People Make A Case For Themselves In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
35. AITJ For Canceling Our Family Vacation Because My Wife Only Wants To Go To The Beach?
“We got into a heated argument a couple of days ago and it’s still tense. Every year once our kids (16M and 13m) are on summer break we like to take a family vacation.
My wife told me she wants us to stay at a beach resort this year. And that was a definite no for me.
I couldn’t believe she would even suggest that knowing what happened to our older son months ago.
One of his close friends, unfortunately, passed away 4 months ago when they were all at the beach to celebrate another friend’s birthday.
He got swept up by the waves and drowned. It was very traumatic for my son because he witnessed it when it happened. We have him in therapy but ever since he hasn’t been able to go to any beach. The first time we tried he had a panic attack.
We went home immediately.
My wife however thinks it would be a good idea to have him spend a few days close to the beach which will help him get out of that fear.
And while I agree it would help him to take baby steps I don’t like the idea of making him spend a week somewhere that spikes up his anxiety.
He was so upset when my wife brought up the idea of the vacation he said he wouldn’t go.
Since he doesn’t want that I told her we need to decide on somewhere else, however, she has refused because it’s been months already so he needs to start pushing himself.
Since she wasn’t budging on thinking of somewhere else to go for our vacation I decided then neither of us, as in me nor my son, are going. She can still go with our youngest (on her dime I might add) but it won’t be a family vacation.
My wife was angry since the whole point of it is for the entire family to be there. But I’m not making my son do that if he doesn’t want it or exclude him. Since then it’s been tense between us. She thinks I’m a jerk for making this decision about the whole vacation instead of trying to see from her point of view, and it’s not fair on our youngest to straight up cancel family time.
Normally we always try to come up with a compromise, I don’t like to make decisions about the kids without her input but in this case, I felt like I needed to. But I’d like to know if that makes me a jerk because right now she seems to believe that I was.”
34. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Best Friend To Just Leave If I Make Her Uncomfortable?
“My partner’s best friend is staying with us as she is just visiting from out of town.
I know she has always resented me a bit for whatever reason (I honestly don’t know why) but I’ve learned to just stay out of her way. When my partner is around we will talk, but I don’t think we’ve ever even had a conversation when she isn’t around us.
She’s staying for a week and it’s been relatively fine, literally 0 problems for the first day.
I like to take showers every night after the day is over, which is where the problem began.
Our guest washroom is out of service at the moment, the bathtub works but it’s really dusty and no one has touched that thing in who knows how long.
We all have to share the master bedroom’s washroom in the meantime.
I was taking a shower, and when I came out she ran in and accused me of using her loofah because it was ‘wet’. I had no words. I didn’t even realize it was in there until she made a fuss about it, she smelt the loofah and then smelt my body wash and said it smelt the same.
I didn’t even know what to say besides ‘I didn’t use it’. She said even then it weirded her out that I was showering while her loofah was in there. My partner tried mediating and told her to take out the loofah while I shower even.
She told me to use the bath in the broken washroom and I said no because it’s super dirty and I’d have to spend at least an hour to get all the grime out of that thing.
My partner and her bff had a talk in a separate room and when she came back she just asked me to hold off on showering for a week.
LOL.
Yeah right, I told her bff she can leave if I make her feel so uncomfortable and she did. She left and packed her things.
My partner was mad at me. She said that she was our guest and yes, maybe she was being a bit too much but it was ‘valid’ to be uncomfortable about the loofah situation.
She tried calling her friend and she didn’t pick up once.
What was I supposed to do in that situation? Yeah maybe I could have cleaned out the bathtub in the guest washroom but I don’t understand why I have to inconvenience myself that much just to make her friend happy.
AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Being Insulted By My Mother-In-Law's Gifts?
“I recently had a bridal shower for my upcoming wedding and MIL was invited as an olive branch because our relationship is very fractured. One thing I’ve learned about MIL during the process of wedding planning is that she will not go anywhere, and I mean anywhere, without backup.
So we had to invite her and a friend, so I was already a tiny bit annoyed about having a stranger at my party.
Another thing about MIL is she thinks you are fat if you aren’t a size 2. She is very smug about eating a lot and looking like that.
I’m usually an 8 and I know she thinks I’m massive. Also, I tend to be insecure about my body, which isn’t her fault, but wedding dress shopping isn’t helping, and then having to be around her and her weirdness.
The invite for the shower had my measurements, but MIL and her friend gave me a joint gift of a size 12 corset, which MIL claimed she thought would fit me, a ripped size 2 nightgown which MIL admits was hers and her husband ripped during a valentines ski weekend, and a pair of clearly used undergarments that MIL and her friend both swore they didn’t put in the bag.
I was mad. My mom kicked MIL out of the shower.
When I told my fiancé he was also mad and called MIL up and lost his mind on her. I’ve never seen him so mad. She was clearly trying not to giggle, claimed after the fact she wasn’t laughing at us but her husband was tickling her, and then she gave a half-hearted apology.
I asked if she thought she was still going to get a wedding invitation. She gave a noncommittal answer. I asked if she seriously wants to go to the wedding because if she does she needs to change her behavior right now or she will miss her son’s wedding.
I was really proud of myself and thought I did great, but I heard from a couple of people that her husband was furious and saying the way I spoke was condescending and gross and he doesn’t even want to come now.”
32. AITJ For Not Trusting My Son With My Architecture Studio?
“I (67F) met my ex-husband (who died at 66 last year) at college. We were both architects once we graduated, we married and started our own business, an architecture studio. We begot 4 children (42M, 40F, 39M, 37M). My husband and I divorced after 20 years of marriage but were always good friends and efficient business partners (co-owners 50/50).
When he died his will didn’t name any heir and said he ‘trusted my judgment and approves it’. Now I own our studio and construction company myself.
My eldest son (42M) is an architect, and he has two children (20M, 5M). I love my grandson I even picked the name for him.
When he was 11 his parents divorced (they both had affairs). My son asked for no custody and only paid child support (I’m paying for his college) as he is my first grandchild I adore him. He is smart, clever, and independent. He is studying architecture so I’m preparing him to take control of it once my hand turns weaker than is now.
I’ve got a chronic condition that makes me vulnerable so I wrote my will. The construction will be split between my youngest child and my grandson, the architecture studio will be just for my grandson. When my eldest son found this out, he was furious.
I told him that he’s been acting like a child since he got divorced and has also treated his son poorly and that he is a person I can’t trust to leave my legacy to because he is so childish and irresponsible. He asked me to change my will and promise that once he dies, he will split it between his two sons, but I made up my mind.
He hasn’t talked to me since or shown up in the office while my grandson shows up every day to learn, his wife called me to say I was unfair and had no right to deprive him of what ‘belongs to him’ but I made it clear that this is MY business and I can’t trust an infant who is incapable to hold responsibilities.
So my sister told me I was so rude and that I am a jerk because of what I said.
So AITJ here?”
31. AITJ For Not Including My Baby Daddy In Choosing A Name For Our Son?
“I (25F) gave birth to my son ‘Jacob’ 6 days ago, who is a bundle of sunshine and joy and everything wonderful in the world. My baby daddy ‘Chris’ (27M) has not been in the picture of anything since I found out he had an affair when I was 4 months pregnant with not 1, not 2, but 8 other girls.
So I kicked him out (he was staying with me for 3 weeks total after he got kicked out by his roommate for reasons that are really specific so I’m not saying it). We were going to do the cohabit parenting style and the whole nine yards until I found out about his infidelity.
So I don’t know where he’s been staying and nor do I care.
So he already signed over his rights (legally and the court was involved) but will still pay monthly child support. We also opted to discuss visitations on our own with a chaperone (certain things have surfaced with the law that I did NOT know about until just recently) and he has obviously agreed to them.
He has not taken an interest in our child at all. For example, I gave him a sonogram of our baby over lunch one day and he used it as an ashtray. He has also claimed I had an affair and the child isn’t his (I did not have an affair) and completely cut contact with me a month ago.
So I had my mom and sister in the delivery room with me and we decided names after he was born because I chose to have the gender a surprise. We named him ‘Jacob’ in honor of my grandfather and the middle name after my mom’s brother and my last name since I never married the dude.
I obviously did the post about him and everything and then a few hours later I get nonstop messages and calls from Chris calling me all kinds of names (basically a jerk) for not including him in the name decision-making. He told me he wanted him named after himself (he’s a junior) and he wanted my son to be the 3rd along with the middle name after his uncle.
I moved towns and everything to be close to my mom who is on my side saying that he’s a deadbeat and doesn’t deserve anything. My sister told me she can see why he was angry but she was also on my side.
