People Aren't Making Up These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Confronting The Maid Of Honor Who Tried To Seduce My Husband?
“I am 29 (F) and my husband is 27 (M), and we have a very healthy and happy marriage. There is a girl, we will call her Amanda 23 (F), who has had feelings for my husband since high school. He has repeatedly told her that he was not interested in being in a relationship with her for years.
In 2020, one year before we met, they were intimate one time and never did anything after that.
Fast forward a couple of years later, his best friend (the bride) from high school is getting married Amanda is the maid of honor and my husband is a groomsman.
I was a little uncomfortable since I knew the past between Amanda and my husband, but I trusted my husband not to do anything so I sucked it up and decided to be civil for the wedding events. Two months before the wedding, Amanda decided to message my husband twice asking him if she could be his secret connection and that I did not need to find out.
Thankfully on both occasions, my husband told her that he would not betray my trust like that he would never consider being unfaithful to me, and to never message him again. Amanda decided to insult my husband saying that “he ain’t anything” and all kinds of other derogatory things.
My husband and I decided to talk to his best friend and her fiancé about the situation, and how uncomfortable it made us that she tried to get my husband to be unfaithful to me. We told her that I would not be going to the bachelorette party to avoid any drama but I would still attend the wedding and I would be civil so the bride and groom could still enjoy their day.
A few days later, the maid of honor texted both me and my husband scolded us for talking to the bride and her fiancé about what she did, and that we were selfish for trying to ruin the wedding events and the wedding itself. She also commented that it doesn’t matter what she does because she is the best friend of the bride.
At that point, I couldn’t contain my anger towards her anymore and I let her have a piece of my mind. The conversation ended in me telling her “How sad of a person do you have to be to try and be intimate with people who are already in a relationship?
Like are you really having that hard of a time getting your own man? But I guess no one wants to be in a relationship with the town woman of ill repute”.
After the fight between me and the maid of honor. His best friend (the bride) messaged my husband about the drama that was going on.
They had a big blow-up fight because the bride was unwilling to just talk to her Maid of Honor to stop trying to talk to my husband. The end result was that my husband stepped down as a groomsman and cut off all communication with the entire friend group.
I feel so bad that my husband felt like he had to walk away from his entire friend group. So am I the jerk for fighting with the maid of honor, one to two months away from the wedding? Should I have just sucked up my pride and continued to be civil?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Good because that whole friend group is bad company. Having Amanda as a friend and keeping her in the wedding party while knowing she wants to be intimate with a married man is bizarre. Where’s the principle in that? It’s like they’re consenting to her behavior.
Her standing by the altar doesn’t scream loyalty or faithfulness but homewrecker.” KyotoDreamsTea
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. I am glad that your husband stood up for you. Tell him to save her texts. Someone from the friend group will probably reach out after the wedding to find out what really happened, and those texts will go a long way to verifying your version.
I suspect that someone as reckless as this woman has probably ruffled a lot of feathers. If the friend group does blame you and your husband, well then you will know that they were never your friends and probably as trashy as the MOH. Please update after the wedding!!” theoldman-1313
19. AITJ For Minimizing Contact With My Mother After She Celebrated My Grandparents' Deaths?
“I’m a female in my late 20’s, I come from a big family we are 5 siblings in total. Life was always quite chaotic as you can imagine with so many kids in the household, but it didn’t help that my dad was an abusive good for nothing heavy drinker who did very little to care for us kids and left all the housework and other responsibilities to my mom.
Thank goodness for my grandma and grandpa who lived close by, I relied on them and often went to their place, and I know they helped mom financially to help us all get by, since our dad often kept too much money for himself instead of providing for us, as well as stealing money from our mother.
Anyway, Mom and dad finally got divorced once me and my siblings all finished high school and things calmed down. However, as we grew up I noticed how one sibling after another became more and more hostile towards my mom as they moved out. I am the only one who is still hanging out with mom, out of all 5 siblings.
She often tells me that I’m the “good daughter” when we meet, (when she isn’t complaining about her life or how mean and ungrateful my siblings are towards her).
When I asked my siblings why they avoided her they said to me that she had narcissistic tendencies and that I shouldn’t put up with her.
I didn’t understand at all! It sounded mean to me since mom had saved us from our dad after high school… Why be so ungrateful… I thought.
But I saw another side of her this year when both my grandparents passed away. Of course, I was devastated when this happened since I was very close to my grandparents even as an adult.
I barely made it through the burial and cried for days.
Here comes the part that I am conflicted by: Remember how I mentioned that my grandparents helped out a lot when we were kids, both financially and gave support to us kids?
Grandpa passed away just a few months after my grandma had passed. I called my mom to see if she wanted to go out and eat lunch together.
So she didn’t have to grieve alone, I thought. But during the phone call, she says “Yes let’s go celebrate that I am finally free!”
… I was dumbfounded… I thought she stumbled over her words and didn’t mean it that way. But as we meet up later she instantly starts going on about how she is “finally free from all responsibilities and can finally focus on herself now that both grandparents are gone”.
I could barely believe what I heard, I didn’t even know what to say… She kept going on about how stressful it had been to care for them and how visiting them at their elderly/care home had been such a huge burden, then she stopped for a minute and asked why I seemed so down and asked me what was wrong.
I replied that of course, I was sad since Grandpa had just passed away. She pretty much ignored what I said and continued to talk about herself. We went out to eat and she managed to badmouth my siblings at our lunch.
Am I the jerk for barely talking to her since then, and now keeping contact to a minimum?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand why your siblings all made the same choice, and why you are now. She wants to be free of responsibility, well, now she is – from everyone. You’re an adult and get to decide who you want in your life, and she’s not a good person to have in it.” SingularityMechanics
Another User Comments:
“I don’t have a verdict—people process loss in a variety of different ways— but if your siblings are correct, you should probably be very careful around your mother. She may be looking for someone new to fill whatever roles she cast your grandparents in or fulfill whatever needs your grandparents fulfilled, and things may get very manipulative.
It’s difficult to find a balance between a relationship with someone with that disorder and taking care of yourself. Talking to a therapist who has experience with families of people with NPD might help you figure out what’s best for you. Good luck, and sorry for your loss” HalfBakedHunBun
18. AITJ For Dancing With Another Guy In A Competition Despite My Partner's Approval?
“I, (20F) have a partner (21M) and we have been together for almost a year.
Recently, we have been participating in the alliances week, (I don’t know if that exists in the USA), but it’s basically a week where all students from the uni are separated into different teams and have to participate in multiple activities to reach the maximum amount of points possible to win.
The problem here is that we were supposed to dance together, but due to a meeting that he had, we couldn’t. I asked if it bothered him if I still danced with a friend (I specified that I would like to dance with a woman if I couldn’t dance with him), and he said that he had no problem with it.
The next two days I asked him again, and he said that he had no problem with it, again, even if I danced with a guy. He said he really had no problem, that even if I had to do that, he would come to see me dance after his meeting ended.
The day arrived, and they paired me up with someone that I knew but wasn’t my friend. He’s gay, so I really didn’t have a problem with it, plus, I don’t like his personality, but he’s really good at dancing. He even wanted to ask my partner for permission, but he had already gone.
I told him that we already had talked about this, so, there was no problem. Note: I told my partner I was paired up with this guy and said “Enjoy, have fun, and win, don’t worry, I really don’t have a problem with it”.
Long story short, after seven rounds, we ended up in the final and achieved second place.
After all of this, I saw my partner in the crowd, I ran up to him kissed him, and hugged him. We went to a place for me to rest a little, and after 45 minutes, told me that he felt uncomfortable. I asked why, and he said that he felt displaced, uncomfortable, and simply “felt less”.
I said that all of this was already spoken, that he had all the right to feel uncomfortable, but I had no fault in this because I asked him more than 10 times and he said there was no problem with every one of them. He ended up crying and saying that he felt bad and it seemed like I was enjoying it (I enjoy dancing, but I didn’t even like the personality of the person I was dancing with, I was just happy to end up in finals for the first time), but he did just not believe me.
