People Are Insistent On Knowing If They're Unreasonable In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A New Umbrella?
“I (F17) had a bit of a disagreement with my mother over going to a shop over an hour away to get an umbrella.
It’s a pretty hot day today, it got to 34° degrees I believe? So I was swimming in the pool for a few hours, I got out just before dinner and was in my room drying off, while I was drying my brother (M15) came into my room to play on the Wii with me.
My mum comes in 10 minutes into playing and says one of us needs to come to this shop that’s over an hour away to buy an umbrella. We both didn’t want to go so my brother ran away to his room, she looked at me and I said “I don’t really want to” so she glared at me and said ‘ok!
I won’t ever take the time out of my day to drive you anywhere from now on’ then she walked away. I was a bit sad due to this being my last holiday before year 12 starts so this is my only break this new year I suppose. I jump out of my swimsuit and get changed still kind of wet, by the time I’m ready to leave she is gone…
She comes back with my brother who ended up going despite saying no and running away to his room. I feel a bit sad from being told I am practically grounded for the rest of my summer holiday. I sit down at the table for dinner and my mum says ‘why are you so depressed and moody?’ I tell her why I’m upset and she yells ‘you’re just such a lazy witch, your brother is much more helpful than you.’ She explains how he was ‘ready to leave, already.’ I remained silent before she said, “if you don’t want to be a part of this family anymore then you have been doing the right things.” I left the table after eating and then silently cried in my room from that.
I feel so dumb, my last free holiday before year 12 has been ruined by my words, I could have just said yes and this would never have happened… she said ‘I need to face the harsh consequences of my actions’… This has just left me feeling pretty down, to be honest.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No… no honey you are not the jerk. You’re a child, whose parent was definitely the jerk. Your mother dismissed you, belittled you, and even went out of her way to make you feel even worse, to the point of crying… you refused to go to the store with someone, that doesn’t carry ‘harsh consequences.’ I’m truly sorry you’re going through this, and hope that you’re able to get out and enjoy your life soon.” goodboi88
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Your mum overreacted and shouldn’t have pitted you against your brother like that, nor should she have spoken to you in that way. If just saying no to a trip to the shops gets you booted out of a family, then what kind of family is it? I’m guessing that she speaks to you like that often, but if not, it might be worth talking about it when you’re both in a good place.” NotMyCircus170
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I grew up with my mother CONSTANTLY pitting me against my brother, comparing me to him always saying he was so much better than me. Your mum took a small situation and blew it up, using it as an excuse to belittle you and make you feel like garbage. Just remember, soon you will have your own life separate from her and you will feel so much better.” SapphicRose_
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Upset Friend?
“So yesterday for new year’s eve, I was at a neighbor’s house having a good time having quite a few drinks and partook with some substances (I only do this on my birthday and new year’s eve).
During the night I get a frantic phone call from an inebriated friend (let’s call her Elf) that her partner is kicking off again and she needs to get out. This has happened before, Elf’s partner can be nasty… one step away from DV kind of nasty, however, at this stage partner was out of the flat and at the social club.
I immediately feel hopeless as I explain to Elf that I can’t drive but she’s more than welcome to get an uber to mine. Well uber wasn’t working on her phone so ordered on mine.
Finally got the uber sorted but Elf then refused to leave her flat, uber driver rightly gets annoyed and left and charges me £20 for the privilege.
Elf then starts ranting that if I was a proper friend I’d go get her myself and that she refuses to leave there unless it’s in my car. Elf refused to accept the fact that I didn’t want to risk driving whilst impaired because I really hate it plus if I had been pulled over by police it would be a long weekend in the cells till courts opened after the bank holidays on wed, car impounded, and license removed. My neighbor who is also friends with Elf plus others at the party are also saying I should have driven.
AITJ for refusing to pick up my friend despite arranging other means of transport for them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should never risk your life and that of innocents by driving under the influence.
I don’t presume to know what Elf’s issue was not wanting to leave the house unless you were there to hold her hand along the way, but she needs to understand that she is the one who has to take steps to help herself, other people can only do so much.
This is a great analogy for the bigger issue, which is her messed up partner and relationship. She needs to be the one to leave him, you cannot be the one saving her all the time and risking your life in the process. You can help, but it’s her life so her choices are the ones with the most power.
The others are probably not thinking clearly or haven’t taken time to properly consider all the possible consequences of you getting into a car wasted and trashed, but at least you were sensible enough not to.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So many things could’ve gone left, one of them being an accident. Small or large consumption of substances, you do not get behind the wheel no matter the circumstance.
Elf and the rest of your ‘friends’ are irresponsible for expecting you to make that dangerous choice.
What would they do had you been arrested? Ignore your calls to bail you out? What if you were in a serious accident? Blame you for your injuries? Or worse: what if your intoxication caused bodily harm for another driver?
Would they avoid you like the plague? Side with the grieving family and friends of the victim you could potentially hurt? Although you would have to take responsibility for causing these issues, your friends would be as much to blame for encouraging this behavior to meet their needs.
People like this are the reason why I don’t drink when out with friends.
I’m old enough to set boundaries but the last thing I need when I’m supposed to be enjoying myself is people guilting me for ‘not being a good friend.’ If Elf was a friend to you, she would accept the Uber offer you extended to her due to your situation. But she didn’t.
She wanted you to risk your well-being to save her, the person that would come out unscathed.” Pretty_Princess90210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Had you had an accident you would have been responsible and possibly faced fines and prison time. You arranged a safe means for Elf to get to your home, which is what you could do, and she refused to accept it.
She’s being unreasonable and ridiculous.
I’ve seen you and others have been trying to help her, but honestly, in most DV relationships, you’ve got to wait for that person to be ready to leave. They’ll often misplace blame because it’s easier to blame you for not driving than her partner for being a jerk and herself for not getting in that Uber.
I sympathize but you did what you could.” Full_Worldliness1480
18. AITJ For Not Seeing My Uncle During Christmas?
“There’s my family, with me, my brother, dad, and mom.
We live 5 minutes away from my grandma, my mom’s mother. And a few hours away there’s my Uncle (mom’s brother) and his son.
During the holidays my Uncle and cousin come to stay at my grandma’s and we spent Christmas all together there.
My Uncle is a very cold, and often rude man. Always has been.
The situation between my grandma, my mom, and my uncle has always been very cold and complicated. They are not close, and my Uncle speaks rudely to them when he speaks to them at all. But, he has always been nice to me and my brother, and my dad. That doesn’t change the fact that we don’t like him.
My cousin is very introverted and doesn’t spit a word.
These past 5 years, Christmas with my Uncle has gotten worse. It’s incredibly cold and awkward. But it’s always been like this so we kept it this way, and it makes my grandma ‘happy’.
A few months ago, my uncle came to my grandma’s to discuss selling my grandma’s house.
My parents have done all of the work so far. My uncle just came in mad from the start, and it all ended badly. He pretty much insulted my mom, and said ‘screw Christmas with you guys’. My parents simply left.
Fast forward to Christmas and we chose to not go see them. My grandma called me, asking to see if I and my brother could at least come and say hi.
We chose not to. When we went to see her after my Uncle left, she was in tears, telling us she spent the worst Christmas of her life, and the family is ripping apart and it was breaking her heart. She accepted that we spend Christmas apart but we should at least come and say hi.
My uncle broke down crying when he learned we said no to seeing him. He had brought gifts for us. My grandma has been very depressed lately and it’s adding to the pile.
AITJ for choosing to not go see my uncle?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Christmas is a complicated, stressful time of year when families are under a ton of pressure to make things work and enjoy themselves.
It can take level heads and diplomacy to get to a point where people actually enjoy Christmas, let alone get through it without getting depressed or upset.
Maybe this is the wake-up call your uncle needs to act differently at family events if he sees the consequences of his past actions. I don’t blame you for not wanting to go, I wouldn’t either, and I don’t blame your grandma for being upset, it must be hard to see the family you’re ultimately responsible for pulling apart like that.
Use this as a jumping-off point for mending the relationships rather than a door closing on everything.” Joseph_HTMP
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You avoided your uncle who is a jerk. You still went to see your grandma after they left. You are not obligated to make a rod out of your back. Your grandma should have stepped in so much earlier while your uncle insulted your mum.
It must have been like that for their entire lives. It’s not your fault. It’s your grandmother’s. She sounds very manipulative as well. ‘The family is falling apart.’ Just because your mum and dad finally decided you stop being the victim of the verbal abuse of your uncle?! Are you kidding me? And it’s a big lie your uncle was crying.
It’s your grandma’s manipulation. Stay strong. The lesson here is that there are people who hurt others for a purpose. And you are not a tree. You can leave. Good for you.” hadriai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They’re your thoughts and feelings to follow, and if the consequences of his actions made you exclude him from your life that’s not something to blame you for.
