People Get Messy In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Brother Have The Cookies I Made After He Threw Some Away?
“I am 15, living with my parents, brother, and sister and I love to bake. Normally when I bake my brother (17) will inhale what I make, and literally does not taste it. Yesterday I made a couple of batches of cookies and put them in the oven.
The timer went off and my brother came in, turned off the timer, and went to take the cookies out. I told him not to, because he was sick and because I was right there and able to do it myself. He started teasing me.
Before I knew it 4ish minutes had passed and I finally got him out of the kitchen and the cookies were still in the oven. I rush to take them out and they are not burnt, but dark golden brown. The next time my brother comes in the kitchen I offer him one of the dark cookies.
He accepted, knowing they were dark. He ate it willingly.
An hour later I have tidied the kitchen and put away all the cookies except the dark ones. I put two of the dark cookies on a plate and bring them to my brother in his room.
I ask him if he wants them, letting him know they are the dark ones and he says yes. I go back to the kitchen, eat my lunch, and as I am about to leave he comes out of his room with the cookies. He asks where the rest of the cookies are so he can put them away, apparently he does not want them anymore.
Well, as I said before, he’s sick. I tell him to put them on the plat and have them later because he already touched them. He says he already put the plate in the sink it’s dirty so he can’t. So I grab him a new plate and put it on the counter.
You think he would put the cookies down and have them later, right? Nope. He tosses them straight into the trash. I get mad. He just tossed food I spent 2 hours making and pouring love into. I keep to myself and don’t tell my parents, as he will find a way to justify it.
Today I am out of the house most of the day, I get back around 8 pm. 1/4 of the cookies are gone, which is irritating because it has only been a day. Whatever, I made them to be eaten. I’m eating dinner alone because it is late and everyone else has eaten, and my parents and sister are in the kitchen talking.
My brother comes in, heads straight to the cookie jar, opens it, looks at me, and asks if he can have one. Normally, he just takes. I kind of take advantage of him asking and saying no. I explain that I have no reason to give him food I spent hours working on if he is going to throw it out.
My mother gets mad saying I have no right not to let him have a cookie, and that he has every right to toss the cookies if he does not like them. We were also raised that we were not allowed to throw out or waste food.
I, on the other hand, get punished for tossing food. My brother went to his room, my parents went to “comfort” him. Minutes later my mother enters the kitchen, grabs a cookie, and brings it to my brother.
There is also nothing I can do about this because my parents buy the ingredients and therefore own all rights to the cookies and it does not matter how long I spent making it, according to them.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’d stop baking until you get your own place. My parents used to do this too. If I made lunch for myself, I had to make enough for my brother, too. I started putting in ingredients he didn’t like, he complained to my mom, and she told me I wasn’t allowed to make it that way.
So I stopped cooking. He tried to complain when I stopped making “him” food, but I just said I didn’t feel like having that, and that he was more than capable of making it for himself if he wanted. Mom was annoyed but couldn’t really say anything.
Super frustrating, and I’m still a little bitter about it, lol, even though I’ve been out of the house for two decades.” RNGinx3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but next time? Leave the dough in the fridge and only cook enough for you each time. His badgering you into burning cookies is a problem, his deciding to throw them away is a problem.
The inhaling part is just being a teen and you making something delicious, he’s not doing it to be a butthead. Your mom yelling at you for throwing away food and not him? That’s a problem though. Is there other favoritism? and is it maybe just a case of “He’ll eat a brick if you butter it, so if HE won’t eat it, you know it’s bad” vs “Our son can do no wrong”?” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But, sadly your parents obviously have a favorite and it is your brother. Next time you make cookies I would only put a small portion in the cookie jar and hide the rest (in the freezer, in your room, etc) just somewhere your brother can’t eat them all so you don’t get any.
I am assuming your brother doesn’t cook anything for himself so make dough – cook half then put the rest in the freezer so it’s there when you want to make yourself fresh cookies. lol. I am sorry but there is nothing I can think of that will stop your parents from catering to your brother and allowing him to do whatever he wants.
That sucks.” 1moreKnife2theheart
20. AITJ For Refusing To Do More Chores Despite Working 30 Hours A Week?
“My (18F) mom (48) got sick about 4 years ago, it’s a heart condition it’s not that she could die from it but it’s affecting her life pretty badly.
Because of that she also got a lot of mental problems with it, mostly panic attacks and she is very emotional on bad days. Right now her being sick is more mentally than physically. My family, stepdad, and my younger and older sister had to walk on eggshells for a few years with our words, actions, and everything we did around her.
So the problem. So when I finished high school I took a break for a year because her condition also affected me pretty badly, I barely passed the last year. I decided to work a lot so I could save money. My new education starts in 6 months.
But during high school, I had to do a lot around the house, work my behind-off, and take care of a lot.
My stepdad works from 7 am to 6 pm so during the day he isn’t here. My mom worked for a call center but because of an operation her recovery took longer than expected the company needed to let her go, for about 5 months she was jobless and she wasn’t looking for one either.
My sisters don’t do a lot around the house, and they have more time than I do. Right now I work about 30 hours a week, mostly from the morning till midday. Because of this, I admit that I don’t do as much as I did before, but I still do a lot of chores like laundry, and cleaning the kitchen and the upstairs bathroom.
My mom said she wanted to talk to me a few days ago, in that conversation she told me because right now I don’t have school and I have a lot more spare time she expects me to do more in the house. I said I wouldn’t do it because I work a lot and I also get tired. She got very upset and ended the conversation, right now she has been giving me a cold shoulder for the past few days.
I get that she is sick but I do a lot in the house, more than the rest. And my mom doesn’t even have a job right now. She literally doesn’t do anything but go for walks and spend time on her tablet and watching TV.
My sister asked me what I did, because my mom is acting weird because of me and they said that I’m a jerk for upsetting her and not doing what she asked me to do. I get she is tired but I am also. So AITJ for not doing more chores?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, you’re awesome for helping take care of her. You are not the only one there though. Unless stepdad is disabled his behind can help. If your mother can go for walks, she can do laundry and other light tasks. Same for your sibling.
You need to talk about this with them and make sure you let them know that you cannot be the only one doing things around the house because of your schedule. You are a champ for helping so much.” princeinterweb
Another User Comments:
“You are partly the jerk.
Your family is also partly the jerk. Your mum had heart surgery so it is a serious condition. She probably struggles emotionally a lot too as her life changed rapidly and she can’t enjoy it as she did before. Your family should have a proper talk and spread the chores evenly between everyone as everyone is responsible for the house.” SpiderLover2701
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ! Not only are unrealistic expectations and pressures being placed on you, but they are also affecting your mental health and probably physical also. 3 other people in the house need to seriously step up, even Dad. Do not let this postpone your education and please live on campus or somewhere out of the house.
Share an apartment or something but get out. Call a family meeting, including mom, and explain your position the skewed workload, and how you can no longer continue to do everything on your own. Have notes ready so it doesn’t devolve into emotional spats and stay “fact” based. Perhaps even have a suggested “chore” list made up for ideas on how things can be more fairly distributed. Part of your “selling” point could be how you will soon be leaving for school and will no longer be able to continue as things are esp. given the increased difficulty and workload of college-level classes.
Hope this helps some.” Mystic_Rebel1
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Partner After His Surgery Since He Didn't Care For Me When I Was Sick?
“I (23F) have been seeing my partner for almost 2 years and we have been living together for 1 year and 6 months. The relationship is the best we have had, we are not toxic and are in love with each other, but lately his usual “I am not a loving or caring partner” has been driving me crazy.
We are not clingy, we don’t kiss every five seconds, and I am happy with that, but he is crossing the line, to the point that I only feel that he is only a friend, not my partner.
Last week I got very sick. I had a tonsil infection that got pretty bad, to the point that I was having hallucinations from the fever.
Thankfully I live in Costa Rica, where healthcare is free, I went to the hospital and they gave me (free) medicine and sent me home.
But my partner (we both work from home) didn’t take much care of me. He limits himself just to do what I ask him (like going to the supermarket or fetching my water) but only if I ask him.
This got to the point in which I was SCREAMING from the pain (because I haven’t been able to eat much) while he was in the bathroom and when he got out, he didn’t even ask me what was wrong. When I confronted him about it, he said he had forgotten and was busy with work.
I spent two days asleep (because of the fever) and since I didn’t cook (because I couldn’t) he didn’t eat lunch and the next day only made food for himself. I get that we have an agreement in which I take care of the food and kitchen and he does everything else in the house (cleaning, laundry, etc) but I was really sick and he didn’t even think about getting me food.