I finally just felt overwhelmed about this whole situation being a problem, because I told him that if he had any negative feelings towards me participating, I just would not dance. I felt like he was making a whole problem just to put all the blame on me, so I told him that he should think twice before telling me something because I did nothing wrong and he was putting all the blame on me.
He ended up saying that I deserved better.
AITJ? What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This seems like it went how it was supposed to go. You communicated. He tried to do the healthy thing. The reality of seeing you doing XYZ upset him more than he wanted it to.
He communicated that to you. It’s unfortunate that he was insecure, but insecurity doesn’t go away just because we intellectually know we should have more emotional fortitude. It sounds like he tried to compensate for it, to not burden you with it, and in the end, you got to do your dance.
You feel overwhelmed because you did the right thing, you communicated and asked about his boundaries and preferences, and he said one thing, and then ended up feeling another. But that’s just the thing about insecurity, it’s not your fault and it’s not his, it’s just something he has to learn to live with and address.” SatisfactoryLoaf
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here The situation is clear to me: he thought he was fine with you dancing with this guy. So he truly had no problem with it before. But then he saw you actually dancing and that gave him a bad feeling and he became jealous.
He simply could not imagine that this would happen and now he also cannot change that he feels what he feels. You also could not predict that he would feel this way. You did what you could to avoid bad feelings. So nobody is a jerk and nobody should be angry.
You both can learn from that about feelings, communication, and how sometimes it still doesn’t work, and one of you gets accidentally hurt.” IdesiaandSunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think your partner has low self-esteem and doesn’t feel like he’s good enough for you.
Seeing you dance/win 2nd place somehow brought out his fear. He misinterpreted your big smile as you enjoying being with the dancer when it was actually dancing that brought you so much joy. All you can do is talk and reassure him that he’s good enough for you.
What you say and what you do should show him this. Hopefully, with time he’ll believe he’s good enough.” MajorAd2679
17. AITJ For Not Warning My In-Laws Before Posting About My Son's Bisexuality?
“My (45f) son (13) came out as bisexual last year. My husband and I were completely ok with it as were everyone around him (family and schoolmates). We are very liberal and live in a big liberal city. There were no issues whatsoever. Most people around him found out organically and in passing.
He did not want to make a big deal out of it. He even asked my husband and I to mention it to some people so he didn’t have to. That is what he wanted.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. I saw an interesting discussion about coming out on social media.
My son and I discussed it. I then wrote a comment where I mentioned my son coming out. He knew I was writing this and was completely ok with it. The discussion that came from it, was very helpful and positive (which is rare on social media!).
A few days later my husband gets a phone call from his parents (who live in another country) . I was not home. They were angry that I had written a comment about my son coming out that many of their family members and friends could see (I have many of them as social media friends).
They said that I should have sent them a message warning them beforehand. That they should not have found out that way.
I was so confused and wrote to them. My son had mentioned being bisexual a few times to them last summer when we were on vacation with them.
It was often in passing but it was said. My mother-in-law (MIL) even answered ”Oh right” when he told her. It was also mentioned in phone conversations since then.
Fast forward this past weekend. My in-laws were on Facetime with my son. It was all going fine until my MIL started talking to my son about being gay.
She started rambling and saying things like how she always knew he was gay because he liked to play with hair when he was young and her hairdresser is gay. My son started to get extremely uncomfortable. He corrected her and said he was bisexual, not gay.
She wasn’t really listening to him and started going on and on about how she should have been warned in a message before I posted anything, even if they already knew. That now, their family and friends knew too.
She started backtracking and saying everyone was ok with it when my son, my husband, and I all said we didn’t care if others were not ok with it.
It was on them, not us. It kind of escalated from there. My MIL would not stop saying she should have been warned and would not let it go. My son was about to start crying so my husband and I just said we had to hang up.
We haven’t spoken to them since. They got my brother-in-law involved and he is totally on our side. He said he had to shut down stupid comments they made to him.
My husband and I are still upset that they made it about them and feel that their response was homophobic.
They would not have said anything if I had posted about him going on a date with a girl.
So, AITJ for not writing to them to warn them before I posted the comment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe them advance warning about anything, including an attack by space aliens.
MIL is irritating in the extreme, which is possibly her way of expressing her bigotry against gays. And if she isn’t a bigot, she’s still irritating. Go NC on her and see if that cools her off.” RealbadtheBandit
16. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up Closet Space For My Brother's Stuff?
“I (20F) live with my grandma at my mom’s house. My mom lives abroad. The house isn’t big. There’s a living room joint with a kitchen, a bathroom, 2 bedrooms, and a walk-in closet. My grandma has all her stuff in her bedroom since it’s bigger and has a custom-built wardrobe, a bookshelf, a big dresser, and a bed with drawers underneath it.
There’s plenty of space for her things. In my bedroom, there’s a couch, a small desk, a bookshelf, and a mirror, and I only have enough space to walk from the door to my window, because it is quite tight here. I bought this furniture when I lived in a rented apartment (I couldn’t live there anymore due to mental health).
I keep most of my things in my bedroom, apart from clothes and shoes which I keep in the walk-in closet. A year ago when my brother (29M) first split up with his partner for a bit, he took 75% of the closet for his stuff and he left most of it even after they got back together.
I was right with the space I had left, even though it wasn’t as comfortable as it was.
A few days ago my brother broke up with his partner again and moved back with the rest of his stuff. He came up to me and told me I needed to take my stuff from the closet to my room because he needs the space for his things, and since he doesn’t have his own room, and sleeps on the couch, I have to do it.
I said no, because I don’t have a dresser in my room and we’ve talked about this a year prior and we’ve agreed on the 75/25. I said that I’m allowed to have my things there and we talked with our mom a year ago and she said that we have to split the closet with each other.
He didn’t reply, so I left, but while driving I got a call from my mom. She yelled at me that my brother had a tough situation and that I should buy a dresser for my room.
I don’t have a job at the moment.
I got laid off a few weeks ago, but I’m actively looking for something. My grandma pays the bills for now in exchange for car rides, cleaning, and taking care of the garden. I haven’t really been going out much. My mental health is bad because I’m dealing with untreated BPD because I don’t have money for therapy.
So, I told my mom I didn’t have space or money for a dresser. She said my brother is sad now, so I have to do it. It’s day 3, I’m currently staying at my friend’s house, and now all of our relatives are joining in saying I should buy a dresser and keep it in the hall because he doesn’t have his own room.
Thanks to my mom now everyone knows I have BPD, even though I asked my mom and siblings not to tell anyone. They’re saying that if I’m mentally unstable I should go into closed treatment so my brother could have the room while I’m gone.
I start to feel like I’m the jerk and maybe I should just buy a dresser and keep it outside my room, or maybe sell some of my stuff and move it onto the bookshelf in my room, and keep the books in boxes in the shed in the garden.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Why are you the one asked to sacrifice when his life took a turn? When you don’t have a job you spend money only on priorities. Why can’t he buy a few totes or arrange boxes in the hallway to get by until he can afford a dresser?
Instead of him being grateful to have a safe place to sleep, eat, and store his stuff he becomes demanding of you…and ironically family members stand in line to support him; not you or grandma? Focus on you and your health.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why can’t your brother get a storage unit? I know they are literally everywhere. He’s literally putting you out by making demands of you due to his situation. If he wants space, he should get a storage unit to keep his stuff safe. If not, you can get what is basically an extra closet from Amazon for around $30.
He is the one inconveniencing you.” to-be-stealthy
Another User Comments:
“It is your mom’s house and you are all living there for free. She is not asking you to give up your room and take the couch, she is asking you to contain your stuff so your brother can have a space too.
If your roles were reversed and your brother was there first, wouldn’t you want him to make room for you? Sell your couch and get a dresser! Or ask a relative if they have any, find one online or on the street for free, or get a cheap one at a second-hand store.
YTJ” Routine-Focus-9429
15. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate's Sister Over Her Rude Remarks About Our Shared Room?