So AITJ?
Edit: He was also livid that I gave Jacob my last name instead of his. He said his ‘lineage’ was dying as he’s the only son.”
30. AITJ For Making My Mom Choose Between Me And My Sister?
“I (23f) live at home with my 2 sisters J (19f) and K (16f) and my mom. Since my sister K turned 13 she’s targeted my items, my clothes, and anything else of mine she could get her hands on including my food.
My mom often takes her side because K is autistic and has a mental disability and ‘doesn’t know’ it’s wrong.
The thing is, she does. She doesn’t do this at school, or to my other sister. Just me. It’s gotten to the point where once a week an item of mine will be taken and I’ll be told to ‘make peace with her and move on’ but at this point, I don’t even feel comfortable being at home because I’ll just be set off and told to move on.
So every time she does something like this I leave.
3 weeks ago she ate 5 pints of B & Js ice cream that I didn’t even get to open and my mom didn’t even offer to replace it. So I left for 8 days. I came home and my sketchbook was written in and ruined so I left for another 8 days.
Last week I came home to my laptop with a bug in it cause she touched it. I again packed my stuff and left for 8 days. I stay with my friends (who don’t mind keeping me) and my mom is left to deal with her and her shenanigans.
Today I found half my collection of perfumes and lotions in HER BACKPACK and used up. I again pack my things and get ready to leave. My mom asks me why I can’t just talk to her but I’m done talking. I told her that I can only keep leaving for so long before I move out.
I know she needs my portion of the rent in order to keep the house but I just don’t care anymore. I told her I’d rather pay extra to have my own space than constantly live with anxiety and stress. She said I’m twisting her arm and making her choose between her kids.”
29. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law My Wife Is Not Copying Her?
“My (27m) wife (26f) and I have been together 6 years, married for 3 months. We usually visit my wife’s parents’ place for dinner. And I can’t stand my SiL (32f).
When my wife and I first started going out, my outgoing and sweet wife would just lose all confidence in herself around her sister.
I never knew why. I asked her why she acted that way around her. She told me that her whole life her sister has tried to steal everything from her and BE her. She confided in me that her sister has always been the ‘pretty one’.
And she’s been the ‘loser’. And that her sister used this against her. And whatever my wife liked, her sister started to like. She won’t say anything she’s far too shy and hates confrontation. She just told me ‘please, I don’t want more trouble with her.’ I’ve respected her wishes.
Till the other day.
My wife has trauma. She copes with collecting vintage dolls – barbies from the ’60s-’80s. We would travel a state away every two months to go to a fleamarket to see a certain vendor. It was a treat for me and her.
I got to see her heal her inner child. My wife wants an original color magic Barbie from the 60s, but they go for $900 up to $2,000. A release in 2003? But even that is almost $150. She told me she didn’t want to pay that much right now.
My MiL is very interested in my wife’s collection. Always asking if we found one yet. My MiL must’ve shared how badly my wife wanted that doll. Because what happens a week after we tell my MIL we didn’t find it? My SiL posts on social media about how she got a 03 color magic Barbie outside the box.
My wife’s face dropped. She said it was ‘no big deal’, but I could tell she was upset. Her sister had stolen a chance again. I felt awful. I went online and ended up paying $300 and something dollars for an og 1966 American girl Barbie (no box).
I know that’s another one my wife wants. I could’ve bought her the $150 color magic Barbie, but, I wanted to outdo her sister.
After my wife got her doll I bought her. When we walk into my wife’s parents’ house. There’s a tension that makes my wife small and even more quiet than normal. My wife’s sister then explodes asking why my wife had to ‘copy’ and ‘outdo her.’ My wife just stays silent.
So I told her ‘She doesn’t copy YOU. You just don’t have a personality of your own. You grew up ‘pretty’ (air quotes in real life) and so you didn’t form your own personality so you leech your sister’s.’
My SiL runs to the bedroom to pout and cry.
My FiL went to go comfort her. My FiL demanded I apologize to her. I refused. Now my SiL has me and my wife blocked. Saying she’ll accept an in-person apology. My wife has a huge heart and feels awful that this huge falling out happened ‘over Barbies’.
It’s much more than just the barbies and I know it. My wife has since packed up her Barbie collection and put it in the attic. Maybe I did take it too far, but I feel like this would’ve come to the surface eventually.
AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Snapping Back At My Brother During Family Dinner?
“I (26M) married the love of my life (24F). We’d been struggling to get pregnant since 2 years ago. I met my wife in our last year of high school and we always talked about how we wanted a child or maybe two.
Didn’t care about the gender just wanted a healthy baby boy or girl. 3 months ago my wife got pregnant. We have never been happier together since then. We bought loads of clothes for the baby and everything even tho we didn’t know the gender.
But when she was officially 3 months pregnant (last week) she saw red dots while in the loo. She screamed and cried to go to the hospital.
When we got to the hospital that’s when they determined that she had a miscarriage. We were heartbroken, the baby that we would love and care for was gone forever.
My family and her family were very sympathetic but my brother (32M) was not. He’s always been jealous of me, he hates when good things happen to me and not him. My wife cried for days while I tried to cheer her up but when she wasn’t around I would cry too.
I had to take time off work last week cause I was a wreck and so was my wife.
My family thought to make me and my wife feel better we would all go to my parents’ house and have dinner and not mention anything about babies or whatever.
We agreed. When we all sat down for dinner my brother opened his mouth and said ‘So what would you name the baby if it was still alive?’ With a smirk on his face. He kept going on about baby names while everyone around the table had their jaws dropped. My wife and I teared up a bit and she excused herself to go to the restroom.
My brother had the audacity to say ‘What’s wrong with you both? Why are you crying?’ with a smirk on his face still. I banged my fist on the table and stood up and said ‘Shut up, you virgin. At least I can get a girl.
You can barely stand 2 feet near a girl without being called a creep.’
My brother went red and everyone still had their jaws dropped. While I tried to comfort my wife while tryna stay strong for her my brother started cursing me out for being a bad influence to kids around the table.
I put my finger up and my wife and I got in our car, while I was driving I tried to hold her hand but she kept crying. My cousins, aunts, and uncles are saying that I had no right to say that but my parents are saying they understand why I was crying and my wife but I should apologize to him and everyone else.
No! Why should I apologize to him when he started it and made me and my wife angry and sad?
So am I the jerk?”
27. AITJ For Making A Big Deal Out Of A Bartender Passing My ID Around?
“I went out the past weekend with 2 friends. I’m 29 but I have a ‘baby face’ so I still get carded regularly. I’m used to that and have no issues.
Well, we went to a sports bar/restaurant place, and the bartender ‘Trent’ carded me. No big deal. Then some random guy who was sitting a few seats away said ‘How old is she?’ Trent said ‘Well she was born in ’92 so… 29’.
I was holding out my hand expecting to get it back because I thought he was done. The random guy said ‘No way let me see’ and Trent walked over and handed him my license. I said, ‘Um excuse me can I have my license back?’ The bartender said ‘Yea just a sec’.
Then the guy next to the random guy took it and looked at it.
When Trent finally gave it back I sarcastically said ‘Thanks for passing my personal information around’.
My friend Lilly that knows Trent said ‘They were just messing around calm down’ so I didn’t say anything else about it til when we were on our way home.
I said, ‘I can’t believe you’re friends with that tool’. Lilly said ‘He was just kidding around you need to lighten up’ and apparently he and ‘Billy’ and ‘Rob’ are friends.
If it was something that just had my age, I wouldn’t care but my license (like everyone’s) has my first name, last name, and address, and I don’t know Billy and Rob from a hole in the wall.
When I told my partner he laughed and said ‘They were probably trying to flirt’ and I should just let it go, that my past is causing me to be paranoid. Because I had a coworker borderline stalking me a few years ago, luckily he didn’t know where I lived but he’d ‘show up’ randomly when I was in public A LOT.
I’m sure if he knew where I lived he’d have shown up there too.
It bothered me Sunday and Monday. I could easily not go back there, and probably won’t but my thinking is if he’s passing around my ID he’s doing it to other people.
I called the place yesterday and asked to talk to a manager and said what happened.
Lilly called and yelled at me earlier, she said that ‘they were just messing around, it wasn’t serious enough for me to call and get him in trouble, that I embarrassed her by acting like an uptight jerk and making a big thing over a joke’.
Maybe they are harmless and it was probably just a joke, but it’s more the principle of it.
AITJ should I have just let it go?”
