People Express Their Irritations With Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Not Allowing My Partner To Use My Dad's Ferrari To Pick Up His Friends?
“Last week, my (31 F) partner (30 M) asked if he could use my car to go and pick up his friends from the airport. I asked him why he couldn’t use his car and he said that his was booked in for maintenance that day and mine was bigger anyway.
I checked what time the flight got in, worked out the time with work, and said no problem, he can take my car.
This morning he gets ready and asks where the keys are. I tell him they’re on the key tray and he says, no the Ferrari keys.
Background: The Ferrari is a 328 that I inherited because my Dad died less than 2 months ago.
I told him there was no way he was driving the Ferrari and he could use the Land Rover which was what I agreed to. He said I agreed that he could drive ‘my car’ and not which car specifically.
I told him there was no way he was taking my dad’s Ferrari and even if we’d been married 10 years, I still wouldn’t let him drive it (we’ve been together 6 months). He got mad and said that his friends were expecting him to show up with a Ferrari and that they were excited about going for a drive in it.
We got into a shouting match and I kicked him out of my apartment and told him he’s not taking the Land Rover either and he and his friends can work their own way of getting home. I went to work, took all of the keys with me and now I’m getting messages from him saying he can’t believe I didn’t trust him and took all the car keys and from his mum and dad telling me I need to go to therapy because I’m too attached to things and that my dad is gone and being possessive over his belongings is not healthy.
Am I the idiot for not letting my partner use my car and am I being too emotional over this?
Note: He went back to the apartment after I’d left for work to ‘talk things over’. I was so mad about him going through my apartment, I called security and they took my spare key from him and had his picture up as a do not allow to enter.
Did I go too far?”
35. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Older Brother Money?
“My brother, older by 11 years, did a lot for me when I was younger and still living with our parents. With him so much older than me, it often felt like he was a second dad to me. Not only did he give advice and guidance, but he also paid for things out of his own pocket; took me on road trips, paid for movies/restaurants, let me borrow his car, etc. Even when I was a young adult after high school, he let me stay in his apartment, rent-free for a month, before I got my first job.
Not only that, he bought me a suit for my first job interview. All this was really great and I’m very fortunate to have a brother that looked out for me. He has been looking out for me for as long as I can remember.
However, also for as long as I can remember, he has told me ‘You’ll pay me back one day.’ The first time I remember him saying this I was 5 years old and he was 16 years old. Every time he would do something nice for me, he told me ‘You’ll pay me back one day.’ Being told this from a very young age, I automatically believed it was true and agreed that I would pay him back.
Even into my early 20s, I felt that I really owed him and that I needed to pay him back at some point. I did do nice things for him when I had the opportunity, but not nearly to the scale that he did for me.
Being so much younger, I just couldn’t do as much for him as he did for me.
Now I’m 32 years old and a dad. When I do nice things for my kid, I can’t imagine saying ‘You’ll pay me back one day.’ In fact, I think that anyone who would try to instill a feeling of financial debt in a young child is a total jerk.
A young child doesn’t have the mental capacity to understand what this means or the ability to consent to debt.
A few months ago, my brother, now 43 years old, said to me ‘Remember all the things I did for you? You’ll pay me back one day.’ I responded, ‘Tell me how much and I’ll pay you.’ He didn’t respond to my comment, but a few minutes later said ‘You know you’ll pay me back one day.’ Again, I replied, ‘Tell me how much and I’ll pay you.’ He responded, ‘Naw, I know you’ll take care of me in the future.’
Last week, my brother told me that, because he helped me so much while I was growing up, he should be given 20% of the revenue, in perpetuity, from my small business. I was shocked. I refused to pay him he was extremely upset.
I’ve since decided that I don’t owe him any money and that he may have been psychologically manipulating me since I was a young child.
Am I the jerk for refusing to give money to my brother?
Is my brother the jerk for expecting money from me?”
34. AITJ For Wanting To Ask My Landlord To Reset The Breaker?
“I live on the main floor of a house with three units: upstairs, main, and basement.
The house is quirky – and one of those quirks is that I can’t use more than two things in my kitchen at the same time, or it trips a breaker.
I’ve gone four months without doing so – but last night, I pushed the start button on the microwave while my air fryer was going, and before I could say oops – boom, I lost all kitchen power.
Easy fix normally: the only other time this happened, I sent a text to the couple who live in the basement, and 2 minutes later, they reset the breaker in the fuse box downstairs.
This time: ‘Sorry, but I’m out of the country for a week.’ They come back late Tuesday evening. I told him I’d need to contact the landlord then because I couldn’t do without power in the kitchen. He replied saying he didn’t want anyone going into his unit.
We’ve had a really friendly rapport, they are both super nice, and I wanted to respect their wishes. He suggested I use an extension cord to keep the fridge going (which I did, but have since learned, that’s a fire hazard.)
I moved the microwave etc. out into the living room temporarily.
I could do this, I thought, and just live with it for a few days, after all, it’s my mistake, right? (Actually, sidenote, it’s whacked that the landlord doesn’t fix what clearly impacts the use of the unit, but that’s beside the point. Try cooking every meal you want to enjoy with only one thing on at a time.
Fortunately, I’m not much of a cook, so I make do.)
But I woke up this morning and thought – wait a second, why should I have to endure this just because the guy downstairs doesn’t want the landlord entering his unit? That’s a pretty unfair expectation he’s dropped upon me, is it not?
So I’m about to pick up the phone and ask the landlord to reset the breaker so I can have my kitchen back. But before I do so, thought I’d ask the community, if I do, AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Stay With His Grandma For A Week?
“I (24 F) have a 2-year-old son. I also have a brother close in age who’s 5 years old. My brother is my grandma’s favorite and everyone has assumed it’s because she’s trying to make up for not raising my dad.
She gets him any and everything which was never a problem prior to me having my own children. It’s now become an issue to not only me but to other people in the family because of the clear difference in how she treats my son vs my brother.
She’s never bought my son any gifts and has bought him clothing maybe twice. Never a birthday gift or Christmas gift. She’s taken my son with her to the store multiple times with my brother and every single time has returned with toys for my brother and none for my son.
My brother is also stingy with toys, which they’re his so hey it is what it is but it’s disappointing seeing the look on my son’s face and hearing him cry over it. I gave her money once to get him something too and she returned with a toy for them to ‘share’ knowing how my brother is.
My brother can crush chips into the carpet, jump on the couch, write on the wall and she wouldn’t blink twice. Just be like ‘Well that’s just _____(brother’s name)’ but the one time my son dropped some Candy she cussed me completely out over it potentially staining her carpet.
She also tries to spank my son when he does things like that but won’t with my brother. I’m not jealous of my brother but I’m disappointed in how she treats my son in comparison to my brother.
Anyway, she asked to keep my son for a week with my brother and I blatantly told her ‘No.’ And had to repeat myself a few times as she tried to convince me.
Eventually, she gave up and said I was ungrateful & a jerk for not giving her the chance to bond but I feel she’s had plenty of chances already. I just hung up but since then my dad, uncle & grandma’s partner have also said I was being mean.
So, am I?”
32. AITJ For Not Allowing My Ex-Wife To Come To Her Ex-Husband's Funeral?
“My ex-wife Diana has three boys who are 16, 12, and 10. We divorced pretty much after the youngest was born. We also both remarried. She married Christopher and got a divorce last year after seven years of marriage. I’m still happily married to my wife Jessica.
Christopher and my boys were pretty close and they were bummed when the divorce happened. I always got along with the dude.
A few months after the divorce, Christopher disclosed that the divorce was over his being diagnosed with adenocarcinoma and Diana not wanting to be his nursemaid or responsible for his medical bills. Checks out.
He told me this because he wanted to leave whatever he had to my kids.
Unfortunately, he had no family of his own. Obviously, I said of course, and signed the paperwork.
A few months ago, I got a call from a social worker saying that Christopher was a few months from dying and unable to care for himself. He gave her my number.
Basically, they needed someone to help with end of life. He had made me his power of attorney.
He was living in a county hospice and my wife and I moved him into our home because he deserved to live his final days in dignity.
It also taught my kids about compassion. Unfortunately, he died after two weeks. He was cremated a few days ago and I, my wife, my kids, and a few of our friends are planning to spread his ashes at the beach this weekend.
Diana asked if she could attend and I told her to kick rocks.
She wanted nothing to do with him when he was dying. I’m not saying Christopher was a burden but that’s really sad that this dude had to reach out to his ex-wife’s first husband like he did. It was clearly more her responsibility. I said she couldn’t sit there and let us do all the hard work so she could come in at the end as the grieving widow.
My older son thinks I should let her come and I told him to mind his own business and mouth. I’m not going to sugarcoat your mom for you. Your mom is a witch and will be treated the same way she treated your stepdad.”
