People Keep Us Hooked With Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Friend Who Belittles Children?
“I (26f) have a friend (30m) who I’ve known for a long time.
Recently I got invited to a family gathering of his.
There were lots of kids there, but one, whose birthday it was, was really pumped and singing songs by his favorite band on the karaoke. The kid was jumping around and performing like he was on a stage.
Everyone at the party was really having a ball watching him. A little star in the making.
Anyway, my friend comes into the room, and mid-song, told the kid how the band he was singing to is garbage. The kid stopped singing and dancing and looked surprised. They tried to defend the band, but my friend kept repeating “they’re garbage, they’re garbage” to every refute the kid tried to make.
I could see the kid getting flustered as they kept trying to get my friend to back off, but he doubled down. I tried to stick up for the kid as well, but he didn’t stop. It was like watching the light die behind the kid’s eyes.
There were other kids there that he seemed to berate and belittle, and it made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. I had a nasty step-parent growing up that would do similar things and it really got to me. I don’t want him to be doing this to kids when I know how much it can knock them, but he brushes it off as his sense of humor and a tough love approach.
WIBTJ if I call him up on it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This type of behavior can have very big consequences for children and be character-forming. Children are sensitive and easily influenced, especially by adults because they’re often taught to blindly respect them. Because of this factor, children often do not have a voice to stand up to an adult bully.
What kind of lousy human being does someone have to be to, without instigation, insult and destroy the self-esteem of CHILDREN?…. YTJ if you DON’T say something. Because that child will forever remember that at his birthday party, a grown man hurt his feelings, insulted him in front of everybody, and ruined his day… and everybody else just…
Let. It. Happen. Similar to bullying, a bystander is just as guilty. Please stand up for these children.” Sounds_Gay_Im_In_93
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Some adults are flat-out mean or rude to children on purpose and then try to play it off as if they were joking.
Jokes are meant to be funny and nobody in these types of situations is laughing except for the adult bully themselves. It’s not a joke at all. I know some adults aren’t a big fan of kids which is totally fair, but then just leave them alone?
All those children were minding their own business, trying to have fun at a birthday party, and your friend specifically went out of his way to be a jerk to them. Honestly, if you don’t call him out on it then he’ll continue with that behavior at future family gatherings.
There’s also a chance he’ll be treating your own children like this if you choose to have any. I’d seriously go a step further and tell the kid’s parents what your friend said/did. Call it “tattling” if you want, but if the parents start questioning why their kid’s behaviors suddenly changed after a family gathering… Well, your friend is the reason why and they deserve to know.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Wow, NTJ! How is this friend related to the kid? I hope not in any kind of direct way, where he can slowly kill the kid’s spirit. I was a little “extra” as a kid. Looking back, I would have absolutely become a theatre kid, in a better family.
My family, on the other hand, ripped me to shreds every single time I tried anything creative. It’s like they were expecting this little kid, who was just trying whatever for the first time, to nail it straight away. So I grew up expecting myself to be good at everything the first time, and always being hard on myself, like they were.
I’d abandon everything that didn’t work straight away, and it took me until my 30s (!!?!) for it to finally click. Nobody is good at everything straight away. Even those who have a knack for something, still have to practice to become great. That’s why people practice and train, and do homework and learn.
So yeah, now, in my 30’s, I am finally exploring all the creative hobbies I like, and slowly getting better at them.” TheGrimDweeber
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Cousin Full Time?
“I (17nb) babysit as a legitimate job. I’m CPR certified and have all the requirements for my state and all that but I don’t babysit children who are disabled or have more than slight autism.
This is because it just gives me anxiety and I feel like if anything serious happened I wouldn’t know what to do.
My family seems to think that because I babysit a lot they can just throw all their kids on me as much as they want.
My aunt has a 6-year-old son who is severely autistic. I’ve babysat him like occasionally before but it’s honestly a nightmare. I do love him, I really do but I honestly couldn’t do it every day. School got out about 3 weeks ago and my aunt now needs a full-time babysitter for the summer and asked me to do it.
I told her I couldn’t. She became really stressed and told me she’s really strapped for cash and just needed some extra help which I can understand but even if I said yes I still have other kids to babysit so I couldn’t go full time and on top of that she’d probably be paying me next to nothing.
She asked why I couldn’t do it and I told her the truth. That I wouldn’t do it cause my cousin is autistic and I just don’t want that responsibility.
She got really upset about it and told my family and now they’re all upset and saying I should just do it cause he’s my cousin, cause I see him anyways, cause they need my help and those are valid points but I feel like they’re not really taking my feelings into account either.
I think they think that just because I’m family and I’m qualified I’m just their free nanny or something. Should I just get over myself and do it? On one hand, I feel like I should be able to have boundaries but is this really a boundary or am I just an intolerant jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your aunt is in an understandably difficult situation and I feel for her. That being said, her situation is not your problem. As harsh as it sounds, you have a business and you need to make sound fiscal decisions. Autism or not, missing other clients for one client is bad business.
Here is my advice. Ask the rest of the family to help out and everyone pitch in some money to get the child some good and autism-friendly and equipped supervision. They don’t have a right to dump the responsibility on you. If they want you to help this puts the burden back on them.
They can all help. Also, this can give the child much-needed support in the form of professional services. I am also willing to bet there could be some state aid for this. Wish you the best.” Any_Faithlessness735
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I absolutely understand that saying no to your family is hard.
Also for a lot of people, it’s easiest to trust their children or pets with a person they know. HOWEVER: 1) you already have your obligations to other kids you babysit mainly if this is your main job 2) your aunt would probably pay a lot more to a babysitter or daycare that has experience with autistic children 3) your feelings are totally understandable and valid when it comes to taking care of children with disabilities and your level of comfort when it comes to their safety.
Sorry I don’t have advice but you are NTJ here. You might only give your aunt the contact of someone who might be up for the job if you know someone.” KrisTheMermaid
Another User Comments:
“The severity of your cousin’s autism is beyond your ability to safely manage sustained care at the level they need and what your aunt needs for them.
A couple of hours every few weeks, to give her some respite to get out of the house, may be appropriate but 8 hours a day, 5-6 days a week is just not. Your safety and your cousins’ safety are a major concern. Then there is the fact that you would not be paid for that level of work and it is hard work even for caregivers who are well-trained to work with severely autistic people.
This is not something that you should “just do” to “keep the peace.” NTJ.” MorriganNiConn
19. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Co-Worker For Constantly Missing Deadlines?
“I have a co-worker who lives in India, I am on the other side of the world. We are both about the same age, late 20s-30s. So our time difference is completely opposite, she’s working during my nights and vice versa.
I assign her some of my easier tasks at the end of the day, as she’s starting hers, with the idea that they be completed the next morning when I sign on.
At first, I gave her a break because she was new and still learning the system, but she is no longer new and is only completing work at about 40% of the pace that I can do (if I had the time).
Ultimately, these tasks not being completed will fall to me, or result in delayed deadlines for our clients.
It’s difficult to meet with her as during meetings her parents (who live with her) are talking loudly nonstop in the background, with total disregard for her being in a meeting.
Her baby is also constantly on her lap and crying during these meetings. Her parents or husband could take the baby for 10 minutes while we meet but never do. When I meet with her during her late night (baby should be sleeping), the baby is still always on her lap and crying.
I could understand if this is a once-in-a-while thing, but it’s literally every call. Then I will find out in the morning that she’s only completed about 50% of the task I assigned her the day before. I send my children to daycare during the day despite working from home, and if they are home sick the husband and I will switch on and off watching them in a different part of the house during meetings.
WIBTJ if I reported this to my superior? She does not have regular interaction with this employee, it all goes through me, so she wouldn’t have experienced what it’s like to have a call with her, But the deadlines being missed fall on myself and my superior.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ with the changing work environments from home, and everyone understands the various difficult situations people have been put into with childcare, housemates being loud, etc, but when it affects deadlines and productivity to the point where your reputation is affected then it’s definitely something to report to your manager.
I would suggest you look on askamanager.com for her advice in similar situations (of which there have been many!)” ScarletPolkaDot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Nowhere in your post have you said anything about discussing it with her. How old is the baby? My eldest didn’t sleep through the night until he was 2.
