People Try To Keep Their Cool In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Defending My Younger Sister's Behavior Towards My Other Sister's Partner?
“I (31F) have two sisters, “Claire” (27F) and “Anne” (20F). Growing up, I had to take on a motherly role for Anne since we didn’t have a dad and our mother was absent – which in turn made every ex-partner and my now husband also have a type of fatherly role for her (taking her to a father-daughter dance, teaching her how to ride a bike, she wants my husband to walk her down the aisle, etc).
Claire is, for the first time, seeing a guy “Roger” for long enough that we got to meet him. Anne was extremely excited “to get a new person in the family” and the first dinner was ok, she was her usual chatty self and she was all over him (my husband even joked he was being replaced).
Claire was a bit moody and snarky but that’s just how she is, so I didn’t think much about it. The problem started with dinner at my house. Anne cooked the whole food. She was nervous because she felt he didn’t like her much so she was trying extra hard.
She kept telling him that she cooked this and that (she just wanted a compliment on it) and Claire rolled her eyes and snapped with something like “he gets it, you’re very wife material”.
Later the five of us are drinking wine on the porch and dancing.
At some point, a certain song started and Anne gasped and cheered up saying how she tried to teach my husband this dance but he couldn’t do it (TikTok dance for what I understood) and asked Roger if he could try it with her. She kinda gets to do it for like ten seconds before Claire starts yelling and tells Anne to stop being such a flirt.
She goes on about how Anne’s dressed and how she’s acting desperate and thinking it’s cute to act like that to other people’s men. I told her no one is trying to steal her man and she’s acting completely insane. They left and we got to talk through the phone the next day (she was ignoring Anne’s calls) and she rants about the same things and I’m again annoyed that she’s acting as if it was malicious on Anne’s part.
If she had just been annoyed that Anne was being too much, I’d have understood. Like yeah, Anne is like an overly-hyper puppy so I get it, it’d have been ok for Claire to tell her to back off because not everyone wants to be her friend.
But it was the fact that she made it seem like it was something malicious on Anne’s part. It felt very disingenuous, especially since Anne is so naive and also has never shown any interest in seeing anyone ever. She just got so excited to have someone new (especially older and male) in her life and it felt wrong that Claire made her feel so self-conscious about it.
But also… I get it, it’s a girl being eager with your partner and then trying to do TikTok dances with him. I could understand how people might think this is totally weird and inappropriate, but I think someone naive enough to downright say “I’m gonna cook for him because I want him to like me” is not someone that’s trying to sneakily steal someone’s man.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to me. Anne is 20 and behaving like 12. It’s weird and uncomfortable. Look at it this way it’s literally the first time Claire at 27 has brought a guy around – Anne can give her some space. Anne is also old enough to understand – her sisters’ men are not there for her personal entertainment.
Also, just because you and your husband are ok, it doesn’t follow that Claire or her SO are similarly ok with this. You’re excusing Anne because it’s not malicious but Anni is too old not to have social awareness and not to make everything about herself.
Give Claire some breathing room with her new man….Claire has waited long enough for this.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“It’s all fun and games until someone’s caught in someone else’s bed where they don’t belong or exchanging inappropriate pictures with someone they shouldn’t.
Your sister is not as “innocent” as you think. She likes male attention and you’re enabling her. Her behavior was inappropriate and bouncing around like an overactive 10-year-old is not “cute”. These are grown men she’s latching on to. You’re not “motherly”. You are one of those adults who thinks they are still teenagers and want to be hip & cool and friends with young people.
If you were any sort of responsible parental figure, you would have reined her in before it escalated to this. YTJ.” Token_or_TolkienuPOS
Another User Comments:
“Anne’s old enough to be told to calm down a bit when someone new is being introduced to the family.
It’s Claire’s evening to “shine” and not for Anne to make it about herself. Especially when Claire as you say is finally seeing someone for the first time and understandably might be a bit insecure herself, it being new and all. Her reaction was over the top but maybe you need to talk to Claire too and tell her that her actions come off as needy and she doesn’t need him to like her off the bat.
Claire needs everyone to like him and get to know him better and be happy for her choice. It’s not about Anne this time. You and your husband are used to babying her but she isn’t one, is she, she’s an adult. ” Flat-Tree-5214
21. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Abusive Mother To Back Off At A Family Party?
“My husband Cassian (30M) and I (28F) and I have been married for three years and I am currently 30 weeks pregnant (will become relevant later).
Cassian has never had a good relationship with his mum because she was very invasive when he was a kid and did a bunch of really crazy stuff to him. Constantly accused him of misbehaving, drinking, and so much more. For example of severity, one time after she wrongly accused him of stealing her booze, she pressed the lid of another bottle against his mouth and said something to the effect of “If you want it so much, then drink the whole bottle right now.
Drink it.” And tried to make him drink it (he left the house). She found the bottle later because she’d put it ‘somewhere safe’.
To clarify, all of these things were just wild accusations and it’s safe to say that he didn’t have a good relationship with her in his childhood or adulthood.
He has an okay relationship with his dad – a lot better than his mum – and they talk at least once a month, but it’s very rare that he has contact with her now. I’ve met her once or twice. His family tends to have these really big birthday parties (he has five brothers and an incredible amount of aunts/uncles/cousins) and there was one this weekend that we both went to for one of his uncles that he was close to growing up and still speaks to now.
He knew that his parents were going to be there but figured with everyone else who was also going to be there that we could just avoid his mum or whatever worked.
All was okay when we got there; we milled around for a bit and Cassian ended up going off to speak to one of his brothers and I was making my way over to go to see one of his aunts when I was stopped by his mum.
I thought she wasn’t going to do anything at the party so we had a conversation and she asked me about how everything is, and then asked if she could touch the baby bump. I kind of laughed it off and said that I’d rather she didn’t – because I’m not a big fan of people I don’t know touching me lol.
She started getting pushy then, saying stuff like ‘I’m going to be this baby’s grandmother’ and ‘I have a right to know them and watch them grow up’.
She continued and said ‘I know that Cassian hates me but that’s because he was always such a sensitive child’.
To me, this was the point when I was just done with her nonsense and so I told her to get lost. It just proves to me that she’s not changed because she still doesn’t admit to doing any wrong and treats my and Cass’ kid with the same entitlement that she treats him with.
I said she had no right to see the baby and that if she hadn’t gotten the clue by now, then she probably never will.
I know I could have been nicer about it but I was just done. Cass and I left and he’s not really bothered by it at all but I know I could have dealt with it with more tact.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, she was being pushy after you declined (and it sounds like you tried to be polite and friendly about it, at first). Yes, ideally not in a gathering, but she had it coming. Personally, I would consider going LC and NC because it sounds like she would bulldoze her way into your lives, especially since she feels obligated to be part of your child’s life.
It could be about power. Your husband is an adult man now, after all. Either way, she is an abusive person who has done incredibly disgusting things to Cassian and I have no sympathy for her.” AVeryBrownGirlNerd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t seem like you made a huge scene and you were defending not only yourself but also your husband and unborn child.
Being the bigger person/having more tact isn’t always the be-all and end-all answer when someone with a history of nonsense opens their mouth to let more dribble out.” Tumbleweed_Jim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MIL decided playing a stupid game at the party was a good idea.
However, she didn’t like the stupid prize she won. I’d be sure when your little one decides to arrive you don’t tell anyone on your husband’s side unless you know they won’t share the news until after you’ve gone home.
If you do not keep your exterior doors locked when you are home start doing so now. No one should just be able to waltz into your home especially once you have the baby. While waiting for the baby to arrive please find someone or go online to create your wills and related documents.
This includes who should be the guardian of your children. I’d go so far as to see if you can explain specifically in the documents why his mother and father should have no visitation with the child with examples from his childhood just to keep your kids safe should the worst happen.” 3Heathens_Mom
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Partner Equity In The House I'm Buying?
“I (33F) have a good corporate job; I bought a townhouse 7 years ago when I was single. Met my partner 3 years ago. He moved into my townhouse. Pays occasional (well below market value) rent, buys occasional groceries. I cover well over 80+% of the expenses. My partner (36M) is a PhD student.
When he moved in with me he cut a lot of expenses. He no longer had to work his low-quality part-time job to pay his rent in a shared apartment with 4 other guys. My partner does do more housework than I (60/40 split), and he cooks more often (65/35).
I do not mind this arrangement; I care about him deeply and we generally get along well and have a caring relationship.
