People Meet Their Match In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Not Making My 17-Year-Old Son Get A Job?
“I (51f) am a widow and just recently (less than a year ago) married my husband (50m).
We generally have a great life. Unfortunately, we are divorcing because my husband thinks I’m a terrible mom. My husband has been married twice but never had kids.
I have two children who have been through a lot.
Their late father was a heavy drinker with PTSD and I stuck by his side until he died which was hard on our kids. Overall, they are good kids. They don’t get in trouble. They don’t cause trouble but neither has taken a traditional route.
Despite my efforts, my oldest chose not to go to college, meandered around for a year after high school but is now in the military doing great. My youngest (17) isn’t in school and isn’t working. I pulled him out of school a year and a half ago and homeschooled him for a year and now he’s working on getting his GED. He had a job for a little over a year when he was 15 but hasn’t worked since.
Since leaving school he’s dedicated himself to learning video game design and programming. He’s getting very good at it (mostly self-taught). His dream is to design and code his own game. He spends at least 8-10 hours a day doing the work or learning more about it through online resources.
An important note is that we don’t all live in the same house. Given the challenges my children had with their father, I committed to get him to 18 in our family home so he wouldn’t have to live with another father figure.
Also important to note is that my husband and I got married and bought our marital home sooner than I wanted to because my husband was losing his job and was very anxious about where he was going to live, health insurance, etc. I financed both homes and my husband doesn’t work or want anything.
This brings me to now. My husband is outraged that I allow my son to not work and not go to school. So outraged that he’s divorcing me unless I immediately change my gentle parenting style to be more authoritative.
I’m not saying I disagree that it would be good for my son to work but I also think he just turned 17 and he’s working hard on pursuing his dream. I just don’t see the harm in supporting that for a month or 2 more to see how far he can get.
My husband has screamed at me over this repeatedly going so far as saying I never should have had children because I’m such a terrible mom. Again, my sons are good people. My son is active all day working on his game, taking care of the pets and house, and working out.
It’s not like he’s running the streets or sleeping all day. But my husband isn’t budging. He won’t even go to counseling or talk anymore unless I make my son get a job ASAP.
So, AITJ for not making my 17-year-old son get a job?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Non-traditional education routes and personal development can yield amazing results. Pretty much every innovation has roots in non-traditional paths and approaches. Son is working on getting his GED – good.
Son is working on personal interests that offer a future – good. You’re comfortable with a reasonable timeframe to see how this goes – good boundary. The other son is doing well in the military – good.
However, let’s point out the elephant here which is the obvious hypocrisy of your husband. No job. Doesn’t want anything. Never had kids. C’mon! You might be uncomfortable with this, but I’m going to say it – he’s the jerk.” Burnt0utMi11enia1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sell your marital home, which was financed by YOU and YOU ONLY, take the divorce and thank him for the only good idea his brain has produced, and then use the money from selling the house for a good therapist, who will help you get over the trauma of this abusive (yes, your husband is abusive and gaslighting you when you question if you are in the wrong when very clearly he is a hypocrite A) relationship and see what an amazing woman you are!!” Awkward-Parfait4756
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why don’t you make your husband get a job? Sounds like Hubs is deflecting. Kids are different. If what you are doing is working, if the kid is being productive, not just playing video games all day, you are on track with him.
See a lawyer. Time to get tough with the real adult, your husband. Find out how much buying the extra house is going to cost you.” PleaseCoffeeMe
19. AITJ For Wanting One Hour Of Quiet For A Nap After Taking Care Of My Ex's Son?
“A year ago I and my partner moved in together & shortly thereafter realized we were better as friends, while the plan is to ultimately find separate homes we are coexisting well for the time being.
He has his room upstairs and I have my room downstairs. He also has a 7-year-old son that I adore and shares custody with his ex. When his son visits they often spend time on the second floor by choice, just a preference thing I guess.
His ex sometimes gives him grief about that fact. I think she envisions they are just hanging out in his room all day instead of doing a variety of activities, which isn’t the case. Even when they are up there, they are playing and being active.
Anyhow, me and my ex both have hard jobs and work full-time.
His son is with us for the weekend. My ex has had a long work week so when his son wakes up at 6 am, I get up with him so that my ex can sleep in until 10 am.
Ex appreciates it and me and his son (who I will call “Max”) have a fun morning of cartoons and video games and chatting and breakfast. Later in the day at 2 pm, after mowing the lawn and weed-whacking and pulling weeds, I am beat and want to take a nap.
As a person who has a very busy work week, taking a nap for 1-2 hours on a Sunday is pretty much the only downtime I can dream of in 7 days. Right as I announce I am about to lay down for a nap, my ex & Max set up a board game downstairs directly outside of my room (I also have to leave my door cracked so the cat doesn’t get trapped in or out).
If you have a kid or know a kid, kids are loud. I made it known I wanted a measly one hour of relative quiet but my ex didn’t care. I asked, “How long do you think you guys are gonna be because I really would like to get a little rest.” He says an hour.
I lay in bed as they laugh and shout, an hour passes and they are still playing so I send my ex a text saying “Is the TV on? If so can you please turn it down? I’m desperate to get the tiniest bit of rest. I’ve been up since 5 am.
I would love it if you guys would leave the living room, it’s been over an hour.” He replies “When we’re done playing.” After another 10 minutes, I got upset and I replied “ Just forget it. All I wanted was to take a 1 hr nap and you can’t work with me?
Which is an even bigger insult after I woke up so you could sleep for 3 extra hours this morning. Inconsiderate” His final reply is “Get lost” so I give up, I am not getting a nap today.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless it was raining, your ex could’ve easily taken the kid outside or switched activities to give you some quiet time. He also shouldn’t have set up a board game right outside your room after you announced you wanted to nap.
If I were you, I wouldn’t ever get up at 6 am with the kid again (unless it’s an emergency).” cranky-stars
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You deserve rest! After a long week and a morning with Max, a one-hour nap request is reasonable.
It sounds like communication broke down though. You tried asking about noise and playtime duration, but your partner’s responses were dismissive. The suggestion to move the game wasn’t considered either. Maybe a loose weekend schedule with designated rest periods for everyone could help.
Work together to find a balance between rest and activity for everyone until you move into separate places.” cutiemichellee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hope that means every weekend his son is visiting; you will no longer be getting up and keeping his son entertained while he gets some more sleep in.
He just burned down his bridges in the one text, you do not have to put up with that. Please up the importance of you finding another place without the jerk weighing you down. Life is too short to put up with such nonsense.” Longjumping_Win4291
18. AITJ For Not Changing My Plans To Pick Up My Friend's Son?
“I’ve had a friend for over a decade.
In the past few years, we’ve kind of parted ways, as I’ve started being more of a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) and our circles don’t mix too much anymore, as she has a life and works a lot.
She has two children 12M, and 6F.
I love these kids. I was babysitting them, picking them up, taking them to school, taking mine to school, picking them and mine up at 3 separate times and locations, and then feeding them while 8-9 months pregnant until I had my last child and then I sort of stopped hearing from her once I had my most recent son, I believe because I was no longer available as a sitter once I delivered. I’ve been working on putting up more boundaries if she asks for favors.
It might be in my post-history.
I also have a son, 8M, who always adores her son, and they loved to play together, so when I didn’t hear from her, it kind of sucked because our children are friends.
Our last major interaction was my son’s first birthday, which I invited her to about a month early. She said she would come. At the same time, she invited me to a last-minute Easter party thing at her house and I told her I probably wouldn’t be able to make it because my partner’s family wanted us over.
I never heard from her again about my son’s party. I texted her and called her to see if she was going to show up and got no response.
For some reason, she’s become a very tit-for-tat person.
She reached out to me last week and we’ve been chatting again. Well, she asked me if I could pick up her son from something across town this week. Normally I would be free, I have no life and I’m a SAHM but that day happens to coincide with a certain TV show’s release date, and another friend and I had already made plans for her to come over and us to binge this series together.
While I have free time, the friend I’m hanging out with works a full-time job and is on summer break from being a full-time student so our time together is limited. What she wants is at 1230, I’d get done by 1, and my friend and I were supposed to get started at 12.
