People Lay It All Out In These Eye-Opening ‘Am I The Jerk?’ Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Sister And Her Kids Move In Again After They Trashed My House And Overstayed Their Welcome The First Time?
“In 2022, my sister (22F) had asked if she, her partner (23M), and her newborn (6mo F) could stay with us for 1-3 months (which turned into 11 months) until they had gotten their taxes so they could save up and move to another place.
My partner and I agreed (21F & 20M) because it was only going to be a few months and I didn’t want them to be potentially homeless, with an infant.
I had only 3 actual rules. A.) Take care of the wood floors B.) Help out with rent when they can C.) No births.
My sister stayed home with the baby mostly, while we 3 worked through the day. But soon, so we’re consistently piles of dishes, dirty diapers, food trash, and just things left around.
And they had also spent all their tax money and asked if they could stay longer.
After a while, my sister was getting really comfortable with asking me to watch my niece. I would end up watching my niece almost every night/off day for 1-5 hours.
It got to the point where my partner and I couldn’t really hang out. Their living with us was starting to affect my and my partner’s relationship at that point.
She had been prescribed birth control. Shortly after, I started to notice a bunch of ovulation tests in our bathroom.
Not long after that appointment she happily came up to me and showed me a positive pregnancy test. She tried to lie and say that she was too fertile for birth control to work and said that it was an accident. But it was so hard to believe.
So then I told them both, they had to leave before that baby was born.
When they moved out, her partner literally said to me before they left “Wow your house looks trashed!” And then left. Their bedroom floors were super sticky, random substances on the walls, and a ton of dirty dishes were left for me to clean up.
Now, it’s been about a year and a half since they left. Currently, my partner is having some heart issues causing him to be out of work and will need surgery. So I’m riding solo to keep a roof over our heads, bills paid, and food in the fridge.
My sister called me in a panic. Saying that she and her two babies who are now toddlers are going to be homeless because she was on a waitlist for a rental assistance apartment that she had done everything she could, and her partner had been having issues keeping a job because he has a felony.
And she had asked if she and my niece and nephew could stay with me for a few weeks.
But I told her, no. I couldn’t take on any more responsibilities than what I already have. I’m having difficulty keeping up with my stuff.
I suggested that they could reach out to her partner’s parents, and see if they could help in any way. They agreed to let them stay. I called to check up on them, no response (which is very very unusual for her) and I feel like she may be upset with me, I just frankly have so much going on that I couldn’t go through that again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her partner doesn’t have a problem keeping a job because he has a felony. Once he had a job, all he had to do WAS his job. She’s lying. She lied to you when she was in your house. She and her family disrespected you.
They trashed your house. They had no intention of leaving. And they would do the same if given the chance. Good for you for saying ‘no’. She probably doesn’t want to respond because she’s trying to make you feel guilty or you’re no longer useful since they found another money train.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did your turn a couple of years ago. Even if you were privately unprepared to deal with accommodating your sister again, the fact that you literally cannot have them right now is true anyway. Ultimately, she has found an alternative arrangement and isn’t homeless.
No harm no foul. Frankly, if your sister is upset with you and choosing not to talk, that might be a blessing in disguise because you’ll be better off without her drama for a while.” crazyheather345
20. AITJ For Letting A Friend's Family Member Stay In My Extra House Without Consulting My Husband?
“My (51f) husband (50m) is not speaking to me because I’ve agreed to have a family member of a friend stay at our extra house after she lost everything in a hurricane. My husband says I should never have agreed to it without running it by him but I honestly didn’t think there was anything to be concerned about.
Let me explain some critical points. We’ve been married for just over a year. We have a marital home we bought together.
My husband doesn’t work but does take care of our shared home including overseeing some remodeling work. I have a home that was mine before our marriage.
My son (17) still lives in this house (his childhood home) and I split my time between the 2 houses.
I made it clear when we got married and bought a house (which we did sooner than I normally would have because my husband was losing his job) that I would keep my extra house until my son was 18.
My son’s best friend’s grandmother had flooding at her house.
My son asked me over the weekend if she could stay at the extra house. I said yes. Initially, it was only a day or two. She’s stayed at the house before — was a pet and house sitter for me in the past so I didn’t think twice about it.
When I mentioned it to my husband, he got very angry. He said I never should have agreed without running it by him and that he felt like I didn’t care enough about him to bring this to him before just agreeing. I told him I was sorry.
I wasn’t trying to hide anything. I just didn’t see the big deal.
Fast forward 24 hours and they asked if she could stay with us 4 more days while she figured out what to do. I went to my husband and asked his opinion.
He said not. I tried to ask him why he felt that way and he said it was because he was still mad at me. I said that’s not a fair reason to throw an elderly woman on the street and he just said well you did that by not talking to me in the first place.
I told him he was being unreasonable and irrational. I finally just said my heart tells me to help because I see no downside or risk. He said, “Do what you want — you will anyway”. And he hasn’t spoken to me since and is refusing to let me at our shared house.
So AITJ for letting her stay at the extra house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This isn’t presently a shared asset. He has as much right to it as he would to an inheritance that you keep in a separate account, which is to say none.
But that SHOULD be beside the point. It’s a decent thing to do in a horrible, life-changing circumstance for an elderly lady who matters to both you and your son, and who has proved herself to be a trustworthy houseguest (and sitter). It was decent of you to say yes as soon as you were asked, not thoughtless or inconsiderate towards your husband, who doesn’t share your values of compassion and kindness.
Your butt-hurt jobless sad sack of a selfish husband has no ethical, moral, legal, or practical reasons to be putting you in the position to kick her out, except that he’s a butt-hurt jobless sad sack of a selfish person. Not good enough. He’s the jerk.” Cute_Beat7013
Another User Comments:
“NTJ AT ALL. Your husband is mooching off your life and rushed marriage because he lost his job and is mad you’re letting someone stay at a house you own alone? And my god your son’s best friend’s grandmother?? I would get it if it was some stranger off the street but that’s wild.
He’s incredibly controlling which is crazy considering it all belongs to you” Practical-Bird633.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and why are you married to this evil man? My dad took in his GF’s mother for months after Hurricane Michael and even had a motorized handicap chair installed on his stairs so she could use the whole house.
It’s reprehensible that he would throw this woman out of a home HE DOESN’T OWN!!! Why are you even listening to him if he doesn’t own the home?!?! He has no say over it!! Especially since he doesn’t contribute a dime. Sorry, but my husband would get his walking papers immediately if this happened to me.” IAmTAAlways
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Doesn't Help With Our Baby As Much As I Do?
“My husband [m22] and I [f24] welcomed our first child in June. After our baby graduated from the Nicu, we decided to save our paternity leave for after the family was done visiting so someone could be home with her at all times until she turned one.
The deal was he would work Monday-Thursday and I would work Friday-Sunday. Here’s where the problem comes in. On the days that he works, I take care of the baby primarily. Even when he comes home I make sure he has time to decompress, nap, or even get on his game.
At night whenever the baby wakes up I try to hurry and care for her so it doesn’t bother his sleep.
Recently I’ve noticed that he doesn’t grant me the same luxury. Yesterday I expressed how tired I was and I just needed a quick nap.
His response was me too let’s all take a nap together which is fine but instead of sleeping, we ended up playing with the baby a little. After an hour or so he said he wanted to go play his game so I asked him if he could take the baby with him so I could get a quick nap.
He left for a second and then brought the baby back and said “Let’s all stay in the same room together. Either we all can go in the living room or we stay in the room”. Not wanting to question anything or start a disagreement I agree to stay in the room.
He then laid the baby next to me and started doing other things. Long story short I never got my nap.
Fast forward to bedtime. I express how tired and ready for bed I am AGAIN plus I have a full day of work the next day.
He still doesn’t take the baby…. He says he’s running to the store and leaves. He’s gone for TWO hours. When he comes back I’m upset. The baby is in and out of sleep which means no sleep for me and then I hear that game turn on.
I was going to confront him but I didn’t want it to turn into a huge argument. So I just stewed in my feelings until I finally fell asleep and when I woke up he had fallen asleep on the couch.
I woke up this morning livid.
I handed him the baby, got ready for work, and left. Since I’ve been at work I’ve had some time to think and calm down. I’m thinking maybe I’m overreacting a bit and just need to talk. What do you think?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he’s not going to give you the same courtesy and kindness that you’re giving him voluntarily. You’re going to have to clearly and explicitly tell him what you need, and don’t give him any way to claim he had no idea that you also need sleep and relaxation time.
Be specific in what you need from him.” User
Another User Comments:
“You need to be more firm in asserting yourself. You are going along with his ways when it isn’t working for you “Hey husband, I need an hour to nap uninterrupted”. “Ok, why don’t we nap together”?