31. AITJ For Uninviting My Friend From Our Christmas Party?
“I (30 F) think obsessions are normal, and my partner (35 F) has one. ‘Kate’s’ obsession has to do with the ’60s. Kate is a nerdy and intelligent person; she has a PhD and works as a college professor. Whenever she’s not working, she’s always researching about the 60s and knows a lot about that period.
My own mother was born in the 60s and even Kate knows more than her.
Personally, her obsession is cute. Whenever she talks about the ’60s, I’ve noticed she’s always happy, and she smiles, and it just makes me happy that she’s happy. This year, after being in a relationship for three years, Kate and I decided to move in together, and we’ve decided that we’re having a Christmas party.
This is where I may be the jerk. Back in November, I got back in touch with a friend whom I hadn’t seen for ages due to our schedules constantly clashing, and we finally had a date where we could both meet up for some coffee.
During our meeting up we were asking about each other’s family and he asked how Kate was. I explained Kate was doing well, she was promoted at work and to celebrate I’m taking Kate and her friends on a surprise night out to celebrate her promotion as I’m proud of her.
We kept talking back and forth about each other’s partner and I mentioned Kate is working on a new project at work and it involves two other colleges collaborating so she’s really pleased with that. I also stated Kate is doing a research project about the 60s in her own time so she’s really busy.
This friend of mine was already invited to our Christmas party well in advance and most of the comments he made were nasty and would probably get me banned so the ‘nicer’ comments he made included ‘she’s such as a weirdo’ ‘I’m personally surprised she’s even in a relationship considering the fact she’s a nerd.’ ‘Her obsession is so weird it’s amazing she still has friends’.
I don’t know why he made these comments but he said these once we finished speaking about our partners. I got angry and left; he had to pay the bill.
A few hours later I calmed down and informed Kate I was uninviting a friend of ours to the Christmas party.
She asked why and I explained. She said she wasn’t bothered about what he said and he could still come but I remained adamant that he was not coming to the Christmas party at all. I sent him a message on Messenger explaining that I had uninvited him to our Christmas party because of the rude comments he made to my partner.
We got into a heated exchange then I didn’t hear from him for a day. I found out he messaged some mutual friends and they think I’m being a little over-the-top.
So, am I the jerk?”
30. AITJ For Sending Screenshots Of My Workmate's Offensive Comments To Our Other Workmates?
‘We’re following each other on Instagram. Everyone is, at least those who are on social media.
Recently a local news outlet posted a short post on their Instagram about a sport’s Pride Round. As I was reading the comments, I saw my workmate G comment, ‘Why is there a need for lgbtxzsyavdj round?
Leave it out of sports’. I didn’t care about it at first, I was more intrigued than annoyed because this is the same G that is pretty close to our other two queer workmates, H and J (at least from what I see in the office).
I read the comments, and there were a bunch more people agreeing, disagreeing, etc… and G was leaving comments (word for word), ‘Cope. Gays are not special’, ‘Stop forcing it down everybody’s throat’, ‘Mental illness like this shouldn’t be supported or normalized’, ‘They’re not going to heaven lol’, and more.
I took screenshots and sent them to our two queer workmates and asked their thoughts about it. ‘J’ replied saying he was disappointed because ‘G’ seemed like a cool guy. And ‘H’ didn’t reply to me but reacted a thumbs up to my chat. Both unfollowed ‘G’.
I went to work the next morning and G was basically giving me the death stare. I didn’t really notice him at first cuz I was just there to do my job and leave. But I noticed no one seemed to be talking to him like usual.
During break, I learned H and J told everyone else about his comments and how he made them feel unsafe. My name was also mentioned; they thanked me for the heads-up about G.
G didn’t talk much and seemed grumpy throughout the whole day. He was the first one to leave as soon as our shift was over.
I received a message from him about how I was a jerk for sharing his comments with others. (His comments were buried deep in the post’s comment section and a casual glance won’t find it.). A few other guys told me what I did wasn’t cool that he’s free to share his opinion and that I didn’t have to be obsessed with his comments and share them with H and J.
I heard HR is currently dealing with it but I don’t know what they’re exactly doing.”
react because your 2 co-workers could file a legal action. The jetk set himself up and he has no one to blame but himself
29. AITJ For Giving My Daughter My Grandmother's Necklace?
“I am 28 years old. My husband and I are high school sweethearts (he’s also 28). He’s the only man I’ve ever been with. Never even talked to someone else. He’s my first and only.
I’m not very experienced when it comes to relationships.
So we have 3 kids (10, 4, and 2). Our oldest is not my biological daughter, she is actually biologically my husband’s cousin. Long story short we adopted her and raised her as her mother and father.
My husband and I procrastinated on this but we never gave her the talk.
So we decided to just rip the band-aid off. She was asking about why people get amicably divorced (not in those words) and I just said ‘Well to be honest with you, I don’t know. I’ve only ever been with your dad, and obviously, we never broke up.’
And then kids got in the conversation and she asked ‘Why are you guys so much younger than all the other moms and dads?’
And I just said ‘We’ll talk about that later’ and we did. My husband and I talked to her in her room and just explained to her why the other parents were older and where she came from.
She had an idea, but never got the full story. She didn’t cry at first. She just had questions, and then said ‘Wait, Mommy, so that means we aren’t related at all?’ And I didn’t know what to say and she broke down.
Hardest moment of my life.
And I just told her the truth. I said just because she came from somewhere different it doesn’t mean we love her any less than her siblings, and she’ll always be my firstborn.
She was still very upset to find we weren’t related by b***d.
She said at least Dad and her are related somehow. She said she feels like she doesn’t belong here and she doesn’t fit in with her siblings.
So today I told her there was something I’d like to give her. I showed her my grandmother’s necklace.
My grandmother gave it to her firstborn daughter (my mom) and I was going to wait until she was 13, but I think it’s time I give it to my firstborn daughter.
My mother wasn’t upset I gave it to her, she was upset I gave it to her early.
Her mother gave it to her when she was 13 and she gave it to me when I was 13. I guess I broke tradition.
The only thing is, she never told me to wait, and I feel like it was my necklace once she gave it to me so I can pass it down when I feel the time is right.”
28. AITJ For Connecting With My Soon-To-Be Ex-Sister-In-Law?
“My brother & his wife are in the process of getting divorced (she left him).
I, my husband, and our two kids have always been close to my brother & his wife.
My SIL initially put some distance between herself & our family. After a little while we started talking occasionally, mainly just how each other & our kids were doing, etc. That’s when I found out that my brother was tracking all of her phone calls via logging into their cell phone account which was in his name.
He called me & something seemed off about my brother, he was being short & just kept asking so what did you do today, what else happened? Finally, I said oh and SIL called me today. He then proceeded to tell me in a very mean tone ‘You’re lucky you mentioned it to me or you would be on the list’.
For clarification ‘the list’ is his list of people who he feels have betrayed him & who he no longer talks to. I tried to diffuse the situation & kind of laugh it off. My brother said I’m not kidding, I don’t want you talking to her anymore.
I told him that he was being unreasonable & ended the phone call.
A few days later I was unexpectedly diagnosed with a brain tumor. I was told I needed to have brain surgery. I asked my husband to be the one to tell our family as I couldn’t handle it.
He started making the phone calls & one of those calls was to my soon-to-be ex-SIL.
The next day my brother called me irate & wanted to know why my husband had called her. I told him that the call was to tell her about my brain tumor & upcoming surgery.
My brother then said, ‘It doesn’t take 26 minutes to tell someone you have a brain tumor’. My brother then told me that I was dead to him. He blocked my # & blocked me from all social media.
Since then I have had my surgery & am doing well.
He never reached out before or after the surgery. My daughter (14) texted him on his birthday to wish him a happy birthday, but he never responded to her. This hurt my daughter. It hurts me that he is taking it out on my kids. My dad keeps telling me that my brother is going through a lot right now and ‘he will get over it soon’.
I told my dad it’s not about my brother getting over it since I did nothing wrong. I feel my brother is in the wrong for the way he is treating me and my kids during a very hard time in my life.
AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Responsible For Babysitting My Siblings?
“I (f late-20s) am the oldest and only girl of 5 siblings.
I babysat my brothers growing up, but I wasn’t allowed to discipline them in any way.
As a result, my brothers fought, hurt each other, broke things, ate food my mom was saving for dinner, etc. I was blamed for all of this and punished. My dad frequently told me to ‘treat them like your own sons.’
One of my brothers was special needs, meaning medical emergencies could happen at any time.
I wasn’t always sure of what to do and my parents weren’t always easy to get ahold of.
I was also volun-told to babysit for my mom’s friends for free. They would always stay out about 3 hours late and I’d be home after midnight. Because of all of these things, I made a choice as an adult to never babysit ever again.
I have severe anxiety that I’ve been in therapy for, coming from my teenage years due to balancing school, work, extracurriculars, and babysitting and feeling like I had no help or comfort from any of my family members.
On Christmas: the topic of kids and babysitting came up when someone asked if birth order affected personality.