The issue is this: I am selling my townhouse and buying a house. I am fronting the entire cost, and am the only one on the mortgage.
Before we moved in, I asked my partner to sign a cohabitation agreement (basically a prenup for non-married people). I gave him the agreement, which basically said I keep the house and don’t owe spousal support in the event of a breakup. We got into a big fight because my partner wants to have equity in the house because of the housework he does.
I think this is unfair. I know enough divorced couples to know you should always plan for the future. I’m worried about having to sell the house if we break up in order to pay him out.
Am I crazy? AITJ if I stick to my guns?”
Another User Comments:
“60% of the housework does not equal half a home. That’s called pulling your weight (except he doesn’t as his financial contribution is close to zero). How utterly ridiculous of him. He’s 36 and a PHD student. As soon as he moved in he stopped working as much (really bad sign) but I’d bet everything that he doesn’t use that additional time to speed up his PHD.
By the time he gets it he’ll be lucky if he’s 40, then what? His resume will be so poor that he won’t get a high-paying job, he’ll just keep on leeching from you. You have subsidized his life since before he moved in and he just sees you as a money tree.
He’s put no cash towards it whatsoever and will not put any money towards it in the future. You‘d be a complete and utter idiot if you allowed him any type of legal toehold on your property. Frankly, you’d be an absolute dunderhead if you maintain a relationship with such a user.
NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he’s just being greedy. An honest and good person would know that he has no claim and no right to make a claim on your property. The fact that you are doing this the right way is probably what’s bugging him because you are giving him no angles, no outs, nothing to manipulate you out of.
Stick to your guns. If he doesn’t want to sign the agreement, he can find a new place to live when you sell the townhome and buy a house. It’s his decision to make and you are doing everything right.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ even a little!
Guessing his PHD is not in economics. 60% of housework in a home you LIVE IN and pay below market rent for does not equal half a house, I won’t even address the cooking as I assume he eats too, and you could always cook more or order in if you needed to.
And only after three years? Just, no. You are a smart woman who has your stuff together. Do NOT let him jeopardize your future like this. Hate to say it but this is a pretty big red flag you would be foolish to ignore. I’m sorry.
I don’t think I’d be able to look at him the same way after such a huge character reveal.” Ok-Position7403
19. AITJ For Confronting My Perpetually Busy Friend About Our Dwindling Friendship?
“I’ve had it with one of my friends. We’ve known each other for about 12 years (met at uni, now we’re mid-30s). She’s the “permanently busy” type – if you know, you know.
Always doing something, can’t be alone with her thoughts for one second, is hyper-extroverted, etc.
She’s a nice person but that pattern of compulsive “busy-ness” got on my nerves from the start. Like…after we graduated she worked part-time. That’s it. For extra income, she let out the other bedrooms in her house.
No kids, no dogs, no serious partners, no ailing relatives. And despite working a maximum of 2-3 days a week from 8 to 3, she was almost impossible to get a hold of. I lived 30 minutes away ON FOOT and we’d still see each other every 3-4 months at best. And every time, the spiel was “I know it’s been ages but I’m just so BUSY!”
A few years ago I moved so we’re now in different countries. I tried to stay in touch via WhatsApp but even that’s been falling apart. She got married and had two kids. So you can imagine how hard she is to get a hold of now that she actually has responsibilities and isn’t just busy being busy.
So for the past year now our interactions have dwindled down to me sending her life updates and asking about hers…and her getting back weeks later if I’m lucky, months later or not at all if I’m not, with a generic “so sorry, been so busy but you’re in my thoughts, how are you x”.
Meanwhile, she’s still pretty active on social media and regularly posts about all the fun things she gets up to with all those other people.
So to cut a long story short, I decided this means she’s just not interested and trying to tell me nicely.
I mean…how else am I supposed to take barely answering me, and if so mostly just to remind me for the millionth time of just how BUSY she is, while simultaneously showing off all the things and people she does miraculously find the time for?
Now here’s the kicker. She messaged me about three months after my last message, once again with a generic “so sorry, so busy, how are u xx”. And I chose not to respond because I’m over it. A month later (last week) it was my birthday, and she sent a birthday message and sounded quite upset I hadn’t responded to the previous one.
I responded by telling her: “What’s the point of messaging you anyway when I already know how it’s gonna go? I’ll pass. Let me know if you ever get less permanently busy and can keep in touch on a more substantial level than getting back to me months later just to remind me of how busy you are.”
I heard through the grapevine (mutual friends/acquaintances) that she’s upset at how I talked to her. But I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. Am I obligated to keep making an effort for someone who just can’t or won’t reciprocate? And for goodness sake – isn’t it bizarre to get upset when someone you clearly don’t care enough about to make an effort to include in your life, lets go?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The friendship has changed and it’s clear you two have different priorities. It sounds like you don’t understand her motivations for keeping busy and she doesn’t sound like she’s particularly good at carving out quality time for you. I don’t think your message was particularly…tactful, it definitely reads as salty and bitter.
I mean, your post as a whole sounds that way. Friendships change as you get older and you can either build something new that’s sustainable for both of you or move along with respect and fondness for the friendship you had.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She did reciprocate and contacted you when she had a thought of you and for your birthday. Include you in her life? You are a friend who has lived abroad for the past few years and you are now both in your 30s. Unless you actually share an interest and are both active chatters about it, friend updates are pretty common to be once a few months or a year and the sort of “checking in, want to stay connected even though we are far apart”.
Not to mention that you are obviously deeply resentful about her “being busy” without YOU and without understanding how she is busy. “No kids, dogs, serious partners, ailing relatives” – what about friends, hobbies, activities, interests? You are her friend of 12 years, how come you don’t know her?” atealein
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I fell out of touch with a long-distance friend a couple of years back due to a similar vibe I was getting – months with no replies, only to get back to me with a few lines responding to my update – happy for my new job, so sorry about my latest health issues, blah blah blah.
No response at all to my asking how she’s doing. Then a few months would go by with me waiting for her to reply (as she had promised), then I wrote to her again and months would go by again before she replied. Yet, when I messaged her with a very specific ask for information from her field of expertise, I got a detailed reply within a week, “how are you?
Miss you so much, talk to you soon!” tackled at the end. I knew she was genuinely busy – PhD, health issues, family, etc. – but she had made time for me at one point in her life and then just. Stopped. We met more than a decade ago online.
Saw each other through most of college, major heartbreaks, mental breakdowns, big health scares and issues, etc., met in person at one point when she visited my country with her partner for a few days and had a blast. I miss her a lot, but I’m not going to keep begging for attention from someone who very clearly has a different set of priorities.
So I just stopped writing to her. And she never wrote to me again either. And yes, all of my friendships changed when we finished college, we went from seeing each other daily to meeting a few times per month. But in my experience, people will make time for people they care about enough, one way or another.
I make time for my friends despite having a full-time job, being in a loving relationship, having two cats, and a bunch of hobbies. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the same from my friends in return. Otherwise they’re not friends, just acquaintances.” twinkedgelord
18. AITJ For Not Using Soap To Clean A Measuring Spoon After Using It For Baking Soda?
“I (23) still live at home with my mom.
Recently, she was upset when she saw me measure out some baking soda with a measuring spoon, rinse it with water and no soap, and then place it with the clean dishes.
She berated me for being gross.
If I’d measured something liquid or sugary, I’d definitely use a bit of soap. When I measure out things like baking soda, baking powder, or salt, I give them a little rinse and call it sufficient.
I don’t just splash it with some water, I run it under the faucet (in jet mode) and make sure there is no residual powder left.
I do this because, often when baking or cooking, I use many dishes at the same time and make an effort to clean while I cook.
I also don’t do this if I’ve been handling raw meat, egg, etc., mostly when baking, and only when measuring out those few ingredients.
Am I just gross?”
Another User Comments:
“I tend to wash everything with soap after baking, but that’s me. The question I have: by leaving a trace amount of baking soda on there, will bacteria grow? If the answer is No, then it’s not a worry.
You’re washing after sugar and other items that bacteria would feed on. I’m not sure they feed on baking soda! You’re NTJ but if you’re in your mom’s house then it’s best you follow her rules.” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“Are you gross? I wouldn’t say that, no. But it’s the owner of the kitchen who decides what “clean” means in that kitchen.
