People Let Loose In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Not Telling My Ex That My Female Friend Was Attending The Same Party?
“My (25m) partner (23f) of 3 years broke up with me 2 months ago for reasons unknown (her own words were: that she didn’t, and still doesn’t, know why she broke up with me).
We still live together at the moment since we have a shared apartment, that I will take over, and she will move out of, but she hasn’t found a new place yet, so we are living as “awkward roommates”.
I have a female friend, let’s call her Jane, who I have known for about 5 years.
Over the years we have gotten very close and I consider her to be one of my best friends. There has never been any attraction between us at any point, so it’s always been just friends.
My ex never really liked Jane, and always saw her as kind of an attention seeker because she hangs out with guys a lot, and has had a bunch of different partners, in a short amount of time.
She didn’t like it when I hung out with her, and she never made an effort to get to know Jane.
The trouble started yesterday when I was volunteering at a summer party as a bartender. It was a kind of party where every young person in the city could come and join if they wanted to.
My ex wanted to get out of the apartment and I told her she could come to the party and bring along a couple of friends if she wanted to. Jane said she wanted to come as well, and I thought it wouldn’t be a problem, since they would both be with their friends, and I would be busy working anyway for most of the night, so I wouldn’t be able to talk to one of them more than the other.
My ex’s friends bailed on her last minute, and she went out there with me and my friends instead, but I still didn’t tell her that Jane was gonna be there, because again, I didn’t think it was gonna be a problem, since there would be a lot of other people she could talk to instead.
When we get to the party Jane is already there and comes over to greet us, where she says that her friends also bailed last minute, and asked if she could hang out with me and my friends for the night. She already knew I had to work, and that she would have to mostly hang out with my other friends.
She also said that she wasn’t gonna be there for long anyway since she was going to a concert later in the evening.
My ex got weird when she saw Jane, and suddenly disappeared from the party. She then texted me and said that she felt excluded because I didn’t tell her Jane would be there, and she said “Thanks for ruining her night and sending her crying home when she was supposed to have fun and be social”.
When I came home she wouldn’t talk to me, except for calling me a jerk for not telling her, and ruining her night.
Would like to hear internet strangers’ thoughts on this, as everyone we know is pretty biased about the situation (my network supports me, and her network supports her).
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you don’t owe her anything as she broke up with you. Have you thought that maybe one of the reasons she split was something to do with Jane? Makes sense if she was that upset about her being there.
Again though, not your issue.” Icy-Setting-7537
Another User Comments:
“She broke up with you for whatever reason/no reason/every reason so who you’re friends with is no longer her business. She doesn’t want to be with you anymore but she doesn’t want you with anyone else either.
All those people there and it all comes down to one person? Give me a break. You don’t owe her any explanation after she gave you some stupid excuse that she doesn’t know why she broke up with you. The only reason why she didn’t have a good time is because of her.” MahleahHC215
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her apparent insecurities and teenage-level drama things with Jane are not your problem anymore as you are no longer in a relationship. (I mean she couldn’t even tell you why she broke up with you, oof. Maybe these insecurities had something to do with it, who knows.) Also, I think you have to figure out the living situation with her, however nice it is of you to not let her go homeless, it doesn’t appear to be healthy for either of you to *not* actually draw a line in location as well under the no longer existing romantic relationship.
(Edit for forgetting an important -not-)” InuKimi
18. AITJ For Feeling Disappointed That My Rehabilitating Partner Changed Our Plans To Help A Friend?
“My (28f) partner (m29) is in a rehab facility at the moment, which means we only see each other every other weekend, which – with traveling back and forth – will be around 1 full day, which normally is being spent with family, friends and myself since he wants to see everyone.
This I am fine with since it’s understandable.
He was not supposed to come home this weekend, but since his family was supposed to be out traveling he changed his plans so we could spend the entire weekend alone, which I was very excited about.
The family’s plans changed and he ended up being with his family all Friday, where I was not welcome. (Long story short his mom is a narcissist and will not accept me, since she believes everything in her son’s life that goes wrong is my fault.
My FIL, SIL, BIL, and all other family does not agree.) I was fine with this, it was a bit annoying but I did not tell my partner nor express it in any way.
Since he came home he has been in contact with a new friend he met at rehab, who has a lot of issues.
She is only 18 and has had a very hard life, with substances, mistreatment of the worst kind, and parents who really do not care about her. I feel very sad for her and wish I could change it all for her in a heartbeat.
She is on her first weekend at home, which has not been a good experience at all.
Her mother is a raging heavy drinker narcissist and is in denial that her own son did horrible things to her daughter when she was 10 and so much more. Her mother has picked a fight and yelled at her since she arrived. If she tries to remove herself from the situation by going to her room, her mom follows her so there is no escaping.
They are celebrating her mom’s birthday in a theme park and the entire family is blacked out intoxicated, which is a huge trigger for her so she reached out to my partner to seek help. She asked to be picked up and for him to drive her home to her mom’s house.
He said yes and will be away for 3-3,5 hours. I truly want him to help her when he can, he is further in his recovery than she is and I think it’s very admirable that he has the energy to help her without putting himself at risk.
But I just can’t let go of the feeling of being disappointed that we missed out on the last evening together and that the plan for the weekend has changed entirely. I told him and he said that he understood and that he was sorry, but that he felt he needed to help and really acknowledged my feelings.
I understand where he is coming from and would hope that she would do the same for him if it was the other way around, I’m just not sure that would be the case since she is struggling much more than he is at the moment.
During his addiction, he was unfaithful once, which he told me about a few weeks later and I’m not sure if that triggers something in me regarding this, even though I am trying to shut that part of which I have with success until – maybe – now or if it’s just plain disappointment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are so caring and our other ppl’s happiness before your own. Who is making you a priority? It doesn’t seem to be your partner. You deserve to feel cared for too, even if he does have a lot going on.” ShinsBalogna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he seems to still have problems that he needs to solve. Also, I was surprised that you just forgave him after being unfaithful to you. That alone would’ve been a sign for me.” Primary_Weight_4241
17. AITJ For Yelling At A Dog Owner To Leash His Uncontrolled Dog?
“I live near a reserve that is free to the public and frequently used by dog owners. The local council has permitted dogs in the area without leashes but there are rules about being able to control your dog which are sign posted around the area.
One of the rules is that if you cannot control your dog you are required to put it on a leash. I have a phobia of dogs due to being attacked previously.
I was out walking in the reserve one day, minding my own business and not bothering anyone.
An older “gentleman” comes walking towards me with a large dog that is off a leash. The dog comes and starts jumping all over me. The owner’s response was “he’s just being friendly”. I do not know this person and his dog.
The dog was friendly enough but nonetheless, I was angry at being jumped all over by someone’s dog whom I didn’t know so I irritably told him that he has a leash in his hand and that he needs to use it if he can’t control his dog.
He started screaming at me for being rude and telling me I don’t dare talk to him like that, I told him I could say whatever I wanted to and walk off.
The next minute he came storming after me screaming his head off and demanding an apology from me for “being rude to him” and telling me I was a “rude boy” (I am a 39-year-old man).
He told me he had severe mental health issues (so do I – but not an excuse) and that “I wasn’t respecting him or his mental health issues” and that “it’s a free reserve and that he can do as he pleases”. He then started mocking my response to his dog jumping on me and kept berating me as if I was doing something wrong.
The guy was a lot physically larger than I was but I stood my ground and told him that he was being a selfish, irresponsible dog owner and that I didn’t know him or his dog, and that he needed to control the dog properly, regardless of whether it is a threat to others or not.
I was not polite and was screaming back at him at the top of my lungs. He did stand quite far back from me to give me space during the confrontation which he told me he was doing intentionally and I appreciated this.
He told me “he didn’t care about my phobia of dogs” and I just continued to stand my ground and scream back at him that he is irresponsible and selfish, and that just because nobody else had had a problem with his dog in the past, doesn’t mean that everyone would just automatically be fine with his dog doing as it pleased around them.
Eventually, he realized I wasn’t going to back down and he apologized to me but still kept demanding an apology for my “rudeness”. I apologized for this (not really meaning to but I just wanted to get rid of him by this point) and he put his dog on the leash and left the reserve.
I found this episode very traumatic when I was just out for a walk trying to mind my own business and I ended up in a ten-minute screaming match with someone I’ve never met. I filed a report with both the local Council and the police but as far as I know, nothing has been done.
