People Communicate Their Issues With Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Not Wanting My Spouse To Only Be Present During The Fun Times?
“I (21 F) and my spouse (21) have been married for almost 3 years and we have an almost 2-year-old son. Let’s call my spouse M and our son S.
M has a drinking and addiction problem that came to a head at the end of 2021 (October) when they were hospitalized and then sent to rehab.
During that time I became the sole provider and caregiver for S. M has been out since early December 2021 and they are now living in a sober living house.
Since coming out they haven’t been working much, haven’t helped with our son, and generally haven’t given anything towards helping our family.
I have been working 4 separate jobs, taking care of S 24/7 and paying for all of his needs as well as all of the bills and even M’s rent.
M has been very toxic and manipulative and I haven’t been the best spouse either and so have I at times and we have been working on trying to repair our relationship on both sides.
Yesterday, M told me that they can’t be involved in our relationship or with S anymore because they keep putting their recovery to the side. I was surprised seeing as though they have been going to meetings and talking to their sponsor almost daily.
And they have chosen to come to hang out with S and me on multiple occasions without mentioning them potentially needing to do anything pertaining to their recovery.
I was extremely upset and frustrated because every moment and every cent I have goes to providing for M and S and I feel as though I’ve been extremely supportive in their recovery.
My spouse has mental health issues and like I said they are in recovery so they are saying they just can’t help with S. Anytime I tried to argue that S is our son and we should both be caring for him even if M only takes him for a day or something, M would say I don’t understand their recovery and I’m using it against them and pinning everything on them.
I told M that I would be focusing on S and I and that they could let me know when they were ready. Which is what M wanted, to be hands-off and only focus on themselves.
Today, I finally decided that S needed a haircut.
He was pulling on his hair cause it was getting in his ears and it’s been annoying him for a while. This would be S’s first haircut. So I cut his hair and took some before and after pictures. I sent some of the pictures to M.
My then called me all upset because they wanted to be there for S’s first haircut and I should have known it was important. I argued back that they were the one who didn’t want to get involved in S’s life right now and that they don’t get to be a ‘birthday parent’.
M got really hurt and told me that I was mean for saying that and that they couldn’t be a parent right now but that doesn’t take away from the fact that they are S’s parent and still want to be there for the fun and important things.
I told them that it’s not fair to stick me with all the responsibility and then just decide to be a parent when they want to.
They are still mad at me but I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Pointing Out My Mother-In-Law's Favoritism?
“MIL grew up in an extremely vain family. Both of her parents and both grandmothers were unhealthily obsessed with her looks, so of course MIL grew up highly valuing beauty.
MIL has 3-year-old twin girls, and one tends to get all of the attention in public because she looks like MIL, and the other one is more ‘plain looking’ for lack of a better word (I feel like a jerk even typing that). To be fair I think people just fawn over the ‘prettier’ twin because she has red hair and it is a bit of a novelty.
MIL worries a lot about how this is going to affect the other twin, and MIL has freaked out on her family for favoring the ‘prettier’ twin.
I fully get her concern there, but what annoys me is MIL plays favorites with her kids. The twins are on a pedestal and my husband gets scraps.
I fully get the twins are little and need her, but she is ridiculous.
She cried when she found out she was pregnant because she wanted to be a mother ‘again’ and told my husband that now it doesn’t matter that they are fighting, so implying she was replacing him (also they were fighting over me).
She has no issue with her husband admitting he hates her son. She wasn’t even too concerned when he ‘jokingly’ told the twins that MIL hates her own son.
She said she only wanted girls the second time so she would never have another DIL.
Someone pointed out one of the twins could be gay and MIL said that’s fine and what she was really trying to say was so she could never have another cowardly son.
She claims that my husband was such a bad child that two seems easier than one (funny she never mentioned any of this until he got with me).
She said the twins will get everything when she dies, assuming she doesn’t hate their spouse as much as she hates me.
She missed our engagement party for a 3-year-old’s dance recital.
Anyway, it is pretty obvious my husband isn’t her favorite kid. I got married on Saturday and the twins were my flower girls.
I had a good friend of mine doing hair and makeup and she was fawning over the ‘prettier’ twin. She told her a couple of times in front of the other child, that she is the cutest/prettiest kid she has ever seen. MIL finally told her to shut up, stop talking to both kids, and think about the ignorant things she says (yes MIL always goes from 0 to 100).
MIL told me that my friend was an idiot and went on a rant about how dumb people are about her twins. I looked at MIL and said she can’t get mad when someone favors one twin over the other, because she plays favorites with her own children, so she isn’t any better.
MIL was like really and grabbed both kids and stormed off. Everyone in the room agreed it was fine because it was true. MIL confronted me later and said I’m a terrible person because having a strained relationship with a ‘grown man’ is different than favoring one toddler over the other.”
34. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommates Use My Silverware?
“I (20 f) live with 4 people and they’re both couples. The first couple always washes dishes by hand so they aren’t really the problem. The second one which we will call Carter (25 m) and Abby (22 f) literally just throw silverware, bowls, and cups with food caked onto them into the dishwasher, which is weird because they’re very a**l about the house being spotless (one time Carter literally went off on the other couple and I because there was a couple of crumbs on the table and a case of hard seltzers on the counter and he accused us of throwing a party when he was gone, saying ‘the kitchen is a disaster’ but they seem to not care about our dishes being gross).
Obviously, after the dishwasher was run nothing came out clean, and food was still caked on, this has been happening for a couple of months and I addressed it around 2 weeks ago and asked in the group chat for us all to at least rinse off our dishes before putting them inside of the machine because it doesn’t get run for days sometimes (because I’m the only one who runs it.) and the food dries then won’t come off.
I got fed up because all of the forks including mine were sitting in there dirty again after them being clean for literally 2 days so I bought another set of stainless steel cutlery that are sorta rainbow colored. I bought those because they are very different from our silverware and you would know they’re mine.
I let everyone know I’d prefer if they didn’t use my new cutlery (with a pic of them) and Carter disliked my message.
A couple of days ago he came downstairs with one of my forks that was covered in food, put it in the dishwasher, and said ‘For your information, Abby used this not me, so you’ll have to talk to her about that.’ I told him I didn’t really care that it was used, my problem is when people leave my silverware caked in food in the dishwasher instead of just washing it, I don’t like eating off dirty silverware.
He was like ‘understandable’ and then went upstairs.
I ended up hiding all of my silverware because there were no forks again and I didn’t want my new ones to end up filthy. And it’s embarrassing when I have people over to eat and they see all of our forks have old food on them or stains.
So now there are no forks for anyone else. I’m just wondering if I’m being a jerk, like should I really care this much? I just think it’s gross.”
33. AITJ For Posting A TikTok Video About My Ex's New Significant Other?
“I (F 19) have an ex ‘Alex’ (M 23). We broke up 2 years ago.
About a month ago, I ran into him at a bar and we chatted just to catch up.
After I left the bar, I got a text from him and since then we have been chatting pretty consistently. He was inviting me over to stay at his place and out for lunch. For me at least it felt like we’d start talking again and see where things go, and the vibe I got from him felt the same.
Fast forward to about a week ago, Alex stopped replying to my messages. I didn’t think much of it considering he works a busy job and we weren’t even exclusive again so he didn’t owe me a response. A few more days go by and I see he posted on his Snapchat story.
He fully has a SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Of course that came as a shock to me considering just 2 weeks prior he wanted me to stay over at his place (which I’m not dumb, we were obviously going to sleep together). So the fact that he has a significant other out of the blue totally shocked me.
I’m not sure when they started going out, but that’s not even the point.
I decided to see what this new girl looked like and I’m not kidding when I say this, she looks almost identical to me. Same eyes, same hair, same ethnicity!
Then I found her Tiktok (she’s ‘TikTok famous’ or whatever) and there were at least 3 TikToks of them together with captions subtly directed at me for example:
‘When his ex is just the downgraded version of you’.
‘When his ex gave him trust issues so you treat him better than any girl could’.
I’m not gonna let some chick talk trash about me so of course I fired back and posted a video on my story with the caption:
‘When he says he’s moved on but his new girl lowkey looks like you… just say you’re obsessed.’
Anyway, the video was up for a couple of hours until I got a text message from Alex saying I should take the video down because it makes me look like a ‘jealous and crazy ex’. I told him the video was staying up and he should tell his new girl to keep my name out of her mouth.
He called me a jerk and then blocked me.
So who’s the jerk here?”
32. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister For Announcing Her Pregnancy On My Wedding Day?
“A couple of weeks ago my now-husband (30) and I (29) got married. My sister (30) was a bridesmaid at our wedding. The important context here is that we have had a very strained and difficult relationship.
Exactly a week before the wedding my sister and her husband announced to our immediate family that she was pregnant. We were very happy and excited for them, this is the first pregnancy in our family and our parents are thrilled.
My sister said that it was still a secret because her husband’s family didn’t know yet and that they wouldn’t be announcing it to any of our extended family or friends at the wedding because they didn’t want to take away the focus of the day from us.
