People Risk Making Enemies In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Telling My Friend He Can't Dictate His Family's Forgiveness Timeline?
“I recently reconnected with an old good friend from high school. We were somewhat close then, but lost touch in the years that passed.
He revealed that he was unfaithful to his wife a few years ago. She and their adult kids have since rejected him and haven’t reconnected. He was recently complaining to me because they couldn’t let it go.
He said he would “accept responsibility for up to a year” but after that, it’s “on them.”
I let him have it. I told him that he has no right to tell his kids how long they should be hurt. He was the one who betrayed their mother, and he shouldn’t expect to be forgiven on his timeline.
Now he won’t talk to me.
I might’ve been too harsh because it struck a nerve. My grandfather was a womanizer. I saw the effects it still had on my mom and grandma even decades later.
I’m thinking I might be the jerk because we’re not that close anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If it’s a friend you’ve totally lost touch with then the consequences of giving him tough love are probably easiest for you to bear. If you were screaming at him, you’d be a jerk. But just telling him the truth doesn’t make you one.
He likely has exhausted all other outlets to try to get people on his side, so you just didn’t let him get away with being bad again. Which isn’t a bad thing.” FlaxFox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you told him was the truth. He was unfaithful, he betrayed his wife, and he broke up the family.
He has no right to dictate how long they should wait to forgive him and reconnect.” DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – While he didn’t ASK for your opinion he was complaining and whining about it – he wanted you to back him up and agree with him.
He didn’t get what he wanted so he is now pouting as well. You put a mirror to his face regarding his actions and the resulting consequences. He didn’t like it – he wants to be absolved of his actions and doesn’t want to live or be held accountable for his actions and wants everyone to “get over it” so he can move on.
He can*******. If you’ve lost him as a friend, you haven’t lost much.” 1moreKnife2theheart
21. AITJ For Continuing To Play Piano Despite My Neighbor's Complaints?
“I (18) live in a semi-detached house with my parents, and our neighbors are elderly people and they told us one of them has undergone an operation/surgery and is very unwell.
I have a big hobby for piano and since I live in university most of the time, I don’t have much of an opportunity/time to practice or play. When we first got complaints I decided to move the piano as far away as possible from the shared wall and played quietly.
They even told us that it was ok to play in the afternoon up to around 6 pm. Everything was fine after this, although occasionally they would knock and ask me to stop playing – I would always comply and stop immediately.
I recently came back from university after a long time away from home and started practicing in the afternoon.
Whilst playing I heard loud bangs on the door, I went and answered and the elderly lady started accusing me of playing loudly on purpose to disturb them, hammering the keys, asking me when I’m leaving for uni in a demanding tone, telling me I should study instead of playing piano, and threatened to speak to my family’s landlord if I continue.
I was deeply apologetic despite her being quite impolite, I told her it had been a long time since coming back from uni let alone getting any complaints whatsoever, and that I didn’t think about her husband/forgot he was very unwell, but she was still rude and purposely slammed her door when she went back in her house.
AITJ if I continue playing even if it’s within reasonable hours and reasonably quiet? And should I confront her because I regret letting her speak to me rudely despite being sincere and sorry.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you could in your control to appease them.
That was very polite, empathetic, and mature of you to do. You are allowed to do what you want in your own home. Because they expect it to be quiet all the time doesn’t mean you have to be. Now that I said that as long as you aren’t being extremely loud and it’s just a piano I don’t see a problem.
Keep practicing. That generation likes to complain and poke at everything.” StandardGoat2686
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are playing the piano during the day, not in the middle of the night. It’s ridiculous for them to expect complete silence 24/7. Are they yelling at everything: airplanes, trucks, barking dogs, kids playing?
What about the noise they make in their own home? Are they tiptoeing around in slippers, never clattering dishes & silverware? Your neighbors are being ridiculous! Tell her to buy earplugs or noise-canceling headphones for her husband.” Born_Significance691
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people just have difficulty with piano playing, I experienced the same thing.
We lived in military housing and our apartment was on the first floor, the complainer was on the 4th floor and would complain to my father. We are allowed to play until a certain time of the day which I was. When once again the lady approached my father, he basically said yeah, she plays quite well don’t you think and totally brushed her off.
So, you are playing during the day and did what you could to accommodate them. They are out of line. If any kind of noise bothers them then perhaps they would feel more comfortable in a retirement home. (Although those places are lively too at times.) Don’t worry.
You are not doing anything wrong and I hope you keep on playing!!” shafiqa03
20. AITJ For Leaving Home After My Stepdad Yelled At Me For Wanting Alone Time?
“I (16) am doing a fashion internship (32 hours of work per week) and a side job in a shoe retail store (16 hours per week). Because of the amount of work pressure, I’m always very tired. And because of an upcoming costume competition, I work on my costume every evening.
When I come home, I prefer to get an hour to myself before talking to my family because I talk a lot during my internship. And I have communicated this to my parents calmly several times, and they said they understood.
But basically, every day they get really mad at me because I don’t want to talk to them when I come home.
But today my stepdad started yelling for hours and made several comments about me being lazy and that he hopes I lose the competition and that I’m a brat of a child. Due to past mistreatment from my biological father, I am very sensitive to yelling and fights.
So I snapped and packed my stuff and went to my partner. While I was packing and leaving, my mom kept trying to get me to talk to them but I just ignored them both. But now I feel bad for just walking off instead of trying to talk it out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Needing time to decompress is more than understandable, especially when working retail or spending hours in an academic setting. If you were lazy, you wouldn’t be spending extra time on a project that’s an investment in your career.
What possible benefit is there to you losing this competition? How can your stepfather justify such a counterproductive comment? His logic is flawed and frankly rather childish, winning or even participating in the competition reflects your ambition, laziness is the direct opposite. In fairness, your response did you no favors, but it’s understandable for anyone to react defensively when being repeatedly verbally attacked. Especially for something they’ve explained and mutually agreed upon.
It’s far more understandable than your stepfather lashing out, name-calling, and hoping you fail. He’s a fully grown adult, you’re 16, no one’s brain is fully developed at 16, and emotions are a big part of it. How can he find your reaction anything other than expected with the example he set?
This is a difficult time for most young adults, there is all the professional pressure and little respect, particularly from parents. They have spent over a decade taking care of and providing for their child, and there is a certain degree of entitlement they feel to knowing everything about their life whenever they want.
But you’re not a child anymore, and you’re not wrong for being emotionally drained or needing time. I fail to see what effective communication could come from the volatile situation you left, there’s a time and place for mature discussion, raised voices, names calling, and lost tempers isn’t it and would have likely exacerbated the issue and resolved nothing.
Good luck with your competition. You should be really proud of yourself.” Last-Butterscotch-68
Another User Comments:
“Darn OP, I am so sorry to hear this. I also require quiet time because of my anxiety, and it is difficult to get people to understand the difference between wanting quiet time, and needing it to recharge.
I tell people that my thoughts are like snow in a snow globe, swirling around all hectic and haphazard, and I need the time to let all those snow thoughts settle to the bottom. Some people get it, but people like your stepdad clearly do not.
NTJ but I would try a different approach. Next time let him scream and yell and carry on like a child. Once he is done, simply ask “Are you ok? Because you seem like you’re getting super emotional….” Men like him LOVE this lol. Flip that script and just sit back and watch his little wheels spin with frustration.
I’d recommend maintaining this cool calm demeanor until you have succeeded in making him look like the one with the problem. Good luck!” slackerchic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You TRIED to talk it out. Several times. Your SF is a complete and total jerk and your mom is a jerk for letting him berate you.
Here’s an idea. There are these things called “paper calendars” that old people like me use (joke). See if you can grab one somewhere – a big one with great big squares. Put your schedule on it, in very colorful markers and hang it up – it’s a concrete, visual demonstration that you’re not even close to lazy, and there’s a darn good reason you need some quiet time to recharge.
And tell your darn mother that I said she’s darn lucky to have an amazing, driven, industrious, creative, focused child and she should look up “parental estrangement” and perhaps realize she’s going to lose you if she doesn’t keep her stupid husband in check and give you a darn break.” Thelibraryvixen
19. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Mom's Free Labor After Graduation?
