People Reach Their Limits In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Being Upset With My Family's Attitude Towards My Wedding?
“It is hard to summarize everything, but I (24m) and my fiancé (24f) are getting married in December. We have been engaged since June and before I ever proposed to her I informed her family and mine that it would be a quick engagement. We cannot wait and eagerly look forward to our wedding day.
I am taking care of the honeymoon all by myself okay? I am a travel nurse so I make good money, but we are also trying to buy a house and start our lives together.
During the whole process my family has acted like my wedding is an inconvenience.
My fiancé is 4 hours from where my family lives. She has grandparents who are unable to travel long distances due to age and health. Most of her family is also local to the area as well. My family consists of my mom, older brother, older sister, younger brother, and younger sister.
They are all well and able to travel. Whenever we were looking for a venue the only thing my mom was worried about was the fact that it was not local to her, but to my fiancé. Additionally, when choosing the date my mother has brought up how it was not ideal for school schedules, work schedules, etc. Rather than the mentality of “It’s a wedding and it’s something to remember forever”.
My fiancé and her family are taking care of the wedding. She has been working hard to ensure that our day is special. During the whole process, my family has been more worried about themselves than me or my fiancé. Example: My sisters being bridesmaids haven’t even asked to see my fiancés’s wedding dress and acted like they couldn’t care less whenever she got the dress, but wanted to get upset whenever the maid of honor ordered a dress that one of them wanted before they did.
They have not offered to help with anything at all, but complain or make it about them in every area. Example: My older brother (29m) is a nurse practitioner and he had told me was planning on giving to the honeymoon, but when I was getting everything planned and paying for everything I had asked him how much he intended to give because I was budgeting it all out as it’s valid information to have and has to be done beforehand.
He got mad and told me he doesn’t even want to help anymore.. he won’t even respond to my texts or calls and he’s the Best Man.
I’m just disappointed in my family because they want to have a say in EVERYTHING but yet have not offered help while my financial parents are picking up working overtime to do the most they can.
I can keep going, but it is to the point where others are more supportive of her and myself than my own family. It’s making me want to not involve them in the wedding and have no part with them.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Hun, it’s YOUR wedding. Like, I don’t know exactly why you think it’s crazy important to everyone else as well, in that everyone should be pitching in to help do…something. What are they going to help with from 4 hours away? And of course, everyone is more worried about themselves in this context; it’s human nature.
OF COURSE, your family feels slighted that it’s local to her family and not them. OF COURSE, your sisters are more worried about what they’re wearing than your bride. OF COURSE, someone is going to get offended when you very rudely ask them “How much money are you giving us?”.
You come off a bit delusional here” Aggravating-Item9162
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on your telling of this story, but honestly it sounds like there’s more to this story from their side, based on the way you describe their behavior. For example, why the total reversal in your brother’s attitude?
How would they describe the situation differently than you do? Also, you should pick the wedding date and location that works for you and your fiancée, but, if there are people in your lives that are important that you want in attendance, you should take their availability into account as well.
But a wedding that’s 4 hours away, on a weekend, really shouldn’t be overly inconvenient for most people’s school or work schedules, especially if you give them enough notice that they can change their schedules around it a bit.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“YTJ here. Your family is treating your wedding like an inconvenience because it is inconvenient for them.
You didn’t consider your family in any of the planning or the logistics. You and your fiancée may have been willing to expedite the engagement but that doesn’t mean your family, who is 4 hours away and all in the wedding party, is ready or prepared for a 6-month engagement.
People take a year to sort out their schedules and plan logistics. And no, a free Airbnb doesn’t make it easier when they still have to get there. If you were going to have a 6-month engagement you either make it much smaller with less of a wedding party, or you take care of everything like ordering bridesmaid dresses so the people involved don’t have to.
This was a special occasion for you, but you don’t get to inconvenience others.” heyitsta12
20. AITJ For Changing Lease Terms After Roommate's Sleepwalking Incident?
“I (F22) got utterly disturbed by my roommate (M30?) last night for coming into my room.
Some back story, I live with two men and have for the last 2 1/2 years. They have never done anything creepy towards me in the past, we all keep to ourselves and our spaces and don’t talk much to one another unless something comes up related to the apartment itself.
Around 2 am last night, I was on Facetime with my partner when my door opened. My roommate was standing in the doorway staring blankly into my room. I immediately jumped up, thinking the worst was about to happen, and asked if he needed something. He didn’t respond and I continued asking with no response.
He eventually said he was coming from the bathroom and I asked if he needed to go to the bathroom. He replied he couldn’t because there were people in there. At this point, I thought he was under the influence or something. He then moved towards my bed and sat down on it.
I told him he needed to get up and he started grabbing things on my bed, which I took out of his hands. He would stand up and sit down again and do this a couple of times. At this point, I was raising my voice saying ‘You’re making me uncomfortable you need to get out of my room.’ He stood up and just stared- his cat came into my doorway and I redirected his attention towards her and he slowly shuffled out.
I closed and locked my door and then he began jiggling the handle trying to open it and knocking. I texted my other roommate who was luckily awake telling him to please get the other roommate. At this point, it was already decided I was going to leave and spend the remainder of the night with my partner.
My other roommate was able to get him back to his room and walked me out of the apartment in case anything else were to happen.
This morning, my other roommate told him what happened and he immediately texted me apologizing saying he was sleepwalking and that he does sleepwalk and talk.
I have to take what he’s saying at face value, but as I mentioned I’ve lived here for 2 1/2 years, I’m a major night owl and I have never seen or heard him do this before.
The tricky thing is our lease ends in 9 days.
I had initially agreed to renew it for another year but after this happened I’m pretty freaked out. I might’ve jumped the gun and texted my landlord telling him what happened and asking for a month-to-month lease instead in case things escalated and I needed to move asap, to which he agreed. I’m just worried my sleepwalking roommate might be mad/upset/bothered or something by me doing this, as he would probably know why our landlord is going to have us sign a month-to-month instead of one year.
Should I have even gotten my landlord involved?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it is very strange that after living with them for 2 1/2 years, this is the first time you’ve ever seen or heard of sleepwalking. If he knew, and if he knew he was prone to leaving his room and wandering around when he sleepwalks he should’ve told you both that when he moved in.
It all seems very “ convenient“ that he sleepwalks into your room after you’ve known him for 2 1/2 years.” Secret_Double_9239
Another User Comments:
“Are there any circumstances surrounding the sleepwalking?? I only ask because I have been known to sleepwalk, but only when I am both overtired and intoxicated. It’s happened about 3-4 times, that I know about.
But it also hasn’t happened in about 9 years. So I could see myself easily doing something like this if the circumstances were right, though it’s not something I’m known for. Either way though, NTJ. You deserve to feel safe in your home regardless.” SpecificBathroom1687
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a man in his 30s, I don’t think it’s appropriate for men in our age range to live with women in their early 20s. I’m also gay and still wouldn’t find it appropriate. As expensive as the cost of living is there are plenty of people you can live with within your age group.
How did you guys even meet? What do you even have in common? Also, the fact you lived with him for 2 1/2 years and this is just now happening is very sus. Unless you’re not being honest and trying to find a way to get out of signing a lease which I don’t think is happening, you shouldn’t resign the lease.
I had a male roommate who would get heavily intoxicated and walk into my room while I was sleeping. It is unsettling and rage-inducing behavior. You shouldn’t have to lock yourself in your room. The place you live should be a source of peace.” AdministrativePrint6
19. AITJ For Feeling Disappointed That My Partner's Surprise Was Meeting His Sister?
“I (18f) and my (18m) partner have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. I’ve met most of his family, but I have never met one of his sisters, who’s in the army, and stationed in Europe.
She had left right before we started our relationship. We’ve talked before, not on one, just through this family group chat we’re all in, and even then I don’t interact with the group chat much.
Today, I had a pretty bad day, and while I was venting to my partner, he told me he had a surprise for me that would make my day a lot better.
This is the part I emphasize, for me. Throughout the day he kept saying he had a surprise for me, and would tease me by saying “Well it’s ARRIVING soon” and I thought maybe it was like a package or something he ordered. Then eventually he came up to me and said “Your surprise is ready” we got into the car and his other sister got in the car with us.