26. AITJ For Not Going To My Partner's Sister's Wedding Because Of My Golfing Trip?
“I (26M) have been with PJ (27F) for right around a year but we were friends for a few years before we started going out. I’m a huge golfer and due to the global crisis and a move across the country, I haven’t seen my friends in over two years.
We made a plan a year ago to go on a golfing trip together. Everything is paid for (about 1K in total for the flights, hotels, and all golfing expenses). It has been a big deal for our group.
PJ has a sister that I don’t get along with at all.
When we first met it was fine, she was just a very entitled person. Her husband at the time was well off so she was a ‘trophy wife’ and never worked. Then we realized we had different political ideals and this led to some heated conversations.
I tried to avoid them typically but Erin (PJ’s sister) would always go at me. I got sick of it and just started ignoring her totally. This led to a fight with PJ so I started just giving one-word answers to her sister whenever we had to be around each other.
The final straw came when Erin got divorced. Erin’s ex-husband was fooling around with one of Erin’s friends. So she started spending more time at our place. I’d come home and she’d be there already with my partner stirring up crap.
Erin started telling me that I needed to work harder at work to earn more. Because it was unfair that PJ had to work when I should be providing for the both of us. I said, ‘Well that is your opinion, personally I always want whoever I’m with to financially add to the household, I don’t want a trophy wife’.
Erin laughed and said that was ridiculous and how were we gonna raise kids, and just a few other derogatory comments. I kinda snapped and said ‘Well Erin. Your husband provided for you and then had an affair. So if you don’t mind. I’ll probably take relationship advice from another source.’ Well, this started a huge drama and we haven’t spoken since.
That was about a year ago now.
Erin moved a few states away and now is engaged again. Like a 5 month relationship and they are already engaged. PJ is desperately trying to get me to go. But here is the issue. The wedding is the same weekend as my golfing trip.
I told PJ from the first time I heard the date that I wouldn’t be going. Well, she didn’t take it well and is demanding I go with her to an important family event. My point is that I’ve already spent 1K on this trip, her sister and I hate each other and this is a rebound marriage that won’t last anyway.
So what is the point of dragging me there? I said ‘If I cancel this trip will I be reimbursed/will you pay for my ticket to the wedding (it’s a few states away)?’ PJ said she wouldn’t pay me back or pay for the ticket because she is saving up for a down payment.
I said then I’m not canceling a trip and paying for a new one for a person who I can’t stand. She is saying I’m being a jerk. But I don’t think this is a fair ask at all. AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Donating To My Brother And His Husband's Surrogacy Fund?
“In my family, I am the only one close to financially stable. My parents earned enough to have a middle-class income but my mom was a big shopper and my dad would blow his funds at the casino. Now my parents are at an age where they can no longer work, they mainly live off my mom’s pension and the allowances I give them every month to support them.
My brother went into dance after college and his job after school was working as a retail associate at a luxury store. But he also has the same problem with his funds where he spends everything on clothes and nights out.
My brother married this guy who is 20 years older than him, my brother is 26 this guy is in his late 40s.
Initially, this guy framed himself as the rich older guy but that isn’t the case. Here is the thing, they are now asking everyone to donate so they can pay for a surrogate in Mexico. First of all, I find this whole thing skeevy with this poor woman from Mexico.
But financially, these guys are going on trips left and right, they constantly lease and swap out cars. So when they asked me to donate I told them no, they tried to guilt me and I said no not at all. Then I get a call from my mom about taking out a home equity line of credit and I was like ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I told my mom if they care about this so much they can save up for it. And I forbid her to give money to my brother and his partner. She is like okay then I’ll give a little bit, I tell her no, I tell her I am the one that pays their bills, and if I find out that they gave a cent I am going to cut them off as well.
When my brother and his partner found out about this, they were very upset with me and I told them I don’t care. They are now calling me homophobic etc and that I am ruining their happy life. I told them I don’t care, they can start saving money themselves but I am not going to spend a cent to finance their lifestyle.”
Oh, and you handled your parents perfectly.
24. AITJ For Letting My Workmate Ask My Partner Out?
“I (Paula, 31F) attended a large, multi-day work conference that my partner Tom (48M) also attended. We work for different companies, networked with different people, and pretty much only saw each other when it was time to go to sleep. Most people don’t know we’re together because neither of us has a social media presence or talks about our personal lives that much.
I primarily stuck with the people I knew from my office (Sarah and Marilyn) and a couple of other people that I knew from school.
One woman, Tiana (39F) knew Marilyn and decided to stick close to our group, and she had a kind of mean girl attitude that I only remember from high school.
Tiana is gorgeous and she knows it, and for some reason, my existence seemed to personally offend her. It may be because I’m average-looking and plus-sized, she may have some personal beef with me that I don’t know about, I don’t know. But she would constantly make little passive-aggressive digs at me.
About my hair – ‘I just love how you have a signature look and wear your hair in a bun every day with the little wispies’ (which are just frizz). About what I’m eating ‘Those bread rolls looked so good but I was just stuffed after eating only half, do you want mine too?’ and she would do things like ask me to take a picture of her, Sarah, and Marilyn, or call the Uber for all of us and be the one to sit up front.
(She wanted me to call the Uber and sit up front, and said that the three of them would fit nicely in the back). Just little, subtle digs ALL conference.
Before the closing cocktail reception, we were in the bathroom freshening up, and Tiana started talking about a ‘really attractive guy with green eyes’ at one of her sessions and my ears perked up.
(When she continued talking about him I knew it was Tom). She said that she had talked to him briefly and thought there was some chemistry there, and said she was going to ask him out at the closing cocktail reception. I pretended not to know who she was talking about.
I just nodded and smiled while she talked about how it was good they were the same age (because in her words age gap relationships are gross) and how she hadn’t gone out with anyone in a while and should shoot her shot.
While we were at the cocktail reception I (from across the room) watched Tiana go over to Tom and start talking.
Tom has told me that she complimented his eyes, said that she didn’t see a ring on his finger, and asked if he had a significant other. He said, ‘Yes, Paula, she’s actually here.’ As I was moving through the crowd toward her and Tom, Tiana recovered and ran off, and Sarah said that she immediately rounded her, Marilyn, and a couple of others up and started trash-talking me, and saying things like how she couldn’t believe someone like Tom would go out with someone like me in the first place, etc. But Sarah has asked me to put this on the internet because of how mortified and embarrassed Tiana was afterward, so I submit this for public consideration… AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Take Care Of Me?
“I (32F) had dental surgery done on Friday where I was sedated. I can only eat soft food for the next two weeks, can’t really talk, and have stitches on both sides of the roof of my mouth and on both my upper and lower teeth on the right side.
The surgeon was very clear that I was not allowed to drive myself to the appointment and that a taxi/uber was not appropriate as the sedation would require a responsible adult to supervise me for the day following my surgery. Four months ago, I asked my partner (32M) of 15 years to schedule this day off work to help me as I don’t have any family in town who could assist.
The day before the appointment he told me that he had booked a job at work (he’s a mechanic) and would have to go in for part of the day. I reminded him about needing someone to help take care of me and he said he would try to get everything done while they were performing the surgery.
The day of my surgery came and he dropped me off and then went to work. When I came out of surgery, he was agitated saying that he had been waiting for an hour for me to finish. I apologized. Before we left, the doctor told him he would have to go to the pharmacy on the way home to pick up my pain meds.
When we got to the pharmacy nothing was ready and we were told we would have to come back in an hour and a half. He brought me home and then left saying that if I needed something to call him. I cried and begged him to stay to help me but he said he had to go because the customer really needed their car and he didn’t want to give away the work to another mechanic because then he wouldn’t make the money.
As background information, he is paid per job and usually takes between 65-80 hours each week.
Four hours later, he returned with the pain meds. By this point, I was in tears and having a complete meltdown between the pain, the sedation, and trying to take care of our dog.
When he got there our dog was barking and whining to go for a walk. I asked him if he could please take her while I try to eat something so I can take the pills and he again said he was busy and had to go back to work.
When he got home that night at 7 (surgery finished at 11 AM), I asked him to please read over the instructions. He got very angry and said I was deliberately trying to make him feel bad by asking him to read the part about having a responsible adult at home with me for the first 12 hours.
It is now Sunday and he is still furious with me. He said I was unreasonable and that if he works in town and it only takes him 20 minutes to come home there was no reason for him to stay at home with me. He’s refused to do anything to help this weekend and has instead spent the entire weekend playing video games, watching tik tok videos, and napping.
He won’t even sleep in our bed and told me today that I better find someone else to help me when I get my second surgery on the other half of my mouth because he’s not doing it.
AITJ here for expecting him to take care of me?”