On other occasions, when he has been sick (each occasion less sick than I was) I have bent over my back to cater to him, making sure he was okay, bringing food, etc, basically being a loving partner.
I talked to him, and he told me that he was busy with work and that he did everything I asked him to do.
His top surgery is in two weeks, and I told him that I won’t be helping him, that I would limit myself to do only what he told me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If you have to repeat we’re not toxic over and over again for people to believe you it’s toxic.
You may think it’s the best relationship you’ve ever had but if my significant other was screaming in another room I would drop everything and go to them. I don’t care if I was outside talking to a neighbor or if I heard my significant other screaming that the conversation was over.
The laundry I was doing was done. The shower I was in was over. Like if I was doing literally anything it would be done and I would be hauling my backside to my significant other. Both of you honestly sound too young to be in a relationship with each other” One_Condition_7001
Another User Comments:
” I can’t get over the fact that he heard you screaming and did not come to check if you are OK. INFO Like why would you want to be with someone who can actually hear you screaming and he just goes about his day?
Why would you want to be with someone who literally got himself food and could not even be bothered to ask if you would like to try to eat some? If you both work, why does all the cooking and cleaning fall on you? What does he actually bring to the relationship?
I don’t think you are a jerk for not wanting to look after him when he is not well in the future, but please ask yourself if this is really the type of relationship you want to be in. It’s more like roommates with a bit of friends with benefits thrown in, but with really few actual benefits for you” ayesh00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like your relationship is one of two individuals who live together. That isn’t a bad thing per se but it is a bad thing once there is an imbalance in the relationship. You feel like you give more than your partner does and that is a terrible realization to come to.
I would say communicate but be willing to say if you can’t have a little more back then you have to remove yourself from the situation. I understand it might be tough if your partner is in the process or about to start top surgery.
But these are conversations that need to happen or you will start to resent your partner in the long term.” Best-Rich-9586
18. AITJ For Wanting To Take Legal Action Against My Unfair Employer?
“I (F21) have been working at this company for almost a year, and have been growing increasingly frustrated with them.
For starters, there is a coworker who has been reported by every single female in the lab, and the females in his former lab, for harassment and being a hostile coworker (glaring, yelling, having very aggressive body language if we have to ask him anything work-related, etc).
The company has done nothing, not even talked to him, and ignored all our emails. They change the subject or try to make excuses when we confront them in person. They also, as soon as we reported him, revoked most of the privileges we had in this lab and have been getting upset with everything we do, but still let the one coworker act the same and even let him take hour-long breaks, several hours lunches, and leave hours early without updating his timecard or anything, but if we are even 1 minute late our supervisor sends strongly worded emails about work ethic and how we should be better examples for the company.
They have also been having us do tasks that put us in areas where, according to their contract and safety policies, we are not supposed to be at our current tech levels. I have said that I am not comfortable going into areas where I am not technically allowed to go in, but our supervisor ignores me.
There are also several other issues that, for the sake of the word count, I won’t get into here.
Now the final tipping point was this week when I checked my PTO balance. According to the contract that I signed when I got hired on with them, I should be accruing 4.3 hours of PTO every pay period.
I have not. They are only giving me an accrual rate of 3 hrs every other, and sometimes once every 3 paychecks. According to the contract they gave me, I should have up to 42-54 hours of PTO by now, I only have 10. Several other coworkers in this lab were experiencing the same thing, and all of us were infuriated. We are all at this point ready to quit (we have been ready to for a while honestly) and take legal action against the company if they don’t get their act together and fix these issues.
We all emailed the head of our lab, the head of our section of the company, and then the company head in our region, but none of them responded to any of our emails. I have talked to a lawyer to see if we would have a case, and he is confident we would have a solid case, especially if we all banded together like we planned to.
However, some friends and my brother work in a different lab under the same company, and they are saying I WIBTJ if I take action because it could mess up their jobs. But I don’t know, I feel like this is unacceptable treatment that the company is giving us, and I am sick of it.
I have a case to stand on, but WIBTJ if I take legal action?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, seems like your company could do with the lawsuit anyway. If everyone is experiencing it within your lab, it seems unreasonable to ask everyone to compromise their physical and mental well-being for the sake of a few other people within the company.
I know this is also a bit of a swerve on the actual question at hand, but, could you honestly say with 100 percent confidence that your family and friends would give you the same considerations they are trying to force you to give them?” SugarsnapPeen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The company sounds petty enough that they’d be targeted even without your lawsuit, and if bad things happen to them, they can join your lawsuit or file their own. If your lawsuit is successful, the company would probably lay people off or lose contracts, regardless of whether they were relatives.
They have a small heads up, which they should be using to search for a different job before everything hits the fan.” radleynope
17. AITJ For Moving Out Because My Parents Overworked Me And Restricted My Social Life?
“I realized even back in my childhood, that my parents made me work way more than the other kids, but I was okay with it back then.
Then with time whenever I got a bad grade in school, they would not let me out of my room for the rest of the day to “think about what I have done”. I never ever understood what the heck they meant with that “what I have done” quote because I tried my best every time to make them proud but they never showed any kind of proudness to me.
In the first year of high school, me and my friends were planning to go to a party where mostly our classmates would have been. Everything was going okay, when from nowhere my math teacher found a forgotten exam for which I got a grade C.
The moment I told this to my parents, they started yelling at me and banned me from going to our first party with my friends, like why on earth would you like your child to not be on an important occasion, where he can make good friends?
This happened some more times, but because I tried my best all the time so not that often. Of course, during this whole time, the amount of housework has included everything at home as if I were their maid smh.
Fast forward, now I’m in the last year of high school, a literal 18-year-old grown-up, but they are still trying to parent me like that.
I stopped doing the housework about a month ago and started to concentrate on school, to pass my final exams as well as possible. Everything went well for a week, when suddenly my mom comes in my room yelling and being mad af for not doing anything at home.
I told her I don’t because I try to concentrate on school and because I’ve had enough of doing mostly her job. She told me that I could move out if I didn’t like it.
This argument happened times again when I had enough, so I just went to a friend(23f), asking if I could move in because I knew they had a free room, she told me sure, but with time I had to pay for the apartment too because you know, I live there.
I mean, I agree with that.
Now it has been a week that I have been with my friends. I left my parents a message saying “I moved out as you told me to do so.” and carrying the most needful things. Since the second day they have been messaging me like where I went, why did I leave, move my butt back and tons of random stuff you can just think of.
Yesterday I saw them at school, they came to see me and ask what’s up.
I have to say that I must consider going back to them because of the lack of money I have and I’m kind of scared of hurting their feeling, even if they’re bad parents.
But the main question stays, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get a job part-time, hash out a rental agreement and contract to cover your butt with your roommate, and keep your nose to the grindstone with the school. Your parents played a stupid game so they won a stupid prize.
Make sure you have your legal paperwork and all relevant identifications, and lock your credit down ASAP so no one can take a loan out in your name. (Not sure if you’re in the US, but it’s not uncommon here for parents to do this to financially control their adult offspring.
If they do this, prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.) Best of luck to you!” Sweet-heart-
Another User Comments:
“What were all of the chores? If you had my list from my childhood I would understand. I had to start washing dishes by hand at age 5.
By 7 or 8, Saturdays were dusting, vacuuming and washing the bathroom, kitchen, and dining room on my hands and knees. At nine I was also given lawn mowing (1 acre) and the family ironing. At eleven, dinner prep was added. I was the oldest and so happy when I got a paying job – but my housework still continued. School needs to come first. Your parents need to understand you are not their servant.
Yes, some housework is necessary, but you should not be doing it all.” ScarletteMayWest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you need a paying gig, try to get on a landscaping or demolition crew. That’s what I did at that age and not only did it pay great compared to my other opportunities ($125/day cash, under the table for a 10-hour shift), but it left me super fit and strong.
Every bit of spending money I had in college was paid for by those summers in HS and college working demo or lawn jobs. Might not be ideal depending on what you want to study, but it’s a great cash opportunity if you’re strong enough to get through day 1.
if that doesn’t work, and you live near water, I’d suggest looking for dock jobs at a marina – dudes with boats never want to wash them and will throw cash at willing kids – my kid brother was making a few thousand a month doing that as a 15-year-old” CrabHandsTheMan
16. AITJ For Wanting A Belly Button Piercing And Refusing To Pay Rent As A Result?
“I’m (23F, irrelevant) asking on behalf of my sister (18F) and my mother (52F). My sister texted me this morning very miffed at my mom, saying mom told her she had to pay rent if she got a belly button piercing. I have no judging energies atm (thank you online classes) so I told her to text me her whole side of the story and I’d have the internet judge her.
