People Want To Be Liked In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Refusing To Call Out From Work And Not Going To The Water Park With My Dad And His Partner?
“Mid January I got my second job and have been putting my all into this job just so I can save money so that the moment I turn 18 and graduate I can get an apartment to get out of this house and away from this family.
My dad moved in again about a month ago and I have met his current partner twice. She is a genuinely amazing lady, she is sweet, straightforward, and LOYAL, but also a no-bos type of gal and I admire her so much for that. Way out of his league, I have never disliked any of my parents’ love interests just because of my parents’ divorce but instead of letting me just get to know her gradually, my dad is rushing and pushing us to be together making me genuinely start to dislike her.
He wanted me and my brother to go on a 3 day road trip with her and him before I even met her the first time. Yesterday my dad said we are going to the water park on Friday (tomorrow) when I brought up the fact that I had work he started cursing at me saying well what time, I told him, and of course he got angry telling me to call out.
I explained to him that he waited till the last minute again to tell me he wanted to make plans. I have been off from both jobs for a week and a half, the one day I go back in he tells me to call out.
I told him this and he said that I am aware of the fact that when he puts in vacation time he never gets it and has to work anyway, so he said I can call out this one day to enjoy some time with my family (him, me, my brother, his partner, and her kid) I told him that if he can get me a bathing suit then I will go.
I’m not skinny, I told him stores I would have to go to so I can get a bathing suit. He agreed but halfway there he started yelling that it was too far away (about a 30-minute drive but all the stores are in the same area) so we went to Old Navy after I told him they wouldn’t have anything to fit me in the top, he said we will find something.
Of course, we didn’t and he said this is why he hates shopping with women because we are so complicated. Earlier he called and asked if I would be okay with a tank top and some shorts, going against what I said my condition was which was getting me a swimsuit.
As I’m typing this I’m waiting for him to get home from wherever he is and tell him I’m not going, his partner already bought the tickets so I’ll ask for her number so I can explain to her the situation and refund her for my ticket.
I’m on social media to ask if I would be the jerk for putting my foot down about this. This is not the first time he has done this but last time he made me cancel my best friend’s celebration because he wanted to go to our hometown to pick up some fishing stuff (it is 3-4 hours away)”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ – you need to set clear boundaries with him. You could try to explain this to him but from your text, it seems he is a very reactive and explosive person. I would try to enter a calm conversation that says you aren’t going, what your reasons are, and why in the future it would be better to plan things out in advance so you know before the last minute.
If he doesn’t engage in a calm discussion, then you should leave the situation. I wouldn’t reimburse her for your ticket because you didn’t have any input in her buying it. That’s up to you, though. Depending on the price it might not be a big deal but if you’re saving money, might not be what you signed up for.” User
Another User Comments:
“Do *not* refund a ticket that you didn’t ask for and will not use. You are almost an adult, you have a *job*, and you can’t just be whisked away without a heads up to follow somebody else’s plan if you *might* enjoy the trip to the water park *if* you had a proper bathing suit, and *if* you could have arranged it with work.
You aren’t a toy to be played with on somebody else’s whim and timetable. Your dad needs to get that through his skull. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t go. Please take a stand. You have value. You are worth making plans with to ensure that you are happy and balanced. You are worth the 30-minute drive to find something that fits you.
You are worth being treated as though how you feel matters. I have to work and have nothing comfortable to wear is a perfectly valid reason for not going. Even if someone has a temper tantrum because he is not getting his way.” OhmsWay-71
18. AITJ For Cutting Off My Dad After He Ignored Me For His Partner And Her Family?
“I (f21) lost my mom to cancer back in 2020. This devastated both me and my dad (m59) and we ended up becoming very close afterwards.
In 2022, my dad started seeing Alayna (f56). Alayna lives two hours away from my dad and has three children of her own. I have met her and she’s extremely sweet.
Around that time, I moved 9 hours away to live with my partner (m22). I would come home and stay at my dad’s house for a few days every few months whenever my partner and I could get the time off work.
However, I started to notice a pattern. Every time I would come to visit my dad, he would only spend a day with me and then would ask my partner and me to watch his dog so he could stay at Alayna’s house for the rest of the time.
It bothered me a little bit because I was there to see him but I let it go because I was just glad he was happy.
In 2023, I found out that my dad had been unfaithful to Alayna with an old friend and it upset me because Alayna is such a sweetheart.
My dad just expected me to keep the secret (which is a whole different moral dilemma) but not the point. I brought up how awful the unfaithfulness was and how much he had been hurting my feelings by spending the entire time with Alayna when I visited but he just dismissed my feelings.
Last month was my breaking point. My partner and I went up to see him and he once again asked us to watch his dog so he could stay at Alayna’s house all week. I asked him if they could stay at his house until we left but he said no. I just agreed and spent my time visiting family.
The last night we were there, he finally came home but he just asked us to leave the house for a few hours so he could see the girl he was unfaithful to Alayna with.
I was really upset and we left. The weekend after we left, he started posting on social media.
He took Alayna and her kids to some fancy hotel and a baseball game and spent the entire weekend with them. I was livid. I texted him expressing how much that hurt my feelings since I had spent the past year begging him to spend more than one day with me.
Instead of apologizing, he turned it around on me. I ended up telling him to leave me alone and go be with his new family and that he wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore because I was done. I told him I wouldn’t be coming home anymore indefinitely and that I didn’t want to speak with him.
He ended up telling my family what I said and I got texts from them telling me that I was way too harsh and that I needed to apologize to my dad. They told me that he does so much for me and I should be happy that he found someone.
They also mentioned that I can’t expect my dad to spend all his time with me when I come up there. I can see where they’re coming from since I was pretty harsh but I feel like I was always happy for him, I was just tired of being pushed aside so much.
He would make some attempt to see me for maybe a day but that was it and he had also dismissed me every time I tried to bring it up. Was I too harsh with what I said? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s not right for him to try to use you as a free dog sitter when you’re there to visit him.
Plus it’s wrong of him to try to make you help him be unfaithful. I would tell her, I despise unfaithful people. But that’s not me advising you to, you need to evaluate your situation and see if that seems right for you.
I also would lessen my contact greatly. It seems as if he doesn’t respect your time” No-Finish-6557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All’s fair in love and war in my book. Your dad’s a jerk. I’m not normally a petty person but when he brought the rest of your family into this I’d let it all out.
He didn’t care about your reputation so expose him for the hypocrite he is. But you maybe a better person than me. By the way, tell your family to mind their own darn business before they learn something that will embarrass them all.” RaccoonKey2860
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell Alayna about the unfaithfulness for her sake. Tell your family about yours. Your dad is laughing up his sleeve at all of you thinking he is getting away with having it every which way at once while not having to give a single care about those he supposedly cares about.” kurokomainu
17. AITJ For Defending My Husband's Income Against My Boastful Brother?
“I, F27, come from a family of white-collar career people. My Dad 60M owns his own business and my mom 57F is a pediatric surgeon. My older brother M30 is a lawyer and loves to boast about how much money he makes. He is always buying new watches and expensive suits.
He also drives a Porsche and is engaged to who will be his third wife.
I’ve always been more introverted than my brother and I tend to fade into the background. I created and operated my own business and made a more than decent living.
My husband is a master electrician, and he owns a very successful business, he makes more than 3x what I do. We are a DINK couple (Double Income, No Kids); however, we keep our income very lowkey and don’t spend money like my brother does.
My parents are aware of how much my husband makes because we paid for their 35th wedding anniversary getaway and my dad saw the price tag.
We were at Mother’s Day on Sunday, and both my brother and I bought nice things for our mother as gifts.
He bought her jewelry and I got her a certificate for several hand massages at a spa near the hospital where she works. My mother thanked us, and my brother decided that it would be a good time to brag about how much the necklace cost, looking at my husband and joking about how he could never afford to buy a necklace like the one he got my mother.
