People Make Daring Decisions In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Buying Concert Tickets Only For My Mom And Myself?
“Recently my (16f) mother (48) was telling me about how she wants to go and see a particular concert but couldn’t afford it so I decided I wanted to buy tickets as a gift for her because I really like the band too and she’s a great mum and deserves it.
I was paying out of some of my own money that I have saved up for years to make sure I have money ready when I have a situation where I really need it. This was one of those situations – and I didn’t want to spend much more than I needed to, so I decided to buy two concert tickets – one for me, one for my mum – and thought that my father (50) and sister (18) would understand the situation, with me recently leaving high school and not earning any money myself.
Wrong.
My dad was saying I should have bought tickets for all four of us if I was going to buy tickets at all, and says I favor my mum over him (note: my dad said during the initial conversation with my mother that the concert would be awful and he wouldn’t want to go if invited), and my sister is upset that I have decided to go away with my mum to this concert because she thinks I’m too possessive of my mum and don’t let them spend any time together.
I don’t think I am in the wrong, but I would like to hear any opinions on the situation. I have no wish to buy two more concert tickets or get a refund for the ones I have already bought.
Even if I am the jerk in this situation, I’m going to the concert with my mum and only my mum.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your dad is upset that you’re doing something nice for your mom that he either didn’t think to do or couldn’t do.
He said he didn’t want to go when you were discussing it, what suddenly changed? It’s perfectly normal for a child to have individual time with just one parent, in fact, it’s an important part of building and maintaining the relationship.
Both your sibling and your dad are adults with their own money, they can buy their own tickets. Take your mom to the concert with you and make some great memories! Out of curiosity, what concert is it?” morbidconcerto
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Every year for about 10 or 12 years I would take my mom to see a specific show/concert that would be nearby right around her birthday. This was my present to her every year.
99% of the time it was just the 2 of us. Every couple of years I would ask my dad, brother, and grandpa if they wanted to go too. If they said yes, then I would consider the tickets their Hanukkah presents for that year.
For the most part, we considered it mother/daughter time. You are NTJ for doing this for your mom. Every child deserves to have 1 on 1 time with a parent. Go to your concert and I hope you both have a great time.” Mixmouse
Another User Comments:
“”My dad was saying I should have bought tickets for all four of us if I was going to buy tickets at all, and says I favor my mum over him.” WOW, I understand why you “favor your mum”………That’s all I can say “and my sister is upset that I have decided to go away with my mum to this concert because she thinks I’m too possessive of my mum and don’t let them spend any time together.” Wild idea incoming so hold on!!!
She could also do something with mum. BOOM!!!! MIND BLOWN!!!! YOU’RE WELCOME. Go enjoy the concert with your mum, have a great time!!! NTJ.” QYB1990
21. AITJ For Letting My Partner's Daughter Call Me Dad?
“My (33m) partner (28f) and I have been together for 3 years now, have known each other for 8, and are madly in love. She has a daughter who is now 5 from a previous relationship. Who for this I will call ‘Data’ because she’s very inquisitive and I’m watching Star Trek TNG lol (her father left while my partner was pregnant and never returned any calls, DMs, or anything).
I’m biracial (black/white) they are white, matters later.
Last year my partner had her sister over at our place with her kids. Kids started talking about their dad when “Data” asked what’s a daddy and why she doesn’t have a daddy.
My partner’s sis explained a daddy is someone who’s a parent like her mommy who makes them feel loved and safe and protected and is usually a boy parent and some people get daddies at different points in life.
She sat quietly for a while and I worried she was upset and I asked if everything was okay and she said “Yes Daddy I’m okay.” I nearly cried from happiness but didn’t want to weird her out so said “Okay” and hugged her then excused myself to cry in private lol.
Since then “Data” has started calling me Daddy whereas before she called me by the nickname everyone in my family (except my brother) calls me by.
Flash forward to 3 weeks ago my partner’s brother is over and hears Data call me Daddy.
He does not like that one bit and says I’m wrong to allow it to continue and that I’m robbing “Data” if she ever wants a relationship with Bio-Dad. I’m creating a barrier also I’m creating confusion by letting her call me Daddy because we are different races.
He also says it’s going to cause people to be uncomfortable and look at her poorly because we are different races. My partner asked him to leave and apologized. I told her she has nothing to be sorry for.
To be fair my partner’s brother has never liked me, no idea why.
To be honest, I don’t care if it makes strangers uncomfortable but he is a child life specialist so maybe he knows better than me?
And this has been eating at me. I worry I am doing our daughter harm by allowing this to continue and what if I am blinded to the truth because I am being selfish and like how it makes me feel to be called Dad.
I would never forgive myself if I realized I screwed up her life and didn’t even see it till it was too late. So I’m looking to others to let me know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your story made me tear up honestly. I was in a similar situation as a kid where my mom got with my step-dad when I was around six and the whole family from every side (mom’s, bio dad’s, stepdad’s) insisted that I never call him any version of dad because “he’s not your real dad” while my step-dad just stayed quiet on the matter.
I didn’t even start calling him my stepdad until I was like 17! It messed with my head and did more damage because here was this guy who did everything a dad should do, who I looked up to as my father figure, and I wasn’t allowed to call him dad.
For a long time, I thought it was because he didn’t want to be my dad and maybe I wasn’t a good enough kid to “deserve” a real, good dad and it hurt. A lot.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter very thoughtfully (especially for age 4) chose to call you Daddy and understands that you are her parent. You are in no way standing in the way of a hypothetical relationship with a deadbeat who is missing all of your daughter’s childhood.
As long as you and your partner have age-appropriate conversations with your daughter as she grows about who she is and who you are, there is nothing wrong with this. Nothing. Your partner’s brother is racist, plain and simple.
Don’t let it affect the beautiful family you are building.” bethaneee
Another User Comments:
“Whoa! Wait. This guy is a child life specialist? What the heck is that? No matter. He can’t be very good, or the discipline doesn’t require its members to have a lick of sense.
You are a permanent fixture in this child’s life and the only father figure she knows. If she ever meets her sperm donor, she’ll get through it the same way countless other people have. Children need love and need to feel like they are part of our society.
If it makes you both happy when she calls you Daddy, she should. Lots of kids call stepparents Mom and Dad. I even have a friend who called her parents by their first names since she was a child, but that’s a different story.
NTJ.” General_Relative2838
20. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Cover Up At A Catholic Wedding?
“To start off, neither my partner (24F) nor I (24M) are religious whatsoever.
We met after we graduated college and things have been going great. Recently I was invited to a college friend’s Catholic wedding, and a formal one at that. My partner showed me her dress the night before the wedding.
She’s a bustier girl and the dress had spaghetti straps, was showing a noticeable amount of cleavage, and was made out of a tighter silk material that flows at the bottom and goes to her mid-calf.
I told her I thought the dress looked great, but we are attending a formal catholic wedding. I told her she should probably use a shawl to cover up during the ceremony and ditch it as soon as we start drinking at the reception.
She immediately got offended and said that this is her body and she can dress the way she wants. She brought up the argument that Catholics should appreciate the natural body “God” gave her. I told her I agree it’s stupid, but the day isn’t about us so we should conform to the dress code.
She told me under no circumstances is she covering up and I am trying to control her by even commenting on what she should be wearing. I view it as just being respectful to the couple getting married. I agree that it’s stupid, but it’s their belief system so we should respect it.
Outside of this, I don’t care what she wears and encourage her to be comfortable in her own skin. I feel this is a unique circumstance where you should sacrifice your comfort for the couple getting married. Any thoughts appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My whole extended family is Catholic, you offered her a great solution, cover up in the church, let the girls free at the party. You said it with tact, telling her she looked great, but asked her to be respectful of others’ places of worship even though you both don’t partake.
Honestly, I wish more people were respectful like you….too many atheists say forget religion because XYZ but forget that it’s our right to not believe just as much as it’s their right to believe and both should respect both.” ss0qH13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – A dress code is a dress code. The couple getting married chose it and you should go along with it wherever the event is being held, or not attend. You didn’t tell her not to wear it just gave her the option of covering up in the church and taking it off to party later.
