People Look Forward To What We Have To Say About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Withdrawing Funds Because Of The Rumors That Are Being Spread?
“My (27F) cousin (26F) and her fiancé (26M) are supposed to get married around spring, they have been engaged for two years. Cousin has been living with us since she was three, after her parents passed away, and I love her dearly as my younger sister and I support her in many of her decisions, except for this marriage.
I feel like my cousin is rushing into things and ignoring the fact that they’re not financially stable. Neither of them has a job, and while she is in a Ph.D. program, and they’re living off some of her research funds, it is not enough to make a living.
They are currently residing in an apartment that his parents are paying for.
To be fair, I never approved of their relationship, even when they were first going out, and I haven’t softened up on him yet. I’ve been vocal with her about wanting them to break up their relationship, now engagement.
I find him obnoxious and rude, and he has made some unnecessary comments that still boil me.
For instance, whenever we invite them for dinner, he makes snarky remarks about my wife’s traditional dishes, and no, we’ve never forced them to eat any of them; those were more for my wife than for them.
But he compliments everything I make, even something as simple as coffee, and he keeps telling me that I’ll make a good man happy one day. It’s infuriating that my cousin just ignores this.
His disrespect for my marriage is the reason for this whole situation.
With the wedding on the way, he introduced me to the other funder, his relative. We hit it off right away. We’re close in age and share similar interests, so we bonded well. But I started to notice that my BIL was behaving peculiarly like he would try to give us ‘space’ to be alone with each other or give us hints that we are a natural couple.
I had to tell the other person that I have a wife, and what he told me in return really shocked me to the core. BIL has been going around telling his family that I’m getting a divorce because my wife had an affair. The sheer audacity of this man baffled me.
I left and, without saying a word to anyone, withdrew my fund. After cooling down, I informed the couple, my wife, and my parents of what I had done and why.
My cousin called me crying and begging for the funds, but I told her no. If she can’t afford a wedding, then don’t have one.
My BIL has resorted to calling me names and is getting his parents involved in it as well.
My parents are okay with it, as it is my money. But my wife, although she is angry with what BIL did, doesn’t support my actions. Whether I withdrew the fund or not, they would get married and stay family with us, so this would only cause a rift with my cousin.
While I understand her point, I don’t see why I should support the marriage of someone who doesn’t respect mine.
So, AITJ for withdrawing funds because my FBIL slandered my marriage?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely NTJ. I’m surprised your wife didn’t support your decision to withdraw the funds.
But I guess I can understand her not wanting to rock the boat in terms of your relationship with your cousin.
Your BIL sounds like a disgusting person, frankly. Whether your cousin goes through with the marriage or not is her choice. I don’t think you should try to talk her out of it.
I totally understand your need to protect your cousin, as I have a baby sister that I hold more dear than my own life. But whatever happens with their relationship is between them, and if she has to learn some very painful lessons in the end, they are still her lessons to learn because it is her life.
No matter how much you love your cousin though, it is 100% within your right to withdraw your financial support. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for it.” pikapanpan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This future BIL is making your life miserable. He disrespects you and your wife.
Just to show everyone what a jerk he is, at the next family dinner, ask him, in a very curious tone, why he was trying to break up your marriage by spreading the rumor about your wife, that is untrue. And tell him you want everyone to hear his answer.
If he refuses to answer, then let him know (and everyone else) that that is your reason for withdrawing your funds from them and that since he does not support your marriage, sorry, I can’t support yours.” judyfaye58
19. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Pay For My Tent?
“My wife has a bad habit of giving away or lending out things that don’t belong to her. I’ve lost count of how many times I go to look for something of mine only for her to say she lent it to somebody.
She also takes forever to get the item back, she once lent my stuff to a coworker and refused to ask for it back for a month. And I’ll never forget the day my usually quiet, reserved son snapped at her for trying to give away his Nintendo Switch.
If I wasn’t also fed up with her behavior I would have washed his mouth out with soap. I’ve had countless talks with her but she continues to do this. My son and I have resorted to locking up anything we didn’t want touched which is something we shouldn’t have to do in our own home.
Last week I won a $300 tent in a raffle. I had no plans on using it so I was selling it. When I found a buyer and went to look for it I couldn’t find it. When I asked my wife she said she gave it to a friend of ours.
I got mad at her and said she had no right to give it away. Her defense was since I didn’t spend money on it and wasn’t planning on using it, it made sense to give it away for free. I told her that wasn’t her decision to make but she just kept repeating herself.
I had enough of this and said she was either going to pay me herself or get the money from whom she gave it and if she didn’t I’d get law enforcement involved. Since she’d rather die than ask a friend for money she paid me out of her own pocket.
This issue eventually got around to her family. While they did say she should have talked to me first they also reprimanded me for asking for payment. They reasoned that since I didn’t actually buy the tent I didn’t lose any money and it went to a friend who could actually put it to good use.
I got several texts saying I should be ashamed for extorting my wife for funds. I think I have every right to want to be paid for something of mine that was taken but everyone keeps emphasizing the fact that I didn’t technically buy the tent and didn’t want it so I have nothing to be upset about.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She absolutely shouldn’t have done that. What it sounds like is your family and friends don’t understand the magnitude of the situation. Of course, they think it’s absurd because they don’t know that she does this all the time.
You’re just finally fed up with it. Put your foot down. Honestly, sounds like you should’ve done that a while ago. How would she feel if her stuff just went missing? Tell her she stops and if she doesn’t I would give her a taste of her own medicine.
I would take things of hers and just give them away. Even if I just pretended I did just to prove a point. Sounds petty I know but she clearly isn’t getting it any other way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I think you have every right… absolutely.
NTJ. However, technically, you should tell her ‘If you ever give away something of mine again without my permission, it’s stealing, and I’ll demand the money back for it’. Just a head’s up so she knows what’s coming and there can’t be any surprise at your actions.
I’d also like to know how she’d feel (and her family at that) if you started doing the same. Any gifts you’ve given her that ‘technically she didn’t pay for’, should be yours to start doing what you’d want with it. Books she’s finished reading, jewelry she doesn’t wear often, maybe skis, a bicycle… wonder how long it would take her to get the point.” Canadian_01
18. AITJ For Not Allowing My Ex-Husband To See Our Daughters?
“I (31f) have two daughters Lila (4f) & Gaia (1f).
I’m a single mum, and I work in the hospital. My two daughters’ biological dad (34m) and I were married for seven years and together for ten. We got divorced pretty much straight after Gaia was born. I found out he had been having an affair almost our entire marriage and literally had two children and twin boys on the way with another woman.
After the divorce he chose not to be in our lives and signed all his rights away to my girls, I have all rights and full custody of them. His eldest and only daughter (5f) was in my hospital. Not going to go into too much detail about that, but because she was here so was my ex-husband as well.
The hospital has a daycare which is where Gaia is during the day, and Lila is at school. Gaia hates new people, and will hysterically scream if they try to pick her up. I was working my shift, and I got a call from the daycare.
Gaia was screaming and they couldn’t calm her down, I ran up there scared she was hurt.
While I was comforting her they told me my ex had tried to pick her up from daycare, they thought it would have been fine as he used to pick up Lila.
After 30 minutes of crying, she finally calmed down. I went down and went ballistic at my ex, he had chosen not to be in their lives, he had chosen to sign his rights away. How I might have let him see her if he had asked, but trying to take her from daycare is just wrong.
Now I couldn’t work my shift since I had to keep Gaia with me that day since she wouldn’t stop crying if I put her down that day. I worked out, I don’t think he actually went for Gaia. I think he wanted to see Lila, he was a good dad to her before he left us.
But he called me a jerk and an inconsiderate witch for not thinking about how much he might be missing his daughters. Is he right? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m thinking more sinister. Was he trying to get her so he could do testing?
See if she was a match for his other kid and whatever sickness she has. Maybe she needs b***d, a kidney, or bone marrow. He thinks – oh I can just go get my kid upstairs and test her! Regardless, you need to tell schools and daycare that he is on the not allowed for pickup list. He took advantage of your trust.
If, when the girls get older and they want to see him, you can cross that bridge when you get there. But you are protecting them from a guy who doesn’t care about them and just pops into their lives when HE wants, not what they need.” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he signed his rights away, that means he doesn’t pay child support either, if you’re in the United States. In this case, he has absolutely no right to see the children. You should have your lawyer send him a letter stating so.