How my husband could never afford anything on an electrician’s wage. He carried on like that until I had enough of him insulting my partner, who worked harder than my brother to get where he was.
I yelled at my brother to shut up, that my husband easily makes twice what he does, and that he should sit his ass down and be more respectful.
“Mother’s Day is about mom, not you.” were my exact words. After my brother left, soon after I snapped at him, I apologized to my mom, and we went on to have a wonderful dinner, where mom told my husband embarrassing stories about me when I was little.
My husband thanked me for standing up for him and my mom told me she had a lovely night while we were on the phone yesterday and told me she used some of the money on the certificate to get her wrists and fingers massaged after a 10-hour surgery, she told me she was very happy with my gift. My brother’s fiancee sent me a tirade of texts blasting me for embarrassing him in front of our parents and calling me a jerk.
I feel bad for causing drama but happy I stood up for my husband. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Looks like the only person butthurt is the person who has to brag about what a success he is. People who have to brag about it, usually aren’t, and I bet if you looked deeper, he has massive amounts of debt to afford all that stuff.
Your mom or dad would have said something if they thought you were in the wrong.” gg bookworm
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. I know how you feel. My partner works at an Autoshop but makes a very decent living. My cousin works at a different auto shop and always tries to boast about how much he makes and this and that.
How he spent $10k to furnish his apartment for his partner. Luckily he’s never said it to my partner’s face, though, but it irks me to high heavens whenever he goes on these tirades. My partner, unlike my cousin, is smart and saves his money.
I’m also 99% sure my partner makes at least 2x my cousin, but I haven’t bothered to ask either the specifics.” RagingCUNextTuesday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kudos to you for standing up for your spouse for your own family. This is how it should be. Also, your husband is very mature for letting in-law stuff roll off his shoulder.
Your brother sounds like a tool and needs some humbling. Your parents didn’t seem to be bothered by it. You guys seem like a model couple.” White_eagle32rep
16. AITJ For Defending Myself Over Laundry Dispute With Mum's Partner?
“I’ve been trying to get some washing done for the last few days, starting with my bedding.
I’m at work and college almost every day so I have very limited times I can do this. I chucked it in the wash before I went to college and when I came home, it was taken out and left on the floor all day to smell.
We don’t have a garden or open space so we can only use a dryer.
I asked everyone if they did it, and no one opened up to it. So the next day I washed it and stayed up late to put it in the dryer.
I went to work the next day, under the impression that the dryer had done its job but it hadn’t fully dried. I asked my sister while I was at work to check on it for me but she didn’t. I came home and it was chucked on my bed, wet, and stinking from being left out and damp.
I was fed up because I had this conversation with everyone the day before that we can’t just take other people’s washing out if it’s not finished, and if someone has forgotten to dry, it or is at work and doesn’t have time to dry, we can do it for them, doesn’t take much effort.
I do it for everyone all the time. I always wash and dry my family’s stuff if they have left it in the washer or dryer, I would never just take it out and chuck it on the floor to stink all day.
I complained in our family group chat again and my mum’s partner came into my room and started screaming at me that I do this to his stuff so he can do it to my stuff.
Let me just confirm that I do not do this. I have washed, dried, and folded their clothes countless times. And he knew this would upset me because I complained about it the day before but he did it anyway.
We were screaming at each other so I left and went to my grandparent’s house to get away from the situation.
My mum texted me while I was there, taking the side of her partner. They started ganging up on me saying how I’m a messy person, I never do anything, I’m lazy, and I can’t have anyone over till I sort my life out.
I understand I can be messy but why did they use this to make what he did seem okay?
I came home and decided to be the bigger person and just go to my room and not feed fire to the situation. My mum came into my room, screaming and crying at me, like actually crying, saying that I make her feel like a bad mum, I never help her with anything, and I have no right to be annoyed at what happened because I’m selfish.
I didn’t know what to do, she was crying and I couldn’t understand why I was not allowed to be annoyed. Usually, when things happen to me, I keep my mouth shut, her partner is a jerk. I hate him. He does stuff all the time and I never speak up or defend myself.
This was the first time I defended myself in a situation he caused and it ended up in my mum crying upset. I feel like I’m not allowed to have MY feelings but everyone else is.
I do feel extremely sad that she was upset and crying though.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mother is manipulative and pathetic. Sounds like your mother was a teen parent. Some teen parents get their act together. Some stay stuck in that maturity stage that they were in at that time. One thing no one taught me and I had to figure out myself is that just because someone is crying and upset, doesn’t necessarily mean (general) you did anything wrong.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but sounds like you need to have a conversation with your mom about the expectations you both have if you continue living there. Sounds like you took your frustrations out on your family and your mom overreacted probably due to the stress she is under.
Talk to your mom. Clear the air and don’t ask your 13-year-old sister to help with your laundry.” mamaleo29
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say ESH. It’s very annoying when people leave unfinished laundry in communal machines. You tie it up until yours is done or force others to finish it for you.
It’s wrong for someone to throw it out on the floor though. But your bedding would have smelled rotten even if it had just sat wet in the washer all day. Don’t start a load you can’t finish. Your mom’s BF is probably feeling targeted and wants to mark his territory but you can’t blame college or whatever for the reason you leave wet clothes in the washer or dryer.
It’s not your sister’s job to finish drying your clothes. Step up and do it. Your mom sucks for not establishing house rules for civility. And you suck again for being messy at your age. Your mom had you when she was very young so you have a different dynamic than others, but she still needs to own the rules in her house.
This doesn’t need to be World War III. Just everyone step up and be more responsible.” National_Pension_110
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother's Partner At My Birthday Dinner?
“I’m having issues with my brother’s partner. First I do get on well with my partner, she is a lovely girl and went through a lot of rough times last year so I have respect for my brother being there for her and am happy for him if he’s happy.
But any birthday we’ve had we always have a few drinks and family night. It’s been a tradition for as long as I can remember. We all have 1 or 2 drinks, some food, and have a good time, but our partner gets over the top, throwing up, intoxicated every single time and it gets annoying, birthdays, Christmas, New Year, every single time she will take it too far and she likes to throw it in my face that she smarter than me.
That is fine, and cool I have my degree, and I’ve never really cared about that thing but my partner (age 29) has been taking a year off school due to having to resit exams.
My birthday this year is different, I’m finally introducing my family to my partner of 3 years.
I live out of town so I’m not home all that often to get them to meet, and truthfully I’m nervous, my partner knows me a lot better than my parents, I moved away for a reason, and my relationship with my parents is a lot better now I have.
But the idea of my two separate lives merging is scary and nerve-wracking, I want it to go well.
I already get anxious and nervous with a lot of things with my parents, so I just wanted it to be us 5 and my partner. I don’t want the added pressure of her being there as well.
But I think my issue is with my brother not asking if it was okay if she came to dinner with us. I only know because my younger sister (age 15) told me, and neither of my parents has asked either.
I’m more upset every adult in this situation knew she was coming without having asked and no one bothered to tell me until my sister.
I don’t know if it is childish like it was one extra person growing up, but then this is such a big moment for me I wanted it to be family only, that is what we had talked about that was the original, but now my brother has changed that plan and not even told me, it just brings back a lot of memories of the disrespect from my childhood.
So would I be the jerk if I message my brother telling him, I’m uncomfortable with her being there when my parents meet my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t even think you’d be the jerk for telling your brother you don’t want him there.
If he doesn’t respect you enough to try to bring her and you do not know, and everyone else does not tell you, then why would you even want him there in the first place? It’s kind of a rhetorical question, but it’s genuine.
You say it brings up things from the past for you. It might be easier to introduce him to your brother later rather than introduce them at a gathering where there is already tension from the partner either not being there, or being there and it not being pleasant for you.