I do have compassion towards people with PTSD as I have it myself but I don’t think I was in the wrong here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were justified in telling him to leash his dog. He should have apologized then but instead chose to escalate which further triggered you.
He was an enormous jerk.” Walktothebrook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So we have a security guard that was posted at our local park for a while. It’s a big park, the size of a city block. It entices people to think that taking their dog off the lead is okay since there are no streets around.
Why do we have a security guard? Well, someone took their dog off-leash. It was a lab puppy. Big, stupid, really friendly. He went running up to a smaller woman, jumped on her, and knocked her down. No harm intended, he just wanted some love.
But her head hit the curb in just the right spot and she died instantly in front of her children, three kids all under the age of 12. The guard is posted there to warn people they have to have their dog on a leash. Many people don’t listen, and they get fined. But, good news, nobody else has died since.
If it’s not private property or a dog park or literally 100 miles away from civilization, your dog should always be on the lead for exactly that reason. Even friendly dogs can kill people accidentally. Even friendly dogs can startle another dog that is on a leash to attack them by running up quickly.
That’s been the case for me a lot. I have two little ones that I always have on a leash and they *really* hate being mobbed by big dogs. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to yell at my stupid neighbors to put their darn dog on a leash while they yell that my chihuahuas almost bit their precious stupid uncontrolled dog that ran right up to them without warning.” beanfiddler
Another User Comments:
“Get a pepper spray made for dogs and don’t be shy to use it. I mean, I am a dog owner, but I keep a spray on me at all times because some people don’t train their dogs at all. If the dog is not leashed, it should be 100% recalled, and jumping on people is not okay.
If a person is off balance while walking they can be knocked down and hurt, people have allergies and many other things that involve being hurt physically or mentally because of a random dog jumping all over them. Apart from that, you can always warn people that you don’t like dogs jumping/sniffing you before they approach.
Good owners will acknowledge it and recall their dog. For problematic ones… Pepper spray comes in handy. They even make human pepper sprays formulated to scare dogs off but not endanger their health (sight, smell, etc) My judgment is ESH, him more than you. You need to speak up before dogs approach you and that man was plain rude and his dog is unruly” Ok_Yesterday_6214
16. AITJ For Changing Out Of An Ill-Fitting Bridesmaid Dress At My Brother's Wedding?
“My (25F) brother (23M) got married to my SIL (23F) who seemed perfect for him in every way. He proposed to her at Disney World, and as soon as they announced their engagement, she started planning the wedding. Everything was going great, her mom gave her 20k and SIL decided to buy the bridesmaid dresses so she was sure she could have what she wanted. She asked her 4 best friends and me to be her bridesmaids and presented the dress options to me because I was the biggest and she wanted to make sure they fit.
She got 2 colors in the same size/ style/ brand and the lighter one fit me very well. The darker was extremely tight and short, short enough to not completely cover my downstairs area. I thought it had been mislabeled, and I showed her. It was the biggest size the dress came in, so obviously I couldn’t wear it.
She agreed and saved both dresses for later. Fast forward to a week before the wedding, and she decides to use the dark color and has forgotten that it doesn’t fit because she brought out the lighter color for each fitting.
Her mom set up an extra fitting for the dark dress, and the seamstress and I both freaked out once I put it on again.
I had lost 5lbs, but gained a larger chest (38h) and the dress was baby doll style so it hung well above my hoo-ha. The fabric didn’t have any extra to let out seams, and the only thing we could do was replace the straps to make them a couple of inches longer.
The chest puckered so much that we sewed the slip part of the dress to the outer fabric to make it less noticeable, and at the end of the day, she just told me to wear shorts under it because there wasn’t anything else she could do.
I told SIL and she just said it couldn’t be as bad as I thought, and to deal with it. I said I would rather not be at the wedding at all, and she flipped. She got the whole family to talk to me, and I finally agreed to stay on.
The day of, we were getting ready and I put on shorts under the dress. SIL freaked and said they showed under the dress and I couldn’t wear them and stop being dramatic. The other B-ms looked sympathetic but didn’t say anything. So I took off the shorts and held the hem as I walked, and the flowers low.
I hid in the back of all the photos and the groomsman who walked the aisle with me held my elbow instead of lacing my arms so I could still hold my hem.
Immediately after the photos and the ceremony, and with permission from the bride and groom from the day before, I changed into a different outfit (same color, no embellishments, but longer).
When she saw me later, she started to whisper yelling at me that I was so dramatic and I was ruining her wedding and to just leave. I didn’t have a car with me, so I just sat outside the venue until the reception ended so as to not upset her further.
She now has a photo from the ceremony hanging on her wall, and I’ve been photoshopped out of it completely.
I could’ve been wrong about making a fuss about the dress at all, or I could’ve just said no in the first place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But your SIL and brother are!! If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s women that seem to think that everyone is required to do whatever they say “cause it’s my day”. She darn near told you to allow everyone to see your “business” so as not to “ruin her day”.
Personally, I’m shocked you actually went through with it. Ain’t the no darn way I’d be showing up for a wedding in something that didn’t cover by “area”. That would for sure result in me not going to the wedding. Cause if that person doesn’t even respect you enough to let you wear clothes that fit and don’t show off your private parts, she doesn’t deserve to have you at her wedding.
And shame on your brother for not stepping in and doing something about this. He’s not as big of a jerk as your SIL, but he’s darn close.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When you said yes to a Bmaid ask you didn’t sign up to use flowers and a pulled hem to camouflage ya hoo-ha.
She clearly was not making sound or kind decisions. That woman cannot grasp how much you accommodated her insane requests. She is either self-absorbed, mean, or suffering from a head injury to treat you cruelly at the wedding and later with a dismal Photoshop pic.
You have more class and brass tenacity than most people. Shine on and seriously consider she is not a kind person. Best to you!” DesertSong-LaLa
15. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister To My Wedding After She Blocked Me From Leaving Her House?
“I have a large immediate family, 8 siblings (3 steps). I have been very close with my 5 sisters-only 2 factors in this story, the rest had left.
3 years ago, I went to my niece’s birthday party. The party started at 5 with no real end time. My sister, the host (Sis), asked me to come early and help her set up, which I gladly did while my kids played with her kids. The party was going well, much merriment.
At midnight, my son (5) came to tell me he really wanted to go home & sleep in his bed, so I started goodbyes. At this point, Sis went to snatch my son out of my hands and lied to him saying I was too tired to drive.
This triggered me and I grabbed him back and snapped “You do *not* put your hands on my kids”.
Two years prior, during my divorce, my ex had a man try to snatch my son out of my arms to deny me access to my kids.
That led to a year of me fighting tooth and nail to just spend any time with my kids (she did stuff like unenrolling them from daycare because I could see them there). The judge eventually scolded her, I got 50% custody.
Back at the party, Sis was inebriated and refused to let me leave with my kids.
She accused me of being inebriated, and refused to listen to me when I told her I’d had only 3 drinks and a shot over the past 8 hours – I had been nursing my drinks. (I was first prescribed Adderall in college and since it masks how inebriated I feel, I always keep count of what I have to drink.
This led to her inebriatedly berating me, and blocking my way, among other things. While trying to get to the door, my only reply during this was to forcefully and defiantly repeat “Get the heck off of me,” and “Move out my way.” Seeing as I couldn’t leave without bulldozing her, I retreated to a bedroom and cooled down for about an hour, highly upset.
A different sister came to comfort me and tried to get me to see Sis’s point of view: inebriated driving.
At this point I absolutely did not feel comfortable at her home, she didn’t trust me and had no desire to stay there and even less to leave my children, so I again tried to leave.
Sis decides that I am still too inebriated to drive and again puts herself in the doorway to not let me leave. Eventually, BIL dropped us off.
The next day, texted her, but she never responded. She removed me from all her social media. Avoided any family gathering she thought I would attend.
Greeted everyone on the family Zoom calls except for me and my kids. Her daughter deleted my number. She had to be convinced to acknowledge me in some work project(we are in the same field). Sis did gift me a Secret Santa gift card(purposefully avoiding my wishlist)& me thanked her.
She obviously does not want me in her life. I feel sad for our kids; mine miss hers-they still talk about them.
Right after this, I started seeing my partner. She gets along great with my family but has never met Sis. We are discussing marriage.
