People Try Not To Laugh Off These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
28. AITJ For Venting About My Successful Sister To Friends?
“My sister is the golden child in our family. Perfect grades growing up never had any issues, my parents’ favorite they never bothered to hide it.
I’m the “normal” one, with average grades, average in everything. The problem is my sister always downplays everything she does as being lazy. She says she is lazy and doesn’t put in a lot of effort, while now being a manager at a FAANG company and landing a job at a big cyber security company out of college.
She makes it even harder on me because she tries, maybe not as hard as she should given what she got in life but she doesn’t slack in the way she makes it seem and is just that gifted. My parents are older and seem to think with a bare min of effort I should have achieved what she did.
They gave me so much grief when I had to come back to live with them in my 30s because I had a bad breakup and couldn’t work due to depression.
Now she just bought a home with her husband. A nice home, like a magazine.
She posted about it and there’s been some buzz congratulating my sister. I was drinking with a bunch of friends and spoke poorly of her a bit. It’s my sister, I think it’s expected but yes, I did call her a try-hard, and she’s just always gunning for our parents’ approval without having any ideas of her own.
I’m so sick and tired of being compared to her. She heard from one of them and called me to tell me I was just jealous and I shot back that she is just a try-hard who downplays all her achievements so people will think she is humble when she is self-absorbed. She hung up and my parents were mad because she was not coming for Thanksgiving to avoid me and instead coming a week before.
It doesn’t make a difference but AITJ for venting about her to friends?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s easy to look golden when you’re being compared to tarnish. Grow up, your parents are proud of your sister, she’s not a pick me or a show me or a see me whatever you’re calling her.
She’s just a high achiever who is trying to be a little humble in her accomplishments. You on the other hand can’t handle your own life and complain that your sister’s doing better than you. Your jealousy is displayed when you complain that she just bought a house with a husband and you had to move back home because you broke up with somebody.
You can’t even handle a breakup without losing all your stuff and having to go move home with Mommy and Daddy. And then you blame your sister because you’re being compared to somebody successful while you are not. You’re talking poorly about your sister which is so funny because the only issue in this entire story is your life YTJ, grow up” Even_Enthusiasm7223.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You are trashing your sister in front of your friends for what reason? Because she has succeeded in her goals and has achieved her aspirations? It sounds like you are jealous and filled with sour grapes. You don’t mention your own goals or dreams and maybe that might be the reason why your parents don’t find as much that is brag-worthy.
Your entire post bashes her for being successful and being a high achiever and makes it sound like she’s done all this to outdo YOU. Maybe the real problem is that you lack confidence and pride in what you have done or intend to do, so you blame her.
Try focusing less on what she’s doing or has done and start planning what you want to do with YOUR life. Leaving all else aside, what do you imagine will make your life better and bring joy back into your life? What would you love to master, and learn all you can about?
What would your dream job be? There are many ways that we can excel in the world and it doesn’t have to be measured against anyone else’s life. It’s your life and you can do whatever you wish to do with it. Things that are more productive than trash talk.” Aggressive_Cattle320
27. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Full Price For A Concert Ticket After My Friend Bailed?
“5 months ago, my friend sent me a link to a concert that was happening that she wanted to go to with me.
We both talked about and liked this artist. I agreed and sent her 170 bucks for my ticket and she bought them both.
About two weeks ago she texted me and said she doesn’t want to go anymore because it’s her peak work period and she is trying to save up but that if I found someone else to go with she would sell my ticket to them at a discount.
I said that was ok and a few days after that, I told her we could just sell them both because I didn’t know anyone else who was a fan and would want to go.
She said, “Hmmm maybe.”
I replied “What do you mean?
Do you want to go now?”
She said “I don’t know. Leave it with me.”
I waited a few more days and texted again asking if she had thought about it. She told me she hadn’t had time to think about it.
A few days after that I asked again.
At this point,t I had someone else I wanted to ask that I would gift the ticket to and pay for it myself. But I couldn’t ask them until I knew she wasn’t coming. She left it on read.
I texted again as soon as I saw it left open and she said “Yeah let’s just sell them both”.
I said “I’m going to go now. I’ll buy yours. How much do you want for it?”
She said “170. That’s what we paid for them.”
I said “You want the full price? Didn’t you say you would discount them for someone I’m going with?” And I was left on read.
This was yesterday. The concert is in less than 2 weeks.
I’d kind of get it if this was my idea but the whole thing was her idea and I feel like she’s leaving me scrambling. She still has both tickets. I do not want to fork out the full price after she ditched the plans.
I booked work off for this. I don’t know, it just feels selfish on her part, not as much because she doesn’t want to go anymore but mainly because she’s not giving me time to work anything out on my end and doesn’t seem to care about my time and money.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. If your friend could discount a ticket for someone else, they can surely do it for you too. Your friend is not losing anything by selling you the ticket at a discount they were already planning to do for someone else anyway.
They need to make up their mind if they want to go. Seems like they wanted you to forget about the tickets and somehow make money off of you not going.” anicolee1
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, if I was her I’d just give you the ticket since I was the one who bailed. I know that because I’ve done similar things before.
Asking for a discount is no big ask and she is making it even more of a pain in the rear for you by not responding. Whatever happens with this, use it as a lesson learned, and don’t plan to do something with her again, especially when you aren’t the one in control of the money.
NTJ.” JJQuantum
Another User Comments:
“It’s time to get either your ticket or your money back. It’s as simple as that. Be nice: hey, I’d still like to go to the concert. Do you mind sending me the ticket? I’d like the other ticket too but if that’s not an option please provide mine.
If you still want to go that would be great but if not, or you found another taker to go with, you can give them my ticket and just refund me. No biggie. I know plans change. Remember you also committed yourself to purchasing the ticket and going.
If she bails and doesn’t prove a response, ticket, or refund, then I would reconsider the friendship as a casual, but not invested, type, and no longer make plans with.” Troopersuperpooper
26. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My MIL During Our Marriage Retreat?
“My husband and I are going on a marriage retreat.
We have had these plans for a year now and have been excited since we went to the same retreat last year and now I’m pregnant, so this will be our last trip that’s just us before the baby gets here. My MIL lives about 6 hours away and today (the day before we leave) she said that she would love to see us for lunch/dinner while we on our trip.
For context, last year while we were at the same retreat we met her for lunch and walked with her and her two dogs for a solid 2 hours. I didn’t mind so much last year, but this year I’m refusing to meet her.
For one, money has been tight and the only reason we can make this trip is because we pretty much paid for the whole thing while I was still working (pregnancy has been pretty hard for me). This is probably the last fun trip we can realistically afford for a while, and it’s the last trip that will be just me and my husband for a long time.
I don’t want to see any family on the trip, especially since it’s specifically meant for us to focus on our relationship.
Another issue I have is that we have had these plans for a long time, and we find out less than 12 hours before getting on a flight that we need to check our schedule for the week to fit in a last-minute thing.
Maybe if she had brought it up earlier I would be less mad, but now the picture I have in my head for this trip doesn’t have room for the emotional energy it takes to be social with my MIL.
My husband says that I’m being harsh and that she would be driving pretty far to just have a meal with us.
He stresses that she only has good intentions. I get that, but I don’t care how far she has to drive because she wasn’t invited. If we wanted to have a family trip we wouldn’t go somewhere she has to drive so far to see us.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It makes sense that your MIL wants to see you when you are (sort of) close by. It makes sense that your husband wants to facilitate that. And it makes sense to want to keep the focus on you and your husband, especially with an incoming kid. “Husband, this isn’t about MIL.
It’s about you and me reaffirming and solidifying our relationship before having a baby makes everything crazy and exhausting for the next few years. It’s really important to me for us to have this weekend together and I want all our energy to go towards that.” ” Foreign_Plan_5256
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t get the No jerks here and the YTJs. This is not a family trip. This is a marriage retreat. It’s a couples’ trip, not a family one. You guys though set a precedent when you met her on your first trip.
You should do better at saying no from the get-go. Let this be a lesson to you. Think of all the things you don’t want done once your baby gets here and start setting boundaries now. Otherwise, you’ll be back here a few months from now complaining about MIL being in the delivery room, her moving, or something like that.
If you don’t want something, say so right from the beginning. Because it looks like once it’s done one time, it’s taken as tradition in your husband’s family. Edit: If MIL is willing to drive that far just to have a meal with you, then SAY NO to her joining you on your marriage trip.
And instead suggest that she comes over for a meal once you get back home. If she can drive to the retreat location, she can drive to your home or a restaurant close to your home.” solo_throwaway254247
Another User Comments:
“There’s a lot in this story; MIL moved away to get away from family, retreat is for affirming the marriage, last trip before baby, MIL waited until the last minute to ask about lunch.