I think the real issue is your brother (and everyone else) trying to go behind your back on your day. Stick up for yourself. Those who love and respect you will have no issue with what you say as long as it is delivered with good intent!
If it is a show and your man is the one – there is nothing he can see from your family that will make him not love you.” ml5683
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s your birthday. There is nothing wrong with limiting it to immediate family only.
That doesn’t mean the request will go over well with your brother, but it is not your job to keep him happy or prevent him from getting upset. Your job is to be well thought out, live by your values, and be reasonable. You are doing that.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like your brother’s partner has some issues with heavy drinking. Not only will you not be the jerk, but I’d firmly but compassionately tell him she probably needs to attend AA or get counseling. I’d be disturbed enough if she did that only a couple of times, but if this is consistent behavior for her, she probably has some serious emotional health issues that are going unaddressed. You’re well within your rights to not want someone who behaves that way at an event to celebrate something good in your life.
After rereading: Whoever’s telling you that you’re the one who needs to grow up is in the wrong. Again, you’re not asking for much, and you’re not uninviting the partner out of spite. She doesn’t control herself around booze and she’s made rude and unwanted comments towards you in the past, and you’ve clocked that they’d have a harsher effect on your partner since it sounds like he’d be more sensitive to what she’s saying.
Once again, NTJ.” WiseOldBMW
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Accident-Prone Wife Drive My New Car?
“I love my wife, she is an incredible person who shines, but she has a flaw that’s a terrible driver. If there was a prize for the person who crashed the most in the garage, she would have won by far. She was capable of crashing a new car 5 minutes after buying it and it is very common for her to scrape her car over the year.
At home, we have my car and her car.
I recently bought my dream car 2 months ago and only I drive it alone. She bought hers last year.
The situation
Saturday, my wife hit a pole (don’t ask how), she wasn’t hurt, but the car will need to be repaired for 20+ days.
Normally, when this happens, I give her a ride to work.
This week I’m going on a business trip so I won’t be able to help and here comes the problem that I don’t want her to drive my car in the meantime, because it’s new and I’m afraid something will happen because any repairs are expensive in my car.
She was bringing up the subject of picking up my car for the week since the car would be free.
I sat down with her and in a more affectionate way said that I would prefer her to take an Uber every day for whatever she needed that I would pay for, as I didn’t want to run the risk of her ending up scratching the new car.
She didn’t handle it well, saying that it was ridiculous that she had to order Uber when she had a car parked in the garage and that it was ridiculous that I didn’t allow her to drive the family car.
I stood my ground and she accepted it, but she was upset with me for doing it.
And no, she is not using the car while I travel. And yes, I wouldn’t mind lending her the car if she was a better driver.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t let anyone in my family drive my car for the first year after I get it unless there’s a real emergency.
It sounds like she’s a careless driver, so I don’t blame you for not wanting to let her drive your new dream car. What do your insurance rates look like? (shudders) Good Luck” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She’s proved that there’s a good chance she’d damage your car or worse.
The Uber and you offering to pay is reasonable and more than a fair compromise. And by the way, you’ve described her driving, maybe taking an Uber everywhere all the time would be her safest bet. “She didn’t handle it well, saying that it was ridiculous that she had to order Uber It’s ridiculous she’s damaged so many cars and then demands you lend her yours.
If/when she damages it, you’ll both be taking an Uber.” She didn’t handle it well, Kind of like the cars she’s wrecked.” StonewallBrigade21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would suggest she gets driving classes being a bad driver isn’t a personality quirk and if she’s constantly crashing her car she probably shouldn’t be driving.
She sounds negligent with the most dangerous day-to-day activity most people engage in.” dunks615
13. AITJ For Threatening To Keep My Friend's Cat If She Doesn't Pay Me Back?
“Back in March 2024, an old family friend reached out to see if I can house her cat for a while so she can get back on her feet.
She couldn’t bring her cat with her to her temporary housing arrangement and didn’t want to surrender her cat. We came up with an agreement that if I take in her cat, she will have to send me money for her necessities (Cat food and cat litter) and money to pay for her housing as I rent my home.
She agreed to this and also said that she has a litter box, litter, food, cat bowls, a cat carrier, and a cat water fountain.
When we arrived, nothing was ready to go and the cat and several other cats were going inside and outside of the home.
There was no cat carrier, litter box, food, or litter. The only thing we got was the cat, bowls, and water fountain (I also want to include that I had to get a new water fountain as the one she gave me was full of cat mess, I made her aware of this before I bought one).
I should have taken this as my sign to say never mind I can’t as this should have been very clear to me with what I was getting into. But I didn’t
Because there was no food or litter like she promised to send with us, she said she would pay us money the next week when she got paid and we agreed to this.
I had to go on a late run to a corner store to get a small package of food and litter (this would only last for like a day) for the cat and then the next day I got food that would last longer and more litter too, and the water fountain.
I texted her the total of all this so she knew what to send the following week and she turned around and asked me to send her money to pay off her debt. I told her not and was shocked that she dared to ask me that.
She insisted she’d pay it back and wasn’t asking for money (literally was).
Each week since, she would change the day she would be able to send money and now she owes even more. It has been about two months since and she owes even more now than before.
I had enough of this song and dance with her.
I texted her that if she doesn’t pay me what she owes she has these options.
1. She can pay me in full by the 31st and she can come get her cat after I get the money
2. If no payment is made by the 31st then I will keep the cat and block her
or a third option that could help her get back on her feet and allow both parties to be happy:
3. She pays me $50 a month to go towards what she owes and the cat’s necessities.
She currently owes me $230. This may not seem like a lot to everyone but it is to me.
I feel like option 3 is far more graceful than the others and could allow her room to breathe. I am trying to take into consideration that she has a child she is taking care of and I don’t want to put her in a bind either.
She says I’m the jerk for calling her a liar and threatening to take her cat. A few friends and family say I’m in the right and being nicer than I should while others say I’m the jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Mostly NTJ. She did surrender her cat — she’s not paying you and she didn’t even supply you with the necessities when you picked kitty up.
You’ve had to supply everything yourself from the get-go and she hasn’t covered any of “her” cat’s costs. Do you love and have bonded with this cat? This would be even more understanding if you are. There is a tinge of keeping the cat hostage because of your friend’s money issues.
You could just surrender or try to find someone else (even a different friend of your friend’s) to take in the cat (as in adopt it) and just consider the money and friendship a loss.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Keep the cat. A water fountain full of mess tells me that this person is not in a position to take care of a cat.
Maybe when they get their act together, which is when they should also be able to pay you back, but I doubt it be anytime soon and then you can have a talk. Can’t they see the cat is better off with you, anyway? Explain to them that since they don’t have the funds to care for the cats it would be better if you took over.
If they can’t repay you, how are they going to take care of the cats themselves? Instead of blocking them, I recommend you talk this out and make them agree to surrender the cats to you, for the sake of cats.” Organic-Half-898
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She’s a jerk for not paying you what she promised BUT she doesn’t have the money to properly care for a cat and never did. As you say, it was obvious when you picked up the cat that she didn’t have the means. In reality, in her situation, the best she could do for the cat was to re-home it.
Which she did, while also lying to you and herself about what was happening. She would have agreed to any payment plan to get you to take the cat. So, here’s the deal. First, you can forget about your $230. She is never going to have it, and she’s not going to take food out of her child’s mouth to get her cat back.
She doesn’t want her cat back. She wants you to take care of it and also preserve her dream that she will eventually be back on her feet enough to take the cat back. What is left is for you to decide whether YOU want to keep this cat.
If not, you take her to the Humane Society and you tell your friend where to find her cat. If you do want to keep it, keep it. Forget the threats, forget trying to get reimbursement. She will never come for the cat, but if she does, THEN you can demand the money.” 1962Michael
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Raise Rent On My Mom's House?