That emotional blackmail from them is something you need to deal with, though. Time to make your boundaries very clear; and then let them adjust to those boundaries in whatever way they want. If they want to be in your life or not.” tonysvanstrom
17. AITJ For Not Paying For My Sister's Bill?
“My sister and her partner recently moved to a town next to mine.
I was excited as we’ll be able to see more of each other now. Nearby, there is a downtown center that has a lot of shopping, restaurants, galleries, etc. There is one upscale restaurant that both my husband and I love. A dinner for two will run you about $200-$250 so it’s not a place we frequently go to.
My sister called me last week and invited us out to dinner with them at the restaurant last night. I reminded her it was an upscale place and to take a look at the menu beforehand because they are pricey and we can go somewhere else, tons of other great places. She said they still wanted to go.
We hadn’t been there in a while so we accepted. Dinner was great!
At the end of the meal, my sister excuses herself to the bathroom and when she doesn’t come back relatively soon her partner goes to find her. After a while, neither of them comes back. We go to check for them and they are gone.
I call/text her and she texts back that they’ve left but ‘thanks for dinner, it was just as amazing as you said it would be.’ I asked her what she meant but no response. I texted again asking if she really just stuck us with the bill and no response. I then texted that I never agreed to pay for them and that she had 30 minutes to come back to the restaurant or I’ll give the restaurant all her information and they will likely involve the police.
No response. At the 30-minute mark, I called/texted and got no response. So I stayed true to my word. I paid for my and my husband’s portion and gave all her information to the manager for their portion and then left.
The next day she called me back upset that she’s been getting calls from the restaurant asking her to come to pay or they’ll contact the police.
I said I’m not surprised since she skipped out on her bill. She said she thought I was paying the tab since I’ve paid for our dinners in the past (I have paid for her+me only dinners where the total tab was $60 max). I said this was obviously different than the other times we met for dinner (this was all four of us AND at an upscale restaurant) and I was not paying the $450 tab and she had to cover her portion.
I reminded her that she invited us out and chose the restaurant. I specifically asked if she wanted to go somewhere else but she is the one who insisted on going to this restaurant. I never agreed to pay for everyone. She then said she thought I’d just pay but when I asked the waiter for separate checks she realized I wasn’t and left for the bathroom planning to ditch.
I said that since the restaurant hadn’t contacted the police yet, all she had to do was go in and pay and it would be settled. She didn’t want to do that because it would be too embarrassing and asked me to cover it. I again said no and that she had to take care of it.
Our family has gotten involved and I’m being pressured to just pay the bill. AITJ if I don’t and let the restaurant call the police?
Clearly, I will not be paying for anything ever again.
EDIT: This event really made me feel like a piggy bank and not a sister which is the most upsetting.
We are all early/mid-30s. She’s never really been this terrible BUT she has almost always found a way to bring my salary into conversations. For example, the first time I met her partner, we were talking about cars as he just bought a brand new car. I said I’d like to get into a new car but that I can’t afford it right now (true, I’m a saver and not a spender) and her response was ‘You make xxx, you can definitely afford that car.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did 100% the right thing. We tried to take advantage of you and do not appear to give a single crap about literally using you for a fancy dinner. I hope the restaurant sends the cops after her. Sounds like she needs a little rude awakening.
If your family is putting pressure, tell them they’re welcome to pay her bill and that you won’t be paying for anyone in the family anymore.
Your money is your own, and if they’re going to take advantage of previous generosity, then they’re going to find themselves on their butts from now on.
I cannot believe your sister thought it was okay to literally dine and dash, and stick her own sister with a $450 bill. That’s seriously messed up. It doesn’t matter if you make a higher salary than her.
If she couldn’t afford an expensive meal, she shouldn’t have picked that place. This is not something you should just let go of.” crazycatleslie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister did an awful thing and I’m surprised you’re still talking to her. I would’ve cut her off immediately the minute she decided she could do that to me then have the audacity to get mad about me not complying.
She’s just mad you didn’t cave and pay. Your sister and the family that’s pressuring you to ‘just pay for it’ can go screw themselves.
ETA: you shouldn’t feel guilty that you earn more than her or her partner. You WORK for your money and that doesn’t give them the right to force you to pay for dinner.
You didn’t have to make yourself clear about not paying, she and her partner shouldn’t have assumed you’d pay and if she was comfortable enough to ditch you at the restaurant, she shouldn’t be embarrassed to go back and pay. Let her be an adult and handle the situation she got herself into.” Inner-Newspaper136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t pay for her. What she did was disgusting, entitled, and against the law. She deserves every bit of punishment if she doesn’t pay it and if the family is so concerned for her then how about they pay for it? Everyone likes to act high and mighty and pressure you into paying it but very few will put their money where their mouth is.
As for your family, you need to text them all with screenshots of your convo with her, showing she picked the restaurant knowing it was expensive and you never agreed to pay for her meal with the message that she did this to herself, there was no miscommunication between you two and if anyone continues to pressure you to pay the bill then you will consider going low contact/no contact with them because of them enabling disrespectful and illegal behavior.” Fearless_Speech9883
16. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Kick Grandpa Out?
“6 months ago in July, my mother had asked me to let my grandfather and uncle stay in my room. I had no problem with this since I thought they’d only be staying over summer break (3 months). It’ll be rude to ask them to stay elsewhere when my uncle was renovating our house.
Originally my uncle and grandfather said they would stay for 3 months (September), but they kept on pushing the date back.
It was first September, then February, and staying for good.
I will start listing some things that really annoy me about not having my own room:
I have to work in the kitchen which is never quiet. The tv is always on or people are constantly talking. I’m currently in 8th grade so I’m focusing on my grades so I can graduate.
I’m always getting off task because of how loud it is.
I never have any privacy. My friends usually call me to talk. But my mom works the night shift so she sleeps during the day. I can’t talk to them because I share a room with my parents. I either wake her up or she listens secretly.
You may think why I don’t call at night? My dad stays at home and takes care of us. He sleeps early so if I talk then, it will be the same. The only place I can talk in private is the bathroom.
My dad never liked my grandfather from the beginning. When my parents were married, my dad never met my mom’s father.
They only met after my mom had my older brother. My grandpa didn’t care for us. He just watched tv. My grandma was the one who would feed us while they were gone. But he would never help around the house. My dad had enough and kicked him out.
He does nothing. In our house, you clean up after yourself.
He drops food on counters/floors and leaves it. He eats and leaves the plates for someone else to wash. He had explosive diarrhea and it splattered EVERYWHERE. To make it worse, he got up and started walking around the house. He left a snail trail of poop everywhere that WE had to clean. All he does is watch tv on the couch and laze around all day.
He’s not disabled and is perfectly able to help us around the house.
He is rich. He has his own business and people who can take care of him but he still wants to stay at our house. His excuse is that he doesn’t want to isolate when he gets there.
Here is why I feel like a jerk.
I’m basically asking my mom to kick her dad out of the house. I don’t know much about her family life, but I know she loves her dad a lot. I feel like I’m ruining her relationship with her dad. My brother keeps sitting on the fence trying to stay neutral. I wrote a message essay about it and sent it to her a couple of weeks ago.
Now he’s leaving at the end of January. But he plans on staying for 6 months and COMING BACK. Now my dad is asking us to convince my mom that he can’t stay anymore. But my brother won’t say anything because he could care less about me and my room. I don’t think I can handle him coming back and taking my room again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You listed incredibly legitimate reasons to have your own room but even if you hadn’t, you’re a kid who deserves and needs their own private space. You’re supposed to be individuating right now. That’s part of being a teenager. And you’re being a responsible one who is excelling at school and is also incredibly responsible and sensitive to others in their living environment.
You are NTJ but your mom will be if she invalidates your needs again. Standing up for yourself is not you acting unethically.” justmaybemaggie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If grandpa has the money, he can buy a house next door, or pay for you to rent your own place, he is making you unwelcome in your own home by taking your room.
Your mother has to decide whether she prioritizes what her father wants, or what her children and husband need.” No-Trouble814
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your dad needs to handle this.
Even though you’re a kid, you have rights too! Your parents owe you a safe environment where you can concentrate on your education. When an adult is messing with that, it’s your parents’ responsibility to get them out of the house.
Is there a counselor or teacher you can talk to? What about your dad’s side of the family, or your friend’s parents? Is there somewhere you can stay at least during exams? Is your dad willing to get a hotel room for a time in order to give your mother a wake-up call?
Good luck. Even if your family gets angry, it’s not your fault! They are wrong. That’s not your fault. When people get mad when you stick up for yourself, it’s still not your fault!” mongoooses
15. AITJ For Arguing With My Daughter Over My Current Partner?
“I (56 M) recently got into an argument with my daughter (19 f) over my current partner. Today, she came home after ignoring me to spend time with me for the holidays. I think she got the impression my partner would not be coming but she had work. When my partner came her attitude immediately changed. She got extremely quiet and reserved.