I was a bit confused about what it was at this point. It can’t be romantic if his little sister is coming. And if it was a package then where are we going? We then drove a few blocks down and arrived at a house and I honestly thought he bought something for me off a local marketplace or something like that.
And then his sister (the one in the army) comes out and surprises me and my partner’s little sister. Of course, she hugged them and then gave me kind of an awkward hug. Once we went inside the house, I learned this was a huge plan to surprise my partner’s mom.
And it sounded great! But not really for me.
And this is where I feel like I might be the jerk. I kept thinking haha .. where is my surprise.. because the way he was presenting it to me was something romantic he did or something he bought me, something that would make my whole day.
But it was just kind of an awkward visit for me. And she didn’t talk to me much, nor did her husband. So I just kinda stood there awkwardly for 15 minutes and then we left. And while I’m excited for my partner’s mom to be surprised, I felt disappointed and bummed that that was *my* surprise.
And I don’t even know if it’s something worth bringing up to him like I feel like that would be a jerk thing to do, and I feel like I’m being a jerk and selfish for thinking “Well where’s MY surprise” instead of being happy for my partner and his family that his sister is finally back after almost 3 years.
But at the same time, I really can’t help but be so disappointed, it didn’t make my day better, unfortunately. I just feel like Trina from Victorious when Tori performed a song for her birthday and Trina was just like “That was cool!
Okay, so where’s my gift?” Anyways yeah are my feelings valid? Or AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re allowed to feel how you feel. Sounds like your partner was just so excited to see his sister and surprise his mom that he assumed everyone would be that excited and didn’t think through how it sounded to you.
That said, I think you will be a jerk if you bring it up. You had a crappy day and wanted a pick me up and it didn’t happen – deal with it. It’s not like he made her surprise your birthday present or replaced some other big romantic plans.
If you say something now and make a big fuss it will always taint her homecoming a tiny bit in his eyes and make you come off as self-centered.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“You can’t help feeling disappointed when your expectations are completely different than the reality.
However, your partner thinks a lot of both you and his sister to think meeting each other is a wonderful surprise. He wanted you to be part of his family’s reunion and thought you would be delighted. That’s sweet. I don’t think he did anything wrong.
Not all surprises involve gifts and/or romance. No jerks here.” General_Relative2838
18. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Unfriend A Creepy Guy Who Disrespects My Boundaries?
“I (17f) and my sister (18f whom we will name Mary) recently moved to a new high school.
While we both, of course, have our friend groups, in the morning, we hang out with a group of people that we consider the “mutual friend group”. Here, we got introduced to everyone, including a 17M whom we will call Jack. Right off the bat, Jack gave me a weird vibe, as he tended to be overly clingy and touchy, though I decided to give him a chance because I didn’t know him that well.
However, after my friends learned that we were “friends” they told me about things that were very concerning as they had known him for a few years. Apparently, a few years prior, he had threatened to bring a firearm to the school as well as being known to follow girls around.
Due to this, I tried to distance myself from him, as I didn’t want to get involved.
Fast forward a few weeks, and I somehow end up walking out of the cafeteria together. For context, I had already warned him about staying out of my personal space as I did not like people touching me whatsoever at all.
He still proceeded to do so. While walking out of the cafeteria he decided to talk about slapping my behind without my permission, when I wasn’t paying attention in the middle of the hallway.
I had tried to let it not bother me, however I didn’t appreciate it.
I then proceeded the next few days to avoid and ignore him, which bothered him to the end, causing him to show up to a few of my classes. Eventually, my sister brought up the problem as he claimed that “for no reason, I started to hate him.” I then brought up to my sister what he had said and requested that she unfriend him (like I did) as I didn’t believe that neither of us should be hanging around a person like that, and mentioned that though both of us may not have many friends, it would be better to have true ones.
She proceeded to get angry and stormed out of the classroom we were talking in. Later that day, while I was sitting with my team (as I play high school sports) she and her friend stormed up to me, claiming that I was being selfish and only thinking about myself, as he was” joking”.
She also claimed that I was only thinking about myself and not her, as he was one of her only friends. Thankfully, one of my teammates stuck up for me, saying that that is not something you can joke about.
I found out later that week that Mary and Jack started seeing each other 2 days after I started ignoring him, and when I mentioned how this was really messed up, she ignored me.
She then stated that our parents agreed with her and that I wasn’t thinking about her situation as well. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Resenting My Mom After She Abandoned Me During My Mental Health Crisis?
“To preface this, I have always struggled with mental health since about age 11. About a year ago, I (20F at the time) admitted myself to a behavioral health unit (AKA the psych ward) due to issues I was having.
There were issues regarding my relationship as I was very codependent and suffered a miscarriage, so things were rough.
I have a history of ideations, and this time, they were more intense, so after speaking to my therapist, she advised me to go to the hospital.
I went without telling my mom (39F) because I didn’t want to be talked out of it, but I did call her once I was there. She was upset and went on about how I am so sensitive and dramatic, and there is nothing wrong with me, so why do I always go to those extremes?
For context, we are black, and mental health is very stigmatized in our community.
Once she kind of accepted my being there, we (me, her, and other family members) started to decide where I would go and who I would live with, as I wasn’t trusted to be alone (which rightfully so).
I didn’t want to go live with her, and she got very angry with me, which is part of the reason I didn’t want to go – I was shamed for taking care of my mental health, and she was most of the cause of my issues.
While there, I was diagnosed with a disorder that developed in cases of traumatic events such as mistreated, neglect, constant distress, etc. So, in a way, I did blame her, but I felt she tried her best as a parent, so I reached out and apologized.
In my apology, I essentially apologized for all of the stress I had caused her throughout my childhood and that it wasn’t her fault that I ended up the way I did (though I truly believed it was). She left my message on reading and would not answer my calls, so I let it go.
About two months later, after not talking to me at all, she reached out to me and asked me for a favor. I felt the apology wasn’t genuine, but I love my mom and wanted a relationship, so I helped her.
Since then, our relationship has been okay, but I’ve realized I hold lots of resentment toward her, and I tolerate her rather than like her for the sake of my little sister.
My dad believes I’m the jerk because this happened almost a year ago, and I still harbor resentment towards her, and she was dealing with a lot of stress. I don’t believe that I’m the jerk because I needed her the most at that time, and she abandoned me, which wasn’t the first time.
I may be the jerk for going to LC and not speaking up about my feelings but silently punishing her. I don’t like confrontation and when I did try to address it she glazed over it with a weak apology.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Time doesn’t make everything all right. If someone hurts you, you might be angry and resentful years later or you might not. It’s just how people work. The idea that “well that was a year ago so you should be over it by now” is just dumb.
The bigger issue is your Mom isn’t going to apologize any more than what you got. You’re going to have to decide how you feel about that and what you wanna do.” DisgruntleFairy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you know you won’t get any satisfying response from your mother, and you’re doing what you have to to keep any sort of relationship with her and your sister.
LC is best here for your own sake. If your mother isn’t complaining, ignore what other family members say. They may have unrealistic “happy family reunion” ideals but that’s their problem, not yours.” ParsimoniousSalad
16. AITJ For Asking My Housemate For Fuel Money For Driving Her To Campus?
“I (21F) am in my last year of University in the UK and live with 3 housemates: Jo, Alice and Kate. We live a 1.5-hour walk from campus/approx. 1 hour on the bus due to huge queues, and driving takes 15 minutes. Jo bought a car over the Summer and I drove mine back to our Uni town for the year, given the lower commuting time.
The costs are higher but we both felt it was worth it for the final year.
For context, Kate and I both live in London and last Summer I was driving back to our Uni town to move out of my previous house. She had been in London for the weekend and asked if I could bring her back so she didn’t have to pay for the train (c.£25).
I agreed but she wanted me to collect her from her house which would easily add an hour to my trip as we live in different areas. I said I was happy to drive but she would have to come to a station nearer my house where I could collect her.
She did this but was unhappy, bringing up the fact I did not ‘prioritize’ her on multiple occasions since. She also did not offer me any fuel money for the 3.5-hour drive. On previous occasions, I have paid for things and she has not sent me the money she owes me, and I find it hard to broach the subject.
Now, we started back at Uni 2 weeks ago and Jo and I have been letting the others know what time we are headed to campus if they want a lift. They largely come with me as Jo is in less often. Alice offered me fuel money after the first week and sent it to my account, however Kate offered me nothing.