“I recently graduated and my mom practically begged me to come home for the summer. I spent my undergrad summers on campus for research or traveling, so I said okay. I quickly remembered why I stopped coming home. My mom likes to pretend she misses her kids when really all she misses is the free labor she can force us to do.
I cannot have even a second of peace without being ordered to do something. The laundry, the dishes, cleaning the kitchen, the bathrooms, the dining room, etc. It’s always something.
She is the biggest source of mess in the house. Everyone else cleans their plates after use.
She just piles them in the sink and tells me or my siblings to do the dishes when it gets too full of her stuff. Same with the kitchen, she’ll cook for herself, leave pots and spices out, make huge messes, and leave it for someone else to clean up.
Meanwhile, all she ever does is sleep, party, and eat. And make messes. I am not surprised, considering this is the same woman who has openly admitted that her primary purpose for having kids was to have people do the stuff she can’t be bothered to.
But I am not a maid, nor do I take kindly to being treated like one.
It took less than a month for me to get sick of it. She told me to do her laundry and I announced right then and there that I would be moving to the city where my MD program is much earlier than planned. I’m willing to bet this woman has never done my or my siblings’ laundry a day in her life, certainly not a day past infancy.
If indentured servitude is a requirement for housing, I’ll find my own accommodations.
She flipped out, telling me I couldn’t go and that I was selfish for leaving because she works night shifts and needs help around the house, blah blah blah. She’s married. Ask your husband.
Or hire help. She acts like she’s never done anything other than the bare minimum of putting food on the table and clothes on my back.
I told her to get off her lazy rear and to do her own dirty work instead of bringing me in to clean up after her.
Then I called her a user because she only ever speaks to me when she wants me to do something for her. The argument got heated and my dad broke it up. Neither of them is talking to me, and I’ve had 3 family members call to tell me how much of a selfish brat I am.
My dad’s opinion I don’t really care about, he stopped daring to take my side a long time ago. But one of my aunts who called is usually pretty level-headed and impartial, despite being my mom’s sister, and she ended up chewing me out pretty badly.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ best to leave. I keep seeing people recommend the book “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents.” I can’t vouch for it myself, but the way you describe your mother reminded me of the title.
“Emotionally immature” seems to sum her up. Unless she has some disability or is going down to the river and beating clothes on a rock, laundry shouldn’t be that tasking for her. It sounds like part of this is about control for her.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“”If indentured servitude is a requirement for housing, I’ll find my own accommodations.” It is reasonable for a child living at home well into adulthood to be expected to perform chores. I agree, however, that the expectations here are excessive considering these circumstances.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is treating you like a servant. But one question: HOW ARE YOU PAYING FOR SCHOOL? If she’s paying for your school, then you would be a jerk for not helping around the house.” ElmLane62
18. AITJ For Going On A Preplanned Vacation The Day After My Grandmother's Funeral?
“At the end of May, my grandmother passed away at the age of 98, her viewing and funeral were on a Thursday and Friday. Before her passing, I had lunch with her 4 days a week since the Dr. office I am a nurse at is right across the street.
While there was nothing specifically wrong with her, I personally had noticed that she had been slowing down a lot in the last 4 to 5 months and while there is nothing medical about it, I personally had a feeling there wasn’t a lot of time left with her.
The Friday of her funeral was the day before my husband and I were set to leave for 2 weeks for a Cruise/Disney Vacation with our 4 kids (we left on the Saturday after her Funeral). We still went and had a good time. Several of my cousins, and one of my uncles all sent me messages about how inconsiderate it was for me to go on a vacation so soon after her passing.
I told them that since I went to see her regularly, I had already made my peace with her passing. I also reminded them that I told them of my gut feelings before she passed so they all had a chance to travel to see her as well.
(They all live out of state from where we do).
About half of my family agrees with me still traveling since this vacation was planned over a year ago, and the other half thinks that I should have canceled or rescheduled it. So AITJ for going on vacation the day after my grandmother’s funeral?”
Another User Comments:
“Whilst she was alive you spent quality time with her regularly. You paid your respects. Then you spent time with your family. Absolutely NTJ – life is for living. For any who are making negative comments ask them whether they are still wearing black and for how long.” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is perfectly fine for you to go on a preplanned vacation, one that I am sure you and your husband had to ask your employers for time off. If you feel like going there isn’t anything wrong with it if you are up to it.
Ignore your cousins and uncle, if they had something preplanned I doubt they would change their plans. They don’t understand not going may have cost you money, and possibly paid time off.” DrSueuss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was in a situation somewhat related to yours.
I visited my dad 3-4 times a week normally, then every day when he was in the hospital for three months before he finally passed after a few days in a coma. My sister called to tell me to not be too hard on myself for not being there at the moment he died like she was.
I actually wasn’t bothered in the least, because I visited my dad when it mattered, while she (who visited him very infrequently) was there to watch some machines stop beeping.” Signal_Wall_8445
17. AITJ For Cooking And Taking Leftovers From My Old Roommate?
“I had to move out about 8 months ago because I got a new job and this place was too far. But I am still pretty close with my roommate/friend (Annie) and we hang out pretty often.
After I moved out Annie got a new roommate and I am currently renting a room in my landlord’s apartment. My landlord is ok but is very strict about cleanliness and what I cook. If you know anything about living in Singapore with a landlord you will know what I mean.
So I am not allowed to do much cooking except instant noodles. This is not an issue normally as I eat at work anyway.
So coming back to the question above, since I am still pretty close to my old flatmate, I visit her and sometimes we cook together and intentionally cook extra so I can take it with me.
I do not go over to their place just to cook. I cook when Annie and I decide to cook and eat together, Annie tells me to cook extra to take home. This happened three times in the last 7 months. The last time this happened her new roommate got angry with me when she saw me packing the food and told me this is not my parents’ house and I should stop doing this etc etc.
Annie tried to defend me saying that I was her guest and I am free to take the food we cooked together. And also before the new roommate moved in, they were allowed to have guests who could stay over. So the new roommate has her friend over who stays the night etc so why can’t Annie have her friend over?
The new girl says it’s not the same so idk, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. I’m leaning toward NTJ, but we really can’t judge this one unless we know where all the ingredients came from. In a roommate situation, there is some overlap in groceries where all will pay part of the cost. Unless you pack in more food than you pack out, that could easily cause a problem with the new roommate.
And I wouldn’t blame the new girl for objecting loudly to see you packing up food that you created (basically) with groceries she helped pay for.” Southern_Boat9193
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Annie has a right to have guests, cook with a friend in her apartment, and give food she made and bought the ingredients for to her friend.
This is none of the roommate’s business. Unless you are noisily cooking when the roommate is trying to sleep, not cleaning up, using things the roommate bought, making very smelly food, or are there almost every day I don’t see why there should be an issue.” Bluemonogi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is absolutely ridiculous. You’re visiting your friend & you’re cooking & eating together. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And you’re taking leftovers which you probably paid for. It’s not like you’re stealing anything. For whatever reason the new roommate doesn’t like you.
Maybe she’s jealous of the relationship you have with Annie. And for her to say it’s not the same as having her friend over? It’s exactly the same. She doesn’t have a leg to stand on.” NOTTHATKAREN1
16. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Sister's Influencer Dreams?
“So my 36-year-old sis left her call center job making $25 an hour because she wasn’t happy and hated her job. That was a year ago. She didn’t start looking for a job until now. She had been asking me for money. I didn’t mind helping her at first. Then it became almost every other day she was asking for money.
She kept saying she didn’t want to work. She wants to be an influencer. So I told her don’t ask me for any more money.
She texted my phone a week later talking about how I hurt her feelings and that she would have never said that to me.
She doesn’t care how many times I would have asked. She also throws in my face that I had to stay with her 5 years ago.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good for you for not enabling this. While I understand that some people need to leave their jobs without having another one lined up due to health reasons this doesn’t seem to be the case.