“No, that doesn’t work for me. I need to ensure I get some rest, and if we do that there is a good chance I won’t get the rest that I need.” The key word here is NO. You need to be able to use it, or you’re going to have a lousy experience in your relationship.
The word YES is important too, but you already know how to use that one. The word NO is where you are failing yourself. Good luck with it” Soggy-Test-6433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, when you have a baby and if both parents are working then both parents deserve the same amount of luxury.
He chooses to go to the store, then he comes home and takes care of the baby while you get rest if that’s what you need. He doesn’t get to come home and game after being gone. It’s okay to take a break and game now and then after a baby, but it isn’t okay to prioritize a video game over your partner’s rest after they recently gave birth.” Stornoway
18. AITJ For Accepting A Calico Kitten Gift Similar To My Ex-Roommate's Cat?
“I recently moved out of an apartment which I shared with my (now ex) friend into an apartment with my partner. I lived there for 2 years with her and her calico cat.
For a bit of context on my relationship with her- let’s call her Ashely.
I moved in with Ashley after knowing her from school. Shortly after moving in it was clear she had a lot of issues and was constantly bringing drama and negativity into my life and I knew I needed to move out as soon as I could.
It resulted in me eventually leaving our joint tenancy which she was not happy about at first but after lots of negotiation with our landlords, we figured out a way for me to leave without it financially affecting her. We both shared some words in frustration but as far as I was concerned things ended on a civil note.
When my partner and I got a place, about a month in he surprised me with a calico kitten. He had seen one that reminded him of my calico that I’ve had since childhood which lives at home with my parents. I posted a picture of her on my social media and Ashley responded by saying “She’s literally (her cat’s name) lol”.
I didn’t know how to interpret that so I said “Haha right”.
Flash forward about a month to last night when I woke up around 12:30 am to a paragraph from Ashley saying she was thinking about me recently and hopes I’ve been settling into my new apartment and my new job.
She goes on to say she thinks it’s “very weird” that I bought a cat similar to hers after moving out. I responded clarifying that it was a gift and I had no say in the breed & that I already own a calico which lives at my parent’s house.
Her response was that by me getting defensive it proves I know it’s strange.
Can someone please tell me if they would be offended if someone did that to them? I genuinely never saw a problem with it and I never thought to reach out to her and “check” if that would be ok or how she would feel.
To be clear again- this kitten was a gift and I did not know what breed until he surprised me.
I think it likely she has some resentment towards me still and is disguising it with this odd comment about my kitten. But I don’t know.
She claims anyone would think it’s weird so I’m taking it to this page to settle it and determine AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s the one acting weird. Her messaging you about a cat just proves SHE is the weird one. If you started dressing like her, bought the same car, and got the same haircut as her then she’d have a case but a cat?
That you had no say in? It sounds like she’s that threatened by you, and her insecurities have been tweaked by you getting the same cat.” Top_Most_3528
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ashley wants to be the main character in your movie. She wants to believe that you are copying her because she’s “all that.” And as you said, she’s all for drama and negativity.
She made the “weird” comment a whole month after seeing your social media with the kitten. Then she doubled down calling you “defensive” for explaining when she’s the one who brought it up. Oddly, your roommate didn’t remember about your parents having a calico cat.
I’m sure it must have come up–cat people talk about all their cats. Anyway, for the record it is not weird that your BF got you a calico kitten, knowing that your parents have one at home.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and yes, you’re right, it is clear she has a lot of issues.
I’d shoot her a LOL and block her. Her response is beyond bizarre. And I don’t know about where everyone else is from but calicos have got to be the most common type of cat around here. But even if she had some super rare breed it would still NOT be weird for you to get one of your own.
If you happened to live with a Corgi once and then went on to get one of your cause you loved it that would be NORMAL.” User
17. AITJ For Wanting To Spend My Birthday Alone Despite My Friend's Insistence?
“I (22F) do not like celebrating my birthday. Last year I said I wasn’t going to do anything but my favorite artist had a concert+meet & greet on my birthday and I took my friend A(22M) with me because he liked her as well and I didn’t want to go alone.
I guess he took that as me changing my mind for some reason. So this year he’s been asking me what I want to do and originally I said a house party but that’s not going to work so I elected to my original plan of nothing.
That’s not what he wanted to hear, so he’s been pestering me to change my mind by saying things like “Spending your birthday alone is CRAZY” or “You don’t want to spend it by yourself” or “I’d be a bad friend if I let you spend my birthday alone.” And usually when he does this I just ask him to drop it, but tonight he’d been annoying all night and I was fed up.
I very firmly told him to stop asking me about my birthday and it’s annoying me. I already told him nicely to stop asking several times prior. He immediately shut me down called me rude and that I shouldn’t talk to him like a child because it’s disrespectful.
That he was simply trying to be a good friend a push me towards a good time and I shouldn’t make him feel guilty for wanting to do that.
I told him that I didn’t want a party. I don’t want to be celebrated. I want to be ALONE.
So him pushing me towards something I’ve repeatedly told him I DON’T WANT is going to annoy me. We got into a whole fight where he guilt-tripped me saying that if I didn’t explain why I didn’t want to have a party, my friends were going to be confused and would feel like bad friends if they didn’t celebrate with me.
(This is false, I’ve told my other friends I don’t want to celebrate without trauma dumping and while they may not agree with it, they’re respecting my decision.) So I told him “A real friend would back me in whatever I wanted to do because it’s MY birthday” and I guess that upset him because he shut down the conversation saying he was tired and “didn’t want to read paragraphs about how he’s a bad person”
I’m so sick and tired of repeating myself. I’m tired of having to defend my trauma around my birthday. But this is also a very sensitive time for me, so I’m not sure if my emotions are getting the best of me or if I’m fed up.
Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set a very simple boundary. He ignored it. You reiterated it numerous times, politely. He still ignored it. The only thing you could do was be less polite about it. If he ignores your boundaries repeatedly, he doesn’t get to be upset that you’re mad about it.
I’m also not impressed that he is guilt-tripping you over this. That’s incredibly manipulative, and he’s just doing it to deflect blame. A person who ignores your boundaries, and then attacks you for having them, is not your friend.” refer
Another User Comments:
“He’s being a jerk and calling it friendship.
Doesn’t matter if it is a birthday party, drinks, substances, intimacy, travel, or a cup of tea. If you are offered something and decline, no one has the right to pester you into doing what they think you SHOULD want. He needs a break from you to think about why his wants are more important than yours.
NTJ. ” External-Hamster-991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ some people just don’t give a rip about their birthdays (trauma or no trauma) and some people just don’t seem to get that. As a person that doesn’t care about my birthday I often remind myself that it isn’t about me in my case.
It’s about my friends and family wanting to take the opportunity for us all to get together more than anything else. And, also, to celebrate me a little. They like giving gifts and they like us all together because it’s one of our few excuses to do that in all of our busy lives.
So that’s how I’m ok with having a “bday party” for me.” User
16. AITJ For Asking My In-Laws To Learn Sewing And Baking Instead Of Relying On Me?
“My mother taught me how to sew and bake at an early age. Consequently, I would say I’m pretty good at both. Since I got married, my in-laws have occasionally asked me to hem dresses for them and to bake cookies or cupcakes for random events.
I didn’t mind because I would take it as a compliment that they would want me to do this for them.
However, recently my sister-in-law has taken up thrifting, so she has been dropping off about three items a week for me to alter. My mother-in-law started a new job about 4 months ago, and she has asked me to bake for her monthly work potlucks.
I have never charged them, but my sister-in-law will bring me Starbucks and my mother-in-law will bring me the ingredients for whatever I am baking. The truth is that I am now feeling resentful about being expected to do things for them when they could just learn how to do this themselves.
I have offered to teach them, but they always say that they don’t need to learn since they like the way I do things.
This month I told them that I could still help them with each project but they have to stay and hang out with me while I do them.
This way they can watch and learn so they can eventually do it on their own. I told my mother-in-law what day and time to be at my home so we could bake the cupcakes together. She said she might not be able to. So I said, “If you don’t come to hang out then you’ll have to stop by a bakery and buy them instead”.
Two weeks ago my sister-in-law dropped off 2 dresses for me to alter the hem, and I told her that I’ll get to them whenever she can come over and watch how I do it. She said she would let me know, but hasn’t yet. She didn’t look too happy with this.
We all get along and I know they like me, and I know that it’s not that they don’t want to hang out with me, it’s just that they don’t want to learn. I think they just want me to keep doing it for them.