She offered Jo money but then never sent it. Kate also gets into the car, does not say a word the entire journey, and then does not even utter a word of thanks when she gets out. I do not need money, however I feel like I am being treated poorly given she cannot even say thank you.
A few days ago Kate told me that when a coursemate brought her to and from campus she paid her £3 for the return journey. She again did not mention giving any money to us. I mentioned this to Jo and together we agreed it would be best to send the others a message asking for the same amount, to help pay for fuel and parking, and felt it was fair given it was less than the bus.
We let Alice know beforehand and she felt it was a good idea. Since sending the message, Kate has been ignoring us and acting very angry, she also has stopped taking lifts from us and has instead been going with her coursemate. AITJ for asking for a contribution considering I am going to campus anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let Kate continue traveling with her coursemate if she feels it works better for her. City buses are going to their destinations ‘anyway’ and riders still have to pay. This isn’t a one-off lift to offer, this is an ongoing arrangement and everyone in the arrangement should shoulder the burden.
You are being fair, that’s all you can do.” RoswellRedux
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are saving your friend the money she would have spent on the bus fare. It seems reasonable to me that you should also benefit from asking as a friend. When I was at uni, someone removed all of the seats except the driver’s seat out of their ancient Fiat 500.
Nobody wanted a lift from him.” Gnarly_314
15. AITJ For Sending A Cease And Desist To Stop My Mom's Ashes From Being Buried With Her Abusive Ex?
“My mom passed away over 10 years ago. At the time, she was engaged to my stepdad.
My mom had tried to leave him several times. She was sick and believed she couldn’t start over. That no one else but him would love her as sick as she was. Mainly because that’s what he repeatedly told her. She was an amazing woman whose light was dimmed the longer they remained together.
Despite all that, we were extremely close. We were always together or on the phone with each other until he came home from work. For reference’s sake, I am her next of kin. And her final wishes were followed as much as I could. With one exception, her ashes were never handed out to her family the way she wished and the remaining ashes were placed in an urn.
My mom had an immense fear of being buried. It would lead her into a panic attack. I promised her that would never happen. (Side Note – My stepdad picked up her ashes from the funeral home before I could and refused to give them up.
He even made my sister (mom’s biological child) pay to get enough ashes to put into a necklace. I think it was like $200)
Recently he passed away. His family hid that fact and didn’t notify a single soul beyond their family. When I asked about my mom’s ashes, I was informed she would be buried with him.
I told them that wasn’t their choice to make. They told me it wasn’t mine either, that it was his and this was what he wanted. My mom spent her entire life with him doing what he wanted. I can’t help but feel like she wouldn’t be at peace if she were to be buried against her wishes.
My mom’s family is understandably upset. Not only were they hiding the plans for her ashes, they had no intention of telling anyone in her family that she would be buried or where she would be buried. They claim it’s because he told them that someone (first they blamed my aunt now they blame me) stole money from my mom’s funeral. As far as I know, no one stole money from her funeral. They said he “struggled” to pay for her services and that I now have to “live with it”, that it’s me who put him in an early grave.
My aunt and I have both tried talking to them but they refuse to listen.
Now as my mom’s next of kin, her family wants me to send a cease and desist order for burying her remains. We all think she should be given back to her family and her final wishes for her ashes be followed through.
They are dead set against this happening. He had some ashes in a necklace and we would be fine with that being buried with him. Just not all of her.
WIBTJ for sending them a cease and desist order and following up with a lawsuit?”
14. AITJ For Not Inviting My Clingy Friend To A Private Reunion?
“I have this friend, let’s call her Amy. Amy is a nice person but still a relatively new friend (met her 2 years ago when I was working across the country for a work assignment and she happened to be an intern.
Neither of us knew anyone in the city so we started hanging out.
Fast forward, after I moved back we stayed in touch. We’ve even traveled together and have always gotten along.
A couple of things, however, have annoyed me on some of these trips.
For example, I have noticed she can be a little selfish (especially with money) and needy (i.e. needs me to hold her bags and her hand when she drinks, navigate on my phone whenever we go anywhere, be in charge of calling Ubers, paying for all the meals (which she does pay me back for) but she will often find a way to shortchange me (I have gotten better about noticing these little tricks like uneven trades (her paying for a $1 bus for us and me paying $30 for meals))
Now admittedly I am not the best at dealing with people who are clingy, but I do understand and I wouldn’t leave the friendship because of this. I want to emphasize that a few friends she made during her internship have cut her out because of these things.
So most recently, we were traveling and she has been doing some of the same things as she typically does. (Btw, she is actually a really fun person so we do enjoy traveling with each other) I have also learned to draw boundaries and have been better about telling her no. I noticed she had become a little off-standish towards me, but I let it go.
I planned on seeing a few friends in the city (including a cousin I hadn’t seen in about 10 years) and I was excited to catch up. My cousin and I have both been going through a rough time so I was particularly excited about having some 1 on 1 time with her.
When I told Amy I was going to meet my cousin and friends in the city, she felt entitled to invite herself and repeatedly asked me when “we’re” going to meet them. Now, I know I should have said something right from the start, but she took things so personally that I avoided the conversation.
The problem is that other people notice the same things I do but don’t always tolerate them as well as I do, and also she has a tendency to take over conversations so I’m afraid I wouldn’t have been able to truly reconnect with this group.
I ended up telling her she wouldn’t be able to join me as we’re trying to keep this a private event. She said she understood, but she ended up calling me after the vacation to let me know how upset she was.
I need to know, should I have just let her tag along?
A few people have said I should’ve just let her join. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to set boundaries, especially for an important reunion like seeing your cousin. It sounds like you’ve already put up with a lot of her clinginess and selfish behavior.
Your friendship shouldn’t come at the expense of your own needs, and it’s completely fair to prioritize reconnecting with people you haven’t seen in a long time. Her reaction shows she might not be as understanding as she claims, but that’s on her.
You deserve to enjoy your time without feeling obligated to accommodate her” Envotop24.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here She’s presumptuous, but it doesn’t sound like you were very clear. When I go on trips with others, we’re always very careful to say, “My aunt asked me to breakfast, so you’ll be on your own Thursday morning.
I’ll probably be free by 11 if it makes sense to meet up at the museum of blah blah blah.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should draw even harder boundaries and perhaps take some distance as well: for example, why does she need to have her hand held when she drinks?
If other people don’t tolerate this behavior and you’re noticing that you’re avoiding some topics, I would take it as a hint that you draw some stronger boundaries and don’t let her guilt trip you.” First-Industry4762
13. AITJ For Wanting To Attend A Far Away University Against My Parents' Wishes?
“I 16F just got into a pretty serious argument with my mom about college. For context, I’m from a culture that values family and familial respect very, very heavily.
Those who are “too” independent or estranged from their families are often looked down upon. In school, I’m taking pretty hard classes that take up all of my time and I’m going to be joining some clubs pretty soon my mom also wants me to get a job and volunteer all at the same time because my dream university is one in D.C.
(Like an hour away) but that one has a pretty low acceptance rate so she asked me what I would do if I wasn’t accepted. I said I’d apply to other unis in DC and if I didn’t get accepted into those I’d apply to 3 other colleges in my state that are good.
The problem is, that DC is super close to me while all those other units are hours away. I have already been told I’m not allowed to go to dorms or move out until I get married.
My mom got super mad at me when she heard that those farther away unis were my next choices because, of course, I’m not allowed to leave according to her.
She started using our family friends and the other communities around us as an example of how I needed to be but I got mad and said that we were nothing like them. We truly are pretty different from our family friends, for example, they’re all much more religious (my mom and I are the only non hijabis).
She told me that people like “us” don’t leave our community’s expectations like that. I got angry and told her I didn’t care and that if I got the opportunity to go I’d take it even if it meant being hours away from home. She told me to just apply to a community college nearby or this other college that isn’t a community college in name but is practically the same thing.
This made me upset because I’m not working my rear off in school and sacrificing my free time and a good social life just to go to community college when I have so many options around me that are good. I know I sound like a pretentious jerk right now but I have high expectations for myself and I just don’t understand why she and my father push me to work so hard yet hold me back at the same time.