“My college roommate (23f) and I (20f) share a room. My roommate and I are still adjusting to each other, just like all roommates.
I have a significant other that I’ve been with for a few months now, I always ask if it’s alright with her before I have them over for the night (we literally just cuddle). I always thought it was a respectful thing to do and that respect would be upheld for both parties.
Today, my roommate had come back from helping her younger sister move into her dorm for her first year of college. What I wasn’t told was that my roommate planned on having her older sister stay the night in our room. When I get the text that she’s coming, I just shrug it off since I know stuff happens and she may just have been too busy.
My next red flag is when her older sister comes in and immediately starts complaining about the room. (Side note here is that I do have a compulsion to clean all the time due to bullying in my younger years from me being an athlete and of course, smelling like one after a full day of playing.) My roommate’s older sister starts gagging as if something is dead in here and making a point to audibly remark about a bad smell.
At this point, I’m not really paying attention since I’m busy reading on my side of the room, but the sister starts to spray heavily perfumed spray in the room and as an asthmatic, I start coughing immediately. Then she goes on to open our door wide open and starts washing the floor with Fabuloso.
As a Hijabi girl, I usually take solace in wearing what I want in the room, but with the door wide open I have to get dressed in case men pass by.
I’m beginning to get more uncomfortable, so I text my roommate: “Is there a reason your sister is talking about how much the room stinks while trying to single-handedly suffocate us all with the spray?”
The message was meant for my roommate, but apparently, the sister read it and stormed back into the room going off about the horrendous smell and how it smelled like three football players were in there after a workout. Personally, I don’t take that mess.
So my 6’1” self gets up and starts going off on her having horrible manners and being disrespectful. She continues to go on about how I must be a dirty person to live with the smell and how she just cleaned and it already smells horrible again (apparently my roommate let her in to clean while I was at practice).
I tell her to get out of the room and that’s when my roommate decides to make an appearance.
After her sister leaves she immediately yells about how I shouldn’t have spoken to her that way and she has an extremely sensitive sense of smell.
I see no excuse for that kind of behavior. They ended up getting a hotel room for the night. I may have been the jerk for reacting to how I did, so I asked my friends and significant other about it. My s/o agrees with the way I handled the situation and how I shouldn’t take disrespect like that, but some of my friends say I’m a jerk for calling out another person’s sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you may need to really watch your roommate because she may have complained to her sister about the room “stinking” and her sister was being dramatic in trying to make a point that it was stinky to bring it to your attention without blaming the roommate” No_Entrepreneur9939
Another User Comments:
“I’m getting an ESH vibe… It sounds like there’s an odor issue that you’re ignoring, and your roommate was tolerating to keep the peace… That being said, her sister doesn’t live there, so it’s not her issue… but now it sounds like your roommate has raised the issue, and she does live there, so… Leaning towards YTJ, I assume they’re not making up the issue about the smell…” Driftwood256
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- the sister was incredibly rude and it wasn’t her space. That being said, a clean room doesn’t necessarily mean no smells. OP, do you wear deodorant? It’s not uncommon that people are so used to their own smell that they are nose blind to body odor.
I am one of those people with a really sensitive sense of smell and body odor makes me gag (even my own). I would suggest having a private one-on-one conversation with your roommate. Tell her that you were offended by her sister’s rudeness, but it also led you to consider if there was any truth to her comments.
It may be that her sister is xenophobic/racist and this has nothing to do with odor at all. But it may be that you have smells you don’t notice. Side note- stop having your SO spend the night if you share a room with your roommate.
That is so awkward. I really doubt she’s actually comfortable with that- she’s just trying to be agreeable.” EconomyVoice7358
14. AITJ For Not Sharing My Wedding Venue With My Best Man?
“My (f23) best man (m24) recently got engaged to his partner (f24) and he has begun the long search for his ideal wedding venue.
My fiance (f24) and I have been engaged for around a year now, but never really started to look into venues as we actually already had one chosen due to my deceased great-grandmother telling me she’d love to see me be wed there. Despite being engaged for a shorter time than my partner, they plan to marry before us, which is something I am completely fine with, I’m just pointing it out as it is important to my perspective and argument.
Upon finding out the venue shut down, my fiance actually went and found out where my great grandparents got married, which turned out to be still around and is actually very similar to our original venue, not only that but it is a short drive away and had regular opening days for people planning to get married to see if the venue is to their liking or not.
My fiance and I decided to head down and invited a couple of friends as well, one being the subject of the ask.
He is usually really chatty, but after a few minutes of looking around the Manor, he fell quiet and actually ended up wandering off before driving home early.
At the time I thought it was because I wouldn’t let him bring his partner to the open day, as we don’t get along, but looking back now I guess I was wrong to assume that.
When we announced that we had chosen the manor to be our wedding location, he rang me in tears and ended up admitting that he had fallen in love with the location the second he walked in and was hoping we would decide against getting married there.
He proceeded to ask if I would be okay with him using the location INSTEAD of me, and I said no. He got heated very fast and asked me why I wasn’t willing to “hand off” the location to my best friend, to which I explained that I was not okay with handing it off to his partner, as he has been nothing but horrible to me since we were kids purely over my weight, and that this was the ONLY location left linked to my great grandmother that I could get married in.
He then asked if we could BOTH use the location, and I said no again, adding that I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about how he walked down the aisle I’ll be walking down, and slept in the suite I’ll be sleeping in. He told me that if I didn’t give him the ok, I’d be demoted from MOH to guest and he’d only attend my wedding if his partner was invited.
I told him that if he seriously wants me to invite the same guy who calls me a hog and squeals at me to my wedding then I’d not only be revoking his role as best man, but uninviting him too. He said that he saw where my priorities were and that he’d be glad for me to do so.
I’m worried that I’m the jerk for not taking the offer to both when it was easily doable and for uninviting him over a request he made to feel better over being denied.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is absolutely no reason why both couples can’t use the same wedding venue.
And if he is such a good friend, why can’t you and the partner find a way to set aside your differences and at least be cordial to each other? Uninviting your best man is such a childish thing to do..” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You don’t own the venue, it’s OK for the 2 of you to marry in the same place. Actually, if you were real friends, you could find this a fun experience. He sucks for marrying your bully. Why are you still calling each other friends at this point, I have no clue.” Afraid-Tea-5745
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. You don’t own the venue so really don’t have a say in who uses it. So many people are going to have been there and in that bed, it makes no difference. If you can’t stop thinking about someone else walking down that aisle that’s you issue and you’re actively being jealous and petty about it.
It doesn’t matter. Although they also suck on the grounds that if you were both really close then why on earth would they date a bully of yours or tolerate them still treating you like a joke. Sounds like everyone really needs to grow up” FoxfacePrincess
13. AITJ For Wanting To Set Boundaries With My Parents About Housework Before I Move Out?
“Today I (27/f) went out today with one of my best friends. We went to the gym, and she took me out to lunch in a little celebration of me getting engaged last weekend.
It took about 4 hours total since I also visited her family (like a second family to me) for a little while. I was out from about 8 am to noon.
I get home, and my dad is extremely angry, saying that we had things to do around the house today and that I shouldn’t go off making plans over the weekend like this, and between the gym and being out with my friends and my fiancé I’m “never home”.
For a sense of scope, I go to the gym three days a week, for about 2 hours total. I last went out with my fiancé Tuesday night for a family thing, which involved my parents and they insisted I come. I have not hung out with my best friend (or any friends for that matter) since three weekends prior.
So I go inside to put my stuff down and talk to my mom briefly and she tells me dad’s angry and I shouldn’t have been out that long, because I’m “not pulling my weight in the house”.
This is nonsense, pardon my language, because I’ve been out of work recently (laid off) and have been taking care of my sister during the day, doing most of the inside housework, cooking, and outside housework ever since I haven’t had a job, because I recognize that I’m not contributing to the bills right now besides buying groceries.
These are all things I did while I had a job as well, but I’ve taken a more thorough, deep-cleaning routine to the house due to the whole “more time to work on it” situation.