Sounds like a good compromise. It kind of sounds like she wants to be that one person who wants to stand out and so they dress differently from the dress code.” Inallea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner isn’t going to change the whole Catholic Church and remove the body-shaming from religion by refusing to be respectful towards people in their ‘house of worship’.
Instead, she’ll look like a jerk, and maybe be refused entry (and certainly be the object of disappointed whispers, or worse). She’s not being asked to change her whole appearance and who she is as a person, she’s being asked to dress appropriately for the atmosphere and event by donning a SHAWL.
The building has a dress code, her outfit does not fit it. Someone else’s wedding isn’t the place for her to make this stand. Even my hardcore Dawkins-worshipping (har har) father behaves himself whenever he finds himself in a church – your partner is entering THEIR space.” CalypsoContinuum
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad's New Wife To My Wedding?
“My mom and dad divorced when I was 21 (I’m 27 now) when it was found out he was being unfaithful to my mom with one of his subordinates. The divorce was messy, he said really messed up things to my mom that I don’t want to repeat and he tried to bully her into not getting a lawyer.
He is still with the woman he was unfaithful with and they later got married themselves. Since they first got together he’s pretty much tried to force me to get along and get to know her which I tried a little bit because I love my dad but I’m still hurt about everything and how he pretty much walked out on our family to be with someone else.
Also, the last few times he’s brought her when he and I had plans she always had some backhanded comment or something negative to say. So I’m getting married soon and I told my dad I wasn’t inviting her and he got really upset and said if she wasn’t invited he wouldn’t come and also some other family members from his side of the family said they wouldn’t come since I was excluding my dad’s partner.
I’ve gone no contact since then and I plan to keep it that way.
Some other stuff. She destroyed my mother’s wedding photos and some of our family pictures when my dad was moving stuff out.
She always makes my dad take her when I ask him to hang out. My dad has pretty much tried to force her into my life even though I’ve said plenty of times I’m not ready.
My dad is acting like he’s the victim here and that he did no wrong at all. He was a great father before this so I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing or not.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your wedding and you can invite or not invite whoever you want. What I will say though is that I have gone through a very similar situation with my own dad and his wife.
It doesn’t matter how much you push against it, he will choose his wife. I’ve gone years without speaking to my dad before because I didn’t like things his wife said or did and I spoke up about it to my dad.
As much as he says he loves me and I’m very important in his life, he will ALWAYS choose his wife. You need to decide whether you want a relationship with your dad or not. If you do want a relationship with him, she comes as a package deal.” karti24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, so you (and your partner) get to decide who can and cannot attend. It’s pretty clear that you do not get along with her and given the context that is completely understandable.
Based on what you said there is also a good chance that she will say or do something that ruins the day for you, so you are well within your rights to not want her there. If your father takes offense to her being excluded, then that is also understandable.
But in this case, he should really be the bigger person and just accept your wishes. Just make sure that he understands why you do not want her there.” busterlazorz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This exact situation happened when my grandmother married my grandfather.
Her father had divorced her mother after being unfaithful with his secretary (who was 3 years older than my grandmother) and married her. Her mother was sick at the time and was unable to come to her wedding but she refused to invite her father’s wife out of respect for her mother.
As a result, no one from her side of the family came to their wedding. Your father is making a choice by choosing to not attend your wedding without his wife. That is a choice he is going to have to live with for the rest of his life.
You deserve to enjoy your day and not be bullied into inviting someone who you do not get along with and are uncomfortable around. Stand your ground, good luck!” doggomama06
18. AITJ For Not Alerting My Husband About A Missed Turn After He Yelled At Me For Questioning His Route?
“Yesterday my husband and I had to grab a few things at the mall. It’s a bit of a drive with several routes, but my husband usually takes one in particular. On the way there he didn’t seem to be about to turn left where we usually do, so I said “Oh— aren’t we going to turn here?”
He got really mad and told me not to question his route. He’s the driver and he knows the best route to take, and me questioning him just made him hesitate (he ended up turning at the last minute).
Cut to the end of the day and we’re heading home. We decided to stop by our favorite sushi place to pick up dinner on the way home. When we drive home we usually turn left at a specific exit, but this time he didn’t— he kept going straight.
I didn’t say anything because 1. I got yelled at earlier for questioning his route, and 2. We were detouring to pick up dinner so I figured he knew a faster route to get us there.
About 2 miles later he exclaims “Where are we?!!
Where’s that left turn exit?!?” So I said we passed it a while ago but I chose not to say anything. He got mad and yelled at me and asked why I didn’t alert him.
I told him because he had gotten mad before and that it wasn’t my fault. He told me to shut up and it is my fault because I knew the route was wrong and didn’t say anything, making him waste gas for no reason.
He refuses to speak to me even one day later. AITJ? Should I have said something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a darned if you do, darned if you don’t situation. Just because he’s the driver, doesn’t mean he knows the roads off the top of his head.
He told you not to question his route, so you didn’t – it’s not your fault that when you did as he said, he did the wrong thing. It was his fault he missed the turn, not yours!
His silent treatment is just childish… A grown man refusing to speak to you because he knows he messed up and takes it out on you? I would not take that! I’d sit him down and explain why what he did was wrong and how it affected you.
Suggest a GPS – that way he gets to drive without issue and you’re saved from being yelled at for not saying anything when he’s wrong.” sickandtiredofthis2
Another User Comments:
“Oooo is this how he acts normally?!
This is disgusting behavior from anyone, especially a spouse! He can’t be mad when you question his route and then get mad again when you follow his orders to not question him. There is absolutely no way to avoid his anger in this situation.
He can’t have it both ways and him thinking he can leads me to believe he is abusive. NTJ but you will be if you continue to put up with this kind of treatment. Honestly, you deserve respect, not punishment for his illogical reactions.
I really hope he doesn’t lead you into other situations where you’re the “bad guy” no matter what.” DeeLish814
Another User Comments:
“OMG you are married to my ex. We had this exact same thing happen once.
I pointed out a turn he was about to miss, and got “YOU THINK I’M STUPID, DON’T YOU??? YOU JUST CALLED ME STUPID!!!” Then on the way home, I just kept my mouth shut. Cue him getting us lost, and then yelling “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME WHERE I NEEDED TO TURN???” Complete with the subsequent passive-aggressive Silent Treatment Punishment.
All I can tell you is that if he’s doing this to you, then I’m quite sure that he’s also being verbally and emotionally abusive to you in a bunch of other ways, and I encourage you to engage in some serious thought about whether you should stay in this relationship.” cat-lover76
17. AITJ For Being "Controlling" During My Family Camping Trip?
“Recently my sister wanted to try camping with her, her husband, and her 2 kids ages 8 and 12 both boys. Since she has 0 experience and neither does her husband, she asked me to come with and help out.
Basically, she wanted me to be there to cook the food because she didn’t know how to start a fire properly at a campground, show them where and how to place their tent, recommend/guide them on activities like hiking rock climbing, and kayaking, generally just be a teacher.
I was on board with this because best case, my sister and family get into camping and I get people I can go camping with besides the 2 friends and my partner who are willing to go now, or maybe just my nephews will join cub/scouts not sure which one they’re in the age group for.
The issue was that when we go there the husband (who I generally dislike for having this know-it-all superior attitude) and the kids are being weirdly controlling and just acting rowdy.
Some gems I will now list
1. My BIL was watching me build a fire in the campground firepit and was trying to get me to do stuff the “right” way few issues with this, he recommended I started a fire in a different area that he said had a better view.
Problem is the spot was a maybe 6-inch deep ditch in the ground that had no grass INSIDE but was surrounded by it. He said kindling was useless and just use lighter fluid/a fire starter log which I didn’t bring.
He then tried to say I had no idea what I was doing and called me useless I’M AN EAGLE SCOUT FFS.
2. The boys wanted to whittle some wood and wanted to use my knife. I was ok with this but wanted to give them a crash course on knife safety and then test them so they don’t get hurt.
I gave the crash course and then waited an hour before giving them the quiz (seeing if they actually retained the info) they failed my 9/10 questions correct threshold and I said they couldn’t whittle today and I’d do it again tomorrow.
Big surprise my BIL got mad and said I was being unreasonable for such a high pass/fail requirement. I’m not giving kids a knife if they don’t know how to use it safely.