I’m very heated right now and I’m calming down more and realizing maybe I am in the wrong here. Is it selfish of me to just want to leave and live my life the way I want to? My parents have sacrificed a lot for me so I feel bad just going against anything they want for me.
Am I the jerk here???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not a jerk for any part of this. The reality of your situation is that you might have your options severely limited by your family. The thought of not being able to move out of your family home until you’re married feels oppressive.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation.” Ecstatic_Vibrations
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But now you know that if you’re going to do this, you will need to do it on your own. Don’t let her know about any more of your college plans. As far as she is concerned, you have forgotten all about it.
Then when you turn 18 you can do whatever you want, including living in a dorm at whatever college accepts you and you can make work financially without your family’s help. ” pl487
12. AITJ For Changing My Kids' Visitation Hours To Avoid Their Dad's Bigoted Church?
“My son (16) asked me to change his and his sister’s visitation time with their dad from the weekend to Friday to Saturday. He said it’s because their dad takes them to church every Sunday and he and his sister (14) hate it.
This isn’t the first time they’ve complained about that church. It’s an evangelical one, and from what I’ve heard, the church is extremely bigoted and hateful. They’re especially hateful towards women, Muslims, and gay people. So obviously my children are miserable there. Sometimes it gets so bad that my son calls me and cries over how much he hates it.
His sister doesn’t talk about it as much, but she tells me it’s boring and she’d rather not go. They tried telling their dad this, but he insisted the church was supposed to hurt them and continued to take them.
I’m not here to debate the importance of church, but as a parent, I don’t want my children going to a place that makes them this upset.
They used to be so excited about visiting their dad, but now they dread it. Sometimes my son tells me to tell my dad that he’s sick so he doesn’t have to go. I’ve spoken to their dad about it and he refuses to listen.
I empathize with how much it’s impacting their mental health but he simply doesn’t care. Also, an incident happened at the church not too long ago that seriously upset my daughter. So much so that she hasn’t spoken to her dad in a week. I won’t go into detail but this was the final nail in the coffin.
One day my children’s case worker told us that we could change their visitation time to where their dad can’t take them to church anymore. We talked about it for a while and we settled on 4 PM on Friday to 8 PM on Saturday. I asked their father if he’d be okay with this and he immediately knew why we wanted this change.
I told them that the kids are teenagers now and have lives of their own. He wasn’t on board. At all. He accused me of trying to brainwash our kids. I told him I had no problem petitioning this, forcing him to go along with it.
Our conversation ended there. I didn’t tell him the kids were the ones who requested this because I didn’t want their dad to become upset with them. I’d rather him lecture me than them.
I feel like the jerk because their dad already doesn’t see them as much as a parent should.
It wasn’t up to me. We split up when the kids were in elementary school and the visitation time was set up for us by the court. I don’t want to exclude him from their lives any further. He also told me that church has helped a ton with his depression and that he’s glad the kids were there with him.
I’d hate to take that away from him. I also don’t want to be an over-controlling parent. I feel like by doing this, I am changing a big part of my children’s lives over something I don’t agree with.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think while admirable, you’re thinking too much about your ex’s comfortability.
The kids are so distressed by this that you have one crying routinely. Go to the court for a change in the times and switch to non-church hours for their wellbeing” Stardust_Shinah.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your children are miserable and they come first. Your ex is pretty ironic saying *you’re* the one “brainwashing“ the kids.
Your kids are old enough now that a judge will consider their wants when deciding changing your custody arrangements. Take it to the judge. Also, just FYI, even if this goes through their dad will still proselytize the kids. I don’t know that there’s any way to control that.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you need to do this the proper way, check out local laws. I know where I live both your children are old enough to decide to not go to their dad’s house at all. Also check what the custody order says that you already have, if you disagree with the church, he might not be allowed to take them.
he would have to find a different church you agree upon or not go at all. Go through the courts through” Lunar-Eclipse0204.
11. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out While My Family Is Financially Dependent On Me?
“I am 23F Asian – I live in an apartment in Australia with my dad, his partner, and their 10-year-old son – he has a learning disability. My mum lives nearby and is also still with my dad. Think of it as having two wives.
I was raised by my uncle and aunt from my dad’s side and I never really got to live with my parents until I turned 17 – I moved here to live with them.
Ever since I got here, I was often required to help out with child care: a little bit when I was a student, and now that I am working a full-time job, I do more help than what my dad and mum currently do.
Of course, it is not my mum’s responsibility as she is not the mother of my sibling, but before I moved here, she often took care of him because she considers him as her son. I don’t get paid for child care since we’re family anyway: they spent a lot for me to be able to live here and I did not pay any rent for my first 3 years here.
I do night shifts permanently and my dad’s partner helped me get this job since she’s one of the executives there.
It’s not just the child care… My dad got into bad habits and into buying rare collector’s items. He has now stopped sending us rent money so it is just his partner and I paying for it – I don’t know how he’s still able to buy himself expensive things when he’s in debt already.
Half of my wages go to the rent while I also still have my bills to pay so I don’t get much left for me to save. My mum and my dad’s partner work around 13 to 15 hours per day most of the time. With my dad’s partner, her reason is: that she needs money to mainly take care of her son and to be able to pay for all the necessary things.
I mentioned to them long ago that I wanted to move out and was told not to YET. “Not until your sibling is ready to be on his own” which is probably around 13 to 15 years old. I wouldn’t mind waiting a few more years but the situation at home’s getting worse and none of them are refusing to change things.
An example would be how it’s getting messier in our home that my dad moved his belongings to the bathroom and considers it as his bedroom now – yes, he sleeps there too.
I now have a tenancy agreement with my friend. The place is just a 2-hour drive from here to there.
I’ll sadly have to look for a new job. My friend insisted that she would pay for the first 2 or 3 months I’m not living with her there to help me out only because: I want to give my family that much time to sort things out – I will still pay my usual share at home while I’m still here with them but is it fair for me to give my family that much time to sort things out or should I have waited more instead?
My family would be at risk of losing their job since they’ll have to cut down their work hours if they have to adjust it to be able to take care of their child.
I’m also scared that if something goes wrong and I’ll be unable to pay the rent/bills then I’ll have to end up coming back here.”
Another User Comments:
“You are a grown adult earning wages. They are using you. Move out soon, don’t give them a chance to guilt you into staying. Because you know they will. No, you do not have to come back. The child isn’t yours, the bad habit problem isn’t yours, and these people did not do you the courtesy of raising you.
They are not family, they are strangers. RUN.” WEM-2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are your person with a life and a future. You are not their daycare. You are 23, an adult and your family cannot decide if and when you want to move out.
The whole situation is toxic and for your own mental health and growth you need to get far away from them. Their money problems and childcare is their problem, not yours. Say goodbye to them, move, and go live your own life you owe that much to yourself.
You owe them nothing.” PumpkinPowerful3292
10. AITJ For Maintaining A Good Co-Parenting Relationship With My Ex Despite My Husband's Insecurities?
“My 38f and my ex husband 40m have a great co-parenting relationship. We’ve been divorced for 5 years and have two kids 10m and 13f. We split custody 50/50, we have a no-child support arrangement that works for us, we communicate well and our kids are thriving.
We have been commended several times for our co-parenting success. I wouldn’t say we’re friends, we only talk about things about the kids…but we get along, we agree on most things with the kids and we have never spoken negatively about the other to the kids.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. 3 years ago I remarried and my husband 38m has terrible insecurity issues. It manifests the most when it comes to my ex. My son’s birthday is on Valentine’s day. I like to see my kids on their actual birthdays at least for a short time if they are with their dad.
This means every Valentine’s day is a fight because my husband INSISTS that I don’t go “hang out with my ex” on Valentine’s day. He’s always invited to come along. He argues that I can see the kids later and I don’t need to see them ON their birthdays.
Which I don’t disagree with, but my mom’s heart hates it. I don’t spend hours with them, just enough to drop off a gift and love on them a little bit. As they get older it probably won’t always be that way. It’s hard missing half of their lives.
I know that’s the choice I made. But since I’ve been married it’s been accusations of being unfaithful, snide comments when I go to pick up my kids and fights about how I don’t care how my husband feels. It’s not that I don’t care!
I’m stuck between my children and a jealous husband. It’s not about my ex, I just want a healthy relationship for my kids.
