People Lay Out All Their Cards In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Arguing With My Neighbors Over Garden Boundaries?
“For reference, I am 24F and live with my mom in a 3-family apartment. We have lived here for 17 years. I also want to say my neighbors are Turkish, so during this whole situation, I am very mindful of the language barrier.
They moved in almost a year ago.
My mom and I have been looking/thinking about moving due to a lot of drama and trauma in her past relationship here, and when the neighbors moved in my mom felt like she couldn’t maintain BOTH of her gardens, so she gave the neighbors the big side.
My mom has a 10-year-old rose bush that she specifically used as a marker: “I plant where the roses are, you can have the rest.” She is very friendly to them, and only the husband speaks English, so she explained that to him.
Ever since they moved in they take a mile of the inch my mom gives them.
The landlord gave them the side of the driveway that fits two (2) cars. Well, they have four (4) and tried parking them all over, including our side. We addressed that.
We have one (1) trash bin per apartment. They overfill our trash bin with their trash and not even in bags.
Just loose trash in the bin so the raccoons make a mess of it. We addressed that.
Well, yesterday my mom texted me saying the neighbors ripped up her flower buds and planted bean stalks. She was so frustrated that she snipped them with scissors and told me to let her address it.
I absolutely snapped. My mom and I have been through a lot. The garden is the only thing that makes her happy anymore, especially after my grandma died. I know she’s lonely and bored, and life has been hard. I heard one of the neighbors outside and I went out there and because they have so many people in and out, I just assumed it was the wife who speaks okay English and told her off.
She goes upstairs and retrieves the wife and husband who actually live here (first woman was just a friend I guess) and the wife is livid. Immediately she goes “No cut” and gets in my face. So she and I go back and forth until her husband comes downstairs and he is adamant that his wife is right.
I said “My mom gave you one (1) garden, you don’t get both” and she kept on with the “No, two (2)! No cut!” and such. Eventually, the husband and I just dropped it and I told him to talk to my mom about it. My mom agreed with me (not necessarily arguing) that she did not give them both and I know she would not have cut their plants first.
I kind of feel bad because the husband was like, “We are not bad people” and I know because they’re foreigners they probably already feel unwelcome I just am so fed up with them overstepping.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m from a raccoon-less part of the world with different tenancy laws, but wondering when the landlord needs to be brought into this discussion?
I wouldn’t excuse their behavior as being a language barrier. There’s an established pattern of them encroaching on your space. The ‘no 2’ business acknowledges there are two parts to the garden, and that they understand you’re saying both are not theirs. That’s not a language barrier, that self-important jerk.” DuckWithAnEye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would start using Google translate and texting them so that you have a record. Send each text in both English and Turkish so that you have a record. Clear and concise messages so that nothing gets lost. If that doesn’t help, it’s time to complain to the landlord, with your written proof.” SadFlatworm1436
Another User Comments:
“Don’t think for one second that foreigners can’t use the language barrier to their own advantage in order to “get away“ with things. And I’m saying that as an immigrant who lives in a foreign country. You don’t need to have sympathy for how they might feel unwelcome.
You shouldn’t project how you think they could feel, because they’re certainly not doing the same for your mom in return. I did this dance with a refugee from Ukraine, who lived with me for a while. I kept making concessions because of the language barrier and because I know it’s difficult to be a stranger and a strange land.
Well, guess what? After I helped her numerous times, she essentially took $1000 from me and then tried to steal one of my expensive suitcases and then blamed the language barrier for why she couldn’t return my suitcase. Sorry, but there’s no excuse.” Recent_Body_5784
20. AITJ For Telling My Therapist I Cancelled Sessions Because Of My Partner's Comment?
“I recently had my first baby, December 2023, 10 weeks after having the baby I suffered from PPD. I had a slightly traumatic birth, a horrible MIL, and needed a way to process a lot of what happened. Due to this, I started therapy, when I was down in the pits and before I began therapy my partner said in an argument “you don’t even want help, you’re doing nothing about it.” So the next day I booked therapy for two days later.
Anyway, I have my first session and I was asked what was discussed which led to an argument. The next day I was still hurt and said “you made my therapy session all about you” and he replied “well it’s never going to work if you sit there (to therapist) and just blame everyone else.” In the heat of the moment, I cancelled all the following sessions.
Yesterday the therapist called and asked why I cancelled my sessions and I said “my partner said it wasn’t going to work if I blamed everyone else”.
In my eyes, I was just telling the truth. I tell my partner this last night and I’ve never seen him so angry, “how dare I throw him under the bus” “you’ve shown the type of person you are” “how can you do that” “you’ve taken something I said in the heat of an argument” “I feel like you’ve really shown your true colours” blah blah.
However, I just think don’t say things you don’t want repeated. I really don’t think I’m in the wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this post is made entirely out of red flags. This is abusive and controlling behavior, OP. Seems pretty transparent your husband wants to know what you discuss in therapy (none of his business) and wants to discourage you from going so he can continue to control you and ensure that you never realize you might be better off without him controlling you.” CapoExplains
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But. You need to heal, and you need the tools to help yourself do that. You can’t do that alone, and in cancelling your therapy appointments the only person you hurt was yourself. Please call your therapist back, and reschedule those appointments.
It sucks when you don’t get the support you need at home, and maybe your therapist can help you figure out how to communicate this with your husband. In the meantime, the answer to “What did you talk about in therapy?” is “I’m working on learning to understand my situation and how I can cope with it.” No one needs to know more than that.
Wishing you all the best. This is tough.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“Hey OP…like others have said, PLEASE call the therapist back and reschedule those appointments! You deserve it for yourself AND your little one deserves you to be the best parent you can be!
Having a kid is no easy feat at all, and confronting your PPD is heroic, and not something to be mocked, laughed at, or pushed aside by anybody, especially your partner. Speaking for them, they were wrong to do that, and also incorrect to accuse you of any wrongdoing because you…told the truth to your mental health professional?
It’s not about your partner. Your relationship with your mental health professional is honestly not about him at all it’s about YOU! They are there to help YOU improve and grow. You’re NTJ here, and I hope that you reschedule those appointments, AND get a referral for couple’s therapy as well.” butidontwantone1
19. AITJ For Telling My Ex's Husband He Can't Control Our Son's Sitter?
“My ex-wife and I have a 9yo son who has ODD. It was really bad. He’s been kicked out of camps, private schools and had sitters quit. We ended up hiring a male sitter “Cody” when our son was 6 and our son’s behavior is 90% better.
We have no idea how Cody was able to make so much progress with Kyle to the point where Kyle went to spring break camp all by himself and there were no problems. It’s funny because Cody says Kyle is the easiest kid in the world.
My ex remarried a couple of years ago to Seth. Seth and I can only get along so much. He tries to involve himself with everything as an equal when he has no say. For example, Seth has told Cody he could leave early and he’d watch Kyle.
Yesterday there was an incident where Kyle and Cody fell asleep on the couch. Seth told Cody that he’s not being paid to sleep.
Cody told me this and I told Seth that he is NOT in charge of my kid or his sitter. You don’t pay him, my ex and I do.
He said that Cody is in his house so he is in charge. I told him not to be stupid. He said “you realize you’re paying this guy to take naps with your kid when they should be outside.” I said it’s not your business.
Of course the ex chimed in and said I was being rude to Seth and is in charge of Cody to a point. I told her don’t be stupid too. You’re going to drive Cody to quit if he had to answer to him. Seth works from home and evidently has too much free time on his hands.
Unless the sitter is setting fires with my kid at Seth’s house then Seth has no business telling the sitter what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. At first I thought Seth was coming over to your house and telling Cody what to do.
But then I realized that Cody is in Seth’s house, but you are insisting that Seth should have no influence over Cody whatsoever. No influence whatsoever over someone in his house? I mean, I’ll grant that Seth is a jerk, but it sure sounds like you are too.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Strangers often like to insert themselves into families so you need to set clear boundaries with Seth and explain to Cody that too. It is insane how some people arrive and after 5 minutes start making their own rules – just put them in place and make them keep all their “bright” ideas to themselves as literally nobody cares about them.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Seth IS partly in charge of your kid since he is his stepdad at this point. And if he feels that the sitter shouldn’t be paid while sleeping and he is there in his house then so be it. It doesn’t matter if you say you and your ex are the ones that pay for it.
He is married to your ex so half the money comes from his family, not yours.” sokali4nia
18. AITJ For Defending My Fiancé's Cousin's Choice To Wear A Suit To Our Wedding?
“I (33F) am getting married to my fiance (36M) in 2 months. We have been together for 8 years.