Most people don’t want to work, they HAVE to work. She thought she could mooch off of you indefinitely? Also being an influencer is not all it’s made out to be, people think it’s easy but in reality, the ones who actually make money are constantly making content and interacting online to stay relevant, they also have huge followings which is not easy to get.” here4thecak3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My university friend went on to work a corporate job for many years. Her long-term goal was to be an influencer. She has a background in marketing. She put aside money for years, created a following, developed a long-term plan to gradually phase out of corporate, and understood what set her apart from countless others.
She eventually quit her corporate job and does well in her influencer role. I just saw an ad from a national brand and saw her in it. I didn’t even know she had a deal with that company. All that to say that sure she can have that dream but she has to be smart about it.
It’s not an easy role to be successful in. Her plan shouldn’t involve being a sponge.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“How long did you stay with her 5 years ago? Did you have a job? Were you contributing to rent/utilities/groceries?
My instinct is to say NTJ. You are not responsible for funding her influencer dreams. But my answer might change depending on how you behaved toward your sister when you stayed with her.” AnonymousPopotamus
15. AITJ For Wanting To Break My Lease Due To Neighbor And Landlord Disputes?
“It started yesterday morning, my landlord lives across the street and came over to mow our grass. Our neighbor to the side of our house came out upset because it was pretty early in the morning. A big conflict broke out and 4 cops and an ambulance showed up shortly.
This happened around 7:30 am. I ended up leaving and my husband had gotten home later that day.
My husband went to finish our yard as after all that happened our landlord decided to let my husband finish and he came home and went to start the push mower and it wouldn’t start.
So my neighbor offered to let my husband use his and my landlord and his wife saw this and called my husband over where the wife proceeded to tell him that she knows we just moved in but not to associate with, and stated louder, those jerks.
My husband just walked back and came inside as the neighbors and my landlord and his wife started arguing again. My landlord came out to his fence with a rifle on his shoulder and his wife had a pistol on her side and they proceeded to yell.
The cops eventually came and it calmed down.
While the cops were at the house with the landlord we went to talk to the neighbors and explain that we have nothing to do with anything they have going on drama-wise. In the end, the cop came back to the neighbors and stated that he didn’t care who it was but if he had to come back someone would be spending the weekend in jail.
My fear is that this will continue till it escalates too far and I fear kids will be caught in it as I always have my niece over and she’s always playing with the neighbor’s kids, and I also worry the landlord might begin to be a little rude to us as he’s seen us talk to the neighbors.
My question is AITJ for moving and breaking my lease due to this or am I just being overdramatic?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely not, NTJ. This is how an old teacher of mine passed away, over some dumb neighborly dispute. The fact that you just moved in and are already dealing with police issues and people arguing is insane.
I’d absolutely get a copy of the police report and see if it can get you out of the lease without it costing you your deposit and such. I’d be terrified of living in a house between 2 people who are beefing that both own weapons, are highly reactive, and are willing to use those weapons.
Nope, forget that.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what on earth. Get out of there, get the police report, and report the fact that the landlord and his wife threatened people. It’s already escalated too far. You do not want to be around lunatics, let alone have children near them.” LurkerByNatureGT
14. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up My Brother's Dog's Vomit?
“So this morning, my (27F) brother (27M) walked upstairs to take a shower, directly past a big puddle of his dog’s vomit and tried to tell me to clean it up.
I told him no, on the basis that it was his dog that vomited, not mine (my dog was in my bedroom with me at the time).
Because he always tries to make me do the dirty work in the house, I stood firm. His dog vomited, he found the mess, he should clean it, and I wouldn’t be taking him to work this morning unless he did. I then got in my car and drove a mile or so down the road, which is where I’m currently typing this.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You’re not being unreasonable at all. Your brother’s dog made the mess, and it’s only fair that he takes responsibility for cleaning it up. It’s not like you had anything to do with his dog vomiting or making the mess.
It’s also understandable that you stood firm on this issue because your brother has a history of trying to make you do all the dirty work in the house. You’re setting a boundary and taking care of yourself, which is something everyone should do. Your decision to drive away until he cleaned up the mess shows that you’re willing to take action and not be taken advantage of.
Good for you!” xSNYPSx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The owner is responsible for the dog. Had you been the only one home, yeah, it might have been nice so as not to stain the rug/floor/whatever. But, being “ordered” to by your brother – a huge no. His dog, he was there, his responsibility.
He could wake up his wife or do it himself. Just because you are the chauffeur, doesn’t mean you are the slave.” BefuddledPolydactyls
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My wife and I have an agreement. I do not clean up cat puke. I have an aversion.
She recognizes this. She knows that I do clean up any other mess: I handle the litter box (and one cat has bad aim), b***d, or any other mess than puke. Now, if ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY I have cleaned up puke once or twice. It was horrible, but I did it.” GrimSpirit42
13. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In My Mother's Scheme To Protect A Thief?
“So this happened a couple of nights ago and at first I didn’t think I was the jerk but I’m not so sure anymore.
My (28f) mother (46) called me at 8 pm, now my mother rarely calls me. We have an okay relationship but I do most of the communication, so this was odd.
I answer and the first thing she says is “I need your help, I think you’re the only one that will help me.”
Oooookay, so I ask what’s up and it basically boils down to the following situation; Mum manages a petrol (gas station for those in the US), one of her young employees is pregnant and going through a hard time and was working when a customer handed in a wallet found near the station.
The owner of the wallet was found but has claimed there was $300 inside when it was lost. The customer who turned in the wallet admitted to and paid back $100 that he stole. It turns out that the employee has admitted to taking the other $200 and will give it back.
Now to me, this doesn’t sound like an issue, give the money back and it all goes away (what the owner of the wallet wants, doesn’t want police involved unless it is his last resort), easy right? Apparently not. My mother has had the idea to make an anonymous phone call to her assistant manager at the station, claiming to be the mother of the customer who handed in the wallet, and say that they found that their son lied about the money and that they will be returning the money to the station for return to the owner so that this employee doesn’t face any repercussions.
I said no immediately and told her that this plan was way too complicated and would blow up and the only (and easiest) way for this to be handled is if this employee returns the money and admits what she has done, and that I wouldn’t stick my neck out like that for someone I don’t know.
This turned into an argument, in which, my mother said “I expected you to help because you’ve been in trouble before and I’ve helped you, she reminds me of you, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t know her, I do.”
While yes I have gotten myself in trouble, I knew where to draw a line.
I never stole from my employment and I worked extremely hard to turn my life around. Not only that, she’s my mother, if she wouldn’t help me who would have?
So AITJ for not helping someone I don’t know?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The wallet owner just wants his money back, your mother can lend it to the employee, or give it directly to the wallet owner.
What’s with all the elaborate fictional backstory and play-acting?” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but not because you don’t know the person. You don’t participate because this is a dishonest scheme and getting involved could potentially get YOU in trouble. Whatever your mother has done for you in the past is not relevant here.” Both-Ad1586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this scheme is just crazy and would likely lead to the assistant manager checking any camera footage, which I wouldn’t be surprised if there was incriminating footage. I expect your mum could give the money back not in front of the AM and the problem would just go away unless someone does anything suspicious.
If she gets found out and fired, well, there was the easy option of *not* stealing the money in the first place. Dunno what it’s like in Aussieland, but in the UK the parent ringing up would just be weird af. They’d just send their kid or drag ’em there themselves.” quenishi
12. AITJ For Talking Back To My Mom After She Blamed Me Unfairly?
“Yesterday, I (22) talked back to my mom (41) because I felt like she was not hearing my side of the story.
Recently, my mom (41), my dad along with my two younger siblings (female 15 and male 3) went away to take care of some things concerning the properties they have bought over the years.
They went away for 4 days, which left me with my other sibling, male 21.
They came home yesterday morning but while still traveling, my mom texted me to tell my brother to cook breakfast (my brother is the designated cook in the house) since they will arrive earlier than expected. After receiving the text I immediately informed my brother but he refused to cook saying he still needed to do the laundry.
After hearing this, I immediately informed my mom that my brother was doing something else. I think she got mad (based on her tone in the message) and insisted that there should be food already when they arrive.