My partner had some issues with the idea of me choosing my children over her. I feel like as a partner it was my job to comfort her. So I told her she was the most important thing in my life and eventually my daughter would leave me alone so she was all I could dream of.
Turns out my daughter heard all of it. She immediately ran to her room and refused to come out for the rest of the night.
I later went to check on her, and when I opened her door she exploded. She told me that I proved I never really cared for her or her feelings.
I responded that what I said was true and that she shouldn’t have been listening to my conversation either way. She claimed it was not her intention but ‘both of us were loud enough to hear from the kitchen.’ This made me extremely upset and I do not know what to do anymore.
So AITJ?
Edit: I would just like to make it clear I am upset at her because she eavesdropped on a private conversation. I feel like I raised her better than to do that. However, I shouldn’t have yelled.
I decided to try to talk to her this morning because I couldn’t sleep last night.
I also wanted time for her to cool off, but I guess it was not enough time. When I knocked on her door I received no answer, when I knocked again the door swung open and she looked angry. I couldn’t even get a word in, she was yelling at me about how she is ‘tired’ of my partner and she was packing to stay with her grandma for unsure of how long.
As she packed she was ranting about how this is why she chose to go to school to study teaching because ‘when parents mistreat them teachers should be there and she never wants to be responsible for letting mistreatment go under the rug’ and then she left.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You don’t deserve to have your children in your life.
You should have kicked your partner to the curb the second she was awful toward your daughter. Just because this woman sleeps with you, you make excuses for her and expect everybody else to do the same.
It’s incredibly amusing that you wax lyrical about this woman being the most important thing in your life and all you can dream of yet also describe her as your ‘current’ partner.
Don’t you dare complain when this horrible woman dumps you or turns on you so you finally dump her, and your children want nothing to do with you. In keeping this terrible creature in their lives, and in prioritizing her over them, you have forfeited any right to complain if you end up alone.” Mysterious-System680
Another User Comments:
“Your daughter should be your top priority! Your partner could end up leaving (not saying she will) and your daughter would still be there. Why would you put anyone above her? She will end up hating you for the fact you chose some girl you’ve known for a few years over your daughter who has been in your life since before she was born.
I hope she goes no contact with you. You definitely don’t deserve to have a relationship with your daughter. I hope you’ll realize what you had until she’s gone. You will always be the jerk in her head. There is nothing you can do to make it up to her. I bet she hates you as I’m typing this.
I would never forgive my father if he chose some partner (he’s still married to my mom) over me if they ever did end up separating. YTJ.” Ok-Economist-1705
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You are choosing your partner over your own child. Jerk. Your partner should not have been making this a competition and that’s a whole bushel of red flags!
Making it about your daughter ‘eavesdropping’ when you should not have been having this conversation within earshot of her is a jerk move and I wonder if the partner manipulated this knowing she would hear.
Your daughter may cut you off altogether after this and I wouldn’t blame her one iota. You shouldn’t be sad about that, after all, you chose the partner over her, right?
Father of the year!” Catatomical
14. AITJ For Setting Up Conditions Before My Mom Gets A Dog?
“My (19M) mom tends to be very impulsive. She has made multiple life-changing decisions on a whim with seemingly very little regard for consequences, and I have made it my own personal goal to make her stop and consider things until I can move out.
She wanted to quit her job and move to Vermont just a little while ago, and I had to slow her down and ask why on earth she’d leave her work-from-home management position to go back into retail away from our family.
So of course, when I woke up this morning and my mom started showing me pictures of a 9-week-old puppy, I was very skeptical. As much as I think she’d benefit from having a dog, the last dog we had didn’t work out so well – I had to train him despite the fact that I really didn’t want a dog, and ultimately she gave the dog to my dad (who she has been separated from for ten years).
She very clearly has already made up her mind about this puppy, and said that she was going to pick it up tomorrow morning.
She’s an adult, and she can do what she wants. I’m not going to forbid her from getting a dog, even if I don’t think it’s the best plan for her.
But at the same time, I don’t want any of my own items destroyed, I don’t want to have to be cleaning puppy pee out of jackets that ended up on the floor. and I especially don’t want to be blamed if the dog takes a dump on my carpet. I do my best to clean up after myself, but my mom often leaves things a mess and then has a frenzy cleaning session about once a week.
Currently, a lot of the house is a mess, and bringing a dog into a messy and unkempt household just seems like a complete recipe for disaster.
I told my mom we can get the dog on two conditions: one, we clean up the house before we bring the dog in, so we don’t have to be worrying about that; two, we get a baby gate for my door-less room, so that the dog can slowly meet my cat through the bars.
This doesn’t seem like a lot to ask, to me.
My mom has been quietly having a fit about this. She’s been saying things like ‘you’re not my parent’ and ‘I shouldn’t have to get your clearance to do things with my life’. This feels unfair, especially since I had to take care of the last dog we had the majority of the time, so it’s going to affect my life as well.
She’s also been arguing that it doesn’t matter if the house is a mess or not, which is mostly frustrating because I don’t want to live in a pig sty either, much less be managing a dog in that environment.
She agreed to my terms, and we’ve pushed back the pick-up time to the afternoon so we have time to clean the house a bit.
Despite this, she’s been actively very passive-aggressive, trying to hint that she didn’t give me conditions when I decided to adopt my cat (which is a lie; she absolutely did).
So, AITJ? Am I just holding my mother to the same standards she holds me to? Is it a jerk move to try to do that, as her son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Taking care of a puppy is really taxing work and I know from experience how curious they are in a new environment. They will absolutely bite into, pee on, and dig into things that are lying on the floor. You also sound like you’re the parent in this situation. That itself is a problem.
I’m sure your mom will understand the consequences of her getting the puppy when you stop helping out and her stuff gets destroyed by an active puppy.” lightsoffaery
13. WIBTJ If I Don't Come To Work?
“I work at a retail store. I requested New Year’s Eve off on November 30th. It was granted.
Unfortunately, my uncle passed away the day before Christmas Eve. I found out on Christmas day that he was going to have a funeral on Thursday morning. I also requested Wednesday off because the wake was that night.
I was supposed to work Thursday night, and because the funeral was early in the day, I technically could have been able to make it to my shift but I knew I wouldn’t be in a good place to do that. All throughout the funeral, my boss, who we’ll call Sara is sending text after text about how she’s been working 11-hour days all this week because people were calling out (AKA me because I wasn’t able to make it in due to my uncle’s funeral and me also having the day after Christmas off, which I had also requested on Nov 30th and was granted.) My boss knew that, and yet I still got a text in our work group chat as I was quite literally being driven away from the cemetery to the repast after the burial asking me if I could come in and close on NYE due to there only being one closer scheduled. I was so upset and honestly just shocked. There is no reason why they couldn’t have found someone to cover my shift for that day, and especially no reason to be texting me then of all times.
I replied ‘I don’t know, it’s been a rough day’ y’know, implying that I was not going to be ready to come to work on Friday. Bear in mind, I would not have been allowed to also have Saturday off. My boss immediately replied, ‘Oh no, not today, I mean tomorrow.’ Yeah. I get that.
I just replied and said ‘I’m sorry, I just want to be with my family’.
Following that, my coworker, who we’ll call Rebeca starts in with her nasty text messages. Rebeca and Sara are good friends, and unfortunately, this isn’t the first time Rebeca has said rude things in the group chat and it has gone overlooked due to her being friends with Sara.
She says ‘Good. I’m so glad that tomorrow will look like this too. I guess I’ll just go back straight to school right from work with no break at all. It’s okay I love my job and my coworkers.’
My friend says ‘you don’t have an obligation to come in. There’s no way you can be penalized for refusing to come in on your day off.
This should be a management issue.’
Rebeca replies, ‘But surely you can be penalized for a lot of other things’ and brings up that if people didn’t call out or leave early, we wouldn’t be in this position. I know she’s talking about me for calling out for my uncle’s funeral and leaving early the day before the wake because I was genuinely having panic attacks.
I typed up a very nice two weeks notice letter, which my loved ones said I was way too nice. But I don’t want to deal with this on top of everything else. I am heavily considering just not showing up today. I also understand that I would be putting people in a bad position in an already understaffed store.
WIBTJ for not giving proper notice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! NTJ! NTJ!
This incident is showing you that your manager and coworker don’t consider you their equal and will not offer you basic human courtesy. No job is worth losing your mental peace over. And as your friend pointed out you are under no obligation to work on a day off that was granted to you.
If I was you, I would take screenshots of any rude comments they have made in the group chat and talk to someone above your immediate manager. Make a formal complaint and give them a clear-cut reason for why you are requesting the termination of your work contract.
Also, I am so sorry for your loss.