I found out at the reception she was telling our extended family about her pregnancy – even though a week earlier she looked us in the eye and said she wouldn’t be doing that because she didn’t want to take away the focus from us and our marriage.
I was hurt by this because the day was supposed to be about us and our union, but she made our day about her. Especially because she recognized a week earlier that doing what she did would take away the focus from us, and she did it anyway.
The morning after the wedding she also sent a mass text to the rest of our extended family announcing it.
I confronted her gently the next day and asked her why she did it (no yelling, no anger) and noted the day was about us and I thought she did the wrong thing.
She stormed out of my house and called me a terrible person, which was really upsetting. Her husband came back up to the house and apologized – he said she told the family without him there and without him knowing, and by the time he found out the damage was done.
My sister maintains that she only told a few people and that she did it ‘quietly’ but that’s not the case. The other bridesmaids were there when she was telling people. And as exciting as weddings are, pregnancy trumps wedding.
I told my parents about this, my dad agrees she did the wrong thing but my Mum says it didn’t harm us and we shouldn’t be upset about it.
Even when I explained that it felt like she did this deliberately to take the focus away from us and the marriage when she told us she wouldn’t do it, Mum said she was entitled to change her mind.
AITJ for being upset with her?
Am I being unreasonable for being upset that she did this at our wedding? I’m so not the bridezilla type, but I’m really hurt she did this.”
31. AITJ For Calling My Mother-In-Law A Bully?
“My husband and I have been married for 12 years. His mother is a bully and she either has Bipolar or BPD but she never got it confirmed. She never liked me, she pretended while we were together because she really thought we would break up.
At the same time we got engaged my BIL came back from his first tour in Afghanistan and he met Alicia, his now wife.
My husband and his brother were always very close. Alicia is an amazing person. I had known her only six months and I made her one of my bridesmaids, she was like a sister to me.
She is very shy and sensitive, you could run over her and she’d apologize to you. I’m a 100% extrovert and I really don’t get intimidated by others. She absolutely could not stand that Alicia and I had gotten close because she actually liked her.
6 months after we got married Alicia got an offer to study abroad and BIL had to go on a second tour to Afghanistan in 6 months, they decided to stay together.
After Alicia left BIL had a rough time and ended up staying with us. We couldn’t help him because MIL had convinced him he was just weak. Before he left he came home very wasted while my husband was at poker night. He cried about everything, hugged me, and passed out on my lap on the couch.
I got up after I saw he was asleep. Their sister had come by to drop off a fruitcake and saw him lying in my lap through the front window. I did not know that he had left a voicemail on Alicia’s phone about how she should go find another man in the taxi on the way to our house.
My MIL spread a rumor that we had been sleeping together, which was easily disproved. It only ended up hurting Alicia & BIL because of that voicemail. MIL ended up apologizing for making up the rumor and she felt bad. She did not apologize to me directly but I was mentioned. Which led to a period of 7 years of all of us not really speaking to MIL or FIL.
It was easy to avoid MIL until we had a kid, but I needed help. Alicia and BIL have kids now but they still don’t talk to her. I really don’t let my MIL bother me because she really is a good grandma.
Last year BIL and Alicia moved 3 hours away.
My MIL thinks it is killing her. We did a little thing for our son’s birthday recently, he loves Grandpa so of course they were there. After we put our son to bed she started talking super nasty about Alicia, BIL, and her other grandchildren.
I told her that she was projecting her insecurities and an immature bully. I know it bothers her that we don’t pay attention to her tantrums. She takes advantage of people’s weaknesses to make herself feel better. She wants everyone to be miserable.
Then she started really crying and then her tantrum started and we made them leave.
I really didn’t think I went too far. My husband came to me and told me that while he doesn’t disagree with what was said he does think it was too much to just lay that on his mom because we all know she really can’t handle hearing anything bad about herself.
I feel a little bad now.”
30. AITJ For Moving All Of My Brother's Partner's Stuff Out Of My Room?
“I (19 f) am currently living with my parents (40 F & 43 M) for the summer until the fall semester at my university starts back up.
My older brother, A (23 M), is still living with my parents, and his partner, C (21F), is living with my parents as well because she got kicked out of her parents’ house, so my brother moved her in. She moved in three weeks ago, while I was still staying in my dorm, and my parents didn’t tell me anything about this until we were in the car heading back home from my university.
Upon moving my things back into my room the day I came back home, I found my room completely overtaken by C’s things. I went back downstairs to ask my parents why all of her stuff was in my room when they knew that I would be coming back home.
They said that they let her know to start moving her things out and into my brother’s room, but she has been at work and hasn’t had enough time to do so, and that when she comes back from her shift they will remind her again.
So, she got back home at 5:00 pm ish, my parents told her to start moving her things out, and she agreed. But, an hour went by, and she was STILL in my room. I took it upon myself to go in there to see why she wasn’t moving.
She was lying on my bed playing around on her phone as if she completely forgot about what she was supposed to be doing. I’m like, hey, and she gave me some nonsense excuse about how she was soooo tired from work and that she’ll move everything out first thing in the morning.
I gave her a thumbs up and I ended up sleeping on the couch that night.
The next morning, the chick was still in my room along with all of her things. She left for work at about 2:30 pm and I decided to move all of her stuff out myself since she obviously did not want to.
After I moved all of her stuff into my brother’s room and moved my stuff back into my room, I took a nap on my bed because I was exhausted.
At around 9 pm, I was loudly woken up by C screaming at me to explain why I touched her stuff without her permission, and I told her that I did it for her because she was stalling and I wasn’t going to sleep on the couch for another night.
She went downstairs to my parents’ room and I followed her, she woke them up and told them that I violated her privacy.
We got into a heated argument and then my brother got home from work, and C burst into tears the second he walked through the door.
He went into prince mode and rushed to her side and then he started raising his voice at me, demanding me to tell him why she was crying. My parents broke everything up, told C and A to go up to his room, and then they asked me what happened. I told them the full story, and although they understood why I was frustrated, they told me that it was wrong of me to touch her things.
It’s been two days since then and I can’t help but feel guilty about the entire situation, and my parents and A are insisting that I apologize to her. AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé That I Am Not Getting A "Real Job" Unless Changes Are Made?
“I have an income. I make $800 to $1000 a month but it’s while doing a hobby, not a real job.
So here’s the deal… pre-2020, I worked as a med tech and I had been working there for 4 years. I made great money because of how much overtime I worked weekly.
It was NOT a choice I made to work that much. We had a policy where if someone called out, you were NOT allowed to leave unless YOU found coverage for the shift that someone else abandoned. This was because it was only me and one other CRMA on the floor for over 200 residents and they needed meds but no one else was qualified. Usually, the only people who could cover was management and they just outright refused 24/7 so I got stuck there nearly every single day to cover.
During this time my fiance didn’t work. Someone needed to stay home with the kids.
Well, I got sick from work and was out for 14 days, unpaid. When I came back I was told to turn in my badge and leave. They got me for job abandonment because I didn’t call in every single day.
I was awarded wrongful termination compensation but refused to return after that. Currently, my fiance works 2 jobs, by his own choice.
He came home the other day completely burnt out. I get that. I was that person so I understand. But he took it at this moment and decided to lash out and tell me I needed to get a real job because his working 2 jobs wasn’t ‘what he wanted’.
It’s not what I want either.
But here’s the thing… we are down to one vehicle (he totaled his), schedule clash, no one will be here to get the kids off the bus (they are young), etc. So I told him that I would not be getting a ‘real job’ unless changes were made.
Either we get a 2nd vehicle and he stops using mine (because I will not be getting the kids up at 430am to drive him to work, going back to get the kids on the bus, leaving work early to get the kids off the bus AND THEN going back out an hour later to collect him from work an hour and 20 minutes away every single day), he finds a way to get the kids off the bus or pays for a daycare (which we ‘cannot afford’ – his words).
He won’t though.
We don’t have the means to so it’s not an unreasonable refusal but we truly cannot do it. We have no friends in the area, all family lives out of state so we have no chance at getting help with the kids and it’s not like I don’t have an income.
But he thinks I’m just sitting around having fun while he busts his butt and that’s not the case but he has resorted to saying I’m living the high life when he is bending backwards. I’ve also tried applying for at-home positions but that annoys him because he thinks I’m going to become isolated and depressed from lack of socialization.
AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay Back My Husband's Mother With Interest?
“About 3 months ago I lost my job as an RN following a gym accident that left me partially paralyzed in my left leg.
I had to go through PT but it wasn’t super severe by any means and I regained most mobility by last month. I’m still in PT however because there are simply certain things I cannot do (like bend the leg without me guiding it with my hands).
So it looks like I’m walking with a peg leg, basically.
During this time my MIL sent my husband like $600. We did not ask her for the money but she knew we were pretty hard up at that time because my insurance did not cover all of PT and it was rather expensive so our savings were going away at an alarming rate.
Also during this time, my MIL made me feel like absolute crap because she kept making comments about how broke she was and kept saying ‘Well if I hadn’t helped you guys out’, and stuff like that. I often reminded her that we did not ask for help.