3. When hiking we had to cross a small stream it wasn’t big, fast, or deep but there were rocks the kids were jumping from rock to rock on, I told them to stop because if they slip on the wet rocks they could hit their head and get injured. Once again BIL told me it was fine.
(I didn’t bend and pulled the kids off the rocks don’t worry)
These are just 3 and there were more that weren’t as insulting or as big of an issue. My sister would back me up on some but just didn’t care about the others.
After the 4 day trip (the kids got to whittle from day 2 onwards btw) we all went home and I got a text from my mom that I wasn’t, and I quote, the “god of the campgrounds” and I was wrong to try to control sisters family.
My uncle also backed her up and of course my BIL as well. I don’t really care but I want to try to get another angle from strangers with 0 stock in the situation to remove bias. AITJ for being “controlling”?”
Another User Comments:
“There goes the new camping buddies. Obviously, this was a harsh lesson. No more helping. No more teaching. No more guiding the kids at anything or even making suggestions. No more trips. No more interacting except where needed, like major family events and such.
When with them, let them do their thing, don’t take care of the kids, and don’t make observations or comments. Don’t explain anything. Try to do any responsibilities separately. Just offer pleasantries and superficial praise such as liking a kid’s haircut or congrats on something good that happened. Just be diplomatic, courteous and friendly but, otherwise detached to avoid Mr. Control Freak and things others might tell him if he isn’t there.
It’s sad, but a downgrade is in order to avoid being abused by “god of the campgrounds” comments and so on. They blew it. NTJ.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“I actually don’t think you did anything wrong at all.
Your BIL’s criticism is solely coming from his bruised ego, and I’d ask your mother why she gets to be the police of who’s God of what activity. I guarantee that if you had just handed over your knife and the niblings cut themselves, it would have been ALL YOUR FAULT.
Felt like starting a bushfire? Watching the kids fall into the river and hit their heads or twist their ankles? Look, you absolutely can go camping with them again – but sit back and watch the chaos.
It will be wildly entertaining. Or take the niblings with you (they will love it), teach them, then on another trip, set them loose on their father. NTJ.” NotNobody_Somebody
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please let me know where and when your BIL will be camping in the future because I don’t want to be anywhere near him when he dumps that lighter fluid in the middle of an area of dry grass.
A few years ago we visited a beautiful area where we watched a couple of boys, maybe 12 years old, standing with their toes over the edge of a cliff on the other side of a little bay.
If they lost their balance or the surface crumbled, they would have fallen over 100 feet onto sharp rocks. Several people watched in horror and wondered where the parents were. We soon found out when Dad joined them and stuck his toes over the edge.” Maximum-Swan-1009
16. AITJ For Breaking Up With My Partner At The Airport After His Mom Bought Me A Coach Ticket?
“My partner’s parents paid for them, my partner’s siblings, and their significant others to all go on a flight to Cabo for spring break.
Becky his mom hasn’t seemed to like me for some reason, she always makes snide remarks about my parents’ blue-collar jobs and my field is nursing.
We get to the airport and Becky got 7 other people first-class tickets and me 1 coach ticket.
She told me I was used to it and she had a free coach ticket so I should be grateful for going. They all did their express check-ins and left me in the long line for me to think about what the heck is going on.
I had to keep from crying the whole time in line. I got up to the counter and there was a baggage fee for me. My partner at the time never once helped me through the coach line or said anything to his mom.
I looked over at his mom’s smug face as I was about to pay the checked baggage fee. And I let all of my frustrations out on the attendant and started crying. Basically, she said don’t go with that family sweetie they don’t appreciate you.
Continued to cry and took my luggage and got out and got out of line with the super sweet check-in woman. I was so upset about how I was treated and started crying on my partner in the airport about how his mother was treating me.
I broke up with him at the airport and his mother was so embarrassed. I told her what a mean person she was. My partner has been blowing up my phone saying how could I do that to his mother and just back out of a vacation very last minute and wasted everyone’s time and money.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the check-in lady was correct. If you would have got on the plane, you would have been treated like this for the entire vacation. It was absolutely the right decision to stand up for yourself.
As far as wasting money, she said the ticket was free and I’m sure she didn’t spend much on your hotel accommodations. As far as wasting time, you wasted enough of your own time on a relationship with your partner if he isn’t going to stand up for you.
They are going to say that you should be happy for any kind of vacation and not look down on a coach ticket, but his mother was being pointedly rude to you.” Complex-Lemon-371
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You got out of a really miserable situation. His mother would likely continue to treat you like second-class scum, and he would defend her and allow her to do so. Breaking up with him was the best thing you could have done for the peace and happiness of your future self.
If he’s going to blow up your phone about his mom and her “waste of time and money,” block him. You don’t owe this piece of crap family anything, certainly not free space in your head and added stress.” Shrek-Wife666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and now you’re my hero! To let this blow up in their faces and let them have a taste of the embarrassment they put you through was a boss move even if you didn’t plan it!
Don’t let them talk you into believing you did anything wrong! They were horrible to you! Horrible human beings and your ex should be ashamed of himself that he let them do it to a person he claimed to love!
Block them all and get yourself a partner who deserves you and treats you with respect. My husband would never, ever leave me to sit alone in coach while he’s flying first class with his family! Never!
He’d rather take the ticket out of my hand and fly coach himself to spite his own mom if she dared to try such a stunt! That’s how you stand up for your partner if you truly love them!” GrayDottedPony
15. AITJ For Inviting My Dad's Fiancée To My Wedding Despite My Mum's Discomfort?
“My mum left my dad when I was a teenager. I’m now almost 30 and I am due to get married soon. When my parents separated it was my mum’s decision to leave. No one had been unfaithful, etc, just fell out of love.
After the first two years or so, my parents became amicable, even friendly, and were able to spend holidays, etc together with me and my brothers. My dad has since gotten engaged to a lovely lady that he has been with for the past 5 years or so.
My issue is that my mum has not found anyone else and has asked me not to invite my dad’s fiance to my wedding as it will make my mum feel uncomfortable and not be able to enjoy the day.
I have spoken to my dad about it and he said although he would really like his fiance to be there, he understands and doesn’t want to make things more difficult for me when wedding planning, etc.
I had a long hard think about what I should do and came to the decision that I want his fiance there. My future husband and I are both fond of her and we have spent a lot of time with her.
My mum has gotten very annoyed at me and said that I am only thinking of not hurting my dad’s feelings and that I don’t consider her feelings. I have offered her a plus one and have opted out of having the traditional “top table” where the parents all sit with the bride and groom to avoid any awkwardness but I just don’t know what the right choice should be in this situation!
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seen this plenty of times. Boy ends relationship, girl moves on and meets someone else, boy gets annoyed that ex has moved on. Your mum is clearly embarrassed that she’s going to have to face ex-in-laws by herself whilst dad’s new fiancee is there.
You need to make it clear to her that no one will care she is there without a partner. It is not always about her. Your wedding your decision who comes. You’ve already given up top table for her benefit don’t do any more.
She needs to start acting like the adult she supposedly is.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand you want your mum to be comfortable but she needs to put her big girl pants on and live her life.
If she chooses to be single then so be it but it also doesn’t mean your dad has to be single too. Each to their own, and it’s your choice. I think it’s a nice choice to be honest as so many on here don’t want a new partner to attend.
Sorry to your mum but she made her choice a while ago and the world doesn’t stop for it.” Maggiemonte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is just being an awesome dude by being understanding, but of course he’s going to be bummed out that his fiance and girl of 5 years is not gonna be there, even if he doesn’t say it.
Why would he say it, when he just wants his daughter to be comfortable at her wedding and that includes enabling her to make her mom happy? But it doesn’t make sense to exclude his fiance really, sounds like she’s already feeling like a family member even if not technically married to your dad yet.
Why exclude a future family member just because your mom is bitter that she’s single? Why would she feel uncomfortable in the first place anyway? Shouldn’t she feel happy that he found someone? Unless she has some kind of unresolved feelings about it, in which case it’s her responsibility to deal with them, not yours or your father’s, and asking for others to accommodate her unresolved feelings and exclude another family member for her sake is just selfish.