I have both sides, but give your judgments like my sister is OP.
My sister’s side of the story: “I’ve been wanting to get my belly button pierced since I was 15 and I was always told I had to wait till I was 18 to do anything like that (which is completely understandable.) Now being 18 I made an appointment to get my belly button pierced at my local piercing studio, one with very good reviews and has been recommended to me by friends.
I told my mom about the appointment and she said “I think you should wait till you’re 21.” And I said, “Thank you for your input but I think I’m gonna get it done this week.”. This turned into a whole conversation (more like a reasonably volumed argument) about why I wanted a piercing and on her side, why I shouldn’t get one.
She argued that my mind isn’t entirely developed yet, it could get infected, it’s a permanent change, whatever. Mine was that it would only get infected if I didn’t care for it properly, I can always take it out if I don’t like it or change my mind, I only live once, I’ve wanted this for a while now, and if the maturity level was such an issue then they wouldn’t allow 18-year-olds to get it done.
She seemed to have this “I need a better argument” moment and said, “Well it seems like you have money to burn so we’re gonna start making you pay rent.” And of course, my reaction was, “Seriously?”. She’s 100% aware that I DON’T have money to pay rent and don’t have a reliable source of income yet.
Once my work location starts up I’ll be able to save and save till I can get an apartment. So the fact that she said I have to pay rent simply because I told her I was getting a belly button piercing and didn’t say “Yes mother whatever you say” when she told me to wait, is ridiculous and borderline manipulative.”
My mom’s side: “My side of the story? I don’t want her getting a belly button piercing. It’s a fashion that will go away just like lower back tattoos have. At a bare minimum, it would be nice if she would wait until her brain is finished developing, in a couple of years.
But she’s 18 and she won’t. The rent comment was a throwaway empty threat. She has no job where would rent money come from? It was a rather grouchy way of saying if she is going to throw away money, throw some towards household expenses.”
Remember to judge like my little sister is OP.
(Eg. If she’s in the wrong, write YTJ, if she’s not, write NTJ) I’m going to send this link to both of them and drown myself in coffee.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she said you had to wait until you were 18, now that you’re 18 it’s unfair for her to move the goalposts.
Also, having wanted it for 3 years, it’s unlikely you’ll just randomly change your mind once you get it done, and even if you do a belly piercing can be easily removed and will heal up.” Cats-and-Sunshine
Another User Comments:
“Well, voting based on your sister’s side I would say NTJ Mom shouldn’t be throwing around empty threats or trying to control her kid with money.
It’s a belly button piercing, the worst that could happen is that she’d have a scar. Let her make her own choices and mistakes and this is NOT the worst “bad decision” she could be making so be grateful. And mom, here’s a warning: the day my parents pulled out the “you’ll have to pay rent card” is the day I made plans to leave and was out in 3 days (was 18 at the time).
If I was going to pay rent it sure wasn’t going to be in a place I had no control over my own life. Sister should be looking for stable work and to move out if she really wants to have independence.” Rnotmyrealdad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-If your sister waited until she was twenty your mother would come up with yet another age rule or argument because your mom will never accept it. I could see getting upset if your sister had a huge and expensive history of blowing money frivolously and needing to be bailed out financially but it’s just a piercing.
It’s not going to adversely affect her life and mom needs to accept that or at the very least stop making empty threads in an attempt to control her daughter.” GothPenguin
15. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Cousin Private Ukulele Lessons?
“I’m 33M my cousin is 21F. I have always been great at the ukulele. I started playing it when I was 8 at school and continued throughout school and eventually became what I’d call a ukulele master.
I was good enough to teach it, and I did.
Well not really, I actually started a YouTube channel instead of an actual business because that’s way too much work for me and I don’t want to deal with it, I already have a great job.
Now for context on my cousin, “Lee”. She has always been obsessed with my playing and would ask me several times to play a song for her. For her 18th birthday, I played “Happy Birthday” on the ukulele for her.
She loves it very much.
She, in my opinion, loves it too much. In our family, we occasionally stay over at each other for several nights, kind of like a sleepover. Once I was at a “sleepover” at my aunty’s house, and I brought my ukulele since I’m obsessed with playing it, I have anxiety and it’s therapeutic for me.
My cousin saw my ukulele and asked me to play her favorite songs on it- I refused because I wanted to spend time with our family and she threw a tantrum. She was 19.
Well, she’s 21 now and bought herself an ukulele. She has no experience and since I have a channel where I teach how to play the ukulele she thought I would be a great teacher.
I refused because I live in a different state and I have work to do and spend my spare time making videos and taking care of my tortoise. I literally have no time to teach her once a week like she wants.
She told me I was a jerk and should teach her because she always admired my music and supports my channel (she’s subscribed with 2 of her accounts) I told her that if she wants to learn she could watch my channel or find a different tutor.
She then said she wants me to be her tutor and I told her she would have to pay my gas and she called me a jerk again.
She’s pretty obsessive but she does support me and my channel and has since I made it, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s acting like an entitled brat and there are lots of videos available already. If you feel like it, offer monthly reviews – tell her to learn the basics and send you a video once she’s been practicing for a month or two.
Put the onus on her to do the work.” paprikashi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… but I think honestly she probably thinks you’re cool and wants to hang out with you and bond over a shared interest. Maybe you don’t see it that way because you’re a little bit older than her but the way you speak of her is started to border on jerk behavior (you’re a “master” but she’s too obsessed?).
Maybe proposition if she learns some basic chords on her own you could jam together.” arcoo100
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If you’re from a family that’s close enough to have sleepovers at their house you should give their daughter a lesson because that is something good family does for each other.
You don’t have to do anything, but you should. I feel bad for your cousin, she isn’t trying to get her parents to force you. She obviously idolized you and wants to spend time with her cool older cousin. I got into D&D because my cousin did it and it’s been a lifelong hobby because he included me.
You’ve got a recording set up. Skype/zoom Teach the girl C, D, F, and G over 20-30 minutes and link her a couple of your videos to practice. She’ll probably give up on her own in and if she doesn’t guess who has a rhythm player at every family gathering.” Mace_Blackthorn
14. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner Over Her Repeated Dreams?
“Title sounds bad but bear with me for a second. I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 6 months and it is definitely the best relationship I have ever been in. We are open with each other about everything, have similar interests, and are head over heels for each other.
My partner has a history of high anxiety. She takes meds for it and generally does okay on a day-to-day basis. I enjoy reassuring her when she has a bad day and it subsides. When we started our relationship, her anxiety mixed with past relationship experiences, has led her to sometimes have fears of my fidelity.
I understood her past, didn’t take it personally, and would always try my best to reassure her of my commitment to her and it subsides just like any other anxiety she gets. I would ask her if I did anything that would make her anxious over this, but she insisted that I did not do anything and that it purely stemmed from her past. The longer we were together, the less she had these fidelity fears and I thought all was good.
However, while her own random fidelity anxieties that would arise while we would hang out were basically gone, she continues to have dreams about it. Almost weekly she has dreams in which I am unfaithful to her with other women in them. First couple of dreams I would provide reassurance because I knew it was of her past and not anything I did in real life, and therefore would not take it personally.
Today was different. She texted me telling me she had another dream of me being unfaithful to her for the 20th-plus time and I snapped. I told her that it made me feel like I was apologizing for something I never did and that it was emotionally draining to constantly feel like I was doing something wrong for her to constantly subconsciously have concerns about my loyalty.
I told her I loved to reassure her in any other context and I was okay with doing it for this context the first couple of times but I was fed up with these unfaithful dreams due to the frequency. I called them “silly dreams” and to stop telling me about them.
AITJ for telling her to stop bringing up these specific dreams with me? I really love this girl and I love helping her on her bad days but it’s hard to not take it personally when I’m the cause of her anxiety for something I never did every single week.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for feeling how you feel, frankly I was in an identical situation with my current partner and wound up hitting a breaking point as well so I totally sympathize… But man, where you messed up was calling them “silly dreams.” The right move would have been to sit down with her and express your feelings about it and not snap, which I get is hard, but what you did is a jerk move.” Coachtzu
Another User Comments:
“I’ll go with No jerks here, although your response may have been a bit harsh. Was this the first time you’ve told her to not tell you of her dreams, aside from apologizing in the past? I’m not a big believer in dreams meaning much so I don’t think you should have to apologize, but she may need to tell you about them to help overcome her anxiety if that’s possible.