On the other hand, if he gave you 100% custody, he probably still has a legal right to see the children but he should not be trying to take them out of daycare without your permission. Again, you should consult your attorney and set up a visitation schedule if he wants to see the children.
Plus, he should also be paying child support. I’m sure you already have done this but you should make sure the daycare understands you have 100% custody and he is not to be permitted to pick up the children without your consent.” Glinda-The-Witch
17. AITJ For Being Tired Of Covering My Sister's Education Expenses?
“I (M 24, David) have a sister (F 26, Liz) who has gone to university studying medicine over the past 3 years and she’s had ups and downs with her finances.
Understandably so, things have got worse over the past year due to the increase in prices of everyday items. I, on the other hand, opted to not go to uni and am now a plumber making what I would consider good money. The main issue right now is that Liz assumes that just because I work I am an emergency fund for her that’s on standby.
Now I will admit I can be frugal but over the past 3 years, I have paid on 2 occasions her residency hall deposits which have ranged from $1000-1500 each time. Not even mentioning the odd $100+ ‘I need some urgent money calls’ that I used to get but told her to stop asking for.
The thing about these deposits was that they were supposed to be refunded to me either in part or in full at the end of the year. I haven’t seen a single dime to this day, I had put aside personal savings goals and leisure items I wanted to purchase for Liz’s sake.
The reason I bring this up is that as of yesterday I was on a video call with my parents and Liz and she was in a bind again. Her loan was going to be late so she needed money to cover her accommodations for the next 1-2 months.
I asked where the deposits for the past 3 years had gone including the one my dad paid. All of a sudden I’m the villain bringing up the past and they thought we’d talked about this, my mom then says oooh so you just want the money back you don’t care about your sister.
I told them all I was tired of their nonsense and especially my sister’s crappy attitude towards me.
Both our parents live in Sweden and are currently focused on repairing their house, so they can rent it out and retire which is way overdue. So their disposable income is next to none at this particular moment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will say that just pointing out her financial failure alone will probably not go over well, as you’ve seen. You could try framing it with concern. Ie, ‘Mom, Dad, I’m worried about Liz because I’ve helped Liz twice and she told me I would get paid back, which I haven’t.
Her current situation isn’t sustainable because I can’t keep lending her money and am not able to save for my own future. I really think it’d be in Liz’s best interest to see a budget counselor who can help her come up with something sustainable.’
Your family doesn’t have access to your accounts, right? Just tell them you don’t have it. Say you lent a friend money and they didn’t pay you back or something.” YeahNoCo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your sister needs to take out a loan from an institution other than the Bank of OP.
I detect some favoritism on the part of your parents, who seem to believe that your money is your sister’s money. It’s not. Make a written budget for yourself and include those things you gave up for your sister. Next time you are asked, say you will look at your budget and see if you can spare the cash.
And do that. If you can afford a loan, start getting it in writing. If it’s not in your budget, say no.
If your sister is smart enough to be a physician, she will find a way to finish her education. She hasn’t tried before because it was easier to ask you for money.
You need to change that.” Valiantrabbit49
16. AITJ For Asking My Ex's Siblings To Take In My Kids If Need Be?
“My ex-husband and I have 3 kids together (17F, 11M, 7F). He went to prison last week and he will not get out until the kids are grown. He’s always had a strained relationship with his siblings because of some trouble he got into in college (which resulted in a 4-year prison stint).
I didn’t know about any of this before we were married; he was a master at hiding things from me. The rest of the sibs seem to have close relationships and the cousins spend a lot of time together. They’ve never treated my kids the same.
Now that my ex is in prison, they suddenly took an interest in the kids. One invited us to her house for Christmas so we went. I need to redo my will and name someone as a guardian of the children should I die. My mom is not in good health and none of my siblings are in a position to take that on.
All of his sisters are married and financially well off. One has 3 kids who are practically grown, one has 14-year-old twins, and the other has 2 small children. Brother is not married/has no kids. Their mom is regularly in the kids’ lives but she’s getting older and her health is not so great.
Financially, they’ll be taken care of (life insurance, assets, etc).
I brought it up to my ex-SIL and she said that she thought it would be too much for one person and suggested separating them. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that.
Imagine taking traumatized children who have lost their parents, their home, and their schools, and then taking them away from each other. It’s cruel. We dropped it that day but the more I tried to think about it, the angrier I became. When I got back home, I texted her and told her that I changed my mind because I wanted my children to be raised by someone who wanted them and I would ask a friend instead.
Later, I got into an argument with a different sister over it. They all seem to feel that it’s asking too much. I can’t fathom a family that doesn’t take care of each other. I would take any of my siblings’ kids, even if I had to financially support them myself.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They pretty much just met them. And this is a big ask. You don’t have the right to be angry with anyone for saying no to this request. Their reasons for saying no don’t matter and aren’t your business.
My guess is the reason they kept their distance before now is because they were keeping their brother (your ex) at a distance and wanted nothing to do with anyone who would bring him back into their lives. Given he’s a convicted felon, that’s fair.
This isn’t likely a sudden interest. They’ve probably always been interested. They’re just now comfortable with building a relationship because they know there’s no chance of their brother surfacing and causing chaos in their lives.
You’re not a jerk for asking.
You’re not one for not wanting to separate your children. You are one for not accepting their answer and being angry they said no.” Disastrous-Nail-640
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how you handled it. It’s great that you want to plan ahead for your children but unless you’re actually dying right now (have a serious illness) it’s much better to let things be an open dialogue.
Your oldest is almost grown, a couple more years and she’ll be off on her own. Unless there are some special circumstances she could pretty much take care of herself if necessary, this includes living with an elderly grandmother.
Your other children are younger and even though I understand you would want them to stay together it might be easier on your ex’s family if they were separated. But you said it yourself, they are a close-knit family, and your children might not live together but they would still BE together.
Apologize to exSIL and explain the stress you’re under because of everything that has happened. Ask to see them all again and continue to form relationships with them. Be open to their suggestions and ideas. Have the cousins get to know each other and see what relationships are forming naturally (everyone has their favorite cousin).
Try to relax! They invited you once your ex was out of the picture, they obviously WANT you and your children to be a part of their life, it’s very likely they WILL step up and care for them if necessary. But don’t force it!
Unless you’re actually dying right now let things take time.” Waste-Phase-2857
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Friend A Ride Again?
“My friend and I have been friends since 3rd-year high school and we are both now in our early 30s. I have been driving for 12 years and have always been happy to give friends and family a lift in my car if they struggle to get from A to B.
My friend is autistic but still functional and is able to get public transport if need be and gets free bus travel and discounted rail travel because of her condition.
For years I have given her a lift to and from her house, if we go on a day trip I’ll drive us there and back usually totaling an hour-long round trip etc.
Over the past several years it has bothered me that she never offers to pay/split petrol or even offer to pay for parking for me doing all the driving. She, I, and 4 other friends (3 drivers, 3 non-drivers) were planning a trip into the capital (40 minutes there and back so 80 minutes round trip), and agreed to split the passengers evenly between 2 cars and decided to split the petrol bills evenly between passengers.
When I said this to my friend she acted as though she didn’t need to pay and started arguing why she thought the split cost was too high and started comparing the price to how much her sister pays on fuel to the capital and back.
I did explain that normally it’s good manners to split petrol costs and it’s not fair to expect to be chauffeured around for free all the time. Also, petrol costs differ from car to car and depend on the weight of passengers, etc.
We ended up not driving and got the train into the capital instead. Most likely a return ticket costs the same if not a little more than the initial shared petrol cost of £5 each.
Basically, I’ve stopped offering to give her lifts as I feel she isn’t paying her way and I don’t know if she doesn’t understand because of her autism or if she isn’t used to having to pay her way in life as she still lives with parents, has little to no bills to pay and has never had a job in her life and has always been on benefits for disability.
Also, her mum drives her to most places if she can so she’s used to living an easy life.
I feel this is a reasonable thing to ask if you are driving someone anywhere that isn’t local. Splitting petrol costs is the norm between drivers and passengers and I explained that is what you’re doing when you pay to use public transport (more or less) so why is she unhappy to do it with friends?
AITJ and being unreasonable now that I have stopped giving her lifts in my car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It very well could be the multiple reasons that you stated that she does not understand why a contribution is not only polite but sometimes necessary for the trips she or y’all’s friend group would like to take.
However, she also shouldn’t be given a free pass when everyone else has agreed to certain terms. You are spending your own money going from place to place with her and while she is your friend, it could become more of a burden and lead to further resentment on your part.