Even if you exclude his fiance, she’s still gonna have to face her ex-in-laws. She needs to grow up.” Dyils
14. AITJ For Wanting To Use My Money For A Treat After Helping My Partner Financially?
“My partner (19M) is in a really tough situation right now financially, which I can completely understand.
We both work and I’ve been looking for a second job.
For the past few weeks, he’s been worrying about bills he has to pay and rent (I do not live with him yet). I offered to help and to give him most of the money from my paychecks to get him off his feet (I still live at home and can’t drive due to a medical condition so other than my phone bill I don’t have much to worry about with money).
We work for the same company so we get paid on the same day. Our paychecks came in and we were both very excited that at least temporarily everything would be ok.
Then things went south. This is going to sound a bit dumb but for the past few weeks we’ve both been very broke, and all I’ve wanted was a 7.99 special from Olive Garden.
I suggested we go there, as my treat, to celebrate and satisfy my insatiable desire for pasta. He looks at me and says “I’m sorry but I might need that money” (in reference to MY money).
I looked back at him and said “I’m sitting here, giving you pretty much an entire paycheck, without any direct benefit to myself, the least you could do is let me have my Olive Garden” then we argued about it.
I understand where he’s coming from but I never offered my ENTIRE check nor is it really my responsibility, I’m doing it out of love and the kindness of my heart.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honestly, you deserve better than that love. He’s starting to exhibit signs of control and entitlement. Sit him down and firmly let him know, the only money you’re willing to give is for the bills but that’s it.
You don’t live with him, and thank your lucky stars you don’t. You can honestly do much better than that. Think long and hard about if this is the kind of person you want to move in with in the future.
A person who thinks he has claim over YOUR hard-earned money. I think not. I might be reaching here but that seems like it could be a sign of financial abuse. Please don’t put yourself in that situation.” LivingDemon28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely get your Olive Garden fix. Your partner is pretty selfish claiming your income as his own when he’s not pulling his weight over his own financials. Stop giving him as much of your own paycheque – limit how much you are prepared to give him.
He’s become dependant and comfortable in you… and you don’t even live together. You’re already generous as it is. You deserve to use funds from your own paycheque and he needs to reassess how he can get on his own two feet.
If you weren’t there for him, he’d still need to figure things out on his own. He’s an adult now.” Snackinpenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a good lesson in financial independence (though it sucks you have to go through this) but your pay is your money to do with what you wish.
You guys aren’t married, de facto – there are no joint financial responsibilities here that you are obligated to be giving money to him for. So you offering to give him some funds (hun don’t offer anyone your entire paycheck) is a GIFT. Not a single $ he is entitled to.
You want that $7.99 Olive Garden special? You get it and tell your partner to keep walking. Seriously his audacity to tell you what you can spend your money on is a huge red flag. Also, something for you to keep in mind, just because you are living at home etc does not mean you don’t need your money.
Savings and investing are important financial decisions you can make to help your future and the fact you don’t have many financial obligations at the moment is a good opportunity for you to save and take care of your future.
Don’t let anyone tell you that ‘you don’t need your money because you live at home’ – that is some nonsense. Look out for yourself first because no one else will.” -ciscoholdmusic-
13. AITJ For Threatening To Rehome Our Puppy If My Husband Doesn't Care For It?
“My husband (35) and I (32) got a puppy after agreeing that he would be responsible for it and that occasionally I would help out because I didn’t really want a dog at the moment. I’m 7 months pregnant and work full time so really not the best time to get a dog.
I grew up with dogs and was taught that if it was your dog you were the one responsible for everything involving said dog unless you weren’t able to for a little bit.
The first few days he did everything care-wise and I only had to take the pup out once because my husband had an important phone call.
We’ve now had the pup a week and I’ve been the one taking care of it while my husband makes up excuses or ignores the pup’s cries at night. After three nights of only getting 3hrs of sleep, I told my husband that if he didn’t start taking care of his puppy like he had promised I would take it to my dad’s where I know the puppy would be taken care of.
He’s angry and calling me a jerk because I’m breaking my promise of getting him a dog.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He can’t say you “broke your promise” when he didn’t keep his word about taking care of the dog.
I’ll be honest, this might have come at the time you needed it. If he’s not willing to tend to the dog’s cries at night, what makes you think he’ll do that for your baby? I’d seriously use this as a learning curve and think about if you want to raise a baby with this man because it seems like he only has regard for himself.
You’re heavily pregnant, working full time and not sleeping… he should want to do everything he can to make sure you’re comfortable and looked after.” nicole6891
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Raising a dog is a lot of responsibility and he’s a grown man that should be capable of it.
I can understand having one of the pup’s daily walks be with you, strictly for bonding purposes, but if you’ve suddenly become the puppy’s primary caregiver, then I say that dog is now yours and if you feel rehoming the pup with your dad is the best thing for it, rehome the pup.
And I really hope your husband gets his act together before your little one comes because if he can’t care for a puppy for a week, I dread to think of how he’ll make it 18 years with a kid.
Good luck, OP.” ZaedaXobu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m in the same boat. Husband wanted an LGD, I didn’t because I knew I would end up doing all the work. Guess who got a great Pyrenees? And did absolutely no research about how to care for them?
Guess who has to take care of it, in addition to running a farm? Some days I contemplate selling the dog while he is at work to be honest. He needs to take responsibility, and if he doesn’t, that dog is going to suffer.
He is counting on you not letting an animal go through any hardship, while he gets all the benefits of having a cute dog with no work involved on his part. Get the dog somewhere it is going to be treated right.” agarrabrant
12. AITJ For Buying My Daughter An Over-Budget Prom Dress Without Consulting My Husband?
“My (35F) daughter (17F) was not able to go to prom last year for certain reasons. And my daughter is on the heavier side so it’s harder to find prom dresses that she feels comfortable in.
My husband (36M) and I had a $500 budget. My husband and I share a bank account.
My daughter and I have been looking for a while, but we haven’t had much luck so far. That was until yesterday!
We found a dress that looked absolutely beautiful on my daughter! It fit her just right, and was just a perfect fit for her! The only problem was that it was $700…
My daughter was devastated and near tears.
It’s been really hard for her to shop for a dress, as most of them were too small for her. She’s not extremely overweight, but she is a little bigger for her age.
The look on my daughter’s face broke my heart, and I told her we would buy the dress either way.
We did buy it and went home.
When we got home we showed her father her dress, he absolutely loved it on her. When he asked how much it was I brushed it off and went to make dinner.
He asked to see the receipt to see how much it was and I said I threw it away.
He then proceeded to check our bank account and saw the payment. I wasn’t really paying attention because I was cooking dinner.
He started yelling at me asking why I spent 700 dollars on a stupid dress that she would only wear once.
“This is the only time that our daughter will ever get to do something like this and I want her to feel comfortable in a dress that actually fits her.”
“You could have found one that wasn’t $700.”
We went at it for about 30 minutes before he left. He ended up going to his friend’s house and still hasn’t come home. This was a day ago.
Our daughter feels so bad and wants to return the dress but I won’t allow her to.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not for getting the dress, but for not running it by your husband 1st and for how you tried to hide it from him and lie to him.
He’s probably more upset about the latter. You could’ve put a hold on the dress and talked to him before buying it. An extra 200$ more than an agreed-upon budget is not a small amount and should have been discussed. I get you wanted to make your daughter happy after a rough time, but now you’ve made her feel worse than if you had said you needed to talk to her dad before you got it.
If you have personal savings, the extra should have come out of that if you didn’t want to run it by him first.” Tasty-Biscotti355
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm buying over budget happens. No big deal as long as it doesn’t endanger the family’s financial position in itself.
There are numerous ways this could have been managed, from him simply understanding to your daughter babysitting to pay some of the difference back. What’s bothering here is NOT the overbudgeting thing, it’s how both of you, as a couple dealt with it.
You lied, what were you thinking? Big breach of trust. As a spouse, it is that which I would have got angry about.
On the other hand, I am wondering why you lied. Is that what an actual adult, in an equal partnership, would do?
What were you afraid of? How do you usually deal with money together? Is there an underlying control issue on his part and/or a spending habit issue on yours?
He got so angry, he’s been out for a day: What is that for conflict management???