Wishing you and your family my condolences in these difficult times.” lightsoffaery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What do you owe them? They’ve given you nothing but grief, during a time of grieving. They act like your uncle PLANNED to die just to inconvenience them. I bet they’d expect ALL the condolences if someone close to them passed.” YourImaginaryFried
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is actually an entire movement going on right now centered on this type of behavior from employers. The media calls it The Great Resignation, it’s called anti-work, etc. you get generations realizing life isn’t all about working at trashy jobs just because that’s a part of life.
Employers that do unforgivable things, such as this, are being called out all over social media, and employees are quitting by the masses realizing they deserve more. No job is worth your mental health. Especially with retail being short on workers everywhere, I’m sure you’d be able to get an equivalent job elsewhere with a boss and coworkers who have sympathy.
Screw them.” mkat326
12. AITJ For Trying To Make A Point?
“My mother has a habit of overstepping boundaries and disregarding my requests in favor of what she wants to do that has persisted my entire life, and it’s exhausting.
If I say I don’t want her to buy something for me, she’ll buy it for me anyway. If I tell her I don’t want to be around certain people for certain reasons (usually introversion), she’ll bring them around and force me to interact with them. If I tell her I need her to keep the noise down in my apartment because I’m working from home, she’ll be doing the noisiest things while I’m in a meeting.
Basically, it doesn’t matter what I say or think because she’s going to do what she wants to do anyway. I’m her youngest child, but I’m not a child by any means. I’ve tried expressing this to her calmly and not-so-calmly, and she’d say that she hears me each and every time and then go back to doing it again.
I’ve recently interacted with people I didn’t want to interact with, courtesy of you-know-who. After those back-to-back interactions, I’ve been VERY sick. I told my mom I wasn’t feeling well when I first noticed my throat felt like it was on fire and my voice was depleting, but I had to help her with an errand that required my presence and couldn’t be rescheduled. Throughout this illness, my mom insisted on calling me on the phone and talking to me despite letting her know repeatedly that I need to rest. I ended up getting a text-to-speech app to communicate so my voice can have a break.
My mom asked me if I’d like to have a certain soup brought to me. I could tell she wanted to help even though I didn’t really want it, so I obliged. She asked if I wanted a particular fish that I don’t care for in it. I told her twice that I just wanted the broth early in the day and not to have the fish set for me, assuming she’d leave the fish for other family members who will eat the dish.
My relative came and dropped off the broth to me later in the evening and lo and behold, the fish I told her I didn’t want was there.
I don’t throw food away unless it’s spoiled or inedible, but I decided to thank my mom and fib that I threw the fish out. My throat is too sore for yelling and calmly talking has not done wonders for me in the past. I figured the only way my mom might finally realize that she should respect my decisions and stop being overbearing is if there was an actual consequence she wasn’t expecting.
I can tell it upset my mom and it really hurts me to have to do this, but I’m really hoping this shocks her into the realization that I’m not a baby. Even so, I still feel like crap for hurting my mom’s feelings like this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“But this sounds exactly like something a baby would do.
I’m joking but picturing a baby throwing food. I’d say that it’s too late to try to teach your mom how to act. She looks at you and sees who you are now but also an unbroken line back to when you were born and she’s just one of those moms that are never going to listen.
I think the ‘being a baby’ is a good defense though. If she treats you that way and forces you to spend time with people you don’t want to, what would a baby do? Make a scene and be taken away. So make a scene and leave. I’m being a little too literal here but I’m serious about the point I’m trying to make.
If she won’t treat you like an adult then there isn’t much point in acting like one. Be irrational and make it so it’s easier for her to give you your way.
The problem might be that you are being too much of an adult and tolerating these things you don’t want to do. Tell her that if she’s going to treat you like a baby you’ll act like one and then do it.
NTJ.” dog_star_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you do need to shine up your spine. She buys you something you don’t want, say thank you, and let her know it will be donated as soon as possible. She wants you to have contact with people that you don’t want to, then don’t. YOU ARE AN ADULT.
Stop letting her treat you like a doormat. Just because someone texts or calls you, doesn’t mean you have to respond or answer. When she does call or text don’t answer right away. Make her wait, maybe start with 15 minutes and go from there. As long as you go along with this by letting her guilt you, it will never stop.” Booklovinmom55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is such a lame consequence. Your mother needs a firm boundary-setting statement from you. And you need to stop pandering to her. You don’t want to talk on the phone as it’s hurting your throat, so her response is to try to make you do the painful thing, and you give in all the time.
Why? What you should do is not answer the phone and text her restating that you cannot physically speak right now and that you will let her know when you are able to. What’s so important about this woman that her pushing you into deeply uncomfortable and hurtful and physically painful situations is accepted by you over and over?” notrapunzel
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My MIL's Stepdaughter To Attend My Baby Shower?
“My mother-in-law and I have always had a tense relationship. I won’t get into the details here, but the last straw for me was when she wrote me a multi-page letter about how much of a disappointment I was soon after her son and I got engaged. I decided from then on that he would be the one to communicate with her and I would have no communication with her except in person during visits when my husband was nearby to stand up for me.
A month after we got married, she and her partner of about a year got married in another country and had a small ceremony in our country afterward, which we helped set up and attended. We had only met him a handful of times since we lived a few hours apart. We never met his family or daughters from a previous marriage they lived in another country and his daughters lived with their mom.
Anyway, a while after we got married we got pregnant with our first baby. My mom and friend threw us a co-ed baby shower with our best friends and close family – about 20 people total all of whom we are extremely close to. About a week before the shower, my mother-in-law texted me and said ‘I’m bringing my husband’s daughter to the shower, I hope that’s okay.’ I forwarded the text to my mom who was hosting.
She asked how I felt about it. I told her the truth: I’d never met this girl in my life, I hardly know my mother-in-law’s husband let alone his teenage daughter.
Every other person there is a very close relative or friend, she won’t know anyone, and I’m uncomfortable having a stranger at this intimate baby shower.
My mom HATES conflict, so we discussed it with my husband and he told his mom that it was rude to invite someone to someone else’s baby shower, and we didn’t know this girl and did not invite her. His mom was furious, her husband decided not to come since his daughter wasn’t invited (honestly it didn’t even cross any of our minds to invite her, I thought she lived in another country), and mother-in-law moped the whole baby shower.
She’s brought up a few times since then how rude it was not to invite ‘family’ and to exclude her stepdaughter, but 4 years later I’ve still never met her, she doesn’t visit her dad/my mother-in-law, and I’ve never spoken to her and neither has my husband, but mother-in-law is still harboring resentment.
So, am I the jerk for technically excluding my husband’s stepsister from our baby shower?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You shouldn’t be notified that a stranger will be attending your baby shower.
However… if this kid was visiting from another country, what were they supposed to do with her instead? At her age, she most likely didn’t know anyone locally but her father and maybe some of his relatives, if he has any.
Your MiL and her husband were probably looking for a way to attend your event without leaving their houseguest alone with nothing to do. The way they handled it was still completely wrong, and your MiL still seems horrible; I’m just offering an alternative perspective.” Chunks_of_Funk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was kind enough to invite your MIL, although I imagine that was more for your husband’s sake.
Her inviting someone you don’t know is just rude. The only thing going for her is that she actually asked you if it was ok.
Which… well, I wonder if that was within her character? Somehow it feels off to me, for someone capable of writing a letter of disappointment to a newly engaged girl.
Maybe it’s just me. But I imagine she could’ve found a way so her husband could decline to go, she could ruin your day and play victim, and you could be blamed for years to come. So… Are you sure the girl was even there visiting?” alyom
10. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's House Early In The Morning?
“Over New Year’s a few friends and I decided to get together and celebrate.
It would just be the four of us. I have an 8hr shift at 10 am the next day so I said that I wouldn’t be drinking and I would leave that night to go home. When the ball dropped I did end up taking a few sips of booze and that was it. At 2 am I said I needed to go home to get adequate rest for my morning shift. My friends started to say ‘I don’t condone that, you are under the influence.’ I said, ‘ok how long should I wait before I leave?’ It had been over 2 hours since the last time I had a drink and I felt perfectly fine.
Around 3:30 am I started to get super stressed about waking up the next day and feeling like I really needed to go home. I brought up the idea again and still, they wouldn’t let me leave. For some context two of the friends there are super close and always make everyone feel left out.
My other friend had left and I was just sitting there on my phone because they wouldn’t include me in the conversation. By 4 am I started to have a panic attack because it had been over 4 hrs since I had any drink and I needed to get home, not just for my shift, but also because I wasn’t having fun anymore just feeling left out.
I started to argue and say that I really needed to leave and they refused to listen to me and told me just to not show up for work. I am the only manager working all day and that would be impossible to do. They retreat to the bedroom and close the door while I’m on the stairs texting my sister about what to do.