I would recommend continuing to have the conversation with her until she can understand why it’s necessary.” Prettyozzby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s being unreasonable about the trip to the capital. That’s clearly a much longer drive than usual and she should have just paid.
Although I will say she isn’t a jerk for not paying over the last few years. Offering to pay for petrol is just… it’s one of those sorts of unspoken social rules that are confusing to ASD people sometimes. E.g. You’re offering to give her a lift to help out, to her that would perhaps mean it’s a favor and you don’t have to pay for favors, and probably a lot of the time you don’t actually WANT pay, you want her to offer to pay… but why would you want her to offer if you’re going to turn it down?
(Obviously, I understand why, because I understand the social code and all the meaning behind it, as do a lot of people, but some people with autism may not)
Taking that further – you’ve never asked her for money before and she actually doesn’t understand why this time is different.
If the expectation that she contributed to fuel had been set for, I don’t know, trips longer than 10 minutes, a long time ago this maybe wouldn’t be an issue now. But from her perspective, things have changed and she doesn’t understand why because this isn’t the usual. I think you have to actually talk to her about this, talk about how you have been feeling, and explain very clearly what is annoying you.
She won’t understand why you’re mad ‘all of a sudden’ (again, I know it’s not sudden, but if her difficulty is in reading social cues she may feel it is), and explain that you feel she’s taking you for granted.
If she takes that badly and still expects lifts for free, she is being a jerk.
And whatever you decide to do, it’s your car and your life, you don’t owe her anything.” Unusual_Process3713
14. AITJ For Being Upset At My Partner For Inviting Other People To Our Ski Trip?
“I’ve always wanted to learn to ski. My partner has been skiing most of her life. I didn’t have the best childhood and never had the opportunity to play in sports clubs or anything like that.
As a consequence it’s quite a big deal for me, mentality, to commit to learning a new skill like skiing.
Anyway, my partner agreed to take me to a mountain near her hometown to teach me. She said that it had some really good beginner slopes.
I was getting quite excited about it.
That was until she informed me that she invited her friend and her friend’s partner. She didn’t ask me, she just told me after the fact and presumed there would be no problem.
Well, from my POV there is a problem.
I’ve hung out with my partner’s friend before and she makes no effort to talk to me. I don’t speak their native language, and my partner’s friend refuses to speak in English (despite being completely fluent). Once, she came and stayed with us for a few days.
She barely said two words to me. I tried to get something out of her, but each of my attempts left me feeling like a bit of an idiot. It’s hard to try and converse with a stranger at the best of times, but I’d have to essentially ‘interrupt’ the conversation my partner and her friend were having in their native tongue.
It’s horrible honestly.
I’ve spoken to my partner about this in the past. That she needs to do a better job at including me in these conversations. But she says things like ‘she’s shy” or ‘she doesn’t LIKE speaking English’. I told my partner that it was her responsibility to facilitate a conversation between her friend and me, but she said something akin to ‘How do you expect me to do that?’ This is a cop-out, in my opinion, and I told my partner that I was OK with it, but that I wouldn’t be hanging out with them together anymore because I always end up feeling awkward and uncomfortable.
I wanted to learn to ski with my partner, but the experience tells me that she will get distracted by her friends and I will feel alienated again. This, combined with the feeling of general anxiety I have around learning something new has now really turned me off this trip.
A shame because I was looking forward to it.
Last night, I called my partner out on it. She said, ‘It’s normal to invite friends skiing so I didn’t think it would be a problem’. I told her that my apprehension comes from prior experience with her friend, and she replied with something like ‘It’s ok I will make sure I have time to teach you to ski’.
I cast doubt on that. She then cried and told me that she felt bad. That was the end of the conversation. No solution was produced.
This morning I brought it up again. She said ‘What do you expect me to do, uninvite my friends?’ followed by ‘That will be so embarrassing’ and then ‘You’re pathetic for making me do this’.
I don’t know if I’m being fair or unreasonable. Hence me checking in with you guys. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your partner is, and so is her friend. I don’t care where they grew up or what language they speak. It is horribly rude to speak to someone in a group setting using a language that one or more people do not speak when you all have a common language that you DO speak.
Further, your partner dismissing it so flippantly is kind of sad. She said you were being pathetic. She invited someone that she knew would not speak to you. She claims it’s no big deal to invite friends, but it is when you know that friend is a walking issue for the original invitee.
You are being completely fair and reasonable. Stop letting her gaslight you into thinking you aren’t.
Honestly, I wouldn’t even go on the trip anymore, and I’d likely start looking for someone else to teach me to ski.” inFinEgan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just tell your partner respectfully that you’re going to sit the trip out but enjoy her friend’s trip.
This trip started as a couples’ hangout for you two to teach you how to ski but became something you didn’t agree to. Then there is the issue of the friends being fluent in English according to you… but are too ‘shy’ to talk and include you in the conversation thus alienating you.
That’s just rude in my opinion.
I doubt anyone would want to go on a trip and feel singled out and unwanted, to be honest, don’t even get me started with how they’ll ignore you and go to the more advanced trails leaving you behind.
Your partner is the jerk for disregarding your feelings and allowing this behavior from friends. I would suggest you take a step back and decide if you want to deal with her friends for the rest of your life and have your feelings and views ‘ignored’ by your partner for the rest of your life.” ThisEnvironment6627
13. AITJ For Kicking My Mom's Friend Out Of Our House?
“I (25F) and my husband (25M) moved into an apartment in Oct.
of ’22 and had been looking for a house. In Jan. of ’23, one of my mom’s friends (we’ll call her Mary (60? F)) told my mom that she was moving into a condo about an hour away from where her house was so that she could be closer to her mom.
Mary is also mentally disabled from a work accident years ago but is able to live alone and take care of herself.
She asked if we wanted to take a look at the house and we loved it and said we were interested in moving forward.
We agreed on no realtors and to use real estate lawyers. We were also getting a discounted price. At this point, she mentioned that her condo was still under construction with a projected finish date of June. That was okay with us and we began the process in April.
As with most construction projects, there were delays, so we were patient with her as our original time frame of going to settlement and moving in June/July passed us by. I had talked to her in August asking if my husband and I moving in on October 1st works for the timing of her condo being finished. She said that it would and I told her that was great and that I would let my landlord know that we would be breaking our lease.
I also informed our real estate lawyer and asked him to set the settlement date accordingly. Less than a week later, I received an angry email from my lawyer stating that he was quitting because Mary and I had been making plans behind his back that he was not aware of.
Apparently, she had told her lawyer that we agreed to settle on October 25th, which was not what we had discussed. I emailed him back and resolved the issue, but we were not to contact the owner without him.
This is where I feel like I might be a jerk.
My husband and I along with our lawyer had an incredibly uncomfortable conversation with her about how she needed to be out by no later than October 13th because our lease was up on the 15th. She was crying and saying that she had no one to help her move out and that her condo was not complete because they had not installed safety bars in the shower yet.
I explained that we would not have a place to live if she was not out and that settlement was 2 weeks prior to when we asked her to move out, so she would be living in a house that no longer belongs to her.
I also said she has the ability to live with her mother while the bars get installed. I said there are many services available that will pack and move your stuff for you.
She ignored what I said and continued to cry and actually was whimpering and calling for her mommy. I ended the call because I was so uncomfortable.
She cried to my mom on the phone about this. I told my mom my side of the story, but she continued to mention that I wasn’t being reasonable and should have allowed her to stay longer.
I feel I was patient and accommodating throughout the process.
We have been in the house for months, but my parents still don’t approve of how I handled it. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You forced a mentally disabled person and family friend (who was giving you a discount on the home sale) out of her house before they had another place to go.
Yes, she could have stayed with her mom for a couple of weeks but so could you. If she was fully there mentally, she would be the jerk.
As it stands, it sounds like you took advantage of a disabled family friend behind your lawyer’s back and offered no assistance to help her get situated other than to pass the effort onto someone else.
You took advantage of a mentally disabled elder who was literally crying for her mommy and you still followed through with this. YTJ.
Your parents’ discomfort is warranted. You put one of their friends out on the street so you could have her house.” Zamastyle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Solving problems is hard and overwhelming for most fully mentally capable people. Yes, she had potential solutions but it doesn’t mean it felt like that to her or she could see them. You got a great deal because you presumably would treat her like family and protect her.
In the end, you treated her like a random stranger giving you a bargain. You should have had at least her lawyer (and yours) and even ideally her daughter or caregiving representative at all important conversations.” im_thatoneguy
12. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Being So Codependent?