Maybe she needs to talk to her doctor or therapist who prescribed the meds?” LAKingsofMetal
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – She’s a jerk because it’s not your job to manage all of her anxieties, and while it’s okay for her to lean on you for support, it sounds like she is pushing too much of the emotional labor onto you.
You also are a jerk, because from her perspective you went from 0-100 on the anger scale. Asking her to stop telling you about these dreams, or telling her that you felt like you were apologizing for something you didn’t do would be an appropriate response.
Going from not telling her it was bothering you to becoming aggressive and using harsh words at her is not acceptable behavior.” robot428
13. AITJ For Calling My Friend Whipped For Respecting His Partner's Boundaries?
“I have a friend (A) who I have known for about three years through work. He has been in a relationship for the entire time I’ve known him and honestly, she’s attractive, but, I don’t like his partner (B) and the feeling is mutual. We get around this by limiting our interaction, so she doesn’t come anymore when we are grabbing drinks after work.
This is pretty much the only interaction I have with A except for once when he came over to play videogames. He has denied all requests to come over since and I think B might be the reason.
About a week ago it just so happened that when we were hanging out after work it was only us guys, a female coworker couldn’t come and no one’s partner came.
I suggested we go to a club that was within walking distance from where we were. Two guys said they were down because they had never been to one before and wanted to see it, and the other said he wanted to go. A laughed and said he hoped we had fun but if we were going to a club he was heading home.
At firs,t he said it was because he didn’t want to overpay for mediocre drinks and look at scantily clad women with a bunch of dudes but after pressing him a bit he said he thought it might make his partner uncomfortable and he didn’t want to do that.
I told him not to tell her and he gave me a weird look and said that would make him uncomfortable. So he went home and we went to the club and it was a good time.
Yesterday I during our shift B dropped off cookies and then left. They were really good cookies.
I told A that it makes sense that he is so committed because not only is she attractive she can bake. My female coworker asked me what I meant but I said nothing and we moved on. That night we were hanging out and A said he was heading home, I again told him he was committed and the same coworker asked again what I meant.
I was a little inebriated so I told the story and she told me I was a jerk. Then the partner of one of the guys who came to the club told me I was a total jerk, but she also said that she was okay with her partner going.
None of my other coworkers said anything at the time, but later when I asked said that the committed jokes were getting excessive. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- I really don’t think this needs much of an explanation. Your friend not wanting to go to a club because he is concerned it might upset his partner doesn’t make him “committed”.
Nor does her baking ability have anything to do with…. anything.” FreedomDragon01
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Having respect for his partner’s feelings or any boundaries that they may have established in their relationship doesn’t make him committed. It means he is a good partner, further kudos to him for not lying or lying by omission just to fit in with the guys.” Untoldrose
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Like… Seriously? Do you even need to ask? He’s in a loving relationship. He is loyal to his partner. He respects her as a person. Even the fact that you’d ask someone *already in a relationship* to go to a club speaks volumes about your character.
It sounds like you can’t understand what he has and, not only that, you’re trying to push this friend into uncomfortable situations that would jeopardize that relationship. Why can’t you accept that he loves his partner? Just because he’s committed to her doesn’t mean he’s committed. You sound very jealous and very petty.” ahmelkior
12. AITJ For Wanting To Leave An Anonymous Note About My Neighbor's Noisy Dog?
“I’m a college student living with my parents. I’ve lived in this house my entire life (20 years) and my parents have been here for 30. Something like this has never been a problem until recently.
About 1 year ago, new neighbors moved in next door, and not long after they bought their family a dog.
It’s a medium-sized poodle-something cross. Very cute, very playful, and very, very, very loud.
The second they let him outside, he barks non-stop until they let him back in again. BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK. He’s a furry metronome. It doesn’t matter if it’s at 6 am, noon, or 11 pm, he just goes buck wild.
He doesn’t even bark at anything half the time, either. Sometimes we’ll peak out the window and he’ll be staring into the fence from 1 foot away yapping the song of his people at nothing at all.
He spends more time outside than inside.
My neighbors don’t do anything about it.
After they had owned him for ~3 months we saw a “professional puppy trainer” van parked outside their house a few times, but I guess the service wasn’t very good because nothing changed and the trainer hasn’t been back in months. Sometimes if he barks without stopping for more than 20 minutes or so, the Mom might stick her head outside and yell “Oliver dear, enough”, but she doesn’t actually discipline him or follow up.
He’ll stop for maybe 30 seconds before starting back up again.
My parents are retired and complain constantly about the “alarm clock they can’t shut off”. It’s become a running joke to say “Thanks for your input, Oliver” when he’s barking after a question has been asked in our home.
I used to study for class in the kitchen, but now I have trouble concentrating at home because of the noise. Believe me when I say that this is a loud dog. I can sit in the basement with my noise-canceling headphones on playing music and still hear him, albeit faintly.
My parents are kind-hearted people and don’t want to make this into a thing by bringing it up with the neighbors. However, this is a young dog and these people are here for good. If nothing changes, my Mom and Dad might be looking at another decade of this and I obviously don’t want them to suffer that.
I’m confident that we’re not the only people who are annoyed. 2 other neighbors have casually mentioned it in conversation, and this is a very quiet community. Very little traffic, large lots with big old expensive homes, and professionally responsible residents.
WIBTJ if I put an anonymous note in their mailbox at 3 am that says something like “The neighborhood would really appreciate it if you trained your dog to be quiet.
The constant noise is ridiculous, irresponsible, and inconsiderate”.”
Another User Comments:
“Omg NTJ that would drive me nuts!! Rewrite the letter though. You don’t want to attack them or they might make the dog a permanent outdoor dog…. I’d also check the bylaws or talk to a local police officer and see what the laws are about excessive notice and disturbing the peace.
It could be nothing but maybe the info will help.” KrzyLdy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you should hang one of those anti-dog barking devices outside. Whenever the dog barks it emits a high-frequency sound that hurts the dog’s ears but humans can’t hear. I did this with my also irresponsible neighbors who have an untrained dog and it worked great.” debarsrarities
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think as long as you write the note respectfully it should be fine. My friend had this happen to her except she had no idea. The dog would go outside while she worked and would bark up a storm. When she was home he was always quiet so she never thought that was an issue.
Once she received the note she stopped letting him have access to the doggy door. Obviously this is a different situation but some people have no idea that the barking is annoying to other people! Which is bananas in itself. After you leave the note I would give it a few months and if it persists take it up with the proper authorities.” frecklesxmcgee
11. AITJ For Not Making My Partner's Milestone Birthday Special Enough?
“My partner’s birthday was on Saturday. Early this year she brought up her birthday and said she wanted to do something special this time as it was a milestone birthday. She asked me to help plan her day because she didn’t want planning to stress her out, I said OK.
First, she wanted to do a weekend trip but changed her mind because of logistics. She looked up a bunch of places and couldn’t find anything affordable/able to accommodate everyone. Okay, no problem.
Then it was going to be renting out a private room at a restaurant, she changed her mind again because she didn’t think enough people would come.
Okay, no problem.
Finally, she settled on doing a day hike at a nearby trail. This required pretty much no planning other than “Go here at this time if you want to come” so admittedly I didn’t do any planning as it wasn’t required. The hike was planned for Sunday because nobody was available Saturday.
I tried to book her bday off but work rejected it. She got upset when I told her and asked if it was possible to switch my shift or call in sick, I said yes. I already had to call in sick the weekend before to go to my friend’s bachelor party and wedding but it was fine.
That day we talked about what she would like to do on Saturday. She threw out ideas for things she liked (cake, flowers, balloons, dinner, breakfast in bed, go swimming) and we decided on: breakfast, swimming, and going out to dinner/seeing friends afterward.
The night before her bday after work she opened her gift from me that came in the mail, she loved it.
She then says she wouldn’t mind if I decided to work the next day if I was worried about getting in trouble for calling in. I asked if she was sure. She said yes. I decided to go – her bringing it up again made me second guess myself and I figured if she was okay with it, I should go.
The next day, her bday, I was exhausted. I picked up groceries in the morning and went to work. When I came home she made us pizza to eat before going over to her friend’s house. I planned to come home (7:30 pm), shower, change clothes, eat, go get a cake, and then we’d go to a friend’s house.