Just today, my ex came to pick up my son (he was with my daughter at soccer and I was with my son at football) for his weekend and my son wanted to show his dad something in his room.
After that my ex sat and chatted for about 20 minutes about the soccer game/foot ball game and then they left. My husband was in the room the whole time and chatted some. When they left my husband looked at me and said “I don’t want him hanging out in my house like that anymore.” This went on and on.
When I tried explaining that I don’t see the issue with it he just got more angry and stopped the conversation. He keeps claiming I don’t care about his feelings and when I try to explain that I DO, but also I’m just having what I think is a healthy co-parenting relationship, he shuts the convo down and won’t talk about it.
I am stuck. I want to respect my husband but also see no harm in having a 20 minute visit in my house. For context, we’ve lived in our current house for two years and he’s visited like that MAYBE five times. Does this make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH You’re not the jerk for having a good relationship with your ex, but you are for marrying your current husband. This man had no business marrying a woman with kids and an ex of any sort. His insecurities are the problem, not you or your ex.
You can’t fix his insecurities. You giving into them will only make them worse. Your children shouldn’t have to see this jerkiness, either. Is this the kind of behavior you want modeled for them? You worked so hard to have a good relationship with their dad so they could still have a functional, happy family, and now this jerk has come along to mess it all up.
I don’t see this going well long-term. At a minimum, your current husband needs therapy to work on his issues, but would he even agree to that?” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But the guy you married is. He should be respectful of your relationship with and how you want to parent your kids.
If your mum’s heart wants to see them on their birthdays, hubby should respect that. Regardless of the day it falls on. If you want to be civil and Co-parent well, you will have happier well-balanced kids for it. He sounds insecure and immature and you may have remarried in haste, repent at leisure.
Think carefully before having any more kids. I don’t have kids with my ex-husbands. But we are still good friends and my partner respects it. Is fine if we hang out. Will hang out with us. Heck, he and I took my mum-in-law to London and he helped her navigate (partially sighted.) It’s how I know my new partner is worth it.
He is also OK that I keep in touch with a couple of people I was seeing after my divorce but before we met.” Gemethyst
Another User Comments:
“Congratulations on having a great relationship with your baby’s daddy. They may never say it, but this is so wonderful for your kids.
You are being such a great mom. Sorry about the husband. So how is he as a stepdad? Does he do anything with the kids or are they just residents in his house? What type of comments is he making to the kids? Maybe keep an eye on that.” justreading4800
9. AITJ For Not Trading Halloween For Diwali With My Ex?
“Children involved are 3 and 4. Born in Canada, so far raised without any religious influence but neither parent is opposed to it.
The father, let’s call him Dave, and I have been separated since January 2021. Co-parenting has been rocky at best. The relationship was riddled with emotional mistreatment, in my opinion, Dave is a textbook narcissist. Having finally settled in court, this is the first year that a custody agreement will dictate the division of holidays (alternating each year).
This year, I am entitled to Halloween with our children. Please keep in mind, that I have no knowledge of what a Diwali celebration entails and am going only on what Dave has informed me will take place. Forgive my ignorance or incorrect terms! (Additional info on Diwali celebrations are welcome!)
Dave approached me this morning to ask if I would trade years for Halloween – He would take the children this year and I would have them next. Dave explained that Diwali falls on Halloween this year and that his significant other celebrates. He stated that the children had been invited by her family to join in the celebrations.
Dave stated that the children would be picked up from school, travel 20 minutes to their home where they will have dinner, do Puja #1 at 5:10 pm, travel 1 hour to his significant other’s family home, do Puja #2, have a snack, trick-or-treat and go to bed. They would then stay overnight at the significant other’s family’s home to continue the Diwali celebration the following day.
Both October 31st and November 1st are my parenting days. Dave has not directly asked to have the children for Friday but in stating that they will sleep over and the celebration continues, it is presumed.
I think that it is great for the children to experience other cultures and religions and welcome their participation in Diwali.
However, the children loved Halloween last year and haven’t stopped talking about it since! They picked out their costumes in August and told anyone who would listen what they would be! I feel that the travel and additional celebrations may make for a very rushed and tiring Halloween.
I don’t know how long Puja lasts but the timeline does not appear to allow for much time to trick-or-treat. I do not want their Halloween experience compromised when they ask again for another full year.
I have offered a solution to Dave that the kids would trick-or-treat as usual but could spend Friday with the significant other’s family to celebrate Diwali.
I also offered to drive the children the 1 hour to their family home, knowing that they would already be there and celebrating. This way, the children could experience both Halloween and Diwali.
Dave seems to think that I am trying to control his parenting and it should be a simple trade for Halloween this year for next.
I feel that it is not simply trade for this year and next, because the children may miss out on the Halloween experience as a result of the switch.
AITJ????”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they can celebrate Diwali next year when it doesn’t conflict with preexisting plans and your parenting plan.
Don’t let him make you budge on the parenting plan not even a year into it! Give an inch, a narcissist will take 100 miles.” FleaQueen_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Always follow the court’s ruling to the letter. You would be amazed what a half-decent attorney could spin if your ex made a big deal out of you handing the kids over on your days.
Also, not for nothing, something tells me Diwali isn’t part of good old Dave’s culture. And like Halloween, Diwali comes yearly. Seems like the kids would rather do Halloween anyway, and that’s what’s important.” ibarguengoytiamiguel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Set the boundaries now. It’s your parenting time and therefore up to you what happens (obviously the same the other way round when it’s his time).
I think you are being more than accommodating to offer the Friday to him so the kids can do both. If he is not willing then the kids stay with you for both days. It would be different if nothing was on, but as you said the kids are already excited about Halloween.
I say all this from experience, I have an ex who is slightly better now but will still put himself before anything (although I genuinely don’t think he sees this as what he does!). I have had years of being the ‘baddie’ but after bending over and being made a mug for the first couple of years I know that I am now doing what is best for my son (and my sanity).” wakens
8. AITJ For Breaking My Lease And Leaving After Losing My Job?
“I (24) moved to Canada less than a year ago to be with my spouse.
It took 7 months to find work, draining my savings and leaving me teetering on my credit card debt for a few months.
The job I got was in a city 2.5 hours away from my partner’s home. So I sublet rented a basement room in the city for work and drove back and forth on the weekends.
The person I was renting from is a bit odd to me. European, a traveler, a language teacher, eclectic, she’s in her 50s and her cat is in his 20s (that part is relevant).
So with her family in Europe, she is often awake between 11 am and 1 am.
At first, it wasn’t bad, I also went to bed late despite needing to be awake at 8 am for this job. But then it got later and later, her not go to sleep until 4 am or later. I would hear every movement above me. I couldn’t wear earbuds or plugs because I needed to hear my alarms going off (which she didn’t allow to be too loud).
I didn’t wake up enough and was let go this morning, the tail end of my probationary period.
So I need to break the lease. I can’t afford to send her $800 a month in a city not close to my partner. I messaged her to talk to me when she woke up, which was at 4:30 pm and she said she was too busy we’ll talk later.
I texted the situation and asked if maybe I could get part of the rent back. Unread. I interrupted a lesson to give back her key and tell her to check her messages.
After the lesson she came to me and started crying, saying that with her upcoming project (2-month charity trip to Peru Oct 24) and her cat’s vet bills (tri-weekly food and fluid injections because he won’t eat or drink), she can’t afford me moving out.
She can’t afford the full rent for the house during her leave and she’s too busy to find a new tenant. She begged me to look for a new job.
I told her I couldn’t afford rent and had to move back with my partner.
She pleaded that she couldn’t afford it, that she rented it to me because I would be here till Feb, and that she couldn’t give me my security deposit. She says she needs me to be paying rent while she’s in Peru.
I already didn’t feel comfortable here with 1 how little room I get for what I’m paying, and 2 how weird she is about the cost of things like using the washer and dryer.
But was willing to pay when I had the funds if I transferred to where I needed to be. But without an income, I can’t. As said, getting the job I just lost took 7 months to get.
I’m bad at dealing with other people’s emotions and struggles.
Partner and friends say she’s being unreasonable and it isn’t my fault she is in this situation, but I’m leaving her high and dry. AITJ for breaking my lease and leaving after losing my job?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Her financial problems are her problem because she’s depending on you when she should have had something saved for emergencies as well as treatments for her older cat.