After I told my husband about all this, he implied that I was mean for changing how I do things. And that if I don’t want to do these projects for them, then just say so. I think it’s only fair. I’m sure my in-laws also think that I’m a jerk for my new expectations.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. You’re not being mean, you’re setting healthy boundaries. Your in-laws have been taking advantage of your skills without realizing it. You’ve been super generous with your time, and now you’re just asking for some company while you work. That’s fair.
Your offer to teach them is more than reasonable. If they don’t want to learn or hang out, they can find other options. You’re not their tailor or baker. Your husband’s wrong to call you mean. You’re not refusing outright – you’re just changing the terms a bit.
That’s okay. It’s fine to value your time and effort. Stick to your guns on this one. If they appreciate your work, they should be cool with your new setup or find alternatives. Don’t let them make you feel bad for setting boundaries.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For starters “changing how you do things” is necessary for growth, and your in-laws refuse to grow despite your generous offers to teach. Secondly, your husband needs to have your back, especially when it comes to doing endless favors for his family.
I think you should tell him that and hopefully, he can help broker an arrangement that everyone is satisfied with.” Backinactionfinally
Another User Comments:
“To them, you provide a service on demand because, familyyyyyy. You don’t mind offering the occasional service, but this is now a regular occurrence that they hit you up for.
With the increased frequency of asks, it makes sense that they start to learn. They’re not willing to invest in that. But this isn’t working for you any longer. You can tell your husband this: No one told you that when marrying him you were also signing onto tailoring x/month and baking x/month, and also on demand.
He is welcome to step up. Love these boundaries. Keep them up!” Snackinpenguin
15. AITJ For Telling My Entitled Cousin She Can't Always Get What She Wants?
“I’m a 21 F who lives alone in a big city I moved to recently. My aunt, uncles, and 4 cousins (their kids) live in the same city as me and we would regularly do brunch or spend time going to parks or walks when I don’t have to work.
One of my cousins let’s call her Prim who’s 14 is obsessed with Stanley cups. I don’t see the rave about them but my cousin can’t live without hers. She has 12 of them with their accessories and she always raves about how awesome it feels to own one.
My uncle would usually get her the cups if she did well in school.
The issue that I’m having with my cousin is that the recent themed cups I believe it’s the Glinda the Good Witch cups came out and everyone was going crazy trying to get them including my cousin.
My aunt called me over to her home last week because she had a surprise for me, when I went she handed me the recent edition cup and told me that since I didn’t have one she got me one.
Prim was sitting next to me on the couch and I saw her facial expressions riddled with shock and disbelief.
She asked her mom why would she get me one and not her and my aunt said that she had so many she didn’t need anymore because she was tired of cleaning them all for her. My cousin snatched, yes Prim snatched the cup out of my hands and told me that I wouldn’t appreciate the value of the cup so she’d take it and my uncle took it from her and told her that he was planning on getting her one the following week but she wouldn’t be getting it anymore because she took mine like a bully.
Prim got all huffy and puffy at me and said that my moving here ruined her life and that the cup I got should be hers. I told her that in life we don’t always get what we want and feel entitled to someone else’s stuff and she needs to learn to not be so entitled. My uncle agreed but my aunt said that I should’ve just let it go because now she’s going to be behaving like a brat at them.
I told her that she was the parent and she shouldn’t be afraid of a 14-year-old.
After I left with the cup I just have it sitting on my countertop because this darn cup is causing a rift in family ties and I feel like the jerk for it.
Should I have just stayed quiet?”
Another User Comments:
“This one’s an easy call. NTJ. The fact that a 14-year-old girl dared to snatch a cup out of your hands in front of her parents says it all. She’s spoiled and a bully.
She needs to hear exactly what you said to her because it’s the truth. Hopefully, her parents will be able to rein in her behavior before she gets any worse, but I wouldn’t spend another second worrying about being the jerk in this scenario.
Enjoy your cup!” Sad-Athlete-9313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Prim is clearly and completely the jerk here, no question, but let`s talk about Aunt. If Aunt is worried about Prim`s response to you having the cup, she should have given it to you privately.
Uncle is right in agreeing with you, and it`s a complete entitlement (and the fault of the parents) that Prim has behaved this way. If Aunt says you were out of line, it`s because she`s embarrassed by her spawn (rightly so). There`s an even better argument to make here though, and that is that you, as an adult relative, are not out of line telling a youngling off for bad behavior.
You didn`t beat them or threaten them or tell their parents off. You told a young entitled person the truth, and that`s also referred to as teaching.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but this is the most 14-year-old thing I have ever read.
She’s into them because they’re big on TikTok and all of her friends are into them too. Having the most recent is crucial to her. What she needs to know is exactly what you said. Not everything is always about her and her behavior is on her and her parent’s parenting, not on you.
14-year-olds need boundaries to learn how to live life. ” quote
14. AITJ For Not Offering To Pay For My Wife's New Car?
“I 34M live with my 30F wife. No kids and we both are fortunate to make good income in our jobs, both well above average and have lots of disposable income every month after paying bills.
We contribute towards bills in a joint account based on our salaries, which is currently a 60/40 split. Everything left over after paying into the joint account is ours to do with what we want.
I’m generally a saver and am careful with my spending, whereas she’s a spender and goes through every penny of her disposable income every month (no significant monthly outgoings either).
I also saved for and put down the entire deposit on the house when we took out the mortgage, and I then took out significant debt afterwards to pay for renovations she wanted which I paid off myself.
Initially, when we moved in, I had to raise the question of financial arrangements, and my first suggestion was we could put both our salaries into a single pot and then take out a set amount of “pocket money” each month.
She was very against it as it limited her freedom, which I understand so we agreed to pay bills only out of a joint account. We agreed on the minimum living costs plus groceries, and everything outside of that we sort out of our disposable (e.g. car insurance or dentist, etc.).
Despite this, I still pay for most of the household one-off costs where I see it needs doing, as I want her to have more disposable income to encourage her to save.
So anyway, she’s been driving an old car for years, despite being able to afford a new one but was against taking them out on finance.
However, now she wants to get a new car in finance but has expressed disappointment in me as a husband for not offering to help pay for it. My response was “Why do I need to offer to help with it?” given that I pay for my car on finance and we’ve already agreed car costs are not part of the financial arrangement.
I know that comes across as cold, but my point is about the fairness of the request. Given that she’s earning a good income (way more than I was when we moved in even), and is fully able to get herself a car, why is it my duty to “help” her when she is not in a position of need?
I even asked her if she would do the same for me and she said no because “this is something husbands do”. She’s alluded to wanting parts of a traditional marriage, but for me, it’s not fair if she only wants the parts where she gains and none of the parts where she compromises.
To be clear, I’m fully on board with paying for her car if she wants it, but I would like to do it fairly and put my car payments as well with it. She’s refusing to do that because, in her words, “this is something husbands do for their wives” according to her values.
There’s of course way more to this marriage but that broadly encapsulates this particular situation and the context around it. AITJ for not agreeing to this? Is this really something “husbands do” and I’m shirking my responsibilities as a man?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she’s a spender and instead of doing what everyone else does which is budget for her new car, she wants you to pay for it.
She 100% knows you have more savings than her and I guarantee you she’ll spend her money and then seek to spend yours too. Say no.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband and I have a similar financial arrangement. Cars fall outside the arrangement unless it is an urgent need like a car gets totaled and a new one is needed for getting to work.
If that happens, we work out a way to get a car with some joint funds. My husband is happy to drive something until the wheels fall off. I like having cars less than 10 years old. Because it’s a want and not a need, it’s all on me to fund it.
If your wife wants a new toy, she should have to use her play money.” awnm1786
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve already been generous with shared expenses and supported her financially in other ways, even beyond what was agreed upon. It’s fair to want a balanced approach where both of you contribute according to the arrangements you set up together.
Marriage is a partnership, and it shouldn’t be about taking on extra costs just because of traditional expectations, especially when those expectations aren’t applied equally” CalendarMediocre831.
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Support My Sister's College Education?
“I grew up in Chinese American culture (mostly detached from the Chinese culture side since I became an adult, however).
For those who aren’t familiar with Chinese culture, there’s some expectation that parents support their kids after they go to college, and the child will support the parents in the future.
My parents are divorced and toxic and neither of them works. They are ~60 years old, so retirement age.
They both have about $ 1 million in assets each — I don’t know if this is relevant, but just throwing it out there.
My sister is about to go to college. She’s a top student so there’s some expectation she’ll end up going to some expensive college where she’d have to pay a significant amount of tuition out of pocket.
I work in tech and make a lot of money compared to the average person. I’m not saying this to brag, but it’s relevant to my family’s thought process. I keep getting passive-aggressive subtle comments from my dad that there’s some expectation I help out my sister.