She tried sending us more money shortly thereafter and I refused to accept it because I wasn’t about to have that thing dangling over my head; just like my own scum family had done for years. I hate the whole ‘You wouldn’t have that if it weren’t for me’ nonsense.
It’s the reason I refuse most help.
Thankfully I was able to start a new job from home about a month back and we were able to start coming up with money to pay MIL back. Well, my husband went to his mother’s yesterday to give her a portion of the money we owed and when he returned he started talking about wanting to give his mom like $400 extra.
I asked why and he mumbled some excuse of ‘Well she didn’t have to help us’. I told him I wasn’t about to do that because $400 is literally like 34 hours of work, close to an entire paycheck of mine.
Well, to sum it up, he later admitted that his mother had said that she deserved interest on the loan since it took us so long to pay it back and she ‘almost went broke’ trying to help us.
Generally, she is NOT a money-hungry person or even this ignorant if I’m being honest but I’m still not willing to do it. I said absolutely not and if he plans to start paying her back interest (especially when he has been doing other things for her on top of this, like redoing her porch, painting her house, burning brush, mowing her 6-acre lot, etc) then I would be rethinking my options and potentially pulling my money from the shared account because I’m not going to be funding his mother extra money on a loan we didn’t ask for and it’s now going to be cutting into my paychecks/bill money.
He kept arguing ‘She didn’t have to help’, so I snapped and said ‘I didn’t ask for her help and I said no!’ I was calm prior to this. He says I’m a jerk for losing my cool over money and that I’m acting selfish because, again, she didn’t have to help.
AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Calling A Lawyer To Sue My Dad To Help My Sister?
“My sister recently turned 18 and thus is eligible for the fixed trust my dad set up for her before she was born. Originally, this trust did not hold any conditions my sister needed to fulfill to receive the money set up.
Two years ago, she fell out with our parents, but especially my dad, badly.
They never had the best relationship but after that, she didn’t talk to them for a long time and only now has started to talk to our mum again. She’s lived with me ever since she had that fight (although she really only spends her holidays at my place because she lives at her boarding school full-time) and now she got a letter from my dad’s lawyer that the trust fund has been revoked (although I’m pretty sure he’s legally not able to do that) and that the money won’t be given to her.
This has caused quite a problem for her as she needs the money to attend university in the fall (it’s too late to apply for a scholarship now since both of us expected the money to be given to her). I could pay maybe her first year but since I’m also still at uni I won’t be able to cover much after that.
Now, I called my lawyer and they told me we could sue my dad for the money. So that’s what I did but for the past few days, my whole family has been calling me telling me I’m a disgrace to the family for siding with my sister and that she deserves not being able to pay for uni because she has been ungrateful to my dad.
My mum has also been on the phone crying telling me that now some business partners of my dad found out about the situation and might be less likely to make deals with him. I really don’t care about that but I also don’t want everyone to hate on my sister and blame the fact that my dad might be losing money on us starting legal procedures against him.
AITJ?”
On a different note, I suspect your dad has been up to something shady with his business and may be short of jerk, which could very well be the real reason he's trying to welsh on your sister's trust fund. Your mother's comment about "crying telling me that now some business partners of my dad found out about the situation and might be less likely to make deals with him. " Maybe I'm just being my suspicious self, but how would your dad's business partners even know about "the situation" if he didn't tell them? Coincidence does not stretch so large.
Good luck to you and your sister, and I would ignore your parents. And get thee to an attorney pronto.
26. AITJ For Not Answering My Mom's Calls?
“So last night I was at my partner’s house and we smoked some. I got a text from my sister saying that she was going to the ER because she and her partner were getting on it when she suddenly got sharp pain and it wouldn’t go away.
Turns out she had an ovarian cyst that erupted – she’s okay.
Anyway, I was high and my sister knew this, and when I’m high I don’t talk to my parents on the phone because I don’t like to talk to them high even if they know I smoke.
Some background info here – my mom is a little crazy. She’s been a bad mom at times, she’s sneaky and selfish, she likes to control us whenever she can and now that we are all adults, it’s been an adjustment for her to not have any control over what we do anymore.
So I live with my sister and my mom calls me to tell me what’s going on. I don’t answer. She calls 2 more times, 3 total one right after the last one. I ignore them all. I text her after about 5-10 minutes and say ‘Hey mom, I know what’s going on with my sister.
She’s updating me. I’m at my partner’s house and I’m busy at the moment, can’t answer the phone’ so that she knows I’m okay and I’m in the loop.
She keeps calling me. She calls me 3 more times, texts me on 2 different social media, and is basically demanding over text that I answer her phone calls.
I text her again asking what she needs because I’m busy. She ignored me.
Hours later I got a text at 2 am saying ‘I’m so upset with you right now for ignoring me, you answered your sister’s texts and calls but not mine.
I can’t even fall asleep because I’m so upset’. I feel like she does this to me and my two sisters a lot.
When we are together, like all 3 of us as sisters, she gets jealous and will call all of us nonstop until we answer and ask what we’re talking about, if we’re talking about her, she’s nosy and hates that she can’t control us anymore.
That’s why I feel uncomfortable when she can’t accept that I don’t have to do everything she wants me to, I’m allowed to not answer a phone call.
I didn’t answer because I didn’t want to, isn’t that a good enough reason?
Not that that’s what I told her, I said I was busy. But am I the jerk here? I feel like I might be because it was an ’emergency’ but still it really wasn’t. She was fine, I was literally texting my sister the whole time.”
25. WIBTJ If I Don't Want My Mom To Come When I Give Birth?
“I (29 F) am 13 weeks pregnant. My husband (31 M) and I are planning to announce the pregnancy to our families next week. I’m extremely nervous about this, as I know my mom (49 F) will want to attend the birth. The thing is, I don’t want her there.
There are a few reasons for this:
First, my mom is very into natural childbirth. She had all her kids besides me at home with no pain medication. I got to be there for the births, which was a great experience, but it left me with very little mystery about how childbirth works.
I plan to give birth in a hospital with as many pain meds as possible. My mom has mentioned before that moms who take pain meds miss out on the joy of seeing their babies born alert because if the moms have pain meds the babies are born lethargic.
She’s also stated that ‘real women’ go natural. I have stated several times my birth plan, after which she always backtracks, but she often forgets and says it again.
Second, when my sister (27 F) had a baby, she wanted to do natural but she wanted to do it in the hospital. She planned on using a birthing ball as well as walking around the room in early delivery.
Her doctor fully approved this, but when she went into labor her doctor wasn’t available. Another doctor came in to help and had a very ‘My way or the highway’ attitude. She forced my sister to lie on her back in bed the whole time and not move.
My mom was there and did nothing to support my sister and tell the doctor the birth plan my sister wanted. Sister was too tired and in pain to argue but afterward said how disappointed she was that she couldn’t have the birthing experience she wanted. My mom just said, ‘Yeah, that doctor was forceful, huh?’ I can’t trust that my mom will have my back if I need it.
She’ll just sit there.
Here’s where the issue comes in. My aunt (56 F) has been a labor/delivery nurse for the past 30 years as well as a doula. I got to attend a birth with her, and she was absolutely incredible. She supported her daughter (31 F) through the whole thing, reminded the doctors of the birth plan, calmed her fears, explained what was going on every step of the way, and was simply amazing.
I asked her before I was even pregnant if she would be in my labor and she agreed.
I think my mom will understand if I say I just want my husband there, but if I say I don’t want her and want my aunt instead, I’m worried she’ll feel replaced and hurt.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also definitely don’t want her there. I could try to hide that my aunt will be there, but there’s no possible way she won’t find out. At least one of the pictures taken after the baby’s born will have her in it, I’m sure.
I also don’t want to have to keep it a secret, that seems stupid and stressful.
WIBTJ?”
If I were you, I'd just come out and tell her that you are having your aunt in the delivery room with you and your husband, and that is that. IF mom complains, just tell her that since she didn't support your sister, and can't seem to remember your birth plan, you need to be sure those in the delivery room will, and will act on it and on your behalf. And then close the subject. You may need to rinse and repeat once or six times, but do it, and then close the subject again. I highly recommend my stock phrase in such situations; "I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that this is negotiable."; works every time. Good luck. Wishing you a swift and uncomplicated birth and a healthy child.
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attending My Sister's Fiancé's Family Events?
“Ever since my (23 F) sister, April (27 F), got into a serious relationship with her partner, now fiance, Derek (30 M), I’ve been expected to be involved with Derek’s family and I’m not entirely comfortable with it and I’m not sure if this is normal or not.
On me and my sister’s side, we have a smaller not so close-knit family. On the other hand, Derek has a huge family that loves to get together frequently, and my sister loves their close family dynamic and has gotten very close with them. I would almost say she prioritizes them over our own family sometimes.
Derek’s family is also very friendly and I have no issues with them. But I don’t know them very well, and I’m not even very close with Derek either.
I feel that April’s expectations for me to be involved with Derek’s family and attend their events are a little strange.