What if you had landed in the hospital or worse? Would she have gone after your partner so she could go to Peru and treat her cat as well? If you want to be kind, you can promise to send her a partial month’s rent, like half, when you are back on your feet but that’s all.
But please read your rental agreement if there’s one because she may be able to sue you for the rest of your rent. But I have to ask you: Why isn’t your partner helping you financially? ETA: Usually when one rent, there’s a basic understanding (and often in the rental agreement) that everyone must abide by the “quiet time” rule: no disturbances between 10 pm-6 am, give or take an hour.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“Dude. This is a post about a landlord-tenant relationship. Your obligations to each other consist of what is in the lease. The landlady’s emotions regarding you breaking the lease are irrelevant. What you owe her as a consequence of breaking the lease is: whatever the lease says is the penalty for breaking it (which btw, I would have to assume would include forfeiting your security deposit).
Anything else you should just ignore? You, on the other hand, have got one jerk of a nerve. Did you seriously, with a straight face, ask for *part of this month’s rent back* when you notified her you were breaking the lease?!? Also, I have very little sympathy for the part where you attempt to make it her fault that you lost your job (weak sauce IMO), or where you complain that the rent is too high for the amount of space (nobody forced you to rent it).
ESH” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your lease with her calls out some form of penalty for ending it early, then that’s on you. And if the lease doesn’t call out a prorated rate, I don’t see why she should give you back part of your October rent.
That security deposit should be going back to you though, that’s something she really shouldn’t have spent; I hope she has it for both of your sakes.” GamesDontStop
7. AITJ For Telling My SIL To Mind Her Own Business About Our Household Issues?
“So yesterday, I messaged my sister-in-law (SIL) after my wife texted me upset that her sister messaged her about something that happened between my wife and her brother. My brother-in-law (BIL) moved in with us about a couple of months ago, I was against it, but my wife wanted to help him so fine.
On Sunday, my wife and her brother got into a fight because BIL refused to pay his phone bill. I have him on my phone plan and we pay his phone bill but when his phone broke he asked if he could buy one through our phone company and he would pay us back monthly.
I told him sure well it’s been a year since then and he’s paid for his phone 3 times in the entire year that he has had it and he only paid because my wife asked him for the money.
So he’s upset on Sunday because he feels like my wife shouldn’t be asking him for the money and was literally yelling at her like a psycho.
Saying that he pays it when she reminds him but then in that same breath says that she needs to stop reminding him and he’ll pay it when he pays it so basically he wants us to just pay for his phone and be okay with it which is NOT happening.
The next day he’s on the phone with their mom and sister talking negatively about my wife because she’s finally putting her foot down their mom is saying how my wife is just looking for attention and my SIL ended up messaging my wife telling her she’s doing too much because she gave him a 30 days notice.
She gave him a notice because since he moved in he’s been disrespectful, bringing drama to the house, and bringing substance users to our house at all times of the night with no notice, he eats all our food and doesn’t think he needs to replace it, using our laundry detergent and toilet paper and rarely replaces it and we don’t have money to be paying for all his stuff too we already pay for his phone bill so him yelling at her over the phone bill that he knows he’s supposed to pay every month was the last straw for us.
So, of course, I’m upset because, in my opinion, my SIL needs to stay in her place and not pick sides about a situation that she knows nothing about. So I messaged her saying that I would advise her to keep her mouth shut about situations she knows nothing about and instead of messaging my wife telling her she’s doing too much to instead come for her brother who refuses to be dependable and the only one that is doing too much is her brother who came downstairs yelling like a psychopath over a bill that he knows he’s supposed to be paying and I left it at that.
I’m a people pleaser, so I still feel bad even though I know I’m not wrong, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. See if your wife might consider low contact (LC) or no contact (NC) with her toxic family members. Forget the 30 days, BIL will just wreck your stuff.
Kick him to the curb today. SIL can house the bum if she is so concerned.” More-Yogurtcloset531
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but considering what being nice and patient hasn’t accomplished, it’s time to be a jerk. Honestly, you should’ve been the jerk and told SIL to be quiet about somebody else’s house and run her own, but not before she opens her door for her parasite of a brother to come to stay with her.” DetroitSmash-8701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sadly it seems your wife has been raised in a very toxic environment and as such has no healthy boundaries, the thing is she needs to first even realize it and see the truth to start changing for the better. If she does I would recommend keeping a very healthy distance from all of her family, they will drag her down sadly.
And I guess from what you’re describing you and your wife are pretty similar with the people-pleasing aspect, it’s a tough one but if she agrees I would support her getting therapy to heal.” JustNamiSushi
6. AITJ For Telling My BIL To Accept His Role As A Stepdad?
“My sister has been married twice. With her ex-husband, she has a 10-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old son. She is currently expecting a baby (6ish months along) with her current/second husband. The second husband is BIL mentioned in the post.
My sister and her ex-husband’s marriage ended during her second pregnancy in reality. They were together for several more months to make it work but they were never really in love (I believe this is somewhat relevant later) and I don’t think they ever really liked each other but both loved the children they shared. The marriage ended and my sister started seeing someone soon after.
She met BIL a year after her divorce was finalized. At this point, the kids were 3.5 and 1.5.
Problems began when my sister and BIL moved in together after 6 months of seeing each other. BIL did not like seeing the kid’s dad around. The kid’s dad would pick them up for his custody time and would show up to preschool plays and meetings.
Then BIL got annoyed one day when he found out my parents had run into the kid’s dad and spoken to him at random. He said nothing for ages after my parents mentioned it. Months and maybe even more than a year later when I think back on it, he brought it up and told us all how offended he was that we were still friendly with the kid’s dad and he said this in front of the kids.
When my sister and BIL got married he became visibly frustrated when the kids wanted to invite their dad. He wasn’t invited. But he was annoyed that a 4 and 6-year-old wanted their dad there.
BIL has this one-sided and self-inflicted competition going on with the kid’s dad for the role of their dad.
He has tried encouraging the kids to call him dad and has asked my sister to go to court and get Father’s Day split/shared or alternated in some way so he can have them too. I believe my sister allows this because BIL is the first man she has been in love with.
And she’s letting it blind her.
BIL complains frequently that the kids treat him like a stranger or like a teacher they have to respect but don’t like.
Yesterday was my other sister’s birthday and we were at her house. My sister’s kids were telling me about their dad and what was going on with him when BIL demanded to speak with me and tore me a new one for disrespecting him with talk of “the competition”.
He told me HE is my sister’s husband and the kid’s real dad and I should stop the disrespect. I told him to quit being such a man’s baby and accept that he has stepkids and they have a loving father and that others are allowed to be on good terms with their father.
He called me some names and said I owed him a lot more respect than I was showing him by saying that to his face.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is your sister not intervening with the kids not wanting to be around Stepfather?
BIL needs to back off and let the kids be happy they have two loving parents, although they aren’t together no more they are co-parenting and being active in their lives.” Queasy-Leg1273
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like your BIL can’t handle the fact that he is a stepdad, not their biological dad.
Perhaps talking to your sister about it might be helpful, but ultimately it sounds like your BIL is going to drive the children away from them as they get older because they are not going to want to hear talk about their dad in a bad way” User
5. AITJ For Refusing To Sell My Cosplay Wedding Dress To My Cousin?
“I (27F) am an avid cosplayer, my partner (28F) and I go to all conventions we can and have a lot of fun making our costumes together and prepping for the year. Three Months ago I, my partner, and my cousin (30F) went around charity shops looking for pieces we could turn into cosplays.
My cousin isn’t a cosplayer but she tagged along as she likes a good bargain hunt. In the third shop we went to we found in the window an old school wedding dress, it had a few stains and minor rips but all in all, was in good condition.
My partner and I joked with my cousin that she should buy it for her wedding but she turned her nose up at it stating she wanted brand new and she’d not be caught dead in an old-fashioned dress. We let it go and my partner was the one to point out to me that if we did some alterations it’d be a perfect dupe for Sarah’s ballgown in Jim Henson’s Labyrinth which is our favorite movie.
I realized she was right and asked her if she wanted to make this our next major matching costume. She agreed for the convention season of 2025 we will be Jareth and Sarah.
I bought the dress and my cousin made a few jokes about it but we heard nothing back from her, not until two days ago.