22. AITJ For Making The Same Cake Pops As My SIL?
“My (32f) husband ‘Pete’ (34m) comes from a family where the women are all bakers. I am a baker myself and I used to sell out of my house under my state’s cottage laws but stopped because I like it just being a hobby.
His SIL ‘Kay’ (39) is the one who is ‘known’ for her cupcakes and cake pops. When I first met everyone years ago, it was the first thing I learned. Everyone talked about everything she made. Even when Pete mentioned how good my stuff was, everyone would say that Kay sells hers and they’re popular so they must be better.
Whenever I bring treats, they are often left untouched because ‘they are not Kay’s’. Yes, I’ve been told that. They ask me to bring something every get-together and never touch it.
To be clear, Kay is mainly a baker whereas I bake and specialize in professionally decorated cakes.
Kay says that overly decorated cakes are compensating for their bad taste and Pete’s family agrees.
We had a BBQ Monday for Memorial Day and everyone made their treats. Kay decided to bring cake pops. She posted them on her social media the night before.
So, and I know this is immature, I made the exact same ones she did, same flavor and design.
We got there and everyone asked where my treats were. I said they’re in the car and I’ll get them in a minute. So I waited for everyone to be outside then I brought mine in and put them next to Kay’s.
After we eat, I notice the family eating my cake pops and not Kay’s. She didn’t notice at first and then asked if they weren’t feeling cake pops. They said they just ate them and they were the best she ever made and asked what she did differently.
MIL even said they looked so much better in person than in the picture.
Kay was confused and said hers were still on the table. That’s when I said, ‘Oh, I brought those. Glad you enjoyed them.’
Her husband said he hadn’t had one yet (lies, he ate two) and everyone else just said ‘Yeah, they were okay.’ Kay didn’t say anything for the rest of the night.
Pete thought it was funny (he didn’t know what I did until the reveal) but his brother (Kay’s husband) said yesterday that what I did was mean and I’m just mad that Kay is a better baker. But Pete said it’s ridiculous the family, including Kay, puts down my baking when they won’t even try it all because I’m not Kay.
AITJ?
ETA: We aren’t the only two who bring desserts, just the ones who tend to bake cake more than others. Everyone else’s desserts get eaten to some degree except mine.
If it’s not clear, ‘everyone’ includes Kay. She has often tried to ‘teach’ me techniques that I either already knew or were completely wrong.
So she wasn’t like an innocent that got caught in the line of fire or something.”
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Join My Vacation With My Significant Other?
“I (21M) have been planning and saving to go on vacation to a popular vacation spot with my significant other since our senior year when we first started going out.
I have been saving funds for years now to give me and her the best experience possible. I have the budget to book the trip now and after planning, I’ve also decided I wanted to propose to her when we went so I bought her birthstone with diamonds going around the ring.
I put the ring on my dresser and about a week ago I saw my mom wearing it. She thought it was a gift for her because it was her birthstone. I took the ring back and explained my plan. She was sorry and very happy for me and my SO.
Then she asked when the proposal was going to happen to clear her calendar, I was confused and told her a week after my SO’s birthday. Anyway, I kind of forgot about her asking when 2 days ago she asked me did I book the trip, I said yeah.
Then she started asking questions like when the plane was leaving, what hotel, what did we plan on doing, etc.
I told her everything and she asked did I book an extra room for her, I told her no and asked why she thought I would.
Well, she said because that’s also her birthday month and because it’s such an important moment in my life and she wants to be there. An argument happened afterwards and it ended with her telling me I don’t appreciate and love her and that I’m a terrible son.
She called my aunts crying. One of my aunts also posted about sons hating their mothers on social media and my mom commented something about me.
I’m honestly so stressed about the situation. I understand wanting to be there for such an important moment but I also just want it to be my SO and me.
I also can’t talk about this to anyone since the majority of my friends and close family know my SO so help me, strangers of the internet, AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Be More Considerate Of His Single-Dad Partner?
“My (22M) brother (28M) is going out with Hans (29M). They’ve been together for over 2 years and they are a great couple. They even plan on getting married in the future.
Hans is a single dad to a 3-year-old boy. He is the only parent the child knows, the woman is rarely in the picture so the kid is very attached to his dad.
My brother loves James (the 3-year-old kid) he talks about James all the time and buys him stuff, and the kid likes my brother very much.
On Wednesday it was Hans’ birthday. My brother organized a dinner at a nice Italian restaurant to celebrate it.
He invited me, four other common friends and obviously Hans (My brother’s treat). My brother was going to ask Hans to move in together.
My brother told Hans to hire a babysitter to watch James because my brother wanted it to be a child-free night, and Hans agreed.
We all arrived at the restaurant and were waiting for Hans to come. He showed up with James with the excuse that James made a scene to not be left behind so Hans had no choice but to show up with him. My brother wasn’t happy about this and he didn’t enjoy the dinner because instead of Hans kissing my brother the whole time, Hans had to basically babysit the whole night.
My brother didn’t ask him to move in (as planned) and was mad (tried to hide it but you could see through). On the way home he told me he was mad at Hans for not making an effort to have a night without James.
I know where my brother is coming from since he wants to have time with his partner and friends without his partner babysitting but the guy is a single dad and the only parent that child knows.
I told my brother: ‘If you think you have to compete for your partner’s attention with a toddler you probably shouldn’t go out with a single dad, you’re only gonna make that poor guy deal with two kids’.
He called me a jerk for suggesting that he competes for attention, and making him look like the evil ‘stepparent’.
My brother is distant with me now. He already asked Hans to move in so I guess there are no hard feelings between them but when it comes to me it looks like he is resentful.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Telling HR About My Coworker's Bullying?
“I (28F) work for a company of around 50 employees. Recently a girl was hired who was in the same grade as me in high school. She did not bully me or anyone else in any which way, but was definitely higher on the social hierarchy than me, and was one of those people who then essentially ignored everyone below her.
Kind of looking visibly annoyed when paired with you for an assignment etc. I never liked her because of this because although it’s not bullying, it still makes you a teenage jerk (in my opinion).
When she joined I knew I just needed to be an adult and a professional and not bring this dislike forward.
I treated her completely normally, was particularly friendly and of course, it was known we went to high school together. However soon, after a few weeks, it became apparent to me that she had been repeatedly telling our coworkers that I was ‘soooo different’ from how I used to be at school.
If asked to go into detail, she would say that I used to be really shy and quiet. I fully understand that she did not know me, and that may have been her perception of me. But I am exactly the same person as I was then (of course having matured and changed slightly, but no dramatic changes), if you knew me you’d know that.
I wouldn’t mind if she’d said this once as a ‘Huh, I guess she’s more extroverted than I thought’. But she keeps repeating it to everyone who will hear.
For me, at this point, based on what I’ve been told by coworkers, I feel like she’s trying to make the point that I wasn’t cool, and she’s using coded language to imply that without actually saying it.
I pulled her to one side and I asked her why she was making so many comments about how I’d changed when she didn’t know me in the first place and I would appreciate it if she would stop. She said that I’m overreacting and that although she didn’t know me that well, I was obviously an introvert then and she was allowed to be surprised by the difference.
She’s kept on doing it over several months so now I’ve made an official complaint to HR who doesn’t think it’s a huge deal but have spoken to her telling her it’s making me feel uncomfortable.
She has now called me a jerk for reporting her and having something on her record, and for making her feel uncomfortable at her new workplace.
She also said that I’m the only one who’s holding onto how things were in high school, as I was and must still be jealous of her and am now taking my revenge.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Taking My Niece's Money For Her Wedding?
“I (41m) have 3 kids.
1 is from my previous marriage, she had a really hard time when my ex-wife and I split and really struggled to accept my current wife and we went through family therapy at the time. Just a bit of backstory to explain my motivation.
My niece (sister’s child) has a great relationship with my current wife (my current wife is her teacher).
She recently told my wife that she felt really lonely at home since her dad passed away and that has only been compounded by my sister moving on very fast (her ex passed away in June 2021 and she’s now engaged and living with her current partner, I don’t disapprove but I’m worried for her daughter given how my daughter struggled and she was in a better position since my ex-wife is still alive and a huge part of her life).
One thing she mentioned was that she was no longer getting an allowance to go out with friends (she’s 16) in exchange for doing chores as my sister is too busy saving for her wedding. My wife and I offered to give her 200 so she could go out to dinner and a movie or something and she gratefully accepted. Later that week she showed up at our house upset because my sister had taken the money off her to put towards her wedding.
I called my sister up and confronted her, she said any amount given to her daughter was owed to my sister for raising her and that she needed all the funds she could get to save for her wedding. I said I was disappointed in her and would no longer be giving her the 10k I had planned to gift her for her wedding.