My fiancé has 2 cousins he grew up very close with and classes more as siblings.
One of them, (38F) who I’ll call Pam has a daughter who I’ll call Rebecca (16F).
My fiancé and I were at their house a few days ago and the topic of our wedding came up and what outfits they were wearing. I asked Rebecca what she had decided to wear and straight away Pam jumped in and said that was a bone of contention and not to open that can of worms while rolling her eyes.
It’s important to note here that Rebecca has never been a girly girl, very ‘tomboy’ doesn’t care for fashion/makeup, etc lives in joggers, jeans, and hoodies.
I asked what was wrong and Pam launched into a rant about how they had gone shopping and Rebecca was refusing to wear a dress because she felt super uncomfortable in one and wanted to wear a trouser suit instead.
Pam insisted only a dress was appropriate and that she would look ridiculous in a suit. Rebecca was visibly upset and said she didn’t think it was fair she was being made to feel uncomfortable by being forced to wear something she didn’t want to and would make sure she looked smart and wedding-appropriate in the suit.
Pam basically cut her off by saying she needed to make more of an effort for such a big occasion, she was either wearing a dress or not coming to the wedding, and that we (meaning myself and my fiance) wouldn’t want her at the wedding looking like someone going for a job interview…
This is where I stepped in and said it wasn’t an issue whatsoever, that it was very important to us that Rebecca was at our wedding as we love her and even more importantly that she feels comfortable and relaxed therefore she could honestly wear whatever she wants.
My fiancé quickly changed the subject after that but it became very awkward and tense so we left fairly soon after. I immediately got a text from Rebecca thanking me for standing up for her and saying how much what I said meant.
Later that night I got a long-winded message from Pam saying I overstepped the mark and undermined her as a parent.
She was just trying to make sure her daughter looked her best for our wedding and I had stuck my nose in where it wasn’t needed and I needed to apologize plus tell Rebecca I took back what I said and she needed to listen to her mum.
I told her I wouldn’t, I couldn’t understand why she was insistent on making her daughter feel uncomfortable and self-conscious and just to let her wear what she wants so she can enjoy the day with us. Now she’s not talking to me.
I stand by what I said 100% but was I really a jerk?
Did I undermine her? Should I have stayed quiet? My fiance agrees with me but said it probably wasn’t my battle to fight and should’ve stayed out of it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If Pam wants to use your wedding as an excuse for why she doesn’t want her daughter to wear a suit, she should be prepared for you to correct her on the truth that you don’t mind if Rebecca wore a suit.
Pam can technically tell Rebecca whether or not she wears a dress and comes to the wedding as much as it’s unfair and sucks for Rebecca, but you’re allowed to say your opinion of the issue if Pam wants to try and say that the reason Rebecca can’t wear a suit is because it’d be inappropriate for your wedding.
Plus, it’s unfair of Pam to say not to talk about the issue and then embarrass her daughter by ranting about her in public. I think just to keep the peace, you should apologize for “undermining” Pam’s parenting but explain that you just gave your honest opinion in relation to whether a suit for a girl would be appropriate at your wedding since she brought it up.
Also, if you feel comfortable, say that you will not be lying to Rebecca about your opinion by taking back what you said but would be willing to tell her that she does have to listen to her mother even if Rebecca disagrees. I am on your/Rebecca’s side though.
Pam is being very unfair over a stupid hill to die on.” Active-Connection455
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Rebecca can wear a trouser suit and STILL look appropriate for a wedding. It seems like Pam is over-controlling and uses being a concerned parent as an excuse to try to shame/embarrass her daughter.
It’s great that you stood up for Rebecca, and considering the awkwardness that followed your comment I’m thinking that may be a rarity.” Puzzled_Error6043
Another User Comments:
“”Pam, our wedding is not about you and what you want, it is about what I and (fiancé’s name) want and we WANT Rebecca at our wedding.
I don’t care if she is in a potato sack I want her there and I want her to be comfortable. If you decide that YOU care more about appearances than we do, and you force your daughter to be uncomfortable in a dress she doesn’t want or YOU exclude her from our wedding, then you may also sit yourself out.” NTJ.” GardenSafe8519
(And it sounds to me that there is a possibility of 'Rebecca' being GNC, NB or trans and you have already indicated that you and your fiance will be there when she needs you ie when Pam the Moron finds out and has another tantrum: good for you.)
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My MIL To Take My Son On A Trip Far Away?
“I (38f) and my husband (35m) have a son (4m). My MIL lives overseas and is visiting for a couple of months for other business. She has never met her grandson in person and obviously wants to spend time with him.
She knows how stressful raising kids alone is, and has offered to take our son away for the week to give us a bit of a break.
This wouldn’t be an issue if she didn’t want to take him more than 3 hours away. My husband is fine with the idea as he knows how stressed and tired I am, but as a mother who has never been away from her child for more than a few hours, it’s a hard sell.
I understand it would be good for us as a couple for our mental health, but my biggest issue is that it’s so far away with people he has never met. So WIBTJ if I refused to let my MIL take my son on holiday?
Points for clarification:
We have no family in the area. My mother used to live nearby, but she passed away from cancer in 2020. We have our fathers but both are in ill health and we wouldn’t want to place any burden on them as well as there also being a long distance between us.
Our siblings are also all too far away. We are basically isolated since my late mother’s passing and are pretty much alone raising our son. I understand she is offering out of kindness, but it’s hard to feel positive about it.
It’s also important to note that our son is also on the autism assessment pathway, though it may also have no bearing on a 4-year-old being separated from his mum for a week.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s never met her. Your comfort aside, what kid would feel comfortable going away with someone they’ve never met? Intentions may all be good here but there are so many variables. My MIL forgot so much about how to raise and manage little kids between raising her own and the birth of her grandkids (my personal favorite “you don’t need a snack, dinner is in 3 hours.”).
What benefit is it for you to have a week without your kid if you’re stressed? Set some boundaries and tell your husband what you’re comfortable with. You have to both agree on this and you’re definitely not in the wrong.” OtterlyLogical
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The autism assessment would make a difference to me. I don’t know what you’ve been told, but when my kid was being assessed for autism and other issues, we were told to, wherever possible, maintain her normal routine throughout the assessment process, unless they specifically requested otherwise.
They wanted to be sure they were seeing her ‘normal’ behavior and responses rather than trying to figure out what was her normal and what was influenced by an unexpected schedule change. That alone would have me saying no. Suggest a shorter outing for them to get to know one another.
Supervised.” KittikatB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This takes two ‘yes’ answers (one from you and your husband each) to happen, and only one ‘no’ to not happen. If you aren’t comfortable, you aren’t comfortable. MANY other parents would be right there with you. There are some obvious things that make this a very questionable plan.
You really have no idea if she’ll be able to handle him, if he’ll get comfortable with her upon just meeting her to go off with her for a week, etc. I would 1000% NOT be ok with this, and would assume it is likely to go poorly for the kid too.
Thank her for her generosity but explain you’re not comfortable, and hold your ground. Consider suggesting an alternative you would be comfortable with.” owls_and_cardinals
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Sick Husband Forgot My Birthday?
“Last Friday my husband went to the doctor because of a sore throat and fever. The doctor diagnosed it as tonsillitis and prescribed him antibiotics.
He was really sick and stayed home from work past the weekend.
He knew that my birthday was coming up this week and that I was planning a brunch get-together with some friends the following weekend.
On Tuesday, my actual birthday, I went to work and my husband stayed home from work.
While I was at work we texted throughout the day. He asked me if I had chosen the restaurant location for my weekend brunch but he never wished me a happy birthday or anything like that. I came home from work and still nothing. He ordered himself a pizza because he was starting to feel a little better from the tonsillitis and had a bit of an appetite again.
I spent all evening waiting for him to say something about my birthday but he never brought it up.
The following day we were talking again about the location of the weekend brunch when I asked him, “Do you know the actual date of my birthday?” He responded, “Oh no, is it today?!” as he checked his phone and told him that it was yesterday.
Initially, he was sympathetic about forgetting my birthday but it quickly switched from that to him being upset with me for not letting it slide due to his illness. He thinks because he was unwell that I should understand why he forgot my birthday. To a certain extent I see where he’s coming from but at the same time, I don’t feel like I was asking for much.