I could be overthinking, but here’s the thing. My dad cannot communicate assertively and directly. There’s always hidden meaning behind what he asks. If he wants something, he won’t directly ask for it, so growing up I learned to never take anything he says at face value, and he has not changed in that regard.
I’m 95% sure he has this expectation given my conversations with him, but he’s refusing to directly state it (the 5% uncertainty is me overthinking).
I was thinking of just telling him he needs to communicate directly with me about what he wants, or we’re just not going to talk at all.
I’m tired of these mind games he plays.
Regardless of what he says, I don’t want to support my sister financially. I’ve paid for a lot of vacations for her and my dad already. I’ve not expected any “thank yous” but lately I realized I’ve bought and paid for them a lot, and have never received a “thank you” or a “I appreciate you.”
Regardless, don’t want to continue to support them in any way going forward. It’s not my responsibility. In my opinion, the amount of money I make is irrelevant. If my parents want to support her financially, they can do it, but it’s not my responsibility.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your responsibility. However, if your dad likes to beat around the questions, why are you not just straight out asking him if that is what he expects and then giving him a straight answer? Seems you are kinda playing the same game, rather than bringing it out in the open and getting it off your chest. It is not your job to support your sister.
Did your parents pay for you to go to college and maybe culturally think you are to pass on that support? Anyway just ask him straight out and answer him straight out.” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“You feel guilty because you’ve bought into the idea that you are somehow responsible for your sister and your parents.
Now it’s time to a) be utterly obtuse. Don’t read between the lines. Don’t play the game. If he wants something, he has to ask. Don’t offer anything. B) Just say no. Distance yourself, go low contact, or whatever you need to do, but close the bank.
Bar the doors. Your parents’ expectations don’t have to be yours and at some point, you’ll have to tell them so, but until then, just say no. Incidentally, if you need to hear this, just because you have money it doesn’t make you selfish not to pay for them.
You earned it and can spend it as you like and spending out of guilt is not the way you want to do it. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Since your parents funded your college I’m not sure why you think you should be funding your sister now.
Is it because your parents are retired? I’d ignore the father unless he asks. I tend to ignore people who can’t be direct, not because of cultural differences, but to manipulation. It annoys me no end and I too stopped playing that game.
So conveniently for you, he may never ask. If he asks and you feel pressured to help perhaps you can then stop funding their vacations. Tell them it’s not in your budget and it’s one or the other. Stop sharing income and savings info with them.
If you’re serious about bypassing the cultural expectation to help out you have to start being discreet and start weaning them off. ” Firm-Molasses-4913
12. AITJ For Letting The Cops In For A Wellness Check On My Mother?
“I live in a house with my two brothers, my little brother’s partner, and my mother. Last night was normal. I was prepping for a new online job and talking to friends.
My mom had been out helping a friend, Jamie, whose mother has progressed Alzheimer’s. My mom helps Jamie’s mother when Jamie is at work.
My mom doesn’t get paid but uses Jamie’s car to attend classes, so she’s obligated to help because of this. It was around 2 A.M. when I noticed my mom hadn’t been home.
I called her, and she sounded like she was slurring her words, which worried me. I asked if she was intoxicated (she’s been sober for almost a year). She said no, and we talked. She said she was staying over because it was too late to drive.
Ten minutes later, Jamie called, saying everything was okay and she didn’t get my mom intoxicated. It made me more suspicious, but I didn’t say anything and agreed with her. I wanted to go to bed and hoped she wasn’t drinking while on anti-depressants.
I went to bed and woke up to a normal day.
Until my brother told me there was a missing person’s report on our mother. Confused, we called Jamie. Apparently, early in the morning, my mom had a manic episode and called a Lyft. We were all worried. She finally got back and locked herself in her room.
Then I saw cops at our door, and I panicked.
The cops asked if we had seen our mother. I said yes, and they asked me to come in. They said it was for a wellness check to see if she needed to be on a psych hold.
The missing person’s report wasn’t filed by us but by Jamie, with more information than I knew. The cops went in, and talked to my mom, and she felt betrayed. She was sober and gave me dirty looks, calling us names and saying she wasn’t going to hurt herself.
The cops took her to the patrol car. I spoke to an officer who said there were scratch and bite marks on her wrist from earlier. I don’t know what she was trying to do, but I wanted to make sure she was safe. She had a few sips of booze while on anti-depressants.
I’m having a hard time processing this and feel filled with dread.
Am I The Jerk for letting the cops in for a wellness check on my mother? I need outside perspectives on this. I just feel so terrible about this I just wanted to make sure she was okay, she’s my only parent.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom was acting in a way that was making everyone concerned. You had no way of knowing if she was or wasn’t a danger to herself and if she had been, the police would have been there to help open the bedroom door that she locked and such.
I would try my best not to take your mom’s current feelings to heart. If she’s struggling with her mental health and having manic episodes, she’s likely not thinking rationally.” typical.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t call them, Jamie did. You don’t know what happened while your mom was out of the house, and Jamie gave you reason to worry.
I will say if your mom is even potentially unstable, she probably shouldn’t be participating in the care of an Alzheimer’s patient. It can be extremely stressful and the patient can be unpredictable. (Wondering if the bites and scratches are from the Alzheimer’s patient and not self-inflicted.)” jillian512
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You didn’t make the call, even though it may have been warranted BEFORE Jamie made that call. If your mother is going to do stupid things like fall off the wagon and lie about it, and the fact that she’s mixing meds, she needs to assume someone is going to notice and be worried/upset by it.
She shouldn’t be driving anymore if she’s driving high. She needs to find another way to go to classes. As for the cops showing up: They were doing their job. They have to follow up, and if you’d refused they would have noted that and there may have been consequences for such a suspicious denial. They may have thought you were OK with her driving intoxicated or…..” SubjectBuilder3793
11. AITJ For Changing My Phone Password After My Partner Snooped Through It?
“I (29M) have been seeing my partner (25) for around a year.
2 months ago she had asked to grab a picture of us that I took on my phone so I just gave her my password and didn’t really think much of it as things have been going well for awhile.
Since then I have seen her a few times playing a game on my phone (paid ones that she doesn’t want to pay for) and didn’t really care that she had access to it. I just assumed that she was playing games on it.
I have a group of friends from college that we still text daily with lots of jokes in a group chat.
My partner knows about the friends and has met most of them but I don’t really tell her what we talk about because most of it is inside jokes.
Well, last night my partner and I were talking and she made one of the inside jokes.
I didn’t remember telling her this so I asked if I had and she says she read my buddy making the joke in the group chat. For me, that was surprising as I just never really expected her to snoop like that. Most of my life people have had access to stuff but as far as I know never exploited that and in certain cases at least I would have known if they had.
I asked my partner about it and she was very open that she’s gone through texts from months ago, going through all my photos, videos, messenger apps, pretty much my whole phone and she has used it a lot of times even when I wasn’t aware.
She said she likes learning about me.
I did get upset and told her that I felt that my entire privacy was violated. She argued that the thing about us sharing that stuff is that we aren’t keeping secrets or needing privacy and that we communicate everything.
I have had every opportunity to go through her phone but honestly, I never felt the need. I never really felt she was being dishonest or keeping secrets or anything.
We argued over it and eventually, I slept in the other room and during the night changed my phone password and turned off facial recognition.
I told her I did it this morning as I do need my privacy and she was very upset and refused to talk to me all day. Honestly, no idea where she is right now so I just need to know if I am the jerk for what I did?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m calling NTJ. You are entitled to setting your boundaries regarding privacy and it seems like your partner has taken liberties with access to your phone that crosses the line between intrusive and nosy, bordering on creepy. There are better ways for her to learn about you than scouring your past text conversations.
In retrospect, it might have been less confrontational if you’d just changed your access without broadcasting it but I don’t think your reaction was out of line. She’s exhibiting a sense of entitlement with this notion that “trust” involves her being able to scour your phone on demand.
If this is a deal-breaker for her, you’re better off getting with someone who doesn’t feel that need.” DropstoneTed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She took advantage of a privilege you gave her. You gave her the password for a very specific reason, and she then very deliberately way overstepped your trust. She didn’t even have the grace to tell you first about the whole not needing privacy and just assumed it was OK with you.
This is not a good sign – it’s not only a breakdown in communications, but it means that she has no consideration for your opinions of subjects – that she thinks that if she thinks it is OK, your opinion is irrelevant. In short, you are her possession.
And now she is punishing you for having an opinion that is different from hers by not speaking to you. It is perfectly fine, and often necessary, for people in a relationship, whether seeing each other or married, to have some level of privacy for themselves.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“To each their own. I’ve had relationships where I’ve let my partner have some access to my phone and vice versa but that’s a privilege, not a right. Most of those privileges have gone to my wife and even so, that permission has never been for her to read through all my messages either.