I think there’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries with in-laws. I’ve always encouraged my children to put their spouses and children first, encouraging them that those relationships should be their priority. I am happy and grateful for the time we have with our children and their families, which is, in fact, a lot of time.
But we don’t impose. OP has every right to expect and ask for this trip to be just for the two of them. The boundaries with in-laws can be very difficult to navigate. It’s okay to say “Not this time.” Maybe OP and their husband can give MIL a time when it would be convenient to see her shortly.
Either way OP I wish you the best in your weekend, the birth, and your future relationship with MIL. The road runs in both directions, in relationships and life.” WhzPop
25. AITJ For Insisting My Family Use The Nickname We Chose For Our Daughter?
“My family thinks my husband (29M) and I (26F) are being jerks and being disrespectful.
We named our daughter after both of our mothers. My mother’s name is the first name and his mother’s name is the middle name. We ALWAYS intended for her to go by her first and middle name jointly (ex: Johnathan Thomas) all the time. I only put his mother’s name as the middle name so she would technically have a middle name instead of just one long first name on the paperwork.
From the moment my husband came up with the idea to name her after our mothers we decided to call her by her first and middle initial (ex: JT) if we weren’t going to call her by her full name. We informed our families of this in the beginning because both names needed to be used so that neither family was ignored or left out.
However, my family has decided to call her a shortened version of my mother’s name (ex: John) instead of JT or another variation of her full name (ex: John Thomas, Johnathan Thomas, JT).
We have asked them not to do so and to use the nickname we want for her, her full an, me, or a nickname that has nothing to do with her name at all; because calling her a shortened version of my mother’s name we feel they are intentionally excluding my husband’s mother.
This suspicion is further strengthened because my mother “doesn’t like to share”. My father says they are not trying to exclude his mother but that they should be able to call her by “the most common nickname for her first name” even if we disagree.
When they have called her the shorter name (ex: John) we have corrected them and explained why we want her called the nickname we want (ex: JT). They get mad saying I’m not thinking of my mom and her feelings and that I’m leaving her out.
Even though the whole point of the JT nickname or the usage of her full name was to always protect either mother from feeling left out. This has been a fight that’s been going on for 2 years now and I’m getting tired of it. I just want to know if we are really in the wrong for standing up for what we want for our children.
While in part it is still about the name it is also about us not being respected as her parents.”
Another User Comments:
“I would say you are being overly rigid here. Nicknames just kind of naturally evolve depending on the person, you know? I wouldn’t spend so much energy focusing on this and policing everyone about it.
I think that’s where YTJ is. Just let it be.” User
Another User Comments:
“Tell your mom you’re going to legally change your child’s name to something completely different and drop both names. Everyone is being far too petty about a name that was meant to honor loved ones.
The child’s name is now her name. Your mom can call herself whatever she wants to call herself. You can say what YOUR child’s name is until she’s old enough to choose for herself.” Traditional-Load8228
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…What a pickle this poor child will be in one day.
If she decides to go by one name, she has to deal with the consequences of someone feeling hurt. But that aside, she is 18 months old. She is with you the majority. What you call her will stick more than anyone else. We called my son a nickname, TJ.
For his first two names. When he got to school, he stopped wanting to be called that. Haven’t by his first name. While I do feel your family should respect your wishes, I think you are overthinking this.” Worth-Season3645
24. AITJ For Considering Leaving With My Dad Due To My Mom's Irresponsibility?
“I (21M) live with my Mother (50F) and my Father (53M).
My Dad has recently told me that he’s thought about leaving my Mother as of late. My Father and I have always had a good relationship as I grew up, we always got along and I could always confide my thoughts to him, and the same applies to my Mother.
However, as of late my mother has grown lazy, my father and I both work a 12-hour job, multiple days a week while my mother stays at home. All he asks is that she take care of the house while he works to provide and she is completely fine with this.
As of late however, she has skipped out on paying bills and instead buys stuff off of websites like Amazon, Etsy, and Temu, when the money needs to be used for paying the bills and rent.
More often than not she relies on me to pay off these bills instead of being a responsible adult.
I do pay my fair share in the house, occasionally buying the groceries when things get a bit tight. My father came to me recently and confided in me his worries, anxieties, and stress about everything and how much my mother has been relying on me recently.
He’s tried on several occasions to get my mother to see sense, but it never sticks and my father just grows more and more frustrated. He recently told me that if she doesn’t straighten herself out in the next year or two, he plans to just leave and asked if I wanted to come with him.
I’m conflicted because I love my mother, and I love my father, but if I stayed, I’d end up the same as my father. Depressed, stressed, and constantly anxious. But if I leave, then I’m leaving my mother to fend for herself. I’m heavily conflicted, but I find myself feeling like I have no choice but to go if my father does.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, OP. But your father should not be putting the weight of this on you either. Sounds like your mom needs professional help. Maybe she is depressed, or something else… I don’t know – I’m not her clinician.
Her behavior has radically changed “as of late” and neither of you can do or say anything that gets through to her. This isn’t normal. I strongly encourage you and your dad to push and keep pushing, her to see her doctor. And then go with her so that you know it gets addressed properly.” kiwi honey
Another User Comments:
“Your dad needs to get a personal bank account in his name only, have his pay put in there and he can pay the bills from there. Your mum needs help. She may have issues arising from perimenopause or another condition. Please get her to a GP and some kind of professional counseling with your dad.
I feel your dad shouldn’t be putting this all on you. Can you move into a shared house?” Ok_Contribution_9127
Another User Comments:
“Well firstly this isn’t in any way your fault, and you shouldn’t take responsibility for either of them, they are the adults.
YNTJ. And don’t feel guilty if you do end up having to leave one of them. They decide to split. I’d say your mother is extremely lazy and needs to wake up and start making money again, that responsibility should not all be put on you’re father.
The fact that she relies on you to pay the bills is completely ridiculous, particularly if you’re under 18. So basically your mother ITJ, and needs to get her act together.” BraveBoot7283
23. AITJ For Refusing To Support My Estranged Father's Daughter Through High School?
“My father has always been a chain-smoking heavy drinker with severe anger problems. My mother is mild and forgiving and has no vices. This match went as well as you could expect, but they raised me together until I was 10, before my dad dipped and left the country, leaving my mom to struggle to pay rent and put food on the table for multiple years while she cleaned houses for a living.
My father would call maybe once every few months to check in but never once contributed financially to raising me after he left. My mother was understanding of this (for some reason) and he went on to remarry and have another daughter who I’ve never met.
Fast forward and I’m now in my late twenties and have had no contact with my father maybe 3-4 years ago due to the impact his mistreatment and manipulation have made on my life. I’m an extremely anxious, deeply insecure person and I’m working to be a better day regardless of everything that’s happened, and part of healing (to me) meant that I needed to cut the soul-sucking narcissism out of my life.
My mother was furious at this and wanted me to forgive and forget, and we’ve argued endlessly about this every time the topic came up, but it’s since died down and we were past this.
Recently, I noticed a text from my dad asking how things were, so I just deleted it without responding and went on with my day.
My mom then called me right after and told me what it was that he wanted in the first place by pretending to care how things were (surprise!)
My dad asked my mom to ask me the following: he wants my half-sister to go to high school in the U.S.
and she needs (1) a place to stay and (2) financial support throughout it all. Can I do that?
So, you would think a simple “absolutely not” would suffice, but I got plenty of pushback from my mom about this. It got so bad that I had to hang up on her to avoid sobbing over the phone, which I promptly did once I hung up.
Other family members have also reached out to me to try and get me to come around but I’ve been very firm in my belief that my dad chose to have another child instead of providing for me when I was still a minor.
It doesn’t make sense to me that people believe I should have a responsibility in this even though I made a total of zero (0) choices that resulted in my dad abandoning me and starting a new family elsewhere.
I feel completely insane about this because I’m getting so much pushback.
AITJ for not wanting to support my half-sister through school?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why is your mother acting as an intermediary for your father to ask you to house and support someone you’ve never met so they may attend high school in the US?
It’s all very odd. You said no. Make it clear it’s your final position on this issue and you will no longer entertain or participate in any further discussions on the matter. The matter is settled. You will neither house nor financially support this young woman while she pursues her education in the US or anywhere else.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And listen, I’m sorry, but your mom is not as perfect as you seem to think. Like, she could well be a good person overall, but it is bizarre that she is taking your dad’s side on anything after the way he treated *her* as well as her son (you).