There was some back and forth, but I said I think it does. When I was questioned about my reasoning, I just said that I had to be responsible in different ways than they had to.
I was told I was being dramatic, then was pushed for more.
I asked my youngest brother if he ever had to be responsible for younger siblings, and he, of course, said no. I said that babysitting them put a lot of responsibility on me that I didn’t consider appropriate for my age and maturity level, and that they’d never had to go through that.
I also explained that I had to go without a lot of our parents’ attention so they could have it (for example: they missed my fencing tournaments and orchestra concerts to go watch my brothers’ wrestling practices).
After all of that, everyone was quiet, until my dad said, ‘So you don’t believe in family responsibility?’ I explained that I did, but that that there was a point where the amount of responsibility wasn’t appropriate for one kid to handle.
I also said that I don’t think kids should be forced to babysit their siblings because it creates an unhealthy dynamic between them. My dad responded with, ‘I didn’t have to feed you or keep you in the house.’ I asked him what he thought would happen if he didn’t do those things for me as a kid?
He said, ‘I’d have a skinny, cold kid.’
For more context, aside from my wedding and $300 for rent one time, I never asked for anything from my parents after I left at 18. I thought about asking what he thought was his responsibility as a father, but I realized he wasn’t taking me seriously, so I dropped the topic.
I was told I was being ridiculous, and that I should let things from the past go.
I’m wondering if I’m the jerk because my parents did need a lot of help with their kids growing up, especially with my special needs brother. I also believe in responsibility to one’s family, but clearly, my line is different from theirs.
AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Not Letting My Children Go To My In-Laws'?
“My husband and I used to rely on MIL and BIL picking up our children from school and taking them to MIL’s house (where BIL lives) for a few hours as we both work and have no other childcare.
A few months ago, I found medicine in my child’s bag (I work the night shift, and I don’t get their school bag ready, that’s normally my husband’s job)… medicine for the BIL… that is bright green and comes in 100 ml bottles normally, you have to do a wee test and pick it up from the pharmacy every day, etc (Google it if you don’t know).
Something in my head told me that morning to check my child’s school bag and thank goodness I did because that was in there… I know what would have happened had he gone to school with that in his bag, it makes me feel sick, still after all these months.
Since then, obviously, I have not let anybody pick my children up but me. I wasn’t aware that this medicine was around my children while they were at my in-laws’ house and I wasn’t aware they were being taken to the pharmacy every day with BIL to pick it up.
Since then there has been so much tension between me and my husband I feel like it’s ultimately going to lead to a divorce. I get pressure constantly from him to let my MIL and BIL see the children, even though he seems to accept that it was ‘bad’ the medicine was left in my child’s bag… I took it out so nothing bad happened and I just need to ‘get over it’ because his brother is in a good place now… as far as I’m aware he was in a good place when I was letting him pick the children up from school or I never would have let him pick them up in the first place.
My husband and MIL make me feel like I’m being horrible and awkward not letting my children go to her house and it’s destroying my marriage and my mental health.”
I think YTJ because a lot of what has your jerk in a bundle is moral panic and respectability fetish, which is a) messing with your actual perceptions of danger and b) making you selfish and spiteful rather than using it as an opportunity to teach your children compassion - and the fine art of minding their own business.
25. AITJ For Refusing To Help With An Emergency During A Flight?
“I’m (M, mid-30s) a medical doctor working as an internal medicine hospitalist at a major hospital.
Recently I was on a long-haul international flight. Usually, I sleep on flights but this was during my waking hours so I decided to spend my time enjoying the inflight entertainment and free drinks.
I had already been drinking even before the flight while I was in the lounge. I was not slurring or excessively wasted but I was feeling a strong buzz.
Usually, I don’t chat with my co-passengers, I just sleep or do my own thing.
On this flight, the configuration of the business class cabin was such that the passengers in the middle row were practically just beside each other. There was just a small barrier separating me and my co-passenger (F, mid-30s) that could be raised but it still didn’t do much to separate us.
She started up a conversation and being a little intoxicated, I was also feeling chatty. When she asked what I do I mentioned I’m a doctor and I work at such and such hospital. After some more small talk, we both started doing our own thing.
I was trying to watch my movie and enjoy my drinks when an announcement was made asking if there was a doctor on the flight. Normally I would present myself to the cabin crew and help out but after several hours of on-flight boozing, I was pretty wasted. I was not able to think clearly and probably would have done more harm than good in such a situation.
I didn’t react to the announcement at all. I continued watching my movie and drinking my drink.
My co-passenger tapped me and said they just announced they needed a doctor. I replied that someone else would help or they would get instructions from the medical team on the ground.
She tried convincing me to go help but I refused. She then said I was an unbelievable jerk and that if the passenger died it was my fault. I said listen, lady, just because I’m a doctor doesn’t mean I’m not on call 24/7 to provide medical care on demand.
I work when I’m at the hospital, outside I’m just like everyone else and I’m entitled to drink and relax. She had a disgusted look on her face but didn’t talk to me after that. I didn’t want to engage with her either.
I’m not sure what happened to the passenger who needed medical assistance but since I didn’t hear any more announcements I assumed all was well. While exiting the aircraft this lady called me a jerk again.
In my mind, I’m very clear that since I was intoxicated I could not provide medical assistance.
I was drinking on my own time and there was no expectation that I would need to be sober. Doctors get to enjoy life too, I can’t stay sober on every flight just in case there’s an emergency. I don’t think I am the jerk, but I thought I’d get external opinions.
AITJ?”
24. WIBTJ If I Cancel My Cousin's Plane Ticket?
“I (23 F) am very close with my cousin (20 M). We were raised together so we are pretty much like siblings. When I turned 18 I moved away from home so we rarely see each other anymore.
During a FaceTime last week I proposed the idea that he flies out to my home to stay for a long weekend and we can catch up. I bought the plane ticket in full myself but he does plan to pay for half of it, I already have the time off work approved for when he gets here and I’ve been planning fun activities for us to do when he arrives.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. I live in a very popular vacation spot. Yesterday he asked me if one of his friends could join him for the trip to my home and that he already invited her. I told him I hadn’t seen him in over two years and wanted to spend this limited time with him.
I also expressed that I am not comfortable housing a stranger in my small home. I’ve only got two bedrooms.
After I explained this to him he left me on read all day. He just texted me back saying that his friend’s mom went ahead and bought her a plane ticket here anyway and they are both fully expecting me to pick her up and house her for the duration of the trip.
I told my cousin that his friend needs to look into securing sleeping and transportation accommodations or get a plane ticket refund as I will not be providing her a place to stay or transportation around to activities.
He is very upset with me that I would ‘ruin’ his friend’s ‘surprise’ vacation by not allowing her free accommodation in my home.
I feel as though they lied to the friend’s mother about the circumstances because there’s no way her mom surprised her with only a ticket for the exact days I planned for my cousin to stay here or why they would tell the mother that her daughter would have a place to go after I explicitly said no.
Would I be the jerk if I canceled his plane ticket?”
23. AITJ For Sharing My Breastfeeding Journey During A Family Get-Together?
“My son is autistic and has severe ARFID, which is an eating disorder.
He has been on feeding tubes more or less his whole life. The one thing he reliably ingested is breastmilk, but only from a direct source (no bottles).
He is now six and we are still working with therapists although he is getting better, slowly but surely.
Anyway, this past weekend I traveled to my parents’ place for a family get-together (our pre-Christmas meal). My uncle has a new partner who came with her son who is also autistic. We were talking, bonding, all that good stuff, and the boys were playing.
Mine got a little hungry, did his little sign, we disappeared, and when we got back she (uncle’s partner) asked why we left. She had seen him grab at my shirt.
I explained the journey we’ve had and that he was still breastfeeding. She was very accepting, offered her best wishes with therapy, and the night continued on.
Later on, my brother’s partner, who was also attending for the first time, left abruptly. My brother followed her out and basically, she told him she’d overheard the conversation I’d had and said it made her uncomfortable and that she couldn’t stomach being around me.
It devolved into a bit of an argument. He was mad – his partner went home, he came in to yell about it, and things went down.
Essentially he told me I should stop talking about ‘weird stuff’ – I told him his partner shouldn’t be eavesdropping.
Dad asked why I’d even explain it to anyone, knowing how uncomfortable it makes people, I said I would not lie about my son’s needs to appease anyone.
Dad insisted that on this one special day, I should have just lied and approached the topic with Uncle’s partner at a later date if we were going to meet up.
I disagreed, saying there wasn’t any way to lie. He said I could have said he needed a diaper change, which I suppose I could have.
I dug my heels in and said I wouldn’t be back in contact until my brother & dad apologized. I am tired of feeling ashamed and being censored constantly, even if it makes people uncomfortable.
The only person who is even remotely on my side is my uncle’s partner (and my uncle, but he’s the smart one and drinks so much at family get-togethers that he has no idea what’s going on half the time).