“I (27m) & my partner (27f) Beth have been together for a year now. When we met she was very much her own woman, with a bartending job, her own group of friends, & own hobbies.
Now granted this wasn’t the best thing, because she was in a bit of a toxic era, & she hated her job, but in time she got rid of all that toxicity & got a better job.
From the start of our relationship clinginess has been an issue. She only worked weekends & I had a 9-5 work-from-home. So basically that meant that she was around me every hour of every day except for the 12-18 hours combined she worked on the weekends.
To make it worse she was not a good presence at home. If she even bothered to leave my room (cause there were several days where she would literally not move unless it was to use the bathroom) she would badger me while I was working, trying to show me memes or have convos.
I had to tell her multiple times that just because I’m working from home doesn’t mean that my work requires any less focus & that this isn’t quality time while I play on my computer. The thing is I wasn’t even angry because I knew there were some bad elements in her life & maybe this was her escape.
So over time we had some great conversations, she made better friends, & she left her old job for a day job that she loved, so we got our space.
Things regressed after Christmas break. Basically, she decided to take an indefinite sabbatical, so now she’s here 24/7.
She almost never goes to her own appointments, never hangs out with her friends, and never does her hobbies.
I asked about her mental health & even offered to put her in touch with my old therapist, but she insists she’s fine, she just likes not having to do anything.
I’ve brought up that she should be spending time with her friends or at the very least enjoying her hobbies, but she insists she’s not interested. Once again I brought up the conversation about us having our own lives even though our relationship is the priority.
She basically was like ‘Yeah of course’, but no attempts at changing.
Things came to a boiling point yesterday when she kept trying to show me memes while I was working & I snapped & told her to ‘get that nonsense out of my face’.
She got really angry, & said it was ridiculous to get that mad over your partner trying to spend time with you & I told her it’s ridiculous for a grown woman to be shoving memes into her partner’s face all day. I said she needs to get a life & stop being so codependent.
It very much hurt her, I could tell that right away. I apologized but couldn’t really console her because I was literally about to be in a meeting. She ended up going to her apartment while I was on Zoom & she hasn’t returned my calls or texts.
I genuinely think my anger came from a valid place, but I felt like I shouldn’t have snapped like that, especially when memes are part of our love language & everything seems to have just escalated so quickly. I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She constantly crossed boundaries that you set. You work from home. You need to be able to focus. She needs to stay at her place. If she’s no longer speaking to you, perhaps she has taken herself out. I would text her that if she no longer wants to be in a relationship due to not being able to disrupt your workday constantly, she needs to come get anything she has left at your place and give back her key (assuming she has one).
If she wants to be in a relationship with you, she needs to respect your boundaries and stay at her place during your workday.” Fearless_Ad1685
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you have a ‘fixer-upper’ partner that you were trying to ‘fix’ with a new job, therapy, and gentle feedback on what you prefer.
But maybe she is just who she is and no amount of fixing is going to change what she wants from life. Which may not be the same things you want from life. She is probably a great person. But no one living in their own bubble escapes becoming a bit self-absorbed. Her world has shrunk down, so she might not see how annoying her behavior has become.
Of course she’s hurt, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with her invading your space all the time.
It was wrong to snap and you’ve apologized. But the problem is that it’s hard not to snap when you’ve probably been stewing on similar behavior for some time.
If you think you will end up resenting her, let her distance herself or change her behavior. If she is like this at 27, unless she gets therapy and makes some changes, she may be much worse at 40. Think carefully before you sign on for a lifetime of this.
11. AITJ For Selling My House And Putting My Siblings In A Tough Spot?
“My husband and I bought a house when rates were very low, in a less-than-desirable location, and well under our means. My siblings were less than impressed with the location and had said they would never live in such a city, but good for us.
Fast forward a year, the siblings that had originally judged the location moved in under the pretense that they needed a place to stay until they could get back on their feet. They also brought their families, so the space was very cramped. Initially, they could not pay the mortgage, but after a few months we got into a groove and they started to contribute to ‘the rent.’ My husband and I paid for the bills and about 50%-70% of the mortgage, and I saved their rent money to help in their eventual move.
Fast forward another two years and my SO and I moved for work. We ended up purchasing a second home and left the first for my family to use until they got on their feet. This unfortunately meant they had to pay the full mortgage amount plus their bills as well.
We refinanced to lower the payment and make it more manageable, but they have never paid the full amount and I ended up paying the remainder.
Over the next two and a half years my credit cards have maxed out and my credit has taken a significant hit from making up the difference.
I’ll also note that after buying the second home I quit my job to care for my baby. This was intentional. I’ve always been calculated with big life decisions, which is why I opted to have children later in life once I had secured an alternative form of income other than working.
My intention was to use our first house as a rental property, though for obvious reasons this didn’t work out as planned.
Well now we need to move again and we’ve decided to sell our first home as it has the most equity.
Unfortunately, my siblings and their families are faced with the incredibly difficult task of finding a home at the price point they were renting my home for, and now I think they’re all upset with me (and maybe rightfully so). I’ve offered assistance but have yet to hear from them.
Their silence has always been an issue as well because too many times simple fixes around the house ballooned into more complex and expensive issues due to their lack of communication.
I feel very bad for putting them in this position, but we simply can’t afford to house them any longer.
They have no disabilities that stop them from getting jobs, they simply don’t have the skills, motivation, or education to get high-paying jobs. They also have a preference for living in more expensive locations than what they can reasonably afford, and they’ve made terrible financial decisions in the last few years (think buying a new car, then trading it in a couple of years later for another newer car, maintaining an expensive habit, etc).
I’m also reluctant to allow them to stay in my second home, as that mortgage is higher than the one they already weren’t affording. So basically, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So… You have learned an expensive lesson in trying to ‘help’ family/freeloaders that many others have had to learn.
And now you have to deal with this.
Before you put it on the market, you need to do a proper LEGAL eviction. Because you know they won’t go quietly and will most likely try to hinder the sale if they are still there.
They will put up a huge fuss, but it must be done. NOW! You’ll probably hear how you are abandoning them in their time of need, yadda, yadda, but you have to stay strong. And NOT offer them another place.
Your ‘helping’ them has only enabled them to do nothing and has hurt your finances.
Legally evict them now! And don’t do anything like that again. You know they will leave your house in a mess. You learned just like countless others before you. NTJ and good luck!” Blue-Being22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You undertook this agreement with them in good faith and with an extraordinarily generous heart.
This was to help them ‘get on their feet’ and they don’t seem to have bothered. So, it is time for them to seek alternative arrangements. They will be angry at you and probably will take it out on you and your family, but consider what they’ve already done to you!
Sorry, when reading your story I could only think of the word ‘freeloaders.'” Narrow-Natural7937
10. AITJ For Walking Out Of The Restaurant Because I Didn't Want To Pay The Bill?
“My fiancée’s sister is a great person.
She is very supportive and kind and she has shown that. Anyways, last week, My SIL was coming to town for Christmas. My parents and my fiancée’s parents are very close, and I have known my SIL and fiancée almost since childhood.
When she came, my fiancee basically planned a dinner with me, her, and my SIL, in a very expensive restaurant, way out of my budget.
I ultimately thought one of them was going to pay because my fiancee knows my financial situation. I was happy to see my SIL because she usually never visits town because she’s studying computer science and usually stays at her university for most of the year.
Anyway, we entered the restaurant and we booked a table for 3. My SIL and fiancée ordered their meals, but my SIL ordered a few of the most expensive meals on the menu. I obviously thought they were going to pay for it so I didn’t think much of it, and I just got myself a $25 dollar steak.
We ate the meals and were happy across the whole meal, talking about how my SIL’s university is and everything about that topic.
When the bill came, it totaled around $300, way out of my budget, as I said. My fiancée indicated for me to pay with my card, and I nodded my head no, she started squinting her eyes, and she looked clearly frustrated. We also barely go to any restaurants and even if we do, we just split 50/50, and then that’s what I asked the waiter before my fiancee cut my words and said ‘He will be paying in full.’ Then my SIL said ‘OP, pay for it this one time.’
After she said that, I stormed out of the restaurant and drove off to our apartment. She blew my phone up with calls and texts, but I didn’t respond to any of them. She came home 35 minutes later and started arguing with me about why I didn’t pay and it was embarrassing for them, and it was childish about how I ran off.
AITJ? I know I was a jerk and it was childish of me storming off but expecting me to pay over $300 for a restaurant bill was too much for me.”