Now I’ve told her that I can’t get her child. And she’s mad because I won’t take the time from whatever I’m doing with this other friend, claiming I always make excuses when she asks me for favors and that’s why we’re not friends, even though my family and other friends of mine/ours have told me to set boundaries with her, which is what I’m attempting to do.
I already had plans, even though they are adjustable. I have no clue what her other plan was to get her child.
Now I’ve told her I’ll ask my friend if we can postpone, but I only got asked this favor yesterday.
I feel like getting mad at I last minute am choosing not to help is extremely sighted of her, as it’s taking time from what I had already been looking forward to doing, despite it not being a priority.
So AITJ for not changing my plans for my friend’s son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this ‘friend’ is using you, and only reaches out when she wants your help. I’d stick to the original plan and keep your binge fest with your other friend.
If she continues to ignore you if you try and arrange play dates with her son for your son, I’m afraid that shows exactly who she is. A user. Not a friend.” Ok-Lawfulness6562
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, these last-minute types of requests can border on abusive when used to strong-arm people into giving in, and you’re setting a pretty reasonable boundary.
Beyond that, seven years since your last major interaction with this friend, and at that, she dropped the ball before becoming this tit-for-tat person? I’d hope you weren’t the first or last person she was planning to ask.” artform
Another User Comments:
“NTJ however those “boundaries” you claimed to have set don’t seem to exist! “And she’s mad because I won’t take the time from whatever I’m doing with this other friend, claiming I always make excuses when she asks me for favors and that’s why we’re not friends…” If you’re not friends then ask her why is she calling you then?
You should’ve told her that she only calls you when she needs something! Like she said, you all aren’t friends so stop answering her calls and move on!” MoreSobet1999
17. AITJ For Refusing To Increase My Rent Share After New Roommate Moved In?
“I’ve been living in a 3-bed property with 2 friends for 2+ years.
During our house search, we each set our respective budgets and looked within those parameters.
The person with the largest budget picked the first room (largest), the second largest budget had the second pick, and I ended up with the last choice.
It’s the smallest by a long shot (8sqm compared to 18sqm and 12qm) but it has an attached half bath (toilet & sink, we share a shower/bath – nb, the total sqm w the half-bath included is 10sqm).
We split the rent at 37% for the largest room, 33% for the mid-sized room, and 30% for my room.
In May, the roommate with the largest room moved out and we found a replacement tenant with the rent advertised at the rate that was being paid.
Now my other longstanding roommate will be moving out. We prepared the advert for her room, and a convo about the current split was brought up by the newest tenant. Fair to query, as we hadn’t until this point needed to mention what the other two rooms were going for.
I explained how it was initially decided amongst us, and that I hadn’t intended to re-evaluate my room based on the circumstances of others incoming/outgoing.
The new tenant has come back to propose splitting the rent at 35.5% for the largest room, 31.5% for the mid-size room, and 33% for my room, on the basis it has a half-bath (which works out to be -£40, -£20, +£60).
I understand where she’s coming from, and I appreciate a mentality that seeks out fairness; however, for me, this isn’t possible. I’ve already had a rental increase at the beginning of the year when we originally re-signed our contract.
Tacking on an additional expense because that’s what the new tenant views as fair would mean an overall 20% increase in my living expenses compared to last year.
I asked if she would want the mid-sized room as it’s currently priced (which is less than £100 than the room she signed on for), but she said she needs the extra space.
She hasn’t suggested I move into the room she’s viewing as least valuable now, but if that was suggested, I would decline. I’ve been here for 2+ years now and I’ve cultivated the room so that it feels definitively like /my/ space.
All this being said the largest room at its current rate is still significantly below market rate for the size of the bedroom, location, and the scale of the other communal spaces (which are all fully furnished not by her).
Finally, it was advertised as a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom houseshare, so I’m just not seeing the issue beyond a touch of ‘buyer remorse’ that’s been spurred on through due to comparison.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You advertised a room at a certain rate and she accepted. It doesn’t matter how it was originally decided. You’re the senior resident and it’s not fair of ‘her’ to renegotiate ‘your’ rent after moving in.
If she wants to increase the other room’s rent a bit before advertising, that’s a good compromise. Otherwise, assuming there’s a contract in place, she should wait until the renewal time to renegotiate. That way you can both decide the best way forward (new terms or one person moving out).” errantwoman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They agreed to the advertised rate. If you’re going to adjust the rent, the fair way to do it is to add up the entire SQM of the place, divide by the rent to get the price per sqm, subtract private space from the total, and figure out the base rent, then add in the private space for each.
Everyone would equally cover common areas and then adjust the rest based on private access only. Use the same percentage for utilities as well.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but how did you choose this ‘new roomie’? You mention a contract – you don’t change a contract in the middle of the term.
Perhaps you need to replace the replacement tenant. You should be advertising the RATES you decided on if that’s how you want it to stay. Once you start ‘negotiating’ you lose the argument for remaining the same. I’d say the room costs EXACTLY what your previous roommate was paying….and the other rooms are not that person’s business.” omeomi24
16. AITJ For Threatening To Tell My Friend's Husband About Her Affair?
“I, 32F, had a bestie, 30F, who has been unfaithful to her husband on and off for almost 2 years.
At first they “were on a break” while she spent some time living separately and enjoying the freedom of singlehood. She had some fun for a while, but after a couple of months started having casual “fun” with another friend of mine, 38M, and they continued this situationship on and off to present day.
They ended up developing feelings for each other and the whole thing was a bit of a mess.
HOWEVER, about a year ago, the unfaithfulness started, as she had endeavored to stop living a free life and was committed to fixing her marriage.
But as you already know, it wasn’t long before she secretly went back to the casual fun situationship guy. Their secret played heavily on many people in our friend group, but she assured us time and time again that she owned her mistakes and wanted to be better at fixing her marriage.
This didn’t last long as she felt she could stay friends with the situation guy, which always led back to them becoming more than friends.
Flash forward to almost 3 months ago, we all took a trip away for a concert and went out drinking afterward.
After bearing the burden of their secret for so long, obviously “intoxicated me” had had enough and decided to tell my bestie how much keeping their secret was affecting me while we were out in the clubs. I didn’t remember this convo until a week later when she sent me a text that refreshed my memory explaining that I had threatened to tell her husband if she didn’t.
There was a lot in her message, but she explained that by saying that I crossed a boundary. She said she didn’t want to fight, so I only said I was sorry and that although I couldn’t remember much, I used the wrong time and place to have that conversation.
She then ended up telling her husband everything that week because of what I had allegedly said. (And for those nosy people wondering, I don’t know what the status of their relationship is at present).
Since then, I remembered a bit of what happened and how much the situation was affecting me.
I had said I felt it was getting to the point where I felt so guilty I may have to tell her husband. But, we have not had a chance to talk as I’ve given her space, with one message to check in and tell her I loved her a few weeks ago.
I’ve talked with quite a few friends because I didn’t know if I was a jerk. After all, she was so upset and so distant, but so far all of them said NTJ. I’m just feeling like I’m losing my bestie now because of my morals, and I’m not sure how to move forward.
So, please help! AITJ!?”
Another User Comments:
“I unfortunately know someone unfaithful to their partner and she did not tell a soul because she didn’t want anyone to slip up and spill (partner discovered on his own). And this woman told a whole group of her friends about her business.
She was asking to get caught. NTJ. I don’t like telling people how to run their relationship but she invited you into her marriage by telling you about it. That type of information is a burden to put on someone else, especially if you are friends with the spouse.” DontAskMeChit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’ve been in a position where I had to keep a friend’s secret about being unfaithful and it ate me up alive until I had to finally tell her to come clean or I would tell the partner.
It’s a super super uncomfortable situation and a true friend would never have put you in that situation to begin with. I’m proud of you.” Wise-Employment-7351
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You didn’t cross a boundary when you threatened to tell her husband the truth, she crossed one when she forced you to keep her secret against your will.
She is the one being unfaithful. She is the jerk. Stop listening to her lies.” Stunning-Interest15
15. AITJ For Being Upset About My Husband's Friend's Illegal Activities In Our Home?
“My husband had a friend that they used to do things illegal back in the day that had to do with illicit substances.
Now I have accommodated a few of these people in my house. Mind you, I was previously career military, and if you could say my husband and I are on opposite sides of the spectrum so to speak.