I have been called sensitive, selfish, and overbearing.
I still haven’t spoken to my dad or brother but am now feeling very isolated and like I may have overreacted a bit.
AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Asking Our Family If We Could Lock Up Our Christmas Presents This Year?
“Every year, my siblings and I, alongside our families, spend Christmas with our parents. We stay at their house for a few days. Everyone opens gifts together.
It’s hectic but a lot of fun. The kids enjoy having one big sleepover with their cousins, my mom likes having everyone home again. We all pitch in. It’s a win-win.
Last year, my brother married ‘Sally’. She has a 7-year-old daughter, ‘Mindy’.
This was their first Christmas with us. It seemed like they were having a fun time. Christmas Eve, all the kids went to the finished basement to sleep. We told the kids to not open up gifts without us and to wake us up when they did.
This was repeated several times. Once the kids were asleep, we put all the gifts under the tree and eventually went to bed ourselves.
The next morning, around 6 AM, I wake up early and head downstairs. I find the living room a mess. Half of the gifts were unwrapped. Several of them had been ripped from their boxes.
There was Mindy, playing with some of the toys. Most of the ones weren’t even hers. She knows how to read and they were all labeled, so she knew this. I was in shock. I went and got my brother, Sally alongside the rest of the adults.
Sally was super embarrassed. My mom was very upset.
The other kids weren’t up yet, so we tried to salvage what we could while Sally talked to Mindy. Not everything could be fixed and she had broken a couple of toys completely. The broken ones weren’t even her own toys.
Luckily, not everything was damaged and even the boxes that were, the kids didn’t notice. But my nephew (sister’s son) had one of his big gifts destroyed and he was sad when everyone else got theirs while he was told he’d have to wait for a new one to come back in.
Sally and my brother reimbursed everyone. Mindy didn’t get to open gifts with everyone but joined the festivities later. She apologized but kept making excuses. She said she didn’t want to wait and she wanted to see what everyone else got.
We’re all preparing to go to my parents’ again this year.
I put in the group chat that we should either lock the door to the living room this year or put a gate around the tree so no one can get to it. I didn’t even name names, just specifically said ‘No one’. Sally and my brother got mad, accusing me of treating Mindy like a baby or an animal. I said I’m not, but this is a precaution so none of the kids are tempted. They said this isn’t necessary and I’m holding a mistake over Mindy’s head.
I said no, I’m not, I’m trying to make sure we have NO repeat.
Because I know it’ll be asked: Mindy doesn’t have autism or ADHD and even if she did, my daughter has ADHD and both my sister’s kids are on the spectrum.
They knew better. I don’t think Mindy was malicious. She was only 6. But I do think precautions should be taken. My parents agree with me and my brother is mad that I put it in their heads.
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Shutting Down My Husband's Made-Up Drama?
“I (35 f) have a husband (41) and two wonderful bonus kids (12 f & 14 m). My husband has 50/50 custody with his ex-wife (Jane 40).
Some background: my husband and his ex divorced a little over 10 years ago. It was as amicable as these things can be and they’ve worked hard to have a good, cooperative parenting relationship; both would describe the other as a friend.
I met my husband 6 years ago and we married 4.5 years ago. His ex and their kids welcomed me with open arms. When his ex met and then married her now-wife (Zara – 32 f) the same was true in reverse. Our two households combine for birthdays and major holidays and generally, at least one parent from each household is present for school plays, sports matches, etc (unless the kids ask for time with just mum & dad in which case Zara and I bow out).
I’ve always felt very fortunate that our families got along so well. I genuinely like Jane and Zara and honestly Zara is kinda a baddie. She’s a doctor and worked with MSF and is also widely traveled. She has amazing stories to tell and is just a really warm human being.
Now the issue. Jane and Zara recently announced Zara is pregnant. Obviously via sperm donor. The kids seem excited and I’m happy for Jane and Zara. My husband on the other hand has been off since the announcement. I’ve tried to get him to talk about what was bothering him but he can’t articulate it.
I asked if he wanted to speak to a family therapist (we saw one before we married just to help ease the transition to a blended family) but he didn’t like the idea. I’ve started to lose my patience with him because from what he HAS said his issue with Zara’s pregnancy seems rooted in homophobia/misogyny/racism.
Yesterday, I was making dinner and he again started grumbling about how Zara’s pregnancy wasn’t right; how he should have been consulted; how he didn’t understand why they needed to have another kid when we already have 2 amazing kids, etc. Then he told me we should try to have a baby as well.
I shut that down. I have no desire to be pregnant and never have. Then he suggested adoption. I asked where all this was coming from as we’d always agreed no more kids for us. He said ‘This whole thing is going to end in tears’ and that ‘Using a sperm donor to get pregnant is ridiculous’.
I was conscious of the kids in the other room and told him to stop before the kids heard him. He started getting genuinely cross and said the kids had a right to know ‘what was actually going on’ and that he felt like he was in the Twilight Zone and he was the only sane one left.
I lost my temper and told him that whatever issues he had with Zara’s pregnancy were his problem, that I and the kids were genuinely happy for her and Jane, and that this family had no space for his made-up drama. That made him really cross and things were tense for the rest of the night.
I feel like I should probably apologize for the phrasing but I don’t want to apologize for the sentiment. AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Not Liking My Fiance's Family?
“We’ve never had a good relationship but we do maintain a civil one.
The first time I met her 7 years ago, she expressed her annoyance with my choice of bringing home a pet and that I shouldn’t spend money on ‘useless stuff’.
My cat is my universe.
During my travels, I’d always make sure to remember her with a souvenir however small, birthdays and mother’s days too. She somehow seemed to always forget mine though. Except maybe once when she got me socks. (not herself, she asked my fiance and I guess with what little money he got from her, he bought socks)
She’s the biggest crybaby I’ve ever met. To the point where my partner literally has trauma and cannot see women crying. (including me, which caused many fights)
She once cried for hours because he didn’t have dinner with her on the weekend like they’d used to do for years.
She makes snide remarks that would go over my fiancé’s head. Like the time when my parents bought a house on the beach and were rebuilding some parts of it. My fiance on his own mentioned how expensive some of the furniture my parents got, and all she had to say was ‘Oh that’s not much, why aren’t they paying more?
I didn’t think they’d be so cheap’.
This woman literally lived in her grandmother’s hand-me-down furniture to the point where if you sat on one of her couches you’d sink because it’s been used for decades.
There are many incidents. In short, I just find her childish and unpleasant to be around.
For the life of me, I think I might die of b***d pressure if my partner did move her in with us like he’s planning when she’s older.
I have a better relationship with my FIL than I do with her. I find him doing small gestures of kindness.
Like peeling a clementine for me, calling me occasionally to check on me, he’s given me a few lifts when my car has broken down and he’s just in general a nice person.
But I always find my fiancé mentioning how after marriage he’d want his mother to come over more, how she’d get sick if he left her for too long, about how we should have a big wedding instead of having a small one because his mother WOULD LOVE to invite all her ‘besties’ to the wedding to show off her only dentist son!
I realize that he’s her only son and the reason she tries to stay glued to him like sleeping in his room and asking him to hand feed her is because she probably feels lonely as she doesn’t have a good relationship with her husband.
I don’t like the fact that I don’t like her but she’s also not giving me any reason to like her. I like my fiance but I don’t like his family.
I still visit them weekly but if I can play sick to get out of it then I occasionally do.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Can't Always Use Her Addiction As An Excuse?
“My (26 F) mom disappeared when I was 15. This followed 2 years of her battling addiction.
My dad already had full custody, but she had still been in my life until then.
When I was 16, my dad started going out with ‘Trish’. Instantly, we hit it off. We bonded from the moment we met and within a few weeks, she was taking me to shop for homecoming dresses.
She gave me her number and told her I could call/text any time. It was nice to finally have a female role model to discuss the things I felt I couldn’t with my dad. We were close, but there are just some things you’d rather talk with a woman about, ya know?
When I was 18, my dad and Trish got married. I was so happy! Trish was there for all my big moments.
Last year, my mom reached out. She was newly sober and wanted to make amends. I was very hesitant, but my dad and Trish told me it could bring some closure.
I agreed and we talked. She apologized for everything, explaining that she fell so far deep into her addiction, that she felt the best thing she could do was walk away. I didn’t forgive her right away and we had several other conversations on it.
Now, she’s in my life but our relationship is shaky.
I’m getting married in 2024. I have included my mom in some of the planning, she’s sitting at the family table (my dad and Trish are fine with this), but I’ve honestly left her out of a lot of it.
Trish has been by my side and has been of great help. She went with me and my maid of honor to pick out my dress. It was such a special moment.
My mom recently asked me when I was getting my dress and I said I already had.
When she realized I took Trish, she got upset. She said she felt like Trish was doing the majority of the mother-of-the-bride stuff. I admitted yeah, she is. My mom has helped with some stuff just us, and will get ready with us on the day of, but I want Trish there for a lot of it.
