People May Be Influenced To Change After Telling Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Retorting To My Brother-In-Law's Comment About My Unshaved Legs?
“I F19, my sister F28, and my brother-in-law went over with the kids for dinner at my parents’ house.
I was watching my nieces while dinner was getting ready, we sat down and I happened to sit next to my brother-in-law. I was wearing a skirt and it was accidentally lifted above my knee, my brother-in-law looked down at my leg and made a face then loudly said, “Oh shooo, OP!
This is gross, you should’ve shaved, that hair isn’t supposed to be there.”
Everyone stared, I told him “if it’s not supposed to be there then why does it grow there, can you explain?”
He was like “it’s just not supposed to be there.”
I point at his mustache and say “well, guess the same thing can be said about your little mustache then, huh?”
He looks at me, eyes wide open, and awkward silence takes over though some laugh. My sister told me to knock it off as my brother-in-law got up from his chair and went inside the bathroom.
My sister followed and I could hear him having a breakdown asking her if there was something wrong with his mustache, my brother and I kept giggling but dinner got cut short because my brother-in-law wanted to leave.
I later got scolded by my sister saying I stepped over the line and disrespected someone who’s older than me, who’s her husband, and demanded I apologize to him for insulting him and ruining dinner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Look your sister dead in the eyes and ask her ‘So, you’re saying you’re okay with your husband looking at my legs when I wear skirts? And in our parents’ home? Who is disrespecting the elders here?
Me or your inappropriate husband?’ And then if you want to be petty and nail it home, follow up with ‘Tell him and his inappropriate mustache he owes our parents an apology for making a scene in their home and making inappropriate comments to their teenage daughter.’ NTJ.” ShesASatellite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Society has weird assumptions about where to keep hair and where to remove it, and people who want to enforce those “rules” should be able to handle being asked why. You weren’t technically mocking the mustache.
You were saying that hair grows, you chose not to remove it, why? Same conversation as your legs. Enforce stupid societal norms, win stupid societal prizes.” Apotheuncary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are AWESOME!!! I laughed so frickin hard. That was the perfect comeback.
Ask your sister why it is appropriate for a grown man to even be looking at your legs, let alone staring at them hard enough to discern leg hair, then ask why is it okay for a grown man to call you disgusting.
Then ask why a grown man continued to harass you about having leg hair. Then ask her when the grown man is going to apologize for his absolutely disgusting, inappropriate, and sexist bullying of you?” Corduroycat1
20. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Son To Visit His Dad After A Disturbing Joke?
“I have an agreement with my ex that I’ll fly our son to him three times a year. Honestly, our arrangement was working pretty well until my last visit. His brother jokingly told me that if my ex wanted to, he could keep me and our son there and I wouldn’t be able to stop him.
He mentioned it multiple times in front of my ex, who never denied it, and now I feel paranoid and I don’t want to go back.
My ex wanted to know when we would be coming next and I told him we wouldn’t be and he should come here to see our son instead.
This caused a huge fight because I’m going back on our agreement. He said his brother was just joking and I was acting crazy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People don’t joke about things like that unless they’re considering it, nor do they just sit there and let the joke fly if they’re not considering it.
I’m getting a bit of a feeling that they were testing the waters to see how naive you were about it. It’s lucky you weren’t! Never forget that this happened, I’d never let my guard completely down around him again if I were you.
You might also want to consider whether it’s even safe to have him visit where you are. If you need validation that your gut feeling is right, check out ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin de Becker. He describes so many real-life stories in that book of offhand jokes turning out to be legitimate warnings that shouldn’t have been overheard.” sarcosaurus
Another User Comments:
“My half-sister was taken from my mom in a similar fashion. Her ex took my sister to visit family and never came back. Mom didn’t have the resources to either force him to move back or the resources to have full custody of my sister at that time.
(Laws were different, no internet, and a very different world overall than now.) By the time she did have the resources to support my sister on her own, sister was a teen and very settled in her life with the ex’s extended family, and forcing her to stay with mom would have just layered more trauma onto my sister.
But their relationship never recovered. Do. Not. Send. Your. Kid. Anywhere. You. Can’t. Guarantee. Their. Return. Your ex now flies to you, or he doesn’t see his son. And if he’s already putting in this little effort, is his absence really a loss to your son anyway?
NTJ.” Cryptographer_Alone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nope, that’s not a joke. This is a very real thing that has happened. We assume you two are in two different countries. There have been instances that parents will take their children to another country where their ex doesn’t have the same legal rights which makes it very hard to get them back.
That is not to scare you but from those comments, I would be concerned. Someone said you should consult with a lawyer and I think that’s a very good thing to do. Also, you may be able to get your son on a list of children that can’t be taken out of the country without your approval/company.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Dressing My Newborn Twins In Sleepers At My Sister's Wedding?
“I have twin 4-week-old sons as of Saturday, they were out of the NICU just over a week at this point. Taking many precautions my sister still wanted our family to attend her wedding.
I agreed so long as many boundaries were in place as the boys don’t have great immune systems yet.