I personally prefer to fully wash all of my measuring spoons any time they are used. So in my kitchen, you would need to wash that spoon before you set it back with the clean dishes because it’s not clean in my kitchen until it’s washed. Sounds like your mom feels the same, so now you know it shouldn’t be returned to the clean dishes in that kitchen until it’s been washed. But once you move out, if you prefer it this way in your own kitchen, have at it!
No jerks here.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“I do the same as you. The counters and sink are clean and I clean as I go. When it’s a dry ingredient that does not have to be cooked to be consumed, I just rinse the measuring spoons or cups.
But when the ingredient needs to be cooked to be safe, like flour, then soap and very hot water are used before I consider it clean. Same for any ingredient that’s sticky or oily. I’m not going to stress the small stuff. But your mom’s house is your mom’s house.
I am of the belief that the person with the strictest standards usually gets accommodated. Otherwise, you’ll get faced with people who put in low effort for the cleaning (like never wiping down the stovetop) so the person who wants it actually clean never has a “clean kitchen” unless they do it themselves, and that sucks when others make the mess too.
So when you’re in your own house, rinse away. But while you’re in your mom’s house, do this small thing for her. I’m going to say everyone’s a jerk because her response was really over the top. What you’re doing isn’t “gross”.
But if she wants a slightly higher level of clean that’s reasonable.” Ok_Expression7723
17. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Doing My Roommate's Chores Despite His Disability?
“I’m 32, working 30–35 hours a week at Starbucks while studying full-time for a bachelor’s in electrical engineering. I average 80–90 hours of work and school weekly. My roommate, 27, is a cancer survivor with some disabilities.
That said though he works 40–50 hours a week in the trades and his disability is definitely a thing, but it’s not so debilitating that he needs to be dependent on others at this point.
We’ve lived together for a few years, and his ex used to handle nearly all his household tasks.
While that was understandable during his recovery, he’s fully independent now. Two months ago, we moved into a new place, just the two of us. Since then, he hasn’t washed any dishes, doesn’t put them away when I clean them, and often leaves his laundry in the machine for days until I remind him.
He overfills the trash, and I’m usually the one who ends up taking it out. He claims he “doesn’t use dishes like that” when I asked if he could have the next load, even though he definitely still does generate some (admittedly less than I do because I eat a more varied diet and do some cooking).
If it’s the workweek, he’s flatly told me he won’t do chores. The thing is, on the weekends he’s still not doing any chores and spends most of his time in bed sleeping.
He doesn’t have a car and has been borrowing mine. While he doesn’t overuse it, he’s never put gas in it, and I’ve recently put my foot down on him using it.
His financial habits add to my frustration—despite earning ~$18/hour, he spends excessively on high-end items like a $1,000 Dyson vacuum, multiple flagship phones, expensive clothes, $1000+ on tech he doesn’t use, $500 chess board despite not liking chess, $1800 computer chair he doesn’t use, and recently financed $8,000–$9,000 in bedroom furniture, yet hasn’t saved for a car.
Meanwhile, I’ve been rebuilding my life from near-homelessness over the past three years, living modestly and prioritizing essentials.
I feel like I’m carrying the majority of household responsibilities. I suspect he’d justify it by saying he contributed a lot of money on mutual household essentials and that’s how he feels he is contributing, but I could’ve gone on social media marketplace or thrifted those for much less… plus it doesn’t negate the expense I’ve put towards things for the house.
His insistence on high-end items reflects his personal standards, and I feel like I’m not being heard when I ask him to help. I want a functional, clean home, not an extravagant one, and I’m tired of coming home from 8hrs of work, with 8hrs+ of school waiting for me, and having to take an intermission to tidy up the place.
I’m only averaging like 4 hours of sleep a night because of how thin I’m spread and I don’t feel like he respects what I’m doing.
Would I be wrong to stop stepping in and let his responsibilities pile up? He’s been vaguely upset about not being able to borrow my car, and his refusal to contribute more is making me second-guess myself if I’m in the wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Disability from an illness is not an “I can be a jerk for free” card. Time and time again, your roommate disregards your concerns and disrespects you by not doing his fair share of chores. Living together means give/take— perhaps you are both simply incompatible with each other.
There’s no need to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, OP.” sausagemice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t about his disability, it’s about him being a rude slob. Don’t let him borrow your car. I’d actually start putting his dishes in his room.
I’d also be making noise on the weekend. You need to have a come-to-Jesus meeting with him and tell him what needs to happen to continue living together. Otherwise, you’ll be talking to the landlord about moving to another place without him. I live with someone who has physical disabilities limiting what she can do.
The mantra is do what you can. Not shove everything off to someone else.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough situation. I lived with my adult child when they were in college. We had an arrangement that I would load the dishwasher and they would unload it.
Of course, in order to load the dishwasher, I had to wait for them to unload it. What I learned is that, with an arrangement like this, whoever can live with dirty dishes piled higher on the counter doesn’t have to do anything. I suspect this roommate has a similar advantage in wearing OP down.
I think during this talk that someone suggested, OP needs to make it clear that, if they can’t come to an agreement about chores and stick to it, the living arrangement will have to end.” Character-Raise1659
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Return The Cat I Adopted To Its Previous Owner?
“I rescued this lovely three-year-old Scottish fold cat named Kenai (now five years old) from a family after the “owner” left him in their care.
This lovely family had twelve dogs, most of which were medium-sized. When I arrived at their house, the cat had been kept in a room where no dogs could approach him since they were concerned about what would happen to him. They said they aren’t fond of cats.
To my surprise, they asked me if I could adopt the cat as my own since they knew I recently lost my cat at that time.
Before I accepted their generous offer, I asked the whereabouts of the owner. They told me he couldn’t bring Kenai with him upon migrating since it was beyond his “expenses” and also assured me they wouldn’t give Kenai back to his owner since they made it clear the cat was already given to them by the owner and they’re planning to give Kenai to me.
(The owner also adopted Kenai from his friend who also migrated to another country, poor kitty.)
Now, 2 years later, the owner messaged me that he’s planning to get him back. The former owner also knew Kenai was in my care but didn’t even bother messaging me about how he was doing or share expenses if he had plans to get him back (vitamins, food, litter, treats, & toys) for 2 years.
Here’s the thing, I’m afraid I’ve grown attached to the cat. I love him and I can’t afford to lose him. I’m afraid he might bring the cat with him to the country he’s currently staying.
I am ignoring his messages and keeping him on delivered. I also won’t be giving him my new address where I am staying so he can’t go anywhere near this sweet boy.
I even got Kenai a partner in March so he wouldn’t feel lonely whenever I was at work.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Please make sure that Kenai is chipped and registered to you. Also, tell your vet that the people who abandoned your cat are trying to assert ownership and that you would appreciate having a copy of your records to show that you have been the owner of this cat and the person who has been providing all appropriate care for him.
These things will put you in the best possible legal light if the abandoners try to push the issue.” OdoDragonfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your cat is yours, fair and square. This person decided not to go the extra mile and bring them with them when they moved, so they essentially abandoned the cat.
Too bad for them. Block everyone! How did this person end up getting your number anyway? I’d have a word with the person who gave away your private information. Change your number, actually. It’s a bit of a pain, but it’s a three-minute process for a lifetime of peace.
Congrats on the kitty! Love him like he loves you unconditionally!!” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ from the perspective of you’ve had an agreement and now someone is going back on that. Not your problem. But even more NTJ because you seem to be the first person that really cares for the wellbeing of the cat.
You’ve given him a home and have grown attached to him, none of the previous owners seem to have done the same. Looking at it from the angle what is best for the cat, it is staying with you.” Lizzy043
15. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Intoxicated Partner On My Birthday?
“Today is my (F20s) birthday.
Tomorrow is my partner’s (M20s) birthday.
Last night he went out for some drinks with a few friends to celebrate, seeing as his actual birthday is a Sunday and he has work the next day, it made sense to celebrate a few days before.
He drove about 20 miles to meet some friends and family and they ended up buying him a couple of beers. He wasn’t planning on drinking anything as he knew he had to drive home. Still, he did drink them anyway.
He called me at 10:30 pm and asked if I could pick him up as he had too much to drink.
He said he would leave his car there and we would go back for it the next day.
I explained I couldn’t pick him up as my son (not his kid but from a previous relationship) was asleep and I wasn’t prepared to get him out of bed and drive 20 miles.
He begged me saying he couldn’t drive and if I didn’t pick him up, he would have to stay out at a friend’s for the night.