Privacy is a two-way street. It’s not just a matter of my partner invading my privacy but the privacy of the person speaking to me. That other person didn’t sign up for that. I’m not hiding anything so I don’t mind if my wife uses my phone for whatever reason but once again I’m not by any means obligated to fork it over.
I would never let a partner go through my phone like that and I think you’re setting a bad precedent by allowing your partner to be privy to every private conversation you have. That’s not what trust is.” Maverick_Unlimtd
10. AITJ For Refusing To Keep The House Cold And Paying Less Utility Bill?
“I (22F) rent a small house with two other girls the same age as me, since June of this year.
Over the summer, the other two were adamant about keeping the house cold (around 65-66 degrees), saying they both run hot. It was in the 80’s and low 90’s for most of the summer so for the most part I was ok with it, I just had to wear a hoodie and sweatpants whenever I was at home.
Now that it is fall, they aren’t changing their minds on the temperature of the house. It has yet to get below freezing at night, but it is getting close. This morning when I woke up it was 38 degrees, and the highs now are between 55-60 degrees.
Earlier this week, I told my roommates that we should no longer be keeping the house so cold, especially when it is colder outside. They both said to “check back in” when it gets below freezing, and they weren’t concerned about it until then.
It was so cold when I woke up yesterday that I was shivering as I was getting ready for work.
Last night, I turned the thermostat to 70 and told them not to touch it. When I woke up this morning (again, 38 degrees outside), I was still very cold and had slept in a full flannel pajama set and thick socks. They woke up and immediately started complaining that they were too hot while they slept and we needed to turn the temperature back down today.
I told them no and then had to leave.
They have been texting in our group chat about keeping the temperature at 66 until it gets below freezing. They told me “majority rules” when it comes to house temp and then sent me links to space heaters, heated blankets, and snuggies.
I told them they were both incredibly unreasonable for wanting to keep the house that cold in the fall when it was just barely above freezing at night.
Finally, I told them that I was sick of paying for the very high utility bill because they wanted it so cold.
I told them that if I was expected to “invest” in ways to keep myself warm, then I would be paying a smaller portion of 1/3 of the utility bill. That’s the price of wanting to keep it cold when I have asked many times that we don’t.
One girl told me I was being a “complete jerk” and making a big deal out of nothing. The other told me to stop being so dramatic.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it can ruin an air conditioner to have it running when it is cold.
From Google “It is generally considered bad to run your air conditioner when it is cold outside because it can damage your unit by causing the condenser coils to freeze, leading to potential malfunctions and increased wear and tear on the system; most manufacturers recommend not operating an AC when the outdoor temperature drops below 60 degrees Fahrenheit.” “Operating an AC in cold weather significantly decreases its efficiency, resulting in higher energy bills.
” You could complain to the landlord… Tell them they are risking having to pay for an HVAC unit if they don’t knock it off/ ask them to sign something waiving your responsibility and acknowledging you told them not to.” pixp85
Another User Comments:
“They’re the ones who are inconsiderate and self-centered. If they’re that warm they should be shuffling around in their bikinis.
They don’t get to make up rules – it requires all to agree (usually a compromise). It’s almost as if you’re there solely to reduce their outgoings. Suggest you see if you can get out sooner. Talk to your landlord, if you can get a replacement they may let you out of your lease, gratis.
And do try to pick the most unpleasant and unhygienic person you can find.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“In what world…? NTJ They’re failing to comprehend that this will damage the unit, but also how rudimentary nature science works. Open the windows and run fans.
If you have ceiling fans, make sure their blades are moving clockwise to create an updraft in the room. The fact that their solution to running up a high utility bill is more electronics that will also run up a higher utility bill is insane.
I was thrilled this week it dipped below 70 during the day so I could turn off my poor beleaguered AC and let the fresh air in to cool things. And it got to under 66 way faster than it would have with AC alone AND it felt better throughout the house.” steadycoffeeflow
9. AITJ For Not Attending My Best Friend's Wedding Because My Wife Isn't Invited?
“I (35f) have known my best friend (34f) since she was born (our parents were friends in college).
As long as I can remember, we’ve always been inseparable. We went to different high schools and then different states for college and yet we have remained closer than ever. This bond grew especially because my parents died when I was 18 and since then her parents took it upon themselves to act as my family, inviting me over for the holidays, sending me care packages, etc. And so, she became the closest thing I have to a sibling.
A few weeks ago, my best friend (let’s call her Anya), her fiancé, and I visited our hometown where we stayed with Anya’s parents for a few days to plan her wedding. It was all going well until we got to the guest list. The guest list had pretty much been finalized at this point but it was my first time seeing it.
I noticed that my name didn’t have a plus one and that my wife’s name wasn’t on the list at all. I assumed that it must have been a mistake so I asked Anya about it casually in front of everyone. As soon as I asked, she got all tense and looked at her fiancé and parents weirdly.
At this point, it was clear to me that something was going on that I didn’t know about. I asked her what was going on and Anya cleared her throat awkwardly before telling me that the reason my wife wasn’t on the list was because she wasn’t invited.
I was shocked. Anya and my wife aren’t particularly close but they have always been friendly with each other and never had bad things to say about the other person. I asked her why, thinking it might have been a financial issue. She again looked around awkwardly before eventually telling me the truth.
She was afraid that having my wife at her wedding and us being seen as an openly queer couple would take attention away from her on her big day.
I feel it is important to mention at this point that Anya and I are both South Asian and Anya’s wedding is going to take place in India (although we live in the US) so that all her relatives and parents’ friends can attend.
At such a traditional event, it would indeed be an uncommon sight to see an openly queer couple together and honestly, it likely would take some of the attention off of Anya on her wedding day. Knowing that I can’t blame Anya for wanting one day where the focus is solely on her and her soon-to-be husband.
However, I also don’t think I can attend an event where my partner isn’t welcome, regardless of the reason. My wife is the most important person in the world to me and although I respect Anya’s decision, I can’t bring myself to go to another country and the wedding without my wife.
Anya, her parents, and our family friends are all extremely hurt by this decision and are telling me that I am being selfish. After everything that Anya and her family have done for me, I can understand why. But it still doesn’t change my decision to not attend the wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your spouse are a family unit and as such your spouse is your primary loyalty. Period. Ahead of other family members, and ahead of friends. It would be hurtful to your spouse and to your marriage to be dropped whenever outside people decided that they didn’t feel like recognizing your relationship and you were ok with that.
Frankly, I don’t understand the bride’s issue. Are you and your spouse planning on “making out” in public at this wedding? Of course not. It would be bizarre for ANY couple to do so. Ergo, there is no problem. For your good friend not to have discussed this with you in advance means you aren’t as good friends as you thought you were.
You can’t count on her doing the honorable things in life. Good to know going forward. Please note that this judgment stands no matter what gender one’s spouse is: with committed couples, both get invited.” MistySky1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you’re a bit naive.
I am not Indian but my family is originally from a country with an old mentality that isn’t exactly as accepting as the US or EU. You can’t go on with your wife like if you were in the States, you will be putting yourself in danger.
You just assumed your wife was invited? Ok. Did you receive an invitation? If not, why didn’t you bring it up earlier? And if so you should talk about the elephant in the room. As much as everyone will hate me for saying. You being LGBTQ should have been discussed on how to manage at the wedding if you’re going to a country where you aren’t safe just because of who you are.
You can’t exactly go there and tell everyone you’re married (let’s be honest the aunties will ask) then tell people you’re married to a woman. Best-case scenario people will be uncomfortable, in the worst-case scenario you could get hurt. Still, NTJ because your wife is your family and she didn’t even have the decency to tell you she wasn’t invited let alone have a discussion with you about her worries.” Otherwise_Degree_729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Throughout my life, in situations where I have known about a couple where one spouse isn’t invited to a wedding, for whatever reason, the other partner always chooses not to go as well. (this is the US) So it’s certainly understandable that you wouldn’t want to attend an event where your spouse isn’t welcome.
What’s especially sad is your “best friend” didn’t even bother to tell you beforehand. It would’ve been easier, and less of a shock to you, if she’d sat you down and explained the situation.” troppo
8. AITJ For Remaking My Sister's Deviled Eggs For A Family Tea Party?
“I (23F) and my sister (35F) were invited to a family tea party with my aunts and cousins. My sister was asked to make deviled eggs, which she was excited about. However, she has this weird way of making them she uses sour cream instead of mayo, skips the mustard, and the only seasoning she adds is McCormick imitation bacon bits.