EDIT to add: If she were to gently suggest that it might be nice for you to help the half-sister, that would be understandable. But sobbing down the phone because you won’t, not to mention being “furious” that you cut contact with him? Given the context here, it’s outright pathological.” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“Whatever the reasons are for your mother to feel indebted enough to your father to ask you on his behalf to house and financially support your half-sister, has nothing to do with you. You said no and it is final. There are also very practical reasons to say no. It would appear your half-sister is not a US citizen, she has to pay foreign student fees for high school.
That is very expensive. You will later be asked to sponsor your half-sister for US citizenship. Your half-sister has a father who is well and alive and should be responsible for her. NTJ” No_Cockroach4248
22. AITJ For Demanding Better Sanitation Measures After Repeated Incidents Of Human Waste In My Parking Spot?
“I (29F) live in an apartment complex where I’ve been dealing with a pretty gross issue: human waste in my designated parking spot. This has happened three times in the last few months, with the most recent incidents on October 4th and 7th.
I reported it to the property manager (PM) each time, but they only responded by cleaning the spot.
For context, my rent is in the mid-$5000s, and for this price, I think my living situation should at least meet basic sanitary standards.
After the third time, I sent an email to the PM detailing the problem, attaching photo evidence, and suggesting solutions like changing my parking spot, installing security cameras, or putting up warning signs.
I also mentioned that if the issue couldn’t be resolved, I might have to consider requesting a rent reduction because this affects the habitability of my space.
Two days went by with no response, so I followed up and asked for the contact info of the PM’s supervisor if they couldn’t address the situation.
PM finally replied, but their response was pretty hostile. They accused me of having “threatening intentions,” told me to “lower my tone,” and said they couldn’t reply right away because my email had gone to their spam folder. They did say they would clean up the mess but refused to change my parking spot or implement any security measures, which won’t prevent this from happening again.
I feel like I was just standing up for myself and my living situation, but now I’m wondering if I crossed a line. AITJ for being prepared to escalate this issue to prevent future incidents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Send that response to his boss and ask if he thinks he should put up with calling someone to clean up hazardous waste every day.
And if he would put up with someone at management treating them this way when you pay well over 5k a month. You are a good tenant and can be a good tenant elsewhere if that continues” ToldU2UrFace.
Another User Comments:
“I would forward that response to that person’s manager and demand to have my parking spot reassigned unless they want public reviews and photos going up on rental websites and Google.
Meanwhile,e if you don’t want to deal with it get a bucket with a toilet seat and some kitty litter (they’re like $20) and put it in a corner near there so at least you won’t have to step in it.” wta1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they were offended you expected them to do their job. I got mad when you held them accountable. 5000.00 a month is a lot of rent to be talking crazy to a renter paying your leasing job salary.;)The owner of your building however does not give aare about office help jobs.
You got the 5000.00. Write the owner” ComprehensiveBuy7386
21. AITJ For Buying A Portable AC Without Consulting My Roommates?
“For context, I (21F) live in a college apartment with 2 other girls around my age. The thermostat we have controls the entire apartment. For the first month of living there, my roommates and I couldn’t agree on a temperature.
We went back and forth between turning it up and down, but we weren’t discussing it. For context, I run very hotly, my comfort level is 65-66. However, I understand that is cold for other people. I was willing to compromise up to 69 because that’s about as high as it can go for me to be comfortable in the house.
However, a problem arose when the AC was completely shut off without consulting me. The reason I was given was to save money because we do pay the utility bill excluded from our rent. This made the apartment uncomfortable for me, as there was no airairflownd it got uncomfortably hot in my room.
My room would heat up even more because the sun shines right into my room. I tried to turn the AC back on quite a few times, and each time it was turned right back off before my room could even cool down again. Instead of fighting about this, I got a portable air conditioner/dehumidifier for my room only.
I figured this would solve the issue, because then I could keep my room at the 65-66 that I liked, and they could keep the central AC off as they liked. I got a text yesterday though, saying it was frustrating and inconsiderate of me to get a portable AC without talking to them about it because they do not want a “super high electric bill.” I have looked at the billing statements from when they turned off the AC, and they saved no money from doing so.
I do not know if my AC will significantly impact the utility bill, but as it’s only cooling one room, and only when I am physically in the room (I turn it off to go to work, school, gym, etc) I do not see how this is an issue, as we haven’t even seen the billing statement for from the time I bought the unit.
I also don’t see why I have to consult them about buying the unit, hen they don’t have to consult me about turning off the AC and leaving it off indefinitely.”
Another User Comments:
“My suggestion is just to offer to contribute a larger portion to the electricity bill to cover anything extra you’ll use.
Running the AC raises my electric bill, and I imagine so will your portable one, but maybe not by as much since it’s only cooling one room. I assume right now you split the bill into thirds (33% each) so just offer to pay like 50% of the bill and they can each pay 25%.” anothertypicalcmmnt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them that when the bill goes up, you’ll pay the difference. It hasn’t yet, so they are worrying over nothing. Can you swap rooms? If they like it warmer, then they should be okay with the warmer room. Also, look into thermal curtains to prevent the sun from heating heating your room.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“If your room is hotter than the other rooms due to sun then you should not have to pay more to cool it down. If they aren’t happy, they can swap rooms with you. I don’t think it’s fair for you to pay more in summer, it will balance out in winter because they’ll want heating when you don’t need it.
NTJ” Dazzler3623
20. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Ex And Her Kids?
“I have an ex with whom I share two kids (13M & 12M). Our relationship did not work out and we broke up seven years ago. Since I was the financially stable one, she wanted me to have full custody. I have had full custody ever since.
She has visitation, but she only uses it intermittently. Quickly after the breakup, she started seeing a guy “with money.” He is from overseas. She quickly got pregnant by the guy and they had a son. The guy did not want to “raise someone else’s kids,” so she moved three hours away and completely stopped seeing our kids for almost two years.
It turns out the guy’s money was family money, and when his conservative family found out about my ex and the baby, they cut them off. Also, their son had some developmental issues. She got pregnant again and a few months later, her partner left and returned to his home country.
She is now 6-ish months pregnant with no job and taking care of a special needs kid.
She called me last week and asked me for financial help. They are living out of a motel and she is running out of money. I have a lake house about 30 minutes from her.
She asked if she could stay there. I said “No.” She asked if I would send her money, and I said, “No.” She called me a jerk. She said that I am letting “my family” suffer unnecessarily when I have the means to help. I told her I had no obligation to help.
We have been arguing ever since.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have responsibilities to *your* kids (as did she, but she doesn’t have custody so let’s say that’s not part of this particular question). You do *not* have a responsibility to your ex or any other kids she has.
She can call you anything she wants. She’s your *ex*. You can facilitate visitation or anything else that’s for the benefit of *your two children*, but it’s more than reasonable to say no to anything else. She needs to chase the other kids’ father (or another family down for their support if she can.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no obligations to her. Make sure you’ve got cameras at the lake house or neighbors who can tell you if she trespasses because unless you can stop her, she could and probably will just show up at the lake house and stay there without your permission.” CaregiverSubject581
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have full custody, let her rot. She’s not your family and never was. She can enjoy the bed bbug-infestedmotel. Also, if she’s living in a motel, do not let her in your home and if she visits your kids, make sure they don’t let her inside or go inside the motel.
The last thing you need are roaches or bed bugs from a motel.” KidnappedPlzHelp
19. AITJ For Informing My Kleptomaniac Son's Friends' Parents About His Condition?
“My son is 14M. He is a diagnosed kleptomaniac. He is in therapy for it. It used to be a huge problem but is now mostly under control, even though sometimes he can’t help himself.
He is a good kid, but he is quick to grab things without even being aware of it, and honestly, he is very good with his hands and can pickpocket without being caught in the act.
I don’t want this to affect his social life, so when he visits someone else’s home, I try to talk to the parents to inform them that he has this condition, and if they think something is missing from their homes, they can call me and I will search for it in case my son had grabbed it.
Yes, some parents have called me and I’ve brought their things back, usually small things but important enough to need to be returned. However, some parents have forbidden their kids to hang out with my son after I’ve delivered it, and it’s hard for him.
So, recently, he visited for the first time the home of a friend to play Warhammer. I informed the parents of his condition and I thought everything was ok. But while he was there, the parents told their son, and the son told the other kids there, and they bullied him to the point that my son left and walked alone to our home.
Nobody called me, he has a phone but didn’t call or text, he just got home on his own. Then he scolded me, saying that I was ruining his life by telling everyone that he was a “thief” and he’d never make friends because I kept telling people.
Then locked himself in his bedroom to cry.