This kind of annoyed me as he didn’t ask or tell me beforehand that he would be drinking, let alone possibly not coming home in time for my birthday the next morning.
I also explained how I didn’t really want to be getting up early on my birthday just to drive him back to his car.
He told me I ruined his birthday celebrations and called me a jerk for not picking him up, but I think he’s the jerk for getting mad at me.
He also stayed out all night and missed waking up on my birthday with me. He could have called an Uber, surely?
AITJ for not picking him up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s admirable that he doesn’t want to drink and drive. What isn’t admirable is that he didn’t figure out how to get home before he started drinking.
Your first responsibility is to your child. Waking up a one-year-old after 10:30 PM to rescue a grown man with poor planning skills, would be irresponsible on your part. If he can’t see that once he sobers up, and doesn’t apologize, you’re going to have to figure out how to deal with a second child.
Why can’t he sleep it off and drive himself home in the morning?” Born_Significance691
Another User Comments:
“Good for standing your ground. Yes, it’s great he decided not to drive after drinking. But there were several options like Uber, calling another friend for a ride, sleeping it off, and driving home early once he’s sober.
He isn’t wrong for deciding to drink when he didn’t plan on it, but he’s wrong for expecting you to drop everything you’re doing to come get him when he didn’t plan beforehand. My ex tried the same with me.
Upset I couldn’t attend a work event of his because I had to work. I get home after a long shift and he’s calling me to drive 30 min away because he “couldn’t say no” when his boss invited him to have drinks.
Then I would’ve had to drive him back in the morning at 5 am for his work and then get ready for my job. I said absolutely not. Mysteriously he found a way home. NTJ.” TipDisastrous111
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but no. There was that point in the night where he decided ‘you know what I want to drink’.
The next logical step is okay I want to drink how can I arrange to get home? You figure that out then you start drinking. You don’t start drinking, make it someone else’s problem, and then act upset about her not being available for taxi service to get his idiot self home when she has to stay with her sleeping child.
He chose to start drinking with no plans to get home. This is the consequence of his decision and the fact he has the nerve to be mad takes the nerve. NTJ.” Storm101xx
14. AITJ For Asking A Tall Woman If She Played Basketball?
“I (28M) went to my local supermarket yesterday, and I saw a really tall woman.
I myself am pretty short for a guy at like 5’6 or something but I work with and am friends with a 6’1 woman. The woman who I saw at the supermarket looked way taller than my friend, and I was awed. I genuinely believed she played in the WNBA or something.
I went up to her, looked up at her, and asked her if she played basketball.
She looked down on me and gave me a darn death stare in my eyes and replied that it was rude of me to ask that, and she walked away.
I was darn scared when she stared down at me lol. I was thinking of running the heck outta the supermarket.”
Another User Comments:
“Yup, YTJ. Did you also ask her: What the weather was like up there? If she could see her house from there?
How often she bumped her head today? She could be an astrophysicist for all you know. Or a surgeon. Or a librarian. Stereotyping is gross and 98% of the time height has NOTHING to do with someone’s career. Pigeonholing someone because of a physical characteristic they have no control over is incredibly stupid behavior.
Grow up.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you didn’t mean to be, but yes you are. Do you have any clue how often tall people get asked some variation of “Do you know you’re tall?” Same statement for people with anything out of the norm – people ask the same questions over and over again.
You are not clever, you are redundant. Your question implies this person is only good for their height. They could be finding a cure for cancer, but in your mind, they should be playing basketball. This is also much harder for women than men. For whatever reason people seem to admire tall men and think tall women are weird.
(Stating as a tall woman married to a tall man with a very tall son).
One day we went to a 2 hour event. My son decided he was going to up his height one inch every time someone asked. At the time he was 6’7″.
He ended the night at 7’4″. Over the course of 2 hours, 10 people asked him some variation of how tall he was. That’s once every 12 minutes. Do you know how annoying that is? Now you do. Stop making unsolicited comments about strangers’ appearances.” ApprehensiveIce3810
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As a tall woman, omfg, I hate stuff like this. Just the other week some guy asked if I played volleyball. You don’t know me, you don’t know if I’m healthy or athletic or even like sports, and why do I owe that information to a stranger?
Commenting on people’s physical experience, especially things outside of their control, is generally bad form. I didn’t choose to be tall and maybe I don’t even like being tall. Another fun game: strangers guessing my height! GTFO.” the_glass_gecko
13. AITJ For Admitting That Loud Children Can Be Annoying, Even As A Future Preschool Teacher?
“I (21F) am studying to become a professional preschool teacher.
Today one of our college professors talked about how people don’t accept families with a lot of children and that it’s not okay to complain about a child. I then said that I could understand someone who gets annoyed by loud children. You work for 10 hours a day, get home, and want to sleep but above you, there are 4 children being loud the whole night and you can’t get some rest. You are on a train and there’s a baby crying for an hour.
No, children aren’t responsible for that, parents can’t always do something to stop that loud noises and yes, you have to deal with it. But nevertheless, it is a stress factor and not everyone can live with it.
He asked me if I really want to work with children if I don’t like them and that I’m in the wrong profession.
Especially as a preschool teacher, I should be aware that children can do whatever they want, whenever they want.
Am I the jerk for saying that as a preschool teacher, it’s ok to be annoyed by loud children (especially in your free time, bedtime, etc.)?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. This is one of those cases where I don’t have enough context to really say. Yes, kids can be annoying sometimes, as can adults and dogs and cats, and even my pet snake. Whether it’s appropriate to say that depends a lot on the context.
To draw an analogy, over here in the US it’s customary to tip waiters. Sometimes waiters do a bad job and people don’t tip. This is true, but if I walked into a restaurant and started off my conversation with my waiter with this fact, it would be pretty rude.
Similarly, a friend was recently telling me about a stressful situation where an older woman was very rude to her children on the bus when her children had done nothing wrong and weren’t being annoying. She feels like she and her children get criticized just for existing outside.
If I had responded, “Yeah, but sometimes children are annoying,” that would have been insensitive and rude. It sounds to me like your professor was trying to say something similar to what my friend was saying, in which case I can see your response as being inappropriate.
But again, I don’t have the full context, so I don’t really know.” Dry-Spring5230
Another User Comments:
“I mean I wouldn’t call you the jerk in this situation unless I had more info because I’m also curious why you chose a profession that involves children if you don’t absolutely love them lol.
What made you choose this career path? Some teachers pick it because they love kids, and some pick it because they love summers off. Yes, I totally get that kids can be loud and annoying, but that’s not how I feel about children in a general sense.
I feel the same way about adults. But they’re kids. They’re going to get loud and rambunctious and play and use their imaginations, and jump and sing, and that’s such a beautiful beautiful thing! There’s a time and a place and we can guide them to know when it’s appropriate.
Unnecessary tidbit: My nieces and nephews when they’re here every Friday (they’re between 4-8) I say “Oh my goodness I love how much fun you guys are having! It’s getting a little loud up here, if you want to stay up here with the adults we all need to switch to our indoor voices.
OR! You can all go downstairs to play in the basement where you can run free! Which do you want to do?” 10/10 times they choose to run rampant in the basement. (We have a very large finished basement set up specifically as a playroom for kids of all ages because they’re here so frequently and we love them and want a lot ourselves.)” millietonyblack
Another User Comments:
“I think a lot of people equate having human reactions to children (i.e. allowing themselves to be annoyed instead of considering all children perfect angels) with hating children, and even hating people who have children. It’s a weird and obviously flawed argument.
Children can be jerks, and as you say, often the responsibility lies with the parents. If you’re not willing to face that, then you’ll never be able to address problematic behavior in a school setting. I’d hate to see the generation of kids that approach would produce.
NTJ.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Wanting A Small Wedding Despite My Fiancé's Desire For A Large One?
“I (F32) told him (M37) from the start of our relationship that I never even dreamt of having a wedding, let alone a big one. When I met him and realized I would actually want to marry him, it was a big step for me.
For the whole of my youth, I never dreamt of having a wedding, let alone an extravagant one.
I told him that whenever I actually envisioned myself as a married woman, it was because I had eloped. I even envisioned having a wedding officiated by an Elvis impersonator in Vegas.
However, my fiancé is extremely close with his family and has told me over and over again how selfish my wedding plans are. Neither I nor my parents make enough money to pay for a large wedding.
The issue is that he insists we have a large wedding anyway and doesn’t think he or his family should be the only ones to pay.