I am completely over my husband’s wanting to save every street rat addict in the world. He always says well that used to be him well not quite because he made something of his life and had a successful career and well his friends are living hand to mouth he has a house.
I was sympathetic at first and now it’s just a pattern. About 2 years ago he let him borrow my vehicle while I was with his mother and he was gone for 4 hours. Mind you he does not have a license and when he did have the chance to go get a license he made up an excuse.
I have on multiple times witnessed him drive a vehicle without a license. I filed a police report on him earlier in the week quite frankly I was mad at my husband for letting him do this when I confronted my husband about this behavior and my husband just doesn’t care about how I feel about this.
So I was at work tonight and for my usual, I checked the cameras I have seven cameras around my house. Three or high-end and they are on the outside and I have four lower-end play strategically around my home and on the driveway.
The problem was that he covered one of the lower-end cameras and I caught that on the higher-end camera. Where he is on camera talking about doing a pickup and my husband refuses to throw him out and states that he needs some money.
Even though he knows that he costs more money than what he gets from him. My husband is disabled and quite frankly as soon as the other guy he had a serious TBI and is amongst the dumbest people I know.
So my husband yells at me for getting upset at this jerk who just does what he wants. I confronted him when I got off work and he told me he would never do it again. Which we all know is nonsense I am over this and I cannot protect my husband because he just thinks that he needs this guy’s money.
So AITJ for being upset about this guy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Need to discuss with hubby that decisions should be made together. Our rule is both have to agree on a Yes, but it only takes 1 No to veto anything.
The friend does seem rather dumb. That doesn’t help. Your husband seems to have a big heart and it’s costing both of you money and harming your relationship.” GraphicSarcasm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself. This is not a safe environment for you or your husband.
It wouldn’t surprise me if your husband was using it and you just missed it. You need to stand up for yourself. Either your husband gets to keep bringing in the lost puppies who are doing illegal stuff at your house or you need to get a divorce.
Edited to add: what happens when the cops come with a search warrant to YOUR house? Who do you think will be responsible? If you answered anything other than you and your husband…you’d be wrong. How will your job like you having a criminal record for illegal substances?” Wandering_aimlessly9
14. AITJ For Not Texting My Friend About Picking Up My Cats On Time During My Move?
“I (27F) recently moved to a new apartment.
Several weeks in advance, I asked my friend Ann (30F, not her real name) if I could bring my 2 cats to her place on my move day, to which she agreed.
When I brought the cats over that morning, I spoke with her husband since she was at work.
He cleaned a bathroom in advance, so I brought in the cats set up their litter, food, and water, and let him know they should be fine on their own. I estimated that I’d finish around 3ish but I’d let them know.
He nodded agreeably and said they’d be around all evening, which gave me peace of mind that timing wouldn’t be an issue.
The move itself was stressful: everything took longer than expected, and we had to make 2 trips to my apartment instead of one.
I had no watch, and my phone was in my pocket on vibrate because my hands were always full, so I wasn’t keeping an eye on time.
I promised to feed my movers at a nearby restaurant, and by the time we got there, it was 4 pm.
We hadn’t eaten since morning and just sat down at the table when I got a text from Ann at 4:04 asking when I would pick up the cats. I immediately felt bad and started replying, but she called me at 4:06 before I could hit send.
Without saying hi she says, “When are you picking up the cats?” and I can immediately tell she’s annoyed. I’m flustered, so I try to answer her question by saying everything took longer than expected and we’re just about to eat food, and is 2 more hours okay?
She yells that is not okay and demands I pick up the cats immediately, then hangs up the phone.
With no other context, I assume something terrible happened. I was famished and felt incredibly rude to ditch my friends at the restaurant for at least 45 minutes, but I didn’t want to leave my cats with someone who was irate, so I drove over and called Ann on the way to ask why she was angry with me.
She said that it was obvious: because I never texted her. To pour salt in the wound, she made last-minute plans to visit someone, so no one was even home when I arrived. I transported the cats and rejoined my friends at the restaurant when they had finished eating.
I spoke with Ann the following day, trying to resolve the issue. During this call she clarified that the cats were not a nuisance or an inconvenience – she hardly knew they were there, and had I texted earlier, there would have been no issue with me picking them up later.
She thinks I’m in the wrong and took advantage of her because: I didn’t text when I said I would, I didn’t apologize immediately when I answered her call, and I dared to ask for more time after not doing the first two things.
She was incredulous that I was upset when she was doing me a favor, and the whole situation was allegedly my fault for not texting her first.
I wish I had remembered to text her sooner, but I think she jumped to conclusions, overreacted, and retaliated because I hurt her pride.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your friend really should have known moves are unpredictable and calmed down, but also it is common courtesy to text someone when things start to get out of control that you need more time.” PsychologicalBee6246
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk “I estimate that I’ll finish around 3 pm but I’ll let you know.” Then… No contact with these people who did you a favor while you decided to eat instead. You couldn’t even be bothered to send a text message while you went out for food.” Scorpy-yo
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk The cats were no bother and you didn’t inconvenience her at all, by her admission. Everyone knows moves rarely go smoothly and we’re all human. Furthermore, you’re unlikely to move again for quite some time so it’s not like you’re going to do it again.
This whole scenario could’ve been different if she’d just given you the benefit of the doubt but she got her mind twisted by making this huge in her head. If this is typical behavior on her part then you’re better off without her.” Pkfrompa
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mother-In-Law Shared My Pregnancy News And Planned A Vacation Around My Due Date?
“Me and my husband (27F/M) have been trying to get pregnant for 1.5 years. We went to the doctor to see if something was wrong. Long story short: I can get pregnant, but because my DNA is melted together, I have a high risk of having miscarriages or conceiving a child with a disorder.
Earlier this year I got pregnant.
We were scared that the pregnancy might go wrong. We waited (8 weeks) to tell our families the good news. We explicitly told them to keep the news to themselves, because we were not 100% sure if everything was ok.
My MIL told her sister that I was pregnant. The aunt messaged me directly to congratulate me. A week after that, we were going to have dinner at my MIL’s. My husband’s niece showed up before we arrived.
My MIL had told her that I was pregnant. I heard about the slip-up from my SIL. Both times, we were angry at her for not respecting our wishes because it was a stressful period for us. We still didn’t know if the baby was ok this early in the pregnancy.
After the 13 weeks, we were ready to tell our friends. So I met up with a friend of mine for lunch to tell her the news. But she told me that my MIL had told her mother that I was pregnant.
At this point, I was fed up because it was the third time she slipped up. My close friends were planning the baby shower. We plan showers for each other, so that’s not a surprise. I only commented on my wishes in general, and the rest was up to them.
I didn’t want to know the location or date. But my MIL told me.
My SIL is also pregnant. When she expressed the wish not to tell anyone about her pregnancy, my MIL did not tell a soul.
When my husband and I expressed such wishes, they were ignored. My SIL gave birth a couple of days ago, and my due date is 08.08. My in-laws are planning to go on vacation for 4 weeks after my baby shower (June 29th).
There is a chance that they might miss the birth of our baby.
I have a feeling that they show more love towards their other grandchildren and that they respect their daughter more than my husband. My husband has never expressed that he is sad or disappointed in any way.
When I bring it up, he says, “They are grown-ups, I cannot force them to stay or postpone their vacation.” He asked them to postpone their vacation by a couple of weeks so that they wouldn’t miss the birth of our baby.
But they said they already planned the trip and didn’t want to go later. They also said they would be back before my due date.
My parents will not go on vacation and declined a wedding invitation so that they would not miss the birth of our baby.
My parents also said that they wanted to help us by cleaning the house, cooking, etc. We appreciate that.
I now avoid going to my in-laws because they are busy with their grandchildren and planning a vacation. I don’t care anymore, but I don’t want my child to feel left out in the future.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You seem to be determined to cause/perceive family drama. Their vacation is planned over 5 weeks in advance of your due date. Would you also complain if their vacation was right AFTER the baby was born?
If you don’t want people to know something personal – DON’T TELL ANYONE. It’s that simple. Stop comparing yourself to their daughter and her pregnancy – your parents will treat YOU as they treated their daughter. Stop looking for reasons to be angry.