I would have been perfectly satisfied with an HBD text or just any sort of acknowledgment. I get that he was unwell but tonsillitis doesn’t prevent you from being able to check the date on your phone and sending out a simple text message.
He knew that my birthday was coming up, we talked about the weekend birthday plans on my actual birthday. But he never thought to check the date?
So now he’s telling me that I’m a selfish brat because I am fighting with him for forgetting my birthday.
How am I the bad guy when he’s the one who forgot my birthday? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When someone goes from sympathetic to anger in the same conversation, then it’s clearly evident they KNOW they are in the wrong and are trying to wiggle out of it.
He knows he’s wrong. At first, he realized his mistake and to get you to NOT be mad, he turned it around to make it look like you’re the bad guy. Stuff like this irks me to no end. He would rather create an argument and make you feel worse to garner sympathy for his mistake.
How hard is it to say, “I’m sorry I forgot.”” MyGutReaction
Another User Comments:
“Turned the tables on ya, didn’t he? You should’ve reminded him that it was your birthday so he didn’t feel so terrible about being sick and forgetting your birthday, OP!
Did he lie in bed all day on your birthday? Maybe, but he used something to order a pizza. Meaning he could’ve used his phone to order YOU something, as well. He’s just projecting. Mad is easier to manage than sad. NTJ.” Hot-Freedom-5886
Another User Comments:
“Ten years ago, I was very near death and in the hospital. The doctors were having the end-of-life talk with my family outside the room. That’s how sick I was. I still, even on my near-death bed, remembered my wife’s birthday. OP, if he cared, he would remember.
I bet if you think a minute, you’ll realize that the only one he cares about is himself. You’re not the jerk in your relationship. And the reason I can write this is I had a miracle organ transplant 3,563 days ago.” UpDoc69
15. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Gambling Addict Brother Pay His Debt?
“I (19F) have an argument with my mom (48F) over my brother (27M). My brother is now married and moved out of my parents’ house and now living in his wife’s house. My brother always asks for funds from my parents even after he moved out.
He and his wife both have jobs. My mom usually gives them $3,000 a month out of her $8,000 income per month but she gives me less than $1,000. But I’m okay with that because my parents have saved funds to buy us both, their kids, lands and properties.
I have been working part-time since high school to help pay for my college and to buy myself a nice laptop for studying. There were no problems here until my mother recently stopped working due to health problems.
My brother started coming to my parents’ house and demanding large amounts of funds.
He even asked me if I could lend him some funds and I ended up lending him some. But he keeps asking me for more funds and told me to get a full-time job instead of going to college. One night my father talked about it with my brother and my brother was mad about it.
He stopped coming over for a while but yesterday he came.
He told Mom that he needed funds. But mom doesn’t have any because she has used her savings to buy land for me and gave the rest of the funds to my brother.
So they asked me if I have some. I answered that I only have $15 and had used the rest of my savings to buy a new laptop and a bicycle to go to college and part-time work because they sold my motorcycle and gave the funds to my brother.
They both looked very upset and she took that $15 anyway.
This morning my mom told me that my brother is actually in debt because of his gambling addiction. She asked me if I could help him pay off his debt but I refused because I think it’s his problem and it’s a consequence for his gambling problem.
Now my mom has refused to talk to me.
Note: I actually still have some funds in my bank account. My father is often working outside the city so he is rarely seen at home. My parents were rich but things have been different since mom got sick and dad has to work outside the city.
We’re an Asian family and I think it’s a family tradition to give your child their own land and property. I work part-time because I want to earn for myself and want to have some experiences.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So what’s your mom’s plan when he pays off the current debt and creates a new one?
Your parents are doing him a disservice by enabling him and he’s NEVER going to hit rock bottom whilst your parents are his ATM…..I mean why would he stop if they fund it? It’s time to go the tough love route and cut him off entirely OP….DO NOT give him anything and DO NOT leave him alone in the house since I wouldn’t trust him not to sell your belongings if he gets that desperate and won’t seek help.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, but your family, especially your mum, needs to understand that enabling any addiction doesn’t fix the problem. Your brother needs professional help not more money, he is not going to pay any debt, he is just gonna gamble more thinking he will win big.” Ambitious_Topic4472
Another User Comments:
“You have already helped your brother a lot, so has the rest of your family. You have sacrificed your motorbike and given them funds. Meanwhile, they have received nearly half of your mother’s income. Your brother has some serious issues with gambling if he owes as much as he does.
Your brother should have been able to see for himself that what he was doing was a bad decision. His coming and begging you, his sister who is 8 years younger, for funds is crazy. He might be in a bad situation, but he should have been able to see the problem with his gambling addiction.
NTJ, you have already done a lot for your brother and so have your parents. He has problems due to his addiction, which has gotten out of control. He has land and property, he can sell that if he really needs the funds. Your parents had done everything they could to make you succeed in life, and then he decides to throw it away.” Helpful-D1rect1on
14. AITJ For Insisting My SO Attend My Best Friend's Wedding With Me?
“I (31F) have been trying to convince my partner (33M) of 5 years, to accompany me to my best friend’s (31F) wedding.
The wedding is in the town we grew up in, so my partner and I would have to take time off work, arrange flights, a hotel, transportation, and a dog sitter.
He has known about the wedding for a while and it is now just over 4 months away. He is now refusing to go when he had previously said he’ll think about it. He works remotely but is in a high-up position and states taking time off work would be extremely difficult, not to mention losing income and the cost of the trip.
He also says he doesn’t feel like he should have to go as the wedding doesn’t have anything to do with him as he does not know my friend or her fiance.
She and I have been best friends for 20 years and I am the maid of honor, so her wedding is very important to me.
Because we live in different states, she and my partner have not spent any time together. I would like for them to at least meet once as they are the two most important people to me, and what better day than her wedding? My partner and I are also from different cultures so it would be nice for him to have more exposure to my own culture, as my friend is having a culturally traditional wedding.
I got upset and started yelling at him for refusing to go when he knows how much it would mean to me. He said I was being unreasonable for pushing him to go as he would be extremely uncomfortable there. He does not enjoy being in crowds around people or anything that would draw attention to himself, and he could be alone most of the wedding as I would be handling maid of honor duties.
Am I the jerk for not considering his feelings by trying to make him go to this wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“Look, in a perfect world, yes, your partner should want to support you by attending. However, it’s perfectly valid if he really cannot take time off to attend, and yes, you will be busy most of the event and the days leading up to it which will leave him alone not knowing anyone.
Some people are able to navigate that and others can’t. You’ve chosen to be in a relationship with someone who can’t. “Because we live in different states, she and my partner have not spent any time together. I would like for them to at least meet once as they are the two most important people to me, and what better day than her wedding?” Literally any other day.
Her wedding is about her and her spouse, not meeting your partner. Also, you have been BFFs for 20 years and seeing this person for a quarter of that time, and you’ve never introduced them before? Even living in different states, I’ve still met the significant others of all my close friends and vice versa.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First off, you’re the maid of honor, which means you’re going to be with your friend, so what’s he supposed to do on his own at a wedding not knowing anybody? You have been with your S.O. for 5 years, and been best friends for 20 years, so you’re telling me that the right time for them to meet is at her wedding for 5 minutes?
What are you thinking, I think you might need to consult your thoughts. He is going to be uncomfortable at some random people’s wedding, I am pretty sure people will think he is a wedding crasher, which could also lead to trouble. Jeez I can think of ten ways this could go badly.
Go on your own, have fun. Let him work and dog-sit. Arrange a better get-together after the wedding. Look, women have been trying to teach men no means no. So when he says no, it doesn’t mean scream at him, get upset, yes, you can be upset, but that’s why YTJ.” Working_Ostrich1780
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – I get why you want him to go. I also get why he doesn’t want to, and everyone’s points are valid. Weddings are supposed to be happy and full of celebration, and it doesn’t sound like your SO’s attitude would add to the festive occasion.
Since you’ve been together and your “best friend” hasn’t met him yet, it doesn’t sound like it has been much of a priority. So go to the wedding solo, have fun, and let your SO stay home. Make plans for your SO to meet your best friend after she gets settled into married life – OR – invite her and her spouse to YOUR wedding.” NonaYerBiz
13. AITJ For Refusing To Walk My Dad's Fiancée Down The Aisle?
“My dad is getting married in September and a few months ago his fiancée asked me if I would walk her down the aisle. She’s not close to her own family and she has no kids of her own. Dad has me (17m) and my two sisters (20f and 15f).
Our mom died 8 years ago. So it was just us and Dad before his fiancée came into his life and then ours.