India is different from the US and often doesn’t have the same childcare infrastructure we’re accustomed to in the US. Their living spaces are also much smaller. Try showing some empathy. On top of all this, she’s probably paid 1/4 to 1/3 of what the equivalent role would pay in the US, so your company is still getting their money’s worth.” myevillaugh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If someone is not doing 50% of their assignments, and it reflects badly on you and your group, then you absolutely need to tell your superior. The company doesn’t need someone who consistently doesn’t pull their weight. As a (former) manager, I would definitely want to know.
HOWEVER. You need to report this exclusively as a problem with her not doing the work. Her living situation is not your business. Further, mentioning it will make you look like a jerk instead of a concerned employee. And your superior may not be able to do/say anything about the noisy environment.
She definitely can do something if assignments aren’t being completed. People saying you should be more understanding of the co-worker are missing the point. Her living situation isn’t your business, and that means YOU are not responsible for covering for her. If her situation is compatible with the kind of job she has to do, that’s unfortunate, but it happens.
She needs to find another job that works better with her situation.” ImportantAlbatross
18. AITJ For Asking My Dad To Stop Teasing Me For My Spouse's Sake?
“I grew up in a household where being teased by my father was considered by him to be an “expression of affection” and he “only picked on people he liked”.
This kind of treatment extended to my younger sister, who could be particularly brutal. I got used to this throughout my childhood and into my young adult life. When I spent a few years outside the home living my own life, I noticed that’s not typically how the world works and I didn’t really like being picked on by him anyway.
I didn’t do anything about it because it wasn’t worth a fight to me…until I got married. My spouse is particularly sensitive to being the butt of jokes and I’ve expressed to her that while I have a higher tolerance for it, I didn’t exactly like everything my dad and sister said to me.
My spouse has been biting her tongue while hearing some of the things being said to me and seeing my negative reaction. One day, my dad and sister were picking on me while I wasn’t in the room but my spouse was and she absolutely went off on them but my dad treated her like she was the problem for “being disrespectful”.
I’ve followed up with him saying that the teasing of me needs to stop. AITJ for asking him to change a behavior he’s so used to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “expressing affection” is just bullying and abuse if the target of that behavior doesn’t receive it as affection.
Your dad is a jerk, and your spouse is a gem for sticking up for you. “Dad treated her like she was the problem for “being disrespectful.”” Old man, you’re not going to like the results you get mistreating someone you didn’t train to bear it since childhood.
This is likely a case where you go LC or NC after one chance of “I don’t like this, stop it.” If he tries to argue, you’re out the door.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“Oh hunny, NTJ. Good on your wife for sticking up for you.
We as a society need to quit hiding things behind cute terms like “teasing” and “bullying” in order to make things more palatable. You haven’t given specifics of what they said, but based on both your and your wife’s discomfort, I can make a guess.
Frequent, repeated, and recurring disparaging comments, jokes at your expense, insults, and statements designed to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable are not teasing – that’s harassment and verbal abuse. Think of it this way – if they treated a coworker like that, they’d be fired. If they treated a stranger like that there could be charges or a restraining order.
Their behavior doesn’t magically become acceptable because you’re related to them.” Munchkins_nDragons
Another User Comments:
“I’m one of those people who teases the people I love. When I tease someone, I always make sure it’s very clearly teasing, and not bullying. I tease my husband that his cat is his mistress.
I tease my friend that she’s ‘smarter than the average bear.’ I tease my grandkids that they’re very good at eating yummy vegetables. I tease with good things, I tease that accomplishments are worthy of taking pride in, I tease that someone is good at something that they are, in fact, good at.
Teasing someone you love should lead them to feel loved. If you felt “picked on,” that wasn’t teasing. That was getting picked on. Let me guess – you were also told you were “too sensitive,” and you needed to “toughen up,” right? Your father needed to become more sensitive, and he needed to stop causing pain to someone he allegedly cared about.
He probably learned this behavior the same way he’s teaching it to your sister. NTJ. Also, good on your wife. I’m glad you get to feel what it’s like when someone has your back.” MarkedHeart
17. AITJ For Defending My Daughter's Choice To Play With 'Boys' Toys'?
“I (35F) am married to my amazing husband (36M) and we share 8-year-old twin daughters together. The daughter in question here has always been more of a tomboy growing up.
Unlike her twin sister, who has always been more of a “girly girl” and into more traditionally “feminine” things, she has never liked doing things like wearing dresses or playing with Barbies. Most of her friends at school are boys, and she has always been more into traditionally “masculine” things.
Their 9th birthday is coming up on June 1, and my husband’s mother, aka their grandmother and my MIL, visited us yesterday and asked the girls what they wanted for their birthday. My daughter said she wanted 2 things: a Squishmallow and a Nintendo Switch. My MIL asked her what she just heard and my daughter repeated what she said.
She said that she would not be getting her a Nintendo Switch because that was a “boy’s toy” and that girls shouldn’t play with boys’ toys, they should only play with girls’ toys.
I jumped in and told her that my daughter could play with whatever she wants to play with and that she doesn’t decide what things my daughter plays with.
She told me that she was raised only being allowed to play with girls’ toys and that she wants her grandchildren to be raised how she was raised. I’m not one to start arguments, so I didn’t say anything else about the topic, and we all ate dinner and talked about whatever topic we were watching on TV.
After she left, my husband came and told me that he agreed with me and that our daughter should be allowed to be herself, but I should cut my MIL some slack because that’s how she was raised, so that’s what she thinks is appropriate.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Utter nonsense. My parents and in-laws, all over 70 or 80, were raised that way. Know what? They all allowed my generation to play with what we wanted, (although tended to encourage “gender” matching toys) and we did our best to allow our own kids to play with what they wanted, with total support from our parents.
The result? When one of my kids came out as trans as an adult, she was accepted by all the family and has few of the struggles many trans adults have due to their families’ history of forcing gender stuff. And…my trans daughter thoroughly enjoyed Legos and trucks as a child, favorite color was red. My cis son insisted on everything pink.
Cis daughters one liked green and one purple. Only one of all my kids liked dolls. What kids play with appears to have little in common with gender or sexuality. Just…what they enjoy playing with. Looking back at all the times I absolutely insisted on the kids being allowed to choose their colors, patterns, toys, hairstyles, clothes, and activities themselves, now that I know my daughter is trans?
I am SO GLAD I did. This is a hill to die on. Absolutely positively do not let MIL push your daughter. Had I not defended mine, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself now.” Neenknits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My (super white) grandmother was raised in the Deep South to believe the US Civil was was “The War of Northern Aggression”.
Some strokes caused a little regression but at the end of her life, she would shout down the racists at the assisted living facility. Just because someone is older than you does not mean they are incapable of change. Give people credit and don’t demean the elderly.
Also, what kind of nonsense is it even to say that a switch is a masculine toy? I mean, that’s some 1950s regressive thinking there that girls should only play nice domestic stuff. Wow. NTJ.” PawsyMcMurderMittens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I should cut my MIL some slack because that’s how she was raised, so that’s what she thinks is appropriate.” However, what she actually said was “she would not be getting her a Nintendo Switch because that was a “boys’ toy” and that girls shouldn’t play with boys toys,” AND “She told me that she was raised only being allowed to play with girls toys and that she wants her grandchildren to be raised how she was raised.” What she said was not as benign as your husband would like you to believe.
She was TELLING you that your daughter should not play with “boys’ toys” and she wants your daughter raised that way. Stand your ground, Mama Bear!” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Refusing To Tell My Absent Father About My Brother's Death?
“I (17) really don’t want to focus on this like my graduation ceremony is in two days. Pretty much, my dad left when I was five, but he came back when I was eight and he and my mom had my baby brother Ian.
Then he left again and I haven’t seen him since I was ten years old. I got an email from him last year asking to meet but I just ignored it because I don’t want to see him. My brother died two weeks ago. Honestly, I wouldn’t go to this platform for advice but I am so stressed out about this right now and my older brother Nat isn’t home so I can’t talk to him.
Pretty much, my mom asked me to find a way to contact my dad and let him know that Ian is dead. But I don’t want to be the one to tell him. One of our relatives can tell him and they probably already have.
But she said that even though he is what he is he deserves to know his son is gone. No, he doesn’t! I don’t ever want to see him or talk to him again after he missed seven years of my life he doesn’t get to just walk back in.