Honestly, I feel bad, but I think this is a way of telling other kid’s parents that I’m not enabling my son. I know is hard but I’m doing what I can as a mom, but I want to ask if I’m the jerk because it seems to be hurting him anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s be clear here: Your son commits anti-social acts against people who are kind enough to extend their hospitality to them. No amount of “he’s diagnosed” or “he’s a good kid” changes that. You continue to bring him into situations where he can continue to commit these acts and you attempt to mitigate this through warning his hosts about them.
This was never going to end well. You’re in a difficult situation but the issue here comes from your viewing your son’s predilection as a manageable psychological condition while others see the behavior as simple thievery. YTJ for not being able to foresee that blowback against your son when his behavior became more widely known.” stunning
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kleptomania or not, your son is a thief and he’s gone out of his way to get good at it. Just because someone is a kleptomaniac doesn’t mean they are natural born Artful Dodger. Being a skilled pickpocket requires time, energy, focus, concentration, and practice.
You’ve said that, since you’ve started informing parents of your son’s condition, he has continued to steal. That means he would have done it regardless. You aren’t ruining his life. He needs to understand that his condition is getting to the point where it could significantly impact his future.
Just like with anything, as the behavior improves, restrictions get lifted. If your son had pyromania, no one here would be telling you that YTJ for informing people that their house is at risk every time your son visits.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Choosing A Restaurant My Stepsiblings Are Allergic To For My Birthday Meal?
“My uncle took me out to eat on Saturday because he wasn’t here for my 16th birthday three weeks ago. He had to take my stepsiblings (13f, 11m) with us.
He’s not their step-uncle by the way. He’s my mom’s brother. My stepsiblings are my dad’s stepkids. But my uncle and dad used to be best friends but their friendship ended when my mom passed away 7 years ago. Things are messy because my uncle still wants to see me and I want to see him but Dad doesn’t want my stepsiblings left out so they get dragged around sometimes.
Something kinda relevant is that my stepsiblings have (not-anaphylactic kind) food allergies. Their allergies are different from each other and they get rashes and vomiting and stuff from eating foods they’re allergic to. This has become such a focus for my dad and their mom that I don’t get to eat at places I like, even when my stepsiblings aren’t there, because it’s not fair.
I’m also the only person in the “family” (I think it’s more a burden than a family) who never gets to have my favorite restaurant on rotation for eating out. My dad, his wife, and both my stepsiblings get their #1 choice but because mine doesn’t easily accommodate my stepsiblings I can’t have it.
All of my top 5 are out. Even for stuff like my birthday. I hate it. I resent it. I don’t have the family affection or mushiness for them to make it easier. I just basically suck it up.
But when my uncle was taking me I chose my top choice.
And he took us. My stepsiblings didn’t eat. I didn’t even feel bad because their needs are always put first and they shouldn’t have been tagging along anyway.
Their mom was SO mad when my uncle dropped me off and dad was disappointed in me.
He asked me why I chose it and I told him it’s my favorite restaurant and it’s been almost 6 years since I got to eat there because they decided I can never have it while I live with them. I told him it was meant to be celebrating my birthday and since I get messed over when they “celebrate” me because of my stepsiblings, I didn’t see why I had to do it when my uncle was taking me.
I told him they shouldn’t have been there in the first place. I didn’t want them there. He was just messing with my uncle. His wife heard me say her kids shouldn’t have been there and she asked where my compassion is and where my sibling bond went and I told her I never had one.
My stepsiblings were upset they’d been forced to watch two of us eat and that made their mom more angry at me and dad more upset with me especially because I didn’t feel bad about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This was your one time to pick a place that you liked. Your uncle wanted to honor you for your birthday. That’s crazy that you can’t even go to your preferred places when your step-siblings are not around.
And it’s also crazy that your parents forced your uncle to include them. Good for you for finally getting to enjoy a special meal. ” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sorry that you have such a bad dad and stepmom. Make sure to study hard in school, get a part-time job as soon as you can (ask your uncle for help opening a bank account so they can’t steal your money), and get some sponsorship for college.
It’s time to plan for your future and escape route. Would your uncle allow you to live with him when you’re 18 to help you out?” MajorAd2679
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Was he taking them out? Is he friends with them? This is such a strange pattern I see on these forums where parents or step-parents try to force siblings into every aspect of each other’s lives.
Sure you want family to do things together sometimes, but people need to have some things for themselves too.” signal_nine
17. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Cousin's On-Demand Tutor?
“I finished college last year, but my cousin Karly just began her first semester.
We have different majors, but both are life sciences, so she is taking many of the same prerequisites as mine. Karly reached out to me explaining this and asking for guidance with her classes. No problem. I’m always willing to help anyone with general advice and recommend good resources.
Nope. It turns out that Karly wants an on-demand tutor. She will text me a picture of her coursework and caption it “How do I do and show work for this problem? It’s due in two hours.” My response was always, “Um, NO?” and that I was not doing her work.
Karly does not take the message and will keep sending me her coursework. The last straw was this week after Karly texted asking me to put together an exam review for her chemistry exam the next morning. I told Karly that I was not even going to reply back to these texts.
Karly argued that there was no help for her at school. I told Karly Tough. She’s already beginning to figure out that what she did in high school won’t work anymore. I have a hard time believing that her college doesn’t have a learning center/office hours/review sessions, and nothing will change if she continues making excuses instead of using those resources.
Karly’s parents reached out to me, saying I need to help their daughter because I already have this information and there are only benefits from sharing it. They accused me of being a bitter person who thinks others should be forced to struggle just because I did.
My mentality is that, if Karly wants to pursue this field, she needs to be able to do work on her own. I already did my time in college and I’m done. These majors are hard work, and if it’s too much for Karly to handle, then maybe she should consider if she wants to be in this major or college at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she’s taking the wrong major if she’s struggling with the prerequisites. First-year courses are the easiest ones. If you help her now, she’ll get more and more demanding with each year until you end up writing her undergrad thesis for her.” flick_of_diamonds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Seems her main problem is she doesn’t start looking at her work until the last minute. If you find some subject difficult, you study more, you go to the professor and ask for help or find the TA. I’m sure if she asked you without time pressure a general procedure question or to re-explain something, that’s one thing, but this demand for immediate concierge service at the last minute is 1000% her fault.
The family should be asking Karly if this is so difficult, what are you doing to study more or better? They suck thinking it’s a matter of you putting in the work instead of her. NTJ” Catskill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If she’s having this much trouble in her first year, you’re right that she might not be cut out for this major.
Even if you help her now, you won’t be able to always help her because you have different majors. She’s going to have to eventually figure it out. Better now than when things get really hard. She and her family also need to be aware of how seriously universities take academic dishonesty.
If she’s caught being dishonest/having someone else do her work for her, that could be very, very bad for her.” SoMuchMoreEagle
16. AITJ For Hating The Surprise Birthday Party My Partner Threw For Me?
“Me (30m) and my partner (29f) have been together for 2 years.
I had a big birthday coming up, my 30th, and she decided to enlist the help of my 2 close friends and housemates to throw me a surprise birthday party at our house. Around 15 mutual friends and 10 of my friends were invited.
Now, I have always maintained I hate surprises and that I want to know things in advance.
I have mild social anxiety and hate having things kept from me. Also, it’s not the way I enjoy things. I like to have things on my calendar to look forward to, think about them, plan them out, and imagine the details. I’m the type of person to check the menu weeks before I go to a restaurant booking.
My partner loves surprises. She did not believe someone won’t enjoy a “nice” surprise. When she teased the idea of surprising me, I was always unequivocal in communicating it’s not something I want.
Nonetheless, she went all out. Go-karting. Dinner at a great restaurant.
My house was decorated to the max for the party. Cake, balloons, confetti.
My anxiety was building steadily from the first activity to the last. I was strung from location to location. Everyone knew the plan, the next location, except for me. I hated it every bit.
I had an internal conflict because I knew these were all objectively “nice” things but I couldn’t help that I hated every second while having to pretend to all my friends was having the best time. I didn’t want to be a killjoy and appear ungrateful.
Throughout the day I kept imploring her to give me more details of the plans but she didn’t want to spoil the surprise. It all came to a head when I gauged that we were heading back to our place for the party. It sounds silly, but my room was untidy and the anxiety spike from knowing people would see it sent me over the edge.
I said some unkind things to her; questioned if she even knew me and that I hated it all. I told her this in private, I didn’t cause a scene in front of others.
I tried to smooth things over after, as I recognized I reacted out of frustration/anger but she was understandably upset.