Sulking!? Maybe it would be time for you both to sit down and think about what you actually want as a couple and what you want to model to your daughter. Money is often an issue in couples.
The good news is this can often be much improved. You might want to look into counseling. It’s amazing what difference a healthy shared approach to finances can make to overall marriage happiness. Everyone’s the jerk except your daughter who gets caught in the middle and guilty for problems that are not hers.” Gwendigwen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You agreed on an amount and you didn’t even check with him before spending over. You didn’t exactly overspend by a few dollars, you blew that budget. Also, $700 on a prom dress for most families is A LOT for a dress you will wear once.
At 17 I bought my own prom dress from the money I had earned from work, it was $40 and it looked amazing. Having to use my own money I understand how much work has to go into earning every dollar which made me very aware of how insane it is to spend so much on one dress.
Even if my parents had offered to pay I wouldn’t have dared go over $100, I come from a middle-class home but I respect that my parents have to work to earn that money and it’s one night.
For my college prom, I borrowed a dress for free. I’m honestly surprised such a high budget was agreed in the first place. To go over that is quite rude.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Closing My Shop Early And Refusing To Serve A Late Customer?
“I 42M own a small shop in my hometown. It’s a specialist shop, so it’s mostly me, my family, and two other full-time employees, plus a handful of part-timers, mostly high school kids.
On Friday there was an event at the school, and my employee who was supposed to close Friday asked if he could leave early.
My kid was also at the event, so I didn’t want to cover. So I said we could just close the shop early and drive over together if he wanted to help cut down on parking congestion.
I also put up a sign saying we were closing two hours early on Friday a few days in advance.
On Friday, we started closing up right before the event was due to start, and we had everything locked up and ready to go when a man walked up wanting to go in.
I told him the shop was closed but would open tomorrow at noon (open late Saturdays). He asked if we could open back up to help him, and I said no.
The guy was taken aback and called me rude.
I said we were going to do something with our kids, thinking that would mollify him, but it didn’t. He told me to get my priorities straight and customers were more important. I just shrugged and left with my employee.
The guy left me a bad Google review, which doesn’t really matter because this shop has a pretty dedicated customer base, but was I wrong for not helping him? He mentioned in his review that he arrived before normal close after having driven an hour, which I do kind of feel bad about.”
Another User Comments:
“My only suggestion would be to somehow post this sort of thing online as well in the future. Otherwise, if he was relying on your hours based on Google and you only had a paper sign posted about closing early, it’s actually reasonable to believe he could’ve driven from an hour away expecting you to be open.
NTJ regardless, but it’s something to consider, to cover your bases for the future.” sammywhammy67
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You closed early. That’s nice and all that you put a sign up on your door a few days in advance.
But… most people aren’t ever going to see that. The guy arrived, when the shop would still be open – saw workers there – and was understandably surprised and unhappy. “I said we were going to do something with our kids, thinking that would mollify him, but it didn’t.” Not everyone cares about your kids.
Sorry. It’s an excuse (especially those of us without) that people get tired of hearing. To be clear – I’m not calling you the jerk. You made a choice; you might suffer consequences for it, and you are okay with that.
I’m just not calling the unhappy/upset customer one either. Because I feel like many people would be in that situation.” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“The truth is the customer had a right to be upset for they wouldn’t know about a sign on the door you posted and showed up assuming it be open the normal hours.
Life happens though and you move on minus a customer. I think you can respond to the review and say you’re sorry you were inconvenienced as you drove down on the one day we needed to close early.
That way others won’t think you do this often. You could also try to offer to make it up to the customer if possible not sure what you sell but maybe a 10% discount that way others reading the review won’t think you don’t care about customers.” MediaOffline411
10. AITJ For Being Upset My Dad Prioritized My Stepsibling's Room Over Mine?
“I (15F) live with my dad, stepmom, sister, and my 3 step-siblings. Some background information, we moved into this house 4 years ago when my dad got remarried and at the time my older sister was living with us.
When we moved in she repainted her room yellow, it is not a bad color but because there is only one window which is covered by an awning it is very dark in my room/her old room and the yellow doesn’t look very good.
Once she realized this she stopped painting to get a lighter color but my father said no, so the room was never finished and looked very bad.
I moved into this room last September but didn’t have time to paint due to school plus other activities and chose to wait until summer.
I made it clear that I wanted to repaint it once school was out and I had time.
So summer rolls around and my dad plans a vacation that takes up the last month and a half of summer, which is super exciting and I am very grateful to be able to go on it just means that I’ll have to start working on my room right away (which is totally fine).
Everything is fine and going great until my stepsister decides that for her birthday, which is in the last half of summer, she wants to redo her room, so my dad and his wife decide to do it before vacation as an early present.
They then also decide to repaint my 2 stepbrothers room, who stay with their dads during the summer, as well as rip up the carpet, put hardwood floors down, and put a TV in their room for their Xbox (even though the birthday gift budget is 100-150 dollars and this costs much more even combining their birthdays).
So, a few weeks passed and my room is almost ready to be painted. I have managed to move everything into my closet or my sister’s room except my furniture which I cannot move on my own and planned to keep in my room until the day of.
I even took all the drawers out of my dresser and desk so they would be easier to move.
I then tell my dad that I’m ready to move everything out and paint whenever he is and he flips out on me and tells me to move everything back.
He says he’s doing one room at a time and there is no time to do mine before we leave (in 2 weeks). I got upset over this and said that he should make time to paint mine since I had asked first and because they’re not his kids/responsibility to which he responded by calling me selfish and mean.
I know it was wrong to point out that they’re not his kids but it’s frustrating how he constantly puts them first and treats them better than me and my siblings to make up for the fact that he doesn’t have as strong of a bond with them, so, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is prioritizing his wife’s kids over you. It may be unintentional but it is hurting you. Talk to your dad about your feelings and let him know that he is setting you aside.
If he continues to do that maybe it is time to reach out to other family members that could give you attention. My heart hurts by these stories where the biological child gets trampled by the new kids.” scarletred_4999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I felt hurt for you when reading this. I’m sure there is a lot of influence from your stepmom. You should talk to him and ask why their rooms before your room?
Maybe there’s an explanation or maybe he’s too blinded by his “love” for your stepmom.” ifnotnowtellmewhen
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. He should have done your room first. The fact he is treating them differently is a problem.
The ONLY reason I’m saying Everyone’s a Jerk instead of NTJ is that by marrying your stepmom, they are now his responsibility as well. He is a huge jerk for treating you like you don’t matter.” Sledge313
I think you need to apologise for the comment about them not being his kids but at the same time calmly explain that since you moved in together it’s become clear that they are always put first over you and that hurts as your are still his daughter amd deserve the same time and attention they all get. Is the reason elder sister moved out to do with the new siblings n their mom ? Maybe talk to her and see if she understands how your feeling
9. AITJ For Not Supporting My Wife's Diet Because Of Our Daughter?
“My wife wants to go on a diet because she is slightly overweight and feels like she is unhealthy. I support her in doing whatever is best for her health, however, I do not think dieting is the way to go.
I have suggested that we both come up with healthy meal plans together, and I will even go to the gym with her when possible to help her get healthy, but she is insistent she wants to try an actual diet.
She is looking into keto or intermittent fasting. I know many people find benefits to these, however my main concern is about our daughter.
Our daughter is 6 and looks up to her mother and I am worried. I think the way my wife talks about this is going to start affecting our daughter’s self-esteem in regard to weight.
Like I said, I support my wife getting healthy but she will say things like “Mommy is fat and needs to stop eating bad food” to our daughter. I personally don’t believe in the concept of “bad food” and think all food is good it’s about making healthy choices and limiting the amount of empty calories we eat.
I told my wife I do not want her dieting or talking about herself in this way in front of my daughter and I will support her in other ways but not this way.
She has accused me of being unsupportive and that dieting is and can be a healthy choice that won’t affect our daughter negatively and my mom agrees with her when I asked her about this.
Am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but let your wife try whatever she wants to do. What you need to focus on is the way she speaks about herself in front of your daughter. That is a HUGE problem because it will affect her mentality on the female form and how she views her own body.
It’s also really bad for your wife to be thinking like that about herself because it’ll end up holding her back from weight loss. You need to feel good about yourself if you want to be successful in losing the weight.