I didn’t want to argue with my mom but I did and she just got even more sad and started crying again and then I started crying. I mean the only reason she’s asking me is because Nat doesn’t even want to hear his name.
But I’ve been feeling like a mess since we argued about it last night and I know I shouldn’t have made my mom cry. I know I was wrong for that but was I the jerk for telling her that I’m not going to tell my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry you lost your brother. Your mum probably isn’t thinking straight, understandably so but it’s not your job and she shouldn’t be guilt-tripping you into dealing with this. I understand why she doesn’t want to be the one to tell him but it’s not going to be easier for you.
You are still a kid, your dad let you and your brothers down, and you’re still hurting over that and now this happened. No offense but you are probably not the best person to tell him. If she wants to tell him it should be her or at least she should tell another relative to tell him.
Also, talk to your mum and let her know how you feel, it would be a shame to fall out over this when you need each other.” shannoouns
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so sorry for your loss. May your memories soon be a blessing and a source of joy, not tears.
This is an adult thing. Maybe it can’t be your mom’s thing either, because of her own grief, but it is definitely not the responsibility of a teenager who has both grief over an unimaginable loss AND trauma from abandonment. You don’t owe him this information and surely you don’t have to chase him down to give it when he isn’t trying to keep communication with you.
I hope you have someone to talk to who is outside of the family because this time in your life is already so full of ups and downs, but losing family so young and dealing with a bad dad is more than you should reasonably be able to navigate and your mom and brother have to process their grief too.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“Oh! No! This is absolutely NOT your job to do. I’m so sorry for your loss and your whole family’s loss, but Mom does not get to make you contact HER deadbeat ex and tell him the terrible news. Her grief has made her unable to cope, and you may have to shoulder some burdens, but notifying ex-dad isn’t one of them.
You’re right, let him find out through the grapevine or the obituaries. You are NTJ.” InternationalKick126
15. AITJ For Telling My Twin Sister To Stop Copying Me And Be Her Own Person?
“I (14x) have an identical twin sister (14f); she is the older twin by 2 minutes. I’m nonbinary and have cut my hair very short as it was once at my waist. She also cut her hair then (it was the same length as mine) to shoulder length, and it annoyed me a fair bit, but I decided to ignore it because maybe she didn’t want to manage the long hair anymore.
Now she’s begun stealing all my clothes to the point where I’m stuck rotating between 4 outfits, not including my school uniform. She tries to say that she doesn’t have any clothes of her own, which is wrong because they’re all in her drawers.
I recently got a job at a clothes shop and have been making good money for my first job (about 3 hundred after 4 shifts), and she is now begging me to buy her clothes.
She also got a job but hasn’t started yet, but she still wants me to buy her stuff when she has her own money to do so even though I’ve already got plans for my money (new clothes to replenish those stolen and Dr. Martens as my current cheap boots are falling apart).
I also remind her of this every time she asks, but her response is always “I’m older,” which annoys me whenever she says it as she’s only older by 2 minutes as it was an emergency c-section. Now she’s just got back from getting a haircut, and it’s the exact same cut and style as mine.
I was really annoyed at this point and decided to confront her, saying to stop copying me as I hate it and want to be my own person, not just being known as “hey, don’t you have a twin?” which I’m currently known for. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your things are yours, period. If you don’t want other people to use them, it’s your right to say no. Next time she says “I’m older,” respond with “Act like it then.” That said, it does seem like she might need to talk to someone.
She might be acting out because she feels you’re pulling away now that you came out as nonbinary and that special twin bond is breaking. Which is not on you, since you’re still the same person, but she may not be sure what to do now.
Or I’m way off base here, and your sister is just a brat. Either way, you’re NTJ.” Redditor857485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s totally understandable that you want to be your own person and not the twin of your twin. I won’t claim to know many things about psychology, but it’s said that identical twins often struggle with finding their own identity.
Maybe your sister is struggling quite a lot, and the fact that your mother doesn’t even want to look into that sounds quite problematic. I hope it’s just a passing phase for her, but you’re totally NTJ for sticking to your boundaries; you come across as a responsible and reasonable teen.” Ari_ofAthens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re at an age where identity and sense of self really start taking shape. Your sister is probably much less sure of herself than you at this point, and she’s had the shared twin identity to fall back on for so long that seeing you individualize probably scares her a lot.
I’m not sure what your relationship was like prior to her starting this but if it was good maybe you could try and speak to her and say “hey, I miss how our relationship was before it felt like you wanted to repeat everything I’m doing.
I really like being an individual and with you being my twin, you wearing my clothes and cutting your hair like mine is really undermining me feeling like my own person. Have you thought about experimenting with your own styles? I can help you FIND clothes you like but you have to pay for them yourself.” Something like that.
Being 14 is really hard. I wish you the best of luck.” basically_rad
14. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister-In-Law After She Told My Son I Don't Love His Dad Anymore?
“I left my husband and marital home in February. My son is only 4 and has been having a hard time adjusting to living between different homes because he’s not used to being away from me.
Recently he’s been upset about something and having tantrums more frequently.
A few days ago, he had a tantrum and said I didn’t love his daddy anymore so he didn’t like me. When he finally calmed down, I found out my sister-in-law told him that’s why I wasn’t living with them or going on vacation with them anymore.
I was furious because while my sister-in-law is only 18 and has been having a hard time with the separation too as she’s lived with us since I married my husband and we were very close, I feel like she’s old enough to know better.
I went to speak to her and she was giving me attitude and acting like she was only telling my son the truth.
I was angry and while I’m not proud of it, I did yell at her and she yelled back. My husband, who has been ignoring and avoiding me since I left, was called downstairs and told us that was enough. He was furious at both of us and we ended up arguing too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: How long has she actually lived with you? If she is 18 and has been living with you since you got married assuming if you married before your son was born/before you were pregnant she was only 13 when she moved in with you.
You’re a mother figure to her and in her mind, you abandoned her as well as you stated you were close. This is a lot trickier than she is old enough to know better. The reason for the separation would also be important to know before rendering a verdict.” MB1428
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but instead of arguing with her like that, maybe explain to her calmly that you would prefer your 4-year-old not think that you’re not around just because you don’t love his daddy anymore. I am divorced and I frequently remind my 8-year-old that I do love his dad because his dad is the reason I get to be his mom, and that while we don’t live together anymore, we will still both be there for him.
Truthfully, I do have love for my ex-husband, but it’s hard to try to get a child to grasp the concept of loving without being in love. Being very open about having love for him has made co-parenting so much easier, as well, because both of us are able to remember, though we don’t want to be together romantically, that we still care about one another.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d be wondering if your husband has anything to do with what your ex-SIL was saying? She’s 18, she’s moody and this is obviously hard on her so she’s going to lash out. It’s not right that she brought your 4yo into the middle of you and your husband’s issues, and when both of you have calmer heads, I suggest talking to her in a neutral place.
While she is 18, 18-year-olds don’t suddenly get parts of their brains opened up so that they now understand complicated relationships. To expect her to behave rationally and understand is putting too much expectation on someone who is just barely considered an adult.
Take her out for coffee or whatever and try to talk to her about how saying such things to your 4yo is going to cause him unnecessary trauma.
She hurt him, and she hurt you. You understand she’s having a hard time accepting you and her brother’s divorce, but sometimes relationships end, people change as they grow older, and sometimes that means you’re no longer compatible with your spouse. Sometimes you realize that what you have, isn’t what you need. It doesn’t mean you hate her brother, it doesn’t mean you don’t love her anymore (which is probably what she feels/thinks and why she’s lashed out).
You’re both still going to be in each other’s lives and you’ll still be there as a support whenever she needs you. Until that conversation happens, just love on your little one, and make him feel as safe and as stable as you can. Perhaps therapy would be good for him if he’s really upset.
Just make sure he knows that no matter what, you love him and you’ll always be thankful for him.” Nikkita8223
13. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Due To My Parents' Favoritism And My Sister's Disrespect?
“It has been pretty clear to me that my parents favor my sister over me. I (14) was never unloved or neglected but, and I know it’s petty, it hurts to know that she’ll always be their favorite.
They would go all out on her birthdays, never say no to whatever she asked for, and other things. I never understood why they cared for her more so I tried my best to excel at everything I did. I was always top of my class hoping this would help but all of my achievements were treated like an afterthought while even her smallest ones were celebrated. Whatever I did, I was never enough.