I have an elder brother (33/m) who took the trash off with me today, and that’s it, my parents encouraged him to go to an event with my fiancé to hang out.
This is all just background information, but what I’d really like to tell them is that the three of them really need to shape up and get used to caring for the house on their own, because I’ve been doing most of the upkeep on the house (plus caring for my sister, who is disabled) for most of my life.
And I’m not going to be living here much longer. So they need to straighten up and get used to doing this themselves because it’d be foolish for me to come over to do all of their housework every day when I have my own place and own family, which is somewhat rapidly approaching.
I’m 27 years old, and I’m tired of being lectured for even occasionally going out and doing stuff.
The more mature part of my brain realizes that I can just grit my teeth and bear it until I move out and that while I’ve always paid rent, my parents have been generously letting me live here “rent-free” for the past two months.
So WIBTJ if I tried to enforce boundaries there, and remind them that I’m not a teenager they can force me to stay at home and do “chores”, and that within the next year, I won’t even be living here?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I would take your own advice and just grit your teeth and wait until you move out with your fiance because if you bring up anything that would suggest them doing that they will most likely kick you out because you’re not agreeing to their terms. That’s why I like nothing better to never ever ever move in with my father again because it was just too detrimental to my mental health and my own autonomy .” GiraffeSeige
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Does he usually blow up? There is obviously a lack of communication here. I think your Dad might be freaking out a little because he got a taste of how things will be. You’re doing deep cleaning but he doesn’t know that.
He may be realizing how difficult things will be with your sister as they age. But he does need a little talking to, just don’t unload on him or you’ll get nowhere and you’ll be miserable for the next year. .” mlssac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to say.
From your comments below about your dad, I suspect they realize how much you do and are very worried about you moving out. His response is not rational, but it sounds like you’ve done a lot of the proverbial chopping wood and carrying water for the family and soon they’ll have to fend for themselves.
I have a feeling that they will be asking you to take on your sister a LOT sooner than you think and you’d better think about when you’ll be willing to do so.” corgihuntress
12. AITJ For Not Spending All My Time With My Clingy Roommate?
“So I’m a freshman in college, moved in about a month ago, and already me and my roommate are having some arguments. I met my roommate in my senior year of high school, and we got along really well and got accepted into the same school, so we decided to room together.
So we knew each other but not for a very long time or anything.
Anyway, I figured out pretty early that he was really clingy. I doubt he knew many people on campus because he would always get upset when I would go out and do something without him, like hang out with my partner.
I would invite him for anything else but me and my partner like to be alone. So that initially became a problem, but next (I think the second weekend we were living together) he wanted to go do something together, but I said no because I was going back down to my hometown to visit my family for my younger brother’s birthday (kind of confusing to explain, but they had some stuff planned and decided I would be there).
Anyway, he starts arguing saying I’m always gone and that I’m a bad roommate, I never want to do anything with him, and then guilt trips me by saying he feels lonely and almost like he’s living by himself, and that the only times he sees me are when I come back to sleep.
I tried to explain to him that we’re living together full time, so we’ll see plenty of each other and I don’t get how that’s a problem, but he just keeps insisting I need to be there at the dorm more.
So after that, even though I didn’t agree with him, I decided college wouldn’t be very fun if we both hated each other so I made the effort to be at the dorm as much as possible. I did that for about a week, went out with him and a group of friends on the weekend, and already I could tell he was much happier.
I felt bad because I knew I was making him sad by being away so much because he hardly knew anyone, but I have my own life too, but finally it seemed like he was having a good time and as was well.
That was until last weekend, at least. My partner (it’s a pretty committed relationship) asked if I wanted to go skiing with her and her family for a couple of days over the weekend.
I figured he’d be satisfied because I had spent so much time with him over the last week, but I was wrong. He completely blew up, telling me stuff along the lines of, “You’re leaving me here by myself all weekend” and this time I kind of lost my cool and it was a really big argument.
I told him I wasn’t obligated to spend time with him If I didn’t want to, and that it wasn’t my fault no one liked you and you didn’t have any friends. I kind of regretted what I said afterward though because he seemed hurt by it.
I apologized and said after I get back I’ll do some fun stuff with him, but I guess he didn’t accept that or something because he told me not to bother and that after term ended he was finding another dorm-mate. I don’t know if he’ll go through with it but it’s possible this is the end of our friendship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not responsible for his happiness or unhappiness. He should try to find an on-campus org to join or go out and make new friends. You are not responsible to do that for him or to keep him entertained. College is rough on everyone and you have a life and needs that go beyond just hanging out with him all the time.” Smtxflhi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you aren’t required to spend all your time with your roommate, I kinda think he likes you with how much he wants you to stay around him. He should be grateful that you guys are even on good terms and hang out sometimes, most people aren’t even roomed with people they know or like.
‘he told me not to bother and that after term ended he was finding another dorm-mate Good riddance I say, I do wonder if he would actually find someone who wants to stick around such an attention-hungry boy.” pretty-person
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the first year of college I was like your friend.
I thought rooming with someone I knew from high school meant we were best friends and would do everything together. I am also an introvert and a homebody, so any time was a fun time for me. Took me too long to realize she wasn’t as into it as I was.
Things went left real quick because, at the end of the day, my roommate was neither my mother nor my emotional support animal. Fortunately for us, I started joining clubs, joined social media, got a hobby and slowly became less clingy and dependent on her.
We actually started becoming friends after spending some time apart, and 15 years later we still check up on each other once a month without fail. All this to say, you are not responsible for the roommate. If he wants to move, then that’s his process.
Roomie needs to learn to respect people’s boundaries and to be responsible for his own emotions” 1st_year_at_34
11. AITJ For Uninviting My Extended Family From My Wedding After Their Hurtful Comments?
“Me M(30) and my fiancé F(30) are getting married in October.
I am paying to give my fiancé the wedding she always dreamed of having. However, my fiancé wanted to invite my whole family. Let me explain.
My fiancé has a big heart and wants to include all of my family in our wedding despite how much I hate them.
She wants to mend my family rift as it were. Something to know about my family (1 aunt 3 uncles and multiple cousins) are extremely entitled. They all have a righteous attitude, can never do anything wrong, can never be wrong, and look down on anyone who makes anything less than 250k a year.
My family has never treated me like I was part of the family.
So fast forward to last week. My extended family has been insufferable. It all came to a head when my cousins asked what role in the wedding they had. I explained that they were only invited and that beyond my parents, no one else in my family would be having a role.
This sparked outrage obviously. In a heated phone conversation, my fiancé overheard one of my cousins say that they hoped my fiancé would die in a car crash on the way to the wedding. I was in absolute shock. She ran off crying and I said this wasn’t over and hung up.
I consoled my future wife bought her and her mom a spa day and sent her off to relax a few days at a resort.
I sent out a group message inviting all of my family to my parents’ house and encouraged everyone to show up.
Almost all of them did. I bought food and beer and all the good fixings for my “family”. I make a habit of recording all of my phone conversations (1 party state). After dinner, I made an announcement stating that I was sick of all of the complaints after I had already made plenty of good-faith accommodations.
I stated that my cousins had gotten upset on their group call that they wouldn’t be involved in the wedding party and had crossed a line. I played the recording to the group and the look on my grandparent’s and parents faces said it all.
They were shocked, appalled, and filled with shame at the statements made. I went on to say that my fiancé overheard them and was distraught, to say the least.
At this point, I said “I hope you all enjoyed this meal and gathering as this was the last time you will be seeing me.
It is at this point everyone here excluding my grandparents and parents are uninvited to the wedding and will no longer be part of my life.” After that statement my father told them all to get out of his house. My phone began to blow up within hours stating that what I did was uncalled for.
That “they were only joking” and “you can’t punish all of us because of a few bad family members” blah blah. I replied, “I absolutely can punish all of you for this as you all encouraged this behavior.” I was then called a piece of trash and an ungrateful brat and jerk.