Finally, I texted them saying that I respect what they were trying to say but I had other priorities than just staying up and partying. Now she’s upset with me and ignoring my texts saying she’s not going to argue with me right now. I personally don’t think I was arguing but for that moment sitting on the stairs having an anxiety attack in a house I had never been in was too overwhelming.
I know that ultimately my friend is right in the sense that driving under the influence is super wrong and I would never ever drive if I was. But after 4 hrs with something that had a low booze level I felt secure enough to drive. My ‘meltdown’ came after having a stressful day with my friends and still feeling left out and like a second choice.
I also know I’m tired and that plays into the spiral of anger.
So am I the jerk for making a choice in leaving my friend’s house after an argument?”
Another User Comments:
“You should have just left when you first wanted to. You don’t need to have their permission to leave or be sending texts from outside a room where your trashy ‘friends’ have locked themselves.
NTJ for wanting to leave but I feel like YTJ to yourself here for allowing yourself to get stressed out when you should have just left and avoided all this childish drama and pity partying. You want to leave, you leave.’ User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I feel like they were taking advantage of your ignorance (I don’t know why, maybe just a sick joke).
You had all the right data – how long until your shift and how long since your last drink so that decision was totally safe and yours to make. What wasn’t safe was making you drive tired which can be almost as bad as driving under the influence so their delays after you were sober actually made you LESS safe.” sew1tseams
Another User Comments:
“‘A few sips of booze’ doesn’t put you over the limit. Not even nearly.
NTJ. Your friends however are another matter. I mean – I get arguing with people that might drive under the influence. But this is just nonsense, assuming that’s all you drank.
You need to stand up for yourself more!” Stoat__King
9. AITJ For Letting My Kids Get The Gift They Wanted?
“My extended family rents out a 12-hour banquet hall for Christmas. We canceled the 2020 gathering entirely and 2021’s gathering was smaller by about a third. Still, ~40 adults+kids, so total chaos.
Everyone brings a gift and we do a ‘white elephant’ exchange. On your turn, you pick a gift to unwrap or steal a gift from someone else.
When your gift is stolen, you can either unwrap another or steal someone else’s. Once three ‘steals’ happen, that person MUST unwrap a gift and the turn ends. An important note, we did NOT play ‘official’ White Elephant rules where items can only be stolen once per turn–just that you can’t steal back from the person who took your item.
I don’t know why that way was chosen, it’s just how it was. An important fact to the situation at hand.
My daughter (‘Amy’ 14) unwrapped a quilt. The quilt was then stolen from her. She steals her brother’s (‘Ben’ 8) gift and tells him to go get the quilt. That’s the third steal, so the turn ends.
Then, when the quilt is stolen from Ben, Amy gives him his gift back and goes to get the quilt. That’s again the third steal, so the turn ends.
I don’t know how long they had this quilt racket going on, but I started paying attention here:
A cousin (20s F) stole the quilt from Ben, Ben stole Amy’s gift, and Amy went to get the quilt.
The cousin threw up a GIANT fit over it being ‘against the official white elephant rules’ to steal the quilt back in the same turn. Cue a HUGE debate that ultimately decides we’ll follow official rules next year, but the game continues as it has been for this year since it’s unfair to change the rules hours into the game.
Amy gets the quilt.
Cousin makes a dark pact of her own with another cousin, takes their gift, takes the quilt from Amy, and now there is only 1 ‘steal’ left, and Amy can’t directly go for the quilt. So bless this child’s brain but she goes for the expensive basket of wine that has been THE gift to steal all game long.
The very next turn the wine is stolen from her immediately. She takes Ben’s gift, and Ben takes the quilt.
End of the night, Amy comes home with the quilt, Ben got the 32-set of stainless cutlery he was hoping for. So they’re both happy.
But we’re now 2 weeks after, and the family online group is STILL debating whether or not We As Her Parents should have stepped in and told Amy to let go of the quilt since the point of the White Elephant game is to go home with something random and not to game the system to get a specific gift.
I am NOT planning on making Amy give up her quilt, nor do I feel comfy asking if my kid is a jerk, but depending on how the internet feels will determine what tone I take when replying to everyone on social media.
AITJ for letting my kid ‘ruin the spirit’ of White Elephant?
ETA: Absolutely no argument with anyone who calls White Elephant a terrible game, I am in full agreement with all of you haha.
But the ‘we’d rather not this year’ group always gets outvoted by the ‘it’s a fun game’ group, and thus, we do white elephant every year.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but considering you clearly buy adult gifts like wine and cutlery sets I do wonder if it would be better for the kids (which I presume there are a fair few with 40+ adults) to have their own game and the adults had theirs.
Or, if it’s going to cause upset feelings for weeks after the event, do something like Secret Santa instead as clearly the grown-ups aren’t mature enough to play that game if they’re going to make that big of a deal of it.
Also as for your daughter’s behavior not being in the spirit of white elephant, it sounds like the adult cousin was using the same tactics as your daughter to get the gift she wanted rather than taking home something random so at the very least there would be 50/50 blame between you the parents and the cousin.” pearshaped34
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The point of holidays and gift-giving games is to have fun.
It is not fun to get a gift you do not want.
It is fun, however, to cooperate (read: conspire) with your siblings, run a racket, and eventually get a gift you actually like.
If your family insists on playing white elephant games, you should definitely either have age brackets or better rules.
Like, on my mom’s side of the family the under-18s draw names, so each kid gets a gift and they’ll usually play apples to apples after gifts are opened.
The adults play a version of the white elephant game. This way, some 15 year old can’t win the tequila gift set or the lottery tickets.
On my dad’s side of the family, we used to have it where everyone drew names, but then 8-year-old cousins were buying gifts for uncle eddy, and it wasn’t fun.
This year all the adults drew names, and then each kid made one of those saran wrap goody balls to exchange. And it was so much more fun for the kids to open that up.
It was completely random but pretty awesome for the kids. We adults got bored after a bit, but we just drank our wine and played phase 10 like usual.” adriesty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the ‘whole point’ is to go home with random stuff, then why is stealing allowed in the rules? It’s clearly there so that if you like the look of someone else’s gift better than yours, you can make a play for it.
And if that’s the rule then ‘no stealing back/no mutual aid pacts to steal back’ is a bad rule that will just wind up with unhappiness when someone gets a gift they genuinely like and it’s stolen out from under them with no recourse.
(For the record, if you genuinely want to go home with a random gift, then run a Lucky Dip Secret Santa instead – everyone brings a wrapped gift to the party and puts it in a sack/box, and when it comes time to take a present, you feel around and take your chance.)
The point of a well-run White Elephant is that everyone goes home with something they like. Maybe not their favorite thing, and maybe something they didn’t expect to like, but they definitely don’t go home unhappy because everybody piled in to take the nice gift away from them.
And I honestly think the bigger problem here, is that the cousin in her twenties thought it was OK to target two kids to steal away a gift they evidently really liked (not to mention the rules-lawyering fit she threw wanting to change the rules after several hours of play!) – at some point, there should have been an unofficial hands-off called on the quilt since Amy and Ben had that system working for them and were clearly invested in keeping it.
Heck, maybe there should be a rule to avoid unfair targeting next year, where anyone who steals a particular gift back three times is officially done with the game (which serves the dual purpose of letting people tap out if they’re tired/bored and also being able to signal a more serious interest in a gift versus wanting to keep the game going longer).
(Also, bless your eight-year-old for helping his sister and being happy with his canteen of cutlery!)” Normal-Height-8577
8. AITJ For Refusing To Work Under Unsafe Circumstances?
“I (23F) worked for a company for three years and got booted up to manager because I was the only good option. I say that because I have no managerial training but I took up the initiative to always do the right thing. As a manager, I have a duty of care for my staff.
We work in a zero ventilation store where we have 8 fridges and freezers blasting hot air in the store.
Our biggest problem is the aircon which leaks if it’s on too long because it’s old and it’s too small for the store. A normal person would turn it off because it’s dripping over food and wires.
We don’t have a lot of space in store so wherever anything is, that’s its home. So we have hot air coming from in-store, it’s 44 degrees Celsius outside and the sun sets ever so inconveniently in our store blinding us, melting our ice cream, and magnifying even more heat. My staff and I worked like that for two weeks.
They refuse to tint our windows. They refuse to replace our air conditioners. Yes, we get them serviced about 4 times a year, but it’s always temporary.
So my staff is overheating. It’s up to 47 degrees in-store. Some fainting some having anxiety attacks. Making mistakes because we are all not okay. We are feeling sick, I tell my boss I literally had to carry one of the girls out because we are also wearing masks and she can’t breathe.
My boss tells me to wear shorts and buy a fan. I’m angry at that response. I go buy a fan and take the temp every half hour. Nothing under 36 Celsius.
I tell her it’s now a health and safety concern and I think we should close the store until the aircon is fixed because the weather is the same.