As we were getting ready she said we could just go to a friend’s house and get a cake tomorrow so I said okay.
The rest of the night was fine. The next day, I bought a cake, and we did the hike, she seemed fine.
The day after that she sat me down and asked if she had been unclear in communicating because she felt “let down” by how empty her actual birthday was, in her opinion, I didn’t do anything to make the day special like bring her flowers or balloons or anything.
We ended up fighting about it because in my opinion she still got a cake the day after and a present the day before and if she didn’t want me to work she should have just told me so and I would have called in sick.
She said it was a milestone birthday and she had been saying for months she wanted it to be special (true) and she wasn’t asking for much. I think she’s being unfair.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You knew she wanted a big milestone celebration.
You didn’t have to do much, but taking her out for dinner, cooking for her, or a picnic would have been nice. The cake could have been planned better. It’s the small things- a little dazzle dazzle.” Lesser_Frigate_Bird
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She asked if you would plan something and you did the barest minimum of work on the day after her birthday after she planned everything.
Why even agree to plan something if you’re just going to pick up a cake on your way from work and take the hike she had to plan for y’all? It’s clearly a big deal to her, so it doesn’t matter if birthdays aren’t a big deal to other people.” MildlyAnnoyedMother
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It would have been nice to make her feel special/ surprise her, even by cooking her dinner or something small. It sounds like she kept suggesting to you to not worry about doing things because she got the vibe from you that you were tired/ didn’t really want to.
As it’s a milestone you could have made more of an effort – a gift is pretty much a standard thing from a SO and picking up the cake that she knows about the day after her birthday isn’t exactly going to make her feel special. I do feel for you men though as sometimes we females say ‘it’s fine’ when really it’s not….
sometimes you need to read between the lines based on what we have said is important to us previously…unfair I know. But she had talked about it a lot and even gave you exact ideas (balloons, flowers, etc…) to help you. I think she took over the planning because you didn’t.
But you could fully make up for this now and plan a little surprise non-birthday birthday celebration day out for just the two of you for when she least expects it to make her feel special? … make her feel special. P.s I don’t think you’re a jerk as such, just a bit oblivious…… making an effort goes a long way.” bunkbedgirl1989
10. AITJ For Not Speaking To My Coworker After She Ruined My Tip?
“So, I work in a restaurant. I would like to think I’m a pretty hard worker who helps out everyone no matter the circumstances. I’ve been in management as well, so I understand how to deal with customers and coworkers alike.
Yesterday, I had a table of 5. The ladies were extremely nice, but they required a bit more attention than a typical table. I wasn’t worried about accommodating them since they were very pleasant despite their constant requests. Two of the ladies sent their food back because it wasn’t what they were expecting.
When their new orders came out, a different server ran the food. Up until this point, I was the only server to touch the table.
When I returned to check on them, they were upset. They said the other server had an attitude and threw their food at them.
I didn’t see anything, but I got the manager who then spoke to them. After speaking with her about it in the back, she came out laughing which angered my table even more. They were so upset that they didn’t want to finish their food and that prompted them to demand to speak to the GM.
She continued to laugh while all of this was happening. He comped all of their food and as a result, they didn’t leave me a tip.
Obviously, that upset me because I wasn’t the one who antagonized them and I worked extremely hard to make sure they were taken care of.
They told my GM that I did a great job and them still not tipping is a different issue. However, I’d like to think that they would have if things did not go awry. After they left, another server asked why was she laughing.
Her words were, “I thought it was a funny situation.” She kept saying she didn’t care and didn’t say anything to me until she left. I spent the rest of the day silently seething. Now, I’m not really the type to hold grudges.
After I told my manager why it upset me, I went home and let it go. However, the fact that I lost money because of it makes me not want to talk to her.
Today, I‘m doing my usual thing. I ran some of her food and bussed down a couple of her tables when I had time.
I’m just not interested in talking to her until she apologizes to me. One of my coworkers asked why I hadn’t said anything to her, and I remained silent about it. I don’t want to add more fuel by talking behind her back.
A mutual friend/coworker said that I was being petty and that I should just talk to her, but I’m confused since I didn’t do anything wrong.
So, AITJ for not talking to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but listen. Passive-aggressive behavior will not fix this (am Minnesotan, passive-aggressive is what we do).
She honestly sounds like a piece of work, but because of that, she likely doesn’t see an issue with her behavior. Therefore, unless you talk to her about it in a calm and productive manner, you aren’t going to get an apology. Honestly, you probably won’t get one even if you do, but at least if you avoid speaking to her after having a calm conversation about how her actions affected you negatively, others you work with could interpret your passive aggressiveness differently.” 12th_companion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was a bad colleague and she performed poorly at her work if you ask me. She owes you and the GM an apology and a promise not to do this again. If I were her boss, I would ask myself how it’s possible a group of customers go from 0 to 100 by a single serving from a different server.
Together with her attitude, all signs point towards her being the problem. It’s the simplest explanation and covers all bases. And since I fundamentally believe that bad colleagues should never be enabled to express their bad behavior, I would also not communicate with her until she acknowledges and apologizes for her behavior.” Satanus9001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… Lots of older women treat young women/girls terribly. They may love young men, and then treat girls poorly. I’m not saying that’s the case here, but it’s very possible they weren’t near as nice to your coworker as they were to you.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Refusing To Resume Contact With My Abusive Sister?
“My childhood was abusive. It took a long time after I left to seek help. It took a lot of therapy to stop living in survival mode, even more to be able to trust other human beings.
Six years ago I finally reached a point where I could try to have a relationship with my older sister (18 months age gap) we are both adults now and hadn’t seen each other for five years at that point.
I agreed to go to a restaurant for a meal with extended family members that my sister would be attending.
When I accepted the invitation I reminded everyone that I have a severe allergy to [unusual and possibly identifying food item] and that I could not sit next to anyone eating [food item].
My sister takes a bite of her burger, says “This has [food item] in it” then leans across the table and breathes on my face.
I walked out, took Benadryl, and called my partner to pick me up. My therapist was stunned into silence when I told her.
My family backed me up at the time when I said I was done with her. That event undid a lot of work I had done in therapy and cemented her in my psyche as the monster she had always been to me. I’m now getting a lot of pressure from my family to give her another chance.
I have a four-year-old, she has a three-year-old and the extended family wants to be able to see both of them every holiday without having to arrange two different things. If she’s there I refuse to be. My extended family wants to do big family meet-ups over the next year and wants both kids at everything.
I am being told by everyone that I need to get over it and stop making people work so hard to have a relationship with me and my child.
I don’t want my child to ever meet my sister, I don’t want to be in the same room as her ever again.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because someone is blood doesn’t mean you owe them anything. Your sister sounds abusive and toxic. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment and you have every right to cut her out of your life. Setting boundaries is important, and when someone crosses them in such a big way, putting your foot down is 100% the right thing to do.
Take care of yourself first and don’t worry about making waves. You know you’re doing the right thing.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sometimes jerks are easy to identify (your sister). Sometimes jerks are harder to see because they camouflage themselves with an attribute that is usually positive, in this case, forgiveness.
However, your family is prioritizing what’s less hassle for them over your well-being, by enabling and tacitly approving your sister’s behavior. They are covering it by saying that you should be forgiving and accommodating, but what they are telling you to do is put yourself in contact with someone who has hurt you in the past and has shown no indication that they will not do so in the future – all so life is easier for your family.” JDburn08
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a hundred times over! I don’t have anything to do with my older sister because she’s a narcissistic windbag…but at least she never tried to kill me. You don’t owe anyone anything. She mistreated you for years, then willfully compromised your health and safety IN PUBLIC and you have every right to cut her out of your life.
Your family will just have to deal with your decision. If they can’t understand why you don’t want a relationship with someone like her, too darn bad. You stick to your guns and let them figure out the logistics. FYI…when I first cut off my sister, I got some grief for it, but now it’s been 8 years, and I’ve noticed that the rest of the family has gravitated toward me and spends very little time with her.
True colors and all that… ;)” pagan_peace_freak
8. AITJ For Debating With My Friend?
“About two years ago, one of my close friends, Emma, came out as trans. I’ve been absolutely nothing but supportive by calling her by her chosen name and her new pronouns. I’ve never had an issue with her being transgender, she’s still the same person to me.