“I always had a rule of not doing business with family. But my mom was getting older and wanted to move out of her colder, more expensive state. I had an extra house that I was renting, and she asked if she could move in and be my renter instead.
The thought of being my mom’s landlord sounded terrible, but I also felt like it was the least I could do because she sacrificed a lot for me growing up.
I did not want to fleece my mom who is on a mostly fixed income.
So I gave her a price about $200 above the mortgage.
Now, here’s where it starts getting tricky. Over the five years, I’ve only raised rent once by $100. And the margin between rent and mortgage has been eaten up by lawn care, various yearly taxes, home warranty, etc.
However, my mom has also spent a lot of her money fixing and taking care of the house. She had multiple rooms repainted, the outside deck restored, light fixtures replaced, and the entire downstairs floor replaced with LVP “hardwood”.
That brings us to last week.
Taxes went up this year, and rent almost exactly matches the mortgage. Which means I’m eating everything else (approx $125/mo). My wife hardly pays attention to the finances, but I figured I should let her know the situation.
My wife said you need to raise the rent.
She was upset that any repairs (it’s a 22/yr old house) would now come out of our pocket. She pointed out that my mom was still working (substitute teacher), and that she had paid for a trip this year to France to see the Olympics.
I countered that we make over $320k/yr in a moderate cost area, so we can easily absorb the cost. I also pointed out that my mom is spending a lot of her own money improving the house. And we have over $300k of equity in that house, so we could use a HELOC for major repairs.
After discussion, I agreed to raise the rent a little, but to wait until next year so that my mom has 1 year to adjust her finances as necessary.
All good right? Nope. We are at my mom’s (my?) house during Mother’s Day. She mentions that she hates the appliances and that she plans on replacing them during the Labor Day sales.
I figure if she wants to spend her own money replacing perfectly good appliances, go for it. It will only increase the value of the house.
We get home, and my wife is irate. She says that if my mom has money to replace appliances, I should not feel guilty about raising the rent now.
I tried explaining how it was economically beneficial to have my mom pay down the mortgage while improving the house for basically free. But my wife would not let me get a word in. This caused a really big fight, and I’m still a little hurt at how angry my wife was at me.
In the end, I think it’s a complete win-win situation and it lets me help my mom. My wife disagrees. AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to get an accounting of the spending your mom has made towards home/equity improvements. She’s also a near financially low-risk renter and a renter who treats your home as if it’s hers.
That is a big value to you, in itself. Multiply that if your local laws favor the renter. Imagine a terrible family that wrecks your home and sticks you with a year of no rent before eviction. Another missing item, did your mom sell a home to become your renter?
How old is she? Do you think she was going to pass on some kind of inheritance? I’ve had to move in my MIL 84, for the last two years because she’s come down with dementia. I’m guessing that’s not a risk for you?” rileyyesno
Another User Comments:
“Your wife is myopic as heck, and you are NTJ. As a landlord, redoing the deck would be on you. Renters can be terrible, and you probably would have had to repaint in that time, and who knows what else you would need to replace.
You have a tenant that has already covered THOUSANDS of dollars in maintenance, and similar in upgrades that make the place more valuable, and is making sure you won’t have to dump 10 thousand or more on moving out. 200 a month for 5 years is less than the cost of a deck.
Tell your wife to get her head out of her backside.” NoGuarantee3961
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is a substitute teacher and you and your wife have a combined income of $320,000 and own two properties. Family helps family in my world and the amount of money your wife is upset about seems like small potatoes when you look at the advantage of having a trustworthy, reliable tenant who has done nothing but spend their own money to improve your property.
Just my opinion but I would consider marriage counseling to discuss this with an unbiased third party to see what about this is bothering your wife or if this is a mask for another issue. NTJ.” sarabatgirl
11. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Pay His Own Security Deposit?
“I, 21 M, live in an apartment with 3 other roommates (all 21 M), and we are all college students. When we first signed the lease, we had to pay a security deposit equal to one month’s rent and had no issues paying it.
Fast forward to a year later when we are considering re-signing the lease for the following year. Our landlord informed us that our rent would be increasing by $400 which is a considerable amount, so one of my roommates said he was considering moving out to a place that is more affordable (which is understandable).
When we brought up to our landlord how we may just have 3 of the 4 re-sign the lease, he informed us that we would then have to pay a new security deposit at the new rent price. We would not receive our initial security deposit back by the time we would have to pay the new one because we were still in the middle of the initial lease.
When we found this out, a different roommate expressed that this would “not be an option” because he had to pay for everything himself (the rest of us have our parents help pay) and did not have enough money saved up at the time. The roommate has a relationship with his parents and lives with them when we have breaks from college but claims that his parents would not help him pay the security deposit at all.
An important note is he has a historical tendency to lie, particularly about finances. For example, he claimed numerous times that he has to pay for all his tuition and school expenses completely on his own; however, I met his parents one time, and in casual conversation, they mentioned that they pay part of the bill for school.
So, when he first said he did not have the money for the security deposit, I asked wouldn’t your parents be able to help out and if you could just pay them back or whatever. He responded no that’s simply not how it works they won’t give me any money.
There was some panic discussion between my other roommates while I was in class (so I wasn’t responding right away) and this roommate specifically said that WE need to figure this out and it is all our problem to solve. Once out of class, I simply responded by saying that your part of the deposit is your responsibility and you need to figure out a way to pay for it on your own, it is not at all a problem for the whole group.
He flipped out on me saying I am such a jerk and inconsiderate and later on I talked to one of my other roommates and he agreed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand why your landlord is making you pay a new security deposit.
That is not right. And he should have to refund your previous one immediately. You are renewing a lease. All that should be required is for the roommate moving to give a 30-120 day notice (read your lease for the exact day) of them vacating.
Then the landlord just files the renewal without his name. Seems like your landlord is trying to pull something over on you. NTJ tho. You could have gone about the situation gentler but you’re not responsible for paying the other guy’s portion.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ If he’s truly financially stressed and he can’t pay it, then he can’t pay it. And it’s because of a decision he had no part in (your other roommate moving out). Edit: *and* his rent is going up, too, which is also more money.
When are you getting your original security deposit back? If the lease is ending for a new one, you should get the deposit back, no?” BlueRubyWindow
10. AITJ For Calling My Best Friend A Bad Friend After They Ruined My Birthday?
“I’m 19(f) and my best friend of 6 years is 18(NB) they are a great person, and have done a lot for me, their family is like my family, and my friends usually are their friends.
I love my best friend and would do anything for her, but I’ve noticed something that makes me upset and she won’t listen. Whenever my best friend and I get into a fight they tell me it’s all my fault and that I’m being ungrateful for them and never walking in their shoes.
I know my best friends have been through a lot so I fight with them, end up taking the blame, and we leave it at that, but sometimes it isn’t my fault and I know that. May 6th was my birthday and she said her fiance (18)m was in a bad mood, when he’s in a bad mood he takes it out on everyone or hashes out.
I wanted to tell them not to bring him to hang out with my friend Mia, but if I said that they wouldn’t come with us, and or would say I’m being unfair. So he came, and within 30 minutes of hanging out, he was walking away from us and ignoring us at the park.
Fighting with my best friend when they tried to talk to them. My birthday ended up being completely about them and their partner which upset me because birthdays are important to me. Since I was little a lot of my family and friends have ruined my birthday, they usually forget or make it about themselves, so I was slightly upset but tried to ignore it.
Well, I posted a TikTok that said my birthday sucked with my best friend in the video, it wasn’t about them I promise and I didn’t mean to make it out as about them either, but they text me upset about it and I don’t know why but I snapped. I sent a message saying how angry I was about her partner’s behavior and the fact my birthday wasn’t about me, I mean didn’t even get a cake.