Another User Comments:
“It really should have been discussed before going out to dinner. Did you ask your fiancée why she chose such an expensive restaurant?
It sounds like a communication issue. Seems like you two really need to talk before the wedding happens.
NTJ – it was unfair of her to push the bill on you. Walking out was not the most mature move but I’m glad you didn’t let her financially screw you especially after the SiL ordered one of the most expensive things.
It sounds like she was just trying to impress SiL at your expense without confirming if you were alright with it, it also sounds like she told SiL that you would pay in advance and order whatever she wants. Not a good indication of where your life is heading if you choose to continue a relationship with this woman.” buttpickles99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like you got ambushed. Your SIL’s comment is telling ‘this one time’. I’m guessing your fiancée has been complaining that you never treat her to dinner or other things and they thought they’d force the issue.
I’ve noticed that people who haven’t had money troubles or don’t understand why someone might not want to go into debt for a frivolous reason with credit cards often think it’s cheapness. As in yeah, she might know on the surface that you don’t have much money, but her value system is different so to her, you should want to make the gesture of paying now and again even if the money has to be paid off or you sacrifice something else.
I’d get this sort of difference in values resolved before marriage – time for premarital counseling! Or else you will be one of those spouses who get surprised with a giant credit bill that their partner doesn’t think is a big deal to have because ‘everyone’ has credit cards and they don’t want to miss out on the next fun thing.” SnooPets8873
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Housemate's Cat?
“I (22F) house-share with Mia (22F) and Amy (23F). We all finished uni courses last year. I am doing a postgrad course at the uni, they entered employment.
We got together via mutual friends as we were all looking for a rental. I spend most of my time at uni or working in my room.
Six weeks after we moved in Mia came in from visiting her parents with a cat in tow that was hers when she lived at home before uni.
She hadn’t been able to have it at uni so her parents had kept it. I was not happy. I hate cats due to a bad childhood experience and was annoyed she hadn’t discussed it with us. She just said the landlord didn’t mind and that it would be no trouble.
Amy likes cats and was pleased so I was in the minority. For the sake of harmony, I didn’t make a big issue of it, I was just clear that I would not do anything for the cat at any point.
A few weeks ago Mia announced that she had a 3-month work placement in another part of the country.
She would get free accommodation so wasn’t moving out permanently. She’d still pay her share of rent but couldn’t take the cat. Again I was not happy, but Amy said she would look after it. Mia left 3 weeks ago.
Shortly after, Amy got ill with health issues I won’t go into here.
It means she has to move in with her parents temporarily. She left a week ago and will be away until after Christmas so I’m left on my own in the house with the cat.
I immediately called Mia and said she had to sort someone else to take the cat.
She said that was unfair of me because she hadn’t known Amy wouldn’t be around and there was no one else around locally who could take it. I said that was not my problem, it was not my cat. She said to give her a few days.
The cat is not ‘no trouble’. It is needy. It goes outside but whines by the back door after being out for an hour or so. If I let it in, it’s not long before it’s whining outside my bedroom door. I have loads of uni work to do and this is distracting.
It did this even when Mia and Amy were here but it’s worse now that they’ve gone. I’ve been feeding it but hate having to do this. The food stinks the place out and is running low.
It’s a week since I spoke to Mia and no sign of the cat going anywhere.
I message her daily about it but she just fobs me off. In desperation, I called her parents directly to ask them to come and get it. They were annoyed at me and said why couldn’t I just look after it. They couldn’t just drop everything and come for the cat as they live over three hours away.
I said that unless someone picked the cat up within 48 hours (which is how much food it has left here) I would take it to the local animal shelter and tell them the full story – that its owner has effectively abandoned the cat into the care of someone who does not want to be responsible for it.
Mia has blown up my phone since then, calling me a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should’ve left the cat with her parents from the start. At the very least she should’ve asked them to take the cat again for the 3 months she would be gone.
At the very very least, when Amy got sick she should have arranged for her parents to pick up the cat or hired someone to pick up the cat and drop it off at her parents.
I don’t believe transient young adults who aren’t really settled in terms of career, living situation, and finances should own pets to begin with.
I had so many friends in my 20s with animals that wound up being given to their parents or rehomed when they got a new schedule or took opportunities to travel or work in another country.” BennetSis
Another User Comments:
“Heck with it. YTJ. Yeah, I think you’re a jerk.
Getting rid of someone’s pet because you don’t like it is cruel. She didn’t abandon it, she set up an arrangement for someone to look after it AND THAT PERSON GOT SICK. The pet owner in question is paying 3 months’ rent even though she is not going to be there, AKA not using the facilities or food or anything, and the sick sitter is planning to come back in TWO weeks.
Are you telling me 3 months of rent money can’t buy a bag of cheap cat food? The owner is coming back in a few months; she didn’t fly off to Jamaica for an indeterminate amount of time. For Pete’s sake, YOU could coordinate with the pet owner and find a shelter nearby to take it temporarily but nah, you hate cats so screw it.
I know a bunch of people are going to jump up my butt all ‘but the pet owner didn’t clear it with op first! It’s not OP’s job to take care of someone else’s pet!’ And yeah they’d be technically right but your attitude is trashy.
You don’t mention any aggression, any destruction of property, or any allergies. Nothing about any real problem the cat is causing. You just say ‘This cat is annoying and I don’t like it, would I be a jerk to get rid of it?’ And the answer is YES.
Jesus Christ, you sound like a jerk. Shelters are OVERCROWDED right now, and they have been since 2020, they are constantly looking for people to foster pets and when they run out of room those animals get neglected or killed. So I guess if you really want a high chance for this cat to be killed go ahead, get rid of it.” Acceptable_Cut_7545
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It’s the cat’s owner’s responsibility to make sure her cat has appropriate care, including food, while she’s away from said cat. She should have immediately begun looking for short-term options and sent you money for food. It’s neglectful and ridiculous this wasn’t a priority for her to begin with.
And she absolutely should be compensating you for time and food or supplies you’ve purchased.
On the other hand, no one planned to put you in this position, and you say Amy will be back after Christmas. That’s only like… 2 weeks and some spare change away, which is already probably how long it will take to find a shelter able to take the cat.
It’s not like you’re stuck with a cat until Mia gets back, you’re stuck with a cat for a relatively short amount of time, and it doesn’t sound like it’s been a huge imposition aside from the meowing for attention.
Also, 1 week isn’t unexpected for finding some kind of alternate care; where I live, cat sitters and boarding are backed up for a month at least. When she ‘fobs’ you off, does she say she’s still looking?
That might not be a lie. Hopefully, the parents now come pick the cat up. If they don’t, you’re within your rights to take it to a shelter, but please make it a no-kill one.
You would be lawfully right but still the jerk if you put the animal in a situation to lose its life just because you didn’t want to set down a few cans a day for 2 weeks and somehow haven’t used headphones (a staple of my years at uni, thanks to a noisy apartment).
Demand to be paid for the food you buy, which is WELL within your rights as a baseline. If no one picks the cat up, and you decide to wait it out until Amy returns: plenty of uni students would be willing to come hang out with a cat, if you make it known one needs some attention so it’ll stop bugging you as much.
Maybe some of your friends, or you can post about it? You may even be able to foist it on campus mental health services for therapy days, we saw quite a bit of that in my uni.” Classic_Sugar7991
BUT, please don't take it to a shelter, because what's been said here is true; the cat will be euthanized forthwith, because the overcrowding is so rampant. What I would do, in your position, is yes, sacrifice a day and drive the cat and what's left of its accessories up to Amy's parent's house, after they deposit sufficient money in your account to pay for your fuel up and back. Good luck.
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Up My Room For My Sister?
“I (25M) refused to give up my room for my sister (23F). I come from an Asian family. In our culture, as both a boy and an older sibling, it is my duty to sacrifice my time, my wants, and my needs, for the needs of my younger siblings.
This meant that from the moment she was born, the earth revolved around my younger sister. Growing up there were plenty of things I would have loved to do but couldn’t, examples. learning instruments, free after-school clubs, sleepovers, and school trips, all of which she got to do.
Because she has been spoiled, even as a fully grown adult my sister is something of a brat. She throws tantrums and sulks when she doesn’t get her way and is selfish with her things. She does next to nothing around the house or for our dogs.
She rarely cooks or cleans. Refuses to housekeep or contribute because she is ‘tired and stressed.’ Until earlier this year, she paid nothing towards this house, she still would be paying nothing into the house if I hadn’t refused to go back to carrying the mortgage for my family.