I got mad and pointed out that Trish has done all the ‘mom things’ for years. She helped me dress for prom, she was the one who cheered me up when my first significant other was unfaithful to me, and she is the one I’ve turned to for advice for a decade!
While I’m happy to include my mom, Trish earned these bigger moments.
My mom got weepy and said that she’s apologized, made amends and that should be enough. I said I accept her apology but it doesn’t erase the past. She began rambling on about how she was powerless against her addiction and would I blame her for having cancer?
I said while I understand addiction is an illness, the two aren’t comparable. She can’t hide behind this excuse for every little thing.
Now, my mom has said she doesn’t want to be a part of the wedding and will just come as a guest, as that’s what I treat her as.
She says I was wrong to throw her addiction in her face.
My therapist says I’m within my rights to maintain these boundaries. Still, I wonder if I’m being too critical here. Addiction IS a disease. And she worked hard to climb out of it.
AITJ for telling her she can’t hide behind it?”
18. AITJ For Swallowing A Paper With A Bible Passage On It?
“I’m (36 f) traveling for work this week and had a few hours layover in ATL Airport.
I’m tired, I’ve been traveling since very early this morning and have been on-and-off engrossed in a book during times of inaction to keep my anxiety from peaking.
I just got off the plane and made my way to the tram to get to the next concourse. I noticed the lady who had been seated with me on the prior flight was also following me to the tram for transfer. It’s not uncommon, many people are heading to the same relative locations or at least on the same train.
As I boarded the tram/train to get to my connecting area, I headed to a corner and reopened my book. It’s a simple, non-heavily-brainy book and part of a well-known series and does have some explicit/smutty sections.
Whatever, it’s an easy read, doesn’t involve a lot of cognition to follow, and is entertaining.
The lady who was next to me on my flight ended up next to me on the (sparsely occupied) train and did a loud ‘ahem’.
I’m not one to openly engage in other people’s lives so I ignored it. She turned her head to look right at me and said ‘Are you really ignoring the light?’
I genuinely had NO clue what she was referring to. It was really early morning (took a redeye) and I genuinely thought she meant the rising sun. I glanced out and said something like, ‘is kinda cloudy so I didn’t notice’. I don’t fully recall.
She stared really intently and grabbed a piece of paper out of her handbag to hand me. This was a small, little more than fortune cookie-size paper. It had a Bible passage on it, something about God and the light without darkness, I do remember the passage was from the book of John.
She said something about how she felt called to ‘guide me out of the sinful darkness’ when she saw what I was reading on the flight and instead of exiting the airport to go home she KNEW she was meant to follow me to my next area to show me the light.
I grew up in the South on the Bible Belt of NC. And I felt all the hypocrisy that organized religion was promoting and had some trauma from it. I’m not proud to say this triggered a little and reacted on the trigger.
I grabbed that stupid slip of paper, wadded it up, and shoved it in my mouth.
I started chewing. I looked this lady in the eye and chewed and swallowed. And then said it was delicious.
She immediately called me a heathen, said I wasn’t capable of grace, and she wished she hadn’t wasted her sacred message on the unworthy. She said she knew what kind of floozy.
I was by the filth I was reading. I just said I was glad she enjoyed it as well and provided the name and author before exiting the train at the next concourse, even though it wasn’t the one I needed.
She didn’t follow but called me an ‘unhinged jerk’ before scooting away.
I thought about it and felt a little bad about my immaturity and could’ve just accepted the paper and ignored her. I know this is a very religious city. So, am I the unhinged jerk?”
17. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Brother-In-Law An Insane Amount Of Money For The Cabinets?
“My husband and I are renovating our home now that we are soon to be empty nesters once that last one finishes college.
Currently, we are making plans for the kitchen remodel. It’s my dream to have solid walnut cabinets and custom panels over the refrigerator so I don’t have to look at a fridge any longer. Just as luck would have it, my brother-in-law makes wood cabinets and furniture for a living.
We told him our plans and chatted with him about everything we would want in our kitchen. I know he is busy and works with a few high-end architects so I wanted to be sure he could work with us in our time frame, and he said he would love to work with us to make our dream kitchen, so we connected him with our designer.
Well, he ended up quoting me nearly $70,000… for cabinets! Naturally, I balked at that because who has that sort of money, and also because he’s my own BIL.
I called him sure he made a mistake but he doubled down saying this is already a significant ‘friends and family’ discount, and that’s the cost of everything with all the finishes I asked for and for the size of my kitchen.
Then he felt the need to tell me there are more cost-effective ways to achieve the same look if I would consider veneer, choose a different wood species, or compromise on various other areas. I said he should be ashamed of trying to charge his own family these kinds of outrageous prices!
He said he’s not ashamed and he’s got plenty of business without mine so I can get a quote from someone else and he hung up on me!!
I texted him that I didn’t feel in the wrong with the situation, and he could apologize or otherwise not come to our place for Christmas this year.
He’s not responded and my husband is saying we should just drop it and wants me to take back my demand for an apology.”
16. AITJ For Calling The Security On My Friend?
“Today is my birthday and last night after several small incidents with my friend I had her removed from my hotel room after she refused to leave.
It started out small. She would order the most expensive thing on the menu and I snapped. She said if you can afford this expensive hotel room and a new car you can spare an extra $10.
(She has no money and no job).
Next was her drinking out of my wine bottle. I had already told her before not to put her mouth on my bottle because I didn’t know where her mouth had been. Then for a second time, she did it again with a brand new bottle and said she planned on drinking the whole thing and it’s not a big deal. I bought the bottle and it was still half full.
Following we went downtown to a lounge that I wanted to go to for my birthday and as soon as we walked in while I was asking the bartender how the place operates she cut him off and told me to let’s go, we’re leaving very rudely and storms out, and I followed not thinking.
We had a chat outside and I told her I wanted to go there and she said we couldn’t go back because of how she acted.
After I decided to go back to the hotel she asked to go to the gas station. I told three times that day not to eat in my car and she proceeded to open a paper bowl of boiled peanuts filled to the rim with liquid and asked me to drive slow so she could eat it.
I cursed her out and made her put the lid back on.
Angry, I drove back to the hotel grabbed my stuff, left her there to go out with another friend to bring in my birthday, and had to turn back around to grab a bottle of wine I left at the hotel.
When I got back to the room she locked the door and I could see through the crack that she was standing at the door. I told her to remove the lock and she kept saying no repeatedly. Then eventually she unlocked the door.
Once it was opened I held it open and said she needed to get out, that I’m tired of the disrespect and she needed to go.
She refused and said I needed to take her home or get her an Uber and I said no. I threatened to call the police and then she picked up the hotel phone and asked them to call for her.
Security came up and I told them my name was on the room and I wanted her out so they removed her.
Based on what she said I’m the jerk for not taking her home knowing she has no car, money, service phone, or many people to help her.
With that being said, AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Making My Mother-In-Law Cancel Her Orders?
“We have four kids and every single year deal with lots of issues with my in-laws over Christmas and gift buying. MIL has a set budget for each grandchild and also a set number of gifts. I’m not sure of the exact amount but I believe her budget is at least $500 per grandchild (9 total in the whole family).
It’s so much stuff and mostly ends up being random things no one wants simply to fill her quota. We appreciate her wanting to love and spoil our kids but this large amount creates lots of various issues and is wasteful.
This year we all agreed over Thanksgiving weekend that instead of so many gifts they would pay for my husband, me, our kids, MIL, and FIL to do a small weekend away somewhere.
That way the kids have the memory of an experience with their grandparents and it can simplify gift buying for MIL as it’s a lot of work and stress for her. She insisted she still wanted to buy them 4 things to each open and we agreed. We have running Amazon lists that I update periodically for birthdays and Christmas.
Yesterday I spent a large majority of my day working on Amazon lists, picking out gifts for my kids, and having everything ready to order. Well, come to find out MIL cleared out our kids’ lists. She bought nearly everything! Over $300 per child worth of purchases.
This has left us and my parents with little to nothing to buy.
I messaged her asking if she had purchased everything and when I explained the issue I got an ‘Oh I’m sorry’ but no offer to help fix the issue. So I asked her to cancel her order.
I went ahead and bought what I had picked out. I put in tons of work picking out special items and making lists for all grandparents and she just goes against our agreement, clicks on everything, and done.
I’m usually a pushover when it comes to her and so much of me feels good about putting my foot down but I also feel guilty.
My husband suggested we find other gifts but I feel like the kids don’t need so much stuff and it’s the principle of consideration for others as well. I might be the jerk because I had her cancel her order and not everything could be canceled so she’s going to have to send stuff back and has to redo her shopping.
Am I the jerk?”
14. AITJ For Defending My Mom From My Stepmom?
“My parents divorced when I (15 m) was 5 and my sister was 3.