I know it may start a fight in the family, but WIBTJ if I didn’t invite that 1 sister to our wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding is for you and the people you want around you at that time. Presumably, those are also people who want to be around you.
Your sister is neither. If your sister gets petty, and you choose to be petty back, you can point out that you’ll have booze at the wedding, and the last time you saw your sister have booze, she assaulted your child and held you against your will.
For that reason, even if you did choose to let her back into your life, it would be exclusively where there was no booze involved.” ghalta
Another User Comments:
“Did you ever get an explanation for your sister’s actions? With the way she is acting, she doesn’t seem to want a relationship with you which is a horrible thing to deal with, especially since you were close before.
I personally would try to extend an olive branch once more and if she continues to ignore you then at least you could say you tried. If that happens then don’t invite her. Also, what do your other sisters think of her actions?” MissionPlausible
Another User Comments:
“She removed you from her life. What exactly are we discussing here?? You’re respecting the boundary that she clearly set. Let’s pretend you were inebriated and in the wrong that night; you’re still correct now to not invite her because she doesn’t want anything to do with you!” CharlesDarkwing22
14. AITJ For Confronting My Friend's Crush Who Was Leading Him On?
“My best friend (we’ll call him Jake) and I have been friends ever since elementary school (around 9/10 years old.) Jake has always been very open with his preferences (he’s gay.)
Ever since the start of middle school Jake has liked this guy, we’ll call him Luke. During our middle school years, Luke had always been friendly but not really a friend. Jake fell for him fast and hard. It got to the point that Jake would bring Luke up at least once a day.
I was supportive of Jake but always felt that Luke may be straight and possibly a bit homophobic. I didn’t want to break Jake’s heart so I kept quiet but now I’m kind of regretting not saying anything early on.
Fast forward, we’re now all in high school and Jake’s infatuation with Luke has only grown.
Though Jake hasn’t changed much, Luke fell in with the popular group early on and the more he hung out with them, the more of a jerk he became. A few weeks ago after sports practice (Luke does football and I do Tennis, both through the school.) I heard Luke talking to some of his friends about how he is going to ‘ask the gay guy out as a joke’ referring to Jake.
I got really mad but instead of confronting Luke, decided to go home and call Jake about it.
This is where I may be the jerk. I have always been pretty blunt and my anger made it worse. I called Jake and told him what I had heard.
At first, he didn’t believe me and didn’t believe that anything Luke would do could be ‘bad’. I got a bit annoyed and repeated myself though my word choice the second time was a bit harsh. Jake got really quiet and hung up.
The next day at school, Jake was avoiding me the whole time and wouldn’t talk to me when I approached him. I was pretty sad that he was mad at me but I just didn’t want him to get hurt.
Up until a few days ago, Jake was still ignoring me and I noticed that he started hanging out with Luke more.
This went on until two days ago and it was pretty obvious that Luke had asked him out and he had said yes. I didn‘t want to see my friend get hurt which led to the second time I may have been the jerk.
I saw Luke and Jake walking together in the hall and decided to confront them. I went over to them and started questioning Luke about why he was leading Jake on. Luke kept denying everything, saying that he really liked Jake, which I know isn’t true due to the conversation I overheard and Luke’s behavior in the past. This confrontation escalated quickly into a screaming match which caused quite a spectacle.
Teachers and the school security guard had to get involved. In the end, Luke didn’t admit to anything.
Yesterday I woke up to an angry paragraph from Jake saying how much I embarrassed him and how I was such a horrible friend for trying to ruin something he’s wanted for over 5 years.
I was just trying to save Jake from a heartbreak I know will soon come. I know the way I handled it may not have been the best but in the moment it was all I could think of. I really don’t want to lose Jake as a friend so I need to know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I was in a similar position to you, OP; trying to warn a friend about something terrible cost me the friendship. Then the terrible thing happened anyway. I’m so sorry for this nonsense that you didn’t ask for and don’t deserve as a friend with good intentions.
Luke is pure steaming trash. You’re about to learn what I learned, which is to be more gentle and supportive as a friend; less meddlesome. I miss my friend so, so much. I hope this turns out better for you than it did for me but I fear it won’t.” difi_100
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ for pushing when Jake clearly wanted you to stay out of it. Telling Jake what you overheard was being a good friend. Beyond that, you needed to back off, let Jake use that information how he saw fit, and be prepared to be supportive if things went wrong.
Sometimes people need to learn things for themselves.” IntrovertedBookMan
Another User Comments:
“If this is real, YTJ for how you handled it. You didn’t need to be so blunt, you didn’t need to confront Luke in front of everyone. Of course he was going to deny it.
If you care for Jake, I guess you gotta be there if Luke finally lets him in on it being fake and Jake’s heart gets broken.” Gumgums66
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pretend Everything Is Fine When Meeting My Partner's Dad?
“So I (23F) have been with my partner (27M) for about a year and a half. He’s a first-generation Muslim immigrant (important later on) and both his parents still live abroad, but part of his extended family lives a couple of hours away from us.
I’ve met his mom a couple of times while she was on vacation here, but never met his dad, my partner himself hasn’t seen him since 2019 because of the world shutting down, and other stuff. His dad is visiting our country right now, and leaving in a week.
The thing is, I know I’m not the kind of girl they wanted for their son, but I had an ok relationship with his mom. It all came crashing down a month ago when we had problems with the house we live in. His mom, who was staying with family a couple hours away, got worried and decided to come see my partner, at my house, while I was at work.
They had a pretty big fight, his mom telling him I was terrible for “forcing” him to live in a humid basement, in a “bad neighborhood full of bad influences”
I’ve never met his dad in person, only on Zoom. But his mom starts panicking about the living situation of her son (my partner) and tells him nasty things about me.
So he told my partner that it is his decision if he wants to stay with me or not, but if he does, he’ll never accept to meet me, or our kids, if we ever have any together. He said I wasn’t right for him because I am not Muslim, I don’t speak their language and I don’t understand their culture, but also because I don’t have any university degree or a “real career” (they’re all lawyers)
That was before he got here. My partner has been to his relative’s place for the past 2 weeks to spend time with his dad (since he hadn’t seen him since 2019), trying to “fix” the situation. Last night, my partner asked me if I’d be ok with having dinner with his father tomorrow night.
I was taken aback since his father was really clear he never wanted to meet me. I said I agreed, and I thought it could be good to have an open, honest talk about what makes them think I’m not a good match for him, but also about the boundaries that I/we would be setting, like not coming to our house without asking first, etc.
But no, my partner asked me not to talk about it, and just put on a face to be able to meet his dad for the first time, and not talk about what was said in the past, that it would “upset his parents” because, in his culture, it is badly seen to be confrontational.
I really don’t think and don’t want, to go to dinner with them and act as if nothing happened. I can’t just sit there faking a smile, and not talk about the elephant in the room, that is not how I am. My partner thinks I’m a jerk for not “meeting him halfway” to try and have a relationship with his parents, and not talk about difficult subjects, and tells me it’s because I don’t understand his family dynamics and his culture.
So, AITJ for not accepting to fake everything is fine in front of his dad after all they said about me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He says you’re not “meeting halfway” but where is his halfway? He wants you to put up and shut up like a dutiful little woman to appease his dad.
You do it once, you’ll be doing it your whole relationship. And not just for dad. For his whole family. Because they’ll report back to Dad. He’s gaining the upper hand and control from the start. Be wary and stand by your boundaries” Spiritual_Process_87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner, whether he knows it or not, is not asking you to compromise. He’s asking you to capitulate. So confrontation is considered bad in their culture. Well, avoiding direct confrontation and trashing somebody in their own home while they’re away is bad in your culture.
Why is their culture more important than yours? Avoiding the subject is against your nature. They’ll never accept you as you are, and they’re asking you to go on their turf alone to talk about it? Stand firm, and let your partner decide how he will proceed.” NorCalBella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your feelings & boundaries are completely valid. But your partner appears to want to reconnect with his family. My concern is you may be pushed aside for “his family dynamics & culture”. It is your decision to meet his father but prepare to be rejected by them.
Do you want to stay in a relationship that your partner is asking you to totally conform to keep the peace? Partner wants you to “meet them halfway” but you know what partner means is to conform & put up with whatever nonsense his family lays on you.