I don’t really like his fiancée. I accept that my dad does. But she comes across as kinda pushy to me and a little too possessive.
She had a “moment” when my older sister moved all her stuff out of our house a few months ago so she could take it to her own place. The moment was over my sister asked Dad for photos of his and mom’s wedding if he had any spares and she was upset that they were still in the house.
And the fact my sister wanted to take some. My younger sister and I got upset when all the photos of our mom were taken down in the living room and dining room. Dad’s fiancée was upset about our reaction and said we should want this to be comfortable for her.
She doesn’t like us calling her by her first name and tried to influence us to call her Mami. We both knew that was another word for mom and said no. She said it’s not mom though and could be special for us to call her that.
My older sister had a small surgery and she asked Dad if he would be able to come and stay with her and drive her back to her place. Dad said he could try and he said to let her know if he couldn’t. His fiancée told him she’d do it if he couldn’t and my younger sister heard them talk about it so she warned my older sister.
So my older sister called back and said that if he couldn’t she’d ask our grandma. Grandma ended up going with her and Dad’s fiancée got upset that she didn’t want her there.
Mother’s Day was also awkward last year because she expected us to celebrate her.
This year was doubly so because the expectation was still there.
I have talked to my dad about it and I have told her as well. But nothing really changed and she got upset (again).
So I said no to walking her down the aisle and I have continued saying no and she continues asking.
It’s sorta the final few months and she told me how much she wants me to do it because it shows me embracing her into the family and makes her feel supported by not just dad but the other male in the family. I told her I didn’t want to do it.
It’s become a source of tension. My sisters are on my side and Dad has tried to compromise with her by them walking together but it hasn’t changed things.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This woman is trying so desperately to force a connection and needs time to develop.
She has set herself back years with her aggressive approach, the exact opposite of her intentions. You don’t need to walk her down the aisle, and you don’t have to feel bad about not doing it. Honestly, the way she acts towards you and your siblings – she’s lucky you’re even attending this wedding at all.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“It’s crazy to me that she’s getting upset over you guys having pictures of your mom? Your mom will always be your mom no matter how many times the crazy lady whines and makes you call her mami (cringe). She had to adapt herself to the family, not the other way around.
She’s the add-on, not you guys. (also it makes me uncomfortable that an adult is seeking validation from a teen) Try talking to them again. I would guess you feel uncomfortable walking a lady down the aisle who’s made her sole mission to replace even the memories of your mom.
NTJ.” peachy_main
Another User Comments:
“She marries your father, not you kids. She is not your mum and needs to accept that and respect the boundaries that you have made clear. She is at risk of not only having no relationship with you and your siblings at all, but is also at risk of ruining your relationship with your dad if this immature behavior continues.
She is incredibly disrespectful to your father and you all by removing pictures of your mum from a home I assume was the family home. And your father is incredibly silly to allow this to happen, and her to keep forcing herself into your lives when you obviously don’t want her in them.
I suggest talking to your father about this and if he doesn’t stop her then move out ASAP. She needs to accept her position is not as stepmom or mom. She is your dad’s wife-to-be and that’s it. You don’t owe her anything and certainly don’t need to agree to her manipulation, “walk me down the aisle to show you accept me” I would suggest telling her if she wanted to be accepted she would stop trying to be a parent to you all.
That you have 1 mom only and her trying to force a relationship or parental-type figure, in your life, will not get her what she wants. And only push you three kids further away. If they won’t listen then you can always leave. But I’d also let another family member know (your mum’s parents) what is happening and how distressing it has been to have your mum’s stuff taken away for the sake of “being welcomed”.
It’s a control tactic and manipulation tactic.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Not Allowing My Father's Stepdaughter To Be The Flower Girl?
“I (28F) and my fiance (27M) are planning on getting married in October. We have the dream place that we have always wanted and have most of the planning completed. My father had an affair with his now wife. She has two kids from a previous relationship (6F,8M).
My mother did remarry my stepfather, who I have a very close relationship with. My father offered to pay a significant amount of money for the wedding and wanted to walk me down the aisle. I told him that I only wanted my stepfather to walk me down.
He was heartbroken but understood why I made my choice.
The bigger issue came up when my fiance and I decided to ask his brother if his daughter (5F) could be the flower girl and she was very excited. I have no contact with my father’s wife, so it took me by surprise when she sent me a long text message wanting to know if her daughter could be the flower girl as my father put a ton of money into the wedding.
I told her that we had already asked my fiance’s niece to be the flower girl. His wife started sending me hateful text messages on how I am being ungrateful and this is the least I could do for my father. I told her that I would happily return the money that he gave me for the wedding.
She sent me a few more messages calling me a jerk and I had enough and blocked her.
My father did reach out and thinks that I should compromise to keep the peace and let the daughter walk with my fiance’s niece. I told him that I was over all this stress and that if this continued, then they would be uninvited to the wedding.
I have been receiving calls and texts from my father’s side of the family calling me a jerk.
AITJ for wanting my fiance’s niece to be the flower girl rather than my father’s affair partner’s daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your father wanted to find a way back into your life, but selecting your wedding as the time to do that was ignorant, to say the least. To add to that, he’s adding to your overall strains through his venomous wife and family.
If I’m being honest, you should probably return any money he gave you because I feel like his wife will continue to hold it over your head and use it as an excuse to be unpleasant.” BrewertonFats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have the funds to do it, I’d return the money and uninvite them all if I were you.
Otherwise, they’re going to continue to harass and hold it over your head. I wouldn’t think it would be worth the stress. Your dad made his bed and now has to lie in it. It’s honestly ridiculous for him to think he’s entitled to any part of your wedding after he harmed your family, even if he did contribute funds.
Money isn’t a gift if there’s strings attached.” Fun-Rip-4502
Another User Comments:
“‘Dear father. I want you at my wedding and I want to rebuild our relationship if possible. However, I will never have a relationship with your wife. This is a choice you’re going to have to make.
I’m fine with you guys being married and having your life together. Is she fine with you being my father without her being in my life? Does she reciprocate the same respect and desire to ensure a father and his daughter have some kind of relationship?
If so I would like to say I want you at my wedding. But I don’t want her. I will give you back the money. Unless you wish to gift it to me for my new start in life and not for the wedding.
I don’t want or need to deal with her opinion or her need to cross all my boundaries. So I’ll spell it out. YOU are invited to my wedding. She is not. YOU are invited to be in my life. She is not.
YOU are important to me. She is not. For now, this is how it has to be. Let me know if this works.’” Turbulent-Fan-320
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friend Over Because She Insulted My Cat?
“A while back I posted a picture to my IG Stories of my cat sitting NEXT TO my counter as I was cooking.
On his own stool. He was watching. Again, he was NEXT TO my counter. Not anywhere near the food. He doesn’t go on counters. He doesn’t go near the food.
My “friend” Rose reposted it with her own caption, a puke face emoji, and “you can’t eat at everybody’s house.”
I ignored it and went about my business. She is very much the type of person who just regurgitates whatever popular phrases she sees on social media. Pineapple on pizza = monsters, raisins in cookies are why I have trust issues, I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs, “hot girl” walks, “hot girl” books, delulu, I’m going to hold your hand while I tell you this, is the X in the room with us right now, etc etc.
She has other traits that make up for it, but truthfully I do tend to avoid one-on-one time with her.
About a month ago I hosted a small get-together… to show off some Le Creuset cookware I obtained (getting older is weird). I had a whole little shindig with home-prepared food, lots of fun times between pals.
I didn’t invite Rose.
She found out after folks posted on their IG stories and confronted me over it, saying that I was “giving high school mean girl vibes.” I told her that she has made it clear she doesn’t eat at the homes of people who have cats, so why would I have invited her to a dinner party?
She got defensive and said that she could have just come and not eaten anything. I said that in the future, maybe she should be more careful about what she says because to me it was very clear.
Rose has continued to tell people I’m giving “high school mean girl to nurse pipeline” (…I’m an accountant) and all that.
Am I really the jerk for not inviting her? Why would she have wanted to come?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your house, you can invite (or not) anyone you want, for any reason (or none at all), but Rose has given you plenty of reasons not to invite her.
“High school mean girl to nurse pipeline” just regurgitates whatever popular phrases she sees on social media. I wouldn’t want to hang out with this person, either.” 7hr0wn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I also like quoting the internet and shoving memes down the throats of my friends and family, but not at the expense of anyone I know.