Recently, my sister has developed a habit of taking my stuff without asking me, and every time I ask for it back, she either ignores me or rolls her eyes and goes to her room. When I ask my parents to intervene, after much coercing they tell her to give it back saying “you know how she gets”.
It was exhausting so eventually I stopped asking for my stuff back until she took one of my artworks and destroyed it by drawing all over it. I completely lost it and started crying. All she said was “it’s not like it looked good anyway”.
That painting was my most treasured possession. I then went to my parents and said that I can’t wait to leave this house, and they started yelling at me and calling me ungrateful. I honestly feel like I’m losing my mind because they rarely yell at me, and if they did, I must have done something wrong.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re very young. If you were older I’d point out that your heavy use of never and always is chipping away at your sense of agency. However, you’re 14 so you don’t have much yet to begin with.
Don’t make it a habit though it’s self-defeating. You’re convincing yourself that things are beyond your ability to effect change. They aren’t. It’s time to get creative with protecting your stuff. Maybe start a post on the best ways to hide/protect things from siblings.
You tried going to your parents and it didn’t work. Don’t sulk or lash out. Work on your agency and work around the obstacles. If your parents really have a scapegoat/golden child dynamic going on the last thing you should be relying on from them is validation of your feelings.
You’re going to have to do it for them.” SordidOrchid
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to judge here because your feelings are your feelings, and I can see why you have them, though I don’t know how much of what you are perceiving is objectively true.
But it sounds like there is a specific and factual thing that you can address to lower the amount of conflict in your house since you have several years still under their roof. Your sister takes and sometimes ruins your things. Ask for a lock.
If not for your room, then on your closet or chest, a space large enough to secure your most important belongings. Your parents can have, and need, either a key or the combination for your safety, but you also deserve to have your belongings respected. Particularly since it looks like you share some common interests or tastes with your sister, and you already have conflict, it’s too easy for your things to get mixed up, and too tempting for her to borrow what she wants.
Ideally, you’d be able to share, but that’s not where you are in your relationship.
If your parents resist, try explaining to them that you feel nothing is truly yours, because your sister can have what she wants but then also feels free to take what you have too.
And it feels that way even about your interests and their attention. They may not see it that way and think you are being unfair, and that this is hurtful for you to say, but it seems to be what you’re feeling. And giving you control back over your possessions is a practical way to help you back to healthier boundaries and interactions with your sister and your parents.
Otherwise this “she takes your stuff, you’re made to feel selfish for not sharing” dynamic will never get better and your relationship with your parents will just become increasingly toxic. Your outburst here may or may not be fully warranted. But it’s a pretty loud cry for something to change.
And a lock or a lockbox is an easy thing to try.” demiurbannouveau
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ignore them and see about getting something to put your really precious things in that you can lock so your sister can’t touch them. Is there any other family that you can at least hang out with that will make you feel better?
Friends? If not, hunker down and try to hold on until you’re old enough to get a job and get out of there. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. You don’t deserve it and you need to believe this.” MizzJax
12. AITJ For Only Taking My Overworked Nieces On A Trip And Not Their Entitled Brothers?
“My sister and her husband have very misogynistic views and they brought their kids up accordingly. Their sons (15, 17, 18) do no chores in the house.
They just eat and play video games all day. Their daughters (14, 16, 20) take on most of the household work. They cook, clean, do laundry, babysit their younger cousins, etc. This has made the boys spoiled, entitled, and not very pleasant to be around. They pretty much demand their sisters to do even the most basic things for them, and when they try to refuse, their parents get mad at them.
I decided to surprise my nieces with a trip to Europe in a few weeks. They deserve time off to be pampered and treated. They work very hard. They are very excited about the trip. Now the problem is that their brothers found out and are angry.
They believe that they deserve to be on vacation too. I told them that pretty much every day is a vacation for them and they haven’t shown themselves to be worthy of such a trip. They, my sister and brother-in-law are all angry with me.
My extended family is only on my side. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing your nieces a favor and treating them to something they sorely deserve. Your nephews are just mad that they’re not getting special treatment this time, and your sis & bil are probably mad that they’ll be the ones having to look after the three boys during your vacation.” Legitimate-Effort616
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are treated terribly by their parents and it’s good to give them a taste of what a good life can be like when they aren’t waiting on their spoiled brothers’ hand and foot. I wouldn’t be surprised if the daughters moved away and left them with their precious sons to take care of them.
They’ll be begging their sisters to take care of their parents because they haven’t learned a thing and guilt them into it. OP, warn your nieces of this and get them out as soon as they hit 18 if you can swing it.” SolidAshford
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing and ultimately it put faith in your nieces to know that at least there is someone in the family who cares about their well-being. The nephews and the parents are major jerks and they failed to adult the boys properly.
They’re going to become spoilt brats as they reach adulthood and find future partners to baby them and wipe their backside for them. This is a step closer to a reality check for them. Respect is earned, not given and they are way old enough to know that.” saltysegall
11. AITJ For Being Upset At My MIL For Expecting Detailed Updates About My Newborn?
“My MIL and I have always gotten along in the 5 years my husband and I have been together. She’s annoyed me before, and I’m sure I’ve annoyed her, but nothing crazy.
I had a hard time with her nearing the end of pregnancy.
We had a lot of hospital stays and she’d message us like 8 questions in 2 minutes. I understood she was worried, but she would get snippy and message several times if we didn’t get right back to her because a nurse or doctor came in.
I never said anything. She’s been a big help to us my entire pregnancy and no one is perfect.
She insisted on seeing our new baby the day we left the hospital and called me on video chat the second baby got out of the NICU.
I, again, accepted it. Came over yesterday when we got home, and all seemed fine. She got to me a few times with comments but nothing crazy.
She asked how our first night home went this morning, I sent a short “it went well” message when I first woke up.
I then posted a slightly more detailed update on social media a few hours later. I’ve been oversharing out of my comfort zone there because I’m too overwhelmed and exhausted to tell 8-10 people the same thing. I just had surgery and an early baby 5 days ago, we just got home.
She sent me a rude message about how I shouldn’t be short with her and post something longer on social media but didn’t bother asking my husband or complain to him. I’m just trying to update all in one place and I’m not intentionally leaving her out.
AITJ for being upset? Should I really be sending her every detail? I get that I could copy + paste, but didn’t think I needed to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dear MIL OP is going through some stuff, OP is physically and emotionally drained. OP is in physical pain due to surgery.
OP is caring for her newborn. OP understands and appreciates your concern. Unfortunately, what you are doing is adding stress to OP, the new baby, and the other people in OP’s household. We are sure that this is not your intention. Now that you’ve been told, please consider how your behavior and actions are adding to the stress.
We suggest that you ask OP and OP’s partner what you can do to be helpful. We also want to remind you that OP is tired and busy. OP will probably not get back to you immediately. We understand that you are excited about your grandchild.
Please step back. Allow OP to enjoy her baby, gain her footing, and heal. OP will update you on her time, and her terms. Please, MIL, show OP the same consideration that you wish people would have shown you after your babies were born. All the best to the whole family.
Sincerely, The Community.” mrslII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this isn’t going to get better as long as you keep prioritizing her feelings over your own. Yes, your husband should be stepping up to protect you, but she’s going to keep doing this if you keep deferring to her sense of grievance.
She’s not going to like your boundaries. They will upset her. That’s her problem to deal with. You will have to learn to deal with someone being upset with you without immediately giving them whatever they want to stop being upset with you. Stop answering the phone when she calls or texts.
She’ll be upset. The world won’t end. Enjoy your beautiful new baby in peace.” Great_Clue_7064
Another User Comments:
“Speaking as someone with a MIL who over-inserts herself (we recently had our first baby this year) I sympathize. It also is a behavior that continues, and you have to be firm if you want it to stop.
You may have to consider a plan to manage her expectations sooner rather than later unless you’re happy having her constantly call you for updates on the baby. It’s not unreasonable to expect some boundaries to be respected. Constant messaging and phone calls to the extreme are considered by law a form of harassment, and for good reason.
Be kind to yourself, it’s an exhausting time. No jerks here.” mksm1990
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Younger Brother His Full Inheritance?