You haven’t given birth and you are projecting future ‘slights’ onto your child.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. If you don’t want news of your pregnancy to go around… don’t tell anybody. That said she should have respected your wishes or at minimum made a better effort, she lacked respect, As for your birth ‘against’ your SIL.
It’s not just about the baby but their daughter giving birth. From a mother to a daughter it can be a special bonding time on top of the course of the new family arrival. Probably you will be more pleased to have your mother close by in that period than not your MIL.
As for vacation postponed. Baby arrives when they want. The obgyn will not induce if everything is ok up to 42 weeks… I mean how many people do you expect to have in your delivery room? You will be glad to have your family and not too many people coming and going in a fragile and tiring period, like bonding time and recovery.
I don’t know why you want to force your mother-in-law to be there when your husband doesn’t care. And to put your UNBORN child already up for a fantasy match of ‘who loves you less’” KikiMadeCrazy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, MIL for blabbing about your pregnancy before you were ready. You for expecting them to change a planned holiday excuse you’re giving birth and deciding to exclude your child with no evidence that they will treat them any differently.
I know to you this pregnancy is the center of your world right now and the child that comes from it will be when they arrive, but other people have got other things in their lives and that doesn’t go on hold because you’re going to give birth.” Competitive_Delay865
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. MIL is a jerk for spreading your news around against your request, especially since your pregnancy is so high-risk. However, I suspect the reason she told more people about it as opposed to your SIL is that she felt your baby was “bigger” news due to your fertility issues.
This doesn’t make her any less of a jerk, but I just don’t see your logic that her bubbling over with this information somehow means she likes your baby less. As to the vacation front, you need to let this go.
It is not usual for grandparents to put their lives on hold for months at a time to await a new baby, your parents are the exception.” JeepersCreepers74
12. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom Over Her Cleaning Comments While She Doesn't Contribute?
“So I (26F) recently had to clean our house yesterday, which I don’t mind because I know it’s a big responsibility and I block entire days off to ensure it gets done.
However, one of the things I do these days is vacuum and carpet clean the house, which takes a lot of time and energy (along with sweeping and mopping the floor). I don’t mind doing it, but the issue I’m having is that every time I get ready to clean, my mom always makes little comments about how we need to “Get it together,” or “Clean this part of the house”, etc. while she does nothing.
Seriously, all while I was cleaning yesterday she did NOTHING, except sit in front of the television and watch K-dramas. To add insult to injury, I had to go and clean her bathroom so I could hang a few towels to dry (since our dryer is broken but the room gets a good amount of sunlight to help it dry) but her toilet was disgusting and had mold all under the toilet seat.
This took me an extra 30 minutes to an hour since I was already tired from cleaning the entire day and my feet were starting to hurt. I started cleaning at around 8:30 am and didn’t finish until around 11:00 pm (counting breaks for meals and quick rests since I have a slightly sprained foot).
She used to get on me about how terrible at cleaning I was as a kid but seeing this just infuriated me, especially since I’ve told her multiple times to keep her bathroom clean since I hate seeing dirty bathrooms (might be a bit a germaphobe tbh).
When I confronted her about the issue and how gross it was, she snapped at me and told me to “Shut up talking to her because I’m being negative.”
The snapping point came from this morning when I asked my mom to walk the dog since my feet were still sore.
She made a comment saying that we need to start switching our outdoor shoes with different ones to walk around the house in… which is something I already do.
I’ve been doing that for a good couple of years now because I wanted to be cleaner.
I snapped back and said “What do you mean “We”? I’ve been doing that already.” and she started talking out loud about how her daughter (me) “always has something negative to say”. Seriously, she started going on and on to herself out loud as if she was talking to someone and all I could do was roll my eyes.
I’ve been told I’m always too sensitive to things, but when I don’t say anything I’m told that I should’ve spoken up… but then when I do it’s the same “You shouldn’t have said that” or “You’re being too sensitive” and the whole thing starts all over again.
I’m just so confused because I feel I don’t know how to act like a normal person anymore. Am I being that negative? Or is this a normal reaction? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to stop cleaning after your mother so that she can do it by herself.
The mold under the toilet seat is so disgusting and shows that she doesn’t expect to clean at all. You need to put your foot down and tell her to clean herself.” Delicious-Tangelo-36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – None of us know your Mom, but the comments and responses and expectations she’s made are extremely controlling and manipulative.
It sounded like you were just defending yourself against extremely manipulative comments. She wants someone else to clean but she wants to stay in control. I know if you live in her house you have to live by her rules to a certain extent, but being lectured and controlled isn’t part of that bargain.
It might be time to get away from her and live your life. But then who would she get to clean? (jk)” ptazdba
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mother this: 1. I am the only one who cleans.
2. YOU are the negative one – always finding fault. 3. I will NOT listen to how negative I am. 4. I will no longer clean your room or bathroom. You’re on your own for that. 5. YOU can start showing some appreciation instead of pretending that you do everything, which is false.” ElmLane62
11. AITJ For Confronting My Dad And Brother About Their Offensive Jokes?
“So I, am 29 and have a brother, calling him Peter, who is 15 and super negative. I usually chalk it up to him being an angsty teen, but over the last 6 months, he’s been increasingly racist in his “jokes” and has made it his thing to say offensive things.
I tell him he’s not being funny he’s being racist, and he never gets it.
Today I went over to his house and we celebrated Father’s Day because my dad will be out of town next weekend. We were at a park and Peter made a racist joke, my dad laughed. I said that’s not funny, it’s racist and Peter said omg how my dad laughed again and said yeah it was kind of racist. Later on, when we were getting ice cream, Peter made a comment (loudly and laughing) about how a person with Down syndrome was on the news, and the news anchor said ‘womp womp’?
Idk…but I said Peter you have got to keep your voice down and stop joking around about this kind of stuff, it’s not funny. Which, my dad agreed but then said it was because ‘everyone is so sensitive’.
Annoyed, I said I disagree I think you should stop making fun of people in general and especially disabled people because it’s just wrong and mean.
This is where I think I may be the jerk because I started fuming here.
So, my younger brother, Potato (8) looked at me and said “What is Down syndrome” as I began to explain, my dad cut me off and said “So you know what it means to be offensive right” I cut him off and was like oh my God are you kidding me?
In which he’s like what he knows that word I’m trying to explain it to him. I tell him how wrong it is to even use that word to begin trying to explain what Down syndrome is. Peter joins in, agreeing with my dad and saying extra ignorant things.
I look at my dad and say where do you think he gets this stuff? To which he says, “Not me I’m a CFO if I was racist and offensive I’d be dragged into HR by now, no one has a problem except for you, I wonder what that is.” I think he was implying this because I work with disabled kids.
Idk for sure because he wouldn’t tell me what he meant by that. We argued for a solid 5 minutes and I was being loud. He was spouting off nonsense like saying he can’t even say the word black anymore and I called him an ignorant boomer.
Poor little Potato went and sat in the car because he didn’t want to watch us fight. I was so frustrated I was in tears so I went and sat with him, then didn’t talk to my dad until I was saying goodbye.
I feel like my dad was just gaslighting me, but still, I feel kind of guilty. So I just wanted to know AITJ. Should I have handled it differently- in a better way somehow?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s always the people who say hurtful things who complain there’s no free speech anymore and that everyone is too sensitive. Free speech is not hate speech. Keep explaining things to Potato your way and hopefully, he grows to be understanding.
And do not be afraid to challenge your dad’s views. He needs the reality check.” User
Another User Comments:
“Oh boy, NTJ. You’re in a difficult spot as you’re forced to be in this orbit and as they are close family I don’t see an issue with making your thoughts known on this.
Close family need to rub along together and sometimes that means avoiding saying things that other members don’t like. That doesn’t always happen and there are plenty of families out there with incompatible members who don’t speak (this sub is evidence of that lol).
Hopefully, your younger brother will grow out of this but your dad is the problem here and he’s not doing his son any favors.” PenaltyAdditional968
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re probably right about your brother picking this stuff up from your dad.
He’s clearly *very* invested in your dad’s approval, and he has learned that this is a good way to get it. It’s going to be difficult to counteract your dad’s influence. If you’re determined to do so, a word of advice – *you cannot get upset*, at least not in front of your brother.