That is HER fiance’s family and HER future in-laws, not mine. I am in a relationship myself, and while my partner’s family does not have a lot of events and aren’t super close – I would never expect April to be involved with them. When it comes to my parents going to Derek’s events and wanting to be more involved, it absolutely makes sense as those are their daughter’s future in-laws and family members.
But I am just her sister and I do not see why I need to form relationships with her fiance’s family, as I would never expect the same from her.
One time Derek’s family threw a surprise party for April. It was super last minute for me and my parents, we didn’t find out until hours beforehand and were not involved in the planning of it whatsoever.
It was a busy day for me as I had important work I had planned to get done and I was on a time crunch. It was horrible timing for me and was debating not going. My parents told me it would be super rude of me not to go and April would be so upset, even though Derek’s family told us super last minute and just expected us to be available to come.
I ended up going just to make my sister happy.
More recently, I was invited to Derek’s sister’s toddler’s birthday party. I have never met this toddler before and have only met the mother once. When I told my sister I wasn’t going to be able to make it she was very upset and made me feel bad.
I still offered to get the baby a gift. But the whole time I’m just thinking – I would never expect my sister to come to my partner’s nephew’s birthday party. That is such a stretch of a relationship.
She gets very upset with me when I turn down going to these family events.
I completely understand that when you are in a serious relationship/getting married your partner’s family becomes your family. But Derek is not my partner, he’s my sister’s. I have my own relationship and future in-laws to put my energy into. I can’t tell if it is normal to expect this of your sibling or if is it weird.
AITJ for not wanting to be so involved with Derek’s family and skipping out on their family events?”
23. AITJ For Going On A Trip Instead Of Babysitting My Sisters?
“I (16 m) live with my mother (43) and my two sisters (ten and eight). My mother clearly favors my sisters, often letting them away with anything but yelling at me for stupid things like taking too long with my homework or for eating food in the kitchen without asking.
My mother makes me babysit a lot and countless times I’ve had to cancel plans for last-minute babysitting. This gets very annoying as I’m not able to see my friends due to having to watch my sisters.
Today was the day that my school is taking the class to an outdoor adventure center, and it is extremely important as even though school has only started back for a month, this trip will be important to our final grade, and going could be the difference between a fail and a pass.
I told my mother about this trip last month, when it was announced and she told me that it was okay for me to go on the trip, and that she was excited for me.
Well, today I woke up and started getting ready to go on the trip and my mother told me I had to stay home and babysit.
My sisters had told my mother they didn’t want to go to school and she just decided that I could babysit them. I told her I couldn’t because of my trip, and she told me she didn’t care, and that I was going to miss the trip because it’s just a dumb adventure park anyways.
I got really upset and angry and started complaining about how she always makes me cancel my plans to babysit, how I hardly have a life because I’m always watching her kids, and how I had to go on this trip to pass school. She got mad and yelled at me for being disrespectful, and she said she was going to go get ready for work and leave.
While she was in her room I just left, I sent her a message and said I was leaving and just went to school. I ignored her texts and calls all day, and on the way home I called her and she yelled at me and told me not to come home for a while.
I’m currently staying at a friend’s house, but I’ve received messages from family calling me a jerk for not babysitting, so I need to know what you think. Am I the jerk?”
22. AITJ For Cooking Eggs?
“My flatmate (20 f) and I (19 nb) have always gotten along well and solved any disagreements pretty quickly, until about two months ago when I started cooking eggs more often.
I love hardboiled eggs and since I started working longer shifts (and studying), I’ve been making them in bulk at the start of the week. My flatmate HATES the smell of eggs (not allergic or anything). At first, she just asked me to open a window when I cooked them, which I completely understood and have been doing.
A couple weeks later she asked if I could keep them in a closed container rather than a bowl in the fridge, no problem. Then two weeks ago she told me she couldn’t take it anymore and I either needed to stop cooking eggs or only cook them when she was out.
The problem is she works from home and I’m rarely home/awake when she goes to the gym. I told her basically I’d try my best, but it’s difficult. Honestly, at this point, I was getting kinda mad at her.
A few days ago she got back from the gym early while my eggs were still cooking.
I was lightheartedly like oops sorry I wasn’t expecting you yet. She flips and ACCUSES me of cooking eggs to SPITE her and says that she doesn’t know what she’s done to upset me!? I got angry and yelled that I couldn’t predict her schedule and why would I cook eggs out of spite!
We had a pretty intense argument and she suggested that I go to my friend’s house to cook or move out. I don’t know if that was a heat-of-the-moment thing or if she meant it. I really don’t want to move out, she’s really nice and our rent is cheap.
I decided to go to my friend’s house to give us both space, my friend said I was welcome to cook eggs at hers, but my flatmate was being ridiculous and petty. Which I kinda agree with, to be honest.
My flatmate has been ignoring me all weekend and I’ve started feeling really anxious that I’ve ruined our friendship.
But I mean again THIS IS ABOUT EGGS! AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Thinking Of Hiding My Money From My Mom?
“I (F 16) get a semi-weekly allowance from my father. Last week when I got mine I bought a measuring cup which then my dad reimbursed me for + extra. My mom (45) wanted to get a manicure and since I knew she was feeling down lately, I gave her all my money to treat herself (that was a few days before I got my next one so it was alright).
Fast forward to payday and I get my weekly allowance. Since my dad got his paycheck my mom asked for money (salon expenses, feminine products, etc). She gave me some of that money (Which is 4x my allowance) for safekeeping because she didn’t trust herself not to spend it.
I put all of the money in one purse and left for school. One of my siblings stayed home (they also got the same allowance).
When I got back home, she told me she’d taken my allowance and bought some things. I was too stunned to speak.
She hadn’t asked me to borrow it! I kept calm and just said ‘ok’. Nothing more, nothing less. I stayed in my room all day, and then she came in and got me snacks (a small bag of chips and a candy bar)… snacks that she paid for with my money.
I didn’t want anything from her I told her I wouldn’t take them, she left them on my bed and left. Dinner time came and I only ate things that weren’t from my money.
Couldn’t she just ask my sibling for money?
Or my father? I feel so mad but I feel guilty asking for her to pay me back, Ik she can’t pay me back, not before my next one.
I’m visiting my grandma soon and she always gives me money (half my allowance).
I don’t know if I should hide it, I know she’ll ask for it and I can’t say no. I’m trying to minimize my interactions with her. I can’t believe she stole from me and invaded my privacy!”
20. AITJ For "Forcing" My Sister To Help Me Babysit Our Siblings?
“I’m (f 17) the oldest of 6.
My siblings are Amy (f 17), John (13), Andrew (12), Lily (6), and Sophie (3). Our mom is a stay-at-home mom and we don’t have any babysitters or nannies because we had a bad experience with one a few years ago so if my mom has something where she can’t take the younger two she either asks my grandparents to babysit or Amy and me.
Sophie is also developmentally delayed and maybe autistic (she has an appointment for an assessment coming up) but she’s such a sweet baby and isn’t too difficult.
My mom had a meeting at Lily’s school and was gonna take Lily and Sophie and fill the wagon stroller thing with toys to keep them busy but they just opened up a big Play-Doh set my grandparents got and didn’t want to stop playing with it.
She tried to get them ready to go, but they were crying because they didn’t want to go, grandparents didn’t pick up when she called to see if they could babysit, so I said Amy and I would watch them. Amy was driving home and mom couldn’t call or text but she was running late so she left.
Amy got home maybe 20 minutes after our mom left and I told her we were babysitting. She asked why we hadn’t told her before and I said it was a last-minute thing and she was driving so we couldn’t call or text. Amy doesn’t like babysitting or kids but it really isn’t hard.
Lily and Sophie got bored of the Play-Doh after Amy got home so I helped put it away, put Encanto on, changed Sophie, and gave them a snack. Our mom got home before the movie was over.
When our mom got home Amy ran to her and asked why she’d make her babysit.
Amy didn’t even do anything. She just ate half of the snack I made for Lily. Our mom said she really had to go, they really didn’t want to go, grandparents didn’t pick up, and I volunteered.
Now Amy’s mad at me for ‘forcing her to babysit’ (she didn’t do anything) so I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”
19. AITJ For Kicking My Family Out Of My House?
“My (23 M) partner (20) is assigned female-at-birth nonbinary but still has a very defined figure.
For as long as I’ve known them, they hated dressing feminine and especially hated wearing bras as they feel restricting and revealing. Normally they dress in multiple layers or more baggy clothes that hide their figure and you’d only notice if you are super close to them.
I’ll also note here my parents are very conservative and religious and don’t really understand my partner’s identity but they try to be patient with them.
My brother recently returned from college and my family decided to stop by our place for dinner.
My partner was wearing a t-shirt, oversized hoodie, and sweatpants which successfully hid their figure. My parents gave them a few strange looks when they first saw them but didn’t say anything until dinner actually started. My mom was practically glaring at my partner until they sat down and that’s when she spoke up.
She openly asked if my partner was wearing a bra which caught everyone’s attention. My partner got embarrassed and tried to redirect the conversation but my mom wouldn’t relent until they finally said no and that’s when she blew up.