She broke down and called me a jerk and said I was ruining her life and I tried to point out how she needs to be looking after her daughter not just herself and she then said ‘If you love her so much then you keep her’ and hung up.
I’m really angry with her, my wife says I need to give her some room to breathe and my ex said she’s probably put herself under a lot of pressure to get married quickly as she’s pregnant (announced it in Dec) and we should be more considerate.
AITJ here?
Edited to add: It’s not unusual for us to give our niece money. We’ve done it many times before without issue at times when finances have been tight for my sister or when she achieves high at school, etc. When she was younger we gave her gift cards or movie tickets but it changed to money as she got more responsible and has never been a problem so it’s not that.”
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconcile With My Stepmom?
“I (22F) have had problems with my stepmom pretty much from the day we moved in with her. At first, she was okay, she was nice whenever Dad brought her around the house to hang out and helped us kids with homework. But when we moved in, the dynamic changed. Right from the get-go she had me and my younger sister isolated. She took care of her son and daughter and never really gave us much thought.
It turned into my dad taking care of us two, and she took care of her two. Keep in mind her daughter has the Toddler and Tiara attitude. If she didn’t get what she wanted she’d kick and scream and cry. And my stepmom would give in because that’s her baby.
But if my sister cried about anything she was told to stop and told that she was acting childish.
Our household had a couple of simple rules. Do your chores, get good grades, don’t swear, keep your room clean, and don’t say shut up.
The ‘princess’ thought she was above this rule and in front of my stepmom told me and my brother to shut up. My stepmom never corrected her, so I did. In retrospect, I know it wasn’t my place to correct, but my stepmom took it too far.
She started screaming and cussing at me, telling me about how much she’s done for me and how much of a better mom she is than mine will ever be.
To my dad’s credit he snapped at my stepmom and said something along the lines of ‘You don’t see me trash-talking your kids’ father in front of them, so why would you do it to mine?’ She was horrified that my dad had actually clapped back at her.
After this incident, our dynamic changed completely. She had me sit Thanksgiving outside alone. I was told by her that I was too difficult to have in the household and that I was the black sheep of the family. And there’s a lot more.
Regardless she has never once apologized for her actions.
Yesterday, my dad came to me and asked if I would sit down with her and clear the air so we were all on equal footing. But I don’t think I can forgive her for isolating me for 15 years.
AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Not Kissing My Husband's Wound Like I Do With My Son?
“Whenever my 9-year-old son gets injured or hurt, I’d normally kiss the injured area as a way to comfort him and make the pain go away, I also use it as a source of strength and he certainly sees it this way. I DO NOT kiss the skin directly but after I cover the injured area obviously.
My 35-year-old husband got into an accident and had an injury (wound) on the left part of his chest. He has 0 pain tolerance but he takes medication for it.
The other day I was helping change his wound dressing and clean up the wound, before I could place the new wound dressing he asked me to kiss it.
I refused. It just didn’t feel right, his wound was still fresh and there was already antibiotic ointment applied there so I just didn’t want to do it.
He insisted and I kept declining, He then got mad and said that I do this with my son why not him?
I suggested that we just let it go and proceeded to apply the new wound dressing. He stopped me and went on a long rant about how I don’t care about him and that I clearly feel grossed out by him for not wanting to kiss his wound.
I thought that was silly. I told him to let me finish changing the wound dressing but started arguing and had me leave the room. I left and he kept sulking for the rest of the night. He then told my son that mommy doesn’t love daddy and doesn’t want to kiss his wound so he could get better.
I was floored, my son actually came at me for upsetting my husband and just made me feel bad all around.
I kept thinking that I caused this situation and should’ve just done what he wanted instead of creating this tension in the house.
So what do you think?”
15. AITJ For Manipulating My Parents So I Can Stay At Their House Rent-Free?
“I (M) am 18 and my birthday was in June.
My parents had always been very strict and controlling with me. I am an only child and they wanted me to be perfect.
They would choose my friends, my sports, and my hobbies. I had to always study and have good grades.
I had to do competitions for sports and had to practice my instrument. I was always studying and I needed to maintain a ‘good image’.
Everything was alright when I was young, I remember that it was exhausting but I always wanted to please my parents and I was glad when they would compliment me and boast about me with family and friends.
Everything changed when I got to high school.
I realized that I didn’t like everything they were forcing me to do. I also saw that the other kids didn’t report everything to their parents, could choose their friends, their hobbies…
The first year of high school was really hard for me.
I got new friends that my parents didn’t approve of and when I talked about doing different things than what they wanted they went ballistic. I was grounded for almost the entire year.
So I learned to lie. I got a second phone, lied about my friends, about my after-school activities basically about everything.
In the meantime, I still got perfect grades.
Now my parents always wanted me to go to a certain university and take a specific major.
During my last year, I realized that I wanted something different. So I worked with my guidance counselor to apply for a scholarship to the uni I wanted. I still applied to the one my parents wanted and got accepted. I also got accepted for the scholarship.
It would pay my uni fees and some extra but I still needed some funds.
Now the issue is my 18 birthday was in June. And I knew that if I told the truth to my parents they would not support me and I still needed some funds for the next year.
So during the summer, I lied to them. I got a job and stayed at their house for the summer. This allowed me to save enough to take a flat with some roommates for this year.
Just before the start of the school year, I told them the truth and they reacted as I thought they would.
They blackmailed me into doing what they wanted, I refused and they threw me out and said they would not help me until I changed my mind.
So I went to the uni I wanted, with my friends as roommates and I regret nothing.
They refused to see me for Christmas so I went to one of my friends’ house.
We were talking about it yesterday and one girl that I don’t know asked why I didn’t go with my family. I explained the situation and she reacted badly.
She basically said that I used my parents’ money and that I should have told them the truth in June.
That after 18 it wasn’t mandatory for them to support me and I practically stole from them, used them, and I was selfish.
My friends said she was crazy but I started questioning myself. Because I did lie to them on purpose to save funds.”
14. WIBTJ If I Changed Degrees To Avoid My Allergy?
“I (27F) have a severe tree nut allergy. It’s severe enough that if someone else is eating nuts and touches me, I have an anaphylactic reaction and have to use my epi-pens, have IV adrenaline at the hospital, and stay several days.
This is something that has gotten progressively worse over the last 6 months and is being investigated by the specialist.
I work in exceptional needs and recently had a severe reaction at work, and my spouse (25M) is now really anxious about me continuing to work in this field at secondary schools (middle school/high schools for Americans).
I was planning on working on finishing my Bachelor’s in Secondary Education in July (I have 2.5 years left) and he’s asked me to please at least consider a different career path. I don’t blame him for thinking this way, as I’ve coded several times within the last 6 months due to accidental exposure, and needed chest compressions to be resuscitated.
We are currently going to therapy to deal with this trauma, as it is definitely trauma. I love special needs and I really want to eventually teach university classes. He did tell me if I do my uni studies, he’s mostly concerned about the teaching placement (student teaching in the US), and then needing to work in a non-nut-free environment until I can get my master’s to teach uni.
I feel so pressured now to make a massive life-changing decision that I don’t feel prepared to make and I feel on the cusp of having a breakdown. I have other ideas for degrees that I’d enjoy maybe doing that would take a little longer and my spouse said he would support me.
He just wants me to be open to other options because he wants me to be safe. His mom went crazy hearing me talk to him about this and said I’m hiding from my allergy. She thinks that I should continue to expose myself, to gain resistance to this, told me I was being selfish to myself, and called me a jerk for entertaining the idea of changing my happiness.
Several other members of his family and my own agreed with her, and my spouse is the only person on my side. He, however, is the only person that has seen firsthand the destruction of my allergy and knows how serious it can be. WIBTJ if I changed my degree to avoid my allergy?”
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Significant Other To Go On My Mountain Climbing Trip Anymore?
“I (25m) am an active mountain climber. I’ve been climbing mountains since I was in elementary school, and I’ve summited a few fairly difficult ones both in the US and abroad. My significant other (21f) is not really in shape and we generally don’t share this hobby, but I’ve taken her on a couple of small hikes and she legitimately seemed to enjoy them.
Earlier this year, I decided to make a trip a couple of states over to climb a mountain of about 4000 meters. I’ve done it before and technically it is an easy climb. When I announced this to my SO, she said that she wanted to come too.
At first, I was hesitant because, again, she was far from being in decent shape. I told her that 4000 meters is pretty hard and she would have to start training for it immediately. She agreed, so I added her to the travel/hotel arrangements assuming she’d stick to the training plan.