I was also called a family wrecker. It kinda has me feeling like a jerk so am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancée was out of line for forcing the invite in the first place. Weddings are not the place for family reunions.
And she sure learned you were right about them that the hard way, didn’t she? As for that “We were only joking”. That’s the standard cry of the bully, followed by the equally standard “You’re trash and a brat”. Good for you for setting them all straight.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Not Visiting My Mom In The Hospital Despite Her Telling Me Not To?
“I (29M) didn’t go check on my mother (53F) in the hospital after a serious health problem because she specifically told me not to go.
A few days ago my mom called me to tell me she was in the hospital due to her appendix bursting. She sounded super raspy and I got up immediately to leave but my mom is kind of hard-headed and doesn’t like people worrying about her.
Most of the time she says not to worry and that she’ll be fine knowing this, while getting ready to leave the following conversation was had.
Me: I’m getting ready to leave now, do you want me to come see you?
Mom: No I’m fine, don’t tell your brothers, I’ll be okay don’t worry about me.
(I have two half brothers (22M & 23M) same mom and different dad)
Me: Are you sure? It won’t be a problem at all, I can leave right now and be there in about an hour.
Mom: No seriously I’ll be okay don’t worry. I’m tired and waiting for a bed/medicine so I’ll be going to sleep soon.
Me: Okay, if anything happens let me know I can come up there whenever you need.
Mom: It’s not that serious, I’ll be okay.
Me: Okay, get some rest. I’ll call you tomorrow to check on you. I love you.
Mom: Love you too, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
For the next couple of days, I called consistently to check on her and also sent texts. Today I called her and she sounds wayyy better than she did when we first initially spoke when she was admitted. This was a huge relief because even though I can seem to not have much emotion I was VERY worried about her.
She was angry, she got very emotional and let me have it that I should’ve come to see her or at the very least sent her flowers. I was taken aback because this isn’t the first time she’s been in the hospital and every other time previously I did the same thing.
I would consistently call to check on her and there have been no issues.
This time it was different, she was very hurt and I felt so bad I teared up a bit while she was yelling at me. I love my mom so much and all I do is worry about her.
She went on about how she doesn’t have any friends that my little brothers would have come to see her if they lived in the same area and that she’s all alone. I had NO IDEA she didn’t have friends! She talks about the trip she took with her friend to Hawaii all the time so I assumed she had a lot of friends.
Anyway, I stayed quiet while she yelled at me and then she almost sounded like she was going to bring up my S/O (24F) who I live with. This is strange because whenever I talk to my mom about my S/O she says “I love her!” and “I like her the most out of all your EX SOs”.
But she stopped herself saying “I’m going to hang up before I say something hurtful, bye.”
That’s pretty much it, I feel like a jerk but my S/O says I was only doing what I was told and that I’m NTJ.
Should have I gone against my mom’s wishes to see her?
Thanks for reading.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ or No jerks here depending. When she has calmed down, tell her about that first conversation. Tell her you were standing, keys in hand, ready to go immediately to the hospital and she insisted that you not come, that she’d be fine.
More than once. If she says you should have seen through that and come and visited her anyway, NTJ. If she has no recollection whatsoever of that conversation because of medication or anesthesia (been there, done that, seen the video, still can’t remember it), No jerks here.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Your post seems like she likely said you didn’t have to come at that moment since she would be going to sleep anyway. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t come visit the next day or the day after that. No one wants to be alone in the hospital and I am sure she felt she shouldn’t have to tell you to come because you should have wanted to on your own.” The_ADD_PM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not cool of your mom to do a 180, unless she was incoherent due to medication. She’s 53 and appendix surgery is trivial if not burst, so I can see her not wanting to bother anyone, let alone her 17yo. But then guilt-trip you?
You should ask her which meds she’s on because they might be affecting her in strange ways.” cityflaneur2020
9. AITJ For Being Upset That My Relative Gifted Me 'Private Parts' Deodorant?
“I (20-something F) am having a birthday coming up soon (as of posting this, it’s actually tomorrow). I rarely receive gifts from relatives, though sometimes they send cards.
Two of my relatives are going to be staying with my parents and I for a little while soon, as we live in a pretty ‘touristy’ destination. It was kinda last minute, but no big deal.
Anyway, so one of the relatives in question (We will call her Lynn, she’s in her 60s), tells my mother that she was going to send a present to me in the mail, and also was going to be mailing some of her personal supplies (I’m not sure why, maybe so there are not issues with TSA?), so to be on the lookout for both of those packages.
I, admittedly, was kind of excited. Lynn is known for being a bit eccentric, usually sending silly socks or even funny hats and the sort, and I’m honestly just grateful to be given any gift considering my age, or so I thought.
Today, my mother goes to get the mail and comes back in with a medium-sized box.
She said she wasn’t sure if it was for me, and I looked at the box. The box has a huge brand on the back, and I immediately recognized it as being famous for being advertised as ‘deodorant for your privates’. I laughed at this, and immediately assumed it was for Lynn, and joked about how the box could stand to be a little more discreet.
My mother didn’t know what the brand was, nor that it was so heavily marketed as what it was.
About an hour ago, I came downstairs to see what we were going to make for dinner, and my mother handed me the box again and said it’s for me.
I look at the box, and it’s the same one from earlier. I assume she’s joking, so I laugh and hand the box back to her and give her a sarcastic ‘thank you’. She doesn’t laugh. She says she called Lynn, and that the deodorant was for me.
I honestly still think she’s joking until she says ‘You could stand to be a little more grateful’. Lynn and I aren’t that close, and we certainly aren’t close enough for her to send me that kind of thing as a gift.
My mother is angry at me now and says I should just take the gift and be happy about it, but I, on the other hand, feel really gross about the whole thing.
I might understand if it was a unique bar of soap or some weird eclectic body wash, but the product is very clearly and loudly marketed as a deodorant for your privates. I’m a very reserved person, and I don’t feel comfortable sharing that aspect of my life with my relatives.
Beyond all else, it just feels humiliating to me. My father also said I’m making a big deal out of nothing, but I can’t shake how invasive and weird this feels. I’m almost certain they wouldn’t feel this way if one of my male relatives had sent this product to me, but I know it’s not fair to raise that point.
They’re both telling me I’m being ridiculous and ungrateful for the gift, and I honestly am starting to believe that they’re right and that I should just be happy to have gotten anything for my birthday at all.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe, just maybe, your Aunt has also seen it heavily marketed, with younger people and thought you may like it, assuming it’s the brand I think it is, 1)It’s expensive! 2) it’s not just for private parts, but all parts 3). I have used it and it works well, and if she included a body wash, that stuff is amazing.
At her age, she could have just seen one of the (hilarious) ads and thought you would like it.” blueangele
8. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Watched The Movie I Worked On Without Me?
“Me (F27) and partner (M27) have been together for a few years now.
All around he is an incredible partner most of the time. He is still in school and has a pretty busy life. I on the other hand graduated a few years ago and am now fully in a career in the film industry.
I had the incredible opportunity to work on the new Barbie movie, nothing major of course but still an incredible experience.
Even got to go to the LA premiere for it. Obviously I invited my partner to join me but unfortunately, he wasn’t able to. I was, of course, incredibly bummed out that he wouldn’t be able to join me on one of the most exciting events for me in my career.
However, I was not upset with him because of this, I understood why he wouldn’t be able to come. As I said earlier, he is still in school and unfortunately, he had an exam on the evening of the premiere. I completely understood this, it was a very important exam that he couldn’t miss out on.
I still went to the premiere, on my own, and had a great time.
Fast forward a week. We are sitting on the couch just enjoying each other’s company, as we often do. He’s scrolling social media and I hear a clip of the Barbie movie come from his phone.
That prompted me to say “Oh we should make some time to go watch it soon!”. Now this is where it begins.
To my surprise, he turned around and told me that he already saw it. Obviously I’m a bit shocked because, what?? He could sense my surprise and explain that a couple of days ago when he was hanging out with his friends, they went and saw it.