Tell her you will support her diet, but if she decides it’s not working out you’d love to try the meal planning and gym with her. It’s all about reminding her you love and support her because we women with extra weight often don’t feel as valuable as someone without that weight.
Start leaving her sticky notes around the house “You’re doing amazing!” “Keep up the good work!” Etc. Etc. You sound like a wonderful husband and father, so just keep reminding these two women in your life that you love them and support them no matter what, and good luck to you guys.” lacretiaaa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I grew up with an awesome mom and I only have one lasting issue with the way she handled weight issues. Like your wife, she talked about weight in front of me, wouldn’t buy new clothes until she lost weight, etc., etc. My mom was not a very overweight person, by the way.
Anyway, it all stuck with me and I hear her words in my head to this day. I agree with you that a focus on healthy eating and exercise is great to model for your daughter and good for the whole family without sending harmful messages.” BadgerGirl92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you’re absolutely right that hearing the influential people in their life speak negatively about their weight and appearance has a long-term, negative impact on a kid. Women in my family did it as I was growing up.
I’ve worked for literal decades to “unlearn” that a woman is worthless if she’s overweight. My MIL used to call herself all kinds of derogatory names having to do with her weight in front of our daughter until my husband and I discussed it and he asked her to stop.
To her credit, she did, and we appreciated that. Getting healthy is awesome, but as a parent, you have to consider how your words and actions are shaping your child’s relationship with their body and with food.” Admirable-Frog-3748
8. AITJ For Leaving A Disabled Camp Early Leaving My Assignee Without A Helper?
“I signed up to be a helper at a disabled camp. They only take on a certain number of disabled ladies to ensure they have one helper per lady.
You arrive and are allocated a disabled person to look after for the week. Typically it is the only holiday they have per year so it’s a special occasion for them.
I arrived and was allocated my disabled lady.
By day two of seven, I absolutely could not handle it. It was horrifically hard – we were all camping together in tents and I had to get up at least once overnight to help my lady.
Then it was a full day of intense care providing and not much rest.
I couldn’t take any more, so after 2 days, I lied and said my grandma was sick and I needed to travel home right away.
I left my disabled person without a helper and I’m unsure what they did for the rest of the holiday.
AITJ for leaving early and leaving her without a helper?
I’m 20, I paid to go to help at the camp and do unpaid volunteer work, I did ask for help and support but wasn’t given any.
My lady was fully dependent and needed hoisting, pad changes, and turning in the night and I was expected to hoist and shower her alone. I wasn’t even trained in the equipment. I had no idea it would be so intensive, and it was backbreaking.
I just couldn’t carry on.”
Another User Comments:
“Did you know that lifting/moving someone with or without a hoist, with no training, is dangerous? Both the person doing the lifting and the person being lifted can be injured if done improperly.
Also 24/7 with no scheduled breaks?? Way to speed run caregiver burnout. Whatever organization is running this getaway should have given you training. They should have had more than one carer appointed to someone who needed so much assistance.
They should have ensured that whoever they brought on was prepared. In not doing so they have put their campers at risk for injury and neglect. Even if the way you left wasn’t the most “professional” this isn’t on you.
It is the camp’s responsibility to ensure the campers have adequate care, and they didn’t. You shouldn’t have been put into that position in the first place. NTJ.” tired-bean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please report this camp.
This can’t be legal. I work in the field in which you are talking about. And the two states I work between don’t even let you do this without extensive training. Moving, lifting, turning, and transferring with or without a hoist is extremely dangerous without proper training you could hurt yourself or someone else.
24/7 care with only one person isn’t legal either. The caregiver is going to be too tired, too weak, too fatigued to do any care safely. Not to mention what your mental state is going to be.
You need solid sleep and solid rest. And it’s just not a good situation for you or the person receiving care. They should be making this a paid position and not volunteer. With some volunteers for non-personal care involved camp activities.
Please report this camp to DHS in your state this is dangerous at best.” Dndfanaticgirl
Another User Comments:
“This is a tremendous amount of work that OP is describing. One-on-one total care is a lot, and Hoyer transfers are hard.
Providing that level of care around the clock without respite, untrained and unsupported in a camp setting is a setup for burnout and injury. I mean – I’m disabled, and I have PCAs, I get a lot less help than OP is describing the ladies as needing and we still provide two paid shadow shifts before anyone starts training and then people train until they feel comfortable working on their own.” Pretend-Panda
7. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Prefer Her Curly Hair Over Braids?
“I’ve (25M) always had a thing for girls with curly hair. It’s beautiful to me, and the idea of playing in my partner’s hair and getting lost in it is comforting for some reason, don’t know why.
When I met my current partner (24F) it was one of the things I liked most about her. I just think it’s so cute.
I’m white and my partner is black. All of my exes have been white, and being with my partner has come with a bit of a learning curve when it comes to…well, everything.
I’ve only been with her for about a year, but I’m already sure that I plan on marrying this woman and having kids with her, so learning about her life and her culture is important to me.
My kids are going to be black, and I need to be able to understand what their life is going to be like.
Today I asked her if she’d like to go out to eat, but she responded and told me she had already planned on braiding her hair today and was in the middle of doing that.
She sent me a picture of her hair, and I told her it was cute, but asked her why she decided to change it. She had been wearing her hair in this adorable mess of curls, and I was loving it.
The new style she was working on involved braiding some fake hair into her real hair and covering up her real hair. She told me that she changed it because “that’s just what she does every summer.” That’s when I told her that I liked her curly hair much better than when she wears braids or straight hair and that I hope she goes back to the curls soon.
She got super offended and told me I was being a jerk because I wasn’t being considerate of her feelings and how much work it takes to change her hair. What?? I told her that I didn’t ask for her to change her hair, I literally just told her that I liked it the way it was before.
She’s been sulking ever since. It’s not like I told her that I preferred straight hair over curly hair, I’d understand if she got offended by that. Most times when it comes to things like this I admit that I probably don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, but this seems like a situation where she might be overreacting.
So, I came here for a second opinion. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“A gentle YTJ. If you love a black woman, you really need to learn that hair is an extremely sensitive subject for black people generally, but especially women.
It’s heavily policed and criticized, and a black woman is always catching criticism about her hair, no matter what she does with it. You making critical comments about a sensitive subject is never going to go well.
Making critical comments about any part of a partner’s appearance – and yes, “I liked the other thing better” IS critical – rarely goes over when it’s not an area that is culturally sensitive.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“Black woman throwing my two cents in here. I’m gonna vote gentle YTJ just because I don’t think you mean any harm by what you said. I think it’s admirable you wanna learn more about your partner’s culture and you’re even preparing for the reality of having children together.
BUT. Braids (depending on the style she’s chosen) are SUPER HARD and time-consuming to do, and she’s probably braiding her hair because it’s hot and wearing her hair down in loose curls is even hotter, and because wearing her hair loose is also a ton of maintenance.
When she finishes braiding her hair (which will probably take 10 hours, literally) she won’t have to do anything else to her hair for two months. However, if she wears her hair loose she’ll have to spend at least 30 minutes to an hour on her hair DAILY just to look presentable.
It comes across as inconsiderate when you tell her that because to her she’s hearing “I know this hairstyle is easier on you and your hands, but I like your curly hair and I don’t care about the fact that it’s less comfortable for you.” Another commenter recommended that you watch Good Hair, and I’m going to agree with them.
Do some quick Google research or watch YouTube videos of natural hair influencers. I think you’ll learn a lot, plus she’ll definitely love the fact that you’re taking time to care about her in that way.” bunnithro
Another User Comments:
“I’m torn between No Jerks Here and YTJ. Let me tell you you have a lot to learn still about black women and our hair. I’m black and maintaining my curls is exhausting.
It takes half a day just to wash it (and that’s not even including drying time). I also braid my hair in the summer because braids just make getting ready for the day so much easier as I don’t have to worry about doing my hair every day.
Braids are also better for swimming than natural curly hair as water makes hair shrink and if there’s chlorine in the water this can dry out the hair and cause breakage. Your comments about “braiding fake hair into her real hair” sound a little demeaning.
Black women use protective styles like braiding all the time to keep their hair healthy and stress-free. You just seem to be ignorant of how much time Black hair can take to style when it’s in its curly state.