While I’m writing this message to my boss I’m throwing up in the bathroom because I’m overheating. ‘Every store is hot.’ I take it to a higher-up boss and I tell him I’m not okay, I’m sick and I can’t take the heat anymore. He says no we aren’t closing the store.
It’s my fault the store’s hot I’m the one who turned the aircon off. I told him it was leaking and he said let it leak. Even with it on it’s not battling the heat and we are working extra trying to catch the water pouring out. So I decided that I’m not going to work under these conditions.
I NEED to go home. When I tell him I’m prioritizing my health, and I’m not well, he responds with ‘wow’. At this point, a lot of work-safe conditions have been breached. (they didn’t acknowledge any of them) So I told him I’m not coming back. And I received 10 years’ worth of verbal abuse in 5 minutes.
Yes, I could have hung up but what this man was saying to me shook me to my core. I couldn’t hang up I was paralyzed. They are now left without a manager, they can’t come to the state and the store is closed until further notice. And just in case someone asks, yes I was contracted but gave my due notice because I was leaving anyway but said I could stay until 3rd Jan.
So I wasn’t breaching any contract just my word.
I don’t feel like I’m the jerk. But I feel awful regardless.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They obviously don’t care about their employees so why should you care about them? I would check if what they did was illegal and if so report them.
I would also send an email to a local newspaper or TV station, as where I live at least they love to expose companies that endanger employees. For example, right now one large company is being crucified in the media for refusing to protect employees during a tornado, and several passed away.” Small-Jellyfish-2591
Another User Comments:
“I’m pretty confident I know what Aus state you work in, and that you work retail. I’m going to say tentatively NTJ, and strongly recommend you contact Safe Work in your state, and detail the conversation that took place between you and your boss/s.
Refer to the Safe Work website for contact information.” BuzzardRex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Listen, they don’t care about you. Most companies and bosses only care about their bottom line and not very much else.
You have to put your own health first because they won’t. Contact any authorities you need to about what happened and drop them in it. They are jerks.” Catatomical
7. WIBTJ If I Name My Baby After A Book Character?
“I (33f) and my husband (31m) got married 3 years ago, after being together for 2. About 4 years ago, I read my first Stephen King book, and have been obsessed ever since. My favorite one is his collection of short stories, ‘Full Dark, No Stars.’ In the first story, a man and his son murder his wife, Arlette, and try to cover it up.
I’ve loved the name Arlette for a while, and when I first introduced the name to my husband, he also instantly fell in love with it. But when I told him it was the name of the deceased wife, he told me that was an insane person to want to name our daughter after.
(I am 6 months pregnant.) I argued that it’s just the name, I think is pretty, and I wouldn’t want to name our daughter after the actual Arlette. He still thinks it’s absurd, but I don’t see the big deal about it, since when she grows up none of the kids should be reading Stephen King until at least high school, and I’m the one pushing out the baby.
So, WIBTJ if I decided to name our child Arlette?
Edit: I can see I’m the jerk for the pushing out the baby part and I would never put the baby’s name onto the birth certificate without being absolutely certain both of us were ok with it. We’ve compromised and chosen the name ‘Lynn Arlette (last name)’ so thank you to the people who offered me suggestions instead of bashing me.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – Look, it’s not that I think liking the name is strange or wanting to use it is wrong – it’s no different to all the people naming their babies Arya, or Danerys – the problem is, your husband doesn’t want to. It doesn’t actually matter why. You don’t get ‘more’ say because you’re ‘pushing the baby out.’ This is something you have to agree on as a couple, and if one of her parents doesn’t like a name, for whatever reason, then that should be the end of the matter.
You both after all will be using the name for quite a while, and do you really want to cause resentment between yourself and your husband over a name? Perhaps your husband would compromise on a middle name, but, if he doesn’t then if you just go ahead you are both being the jerk and storing up trouble for yourself later.
I mean, are there really no other names that you and your husband can agree on? Literary inspired or not?” history_buff_9971
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – You’re right that it’s a lovely name and that it shouldn’t matter to your husband… but it does matter to him. Ultimately it doesn’t matter why your husband doesn’t like the name, you have to agree on a name for your child together.
If he (hypothetically) suggested naming your daughter a beautiful name that just happened to be the name of his ex-wife you could well have an issue with that. If you told him that you didn’t want to use that name you’d expect him to accept that and drop it, rather than pushing it and coming on the internet to try to prove that it morally isn’t a problem.
You’re becoming parents and you’re going to have to make a lot of decisions together, some of which you won’t necessarily like… get used to it.” MrDemotivator17
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YWBTJ. The provenance of the name does not matter, you can find many books or movies with Arlette in them. But you can’t name your kid unilaterally without your husband on board.
The fact that you ‘push the baby out’ is irrelevant and gives you no more right than the father. And how your kids will live with the name is super important, YTJ for discarding that on the grounds that ‘they won’t read the book until they are 18’.
Your mistake was to associate the name with a symbol he disapproves of.
Detach the name of the deceased wife. Make it clear the intention is not for you to revere the character or Stephen King every time you hear the name (or is it?). If he believes the underlying symbol is the reason why you picked the name, it is not surprising why he would object, even if fundamentally there is nothing wrong with the name.
You might change his mind by showing him more about the name, but you said you became obsessed with Stephen King. You might be past the point of no return at this stage. If that is the case, find another name.” Derp_Animal
6. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Keep It Together On Our Mom's Birthday?
“It’s the time of my mother’s birthday so of course my family and I were taking loads of pictures with each other.
After the pictures, we were looking at them together so my 60+-year-old grandmother made a comment to my 27-year-old sister saying that she looks like a relative. This made my sister upset because she HATES it when people compare her to others, she told my family that she has told them in the past that she doesn’t like when they do that (which is true).
Later on, we’re chatting and my sister is still looking through the pictures still, my mother notices that my sister looks frustrated and asks what’s wrong. My sister responds that she doesn’t like any of the pictures she was in because of her posture and that I was in the area she originally wanted to be in.
She brings up the topic again about her being compared to a relative who she assumes looks ugly, but this time she has an even more aggressive attitude.
My family tried to tell her that they didn’t mean it that way and my grandma apologized but my sister said that she didn’t hear any of us saying, ‘We won’t do that again.’ I told her that I understand her frustration but now wasn’t the time to go fully into this discussion at the dining table.
She responds to me by saying that the last thing she needs is for someone to argue with her now and when would she be able to talk about it if not now. I told her that it was our mother’s birthday, she was literally in the middle of cutting her cake and we’re trying to celebrate her 52nd birthday with the family, she could bring it up tomorrow morning when we’re all going to meet up again (that way her nerves would calm a bit).
She didn’t respond after that and we all tried to move on to eating the cake. My sister was very upset about this situation that she decided to sleep over at my grandmother’s for the night.
UPDATE: I woke up this morning to hear my mom talking with my sister, they talked for a good while a few tears here and there but they came to an understanding and apologized to each other.
My mom told me that she was sure she overheard my grandma on the phone apologizing to my sister saying that she in no way meant to harm her, my grandma hugged my sister and my sister cried. My big sister is coming back in a couple of hours but it sounds like everything was taken care of, my mom did mention that she should ask for some coping mechanism from her therapist on how to get over her trauma which I think my sister agreed to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister was the jerk for making a scene at the wrong time. I know it’s difficult when someone’s feelings are hurt not to act on it, but when one does act on those hurt feelings those actions have consequences, for example becoming the jerk at the birthday party.
She needs to continue her therapy and work through these issues she has, and stop having outbursts on people, or accept the consequences of those outbursts. Only options really.” goodboi88
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Honestly, it sounds like your sister has got some unresolved issues for sure and this was absolutely the wrong time & place but at the same time, it wouldn’t have been hard at all to simply say you won’t do it again.
Tabling the discussion for a later time/date insinuates there needs to be an actual discussion instead of just an ‘Okay, we can see you’re upset and we will stop doing the thing that upsets you.'” Calm_Conversation_50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I sincerely doubt your grandmother was comparing your sister to a relative to suggest she was ugly, but rather to note that people in a family sometimes have similar characteristics (that whole genetics thing).
Your sister’s reaction or expectation of special treatment in a family setting was not appropriate, nor was making herself the center of attention on someone else’s birthday.” IDKareyou77
5. AITJ For Making My Partner Lie To Her Dad?
“My partner (17F) and I (17M) were making out and some other stuff but her curfew was at 11. We were a couple of blocks away so I wasn’t paying attention to the time and when I looked it was past 11. Her dad had told us to call him if we thought we were going to be out past 11, so she starts freaking out, ‘Oh my gosh!
I’m going to be in so much trouble! What do we do?’
I told her to relax, and that all she had to do was to call him and tell him we were on our way back but that we had got stuck in traffic. She didn’t want to at first, but I told her it was the only way.