Ten weeks have passed and she has done next to nothing in preparation. If anything she has gained weight in this time period and gotten into even worse shape. She said it’s because she’s working from home and can’t really muster the energy to get out and train, but I’ve gotten increasingly anxious over it.
With the trip five weeks out, I called her last night to tell her that I was canceling her ticket. She first promised that she’d start getting ready ‘right away,’ and practically hung up on me to ‘go train.’ I canceled all the accommodations I reserved for her in the meantime because five weeks of preparation is not enough.
When she called me back an hour later I told her about this, and she was absolutely crushed.
Her sister called me later and shrieked at me until she was hoarse about how horrible it was for me to do that to her. I couldn’t get a word in and eventually just hung up.
My phone kept getting blown up from texts so I turned it off to go to the gym. I’m honestly afraid to turn it back on because I’m afraid of what will have been sent to me during the downtime, and I wonder if I owe her an apology or if I should stick to my guns here.”
12. AITJ For Not Letting In A Man Who Used To Live In Our House?
“I’m a 28-year-old woman. My husband is 31 and we recently had our first child together; a little boy who’s about to be eight months old. We’ve just found out that we are expecting our second child. We also recently moved a few states over for my husband’s work.
We moved to a town that’s a bit of a cross between an old, small town and a suburb, and we ended up buying an older house.
A few weeks ago we were still getting settled in. I was working on unpacking while my son was taking his afternoon nap when I heard the doorbell.
I answered the front door and saw an older man (probably mid-60s) with a couple of little girls (not sure how old they were; but likely under 10) standing on my front porch.
‘Hello,’ he said. ‘I’m really sorry to drop in on you like this.
My name is (…) and these are my two granddaughters. This was the first house I ever lived in and I lived here until I was 12 years old. I’ve always missed this place and I just want to see it one last time and also show it to the grandkids since I’ve been boring them with stories about this place their entire lives.
I don’t mean to impose, but I notice you just moved in here, so would it be asking too much to just let us walk through here one time? We’ll be gone in 30 minutes; I promise.’
OK, now; I don’t know this man. Admittedly, he looked completely non-threatening; short, bald, chubby, and with a pleasant expression.
But, still, I was a pregnant woman home alone other than my tiny, vulnerable, sleeping baby. Based on that I told him: ‘Geez, I’m sorry, but no. I’m just not comfortable with strangers traipsing through my house right now.’
He answered: ‘I completely understand, but we really won’t be a bother.
We won’t touch anything and we’ll be gone soon. I know this is an odd request but it would really mean a lot to me if you’d just let me in for a little bit.’
I answered: ‘No, sorry. I can’t do that. This is my home and I won’t let a stranger in without a good reason.
Please leave.’
He said: ‘I think giving an aging man one last visit to his childhood home is a ‘good reason’ but OK. Can’t force you.’ He then left.
Later that evening when my husband got home I told him about the weird encounter.
He told me that I should have just let the man look at the place. He said that we all get nostalgic about the places we grow up in and that it would have been a nice gesture to let this man see his childhood home.
He also said that I likely just fostered bad will among my new townmates. But I think that my comfort and safety as well as the safety of my son is more important than some random person’s reminiscing.”
11. AITJ For Being Angry At My Dad For Not Defending Me From His Friend?
“I (20f) met up with my father (45m) to show him some photos I had taken. While I was showing him the photos, a friend (45m) of his came along and my father said ‘Come have a look’.
So his friend started to ‘jokingly’ criticize my pictures. I told him I wasn’t interested in his opinion and that I wasn’t enjoying his jokes either. He said something about me not being able to take criticism, then everyone dropped the whole argument and I put my camera back in my bag.
A few minutes later, the guy starts making fun of me again about my photos, so I tell him to just drop it cause it ain’t funny. He starts rambling that he’s a straightforward person and he’s not afraid to speak his mind and similar nonsense.
I tell him again that I’m not enjoying the conversation, but he still doesn’t stop, so I just flip him off.
That’s when the guy goes crazy. He starts cursing at me and saying some really nasty stuff. I was baffled and didn’t know what to say.
At some point, I tell him something along the lines of ‘get lost’. But that’s about it, I don’t respond to his insults other than that. Now mind you, my father was sitting right next to me the whole time and he did not say a word.
He didn’t try to stop his friend from harassing me, nothing.
After I tell the guy to get lost, I get up to leave and that’s when my father mutters ‘Guys, just cut it out’. I was furious. I was shaking with anger, but I just got up and left. A couple of minutes later, my father called me up and asked me where I’d gone.
So I started yelling and crying and telling him how disappointed and angry I was that he did not do anything while his ‘friend’ was cursing me. He said ‘I didn’t realize it was you he was cursing at. But maybe you’ll learn your lesson that you shouldn’t be flipping people off’.
Are you kidding me?!
So am I the jerk here?”
10. AITJ For Not Understanding Why My Sister Is Treating Me So Horribly?
“My (34F) husband and I have got a villa for the summer in the south of France. We have had a few different family and friends come to visit us as it’s great to be able to share the experience with them.
My sister (31F) said she would like to come with her fiancé. At first, she selected a date when my parents could come too, but then didn’t book flight tickets and also realized a few days before that her fiancé’s passport was missing.
So she canceled the trip (claiming she only just realized the passport issue and that flights were too expensive by that point), asked for another date she could make it for, and basically made us change a lot of plans (we had to cancel plans with friends who were meant to come at the time she shifted her trip to and most importantly my parents changed all of their plans as they wanted to be here at the same time as her).
She is now visiting us but has made the entire experience miserable:
- She was annoyed that I couldn’t collect her from the airport (I don’t drive and my husband was in a work meeting so we couldn’t do it). It meant she and her fiancé had to get a €100 taxi (bear in mind she isn’t paying for anything else on the trip).
- Since getting here, we have paid for everything for them, but she keeps complaining about the cost of things (as if pre-empting is asking for any contribution, which we wouldn’t do anyway).
- She randomly got into a mood yesterday at a beach club and basically refused to speak to anyone or eat anything for the whole day.
I have no idea why – I asked her if she would like some salad or pizza (or anything really) at lunch and she screamed at me that she wasn’t hungry.
- When trying to understand why she was so angry, she starts telling me I have no friends apart from gay guys (not true but even if it was, it’s not meant to be some sort of insult… like what?!), that I am fat (I am a UK 8) and that no one likes me.
She has since removed me from her social media.
I was in tears last night and can’t really sleep because I don’t know why she’s doing this. All I want is for her to have a nice time and relax! I don’t care about the money at all, and we are happy to cover things (It’s also not like she has financial concerns – she earns a LOT).
It’s also weird because she is obsessed with taking photos and looking like she’s having a great time but she doesn’t seem to actually want to enjoy it. She also is apparently posting things about me which aren’t very nice (I have never experienced this with anyone else – it just seems so tacky).
I really don’t know what to do or say to her without her shouting at me again. I have a friend staying and it’s particularly embarrassing as they don’t know what to do either.
AITJ for not considering her feelings in some way?”
9. AITJ For Wearing A Lot Of Jewelry To My Friend's Sister's Wedding?
“I (F20) am originally from South Asia and this was my second Western wedding.
I might not be aware of all the Western wedding norms so please correct me if I was mistaken.
Recently I was invited to the wedding of my friend’s elder sister. They had a big wedding with a lot of guests and since I have a very good relationship with my friend’s family, I was invited. As mentioned earlier, I’m not used to attending many Western weddings so I used my friend’s help and some Googling to figure out the way these weddings usually take place.
It was a black tie event so I chose an appropriate longer navy blue gown with black heels. I chose minimalist makeup as well. Now on to the jewelry: I wore a pearl necklace, stud earrings, and a stud nose pin that cannot be larger than a dot, I also wore a matching pearl bracelet on one of my hands, three silver rings on my fingers, and very simple anklets that are barely visible due to the length of the gown.
All of my jewelry was the exact same color and it matched nicely with my dress so it didn’t look out of place.
On the day of the wedding, there were like around two hundred people and naturally, I didn’t know most of them. During the dinner, a lot of people at my table got to know me and complimented my look.
I did the same for them and it was going positively well until the groom’s mother approached me privately. Apparently, she found my look, especially the ornaments to be ‘too exotic’ and that I was trying to steal the thunder from her beautiful DIL. I politely told her ‘I’m sorry if you feel that way.
But I know the bride too well and she looks absolutely gorgeous. I don’t think I could ever steal her thunder today even if I wanted to.’