Good luck this will be a tough one for you, whatever you decide.” sunset-tx-armadillo
12. AITJ For Refusing To Take A 'Detox' My Parents Insisted On?
“So a little back story. I (22M) have lived with my parents all my life(Moving out in 10 days, yay!) and I have never opposed their decisions on anything. I would eat whatever they liked and not eat whatever they liked. Not wear stuff they didn’t like.
Sometimes when their mood was off, I was not allowed to go meet my friends when I wanted. Sometimes for trips with friends, they would say yes in the beginning and then change their mind and say no, one or two days before the trip and I would have to cancel the whole thing.
I have not opposed them all my life. Maybe that’s how I was raised. In my country, it’s a huge deal to respect your parents and not question them on anything.
Fast forward to today. My mother found a substance that is supposed to “cleanse my internals” and put me through 5 hours of intense stomach aches and diarrhea.
I did some research on this substance and found out it isn’t allopathy by any means, but some nonconventional substance from alternate medicine (ayurvedic or homeopathy). A thing about me: I loathe stomach aches. I remember I had some gastrointestinal issues last year and I had constant stomach pains for 6 hours straight.
I never wanted to experience that again.
Today Mom tells me this substance would “remove all toxins from my body” and that it would give me bad stomach aches and diarrhea for about 5-6 hours. To be fair, my parents took this substance last week and they had to lie down for 6 hours and were constantly rushing to and fro from the washroom.
It worked for them but I was completely repulsed by the idea but they insisted I take it as well. Two days back, I told my mother I would be taking the substance today. I wake up today, and my mom shoves the substance at my face.
“Take it now, you promised”, she says. I considered taking it but the thoughts of stomach ache and diarrhoea plagued my mind and I felt like my gut and all my instincts were telling me not to take it.
I told my mom the same and she lost it.
This was at 5:45 am on a Sunday. Her screaming at me woke up my dad and brother. She told me “I carried you for nine months. Do you know how much pain I felt? You should experience some pain in your life. This substance is good, it will clear your toxins”.
My dad comes and tells me the same thing and that I should “man up”. I just said no. I told them calmly that I did not want to willingly put myself through that pain, no matter how good the substance is. This was the first time I stood up to my parents and said no. They told me they were deeply hurt by my tantrum and that I shouldn’t be a coward and just take it.
I still don’t budge and say no.
Now my parents are trying to guilt trip me into taking that substance. They tell me they don’t like that I don’t respect their wishes and they know what is good for me more than myself.
They are still screaming at me from the other room as I write this and they are telling me they are completely disappointed in me and that I am being completely disrespectful to their wishes.
AITJ for telling them I don’t wish to take that substance?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: what toxins?! Your liver and kidneys are already filtering out everything that needs to go out. Your blood cells are already removing CO2 and replacing it with O2 in your tissues, etc This is absurd. Resist for a few more days until you move out and then consider low to no contact Also do not accept any food or drink from them that you have not prepared yourself.
I would not be surprised if they stealthily feed it to you” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Any medicine or supplement or whatever claiming to remove toxins is a scam. There are only a few real ways to do this beyond what your body can do for itself, like chelation therapy, and those are medically supervised treatments by REAL doctors.
You managed to survive all these years with your liver and kidneys alone removing anything toxic to you. Why is it so desperately important for you to take this now? Your parents are idiots. They got hoodwinked out of some cash by a snake oil salesman.
Leave as soon as possible, preferably today.” Violaceums_Twaddle
11. AITJ For Leaving My Abusive Dad And Drifting Apart From My Siblings?
“So, before I was even born, my mom and biological dad were in a relationship, got pregnant, and split up.
After I was born, my bio dad was only granted some custody. It was an every-other-weekend situation.
My dad had other children with other women. Including my older sister, my younger sister, and my baby brother. I’d say me and my sisters had a pretty close relationship.
We would always play and go for walks and argue and you know, all that normal sibling stuff…
Until I was around 12-13 years old. My dad had a reputation for being a jerk. Between me and my sisters, there was a LOT of things being thrown, being hit (and not in the normal discipline way, more like until we were bruised and/or bleeding), and body shaming.
By the time I had gotten into middle school, everything I cared about was my image. Up until very recently, I had been very insecure about my body. So, the middle school rolled around and I thought, “I don’t have to deal with this.” and decided to stop visiting his house, leaving both of my sisters and brother.
I kept in touch with my older sister occasionally. I would text her, and after she moved out, I even went to her house to spend the night a couple of times. My younger sister, however, was not happy with me. I would also try and text her, and everything would be fine.
But every couple of weeks, she would text me, going on a rant about how I never cared about her and how it was my fault that their family was falling apart. I would try to explain to her why I left, but she never listened or cared to really take in what I told her.
Years passed and finally, I had agreed to try and fix things with my dad because I missed my siblings and wanted to fix things with them as well. We had a long talk about how I was growing up and that I was not going to deal with his nonsense anymore.
I told him he had better fix his attitude or I wouldn’t be coming back. And he said that he would. After that, I went to his house to visit a few times and reconnected with my sisters. However, my younger sister would text my older sister and me about all of the drama that went down in that house while we weren’t there.
She had told us about my stepmom finding out that our dad was continuously being unfaithful to her with his coworkers, still body shaming her, and overall his attitude not really changing like he had said he would.
I don’t feel comfortable visiting his house as much anymore.
And me and my sisters have drifted apart. I follow both of them on their social media, and I see both of my sisters post each other and say how much they love each other. I know that I do have the power to contact them, but my mom tells me that if they really cared, they would contact me as well considering it’s a two-way thing.
I still can’t help but feel like all of this is my fault. Like if I had just dealt with my dad for the little time that I had to… if I hadn’t left, my siblings wouldn’t be so hurt. They would text and call me, and post ME on their media too…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. First off, it’s clear that you’ve been through a lot, especially at such a young age. What your dad put you and your siblings through was toxic and abusive, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for stepping away to protect yourself.
It’s understandable that, as a child, you had to prioritize your own well-being by distancing yourself from an unhealthy environment. As for your sisters, it seems like there’s a lot of emotional baggage tied up in the family dynamics, and unfortunately, not all of that can be resolved quickly or easily.
It’s painful to see them posting about each other, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. They may not fully understand why you left, or they might still be grappling with their own trauma and feelings. Family trauma can have long-lasting effects, and it might take time for them to come around, especially if they’re not in a place where they can see things from your perspective.” User
10. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Flatmate's Unwelcome Friend?
“I (25f) left my country 6 years ago after a severely messed up childhood that’s left me with a lot of unresolved trauma. “Tina”(26f) became my best friend, she was also traumatized. During a difficult time, I lost my job and in the long run, this caused me to end up in temporary accommodation.
Tina’s flatmate moved out and it was messy. She invited me to live with her in a shared tenancy. When I moved in, I had a few flings and had one partner Tina hated for no reason other than that he talked a lot. She said “If he’s around I don’t wanna be around” I respected that and stopped seeing him.
Things were going pretty well until Tina met “Tim”(20m). Tim would say things that upset Tina and he was rude to me as well. Ableist comments and such. I ignored him for a while, supported Tina when he upset her, and then he started shouting awful things at me whenever I spoke to him.
Stopped by our usual bar after work at pride, and he was sitting shaking with anger. Tina comforted him and I left.
Tim has made it clear he wants nothing to do with Tina once he starts uni and they’re not in a relationship. I avoided them cause all of this caused a lot of trauma to trigger and I drank too much.
I cleaned up my act and since I no longer go out, I go to bed earlier. Tina likes to host parties and would keep me up at night constantly. I’d address the issue and she’d refuse to listen. When I’d raise concerns regarding Tim, she said it had nothing to do with her and to talk to Tim.
I tried giving him a chance, but I just got awful shouts again.
Tina’s mom got sick and I was not able to be there for her due to my trauma. This is part of why Tim hates me. I get it’s hard, but her drinking is concerning.
She has come home with people from the club saying she got spiked and then our mutual friend said it was on purpose. Tina has a bad habit of leaving Tim in our flat alone. I’d get stuck in my room with severe anxiety. I asked her to stop doing this and why, and she said “I pay rent so he has a right to be in my room”.
I’ve tried talking to her about it so many times and she refuses to listen to how it affects me.
One night, she gets back at 4 am with Tim. Keeps me awake until 6 am, after I’ve told her I have work early and that I need sleep.