They then said I was being ungrateful, and unkind, and needed to grow up, by the way, their parents blew maybe 800 on their birthday, and their fiance even proposed, I was having a hard time and my ex who was unfaithful to me called me, but I said nothing their whole birthday, I know I seem like I’m trying to make them out to be evil and that’s not the case, but I don’t love myself a lot so I try to use the small things to be happy?
My birthday point blanket was so important to me, and they ruined it. When I expressed my feelings they insulted me, and I finally said they were being a bad friend. They said why am I friends with them and I said I don’t know, this fight was the day after my birthday and we’re fine again, but it feels like I kinda hate them a little right now, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a young adult and friendships do change when we are young. Don’t worry about it, everyone will change while they grow up and it’s a thing in life to learn to be an adult. These friendships seem like they became a bit toxic so you can try to let it go.
Working and going to college will allow you to meet tons of new people who could be your adult friends. I had the same issue with my high school best friends, and in my 30s I don’t have 90% of them in my life. It happened anytime I had to have a boundary, and those old friends weren’t happy at all.
I had to accept it and learn that I just need people who love and accept me for me and not worry about rest. Keep your head up and keep yourself important.” Double-Key6419
Another User Comments:
“Next time don’t lie when someone asks you something like that then they wouldn’t have gotten the way they did and create a domino effect.
I’m not saying it’s your fault just advice for future reference. As you sat here and said they made your birthday all about them and ruined it. Then you put that picture on Snapchat or whatever and had her on the picture. It’s clear who you are talking about.
You even said in your post that they were the problem at your birthday party and made it suck and ruined it. Then when she gets upset and asks you what was up. You were like it’s not about you I promise. I mean I’m sure she ain’t stupid lol had you texted her and said well y’all did kinda ruin it.
Not trying to be a jerk but wanted to talk to you about it. Or how about next time don’t blast it to the whole Snapchat community and just hit her up in private and tell her what was the problem? I’m not saying that sometimes blasting things out isn’t needed but if it’s your true best friend you keep that stuff out of the spotlight and talk 101.
I’m just saying. I’m not blaming you or anything just trying to help you with advice. Oh and as for your answer, you are NTJ she should have let your day be about you and she knows how her partner is around y’all so she shouldn’t have brought him any way I feel like” IndependentTiger4993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a friend like that too. I would say stop taking any more favors. Because it’s gonna be about what she did for you and that’s it. Some people just remember the good they did, never the worst things they’ve done.
But they’ll remember what we did. One small reaction and they’ll remember that. But not their drama. So no matter what you do, you will be termed a bad person. Instead of ruining the relationship by having a one-on-one fight, how about just ignoring her, to the point that you talk to her once in 3/6 months?
That’s only because you said she’s done a lot for you. Otherwise, I’d have told you to go head straight into a verbal fight with her. And then cut her off completely from your life. You can’t fix this friendship, that’s the kind of person she is.
The more you stay friends with her, the more you’ll tolerate, the more you tolerate, the bigger the frustration builds up. And when that bursts, you don’t know when and why. It could burst because she forgot to bring an extra chocolate for you, that particular situation might be too small, but your months of frustration coming out as anger on a small incident will make YOU look crazy.
To avoid that, avoid the girl.” Cute-Anything-6019
9. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Due To My Hoarder Parents And Overcrowded Home?
“I’m 24, living with my parents. My parents are hoarders and growing up it was rough on me.
I would find myself sleeping on piles of their clothes or having to share a room with my family members because too many things around. It messed me up mentally and as a kid, I even tried running away from home. It created a great amount of trauma for me that to this day I still resent both my parents.
My parents decided to finally take things out of my room as a way to “compromise. Yet my place never stopped looking like someone’s junkyard.
It has been like this since I was 12 and I’ve learned to accept that they won’t change.
I have not moved out due to the convenience of not having to pay extra for rent, since I’m paying for my master’s and also saving up to buy a house.
However, out of nowhere, 2 weeks ago or so, my parents mentioned to me that my uncle, aunt, and 2 children were moving in with us.
I was in complete shock as there was NO space for them. I immediately told them how much of an invasion of privacy this was, but my parents said this was their decision.
So now they’re here and it’s been difficult to be here with so many people.
I can only imagine how it would be once I go back to school and get home late wanting to sleep. There is no space in my apartment and I feel extremely anxious.
As I’m an adult, my only option here is to move out.
I have expressed my annoyance to my parents about the fact that they couldn’t tell me about them moving in with us in advance, to give me the time to find a new space. Their response to that was that they had to give me no explanation, That I could move out as I’m an adult.
As I know they are right, that is exactly what I’ll be doing.
The problem is my partner of 4 years and I plan to buy a house within the next year. We have been saving for a while for this goal.
However, I feel myself being triggered here and I need to get out asap.
I tried explaining to my partner the need for us to move out sooner than expected and at least an option. Renting as we can divide expenses making it easy (his parents are extremely abusive and he also wants to get out) BUT he is refusing to leave until he has the funds to buy a home and not rent and said that he would need me to marry him before signing on anything.
Even though he lives with his toxic family too. So as I see things, My timing is just not at his timing even mentally I don’t know how he can live with someone who verbally mistreats him every day at his place, and I need to do what is best for me mentally even if it is stressing myself out to cover the rent on my own.
So I guess I wanted to ask AITJ to change my partner’s plans and move out on my own?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mental health is huge especially since you are going for your master’s rn. It’s a real bummer that your partner isn’t putting considering it.
But I have follow-up questions before I comment further. How old are your parents and how long have you been together? How soon is the plan to buy a house?” Ordinary-Panic-1143
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would step back from your relationship and get a studio for yourself.
Is there someone sane you can stay with for a bit while you look? Because you’re both coming from bad situations you and bf may be bonding because of that. It sounds like you and bf talked about buying a house but he’s now adding marriage as a precondition; it isn’t clear to me whether marriage is a precondition to moving in together or just home ownership.
Either way, you need to move out now, perhaps get therapy, and take a step back from your relationship.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“Move out now, it’s the right decision. Being away from your family will lead to calmness in your life. Take the time to be alone with yourself and figure out who you are and what you want.
I’m concerned that bf wants to leave the frying pan and jump into the fire. Getting out of a toxic situation but not taking time to work on himself isn’t good, nor is insisting you marry next year if the idea is to buy a house next year.
Insist on couples counseling before marriage. Marriage will depend on what you learn about yourselves and one another.” Clean_Factor9673
8. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter To Work And Save For College?
“I’m a single mom of 3 who works full-time. My oldest’s other “parent” went MIA and I haven’t gotten financial help from her in 3 years now.
She’s starting college in the Fall. She’s gotten a small merit scholarship so far, but with the FAFSA disaster, we’re still not sure what other support, if any, is going to come through. I’m planning to help her with tuition so she can graduate from college debt-free, or almost.
She wanted to live on campus… but we live only 15-20 minutes away and it doesn’t make sense to pay for housing. Sure, she’s likely going to need a car to get there (public transportation is not the best despite the proximity), but said car can also be used to get herself to a job.
The end of senior high school year has a million activities and trips, all pricey. I find it so excessive. I told her to choose wisely because I’d only pay for a few select ones, and yet she’s constantly been trying to get more and more.
She also wants to go out and eat out every weekend, and away on vacation. I already bought her the concert tickets she wanted as a graduation present.
I told her a few months ago she should start looking for a job on the weekend/after school for now and when she starts college –other than her current non-paying 4-hour internship on Saturdays.
Not only for pocket money but also to help with college and the cost of a 2nd car. She has a job for 5 weeks this summer (the same as the past 3 years), but it’s only 3 hours a day. I anticipate she’ll make roughly $1,400 and has plans to blow it all off quickly.
I just can’t seem to get it through to her that money doesn’t fall from the sky. It’s frustrating because I’m frugal, live a minimalist lifestyle, and am good at budgeting and managing money. Although I certainly remember not having such a good sense of the cost of living as a teenager/young adult, I feel she’s next level.