I’ve been posting progress of my dress on social media and it’s finally done and looks amazing. My cousin told me she’d not found a dress she likes and I’ve done wonders with this dress, that she’d changed her mind and she’d be happy to meet the price I’d paid (£150) and even throw in an extra £100 for my time fixing it up.
I laughed and asked if she was joking, she told me she was deadly serious and I told her that wasn’t happening. This led to a fight and I was getting annoyed, my partner took the phone at this point and told her she had her chance to get the dress, and that it was a cosplay now not a wedding dress.
We’ve since been bombarded by my family trying to get in contact, some pleading, some trying to cajole and others straight up berating us for not letting my cousin buy the dress or even better yet being a good cousin and gifting it to her, that I shouldn’t turn a charity shop wedding dress into a costume as it stopped brides who needed it having it.
I’m getting stressed and upset with this and my partner is currently fielding any calls we get and telling them off for upsetting me. She’s a wonder and I am so grateful to have her with me for this.
AITJ though? I am starting to worry because of the widespread reaction.
This is the first time I’ve bought a wedding dress to convert like this but it was already damaged and I’ve brought it back to life surely it’s better than it being ignored like it was?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She thought the dress was ugly and didn’t want a thrifted dress for her wedding.
She didn’t see the dress’s potential. After all your hard work and additional time and money, she realizes she made a mistake and now she wants a cheaper option for her wedding. Tough. She missed her chance with this dress. At most, I’d offer to go thrifting to find a new 2nd hand dress she can use.
Assuming there is still time.” SuspiciousZombie788
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There are plenty of wedding dresses in charity shops, this wasn’t the last dress on earth. Tell your family that your cousin was offered first refusal and she said she didn’t want a damaged and secondhand dress.
Just get the message out there.” firefly232
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Thrift stores are first come, first serve. Your cousin had a chance to buy it. She turned her nose up and even made fun of it after you’d bought it. She laughed and lost. As far as the comments about you stopping brides who need it from getting it, the same could be said for every item purchased from every thrift store in the world.
If you buy a toy, some other kid won’t be able to get it. If you purchase a used guitar, you may be taking it away from potentially the next Brian May. However, if nobody bought anything for fear of depriving others, thrift stores wouldn’t exist and we’d all have tons of extra stuff with nothing to do with it.
Enjoy your costume and conventions.” ThrowRA071312
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Cost Of My Friends' Flight Home After Our Road Trip?
“My (25F) friends and I are going on a road trip to Northern California soon for a long weekend. The road trip will be about a 10.5-hour drive.
12 of us are attending the trip, all around the same age. Two couples, including myself and my partner.
We’re all driving together from the same city except for 3 people who are getting themselves there. Only myself and one of my other friends have a car.
I’m taking 5 people (Car A) and my friend is taking 4 people (Car B).
**CAR A (5 people):**
1. Myself
2. My partner
3. My friend, who has met everyone else once or twice but is mainly my friend and second to that, is closest to my roommates.
4. & 5.
My two roommates.
**CAR B (4 people):**
1. The driver “Becky” doesn’t live in the same city as us but is driving to our city to pick us up and drive to FL, as part of a longer travel period she’s taking.
2. My friend “Lisa” who is very close with Becky
3. & 4. Our friends “Ben” and “Daisy,” the other couple. Daisy is roommates with Lisa.
The cars are divided pretty logically, by household + the people we’re closest to. We’ve all agreed on how we’re going to split the gas, so no drama there.
HOWEVER—Becky and Lisa, after our trip, plan to go on a second vacation of their own. Meaning, that Becky’s car will not be returning to our city, and her passengers that need to go home (Ben and Daisy) will be stranded.
Becky is willing to drive them halfway home to an airport, where flights will cost ~$100-$150 to get home.
I told them, that while I can’t fit them in my car on the way back because it only has 5 seats, I’m happy to take their luggage so they don’t have to incur any extra fees.
Daisy is upset, feeling like the situation is unfair for her and Ben—just because they happened to be placed in Becky’s car, they now have to take on extra costs.
We’re going to discuss it this week, but possible solutions have been either splitting the flight tickets and across everyone going back or doing some sort of drawing early of who gets to go back in the car vs who is flying.
I personally don’t think myself/my passengers should be responsible for the cost of the flights.
My passengers are coming with me due to their closeness to me, and they’re the people I want to spend the long drive with. Note, that I was also invited to the trip with Becky and Lisa, but I felt too guilty to strand my four passengers.
Daisy is getting increasingly upset about the situation over text, so I know it’s going to be a tense situation. She is quick to anger and blame others, and has already been butting heads with Lisa recently over roommate problems. Daisy is the kind of person to hold a grudge, and if we made them pay for the flight, she may make snide comments about it throughout the trip.
As her roommate, Lisa feels a lot of anxiety about it and is trying to appease her–but I want to stand my ground and protect my passengers.
Just not sure the best way to fairly split the costs/logistics of returning home, while maintaining the peace.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a big problem that Becky and Lisa created and they are jerks here, this kind of thing should be sorted out well ahead of time. That said, I don’t understand why everyone else would be responsible for paying for plane tickets for the stranded passengers – you all didn’t stand them.” rmric0
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – your passengers are lucking out that they didn’t end up in the other car, and this is group logistics where you are all planning this together. If you prefer the people you will be riding with – that’s great. But that doesn’t mean that the people in the other car should have to pay for what is essentially *your* preference of who is in your car.
However – more logistics: Everyone should be chipping in together for the cost of gas, and the cost of the flights – INCLUDING Daisy and Ben. Right down to the halfway home drive to the airport. Once you do that math, I suspect that the additional cost towards the plane tickets for everyone who is not Daisy and Ben to cover their flights will be about $25 or less.” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“We’re talking about dividing $300/9 =$33. So you could all split the flight home and it’d be cheap. Given the total picture, I just wonder why it’s more important to you to not pay the cost of probably one meal to help the trip expenses be fair.
Of course they would then also split gas with you on the way home, meaning the cost would be less than that to you.” stevielb
3. AITJ For Not Attending My Best Friend's Last-Minute Birthday Gathering?
“So, calling it a “birthday party” is kind of a stretch, but here’s what happened:
My best friend’s birthday was on a Monday, but on Friday she told me, “Don’t make any plans for tomorrow because if I do something for my birthday, it’ll be tomorrow.
Of course, you can bring your partner.” So I didn’t make any plans for Saturday.
The next day (Saturday), I asked her around noon if there were any updates on the plans. She told me she was having a stressful day at work. So I assumed she wasn’t going to do anything, but I still checked in again around 3:30 pm.
She responded by saying, “I’m so tired, all I want to do is sleep,” and mentioned more about how her day had been tough.
By around 6 pm, I was at my partner’s new house, which we’ve been cleaning and organizing since he moved in a few days ago.
For context, this is supposed to be our future home. My partner asked if my friend had said anything about plans, and when I told him no, he suggested inviting his friends over to see the house. I was fine with it because I honestly wasn’t in the mood to go out anyway.
Then, 30 minutes later, my friend messaged me saying one of her friends was having a cookout at his place and she expected me to come. I told her that I didn’t think I could make it because my partner had invited a couple of his friends over, and it felt rude to leave them.
I also apologized and explained that since she hadn’t mentioned plans earlier, I assumed there weren’t any. I offered to take her out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner on Sunday or her actual birthday (Monday).
Her response was, “Well, that’s your decision.
You’ll know who’s important in your life, me or that friend of your partner.” That comment stressed me out, and I started feeling anxious. I wasn’t sure if I should go by myself, but where I live, it’s kind of dangerous to go out alone at night, and I’m very introverted. I didn’t know most of the people who would be at the cookout either.
Long story short, I didn’t go. Now, she’s upset and saying she won’t come to see the new house and that she’s going to distance herself from things that involve me and my partner. She feels that I’ve shown her that my partner and his friends will always be more important than her.
This whole thing makes me sad because I’ve been with my partner for almost 3 years, and I see myself marrying him. It feels like she’s asking me to separate my worlds, but I consider her family, like someone my future kids would call “aunt.” I don’t want to lose her, but she’s very stubborn and sees everything I say as an excuse.
All she keeps saying is, “Don’t worry, that’s just how things are, and it’s not the end of the world.”