I still pay over double.
Recently our parents decided to redecorate everything. My parents reminded me that I have a large room while my sister has a much smaller room and therefore much less space. They asked me if I would be willing to give her my room.
I refused. My mother then said I hadn’t considered it. I cut her off, saying I didn’t need to consider because I have in the past and would have offered to do so if I wanted to, and walked away. I spent the rest of the day in a low mood because I felt that again they were putting her needs before my own.
All three of them agree that the reason she needs the space is because she is a girl and girls need more room. I think that her gender is irrelevant because it’s my space and I pay for it.
The day after, my sister and I were continuing to rip out the house.
She came across some games that she doesn’t use but I still do. She asked me if I wanted to keep them or sell them since we could make a lot of money. I said that I use them and that if she wanted to she could sell the sealed things but to leave the ones open since I still get enjoyment out of them.
She then got very passive-aggressive, accusing me of lying to her and hoarding things. I told her not to ask me for help if she wasn’t going to listen to what I said. She replied ‘I could be a real jerk about this you know, because you’re the reason that I’m stuck in that room!
I know you’re feeling guilty about it because you just sat there and did nothing but be sad yesterday.’ I told her that I was not obligated to do that, that I was sad the day before because of how my parents made me feel, and that not everything was about her.
She started to scream in my face. I told her she could go screw herself if that’s how she was going to be and she stormed off to her room and immediately began Facetiming her friend and cussing me out over it. We haven’t spoken in a week.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Not all cultural norms are good norms. Expecting your children to live a life of servitude based on their birth order and gender is draining you of the best years of your life, whether it’s culturally sanctioned or not. You’ve been groomed to be a good son, just like your parents were groomed and their parents before them.
If the cycle isn’t working for you, modify it or break it. Lay out your expectations, even if it feels disrespectful. What you want and need is important too. NTJ.” Thingamajiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is definitely not the norm for Asian cultures.
It sounds like your parents are using the ‘eldest child should look out for their siblings’ as an excuse. Normally it’s ‘eldest should guide/set a good role model for their younger siblings’ but the younger siblings are also expected to listen to them and take care of them once they’re older.
It’s also more of a mentality, in the sense that the siblings should consider how their actions affect each other rather than actual sacrifices being made.” haokun32
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Daughter-In-Law For Taking Down The Ornaments That I Put Up?
“My son and DIL married when they were in college and soon had my grandbaby, Shelly. Shelly is six years old. Before this Christmas, they lived in an apartment and didn’t really decorate due to space. They would celebrate at my place and Shelly loves our tree.
It’s basically very bright with all the colors of the rainbow.
This year I thought it would be different since they bought a home. In the summer I bought some colorful Christmas ornaments for them since I knew decorations are expensive. I babysit every Tuesday and last Tuesday the tree was up.
My son asked me to finish it if I wanted since both parents were busy with work and didn’t want the boxes to be out all week.
So that’s what I did with Shelly, I put up every ornament that was out. Along with the ones I bought there were a lot of dark colored ornaments.
Shelly loved it and she spent a long time just looking at it.
Yesterday I came back and every single colorful ornament was off the tree, I asked Shelly what happened and her mom (DIL) took them all off. She was quite upset talking about it.
The tree is just dark with basically no color now.
I waited until both of them got home and asked why she removed the ornaments, her response was she didn’t like how it looked. It was too overstimulating for Shelly (Shelly doesn’t have any disabilities).
I asked if she was serious and she told me she was.
At this point, I asked if she was the color Grinch since she destroyed something Shelly loved. She got really mad and I told her to put it back up for her daughter and she can deal with colors not matching in her home.
She called me a jerk, and my son is annoyed with me also since it’s their home.
I just can’t understand why they would mess with something their daughter loved.”
Another User Comments:
“Going with ‘no jerks here’. Your son asked you to put them on, and you and Shelley did.
However, clearly, your son and SIL were not on the same page, decoration-wise. It’s her home, and she doesn’t have to do what you want.
‘I just can’t understand why they would mess with something their daughter loved.’ Irrelevant question. The only thing you need to learn fast is: THEY bought this home and THEY will decide how to decorate it.
Mind your business or they will suddenly find other babysitters. Sticking with ‘no jerks here’ as you were asked to put the decorations up, but that will change to YTJ super fast if you keep putting your nose where it doesn’t belong.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You came in REALLY hot on this fairly minor thing and I’m not sure why. Either you have other issues with DIL that you aren’t mentioning or you are looking to start issues with DIL. It is inevitable that you and DIL will have differing opinions.
Guess what? Your opinions will not always be right! It sounds like this was a miscommunication; your son told you that you and Shelley could decorate the tree but you failed to mention that you were decorating with decorations YOU bought. Maybe if you had a good relationship with DIL, that wouldn’t be a problem.
But based on this story, you don’t have a good relationship with DIL. And if I came home and my MIL had made changes to the way I decorate my home, even minor changes, without running that by me, I would also be pretty unhappy.
This is your DIL’s home. She can decorate however she likes. Yes, maybe she was a little reactive and went a little too far in taking down the decorations. But the way to handle that would be to apologize and have an adult discussion.
Maybe Shelley could hang the decorations she likes on the back of the tree. Or maybe you could buy Shelley a little tree for her room. But you decided, for whatever reason, not to have an adult discussion. And however DIL felt about you before, I’m guessing she likes you a whole lot less now.
You need to apologize to DIL. A sincere apology. And if you’re clinging to the mindset that ‘mother knows best’, respectfully, let that go. You are not DIL’s mother or Shelley’s mother. After all, I very much doubt you would like it if DIL gave your tree a makeover.
So why should you get to do that to her?” avidbanana
6. AITJ For Letting My Father-In-Law Sleep In His Car?
“My (f 35) FIL (m 63) moved to a different country to be with a partner.
At that time his parents had died and when his relationship ended he asked my wife (his daughter) (f 32) to come and stay with us while he sorted himself out.
4 months later he still lived with us and showed no sign of moving out. My wife and I agreed that since he was earning a good wage now we needed to increase his rent to just below market rate for a room in this area.
To encourage him to think he might as well get his own place if he’s paying that much here.
I know it’s our own fault for not just being more direct and telling him he needs to move out but he is very sensitive and always on the verge of breakdown/blowing up.
His job does mean he’s away for half the week so he was very surprised when the rent went up. Despite practically living here for free prior to that and him now being on a better wage than my wife.
Since then he has been doing weird things like doing his laundry at a laundrette.
Buying a portable heater instead of using central heating. We think now he was trying to reduce the amount he was costing so the increase in rent would be even more outrageous.
Anyway… he left for work, but one of our cats was stuck in his room after he left, so we opened the door.
Saw he’d left a pile of rubbish including takeaway containers. Which stank. My wife texted him pointing this out. He said fine I’ll move out when I get back. He was angry she’d been in his room. Felt that it was invading his privacy.
We did say well actually that’s our spare room. You’re only staying in it until you find your own place. This led to loads of messages accusing us of making him feel unwelcome and patronized, and it was unfair to charge rent when he was away half the week.
My wife over the week gave him multiple opportunities to say he was coming back as he had nowhere else to go but he just said she’d given him no choice.
Come the day he was supposed to return, we waited, but he didn’t come back, my wife texted and said if you’re not coming back you should come and get your stuff.
He said burn it: you’ve seen me out on the street, I’m sleeping in my car, your Nan would be ashamed of you. We knew he’d been paid that day. We drove around and saw he’d parked at the end of our road and was sleeping in his car.
She said one last time, that was a vile thing to say (she nursed her Nan through cancer while he lived abroad) but you can come back to give yourself a bit of time to find somewhere to live. He said no because you’ve turned on me, so we left him to sleep in his car.
The next day (once he’d proved his point, in my opinion) he went to a hotel. Now he’s telling all the extended family we left him homeless and he had to sleep in his car. I don’t feel bad but my wife is feeling guilty.
We both know if we had pleaded for him to come back and apologized to him he’d have probably agreed to move back in. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At least this seems to be resolving itself. Ignore the guilt trip, you and your wife did absolutely nothing wrong.
If any extended family says something, be perfectly clear – he CHOSE to sleep in his car because you took issue with him letting trash rot in the house instead of tossing it – were you supposed to force him into your house? If so, how?
Tie him up and drag him in? No, you’re not going to beg anyone to come in and trash your house, but if they’d like to bring him into theirs, they know how to reach him.