I’ve been trying to teach her for many years, without success. (Her other parent was the complete opposite, and I kinda feel like we live in a community that has lots of entitled, loaded brats.)
So, WIBTJ if I gave her a sort of ultimatum to get her priorities straight and start experiencing what it means to have responsibilities?
Should I require her to save part of her summer income to pay for her college expenses?
Do I let her have her last summer of semi-freedom and carefree attitude, and implement something more drastic in the Fall?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It would be a good idea for her to spend the summer making as much money as she can so she has money for the school year.
You say you have tried to teach her about money. It sounds like you need to sit down and budget with her. Go through all her school expenses with her, what you are willing to pay/what she is going to be responsible for. Also, rather than paying for each thing as it comes up, give her a monthly budget (or something like that) and she can use it as she sees fit.
If she doesn’t have enough money to go to a certain event because she has blown it all on other things, she’s going to learn that she has to budget. She’s still young, but if her demands and spending habits are already like this, start the lesson now.
Give her a monthly budget for the summer and do a school year budget, including car/transport versus on-campus housing.” SomeoneSomewhereish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are scraping by, she can’t expect lots. Although it sounds to me like you are doing amazing for a single income you might be able to graduate debt-free!
Your kids are lucky they have you. The rules you make for your oldest will be rules your others will expect to be applied fairly. So, one thing to think about is how you will offer to fund college and treats for all three kids.
If you can afford to fund college, maybe fund that with a direct payment to college but leave extras to her (transport, fun money, etc.). If you can’t, she realistically needs to work or get a loan. Maybe draw out a budget and talk to her about different options for getting money (e.g. working now or working later, etc.) If she is working, make sure you both think that she can realistically hold down the type of job she’s considering and study at the pace she needs to.
Some jobs are easier to do alongside than others…” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She wants to experience everything in her senior year, and understandable. Should work the summer, at the least, it looks good on applications for college and future work. Having zero work experience is gonna leave them way behind other applicants for jobs (Edit: or internships) even with a degree.
At the same time, maybe debt-free is not a realistic goal. She can take loans if needed, responsibly, have an idea of what is reasonable for her to ever pay back depending on her chosen field though.” compensatorypause
7. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Half-Sibling's Birthday Party?
“I (18f) live close to my aunt, in a house with a group of friends. I don’t speak to my mom anymore and I’m independent of her and her husband because I work full-time. I have her blocked on my phone and my social media.
My aunt’s aware and stood up to Mom so many times over the years for me. She’s always been cool and understanding about why things with my mom went south.
Where things have taken a turn is with my mom’s other children. My aunt and mom don’t get along but my aunt loves my mom’s other kids as well (aka my half-siblings).
She has remained a part of their lives which is important to her. I didn’t. I don’t want to either. I never saw them as actual siblings and didn’t spend any time with them while I lived with my mom so it was no big deal for me to no longer see them ever.
One of them turned 6 a few days ago and my aunt was invited to the party she was told she could bring someone so she wanted me to come with her. I told her I didn’t want to go and my aunt encouraged me to come.
She said even if I hate their parents and don’t want to know my mom or her husband, the kids are my siblings and I could be a great influence on them. She asked me if I would feel the way I do if they were my dad’s kids as well because he might have died before he could give me siblings but it didn’t mean siblings from just my mom were useless or somehow less than.
She told me she got asked questions by two of the kids about me and that I could always go through her if I wanted to see them. I told her I didn’t want to see them or go to the party. She told me she expected better from me.
Background here for those who will request it: My dad died when I was 7. His death was very traumatic for me because I saw him die. He and my mom were married but she never seemed too happy and she was pretty cold with me.
Dad was my primary parent when he was alive. Only after he died did Mom pay some attention to me. But then she met someone and moved him in very fast and she wanted me to call him dad and I told her no. She wanted me to be adopted by him and I said no again.
I hardly remember their wedding because I was devastated and furious at the same time. Mom told me I was making it impossible for her to be happy by refusing to go along with the new family. Her husband would put so much pressure on me to forget about my dad and move on.
He told me mom had only stayed with him for me and the least I could do was let dad go since he’s dead and let him (her husband) take over since she wants him. For years the house was just tense and my mom and I pretty much hated each other.
Me because she wanted me to erase dad and her because I wouldn’t go along with that and made it pretty clear I hated her husband and her equally. She told me on four different occasions that she wished she’d never had me. I told her the last time that I wished she had died instead of Dad.
So I moved out and made no contact as soon as I could.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Your aunt is trying to bridge the gap between you and your half-siblings, which is admirable, but she should respect your feelings and decisions. Understandably, you don’t want to maintain a relationship with them, given the history with your mother and her husband” boujie_lilthang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I get where your Aunt is coming from, she’s trying to be supportive of those kids the same way she was of you but she took it one step too far saying she expected better from you. She needs to understand your mother and her husband burnt their bridges with you so spectacularly badly that it made it impossible to have a relationship with the kids they had together.” Dreams-in-the-Rain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Attending this party would force interaction with people you’ve got NC. The half-siblings aren’t guilty of the emotional mistreatment that you experienced at the hands of your mother and her husband. That being said, the half-siblings will very likely be loyal to their father over you and hold him in a primary position of affection.
This will cause inevitable conflict because you have a different relationship with him and an opinion of him that is opposite to theirs. So for all the people who say “they aren’t guilty of XYZ”, maybe not, but they have chosen a side in the conflict.” Professional_Ruin953
6. AITJ For Wanting To Work Over Summer To Regain Financial Stability?
“This summer I am planning to work as a camp counselor at a place I was at last year as well, and recently I was talking with my (20) current partner (19) about the number of camps, each 11 days long spanning over the two months of summer vacation, I wanted to go on.
For context, we have been seeing each other, not yet officially seeing each other, since December of 2023. The subject of my work was brought up because we were talking about summer jobs, I am a student and he is currently looking for a job (he’s been out of one for a few months now, it’s important to the story).
Because he now not qualify for the jobless fund in our country, I have been the one having to put out money for him for the last months from the money I get from my parents for university, with him promising to pay me back as soon as he gets a job, which landed me in living more “paycheck to paycheck” rather than the comfort of having some savings put away at the end of each month.
He has now racked up a 2.5k debt from me, which is now pretty uncomfortable to live with for the both of us.
Calculating from what money I made last year, I concluded that I would have to work on a total of four camps, which would put me at roughly 5.4k and a comfortable money spot for me to be at by the end of summer, as I have a road trip with my friends coming up by the end of September.
Here is where I might be the jerk. My partner, hearing that I wanted to be gone for work during those 44 days of the summer vacation, declared that my being gone for so long would put him in a bad mental state, being away from me and not seeing me for this long.
To me, that seems a bit like being way too dependent on me than I’m comfortable with. I explained to him that I’d be most comfortable working during that time to earn the money over the summer, as it is the only job I currently have set up for the near future.
To him, it is impossible to mentally accommodate me being at work for this long.
Just to add, yes, we have some events planned together over the summer and he also will most likely be working, having resorted to applying for a job at a nearby KFC and heading in for an interview on Monday, which as I am writing is tomorrow.
So AITJ for wanting to work this much over summer to earn the money for living more comfortably again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he needs to understand that you giving/loaning him money has put you into an uneasy financial situation, and to recoup that loss you need that summer job.
You also don’t mention if you lent him the money or gave it to him. If you gave it to him stop giving him money and he can look at other resources as well like food stamps, rental assistance, and job assistance/training if you lent it stop lending it and let him see about programs to help him.
He sounds like he is mooching off you also he sounds like he is either starting to become co-dependent or is. Maybe see if he can find a free therapy group? Because it sounds like he is either anxious, controlling, or both which is not a good sign.