He wants to share expenses when I’m happy to have a modest wedding the two of us can actually afford.”
Another User Comments:
“The first test of married life comes before marriage, at the wedding itself. Compromise. Finances are going to be the limiting factor but it’s his wedding too.
A relationship takes both of you. He gets a say in the ceremony and celebration of his relationship. And it’s reasonable for him to want his family there if he’s close to them. It’s also reasonable to want to share the costs. You are NTJ if your finances simply do not sustain a large wedding, but you are a jerk if you are trying to limit his friends and family just because you want the celebration to be small (finances aside).
But how large are we talking here? Does he want 50 people and you want 2? Does he want 500 and you want 150? What’s the discrepancy? Without that information about exactly how far off you two are from each other in expectations of size, and how he wants to divvy up the costs, and how you want to divide who pays for what, it’s really hard to give any kind of judgment here.
For that reason alone I’m going with ESH – him to the extent he wants you to go beyond your financial means, you to the extent you want to deny his friends and family just because it’s not 100% what you want because you always envisioned a small wedding (financial constraints aside).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But hear me out. I was you not too long ago. You are going to have to compromise a lot when marrying someone. He is proposing splitting costs (which is reasonable) and wants a wedding bigger than what you want. Talk about what you would want, what he wants.
Then meet in the middle. Him being close with his family is a good thing and a lot of people want to celebrate with their loved ones. I was like you! I wanted something super small. I am marrying a man who would have a wedding of 300+ if I was okay with it.
So we compromise. A lot. Will have 125-150 guests. A more rural venue than he would ever want because I wanted it. He wanted like 12 groomsmen. Got him down to 8. I have 8 bridesmaids because of it but really only wanted like 5 originally. Talked him out of Vegas, he’s going to Atlantic City for the bachelor party instead.
I am opting out of a bridal shower because I didn’t want some big ordeal to begin with and don’t want to be the center of attention. He wishes I would have one so there was another reason to party. I am even walking down the aisle to music that is specific to his culture because it was important to him to include it somehow and I didn’t really mind what I walked down to because I never imagined even having a big wedding to begin with.
Yeah, my wedding is not what I ever would have thought it would be. And I love it. Because it now fits the love of my life too.” Existing-Inevitable4
Another User Comments:
“I don’t really understand the huge amounts of money people will spend on a wedding.
It’s just one day (hopefully!) to symbolize the start of your marriage. Wouldn’t you be better off spending the money on your marriage instead? I think society everywhere sets up little girls especially to imagine their wedding day as this huge event where they will feel like a princess.
To most of those who have been through it or attended a wedding, does anyone care or remember a year later about it? All that fuss and energy seems crazy to me. I think a good compromise would be that if he wants to invite more people then you have to cut back on other things.
Maybe a wedding in a local garden followed by a big party at someone’s house or a hall. A friend had a registry wedding with just family, followed by dinner at a restaurant with family and some friends, then a huge party with anyone else who wanted to celebrate after.
Another had a wedding in a backyard with a BBQ and drinks. And another friend totally regrets the thousands they spent on a dress that was for one day that could have contributed hugely towards a house deposit. The important thing is if you’re getting married you are going to be a team.
You need to learn how to give and take beforehand or someone will always be the one giving in to keep the peace. Perhaps you can have a small wedding with a big reception. Perhaps you can get married barefoot on the beach and have a party in a hall afterward.
Perhaps you do go all out on the one day if that’s what you both want.” oldandopinionated
11. AITJ For Throwing Out My Ex's Stuff After She Ignored My Requests To Pick It Up?
“My ex moved out over a year ago when she got a job offer she couldn’t turn down, with the agreement that we’d go long distance until I could move down to her.
We broke up a couple of months later and I still had several boxes of her stuff in my apartment that she couldn’t bring when she moved out. I’ve texted her several times over the past year to pick up her stuff, I’ve even offered to meet her halfway with it but have either been ignored or thanked for holding on to it and no plans have been made.
I’m moving to a new apartment that’s much smaller than my new one so I chucked all of her stuff after trying (and failing) to get in touch with her about it. I tried to sort out the keepsakes and irreplaceable stuff from the assorted other stuff but I still ended up chucking 90% of the stuff she left behind.
She’s now angry at me for it. She doesn’t drive so meeting me places can be a challenge which is why I was trying to be flexible so I’m worried: Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s been a year and you aren’t a storage unit.
Also, you are moving to a smaller place. It’s not like you suddenly got a bee in your bonnet and tossed the stuff randomly. You don’t have the room. If the keepsakes were irreplaceable she should have made the effort to retrieve them sooner.” BengalBBQ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She abandoned her stuff at your place for a year. You were overly accommodating keeping it as long as you did and she’s lucky you cared enough to bother sorting through it for important stuff. Tell her to find a way to come get it herself, have someone pick it up, or send you money for shipping or it’s yours to do with as you will.
Legally, it’s all your stuff by now.” DerpDevilDD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You attempted to get in touch with her multiple times and offered compromises. She chose to ignore your requests and inquiries and never pick up her stuff. She could’ve had someone else like a friend or family member pick up the stuff.
If the stuff was really important she would’ve prioritized better. I would also probably gather up all evidence of your communication attempts because I wouldn’t be surprised if she attempts to bend the truth to others.” stonerraptor
10. AITJ For Not Intervening In My Ex-Wife's Relationship With Her Friend's Ex-Husband?
“My ex-wife and I share two children and although we had our times of troubles, these days we’re actually co-parents and I’d dare say, friends.
We were discussing her current situation. Her lifelong best friend divorced, and being who she is, my ex aggressively sided with her friend, instead of staying neutral as I chose to do. My ex is like a favorite aunt to her BFF’s kids. The divorce was a brutal, winner-take-all affair when honestly, from my perch should’ve ended with joint custody and equal parenting time.
My ex’s BFF “won”. For a while. Then she got sick and died. It was tragic for all involved. I went to the funeral. Her ex hated her (from the custody fight) and was devastated.
He got his affairs in order, and instead of opening his arms to Aunty Clavain, he cut her out of his kids’ lives.
I told her it was a jerk move, but what did she expect? She was the number 1 supporter of the person who tried to eliminate him as a parent. She’s not family. “She lifts right out”.
Now she’s focused her rage/grief on me because I’m still friends with the ex-husband and I won’t intervene.
I know him. He’s not going to forgive someone who doesn’t think she needs to say she’s sorry.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s facing the repercussions of her choices. In divorces like what happened here—there are no winners. Just varying degrees of losers.
And she was a casualty of it long after the war was over. You probably shouldn’t have said anything because oftentimes silence is a better option—BUT I am Miss Brutally Honest so I understand why you said what you did. She’s hurting but her pain is being heightened due to her actions.
She can be upset but she’s taking out on the wrong people (the ex and you). But until she has time to process her grief she probably won’t ask for forgiveness. And it will depend on how proud she is. All you can do is not bring this up and if she does deflect to a safe topic.” Terra88draco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I don’t blame the ex-husband for not letting his kids see your ex. Yeah, I know that she’s a connection to their late mother BUT she’s dealing with grief over losing her best friend and her friend’s kids are now with their dad who she WAS AGAINST. Who knows what she’s going to say to them during this time?
It doesn’t take much to plant a thought into a kid’s head that could become a huge problem. Quite frankly from her previous actions if I were the ex-husband I would assume she hates me and not only that she’s very open about it too.
That’s the worst kind of person to have around your kids. The fact that she’s blaming him and not taking accountability shows that she is still probably against the ex-husband. The kids are in a very vulnerable state right now where a single conversation could mess them up.
And your ex isn’t in the right headspace. To the ex-husband, she’s a huge liability that just isn’t necessary. Especially since she hasn’t apologized because of what? Pride at best and hatred towards him at worst? Yeah no she wouldn’t be around my kids ever.” Jumpy_Ad_3583
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you said, “what did she expect?” Your ex-wife involved herself heavily in a matter that, frankly, wasn’t hers to be involved in. From the sound of it, she was VERY toxic towards her friend’s ex-husband and did whatever she could to help her now-deceased friend take everything from her ex-husband.
So, when her friend died, he cut your ex-wife completely out of his and his children’s lives. “She was the number 1 supporter of the person who tried to eliminate him as a parent.” This is precisely why he did what he did. Also, exactly! Your ex-wife didn’t even try to apologize to him after his ex-wife keeled over; then, she expected to be allowed to remain in his children’s lives.