Scared that she would get mad, I took it upon myself to do the cooking (I only cooked noodles as per her instructions).
After cooking, I also cleaned up the house and took care of the dogs.
When they arrived, I was surprised by her outburst saying how useless my brother and I are. She said a lot of hurtful words and I just cannot stand it that’s why I talked back.
I explained to her that my brother refused to cook since he wanted to do his laundry. After hearing this, she raised her voice at me and I just had enough. I talked back and told her how she always thinks she’s right and did not even try to hear my side of the story and just immediately concluded everything.
Turns out, my brother told her that I did not inform him that they were coming home which is why he did not cook. When my brother went home, I confronted him in the presence of my mom, and after realizing what truly happened my mom did not even apologize to me.
Instead, she proceeded to list the things I failed to do while she was away. I’m just so sick of our situation because it feels like whatever I do is not enough for her. She has always been like this before but I never talked back because in our culture it is disrespectful to do so.
I just had enough today and there are lots of things on my mind (I have an exam coming up so I’m a bit stressed). She later then on sarcastically said that I am always right since I’m about to graduate college and I’m looking down on her.
She also added that she’ll get back at me if I ever asked her for a favor in the future. And now, she’s giving me the silent treatment.
I know she is trying her best to be a mom to us but she just never tries to understand us, the only thing important to her is her opinion and that she should be always right.
Honestly, I want to leave our house because it is getting toxic but I don’t really have enough money to do so and I don’t have a job yet.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since she has so much to say; enjoy the silent treatment while it lasts.
Parents really have to be shown that their children don’t have to deal with their bad attitudes. There are so many people going “No Contact” with problematic family members and parents must be reminded they are no different. If she is so adamant about keeping that nasty attitude she can keep it to herself, for the rest of her life.
You’re NTJ and I truly hope she can see past her own flaws to work on herself.” Background-Fox-6637
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – did your brother have a phone? Why did your mother tell you to text him to tell him what to do? My parent did this, telling me to tell my other sibling what to do, as a way to alienate us from each other.
It saves her the trouble of being the bad person who was asking the children to do their chores. Do me a favor. Please look into narcissistic qualities and ask yourself if your mother fits them. Plan what you can to take care of yourself because you know logic doesn’t enter into your home right now.
And if you can’t rely upon being treated fairly, you need to get out.” PicklesMcpickle
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know what culture you’re from, but in mine, it’s time for you to leave. Get a job and move out. She sounds incredibly dismissive and demanding.
You’re a human being, and you deserve to be treated like one. You tried to stand up for yourself and say so. She stepped on you for having the gall to do that. Why didn’t she text your brother directly? She set you up to fail, and she’s taking pride in that.
She is not trying her best to be a mom. She is being abusive. Your house isn’t getting toxic, it’s already that way. You can only decide how much of this you will apply to your future choices, but that’s my reaction to your post. NTJ.” Fredsundertheblanket
11. AITJ For Removing My Mom From My Phone's Location Sharing?
“My very religious Mormon mom (50) has always been overprotective and has been constantly and obsessively checking my location since I (18F) have had a phone.
Even going to the extent of texting me if I was at a location I hadn’t informed her I would be going to. She does this to my siblings as well and my older brother (21) even had to remove her from seeing his location for doing the same to him.
A couple of weekends ago my long-distance partner (21) of 2 months came to visit and house-sit for his older brother. He asked me if I wanted to hang out with him all weekend and spend the night there so of course I said yes. That night we were awoken at 2:30 am to a call from my mom asking where I was and why I wasn’t at my apartment.
I told her I was spending the night with my partner (who they have met before) and that it’s the middle of the night so why was she even looking at my location? She said she couldn’t sleep, and she had a strong urge to check my location.
She told me that I needed to go home immediately because it was inappropriate for me to be having a sleepover with my partner. We argued on the phone for a couple of minutes until I finally agreed to go home. I didn’t drive there so my partner had to drive me home 15 minutes away.
I am 45 minutes away from my parents at college and I am an adult, so I didn’t think I needed to ask permission to sleep somewhere other than my apartment. 2 days later I told my therapist about the situation. She suggested that after everything she’s heard about my mom, the best thing for me to do would be to remove my mom from the list of people who could see my location.
That way she couldn’t obsess over it, and I could live my life without that stress.
I didn’t tell my mom what I was doing and the next day she asked me why she couldn’t see my location and I told her about the conversation with my therapist. She got very upset and said she has a right to see my location for safety reasons and I told her that everyone else in the family has access to it, and if there was ever an emergency she could ask my dad.
She keeps saying that it’s disrespectful of me to do this to her after all she does for me and continues to bring it up still 3 weeks later.
To be fair, my parents are paying for my education, and they are helping with part of my rent.
But does that give them the right to still have a say in everything I do and the way I want to live my life? I’ve talked to my dad and he said he understands that my mom can be a little obsessive, but she just loves and cares about me and my safety.
Ultimately he supported my decision and after talking to both my older brothers, everyone seems to be on my side and think it’s best for everyone, but at the end of the day, my mom still hasn’t forgiven me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I might approach it as the location feature potentially being unsafe (I don’t believe it is, and turning it off probably would not make you safer since the phone still needs to know where you are). NTJ. You need to get everybody to agree that this tracking idea is useless, if a serial killer grabs somebody it probably won’t help that some of you and AT&T knew where they were yesterday.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“I completely support your decision as you are an adult. As a parent of 4, I tell my kids if you’re adult enough to turn off that feature, you’re adult enough to pay for your phone. They all have the feature on. That being said, I think I check it twice a year.” SWC8181
Another User Comments:
“If you pay for the phone, NTJ it’s yours and you can do what you want. If your mom pays for your phone, YTJ it’s her money and she can track it if she wants. Other than that the circumstances don’t really matter.
Being an adult means having freedom but also providing for yourself, so it’s kind of your choice whether you are an adult or not.” tenisplenty
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Elderly Grandparents To Care For Them?
“I (24f) was asked by my father to consider moving in with my paternal grandparents (84m, 80f) to take care of them.
My grandfather is quite weak (trouble walking, shortness of breath) due to age and some health problems and my grandmother has trouble walking and is at the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s.
My parents live 10 minutes by car from them, while I live 1.5 hours by train away (I don’t have a car).
I just finished school and in August, I am beginning to work as a nurse working 12-hour shifts alternating day/night.
We have put a request to a local care center for elder people, but it could take a while. They would essentially have their own flat there, but there is always a nurse and a doctor if anything is needed. Also, the meals are provided, when requested – but we could be shopping for them, that is no problem.
My grandparents have some acquaintances there and they all say it is well managed and they are taken care of. In the meantime they are ok by themselves, my mother goes to check on them 2 or 3 times a week, when she goes from work, my brother does the big shopping trips for them and I usually handle doctor appointments, which happen in my city.
I have no problem going there to help them on my days off (I do that now), but if I live there, I am going to be taking care of someone 24/7 (at work AND at home). I just don’t see myself living like that without any breaks.
So, will I be the jerk if I don’t move in with my grandparents to take care of them? I am feeling guilty because they took care of me my whole childhood, but the 2-shift work will be difficult enough without a 1.5-hour commute each way on top of all else.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because your parents and/or grandparents took care of you when you were a kid, you don’t owe them anything. Your parents chose to have you. Your grandparents chose to care for you. You didn’t get to choose anything. Help when you can and where you can ON YOUR TERMS but absolutely do not set your own life and career on fire to become a 24/7 carer.
Your parents can be primary carers since they live much closer. Your dad is just being a major sexist jerk. See he is A MAN so he cannot possibly be asked to care for HIS parents but the carer needs to be A WOMAN.” fruitynutcase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents are much closer and your dad does not seem to be involved at all. I suspect he’s asking you because you have nurse training. I understand you are feeling guilty, but have all other possibilities been explored? Or is your father simply choosing the “easy” and free option?