Put yourself and your finances first, because who is going to help you if you’re in the hole no one should be that controlling especially in a relationship in which you’re not even officially seeing each other” Early_Positive_1232
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ.
There is no reason for you not to go and work over the summer. None. Financially it makes sense. Also, it is beyond time you stopped lending money to this man. You’ve only been seeing each other for 5 months and he already owes you a lot of money.
How was he surviving before you came along? As for finding it hard to mentally accommodate you being at work for that long – once again, how did he survive before he met you? This is, at best, co-dependent behavior that needs to be sorted out and not pandered to.
At worst, it is some sort of weird control BS, and once again needs to be sorted out, shut down, and not pandered to.” Puskarella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he should have been applying for danged near any job long before now. With you gone working the camp he can put his nose to the grindstone and perhaps pick up a 2nd gig and start working on paying you back and putting money away.
You are not wrong for wanting to set yourself up in a more stable financial situation for the next school year. Good luck.” many_hobbies_gal
5. AITJ For Refusing A Puppy Gift From A Questionable Breeder?
“For the past 4ish years, I’ve been trying to get myself a puppy of a specific breed. However, due to various circumstances, I had trouble launching my career. Now I am well on my way and financially capable of taking on a new friend.
Over these years I’ve done a lot of research, I have specific breeders in mind (and I’m on some wait lists), and overall I have been prepping myself.
A couple of days ago, one of my sisters spilled the beans about a big surprise for me because she couldn’t hold it in any longer.
Everyone in my family is chipping in to get me a dog for my birthday. Wonderful, and they are thoughtful enough to get the specific dog breed I’ve been in love with for years! Originally I thought she brought me in to give some help and guidance but that was not the case.
She brought me in because she wanted me to “pick the puppy I want”, and led me to a breeder’s website. Suddenly I started seeing red flags and when I started looking up the specific breeder, even more red flags.
I started telling her I wasn’t sure about this breeder.
I brought up my concerns, as well as things I’ve found online about this breeder, and what I was looking for in a breeder. Not to get into too much detail for a bit of privacy, but for instance, the breeder she has chosen seems to almost always have puppies and litters available most of the year.
I also cannot find any public health records, which I’ve been able to with every other breeder I’ve been in contact with.
After starting to push back on this, my sister in turn started pushing back on me. She had been doing a few months of research, sent messages and “essays” to over 50 breeders, and had really “connected” with this person after talking on the phone with them.
Since then every time I’ve brought something up, she immediately says she understands but this breeder is fine.
Eventually, I flat out asked if she wanted me to send her anything like the bad reviews and comments I found on places like various online forums and she said fine.
I sent them to her. After reading them, I get a response back about 10 minutes later that just says “I think they’re talking about a different [insert breeder’s name here]”. On top of that, she sent all the negative reviews and comments directly to the breeder in a show of “full transparency”, which the breeder immediately got back with a bunch of comments explaining away the issues such as “These are people that don’t know us or have never worked with us” and “people with this dog breed are incredibility cliquish”
I’m worried that she might just go ahead and get a dog from this breeder for me, she’s much more concerned with “giving me a dog rather than a check for a dog in the future”.
This comes to my final question: WIBTJ after all this, if it comes to this, I refuse to take the dog.
I get the idea of gift-giving and I don’t want to be ungrateful. However, this is a 10-15 year commitment and really should be *my* dog.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Since this is a commitment for years to come that you make, you should have the choice in the dog you want.
However, I don’t know if you tried but maybe go talk with the family together and discuss your concerns about this situation. By talking with everyone, maybe your sister will understand your worries and either choose a breeder that you approve of or help you get your dream dog by just giving you the money instead.” sad_DragonBirdie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People should stop gifting animals. It leads to so much suffering. Unwanted pets end up at shelters and unethical breeders get more business because the person who wants to gift the animal doesn’t care. You absolutely should decline the dog. It’s also always better to pick your dog.
You want one with a character suited to you.” vanessaultimo
Another User Comments:
“Yeah YTJ because the puppy is innocent in all this and you know you will fall in love with it. Your sister is even more of a jerk though. I think you should go to your parents, and tell them she spilled the beans along with your concerns about the breeder.
Express a lot of gratitude for the thought and generosity and direct them to a short list of places you have researched. Hopefully, they will be able to help get the point across. ” alv269
4. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Contribute To The Cost Of New Glasses After Her Son Broke My Old Pair?
“I (29F) have a nephew (5m) with autism. His diagnosis helped me to realize that I have it too. He’s a good kid for the most part but does have his moments of ill behavior. For instance, if I leave my door open, he will go in and mess with my stuff.
This isn’t the first time he’s messed with my glasses. On Sunday night, my dad was doing some cable work in my room and I left to give him some more space so I went in the living room. I hear my dad telling my nephew to take off my glasses and in trying to take them from him, my nephew jumps on my bed, starts rolling around, and bends one of the handles badly.
I yelled at him and his dad asked what happened. I told him what happened and he took him over their shared room. No apology, no sorry about that, nothing but he was upset with him. I told my sis (41F) about it and she was upset with him too and didn’t let him out of the room much that night.
I go to the eye doctor to see if they can repair the glasses. They were almost 4 years old so the warranty on them was gone. I didn’t realize I had them that long. They couldn’t fix the handle without it breaking completely and to swap the lens into a new pair of glasses sounds like more hassle so I just decided to get a new pair.
The last time I went to the eye doctor, they told me I could upgrade my prescription so I just got a new pair. Honestly, my current pair was fine but the new prescription makes things better.
Anyway, I got home and told my sister that I had to get a new pair which was over $500 and I’ll have to use my backup pair in the meantime since they won’t be ready for another week.
She kind of answered me nonchalantly about it and my BIL didn’t say anything about it. I just think that if your kid broke something of mine that I use daily, you should at least give me something about it.
This is the part where I think I might be a jerk.
These glasses were already old and the new prescription is a lot better so should I ask them to reimburse me since the glasses needed to be replaced anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Their child broke them, so they are responsible for replacing an expensive item.
Yeah, you would have to get new ones eventually, but you didn’t need to immediately, glasses are expensive and your sister and BIL should understand that they have responsibilities when they have a child, one specific one being that they are responsible if their child damages property (to a certain age/intellectual ability).
But of course, you don’t have to demand the money, if it would just be easier to maintain familial harmony. Up to you to prioritize that. Good Luck!” amantahugnkiss69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You already know they shouldn’t pay the entire price for a new pair of glasses, after 4 years you needed new glasses anyway, but they should offer something towards the new pair.
Autism or not it sounds like they need to teach him some respect for other people’s property, they never had him apologize or take ownership of his mistake so his behavior is going to stay the same.” LongjumpingEnd7535
Another User Comments:
“I think you should ask for part of the cost. You even say the new prescription is better which means you needed a new pair anyway.
Does it suck? Yes. Should his parents have better explained to him how to not go into your room or rooms that he’s not directly told to go into? Yes. Should you have put your glasses up regardless because you need them? Yes. YTJ for wanting the entire cost to be covered by them when you should be taking care of that yourself as you’re supposed to renew prescriptions nearly every year when you go back for an exam.
They even tell you to come back to make sure your eyesight doesn’t change one way or another. NTJ for wanting some type of reimbursement though I have no idea why you would even go for something that expensive. I wore glasses and contacts until I got LASIK and even then, I didn’t spend more than 200 on a pair of frames.” Primary-Tie-4635
3. AITJ For Using My Phone And Talking To My Son Outside?
“I (37f) have 2 kids (8m and 10m). My fiancé (38m) has two children (6f and 8 m).
After church and errands on Sunday, we told the kids to play outside with no electronics until lunch is ready.
While lunch was cooking, I was outside on our patio with my fiancé chitchatting.
He has a habit of just walking away and not communicating. He wandered off, and shortly later, my son wandered in.