My mom yelled at my partner for being indecent and unladylike, saying that their way of dressing was trashy and atrocious.
She went on this rant about how a proper woman would always put effort into her appearance to make herself and her future husband look good and how embarrassing it was for her son to be seen with someone who ‘Looks like she was raised on the streets.’ By this point, my partner had burst into tears and ran off to our bedroom and I was fuming, I snapped asking her what she was thinking saying that.
My mom seemed shocked at my outburst and tried to justify herself saying she was trying to help and that she refused to let me waste my time on a ‘woman’ who can’t even show basic decency.
I responded by telling her I don’t care about looks and even if I did my partner was just as attractive in what they were wearing as they would be in a dress and told my family to leave.
My parents argued but I put my foot down and said they were not welcome back until they learned to respect my partner and apologized.
Both of my parents have messaged me asking if I’ve calmed down yet and said they were heartbroken that I chose my partner over my family who ‘just wants what’s best for me.’ I try to ignore them as they refuse to apologize and are still insulting my partner but the messages keep coming.
My brother has also texted me saying I should just back down and apologize because they mean well and just don’t understand, I’m sure they’ve told other family as well as I’m getting multiple calls. My partner is still hurt but doesn’t want to come between me and my family.
I don’t regret standing up for them but I’m starting to wonder if I overreacted by kicking my family out, AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Not Letting Guests Eat The Food I Prepared For My Family?
“I (38 F) have two boys, (16 M and 14 M, nearly 15). We live in a rural area where the boys and their friends essentially move like a pack from place to place or just play out in the woods/fields. My place is a regular hangout spot for them due to the size of our house & property and because I have most of the basement specifically designed to be a teen boy’s hangout paradise.
They also love my cooking and baking. A lot. I make sure anyone and everyone under my roof is fed, but when you have a pack of teenage boys (usually at least 2 in addition to my boys, but 3 is normal and 4 isn’t unheard of), food clears quicker than you think.
It isn’t so bad with my usual cooking, but when it comes to my baking, I’d like to have a good amount for myself, and you can’t nearly as easily just whip up a new serving in baking as you can with most cooked meals I make.
So, I started making guest cakes and the like to make sure we had enough to go around. My boys and I will eat from one, and I won’t allow the guest one to be touched by anyone but guests (unless it’s been a while and we have no prospective guests coming) and vice versa.
I’ll also let guests take the leftover guest cake home once it’s less than half if they like.
This arrangement, which I’ve been doing for the past month, seemed okay to me. But one of my friends says it feels exclusionary or discriminatory and strange to not be able to eat the same food as the hosts.
I told her it’s the same food, I mix everything together while making it and just pour it into two pans or whatever, but she said it gave a weird impression, like I feel like my boys and I are better than our guests. My boys’ friends don’t seem to care too much—they mostly are just excited to have more food and to ‘battle it out’ (rock paper scissors or arm wrestle usually) to take the leftovers home.
I don’t often have guests of my own, however, so my friend’s view on it is the only one I’ve heard from an adult.
Is having a guest cake bad form? AITJ for not breaking the same bread, so to speak, as my guests?”
17. AITJ For Not Paying For My Daughter's Out-Of-The Country Trip?
“I have 2 kids (18 F and 10 F). I am currently a divorced mother and my husband has weekend visitors. I will talk about my daughter, Elly (18 F).
Since the beginning of 2020, Elly has agreed to babysit her younger sister. I needed a babysitter, Elly was looking for a part-time job, and she agreed to take care of her sister and I paid her to do it, after all, she is not obligated to take care of her sister for free.
At the beginning of last year, Elly asked for a trip to another country (with her friends) as a gift (I don’t live in the US). I, instead of giving the full money, increased her salary and said that this extra, she could save for the trip and I would not increase her contribution at home (she only pays over the internet which is very cheap, and the rest I leave for she spends on whatever she wants).
She would pay for her trip and her father and I would pay for the graduation party. And I increased her salary and that was our agreement, I would not pay the full amount, but I would increase her salary and she would be responsible for saving the money.
Monday, Elly came to my room and brought all the travel plans, they were pretty expensive, and even with what I was overpaying, it wouldn’t be enough and she would have had to save a lot. I questioned her about it and she sounded like ‘What’.
‘Oh, Mom, I saved x (far less than she would have saved all this time) and I thought you and Dad could pay for the trip too, as a gift.’
I replied ‘The deal was you paid for your trip with what you earn from babysitting with your raise and your father and I would pay for the party.
And even if it wasn’t agreed, this trip is too expensive even to share with your father. Find a way to resolve this, but this amount will not be paid’.
She left the room crying and since then, she hasn’t been talking to me or her father, who gave the same answer.
AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Block My Male Neighbor?
“I (28 female) have been with my partner (29 male) for four years. I want to start by saying I love him and he’s a really good person. However, jealousy & insecurity have continued to be an issue in our relationship.
I am a self-employed freelance artist. I lease a space for my business. I’ve been there for a few months now and one of the business owners (Male) asked me to get coffee since we are neighbors. I took this as a neighborly offer.
I am in no way interested in going as I am very introverted. Said yes and had no intention of actually going. I mentioned it to my partner casually because I had nothing to hide nor did I think it mattered.
The first few days he went off on me I did my best to be understanding and reassure him I love him & am only interested in him.
After a few days, he insisted I block my male neighbor and that if I didn’t I’m being unfaithful to him. That it’s a simple solution he said. I personally feel that would make me uncomfortable in my workspace.
My bigger concern is that I’d be enabling the jealousy if I continued to cave to him as I always have.
For context. He’s been jealous of my male tattoo artist before, (which I will no longer be seeing after my next session) male photographers, (which I hardly work with anymore & have strained our business relationship), and even a male hairdresser who was straight (that I stopped going to).
I have even gone as far as to barely speak to my male friends (of almost 15 years) which he insists are acquaintances since I don’t see/speak to them often.
I have never had an affair. I’m in no way perfect and I did lie to him about going to the male hairdresser once and I still hear about it every time we argue.
I fear this will only continue to be an issue or get worse over time. It’s affecting not only my personal life but even my business. So AITJ for not wanting to block him?”
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Have The Red Candy?
“I (14 F) have a part-time job that pays pretty well. I don’t have any bills or stuff like that to pay (apart from subscriptions etc), and combined with pocket money from grandma and my dad I have a pretty good monthly income if you’d like to call it that.
I went shopping with a friend last week for some stuff for a party we’d both go to, and we bought some (expensive) snacks to bring, but we forgot all about the snacks at the party itself so when it was over, my friend said I could have half since we both paid for them and since they’re were expensive I thought yippee, I don’t eat these often.
Another thing worth mentioning is when I have a bag of candy that’s divided into flavors like cola, lime, lemon, orange, strawberry, and cherry, (I only really enjoy the last three). I eat the ones I don’t like that much first, so I can have the ones I enjoy last and there won’t be a bag of random candy that nobody will eat and go to waste.
When I was younger I did the opposite with Halloween candy and at some point, it started stressing me out so I came up with that system. My little brother still does the opposite and whenever he has a bag of flavored candy the cola, lime, lemon, mint, etc always stays behind and takes up space.
So I’m sitting on my bed, and my dad (49 M) comes in to cuddle my cats, and my little brother (9 M) comes in too. At some point, my dad notices the snacks on my desk and wants some of the cookies and my brother points at the bag of candy (only orange, strawberry, and cherry are left) and says ‘I want one’.
My dad says ask (me). I say you can have the yellow (lemon) or orange one if you want. He said ‘I want the red one’, and I said no, I saved that one, if you want you can have the orange one. He said ‘No, I want the red one’ and grabbed it, but I stopped him, grabbed it out of his hand, and told him to either grab a yellow/orange one or get out because he’s being annoying.
My dad asked if he couldn’t just have it and I said no, there’s only one of the red ones, and I saved it for myself, I don’t want to give that away.
My brother started to whine and said he never gets what he wants etc, my dad started calling me egocentric and selfish (over a piece of candy now that I think of it) even though I’m trying to explain my system he closes the door and says yea sure whatever.
They both think I’m a jerk and I don’t know if I am or not. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Asking Our Neighbors To Move Their Shed?
“My (F 27) great aunt who essentially raised me as a child while my parents worked recently moved into an assisted living community and offered to sell my husband and me her house.
We are thrilled to keep it in the family and are buying it. Most of the home was built by family members, and there are too many memories to sell outside the family.
The issue came in when our real estate attorney noted that the neighbor’s shed was significantly over her lot line.
The shed was built within the past 20 years, and my great uncle always complained that he thought it was on their land, but he was never asked for permission and passed away a year later without being able to do anything about it.
We approached the neighbors to ask them to sign a license just covering us when we sell the house in the future saying they could keep it there but it would need to be moved if we or the neighbors ever moved. The neighbors denied the shed was on my aunt’s property, yelling obscenities about my dead uncle and refusing further discussion.