I feel sorry for your wife, she doesn’t need to deal with this nonsense.
Still, it’s better kept out of the house than in it.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you also shouldn’t apologize to get him to move back in. If you do he’ll just be even worse next time. I’d pack his things up so they’re at least in boxes, otherwise throwing them out will come back to bite you in the future.
Then when he’s calmed down and less sulky about it all you can hand his things over without giving him the ammo of ‘See, they threw out my belongings’ with the extended family.
If you hadn’t gone in his room to retrieve the cat then there would have been pee and poo all over his room, possibly on his bed, and he would be angry about that too.
The fact that he had left the place in a mess is his fault, not yours, and you definitely could not have it left in that state without risking vermin. Let him sulk in his hotel room and let any family members who are shocked know that they’re welcome to house him instead.” NannyOggsKnickers
5. AITJ For Not Answering My Family's Calls?
“After Thanksgiving break, I (25F) flew back home to TX where I’m working temporarily. My family’s in GA. We spent the holidays in AL so I had to drive back to GA, to catch my flight back to TX. I almost missed the flight because of Thanksgiving/Sunday traffic, and got back to TX pretty late; very stressful day of travel and running around.
Because of this, I was extremely exhausted and decided to crash at my TX guy friend’s house, where I park my car during my trips as he drives me to and from the airport.
I let my family know when I landed and made it in last night and that was that.
My parents don’t necessarily know this guy because some guys just aren’t worth disclosing to family. We’ve gone out before and have known each other for a few years.
Well, I woke up the next morning around 5 am to tell my job I would be taking the day off.
I rolled over and went back to sleep. I shut off alarms, and my phone was on silent and I missed a ton of calls from my family between 6 am-10 am. My sister called me 25 times, parents called me 30 times each. Left several voicemails. I even had voicemails from the TX police dept, and my supervisor that my parents were trying to get in touch with me.
When I picked up to ask what was all the commotion about, my parents and sister were all on the phone ‘Why aren’t you answering?! Where are you because the police said your car is NOT outside your apartment!’ I said I was home safe, and sleeping.
She demanded I send her a picture of my car actually outside of my apartment and that I’m not somewhere I ‘have no business’.
Now my family isn’t speaking to me because they are so upset with me for scaring them, and not telling them I was over this guy’s house.
I have not heard from my parents or sister ever since this happened yesterday morning. My sister is upset with me because ‘You didn’t even tell anyone you knew anybody out there!’ ‘Nobody sleeps that hard/late’ ‘ You need to be more responsive to your phone’.
On top of this, it has always bothered my family that I legit will sleep til 9/10 am unless I have earlier obligations. I’ve always been a heavy sleeper and they give me crap about it all the time, although I’ve never been late, am very responsible, and have never lost a job.
I just like sleeping in sometimes.
AITJ for sleeping through their calls? For not telling them I was taking the day off to sleep in?
They kept saying they thought I was somewhere dead and they were under the impression I didn’t know anybody in TX.
My mom is stonewalling me because I guess I didn’t disclose beforehand where I was that morning. Am I not entitled to the privacy of my own life or not oversharing every little thing at 25?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents and sister are insane.
Let’s start with one fact: YOU ARE AN ADULT! Everything else follows from that. You are allowed to sleep in. You are allowed to sleep over at a friend’s house. (You are allowed to sleep with them if you want!) You are allowed to take the day off from work.
You are allowed to not answer your phone.
Now, I do get that some people get all panicky after flights, but YOU LET YOUR FAMILY KNOW. I mean, that was already above and beyond the call of duty.
Given this story, I have a hunch that your mom is trying to control you in all sorts of ways.
Let me reassure you: You are not the jerk here. And not only that, but you probably need to push back harder on all of the other crap she’s pulling. She wouldn’t be doing this crazy nonsense if you had been pushing back against her in the SEVEN YEARS since you became a legal adult.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family seems very controlling and at the end of the day, you’re an adult. You can make your own decisions. If you’re grown enough to make a journey that long you’re grown enough to decide where you sleep.
Calling the police because you weren’t home was probably one of the biggest overreactions I’ve seen in a while but then again I’d be concerned if my child travelled a long while and I didn’t hear from them. But that doesn’t excuse their behavior.” BarnacleOdd799
I would really freak them out and go no contact. Change your phone number, block them from your work phone and don't answer any calls. Jeez!
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Bake A Cake For My Sister-In-Law's Daughter's Birthday Anymore?
“I (28f) love to bake and I will often make cakes and stuff for friends and since I met my in-laws in 2018, for them as well. My SIL asked me to bake her daughter’s birthday cake for her birthday this weekend. This was back in October and we discussed what she wanted in detail.
It’s not my first time making her cakes but it is my first time as her SIL officially and where I felt like I was truly part of a family.
Three days ago I was out grocery shopping and I ran into a family friend of my in-laws.
This person is not someone I like very much. She’s a bad gossip and seems to have some malice in her while sharing gossip about others. I try to be polite to everyone and normally I don’t talk to her. But she stopped me and went out of her way to ask me when my husband and I were having kids.
Then she mentioned me being a foster kid and an affair baby and she did it in a way that was meant to come across as actual concern but was really her being intrusive and cruel. She mentioned that my in-laws and SIL were concerned about our kids not having anyone.
I told my husband when he got home from work and I was a mess. It might seem dumb but I felt like his family betrayed the trust I put in them and they did the one thing they were asked not to do, which was tell people about my history.
It’s not something I want to broadcast to everyone who knows me. My husband confronted his parents and sister and they said they only mentioned it to ‘a few close circle people’ and they defended it when my husband said that wasn’t okay. SIL said it’s not like people wouldn’t find out eventually and he asked her how they would find out if we never told them.
My history is that both my parents were married to others and had children with their other spouses when they had an affair. I was the result. Both sets of first children were technically adults or close to it when I was born. The day before my 5th birthday we were in the car together and it crashed. My parents died and so did the people in the other car.
I was the only survivor and I was in hospital for a few weeks after. Nobody in either of my parents’ families wanted me and I was brought up in foster care for the rest of my life. I never found a family.
After hearing SIL say what she did and realizing how unapologetic they were and hearing how little they cared about what they did to me, I asked if I could speak to SIL for a second and told her not to expect a cake from me after going against what I wanted and having such little care for the harm it caused. She went crazy and said it was only 3 days until the birthday party and my husband backed me up and said so what?
She and their parents were blowing up his phone so bad he had to block them and I worry that I’m being a bit of a jerk saying no with such short notice.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family history is not theirs to share, whether or not you had explicitly told them not to beforehand.
The fact that they did so even then is as disrespectful as it shows they have no consideration or empathy on your behalf.
In which world did they think you would take the news of your tragic past being shared around behind your back, and not be mad about it?
Are they so out of touch with reality that they genuinely cannot see how wrong it is? Your SIL is lucky she even got a warning after what she (and her parents) did, especially considering how they aren’t even apologetic about it.
If I had been in your shoes, she would’ve found out on the day of the birthday when I wouldn’t have shown up with the promised cake.
Or better yet, throw that whole cake right up in her face. Kudos for your husband to take your side and defend your honor. He should be the one to get that cake instead.” indiscreve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a horrible thing to do to you and then to not be apologetic.
Your in-laws can never make it up to you for giving a vicious gossip access to your personal history—maybe they did not directly tell her, but they DID tell someone who told her, which they were specifically asked not to do, and you and your husband will suffer you being the butt of this gossip from now on.
You have every reason to be outraged and to refuse to make nice here, regardless of short notice. Three days is enough time for SIL to order a generic supermarket cake with her daughter’s name piped on it.” Auntie-Mam69
3. AITJ For My Strained Relationship With My Daughter?
“My relationship with my daughter has always been a roller coaster and we’ve never been close. I divorced her mother when she was in grade school as I was unfaithful and had an affair. I ended up marrying the other woman and over the years, I, my wife, and my ex-wife have made peace with everything.
On the other hand, my daughter has not made peace with everything as she found out about the reasons behind the divorce later on and still has a hard time accepting what happened.
At some point two years ago, my daughter reached out to me privately via email to unload everything she’s felt for over a decade and I had no clue what to say to it other than I couldn’t believe I caused this much pain.
It was a novel of her feelings related to the divorce and how I went about everything related to being supportive of her hobbies, to how she felt staying at my house on the weekends, and even how I skipped her university graduation years ago, which I thought we moved past.