She thinks I’m ungrateful and rude and diminishes her efforts. I think I was driven to this by a set of events I was clear I didn’t want.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner didn’t throw a party for you, she threw a party for herself.
She completely ignored your wishes and then doubled down by not telling you more information even though you asked. It’s very telling that she’s now trying to play the victim. She sounds selfish and spoiled.” keep south
Another User Comments:
“I’ll go NTJ. While it would have been better if you’d kept your cool and had a conversation after the whole thing was over, you describe that you were pushed to your limit.
Ultimately, she was the jerk in the situation for disregarding your firm statements and asserting her preferences for you for your birthday. You have VERY different takes on the birthday surprise concept and it’s really unfortunate that, knowing you as she does, she chose to ignore your perspective because it was YOUR perspective that should have been prioritized seeing that it was your birthday.
I hope she doesn’t let her hurt over your blow-up prevent her from actually reflecting on why she was wrong in the situation. If she refuses to consider this and promises not to do this again, I would not blame you for questioning the relationship.
This is an incompatibility between you, which can be a non-issue but only if she’s mature enough to respect your wishes. I’d have a hard time not seeing it as an indicator of other ways she might dismiss your feelings.” owls_and_cardinals
15. AITJ For Encouraging My Fiancé To Set Boundaries With His Abusive Parents?
“I (31F) love my fiancé (30M). We met in college but I switched to the Medical Field and am close to finishing my degree. My fiancé is an incredibly hard worker and went from grunt laborer to company manager in under 5 years. However, I’ve always had issues with his parents, his stepmother “Jackie” and his father “Jack.” Jack, a rags-to-riches story, now has a “rich” mentality, and Jackie grew up spoiled, always believing she was right.
My fiancé grew up giving up his space, money, and time for Jackie’s two daughters and never got a thank you. When he graduated high school, he was forced into a university and program he didn’t want, had to pay for it himself, graduated, and then was kicked out.
Meanwhile, his stepsisters got full rides.
I’ve never gotten along with my in-laws. From the start, Jackie asked when we were having kids, then criticized me for not having it all figured out. They always treated my fiancé poorly, saying he’d never amount to anything, yet expected him to treat them with kindness.
I kept quiet to “keep the peace” as he asked. I was often thrown under the bus for my decor choices and overall demeanor being “not refined enough.” I could go on and on but I think you get the idea.
Things shifted when Jack and Jackie began targeting me, calling me lazy, a career student, and claiming I was too stupid to complete my degree (which I’m now in my final year of with a B-A average).
The final straw was when my fiancé shared his excitement about his new managerial position, and Jack scoffed, saying he’d fail, and it’d be tough supporting me, “the career student.”
After that call, my fiancé cut them off. For years, I’d told him their treatment wasn’t normal or fair, and he began seeing it.
While I’d only encouraged boundaries, not cutting them off, he had reached his breaking point and cut ties. He doesn’t regret it but is grieving and processing how they treated him. I feel guilty and wonder if I ruined something he didn’t want to end.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a hard situation. His dad and step-mom sound horrible. It sounds to me like your fiancé is better off without them, but here’s the important thing: It’s **his decision**. You shared your thoughts, but you didn’t force him. He chose an even stronger measure than you would have recommended, which means that he was figuring out what **he** wanted and not just doing what you told him to do.
Good for him! Maybe someday he will decide to let them in again, hopefully with strong boundaries. Maybe he won’t. You can share your advice if he asks, but it’ll be his choice again. Good luck. Hug him. Sounds like he needs it.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband just hit his limit. He cannot reconcile or make any more room for the behaviors he knows have been wrong, for decades now. I’m not surprised that he is grieving, you should not have to cut your parents off to stop their awful behavior.
The fact that you called out those behaviors to him doesn’t mean that he wasn’t already aware of the fact that they were not nice, normal interactions. He was just trying to push it as far back from the front as he could. Of course,h e wanted to have a good, normal relationship with them.
Give him time and support and do not take any blame for this. You did not create their behaviors and you made no ultimatums. You simply tried to keep things real for his sake (ultimately).” SubjectBuilder3793
14. AITJ For Not Riding With A Coworker To A Dinner Celebration?
“I (28M) work in a team of 7 people. A new girl Jess (26F) joined a couple of months ago who I don’t care for.
I am polite to her while we work but we don’t share any hobbies or overlap in any way. I think she’s a bit pretentious, to be honest. She’s always talking about her living in London in her early twenties. It’s her whole personality, talking about all the expensive things she used to do and how she’s soo broke” as a result.
We are all paid very well for what we do and the area we live in.
Last night, we had all planned to go for dinner after work to celebrate Chris (28M) getting married. I knew Jess would be going but it wasn’t my plan to dictate who went and it’s a nice thing to celebrate so I decided to go anyway.
Everyone at work drives apart from me so Chris offered to drive us both. I will say I am the closest with him, we started around the same time.
I was all set to go until Jess said she finds driving on her own nerve-wracking (I have no idea how she manages to commute every day) and asked if I’d ride with her.
I declined and said I wanted to travel with Chris. She insisted so I told her I wanted to ride with Chris so we could talk about some wedding things and got into the car. Chris did offer to also drive her but she declined.
We all got to the restaurant. Jess did not. She had a panic attack mid-journey and decided to UBER home, leaving her car on a random street somewhere. Today at work, she had a go at me and accused me of purposefully excluding her from the group plan.
My not riding with her was a scheme on my end to make her not go because I don’t like her.
I told her that she excluded herself. Chris offered her a lift and she didn’t take it. She also didn’t have to abandon her car and ditch, she could have called a UBER for herself to the restaurant.
Then I walked off.
While I don’t like her, I never make that known at work or to any of my coworkers. I ask about her weekend, I offer her a hot drink if I make one, and help her whenever she has questions. I just don’t talk to her like I do with everyone else and I don’t have her on my social media – I’ve known everyone else for 3 years now, and fofcourse, I’m close to them.
I was talking to Chris about this post-shift and he told me that it wouldn’t have hurt for me to ride with her instead of him when she insisted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You mentioned everyone else drives so she had multiple people she could have asked to go with after you said no. She could have gone with Chris.
She could have taken an Uber to the restaurant then had someone drop her back to the car if she didn’t want to pay to uber twice. Her being mad at you because she has a vehicle she is afraid to drive is ridiculous.
You are not excluding her at work, you are not being disrespectful or outwardly rude, and that is all that is asked. Edit: changed and to a cause it was bothering me and more people are seeing this than I expected” Gigi-lily.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The people saying it wouldn’t have hurt is completely missing the point. You aren’t an NPC there simply to make other people happy. You didn’t want to travel with her and you don’t have to. It’s weird that because she threw a hissy fit you are supposed to get in line and do what she wants.” Angelblade92
13. AITJ For Posting About A Neighbor's Unattended Food Delivery In Our Building Group?
“I (30f) live in a large apartment building. We have previously had issues with people stealing deliveries from the lobby and general apartment security. Last week I noticed an Uber Eats driver repeatedly ringing an apartment over the intercom with no answer (he was calling for at least a few minutes).
I offered to let him in to put the food in the lobby as he was clearly in a rush. I then escorted him back out of the building and put a post in the apartment group saying “Apartment XX your food is sitting in the lobby :)”.
I figured the food was hot, we had previously had thefts, and maybe the owner was in the gym or something away from their doorbell. I didn’t add any information about the type of food/ name/ photos of food etc. I immediately had someone in the group message me angry saying I had no right to post about that in the group and that it was breaking privacy rules and people know when their deliveries are arriving (note: some recent deliveries, including hot food, have sat in the lobby for more than 48 hours).
I explained the above and he was still really angry, threatening to take it further if I did something else like this in the future. There are no rules against this in the group at all, I contacted the admin who told me not to be concerned about it.
But I still feel bad about it so AITJ.
Important to note: the person who contacted me was not the owner of the food but just another resident in the building.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve delivered people’s notices for packages, the packages themselves, brought them food or used the intercom to remind them it is there.
Theft in my building is rare, but a lot of elderly people live here, and there are companies whose employees are supposed to deliver to the customer’s door that just don’t or won’t.” PuzzledGeekery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds to me like the person who objected either has issues around eating and was angry because they would have been upset/angry if it *had* been their food, or they are the one who has been stealing deliveries and they were mad that the actual owner was made aware their food had arrived, making it harder for anyone to steal it and blame the delivery driver!” ProfessorYaffle1
12. AITJ For Telling My Parents They Didn't Make Enough Memories With Me As A Child?
“Tonight my parents and I were reminiscing about my childhood. I live 2 houses away from my cousin who is the same age as me and as a child, I was always at her house.