She replied in a rather aggressive manner with ‘you youngsters are full of spoiled brats who can never read the room and only care about their perfect social media pictures.’ She left abruptly and I was very hurt by that statement for the rest of the night.
It’s true that I did get some attention from one of the groomsmen later that night who asked to exchange numbers.
My friend or the bride herself didn’t bring up anything about my look and acted positively throughout the event. I can’t get it out of my mind even after a week.
So I’m conflicted. Was I the jerk here?”
8. AITJ For Laughing At My Mother-In-Law For Bringing A Girly Gift?
“To be clear I don’t care about gender roles.
MIL does to an extent and while she would be accepting of a teenager coming out as trans or non-binary, she is pretty into gender with younger kids and thinks that society is confusing kids with all the gender-neutral stuff.
We don’t see MIL very often.
She just isn’t interested in our lives. The only reason this annoys me is because she used to hound me for grandkids, and obviously that isn’t why I had kids, but she led me to believe we would be getting family support, and then she disappeared. I don’t know why I am even surprised. She has always been a flake.
We have a beautiful one-year-old boy, who we chose to name Avery because we love it. I know it is considered more of a girl’s name but it was originally a boy’s name and we really liked it. MIL met him once at the hospital for about 15 minutes and hasn’t seen him since, except in pa*sing one time at a party at her dad’s house, which to be fair he was wearing yellow.
MIL apparently thought he was a girl, so she showed up to his first birthday with a large pink fairy-themed baby tent (I don’t know what they are actually called, but a tent-like thing with multiple tunnels to crawl through) and a pair of diamond earrings, because she wanted to be ‘the first person to buy her diamonds, even if she can’t wear them yet’.
When MIL walked in she looked super confused (we had a blue pirate theme). MIL explained the mix-up to me and apologized for the gifts. Her husband thought it was hilarious, and I couldn’t help it and began laughing. She glared at me and said she would return the gifts, but I said no it was fine.
We aren’t super into gender anyway. I took the tent (but not the earrings, she can return those due to the price) and put it on the table with the other gifts. MIL told me not to and that I was being a child.
I told her it is a nice gift either way and if she didn’t know her grandchild’s gender, that is on her.
I couldn’t help it and I laughed again but a*sured her it was fine and told her to go and enjoy the party. She did get laughed at a lot by other people and had to admit that she is a very very uninvolved grandmother.
When she left she told me that I did that on purpose to humiliate her and I shouldn’t have laughed ‘because what about her feelings’ and putting the gift on display was cruel. She accused me of thinking that her life needs to revolve around my baby and stormed off.
My husband thought it was funny, but also that she might be touchy because she is very image conscious and her ex was there who is a great grandfather.”
7. AITJ For Being Tired Of Paying For Everything?
“My friend group is split 50/50 on this and I feel both guilty and angry.
Long story short, I make about 3x as much as my fiancé. He works a minimum-wage job and does not have much schooling or opportunities (at the moment) to find something better. This is not the problem.
Originally he and I agreed to split rent and bills 50/50, but after repeated issues, we’re splitting it 25/75.
I was disappointed but that’s life I guess. Unfortunately for the last couple of months, he can’t even do that. I don’t know where his (small amount of) money is going. He laid it out for me so I could help him budget and, per pay period, he has an extra $200.
I asked him why he couldn’t save that to contribute to rent and he couldn’t give me a solid answer.
I’ve picked up almost everything. Bills, rent, food, and ALMOST gas. It’s gotten to where sometimes I have zero funds, and he has to bail me out with his $200.
Keep in mind we’re already living frugally.
It got to the breaking point last night. I may have been frustrated at everything – the world, work, whatever. I told him if he can’t even contribute a little to literally anything then he can move out, go stay with his parents for a while so he can get back on his feet, and I can stay with a roommate who actually pays their half.
He thinks I want to leave him and this is my ‘first step’. It’s not; I love him to death and he is a sweet – if sometimes ditzy – man. But we just literally cannot afford to keep going in the direction we’re headed. We need to reset and then come back together.
Half my friends are saying I’m putting money before our relationship, half say I was too harsh (which I’ve been called in the past so unfortunately that tracks) and some told me to leave him (God no).
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Saying My Partner And Her Friends' "Joke" Is Immature?
“My partner Emma has a very tight-knit friend group of 4 girls.
They’ve got this one running joke that I feel like is taking it too far and stresses me out to be around.
When they go out to a bar, the ‘joke’ is that they all compete to make random guys at the bar believe the most absurd lies.
And whoever can convince a guy of the craziest crap wins.
I first heard about it when the relationship was new, and she invited me to meet her friends. On the walk to the bar, they explained the ‘jesting and japes’ game; if guys come up to them at the bar, they have to make up the most absurd lies… And at the end of the night whoever got away with the best lie wins and gets their tab paid by the group.
And if any lie is revealed, no matter how much time has passed, the person who got caught out has to buy everyone a round.
At first, I honestly thought the game was kinda funny. But as we stayed together for longer, I started getting frustrated and stressed by the game.
For one, it seemed kinda mean spirited to make up lies especially because they made up stuff that encouraged people to buy them drinks. Like ‘She’s ex-Amish, it’s her first time at the bar!’
That and it didn’t feel like a funny prank when they never let anyone in on the joke.
Trying to keep up a lie indefinitely feels mean.
Lastly, it’s embarrassing when we are around someone I know. We live in a big city but we still run into people sometimes, and one time we were out at a bar and my coworker came in with a group.
Meanwhile, my partner was pretending to be 40 and have a great plastic surgeon. (She’s 22). It was just awkward because the whole time I was worried my coworker would overhear, and she just dismissed it like ‘It’s too loud for him to hear’.
Anyway, my partner and her friends and me and my brother were going out last Friday and we had an argument over it.
We were sitting at a table and her friend had been saying to a guy that she went to his high school, doesn’t he remember her? I got frustrated because this happens every night out… And I told the guy that she was just messing with him.
My partner and her friends were kinda annoyed at me saying I was ruining the fun. It got more argumentative than I wanted since we were all wasted and I snapped at them saying it was immature and mean-spirited. I raised my voice and told them to grow up…
She got really upset and started crying at the bar and said that I was always lording our age difference over her and why am I even with her if I think she was childish.
I said ‘Sorry but this ‘game’ really is immature, adults don’t do stuff like this’.
Since then, it’s been kinda an issue. I still think it’s immature and trashy, she thinks I’m being a jerk for calling her immature and she thinks it’s just a bit of fun.
AITJ for calling this ‘joke’ my partner and her friends have immature?”
That said, I would have been pretty annoyed at them if I had to sit and look at that all evening. It's embarrassing and cringe making as well as mean spirited. I don't think you owe anyone an apology.
5. AITJ For Comparing My Partner To Her Well-Dressed Friend?
“My partner (27F) and I (28M) were planning a date for the weekend. We were in a good mood, joking around and talking about what we were gonna wear.
After some light bantering, she asked me out of the blue if I don’t like the way she dresses.
I tell her it’s fine and that I like how she dresses most of the time. She laughs and says ‘Most of the time? So what do you want to see me wear then?’
Now my partner mostly wears black/grey clothes that are quite baggy and shapeless.
Her idea of dressing up is a dark cardigan, black leggings, and boots. It’s fine to me and I understand that she dresses for comfort. But I do enjoy seeing her in other styles like dresses, skirts, blouses, prettier shoes, and in more colors and clothes that are better fitting.
I have bought a few dresses for her in the past but stopped when I saw she almost never wears them. I understand if that’s not her style and have never bothered her to wear them if she doesn’t like them. On days she does dress up more nicely and outside of her usual wardrobe, I always compliment her and make sure she knows I appreciate it.
So in her response to her question, I told her that her clothes are fine but there are other styles I like seeing her in too. She asked for examples and I just tell her anything that looks cute to me but she said I’m being vague and ‘How can she know what I like without me telling her’.
Now here is where I may be the jerk. I tried to think of clothes I’ve seen in real life so I tell her ‘You know, like how Anna dresses’. Anna is a classmate from graduate school who is part of my friend group. Anna has met my partner many times since I always bring my partner to our social events.
Anna is well-known in the entire school for being fashionable and well-dressed. My friends and I are always amazed that she dresses 10/10 even on exams week and joke about how she should have gone into modeling.
My partner then asks ‘Oh, so you think Anna dresses better than me?’ I tell her ‘That’s not true, I like the way she dresses but I also like the way you dress too’.
But she is already too angry and starts ranting about how I am too picky and judgmental about her, how she doesn’t have time to dress the way I want her to, how I should appreciate her for how she is, how I don’t dress well myself and don’t have the right to ask her to change her clothes etc etc etc.