You have to be cool, calm, and collected whenever you decide to check this behavior. Let your dad be the one to get worked up. Your brother isn’t paying attention to the words you use as much as he’s paying attention to the power dynamics in these interactions, and when it comes to teenagers (particularly teenage boys), the person who gets visibly emotional is the less influential person.
Never, ever let him see how badly this gets under your skin. If this doesn’t come naturally to you, it may be more work than it’s worth. But this is the only way I’ve seen a person get through to an “edgy” teenager.
They want to be the coolest person in the room (that’s why they do this!), and getting emotional is distinctly uncool. They have to want to emulate you before they’ll listen to you. ” DiTrastevere
10. AITJ For Asking My Family To Help With Chores While I'm Busy With School?
“So to start off, my parents went overseas for a family event and dad came back for a medical appointment and the plan was for us to go back overseas together where my mum currently is, for the school holidays and we still had 1 week of school left (for my sister, she has started her school holidays as of now) and 2 weeks of school left for me (currently on my last week of school) and I have been doing pretty much all the household chores (cooking, cleaning, making tea/snacks)
I did it because I knew my sister would be too busy to because she has exams during her final week and I did it with the understanding that if I do it then , when I have my exams (while she’s on school holidays) she would do it for me.
For your information, on my final week of school (currently) I have 2 graded quizzes + 2 tests and 1 assignment submission all in one week.
Not to mention, my classes are extremely packed for the week(6am -6pm) and with travel time being about (1-1.5h) I come back at 7.30pm+.
As I mentioned I have so much due dates to fulfill and tests to study for and with the little time I’m given to shower and sit down for a bit before I start on my school work, the dishes have been piling and the floors are not cleaned and my mum has been screaming on the phone at me to wash the dishes right after I reach home.
Me being tired and really out of it, I told her to please just ask my sister to do it for a few days because I really have a lot on my plate right now. But she’s been shutting me down and telling me that I should be doing it because I’m the oldest daughter.
AITJ for not taking responsibility? I would normally do it but I’m just struggling to catch up on my academics and already have limited time with classes.
My dad works from home and my sister is home all day since she has already started her holidays.
AITJ for thinking or suggesting to my mom that maybe they can pick up on some of the household chores just while I’m busy for the time being. When I suggested it, she told me that I was the worst child on earth and I am ungrateful for suggesting “that”.
For your information my dad has not done a single chore around the house. (I’m from a traditional asian family so the men doing the chores is somewhat uncommon).
My mom has been screaming to me through the phone about how “I am not taking care of my father well enough” (he’s not sick or anything).
A bit long but I really feel like I’m being rational but it’s frustrating that my mom is not hearing me out. I’m 19F, sis 17F if you’re wondering about our ages.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So sorry that you are treated so unfairly.
I hope you can get away from this abusive environment as soon as possible. Is there anyone at school you can talk to – someone that will stand up for you? Good luck.” Time-Tie-231
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You know the good thing about your mom being out of town? You don’t have to speak to her! Don’t answer her phone calls!” bookworm1398
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If it was just your mess, that would be one thing.
But being expected to clean up everyone else’s messages when they won’t do the same is just stupid.” Leigeofgoblins
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend Funerals Of People I Barely Know With My Partner?
“I don’t know if this context is needed but I tend to not care about lots of social norms/rituals. If I were ever tested and diagnosed as being somewhere on the autism spectrum I don’t think a single person I’m close to would be surprised. I have not been tested/diagnosed so I can’t say it’s an excuse, but that’s just how my personality seems to be.
I (41M) don’t like funerals. I’m not squeamish or bothered by them I just personally don’t get the point and usually sit there very bored trying not to fidget/look bored. I get that some people need them for closure but I just don’t.
I also don’t begrudge anyone for doing what they feel they need to I just don’t want to be part of it. That being said, I go to funerals of close family/friends but maybe not for my 2^(nd) cousin twice removed whom I’ve met once.
My partner (42F) has recently had a few funerals she’s gone to and has expected me to attend with her. The first one required me to take off of work in the middle of a busy time and I told her I couldn’t.
She convinced me to go with her and I told my boss I needed a few hours off (basically half a day because it was a late-morning thing) to attend the funeral. He was fine with it and asked how I knew the person.
I said “It’s my partner’s cousin’s wife’s stepfather”…and saying it out loud just made me feel silly for taking off of work for something like that. For clarification, I have never met this person and my partner has never mentioned him in the 5 or so years we’ve been together.
This is not someone either of us was close to but she felt obligated to go and, thus, I was also expected to feel obligated. A few weeks after that I agreed to go with her to another funeral of her coworker.
There were 6 eulogies, several songs/poems, and an outright sermon making the church portion somewhere around 2-2.5 hours long. After that I’m kind of to the point where I’m going to tell her if she feels obligated to go then that’s fine but I shouldn’t then feel obligated also.
For just a bit more clarification (just in case): her grandfather died a few years ago and the thought of not going to that funeral never even crossed my mind. I knew it was someone important to her and she would probably like someone there with her for whatever she might have needed. If it’s anyone even remotely close there wouldn’t be a second thought on my part, just for the people neither of us know very well I don’t want to go.
Also, we are not fighting this or anything, she hasn’t tried to make me feel bad about the one I missed. I’m just trying to get an unbiased assessment of my feelings.
WIBTJ for not going with my partner to funerals of people neither of us know?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not understanding that you’re going to these funerals to support your partner, not some random strangers. The correct response to your boss: “I don’t know this person, but my partner is shaken up about it and has begged me to come with her.” No one likes funerals.
You’re not there to enjoy yourself. You’re there for your partner’s sake.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but you need to also consider what you value more: not going to funerals of people you don’t know or your relationship.
They are important to her to some degree, and by not going with her, you’re telling her you are not as supportive of her as she would like. I’m not saying I agree with that, I don’t go to funerals of people I’ve never met either, but at the same time, my wife has the same feelings I do on that if they weren’t close to us and a part of our lives, then a card with a note of sympathy is all that is necessary.
I don’t think anyone is at fault or a jerk here, but I do suspect this is one of those things that fester and will eventually create resentment in your partner if you don’t have a good, serious, talk about why you don’t want to go to these particular things…” TheDreadPirateJeff
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I think you just need to set a baseline with her of not assuming you’re going to feel obligated to go. You should just have a discussion each time. I think honestly this is something there’s no true baseline for, as it heavily depends on WHAT kind of service it is, the family dynamic, etc. I don’t think your reluctance to go to a somber, long ceremony for someone you’ve never even heard of until that point is abnormal at all.
For what it’s worth – I think when it comes to talking to your boss, you can probably say “One of my partner’s relatives” instead of being specific and then feel awkward.” NoSalamander7749
8. AITJ For Cutting Ties With A Friend Who Failed To Support Me In My Time Of Need?
“A few weeks ago I was struggling with where I was going to sleep for a week since I had no funds to book a place whilst my new apartment was handed to me. About a month before moving, I told a friend F(24), let’s call her Leslie, how worried I was and that I hadn’t been able to find another place.
At the time she offered to help and said I could crash in her living room or her floor (if her roommates weren’t cool with me using the sofa.)
Two weeks passed and I called her to ask if this was still an option, because I would need to crash for four days, planning on staying also with another friend.
She didn’t say no, but she beat around the bush and said she would let me know, that she needed to discuss it with her roommates, and so on and on. A few days later I met with some friends in a bar, I was enjoying the night, trying not to worry about the whole thing, however, Leslie was there (because of friends I introduced to her) and found time to complain to me about her problems, how she hasn’t found a job and how she is very unhappy with her partner.
Brief parenthesis: she has been looking for a job for over a year now, but won’t do any kind of job, she says the supermarket is beneath her. I would do any odd job I could get if I was in her situation.
The time passed, another friend helped me out and was so kind about letting me stay on his sofa, not accepting any payment and even being surprised when I cooked for him and did the dishes. While I was staying with this friend, Leslie sent me a few texts asking for consolation because she was very sad.