My fiancé returns and is clearly annoyed. He kicks my son out and says that I give him special treatment because the kids are supposed to be outside and not on electronics.
I was outside with my son, having a discussion and using my phone to look something up.
I feel that absolutely zero rules were broken. I am a grown adult who can use her phone whenever she wants and I can talk to my child whenever I want.
There are no relationship rules, preventing myself from using the phone, or preventing myself from being outside with my children.
He is insistent that I am disrespectful because I was outside with my son using my phone . In his mind, all the kids were supposed to play out front with each other even though that was never stated.
I thought it was extremely rude for him to walk out there and kick my son out when I was in the middle of talking with him.
On top of him, saying that we were breaking all of these rules, he was saying that the time was supposed to be for me and him….
Even though he had wandered off inside.
We are at opposing opposite ends on an understanding in the situation. I feel that it’s pretty black and white. The rules were followed. I don’t get how he can tell me we were breaking them when my son was outside and not on electronics.
He’s telling me he doesn’t understand how disrespectful I am by talking to my son on the patio and not making him go play with other kids.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who exactly are you disrespecting, him? If so, you should be.
Your fiance is trying to control your access to your children and their access to you. That would be a deal breaker for me. Your son was outside and not on his electronics. Only a controlling moron would think otherwise.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t marry anyone who thought they could give me rules and treat my kid poorly.
Anyone trying to get between me and my kid would find themselves single in a minute. He says he wanted time with you but was happy to wander away. So it seems like really he wanted you to be alone and was mad that you were talking to your son.
Like you are a doll he can drop wherever and no one is allowed to play with. So gross. NTJ but you will become the jerk if you force your innocent kids to live under a tyrant.” BigWeinerDemeanor
Another User Comments:
“MEH…Everyone’s a jerk here.
He shouldn’t jump to the whole “special treatment” b.s. if it was just a few minutes, but he’s right in saying the kid should be outside playing and not milking time with mom, which is what kids do. You should have perhaps seen your son’s antics and sent him on his way and back outside to play like he was supposed to.” GimmeUrNachos
2. AITJ For Wanting To Sell Jointly Owned Property With My Mother?
“My mother inherited a property from my paternal grandfather many years ago.
It has remained empty since, as she has her own house. 2 years ago, my mother put my name on the deed so we jointly own the property.
Last year, my husband and I planned to settle in the UK after having lived in the US for a year.
To apply for his visa, we had to prove we had suitable accommodation here in the UK. I spoke to my mother and asked if we could live in the house I jointly owned with her, as it was empty, and needed some serious TLC, which we would pay for.
Having been empty for so long, it seemed like a no-brainer. She said no problem and signed a document for the visa stating that this would be our family home when we came back to the UK.
We came back to the UK and my mum told me the house was a wedding gift for us, and we could raise our family in it and enjoy it.
I took out a loan for a whole new central heating system coming in just under 9k, and took on all the bills for the property as soon as we moved in.
A couple of months passed and my mother said she didn’t want us to change any of the property without her permission.
This was the first issue, as the property had no washing machine, an almost nonfunctioning stove and oven, issues with electrics, and most things needed replacing. She kept turning up to the house at all hours of the day, it seemed like she was trying to make sure we hadn’t changed anything without her knowing.
We hadn’t changed anything and agreed that we wouldn’t without discussion.
A few months later I became pregnant and told my mother. She told me that she wanted to take me off the deed, sell the house, and use all the money herself to buy a house, as she is not happy in her current house.
She now said she only put me on the deed in case anything happened to her.
We moved out and are renting at the moment, as the place was not livable with a baby. And she wasn’t happy with us changing anything. I have continued paying the central heating loan I took out, and have kept the meter topped up.
She has paid the council tax. They add up to around the same each month.
My mother and I had a great relationship before this, so although I was upset, I kind of just thought in my head, that she could have the house, I didn’t want the stress.
However, the issue now is, that we are unable to get a mortgage on our own, as we have to rely solely on my income due to my husband’s foreign income. I am also not classed as a first-time buyer now, further reducing my borrowing capacity.
I have that large loan and now have childcare taken into account. We have also had to pay for rent here, and moving costs to our rented home, which almost halved our deposit.
AITJ if I tell my mother I want to sell the property(which she wants to do anyway) and take my 50% share?
I love my mother, but I have my own family to think about too, and I feel like she has messed us around with false promises.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll say NTJ given that your mother has been inconsistent with you regarding the house. However this is definitely above Reddit’s pay grade and you probably need to seek legal advice on what you can do, if you are even entitled to the house or its proceeds.
Best of luck.” Lost_Understanding32
Another User Comments:
“Go to a solicitor this week. They can tell you where you stand legally and whether her saying it was a wedding gift, has legal status. They can also help calculate how much you have lost in FTB privileges which may or may not be added to the central heating costs.
If you own 50%, your mother needs to pay half of the heating cost as she will get half the selling price and you get the other half. Or you own it all. But only a solicitor can tell you. I think you have to recognize your mother is now your adversary – she’s lying, backtracking, and well and truly mucked everything up.
NTJ” dragonsfriend-9271
Another User Comments:
“OP YTJ – you paid nothing for this home except for some central heating and want 50% of the sale? You most likely will get it because of a legal technicality. Lesson for parents – don’t ever do this. Do not put your kid’s name on your property if they pay nothing for that ownership.
Live your lives, keep your property and when you die leave a will. Your kids will want to enforce legal rights they can only claim through the gift you gave them but at your disadvantage. In almost every case, parents never intend for their kids to have rights during the parents’ lifetime but the parents don’t understand that they are giving away, during their life, their assets.
Grown children frequently take advantage of it. I can’t tell you how many times parents said they put their kid’s names in case or to help them avoid estate taxes but they didn’t intend to give kids control or ownership while they are alive. Consult with an attorney before you make any changes and ensure you fully understand what it means to add someone to your deed.” Kami_Sang
1. AITJ For Refusing To Bring Back Breakfast For My Son Who Didn't Want To Join Our Saturday Outing?
“Every Saturday for the past 10 years my boys and I go out for Saturday breakfast. We alternate on who picks what restaurant to go to. This morning my 10yo said he wanted to go to iHop. I told my 16yo, 13yo, and 7yo that we’d be leaving in 10 minutes.
Everyone but my 13yo was ready to go. I called him downstairs and he came out with a blanket and said he didn’t want to go. I said okay. Bye. He then said that he wanted tutti tutti pancakes, eggs, bacon, and two orange juices.
I said then put clothes on and get in the car. He said, “I’m not going.” I said I’m not your delivery service. If you don’t want to go then fine but I’m not bringing you food back. The point is to have us guys sit together and talk turkey.
He said that wasn’t fair and it was just one time. I said “bye” and started to leave. He came running down the street to get in the car. I should have left him because he was in a mood the whole morning.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’ve got a loaded crew there and it sounds like you are doing the best you can! There are thousands of opinions on how to raise kids. That being said, I believe you’ve got to teach them that the world doesn’t cater to them.
It’s a hard balance, struck between supportive loving attention and also telling them “No” when they get demanding. Takes a ton of patience every single day. The Saturday breakfast sounds like a big fun time (a tradition that the kids will remember for the rest of their lives,) and you attached a reasonable condition (eating the breakfast requires attendance) as the whole point of the breakfast is family time together.” JimmyDale1976
Another User Comments:
“I guess No jerks here, because it’s not morally wrong to not bring him food back, but it’s very weird that you made such a big deal out of it and refused to do it. All the comments saying you were “teaching him a lesson” make no sense. He generally comes with you every single time and is happy to spend time together.
Skipping out this one time would have been fine, bringing him food back this one time would have been fine and taken no extra effort on your part since you were already going. Telling him you’re not his delivery service is just being nasty to him for no reason.