My mom mentioned that I was always at their house as a child and I replied saying that yes, because her house was more fun we would do things and go away to places. My mom continued by saying sarcastically ‘Sure you never got anything as a child’.
I did, and we went on great family holidays normally once a year but the rest of the year we wouldn’t do anything fun.
My uncle would take me swimming and my granny would take me to the zoo and other aunties and uncles would take me ice skating at Christmas or for picnics in the park in summer but my parents never did any of this.
Now some of you might say they maybe didn’t have the money but I know they did.
Now I have a niece and a nephew who my parents take to the zoo and to parks and swimming and all different places. I even mentioned to them how my uncle taught me how to swim.
My mom responded by saying, don’t worry we’ll make up for not taking you anywhere with our grandkids (meaning my own children that I am yet to have) which I then responded ‘Don’t worry I will do that myself’.
My mom then up and left the room and I kinda feel bad about it because I still did get a lot as a child but none of that material stuff matters it’s the memories that weren’t made with them that I get annoyed and upset about.
I appreciate my parents and I have a great relationship with them but AITJ for telling them this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People in some of the comments are trying to make your parents into martyrs, but you already stated in the comments that your mom was a stay-at-home parent.
She had ample opportunity to do activities with you and build memories, but she chose to send you to aunts, uncles, and grandparents most of the time. Now she’s complaining because you rightly pointed out she never did anything with you. Like your example of your aunt taking you for picnics in the park.
That doesn’t cost anything but time and effort, and your mom wasn’t willing to even do that.” Silaquix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Based on what you’ve said, you were only sharing your feelings and point of view. Parents have a hard time hearing where they went wrong, especially if they didn’t see the harm in what they did.
You noticed something and pointed it out. You would be the jerk if you said it to deliberately hurt your mom. OP, it might be time for you to have a genuine discussion with your parents over your feelings because it’s never too late to make memories with family.” Rich-Storage6362
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, some parents need to hear it. My mom always told me she didn’t have money to travel, then she went on I don’t know how many vacations with her partner and once with his kids without me. They just up and left me at 12 at home, telling me if I wanted to come with me I needed to pay myself.
She always said she couldn’t do anything because of her back problems so my grandma did EVERYTHING. If I went somewhere it was with my grandma, never with my mom. She went river rafting with his kids and her partner at the time. Some parents are just not good parents to their kids but great with other people’s kids.
Doesn’t make it right, but is just sadly a fact sometimes.” Happyweekend69
11. AITJ For Ignoring My Partner At A Funeral To Comfort My Grieving Friend?
“Okay, so first of all, context: My partner and I are both pretty close to Omar (23M). I’ve known Omar considerably longer than Leia has, but they are also somewhat close.
Omar’s half-brother, Khalid, died recently. He was severely disabled, and it wasn’t a shock, but it did hit Omar hard, and he’s been a wreck. It’s hard seeing him like this, and about 5 of us are coming with him just for moral support.
The funeral was on Friday.
My partner is a girl, and in Omar’s culture, any kind of touching between a boy and a girl is frowned upon. Leia and I both knew this going in, but during the funeral,l she did get a bit upset and wanted to hold hands or something to comfort herself.
Leia didn’t actually know Khalid, but she gets upset pretty easily, which is why I previously suggested she didn’t come.
Omar is a guy, so hugging him was allowed, which I did a lot. Leia started sulking midway through the funeral, and I may have become more of a jerk here, because I ignored her from then on, and focused on Omar.
Leia went home early and I stayed with Omar, lying and saying she had to go sort out something with her mum, and I went home later.
Leia is mad at me, and she thinks I should have comforted her, but Omar was my priority.
She said that she should always be my priority but I disagree. AITJ? I don’t think I am, but I feel bad because even now her sadness is taking a backseat to my worry about Omar. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“All else being equal, she should be your priority, but Omar’s need was WAY greater than hers at that moment, so you rightly gave your attention to him.
And you respect the traditions of the people who’re hosting the funeral. If she didn’t want to respect the no-touching rule, she shouldn’t have come. NTJ” starkcattiness4433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You were there to support Omar in his grief. Your partner didn’t even know Kahlid She didn’t need comforting like Omar did and she already knew his culture’s rules on men/ women not physically touching.
None of today nor this is about her, but she’s trying to make it about her. She’s better ignored and spends your time today with Omar.” JSJ34
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, unless your friend is some sort of psychopathic head-chopping Taliban he’s fully aware that couples hold hands in *your* culture, and even in most of (based on the names) what I’m assuming you think *his* is.
Half of my family is Muslim, and nobody would have a problem with something that trivial. Why do you think that just because of his religion he can’t put up with your culture?” dontblamemeivotedfor
10. AITJ For Leaving A Dry Wedding Early To Go Out Drinking?
“So 2 weeks ago I, a 35-year-old female, went to a wedding in our college town for a member of our college friend group.
My husband and I left the kids with my parents and we went. We got a Vrbo with another couple I went to college with for a few days. My husband and I don’t have a ton of time to ourselves away from the kids so we were excited to let loose.
On the invitation, it said the wedding went to 11 with an after party with the bride and groom at the venue. The venue was a gorgeous mansion and the bride and groom had it for the night, they were leaving for the honeymoon the next morning.
Cut to the wedding day and it’s a booze-free wedding. The groom is 2 years into recovery. No one told us this and we were admittedly bummed. When we found out there was no booze we told people we were going to some bars after and not going to the after party.
We left the wedding at 9:30 because we were itching to go out and the wedding was boring.
Pretty much the whole college crew left around that time and went out. The bride’s friend group did not stay for the party, the grooms did and the optics were very lopsided at the party.
We all heard from the bride about this and she called us jerks for leaving. She said that she didn’t feel supported and felt like we were spitting on her now husband for his recovery. I told her that she was reading too much into it.
We just wanted to go out. She is especially mad at me as I’m looked at as the ringleader of this outing. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’d like to call you, NTJ. Had you just left quietly and not talked about it with groups of people you would have gotten that judgment.
Unfortunately YTJ. You told all the friends that this sucked and you were leaving to go get inebriated, and became a ringleader for the group of friends to follow. I get it weddings can be boring and drag on. I went to a wedding (the marriage didn’t last longer than the wedding) the wedding started at 4 pm, and very little food was provided at the intermission before the reception.
(Only cucumber wedges with cream cheese idk why) by 10:30 the dinner hadn’t started we ran to a diner and found other wedding guests (a complete surprise but we all laughed it off)” Alternative-Gur-6208
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – That’s kind of a lousy way to treat a “friend.” Basically you all abandoned the wedding celebration, and I’m guessing she was looking forward to celebrating her wedding with her “friends.” Hence why you were invited. And it was a reasonable expectation of hers that you wanted to celebrate her marriage since you went.
Honestly, you should go to weddings to celebrate and support the marriage of friends and/or family, drinking should never be a necessity. Even if you were bummed about the booze, celebrating and being happy for your friend would take priority over you getting inebriated.” Ok-Acanthaceae5744
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m going to get downvoted because people seem to hate dry weddings, but as someone with a partner in recovery, I will never understand why people can’t go without for one night to support someone you supposedly care about.
You picked getting inebriated over spending time with your friends for the entire reason you were out, to begin with. Edit: I knew a load of folks would hate this, and you did not disappoint!” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Bringing My In-Law To My Cousin's House Despite Their Past Issues?
“I decided to visit my cousin when I went to his city. We are a bit further apart but I manage to come a few times in a year. This time I decided to bring my in-law (Ted) with me.
Now, my cousin (Mark) has a bit of a history with Ted. Mark was apparently bullied by Ted and called very hurtful words etc. But that was many years ago.
Around 6, to be precise. So it shouldn’t have been a huge deal. Mark told me a few days ago not to bring Ted to his house, but I thought that was just him sticking to his hostility and that he would quickly soften up when I brought Ted and have a nice talk.
Oh, how wrong I was…When I came Mark wasn’t there, just his mother who welcomed me and gave me a worried look. I reassured her that everything would be fine.
Anyway, when Mark came I had to get Ted out of there before things could escalate.
His mother approached me and told me that I was out of line. I wanted to tell her they had problems years ago and that there was no need to be hostile now, but she told me that he still has extreme anxiety when he sees the guy.
She even showed me medical documents that show that he had significant issues from the incident from back then, feeling heaviness in his chest and agitation and anxiety for days after reminding himself of bullying. She told me that one time he even had a “freeze stress response” when they were close by
I was taken aback by this. I didn’t expect something like this to occur after verbal mistreatment that happened years back.