You didn’t mean to offend her but we get opinions about our hair all the time, different people announcing their different preferences. Just let her know she looks good regardless. The two unspoken rules about Black hair…don’t touch it without permission, and don’t tell us what your preference is to how we style it.
Granted the former is a bigger offense.” SleepDangerous1074
6. AITJ For Not Helping My Dairy-Allergic Brothers Who Ate Dairy And Got Sick?
“I, a 27-year-old male, work at a factory.
I also have two older twin brothers, Justin and Mavis, who are 33 years old. They both are severely allergic to dairy. They don’t really like dairy anyway so it’s not a problem for them.
Two days ago, they went to a restaurant together (didn’t invite me) and they both ordered a carbonara spaghetti without knowing it had dairy, even though the ingredients were listed. Of course, they got ill, vomiting, diarrhea, etc. (Their significant others were visiting their parents – one was in the UK and the other was in America and we are in Canada).
I don’t get days off often but yesterday I did for once, my brothers called me at 7 am in the morning waking my newborn up saying they didn’t feel well and for me to “care for them”.
I told them I was busy with my fiance and newborn and they begged me to help them as they are my big brothers and we are supposed to care for each other. I asked why they felt sick and they said they had carbonara spaghetti so they assumed food poisoning, I told them that had dairy and they should have read the ingredients that were written in bold on the menu, they said it wasn’t their fault and demanded I come help them both (they lived together).
I told them to politely ask our parents and they said they are too old and don’t understand.
I hung up the phone and went back to sleep. They told our parents like little kids that I’m being mean to them, I muted them on my phone for now.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are grown men and their dietary restrictions are their own responsibility. Honestly, they’re flaming idiots. Gluten gives me migraines. You better believe that I am reading every line of a menu at a restaurant to make sure I’m not getting any.
It’s not your job to mitigate the consequences of their own recklessness. Take your day off in good conscience.” VictorianPlatypus
Another User Comments:
“Really? This is so NTJ. Your brothers may be older, but they are acting like babies.
I have allergies too (skin) and I have to read ingredients all the time! I would tell them to grow up. Would it be nice for you to drop something off? Sure. But they don’t need it.
Enjoy your day off with your fiance and child!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you sure your brothers are 33 years old? They sound as if they are 5 years old. They can take care of themselves after their self-inflicted malady.
I have to laugh at the “too old” to ask mommy & daddy to take care of them but not too old to tell them that their younger sister is “being mean to them.” It sounds as if they have been coddled their entire life.
I feel bad for their significant others.” Ducky818
5. AITJ For Not Shaving My Body Hair Despite My Mom's Comments?
“My (16) mom (51) and I are having this stupid fight all the time. I’m biologically female and don’t shave my body hair. You can probably see where this is going lol.
My mom says it’s unhygienic and gross that I don’t shave my leg or armpit hair, and I tell her that I honestly don’t care. And then she tells me if I don’t care I can shave it and this goes on and on and on and on.
My leg hair is blonde, you can’t see it, and my legs are only visibly hairy up close. Normally I trim my armpit hair so it’s not crazy but recently the weather got super warm really fast so I haven’t had the time to replace my hair trimmer (which broke in winter)
I’ve already told my mom I don’t like her talking about my body hair or commenting/joking about it (I was crying for extra effect) but she has not stopped (despite saying I will not comment on your body hair).
This morning my dog died, and I am incredibly upset about it. I was telling my mom how weird it’s gonna be sleeping without him, and she said “if you get sad you can just pet your armpits” in a joking way.
I’m wondering if I’m just being stubborn and if I should just shave to get her off my back. I don’t shave for cosmetic purposes or to make a “political statement” I just don’t see a purpose in it.
I also don’t like the “hairless” look, because I’ve gone through puberty, it’s not a secret I’m hairy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. It is perfectly hygienic to have body hair. And a personal esthetic choice.
Lots of women do not shave and are clean and happy. If I remember correctly, women shaving was started as propaganda to sell razors during World War 1 because so many men were gone to war and not buying razors.
It is your body and you do not have to shave if you don’t want to. I am so so sorry about your dog. Take good care and may his memory be a blessing.” Terrible_turtle_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First of all, it is your body. Want to shave? Great! Don’t want to shave? Great! You do you! Next, know who wants you to shave? Razor companies. Years ago, like in the 1940s (I think), women didn’t shave their legs and pits.
Well, after WW2, some advertising executives had an idea to try to sell more razors by selling them to women as well as men. Before that, only men were the target of the razor ads. Well, why only sell to half the population?
So, the idea of pushing women to shave their legs and pits was born in this advertising executive’s head. He had the campaign all mapped out, and thus many women fell for it. They bought razors so they could get “silky smooth skin”.
Now the advertising exec is selling more razors! Then they started making them pink. They took the same thing, but now made it pink and advertised it as specially made for women… and of course they charged more.
So, feel free to NOT shave… or to shave if you want, or to wax if you want, or not wax or shave and be all natural if you want. Take it from a woman over 50. It is YOUR decision.
PS. I’m so sorry about your dog. Your mom was a real jerk about that.” Algebralovr
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is the jerk. It’s all due to personal preference. I shave my pits because that’s my preference.
I only shave my leg hairs when they get long enough to actually hurt my follicles (I have chronic pain). There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not shaving your body hair. I’m also really sorry to hear about your puppy, and that was a really messed up joke for her to make.
I’m sorry honey.” paigesdontfly
4. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Insecurities After She Body Shamed Me?
“I (13F) got my first bikini. It was a purple 2 piece I got. It was so cute. For a little bit of context. My sister (11F) has always been on the bigger side.
She was always two sizes bigger than me and always weighed 10-25 pounds more than me.
Now. I don’t judge her for her weight and stuff, but numerous times she purposely puts me down and makes absurd comments on my body.
Like “You’re so fat” or changes the subject every time someone congratulates me on my performance in sports or something.
I’m skinny-ish and have a natural hourglass, because I run, work out, and do a bunch of sports etc. I weigh 115 and she weighs 140.
My grandma, my sister, and I were shopping and I happened to find the cute two-piece bathing suit and got it. I wore it to the pool the following day. I have this little crease in my stomach from surgery and it makes me look like I’m sucking in and my sister had pointed it out.
“Are you sucking in?” She asked. “No,” I replied. “Stop lying. You look weird,” and proceeded to mimic what my stomach looked like. I was fed up. So I raised my voice a bit and said: “Stop making me insecure just because you are insecure about yourself.”
She then ignored me and hasn’t spoken to me since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but I think you should not be asking strangers on the internet about this at your age. My advice is that you should rather be speaking to the adults that you trust in your life about this (your parents, grandparents, big sister, or one of your teachers as a few examples) since with only the context that you have given then it seems like your younger sister is trying to bully you rather than the usual sibling squabbles if this is a regular thing.
Best of luck and do take care of yourself kiddo.” Shy_guy_Ras
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Sounds like your sister feels safe enough to take out her insecurities on you because there are few consequences. Also, sounds like your response hit a nerve.
You can talk to her & empathize with her AND let her know her commentary is not appropriate or ok and she needs to stop. Tell her that you will not engage her in any conversation about your body again and if she does, you will disengage and/or leave.
She might need your help to teach or model how to set boundaries with people in her life comment on her body. It’s not easy being a sister or teenage girl.” Onlygetonelife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a scar too, mine is from a lower spine surgery, it makes me look like I have a plumber’s crack when I wear bikinis or my shirt rises up.
I was harassed at work by my boss about it who demanded I start buying overly large shirts to make sure my shirt didn’t rise up and show it. I am glad you have the confidence and positive mentality about your own body.
Many people your age, and many much older than you are not in the same position. Your sister is insecure about her own body and taking her frustration out on you. The adults in your life need to talk to her about her insecurities.
I read one of your comments saying you are looking for ways to talk to an adult without getting her into trouble. Maybe something along the lines of: “I don’t wish for Sister to get into trouble but I am concerned that her behavior towards me is stemming from deeper issues about her confidence in her own appearance.
When we were at the pool she commented negatively about my scar looking weird and like I was trying to suck my stomach in. I did react in a harsh way saying she was only doing this because of her own insecurities and that was wrong.