She said, “I’ll try be more quiet”. Then cooks food and watches a show loudly with Tim. At 5-6 am birds and cars were loud (central city flat) I still wasn’t able to sleep so I did my chores (Louder than usual cause I got a wee bit petty) then she was leaving and I asked her to take Tim with her and she says “speak to him about it I have to leave” I tried and all I got was awful things shouted at me.
Again. I was shaking badly afterward.
I phoned the nonemergency police number and asked for assistance to remove an unwelcome person from my flat, which colleagues recommended. Shockingly they arrived 10 minutes later and asked him to leave. Tina has trauma with the police and now hates me.
Our friends are split. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you do not have to tolerate someone in your residence who is unwelcome or belligerent. If they don’t leave then you are within your right to have them removed. Edit- and this emphasis on trauma leads me to insist y’all both get help if you aren’t already.
Sounds pretty toxic and maybe you need to find somewhere else to live.” Eskidox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your apartment and if you don’t feel safe in the apartment, you need to do something against it. Hopefully, it scared this jerk away that he isn’t coming to your apartment again.” Constant_Cultural
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was trespassing. He does not live in the home. That Tina attempts to give permission for him to be there when she is not lost without your permission.” atmasabr
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister A Key To Our Late Mom's House?
“Me (28F), My brother (29), and my sister (35) lost our mom over two months ago. Since then the Will has been read and inheritance has been split up. My mom’s house did not have any of our names on it but because I am the executor of the will it will go to me at the end of the probate process.
My mom told me of a company that helps you sell inherited houses so I know her intent was for me to sell the house. My sister adamantly believes that she should get the house and that she deserves it. I told both my siblings that I planned to sell the house and split the proceeds among the three of us to make it beneficial to all.
Since her passing, I have invited my siblings to the house to help clean things out and to take anything that they want. My sister lives 15 minutes away from the house, I live an hour away and my brother lives across the country. Bro picked things out and helped clean while he was in town for the funeral. Sister has not been to the house due to being out of town for music festivals, and trips, and working as a hairdresser.
I have been to the house a handful of Saturdays to clean and sort things.
I work two jobs so I usually go there on Saturdays (or occasionally Fridays if I have the day off). I am the only one with a key to the house.
Since the death, my sister has been asking for the keys so she can go when it is convenient for her to “take care” of the house and pick up things that she wants. I have said no on multiple occasions to give out a copy of the key.
I believe my sister to not trustworthy with access to the house because I don’t know what things she will take, who she will bring in the house, or if she is going to try and start staying there. I told her I am not comfortable giving out a key but I am happy for her to come over there whenever I am in town to help out or just pick up the things she wants.
I also said I could pack up whatever she knows that she wants and leave it on the front porch or bring it to her if she can’t make it on the days I am in town. Our last conversation ended with her saying she understands that I am responsible for the estate but that she has “been the most impacted physically and emotionally by the loss of our mother” and since she does hair most Fridays and Saturdays it’s hard for her to meet while I’m there.
Extra Details: My sister and I have never been close due to the age gap and we are complete opposites in personalities. I lived in the house from birth-21. My brother lived there from birth-18. My sister lived there from age 6-10. She has stated during other conversations that she should get the house, and how having the house would fix all of her problems since she lives in a trailer and is having a custody battle with her ex over the kids that were taken from her by child services.
My brother and I both allowed her to take our mom’s ashes after the funeral.
AITJ for not agreeing to give her a copy of the keys to the house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As the executor you have a lawful duty to sort out the estate and protect the assets until it is done.
Your plan to sell and split the proceeds is a fair one. The only way for the house to go to your sister is if she pays you and your brother one-third each of its true market value. You should also change the locks as you have no idea how many keys may be floating around out there or who your mom may have given them to.” No-To-Newspeak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she gets into the house you will have trouble getting her out. You and your brother might consider selling your share of the house to her. At least you have offered her a chance to keep it. I’m puzzled about your comment about the house going to you because you are the executor, surely if the house isn’t willed to someone it is part of the estate and needs to be part of the split between you all.
I know you plan to do that but it is odd to me that you have the choice.” Wintery1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the executor of the will doesn’t automatically get assets. The assets are distributed as per the will. What did the will say about the assets?
That’s what you are legally bound to do. Personally, I would get the cleaning done quickly and move to sale as fast as permitted by the probate court. Offer your sis her choice of several dates when she can come to pick out mementos.
Then get an estate company in to sell valuables and clean out the house. Then get it listed for sale.” Fabulous_Bison7072
8. AITJ For Dressing Up And Arriving Late To A Casual Girls' Night?
“I (25F) have been friends with a group of six other girls since middle school. College and work made us drift apart a bit but we’re still fairly close. We always make time to meet up with each other when we’re all in town.
The other day, Natalia (25F), who I am the closest to in the group, invited me over to her place, along with the rest of the girls, for a girl’s night to catch up over pizza and maybe watch a movie. She had already contacted the other girls and they were all available to come, and I was free too.
I was excited to finally see everyone again.
Before she hung up, Natalia emphasized that the dress code was casual and that I should wear something comfortable like sweats or even pajamas. She texted me this several times leading up to the night. Now, I am someone who likes to dress up as much as I can and I refuse to leave the house without looking good.
That is always how I have been, and the girls know that. So naturally, I assumed she was joking because they all know that’s simply not who I am. So I picked out a super cute summer dress and some gold jewelry and heels before making my way to her place.
I also am a person who believes in arriving fashionably late, so even though she said to come at 4:00, I got there at 6:00. Everyone was already there, joking around and having fun, but the moment I got there, I felt the energy change and it was really uncomfortable.
I tried to ignore it but I couldn’t. It just felt like they stopped having fun when I walked in. I pulled Natalia away at one point and asked her what was going on, but she said everything was fine so I left it at that.
The next morning I call Natalia to thank her for having us over, and I make a joke about how everyone must’ve loved my dress because they were all stunned into silence over it. She went quiet before telling me that all the girls were a little annoyed that I dressed up because that wasn’t the theme of the party and that I showed up so late.
I told her that she knows how I am and she said that’s why she kept telling me to wear something comfy. I told her I was comfortable dressing up and she said that it wasn’t appropriate attire for the theme. Natalia then went on to say that this wasn’t the first time they felt that way and that they didn’t like how I was “constantly trying to show them up,” as if it’s my fault that I like to look good and they don’t.
I told her that she was being rude for telling me how to dress and she said that it was a jerk move to not obey the dress code and then expect everyone to be happy when I showed up late in a dress while they were in sweats.
I was so fed up so I hung up.
Natalia sent me a text later that day asking that I be a little more considerate of the others, and that she wasn’t trying to upset me, but that I was being a jerk for not respecting the dress code or the time.
I think I’ve done nothing wrong, but I would like a second opinion because no one is on the same page as me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Absolutely okay to dress how you want to feel good, but sometimes, you just have to play the game.
And being 2h late isn’t *fashionable*. It’s next-level disrespectful. If you assume they should know how you act, don’t be hurt if they decide to exclude you next time. Joking about it is poor behavior on your part. If you want to belong in a group, sometimes you have to play a game.
You don’t *have to* if you don’t want to. But don’t make it about yourself and how cute and late you like to look in front of them. If you decide to carry on and they decide to dump you, don’t be surprised either.” notsowise_nz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and an entitled one too. There was a theme and dress code for the night, but you ignored it. There was a defined time, but you ignored it. You are so self-centered that you actually joked that their love of your dress silenced them.
And to think you actually her rude, the irony. You are free to dress up and show up to your own individual events the way you want, if you can’t respect the event’s defined theme and timing then simply don’t go.” ThrowRA_oddcat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not listening, and ‘fashionably late’ has never allowed you to be 2 hours late, its 15 to 20 min late so you can walk in last. You’ll start getting the treatment my aunt got and get told to come 2 hours earlier than the actual time so you arrive on time, or even worse for you – not even getting an invite.” Humble_Scarcity1195
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To Visit Close To My Due Date?
“My in-laws speak the same language as my husband and I, but they live in another country, which is a 1.5-hour flight from us. And we live in the capital, so we are very close to the airport, like 30 min.
away. It all started when my mother-in-law (MIL), wanted to visit her siblings for some family matters. It is not uncommon for my in-laws to stay at our place, for a week or so, especially not since we got our first child, which is also their first grandchild.