She’s trying to hide being mean by acting like she’s some quirky internet influencer. She’s not; she’s just mean. And since she’s so stuck on the mean girls thing, just post a picture of Regina George asking, “why are you so obsessed with me?”” CaptainSneakers
Another User Comments:
“This woman Rose enjoys drama. And by coming to your house, she was going to look for ways to ding you and post about your dirty disgusting house online because you have cats. You decided to sidestep all of that. She is mad you cut her off and denied her the opportunity.
She probably doesn’t even give 2 cares about Le Creuset, your cooking, and frankly, probably doesn’t care about you as a friend. Good on you. Your logic about “why would she have wanted to come” is spot on. NTJ.” BeeYehWoo
10. AITJ For Wanting To Break Our Lease And Move Out After My Breakup With My Ex-Fiancé?
“My ex-fiance and I (both twenties) ended our relationship just over a month ago.
We’ve lived together for the last three years, with the two of us renewing our lease for another year this last May. This means we will be here until the end of April in the event we don’t do anything.
We currently sleep in different rooms/beds, with me in the bedroom and our old bed and them taking their office and a cot.
I keep offering the couch or switching nights in the bed, but they have no interest in sleeping anywhere other than the cot.
I’ve tried my best to be cordial and friendly, however, it feels like they’ve grown increasingly cold since the breakup and it’s started to take a toll on me… so have to see them every day, knowing they’re interested in someone else and have already asked them out.
There’s a lot I’m leaving out for privacy purposes, but I found myself crying over them the other day when I thought I had no more feelings for them.
Anyway, I tried to broach the topic of the two of us finding our own places and signing for early termination of the lease.
We’d have 90 days to vacate once the paper is signed and it wasn’t near as expensive as I thought it would be. I could easily afford it with my savings, but my ex absolutely could not. Despite making more than me, they’ve always spent quite a bit more and don’t really have the most savings.
I digress. I explained what we could do, but they declined, saying they were happy here and that they could save up some money in the meantime. I said they could move back in with the friends we lived with before and they shot down the idea.
From there, I said we would need to establish boundaries for the two of us if we’re going to live together for the rest of the year and they just shrugged and said maybe. No more conversation was made.
This is honestly the first time I’ve felt trapped.
I really think moving out would help me mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially. My landlord said I could move out on my own with the 90-day notice and given that it would only be me moving out, the only thing that would happen is losing my deposit.
I’m worried though that it would lead to my ex disliking me and painting me as some kind of child who can’t handle their emotions and needs to run. They’ve already shared private things with their friends and I don’t want them to have actual ammo.
I also know they can’t afford to rent this place on their own and I don’t want to leave them struggling for housing because I need distance. I don’t want them to be uncomfortable or stressed because of me.”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk.
Your former partner can’t hold you hostage because he doesn’t want to move yet or doesn’t have the money to break the lease. The landlord has given you the option to sign the 90-day notice and forfeit your security deposit. Stop worrying about what your ex-partner will say about you and/or do, sign the paper, pack your bags and leave.
“I really think moving out would help me mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially. My landlord said I could move out on my own with the 90-day notice and given that it would only be me moving out, the only thing that would happen is losing my deposit.” Take the out.
This decision isn’t about what’s best for your ex, it’s about what’s best for you. There are times in life you have to put your needs first.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already tried so hard for this person who clearly doesn’t care about what you want or need. For your own sake, please stop placing this person above yourself and asking for permission to do what you need to do.
You’ve already laid out the options to this person, and you’ve assessed what you could handle monetarily and what’s best for yourself — and that’s getting out of there. Your ex insists they want to stay where they are and that they could save money and handle taking the place over themselves (they could also get a roommate)…..
so let them. Do what’s best for you. You are not trapped unless you want to be.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t ask. You tell the ex the plan. You phrase it as, “hey, I am going to do this, and my last day here is X date.
You can contact the landlord yourself to end your portion, that’s up to you, but I’m giving up my portion of the security deposit. You can decide if you want to leave or get a roommate or whatever, but work it out with the landlord for yourself.
I’ll send a text to your friend that you’ll be living on your own in 90 days and will probably need a roommate – maybe they know someone who needs a place.” And then contact his friend! Get ahead of the narrative. Tell the friend the two of you broke up, and rather than make your ex suffer by living with you, you’re going to buy out your half of the lease and are leaving the security deposit, so there’s no worry about money… but your ex is noncommittal on what they want to do sooooo you’re giving the friend a heads up that your ex may be looking for a roommate soon to share the rent.
This tells the friend, hey, your buddy is probably going through something and also hey, I am not leaving suddenly, I am spending money to leave and get out of the contract and ex is aware of it with plenty of time to make decisions.
Then do it.” LadyCiani
9. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Remove His Close Female Friend From Our Shared Accounts?
“My partner and I share a mutual friend, someone I used to be close with, but over time, my perspective of her changed because of incidents that led to feelings of discomfort and jealousy.
The situation became uncomfortable when she stayed alone with my partner in our apartment while I was abroad for work.
Although we had previously invited her to stay if she returned to the country, her being there alone with him made me uneasy. The discomfort escalated when, on New Year’s Eve, I saw that my partner had texted her “I love you.” While he explained that he says this to his other female friends as well and I was okay with that but with her I couldn’t shake off the unease I felt.
I had an argument with a waitress, which embarrassed him. He walked out with her, leaving me behind with our other friends. She sat behind the driver’s seat and started playing with my partner’s ear and hair, which I felt was a boundary being crossed. My partner also went out of his way to pick her up despite usually hating traffic.
After a two-month work trip, we attended a party where she had a go at him for not inviting her and spending less time with her now that I was back. This upset both my partner and me. She once gave my partner a leg massage in the presence of colleagues and friends, which made me feel extremely uncomfortable when he told me about it.
My partner shares her IG stories when tagged, but rarely shares mine, dismissing my posts as too cheesy.
A year ago, my partner added her to our Apple Family and Amazon accounts. When I noticed it, I asked him about it, and he responded that she didn’t have enough storage on her phone, and it was not a big deal since he paid for it anyway.
I let it go, but it has continued to bother me, especially since their falling out temporarily relieved my anxiety, only for her continued use of these accounts to trigger my discomfort whenever I see her name or orders.
Recently, I saw her message pop up on my partner’s phone, which made my heart sink and left me anxious.
I told him about my feelings, and he assured me he wouldn’t message her anymore. However, when another message from her appeared the other night, I felt the same intense discomfort, sparking an argument between us.
He doesn’t like choosing because it would be uncomfortable for him to explain to her that I’m not okay with it.
He argued that her using those accounts doesn’t affect us since we don’t use half of the Apple Family storage and she pays for her own Amazon orders.
I understand that my partner doesn’t like being forced to choose between friends and me, but this was the only situation I’ve asked him to because I just couldn’t take it mentally and emotionally anymore.
So, AITJ for asking him to remove her? Am I being petty and irrational? Am I wrong to feel jealous and uncomfortable about a friend I used to be close with?
I know for a fact he is not having an affair.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your partner is really lacking boundaries and is not respecting you in any way shape or form. It, unfortunately, sounds as if they definitely have something going on, the way he’s covering everything up and seems to put more attention onto her rather than you is a big sign.
I’m so sorry but I really advise you to leave him, it’s not even as if it’s one-sided between them where she’s being affectionate with him, it’s both of them playing into this. Just because she’s a friend really doesn’t mean much, friends will stab you in the back even if you were super close.” camilacolette
Another User Comments:
“Tell her straight to back off…and tell him to choose. You have 3 people in the relationship and you’re right at the bottom of the pile of priorities for your partner. You’re tolerating a lot of disrespect. Flip the roles on him and see how he would feel if a male friend was all touchy with you, sending you I love you messages and openly flirting with you in front of him and his friends.
I’m telling you, they have something going on. Whether it’s emotional or physical. Take the rose-tinted glasses off and cut and run. With these stories, I never understand how your friends or family don’t say anything to him about how inappropriate he and she are being?
If my friend was being treated like this openly I would rip the SO a new one!” No_Client1841
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. For dog’s sake, grow a spine and have some self-respect! You keep saying your partner isn’t two-timing. Okay, sure, Jan.
You just keep on believing that. HOWEVER: this dude is not your partner. Partner means together, having each other’s back. What you’ve described certainly doesn’t sound like that. A partner would not be an active and willing participant in behavior that you have repeatedly indicated makes you uncomfortable.