I can’t stand people lying to me or saying things they don’t mean, especially when it is important. I responded a day or two later saying I was dealing with some stress and I couldn’t really offer a shoulder to cry on-I’ve been doing it for over a year with her specifically and I am tired of giving her my time, ideas, and inviting her with friends and events around the city-but that I hoped things got better for her and that I would be in touch soon.
The thing is I still don’t want to talk to her, and I have decided not to contact her anymore.
AITJ for keeping my distance?
In my eyes, the friendship doesn’t offer me anything but negativity, especially since I have tried to be there for her in times of need, but when I asked something that was kind of already offered I was not only lied to but treated like someone who’s not even worth a straight answer?
I even asked for only the floor and she still didn’t say anything but ‘I’m not sure those dates work’. I don’t want to see her be nice just because I know she will complain about all the privileges she has (like parents paying food and rent) and I am so tired of being understanding, AITJ for not inviting her to any more things including my birthday in a week?”
Another User Comments:
“No, having mutual friends who will tell her about your party doesn’t make you a jerk, except in her eyes, and what do you care what she thinks? She’s not your friend, and the farther away you stay from this level of self-absorption the better for your mental health.
You are NTJ.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have to be friends with anyone you don’t want to. You can let this relationship wither on the vine, or you can just go ahead and get it over with, and block her.
If she gets upset, (if she even notices), what do you even care? How would you notice- she is blocked? You are done. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- If you haven’t already given her an invitation. (If you have, or she is very aware of the party, I would suggest telling her that you need some space from her right now) It is reasonable to distance yourself from a person who has traits you dislike (the promises she can’t back up and the beating around the bush) and requires a great deal of support without offering much in return.
Don’t be rude about it, but don’t feel like you have to keep chucking effort and emotional investment down the drain.” Icy-Consideration47
7. AITJ For Throwing My Neighbor's Trash Back Into Her Garden?
“So, our neighbor (23F) is an absolute NIGHTMARE- we got on at first but once the following situation happened, she turned volatile and unhinged. “Jane” is a single mother with a 5-year-old & a 4-month-old.
It’s just our two houses connected and our front gardens are connected with no fence/wall boundary. Important to note she has family and friends very locally who come around a lot.
So, a few months into living here, my partner (29M) and I (24F) go to tidy our front garden and notice there are loads of ends.
Neither of us smokes and neither does Jane but we have seen the mum (who visits a lot) smoke out the front of the house a lot and usually has a cup used as an ashtray. We assume she’s thrown them on the floor or the cup has knocked over and the wind has blown them into our garden- annoying but no biggie.
We look closer and there are A LOT of ends, not just a few so I politely text Jane informing her of the situation and ask if she can come and clear them up as there are quite a lot.
She replied bluntly saying they weren’t hers. I replied I know she doesn’t smoke but we know her mum does and said again I know it was probably the wind blowing them but there are quite a lot so can she come clear them.
She says her mum doesn’t smoke out the front- only the back, I say we have seen her out the front smoking, and she then says her mum puts them down the drain (illegal where we are).
I replied can you please just come to sort them out and she never replied. We don’t put a time limit on it but we leave it a week and no one comes to clear them up.
We contacted our local council about them (in case it happens again) and they said to take pictures, bag them count them, and then return them to Jane. So that’s what we do…
My partner goes outside to clear them up after a week.
I was standing near him and about halfway through Jane left the house with a guy & the pram and they both stopped, stared at us, and then just walked off. When we’d finished, taken pictures, etc. we wrote on the bag “42 ends”, sealed it (Ziploc bag), and threw it over the back garden fence into their garden.
A few hours later she comes home and finds them, takes a picture, and messages me saying “Thanks for throwing these in my garden knowing I have children”. I then pointed out that they were in a sealed bag and that originally, they were all loose in her garden where her child could have picked them up, eaten them, etc. and I asked her a week ago to pick them up.
For additional context, Jane has always been neglecting her kids (we’ve heard and seen a lot) and we were constantly contacting CPS and all sorts so her saying we don’t care about her kids is a joke because we cared more than her (I don’t know if this platform will let me say what she’s screamed at them).
I also have enough drama from this neighbor I could write a GD book!!
So, AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here because that’s not what the council told you to do. Throwing them over the fence isn’t returning them to her, it’s further littering.
If you want the moral high ground and if you want the council on your side, you should have returned them to her or at least through the letter box (as this won’t count as littering). She has a pic now.
I’ve worked for a local council, (though we might be from different countries) I’m telling you these details matter. I’m saying this so you’ll always have a strong case.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You need a camera to show that you aren’t the unhinged one.
I’m not sure what you thought pictures would prove, or why bagging and counting was necessary. You shouldn’t have tossed the ends over her fence without evidence that these came from her mother or other friends. Ends are light and can blow in from anywhere.
That’s an awful lot of ends, so you might be correct about the source, however, you need pics of the smokers not pictures of the ends.” notice
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. That’s disgusting that you would have to do that.
You’re a better person than I am because I would have just chunked them over the fence in no bag. Get a video camera and put it up. This way you can see and record the Mom dumping them in your yard.
You can also turn that over to the police if you need to. I had a neighbor who would throw their eaten chicken bones over the fence. He was letting my dogs eat them. OMG! I was angry.
I asked him to stop and he claimed it wasn’t him nor his family. I recorded him doing it and took it over to him and told him with this proof, that if any of my dogs dies due to a chicken bone splintering, he is paying for the WHOLE vet bill.
He stopped. I liked his wife and just started dealing with her.” jjrobinson73
6. AITJ For Being Honest About My Sister-In-Law's Unwanted Pregnancy Announcement?
“My husband and I (28F and 32M) have been together and married for 9 years, we just welcomed our baby girl last July- the first grandbaby of both families, and 2everyone was thrilled. Our baby receives a lot of attention from my husband’s parents since we live around the corner from them.
I have a sister-in-law, Camie (26). She loves kids and has voiced how much she would love a baby. Camie and her partner have some issues. They always complain to her parents about how they can never afford things, leaving my in-laws to foot the bill, such as a lawn mower, getting their dog spayed, patio furniture & a vacation to Mexico.
There are a couple of people that voiced concern about them starting a family. Her dad- my FIL, has been adamant about her partner getting serious about their relationship first (putting a ring on it) before they think about having a child.
Camie agreed but stated that it would be a while before they got married as it would be expensive. Her sister, my other SIL- has been hearing up and down about their issues/fights. It seems that every other week they are split up for a day or two before reconnecting.
We hardly see Camie’s partner as they usually get into a fight before she makes the trip over to where we live, so he doesn’t come with her.
A couple of months ago Camie asked me what I thought of her having a baby since she was lonely at home.
I did not lie, I said I didn’t think it was the best idea since her partner is hardly around, both work-wise and emotionally. Plus, they have only been together for a little over a year.
Skip to last week, Camie came to visit us with her partner.
She gathers us all at the table for a ‘family photo’ before her partner says ‘Say…. Camie’s pregnant!’ As he takes a video. Her sister, with a straight face, says “Is this a joke?”. Her father frowns through his smile and looks down at the ground.
My husband shakes his head and walks away. I put on a huge smile and say Oh my gosh congratulations!. We all gather ourselves up to wish her congratulations, but clear bad vibes are going on. She doesn’t notice.
Camie, upon reviewing the video, texted me, very upset that her announcement video was a dud and that her family was not supportive. She was upset, asking, how could everyone be so excited for me? And not for her?
I told her, that everyone might not be super excited at first and that’s okay, it’s just a bit jarring to hear this news.
Camie’s name calls me and her family a bunch of jerks who don’t respect her decision as a grown woman.
AITJ for telling her the pregnancy wasn’t exactly wanted by everyone? Or does she deserve the flack”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She got pregnant to fix her problems which, of course, will only add to them. You see it, her father sees it, everyone sees it except her.
She’ll never see it. You didn’t tell her the pregnancy wasn’t wanted by everyone. You told her everyone might not be excited at first. That’s all. Not your problem, though. Steer clear.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had me in the first half and I was prepared to give you the opposite judgment when you had a horrible reaction to her news, but *you* were the only one who didn’t have one and just answered a direct question with pretty kind honesty later on.
Everybody else in the room might be a jerk, but it wasn’t you.” Stunning-Interest15
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You were pretty polite in your response, her feelings are just hurt. She sounds very naive in thinking the family would be happy for her pregnancy announcement when she’s neither in a stable place financially nor in her relationship with the BF/BD who sounds like a complete dud.