We both love debating so we are part of the debating team at our school. To begin the year, everyone writes a topic on a sheet of paper, then one gets chosen randomly as practice. Emma’s prompt about the biological and psychological basis of transgender people was chosen, however, we were put on opposite sides (again, random assignment by our teacher), with her arguing affirmative, and me arguing negative.
Needless to say, I was a little nervous about what Emma would think as she tends to get really offended, but I figured that she knew how supportive I was of her, so it shouldn’t be an issue.
Emma glared at me for the entirety of the debate and became angry when my team won.
She didn’t look at me for the rest of the meeting, and confronted me at lunchtime with a group of her other LGBTQ+ friends, all equally looking angry. I asked her if everything was okay, to which she accused me of being a transphobic bigot and if I really believed everything I had said in my debate.
I didn’t want to lie (though I probably could have to avoid hurting her feelings, but that isn’t right either) so I said that I supported most of the biological evidence (mainly that though trans people identify as another gender now, they were born and will die their biological gender due to her existing chromosomes) but rejected the psychological evidence (these research articles I had were very old so I didn’t support them), meaning that though Emma is biologically male, that doesn’t matter, in my opinion, because of how she identifies.
Emma took extreme offense to this and started to cry, assuming that I meant that I didn’t see her as a female. I explained it wasn’t true, she was a woman in every other way, and I’ve always called her by her name and preferred pronouns over the past two years, so obviously it didn’t matter.
She didn’t want to hear any of it and left after yelling at me some more, with her LGBTQ+ friends threatening to tell the school and forcing me to go to a class to “reeducate” myself.
On one hand, I feel like I owe her an apology for how things went between us, but on the other hand, I don’t want to apologize for something I said in a debate that I do believe, even after I’ve supported her for so long, especially since they insulted me.
I just want to know if I’m the jerk in this situation, or if everyone was being mean. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna be the outlier and say YTJ, debate or not that’s a terrible thing to say to a trans person.
It’s absolutely unnecessary and hurtful, whether you believe it to be true or not. it was malicious and no normal person would comment on something like that IMO. ” paperpressed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are part of a debate club, you were assigned a subject and a side, and it is your job to defend that side to the best of your ability whether or not you believe it.
If she did not want to hear counterarguments, she should not have written that as a prompt. I personally disagree with the side you are on, but if I were put on your side, I’d tear my own real views apart for the sake of the sport.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (but you’re not a “jerk” really – you’re trying to understand and do the right thing and that’s rad). Her “biological gender” is female. Chromosomes don’t always define gender – they are separate, and gender is more nuanced. My biggest question is what idiot adult person moderating a debate team put a transgender youth in that position in the first place?
That person is the real jerk.” coupcoupcachoo
7. AITJ For Cutting Off My Abusive Older Brother And Not Accepting His Half-Hearted Apology?
“I have an older brother M35 & a younger brother M28, who I’ll call O for older & Y for younger.
O has always had some level of hatred towards me, none of us have ever been able to figure out why. In the past 5 years, it has gotten worse & has even started to include Y. As a brief, it was so bad I begged my parents to send me to boarding school to get away from him.
Outside of our parents & Y, the entire rest of the family doesn’t talk to him anymore.
He ridicules every single thing I do, everything I am, every hobby. ‘You’re a dirty jerk because you’re gay’ ‘Only weirdos read books’ ‘You’ll never get married because no one likes a girl who dresses like you’.
I could go on & on.
The only reason I have stayed this long is because of my nephew. O also has a daughter, 9 months, but I’m not allowed to spend time with her so we don’t have a bond. However, yesterday I spoke with my sister-in-law about seeing my nephew regularly.
She said she would never stop me seeing him (I currently have him 4 days a week)
The reason I asked her this is because O had a massive go at our mum, he started swearing at her & shouting at her, all because she asked what time we were seeing them on Christmas Day.
It was completely uncalled for, as are most of his outbursts. I of course reacted to defend my mum, SIL also called him out, which made him see red & he decided to say that I’m the cause of all his problems by being born.
After this, I told my parents I was done with him. I would no longer put up with it or put myself in them situations. I’ll still have my nephew but I’ll sort it all through SIL. They said they agreed with my decision, until this morning.
O texted Mum a crappy half-hearted apology which literally said ‘I do not want this matter brought up again, so do not reply with a conversation about it’. I tried to explain that he didn’t mean it & he caved because Y had laid into him & he thought I would stop looking after his son.
O doesn’t work, he lays about all day on video games.
I said I was standing by what I said. I’m not giving in again, he always wants control & I am not giving him that any more over my life.
They’ve said that I’m being a jerk & should forgive him for everything & support him.
I said to support him for what? Why should I, he has never supported me in anything, literally the opposite, he puts me down on everything I do, no matter how successful. Even in horrible situations, he has never supported me. My parents, younger brother & SIL have all said I’m in the wrong.
Even some of my parents’ friends, who they’ve spoken to about this situation have said I’m being ridiculous, but I don’t think I am, I’m putting myself first for once.
So AITJ for sticking by what I said.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and someone with this level of anger issues and coercive control tendencies should be in treatment. This is some unhinged gear… reading??? Sets him off on a tantrum??? Did anyone point out that the behavior seems to only be directed at women? I think you’re right: ‘support’ here seems to be substituted for ‘accepting mistreatment’.
Good for you for respecting yourself enough to have boundaries about how you’ll be treated. Keep the lines of communication open to your SIL. Something tells me she’ll need the support. ” Positive-Relative775
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been subjected to years of verbal mistreatment and belittlement from your older brother, and his behavior shows no signs of improvement or genuine accountability.
His “apology” isn’t really an apology—it’s more of a demand to sweep everything under the rug without addressing his harmful actions. You’re not obligated to forgive or support someone who continuously mistreats you, especially when they refuse to change. Your decision to set boundaries is entirely valid, and maintaining your relationship with your nephew through your sister-in-law demonstrates that you’re still prioritizing what matters to you while protecting yourself from further harm.
Your family may pressure you to forgive for the sake of keeping the peace, but that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your mental health and self-respect. Standing up for yourself isn’t being unreasonable—it’s necessary.” Life-Sun-6386
Another User Comments:
“When you’re young siblings will invariably fight and argue, but there is a line you shouldn’t be crossing My siblings and I would be scrapping all the time(sisters and brothers), though the constant barrage of mistreatment you’ve described is pretty awful We then did something your brother doesn’t seem to have achieved yet.
we grew up I’m frankly shocked at your closest kin witnessing and enabling this even now Hang in there and don’t buckle No matter how much pressure they put on you, it can’t be worse than the mistreatment he’s carried on into his 30s” Corfe-Castle
6. AITJ For Wanting To Sell My Legally Owned House Without Sharing The Profit With Extended Family?
“I (25F) have an older brother (26M), it’s just the two of us, no other siblings. My mother is the oldest of two kids, she’s got a younger brother who is a deadbeat father to his 6 kids.
When my grandparents were alive, they bought a big house (7 bedrooms with a lake view) in the 1970s, but my grandfather only paid the 5k down payment before he had to quit his job due to a sudden stroke. My mom took up the responsibility of paying for the house AND paying for my grandpa’s medical expenses.
My grandmother was a SAHW and unemployed. My mom worked part-time while working towards getting a degree and landed a great job with amazing perks (grandpa got medical insurance from mom’s job). My uncle got my aunt pregnant at 17 and continued to have 6 more kids in 12 years before being unfaithful to her, divorcing her, and marrying the mistress.
My aunt was a poor girl with no support from her family, my grandma took pity and asked her and my cousins to move in. My mother continued to be the one to pay the bills, mortgage, kids’ basic needs, and insurance. Aunt never offered to pay even when her dad died and left her a sum of money.
Uncle only came back home when he wanted money from my grandma. The kids are now adults (all older than me now) and 4/6 of them have good jobs. Yet no one in the past decade has ever contributed to the upkeep and bills. Granted 5 of them have moved out but my aunt and her youngest still live there.
Now comes the problem, since both my grandparents have passed, Mom wants to sell. The house is in her name (Grandpa sold the house to her when he couldn’t afford it anymore not just a change in name on the deed, the house is legally and wholly hers) and she wants to put it on the market.
That house can go up to 3.7 million now after numerous renovations funded by my mom and dad. The cousins got a whiff of this and started hounding me via calls and texts to my mom about how it wasn’t fair that they weren’t in the discussion to sell the house.
And that their mom and sibling have to find someplace else to live, to which my mom suggested they live with the oldest since she just bought a 4-bedroom home.