For a while during and post-divorce my dad was trying really hard to win my mom back. I remember he would use my sister’s and my upset about the divorce. For me, it was hard to go from our family being together to two separate homes and families.
For my sister, the upheaval was hard for her. She really couldn’t get used to bouncing from home to home.
Throughout all of that, Mom did her best to shield us and even though she must have hated my dad’s guts for all the stunts he pulled, she kept some photos of him and our family from before up in the house.
My sister and I felt reassured seeing them. Even though she didn’t remember those times I think it made her feel a little more okay with how confusing it was, and dad only made it worse.
Dad gave up on them getting back together eventually and he insisted that everything we had at his house be from him and not Mom and we could not have photos of Mom in the home.
I was 8 when he met my stepmom. I’m not sure how soon she found out that mom still had photos up of before but it became a huge deal for her and she told my mom she was not allowed photos of ‘her man’ in mom’s house.
My mom remarried when I was 10. We have a few photos of my stepdad’s ex-wife at home and some from when he was married to her and my stepsiblings were young. This is especially important to them because their mom is terminally ill with a condition that made her unable to take care of them (I think it has something to do with her brain).
There are still photos of Dad at Mom’s too. I’m less into it now that I feel worse about what Dad did. But my sister still feels comforted by them and mom always says he is still our dad/our family and she wants it to be as much our home as it is everyone else’s who lives there.
The wall where these photos are is where Mom takes a lot of our back-to-school photos. My stepmom found out they were still up and went nuts on my mom a few months ago. She told Mom she had to do what she said, etc. It was insane.
My mom told her to mind her business and if she stays out of her home she doesn’t have to see or worry about them.
My stepmom went on a rant about mom a few days ago and she was like how dare your mom not do what I tell her and take the photos of my husband down.
I told my stepmom she was pathetic for being so bothered that mom was a good enough mom to accept photos of dad for our sake and that she doesn’t get to boss my mom around. I also told her to leave my mom alone because none of this had anything to do with her.
She told me I did not get to speak to her that way. I told her if she thinks she’s earning my respect with her attitude then she’s even more pathetic than I thought. It’s been a rough few days. My dad and stepmom both said I was beyond disrespectful.
AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Not Being Happy About Seeing My Son?
“When I (m 29) was 21 I got a scholarship to study in Japan (I was a college student in the US). I was very excited to go, however, a girl I was seeing ended up pregnant (we were not together, but were exclusive).
Of course, I didn’t want a baby with my friends-with-benefits, and also it would ruin my opportunity to go to Japan.
I begged her to terminate the pregnancy, since why would any of us want that baby? We were definitely not committed to each other.
We had discussed termination of pregnancy before (as many other subjects), so I knew that she didn’t have a problem with the termination of pregnancy. However, she decided that she was going to keep the baby. I told her that honestly, I didn’t want to be a father, but that I’ll wait until the baby’s birth because maybe I’ll feel different then.
I didn’t change my mind when the baby was born. So we agreed that I wouldn’t be an active father, but I’ll fulfill all of my responsibilities.
I had to cancel my trip to Japan to get a better job so I could pay child support.
Thankfully my parents also helped me so I moved in with them, I almost had to drop out of college but thankfully I was able to graduate. I still wanted to go to Japan, so when one of my ex-classmates moved in there to work I asked him to let me know if there was any vacancy at his company.
I got a job there and moved in October 2019.
Ever since, I couldn’t come back to America, because of the global crisis and also because the rhythm of work there is harder, so I was always working and trying to advance in my career. Of course, I continued sending the money for my son.
Well, the thing is that I have vacation now and I traveled for Thanksgiving. I got here the week prior to Thanksgiving and my parents prepared a ‘welcome party’ with our family and friends. They apparently got very close to my son when I was not here and they invited him and his mother.
To be honest, I don’t have any problems with them, but we don’t have a close relationship either.
When I went to the backyard (where the guests were) I greeted them both, but I was feeling awkward and we didn’t talk much. When everyone left my parents told me off because they expected me to be way happier about seeing my son.
We got into a bit of an argument and now my mother and father are upset at me for being so cold? I don’t understand why they expected me to be happier, I don’t know my son too much, he wasn’t very excited to see me either.
But it’s been far too long and they’re still upset, so I need some outsider POV since my friends are agreeing with me, but they might be doing it just to not argue with me.”
12. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Stepsister On My Day Off?
“I (24 F) work 50 – 60 hours a week. My partner and I have our own place. My sister (24 F) works a lot too and also has her own place with her husband.
My mom has an annoying habit of asking my sister and me for favors with very little notice.
Both of us dropped everything and canceled our plans because my mom needed us to watch our step-sister. We have asked her so many times to give us enough of a heads-up to avoid making conflicting plans. She won’t listen.
My step-sister lives with my parents.
She’s disabled (physically as well as mentally), and can’t be left home by herself.
Next week, my partner and I are going on vacation. I only have one weekday off before then, and it’s filled with appointments that I need to go to before vacation.
Last week, during Thanksgiving, my mom asked my sister and I if one of us could watch my step-sister this Thursday (my day off), from noon to midnight because she and my step-dad are going to a concert. I told her I had appointments that day, and still had to get up at 5 am the next day for work.
My sister said she COULD, but would need to change around some plans, and advocated for me saying that I work early the next day.
Last night, my mom called me and said I’m her last hope. My sister has the flu and can’t babysit.
I told her that I was really sorry, but I had appointments that I NEEDED to go to before going out of town next week, that it was my only day to do it, and also that I still work early the next day. I told her that I would have made my plans around that day if I’d known ahead of time, maybe like when she bought the tickets MONTHS ago.
She got mad that I wouldn’t just cancel my plans for her. I apologized a lot and all she said were things like, ‘Yeah, thanks a lot.’
Since then, I’ve been feeling so guilty. I’m trying to figure out how to rearrange my day so that I can help her out, but nothing is going to work.
I feel selfish for not dropping everything to help. I feel like a jerk. So I’m here to ask, am I the jerk?”
11. AITJ For Refusing To Sleep On The Couch?
“My fiancé ‘Jen’ (29 f) just gave birth to our daughter 2 months ago.
She strictly breastfeeds, so as you can imagine, she gets far less sleep than I do. During the day I help with changing or holding her but all feedings are up to Jen (the baby outright refuses a bottle – we have tried several times, but ultimately we are both okay with this).
Anyway, I’m kind of an independent start-up video game developer. I did make one video game 2 years ago but it honestly wasn’t that great. So while I do get revenue from it, it’s definitely not much or even a liveable wage. This time around however I’m working with 4 other people and the game is turning out great.
I also work a 9-5. But after getting home, having dinner with my fiancé, and looking after the baby for a while, I jump on and work on the game.
For the past 2-3 nights I have been up til 1-2 am working on the game and I have been ultra tired. I snore like a maniac when I’m tired. It’s super embarrassing because I truly sound like a Mack truck.
But yesterday the baby had her 2 months shots and she was so fussy. Cried way more than normal. It was super hard for my fiancé to get her to sleep.
I finally went to bed around 2 am and my fiancé immediately asked me to sleep on the couch so I wouldn’t wake the baby with my snoring.
I said no. I was so tired and the couch was not comfortable at all. I had to work early. I wanted to sleep. She didn’t fight it but she called me a ‘stupid jerk’ and walked out of the room with the baby. I woke up this morning to the baby in the crib in the nursery and my fiancé asleep on the floor with no pillows/blankets.
She still won’t talk to me.”
10. AITJ For Being Mad At My Father For Canceling On Me Because My Stepmom Was Feeling Sick?
“I (19 f) work a very stressful and tiring job. I am a nurse at my local hospital and I work between 10-14 hours every day. When I finish work I usually get changed, eat, shower, and sleep.
I’m usually completely exhausted and I forget to eat or shower sometimes.
My dad (45 m) and my stepmum (39 f) are expecting their first child. they have tried multiple times for a child and it resulted in 2 ectopic pregnancies and 1 miscarriage. They announced their pregnancy about 3 weeks ago and I couldn’t be happier for them.
I’ve even bought baby clothes. Due to the past pregnancies and much to my stepmother’s dismay, my father is treating my stepmum as if she’s made of glass. She really doesn’t like this and has asked him to be less protective but he understandably wants to keep the baby safe.
Every Christmas we buy one ornament each and put it on the tree. Everyone loves this tradition. It’s a sign the holidays are starting. However, with my busy schedule, the times when I can leave the house and go and get this ornament with my family are incredibly rare.
We picked today and I was fine with that as it’s the one day I finish early. Work today was draining. I didn’t even have time to eat my lunch. After driving home I was desperate to go to sleep. However, I knew we were going into the city.
I stayed awake for an additional 4 hours than I usually do. I was so tired that at one point I was sobbing from pure exhaustion. I desperately wanted to stay up for this family tradition.