She had planned to come visit on the 8th of August. My due date is the 23rd of August. So cutting it close. But I didn’t want to be a party pooper, and I knew she wanted to see her grandchild as well. I said, “Yes, sure she can stay one night or two as she is coming from the airport.”
So now I had said yes to my husband. He then told his mother the next day and I thought things were okay, even though I might not have wanted guests so close to the due date. But it was only her and she comes so often and she was only meant for only a night or two and her real reason for the trip was to see her siblings and the brother to talk business.
Not to see me pregnant (again again) or be here solo for her grandchild.
The days pass and there is now a little over a week before she is supposed to come. She calls my husband and tells him, “We might not come on the 8th, it might be the 10th or so because now father-in-law (FIL) is coming too, but it is hard to say what specific date we will travel.”
So, now it is not only my MIL, but also my FIL and they are changing the date to a later day of the week. I know I can be a little controlling, but the 8th was already cutting it close and now when they are traveling together, I know they are not going by plane, but driving by car.
So we are on double the people, changed the date but can’t say when, and the whole point of her sleeping at our place was because she came by plane.
Since my husband is the one who talks mostly with his parents about this, they are now also under the understanding that me saying a night or two can be interpreted as maybe a week.
I am in shock. I didn’t like it in the first place but said yes because she would come by plane, but now the date has been pushed. I got it straight with them that two nights mean two nights tops. My MIL teared up a little when I explained it to her.
But I am more stressed out with my second pregnancy than with my first. They then called the next day to say that they would come on the 11th and sleep 2 nights. Again, pushed it a day, and now think that they can drop by some of the other days.
It was okay with me at first because it was only my MIL, and she was in the capital anyway, coming by plane and all, but everything we first decided on has now changed.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband should be on the same page as you.
What I mean by that is if you are not okay with them coming this close to due date he needs to have your back on it. Sorry, we’d love to have you but this pregnancy is stressful and that is just too close to delivery time.
Or if you have a boundary like you just want them out if you go into labor then do you trust your husband to back you up on that? You’re the pregnant mama, you’re allowed to say no. I love my future mother-in-law, but she just spent 2 weeks with us a few weeks ago and I almost offed myself it was just too much.
And I’m not pregnant with hormones raging.” No-Statistician1782
Another User Comments:
“I already knew you weren’t the jerk before I even read the post but somehow that made it even more so. Nobody wants to entertain that late in their pregnancy and you may also go into labor at any time.
They are continuously changing the plans as well as being wishy-washy about how long they’ll be there while you guys have much bigger things to worry about than trying to chase them down for concrete plans. You need to tell your husband you’re unhappy with them moving the date later and you prefer them not to come in the proposed time frame.” kdawg09
6. AITJ For Buying My Fiancé An Expensive Wedding Ring Against His Wishes?AITJ For Buying My Fiancé An Expensive Wedding Band Despite His Wishes?
“My fiance (M35) and I (F29) are getting married in a little over a month. We’re both huge Zelda fans and he got me a beautiful Zelda-themed engagement ring and matching wedding band for a good chunk of money (at least for us, together they were over $1k).
We’ve been trying to find a ring for him but he’s a little pickier than I am. He doesn’t like to flaunt his nerdiness as much as me and finding a subtle Zelda-themed ring is difficult, if not impossible. He found some cheap $25 rings on Amazon he liked and was just going to go with those, but I did really want him to have something special. I also really wanted our rings to match somehow (whether that be color or theme or inside engraving (my ring has “it’s dangerous to go alone” engraved inside)).
The rings he found are nice but meh. We figured they’d do it for now until we can get a custom ring for him someday.
Well, I recently landed a really good and well-paying job and just got a pretty decent raise not too long ago.
I make almost 1k per week now, depending on how much I work, and decided to work a lot so I can save up to get a custom-designed ring for him. I ended up speaking with the person who made my ring and we came up with a design he said he liked and would be the same metal, subtly Zelda-themed, and have the engraving inside for $850.
My fiance thought this was a steep price and I told him I could totally afford that and to let me get it for him but he insisted we don’t because “the ring doesn’t matter to him” and he’d rather keep the $850. I told him about how I felt, how I really wanted him to have something as special as my ring is to me, and how I really wanted our rings to match.
He still insisted we wait or don’t get it at all, but if I ordered it now it would be done in time for the wedding.
So I went ahead and ordered it anyway. I wanted to surprise him. I figured since his only real concern was the money, I could work extra hours and it would be no problem at all.
I can make the cost of that ring in a week.
Well unfortunately he was helping me with something on my computer and saw my emails I guess the Etsy transaction email caught his eye. So he asked about it and I told him that yes I did get it and it was supposed to be a surprise and he got pretty upset with me telling me I didn’t listen to him or care about his feelings.
I told him I did listen…and since his only concern was money, I could easily fix that…so it wasn’t really an issue. He said he didn’t want the ring and was perfectly happy with the $25 ones he got and I explained to him that he’s worth more than $25 to me and since he got to spend over 1k on my rings why shouldn’t I be allowed to spend $850 on him.
He kept saying things like “What if I don’t like it” or “What if it’s uncomfortable” (which I discussed with the ring maker). We just kind of left it there and now he’s just…upset with me like I betrayed him or something and I just want to know if I’m the jerk for doing this…
I know I haven’t gotten my final judgment yet but it’s looking like it’s gonna be a YTJ judgment, and I accept that. I realize I should’ve thought this through more. I felt pressured to get it so quickly because of the tight timeframe, and I thought he’d really be happy seeing a custom-designed, unique ring that was just for him.
I know there was some selfishness involved because I really wanted matching rings, but I still put a lot of thought into a design I thought he would love.
I also saw some people say it was about the money and I just wanted to feel good getting him something expensive…I mean believe what you want but I promise you that’s not it lol.
I’m not about expensive things, never was. It just happened to be expensive, and I just thought he was worth it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: He found a ring he likes who cares if it’s $25? You’re not the one who’s wearing it, he is. I think you should admit you didn’t do this for him, you did this for yourself.
You wanted to feel good giving him an expensive ring. Even if it’s not something he wants” User
Another User Comments:
“Gentle, but firm, YTJ. I think this is a classic case of having a lack of communication, plus you not listening to him. I understand why you want to spend more on him and show him you love him this way, but you shared your feelings with him and he was adamant about not wanting the ring.
You ignored him and got it anyway. I can see why he’s upset at that because you prioritized your want to have matching rings and to spend money on him over his wants of having a cheap ring. I also see your point of view of wanting to treat him like he treated you.
It needs to be more clear of WHY he didn’t want the more expensive ring. If it was purely because of cost, you should have sat down with him and discussed it further. Explain that you’d be happy to work extra to pay for it and to please not think about it as a waste of money because you want him to feel special and happy, plus you want to have matching rings and how this was really important to you, and to please let you do it if he’s only concerned about cost. I can 100% see my partner and I running into this situation in the future.
He hates people buying expensive things for him because he doesn’t want to damage them or disappoint someone if he ends up not liking the gift/not using it. It sounds like your partner may feel similarly with his questions of “What if I don’t like it” and “What if it’s uncomfortable.” I have to reassure him that it’s ok if he doesn’t use something/like it a ton/or accidentally damages it that I won’t be upset with him, and that I’d like to treat him anyway if he’d let me.
He usually lets me, and he usually ends up liking the item, but you need to respect his final wishes and what he’s comfortable with. However, if it’s about more than cost/he truly does like the cheaper ring better, you need to accept that.
He likes what he likes and it is what it is. You both just need to sit down and really communicate and hash it out. You should also apologize to him saying that you didn’t mean to hurt his feelings and to disrespect his wishes, but that you understand why he feels that way and you shouldn’t have gone behind his back like that when he said he didn’t want the ring.
Communication is the most important thing in a relationship in my opinion, and making expectations and wants really clear is REALLY important in addition to respecting your partner’s wishes.” streamtrenchbytop22
Another User Comments:
“Very gentle YTJ. I really don’t want to call you a jerk, I think it’s sweet that you wanted him to have a special ring and that you were happy to splurge on him and go through the effort.
My mom is the type who will always decline anything expensive, even if she really wants it, because she thinks it’s too much to spend on her. So I understand there’s an instinct to decide what is worth splurging on and a wedding band seems worth splurging on!