Perhaps he could get involved like your mother and brother are (and yourself on your days off). Perhaps he could pay for a nurse to do home visits. Because that’s a lot of pressure to put on you. You’d basically be working two jobs, one of which you’d not be compensated for, AND that involves family, so it’s a lot more pressure.” Tancredi29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ look I’ve been there and done that. I cared for my mum until she died, then inherited my nana and was doing her care while working two jobs. I burned out and ended up depressed and in a bad state. Not worth it – and I ADORE my family.
It’s not unreasonable to sit down as a family and work out what you can reasonably and realistically do – maybe one day a week, do their shopping or an overnight every fortnight. I’ve done this more recently with my Grandpa – I did Sundays while Grandma went to church.
Worked far better for my mental health, my family got certainty and Grandma got a break. Good luck, sorry this sort of thing sucks.” Vana1818
9. AITJ For Taking Back My Keys To Prevent My Brother From Using Them?
“I (20f) am living in another country for university. Since rent here is so high, my grandma offered me a place to stay in exchange for household help and some financial support from my parents.
However, my grandma is very old, aggressive and stubborn. Things escalated a couple of months ago when I asked if I could buy a drawer for my room and she got mad and threatened to throw me out and make me homeless. We had an argument and I decided to leave and move in with a friend.
My father sometimes visits, and borrowed my spare keys, but he left them at my grandma’s. My brother (16m) will be staying with her soon and using my keys. I wanted to see him and arrange a lunch to get my keys back, but he ignored my calls and messages for weeks.
When he finally responded, he said “I don’t want to see you thank you bye.” I was confused so I called my mom, who explained why he’s mad.
Basically, I have two parrots that I had to leave at home when I moved. My parents agreed to care for them, but I suspected they were just doing the bare minimum, so I often checked on them during visits.
One day, I saw an Instagram story of my brother and his friends partying in my room at 2 a.m., shaking the parrots’ cage. I sent the story to my mom and decided to leave my parrots to a trusted friend of mine who is taking care of them.
My brother got in trouble because of the story, and he’s been mad at me since.
My parents are on vacation and indifferent to the situation, so I decided to take back my keys from my grandma’s place before my brother arrived. This means he would need to ask my grandma to let him in, and wouldn’t be able to stay out late because she goes to bed early.
I felt this was reasonable given his disrespectful behavior towards me. He abused my pets, posted it online, and then gave me the silent treatment for weeks. Yeah, there is no way I’m lending him my keys.
I went to my grandma’s, reconciled with her (though I’m still staying with my friend), and took my keys.
My mother thinks this was petty. While I partly did it to teach my brother a lesson, I also needed my keys to access the house after he leaves. My grandma goes on vacation the day after he leaves, and the keys would remain inside the house so I wouldn’t be able to get in.
She’ll come back in September. This seemed the only viable solution since my brother refused to see me.
My mother believes I should have tried harder to make amends because my brother is younger and doesn’t understand that he’s wrong. I don’t care.
He’s 16 and ignored me for weeks without even telling me why he was mad, which I had to learn from my mom. He abused my pets and posted it online; he’s lucky all I did was send the story to my mom.
After arguing with my mom, who now has to deal with my brother not having the keys, she called me a jerk.
So, am I wrong for taking back my keys and preventing my brother from using them?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, NTJ. Your mom expects YOU to be the bigger person partly because you’re older and partly because you’re female. It’s infuriating but true and far too common across the world.
Don’t bend and point out the bit about the keys being in the house when YOU need to have them to look after the house while your grandmother is away. You’re 20. You don’t have to do anything but perhaps remind your mom that if your brother can’t show respect, why should he get any?” LettheWorldBurn1776
Another User Comments:
“”My mother believes I should have tried harder to make amends because my brother is younger and doesn’t understand that he’s wrong.” He’s 16, not 6! Your brother played a stupid game and won a stupid prize By the way, exactly how much trouble did he get himself in?
You said that your parents are indifferent about it, so you taking back the keys can’t be the only consequence your brother is facing. “Brother got in trouble because of the story. My parents are on vacation and indifferent to the situation.” Surely they realize the gravity of his actions?
The parrots can’t just shake it off, and carry on like nothing ever happened. Was there anything else done by your parents to remedy the situation? You’re NTJ.” Mo-By-Mo
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is enabling your brother to be a dude no one wants to be around–he is 16 and DEFINITELY understands (if he doesn’t then he needs professional help).
Though you are being just as immature, taking the keys doesn’t help the situation in any way, and hoping he learns by inconvenience. Everyone’s a jerk here. Your brother was a jerk on his part, your grandma for hers, and you for yours (like trying to fight fire with fire, smh).
Though glad you did find alternative arrangements for your pets.” LargeAd2358
8. AITJ For Refusing To Talk To My Neglectful Mother After She Kicked Me Out?
“My mom got pregnant again after having me and had a girl, two years later she had a boy.
Let’s call them Eric and Luna.
My dad later told us that we had to move out due to his workplace, so we went to South Africa, here’s when my mom began to be worse.
There’s a lot that happened here but needless to say, my dad eventually divorced my mom because she kept neglecting us.
Moving forward, my dad won custody and my four siblings and I are currently living with him as he married our current stepmom.
Whenever we visit Mom, she would try to tell us things that aren’t true, my younger siblings would believe her since they’re just children who aren’t even teenagers yet, but I had my suspicions about her words so I didn’t pay it much attention.
The last time we visited her, she kicked me out of the apartment, why? Simple, I told her that our visit is over and we need to go back to South Africa, she kicked me out and locked herself and my siblings inside with her.
Thankfully I had my stuff ready but my suitcase was still inside, so all I had was a phone, my charger, and my shoes on, that’s all I had. I called Dad and asked him to pick me up.
It’s been 15 days and my mom hasn’t even thought about contacting me, but we managed to get two of my sisters back, Jasmine (10F) and Claire (6F).
In the car, Jasmine was crying because she was scared of mom, Claire tried to calm her down but ended up crying as well, only leaving my stepmom to calm the both of them down, while my dad and I tried reasoning with Luna (13F) and Eric (11M), but they just said that they wanted to live with mom.
Eric was not taking things seriously and I gave up on him.
They ended up coming back, they had learned a tough lesson but at least now they know that living with mom is not good for them in the slightest.
The recent call I got from her was yesterday, she called and I answered “what,” which she instantly got mad at me and said “what?
What do you mean what? I am your mother, you do not give me that attitude, give me your siblings now, I want to talk with them.” I gave her Luna first, she gave the phone to Eric, and then it got passed to Claire after a few minutes.
Jasmine never took the phone since she refused to talk to Mom after what happened the last time we visited. When the phone got passed to me, I asked her what’s her problem and she said “it’s none of your business, I do not want to talk to you” so I replied “okay, then don’t call my number again” then hung up and blocked her number.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There has to be a reason your father has custody of all you children. Your mother does not sound like a very stable person at the least and maybe even an abusive one. You’ve all been allowed to spend time with her and it has not gone very well.
So sorry for the situation you find yourself in. Hopefully, you are well-treated and doing well while living with your father and stepmother. Hopefully, they are there for you when you need them. Whatever your mother’s issues are, you are not required to allow her to be unkind and hurtful to you.
If she cannot manage to be the mother she should be, I totally understand why you do not want to deal with her, and I support you in that decision. You need to set fair and healthy boundaries and feel okay about that. Maybe things will get better in the future, but in the meantime, do what you need to do to not be subjected to these unreasonable and hateful outbursts from your bio mom.
Let’s hope she will get some help for whatever is causing her to act this way. Only she can decide to do that though, you cannot make her do that. I wish you the best and hope you know that your mom’s behaviors are to be owned by her.
She is an adult and responsible for her behaviors. She is not treating you children as she should and you do need to be protected from that.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has no right to use your number/phone to communicate with your siblings.
No other way to contact them? I guess she’ll have to provide at least one of them, at her expense, with a phone.” BigRevolvers
Another User Comments:
“Goodness! Where were you living before S.Africa? Which, is gorgeous btw. Does your mom live in an apartment in a bad place?