My wife somehow saw the email and immediately texted my daughter telling her how horrible she is and how bad the email made her look because she hates being called a mistress. My daughter was incredibly hurt because she thought the email was only to be read by me and has since cut me off completely, going as far as to cut me out of all her social media.
My wife and daughter have not spoken since. I’ve barely spoken with my daughter other than sending her a happy birthday text last year, and her wishing me a merry Christmas via text.
Needless to say, my relationship with my daughter is tainted and I have no clue how to approach her.
Last fall I reached out to my ex-wife to gauge how my daughter is feeling about me. I think she’s told my daughter I may reach out and if that’s true I feel like a jerk for not saying anything yet. AITJ for not communicating with her much the past 2 years?”
Another User Comments:
“You are an idiot. Get off your behind, go to therapy, and do your hardest to rebuild a relationship with your daughter. You are lazy and don’t want to put in the extra work. You messed up, broke up her family, married the mistress, and she felt a type of way on her visits after finding out the truth.
You then missed her biggest moments. You haven’t seen or communicated in two years and you are asking us if YTJ?
Your wife also overstepped calling your daughter horrible. She is the MISTRESS. She needs to get over it and you should be disgusted with what your wife did.
You are a deadbeat father. People like you don’t deserve to have children. You seem to be living with a lot of regret for all of your actions anyway.” SweetSerenityxx
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter reached out to you sending you an account of all the hurt she endured in her childhood because of you and your actions.
This was an incredibly vulnerable thing for her to do and look where it got her. Your awful wife rips her a new one because she called her exactly what she was, ‘your mistress’. You also don’t reach out to 1. Apologise sincerely 2. Express regret that your actions caused and still cause her so much pain 3.
Express how much you want a relationship with her and ask her what you can do to make this happen 4. Apologize for the reprehensible behavior of your wife. Instead – nothing. When your daughter was a child you put yourself and your own needs first and you are still doing that.
You have an opportunity to make up for your failure as a father but you are stuffing that up too. Reach out to your daughter. Think about what you want to say and be prepared to listen to her. Tell your daughter that she never has to have any contact with your wife again.” czzyp
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To Join Us On Our Honeymoon?
“My (28f) fiance (27m) and I met our sophomore year of college and started going out post-grad. We have been together for two years. My fiance was not close with his family growing up at all. In the two years we have been together, I have only met his parents like 3 times.
That doesn’t bother me, like I said, he has a lot of resentment due to his upbringing and just doesn’t particularly like spending much time with them. Nothing bad happened to him on their part but outside of his basic needs being taken care of, there was little emotional support.
My fiance was given a terminal diagnosis a few months ago with a two-year life expectancy. Treatments are not an option so we are just living life to the fullest. After he learned of his illness he and his family have gotten a bit closer in that they see each other more often.
His family (very very wealthy) gifted us our honeymoon as our wedding gift. My husband and I chose Puerto Vallarta because we wanted a relaxing resort vacation and to go snorkeling together. One last boujee trip for our bucket list. But – his parents also chose the dates of the honeymoon without asking us.
So they chose to book the trip so that his birthday was during it. Then they said they wanted to spend his last birthday with him, so they also will be joining us.
They did get their own suite at the resort, and both of his siblings got rooms at the resort too.
Don’t get me wrong, I am really grateful they are gifting us this experience. But I’m annoyed they deliberately made it during a time that they could conveniently join our HONEYMOON. I know he is sick, and I know they want to spend time with him.
My fiance won’t say anything to them because he doesn’t want to fight with anyone during his final time here (which I understand)! I think I just wish they could have booked a separate trip for the family to go on rather than during our honeymoon, a time that we could have spent together alone – which honestly we get rarely these days.
Between hospital visits, seeing friends, and checking off things he wants to experience, we are pretty busy!
As I mentioned earlier, money is not an issue and could easily have been made into a separate trip, but they CHOSE to make the trip during his birthday so they had the excuse to join in.
When they told us that they were also coming on the trip, I said that was a little strange. Now they are mad at me for not understanding how important it is for them to spend my fiance’s birthday with him. The entire family thinks that I am wrong for being upset about this.
His parents have said I will barely even see them so I shouldn’t be upset. But we are all staying at the same resort, with rooms right next to each other. So, AITJ for telling my in-laws it’s weird that they are coming on my honeymoon with us?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry to hear of your partner’s diagnosis. That said, if your partner’s family is paying for the trip, you don’t really get to dictate the terms of the trip (as with any other gift). Does it suck that they offered a honeymoon trip – which most people would reasonably assume would be the two of you – and then planned to join?
Yeah, sure.
My advice? Enjoy what sounds like a very nice trip, then plan a separate honeymoon. If the timing is important to you and they planned the trip at the time that you and your partner really wanted a solo honeymoon trip, it’s fair to ask for the trip to be another time to allow you two to enjoy a honeymoon (that you’d pay for yourselves).
NTJ, I get wanting an actual honeymoon trip, but again, doesn’t have to be THIS trip – so I wouldn’t push that point. Hopefully, you can all give each other some grace in a really sad circumstance.” co_carolelaine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s totally understandable why you are upset.
This is your honeymoon and it should be what you & your husband want. Unfortunately, this is his family’s way of making amends for not being there for him emotionally as he was growing up. They should have asked you and your husband what you wanted. But they aren’t being rational.
Grieving often begins before the loss occurs, and can make people make emotional decisions. It sounds like your husband really does not want to push the issue. Because of that, and because of the importance of keeping the peace in the time he has left… I’d plan a separate honeymoon with him and not tell any family members.
If you’re able to do this prior to the family trip, it may make the trip with them more enjoyable.
I’d also recommend talking with a grief counselor during this process if you’re not already. If his family is trying to make up for lost time, this may not be the last issue that arises.
Thoughts are with you OP, this is a very difficult situation.” retrozebra
1. AITJ For Throwing Away My Brother's Legos?
“My (16M) brother (7M) keeps leaving his toys in our backyard, despite our parents (47M/44F) telling him over and over again that he has to pick up after himself. Recently my dog swallowed one of the LEGO pieces my brother left behind and had to go through an endoscopic removal, which cost us a fortune in vet bills, not to mention that something worse could have happened.
I call him my dog because we got him when I was 10 after I’d begged my parents for a dog for years, and there was always an understanding that this was to be my dog, not a family dog – I mean, of course, my parents paid for food, usual vet bills and what else, but I was always responsible for taking care of him.
Now that I’m working part-time and have some money of my own, I offered to help my parents pay for this unexpected expensive procedure. I didn’t have to, but I know my parents are not in a good place financially right now because my mother just opened her own business, and they invested a lot of their savings in it.
Anyway, while my dog was still at the hospital, I told my brother loud and clear, and in the presence of my parents: ‘If I see your LEGOs out there again, I’ll throw it all away’. Cut to two weeks later, and what do you think happened?
He left his LEGOs outside again. So I did well on my promise. When my parents realized what I did, they were mad. ‘I told him I would do it in front of you guys, and you didn’t say anything,’ I said. My parents thought it was an empty threat in the heat of the moment and I would never actually do it.
My little brother is acting like there’s a death in the family.
So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Your brother may never forgive you… I understand your irritation but at 16 it’s hard to comprehend the immaturity of SOME 7-year-olds.
When you made the threat your parents should have been paying attention and weighed in on what they thought of it—what if you had threatened to kill him if he did it again?
I think what you did was dumb—you should have taken the Legos and hid them and denied knowing (to him) where they were. When he finally seemed to grasp what loss is (Legos being much less than a cherished pet) you could have negotiated with your parents what he could do to earn them back.
Those are my thoughts. Still thinking about whether you are the jerk or not.” FireBallXLV
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. When you took it into your hands to make a parent-level threat to your brother (‘I’ll throw it away if you leave it outside again’), your parents had to intervene.
Even if to say ‘Now stop it, son, that’s not the way to handle this’ – and THEN impose whatever consequence they deemed appropriate to your brother. Yet of course their silence isn’t enough to grant you parental rights. You should have picked up the LEGOs (so your dog would not swallow it again), taken it straight to your parents, and asked them how they wanted to deal with this.
I do have some sympathy for your situation, though, because I get the feeling that you somehow knew taking the LEGOs to your parents would amount to no real consequences for your brother.” thenileindenial
Oh and as for the 7 year old "never forgiving you", I wouldn't worry a lot about that. Your parents will cave and buy him more, and you'll throw them out again when he leaves them in the yard again. No harm, no foul. Good for you for protecting your dog.