So, AITJ for not going to her birthday gathering? What can I do to fix this?”
Another User Comments:
“Based on her childish reaction, she might’ve been “friend testing” you.
You explicitly asked if there were plans and her response heavily implied a “no”. Then she suddenly expected you to be party-ready at the last second? It doesn’t add up. Edit to add that a whole cookout isn’t typically thrown together at the last minute.
There’s no way she didn’t know about it until the night off. NTJ” Strange_Shallot8833
Another User Comments:
“Lucky you! This unreasonable woman is going to distance herself and you won’t have to deal with any more of her petulant nonsense. I realize that you saw her as family etc., but as you describe her stubbornness and her attitude when she experiences (dare I say it on Reddit?) narcissistic injury, I wonder what kind of knots you’re going to have to twist into order not to offend her and stay in her good graces in an ongoing relationship.
You did nothing wrong. You checked over and over. She said no over and over. She made a last-minute demand when you were no longer available. I realize that she thinks you should have left your whole day and night open just in case she planned something at some point, but that’s not a reasonable expectation.
Certainly not with mature adults. It’s sad, but I think you might have grown past her in terms of maturity and adult behavior. NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Expecting someone to clear their whole schedule for some tentative plans is a wild expectation. You reached out twice, in both times she gave no updates or definitive answers, and you practically wasted the first half of your day waiting already.
At 27, she should know how to properly plan an event, or reserve a time slot at the very least. Your friend is overreacting.” stench
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit On Family Vacations?
“I 16F mostly refused to go on any long family trips especially if it’s with my mom and stepdad who are in their early 30s (along with my little sister, who’s in 1st grade).
The reason is that I’ll be babysitting and the arguments between my mom and stepdad. Ever since my little sister started school in general, I have become her babysitter. I love her with all my heart but I babysat her for the two whole summers already and we didn’t go outside once since I can’t handle her by myself if I were to take her out.
Even before summer, I took some days off of school to watch her and picked her up every Friday or watched her after school during the week. Even on the weekends, I watched her while they did laundry and shopping. I want a break, I have no free time for myself or to study.
My relationship with my mom is confusing. We’re close and talk daily, but I live with my grandparents. Yes, I visit her, but I couldn’t find myself to live with her because of her current relationship with my stepdad. On our last trip to an aunt’s house, there was a huge argument (Mom vs.
Stepdad) that happened in front of the whole family, and that caused an even bigger strain on our bond. Even after that my mom still wants to do a little trip with just us back to Florida but I can already tell how it’s going to end because it’s a cycle that I can’t stop.
I’ve already told her no, but she responded “You need to go because you have to watch your sister and cousin while we’re out since you’re 16”. On that last trip, it was supposed to be a little vacation for everyone but I ended up having to babysit my little sister, cousin 13F, and another aunt’s baby in the living room the whole time we stayed. I dressed my sister, put her to bed, made sure she ate, and stayed with her the whole time.
I feel like a jerk and I don’t know what to do. Bringing up why I don’t want to go doesn’t work since it gets brushed off. Plus, I want to lock in on my studies for this school year because it’s junior year. I do sympathize with my mom a lot, and I love her, but I can’t keep doing this.
I’ve always done what she asked for without complaining when it comes to helping out. We’ve been through a lot together, I’ve seen firsthand how toxic unhealthy relationships can be ever since I was a baby. When I was younger, it’s been my goal to protect her and support her.
That’s mainly why I feel like a jerk, I don’t know what to do to fix everything. It just feels like everything’s my responsibility, stopping the fights and taking care of my sister.
I know that I’m not a good older sister/daughter, but I’m trying my best. Am I the jerk for not wanting to go on this vacation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a GREAT older sister, but you are being parentified by your mother. It’s *her* job to raise your sister, not yours. When you talk to your mother daily, what do you talk about – her problems, or yours? Is she dumping all her emotional problems on you, too?
Because if she is, you’re being mistreated. I don’t know what the answer is, however. Can you count on any support from your grandparents?” _s1m0n_s3z
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ… dude, why are none of the adults raising your little sister?
Grandparents, I guess they might be getting too old to take care of her, but if that’s the case the responsibility should fall back on mom and stepdad again, not the 16yo daughter. You’re doing good, you’re a good kid for all that you’re doing for your sister.
Do what you can and try not to worry about what you can’t. You are not supposed to be the surrogate parent in your household, the family is overloading you with their responsibilities. Not sure what you can do about that… I’m sorry to hear.
I suppose the nuclear option is CPS if you live in the U.S.A., but I did call that the nuclear option for a reason. If your school has a counselor I recommend you talk to them, I hope they can help support you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Oh no!!! You are NTJ. Your mother is using and abusing you as an indentured servant! You are not responsible for the kids in your family, it is your little sister and not your little cousins. You are most definitely not responsible for refereeing your mother and stepfather when they fight. It is not your job to fix your mother’s dysfunctional family nor is it your job to raise your little sister.
Expecting you to sacrifice your life for her convenience makes your mother a huge jerk, and a lousy mother. You need to break this cycle immediately. Talk to your grandparents and find a way to get your life back. I don’t know how your mother has made you feel that all this is your responsibility.
She is a master manipulator, that’s for sure. Do not let her continue to guilt trip you into doing what she should be doing. ” Aromatic_Recipe1749
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband About His Lazy Parenting?
“I, 33 female, have been with my husband, 33 male for ten years. I have a son, 13, from a previous relationship and a daughter, 4, with my husband.
I first met my husband when my son was only 2. I was a single parent with no help or involvement from my previous partner. When I got together with my husband he respected my boundaries and my parenting choices. There were a few times that he questioned me but never anything serious.
When our daughter was an infant I would get up with her in the night, tend to her then put her back to bed. However, when my husband got up with her I would wake up in the morning to find them both sleeping in the bed. I expressed to him my concerns about it, such as he could accidentally roll over onto her and she was going to get used to it then we would never get her out of our bed, but he just said “It’s alright, she’s not hurting anything”.
Now our daughter is 4. A week ago I was putting our daughter to bed and have been trying to get her off her cup at night because it’s bad for her teeth and because we are working on potty training overnight. Well, she was fussing a little but I was talking to her and calming her down when my husband came in.
He told me I should just give her a cup with milk in it because he wasn’t going to listen to her cry. I tried to explain what was going on but he just kept on yelling at me. I told him that I, her doctor, and her dentist had discussed that she no longer could have the cup and the possible damage it could do to her teeth.
He then yelled at me telling me that I was making this about myself and that I was making them miserable. He continued until I gave in and gave her a cup. We have had similar fights recently but I finally lost it the other day when our daughter was playing on her phone, yes her phone that he got her even though I said no. He kept yelling at her about the volume and that it was too loud and he couldn’t hear the TV over it.
He turned to me and said, “Do something she only listens to you.” I said no, I told you that this would become a problem and that she shouldn’t have a phone at 4 but you ignored me. He told me that we just needed to put a TV in her room and this wouldn’t happen.
I lost it. I yelled at him that we never did this with our son, that we never would have let him have a phone, tablet, or TV in his room at her age and if we did there would be limits. I told him that instead of him getting off the couch to parent he yells at the kids and then he pushes it off onto me simply because I’m the SAHM.
I then told him that instead of him parenting or spending time with his kids he heavily relies on me or whatever electronic to babysit for him. I reminded him when he called one of my siblings a bad parent for similar behavior and that if they were a bad parent then he was too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he’s lazy. He’s so short-tempered that he only aims to pacify the child instead of doing the harder option, which is to actively parent and teach. You’re doing the right thing by listening to professionals and limiting unhealthy screen time.
You’re fed up.. and you should be. He needs anger management because having someone in the house who can’t handle the normal stress of his children is not safe.” Yungeel
Another User Comments:
“Why are you even with this guy if he’s not a parent and a bad Dad?
Your daughter will grow to think this is a normal daddy-daughter relationship and it’s not. Also, he seems to treat you very poorly and with no respect and your kids see that and take that in. Do you want them treated this way one day?
Just because you’ve slowly become used to it doesn’t mean it’s right or normal but only you can change this.” Suspicious_Style_745
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds awful and needs to be confronted. I have no idea how you are going to protect your daughter from him and his bad parenting.
Good luck with that.” RavenRaving
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