That said, it does sound like you wanted this ring far more than he did.” ecstaticptyerdactyl
5. AITJ For Reporting A Neighbor's Child Left Alone To The Police?
“This happened a few months ago. I was waiting for my mother to arrive around 9 am (she offered to help watch the kids while my wife was out and I worked from home). She said a little girl was sitting outside on the sidewalk in the cold and in her pajamas.
She asked if I knew who she was.
I went out to see her and recognized her as one of the kids on our street. I had met the family but couldn’t remember the little girl’s name. I asked if she was ok; she said yes.
She was in front of her house, and the front door was open. I asked if she could go back inside, and she did. I started to walk home but then thought something might be wrong with her parents. I rang the doorbell and the little girl came back to the door.
I asked if her parents were home and she said no.
At this point, I debated whether to stay with her until her parents got back home or to call the cops. I didn’t have to wait long till her dad pulled into the driveway, looking at me confused. I explained that I found his daughter sitting outside alone, and helped her inside.
He said thank you, that he was out dropping off their son at school and explained that they were trying to teach her to stay inside when he left to do this. I didn’t want to confront him about how this seemed unsafe, so I was just happy the girl was safe and inside.
I walked home and explained the story to my mother. Around that time, we noticed a police car go by. I didn’t think much about it. We live a block away from the station and they go by often. My mother was convinced that someone reported the girl left alone outside and called it in.
Then another police car drove by. I conceded that they might be looking for her and walked outside. When a third car went by a moment later I flagged it down. I asked what they were doing and the officer explained that someone called in a little kid sitting alone outside.
I explained that I found her and helped her inside.
Then he started asking questions about what I knew. I reported what I described above, including what the father told me. The officer said that this situation was unacceptable, and said he was going to talk to the family.
I thought that was the end of it.
I found out later that the girl’s mother came down to complain that I reported them to the police. My mother answered the door and told the mother that I did not call the police, and that I had just reported to them the story as it happened. She left before I knew she had been there.
Once I found out this happened, I went down to talk to them. No one answered. Tried it again later, but still no answer. I have never spoken to them about this and now they’ve moved away.
I know it’s not great to report your neighbors to the police, but I had no malice and was only worried about making sure the girl was safe.
I didn’t mention what happened until after the police said they were looking for her. I didn’t want them roaming the neighborhood for hours or days thinking the girl was still lost.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Would I leave a four-year-old on their own for 5-10 minutes?
Maybe. It would depend on the four-year-old, and on the house, and a bunch of other things. But it’s quite clear that in this situation, the little girl wasn’t safe, because she had come out of the house in the cold in her pajamas, and was sitting on the porch waiting for her dad to come home.
If the dad had left her on the couch watching cartoons and locked the door, then presumably the little girl would never have come to anyone’s attention, and he’d have carried on doing this.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“I was shocked to discover that most states have no minimum age limit for leaving your child alone.
I immediately started doing low-cost/barter/free care for School Aged Kids(the younger ones can get free care more easily). I’m now starting the process of starting a nonprofit to address the situation in my community. Incredulous the number of kids home alone and the age of those kids.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Important lesson: never ever volunteer to talk to the police unless you’re ok getting someone in trouble or worse. I can’t say I love that family’s parenting style but you had no business flagging down and talking to the police.” toxie37
4. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Cut Ties With My Verbally Abusive Mother?
“Last year, my husband and I traveled to surprise my mom for her 65th birthday. We took her out for dinner with family friends. After dinner, we went back to her place with one of the guests to hang out, have a few drinks, and talk.
During the day before dinner, I hadn’t been feeling well. I kept passing gas and had bubble guts. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so sick but I managed to get through dinner without any incidents. While at my mom’s, we were all talking and having a good time.
As I stood up to get us more drinks, I noticed a pack of sugar-free candy and remembered that I had eaten a bunch throughout the day. That’s when it dawned on me that my stomach issues were due to the candy. This resulted in me bursting into laughter and letting the room know I finally figured out the cause of my stomach.
My husband and family friend began to laugh except my mother. She asked, “Have you ever thought that the reason why you’re so fat is because you eat things like that?” This led to me also calling her fat as well.
As a result, we got into a screaming match.
No one in the room did anything to stop us, and I stormed off. This isn’t the first time my mom has said something about my weight or my looks in general that was uncalled for. In the past, she has said pretty offensive or downright insulted me for no reason, and this was the last straw.
Anyway, I left the next day and haven’t spoken to her since then. My husband admits that what she said was rude and he is aware that my mom and I don’t have the greatest relationship. Fast forward to this year, I learned from 2 separate friends that she has been bad-mouthing me to them.
She told me that I was a terrible wife, and she felt very sorry for my husband. When my friend tried to defend me, my mom doubled down. The other friend told me that my mom told her that I was verbally abusive to my husband, and again, she felt bad for him.
My mom has never said anything nice about me to anyone who is willing to listen, and normally, I don’t care but she is going around talking to my friends, and this bothers me.
I want to cut all ties with my mom because I honestly can’t stand it anymore.
I told my husband I no longer wanted him to have a relationship with her and he told me I couldn’t tell him who he could and cannot have a relationship with. It’s gotten to a point that we fight about it constantly. He tells me I’m being unfair.
In all of this, my husband hasn’t said anything to my mom about her disrespect because he doesn’t want to be “disrespectful” to her. He said that I should just ignore her, but he doesn’t see that the fact he refuses to stand with me in this makes me think he cares more about her than me.
I have endured my mother’s verbal mistreatment all my life, and it affects me as an adult. Except for witnessing a few of our fights, my husband has an amazing relationship with her. The kind I’ve always dreamed of having with her and he doesn’t want to let go.
AITJ for asking my husband not to speak to my mom anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your mom is mentally abusive towards you and you made the right call in cutting her off. Your husband is honestly being pretty awful. Like, imagine if someone else in your family had been physically abusive towards you.
Would it even be remotely ok for your husband to maintain a relationship with that person? No. It wouldn’t. And mental mistreatment should be handled the same way. On top of that, there’s the fact that she’s *your* mother, so the relationship that both of you have with her is up to you, not him.
Overall, his whole “you can’t tell me who to be friends with” is valid, but it has limits. And two of the big ones are people from your life that he only knows because of you (family, exes, old friends), and people who have genuinely hurt you.
Your mom is both here. Honestly, if I were you, I would put my foot down and tell him that if he continues to talk to her, you’ll file for divorce.” petielvrrr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve explained how abusive your mother is, she is nice to him as a way to mistreat you, because she can pretend how nice she is while she continues to bad mouth you and your husband just pretends like it’s all in your head because she’s nice to him.
He’s partaking in the mistreat, he’s being used by your mother and if he’s too blind to see it or too selfish to care then you should consider being with someone who puts you before his relationship with your abusive mother.” User
3. AITJ For Telling My Parents They Ruined My Graduation Day?
“My parents have always been very overbearing; it’s never bothered me despite me feeling uneasy with it but this year I met someone who has since become my best friend.
My mum thinks she’s the sort of person to sleep around and that I should be careful. My ceremony started at 1600 but I had to do registration beforehand. The uni told us to be there 30 minutes beforehand. We’d agreed nights ago that I’d go in at 1400 then they would come closer to the time.
At 1335 I had done everything I needed to do except go into uni. My dad said that he’d decided that we should all go together and we’d get there at 1430; he was still at his computer and one of my siblings was still on his Xbox.
At this point, the friends had gotten their gowns. I told them I was late but I’d be there soon. My dad got up and argued with my youngest brother.
We got there at 1505. I got to see my friends for a grand total of five minutes.
I was told a little earlier in the day that afterward there was a party thing. I asked my parents if I could go and they said it was fine. The whole ceremony went by without fine. When I went down and saw my friends my parents followed me down.
My mum saw my best friend and her face dropped. She called me over and kept asking dodgy questions to get under my skin. We left the party thing without me even getting to say bye to anyone. She complained and argued all the way up to where she wanted pictures while my brothers bickered about everything.
My best friend gave me a bouquet which they thought would be a good idea to fight with.
When we were taking pictures my parents couldn’t agree on anything at which point my dad asked me what was up with Mum. We went to where the professional pictures were being taken waited in a line there for about 30 minutes and then had our pictures.
At this point, I found out that my friends had left without me which was understandable but I felt upset.
We left and my parents asked if we wanted to go to a restaurant. I could not handle the thought of that so I said no at which point my parents called me ungrateful and decided to drop us off at home and go themselves.