10 minutes before we were about to leave I received a text from my father.
He said that my stepmum felt a little bit nauseous and so we couldn’t go out. My stepmum has been feeling sick but she doesn’t ever actually throw up, the feeling also passes after roughly 10-20 minutes. I replied asking why he didn’t tell me sooner because he knew how tired I was.
He said it’s no big deal and I need to stop acting so selfishly.
I said that he knew how tired I’d been and how little sleep I could get so it was unfair to make me stay up for 4 hours longer just because my stepmum was feeling slightly nauseous which would pass in less than an hour.
He flipped out and called me an awful human being who he regrets bringing into this world. I’ve left my house for the night and am staying at a friend’s nearby. So…
Am I the jerk?”
9. AITJ For Calling Out Someone For Hogging The Only Available Fuel Pump?
“My fuel tank is on the driver’s side and I needed diesel so I had limited options as to which fuel pump I could pull up to.
I saw someone with the gas nozzle in their RV and I figured it wouldn’t be long because they were already there filling up and they would be gone soon. So I waited behind them.
And I waited. And waited. And waited.
The nozzle had been in their RV for 30 minutes and I saw no one come out of the vehicle or tend to the pump that whole time so I figured something must be up.
I pulled around and was in a position I could see through their front windshield and it was an RV, it was a family just standing in there living their life.
For what it’s worth, it was one of those ‘Cruise America’ Rental RVs, so they were likely not experienced RV’ers.
They were probably feeling like, ‘Hey this is like our home now, everywhere is home. So let’s just sit here.’
And here’s where I might be the jerk, but suddenly anger came over me and I beep beep beeped my horn and a lady came out and she said ‘That was really rude!
My whole family’s in there!’ I said ‘You can’t just stay hooked up to a gas pump long after your tank is filled. This is not a rest stop. You can’t just hang out in your RV going about your life while other cars are waiting in line behind you, this is a busy gas station with the best prices, you can’t just sit here and monopolize a pump while other cars are waiting behind you in line.’
Even after I said this, she stayed there. She didn’t remove the gas nozzle from her RV. She got back in her RV and continued on with her life with her family.
Eventually, another available pump opened up so I filled up and left, all while she was still there plugged into the pump before, during, and after I filled up and left.
As I pulled onto the highway she finally got out of her RV and unplugged the gas nozzle.”
8. AITJ For Wanting My Friend And Her Significant Other To Pay For The Ingredients Of The Oreo Dirt Cake I Made?
“I (22 f) live with my friend ‘Chelsea’ (23 f). The two of us live there on a lease, but her significant other ‘Jake’ (23 m) will often come over to spend with her. Not so much it’s like he’s practically living with us for free, but enough that I don’t get surprised if I come home to see him on the couch occasionally.
Yesterday, I made an Oreo dirt cake for Thanksgiving. I’m the dirt cake lady for my family and friends. I’ll make it for birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s, and Thanksgiving. People will ask me to make it or I’ll do it as a given.
This year, I changed things up slightly with golden Oreos and was happy with the result as I got it loaded into our freezer for it to set overnight.
I checked it on briefly this morning and transferred it to the fridge before going to work.
Now, while Jake eats while over at our apartment, it’s usually Chelsea’s food or food we share with each other like pizza, chips, popcorn, etc. I don’t mind if either of them eats some of my food, but I will point out if something is for a special occasion so they don’t eat it.
I texted Chelsea that the dirt cake in the fridge was for my family’s Thanksgiving dinner and to keep her and Jake’s hands off it. She gave me a thumbs-up emoji in reply, and I didn’t think anything of it.
I didn’t expect when I got home to see Chelsea and Jake on the couch, watching a movie with the bowl the dirt cake was in on the living room table and half eaten.
There were two big spoons inside of it. Obviously, I got irritated and asked her why she and her significant other ate the dirt cake when I explicitly said to leave it alone since it was for my family in my text.
Chelsea tried to claim that the text must’ve not gotten through but I shut that down quickly by showing that she replied to it.
Chelsea clammed up and Jake tried to defend her by saying it was just pudding, which annoyed me more.
I remembered that I still had time to remake the dirt cake, so I asked Chelsea and Jake to give me honey. I went shopping to buy the ingredients and redo it, telling them the price.
They both refused and told me I was being overly dramatic over a dessert that didn’t even taste all that great. I asked them if it wasn’t good then why was half of it gone in one sitting? They didn’t answer me so I rolled my eyes and told them I expected the money by tomorrow morning.
Jake left soon after that, and Chelsea refused to speak to me for the rest of the night. I told my siblings what happened and they told me I was right to ask for them to pay for the cost. Our mutual friends however think I’m being dramatic over the situation and think I should just pay for it myself.”
7. AITJ For Thinking The Gender Of Our Baby Is Not A Big Deal?
“My wife (29 F) and I (30 M) held a gender reveal for our first child yesterday. It was my wife’s idea since she, her parents, and a few other people wanted to know the gender.
I don’t really care what gender it is as long as it’s healthy. My MIL and FIL wanted it to be a boy because they always wanted a son but had two daughters instead, my wife also wanted it to be a boy but only because of her parents, she didn’t really care much either way.
It was a very small gathering with just a few friends and close family members. After it was revealed that the baby was a girl my MIL walked away and got very upset and my FIL looked disappointed. After around ten minutes I went into the garden to see my MIL crying I asked her what was wrong and she said that she really wanted a grandson.
I told her that I was sorry she was disappointed but it didn’t really matter that much and she got really annoyed at me at this point my FIL had joined us and heard what I said to her. He told me I should be sad too since I won’t be able to teach the baby about cars (I’m a mechanic and I joked a few times about getting the baby to follow in my footsteps) I told him that she might be interested in cars when she’s older so I don’t really understand how that’s relevant.
They were saying a bunch of things about what they can’t do now because she’s a girl, like taking her to sports games and teaching her about sports. They said that I’ll be missing out on giving a son ‘the talk about girls.’ I don’t really care that much about that but what if the baby likes girls so their argument is pretty weak?
They said a few other things about why they wanted her to be a boy but I just walked away and went back inside.
My MIL and FIL explained the whole argument to my wife and she got really mad at me. She said that I should’ve comforted them and had at least a bit of sympathy.
I just don’t understand why the gender is such a big deal. Shouldn’t they just be happy they’re getting a grandchild?
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Inviting My Mom To Our House?
“My wife gave birth to our daughter 8.5 weeks ago. She doesn’t go anywhere usually because she doesn’t want to get the baby sick. So she’s been to her mom’s twice I believe and then 3 times to doctors appointments but outside of that she’s been home full time.
The only person who comes to our home to visit is my mother (my MIL doesn’t have a working vehicle currently and my wife’s one good friend – her cousin – doesn’t have her license because she’s afraid of driving). Typically my mom comes here a few times a week since my wife had the baby.
Prior to that we only saw my mother maybe once a month.
Well, on Saturday my wife said ‘I want to go see Hannah’ in passing. Hannah is her cousin. I didn’t really think anything of it because it wasn’t a question and she wasn’t asking me to drive her anywhere at that time (she isn’t driving currently because of the C-section still causing some discomfort so I drive her everywhere).
My mom called maybe like 15 minutes later and said ‘I’m on my way to your place’. She typically doesn’t ask and just tells me she’s on her way but it’s usually not an issue. So I just said, ‘Alright, see you when you get here’.
Well, my wife overheard and she’s like ‘Who did you just invite here?’ So I told her my mom was on her way and she said ‘Are you serious? I say I want to go to Hannah’s and you invite your mom here? She’s been here 4 times this week already.
I’m so tired of seeing her darken the doorway.’
This was the first time she said anything about not wanting my mom here so I was taken aback and said ‘You can go to Hannah’s when my mom leaves. My mom is allowed to come here to see the baby.’ Well, my wife wasn’t having that at all.
She took the baby and went to the bedroom and by the time my mom got here, both she and the baby had fallen asleep and they didn’t wake up until like 4 hours later. When she did get up she said she was sick and tired of my mom being here and that me prioritizing my mom wanting to come here over her wanting to get out of the house for once and go to Hannah’s really ‘sickened’ her and she’s feeling repulsed by me and my actions.
She said she’s unable to look at me the same after that.”
5. AITJ For Being Willing To Let My Son Get A Failing Grade On An Oral Exam?
“My son Dawson is in the 6th grade and has been rather anxious. He has to give a victim impact statement and has been preparing for it all this week. He’s trying to keep it together and has been sleeping in my bed all those months.
He has an oral report due on Friday for his social studies class and obviously, he can’t do it because he has to be in court. I spoke to his teacher, Mrs. T, and said he has an appointment on Friday that he can’t miss and if he could possibly do this report on Monday.
She asked why couldn’t he do it on Thursday. I said that was a totally fair question but there’s something going on with him and he’s emotionally distraught. I don’t want him breaking down in class and being made fun of. She said there was no good excuse to punt an oral exam because Dawson has the jitters.