I am pretty sure even the worst places have some sort of police department or something. Don’t blame you at all. The more I think about it, yeah, she’s in a bad place. Don’t go back there. It’s not a nice place, from what I gather.” OK_Playboy_WhatNow
7. AITJ For Skipping A Family Reunion To Avoid Constant Criticism?
“I (30F) come from a traditional family where my lifestyle choices, such as being childfree and pursuing a career in a non-traditional field, have been a constant source of criticism. Every family gathering turns into a debate about my life decisions, leaving me feeling judged and disrespected.
Recently, I declined an invitation to a family reunion because I didn’t want to endure another round of criticism. Now, my family members are calling me selfish and accusing me of tearing the family apart. Am I the jerk for prioritizing my mental well-being and refusing to subject myself to constant negativity?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems like you cannot win – they are going to criticize you anyways. And it also seems they are being a little dramatic – tearing the family apart? Maybe it is because now they only have each other to judge. Give yourself a break and skip the reunion.
If you feel up to it explain to them that they are not helping their case by attacking you.” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I wouldn’t put it in terms of your mental wellbeing. Just say that you don’t want to hang around people who are rude to you.
If they can try to learn some manners, you’ll hang out. Here’s the thing about people like that: is it okay for you to criticize them and their choices the way they criticize you? The answer is always no. So don’t go.” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you have attended numerous events where you are criticized and disrespected. Why would someone wish to continue that cycle? You are absolutely justified in declining the invitation, It sounds like your family members are rather dramatic-claiming that you are tearing the family apart by not attending one event.
You might reach out to them individually and tell them that you still love them and would like to get together one-on-one or just with the immediate family but you no longer feel comfortable joining in larger group gatherings. They can choose to accept that or not but you won’t be changing your mind.” Late_Confidence8101
6. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Not Support My Large Family Anymore?
“My parents have a lot of kids. They always wanted a big family and were not prepared for how hard that would be. I’m (17m) the oldest of 10 and my parents have relied on me for so long that I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t treated like a third adult in the house.
My siblings range from 15 down to 4. My parents are still technically able to have more kids too because neither is 40 yet and it scares me, I won’t lie. We already struggle so much with 10 of us and I know it would be worse if they added more, especially when I’m so close to moving out.
In our house, we have a boys’ room, a girls’ room, and our parents’ bedroom. We basically all sleep on these tiny bunk beds in order to fit everyone in. Nobody gets brand new clothes it’s all thrift stores for me and the oldest of my sisters, and our younger brothers and sisters get our hand-me-downs.
It was expected I would step up by the time I was 5. I had to make my and my siblings’ beds, had to tidy up after my younger siblings, had to stop my younger siblings from climbing onto things and I was also expected to clean the floors.
Over time more chores were added to my list. Helping to cook, babysitting (even when I was too young really), helping with homework, holding siblings’ hands when we went grocery shopping so they wouldn’t run off. Cleaning the bathrooms. Cleaning both boys’ and girls’ bedrooms. Tidying up if we were having guests (especially if anyone had friends over).
My siblings weren’t really given chores. And I was basically doing just as much as my parents around the house.
My siblings rely on me for too much. From driving them places to picking them up from places, to giving them permission for stuff (my parents let me give permission where I know they would).
They expect me to buy them stuff. They come to me more than our parents and sometimes come to me after our parents if they don’t like what our parents say. They get annoyed whenever I try to get them to help out and our parents won’t back me up so they have never done any kind of chore or helped out at all.
They get so mad when I ask, they say I’m not Mom and Dad but then they also won’t go to Mom and Dad for this stuff most of the time.
My parents started freaking out because I’ll be 18 in October and they know I plan to move out.
I also work part-time and that gets relied on to help financially and between that and all I do around the house, it finally dawned on my parents I won’t be around in a few more months. They started word-vomiting all this on me and I told them they need to learn to live without me because it’s not my job to be the third adult in the house anymore.
They told me I’ll still be a part of the family and I can’t just abandon them. I said I will not support the household after I turn 18 because it won’t be my job.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Older sibling “parentification” is a massive issue, especially in larger families, and I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through that process.
I hope you manage to get out of that environment soon. As a word of warning (and hope!) – once you move away and no longer have to look after all those siblings, you will go through a process of self-discovery. For the first time, you will be able to really discover who you are as a person, and develop your wishes and personality further.
It’s kinda scary to go through, but it is also incredibly fun and exciting and those latter feelings soon outweigh the former. It really does become a whole new chapter in your life, so don’t get weighed down comparing yourself to the single-child kids who never had so many carer responsibilities and had a head-start on that process.
Keep to your own beat, enjoy, and explore, just stay safe in the process!” Fearless_Spring5611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – heck, it’s not your job NOW. This is called ‘parentification’ and is a form of abuse. Of course you’re sick and tired of it – you never got to be a kid.
Move out. Manage boundaries. If your siblings keep coming to you after you move out with questions, etc – bat them back to their ACTUAL parents, and on no account let any siblings move in with you. If continuing to pay for stuff for your parents and siblings might affect your own ability to pay rent, eat, and run a car, do not provide additional financial support after moving out either – you don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you’ve been through a lot being the oldest of so many siblings. Def NTJ. It’s cool that you’ve been there to help out, but it’s also totally understandable that you’re ready to do your own thing soon. You’ve basically been like a third parent in your family, and that’s a huge responsibility for someone your age.
Moving out and setting some boundaries doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your family—it just means you’re growing up and looking out for yourself too. It’s important to focus on your own life and goals, whether that’s school, work, or whatever you’re into. Your parents might be freaking out about you leaving, but it’s okay for you to want your own space and independence.
You’ve done a lot already, and it’s totally fair to want to take care of yourself first. Just know that wanting to move out and live your own life doesn’t mean you’re not part of the family anymore. You’ll still be there for them, just in a different way.
Best of luck as you figure things out and start this new chapter.” romyindyvk
5. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A House For My Parents?
“I (21m), and my parents (47f, 72m) have been having these huge arguments for the last couple of months. Since I am about to graduate, they have been exploring the idea of buying a house in our city and asking me to pay the mortgage.
Background: We are currently living in a rental flat and due to new legislation being introduced, my family has a high chance of being evicted for having too many assets. Meanwhile, my parents already bought a house in my mom’s hometown and furnishings would be done by this fall.
They will move to the new house after my first month of employment. However, they have been having the idea of traveling back and forth. Living in new house for a couple of months and moving back to our city for a couple of months.
Since we’re probably going to get evicted and my job kind of pays well, they have been pursuing me to buy a house in our city and they are willing to pay the down payment.
I have been rejecting their ideas for months because:
I am unwilling to be tied with a house and I don’t want to pay 10 years of mortgage.
Growing up, we never had that much of a space to live in and I literally don’t have a room. I want to move out and have my own personal space.
My parents are not the best people you want to live with and we often have disagreements and arguments (my mum once threw my cat out of the door because of anger).
I am not quite open to the idea of continuing to live with them.
Immigration has been circulating my mind for the past few years and I don’t see myself continuing to live in my country for another 10 years.
It is not logical that they already bought a house with furnishings done while trying to buy another house just to live for 6 months.
And things finally blew off last night, I stood my ground and firmly rejected their ideas with my reasoning. They were mad as anything, and they called me out for being selfish and ungrateful. They yelled at me for being a privileged brat and anything I wanted when I grew up I got it.
(For that I am grateful, my parents did satisfy me materially when I grew up) Therefore when I refuse to buy a house for the family it’s totally an act of selfishness. But I already agreed to pay them an allowance of $13k a month.
They kept saying that buying a house shouldn’t bother me since when they pass away, anything is going to end up in my pocket and I should see it as an investment. I can see her points but I just don’t care about how much money they’re going to leave me and I don’t see myself being a homeowner.
Meanwhile, their argument is that they’re eventually going to retire and live in our city for better medical services. Buying a new house in Mom’s hometown is simply for the bonding between her land and ancestors. They’re still going to move back to our state for doctors and things.
I replied by saying if that’s the case I am happy to let them crash in my flat for a couple of days or pay their hotel fees. They had a meltdown and strongly refused my suggestions. My mum told me to go suck a lemon.