A partner would be talking to you and trying to figure out a way for both of you to be happy. A partner wouldn’t be texting “I love you” to other women (except close relatives). I don’t know what part of Fantasy Island you’re living on that would accept this as being okay.
A partner would set boundaries and enforce them — like no intimate touching, ffs. A partner wouldn’t share joint resources (Apple/Amazon) with someone else without clearing it with their partner. A partner wouldn’t walk out of a restaurant with another woman, leaving their partner behind.
So YTJ because you told him to choose. You’re doing a swell imitation of Cleopatra, Queen of Denial, by refusing to see HE ALREADY CHOSE. Do yourself a favor and choose yourself instead of him. Why is your self-esteem so low that you allow yourself to be treated this way?
Riddle me that. I have to stop now — my eyes rolled so hard they’re heading down the street and I must catch them.” CrazyOldBag
8. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In My Own Birthday Celebration At Work?
“One of our managers just loves to celebrate birthdays.
Apparently, they make their own a huge deal. Personally, if you like it then more power to you. I do not like it, I am very uncomfortable being sung to, uncomfortable with all the attention. I am fine with the occasional “Happy Birthday”, but that is it.
At the celebration of another co-worker’s birthday, I did not eat any of the cake. I did wish them an HBD, but I do not like cake. I do not eat it at home, never been a cake fan. The manager questioned why I didn’t have any, and I explained I do not care for cake, never have.
They asked me what I usually do for a birthday celebration, and when I explained I do not do anything. They did not believe me.
As my birthday approached, I made it clear I did not want any attention, nor did I want any sweets.
I do not eat the sweets. I expressed myself to management and 3 co-workers. They kept asking me what treats I like, and what is my favorite cake.
Well, on the day my cubical was decorated and all these people were coming up to me wishing me an HBD.
My spouse told me to just let it go, so I did. Until lunch. At lunch, they tried to get me into a conference room to sing to me and had a cake and everything. I refused to go in, explained again how much it makes me uncomfortable, and how I do not like sweets.
Another co-worker told me I needed to understand how much effort went into getting me something and decorating. They said I should apologize to the manager for refusing. Once I got home and told my spouse what happened, they said I was wrong and should have just enjoyed the fact they wanted to celebrate me.
I feel they just want a cake party and were using me as an excuse to do that.
AITJ for not wanting the “party” and not participating in the “party”?”
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ. I worked with a Jehovah’s Witness (who was actually kind of awesome) and he explained to management that he didn’t celebrate his birthday or Christmas, so no fuss was ever made.
Management would buy beverages for everyone as a seasonal gift and I’m not sure if he ever took it up, but he’d always pass on the parties and was apparently really nice in explaining his religion’s views if people asked about it.
There are lots of reasons people don’t celebrate their birthday and a lot of areas I’ve worked in have run an opt-in birthday celebration list. Your colleagues are astoundingly out of line. They tried to force you into mandatory birthday fun and any form of mandatory fun generally tends to annoy off a substantial amount of participants.” octohussy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I was born on my brother’s 12th birthday – we always celebrated our birthdays together. When he died prematurely, I stopped celebrating my birthday. While I have no problems with the occasional HBD wishes, it’s not a happy day for me and I have no desire to celebrate it.
I’ve always made that clear and usually explained why to a select boss, here and there over the years. One year the boss decided that I was “just out of practice and if I just allowed people to celebrate” my day, I could learn to appreciate it again and I’d be thankful that people took the time to celebrate with me.
I politely declined and thought that was the end of it. The day came and my office was completely decked out, cake, streamers, and balloons in the breakroom as well. I lost my cool, swept everything off my desk and against the wall. I proceeded to walk out and took a five-day weekend.
My best friend at the time walked out with me. I put in my two-week notice when I got home. It doesn’t matter WHY you don’t want to celebrate. If they insist that it’s YOUR day, they need to recognize it in a way that you find suitable.” DetroitBrat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You certainly deserve to have your desire for no celebration respected. It seems like these people really really really LOVE to celebrate birthdays. I’m wondering if they’d respect your wishes more if you gave them some more direction. Such as, “I don’t love sweets of any kind really, but I DO love fresh bread (or nice coffee beans, or artisanal pretzels, whatever).
Those are my version of treats. I prefer to not “celebrate” but I would not object to well wishes of a low-key nature and a card. If you insist on getting a cake for yourself to enjoy in my name…. go on ahead, but I will not be partaking.”” fallingintopolkadots
7. AITJ For Refusing To Retake The Family Photo Because My DIL Was Late?
“Every couple of years we get everyone together and do a giant family photo. In total, it is about 40 people.
Our last one was in 2018 and we decided to do this again. I organized the whole thing and everyone was told that small pictures would be done at 4 and the big picture was at five.
Afterward, we get dinner.
The issue is that my son and DIL were running late. Wasn’t a big deal since it was just small pictures. They get here in time for the large picture. I asked everyone to be there on time. I called twice asking if anyone was missing.
Everyone is lined up and the photographer takes like 15 minutes of the big picture.
Everyone is hungry and hurrying to get food. My DIL soon comes out asking about the picture. It is around 5:30 at this point. She told me that she was in the bathroom fixing her hair when the picture was being taken.
She asked me to round everyone up again to get a picture.
I told her no, that she was late coming to the event and couldn’t care enough to actually be on time for the picture. I am not gathering everyone up again and paying the photographer an extra hour (he was done and packing up at this point).
This caused a huge argument between her and me. My son is demanding I get her in the picture and I told him to pay someone to photoshop her in.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and agree her husband should have spoken up and if he/they are upset about it, then they can pay to edit her in.
Funny aside, I was terribly late to a cousin’s wedding due to a work emergency. I missed the vows, but they were just taking a huge group picture (with the bride on the altar and the guests behind them) when I drove up and someone yelled that I was coming.
In the professional portrait, huge and hanging in their living room, I am running like a fool, trying to make it into the group. It is hilarious and cracks me up every time I see it!” Plenty_Turnip_4034
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your son, her husband should have spoken up and said she was not there.
He didn’t. He’s blaming you because it takes the attention away from him and the fact that he didn’t even notice or care that his wife was missing. If it was really that important to them then they would have one, been on time, and two, offered to cover the extra hour of wages for the photographer if they were even willing to stay.
They very well may have had another gig they needed to get to. Your time is important and so is the photographer’s. They can pay for a GOOD photo editor to photoshop her into the pictures or deal with it. Put the blame where it lies next time they bring it up, which is on them for being late and your son for not speaking up about his wife being missing.” mocha_lattes_
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here/NTJ. My grandmother took family photos for the family reunion. She’d do group photos or a larger group photo. Occasionally individuals if someone asked. But nothing was ever set in stone or a hard rule. After she died I kind of defacto took over taking pictures.
Just so happened to be I was the one picking up the camera to take the photos. I ended up putting together books and taking group photos every year. Doing this out of love of what had become a tradition and carrying on something grandma started. I would run myself around trying to get enough people together for a group photo and kind of forget that it was my vacation too.
One particular year all I was able to get was a couple of individual family photos. Every time I tried to “rally the troops” someone was either sleeping or swimming and I would be told “later” so I left it. The wintertime comes and my (step) aunt had the nerve to complain they didn’t get group photos for her yearly calendar.
I explained what had happened and said that it wasn’t my responsibility to make sure everyone was together. The next year the rule became that you had to be at the park by Saturday at noon to be included in the yearly group photo.
If you wanted individual family photos you needed to make sure everyone was ready to go and let me know when you were ready. Since then, there hasn’t been a problem with anyone missing out on photos and no complaints.” rtaisoaa
6. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Give Up My Sister's Emotional Support Dog Due To My Allergies And Fear Of Dogs?
“About 2 years ago, my mom (39F) got my sister (17F) a dog as an emotional support pet, despite both me (14M) and my mom being allergic to dogs and common household pets in general (granted, my allergies are worse than hers).
This wasn’t a huge deal at first, as the dog would be small enough to fit in a cage and I generally didn’t have to interact with it as much.
However, over the course of last year, things got worse, as the dog would be running around the house more frequently and is generally more free than before.
If you couldn’t tell already, I don’t get along with animals, especially dogs. In fact, I have a severe phobia of dogs due to traumatic experiences from my childhood (that my mom is very much aware of). I get PTSD whenever I’m too close to a dog and my heart starts racing (as silly as that sounds).
And that really presented a problem since I’d frequently see the dog in various parts of the house and it usually starts running toward me. There’d be multiple occasions where I’d have full-on panic attacks because of it.