“My father passed away a couple of years ago. He left no will and his estate was a mess. There was just me and my half-brother. I’m 15 years older than him. Since I’m older and have an MBA, the court made me the executor of his estate.
I finished paying off his debts and sold a few of his assets. His estate is now solvent and worth a lot of money. My brother just turned 21 and asked for his share and not an allowance. I told him I’m not giving a 21-year-old kid the amount of money that’s in the estate.
That would be irresponsible. He said he wants it because he wants to marry his partner and take her on an expensive vacation. I asked if she knew about the estate and he said she does. So I said I’m not giving him anything but his $500 allowance.
His partner will spend that money like crazy and it will cause nothing but drama. By law, he’s entitled to his $500 a month allowance but I could bump it to $5000 a month and it would be guaranteed for decades.
We clashed over it and I offered to compromise that if his mother agrees to handle his money, then I’ll bump it to $5000.
She dislikes his partner so I’m certain she won’t let her spend it. His mom comes from old money and doesn’t need it so there would be no conflict of interest.
He can try to sue me but I’ll make sure he pays their legal fees out of his allowance.
Until he proves to me or his mother that he can handle wealth, he gets the bare minimum.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can literally feel you looking down your nose at your brother right now. That’s how condescending you sound. He’s 21, you don’t have the right to keep that money from him any longer unless he asks you to.
If he sues you, you’re going to be removed from executorship entirely and have to pay the legal fees out of pocket. He *can* sue you, he’d be right to sue you, and he’d almost certainly win.” winsluc12
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If he sues I imagine his lawyer will probably agree to wait to be paid from the estate.
And make no mistake you, as executor, will lose and the estate will quite probably be responsible for paying both ‘your’ legal fees and his. Depending on where you live, you may also be personally liable for failing to administer the estate properly, if you fail to distribute his funds to him now he is a legal adult.
And in the absence of a will that set up a trust or the like, the funds are now legally his. You can be a jerk to your brother all you want as a private person, but you are not a private person when it comes to your father’s will, and there are legal constraints on executors being jerks to beneficiaries.” Creepy-Percentage562
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your half-brother is not a “kid” anymore; he’s 21 years old. Now he may be irresponsible but what he does with the money is on him. Your “compromise” of having his mother handle the money is just trading one jailor for another.
If the trust can handle more than $500, I would bump it up; especially if it won’t run out for decades. You’re the executor to handle things because Dad is gone. That does not mean you get to hold this money over your half-brother’s head forever or until he meets some arbitrary standard in your mind.
Explain to him your concerns about how he handles money but you should still release the money to him. Again if the trust has enough to last for decades, then he can happily waste his allowance for years without falling into destitution. That’s not on you to control his life.” RepresentativeOk5968
9. AITJ For Secretly Funding My Ex-Coworker's Son's Swimming Club?
“This coworker of mine is a single mom, earns as much as me I think but dislikes her 10 y/o kid or something. He is a fantastic swimmer and has won competitions and stuff but she says she feels swimming club for him is a waste of her money because swimming is useless.
Having seen wasted potential in my life a lot, I gave her kid one of those prepaid gift debit cards on his birthday (which we celebrated in the office because we are a close bunch). The one you have to swipe and can’t withdraw cash with.
I told him to use it to fund his swimming club/coaching/whatever and I’ll refill it monthly. It isn’t even costing me that much and that kid is happy and doing wonders. His mother definitely doesn’t know about this and would probably be mad if she got to know I am crediting that card every month instead of it being a one-time birthday gift.
Now the coworker has left the organization and is in a different city, and for a while, I thought about rescinding the online mandate and stopping crediting the card, but I said forget it, let the kid enjoy his swimming.
AITJ?
You know what, my partner says yes, but even if I am, I’ll see this to the end but that kid will stop swimming over my dead body!”
Another User Comments:
“While I am happy to see your generosity and also agree that the kid deserved it, there are a few issues with this:
1. We do not know his mom’s financial condition. She may make the same salary as you. But if she had too many expenses, she might consider swimming as expensive and useless.
2. By sponsoring without his mom knowing, you’re sending the message that if mom isn’t ready to spend on something, someone else will be available always. Sadly that’s not how life works.
3. You’re a trustworthy person, so this is a simple gift to motivating a kid.
What if someone else was in your position who could have ulterior motive? The mom doesn’t know. With the world being not so safe, the kid can be taken advantage of. The kid will trust everyone who’s ready to fund them.
4. Right now, it’s a small amount, so it doesn’t affect you.
What if the boy builds his hopes up? Expects more and more? And when you can’t, it will break his heart.
5. From your partner’s perspective: Here you’re sponsoring someone’s kid without the parent knowing. Whether she’s a coworker or ex-coworker, only a parent pays to fund a kid’s education.
It can appear like you might’ve relationship with the mother. If it’s really your child, it’s different. It’s not – so when it comes out, it’ll put that lady in an awkward position too.
6. If and when the lady gets to know about this, she will feel bad.
It’s a matter of self respect and a worry too – she might think she failed as a parent for not being able to fund it. Or she can become angry at her son for accepting – which can cause further divide between them. To prevent all this, add up amount required for remaining classes and henceforth deposit only as birthday gift. Once a year.
Your intention isn’t wrong. But this approach isn’t right.” Straight-Example9126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s a wonderful thing you are doing for the child. It’s so irritating hearing parents say something their child enjoys like this will not amount to anything.
My niece was in swim all thru school, ended up attending the Junior Olympics and got a full scholarship to college for swim. Also have a neighbor whose daughter swam all thru school then became an instructor and after swimming the Alcatraz swim one summer she has now spent the last 3 years being a rescue aid for that same swim.
Doing all this in between going to college. You never know where something that starts out simple at a young age can end up. Kudos to you.” jentlyused
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His mom is probably going to be upset when she finds out you’re supporting him, but adults need to encourage children to follow their dreams or even just pursue things that make them happy.
I think your heart is in the right place and you’re helping this child do something that makes him happy. Just be prepared for the conversation you’ll have with the mom when she inevitably finds out. But if you no longer work together, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. (But if she gets mad and destroys the card, you could always anonymously mail him a new one.
He’ll figure out its from you.)” SuperIngenuity6579
8. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Homeless, Addicted Friend Stay At My Family Home?
“My (26F) friend (26M) has ended up homeless due to his addiction to harmful substances. His family kicked him out. He rang me today with no warning saying he was in the area.
I have barely spoken to him for the past year as he’s been so consumed by his habit that it’s sad to even talk with him.
Anyway, I agreed to meet him as I felt sorry for him and hoped to be of some help.
I offered to buy him food but he refused. Eventually, he agreed to let me get him some chips and he ate them so fast it was heartbreaking. We left and then he wandered around paranoid asking me to watch him while he used harmful substances.
I’m talking hard stuff. He even asked me to sit next to him and got annoyed when I said I was worried about second-hand smoke. He then asked me to stand in a telephone box and then proceeded to get out his pipe and I got out and said I was going home.
As I reached the bus stop he looked at me with such sadness in his eyes and said please can I stay with you tonight? I felt awful but I said no as it’s my family home and he’s using harmful substances. Part of me feels guilty as he’s probably sleeping rough somewhere.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My family is full of addicts and if he really wants help he would get clean, he knows it’s his biggest problem and as long as he’s using you can’t help him. He needs to help himself first, it’s heartbreaking and hard but trust me you do not want that in your house it will be so much worse torment for you and your family.
Look up local places that help with addiction and homelessness and give him the information. Until he takes that step you can’t do anything that will help him only enable his addiction. You could always drop off food and warm clothes/blankets as well but housing/giving money won’t actually help him until he gets his addiction under control.” Current-Read
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If his own family had to let him go (at 26 yo) because of his harmful substance habits, you can be sure he is not just quietly using in his room. You made the right call, for your own safety. I have addicts in my family and they became nothing like what they were as young adults and they even put in danger loved ones due to the urge of the addiction.
Also, one night becomes 1 month in a blink of an eye. He has to want to stop for anything to be possible and it doesn’t seem to be the case. Sorry you have been put in front of that choice. You can look up for support for him but as long as he doesn’t get clean or want to at least, it’s a waste of time..” Elfitine
Another User Comments:
“Nope. I live in a very small studio, but I’ll let any friend crash at my place for the night if they need to. One major exception: Anyone doing hard harmful substances. I have several brothers who were/are addicted to hard harmful substances.