Anyway, the fight had a messy ending.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why on earth are you paying them 13 thousand dollars(?) a month? How do they need that much money? You need to cut that back and stop letting them take advantage of you. You are young and the decision does not have to be made now as they have a place to go and live.
So, tell them to stop talking about it for now, to let you live your life for a few years and, later, perhaps when they really need medical care, they can sell the other home to move back into town or, if you feel like being involved, get something together.
NTJ. Stay free of further financial entanglement.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“Tell them if they don’t drop the subject and let you decide for yourself what you want to do with your future, then the 13k allowance will end immediately. Seriously, that’s a huge amount of money to begin with.
I’d stop giving them money no matter what you decide. Parents are responsible for raising their children to be independent adults. They chose to have children. You don’t owe them for raising you, because you didn’t ask to be born. You are not responsible for their poor financial decisions.” HoosierBeaver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents want a second home on your dime. This makes not one bit of sense. They can simply sell the home in your mother’s hometown when they’ve decided that living out there is too taxing and purchase another property in the city they prefer.
Realistically, your father is much older than your mother and should he pass away, she may choose to get remarried at some point. Would you be open to allowing your mother’s new spouse to have the same privileges as your father? I’m guessing not. And you really need to walk back that agreement on providing them so much money per month.
OP, I get that you’re probably from another country and that filial piety is a real thing for you but your parents were obligated to provide for you growing up because THEY decided they wanted a family. You didn’t ask to be here and the only thing you owe to them is appreciation for raising you if they’ve done a good job.
You’re just getting your life started and you owe it to yourself to explore the life you want to have. Whether you immigrate, start your own business, travel, or find a spouse and start a family–those are your decisions to make now. You can’t do any of that while allowing your family to be a weight and an albatross around your neck.
Besides, this just seems what your family expects you to do and it doesn’t even seem as if they need the money they want from you and they don’t need a second home funded by you where they can travel/visit on a whim. These are all wants for them while you building a life for yourself first is the necessity.
Stand your ground and don’t do this. You will regret it and cut the apron strings from your parents now.” moew4974
4. AITJ For Asking My Wife's Friend To Give Us Space?
“A month ago, I (m59) sent this WhatsApp to Claudine (f57): “Hi Claudine, just wanted to let you know that it’s causing a bit of stress to me and Ella (f58, my wife) that you’re repeatedly asking about coming to visit the house. We’re having a very busy time, and we’d really appreciate it if you could give us a bit of space before inviting you over.”
Yesterday, we met Claudine. “I just need to tell you,” she said, “that was the rudest message I’ve ever received”. She said that as a “husband,” I shouldn’t have gotten involved in arrangements between “girls”, and demanded an apology. I pulled out my original message and read it out.
I said I was sorry it had upset her, but didn’t feel it was rude. After some back-and-forth, she then told us that her father had died two weeks ago, and abruptly went away.
The backstory: our friendship with Claudine and her husband Mike (m60+) has cooled in recent years.
After we moved into a new house in November, Ella twice invited Claudine to come over, and once to dinner in Jan with Mike. None of those worked out, but they invited us to dinner in Feb (the first time since 2019). We went, and it was fine.
In late Feb, Claudine started proposing specific times to come to the new house, often at short notice.
On 1 May, while dealing with post-completion builder nightmares, Ella told me she felt under huge pressure from Claudine, who had sent a string of WhatsApps trying to set a time to come.
I was irritated: Ella is tremendously kind and giving, and finds it hard to say no. That’s when I wrote the WhatsApp message.
Ella confirmed that I’ve never interfered with her social life except in giving her private advice two or three times in 30 years when people were taking advantage of her.
And I’ve never stepped into her conversations with friends.
I felt the underlying issue here was that for whatever reason, Claudine had chosen to let our friendship lapse (she hadn’t arranged to meet E in person at all in the past year), but then wanted to revive it because she was curious to see the new house, and was too persistent in pressing for a date.
I showed the offending WhatsApp message to another friend yesterday, who saw nothing wrong with it.
After yesterday’s conversation, I sent Claudine a message saying how sorry I was to hear about her father. “We’d have had a very different conversation if only we’d known.” I also proposed a date for them to come over for a meal “if you feel up to it.”
Unfortunately, this made her angrier still. She replied: “I chose to have the conversation…My father’s death is irrelevant to this issue and I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Still puzzled that you couldn’t appreciate how your text might have landed and offended me. Thank you for the invite…but unfortunately we have other plans.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s been pushing to come over and not taking the hint that you guys are just too busy right now. Which anyone who has moved knows how busy and stressful of a time that is. It’s not like that stress goes away the second you get the keys, because of all the unpacking, sorting, etc that needs to be done.
Most adults should know to give people time to settle before just inviting themselves over. My hope is that she’s just extra emotional as she just lost her father. When my dad died it threw me for a loop and I was very emotional over little things for a while too.
Grief is hard to go through.” Caspian4136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Claudine is clearly the type to expect people to ask how high when she yells “jump”. You showed her the boundaries and now she’s upset because she’s probably not used to it. Then she brings up her father’s death, to make you feel guilty, but won’t allow you to send her your condolences?
Now that’s sus. Almost as if she doesn’t want it brought up again, in case someone who knows her father, might be wondering when this guy died, when he was just seen watering his garden that morning. This woman is holding a grudge and she’ll keep doing so in the hope that you’ll eventually bend over.” Nouhu
Another User Comments:
“Maybe I’m the outlier here, but I’d say a (gentle) YTJ (or maybe an ESH). As a fully grown adult, does she necessarily want or need her partner to step in like that, especially without checking with her first? Personally, I don’t really need someone else to speak for me.
In my mind, if I had a friend who was doing what Claudine was doing, and I was annoyed about it, as a big girl, it’s my own responsibility to deal with that situation like an adult, not have my partner fight my battles or annoyances for me.” tangerinedreamery
3. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable After My Date Showed Up At My Workplace?
“So I, 23nb, work at a grocery store and I went out with a guy, 21m, like a week and a half ago.
We had talked about me maybe meeting him at a ren faire (now tomorrow) as we finished that first outing. We had a pretty nice time at the first outing but it was a little odd. He talked about mostly himself and his roommate and their partner showed up at the coffee shop we were at to in his words “spy on us” which I found a bit uncomfortable and he seemed unphased by.
Cut to tonight at my job where I was cashiering at the front of the store and I all of a sudden see him coming through my line. I told myself that he probably just needed some groceries and it was a coincidence but he only had two items. My suspicions that he is there for me are confirmed when in the middle of the transaction of the person in front of him he says hi and starts trying to talk with me.
It’s Friday night, we are slammed, and I am the only cashier. Not to mention that I’m not finished speaking with the customer in front of him. I juggle the two conversations and when I get to him he starts asking me if I’m coming to the ren faire tomorrow or not and how he thought he’d “just come see if I was here.”
To add a bit more context I admit I have been bad at replying to his messages the past week. I work full time and have also been helping one of my best friends move and pack their apartment up as they’re moving states, but I never promised to come to this ren faire, I said I’d see if I could make it work.
Another very important piece of this story is that while I told him what grocery store I work at, I didn’t tell him which one of them I was at (as there are multiple of that chain in my city.) I don’t know how he found my store.
Back to tonight, I tell him that I can try and meet him there in the afternoon but I have a prior engagement that morning with a friend. He then asks me if I want to come over to his place after my 8-hour shift (10 pm) to watch a movie.
He is saying all this in front of all my customers with a massive line as I have him already checked out, preventing me from serving other customers. I also want to reiterate I have been on one outing with this guy, and have never been to his apartment before.
I tell him “no not tonight I’m tired and have been moving boxes all week” and have to tell him twice before he leaves, him calling “see you tomorrow” as he exits the store. I now feel a bit uncomfortable going to the fair tomorrow and kind of want to tell him no but feel a bit bad because he seemed genuinely nice on our outing if a bit odd and eager.
I don’t know what to do. AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy sounds creepy and weird. You’ve been out with him once and he decided to show up at your workplace (possibly after visiting various locations to find out where you work) and he distracted you during a busy period, while you were serving someone else, trying to arrange a date?