Even when not interacting with the dog, I’m still affected by it, as it sheds frequently and gets my allergies to act up.
Not to mention the fact that the dog had been poorly trained, so it frequently urinates and poops on the floor and chews up anything in its sight (including stuff belonging to me).
The dog had very much affected my life to say the least, as I found myself spending more time in my room and only leaving it when I absolutely need to leave the house.
I’ve pitched the idea of putting the dog up for adoption to my mom on several occasions, as other family members were clearly fed up with it too, but she seems to be the only one to want to keep the dog and always got mad at me, saying “if the dog went to a different family, it’ll die”.
I understand getting attached to pets, but the fact that my mom made the decision to get a dog in the first place knowing that I infamously don’t get along with animals baffles me, especially considering how out of the blue it was. I honestly feel betrayed that I wasn’t considered while making this big decision and that my mom refuses to put it up for adoption.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: you say your mom got the dog as an emotional support pet for your sister. But then never mention your sister again. Why does your sister need an emotional support pet and is this dog filling that role? Does she take care of the dog?
With your allergies and fear of pets, you have a very valid argument for getting rid of the dog. But depending on what is wrong with your sister and if the dog fulfills that role, her need for the dog might be a higher priority.
We have no way of knowing. And is it your allergies or your anxiety that is causing you the most problems? I am very allergic to cats but have always had one. My affection for cats overrides my allergy concerns. I just take extra precautions with them.
I am wondering if your mom didn’t get the dog, not worrying about your allergies, but in a misguided attempt to get you over your PTSD. I don’t know about treating PTSD, but I am pretty sure this isn’t the way to go about it.” introspectiveliar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It seems like your mom likes the notion of having a dog, but doesn’t understand what what it takes to care for a dog. They require exercise/training/attention to get rid of those bad behaviors. Also, did she even consider getting a hypoallergenic breed if your allergies are that bad?
All in all, it just sounds like a really poor decision was made on her part and she refuses to accept the reality that nobody is happy about it.” Taru-Shinkicker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Talk to a trusted adult. Tell them what is going on, and that you need help.
If there is no one to talk to, like a school counselor, or friend’s parent, I have an underhanded idea. The next time you have a panic or allergy attack, and feel like you can’t breathe, call 911. Just say, can’t breathe. Give the address. They have to show up.
They can try to take you to the hospital. Once you are at the hospital, tell the Drs and nurses you are not safe at home. You are allergic to dogs, but mom got a dog. You are also very afraid of dogs, because of what happened in the past, so the panic attacks around the dog.
They are mandatory reporters. They can help you get help. Medical diagnosis, therapy, medication. Whatever you need. Just an idea. I don’t know how desperate you are for help. Good luck. I wish your mom treated you better. Hugs and love from an internet Grandma.” Fickle_Toe1724
5. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Change His Encouraging Phrase After Falling Off A Boulder?
“My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years. We both rock climb and we were at the climbing gym the other day together when he started to say “it’s okay” that I fell off a boulder problem.
Now he is a much stronger climber than I am and usually warms up in the things I try very hard to climb.
That’s fine. What bothers me is that I know it’s okay to fall, and I wasn’t even upset about it. I know he means well by it, but to me, it feels condescending and unhelpful.
This time, when he said it to me, I gently said:
“Hey, can I talk to you about something really quick? I know you mean it encouragingly, but when I come off a problem and you say ‘it’s okay’, it doesn’t feel that way to me. It feels kind of condescending..and I KNOW you don’t mean it that way, but it just doesn’t feel very encouraging to me…Do you think we could think of some other phrases that are more encouraging?”
In the moment he said yeah of course, but later that night we got into an argument and he told me what I said earlier was disrespectful. I tried to explain I didn’t intend to hurt him by it, but rather just wanted to let him know and see if he could find another phrase.
He told me that it was my problem that it didn’t feel encouraging and that I shouldn’t have brought it up. I told him I thought it was actually really helpful to bring up when we don’t like the way one of us is speaking to the other and it’s something that really isn’t an issue if we can come together on it.
He started to raise his voice and told me he’s mad because I can’t see that I’m just wrong and disrespectful in this situation. He said that’s my own stuff I need to figure out and he’ll say whatever he wants to.
I don’t know y’all was there a better way to go about this? AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“Weird how y’all have different responses to a similar situation. You: “I know you meant well, but the thing you’re saying to me kinda bothers me.
Can we find another way to do that so we can communicate healthily and not build resentment?” Him: “I know you meant well, but the thing you’re saying to me kinda bothers me. You’re WRONG and if you don’t admit you’re WRONG I will continue to be mad at you.” He’s just being a child.
NTJ.” Jazzlike_Property692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have to be able to express your feelings with your partner. Based on what you’ve written, it seems like you were understanding of his intent and knew he meant no harm, but asked that he try something else since it did upset you.
Finding out he yelled at you later makes this even more upsetting. OP, please consider why you felt the need to couch (very minor) criticism as unambiguously as you did, and yet he still blew up at you. Partners should be able to share thoughts with each other, even if it’s not always positive, in respectful ways.” yoBendy
Another User Comments:
“Yikes, NTJ. You made a very reasonable request and communicated it clearly and kindly. You handled the situation extremely well and gave him an easy way to resolve the problem. That’s the best we can ask for in addressing an issue in a relationship, honestly.
The fact that he is calling that disrespectful and getting mad about it bizarre and self-centered. It would be one thing if he felt hurt or saddened by it – it makes sense that we feel bad or unhappy that our partner doesn’t like something we’re doing.
But to frame it as “disrespectful” for you to voice your feelings and needs is frankly pretty concerning. It suggests he doesn’t see your needs and emotions to be as important or valid as his, which is no way to build a relationship.” mewley
4. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor's Grill To The Landlord?
“I’ve asked my neighbor numerous times if he could move his grill. 1. It is right up against the building, like leaning on it, he says it’s not dangerous because the building is brick.
2. The place he has it, every single time he lights it up (it’s charcoal) my apartment is flooded by the smell of the burning charcoal and smoke, because he lights it right near my HVAC intake vent, and it causes an asthma attack EVERY. SINGLE.
TIME! If he moved it over even a foot or started it on the other side of his patio, it wouldn’t cause an issue at all. I know this because I talked to his previous neighbor about it, but this is every single weekend that it’s over 70 and not raining for 2 years.
My smoke detector goes crazy and I’m huffing on my rescue inhaler for hours (I know I shouldn’t but I can’t afford a hospital right now).
I looked at our lease and you aren’t even allowed to have grills stored on the property, let alone use them.
They have to be located in the park, where it’s away from structures. I’m debating on calling my landlord and telling them, I originally just wanted the landlord to say move it, but now I’m worried about getting them in trouble. Would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not allowed, is a fire hazard, and pretty much causes you harm. Tell the landlord to get it sorted if the neighbor is not willing to move it. I don’t have asthma or anything, but I would be more than upset if someone’s smoke would be in my home even when it would not trigger a smoke detector.” Gullible_Classic3609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had the same thing happen in an old apartment. Dude had his gas grill right up against my building by my back windows. Same excuse, “it’s a brick building!” He would light it where it stood and same results of smoke pouring into my apartment.
Told neighbor what was happening and he acted as if I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Finally told my landlord and he told him to store it away from the building and not to light it close to anyone’s apartment. Fortunately, we were allowed grills so he didn’t get evicted but my landlord told him I was right, being next to a brick building isn’t safe.” Clean-Fisherman-4601
3. AITJ For Drawing My Niece Without Her Cleft Lip At Her Request?
“I (25f) have one niece and one nephew from my sister – 8f and 12m.
I love them both very dearly and spend a lot of time with them.
This weekend, we were all at my parents’ house and I was drawing with my niece. For context, she has a pretty mild cleft lip – enough to be noticeable, but not enough that it has had a significant impact on her life.
I feel really bad because she is obviously self-conscious about it. I don’t bring it up if she doesn’t and I handle the topic with care – not that I think much about it anyway. She’s my niece and I love her, end of story.
She asked me to draw her but specified that she did not want me to include her cleft lip. I do not think it’s my place to force her to be uncomfortable about something she struggles with, so after me asking “are you sure? It’s still a beautiful part of you” she insisted she didn’t want me to draw it so I obliged. Also, for context, this was a quick cartoony pencil drawing of her, not a photorealistic drawing of what she would look like without it.