He put an end to that, and rightfully so. What sensible parent would allow such a hateful, narcissistic, poisonous presence like your ex-wife to be or remain in the lives of his or her children, especially when said presence not only was a friend of the person who tried to destroy him and his relationship with his children, but was actively assisting in said attempt at destruction?
No, you’re NTJ. Your ex-wife, however, got exactly what she earned, and you called it not only as you saw it, but as it IS.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Stop Watching Old Westerns?
“My roommate (random, didn’t know prior) is a bit younger than me, and we have nothing in common. This is honestly fine, as I’m busy and she seems to be as well.
However, she does something kind of annoying and won’t compromise.
She works really early, and usually leaves at half past 4 AM, so is always home when I get back. She’ll be in the living room watching these really old westerns. Most of what she watches is racist and has distressing content.
I asked her to maybe watch something else. She said I could have the TV when her movie was over, but I said I didn’t want the TV and just wanted to not hear all that while cooking. The kitchen and living room are an open floor plan.
She said she’d turn it down, but that’s not really the point. She got frustrated, and then she said she didn’t know how to help me and started ignoring me. I’ve suggested compromises, and she’s been really uncooperative. She keeps saying she can watch what she likes.
I feel she’s being unfair. I wouldn’t expose her to my inappropriate content, why does she feel entitled to expose me to this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Westerns exist, they are a category of film/TV that people enjoy. That doesn’t make them racist or bigoted for enjoying it and they’re 100% allowed to watch it.
This knee-jerk reaction of ”Ah it’s bad! I don’t like it take it away!“ is just so… I don’t know, how does a society of adults function if they can’t break things down rationally? This is expecting so much of a stranger that if I were them I’d honestly think you’re crazy.
Imagining coming home from work, tired, I just wanna chill out and watch John Wayne escape Comanche territory… and my roommate is pestering me about perpetuating racism and sexism because I’m watching my westerns. I’d lose my mind.” TheFlabbs
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
You sound a bit judgy, in the sense that “most of those films are sexist and racist” is a hugely sweeping statement. Not everyone has a monkey-see-monkey-do relationship with media or chooses entertainment based on moral and didactic qualities. Enjoying cinema means staying open to the complexity of texts, and that includes having curiosity about how they engage with politics.
The depiction of women in Westerns is super interesting (the depiction of race, I grant you, less so: it’s generally bad, in uninteresting ways). I wouldn’t like to live with someone being judgemental in such broad ways, implying I should only watch things that are soft and approved.
But actually, if we’re talking about High Plains Drifter – I do think your roommate crossed a line. People in a shared environment should be thoughtful about what they put on the telly. Films with strong gore, horror, and disturbing content aren’t appropriate for a shared space – it’s just common courtesy.
I love that film, but I wouldn’t put it on without a warning to other people present; and I routinely turn off horror movies pre-emptively when my partner comes home, because he doesn’t like them. And nowadays, it’s not like your roommate doesn’t have a laptop, right – some other way to consume media in private.
So yeah: find a middle ground. Stop being so blanket judgy about films having an appropriate moral tone; but stand your ground about upsetting content.” AnachronistUrania
Another User Comments:
“I empathize with you, truly. I absolutely cannot watch horror or really violent stuff. If I accidentally see disturbing content it makes me physically nauseous and emotional and sticks in my head forever.
However, I understand that is a “me problem” and other people really like stuff like that – even my parents enjoyed watching Game of Thrones, which was unbearable for me. My solution was just what your roomie suggested – if they want to watch one movie or show, I will find somewhere else to be where I don’t have to see or hear it.
Get some good headphones or take a walk or talk to a friend. As long as your roomie isn’t having movie marathons or spouting racist nonsense herself, it seems like a reasonable compromise. YTJ.” ldystardust
8. AITJ For Snapping At My Aunt Over My Choice Of Bread?
“I’m a broke college student with a part-time job who lives with my aunt.
Even though I live with my aunt, I pay her rent, utilities, etc and I pay for and eat my own food (meaning I don’t eat any of her food). Anyway, I’ve been really short on money nowadays and I’ve been eating a lot of the 1 dollar French bread you can get at Walmart.
My aunt really likes whole wheat bread and thinks all kinds of other bread are not healthy. Remember I’m a broke college student and can’t afford much, so I really can’t afford to spend more dollars on food.
My aunt has gotten really mad at me for eating that French bread and has kept saying “I can’t allow you to be eating that kind of bread in the house.” I got really mad because I’m the one who has to pay for it so I snapped at her and said: “I’m not rich so if you don’t like what I eat you can pay for my food yourself.” It’s not even her money it’s mine, so I don’t get why she’s so mad.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But get one of the $1 Italian loaves uncut, a pack of the cheap hot dogs, some shredded cheddar, and some chili beans in sauce. Cut out a long circle into the top of the loaf, turning it into a boat on a field baking sheet.
Then stuff it and layer it with your cheese, chili, and sliced hotdogs until it’s stuffed. Then put the boated bread cubes/crumbs on the pan. Cover and bake at 350 for 10-15ish minutes, then another 5ish until melty toasty to your liking. Cool for 3 minutes, then slice it up and eat it up.
This is what my partner and I did when we needed to stretch our money for meals. It would last us two meals with two-ish servings each.” Happy_Flow826
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Food policing is classist and unfair. During a time when I was eating from food banks and a gleaning co-op and gifts of food, my landlady/housemate took issue with GMOs in the food I brought home.
She also took issue with the expired or near-expired dairy (still good for a week unopened!)I got from those sources—one day I came home from work to find my breakfast yogurts for the week on the kitchen counter getting warm because she ‘expected me to deal with my own expired food mess.’ (She had a box of fancy vac-packed plums in the fridge that were two years past date, but never mind.) So I am deeply feeling you.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I am going to play Devil’s Advocate here and……maybe your aunt is really craving your white bread and resisting temptation… maybe you can store and eat in your room? I know I have zero willpower when dieting but I can’t imagine “banning” someone from eating the food they like in their own home.
Ps Check out the food banks in your area if you need food help. They can really help. Walmart has AMAZING French bread.” Aev_AnimalCrossing
7. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Be Financially Stable Before Marriage?
“My partner (24f) and I (27m) were just talking when she brought up something about marriage. We have only been together for about a year and a half and I do love her, but there are certain things that have me not wanting to talk about it, especially right now.
First off, we have not lived together yet and secondly, I feel it’s still too early for me.
Basically, we started talking a bit and I said I’d consider it if she was financially stable and was able to keep a stable income. She does have mental illness, so I do feel bad for wanting that to some extent, but she was upset that I wanted that because she says she can’t do that because of her mental illness.
So as of now, she’s pretty upset and feels insecure about the relationship and feels it won’t go anywhere.
For me, I feel I want those things mainly because if we were to get married and then have kids, I’d want the kids to be under loving parents and not have to suffer in poverty, and I can make it on my own, but I’m unable to support a family at this time and wouldn’t want a kid that would need to suffer because my job isn’t six figures or my wife (if we were married) wasn’t making money.
I’d greatly appreciate all feedback because I don’t know if I’m wrong for wanting a couple of things before I delve into something super serious.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know what treatment she is getting for her mental illnesses if any, but if she’s not getting treatment or if current treatment isn’t working, then it is her responsibility to address that so that she can live a fuller, more independent life.
If she’s been told (by multiple professionals because it’s serious enough to warrant 2nd, even 3rd, opinions) that she will never be stable enough to keep a job and be financially independent then you need to reconsider the relationship entirely because it sounds like you want a partner, not a dependent, and with the way things are currently she would be dependent on you.
Since it also sounds like you want kids, it wouldn’t be a good thing to have them with someone who isn’t capable of holding down a job because I promise kids are often way more stressful than that.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“Being compatible with money is SUPER important.
Things like how money is used, what constitutes a “big” purchase, the goals you have, how much savings is “enough” to feel secure, how the breakdown of the bills will be handled (50/50 vs income proportional contribution), how important it is that each person contribute, and so on.
If one person is doing all of the financial lifting while they feel the other person is getting a free ride, that will unbalance everything and lead to deep resentment. It’s okay to have a single-income family, but that’s something that needs to be agreed on.
And things like non-financial contributions for the house need to be considered. NTJ, and definitely talk this out. It’s not comfortable for everyone, so acknowledge that going in. Own the discomfort and make space for each person to step back if it gets to be too much.