AITJ for bringing in-law to my cousin’s home?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course YTJ. If this is real, you know YTJ. Are you so clueless in real life?
Ignoring their history, you don’t show up to someone’s house with an uninvited guest. You don’t show up with someone they SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING. Now, including the history of Ted bullying and traumatizing Mark – you are a jerk 1000X over and Mark should cut you from his life.
His mother should not have had to show you personal medical records proving all of this. How hard is it to respect someone’s right to not have certain people in their homes?” glimmer seeker
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – So you decided your cousin should suck it up and be over and done with what that bully did to him?
It’s not your place to decide that! Your cousin even TOLD YOU not to bring Ted over. It’s not your place to make that decision for him. So clearly: You are so the jerk here!” Top-Spite-1288
8. AITJ For Not Hiding My Septum Piercing At My Cousin's Engagement Party?
“I 20f come from a bit of a religious background but my mom is the biggest nut job out of all of them. I wanted a septum piercing ever since I was 11 and I’ve spent years thinking it over.
How would my mom react, will she kick me out, will she try to destroy my life so about 2 months ago when I just said forget it and did it? It felt amazing and terrifying so until the initial healing period was over I hid it but eventually, she found out.
Ever since then, it’s nonstop yapping about when will I take it off. Her arguments so far are: you look like a loose woman; it damages your value as a woman; our priest said that if you get a nose piercing the devil will drag you down from the tose; I don’t like it it’s ugly; nobody will hire you and they’ll treat you like a loose woman etc……
She continues to insult and say that stuff to me but I don’t mind as long as she’s still giving me money and I live in her house rent-free (rough patch).
So today it’s my cousin’s engagement. I’ve picked a long black skirt and a black top with a black sweater above that so it looks less revealing and from morning till now she can’t leave me alone about the piercing because there will be a lot of people there and what will they think.
At this point, I’ve had enough with her and part of me wants to let it out just to spite her. The other part of me wants to turn it upwards so that it’s not visible unless someone comes close to my nose.
So WIBTJ if I left it the way it is?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ And I say this as someone with a septum piercing! This is an issue you have with your mom (and I’m with you on it!), not your cousin and it’s unfair to your cousin to create friction at their engagement party.
By all means, fill your boots at a family gathering when it’s a general get-together, but not when things can blow up at someone’s special occasion.” Click_for_noodles
Another User Comments:
“What does your cousin think? At the end of the day, it’s her and her partner’s day.
If they requested you to remove the piercing then YTJ. If they couldn’t care less or are satisfied with the way you hid the piercing then NTJ. Ps. Your mom is also allowed to have her reservations about the piercing as you’re currently living in her home and using her money.
If that doesn’t matter to you then you do you. But if it does, tread lightly around her. She can easily kick you out.” Mrbuckshots
Another User Comments:
“I waited until I moved out for tattoos and piercings as when I lived home my mother paid all the bills and never asked or expected me to contribute.
I knew how she felt and out of respect for her, I waited. A family friend got a tattoo on his calf and wore long pants or knee socks in front of his mother because she was also old school and disapproved. He was 30 & married. It’s your life to live as you want.
We did what we did back then out of respect and because we didn’t want them to be disappointed. You would be the jerk at your cousin’s engagement because your mother may make a fuss & your cousin doesn’t deserve that. Wait for another time to make a statement.” mynameisnotsparta
7. AITJ For Giving My Ex's Daughter My Car Instead Of My Ex?
“I met my ex-wife 5 years ago, we got married after 3 months, which yes was stupid but we were both in love.
Eventually, she ended up being unfaithful to me with one of her employees and we ended up getting divorced. When we met she had a teenage daughter. I was never a father to her daughter but we got along pretty well. During our marriage I bought myself a new car on a 3-year lease, I’m not sure how it works in other regions but in my country, at the end of the lease, you can either return the car or pay 40-50% of the lease and keep it.
And that was the plan, to pay off the car and give it to ex-wife and then get another one.
But because we ended up divorcing, after my lease ended last month I ended up giving the car to my ex’s daughter. She had just passed her driving test, I knew she was looking to buy her first car and I wanted to give her my car.
She may not be my daughter but she was there for me when her mother was unfaithful, she was the reason I didn’t fall back into old addictions and I love her like she was my own daughter.
After my ex found out about this she accused me of sleeping with her daughter, which isn’t true.
But also she claimed she was teaching her daughter about the value of saving up and me giving her this car ruined that. I told her that it was between me and her daughter and that she had no business getting involved. So was AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m glad to see that despite the divorce you have a good relationship with your stepdaughter. I think your wife is mad that her daughter got the car. I will say, giving a car to a new driver who’s 18 is usually not seen as a good idea, but they’ve gotta start driving their car at some point.” Chee-shep
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is YOUR car, not hers, you can give it to anyone you want, and you can sell it if you want to. Your ex is low, but this type of behavior is expected with unfaithful people, they love to accuse people of what they do.
Good thing your ex messed up, you dodged a bullet. You are lucky.” kadikaado
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Twin Sister Wear Our Mother's Necklace On Her Wedding Day?
“I got married in 2019. The night before my wedding my uncle presented me with my mother’s necklace. My mom passed away in 2010, she had worn it every day of her life and I thought she had been buried in it.
I have 2 sisters and my uncle had 2 exact replica necklaces made for them so we all 3 had the same necklace.
However, my necklace has an inscription on the back indicating it is the “real” one.
I have worn the necklace every single day since my wedding. It is so special to me and has become a part of me.
My sisters have not touched theirs.
They are still in the same jewelry boxes my uncle put them in. Untouched.
My twin sister is getting married this weekend and asked me if she can wear my mother’s necklace.
She has made comments in the past about how she wants the real one.
Even concocting stories about how my uncle “promised” it to her when she gets married.
Needless to say, I am extremely hesitant to give her the necklace. I have a gut feeling I will never get it back.
My gut is telling me to just leave the real necklace at my home in our safe.
Away from anyone and everyone. It is mine and was given to me.
If she really wanted the necklace she would have worn hers at least once in the last 4 years.
However, other family members are arguing that I should “be the bigger person” and let her wear it.
AITJ if I leave it at home?”
Another User Comments:
“Did your mother have any other jewelry? Clothing? Also, saying “If she really wanted the necklace she would have worn hers at least once in the last 4 years” is really disingenuous since the necklace given to her was not your mother’s real necklace.
Also, if you believe that the necklace given to your sister was ok, then why don’t you agree to trade hers for yours?” jockstrappy
5. AITJ For Not Saying I'm Sorry After My Partner's Wallet Was Stolen?
“We’ve been going out for about 4 months and was invited to her cousin’s wedding in Paris.
We flew in a couple of days ago and last night while walking around the city and somewhere between the market street and the Eiffel Tower, her wallet was stolen. She lost her driver’s license, credit cards, and about $1,000 in euros. She’s distraught and I wanted to be supportive so I told her I’ll cover her for the rest of our trip and we’ll sort things out when we get home.
When she told her family, they were incredibly sympathetic but here’s where our problem started.
Everyone was telling her how sorry they were that it happened to her. When we got back to our hotel, she asked why I didn’t say I was sorry it happened to her.
I tried to explain that while I feel bad, I’m not sorry because I didn’t do anything to cause it. I don’t know and still don’t understand how it happened but we ended up arguing all night. Actually the argument was mostly of her yelling at me that I needed to be more supportive and sorry that this bad thing happened to her.
I kept on repeating that I would apologize if I did something wrong but I’m not going to apologize for something I didn’t do.
We eventually went to bed but today is super weird. We woke up in silence, got ready in silence, and spent the entire ceremony in silence.
We went back to the hotel and she’s currently in the bathroom getting ready for tonight’s reception. I’m contemplating not going.
Am I wrong for not saying that I’m sorry when I didn’t do anything to cause the incident?”
Another User Comments:
“Just an FYI for many people, saying your “sorry something happened to someone” isn’t an apology or any admission or acknowledgment of guilt, it is used as words of support, and comfort. For example “I’m so sorry for your loss” is used the same way as “Im so sorry that happened to you”.
It’s not an apology, it’s a recognition and sympathy for something very awful happening.” Janellewpg
Another User Comments:
“Don’t cover her for the rest of the trip. Tell her that you’re very very sorry this happened to her and you see now that being sorry for her is a lot more important than having workable solutions.
And dude, when you get back, consider giving her the heave-ho. If this is how she acts in a minor crisis, you’re going to be dealing with nonsense all the time. They say you never really know someone until you 1. live with them; 2. travel with them; 3.
get sick.” ElephantNo3640
4. AITJ For Telling A Competitor That My Products Are Better Than Hers?
“I (23f) run a small business making nerdy, clothes, toys, homeware, and the like. I pride myself on my quality and not quantity, my main point of sale is as a vendor at Comic Con’s across the country. I’ve done 4 this year and that’s pretty much my limit of how many I can do due to how much stock I can make.
