on the pressure cooker mode on our pressure cooker/slow cooker that he has had since he was 18 when he started university.
So my husband decided it would be better to put it on the slow cooker mode, I offered to pour some out so we could get it down to the full line. However, he said no and that it would be fine. We put it on and left it for a little while and then I heard a massive amount of sizzling so I went to check it with him following behind, I quickly turned it off and took the pot out however the stew overflowed over the side, and onto the plate that heats the cooker (in the instructions it advises never to let food or water onto the said plate).
This is when all chaos broke loose, he started screaming at me telling me I am stupid and all other kinds of horrid words. I recently got fired from my job over something very trivial and he started using that against me telling me I suck at everything and can never do anything right.
He slammed the kitchen door so hard that I thought it would come off its hinges, he screamed at me so loud that my ears started ringing.
After he finished shouting at me, I blamed him, I advised I was sorry but he told me this was the best idea to put it on for slow cook instead of pouring a bit out to allow us to use the mode we are comfortable with, I know I shouted back at him which isn’t a good idea but I was mad, it took me an hour to make this stew ready for it to be left on cook and I’ve taken over all the household chores since I have become unemployed.
He treats me like a stupid child sometimes just because I want to make nice meals for him, like recently I have started to make bread and pasta, etc. I’d never made this stew before and I wanted to make it so we can freeze it and have it for after we go for long hikes.
AITJ for ruining his pressure cooker and shouting back at him and blaming him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, stews boil over, messes get made and kitchen appliances get ruined. It sounds like he overreacted possibly because it was a sentimental pressure cooker. But there’s no reason to be slamming doors and calling you names.
It sounds like you’re doing everything you can to take care of and support your husband while you are out of work, earlier this year I was the unemployed partner for a few months while looking for work and I know it’s like a full-time job running the household.” Professional_Let431
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was being verbally abusive toward you at a minimum. Slamming the door loudly and strongly is not exactly physical mistreatment but it puts that threat on the table. His responses to the situation and his contempt for you are appalling and indefensible.
Has anything like this happened before? You need to make it extremely clear to him that he can never, ever respond like that again, it is a bright red line that he can never cross or you’re going to exit the marriage.” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“This is one small snapshot of your relationship. People online don’t know you and don’t know what other patterns may exist. But when I hear about someone’s partner screaming at them, insulting them, and slamming doors, it makes me concerned for them. There’s a quiz here that can help you think about bigger patterns in your relationship, and maybe help contextualize it and help you find other resources, if this is the type of thing that happens regularly.
NTJ.” AliceInWeirdoland
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Look Through My Phone?
“So this happened across multiple days. On the first day, we were taking a walk and my mom who had been in the middle of lecturing me about discipline asked me the question “Do you care if I’m proud of you?” And I don’t.
Not really, I don’t care if she’s proud of me if I’m not proud of myself, and I don’t care if other people are proud of me as long as I’m proud of myself. Am I making sense? So I tell her “no” because I don’t care but I also don’t elaborate.
She doesn’t ask me to elaborate either.
The next day I got another lecture, I’m not sure what I did wrong but I do know what happened afterward. She asked me what she always does from time to time, “What’s the password to your phone?” And I knew she was going to check it.
It’s not like I have anything to conceal from her but my phone is very personal and I didn’t want anyone at all, let alone my mother, going through it. She said if I didn’t give her the password she wouldn’t take me or my brother to the waterpark.
My brother is ten and still agrees that I have a right to privacy from my mother. I still didn’t want my punishment to be his but I didn’t relent for a while. My mother cornered me in our kitchen and said a list of things to “convince me” to give up the password:
“I’m your mother, I’m supposed to look through your phone,”
“You’re a child, you don’t have the same rights as adults. Do you want to be an adult? Do you want to be an adult?”
“I don’t want to look through your phone but now I have to because you’re not letting me,”
“This was part of the deal when we got you the phone! Are you breaking your promise?”
And she tried to grab my thumb to open my phone(little does she know that I open it with my middle finger. Not because of what the middle finger means but as an inside joke about my right-hand middle finger specifically)
And she kept asking me what I was hiding on my phone. So I told her this:
“Fine! Take my phone if you want, I don’t want it if it gives you an excuse to snoop around in my business!”
I managed to grab it later and delete everything personal (my phone has the settings where you can’t delete anything but I know the workaround)
I gave her the password and we went to the waterpark but I wondered, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were nothing but honest with her. It is an invasion of privacy to demand your password to go through your phone.
It also sucks that she tried to punish your little brother to try to make you feel bad enough for you to relent. I am sorry OP, but it does sound like your mom can be quite controlling.” JustA_Rat
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know how old you are but if you’re a minor I would have smashed your phone because you’re not entitled to privacy.
Adults who are responsible for themselves and who pay their bills get privacy but then again I wouldn’t have bought you a phone in the first place.” KayshaDanger