It’s not a one-off conversation. And definitely live together for a year at minimum. Face some challenges. Solve some problems. See how you both function up close.” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And using her mental health as the reason she can’t work is kinda pathetic in my mind.
I have a lot of mental health issues and work 45 hours a week. My partner has severe depression but still manages to work part-time. If she feels it won’t go anywhere after that conversation, why? Was she hoping to marry someone and just be a stay-at-home mum and never have to work?
Is that why she is upset knowing now that you won’t do that for her? That’s a pretty big red flag if that’s what she is after. Sounds like you need to reevaluate the relationship and discuss this seriously with her, ask her if she ever intends to work as it’s unfair in this world to expect someone else to just work for you.
With inflation and the instability of the current world, I completely understand your hesitance with this. Having only one parent working is near impossible at the moment.” Uniquebutnotspecial
6. AITJ For Selling My Old Games That I Don't Play Anymore?
“I (22F) have been collecting games since I was a child. I had everything from Gamecube to Switch to PS2 all the way up to PS5.
Lately, I’ve been starting a new collection of Anime Figurines, and I’m also saving up for an apartment. There’s a shop near my house called Disc Replay, and at this store, they take games for money in return. I’ve been selling and buying from them for a while.
Today, I stocked a bag full of my PS3 and Wii games that I don’t play anymore. The reason I had kept them so long is because they were sentimental to me, but they just sit there and collect dust and space at this point.
My mom saw me rounding up everything and started to shout. She accused me of robbing her blind and called me an inconsiderate spoiled child. (Half of the Wii games were Christmas presents or birthday gifts.) She called me a jerk for not being considerate and sentimental about the games and deciding to sell them off.
So tell me, AITJ for selling my games?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They are your games. When you’re given a gift, it becomes yours to do whatever you want with. Did your mom work hard to get the money to buy you those games or something?
Maybe that’s why it’s harder for her to see you let them go. Unless this is a normal reaction for her. Regardless, it’s not okay for her to shout at you about it. They’re yours and you’re making a decision that makes a lot of financial sense.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I just purged 90% of my personal library because I had 5+ bookshelves full of stuff that I had not taken off the shelves since the 2000s. I took one look at that when preparing for the move and said “off to the charity store with you”.
I am sure someone will enjoy my 80s and 90s sci-fi novels, DVDs that I never seem to watch, etc. I would also advise against the anime figures and just use the money for a new apartment or, failing that, a van you can live in to escape your mother.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I feel like eBay is a better place to sell vintage games, smash bros melee for Gamecube is going for 80 on there right now. NTJ, it’s your stuff, not your mom’s. My mom sold my Pokémon card binder at a garage sale when I went to college.
She got 8 bucks for it. The cards that I remember have grown in value to over 25k (not counting the hundreds that I have no recollection of). I didn’t accuse her of robbing me, I was just bummed out when I found out 15 years later what they were worth.” Throwforventing
5. AITJ For Telling My Friends To Stop Bringing Up My Abusive Ex?
“I have been broken up with my partner for almost 3 years and we have not spoken since. It was a horribly toxic and abusive relationship. When I hang out with my friends I never talk about him but they always bring him up in conversation every time we see each other.
There is no reason for him to be mentioned. I feel like Jenn is aloof and doesn’t realize there would be anything wrong with it because she loves to talk but Kristen is aware and does it on purpose, like malicious gossip. Kristen still talks to his best friends and she loves to bring them up as well.
I don’t care about these people because K talks to them just to get updates on my ex.
I finally snapped the other day and said, “can y’all stop bringing my ex up, please? I also don’t care to hear anything about his friends. This isn’t healthy or productive for me, I feel like I am still living in the past when you talk about him.”
Maybe I came off harsher sounding than I intended because Kristen got mad at me and Jenn was taken aback and now she is hurt. I am not mad, just frustrated. If they want to bring up and talk about their exes then fine, but I am not going to keep revisiting their past over and over and I expect the same courtesy towards me.
But Kristen is mad at me now so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s common courtesy to not talk about someone’s ex in front of them unless they’ve explicitly stated they’re fine with it. Do your friends know he was toxic and abusive? If not, explaining this might help them to realize why you’re so upset about it, and get them not only to stop but apologize.
If they do know, they’re bad friends and you need to drop them. If they don’t know and they still do this after you tell them, then they’re bad friends and you need to drop them.” zeiaxar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like Kristen is actively trying to upset or hurt you.
Cut her out of your life. As for Jenn, try explaining more to her why this impacts you the way it does, seems like she didn’t realize the effect she was having and will probably change once she does.” associaterogue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe not the best way to handle it, but you should not have to be presented with info about your toxic ex.
If they are truly your friends they will do what they need to do to avoid hurting you, so you need to ensure that they know you’re not mad at them but that it’s painful for you to be reminded of him and the pain he caused you.
If they can’t abide, find new friends.” DrKittyLovah
4. AITJ For Refusing To Make Food For My Brother Who Never Eats It?
“My (15M) brother (9M) ALWAYS accepts when you ask him if he wants food.
So if I’m headed to the supermarket, he wants food, if I’m about to make nuggets, he wants some, if I’m about to make noodles, he wants some.
This doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is how he goes on and on about how hungry he is… then doesn’t even bat an eye at the food that I bought for him with my own money or spent time making for him.
When I ask him why he hasn’t eaten he says “I’m not hungry anymore” even though he hasn’t eaten anything and was rambling about how hungry he was literally 5 minutes prior.
This started to infuriate me, so I flat out told him next time I make you food and you don’t eat it because you’re ‘not hungry anymore’ I won’t make you food again. He agrees, and once again doesn’t touch the nuggets I made him and cries about how he ‘isn’t hungry anymore’
So I stopped buying him stuff or making him food because I got sick of food being thrown away or me having to eat it instead. which infuriates him and it also annoys my parents because I’m apparently being ‘selfish.’
And don’t say maybe my food is terrible, I’m buying him either his favorite bag of chips or I’m making him noodles/nuggets the same way he always eats it.
So AITJ?
Edit: My mum makes 1 meal a day and that’s it, my dad orders food every once in a while so when we’re hungry we either have to eat leftovers (which I usually feed to our dog) or I just go grab a quick snack.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your parents are the jerks here. It’s their obligation to feed you both and your brother is obviously using food to seek attention from the rest of the house. You are being neglected. You both are growing up and need correct nourishment.
Don’t be mad at the little kids, the real villains here are the adults.” nixF465ds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents should be stepping up not you. You said you usually feed the dog leftovers… why? If there is no food in the home then consider leaving the leftovers and when little brother is hungry he can just reheat the leftovers.
It’s possible your brother is a little hungry just not necessarily as hungry as he makes it out to be. He could also be a picky eater. If he’s not being fed properly it could also be his body trying to regulate. It is possibly a sign of something more serious.” xiaozi06
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you sound like a great brother for always offering your brother in the past and it’s understandable that you don’t want to keep doing it when he’s showing no appreciation for your efforts. He’s 9 as long as your parents keep plenty of food available in the house he is old enough to reheat leftovers, make a sandwich, cereal, etc. It will teach him independence anyway.” jenbaum4
3. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Fiance's Substances In An Unfamiliar Location At Night?
“I (F25) and my fiance (M25) have been together over a year and a half now, but we’ve known each other our whole lives, small town. He smokes and I don’t, I used to when I was a teen but I just don’t like it anymore.
And he only smokes at night to help him sleep and chill out after work.
He ran out and asked me to meet his dealer and get his substances for him, while he was at work, so he’d have it that night. I said no problem, when and where?
He gave me his dealer’s Snapchat, she’ll only message through there for some reason. Mind you, I’ve also never met this woman.
Before I continue I have to tell you, we’ve lived in a rural town our whole lives, outside of a city. And I’m only comfortable driving so far into the city and to places I am familiar with.
My fiance knows this. And another important detail, my fiance buys substances $200 at a time, just for himself. It usually lasts him 3 months.
We set up a time during the day, at a place I’m comfortable driving to, to meet. No problem.
Or so I thought.
My fiance goes to work and I message his dealer to double-check our plans before heading out. She changes everything last minute. Now she wants to meet after dark, at a place in the city I’ve never heard of. And she won’t change her mind, it’s basically her way or the highway.
I start internally freaking out. I don’t know where that is, what if I get pulled over for accidentally speeding? I’m pretty sure 200 dollars worth of substances is a long time in jail. I don’t even smoke the stuff, is she trying to set us up?