Honestly, they’re bland, don’t look cute and to top it off, she left them sitting out on the counter for way too long for my liking before putting them in the fridge. I was kind of grossed out.
While my sister went out, I decided to remake the eggs.
I made them the traditional way—with mayo, mustard, real chopped bacon bits, and a little garnish on top. I even made sure to immediately put them in the fridge so they wouldn’t spoil.
Fast forward to the tea party, and when it was time to set up the food, my aunts were raving about how good the deviled eggs looked. My sister smiled and thanked them, but then she paused and stared at them confused. She realized they weren’t hers.
Right in front of everyone, she turned to me and asked, “Did you replace my eggs?” I panicked and lied, saying I accidentally dropped hers on the floor and quickly remade them. She accepted my excuse but looked irritated. I could feel the tension for the rest of the party.
On the car ride home, she exploded on me. She was furious, asking why I would mess with her eggs, and accused me of thinking I knew better than her. I was trying to stay calm and give my reasoning but she kept yelling over me.
I got annoyed and snapped back saying that her deviled eggs aren’t good, that they’re always bland and look like goop, and that nobody ever likes them. I even said that people usually throw her other food away when she’s not looking because they don’t want to hurt her feelings.
She went silent for a second, and then she started screaming. She told me I was a “jerk”, and that I was humiliating her in front of the family. She accused me of micromanaging and always trying to undermine her. She even said I ruined the tea party for her and made her look stupid in front of everyone.
Now she’s not speaking to me or her, and I’m wondering if I went too far. I thought I was helping, but maybe I should’ve just let her serve her eggs the way she wanted.
AITJ for remaking the deviled eggs ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I was on your side until “I even said that people usually throw her other food away when she’s not looking because they don’t want to hurt her feelings”.
This comment was taking it too far. It wasn’t necessary or constructive and was just said to hurt her feelings.” New-Pea-3721
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were sneaky and dishonest in how you replaced the eggs. You were a dishonest liar at the event, then rude and hurtful in the car.
Yet somehow you wonder if you were a jerk? Why? Because you thought you had good intentions? Towards whom? Because nothing you did was kind or helpful to your sister. *How did you think that would play out?* That your sister wouldn’t notice the eggs that looked different and tasted different?
That she would turn to you in gratitude because you saved the day from her terrible cooking?? What you did was shortsighted, cruel, and dishonest – your reasons for doing it may be ‘explanations’ but they are not ‘excuses’ – there’s a difference.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you’re kind of the jerk here. You may have had good intentions, but remaking your sister’s eggs without telling her was disrespectful. It’s one thing to offer advice or even suggest helping, but secretly replacing her food crossed a line. By doing that, you undermined her effort and embarrassed her in front of everyone.
Then, doubling down and criticizing her cooking when she was already upset made things worse. Instead of stepping in, you could have just let her make the eggs her way, it was her contribution after all” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Getting Frustrated With My Sister's Demand For Space In Shared Areas?
“So as the title says, my sister(16f) is particularly picky about wanting space when using the kitchen or when she wants to be alone. I think it’s valid to want space once in a while, especially because her room is located by the busiest part of the house and there’s always someone there.
I know how it is to need your space as someone who frequently needs space myself as well, so I try to respect her wishes and give her that space as much as I can.
She has been having outbursts of anger toward all of us lately, and while I do know that it’s because she is struggling mentally and I feel bad that she is going through that, however, I feel like it ends up being a problem when these moments become an almost daily routine.
Her moments of attitude and rude have been occurring almost daily lately, and it’s getting to the point where she will rant to me or my parents about what we did to annoy her repeatedly until the behavior is no longer an issue for her.
It’s usually small things most of the time too.
This has led to tension between me and me lately because I’ll be awake and either go to use the bathroom or just walk around my room because I need to grab something or get ready for bed. Regardless of what I’m doing, if she catches me being awake late at night, it’s more than guaranteed that I’m gonna be receiving a long rant in text coming from her about how she’s tired of this happening and how she feels like I don’t respect her boundaries.
It’s frustrating whenever she assumes that I don’t wanna respect her boundaries. That’s all I’ve been trying to do and even though she has a right to react to things, I feel like my efforts are for nothing because she’ll find another reason to be annoyed with me.
I have snapped at her a couple of times recently because I’m frustrated with her behavior, so I didn’t handle myself the best I might’ve been the jerk there but I wanna know what others think.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She shares the house with the rest of the family and doesn’t get to dictate how it’s used. It’s not like you are being unreasonable in wanting to use the shared areas when you need to.
She can stay in her room if she wants alone time. Either a) this is being caused by her mental health issues and she needs some help to allow her to manage it better. Or b) she is an entitled jerk who expects everyone around her to live the way she wants them to.
Either way, it’s not your fault.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“You can’t unilaterally assert boundaries over other people and shared spaces. She CAN stay in her room – that is her choice and her autonomy. She CAN tell everyone to stay out of her room – that’s her space.
She cannot tell others when they can inhabit shared spaces any more than they can tell her when she cannot inhabit shared spaces. She’s haywire and this has to be discussed and decided mutually.” ArmadilloDays
Another User Comments:
“She wants alone time in a home that has multiple people in it??
If she wants alone time she can bloody well stay in her room. Dictating when people can and can’t use a room or telling them they need to go to sleep is ridiculous and she needs to be put in her place. Honestly kids these days think the world has to accommodate their every whim” Suspicious-Shoe-2260.
6. AITJ For Telling My Parents Not To Sue The School Over My Sister's False Bullying Claims?
“The latest claim from Maddie was that a girl “Nora” was harassing her and calling her ugly/bullying her for her body in the locker rooms. My parents came to the school guns blazing and revving to get Nora expelled for what she did to precious Maddie.
The school was prepared for this meeting and had two other girls there who were both witnesses to the incident. My parents parroted Maddie’s story about Nora bullying and harassing her, and both the girls who were witnesses explained that wasn’t what happened.
The girls both said Maddie accused Nora of checking her out. Nora just said that she wasn’t checking Maddie out or attracted to Maddie at all and to leave her alone. Nora only spoke in self-defense of herself after Maddie went up to her first and didn’t say anything else to Maddie.
If I were our parents, I would have apologized for what happened, made Maddie apologize, and then grounded Maddie for being a liar and instigator in the first place. Nope. Now my parents claim it was still bullying and are bluffing about wanting to sue the school for not defending Maddie, punishing Nora, and disciplining the two witnesses for not “intervening.”
My “Uncle Daniel” is a paralegal and is currently in law school. On Sunday, my parents told me to text Uncle Daniel and ask why he’s not responding to them because he has the connections to help them sue the school.
I got fed up and told my parents that Uncle Daniel’s probably ignoring them because this situation was just so stupid.
I also said that instead of being overzealous and fighting with the school, they should tell Precious Maddie to just mind her own business. I guarantee that most of her social dramas will go away if she does that.
I got grounded and had my phone confiscated for being disrespectful.
So now I’m writing this on a school computer. My parents said I was acting like a brat and a 16-year-old who’s never paid bills has no place to dictate what they do.
In my opinion, that’s true to an extent. But if Uncle Daniel and our other relatives won’t tell them, they need to hear from somebody else that suing the school is a dumb idea and Maddie should quit being an instigator.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like a bad case of golden child to me. Your uncle has the right idea. I know its hard, but you’re going to. You may not pay bills but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to voice your concerns.
I’d say maybe talk to your uncle. Ask for his advice, maybe look into some part-time work if you can to save up a bit of funds, and keep it in either a sole bank account or a secure place that only you know about.
Just in case.” Confused_Squish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I suggest you pick fights that matter a LOT to you. Let Maddie destroy her reputation amongst her peers. You just need to distance yourself from this liar. Excel in school for full scholarship so it will enable you to have mental & physical distance from immediate family.
Remember to select a job also out of state. Keep career & financial plans a secret so they cannot bug you to guide/help Maddie, etc.” Haunting_Green_1786
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think at 16 you just need to bide your time before you can get out of the house.
Stay out of the drama, ignore it as much as possible. Focus on school and try to get a good education and a good job so you can distance yourself from them in the future if necessary. Your sister will be unhappy in life since she’s used to getting her way so be prepared. Financial freedom is the best solution when your family is annoying!” Billie_is_tripping
5. AITJ For Teasing My Cousin As Usual And Being Told To Be Nicer By My Aunt?
“I (15)F and my cousin (21)M (we’ll call him Dave) joke around and give each other a hard time a lot, that’s just how we are with each other. We tell each other to shut up tease each other and playfully make fun of each other.