I almost always sell out at my events.
Now to the problem at hand:
When I first started I got mistaken for another person a lot and received comments like “You’ve improved” and “Looks like someone’s been practicing”. I was never able to find this other person so didn’t pay it much mind until my friend was at a convention I wasn’t at and said she saw this person and picked me up a business card.
My friend said her work was terrible and overpriced but I don’t like to talk bad about other people’s work. So I checked out her work and the quality from mine is night and day while she charges the same as me, I didn’t feel she was a threat to me and went about my business until this weekend (after another ssell-outevent) which she was at I received a message from this girl telling me to get off her patch, as I’m taking her sales and people have been complaining about her poor work.
She told me because of me she had to give out 20 refunds because they saw my stall.
Would I be the jerk for telling her it’s not my fault that her stock isn’t as good as mine”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But why bother? Just smile, nicely, and continue to make money as her dissatisfied customers continue to switch over to you.
BTW, what you’re doing is the essence of a free market. You’re making a better product and selling it for less money.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“Don’t send her anything in a message that you would be embarrassed to have made public. Right now, she was out of line to send you a message demanding you stop your business, because she had no right to do that.
She isn’t Disney. She can’t claim that she owns exclusive rights to the market you’re both in. However, you would be the jerk for offering unsolicited feedback on her product. Take the high road. Just ignore her.” OverexuberantPuppy
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Younger Cousin To An Adult Gathering?
“I (21f) have a younger cousin who’s 11.
When she was younger, we had a very close bond. She’s my only cousin, and I always loved children so I loved looking after her. But as she grew up we started being less close, partly because I moved away and we see each other less, but also because she turned into a bit of a brat.
She’s still a nice kid and I like to see her at family events, but she’s a bit spoiled and entitled. I think that’s because she’s an only child, and her mother had many failed pregnancies before she had her (or so I’ve heard), so her parents give her anything she wants and treat her like a princess.
For that reason, she sometimes throws tantrums over unreasonable things and gets very angry when things don’t go her way. I have a few examples of that, but I’ll try to make this post as short as possible so if you want to know I’ll gladly answer.
So, Sunday we had a family dinner and she was there, and as I was talking with the adults a bit, they asked if I had plans for the week or something. I told them that I was getting together with my friends on Friday and that they were coming to my place.
She overheard and asked me if she could come. I didn’t think she was being serious because 1. she lives 2 hours away and 2. it would be weird for her to be there.
But she was serious because I received a text from her mother yesterday asking for the info for my “pajama party”.
I told her that it was a misunderstanding and that my cousin wasn’t invited, but that I’d love to do something with her on Saturday or another weekend. She started telling me that my cousin wanted to come, that I should be a nice cousin and let her come, that she was old enough to do things with me, and that it probably wouldn’t bother my friends.
Here’s the thing: we were planning on doing a cocktails night, inspired by our ex-relationships (like some people have done on TikTok). So I told her that she couldn’t come because it wasn’t a “pajama party” but a drinking night, and that we would be discussing things that aren’t necessarily appropriate for a kid her age.
She’s now telling me that I’m doing everything I can to exclude my cousin, that I’m mean, that I’m putting my friends over my family, and she’s trying to guilt trip me into inviting her.
I feel like I’m not in the wrong here, but maybe I’m just not seeing the problem and am being a jerk.
I really don’t know, is it wrong of me to not invite her? In a way, she’s just a child so I don’t know…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you’re going to be babysitting your aunt should at least be offering money. It’s not on you to make sure your cousin is entertained and it’s 100% inappropriate for a tween to come to a cocktail party.
It’s extremely rude for your aunt to assume that your cousin is invited and not nice of her to try to guilt trip you into free babysitting.” NoHorseNoMustache
Another User Comments:
“NTJ stand your ground. Ask her if she wants her child around a bunch of young adults heavily drinking and discussing their past relationships.
Is that really how she wants little Susie to learn about the birds and the bees? Hearing about how your friend’s ex was a not nice person but he sure was good in a relationship, the best partner in the land! I bet little Susie would love to listen to that all night” Cultural_Section_862.
2. AITJ For Telling My Friends That My Socially Anxious Friend Was Faking Her Baby Voice?
“I have a friend that I’m close to who has social anxiety, so she hasn’t been out with my friends before.
She finally decided to come with us, which was exciting, but she spoke completely differently. I don’t know how to explain it, but she was talking in a baby voice. Or maybe an anime voice? She just sounded not like herself at all. She sounded like 12 years old.
When she went to the bathroom, my friends immediately asked me why she sounded like that. One of my friends said, “She sounds so young, what the heck.” Another said, “No one sounds like that, she’s faking it for some reason.” I admitted that yes, she was faking it, which was obvious.
But I wasn’t sure why she was talking like that. There were guys there that I’m friends with. Maybe she has a crush? Or just nervous? No idea.
But after the hangout, I asked her why she was talking like that and she played dumb.
She said “I was talking differently? Sometimes I act differently around different people.” I said it wasn’t just that, she sounded young, way younger than she is. She said it was just something she was trying out and that she hoped no one noticed. I said of course they noticed, I told them that wasn’t your real voice.
She got upset at this and said I shouldn’t have told them that. I told her girl, everyone knows you’re faking the voice. My saying it doesn’t do anything, they all know. But she’s mad at me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Using that type of voice is usually for attention (i.e. all those “anime uwu” gamer girls).
Baby’s voice is weird, especially if it was because she had a crush. Yeah, I mask my social anxiety by occasionally changing my voice, but I usually force a confident tone to come off as confident. When I’m anxious, I don’t want *more* people paying attention to me or thinking I’m some sort of baby.
This was not an act of anxiety, this was attention-seeking.” g0thl0ser_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get people with social anxiety may do stuff like that to help them cope with their anxiety, but she also shouldn’t expect you to lie for her.
And, not to be rude, but trying to sound like a 12-year-old is kinda creepy? Like, what does she mean she hopes no one noticed?” Sufficient-Berry-827
1. AITJ For Telling My Overbearing Mom To Leave My Pregnant Wife Alone?
“My mom made some nonsense comment about my wife on Labor Day looking tired and sick. Some nonsense was said when I picked up my wife’s plate to throw away and my mom said my wife was capable of throwing the plate away. She asked if my wife’s legs or arms were broken.
My wife told her to get lost because she was not in the mood. My mom can be overbearing and doesn’t have the best relationship with my wife going back to the wedding where my mom acted stupid during the wedding planning stage. My mom decided not to come to the wedding because of it.
After Labor Day my wife thought she had food poisoning and went to the ER because she had been feeling awful for the last few weeks and not getting over it. Their wife is pregnant.
Now my mom wants to play besties with my wife and brought over some food.
My wife has been nonstop puking since she first went to the ER. My mom is acting all supportive now but my wife tossed out the food and asked my mom to leave. My mom cannot wrap her head around why my wife doesn’t want to talk to her about the baby and my mom is just trying to help.
I told my mom my wife doesn’t like you and it’s all your fault about how you have treated her so I told my mom to get lost and give my wife space and stop trying to help. No one wants it.
My mom tried crying about the situation saying she just wanted to be involved and support my wife.
I told my mom the time to prove that was in the past.”
Another User Comments:
“Didn’t want to come to the wedding to see her get married. Doesn’t get to come to the house to see the grandkids. Mess around and find out. Mom just did that.
Maybe someday you’ll have a better relationship and you might include her in your life. But for now, say goodbye. And tell her she didn’t come to the wedding. Guess what? If you can make up for that then maybe you can be in the child’s life.
But since you can’t because we’re not getting married again. Guess what you’re not in the child’s life. You’re not in our life. This can’t be fixed, at least not yet NTJ” Even_Enthusiasm722.3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds like the type that requires a hard stance to get through to her.
Is your wife open to timprovingve the relationship under any circumstance or has that bridge been completely burned? Sounds like an exhausting rest of your lives if that relationship is broken and unredeemable.” GrumpyLump91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She only ‘cares’ about your wife now cause she fears being left out of the baby’s life.
She will go back to disliking your wife once the baby is born. But right now you have control over your mother. Explain to her that the second your mother treats your wife poorly ever again, your mother is cut out of the baby’s life.
She will not believe you and probably still behave poorly. If your mother does keep it up after the birth, cut her out for a short time to scare her straight.” message