My mom initially, out of the goodness of her heart wanted to give them a cut but because they were being rude and causing problems, she wanted to take the whole profit and put it in my brother’s and I’s trust funds.
They found this out when one of them (who was still in my mom’s good graces) was visiting our home and ‘found’ the paperwork on her desk. My mom is the neatest person I know, she doesn’t leave anything on her desk, and hat cousin must have SEARCHED for it.
They are now taking this to the extended family’s group chat about how unfair this is and that my grandparents wouldn’t have wanted this for them. A lot of people are rallying behind them and demonizing us now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He sold it to her.
That’s that. It’s hers. If your grandparents have other money to be inherited, some sort of split is probably reasonable (straight to the 6 kids and bypassing your deadbeat uncle in my opinion), but the house no longer has anything to do with them. Edit: Sounds like the grandparents had no other assets so that pretty much settles it.
There is no inheritance here. The fact that he briefly owned a house had nothing to do with anything.” GundyGalois
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a good time to learn that not every negative reaction from someone else requires a reconsideration of one’s own behavior.
If a car drives on the wrong side of the road while the driver honks and shrieks at me angrily, I’m not going to question whether I’m in the wrong. Just because there are two sides to every story doesn’t make all opinions equally valid.
Your mother has no legal, ethical, or moral responsibility here. You should remind her that giving them money at this point won’t fix their larger problems; at best, she’s adding to their procrastination which will only further exacerbate the issues. She could be doing more harm than good.
She shouldn’t risk her own children’s inheritance to test that theory.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your mom should tell them that she’s thought about it and that they’re right- it’s unfair. it’s unfair that their mom never paid rent while living in her home while raising the kids and that your mom took care of all of their basic needs, allowing the kids to grow up in a nice house instead who knows where.
and they’re right- the older kids should definitely help pay for all of the rent, insurance, etc costs. Your mom will get them a number. It’s so nice of them to want to pay her back.” rak1882
5. AITJ For Making My Sister Cry Over Financial Stress?
“English is not my first language. Also mobile and I’m still a little emotional, sorry. So, I (25F) share a place with my sister (23F) and partner (23Nb), and everything is peaceful. I pay a bigger cut of expenses because I earn more, but we all help each other.
Context: my sister lost her job at the end of last year, and I’ve been doing my best to cover her part whenever she can’t (she does some waiter jobs at parties for extra money whenever those appear). From little to big things, I just say “Don’t worry about it!
Just focus on finding a comfortable job” and I really mean it. She’s also trying her best (we don’t have a “part-time culture” like the US so even getting something “smaller” it’s hard sometimes).
But I’d be lying if I said this didn’t affect my mental health (I have GAD).
Every single penny that I spend outside of bills, I keep stressing if I shouldn’t be saving, if there’s not anything that needs to be bought, I literally spent the whole morning yesterday hyperventilating fearing any increase in the power bill. It’s hard. But I just suck it up, because I don’t want to make her feel worse than what the whole situation is already causing.
Now to the problem. Today, something broke in our kitchen, so I had to call someone to repair it, and once again I started to mentally lose it, already worrying about where was I gonna get the extra money. I mumbled something about using the credit card to pay it to make it easier to deal and my sister just lost it.
Like she started to cry (she never cries) about how listening to me talking about that made her feel awful, and that she knew she was being a burden and didn’t need a reminder. Then she went quiet and I just. Stayed there. Staring at nothing.
It’s not that I wanted her to feel bad, but at that moment I felt so angry. So frustrated. So empty. Like I was supposed to just handle all this pressure and stress and never vent to anybody involved.
So, AITJ for making my sister cry?
If I am, I’ll accept some tips on to how properly apologize to her.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m sorry honey 🙁 This sounds really really hard. You’re incredibly kind to take on the heavier burden for your sister, but it makes perfect sense why you’re stressed out too.
It also makes sense why your sister feels bad. Give yourself some time to rest, get yourself together, and organize your thoughts. Then, have a meeting with your sister and your partner. These are the things you should talk about: -A specific budgeting plan -Ways to save more money together -Honest emotions and possible remedies (you should be open about your stress levels here) -Better ways to communicate with each other” bordennium
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have the economic burden of keeping yourself and your sister fed and with a roof over your head. On top of that you shouldn’t have to shoulder the emotional burden of dealing with all that in hiding so that your sister doesn’t have to see you stressed and overworked. You made a generous offer and aren’t throwing it in her face, but she needs to understand that there are consequences for you and she might have to see them” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you’re both doing you’re best, but you are barreling towards resentment if you and your sister don’t talk about this now. You clearly aren’t okay with taking over the majority of finances, and she clearly isn’t okay with the shame she’s been feeling.
You guys need to have an honest talk. You can’t insist over and over again that it’s okay, the situation is okay, she’s doing what she can, and then be surprised when she hears that that’s actually not the case and gets upset.
Did she know how much you were struggling? Can you reassure her it’s anxiety and you aren’t frustrated with her? Is that the truth? This is a terrible situation, and you’ve been doing a kind thing. If she’s been doing the best she can, and there’s genuinely no hard feelings, you need to make sure she knows that.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Wanting My Neighbor To Pay After Her Daughter Hit My Dog?
“I just moved into a semi-rural apartment building with 4 units and a 5th separate house on the same property. Me, one of the other apartments, and the house, all have dogs (4 dogs total). The house’s two dogs and mine all have boundary collars (so they can only go so far from the center).
The other dog is tied out when it’s out and rarely outside. All dogs are very friendly with people and each other.
When I first moved in, my downstairs neighbor was ecstatic I had a dog- they love her. They even asked me not to tie her out because they want her to come see them and love having her around (they do not have a dog).
We are far enough from the road that I don’t tie her, she can go around the building if she wants (still has the boundary collars so can’t go super far)
We have a shared driveway that circles around the apartment building, back to the house, then down the other side.
This morning, the downstairs neighbor’s daughter pulled around from her door and went around the driveway, building up way too much speed for a driveway where there are kids and dogs around, and hit my dog with her car. I heard the impact and my dog screaming and then saw her drive away!
She never even stopped or told me about it. I went down to talk to them after and they acted all concerned but were full of excuses, including “everyone flies in and out the other driveway” (one that isn’t connected to ours and the dogs can’t reach), “I was half asleep” (why were you driving then??), etc.
The vet bills will total $500-1200+ and they have not offered to help pay. I do understand that it’s my responsibility to contain my dog, but given that they didn’t want her tied out, and she was going way too fast (confirmed by other neighbors), I think they should at least chip in.
I think it’s common courtesy if you share a driveway with dogs and kids you should be careful.
As a side note, my dog is not outside constantly or anything like that. She goes out for potty breaks and maybe a longer stretch of 20-30min once or twice a day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking. I think it’s reasonable considering they were the ones who caused the vet bills. I wouldn’t get your hopes up, though. Someone selfish enough to hit a dog without stopping to check if it’s ok clearly doesn’t have much sense of responsibility.” Any_Profession7296
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- in fact, the boundary collar might actually count as a restraint (like being tied) and in that case, the fault of the hit might fall on the driver (meaning they would have to pay the vet bill). I would look into the laws in your area (perhaps your police dept can advise you) and then if that is the case, approach your neighbors with that info.
The neighbor is definitely a jerk, who hits a dog that they know and like, and then acts like it isn’t their fault and shows no remorse. Out of guilt, they should offer to pay something” LB1076
Another User Comments:
“I feel bad for you, and more so for your dog, but it is your dog and they were roaming free (even with a boundary collar, they were not in a space that was solely yours).
However, I’m more concerned by the fact that she didn’t stop, knowing she had injured the dog. Here’s the issue, you know the family and know whether, financially, they are capable of contributing towards the bill. To some people, it may seem completely reasonable to expect them to (and it is) but you need to balance that against any financial hardship of their paying you will cause.
If it causes them problems then you may end up living with neighbors that harbor ill feelings which is far from ideal. But, I would be tempted to tell them that the insurance will cover a small part of the bill but you’ll need to report the hit and run to the police, as requested by the insurance company.
See their reaction to that” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Refusing To Temporarily Fill My Old Role At Work?
“It has been 5 years since I served as an “Associate” of operations at this company. Since my departure, that position has been filled by 3 different employees. I now work in R&D as a Project Manager.
The newest associate, who was trained by her predecessor, has left the company.