That’s how he and my other cousins are with each other. My other cousin (16)F and I spent the night at our Aunt (39)F (we can call her Clair) and Dave’s house last night. Dave and I didn’t interact much while my other cousin and I were over.
Dave mostly just played his video game while Clair and our other cousin watched Netflix. Clair brought me and my cousin home a couple of hours ago and when I got out of the shower, I found a message from her.
“Hey, love. Wanted to talk to you about something but didn’t want to say it in front of everyone.
I also know it’s not intentional and don’t want to upset you or give you panic attacks or anything and still want us to all have fun tonight, so I wasn’t sure if I should. But want us all to be good and close and have open communication.
But can you please try to be a little nicer to Dave? Like I said, I know it’s intentional, but lately, it seems like the main communication with you two is you saying stuff to him or telling him to shut up a lot and I can tell it’s hurting his feelings.
I know he can be overwhelming and annoying, which I talked to him about and I can tell he’s been working on being better about it. Also if he is doing something that’s bothering you, just tell him please and he said he’ll listen and stop.
But lately, he’s usually not doing anything or just being a little silly which is his personality. He said he’s been trying to be better about it and tries to be friends with you all. So just something I thought we could all work on and everyone be friends and get along.
We love you lots! Please don’t be upset, just wanted to communicate and everyone be good and on the same page. Between us, he said it hurts his feelings and he feels like you don’t like him anymore.”
In the past, Dave has gone too far when messing around and I’ve told him to stop and he wouldn’t, and then he got upset and ignored me and our other cousin while refusing to talk it out.
Clair also constantly handles things like this for him instead of making him handle things like people hurting his feelings.
Like I said I barely interacted with Dave yesterday and today because we were all watching Netflix and he was playing a video game. When I did interact with him, I asked him if I could come to do something with him soon.
Then later that night I made a joke with him and then he asked if I wanted to come see one of his new animals. I went to his room with him and when we came back he told Clair I had done something really bad that I hadn’t done.
I got upset and told him to shut up because I hadn’t done that and Clair told me it was fine because she knew he was just joking.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your adult male cousin shouldn’t be dependent on his younger(minor) female cousin for validation and attention.
It is completely unhealthy and your aunt may be creating a predator and not even realize it. All of this gives me a bad feeling. Time to limit contact with both parties, auntie enabler and creepy adult cousin who needs age and relationship-appropriate friendships.” ZookeepergameNo719
Another User Comments:
“If we give everyone the benefit of the doubt, maybe your older male cousin thought a confrontation would be better from a woman. Or maybe your aunt noticed abusive language and just wanted to put an end to it. At any rate, the older you get, the less you should communicate insults with people you love.
You never know when something might hit home or trigger depression in someone. Encouragement is always better. I think your response to your aunt was mature. There are plenty of Redditors ready to call everyone creeps and tell you to go no contact with your family who you love.
That’s not the way. Your response is.” ever Ellie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think your aunt is concerned for her son. She is trying to address it in the best way possible. She isn’t meaning harm or blame. It seems to me that she feels the reason he didn’t interact much is because he is withdrawing and she doesn’t want that to happen.
She knows her son best so maybe just have some sympathy and do as she asks. He may have said something to her in confidence that it bothers him but doesn’t want to say it to the cousins. Your aunt seems wonderful and by reading what she wrote she cares for everyone involved and doesn’t want to offend anyone.
You’re lucky to have a family that communicates and not just avoid the issues. Don’t take it as a personal attack because it isn’t meant that way, she chose her words carefully.” Weickum_
4. AITJ For Resenting My Best Friend's Reckless Behavior And Poor Choices?
“I (24F) and my best friend (22F) have been close for 6-7 years. We met in high school and would always hang out, enjoying each other’s company.
Our families are also close, with her mom like a second mom to me. Things have gotten weird over the past year. We planned a vacation to Greece, just the two of us, and it was our first big trip without our families.
For context, my friend has always been boy-crazy, constantly in relationships and waiting for the next guy.
It’s never been a huge issue, and she’s often the victim in abusive or toxic relationships or with inappropriate age gaps. I’ve always felt bad for her, thinking she’d learn from her mistakes, but she never does. It bothers me because she ends up in situations she can’t escape, and I get that it’s hard to leave abusive relationships—but why keep going for the same type of guy?
It’s exhausting as her friend to always help pick up the pieces. The only way she ever leaves a guy is when she finds a new one.
In Greece, on the third day, we were at a bar, both intoxicated. I wasn’t worried because we always had each other’s backs.
She flirted with a guy—no big deal, I was doing the same. But later, I couldn’t find her and learned from the bartender that she had left with the guy without telling me. I freaked out, thinking she was kidnapped, and had to walk home alone.
She didn’t come back until 7 a.m. That’s when everything shifted. I realized we weren’t on the same page anymore, and everything she did started bothering me.
I still love her and she’s one of my closest friends, but I can’t keep up with the same drama.
She talks about focusing on herself and maybe going back to school, but it never happens. All she does is go out and drink, and now she’s talking to multiple guys, including two coworkers, the guy from Greece, and someone I was supposed to go out with next week.
She casually dropped his name in conversation, and I didn’t even know they were talking. I was shocked because this was a guy I liked in high school.
It’s not about that one guy, but it frustrates me that she just talks to anyone who shows her attention.
I’m torn—I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I feel myself becoming nasty toward her because of the resentment I have over her choices. I don’t think we have anything in common anymore, and I’m starting to hate her for her poor decisions.
Am I the jerk for feeling this way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for starting to feel resentment, but you’d be the jerk if you let it develop into hatred without properly communicating things with her. Jumping from one abusive relationship to the next or anyone that gives her attention is a very real struggle not unique to your friend.
You don’t have to and I don’t fully understand the cause, but believe me when I say it stems from issues out of her control, and she’s probably struggling to align her life with her values. She’s been your best friend for years and while disappearing in Greece was a poor move, you should try, as a good friend, to at least voice out your concerns, how she’s been making you feel, and what she’s done that’s affected you.” DontTaintMyMain
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ and as people grow into their 20s, they often grow in different directions. Doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, but just not as close. She can drift more to your outer or middle circle of friends. If her nonsense becomes too much, then the old “hey, gotta run and do some errands/chores/work/whatever, let’s catch up Saturday/next week/whenever.” Dante2377
3. AITJ For Telling My Wife She's Wrong About Our Spending Habits?
“I (35M) have been married to my wife (32F) for five years, and we’ve been struggling financially for the past few months.
I lost my job about three months ago, and while I’ve found part-time work, it doesn’t pay nearly as much as before. We’ve had to cut back on a lot of things, but it feels like no matter what we do, we’re still living paycheck to paycheck and even pulling from savings.
Recently, my mom (65F) came over to visit, and she noticed how stressed I was about the money situation. She offered some advice on how we could save money—things like cutting down on takeout, meal prepping to avoid buying groceries multiple times a week and switching to cheaper brands.
My mom has always been frugal, especially when she was raising me and my siblings on a tight budget. I thought it made sense, especially since we’re trying to save wherever we can. I asked if she was willing to go through our spending and show where we could cut down.
My wife agreed with this.
She made a whole spreadsheet about our spending, and we are spending way too much on fun stuff. We don’t need Starbucks every day and so on. It also became apparent that most of the fun spending was my wife’s
To be honest, my wife didn’t take the breakdown well and started arguing with my mom that her spreadsheet was wrong. She said that my mom’s way of doing things is “outdated” and doesn’t work for us. She doesn’t want to give up buying organic produce, and she likes having variety in what we eat each week.
I tried to explain that we needed to make some sacrifices if we wanted to get out of this financial hole, but she kept insisting that things weren’t as bad as I was making them out to be and that we just needed to “ride it out.”
My mom left at this point and we were still arguing, and she told me she couldn’t give up her takeout. She also went on about my mom being wrong. That’s when I lost my patience and said, “You’re totally wrong. My mom is right.
She managed to raise three kids on one income, and we can’t even cut back on groceries for a few months?”
My wife got really upset, saying I was being a huge jerk for siding with my mom and that my mom is outdated. She’s barely spoken to me since, and now I’m wondering if I went too far.
But the way I see it, we need to be realistic about our situation, and my mom’s advice could actually help us get back on track.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife agreed to go through your budget with your mom, your mom took the time and effort to review things and then it sounds like your wife was very rude and dismissive.
As far as I know, math hasn’t changed that much in the last 30 years so it’s not clear how your mom’s views are outdated. ” Allaboutbird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everything your mother said still applies. If you’re pulling from savings but still buying Starbucks, takeout, organic groceries, streaming services, etc., it’s time for somebody with some sense to start yelling.