They’ve stolen stuff from the family so many times, whether it was money or stuff to sell. One of my brothers tried to harm me twice while he was intoxicated and nearly succeeded the second time. Right now, he’s not your friend, he’s an addict.
And I know this sounds horrible, but addicts are unpredictable, and they can be very dangerous.” TheGrimDweeber
7. AITJ For Choosing To Study Abroad Over A Wedding I Wasn't Invited To?
“I’m a part of a group of high school friends. We’ve known each other for roughly a decade or so. It is important to note that although we’ve known each other for a very long time, not all of us are particularly close to one another.
My friend Charlotte (25F) and her now fiancé have decided to get married and announced their engagement last year via Instagram.
Two months ago, I saw on my friend Lara’s (24F) private Twitter that she had received a date for the wedding. This made me somewhat feel weird because I had yet to receive info regarding the wedding but didn’t think much of it.
Lara, Charlotte, and three others are the closest, so it would make sense that Charlotte’s closest friends got the news first.
Hanna (26F) then tried to reunite all of us for the first time in two years or so. We went to dinner, and everyone was talking about the wedding leaving Yana (24F) and me left out.
I was literally sitting next to Charlotte, asking questions and I got ignored by her. Being treated like that really stung. I didn’t speak up about it either because I’m rather quiet.
Later, I asked Yana if she knew about the wedding details and stuff because she’s also one of the people living far away and isn’t close to Charlotte.
Yana said she already had received her invitation. I confessed to her that I hadn’t received anything. She was as shocked as I was because there was no reason as to why I was not included (as far as we know).
I’m a student and have recently discovered that there were still a couple of spots left for students who wanted to do a semester abroad next year at my uni.
I applied for a country in Asia and got the spot! I’m currently making plans to travel throughout the region after my exam date ends (if possible) before I start job hunting in my home country.
The thing is that my future travel dates clash with Charlotte’s wedding.
I spoke with Yana about my plans and at first, she congratulated me but then was confused as that would mean that I wouldn’t be able to go to Charlotte’s wedding. I mean, I’m not invited why shouldn’t I take this opportunity to do something else?
Now I got a message from Theresa (24F) who is livid that I wouldn’t talk with Charlotte about not having received a wedding invitation and for not fighting for a spot at her wedding. I was confused as to why? Weddings are expensive and the way I felt at the dinner I concluded that my presence simply wasn’t wished for.
I won’t force myself onto people on their special day if it’s been made abundantly clear that I’m not welcome. I don’t know why Yana spoke to Theresa about that, that upset me as well, but I’m honestly disappointed at Theresa who’s claiming that I’m a jerk for not fighting for Charlotte’s friendship.
I wanted to ask people on neutral ground (I know, impossible since there’s only my side of the story) if I’m truly the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Charlotte pointedly excluded you, so you did your own thing. There is absolutely no reason to make an unpleasant confrontation over a wedding you’re not even interested in going to.
Yana and Theresa are being busybodies and can mind their own business. Yana may have been acting out of concern for you, but Theresa clearly only cares about Charlotte and not your feelings over the way you’ve been repeatedly snubbed. Go study abroad. Learn a new language.
Gain new experiences. Have fun. Broaden your world, instead of keeping it narrowed to one petty person who can’t even be bothered to tell you why she excluded you from her wedding.” ColloidalSylver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are being gracious in not expecting, demanding, or putting guilt on anyone over the lack of invitation.
You should tell Yana that it bothered you that she spoke to Theresa as it was already somewhat awkward and she made it worse. Or better yet, if you can get them both together, express the disappointment to Yana while also telling Theresa that as you have no idea why you were not included–it is fully Charlotte’s choice and you respect it as such.
If Charlotte has a reason for her decision, it is not your place to confront her nor put a dark spot on her wedding planning – it’s Charlotte’s choice to confront you or not, especially as you are not aware of any problems or issues between you.
The lack of invitation seems to say enough for your peace of mind as you obviously seem pretty okay with not getting invited. This shows maybe the friendship isn’t as important to you as it is to others. Go on with your plans, don’t pass up a wonderful opportunity only to play high school games with these women.
Seems like maybe some of them know about a problem and could be Charlotte is creating some drama by talking to others vs. discussing with you directly.” Babsgarcia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You simply weren’t invited, why fight for it? Maybe the attendance cap was reached, maybe she already reached her own “guest limit”, or maybe she already knows you would jump on the chance you did to travel.
At the end of the day, if your presence was required, you would have gotten an invitation and you simply have not. Rather than fight for it, send her a congrats on the big day, even a small something gift-wise if it’s appropriate (my family lived out of courthouse/cheap weddings, with guests not being required to bring a gift, but was expected to bring food/booze for so many people so I may not be the best judge on culture), but don’t fight or pay attention to an invitation.
If she brings it up, fine, just mention you never got it, or if she does send one, let her know you’ll be abroad and can’t make it (unless video call is allowed/optional).” Essshayne
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconnect With A Fair-Weather Friend?
“I (late 20s f) got a huge “friend crush” from work a few years back. She was so fun and outgoing I was immediately drawn to her and we had some pretty wild times going out and going on adventures.
At the time I found it hard to have friends like that because most people were baby-tied-down or in their own little family hub with partners.
One night, I ended up bumping into an old high school crush that messed me up a lot and I honestly have some very negative memories about.
They hit it off from the moment they set eyes on each other.
I didn’t hear from her for a year.
Then she asked if we could meet up for a coffee and she’d tell me all the things they were doing together and how happy she was, then she disappeared again for another year.
Now she’s asking if we can meet up because she has big news. Which I know for a fact is going to be pregnancy or marriage.
I know it’s petty but I just don’t want to hear it. I broke up with someone I loved dearly because he didn’t want marriage or kids.
I think I could be happy for her if she ever took the time to actually see me, but I’ve had a tough couple of years and she never once bothered with me.
I feel like maybe I’m being a jerk here because I’m being petty and I’m letting my own feelings of being alone affect my friendship.
Also because I’d be lying about being busy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you don’t need to lie. In fact, I’d say it’s not going to help you. If you use that lie, she might just try to set up another time, possibly multiple times, and eventually it’s a lie that won’t hold water anymore.
She’s contacted you only twice in two entire years, and it doesn’t really seem like you’ve tried to keep contact that much on your end, either (Justifiably, because in spite of the fact that “messed me up” is a little vague, it doesn’t make your feelings about this former crush invalid).
You basically don’t have a friendship with this woman anymore. If you want to be nice about it, just say that you feel like you’ve grown apart and you think it’s time you went your separate ways.” winsluc12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like this person was never a close friend; she was a crush who is now in a relationship with someone you have complicated feelings for.
Sometimes even if people have moved on completely they may have complicated feelings about their ex or crush loving their best life with a partner, particularly as you’ve recently broken up and still feel raw. I honestly don’t think this is a friendship worth keeping right now for you.
You aren’t remotely close and her gushing about her life is just going to make you feel bad. Time to let this one fizzle out and focus on friends who don’t make you feel this way.” linerva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, free (not doing anything) does not mean available.
That goes for anyone and any situation asking for/demanding your time because you don’t have anything planned. Nope. You might not have anything officially scheduled, but your time is yours to do with as you please. And if you don’t want to go, don’t go and do something you want to do, even if it’s watching TV, reading a book, having a tooth extracted (preferable I’m sure) – whatever.
It’s not unusual to have little contact with some friends over time because life gets busy. However, you know who those friends are, and most importantly, you feel good about hearing from them and you pick up where you left off without any negative feelings.
This is not one of those relationships. Let her know that in the spirit of how she’s kept up with you and checked in on you over the last few years, you’ll be good with hearing her news through social media like the rest of her distant friends.
And throw in a good luck with her future.” One_Saturday_Morning
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Baby Daddy To Take Our 2-Month-Old Out Of State?
“He (25m) and I (20f) just had a baby two months ago but were never together. We don’t live together and have no intention of doing so.
We both live in FL in the same area.
He has lived here his whole life. When baby was born he decided he was going to take him to Georgia and told me we were switching every month. I asked if he could attempt to stay down here and instead of trying it’s been “no, I can’t do it I’m leaving.”
Then it became, “well you’re the one doing it to him it’s not good for him. You should be the one coming up to GA.”