Without me. Now, obviously I don’t care that he went to see a movie without me, I care that he went to go see a movie that I WORKED on without me. He could still tell that I was taken aback by the new information that he clearly didn’t think was a big deal.
I was for sure a bit hurt in the moment but I still explained to him what I was hurt. I told him that even though he didn’t go to the premier with me, I was still hoping that he would watch with me first at some point.
He said that he didn’t think it was a big deal and that we could just go watch it again sometime, that it would be both of our second watches. I told him that it was a big deal to me, that I wanted to watch him experience the film for the first time, to see if he would be able to point out things that I had worked on and told him about during filming.
I am a pretty emotional person, my partner knows this, so at this point, I’m already starting to tear up a bit. Normally when I get emotional, he’s always there to comfort me, but that night he stood his ground firmly and even started telling me that I was being “controlling” because I was upset that he went without me.
He’s been cold all week now.
I just wanted to be there when he experienced it the first time, AITJ for being upset that he went without me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Surely not a problem that he sees a movie with friends, but this is more than “a movie” — the film industry is cutthroat and this is a victorious watershed moment for your career.
(And there’s no guarantee a similar event will come along again for a long time.) I’m somewhat disturbed by the lack of wherewithal displayed in the original decision (but hey, a mistake, school stress fries the brain, forgivable); but the blasé attitude after you expressed clearly what hurt you… not a great sign.
From the perspective of a stranger on the internet, it sounds vaguely jealous. I’d let him cool off and have a more frank discussion, but you’re definitely not the jerk (and hopefully he’s not, either.)” aemondstareye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It was a big break in your career and makes sense that you would’ve wanted to watch it with him for the first time to share your hard work with him.
It is very valid for you to be upset and he should have comforted you to make up for it. Unfortunately, it already happened and you cannot change him watching it the first time but he should definitely step up his game and make it up to you for hurting you.
You can also still make it a special moment with watching it the second time together by dressing up and taking pictures together and maybe getting dinner afterward to celebrate the hard work you put into the movie.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Expecting My Housemate To Pay Back Money He Owes Me From Our Energy Bill?
“For the past year, I (25F) lived with 2 friends (both 28M) with a 1 yr tenancy. My housemate, let’s call him Jay, volunteered to take care of the energy bills, he chose the energy company & had his name on the bills whilst my other housemate, let’s call him Ben & I paid an equal share of 3rds to Jay.
The energy company Jay said was the cheapest required a £400 deposit, which I thought was weird because who wants to pay a deposit to pay their energy bills? But after Jay explained that we’d get the deposit back as long as the bills got paid on time & we stayed with them for a year.
So I agreed & paid £133. The energy company offered a fixed tariff each month & if we didn’t use as much energy as we paid for then we would receive credit at the end of the year.
Fast forward to the end of our tenancy, Jay outlines the amount of credit owed to us all (I was owed £114) & I ask if that amount is on top of the £133 deposit.
He said we broke the contract so we weren’t getting our deposits back. I asked him how we broke the contract because as far as I knew we had paid all the bills on time & had been with them for a year, Jay said he ended the contract early as he needed to transfer the account to his new house because he set up the energy bills a couple months late but his new housemate already had his bills set up.
This means Jay would have known from the beginning of the contract that he would have needed to transfer the contract after he moved in order for us all to get our deposits back. I said to Jay that I didn’t agree to the contract ending early & wasn’t even told about it, so was expecting my deposit back.
We got into a heated argument with Jay telling me it wasn’t his problem I was broke & blocked my number. I emailed asking for the account details & contract & he ignored me.
He still owed me the credit & a week later I hadn’t received anything so I messaged Jay & he said some stuff about me not paying wifi bills & having to pay for his calls to the energy company which amounted to just under the credit amount so he wasn’t going to pay me anything.
I explained that he was wrong, I had paid the wifi bills, sent proof & said I had also been on the phone with the energy company & paid more for my call so if he was going to be like that he owed me even more.
But I’m not that petty & wouldn’t add it onto the £247.
Basically he’s trying to not pay me anything. Jay is way better off than me & won’t consider £247 as a lot. I don’t see how I am at all in the wrong I believe I am owed every penny of the deposit & overpayments.
It’s not his place to delegate my money & pay bills that I don’t owe, pay his phone bill, or cancel a contract without any communication with the rest of the household when their money is involved. Considering we’re in a cost-of-living crisis I find his attitude appalling.
Everyone I’ve spoken to agrees with me, I am looking to pursue a small claims injunction & potentially confront his friends about it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to ask for the money.” Square_Philosopher45
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you are not going to get your money.
See what you can do in small claims court. Everything you think about Jay is true.” Rich-398
6. AITJ For Distancing Myself From A Toxic Co-worker During My Introvert Recharge Time?
“I sometimes have phases in my life where I get so socially drained and need to be alone.
One time, after a week of interacting with people (both work-wise and not), I suddenly got this strong need and urge to be alone for a while. I have a coworker (we’re close but I don’t really consider her as a best friend, just really hanging out mostly in the office), who I hung out with a couple of times outside of work along with other coworkers.
We’ve been friends for 3 years but it is a kind of weird friendship because she does a lot of unkind things to me, to her partner, and to other people at work. I tried to break it off once but that did not go well because of all the guilt-tripping she does.
And I felt sorry for her because of.. well. the guilt trips. So, that week I was so drained I knew I had to recover fast. I would decline her invites to eat lunch with her, eat lunch alone, and then nap for the rest of my break.
I told her that I needed time alone after all the socializing I did — which was too much for an introvert like me.
Some of my coworkers noticed it and asked her if something was up with us. One day, she opened up to me and said all the stuff that made me feel like I wronged her for staying away.
Non-verbatim, she said things like “I’m not used to being alone” and “When will it end?” — referring to my recharge / coping mechanism “Is it true that people feel that way?” “what did I do wrong?”
She literally thought everything was about her. I didn’t think of it that much but I ended up consoling her and saying she did nothing wrong etc, etc. When I got home I sent her a message and said she does not have to think that my decision to stay away was because of her.
It’s just that I’m going through some stuff that I need to deal with on my own, and that sometimes people are just wired that way. The next day she told me that she told her partner about our talk and about my message. The partner reprimanded her, saying she “invaded my space”.
That was when I realized that yes she did invade my space. I was dealing with my own stuff, but here she was, thinking that everything revolved around her. And she had the nerve to talk to me about it while also implying that I abandoned her.
Worst part? She cried. Like I broke her heart or something.
Disclaimer: she’s clingy, she never takes no for an answer, she’s good at guilt tripping you so you say yes, she’s also kinda mean (points out my flaws, mocks me when I make a mistake at work, always has something negative to say on things that I’m excited about) She didn’t use to be this way.
Now I don’t really hang out with her that much. She still tries to rope me in but I learned how to say no now, especially when what she wants inconveniences me. She would get whiny and insist I say yes, which is exasperating. And from time to time, she says things that make me feel guilty for it.
Idk. She has terrible abandonment issues. Am I the jerk for no longer tolerating her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – That is INCREDIBLY toxic and manipulative behavior, whether it’s a self-aware behavior or not. I know it feels wrong but keep cutting her out of your everyday life as soon as you can till she doesn’t bother talking to you anymore, cause her lousy behavior will only going to get worse.
She’s not a real friend to you and only keeps you around cause she gets off to making you miserable” SimplyMichi
Another User Comments:
“Ntj People learn boundaries when faced with boundaries. Nothing, not family, not friendship obligates you to spend time together and yield to someone’s demands on your time if you don’t want to spend time with this person anymore (well, except children I guess).
She is an adult and you do her a disservice agreeing when she gets whiny and guilt-trips you, at the same time hurting yourself. It is good to say no when you feel like saying no and acting according to your needs is the best thing in the world.
If you weren’t exhausted by interacting with her when you didn’t, you’d probably have some will to spend time with her. But by giving in you hurt yourself and your relationship (and as a bonus, she never learns better). She’s an adult, she’ll deal with being alone, and if not, she’ll find a way to not be alone.