When my sister came in the room and asked about the drawing she seemed annoyed and pulled me aside to ask why I would draw such a thing. I just said that my niece asked me to not draw it and didn’t feel it was my place to fight so that was that.
My sister insisted that I draw it in the future and was overall really upset that I didn’t include it. I guess I don’t have a condition or anything like that so I don’t know what it’s like to be in her or my sister’s shoes so I figured it was better to just skip it than fight her on it and potentially worsen the insecurity.
I still feel very torn and need some outside input because I was just trying to have a good time with my niece. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your sister is in a tough spot, trying to raise a young girl who looks different in a society where looks, especially for females, are “everything”.
She is trying to teach her child body positivity and how to embrace her differences. But, you were trying to be a good aunt and do what the child requested. Arguing or including it anyway would have, in that moment, upset your niece. Once she is feeling a little calmer try and talk to your sister.
Emphasize that you understand where she is coming from and why, and that you didn’t mean to upset her, and explain that you also didn’t want to upset your niece so you were trying to “choose your battles”. Hopefully she will be understanding.” WaywardMarauder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as someone who grew up with a facial “deformity” – basically you get to watch every person you meet react to the thing you are most vulnerable about. Small kids ask questions, older kids tease, adults tell you you’re smart when they tell the other girls they’re pretty.
Eventually, people don’t notice it anymore, but that doesn’t mean she won’t build walls to deal with the out-of-the-blue moments that inevitably happen. So yeah, if she wants to put it down for a moment, have a respite with you, be safe with you?
Go for it.” Capable-While3095
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think anyone is the jerk here. You did what your niece asked of you. It’s natural and understandable for her to want to see a version of herself without her cleft lip. Then your sister made her feelings known.
It’s also understandable that she wants her daughter to accept herself how she is, and she isn’t necessarily wrong for being upset and having a strong reaction. That doesn’t make you wrong for doing what was asked, but now you know how she feels about it and can consider that in the future.
I don’t think you need to feel bad or be overly apologetic, but you should probably try and respect your sister’s wish moving forward.” liebinator
2. AITJ For Refusing To Name My Baby After My Step-Sister's Dad?
“My dad remarried when I was 12 after the passing of my mom. My dad’s wife was a widow also and had a 7-year-old daughter at the time. I didn’t blend the way they wanted me to. I don’t hate my dad’s wife or stepdaughter.
I never felt a family bond with them though. But my stepsister can be really sweet. She’s also disabled and behaves very young as a result. She struggles to comprehend things the way someone her age (20) would. And her view of the world is very young.
It makes her far easier to manipulate and far easier to upset. There were times when I still lived with them when I had to be so careful about the things I talked about because she would get so upset. Movies had to be very happy and cheerful and could not have death or bullying or any sarcasm in them because they could really upset her.
Which is why I’m so angry right now.
So I’m expecting a baby and my stepsister was so excited the last time she saw me and she told me she was so excited for me to have a boy named after her dad. I asked her what she meant and she told me my dad and her mom told her that I was going to name a boy after her dad like I’d name a girl after my mom.
She told me she hopes I have a boy and she was so excited and so easily believed that I was going to do that. I mentioned this to my dad and he sheepishly admitted they had told her that and that they were going to ask me to consider naming a son after my stepsister’s dad because it would mean so much to her.
I told him I wasn’t going to do that and he should have known that. He told me they figured but they also really wanted his stepdaughter to be happy.
I spoke to him with his wife present and told him to correct the lie they told or he could deal with the consequences of not doing so.
She told me I would be heartless to deny her daughter this. My dad asked why I wouldn’t do it and I told him because I’m not the one who told the lie. I told him the choice was up to him and he can live with the consequences.
They said I was blackmailing them and playing games which wasn’t fair.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody is blackmailing anyone. Nobody is playing games, either, unless it be your dad and his wife, by telling her daughter something they didn’t know would come to pass.
This wasn’t your story they told her, it was theirs. Unfortunately, she believed them and now it will probably make her unhappy to find out that your baby will not be named as she was told. No one has the right to name your child but you and the child’s father.
Your stepsister would have been excited for the new baby anyway, why did they have to interfere and tell her something like that? It’s just silly. It’s too bad she lost her father, but he wasn’t even known to you, so you would have no reason to name your baby after him.
Your father and his wife need to own up to what they did and tell your stepsister the truth. Yes, she might be unhappy about that, but she’ll get over it, and by the time the baby is born this crisis will have passed. That’s IF your dad and wife do the right thing and tell her NOW.
Congratulations on the new baby, best wishes for you all.” TabbieAbbie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What they did was jerk behavior at a cruel and unusual level though given that they know how she would take something like that and not even run it by you first. Who does something like that, who clearly knows the repercussions of such a lie and then tries to turn it on you in a manipulation that defies logic?
” hqubed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, obv. As unfortunate as it is, you are going to have to be the one to tell her the truth if you want to continue having a relationship with her. There’s no way those two are going to admit their fault when they tell her — you will be made out to be the bad guy forever, and by forever I mean for the rest of your child’s life.
It’s perfectly fair for you to be angry to the point of being completely disgusted with them, but the question is what do you want, pragmatically? Do you want to walk away from this mess? Because you certainly can. Do you want to continue being friends with your stepsister?
If so, think carefully about how you’re going to handle this. There’s no way to avoid hurting her feelings, but you’ve been in each other’s lives long enough that there’s no one better equipped to get you both through this than you are yourself. As far as your feelings, talk to your partner and/or a therapist or other bff you can trust. How you deal with your family should be about your goals, how you want to come out at the end of this.
Your parents clearly aren’t interested in your feelings or your well-being, so my advice is don’t even bother taking your anger to them. It won’t do you any good. Deal with them pragmatically, as a problem to be solved. What do you want for the future, and what’s the most effective way to get you there?” Treefrog_Ninja
1. AITJ For Walking Ahead Of My Pregnant Wife At The Beach?
“So we parked the car at the beach which is about 100 metres away from the sea and started walking up.
My wife is almost 7 months pregnant and is quite a slow walker. I pulled ahead about 15-20 meters to get a lay of the land and to see how busy it was etc. My wife claims when I pulled ahead I didn’t turn back to check she hadn’t fallen over once.
I was not that far ahead, and I easily could have heard her if anything had happened. I think she is being unreasonable because it doesn’t seem like a big deal. We have a very good relationship, we rarely fight but this seems to have really got under her skin.
AITJ?
We’re on holiday in a foreign country and it’s significantly hotter than the temperature we’re used to. I’m also 6ft4 and she’s 5ft 1.”
Another User Comments:
“As the shorter/slower one in most relationships, it is annoying having to semi-jog to catch up constantly.
I do understand that it probably is as annoying having to slow down. I get losing patience and wanting to go ahead but she can’t jog as easily anymore. And this is your pregnant wife and kid. You should WANT to walk beside her. YTJ.
She isn’t as comfortable as she normally is and now it’s “significantly hotter than the temperature we’re used to.” I’d want my guy with me, not 20 meters ahead. That’s almost a block.” devvie78
Another User Comments:
“Info: Did you tell your wife what you were going to do?
Did you come back to walk with her? Has she been having difficulty walking and pain? Or did you race off without a word and nary a backward glance, leaving her struggling in the sand behind you? Soft YTJ. My husband also has a tendency to walk off without me and I have been recently pregnant and very huge.
When I was pregnant I felt very vulnerable and delicate, you should communicate better to show your wife you care about her and the risks she’s having to shoulder for the child that she’s carrying for BOTH OF YOU. I would literally stop and wait if my husband was walking too fast and sometimes he’d walk like 30 feet away before he even noticed I wasn’t talking next to him.
It feels like a jerk, especially when you’re huffing and puffing and in pain from being pregnant and emotional already. Thankfully we communicated about it and he no longer does it.” SpicyPotates
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. At any point did you let your wife know what you were doing?
Or did you just leave her behind to puff and pant? When I walk with my mum, I have to moderate my pace to match hers, otherwise she has to work hard to keep up. It’s just the polite thing to do. A simple “hey babe, are you OK if I just pop ahead to see if I can find us a nice spot?” would have saved you from the judgment.
She’s probably mad because she’s imagining you doing the exact same thing when the baby arrives, and she’s struggling with the stroller, and all the baby stuff and you just stride off with nary a word in her direction. 15-20 metres in a busy? area is quite a distance.
You may have been able to see her, but given that her vantage point is much lower, is there a possibility that she could no longer see you?” NarrativeScorpion
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