I had to leave the room for air because when she gets this way she doesn’t stop until she says every word on her mind and won’t listen to anything I say. I go to my friend’s apartment in the meantime and explain what happened. He implies I am a jerk because ‘no girl wants to be compared to Anna’.
But I never said that to make my partner jealous or insecure (she and Anna are good friends), I only said it because she asked for an example and Anna was the first person I thought of. So AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Constantly Reminding The Guests About Our House Rules?
“Our blended family spent a week at our beach house. The entire main floor was recently remodeled.
We immediately set ground rules: new stove off limits (we hadn’t used it yet and we make the meals; no food prep on kitchen island behind the downdraft (food will damage unit); carefully close 20-year-old refrigerator doors; no beverages in the LR; take care of new kitchen chairs white cushions; Take outdoor showers when possible, due to septic.
NO house rules in the remainder of the house including the private guest floor.
We purchased most of the food and drinks, and cooked, and cleaned.
36-year-old daughter with 2 children had no issues.
31-year-old son with wife seemed fine, followed rules, and pitched in, but did mention a couple of times when I asked him to help he was ‘autonomous’.
28-year-old stepson kept forgetting rules and privately complained to his father about them, rarely pitched in or cleaned up after himself, and said the house didn’t feel like his family home (my husband & I moved in 1 year ago).
We had 5 wonderful beach days, dinners, cocktails, board games, fishing, kayaking, etc.
We would periodically check their floor to turn off fans, collect wet towels, etc. It ALWAYS looked like a bomb went off, clothes and wet towels everywhere. Honestly, that didn’t bother me and I never made a comment.
I became frustrated with the 28-year-old.
It appeared he was trying to push buttons re: rules. Spilling red wine next to new furniture, prep food behind down draft, accidentally getting locked out and waking the house up, etc.
By midweek, I‘m sure I sounded like a jerk constantly reminding everyone of the main floor rules.
Husband took boys on a fishing charter. I asked my 31-year-old son to help me wipe down the car seats (they brought home 5 full-size basses). He said he was autonomous, got mad, and tried to argue. I wouldn’t engage and my husband and I decided not to go out to dinner with the group that night.
They all went out and when daughter came home with grandkids a couple of hours later, she said they were all drinking too much, doing shots.
The 2 boys texted my daughter around 9 pm saying they had enough of the rules and were thinking about alternative housing.
My husband phoned my stepson who said they were thinking about getting a Hotel for the night. My husband said they should do that, and to come get their items. When they arrived, they were inebriated, angry, and threatening. It was an awful scene and my stepson kept screaming I was a jerk and my son verbally threatened my husband.
The 2 boys left and the wife stayed the night. My husband and I haven’t spoken to them since. My stepson texted my husband saying that I was a bully and they should not have been told to leave and that instead I should have apologized to them because privately they were ALL calling me a jerk.
We‘re heartbroken. AITJ because of our rules and my constant nagging about them? I’m sick over what happened and shocked by their aggressive behavior.”
3. AITJ For Not Appreciating Bathroom Scales As A Christmas Gift?
“The last two years have been fairly terrible. The man I (32) loved and saw a life with dumped me by email after his child with his ex was born.
He’s now engaged to my friend (I leaned on her during the breakup, and was really open and vulnerable with her), and she’s pregnant. I got diagnosed with a chronic disease that causes daily issues and has messed up a few things with my career.
I’ve moved across the country for my career, but I feel like it’s only been delaying my progression. It’s been really hard to make new friends.
For the first time in my life, I’ve felt completely adrift. I’ve always had a plan and a goal. I feel like I’m completely worthless.
I wasn’t good enough as a partner, and I wasn’t good enough as a friend. And now I feel like my career is slipping away between my fingers. I don’t feel like I have anything of worth or value.
I used to have depression and an eating disorder.
I was so proud of myself for overcoming them. It took a lot of work! However sadly, over the past few months, I’ve realized I’m probably deeply depressed again and have gained quite a bit of weight. I’ve been proud of myself for not slipping into eating-disordered habits.
So, it gets to today. I really miss my family – I’m on the other side of the country and don’t have any friends here to spend Christmas with. Our family is large and Christmas is a highlight of the year. Because there are so many of us, we’ve decided to just do a Secret Santa.
My present was posted a few weeks ago, and I haven’t unwrapped it until today.
This is the only gift I’ve received all Christmas. Not even a silly little workplace one, or something from a friend. This is it. The only thing I’ve unwrapped.
It’s a set of bathroom scales.
You know, to weigh you. From my Dad.
Receiving gifts with gratitude is really important to me. The idea of being ungrateful is horrible. But, I think I have been. I sent a photo of the gift to my two sisters, saying ‘the cherry on top’.
One of them called me, angry that I was upset, and yelled down the phone that I’d ‘misinterpreted’ everything. I told her to stop gaslighting me and hung up on her.
AITJ? I shouldn’t have been so ungrateful, and I shouldn’t have messaged my sisters.
Dad got this gift for me, and I’m sure that my sisters told him of my reaction, which makes me feel horrible and guilty. Also, I shouldn’t have hung up on my sister when she called.
But also, I feel completely worthless. Like I’m not worth having anything nice, or deserving anything nice until I lose weight.
I’m so, so, so lonely. I’ve spent the last three hours just sobbing my eyes out.”
2. AITJ For Not Liking That My Partner Got Me A Gift Card?
“My partner and I have been together for a long time and I love him very much. I have had multiple ideas for his gift for a long time. Originally, I was going to get him tickets to see a band that I knew he loved, but another show was announced at the beginning of December that was coming to our area for the first time so I bought him tickets for that instead.
He did know about these tickets before Christmas because I wanted to make sure I got seats close enough and I didn’t want him to try and buy tickets when I already had them. He is very excited about the show and has thanked me a million times.
So, I know he is a little tighter on finances this month so I wasn’t expecting anything big or extravagant. I opened my gift to find some chocolate and a gift card to a craft store. I tried to hide my disappointment because I felt like I always try to give him something he will enjoy, and to me, a gift card seems like a cop-out.
I still thanked him and we continued to cuddle on the couch. Eventually, he noticed I was a little off and asked me about it. I tried to shrug it off because I really don’t want to fight on Christmas, but eventually, I did tell him I was a little upset about the gift card.
Here is where I may be the jerk. I told him I felt like he didn’t put much thought into it, and I always try to give him something he will enjoy. He told me he knows I like crafting, but didn’t know what to get me so he thought a gift card would let me pick something I’d like.
He called me a brat and told me I was just upset because the monetary value of my gift was lower than his, which is not true. He used to have a note on his phone where he would keep a list of things I said I want or like for Christmas, but when he got a new phone it was deleted. I also told him that I don’t want to have to tell him what to get me.
Now we’re not really talking and he just keeps passively aggressively saying that he’ll do better next year. I don’t really know what to do or say to fix the situation, and I feel like a jerk. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him this, but I also was hurt by the seeming lack of thought.
If I am the jerk, please tell me. I’m really not trying to be a brat, but I need to know if I am.”
1. AITJ For Storming Out After My Daughter's Therapist Blamed Me For Her Trauma?
“I (43F) have a 22-year-old daughter. All my daughter’s life she’s struggled with mental health issues.
She has ADHD, bipolar, and borderline personality disorder.
If I’m being honest I never really understood a lot of my daughter’s disorders. I’ve always approached mental illness as something you just buried deep down. And as a single mother I’ve tried to do my best but I know I’m not perfect.
Well, recently my daughter asked if I’d go to one of her therapy sessions with her. I only agreed because she seemed super excited about it.
When we got there her therapist first asked me about how I was raised to think about mental health.
I said I wasn’t raised to think about mental health at all. She then said she guessed that. It seemed kind of snarky but I ignored it. She then asked about my family’s history of addiction and mental issues. I denied any and she then started to list all the things my daughter told her and asked if they were a lie.
They weren’t a lie but I never saw any of these things as big issues.
She then began to explain to me that BPD is a trauma response. She explained it can be caused by many things but by me invalidating her emotions so much like I was invalidating my own had a part to play in it.
She then tried to tell me ways I can cope with my own trauma that can help my daughter through hers.
After listening to her spew absolute garbage for 30 minutes I finally got up and told her she was a quack and didn’t know anything she was talking about.
I stormed out and left.
My daughter called me crying an hour later and I told her she needed to get an actual therapist instead of that jerk. I wasn’t upset with my daughter but I did feel like she kind of threw me to the wolves.
After cooling down though I think maybe I could have handled that wrong but I’m not sure. AITJ?”