We weren’t together, this was a situation where he used me and I kept the baby. I was born here and my life and family are here.
Then, he told me he wanted to keep him for 2 months and then give him back for month to month. When I disagreed he tried to convince me over and over to let him keep him and said “what’s the problem?” And “why?” And “he’s not a dog, he will be fine.
He’s not gonna forget you.” And “your crap’s gonna get old real quick.”
I’m worried he will forget about me. Or that he is too young. I’m worried about the long-term effects. I’m worried he’ll keep him for the two months and be sneaky.
He is supposed to leave today but I’m told I’m in the wrong for disagreeing with him going across state lines.
AITJ for wanting him to stay in the state?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a lawyer and I am licensed to practice in FL, I also practice family law.
I am not your lawyer, this is not legal advice, but general educational information. This post does not create an attorney/client relationship. In general, if a potential client approached me with a similar set of facts, I would advise them to immediately file paperwork with the Court and work on establishing a long-distance parenting plan.
I would likely advise against letting the father leave out of state with the child until a parenting plan is established, and depending on whether or not the potential client believed there was a risk of the father absconding with the child, I would also suggest that time-sharing not be allowed until there is a Court ordered parenting plan in place.
Plenty of people have long-distance parenting plans and time-sharing, it is not typical for it to be month on and month off. Typically, the parent in the home state (where the child was born or has lived for six months) will have the bulk of timesharing, with the other, long-distance parent getting most of the holidays and a large chunk of summer.
I would advise you to speak to a lawyer asap. Many offer low or no-cost consultations. I would suggest contacting the Florida Bar Referral Service for recommended attorneys in your area. Good luck.” GlassRosa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please don’t hand over your baby to someone who treats you like garbage.
Get a family lawyer, get child support, and work out custody if you must but not months times away for an infant from their primary caregiver. Like that’s absolutely insane. He sounds abusive based on his commentary, I wouldn’t trust him not to kidnap your child either.
Or take care of them. Just…..no you are not the jerk do not okay this. Say it with me: Get a lawyer. Get child support. Get a custody agreement. Consider if it’s possible to not share custody at all because this man does not sound like he has good judgment and already badmouths you.
I would keep him as far away as possible.” lyralady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t a man, he is a child. I’m not sure exactly why he is trying to toy around with his newborn, but he behaves and speaks like a very immature person who is in no way fit to be left alone with a baby.
More importantly, there is no court in the world that is going to approve such a custody agreement FOR A TWO-MONTH-OLD. Your baby needs to be with you most of the time, and it’ll be so for a while. He’s way too young to be away from his mother for more than a few hours, unless extremely necessary.
Taking him out of state is out of the question. Keeping him for a whole month or two months is just laughable. Please, get a formal custody agreement in court. This man isn’t to be trusted. You’re a mother now so you need to step up and protect your child.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Change The Thermostat In My House?
“I (33F) have been married for 10 years now. My relationship with my MIL was okay at first, but then it became complicated after having children.
She has a very poor understanding of boundaries, and after a few years, the only relationship we have is that she is my husband’s mom and my children’s grandmother.
Now, she is the type of person to always be the victim so over the years every time my husband or I approach her for anything, it’s always a huge problem.
I’m a SAHM and I keep my house at 76 during the day because I’m always cold and everyone, including my MIL, knows that.
Every time she comes by she will lower the temperature on the thermostat by 2-4 degrees. All she says is “I’m sorry but I can’t take this heat” and just changes it. I’ve said in the past that I don’t want to be cold in my own house (it’s summertime, my kids are outside constantly so I’m usually in shorts and a T-shirt as I’m in and out of the house myself) and she says “well it’s too hot, go get your robe if you’re cold.”
She always does that in front of other people too, so if I put my foot down it then becomes this awkward situation where as the “hostess” I’m pretty much telling my guest to deal with the heat.
I wouldn’t mind changing the temperature if she asked nicely, it’s the attitude that bothers me the most. Heck, I don’t even change the thermostat at my own mother’s house unless she offers it.
So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does she pay the bills? She may be a guest but she clearly was never taught manners. I knew a girl when I was younger whose parents taught her “The guests are always right.” My mother nipped that in the bud when she came over and told them flat out.
“You are a guest, not the owner. Either abide by our rules or leave.” If it were me and she complained about the heat again, I’d tell her she should just wear shorts next time because she knows what to expect by now. She is doing this to herself.
But I also don’t have any stakes in the outcome. Info: what does your husband think about her doing this and disrespecting you?” DisneyViking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your preferred temperature. Since you’ve asked politely previously asking/telling doesn’t seem to make a difference.
You don’t have to get her agreement. Just prevent her from being able to change the temperature. There are covers with locks you can install over your thermostat. If you want to be nice, buy your MIL a personal air conditioner. They’re worn around the neck and cool just the person wearing them.
Since it’s just a couple of degrees between her being too hot and her being comfortable this would be a good solution.” jojo571
Another User Comments:
“See, I don’t think that she knows. You know she will be hot and uncomfortable. She knows that you know that she will be uncomfortable.
You know when she will be there. You could just volunteer to adjust the temp when she comes over, but instead, you want to wait until she begs. But she is afraid that if she asks you will say no out of spite. Obviously, the relationship is terrible.
She doesn’t trust you to do the decent thing because you never do. Perhaps she is a drama llama, but at the same time, you are allowing a guest to be repeatedly uncomfortable. It has stopped being about her behavior and has started to be about yours.
So by all means, lock up that thermostat. Make it abundantly clear that you are ok with her discomfort. But she is definitely not asking because she doesn’t trust you.” ChaosAndMischeif
3. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom And Sister After Years Of Bullying?
“My older sister (F19) has a best friend and the two of them have been bullying my twin and me for the past few years nonstop and it really annoys me.
They make fun of what I (F18) post on social media or laugh when I get angry with them for making fun of me and taking pictures all the time. My mom’s (F46) rebuttal is always something along the lines of don’t let it get to you, don’t give her a reaction, you have to control your emotions.
It’s really hard to do that when it’s been going on for years and you just stand by and do nothing and even laugh with them at times. It really wears a person down and I’m honestly sick and tired of it.
So my sister and mom came home from work and my sister was upset with what I told her I was making for dinner so she and her friend who she was on FaceTime with start talking bad about my cooking and I ended up changing what I was going to make.
They take a break and start making fun of my twin but ultimately they start making fun of me again fake apologizing because I got mad at them. This continues on and then I eventually snap. I curse out my older sister for being a lazy jerk because she was sitting there doing nothing and my dad waited until the second I was done stirring the food to tell me to feed the dogs.
Then my mom yells at me for cursing her out and gets mad at ME, even though I’ve asked her countless times to tell my sister to stop and she just didn’t say anything to my sister.
Then I say, “Then do something about it.” Because I wouldn’t have been cursing if my sister had just shut up and stopped messing with me and if my mother had actually done something to make her stop.
This angers my mom and she yells at me some more and says, “I’m your only support” and to not disrespect her.
I’m not feeling really supported right now.
After that, I go to my room and leave my mom to finish cooking dinner and I’m lying here on my bed.
It’s been some time and I feel kind of bad for how I lashed out at her but also not because I’ve been continuously ignored. I can’t resort to violence to get my sister to stop because that would only cause me to get into more trouble.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister and her friends are bullying you, and your mom is enabling it. That line about “you control your reactions” is nonsense. How about your sister and her friends control THEIR actions, and it’s on them to stop bullying you!
I’m sorry you’re so clearly unsupported by your family. But you’re right. Your mom should be stepping in to defend you from your sister’s bad behavior. It’s understandable that you yelled at your sister given the circumstances.” zszal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your parents that you will only do such extra chores if they buy them from you. One act of kindness from them gets you cooking dinner. But your sister gets nothing from now on. She can make her own food if she doesn’t like it.
And exactly as your mom said, ignore her like she doesn’t even exist. “Sister who?” And no matter what, no matter if you get in trouble, you just keep it up. It’ll annoy your sister to no end. And you can tell your mom “just doing what you told me to.”” StonewoodApothecary
Another User Comments:
“This is the tough part of growing up. Other people pushing your buttons and feeling like there is nothing you can do about it. How does your twin feel about the situation? Do you support each other? Unfortunately, you will experience this type of behavior throughout your life.