I said it’s way more than that. She said he could give his oral report on Thursday or Friday or take a zero. I said I understood and he’ll take a zero. Your class isn’t important in the grand scheme of things anyway. My son’s emotional health is way more important.
She was surprised that I said to give him a zero because I’m a very involved dad. She told me to be upfront with her about what was going on and I said I’m not telling you anymore.
Later I got a call from the vice principal who said that I had a ‘hostile’ conversation with Mrs. T and requested that she give my son a zero.
I said that’s not really accurate. I told him off the record that my son has to give a victim impact statement on Friday. He’s a mess.
He quickly said by all means let him stay home tomorrow and Friday. He’d work something out with his teachers.
I said I did NOT want anyone to know his business. He assured me he wouldn’t give any reason.
I got an email from Mrs. T who said she wished that I had been more open about what was going on because she cares about Dawson.
She’s worried about him now. I responded that I didn’t tell her details because you and especially your son (he’s in the same grade as Dawson) are gossip queens and I don’t trust you. She told me that what I said was very hurtful. I said then don’t ask and don’t fish for information.”
4. AITJ For Selling My Grandparents' Ranch?
“My grandparents used to live on this ranch for almost 60 years and both passed on the property.
My mother was raised there and so were my siblings and me so there’s quite a lot of sentimental value to the house. There’s also a lot of monetary value to the property. The problem is the upkeep. Especially as a single 28-year-old with a moderate pay job.
This is what I told my grandfather years ago when he told me wanted the house to be my inheritance to raise my own family like he did his. It became a running thing with him telling me I needed to get comfortable with the house for when it’s mine, me saying I’d just sell it and him arguing with me about that.
He sadly passed early last year quite suddenly and true to his word, left the house to me amongst other assets. I decided I’d try to make the old man happy and accepted the responsibility.
For the past year, I’ve been trying to make everything work with fluctuating success but ultimately, the house is somewhat of a sinkhole.
On top of that, I’ve been headhunted for a job across the country with the potential to move overseas within the next year.
After long internal deliberations, I decided to just sell the house. When I told my sister, she lost her mind. She said I was disrespecting the old man’s wishes by selling it to a stranger and should rather let her and her husband have it.
I told her she could have it immediately, as long as she could pay the market value for the house. She thinks it’s unfair to ask for money for a house I got for free and offered to stay in it and in return she’ll upkeep it herself.
I was planning on using the money from the sale for a place when I move though so that also wouldn’t work out. There’s a lot of tension now and she’s even trying to rally family members against me.
I get the old man wouldn’t be happy with this if he were alive, but frankly, and lovingly, he isn’t and I shouldn’t burden myself right?
Am I the jerk?”
3. AITJ For Not Really Wanting To Ask My Stepdad To Do "Father Of The Bride" Roles At My Wedding?
“I lost my dad when I was 6 to a heart attack.
He was young but had a bad heart and died in his sleep when he was 29. My mom remarried a couple of years later. She and her husband, my stepdad, met 7 months after my dad’s death. They started going out after knowing each other for a few months.
Then they got married. I should mention that they met through a grief support group. My mom’s husband lost a child to stillbirth and his relationship fell apart.
My mom and her husband wanted me to look at him as another father in my life.
I never saw him that way, not even when he and my mom had my half-brothers together.
I never hated my mom’s husband. I go through a lot of mixed feelings about him. Sometimes I like him because I see he’s a good husband to my mom and a good dad to my half-brothers.
Sometimes I dislike him for not respecting that I want to get along but do not want a fatherly relationship with him. I have never LOVED him. He has never gotten to be someone I consider actually important to me. I think because throughout the negative has always outweighed the positive.
What doesn’t help is he will often tell me he loves me but also goes into how he lost his bio daughter and that makes him love me more, and then he also brings up that losing my bio dad means I NEED someone else to fill that role.
He told me a young child who loses a parent cannot decide they never get a new one. They need to do their best to make the relationship as close to the original one as possible. I have asked him if it isn’t enough to just be friendly and on good terms.
My mom asked me before why I needed to show more loyalty to my dad than to her and her husband and why I couldn’t let him in enough to be that second dad so everyone else could be happy. She told me she knew I would be happier if I had another person filling the role dad left behind.
She said it doesn’t mean he replaces dad but it means I also have a dad here.
Now that I’m in my 20s and I’m engaged to be married. I asked my mom if she would walk me down the aisle at my wedding and she freaked out and told me I needed to ask my stepdad.
She told me that asking her would crush him. Of course, he walks in as she’s still being very loud and when he realized what was going on he told me it would mean the world to him to fill the father of the bride role and do both parts of walking me down the aisle and performing a father/daughter dance at the wedding.
My mom pestered me about it for days afterward. So I asked if we could meet up and I told her I would give her what she wanted but I needed her to understand this is not for me, it’s not what I want, it’s not making me happy and it will not change how I feel about her husband, no matter how much she wants it to.
But I told her if it’s that important I will do it.
She called me manipulative for spewing all that before formally agreeing and told me I had managed to ruin my doing a good thing. AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Get A Dog?
“I (m 39) and my partner (f 37) have been together 23 years 2 kids (5 & 8) together.
We both grew up with dogs (my partner currently volunteers at a rescue center).
My kids and wife want a dog.
I do not want the responsibility of a pet I don’t want to spend my limited spare time walking/cleaning up after/feeding, etc.
This is something I’ve known since I was at least twelve when I was asked if I wanted a dog. But my brother said yes and we got one. He then left home a few years later and my dad and I were left with the dog (which I loved, but didn’t want responsibility for).
My partner wanted a dog when we moved in together and I agreed so long as I didn’t have to do anything with it (I’m not stupid so I understood despite her agreement that I would have to help on occasion, trips away or pregnancy being good examples), this ended up not the case as well as being consistently pushed to go for walks with them and my partner being sullen moody when I didn’t want to, or the floor being wet or slobbered on if I didn’t clean up after the dog immediately if it ate drank or went outside would cause issue.
Me reminding her that I did not want the dog and she had agreed I wouldn’t have to do anything just caused arguments based on the fact she thought I would grow to love the dog (I did love the dog but in the way that I like all animals, I just don’t want to look after them).
My partner and kids now all want a dog, and I understand it’s a good lesson for children to have pets, but we can barely get them to tidy their rooms without issue. I even said if you clean your room every week I’d consider changing my mind as it would show responsibility but the children refused to agree to that.
I did a trial with a fake guinea pig for a week where they would empty a box of shredded paper and then refill it, change a water bottle, and cuddle a cuddly toy for 20 minutes a day. Despite reminding them every day they did it twice.
Between them. So I don’t think they are ready also my youngest doesn’t like walking anywhere (I would obviously help my children look after an animal and wouldn’t just leave them to it).
My partner has just started doing a degree, which is and will further limit her time and our time together as partners and as a family.
I.e I’ve already agreed to take the kids out both days every weekend so they can study in peace. (They also work part-time, 14 hours a week, 3.5 hrs, 4 days)
AITJ for not agreeing to a dog?”
1. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother's Ex To Sleep Over At Our House?
“My brother (31 m) and I (24 f) have been living together for a few months. He used to live with his ex, who lived with her mother and her grandmother, for a few years and she has a kid, but then she broke up with him and just at that time I moved out of my parent’s house because I was able to buy a house thanks to my grandma’s inheritance.
Since my brother had nowhere to go and he needed to stay in the city because of his work, I told him to move in with me for a few months since I didn’t want to live alone in a new neighborhood where I didn’t know anyone and my brother is more outgoing than me.
Here’s the thing (and I know a lot of people with older siblings can relate to this), my brother has always taken ownership of my things, if I have something that he likes or needs, he takes it without asking for permission. It has always bothered me when we were kids and we had awful fights because of it.
Recently, he’s doing the same thing with the house, he always refers to the house as his and tells everyone that he’s the one who bought the house when it was clearly me. It doesn’t bother me that much because we don’t really have any friends in common because of our age difference.
Now comes the problem. He kept in contact with his ex because he has a really good relationship with her kid, but because of that, they were starting to get close again and she regrets breaking up with him. He tells me he doesn’t want to get back together with her but I know him well enough to realize he’s still in love with her.
One night I came home from work and my brother told me that his ex was going to come to the house because she was upset and had a fight with her mother. I told him that she could come, but I didn’t want her spending the night.
He got upset with me and started questioning the reasons why. I explained to him that I knew that he was still into her and that they eventually would get back together, and if that happened, I knew he would want her to come live in my house with her kid and I didn’t want that to happen.
He told me I was overreacting and got upset with me. She eventually had to spend the night because there was a storm and she couldn’t go back home. The next day I told my brother that that was going to be the last time she spent the night at the house and he got mad at me again.
He told me that he was living there too and he had the right to bring home whoever he wanted.
AITJ?”