These are the actual priorities: * Rent/mortgage and renters’/homeowners’ insurance * Car payment if applicable and insurance * Health insurance * Utilities/gas for the car * Basic food, although you could look to see what you may be able to get from food banks It sounds like your wife has never had to economize from her baseline, but she’s going to have to learn.
What is her plan once you run out of savings? Keep buying organic while you’re couch surfing?” C_Majuscula
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your wife need a major reality check!! Calling a sensible budget old-fashioned is beyond stupid! A budget is a budget – there’s no expiration on common sense.
In 2008 -2009 when tens of thousands of people lost their jobs, myself AND my husband both got laid off. We did exactly what you did – sat down made a budget and determined what to cut out. Eating out was #1 thing we dropped. My monthly pedicure went away.
Coupon cutting became a religion! I fear for your marriage and financial future if your wife can’t wrap her head around the concept of living within your means!” Ok_Conversation9750
2. AITJ For Wanting A Refund From Our Amateur Wedding Photographer Who Lost Our Photos?
“I got married 3 months ago and we hired a friend/acquaintance to do our wedding photos.
He wanted to get into photography and first did our engagement photos for free for practice. (He offered this on his own but we still gave him a 70 dollar gift as thanks).
They turned out nice so we asked him to do our wedding but insisted on paying.
However, I knew we didn’t have a bunch of money so I told him at least 3+ times he only had to do the ceremony(1 hour or 2 hours max) and they could leave because I didn’t want to have him work all day and feel bad for not giving more.
The most we could give was $250 which would have been 100+/hour for their time. (We had a super low-budget wedding, we didn’t have a lot of money)
But he insisted on taking some cake pics and after-wedding pics with family. I eventually gave in because he genuinely seemed to just want to do the most he could do.
He also helped out with small things which we appreciated and I later offered to take him to dinner as thanks.
Last month he told us he lost the wedding photos but did give us what he had which sadly was nothing from the actual ceremony.
It was only a few pics. One of the cake, 4 photos with family after the wedding, and 2 photos of me and my husband outside the church after the wedding.
Got nothing from the actual ceremony which is all I wanted originally. He offered to refund the amount we gave him + to take some makeup photos at a location.
I accepted the offer but then confusingly they later replied saying that they think they deserve to keep half because they were there the whole day and did other things. And that if they give back half they won’t do any makeup photos. But then why did they offer if they didn’t mean it???
Confused me. The part about not doing makeup photos if they gave half back also rubbed me the wrong way.
I honestly was taken aback by this. I didn’t ask them to stay the whole day or help. They insisted many times to do more than the 1-2 hours of their time I originally asked for.
I appreciate everything they did, but I’m just left frustrated with nothing I originally asked for. I declined to make up photos and told them I was frustrated with how it was being handled, and to just refund what they wanted because I didn’t want to fight.
A month has passed and I haven’t gotten any refund at all, not even half. At this point, I just can’t understand how a person can lose someone’s wedding photos and not feel guilty enough to not send anything. So I’m wondering if I should text them again asking about it, just let it go, or be petty & take them to court for being in my opinion rude about this whole thing.
I want to add in case anyone accuses me of being a bridezilla, I didn’t even want the stress of a wedding, my husband did. So I was super chill about everything.
WIBTJ if I escalate the situation and demand the refund/or be petty and do court/or should I let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would just drop it and chalk it up to a lesson learned the hard way. Professional photographers are professional for a reason. It’s not an easy job by any means. When you work with amateurs (especially when they have zero experience and have no idea what they’re doing, like your friend) you do so *at your own risk* and you are *willingly* taking your chances.
In the end, you get what you pay for.” prairiemountainzen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is why I will never hire family, a friend, or friend of a friend for any kind of work ever again. I had a situation that was difficult to resolve for this reason.
If this were a perfect stranger, you would have no qualms about taking them to small claims court. But because you know them, it’s now awkward. Their behavior is not professional at all. They LOST your freaking wedding photos! It doesn’t matter if they were new, or a friend, or whatever.
They did not do what you paid them to do. It doesn’t matter how much time they spend at your wedding! You deserve your money back.” KateCapella
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you get what you pay for (or realistically in this situation what you didn’t pay for).
He was a friend doing it essentially as a favor with minimal experience. His attitude is rubbish and he certainly won’t make it as a photographer but that doesn’t change what happened. Unless there is a contract or agreement in writing you can’t take it to court either.
One thing though, you say it was just a few hours of work. It’s not. It’s a few hours of taking the pictures but there is a lot more work involved (for professionals) which is why they charge so much (plus decent kit costs decent money plus insurance).” Betelgeaux
1. AITJ For Accusing My DIL Of Favoritism And Refusing To Babysit Her Older Kids?
“My son and DIL have 3 kids, 2 girls and a boy.
The girls are 3 and almost 1 and her son is 4. I’ve always believed she favors the youngest. With the older two, she was going back to work at 12 weeks, had them in daycare all day every day, didn’t breastfeed, and just seemed disinterested in becoming a parent.
It’s night and day with this baby though. She quit her job so the baby wouldn’t be in daycare, she’s into attachment parenting, refused to even try the formula for this one, and refuses to go anywhere without her.
They’re going to move for my son’s job and are taking the weekend to look at houses and explore the area.
My DIL asked if I could take the older two and when I asked about the baby, she said the baby would be coming with them. I asked why she was taking the baby and not the older two and she said it would be so much easier.
She doesn’t have to worry about the kids running around the stage houses, getting bored after touring 5 houses, getting tired, etc., and that the baby will happily stay in the carrier or her stroller. She also mentioned that the baby has never been away from her and she doesn’t want to put her through 2 nights away from mom yet.
She also wants to take the baby out and she thinks it’ll be easier to check out the kid places with only one kid.
I refused. I told her that I think it’s favoritism to take one kid on vacation and leave the others at home, especially when she already has a history of treating her better than the other kids.
The other kids would love to go on this trip and they won’t understand why their mom left them but brought their sister.
She says I have no right to criticize her parenting and that she does not have a favorite. I refused to budge and told her I’d take all of them or none.
She has a friend watching the older two now and told her that I am not allowed to see the kids this weekend because she thinks I’ll talk about her to the kids and cause problems between her and the kids.
My son thinks she’s overreacting but he also thinks I shouldn’t have said anything because I know she had PTSD with the first 2 and she feels guilty about not being a good mom to the first 2.
AITJ for telling her she’s favoring the baby and refusing to watch the older two so she could take the baby on a vacation.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They are not “taking the baby on vacation.” They are going to look at houses, which is a chore, in their new location.
How did you plan to keep the baby for the weekend? And the baby has not been away from mom so it would have been miserable. What did your refusal and tirade accomplish? Well, you aren’t allowed to see your grandkids, you missed out on time with the older two and since they are moving I doubt they will be making a lot of special trips in the future to see you.
Also, doing something different with the newest baby versus the older two is not showing favoritism or treating the baby better. DIL realized she would rather be at home or that childcare would be too expensive for three kids. She struggled with the older two for whatever reason and found the third easier.
Given how judgmental you are I find it unlikely that they will continue a relationship with you.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for saying no to babysitting, but for your reasoning here. It’s a lot easier to hold a small child/baby while looking at homes plus traveling than dealing with two TODDLERS plus a baby.
You certainly aren’t obligated to watch any of your grandchildren, but your reasoning sounds a little ridiculous. Honestly, it sounds like you just don’t like your DIL. You’re just using this as another opportunity to criticize her. So she’s made different parenting choices with her third child?
That’s pretty normal, as you learn what works best for you after the first one or two. Sounds like you should start getting ready to not see ANY of your grandchildren very often anymore.” bokatan778
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for your reasoning. I was going to say it seems like she had PPD with her first two, and then you said it in that last paragraph.
She isn’t a bad mom and they aren’t going on vacation, they’re going to look at houses. The older two would’ve had their vacation with you, which is now instead with a friend. And if the baby is still breastfeeding, of course, she can’t leave the baby.
You chose to judge your DIL, but I didn’t see you mention your son’s decisions on this once. You’re very quick to blame this all on her and that is concerning.” Sami_George
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Not for choosing to not sit with them, as this is your right, but for your reasons Firstly it’s not a “vacation” they’re going to look at houses for their move.
Secondly, parents with multiple children evolve and learn as parents and nothing you’ve posted indicates favoritism, but learning from experience. Plus ppd is a real issue that you seem to take lightly. Finally, all of her points are valid as she is breastfeeding and you don’t want young children running around staged houses, where an infant is a lot easier to control in those situations.
Frankly, you sound bitter, or perhaps you just don’t like your DIL and are looking for any excuse to make her the bad guy” User