We plan to put up a fence for our dogs anyways, so we did our due diligence and had a proper instrument survey performed and it did find that the shed is 5+ feet over the line, and the neighbor never did due diligence when building it.
We’ve asked them to move it on behalf of my aunt now that we have definite evidence it’s on her land and they EXPLODED calling us jerks and refusing outright.
The reason I feel I could be the jerk here is the neighbors kept yelling about how much they have done for my aunt over the years, including shoveling the driveway the past 3 years, which I thanked them for but we’ve also been taking care of my aunt throughout the global crisis and don’t think this is an excuse for building a large structure on someone else’s property.
AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Moving Out Of The House Without Telling My Mom And Stepdad?
“I (20 F) used to live with my mom, stepdad, and stepsister who is the same age as me.
When my mom married my SD and moved them in I was 12, and from the get-go, it was obvious that there was something wrong with SS. I won’t even attempt to speculate on a diagnosis but she got really clingy, would throw tantrums, and pee herself if she didn’t get her way.
Also, she couldn’t regulate her voice and would just blurt whatever she was thinking and touch or take whatever she wanted. Basically, she has 0 self-control or awareness.
I talked with the parents about getting her into therapy and getting her a diagnosis and I was scolded and grounded for bullying her (because that counted as bullying for them) so I never brought it up again.
But she latched on me and it ruined my life. Refused her own room, and was put in every one of my classes, if I talked with someone else she would throw a tantrum and pee herself at school, and I would end up having to take care of her if I was invited somewhere and she wasn’t I wasn’t allowed to go.
The only thing I had was the swim team because the coach took pity on me and allowed her to ‘join’ so I could participate.
When I was a junior I turned 18 and got access to some money left to me by my dad and grandparents.
That’s when I made a plan, I got a PO box and didn’t tell the parents.
They told me that I would be going to the same college as my sister and I didn’t argue and used the PO box to apply to other colleges.
I got into the farthest one I could get into.
Last summer after graduation I bailed in the middle of the night, only took sentimental things, and left everything including my phone. I left a letter and another with the neighbors so they wouldn’t file a missing person’s report.
It has been almost a year and I just checked up on them (stalked them online) for the first time, apparently, my SS is committed and the parents are no longer living together.
And while I feel vindicated when it comes to the parents I feel like a jerk towards SS.
I know that it wasn’t her fault and with me there she could live more or less normally, now she is in a facility and all her support system vanished.
So AITJ?”
12. WIBTJ If I Report My Belongings As Stolen?
“I don’t have a good relationship with my family, particularly my dad. The reasons are probably not important to this story, but the jist of it is that my parents were/are emotionally abusive and don’t respect me as a person. I would completely have no contact with my dad if he wasn’t currently holding my belongings hostage.
I mean that in a literal sense, he told me if I don’t ‘play nice’ he’ll just throw everything away.
I came to America a few years ago on a trip to meet my long-distance partner in person. It was unexpected, but we ended up marrying, and then the global crisis happened, so I have not been able to return to my home country at all.
As a result, all of my belongings are currently still at my dad’s house. My dad and I were on ‘good’ terms before I left, so I thought I could trust him with them.
I tried to talk to him about getting someone to come and pack up my belongings so that I could have them shipped to me.
He offered to do it for me, and I reluctantly agreed. This was before I found out that he had thrown away all my clothes and several other items of importance (I’d only taken my trip’s worth of stuff, and didn’t buy more clothes while here because I did have my own.)
I also own an expensive figurine collection (roughly worth 8k) that I bought over the years with my own money and made it very clear that they weren’t toys and that they needed to be pulled apart and bubble-wrapped sufficiently, so if he wasn’t willing to do that, then to let me have someone else do it.
He said he understood and would treat them carefully. He messaged me out of the blue one day telling me he’d sent me a package of some of my belongings. He’d sent it to the completely wrong address, but by some miracle, it arrived to me anyhow, only for me to find that it was about 2k worth of my figures jammed in the plastic casing of a larger (previously) unopened one with no bubble wrap.
Many of them had broken and/or missing parts…
I was livid and sent him a rant and image proof of how much the ones that were broken would cost to replace due to his negligence. That was 5 months ago, and he has ignored me since then, not even an apology.
I don’t know if he’s thrown away any of my other belongings since, and I’m really worried he threw away other important sentimental items, like my art books since he told me he ‘couldn’t find them’ before.
I was talking to a friend about maybe reporting the remainder of my belongings as stolen and/or taking other legal action since he won’t respond to me, but was told ‘How could you do that to your own father?’ and that I was being unreasonable and dramatic.
I’ve had a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that my family wasn’t good to me in the first place, so it’s hard for me to tell if I’d be going too far or not. I just want my stuff so I can move on with my life.”
11. AITJ For Walking Out Of A Job Interview?
“Today I went for a job interview for a children’s complex care assistant position.
Right from the start I stressed that I wanted part-time only, roughly 24 hours a week.
The manager of the company was happy with that on the phone and then invited me to the interview.
From the off, she came across as desperate for staff, spoke extremely quickly, didn’t give me time to answer, and asked absolutely zero interview questions about me.
Halfway through she says ‘Don’t you think you’re overqualified for this position, why don’t you be my deputy manager, it’ll be 40 hours a week’. To which I stressed again I wanted part-time only.
Anyway, the interview carried on with her pushing me for more hours, with no questions about myself or my experience.
Then she said she was nipping to her office to get a care plan… I waited for 35 minutes before going to look for her. Her assistant informed me that she had gone to another meeting halfway through my interview.
So I got my stuff and left, 3 hours later she rang me up and said I start on Thursday, be at this address at this time, etc etc. I calmly told her that I had neither been offered a job nor accepted a job as of yet.
I am also working on my notice at my last job (which she was aware of) and I will not be showing up on Thursday. She told me to ring in sick at my current job and start for her.
She then started talking about my DBS check that she had ALREADY started processing.
I said that I hadn’t consented to a DBS check yet as I hadn’t agreed to work for her. She then got petty about it all, saying I was unprofessional and her assistant had said I had left in a mood from the interview and that if I wasn’t taking the position then I needed to pay the £60 for the DBS check that she had applied for without my permission.
I told her that I would neither pay for the check nor accept a job at her company and put the phone down. She has since called me 14 times, left 3 voicemails, and texted me 5 times claiming I am unprofessional and a time waster. AITJ here?”
10. AITJ For Not Asking For A Senior Lady's ID?
“I work at a grocery store that sells liquor. Our policy, which is in line with state law, is that we card everyone who isn’t ‘obviously of age’ (think 60+, grey hair and such).
So a woman came through my line, she was probably about 65 or so, with completely grey hair, defined wrinkles, and so on. She was buying, among other things, a 6 pack of beer. I rang it through but didn’t ask for ID because I didn’t need one to know that she was over 21.
She pays happily and I thought she walked off, but she actually just went and stood a ways off to the side.
I started to ring up the next customer, who was about 30-35 and was also purchasing liquor. I asked for his ID, and at this point, the woman came up to me and said ‘Excuse me!
You forgot to charge me for my beer!’ I thought maybe I had forgotten to charge for it somehow, and she was just being a good citizen. So I looked at her receipt and pointed out that the beer was on it, and said that she was all set.
She replied, ‘There’s no way you could have charged me for the beer because you would have needed to see my ID because obviously you’re carding everyone (gesturing to the current customer). And so since you didn’t ask for ID obviously you didn’t charge me.’
I was very confused by this, and I reminded her that the beer was shown on her receipt, to which she responded, in all seriousness, ‘Well I’m so happy you decided to not charge me for it! Cause I sure would have been offended if you did and didn’t ask for my ID!’
At this point, I just stared blankly at her and the other customer was clearly containing laughter. I think she realized she wasn’t going to get anywhere so she said ‘I’m just kidding! I’m kidding! You have a good day!’ And runs off.
There was nothing in her tone previously to suggest that she was joking, so I have to ask, AITJ for offending an elderly woman by not carding her?”
9. AITJ For Not Agreeing To My Sister-In-Law's Request?
“My partner (F 37) and I (M 45), from Kent (UK), have been together for 8 years and have a 4-year-old. My partner wants us to be married before our son starts school and we have discussed how and when numerous times.
We decided on wanting something small with just family and a few close friends, about 20ish people.
Due to the global crisis, the options of where and when to get married were a bit limited with places being booked and/or costing a fortune. So we started looking a little further from home.
Whilst searching in Cornwall, a place we love. We found a lovely venue which you can hire for a week. It’s a set of holiday cottages which is also licensed for weddings. It sleeps up to 22 people and the cost was under half of what some places want for a few hours.
It also looks amazing and has been featured in celebrity photo shoots and some TV stuff. It’s perfect.
Although I was still waiting for the engagement ring to clear customs, we decided to book our wedding for June 2022. We sent out invites to friends and family announcing our wedding and inviting them to stay with us in Cornwall for a couple of days.
All we asked was for them to grab some lunch on their way down on the first day. The rest would be covered by us and after the wedding, the guests could either stay on at the venue or head home. We want a small fuss-free wedding without a lot of traditions.