Being naive doesn’t make her a jerk, and honestly neither does her response to you. She’s just hurt and doesn’t understand the difference in scenarios.” No-Entrepreneur4772
5. AITJ For Excluding My Fiance's Troublesome Brother From Our Friends' Outings?
“I (26F) am getting married to my fiance, “Brian” (27M), in a few months.
We did all of our wedding planning ourselves, paid for our wedding party’s dresses and ties, and just wanted them there with us on our big day, and didn’t expect any of the typical roles’ tasks.
All of our wedding party (but one) is one big friend group and we’re all close. Now the exception to the friend group is my fiance’s brother, “Ivan” (20M). For background/context, Brian and Ivan aren’t close.
Ivan had a lot of issues growing up, and I don’t mean the typical childhood acting out. With mandated counseling as a child (to avoid legal consequences), he did eventually grow out of that behavior—but not necessarily for the better.
He is very rude, and has no respect for others, but is extremely manipulative and knows how to act in public, especially around adults. The people who DO know Ivan’s real attitude are shocked to find out that Ivan and Brian are brothers because Brian is an amazing human, while Ivan…is not.
But he is seen as the golden child and all the adults love him (by Ivan’s divine scheme) and cling to his every word. To state one example, my fiance and I were recently kicked out of our *very Christian* church for “fornication” because Ivan had told the pastor that my fiance and I had been living together for years before marriage.
While it is true that my fiance currently lives with me, it has been under a year, and is because Ivan told Brian he would throw all of his stuff out if he didn’t take it and leave (they shared a room and Ivan wanted it to himself).
Since Brian and I were getting married anyway, he came to live with me, which also made wedding planning easier, but I digress. The pastor told my fiance and me that we were shameful, and when we tried to explain, he told us we were disrespectful for talking back and that Ivan had been “so hurt” because he misses his brother, and essentially told us to leave the church so we wouldn’t “influence others with our bad behavior”.
Anyways, because of the importance of family in our culture and knowing that Ivan wouldn’t cause a scene at our wedding, we had asked Ivan to be a groomsman. Some people from our wedding party know him and were friends with him at some point, but can’t stand being around him.
Needless to say, no one likes having him around, including Brian.
Now, here’s where I’ve been told I’m the jerk. When our friend group goes out, we don’t invite him. The outings aren’t even wedding-related, but because it is generally known that everyone is in the wedding party for our upcoming wedding, I’ve been told to invite Ivan, to which we’ve refused because 1) It’s a group plan/decision, and 2) Frankly, we know he’ll find a way to ruin it with his attitude.
AITJ for excluding Ivan when we hang out with our wedding party?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Only because you’re trying to keep from rocking the boat *while* rocking the boat. Making him a groomsman and then excluding him from events with the entire wedding party (even if they’re not official wedding party events) is asking for drama.
You’re either going to have to ask him to bow out and face the family consequences. Exclude him from events and face the family consequences because from what you say about him then it’s only a matter of time until he retaliates.
Keep him in the party and invite him to events and face your friend’s consequences. Likely that they decline invitations if it means Ivan is going to be there. There’s no magic solution to make everyone happy. I wasn’t planning a wedding, so I didn’t have that complication, but I have a sibling very similar to Ivan and I cut them off.
It had the expected blow-up with my family. It took a couple of years, but now that the golden child didn’t have the scapegoat (me) around anymore, she finally went mask off and I don’t fill the scapegoat role anymore.” dogfish research
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you were at the wrong church. All of us are imperfect and in need of the support of God and others and church is where you get that. Excluding people from God’s love is not very Christian, it’s the opposite.
Since I think you will understand (not preaching here)… Love each other as I have loved you. That’s what the pastor should have said…..” solo-compute
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’m not sure I understand why this is your issue to deal with.
Sounds like this should be a Brian problem. If it were your sister causing these same troubles, would people be calling Brian a jerk for not inviting her out? No, I’m guessing that would also fall on you.
It seems to me that you need to reframe the conversation with your soon-to-be husband and have him shoulder the responsibility for his younger brother and his bad attitude. ” wherearethezombies
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad Won't Walk Me Down The Aisle Because I'm Gay?
“I just found out my dad does not want to walk me down the aisle.
My partner and I have been together for 5+ years. I thought my dad & I got along great.
My dad says he is supportive of our relationship (I’m gay), but he’s never been openly proud about it.
I’ve never asked him to be vocal in his support for me but I have expected him to just be accepting of me. My partner & I are both very feminine and it’s always felt like he’s just been tolerant because we appear “straight” but never supportive.
Which hurts because he’s not a religious man… he claims he is just “old fashioned” & I think his problem is that he’s painted a picture of how my life should have gone and that’s what is holding him back.
The rest of my family loves her like she’s already part of the family. He treats her well but I can tell he’s uncomfortable if we PDA.
Yesterday, he told me he was voting red this year and all I said was that my vote would cancel his out (I tried to keep it light-hearted).
Then he asked me to explain my vote and I just stated that I want to get married in the next couple of years and honestly I’m scared of the possibility of same gender marriage getting overturned. He nodded at the very real possibility and said he understood and that was my right to be concerned and I said “I guess yours too if you want to walk me down the aisle.”
(As I mentioned before, he thinks of himself as “old fashioned” I’m his only daughter and I know he’s thought about walking me down the aisle and our first dance. When I was younger, he told me what song he wanted for our dance.)
Back to yesterday – he told me that “I put him on the spot” by asking “Don’t you want to walk me down the aisle?” In front of my older (28) brother and him. So taken back, I asked what he meant.
Then he said “he loves me, and he’d die for me. But I’m asking him to go against his beliefs” I did not know he even had those “beliefs”. I was hurt. So I just said that I’m sure my brother wouldn’t leave me to walk down the aisle alone.
I think my brother was also taken aback by all this. He could hear the hurt in my voice. He’s incredibly liberal and supportive of me but he remained quiet in the conversation (which also hurt:,) ).
Booze was involved in this conversation but how am I supposed to take this?
I am heartbroken but glad, I guess. I don’t want someone who hates my lifestyle more than they love me to walk with me.
Honestly, I just assumed that he would walk me… I didn’t know you’d have to ask your dad that.
My dad will just be there in the front row watching me walk without him then watching my partner’s father with her? I feel like I’ll have to walk alone and hopefully, everyone just thinks I chose to walk by myself.
My mom will try to convince him to walk with me but the damage is done. If it’s not an automatic yes then I don’t want to wait around for an answer. I also don’t want anyone with secret animosity towards my lifestyle there with us.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. He’s not old-fashioned, he’s just a simple bigot. No justification. If he can’t support you, then he doesn’t deserve to be there on your big day. I grew up having to hide who I was because my family was openly hateful towards LGBT people, and when I came out to them, I told them very clearly that if they couldn’t accept who I was, then I didn’t want them in my life in any capacity.
If my father had been as openly hostile towards my identity as your father is towards yours, then he wouldn’t see me ever again.” User
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is homophobic. I think you need to sit with that.
He thinks that’s just a different belief, but it’s bigotry. So at this point, you have to decide how much a part of your life you want him to be. He loves you, he says, but just in a limited way and you shouldn’t ask him to not be a bigot because those are his beliefs.
That’s nonsense. He’s telling you he believes there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. I’d be backing way the heck off. You’re right to be hurt. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My late father was conservative himself. But he darn well showed up to support my sister–though not walk her, as it was a civil union ceremony–on her wedding day to my sister-in-law.
I am only half joking that we would have had to check to see if there was a suspicious hump in the backyard if he hadn’t. My mother can be scary when she wants to be.” Samarkand457
3. AITJ For Reporting Coworkers' Gossip About Me To My Team Leader?
“I (m19) work in retail at the same business as my father. He is a manager and I’m a cashier, but we do not work together in the same areas due to company policy, and good boundaries.
Recently, a friend of mine was hired to work under him, and my dad made a point to tell me I wasn’t to discuss any work situations regarding his team members with him at home, especially if I wasn’t directly involved. This has recently become very complicated. My friend entered the break room with two coworkers talking about them, as well as talking about me.