They called me to tell me the reason I was upset was because my friends left without me. I told them that it was actually because not a single one of them thought about what I wanted at all today and how their selfishness made me feel and the fact I didn’t get to see my friends was just the cherry on top.
I started crying and my dad said it was my fault for not planning and that people find it easy to blame others when something goes wrong and it’s exactly what I was doing now.
At this point, I just hung up and ignored their calls.
I got into bed and cried which is where I’ve been for the past 5 hours. Nobody has spoken to me since then. I called my best friend and she told me my parents were unreasonable for what happened but my dad’s demeanor and words have stuck with me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sorry you had to go through that, they are completely at fault for being late and overbearing. Your friend is right! Your parents know they are at fault, at least I hope they do. You planned ahead, and you were ready to roll and head in early – but they sounded like they couldn’t be bothered. Don’t take it to heart – they are totally in the wrong!
Maybe best to put it all in words and message them? Might be easier to get your points across in one hit Aside from that – congratulations! Don’t let their selfish actions ruin your day.” badgerandcheese
Another User Comments:
“Your future lies ahead of you.
Walk forth into it, embrace it… and leave the past behind. For reference, the past = your vile and selfish parents and your destructive and uncaring siblings. I hope you fly high in life – and I hope that when you’re at the top of your Mt.
Success, you can look down on these wretches groveling and hoping for some benefits from you – and be totally selfish and uncaring of what they want since when that happens, it’ll be their turn to taste their own medicine. You’re NTJ, and you’re going to be a successful person.
All the best!” MC_Hans84
Another User Comments:
“Firstly – many, many congratulations on your graduation. You did a fantastic job, and I hope you managed to take some good from the day. Be proud of your achievement above all else. Sad to say, your best friend is right in their comment that your parents were unreasonable.
I’d go further than that and say they were downright cruel. They did their best to ruin your day, and it looks like they succeeded. Please only focus on the good parts when you look back on the day, but never discount what they did.
Their behavior seems to be a pattern, and I hope you’re able to put your degree to good use by getting a great job and getting the heck out of Dodge. I wish you only great things in your future, and categorically state you are NTJ.” The_Blonde1
2. AITA For Going Against My Parents' Wishes And Moving Out With My Bf?
Just a bit of background about me (33F).
My family is religious conservative Christians. I used to be but I am now atheist but keep a low profile. We moved to the US about 5 years ago. My younger brother (25F) and I moved into our current apartment and our parents live with us and we provide everything for them.
Recently I had my older sister (35F) move in with us. She plans to divorce her abusive husband which my parents kept urging my sister to talk and think through, but I insisted. Five adults living in this place is getting hard so my sister and I decided we wanted to move out.
I have no personal space, never did for 30 years always had to share a room with siblings so this is my chance to finally be able to have space and do my thing.
I have a partner I’ve been seeing for 3.5 years and we talk about moving in together for the longest time.
While he does want to marry me and have kids, I’ve never really understood the point of marriage, and kids are something I never wanted, I’m a gamer and I love to read comics and have time to myself. This is something I say all the time to my family, friends, and my partner as well and he respects that decision.
My family however does not. Even the fact that I have a partner bothered them. They even sat me down and told me I needed to marry soon. I have always said that I won’t ever get married but I was told I will grow up and change my mind to this day.
So my partner, my sister, and I decided to move in 2 months and my sister and I will continue to pay rent in both apartments so my younger brother and parents can continue living. It will be hard but my sister and I agreed we need our space and we cannot be living like this.
As we were discussing my dad was listening and wanted us to move closer so it would be easier. We stated we already decided on the apartment and that my partner would be there as well as we’ve been saying and that will help with costs.
He blew up on me and started yelling about how I should marry and move in properly with him and that if I decided to move out with him I’d never be allowed to meet them ever again. Marriage is just a piece of paper.
I tried to explain but he just told me to get my head straightened out. My siblings took my side but my mum didn’t like that either and said they have a duty to their daughter to not stray from god’s path intended for me and that it’s their job as my parents to see that I am happy.
I yelled back how in 2 months they would never see me ever again if that’s how it was going to be. I told them they were on their own and I walked away. My partner said we could fake marriage to make them happy and my sister said I shouldn’t have said anything and kept it hidden.
But I refuse to live like this. I finally get to make my own life after 30 years and I’m being hated. I feel horrible for leaving my younger brother with the financial burden. I don’t know should I just continue to support them I feel like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are 33. You are allowed to have your own life and beliefs. If your parents want to cut you off from doing what you want, then I’d say that it works both ways and you can cut them off. I don’t know what kind of power play they’re going for if they’re financially dependent on you.
Live your life, be happy, you got this.” elroses826
1. AITJ For Wanting To Attend My Ex-Stepmother's Wedding Against My Dad's Wishes?
“I was an “oops” baby, as in the result of a hookup. When I was about 2 years old, my dad got married to Jia. Jia was the missing piece in my life. She is the woman who raised me.
While I love my parents, my mom has always chosen academics over me and my dad was always busy with his work. Jia was my full-time parent, I call her Aai, her whole family adored me and never left me out.
Well, my happy life took a turn when my dad decided to betray Jia with Z, a coworker.
It ended up in a quiet divorce and my Aai left to her country. I was devastated. I was so hurt over losing the one person who poured love into my life and raised me. It took a lot for me to start talking to my dad again.
My dad gave up his loving wife for a vile woman like Z who dumped him for another dude.
Now I am living away from both my parents. I specifically downloaded “WhatsApp” to talk to Jia. And through it, I have been updated about her life.
When she first told me about Ben, I was conflicted. But Ben slowly won me over. He talked to me with genuine interest and would discuss with me what to do for Aai on her special days, how to support her sewing business etc. It came to a point that I helped Ben and Aai’s family plan her proposal and yay!
My Aai is getting married and I am so excited.
Well, yesterday my parents came to visit me in the guise of checking up on me. My dad let me know Aai’s parents contacted him to basically ask permission to pay for my tickets and have me over for 2 weeks with them for Aai’s wedding.
He told me he refused.
I was shocked. I asked exactly when he would not allow me to attend the wedding of the woman who raised me. He told me because it would be disrespectful to him! He told me divorce meant they had no relationship with each other and it applies to me too.
I got mad and screamed I was not the one who betrayed and it led to Dad yelling at me, calling me spoilt, and threatening to take away my car.
My mom has assured me she would make sure the car would not be taken away since she contributed half to it.
But she agrees with Dad that I shouldn’t attend Aai’s wedding cause it would hurt him. My mom told me I should care more about my present parents than a woman who has not been in my life for 4 years now…
I know if it was up to Aai she would have taken me when she left. In my opinion, the reason Aai is not a present parent is because of my dad and his terrible decision to betray me!
I am feeling so angry and resentful towards my parents.
I want to insist on my paternal grandparents, the only ones who can influence my dad to change his mind and allow the trip. Aai’s parents won’t bring me without permission even though I am technically an adult.
They are very principled. But I wonder if insisting would be too much. Am I acting like a spoilt brat like my dad told me? Please tell me… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are over the age of majority in your country, your father should have no right to keep you away.
Your dad is a jerk for trying to keep you away. You are NTJ for shaming your father about his adulterous decisions. Your grandparents/Aai’s parents are jerks for refusing to bring you without your father’s permission.” alexisbarclayalexei
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I firmly believe that family is more than biology.
Your bio dad is not really your father in any meaningful way. Jia on the other hand is your mother in every meaningful way. If you want to go to her wedding and she wants you there. You should go. If your dad dislikes that.
He needs to realize that he’s not the center of your universe. That your relationships don’t have to include him. He also needs to realize the role he’s had in messing with your life and stop doing that.” DisgruntleFairy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask all the adults in your life why they think it’s appropriate to disrespect you.
You can’t do it because going to your mother’s wedding is disrespectful to your father? Why doesn’t anyone care that your father ripped your life apart with his betrayal? His immortality and her character are not your responsibility. His image is not your responsibility. He disrespected you.
He disrespected his wife. He is owed nothing. Not from you, not from your family. Let him know you’re going to the wedding. Any punishment he threatens you with just shows his poor character. He’s going to take away your car because you’re going to your mom’s wedding?
That’s because it’s a reminder that he is a bad husband who betrayed his wife. That’s not your fault. That’s not your responsibility. Go to the wedding” ClaimsInMotion