It is not your responsibility.” monocerosik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a coworker just like her. Mine would invite me out after work and whine incessantly about her ‘husband’ who she refused to divorce but didn’t live with anymore. Never got a word in about my life.
Just her insane marriage. And her birthday? Let’s just say the entire office had to be decorated and she wore a sash and crown the entire day. People like that, especially co-workers, are an emotional drain. They make you feel that somehow it’s all about them and if you don’t give them the exact dose of attention they crave, they drive you nuts.
Good for you for keeping your distance and standing your emotional ground.” roxywalker
5. AITJ For Kissing A Friend's Ex-Casual Fling, Accused Of Breaking Girl Code?
“I (37f) share a group of friends with my friend Lori (35f). She’s actually closer to them than I am. Years ago (3-5?) she started seeing one of the guys, Mike (now 42m).
My understanding was that it was fairly casual. They ended it eventually. She said he wasn’t smart enough for her, indicating it was her who wasn’t interested.
Recently I ran into the group at a festival and ended up hanging out with them all night.
There were 8 of us and eventually, we all headed to a nearby bar. At one point I went to the bathroom and when I came out everyone had suddenly left. It was only me and Mike left. He slipped his arm around my waist and started flirting with me.
I think I was set up. That everyone left on purpose so we would be left alone? It threw me off as Mike and I hadn’t been talking almost the whole night. He tried kissing me and I pulled away. I didn’t think about him like that.
And I told him all the reasons why we weren’t a good fit. He was adamant we would work through everything. A classic tipsy conversation. We ended up going for late-night tacos and talking a lot. He walked me home and kissed me good night.
My tipsy brain went along with it this time. But we hung out a bit the next day and I went back to my original resolve—I wasn’t interested. We haven’t spoken since.
I got together with Lori the next day as we already had plans.
I casually shared the story with her since she knew Mike and she quietly listened. Well, last night (one week later) she told me I broke the girl code. I didn’t even know what she was talking about. She said it’s something you learn in high school—you’re not supposed to kiss or see guys who have seen your friend.
She said it’s gross and she couldn’t be close friends with someone who thought this was ok.
I’ve never been in this situation before. I grew up in a religious home and left the church at 20 and returned at 26. I left again at 30 and was a loner until I made this new group of friends.
Nobody was hooking up with one another in my former friend circles so this is all foreign to me. And I feel like at our age this code is irrelevant unless your friend was in love. In your late 30s, you can’t claim someone is off-limits because you used to hook up.
Seeing someone is hard enough as it is.
I’m starting to think she’s not revealing how deep her feelings are for Mike. And I’m wondering if he broke up with her rather than ending it. I suspect ego may be a part of her reaction too but I’m not sure.
I told her I didn’t intend to be insensitive. I’m not a jealous person and it wouldn’t bother me if she or anyone else went out with my former partners (if I hadn’t been in love) so I didn’t think anything was wrong with this situation.
And it’s not like I had pursued him. But again—at our age, I don’t think it’s fair to say people are off limits because you used to hook up. It just seems so juvenile to me and high school-esque. I haven’t told her this but I need to talk to her and I’m not sure what to say.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You and your group are hovering around 40 and you are spot on that she is talking like you are all still teenagers with some dumb code. There are plenty of people who go out with the exes of their friends and then even compare notes !!!
Sounds to me like Mike certainly engineered getting along with you and also that, for some reason, Lori is jealous that he did.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t do anything wrong by kissing Mike. You didn’t pursue him, you didn’t sleep with him, you didn’t have any feelings for him.
You were tipsy and he kissed you, and you told him you weren’t interested the next day. You also told Lori about it, so you weren’t hiding anything. Lori is overreacting and being unreasonable. She has no claim over Mike, especially if they had a casual fling years ago and she wasn’t in love with him.
She is being insecure and immature. She needs to get over it and stop trying to enforce some outdated “girl code” that doesn’t apply to your situation. You are not a bad friend, she is…. that’s all.” DannSteeler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they were, to the best of your knowledge, over with, then you didn’t break whatever imaginary code she had – and especially since you’re not actually seeing him, nor did you sleep with him.
The older I get, the more I realize that if someone says that they “can’t be friends” and threatens to walk away, it’s a sign of drama and BS. I let them walk away. It’s not indicative of a good friend. I would consider “can’t be close friends with” as a sign of her pulling away, and letting her.
If she wants to stay in touch, she’ll be back.” Fanculo_Cazzo
4. AITJ For Ignoring My Retired Father's Advice On A Project In My Business?
“Recently I, 35M had a disagreement with my father, 70M regarding a project that falls in the category of the profession he retired in. My father successfully owned and ran a small business from the time I was a child until he retired totaling around 30 years.
I moved 8 hours away 3 years ago to follow my passion in a very similar industry and started my own business 2 years ago. So far since I started my business I’ve had steady work, a good income, and built a decent reputation for myself.
Recently a customer (not a friend, this is important later) contacted my father for a project.
He forwarded the job to me as he’s retired and I took on the project. The problem came up when my father visited for an unrelated reason and I brought him to the shop to see the new projects and related interests. While we were going over everything new and making a bit of progress on the project mentioned before we ran into a disagreement on how it should be done.
Now is a good time to mention my father and I do not work well together, we know we don’t work well together, and in hindsight, it was a mistake to do so at this point in time. While in the middle of what I thought at the time was a mild disagreement, I made known that he obviously wanted to see it done his way and I wanted to see it done mine and we should just drop it and move on.
That’s where I thought this was going to end. We ended the day, went home, had a nice dinner, and he left for his home the next morning. End of story right? No.
Around a week later I got a phone call from Dad with bits of small talk and casual chat until he brought up that he had been in contact with what was his customer and is now my customer and let me know that after talking to him, the customer has now decided to go with my father’s way of completing the project.
Admittedly I got pretty upset at this point and rushed to the end of the conversation using the excuse I needed to get to work. I was told the phone call was made to my father to chat about something unrelated to the project, but it just so happened to come up.
It’s noteworthy that my solution is aimed more towards safety and Dad’s solution is aimed more towards comfort. In the industry, a certain amount of safety can be sacrificed for comfort or vice versa within reason depending on the situation and it’s traditionally up to the person in charge of the project to make an educated decision.
Now, I’m upset because my father went around me and consulted my customer (that was his) without me, and my dad is upset with me because I disagree with his solution that the customer now agrees with. So, in your opinion, am I the jerk for wanting to disregard my father’s advice knowing he has 30 years’ worth of experience?
Or is he the jerk for going around me and consulting my customer without my knowledge?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. Your father isn’t helping, he is just trying to get his way. Calling your customer was completely out of order too.
At 70 though I doubt he will change. I would just try my best to separate my business from him in the future. Like you said, you don’t work well together. Although what a shame you can’t use the resource of information he has without him taking over.
Seems you’re doing well in your business though, so I am sure you no longer need his guidance anyway!” OP-he
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if the client hasn’t contacted you to make the change, I would assume that they were just being polite to your dad and want you to complete it the way you quoted it to them.
Call them and confirm the specs. Bring up your dad as little as possible. The work order between you and your customer has nothing to do with him.” Wooster182
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It is fine to tell your dad you do not want his input on your shared profession.
Ask him to respect you want to continue to build the business as you see fit.” DesertSong-LaLa
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To See A Movie With My Friend's Kid?
“I (23f) and my best friend (28f) have been friends for 1 1/2 years. I don’t enjoy the company of children enough to seek it out often and will make my own plans on days she has her child (co-parents with ex).
I don’t want children so much I recently got my tubes removed, and have never been silent on this opinion which she fully supports as she’s pro-choice. This has never been an issue that I know of with her our whole friendship until this weekend.
I need to state how I adore her child but don’t have the energy to be around her more than one or two days a week.
As soon as the Barbie movie was announced, me and I made plans to go see it together.
We were going to dress up as Barbie and I planned on smoking a bit and drinking before the premiere. This past weekend we finally picked a date, Saturday. But a few hours before the premiere she told me that she had forgotten her father’s birthday was that day and bailed to go spend the day with him.