If I called, he wouldn’t believe me. But she’s his only daughter so he’ll believe whatever she says.
Finally, she calls and says, ‘Hi, daddy, sorry for not calling earlier. We’re on our way back right now. We were just stuck in traffic.’ He says, ‘Okay. Be safe. Thank you for calling. Love you.’ That’s it.
Except that’s not it. She gets mad at me and says, ‘I can’t believe you made me lie to my dad. Take me home right now.’
I don’t understand the change. I take her home. On the way, I ask her, ‘What are you so mad about? It worked.’ She won’t answer.
We get to her house and I say, ‘Okay, look, I don’t want you to be mad at me, so I’m going to tell your dad the truth.’
‘No!’ she says. ‘You’ll just make it worse. Just go home.’
I drop her off and go home, but it’s been bugging me ever since. AITJ? What did I do wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I think you just learned an important boundary your partner has. The important thing now in my opinion is to not put her in a situation like that again.
And maybe apologize again tomorrow.
But also, LOL, stuck in traffic at 11 pm? Doesn’t sound like the most believable excuse to me. And obviously, I don’t know the guy or what he thought, but if it was me, I’d probably have gone along with it too. I’d just be happy that she was calling, was almost home safely, and ALMOST on time.
What I’m saying is that he didn’t necessarily believe it so much as he didn’t want to pick a fight/get mad/punish her. Just my speculation though.” FinanceFiend2020
Another User Comments:
“You’re both to blame.
You should have been more cognizant of the time, and not contributed to her being in a position to lie to her dad.
You also shouldn’t have suggested lying to him. The truth works wonders. I have 2 daughters, and if they lie and break that trust it would be devastating because it would be so hard to get back. Being honest even if you’re wrong, goes a long way in staying out of trouble, because it’s not always the broken rules that get you in trouble it’s the lying and the breaking that trust. Don’t put her in that position again.
She is a big girl. She makes her own choices, so if she didn’t want to flat-out lie to her dad; she didn’t have to. You didn’t ‘make’ her do anything, any more than she ‘made’ you wake up this morning. It was a conscious choice. And it was her choice. But now she’s gonna take it out on you because she feels guilty about what she did.
Don’t let her blame you. Make her accountable for it, and deal with it. And, as I said before, be more cognizant so that you don’t end up in that situation again in the future.” DerelictDizzy
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but you’re slightly the jerk for telling her it was ‘the only way’.
Next time just tell a more vague version of the truth e.x. ‘We lost track of time, we’re on the way back now’. Her dad probably just wants her to be safe and know what’s going on.” mellitea
Another User Comments:
“The truth (or a limited version of it) could have worked fine.
‘Sorry, daddy, we were having fun at so-and-so’s house and lost track of the time. We’re heading home right now!’
Everyone sucks here. You shouldn’t have pressured her to lie, but she also needs to take responsibility for what she decides to say to her father.” ParsimoniousSalad
4. AITJ For Regretting Co-Signing For My Adult Child's Car?
“Adult child is 26 female, and due to different situations, I am the only parent standing in her life. I never took her off my cell phone plan when she reached an adult we always have a family plan that she pays for. I have since gotten my own plan with my current spouse. Insurance is underneath my name due to the financial cost it is.
She has always been good at communicating when she cannot cover a bill but that has been very far and in between.
This past month she was unable to cover due to her and her fiancé who is 21 both quitting their jobs. I told them I could help cover the car payment and the car insurance but it will be a loan.
That they could pay me back $25 at least a month. Until they were caught up. After I made the payment I was hospitalized for a week. Then had to put my dog down. Not one word from either of them. I let my child know I was disappointed in her lack of concern. Got no response from that text.
6 days later it was two weeks before the new car payment would be due. I let my child know if she couldn’t make the newest payment, I would come to pick up the car. She’d get back the older paid-for car. Both of them blew up saying I was emotionally abusive. That they never wanted to call me to co-sign.
Now my kid is saying she’s going to walk out of my life. They have since paid me back for what I paid last month. And I’m assuming they have this month’s. Since no one will answer me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your daughter sounds like she is being incredibly selfish and self-centered. It’s sad because it sounds like prior to the new partner you two were fairly close and she was reliable?
No matter the reason, there is little excuse for failing to reach out to you except for when it’s about you covering payments for things.
Also, OP, I am so incredibly sorry about your dog. That’s a hard thing to go through, and I hope you’re doing better. Sounds like it was a lucky doggo under the care of someone who loved it.” Acedia_spark
Another User Comments:
“I feel like everyone sucks here. You because you jumped to conclusions and assumed they couldn’t or wouldn’t pay you back, and them for immediately jumping to you being emotionally abusive (which is a heavy overreaction based on the info provided…) If you want to smooth things over, tell her you were nervous about the payments, stressed about the hospitalization and loss of a dog, and that in the future you’ll let her express her concern in her own time on her own terms. Since she’s paid you back never bring THAT up again, and just try to move past it.
Good luck with it!” goodboi88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If they want you out of their life financially then they should refinance the car and pay off the current loan so you are no longer liable for the debt. If they don’t have jobs doubt that is going to happen.
Whose name is on the actual car title?
I ask as that may limit what you can do as applies to collecting the car if they miss a payment.” 3Heathens_Mom
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. There’s more to this story. You said she usually doesn’t need help covering her bills. Within 2 weeks of helping her with one payment, you message her about taking the car if she can’t pay the next one.
You are using her financial bind as an opportunity to punish her for not being there for you.
I assume she knew you were hospitalized? Why wouldn’t she contact you in your time of need? Do you have any ideas about why? Is this a pattern or a new development?” Fluid_Presence_1623
3. AITJ For Using My Phone While Watching TV?
“My partner (23F) and I (24M) were sitting together watching TV on the couch as we did not have plans for the evening. I was on my phone (on Reddit), and she was just watching the show.
There were instances when something funny would happen during the show, and I didn’t laugh along because my attention was not on the show. My partner commented that I wasn’t watching the show, and said she ‘just wanted to spend time with me’ and my being on my phone was getting in the way of that.
I said that I wanted to do my own thing but still relax with her. This seemed to bug her, and she got up, and later came back to the couch but laid down away from me.
I expressed to her that I felt like she was guilt-tripping me. Her response was that she was not guilt-tripping me, and her actions were her being frustrated with me.
I pushed again saying that the way she was expressing her frustration made me feel like a jerk for being on my phone. Our frustration escalated to her leaving to cool off.
She later came back to the couch, again laying away from me. I started the conversation again by saying that I could see that my being on my phone is not giving all of my attention to us and the show.
I told her that I did want to spend my evening with her and that what I was doing on my phone was not all that important, but I felt we could still hang together even if we weren’t both watching the show. In the past, it would not be unusual for one or both of us to be on our phones while watching TV together.
I tried to explain that I was frustrated by feeling punished by her separating herself when I didn’t put my phone down. She denied that she separated herself and insisted that she was simply laying and watching the show. I stated again that I was feeling guilt-tripped, and manipulated. She responded that she was also feeling guilt-tripped and manipulated. I walked off and took a shower.
When I came back about 20 minutes later she was sleeping in the same spot. I tried waking her up to talk so we don’t go to bed frustrated. She told me she was sleeping and didn’t want to talk. 2022 started without a kiss, with me typing this out… on my phone.”
Another User Comments:
“Ew dude YTJ
If you don’t want to watch the show, why don’t you tell her? You could have suggested that you watch something else, or I don’t know, do something else entirely than watching TV – together.
But no, you just decided it would be a great idea to be on your phone instead, distracted and not paying attention (not to mention this gives off the most unbearable vibe of ‘ew this is so boring, you are boring, I’d rather be somewhere else’).
It’s rude. And frustrating. She expressed her frustration, and she told you what was up and why it was bothering her. Like a normal person. You continued to be rude and justify your trashy behavior, and more than that: you expressed no intention to change anything to make the evening better – not watching something else, not doing something else, not including her in your ‘own thing’ (like you could at least have shown her what was so interesting on Reddit it kept you from spending time with your partner on NEW YEAR’S EVE), not putting your phone away.
Instead, you just became ruder and told her that her frustration isn’t valid and that it was just an act to make you feel bad – which, nope, it wasn’t.
Jerk.” MaralDesa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Just sitting in the same room as someone is not ‘spending time together.’ She wants to watch a show with you so that both of you are actually doing something together and you admit you weren’t paying any attention to the show.
If you didn’t like the show, pick something else.
Then when she pointed out that this annoyed her, you told her she was guilt-tripping and manipulating you. She wasn’t doing either of those things. She clearly expressed her emotions at that time, and just because you don’t agree with her doesn’t mean her feelings aren’t valid or that her having them is guilting you.