I feel like we need to help her feel more comfortable with herself to prevent her from taking her frustrations out on other people.”” VulonRogue
3. AITJ For Refusing To Cut My Long Hair For My Brother's Wedding?
“I am 15 and I have been growing my hair out for a while now and it is now a surfer hairstyle.
My dad is super traditional and thinks long hair is unprofessional. He’s been chill about me growing out my hair but his one condition was that if I needed to dress formal I would get it cut to something more clean cut.
Well, my brother is getting married and yesterday we bought my suit and the tailor made a random remark about my hair and my dad said: “Well, in a few days we are cutting it off.” In the car, after I asked if I could skip the haircut, my dad went off on a rant on how part of the deal was if I had to dress up professionally I would cut my hair and now is a super important occasion.
That men’s hair is not supposed to touch their dress shirt collar and that it is time to grow up and he was taking me to the barber this weekend and it’ll be cut off my ears and off my collar and that was that.
Am I the jerk for backing out of this deal with my dad and not wanting to get my hair cut for the important occasion?”
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ, and given your age, I think your request is quite reasonable.
You should be allowed a high degree of body autonomy by now. One approach to this could be to say to your dad, “Look, Dad, it’s a wedding and I’m not the one getting married. My hair will be one of the last things people look at!” Another approach could be to ask him if you could get a haircut that styles it a bit without taking off most of the hair.
Show him pictures of good-looking dudes with well-groomed longer hair. NTJ, but be prepared to lose this.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“First of all, your father is a jerk stuck in 1990. Second, it’s your body, if you wanna have long hair there are only 2 things that matter: Your opinion and security norms if you ever work in a place where long hair is dangerous.
Third of all, you should talk to your brother about this. For all of those, from a moral viewpoint, you’d be NTJ. However there’s one thing you should factor in, you are 15, and I assume your father isn’t yet an 89-year-old crumbling human, you made a deal. A deal that you shouldn’t had to accept, but a deal you accepted. If you back off it will set a precedent that you are hard to trust. And while it is for a childish topic (hair length for real your father needs a reality check), depending on how resentful your father is, how the rest of the family views it, and how much contact you plan on keeping with your family growing up, it might cause troubles that aren’t worth skipping a haircut.
You should consider that before making your next move, your hair will grow back (and this time, no deal).” Agent10007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ why is your father trying to remove your bodily autonomy? If he does this, your relationship with him will never be the same.
Sounds like he’s been biding his time to make you conform to his standards. Random compromise, but could you get a decent short male wig for the day? This means you could still have short hair for the occasion without having to commit to cutting off hair I’m sure took you a long time to grow.
Just a suggestion. I get the whole ‘traditionally’ respectable image thing and all, and wouldn’t necessarily begrudge having my hair different for a day. What I would have an issue with is the permanence of an actual haircut.” ArachnidExcellent139
2. AITJ For Refusing To Change Our Lease To Cover Increased Utility Costs?
“I rent a 3 bedroom apartment with 2 of my friends. We have separate leases and they include the utilities too. Meaning we pay a fixed amount regardless of how much electricity/water/etc we use.
In my country, electricity prices tripled and gas prices went up by 6 times compared to how they were a few months ago.
There is help available for families, low earners, etc, but our landlord doesn’t qualify for that. So our landlord now wants to change our lease so we pay utilities by usage/consumption.
He cannot legally change the lease without us agreeing to it, so my roommates and I said no.
My partner and my family think what I’m doing is wrong. That it’s not fair that I’m making someone else pay my utilities for me and I’m acting entitled.
He sure wouldn’t change it if prices went down, so why should we allow the change now that the prices went up?
He signed a contract, so he should keep himself to it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not have to eat it, he does. Cost of doing business, as we say in the US. There is a contract in place (the lease) and you are beholden to that contract only.
Your partner’s parents are probably not thinking about your tenancy/lease as a business transaction but something more familiar like an agreement with an acquaintance or friend. It’s not necessarily wrong, as some landlord-tenant relationships do go beyond business only, but I’m not sure that is the case for your relationship with your landlord.
Anyway, you’re not obligated in a legal sense. Now, I am going to warn you that your landlord may now decide that since you won’t help him, he’s not going to help you. It could become contentious and your home life could become severely compromised if he’s petty.
If you’ve had a great relationship that you want to maintain then you need to consider options for compromise. Otherwise, if you refuse all of his requests then you can probably kiss your security deposit goodbye (because he will find a way to keep it, maybe even charge more to offset his costs).
He could refuse to fix broken stuff or not call pest control when you need it or choose to not renew you despite your desire to stay there, among a billion other possibilities of jerk landlord behavior.” DrKittyLovah
Another User Comments:
“Nope. You have a contract. You’re not “making” anyone do anything. And you’re entirely correct that if prices came down, your rent would not. He asked if you’d change the terms of the contract, which either party may ask to do.
You refused, as is your right. He may ask you to leave at the end of the contract, as is his right. Based on the info given, No jerks here. Contracts are almost always skewed in favor of a provider of something – be that a service, a job, or housing.
Sometimes (at least in my country) a contract may even say that the provider can change the terms at any time, lol. Looking at you, phone services. In this case, the contract happens to have benefited you.
The nature of contracts only seems to be treated as a problem when the party who usually has more power is the one on the losing end of a change in circumstances. If you were negatively affected by a change with a contract locked in, everyone currently criticizing you would tell you that’s just how it is with contracts and to suck it up.” PinkNGreenFluoride
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you say, your landlord is running a business; you are a customer. The reason why his profits won’t be as high as he expected has nothing to do with you. It’s his problem and he’s the jerk for even asking you to pay more.
Maybe in the future, your landlord will choose to not include utilities or to add a clause for additional rent based on his costs. That’s his call. For now, a contract is a contract.” Kufat
1. AITJ For Publicly Confronting My Father At A Rollerblading Rink?
“I’m a man in my mid-20s, and was at a rollerblading rink with my family, and their friends in November.
I have two younger siblings (13m and 10f).
Some background info: growing up was not easy with my father, and he didn’t come into my life until I was a teenager. When he came into my life, he was/is a man who is very “it’s his way or the highway,” and yells and uses physical discipline; nobody can talk when he’s watching TV (news), and I can name several instances where things escalated physically, including an instance where my mother almost fell down the stairs.
Back in November, we were at the rollerblading rink when he began yelling at my brother, full screaming with spit coming out of his mouth, about 3 inches in front of my brother’s face. My mother tried getting his attention and told him to stop, and he turned to her and said she ‘better watch what the heck she says,’ and went back to yelling at my brother.
She continued trying to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t. I turned to my mother and said that this behavior is why I moved out as soon as I could. He began yelling at me, and I said I was leaving and left. This all occurred in front of everyone at the rollerblading rink, including his friends.
My father is now avoiding holiday dinners and will not respond to my calls (when I reach out on holidays).
My mother said I embarrassed him in front of his friends and in public, and the rest of my family is saying that I need to be the bigger person and apologize so we can all move on; their comments are now why I’m wondering if I am the jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly going low contact to no contact with your father (I use this term loosely) sounds like a good plan. He seems toxic and not worth the effort or impact on your mental health.
People think that because they are family, you need to have contact. You really don’t and when they pull the blood is thicker than water, remember the full quote, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”” Dear_Rhubarb8716
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He embarrassed himself. He was full-on yelling in front of his friends but think it was your comment that stood out. He’s an abusive jerk. Why are you still trying to talk to him?
Get a flyer regarding abuse and options in your area for domestic violence support and hand it to your mother and tell her that by staying she is putting not only herself but also her children at risk.
Tell her you will call CPS. Anyone who tells you to be the bigger person, “oh I didn’t realize you supported abuse. Yes, I embarrassed him. It surely wasn’t him embarrassing himself by having an aggressive reaction in front of his friends.”” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Enjoy the peace and quiet. There’s no excuse for the verbal abuse he was giving your brother in public. He should have been embarrassed about acting like a jerk in public. I’m very concerned about your mother, brother and sister.
It sounds like they are being verbally, emotionally, and physically mistreated. Someone, maybe a relative, should notify CPS, in my opinion. And your mother may need to call a help hotline for herself.” Paevatar
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