They didn’t say anything directly disparaging, but they did say something along the lines of “[hearing] some things about her*”, and making some ugly faces. I heard all of this through my friend, who was angry that they had been talking about us.
I didn’t know either of these coworkers, as I rarely left the front of the store or talked to anyone who wasn’t also a cashier.
The idea that strangers were talking about me and generally being rude about me to my friends bugged me, so I decided to talk to my team leader about the situation.
That choice is where I may be the jerk. During this discussion, I found out that the two coworkers worked under my father and that I also worked alongside one of their daughters. The leader needed to talk to my friend, as they were the ones there for the situation, and they asked me whether I’d like the situation to go directly to her or be brought to my father.
I wasn’t going to talk to my father about it, because he told me not to, but I didn’t want her involved yet because my father had also said he wanted people to talk to him as well instead of only going to hr.
I asked the leader to let my father know about the issue.
I don’t know any current details of where the situation stands because it would mean discussing it with my father outside of work. He has spoken to my mother about the situation though, and she brought it up to me.
She believes that the situation wasn’t one worthy of telling a leader about, because it was going to have to be brought to her no matter what. She suggested I should’ve tried to speak to the coworkers directly.
Her belief is based on the info my father gave on the issue, and I still don’t know his thoughts.
There is a possibility that these coworkers weren’t trying to be rude, and were just joking because my friend and I both have issues with tone.
This would also make me the jerk, for creating a problem from nothing. I don’t believe this to be the case, as they are strangers to me and my friend.
Am I the jerk for talking to my leader about coworkers who were possibly talking bad about me?
*I am an openly trans man, and it is common knowledge in my workplace. I wear my pronouns on my name badge and use a chosen name. None of my close coworkers or leaders/managers have ever purposefully referred to me with she/her pronouns.
There is a chance they don’t know this, but I find it unlikely.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because going to your team leader is the right thing to do. However, making an official complaint about people based on essentially gossip is always risky.
It should have been your friend making the complaint as they heard what was said. As long as your friend is telling the truth and willing to back up your claim to the supervisor then you should be okay.
But if they were exaggerating or even lying then you could have opened up something you wished you hadn’t. Good luck” jimbob19304
2. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mom's Ex-Fiancé To My Wedding Ceremony?
“I’m getting married in a week and my partner and I have had our wedding planned for over a year now. We’re having our ceremony in our backyard because we wanted it small, only including immediate family (excluding our fathers for other reasons.)
Now my mom separated from her ex-partner a little over a year ago. My soon-to-be wife and I have been incredibly supportive of her decision even though her ex was never truly a bad person to her. Bought her a house, helped her pursue every endeavor she’s asked for, been there for her during the passing of relatives, etc. The bottom line, they just don’t get along but they function better as friends versus lovers.
Fast forward to this past January and we (my partner and I) are making final decisions on who to invite. My mom and her ex are friends at this point and we figured we could invite him to our reception, but not the ceremony.
I asked my mom if she would be comfortable with that and she said, of course. Mind you, she has had nothing but terrible things to say about the guy, even since they became friends again. I feel sympathy for him because he’s done way more good for her than bad.
So, this past Sunday we took her out for Mother’s Day but the day before she told me that she her and ex are back together and have been for a month. I don’t understand why, considering she says how much she hates him but okay, whatever.
While we were all having a nice lunch though, I was reminded of our plans for our wedding ceremony (we’re only having 12 people.) But she chimes in and says 13, including her ex. I didn’t say anything at the time but it irked me that she would assume such a thing without asking me, especially considering our wedding is less than 2 weeks away.
I didn’t want to shoot her down at the moment because I was trying to make Mother’s Day a pleasant one, but I knew as soon as she said it, that wasn’t going to have it.
We’ve been very meticulously planning this day for a long time now and compromised on a lot of things, especially for my mom’s sake. I might add, that we’re paying for, decorating, planning for all of this on our own.
My soon-to-be wife and I have been through a lot getting this all together, but it’s coming together and we want it to go according to OUR plan.
Told my mom and her ex as politely and respectfully as I could that we were sticking to our original plan and that I wanted him at our reception but not at our ceremony.
And now she is telling me that I’m selfish and rude. So… am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Totally NTJ here. You’re paying for everything, mom agreed to the terms & conditions, and just recently about a month before the ceremony just got back together.” maxl100
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not giving your mom a +1. “Now she thinks I’m a jerk.” .. she got you there. She is right about that. If she has any sense, she simply won’t come.” Excellent-Count4009
1. AITJ For Prioritizing My Schoolwork Over Comforting A Grieving Friend?
“I’m a graduate student enrolled in an online master’s program.
Due to my FAFSA package never being put together by my school despite how long ago I applied for aid, I had to apply for a 20k private loan.
This got me into school for the summer 4.5 weeks into the semester and paid for my remaining spring balance.
I was given a week and a half to get every module in by June 16th for two classes. That was a week and a half ago and we ended on module 6 in both classes on the 16th.
During the time that I worked to get more of the 12 total weeks’ worth of schooling turned in every day, my closest male friend’s best friend passed away. I didn’t know about him before because he had never told me about him (we’d been friends for seven months), but I let him know I was so sorry and tried to console him the best I could.
Aside: I didn’t hang out with friends or enjoy free time at any point during this week and a half.
We texted and called the next day and that was when I let him know that I was working ten hours a day /night) after my full-time job to catch up on everything and turn in twelve weeks of assignments, readings, and notes.
I didn’t tell him about it in a way where I acted like it was more important but in a way where I offered reasoning for why I wasn’t able to come to see him even though I wanted to.
Fast forward a week, he confronts me for not being there for him and calls me narcissistic, even though I had texted him every day and asked him how he was doing, what he was up to, how work was, and even answered some of his calls when I was in the middle of an assignment.
We got through that after a hard conversation, but then tonight I met him at a bar where I apologized profusely for not being there and gave him a heartfelt hug and he kept going on about how I wasn’t there for him.
I tell him I’m sorry many times that I only finished my assignments on Father’s Day with only 4 minutes to spare and that I promise that if I could have been there in person for him I would have.
I kept trying to explain to him that my texting and reaching out was me trying to show him whenever I could that I cared. I have done a lot for this person and it seemed like as soon as I couldn’t be there when they demanded, I wasn’t worth respect for my own experience.
He kept comparing my school chaos to his friend’s passing to say what I had going on was not as important.
By the end of the argument, he had said he’d done the same thing before (referring to high school) and that a master’s is no different, education isn’t everything, I was gaslighting him, privileged, and toxic.
By the end I had cursed at him when I stormed off, said fu, and remained firm in that I no longer wanted to have the conversation, be interrupted, or be told how I was allowed to feel.
AITJ for not going to see him until today?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand that he’s grieving, but saying that his struggles don’t compare to yours makes him a narcissist. Not you. I’m going to give your friend the benefit of the doubt and assume that his emotional state due to losing a friend is contributing to him lashing out at you.
However, the more you explain his actions, the more I’m assuming this isn’t the case. You’re not responsible for this guy. You have your own life. Your apologizing multiple times and his choosing to let it go through one year and out the other just goes to show that he wants you to suffer mentally.
I am glad you stood your ground before you left. If I were you I wouldn’t want to keep this guy in my life.” CandyandBrandy
Another User Comments:
“You should edit to add that you’re female and he demanded money from you. This affects things (and continuing your post in the comments is against the sub’s rules so I’d edit before the mods do something).
NTJ. Sounds like he’s expecting you to act as a close friend (including emotional labor) and pay attention to him. His expectations are out of line for friends. He’s also using therapy buzzwords incorrectly. I’m assuming in an attempt to make you do what he wants.
I’d back off from the friendship, limit contact with him, focus on your classes, and revisit when you have the time.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, grieving is a difficult process and there are no set guidelines on how one should grieve or approach a grieving person.
You had to finish your assignments and school is your priority but that does not mean your friend is less important to you. In the same way, your friend lost his best friend and it seems to me that he is projecting onto you and seeing you as a replacement (I may be wrong) which is why it makes sense that he’s so upset with you because the basic expectation is to be with your closet friends in bad situations.
You’re not wrong though OP, good luck with school.” User
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