Just a whole bunch of paranoid thoughts run through my head.
I can’t do this.
My fiance calls me on his lunch break and I tell him I don’t feel comfortable doing this anymore, it was one thing when I knew the location and it was still daylight, but at night, in an area I don’t know.
No thanks.
He gets mad at me, I tell him I’m sorry and I’ll ride with him to get it on his day off. He hangs up the phone and he doesn’t call me on his last break like he usually does. When he gets home he’s still barely speaking with me, and clearly still upset.
The next day he’s still barely speaking with me, so I ask if he’s mad at me. He says yes, and just gives me the silent treatment.
AITJ for not going to get his substances even though I felt uncomfortable doing so?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you should really start looking for a new partner. Let’s be clear. He’s got a habit. He’s expecting you to pick up his illegal stuff while he’s at work. He’d rather you take a personal risk collecting his illegal stuff than go without them.
He’s giving you the silent treatment because you chose your personal safety (which was 100% the right choice) over his habit. I don’t have a personal objection to people who take substances beyond not really understanding it. But I do have a problem with anyone whose habit impacts me or the people I care about.
You need to give him the reality check that his habit is starting to damage your relationship. It’s pathetic and childish for him to sulk because (checks notes) you wouldn’t pick up his stuff. NTJ. Dump this guy.” dftaylor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
NTJ x 1000. It’s stuff that’s illegal in most states, which means related violence is a possibility. Even take the substances out of the equation – you NEVER, EVER meet a stranger, at night, alone, somewhere you don’t know. EVER. Your fiancé is seriously bent out of shape over this?!
That’s insane. If I were engaged and my fiancé prioritized smoking before bed more than my right to feel and be safe, I’d be rethinking the engagement. He’s a major jerk, both for not sparing a single thought for your safety and for acting like a child instead of talking to you.” AngeLabrador
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your reaction is fully understandable. But I also want to say – as someone who used to smoke for many years, so is your partner’s reaction. I understand why you reacted the way you did. But the situation you described isn’t really unusual, and in the eyes of someone who’s used to the environment surrounding illegal substances, you changing your mind might come off as an overreaction.
Just two different bodies of experience crashing. Or something like that. What I’m trying to say is – I understand why he’s angry, even though he shouldn’t be. What I don’t understand, is how someone who is disciplined enough to buy 3 months’ worth of substances – and actually making it last 3 months, isn’t disciplined enough to buy more BEFORE he runs out.” sublingualfilm8118
2. AITJ For Not Addressing The Woman First While Serving?
“I work at Hooters and have for almost two years, honestly it’s a struggle to be working at a place like this. This stuff happens a lot but I personally have never seen someone behave like this towards me.
I’ve worked as a waiter, bartender, cashier, etc, I haven’t heard that if a lady is with another man you address the lady first.
So this couple came in today. While I was going over to give them their menus, and this is how I always do it, as I’m talking I look between both people if there are multiple. I told them to order whenever they were ready.
I got a look from the lady as I was walking away but brushed it off.
Oh also relevant to mention, I’m married. I am 25 and this man was at least in his 50s-60s. I wasn’t eyeing him up I was genuinely doing my job.
So I went back and forth, as I was taking their orders, I took the lady’s first then I looked at the guy and asked “for you?” She snapped her fingers at me and then told me “he will be having wings” and said that she does the ordering.
I just wrote down the order and moved on.
Throughout the time they were there the man snapped his fingers to get me to come over and get things for them, and I’m not sure if it’s just me but naturally when a specific person calls me over, I’d assume that that specific person would tell me what they wanted.
She told me that “she does the ordering” but the man would be the one to snap at me so I would ask him if he needed anything. The lady would laugh and then tell me what he wanted.
It’s really a natural reaction for me, I’m not sure why she couldn’t have called me over.
Towards the end, they got the check and called me over, they said that I was incredibly rude and I needed to stop being so provocative and showing my chest to married men. She said that I was clearly just trying to get a rise out of her and acted as if she wasn’t there because I couldn’t take my eyes off her husband.
I told some of my co-workers about this, and they said that she was over the top but kinda right because you should always talk to the lady.
Honestly, it was super unintentional, if he was the one calling me over I think he would be the one to order, and I’m wearing what I have to wear, and that is again a 60-year-old man, I could be his daughter.
I just don’t see how I’m at fault for this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lmao, they went to that restaurant and had the audacity to complain about your “provocative” nature? And also, you are not wrong. I worked service industry for waaaaay too many years (do not miss it, by the way) and I worked in the fine-dining sector.
You speak with both parties. This is totally standard service behavior, they were the ones who were massively out of line. Keep going, girl, you are doing just fine.” Repulsive-Exercise-4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they were incredibly rude!!! None of that was deserved but your coworkers are right.
It’s not your fault you didn’t know but typically at restaurants (not just Hooters), you greet the girl first. I’ve worked in the industry for 4 years and it just saves you so much trouble. Now that doesn’t mean they always order for the man though that’s weird but as a general rule yes greet the woman first and when talking mostly look at the woman, you can still glance at the man.
In general for taking orders it’s the kids first, the woman second then the man.” Icy-Donkey-7511
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is.. very strange. Maybe it is a custom that only applies to places like Hooters or something. It sounds like you addressed them both appropriately.
It also sounds like the couple was toying with a service worker for their own weird fun, which is gross. They’re the jerks.” samusaranx3
1. AITJ For Not Including My Stepdaughter In Our Family Trip To Disney?
“I, a 30-year-old female, have been married to my husband, Tom, a 35-year-old male, for 2 years.
We have a 3-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter together. He has a 15-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. The custody agreement is every other weekend.
Our son and daughter have never been to Disney. So this year we are surprising them with a trip.
My husband, myself, and the 2 kids will be going to Disney for 5 days. My stepdaughter has been to Disney 6 times so we didn’t think she’d want to go since we have to do things the little ones can enjoy.
The trip is planned for a week she is going with her friends to a ski resort.
My husband and I paid for half the trip and gave her spending money to have fun.
Her mom asked my husband if he would be able to bring her the morning of the trip to the friend’s house so all the girls could leave together.
He let her know he couldn’t since we were going to be getting on a plane that morning to Disney. Her mom said we obviously don’t care about my stepdaughter since we’re not taking her and has made my stepdaughter upset thinking we didn’t want her to go.
We’ve tried explaining that we didn’t think she’d want to go on the young kids’ rides and that we can’t split up with her because the little ones are in the try to run in opposite directions phase.
We’ve offered to cancel her ski trip and bring her with us but she said she wants to do both and it’s not fair for her to miss the trip with her friends.
We just want some unbiased opinions.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – some more than others. You, only for not talking to her about it beforehand. Your husband bears much more responsibility for this, though, because it’s his child. Stepdaughter for being “it’s not faiiiiiirrrrr” about not being able to go to Disney and on her ski trip and because she probably would hate the Disney trip geared for little kids and be a pain.
(Speaking as a former 15-yo girl, hah.) MOSTLY, though, stepdaughter’s mother for making this a whole thing and likely winding up her daughter to be upset about it.” WaterWitch009
Another User Comments:
“YTJ along with your husband! You knew when her ski trip was so you set the Disney trip up at the same time so you wouldn’t have to take stepdaughter.
Try to excuse your actions by saying didn’t think she’d want to go, you just didn’t want to ask if she did so she couldn’t say she did. Anyone who has been to Disney 6 times has a love for it and would want to go again.
Do you think you would have been the first family to go that had children of different ages? You and your husband need to stop lying and be truthful that neither of you wanted her to go. You wanted a ‘family’ trip and don’t see her as family.
When you get back don’t expect her to be happy with either one of you now that she knows her dad and stepmom don’t want her around. You offered to cancel her ski trip but what you should have done is change the Disney trip.
But that gave you another lie to perpetuate, she didn’t want to go she wanted to go on the ski trip instead. I hope your husband reads this with you. You’re both jerks.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“If she wasn’t your stepdaughter but your biological 15-year-old daughter, you would have mentioned this to her or been obligated to bring her.
You and your husband took advantage of the “step” part of her title in y’all family. She should have been invited and asked because first and foremost she is an immediate member of your family and deserves the right to decline or whine about doing both.
It does appear as though you both intentionally excluded her otherwise. She’s a child – y’all are the adults. YTJ.” Scared_Use_9564