Now, this recent associate has been hospitalized, and they are falling behind on errands and assignments. The VP of Operations approached me, asking that I fill the role in her absence until she recovers and returns. He asserted that I was the perfect backup because of my previous experience as an associate.
I informed him that it was not feasible, as I have pressing deadlines to meet and ongoing projects with contractors that cannot be delayed. Moreover, the business processes have changed so substantially that I’m uncertain where to begin; it would be akin to undergoing training all over again.
I typically pride myself on being reasonable and accommodating at work, but this request falls outside my current responsibilities. I believe the VP won’t accept that their department has failed to devise a contingency plan, instead relying on my past experience to restore order. Had I not been so occupied, I would have offered assistance.
Now, the VP has lodged a complaint with the CEO, penning an extensive paragraph to explain why I was their optimal choice to serve as a backup. The CEO responded, affirming that this matter falls within the VP’s department and that I should not be involved. The VP must hire a temporary replacement or assume the responsibilities themselves.
The VP of Operations is now furious and has ceased communicating with me. We once enjoyed a productive working relationship, and he was instrumental in my career advancement, having hired me and promoted me twice. I appreciate his recognition of my work, but I suspect this is why he’s upset that I did not honor his request when he sought me for the favor.
I feel a mixture of guilt and regret over how the situation unfolded, but I cannot neglect my current responsibilities either.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – A favor is nipping out at lunch to pick up a sandwich not downgrading your role for several weeks while neglecting your own work to cover for their lack of planning.
Don’t mess around, let your boss know, HR, and the CEO that it has changed your working relationship.” Baron_MM
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I wouldn’t accept doing it long term, but doing it for a bit until your coworker is out of the hospital, or they find someone else?
Of course, provided they are, in good faith, looking for a replacement. It sounds like you put your pride ahead of the company’s well-being.” Automatic-Strike-324
2. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Didn't Plan Anything For My Birthday?
“My (28F) birthday is the week before Christmas and my parents paid for everyone (kids and grandkids) to stay at a kid’s lodge on my birthday for everyone’s Christmas gift. Birthdays are really important to me and I don’t like to mix it with Christmas.
My husband and I decided that we would celebrate my birthday with his family while we go visit them for Christmas for 2 weeks. When we got there, I asked what he planned and he said nothing yet. I was frustrated because I thought he should have obviously communicated with them beforehand and planned because you never know what they want to do, especially since it’s Christmas.
Well the first week goes by and nothing happens, then after Christmas, I get unwell so we don’t end up getting to do anything. For Christmas, he bought me tickets to a museum exhibit in San Francisco because I told him that’s what I wanted to do and he hadn’t bought me anything for Christmas two days beforehand.
He said we could celebrate my birthday then and I agreed. Well the weekend came that we were supposed to go but he was stressing because he had an exam so I said let’s just reschedule. We did but none of the dates we selected were open and now the system is being weird.
So at this point, I know we’re not going because he has anxiety talking on the phone and I will have to reschedule and take care of and replan my own Christmas gift, which I don’t want to do. (This was 2 weeks ago and he still hasn’t called) I will take care of it because I’m not going to waste money but it’s the principle.
Then my sister called me at the end of January and her dog had passed away that day and she wanted to go to Hawaii and also celebrate my mom’s birthday on the trip. I agree because she’s paying for housing and flights are cheap and we both just had been unwell so I feel safe traveling.
My husband doesn’t want to go and he says if we go it will be my birthday present and he won’t complain about it. I agree because I haven’t gotten a gift or dinner or anything a month later in regard to my birthday.
His birthday is next month and he wants a game I said he could get it for his birthday and he says never mind. Then I said you should be happy I’m even willing to get you a gift. Now he’s mad at me because he got me a gift by ‘allowing’ me to go to Hawaii and him willing to come.
And I’m the jerk because he had so much anxiety about what to do for my birthday and he tried so hard. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can totally see why you would want to make sure you got a birthday instead of everyone forgetting it and giving you a Christmas present that covers both.
Hardly fair! I’d be miffed too. His present is allowing you to go on a holiday? Pfft.” NoEsNadaPersonal_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, and I have a few reasons for that. Being unwell really throws stuff off, and I think allowing you and your husband a little grace when it comes to getting unwell so close to your birthday/Christmas is crucial. I laid in bed for 3 days doing nothing when I was unwell.
Expecting a birthday gift and holding it against your husband is also slightly odd, however, I can see your side of it as well, as I would be hurt too if I didn’t receive a birthday present from my partner. Also, would like to throw in there that college is hard.
However, allowing you to go to Hawaii for your birthday present when he’s not the one paying for anything really is a huge jerk thing to say. It honestly just sounds like communication is not y’all’s strong suit, being honest about your emotions without attacking the other person is really important in a relationship.
Also, sounds like you have a lot of rich people’s problems. Can’t relate tbh” xxfukai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He didn’t try at all! I truly don’t understand people who say they aren’t good with gifts and then give up. I mean, they already know they aren’t good with gifts, so all they need to do is ask their SO for a list or ask what they want to do…and then follow through.
Your husband doesn’t follow through. You have two choices. Let it go and treat his birthday as a special day. Or, do the bare minimum. What that looks like is up to you…just say happy birthday, just get him a token gift, or just make him his favorite dinner.
If he complains, tell him you are matching his efforts for your birthday.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Exposing My Ex To His New Partner?
“Ten years ago I started a relationship. It got serious, and around the 7-year mark, he told me he wanted to have a baby. Now, this man had two children from previous relationships that he had never seen.
Fast forward to when he tells me he wants a kid.
We have been fairly happy and stable, and his insistence he wants a baby has me excited too, so I ask if he’s 100% sure that he wants to be there for this baby and me, and he says yes. He has been pursuing his Master’s degree and I have not been working because, behind the scenes, I am doing his schoolwork.
When I met him, I was working, but I quit my job to move in with him in another city and to be his full-time writer. He tried to do some of the work, but his lack of confidence and writing skills made me the major author of “his” work.
He finished his coursework and we ended up in a situation in which we were no longer living together for financial reasons. He went back to construction work, while I kept up on research for his thesis and soon after gave birth. We talked about how we would save money for a place, but meanwhile, he spent all of his free time riding and going to bars with his bros.
Until things inexplicably changed. He no longer wanted to spend time with our son and me. I understood that the new baby might be overwhelming, so I gave my blessing for him to hang out with his buddies and party, even though I was struggling to take care of our newborn.
Soon enough, though, was disappearing for longer and longer amounts of time, and I would get angry. Never once did I think he was finding his new partner, but that turned out to be what happened.
I didn’t find out until about three months into their relationship, because I was giving him a “break” and “space.” But, turns out that not only had he met someone new, but they had already moved in together and gotten engaged. I was utterly shocked and heartbroken.
I was distraught and behaved in a very emotional way towards him, telling him I would always love him and do anything for him and he and I maintained an emotional, but also friendly, relationship for a year.
Until I got sick of being treated poorly, giving him what he wanted emotionally while he maintained the facade of a perfect relationship with his partner and spent next to no time with our son.
The final straw was the partner antagonizing me, tagging me in pics of them, posting pictures of my son all over social media, etc.
So, I sent her every text he had sent me since they got together. She blamed me for being easy and believed him when he told her I somehow faked all of these things, and he promptly blocked my phone number and refused to communicate with me (except for his scheduled one day a week to pick up the baby) but not before telling me I’m a jerk for breaking up the relationship between he and I instead of being civil co-parents.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. He’s a deceitful douche. I can’t understand why you’d have a baby with someone who has nothing to do with his other children and expect anything to be different. Also, you were aware he had a partner and continued the relationship anyway.
You aren’t innocent in any of this.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“ESH you chose to have a child with a complete jerk and then were surprised he deceived you and then manipulated you into still having a relationship with him? Jesus Christ love, you’re a jerk, he’s a jerk and the partner is a jerk.
The only person I feel sorry for in this scenario is the child.” kat__31
Another User Comments:
“ESH. He was clearly a piece of garbage from the get-go. What bothers me the most about you is not exposing the deceit, I understand why you did, she messed with your child and in my mind, had it coming.
You don’t mess with someone’s kid. But what bothers me is you doing all the work for his degree. Did he get that degree? Did you stop before it was completed? Did you turn him or yourself into his university for fraud? I mean… you literally were earning the degree for him, helping him deceive his way to a master’s degree, and THEN decided to have a kid with him??
REALLY???? Good lord. Your judgment is truly terrible. Seriously ESH.” Wendi1018