People will always push buttons to get a reaction from others. What’s happening though is you are giving your power away to your sister. Every time she can get a reaction from you, she wins. That is what is so frustrating. There is something you can do.
Try to learn to not let her barbs get to you. That’s easier said than done, particularly now when you are already sensitive to her treatment of you. But if you can just let it go, laugh with her, and maybe make the joke before she does, she will get nothing for her efforts and she will stop.
Pretend you are in a play and it’s not personal, just a role you are acting out. It’s really the only way to deal with a bully.” Jaded-Moose983
2. AITJ For Fact Checking People And Informing Them Of What I Found?
“When someone tells me (44F) some sort of fact that I either want to know more about or can’t quite believe, I will fact-check them. I’ve learned that people think it’s rude when I do it in front of them … yeah, I’m being tested as an adult for autism…
But now I’ll take time at a later moment to research. Depending on what it is, I’ll sometimes inform the person about more details on the subject if they were right because I find it interesting and think they might want to know as well.
If they were wrong or had part of it wrong, at some point I will be like “oh, hey, I was researching that topic the other day and I actually found out this information.”
I don’t call them stupid or tell them “oh hey, you were wrong,” I just tell them, “I found this out.”
I have one particular person in my life (45M) who calls me out on it a lot and tells me that I always have to validate what he says. He gets super frustrated and upset by it. Even though I’ve told him I do it to everyone and not just him.
It doesn’t seem to matter that I truly do this because I want to have the correct facts, not prove people wrong.
I don’t understand why people wouldn’t want to know the correct information! I’ll even go back and research things I say and come back to them and say “I was wrong and you were right.”
I know people don’t like to be wrong, but it’s not like I’m being mean about it and I accept when I’m wrong…
So, am I the jerk for fact-checking people and informing them about what I’ve found?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but with one caveat as I have autism too. I do the same thing I love to learn more about interesting things but I have had to train myself not to tell the og people when they were wrong. I don’t think people get upset when you tell them more information because who doesn’t like more info about cool stuff but when you politely correct them when they were wrong they get butthurt because most people don’t like being told they are wrong – I think they feel like it’s a personal attack on them or something rather than just a normal your specific fact was incorrect let’s fix that – like a windows update.
But like I said at the beginning I have autism, so I find this totally normal – cause seriously who would want to go around telling incorrect facts to people – that’s weird. But with a lot of NT people feelings come before facts and this guy you know has expressed his feelings on the case and even though both you and I don’t really get why he is so bothered, we have to respect that he is and leave him out of it.
I don’t think you are the jerk yet but if you continue to ignore his feelings on this you would be.” Altruistic_You737
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in principle, but it depends on the delivery. What are they wrong about? Does it matter to the conversation?
Is it deliberate lying to win an argument or deliberately mislead, or is it just being wrong about small things? Marcus Aurelius, talking about grammar, suggested that rather than correct someone when they mispronounce a word, rather answer their question and insert the correct pronunciation into the conversation unobtrusively.
So you could do this with facts. They say the Beatles are John, Paul, George, and Rango, say “oh I love the Beatles too! RINGO was a much underrated drummer.”” mikemystery
Another User Comments:
“People will complain about how widespread misinformation is then look at this & say “but they asked you to stop (correcting their bad information) so you’re a jerk!” Yeah, no wonder misinformation is a problem.
You guys can’t hang up your pride and accept new information without turning it into an insult. No jerks here. He’s within his rights to ask you to stop, you’re within your rights to point out that something he said is incorrect. Of course, all this assumes that you are giving him VERIFIABLE FACTS, as opposed to opinions & anecdotal evidence.
If that was the case, I’d have to go with you being the jerk.” Dieconic_
1. AITJ For Freezing Out My New EMT Partner Because Of Her Attitude?
“I’m an EMT. I’ve been at my garage for a year.
I’ve had partners I didn’t get along with, but I’ve never had any real problems and never had to go to management about anyone. It’s generally just that some personalities don’t mesh.
I was recently assigned a new partner on Sunday nights, my double tour, so she’s with me for the last 8 hours of a 16-hour shift.
From the beginning, I didn’t get good vibes from this girl. She’s a bit older and she’s never worked 911 before. She did work a year and a half on private ambulances. There’s a lot for her to learn. I understand this, and I’m pretty patient, but every time I tried to tell her something, I felt she was dismissive, with an “I already knew that” attitude.
Lots of interrupting, and when I’d refer to something I knew she didn’t know about, she didn’t bother to ask questions. So I gave up and stopped talking to her unless absolutely necessary.
Last week she confronted me in the crew room. She told me I came across as “mean.” She said other people were noticing it.
She said she went to our supervisor and requested to drop the shift. She said she didn’t tell the supervisor it was because of me, that it was a scheduling issue, but she told me it was 50% because of me. I listened to her. I said I never intended to make her feel bad.
I told her how I felt about her not listening, and that I generally don’t speak to people whom I feel don’t want to hear me. She said what I expressed wasn’t true. I ended the conversation by saying “I think the impression we have of each other in our heads is not who we actually are, and as long as we can listen to each other respectfully moving forward we won’t have a problem.”
One of my other partners walked into the crew room during our conversation and said good morning. She told him to leave because we were having a private conversation. This guy has 17 years with the agency. He left but asked me later what her deal was.
I told him the situation, and he couldn’t believe her audacity.
Today: 17-year coworker is her relief in the morning. If a unit gets hit with a late job right before their off time, sometimes the relief will take their job. 17-year coworker refused to take their ten-minute to off-time job, saying he “doesn’t hop on for snitches.” When she got back from the job (about 45 minutes later) she slammed the keys and radio on the desk in front of him and stormed out.
The partner she did the job with said she ranted: “17-year coworker would have never done that if Supervisor was there,” implying that she may go to our supervisor again.
I feel bad because she’s new, and I did freeze her out because of how she made me feel.
This is escalating quickly and I don’t want her to screw herself over because she feels she has nowhere to go but a supervisor. I feel like I might be the jerk because I told the 17-year coworker about our issues, and that led to more problems for her.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The new person seems to see a problem with everyone but her own behavior. You handled her very well. I would have been the same and kept my mouth shut around her. Also, she feels that way on her own accord, not cause of something you did.
Her feelings are her own, yet she makes everyone responsible. Seems like she hasn’t learned that she is responsible for her own actions and feelings. She should be in learning mode, listening, getting advice, ask questions. Basically, shutting up! Your co-worker walked in on a situation, left, and asked what it was about.
I see no issue with you responding to the co-worker. You didn’t seek them out to report on the lunatic you have the pleasure of working with. After the exchange you two had, I would go to the supervisor anyway, just to give them a heads up as to what is coming their way.” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“INFO: are y’all BLS or ALS? I am assuming her private ambulance experience was mainly BLS. Are you EMT-B, A, or P, and what is she? I think what a lot of people here fail to realize is the difference between private EMS and city/county and how even just one mistake on the ambulance can kill a person.
Were you explaining things like the charting, where things are kept etc. or was it more basic knowledge of this is how you spike an IV bag and this is where the electrodes go on the chest? Also, did you go on any calls with her that demonstrated her skill set needed updating due to protocols or did you explain things before even seeing her with a patient?” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you her FTO? Is she on orientation? I’m going to hope that there is an orientation process at your employer before she was put on a shift. If she just completed orientation, I would understand her saying she knew the things you were trying to show her.
Getting upset because she didn’t ask you questions, that you thought she didn’t know? With that attitude, I wouldn’t ask you anything either. You were testing her and you know it. What specific things has she done that have you concerned for pt safety?
Aside from she didn’t want to read your report and always gets a witness signature. Good on her for that. You can’t say that you have things that keep you on your toes, but don’t go to admin yourself. That’s not how this job works.
You have concerns, you take them up the rail to someone who can fix them. On her first shift, you made her so uncomfortable that she felt the need to go to a supervisor. Which is scary as heck when you’re new. Instead of telling them what was really going on, she asked for a new shift. She went to you in a professional way and talked it out, trying to keep it between the both of you.
Instead of returning the favor with your 17 year co-worker, you ran your mouth and started more issues. She has every right to go to the supervisor or to HR in the example of your co-worker. Your shift sounds like a nightmare and I hope she leaves it ASAP.” UpsetSky8401