No bridesmaids or speeches, but my partner does want her dad to walk her in.
So everything was on track until this week. 6 months after the invites and 5 months until the wedding, my partner received a text message from her sister asking if they could bring their dog.
We said sorry this will not be possible.
Who thinks it’s ok to bring a dog to a wedding? On top of whether it is normal or not our son has quite a bad allergy to dogs, which the SIL knows and so we’d rather he wasn’t breaking out in hives or worse, whilst we’re all away.
The SIL then followed this by deciding that rather than stay in the venue with everyone else she would hire somewhere to stay so she could bring the dog to Cornwall and leave it there while she attended the wedding. This was fine by us and if she really wanted to do that she could.
The SIL then decided that although she, her husband, and the dog would stay somewhere else she still wanted her daughters (7 and 11) to stay at the wedding cottages with us. Again we said no.
Now the MIL has sent us a trashy email, not only siding with the SIL about how unreasonable we are being about the dog but also how generally inconsiderate we have been about the whole wedding.
Including how because we’re only having 20 guests we should have checked with everyone that they could make the date before booking and that we shouldn’t have had a June wedding as it’s not convenient for the SIL.
As things stand the SIL, the MIL, and FIL are not coming to the wedding.
AITJ for thinking a wedding should be about the bride and groom and not allowing the SIL to dictate it?”
8. AITJ For Telling My Housemate To Stop Eating My Food?
“I (24 F) recently moved into a shared house with one housemate. Let’s just call her Sally. Since moving in with her there have been many problems. One of the first that I noticed was that she was eating all of my food.
In our kitchen, we each have 2 bottom cabinets, 2 top cabinets, 2 shelves of the pantry, and we share a fridge and freezer where we just label all of our food so the other person doesn’t eat it.
Sally has mentioned to me that she is trying to eat healthier because she wants to lose weight, but I have noticed she hasn’t bought any food, as there is no food apart from mine in the house.
When I went shopping one week, I bought one pack of chocolates for the entire week.
The day after I bought them, I noticed they were all gone but I ignored it. I like to have my partner over every Sunday night to have dinner here because I usually spend a lot of time at his house.
He has only slept over once since I have moved in. I bought our favorite frozen pizza and got home one night and saw that Sally had eaten the entire thing to herself. She has also eaten all my snacks, drank my coffee, and eaten my leftover fast food.
I kindly told her not to eat my food anymore.
Just the other day, I noticed all of my meat to cook with was gone, I asked her and she said she ate some and gave the rest of it to her friends. I was so over it, I yelled and said she couldn’t eat my food.
It was clearly labeled with my name on it. She said that she was hungry and didn’t mean to eat it all, and assumed I wouldn’t mind if she gave it away.
Here is where I may have been a jerk. I told her that she needed to buy her own food, to which she responded that she didn’t have enough money.
I then said that maybe if she didn’t feel the need to eat so much, and bought small portions maybe she would be able to afford it. (She also often buys large amounts of fast food and eats it very quickly) I told her if she ate so much of my food she would never lose the weight she wanted to lose
I felt really bad for being mean to her, am I a jerk for saying this?”
7. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Gift With My Friends?
“So, four of my friends—Catherine, Michael, Sarah, and Paul—and I all go to our local library super frequently to hang out.
One of the librarians is always there, and he’s really nice—he goes super out of his way to be kind to us and make us feel safe and is just an overall amazing person. He also really likes cookies, which will be important in a moment.
A few days ago, he was hit by a car and got hurt really badly. He’s going to survive, but he’s in a lot of pain and will probably be permanently disabled. We heard all of this from one of the other librarians, who’s been visiting him regularly.
Well, to help cheer him up, Paul had the idea to buy him some cookies and ask the other librarian to drop them off at his house. I took the initiative in organizing, picked out the cookies, and asked people to chip in if they wanted to.
Paul and Catherine did, while Sarah and Michael chose not to. We also decided to make him a card, which all five of us signed.
So I went ahead and bought the cookies. Paul, Catherine, and I wrote a second card specifically about the cookies and signed it.
Everything seemed fine until Michael and Sarah—who didn’t pay for the cookies—also wanted to put their name on the note. I told them they had to chip in first. They got really mad at me and said that it shouldn’t matter, and I argued that if we all put our names down, then Paul, Catherine, and I basically got scammed. Michael got really angry at me, so Paul and Catherine told him he was being a jerk, then Sarah took his side, and it all ballooned into a gigantic argument that ended with Michael and Sarah storming out.
Neither of them has responded to any of our text messages since.
Am I the jerk?”
6. AITJ For Not Moving My Car Right Away?
“I live in an 8-unit townhouse unit and have lived here for 1.5 years. I also have a roommate who lives with me who also has a car. There is a parking lot outside of the unit with about 20 spots and none of them are labeled or assigned to the units.
Most residents just park wherever a spot is open or will occasionally park across the street if all the spots are filled. My neighbor is a little strange… She is very particular about one spot and always parks there and prevents others from parking there by putting a trash can if she leaves.
She will ask them to move the car and will even park behind people and block them in. Most residents in the unit don’t want to deal with her so they will just avoid parking there.
My partner came over last night when she had left her house and the spot was open.
This was one of the rare instances where the spot was open and she hadn’t put a trash can in it to block people from parking. Obviously, seeing that a spot was open, he parked there. Not 10 minutes later, my neighbor returned and decided to park behind his car, blocking him in, even though 2 other spots were available in the parking lot.
Shortly after, she began her usual rounds of knocking on every door trying to find out whose car was parked there. At the time, my partner and I did not hear the knock at the door and my roommate answered it and informed her that she did not know whose car was there.
The next day she texted me and my partner asking if it was a guest’s car who I had over. I told her yes and she proceeded to tell me that he should move his car so she could have her spot. Additionally, my partner texted her to tell her that there was a spot open that was literally 10 feet away from where her car was parked now and that there was no reason for both of them to move their cars.
Needless to say, that made absolutely no sense to her and she refused to move until she got her spot back.
Eventually, she contacted not only her landlord but mine as well. She only had my landlord’s number because he used to live with her years ago when she did as well.
My landlord called me wondering why he was brought into the middle of this and explaining that she had done the same thing to him and his friends when he lived there even though there was no rule about the parking then either.
After talking with my landlord, my partner decided to move his car so that this lady wouldn’t be bothering my landlord anymore.
So in the end she got what she wanted.
AITJ for not moving my car right away?”
5. AITJ For Stopping Acting Like A Father To My Wife's Kids?
“My wife and I have been married for about 4 years. She brought 3 kids from previous relationships into the marriage while I have none. They moved into my house after the marriage because I live in a better school district. Obviously, we’ve had our ups and downs but overall it’s been good until a couple of weeks ago when I woke up and found a large dent running down the entire passenger side of my car.
The dent is about hands wide, starts at the front fender, and runs down all the way to the rear tire.
I was furious and thought someone side-swept my car as it was parked on the street. I checked our doorbell camera to see if it recorded anything and was surprised to see our 16-year-old daughter sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night and driving off in my car.
She later returned hours later stumbling into the house. Outside of those 2 events, the doorbell camera didn’t record anything else but a couple of passing cars that didn’t come close to mine. I angrily showed my wife the recording and told her our daughter needs to be punished but she said that she’ll talk to her.
I argued that talk isn’t enough which led us into an argument. My wife argued that the new family dynamic has been hard on the kids while I argued that it doesn’t excuse the damage done to my car. I wanted her to agree to ground our daughter from social media and make her get a job to pay for the damage.
We argued for hours until she said I don’t get a say in any punishment because I’m not her father.
That ended the argument and I walked off.
Since then I’ve checked out of any parental duties. I’ve been an adult and still make sure the kids are safe and fed but I haven’t done anything a father would do.
They had doctor’s appointments last week for their checkups because they play sports in school and I refused to drive them causing my wife to have to take off work. They start school next week and I’ve dropped them off ever since they moved in but I told my wife she’ll have to do it this year.
She argued she couldn’t because of her work schedule and I answered a mother would figure it out. She called me a child and to grow up. I think since I’m not the father I don’t have to take on the responsibilities of one but obviously, she disagrees.
AITJ?
I was angry when I wrote it so I left out some info.
My wife wants me to report it to my insurance as a hit-and-run. She said that way no one has to pay for it. I argue that I’ll have to pay for it in the long run because they’ll jack up my rates.
I’m not ignoring the kids and I still talk to them daily. I just don’t do or make any parental decisions like I stated above. Also the other day our son asked me if he should play basketball or football and I told him to go ask his mother.”
4. AITJ For Panicking When Our Cat Rubbed Her Body On My Son's Poo-Covered Legs?
“So I (41 m) had the kids (8 f, 2 m) a week ago while my wife was at an event at my daughter’s school.
My son is potty training. He’s doing great but had an accident. If you’re a parent and I say it was one of THOSE messes, you’ll understand.
As I was peeling his underpants off, there was liquid poo just covering the backs of his legs. I’m no stranger to cleaning my son up but this was excessive.