At no point did you recognize her feelings and try a compromise – hey this show isn’t great for me, let’s play a game, or watch a movie – you just were like – meh I’m on my phone and that’s what I want, and then got mad that she didn’t appreciate that.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you’re guilt-tripping her it’s not the other way around
She said she wanted to watch the show with you mentally present and you disregarded that in favor of your phone and were for some reason surprised and upset when she left you alone after you said you wanted to do your own thing.
It’s guilt trippy how you blame her for her natural reaction and distance after you ignored what she said.
She didn’t do anything to make you feel bad, she gave you space after you rejected her desire to spend time together.
If what you were doing wasn’t important you should have just made time for her. She’s not punishing you. It makes a difference if you were both on your phones in the past vs now when she wasn’t on hers.
Your 2022 started like this because you ignored your partner wanting to spend time with you. I don’t know how you’re surprised and convinced you’re the one who’s being guilt-tripped.” bffsfavoritegelato
Spending time with someone means giving them your whole attention. Watching tv together means you are engaging with the idiot box, not each other.
2. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner During Lunch?
“My partner and I have been together for nearly a year. I have some issues with being incredibly self-conscious at times.
We had lunch at his parents’ for New Year’s and his brother’s partner wore the same top as me. Immediately a few jokes were thrown around, that normally I could take but it’s been a tricky week – my partner knows this.
I stayed the night so I had some extra clothes, so I said ‘oh I’ll just go inside and change, cause otherwise, we’ll have to fight over who makes it look better hahaha’. Essentially covering up my intention to change with a joke.
This is when I go to get up and change, but my partner grabs me, telling me to stay and I would not be changing.
It was obviously meant in good fun and a joke, but I grew a serious tone and quietly told him to please let me go inside and change, and I think it just went over his head, cause he kept saying no, and holding my arm. (I want to make it clear that none of this was abusive, it was an incredibly joking manner on his part).
(Edit: he did realize I was serious after a few seconds but kind of stuck to his joking manner – I’m not sure why) So I kind of sat there feeling incredibly uncomfortable about the entire thing and on the verge of tears with everything that had built up. (Essentially frustrated that I had a situation where I could have quickly and quietly changed without any comment from anybody, but it was taken away.)
A few minutes passed and he says ‘I was just joking, you know you can go and change’. And I kind of snapped and said ‘well it’s a bit late for that’ because by this point everyone had sat down and started eating and getting up would have been incredibly noticeable, much less coming back out with a different top.
He kind of sat back and became very sarcastic with me and I was left to brush off all the comments and jokes about the matching tops which generally just made me really uncomfortable throughout the lunch.
Anyway, he’s gone on a walk now to calm down and I’m in the room writing this.
If I’m the jerk, I have no issues apologizing, and he has told me I’ve had issues in the past seeing where I’m wrong. So thought I’d see what others say.
Edit: I’m not asking if I’m a jerk for wanting to change. I knew how to judge that and I had the opportunity to do it quickly and unnoticed by everyone except my partner, his brother, and his partner.
I’m asking if I was a jerk for snapping because that opportunity was taken.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I feel like you guys have to work on your communication skills in public. Most (healthy) couples have discussions on how to speak and act towards one another when others are around, it helps social situations go easier and feelings to be spared. Sometimes being around others makes us act a little different without even realizing it.
A tip I encourage you both to try is to not make jokes at the other’s expense or put the other on the spot like how he did to you. Maybe have a code word or phrase to signal to the other you’re feeling anxious so situations aren’t read wrong.” vanilla_chapstick
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Wait, why did you need to change? I understand why your partner thought you were kidding. But once he understood you were actually serious with this nonsense he should have just let you go and do your thing without teasing you or trying to get you to change your mind.” psatty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ve been in situations like yours where I’ve had a tough week, and something annoying I would tolerate at most times would just be too much, especially something annoying a partner did.
Once your partner realized you were serious, he should have stopped joking about you not changing, and let you do your thing, but he kept joking about it.
If he wanted to keep joking around he should have done it in a way where you could have gotten up and changed like you originally wanted to: e.g., ‘Oh, actually now I think of it, I’ll go in with you to change so I can match my brother, and be cool like you two.’ Or whatever just let you go change.
But you’ve also only been together for a year, so learning each other’s idiosyncrasies is what comes with being in a relationship. I want to emphasize both of you will have habits the other finds annoying/odd and just keep looking for perspective in ways that work for you both, and talk about go-forward habits and approaches.” thinkbilbo
1. AITJ For Defending Spelling Someone's Name Wrong?
“I’m a hostess at a restaurant. Tonight, when taking the name given to me, I spell it wrong on my paperwork. She notices and corrects me, but I inform her that it’s more important that I spell it how it’s pronounced rather than the correct spelling.
I do this often. Instead of CJ, I write CeeJay. I feel, since I’m calling out these names, that people hear it in a way they recognize it said. She says never mind, they’ll eat somewhere else, and her whole party leaves. Now I’m here with an empty restaurant and the servers are wondering why the only people to come in took off so soon.
For context, her name was ‘D’nai’ but she pronounced it ‘Denae’, so that’s how I spelled it. Normally customers don’t see me write their names but she just happened to by chance. I don’t think it’s a big deal but maybe she gets that a lot? I dunno.
So what do you think? AITJ?
EDIT: To everyone asking why I didn’t just correct it on the sheet: there was no point.
I erase the name as soon as they’re seated. And since she didn’t need to show ID to confirm her reservation, as we weren’t busy, it, quite literally, wasn’t important.
I was the one that took the call when she made the reservation. That was about 5-ish. At that time I’m there, seeing how dead it is, and determine that I probably won’t need to see an ID later and so don’t ask her how her name is spelled.
Her party comes in around 8. She’s the only name on the reservation list. I check it in front of her and she sees her name written wrong on the sheet. I let her know that it’s ok that it’s not spelled right. There’s no one really there so her name doesn’t have to match. I didn’t even know how it was spelled until she showed me the ID.
I could’ve fixed it, but I was going to literally throw the sheet away as soon as I sat them. And honestly, if I knew she was going to get upset I just would’ve changed it.”
Another User Comments:
“I think what you’re doing is genius. You are going above and beyond to make sure you correctly speak everybody’s name.
By the way, I wouldn’t consider this defending anything. It is your mnemonic tool, which you happen to write down, and you just explained it to someone who randomly saw it and was somehow offended by it.
Your intent to be respectful is clear, but they are entitled to be offended, although I can’t relate as to why.
Personally, I would be surprised by your initiative and mention what a brilliant idea that was.
At face value, I would say no jerks here but it sounds like this is one of these times where tone and body language are key.
Don’t let this incident deter you but do learn from it. And, if this happens again apologize and correct it for their sake, then make a note for yours.” AlexiZephyrMage
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. It makes sense that you do it the way you do. But it’s not important to the customer and there was no reason for you to try to explain it to her instead of just noting the correct spelling and an additional pronunciation note for yourself. Good customer service would have looked like this:
Her: It’s actually spelled D’Nai.
You: while writing that next to the phonetic one ‘what a lovely name! Thanks, D’Nai, we’ll have you seated in a moment.’ (Bonus: when you use the right pronunciation of the name as you write the correct spelling, it will help you remember the correct pronunciation when you call it a few minutes later.)
When you explained, you probably came off as condescending and you seem to have implied that her name isn’t important. It came off as disrespectful. And it was rather thoughtless.” Nynaeve224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You spelled the name to correctly pronounce it in order to avoid offending her if it was mispronounced. It’s not like you were making fun of her name or you were using it for anything important other than pronouncing it.
If the name’s spelling had more use in this situation, you would be the jerk for saying it’s not important. BUT, there is no reason for the name’s spelling to be necessary in this case, and since you told her that too I don’t see the point in her being mad enough to leave.
My only advice would’ve been to just say: ‘okay.’ And spell the name correctly and then leave with both the pronunciation and the name itself. The customer would be happy, and you pronounce the name right.
I can’t call you the jerk because your intentions were not malicious and you generally seemed like you wanted to help.” TheKarmaKollector
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why did you even get into it with her and not just say OK and write the correct name next to your speak-and-spell version?
It’s suuuuper common for people to be judgmental about names and get snooty if someone’s name isn’t spelled like someone who came over on the Mayflower. So yeah she probably gets that a lot the whole ‘ew your name is so haaaard, I’m just gonna call you this other thing instead because it’s easier for me’ and it’s probably mostly from pretty trashy people when it happens.
Giving you the benefit of the doubt that you didn’t mean to be judgmental, it’s still a big blunder to be blithely unaware that people with non-waspy names getting crapped on is a thing. I get you have a utilitarian purpose to write down your phonetic version, but you kind of have your head stuck in your butt about it if you are not seeing that in the world people’s names are important and it’s very disrespectful to argue with someone that their own name is somehow wrong.” OwMyInboxThrowaway