Totally understandable! The next day on Sunday she had her child, and I asked if she was still interested in seeing the movie this weekend. She said yes and as she had her child I wasn’t opposed to going with her but was unhappy about it.
I kept my mouth shut though as we all planned to dress up to see the movie the child got sick (vomiting everywhere) and we couldn’t go again. (Silently pleased on my end) and asked if she wanted to go see the later showing when she sent her child to their father’s.
That’s when she told me she had promised to see the movie with her daughter and would feel bad going without her. I was crushed. I really did not want to see this movie with her and was super upset that she promised that without even asking me how I felt.
I didn’t say anything that day as I’m a bit of a pushover and scared to confront people. Monday comes along and she sends a message saying she and her child are going at 6:15 and if I’m coming. I responded by saying how I wanted to smoke and drink a bit before the show and that I didn’t want the kid to see me in that state as she doesn’t even like drinking around her.
She blows up on me, I’m paraphrasing here but she says that she can’t believe I’m bailing on her with these plans that we’ve had just because she’s bringing her daughter. And that I’m choosing substances over her and her daughter.
She throws the I’m a mother and will always choose my daughter at the end of the day card and how she needs to reconsider this relationship because she suddenly realized how much I don’t like kids.
I am absolutely devastated. I shouldn’t have used substances as an excuse to sugarcoat how I feel like my boundaries were broken and I feel dismissed. She’s breaking our friendship up over this.
And I tried to ask to talk more in person but she will not hear me out. Telling me she needs space. I live with her and pay rent! I don’t feel like this is a reasonable reaction to all of this. I feel like I did something absolutely terrible.
I miss her and wish she would hear me out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I cannot stress enough how much a 3-year-old toddler does not even belong in a movie theater – especially for a PG-13 live-action film. The chances of her daughter sitting quietly through the entire film would be next to impossible.
Not only would it ruin your experience, but the experience of everyone else in the theater as well. She’s being inconsiderate of the plans you made long before she decided she wanted to bring her daughter along. She should’ve rescheduled for a time her daughter would be with the father.” Rainbow62993
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It didn’t sound like your friend’s reasons were fake, and I can understand if she promised her daughter she could go and then she got sick that she’d want to follow through on the promise. Needing to get tipsy and do substances before the movie is an odd excuse.
As an aside – since Barbie is a little girls’ toy, I assumed the movie is also targeting little girls. Some of the comments mention that it’s not targeted toward young kids, which would be surprising but good to know.” Ok_Remote_1036
2. AITJ For Not Inviting My Bio Father To My Wedding After His Harsh Reaction To My Elopement?
“My Husband (27M) and I (26F) got eloped back in April 2023. We decided we wanted one day to ourselves and tell everyone later, but still wanted a wedding.
We had already begun to have issues with my Stepmother and Bio Father not cooperating with our wishes and making demands for things to change for the wedding. I never wanted my stepmother to really help me, but for some reason, because they put funds into something meant they got to call the shots.
I was never ok with this because I wanted my mother-in-law to help me plan this. (I have a much better and closer relationship with my mother-in-law than I do with my stepmother. Unfortunately, they kept insisting we take the funds as if it were a gift. It was never treated like a gift going forward).
We wanted to just get all the paperwork out of the way first so we didn’t have to deal with that coming back after our honeymoon.
After we “officially” got married my Grandfather suddenly slipped into a coma that same weekend. They didn’t think he would make it through the night.
I got this call the very next day which was beyond shocking. We ended up telling all of my husband’s family and close friends we had already gotten our certificate and everyone was extremely understanding. However, I never got the chance to tell my Bio Father and Stepmother.
12 hours go by on Sunday driving up to my home state and we make it to the hospital at 1:20 am. My grandfather was on life support and I’ve never seen my father so hysterical. I was in a rock and a hard place not being able to tell him.
We made it in time to say goodbye. My grandfather was the first person to know in the family that I was married before he left this earth, he over anyone wanted to be there. But could no longer be. A couple of days had gone by and everyone seemed to have calmed down for the most part, and I knew it was probably time to tell them.
But of course, I got negative backlash from all of this. I was also not trying to be the center of attention at all. I felt it was important for them to know out of respect. I was told I was a huge disappointment to them.
My Father yelled at me like a grown man, he had never done that to me before and never would have if my husband was there. I ended up catching a flight home, considering they called me a freeloader for driving up with my dad (I paid my way when I was offered a ride).
I paid them back for everything. I didn’t need their help with anything.
About a week after my return, he shut my phone off that we had on a family plan. I had completely paid off my phone, by the way. We haven’t talked since.
I’ve now come to a point where I’ve gone so long without communication that I don’t know what to do. So, AITJ for being too harsh to worry for my well-being/ peace and not inviting him? Or should I invite him? People have told me this is a long-term decision that could affect/ haunt me for the rest of my life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m sorry for the loss of your grandfather. Your family sounds exhausting. Invite them to the wedding if you want to salvage the relationship. This will be your opportunity to set boundaries with them. If they give you any grief you can always rescind the invite.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- don’t invite them. They don’t respect you and will drag down what should be a special day to celebrate with the people who actually care about you.” ThatWhichLurks782
1. AITJ For Changing My Last Name Without Telling My Absentee Father?
“I (17) changed my last name to my mother’s (45) last name instead of my father’s (46). I was conceived during a one-night stand and my bio parents were never ‘together’ or in a relationship.
I’ve always lived with my mum and I don’t see my dad a lot. He’s never made an effort to see me and/or is very good at forgetting he’s made plans with me. This is something he’s done since I was young and my mum used to cover for him.
She’s never painted him as the bad guy, even going as far as letting him come to my sister’s (not his kid’s) birthday parties if she (and me) were okay with him being there. He’s made plans to meet up with me many times, and then “forgets” that he invited me along.
My mum has always told me “your dad is quite forgetful, but it’s okay, we can go to the park today instead if you want to?”
She made him seem nice, and never once told me what she actually thought of him until I was older, and realized that he wasn’t the person I thought he was.
I’ve had many issues with my dad recently, with him yelling at me for being upset that my sister kept bringing up a loved one who had passed before Christmas in a very nonchalant way (the death was on my mum’s side and the sister is on my dads) and telling me off for being upset that he forgot that he said he’d take me to this concert he got tickets to but instead invited someone else.
I recently, after speaking with my mum, decided that I wanted to change my last name from my dads to my mum’s. I don’t legally need a parent’s permission to do so, but my mum said that if it’s something that I really want to do, then she’d pay for me to have it done.
I’m very close with my mum, she’s been there for me more than my dad ever has, and so it made sense to me to change it.
Here’s the issue, I didn’t tell my dad when I changed it, I didn’t want to start anything, and the people who I spoke to about it agreed that he didn’t need to know.
However, through looking at my provisional license, he is now aware that I changed my name, and yelled at me for it. He told me that I “should be grateful to have his name” and that I should’ve “asked him about it before”.
I tried to argue back that I’d probably change my name if/when I got married anyway, but he just spewed insults at me that “this is why I’m his least favorite”
He then told my grandparents who were also on his side about it, and agreed that I was now a “disgrace to the family name” and that I would always be seen as a disappointment to them. My response to that was just to say that “I can’t be a disgrace to the name, because I no longer have it” and then I walked away.
My phone has been blowing up since the incident, with my dad flickering between calling me a disappointment, saying that he never wanted me, and him saying that he’s “sorry” and that he “overreacted”.
I’ve also had messages from other members of that side of the family.
I haven’t replied to any of them, because I don’t know what to say. So, am I the jerk for changing my name without telling my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have the right to change your last name to be the same as the parent that raised you.
Being a dad isn’t about giving your child your name, it’s about stepping up and being there for your child. He wasn’t there for you and your mom did an amazing job (especially in not trash-talking your dad to you when you were a child).
Kudos to her and kudos to you for taking her last name.” CanadianDNeh