The door to the bathroom was open. I was sitting in the tub with my son between me and the hallway.
My daughter’s cat Princess is a very sweet and affectionate cat.
She jogs into the bathroom and before I can yell to stop her, love bumps the back of my son’s poo-covered thighs. Like rubs her side against the back of the rancid and liquid poo-covered legs.
As the ‘OMG Princess NO!’ makes it out of my mouth, the deed is done, but now I’ve spooked the cat and she darts out of the bathroom.
I yell for my daughter, and she comes running. I hand her some toilet paper and tell her to go find the cat and see if there’s any poo on the cat.
My daughter disappears. I started cleaning the poo from my son but decided to just stick him in the tub so I can try to make sure the cat hadn’t made a mess of things. It’s been a couple of minutes.
Here’s where I might be the jerk.
I come out and see my daughter laid out on the couch munching snacks watching TV, with the clean piece of tp on the coffee table. I yell at her asking where the cat is. She gave me a ‘She’s right there Dad. She’s fine.’ She did it with just enough attitude to be mildly annoying but not enough that would normally get her in trouble.
I’m still in full panic mode. Under the coffee table, Princess the cat is sitting ‘poo side’ away from my daughter. Clearly visible, however, was that the entire shoulder and side of this cat was streaked in poo. I yelled at her for not even looking or caring that her cat was covered in crap.
I then told her to turn the TV off and go watch her brother.
I ran and got a towel, caught the cat, and took her to my bathroom. She got out of the towel but I had shut the bathroom. I grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and held our cat by the scruff and her belly while I showered poo off of this poor cat.
I’m still not sure how I got out of that shower without being clawed. I think she wanted the poo off as much as I did.
I sternly spoke to my daughter about her attitude, told her to go to her room, and then bathed my son.
I felt bad about yelling at my daughter the way I did. I’m normally not a yelling person but I was super annoyed at her, and we’ve been working with her on her attitude. She’s a great kid though, and wins citizens awards at school and stuff.
She was mad at me for yelling at her.
AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Cleaning?
“My wife and I are expecting our first child in early April. We’re very excited, this was a much-planned baby and we can’t wait to meet the little peanut.
Since becoming pregnant though, my wife has all but stopped doing a lot of the housework and has reduced her work hours to only a couple of days a week. All this is to reduce stress and not upset or even lose the baby. As a result, we’ve cut back on a lot of luxuries to accommodate the loss of income and I’ve picked up on most of the housework.
She’s now 7 months pregnant, and is looking at going on maternity leave early and even possibly quitting her job, and has now stopped doing housework altogether. All this in an effort to reduce stress. I really want her to be comfortable and more importantly, I don’t want anything to happen to the baby, but the house is now getting really messy and even dirty and I’m having a hard time keeping it clean while also working.
She now does not want me to clean around her, especially the vacuuming as the baby can now apparently hear and she doesn’t want to disturb bub.
Well, like I said, the house is getting to a really poor state as it’s not getting cleaned enough.
Last week I had enough, we had friends coming over for dinner and the house was dirty. So I cleaned the whole house. My wife wasn’t happy cleaning around her, but allowed me to just dust and wipe things. As soon as I put on the vacuum though, she started yelling and told me to put it away.
She said the noise was too much for the baby and could stress them out, which stressed her. I immediately turned it off but said the floors really needed to be done, they were very dirty, we had guests coming and how else was it going to be cleaned?
She just told me to wait until she was out of the house at least, but I pointed out that she just lies on the couch or bed resting and it’s hard to wait. She got really angry and said she needed to rest and relax to reduce stress on her and the baby.
AITJ for cleaning around my pregnant wife, and potentially putting stress on her? I don’t want her to be stressed and I don’t want anything to happen to our baby, but the housework is getting too much.
EDIT: My wife did have a rough first trimester.
She was fatigued very easily and exhausted all the time, and did have morning sickness (with vomiting) most days. Thankfully that seemed to clear up by the second trimester and things have been smooth so far. Her OBGYN and midwives are happy with her progress and so far she has been given no orders to be on bed rest or to reduce physical activity.
I am lucky enough to have been able to go on most appointments with her so have heard what the OBGYN and midwives have told her, however, there were two appointments I missed because of my work. However, my wife didn’t mention anything had changed in terms of advice given.
There have been no miscarriages in the past. This is our first baby and her first pregnancy. We were trying for five months when we struck gold. As far as I can see, apart from not wanting to clean and move so much, she seems happy.
We are starting to get some bits and bobs going for the nursery and she is excited about that, as well as reading to the baby. She gets excited over kicks and new pregnancy milestones. She just freaks out about moving around too much as she doesn’t want to put her body, and therefore the baby under stress.
Before pregnancy, I would say there’s about a 60/40 split in housework, with her doing 60% as she works part-time 4 days one week, five days one week with the fifth day being a half day, and I work the standard Monday-Friday 9-5 pm.”
2. AITJ For Telling My Daughter's Father To Stop Giving Her Lunch Money?
“I have a daughter, Emily (16 f) with my ex.
She chose to live with my ex and his wife and kids the majority of the time because she had to share her room with her step-sister Laura (15) at my house.
My ex gives Emily $25 a week to buy lunch. Emily’s and Laura’s school is down the street from a lot of restaurants so, instead of buying school lunches, she leaves campus to buy herself and her friends lunch.
The problem is she sees Laura at school and won’t get her anything even though she gets her friend’s lunch all the time. I talked to Emily about it and she said it’s because her friends pay her back and Laura can’t.
Emily knows we can’t afford to give Laura that kind of money and I know she works part-time and gets an extra allowance from her dad so I asked her to occasionally buy Laura lunch to make her feel better.
She refused.
I called her dad and hoped that as a parent, he’d understand what I was trying to do but he said Laura’s feelings are not his or Emily’s responsibility and that if she wants to buy lunch off campus, she should get a part-time job like Emily.
I tried to explain that Laura is in sports and she has ADHD and depression so it would be hard for her to work but he said that’s my and my husband’s problem and hung up.
Laura came home crying the other day because Emily came back with food from her favorite restaurant and didn’t give her anything or offer to share so I called my ex and told him that he needs to stop giving Emily lunch money and have her make her own lunches because she was hurting Laura.
He refused to listen to me and told Emily that I was telling him to not let her go out at lunch because Laura and Emily hadn’t spoken to me except to say that she was going to stay at her dad’s full-time for a while.”
1. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Wife's Standards In Terms Of Cleanliness?
“My (39 m) wife (32 f) broke her leg, fibula, and tibia, ~5 weeks ago.
She’s in a full cast.
I’m doing my best to look after her, while also working full time, and running a new business I started 6 months ago (which is going well, showing signs that maybe in a year I’ll be able to make it into a full-time gig and give up work).
Obviously, I’m doing all the cooking, shopping, getting her drinks because she can’t carry stuff on crutches every hour or so, doing the washing up, the laundry, helping her shower, etc.
She’s always had higher standards for tidiness than me. She’s a bit OCD as she’d admit herself.
She would normally vacuum at least daily for example.
I don’t get much free time anyway around work and the business. It’s worse now because if I say ‘Ok, I’m going to go pack orders’, I’ll get ‘Oooh can you just do x, y, z, and a couple of other things while you’re up’, which then takes 45 mins.
Obviously, I need to take care of her, and her personal needs are at the top of my priority, but I don’t like being micromanaged, and I don’t like the maximal priority she puts on tasks I consider non-essential.
For example, she frantically nags me to feed the birds in the garden every other day.
My position is that I’m literally running on empty and the (wild) birds can find some worms. She wants the cat food bowls changed, washed, and new ones put down every other day. She keeps ordering loads of clothes from the internet, then desperately needing to try them on (which she can’t do alone due to the cast), and when I’m like ‘Are you sure you can’t leave this until after your cast?’ she’ll be like ‘IT WOULD BE FINE IF I HAD A HUSBAND WHO WOULD HELP ME!’ which honestly hurts because, I am being helpful, but it’s like, I spend an hour helping you try on 10 dresses to send 9 back (another task for me), but I have a lot to do for work/business/etc.
It’s worse because her parents have announced they are visiting next week. This would normally trigger 4-5 days of frantic tidying for her, but obviously, she can’t so it’s pushed to me. If I’d wanted friends around a few months ago she’d have freaked at me until I canceled it for not giving her time to clean etc, whereas now, she’s decided her parents are visiting and wants to micromanage my every action like a character on the sims.
We’ve got CCTV cameras at home. These are a nightmare for me now as she’ll sit there reviewing them from bed (she can’t really go further than the bathroom) and finding tasks for me on the camera, ‘Ooh, the kitchen needs a clean, the car is dirty can you wash it’ etc.
We had an argument earlier because she asked if I’d fed the birds (not pets, just wild bird feeders in the garden) and I said yes to avert being nagged about it, then she heard me do it about 3 hours later when I went to take parcels for dispatch, checked what I was doing on the camera, and blew up at me for ‘lying’ when I said I’d done it earlier.”