No, OP. You’d be absolutely fine to tell him that his behavior made you uncomfortable, that he is not welcome at your workplace, you won’t be going to the ren faire with him, and not to contact you again. And let your manager know about this guy as well, in case he shows up again.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I just want to make sure you know that he can get you fired by doing things like this. I’ve seen multiple girls get fired from customer service jobs because a partner or ex-partner came and made a scene there.
You need to CYA, because he will probably come back to your work to bother you no matter what you do. He overstepped boundaries in a big way. It’s selfish and entitled to your attention. You owe him nothing, and the instinct that makes you feel uncomfortable with him is exactly right.
What he said was wildly inappropriate as well. Everyone listening knows what he meant by “come to my place for a movie.” And as far as they know, he might be your partner and you might not realize how disruptive this was. Someone might have complained.
If it happens again, it’s only a matter of time until there are complaints, and you don’t want anyone to point fingers at you. It needs to be clear that this is harassment, not indiscretion. If I were you, I would talk to your manager and explain the incident, say that you’re going to tell Weirdo not to come again and that you’re not going to go on any outings with him.
Hopefully, that will be the end of it. But since he’s already done huge boundary stomping, he may very well come to your work again. I would want my manager to know that I did not invite this person, and I am concerned about them disrupting operations for real customers, ask them if you can somehow notify someone if he comes in/ask what to do in that case.
Good luck!” Intelligent_Row8327
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I do suggest you try and be more vocal and upfront about your boundaries and expectations. I try and view this from his POV and from that I’ve got that you told him you were going to the fair, and then you started to air his messages.
To him, this might have been a second date and you’re leaving him “in the lurch” unaware of what the plans are. He may have come into your work to finally get an answer. He still is a creep for doing that. But you are allowed to tell people you’re not interested or you don’t to do things.
People, especially those who are “people pleasers” (not saying you are) will generally say “maybe” to plans rather than saying no. Saying no can leave the other person disappointed and people pleasers want to avoid this sort of thing. So instead of telling this man “yeah maybe” “I’ll see if I have time” be honest and say you’re not interested in him.” BananaMilkshakeButt
2. AITJ For Refusing To Be A Tour Guide For My Mom's Coworker?
“I’m currently solo traveling and will stay in my current city for another week or so. My mom tells me that her coworker is arriving in the city on Friday for some work stuff and I should take her sightseeing for a day since she is unfamiliar with the country.
I refuse because I’ve never met the coworker, don’t want to spend a day being a tour guide to a stranger, and there’s a 20+ year age gap so it’s bound to be awkward. My mom gets angry, says I’m being narrow-minded for refusing a potential social connection, and hangs up on me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is free to use her time off and money to go meet up with a coworker and hold their hand. I wonder if the coworker even wants this to happen. I’d be so weirded out if a coworker wanted me to hang out with some relative of theirs.
Most people don’t get much time off so I wouldn’t want to spend precious time doing unpaid work either. Coworker can book a tour or just figure something else out. Even older teens do it all the time. When I was like 19 I solo traveled to a country where I didn’t speak the language.
It’s about researching.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom caused all of this by probably offering your services without talking to you. If you like your mom and want to help her save face, you could suggest meeting for coffee or a meal instead – might be awkward but not the end of the world, and thankfully not a whole day.
However, if that’s really not your jam, you can tell your mom to tell her coworker that you planned some day/overnight/other tours and won’t have time available. Still in the vein of wanting to be nice, if you have a suggestion for a tour or activity you could do, you could have your mom pass that along.
Again, none of this is your problem to solve, just if you wanted to be nice.” antizana
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – you don’t want to, but this could have been fun. In a sense, she’s right that you’re being narrow-minded about it due to the reasons you’re giving, but also you never offered to do this and have zero obligation to do it if it’s not your thing.
So, she’s not the jerk for having the idea and suggesting it, and you’re not the jerk for not wanting to do it. But, writing off potential friends because they are older than you is a childish thing to do. Among adults, random friends from other generations can deeply enrich your life.” interlnk
1. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter To Have Her Dead Father Fund Her Wedding?
“My now-wife divorced her ex when her three kids were young. He was an addict. She met me a few years later and we were together for two years before she introduced me to her kids. Two kids really hit it off and Kelly did not like me.
Just passive-aggressive stuff but it became much worse when her dad passed away.
She did not take it well and it resulted in a lot of outbursts, I wasn’t living there at this time. She went into therapy but overall didn’t seem like it helped. She threatened to run away if I married their mom.
So I stayed away but continued to see their mom. Over time the two other kids started to stay at my place in order to get away from the drama. It was a rough time for them and we bonded even more.
When Kelly was 18, the two of us decided to stop putting our lives on hold and get married. Kelly hated this.
The other kids were happy though. Every interaction I have had with her has been unpleasant and I don’t see her as one of my kids.
I eventually adopted her siblings when they were 16 and 17. They asked me. During that time she destroyed a lot of her siblings’ stuff for betraying their dad.
Now I rarely see her and I prefer it that way. The two kids have an on-and-off relationship. I paid for my two kids’ weddings.
I got a call from her asking me to pay for her wedding since I paid for the other two.
I told her no. This started an argument about how it’s unfair. I had enough and told her to have her (dead) dad pay for the wedding. She hung up after some lovely names.
I may have gone too far which makes me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah it was a stupid, hurtful, and immature thing to say, but I get it. I understand this was the oldest girl and probably closest to her father and of course, she probably resented the divorce, but that’s something you should grow out of.
Once her father died, you’d think it might’ve opened up her heart a little, but apparently, that was not to be. And you know so be it. It’s her life. It’s her choice. But it takes a lot of guts to then come skipping back and wanting you to pay for her wedding!
I don’t blame you for refusing, but I am curious as to what your wife thinks. A tiny YTJ on the comment. A big NTJ on not paying for the wedding.” Pure-Relationship125
Another User Comments:
“She had a trauma so do your two kids? She refused to let it go and blackmailed her mother.
When you finally did get married, she destroyed her siblings’ stuff because they accepted you as a human being and a father figure. She destroyed any kind of happiness she could have had. If she was there. She left and wanted nothing to do with it.
She was mean and hateful to not only you but to her mother and her two siblings. You paid for your children’s who you adopted weddings which is your right. She then called you out of the blue wanting nothing from you except to be an ATM.
Because you know if you paid the wedding money, she wouldn’t have invited you to the wedding. Well, it was harsh. Sometimes payback is annoying. She hated you for replacing a father except for when it came to money. Sometimes people lose their cool and say awful things.
NTJ, but hurtful.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yes, she has been a jerk but what age was she when her parents split, and what age was she when her dad passed away? Because let me tell you I was a complete daddy’s girl when I was younger right up until my 20s even though he was a heavy drinker who I knew by the age of 11 to look for in the pubs before I looked at his house.
I did not like my stepdad at all, didn’t help that my mum and he kept pushing him as my dad even when my dad lived in the same village.
If Kelly’s dad had lived she would have more than likely had the rose-tinted glasses ripped off but he died when SHE WAS A CHILD.
He was her daddy and as far as she is probably concerned her siblings did betray her dad. She probably has idolized her dad and has pushed all the bad memories out. She obviously has no RIGHT whatsoever to ask anything of you but YOU ARE MAJORLY THE JERK bringing up a man who has long been dead and Kelly still grieves because guess what grief has no timetable.
I still grieve my grandparents and it has been over a decade for all of them.
My guess is that your wife didn’t want her kids associated with an addict which is fair enough and by the sounds of it the younger 2 don’t have much attachment to their bio dad.
But to a young girl who has just had her dad move out and then die who was more than likely the only one who actually bonded with him, being pushed by her mother to accept another man as her dad yeah that probably did not go over well at all and no b****y wonder.” PatternCapable1382
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If the family members who are whining at you are usually OK people then don't let them get to you but perhaps bear in mind that they are grieving and it can take funny forms. They will settle down. If they have always been meddling jerks, just ignore them.