They were originally dressed in nice-ish baby clothes. I found some onesies that looked like button-up shirts then paired them with leggings that looked like jeans, called it good enough, they are literal babies and my options were limited. Halfway through the ceremony, Baby A pooped up his back, my husband and I switched babies and he went with the diaper bag to tend to Baby A.
We didn’t have backup nice clothes, at this point just sleepers, the sleepers we had looked like a tuxedo printed on them (think those cheesy shirts). My sister expressed her dismay at their outfits. So we found two more sleepers in the diaper bag that were more baby-looking, one with stripes and one with turtles.
We left not long after as this was my first time out of the house since having the boys and I felt overwhelmed and the boys were getting cranky.
My sister has sent me a long-winded text that had she known I was going to make a joke of her wedding she would not have asked me to come.
My sister is 20 years older than me and has 4 daughters, she has told me a handful of times how easy boys are in comparison to girls so I shouldn’t be struggling and should’ve just gotten more nice clothes packed for them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister is totally in the wrong for reacting this way. She’s also the jerk for saying “boys are easier” (first of all that’s gendered nonsense but even if it wasn’t, she didn’t have any boys!!) But honestly, I can’t even get over the fact that you brought 4-week old twins basically straight out of the NICU to a wedding.
My twins are 5 now but if someone had asked me to attend a wedding with them at 4 weeks that would have been a hard no.” TitaTili
Another User Comments:
“ESH. They are babies, “appropriate” clothing simply means suitable for the weather.
So you are not a jerk for that, but your sister is. Now, the thing that does make you jerk is the fact that you took your kids to a wedding a week after getting out of the NICU. They should still be isolated for at least a couple more weeks.
They shouldn’t be leaving the house unless absolutely necessary, and you shouldn’t be letting other people near them. Make better parenting choices before you send your kids back to NICU, or worse.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Did your OBGYN or NICU nurses not tell you not to take them to large public gatherings right away, or did you just ignore them so you could go to a party?
People like you are why I think parents should be required to take classes. I foster rescue puppies and tell adopters not to take them to any public places or around dogs until they have all their shots, and not taking fresh out of NICU babies to a wedding should be the bare minimum a new parent knows.” Any-Yam-3458
18. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend Who Stole My Tattoo Appointment?
“I (23 female) have been friends with a guy I’ll call Matt (26 male) I met through my husband (25 male). We are all a part of the same big friend group and have been very close for many years.
This all happened yesterday, I was getting set up to get my first tattoo yesterday evening, it was a same-day appointment because the shop I wanted to go to said they had the time that evening to squeeze me in with the artist I wanted. I texted my friend and asked him and his wife to come with me because my husband would be working at the time and I didn’t want to go alone.
I also knew he was wanting to get his own tattoo so I figured he could book an appointment while I was there getting mine done if he liked the artist.
Flash forward to the time I am supposed to call the parlor and make sure the time is still good to go, I had told Matt when and where the appointment would be and that I would meet him there after the call.
That’s when he told me he was already in the area near the parlor because he wanted to get an estimate on the price of his tattoo before I went in. This sent some alarm bells off in my head because I had asked him to wait for me.
I let it go and called the tattoo shop like they told me to, well lo and behold Matt had decided he wanted to take my slot and they no longer were able to get me booked with the artist I wanted that night or any day for the next few months.
I blew up. This tattoo meant a lot to me and he knew how much it meant to me, he purposefully made it to the parlor before me so that he could take my slot and get his done before mine.
I went off on him telling him how he makes everything about him and that he manipulated the situation in order to get what he wanted yet again, that he didn’t even care to think about me when he wasn’t even planning on getting a tattoo that day in the first place.
He knew I hadn’t called to confirm yet because he knew the parlor had told me to call at 5, he knew mine was the only slot left available for that day and planned it out so that he would get the slot instead.
He tried to tell me some nonsense excuse about how they let him have the appointment over me because his tattoo was smaller and simpler (I hadn’t even called the artist I was working with yet to confirm the design and size etc) and that he tried to call me and let me know because he “cared” about me.
He started cussing me out saying it wasn’t his fault they took him that night over me and that he tried to “seriously call me” as if that makes any difference. He’s telling me and all of our friends that I’m the jerk for being upset at him when I can just “book another artist if I want it so soon or I can wait”.
Some of our friends see my side and think it’s completely messed up what he did but others agree with him that I’m the jerk.
So am I the jerk for yelling at my friend for taking my tattoo appointment with the artist I wanted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That dude is seriously weird bro. The fact that he would secretly race you to steal your tattoo appointment is really strange behavior. I would never speak to him again. I wouldn’t dwell on the hard feelings though.
Book your tattoo months in advance if you have to (but this time don’t tell anybody until after it’s done), cut him off and let him keep his permanent reminder of what a creep he is, and enjoy the company of your normal friends who don’t go to great lengths to swipe your tattoo appointment..??
lollllll seriously, who does that.” chonkyhampter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this guy is not your friend. He has a very serious problem with you. He is out to hurt and sabotage you. Stop sharing any info with him. Keep contact to the very barest minimum.
Really, I’m serious. This guy is just waiting to bring you down.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this makes absolutely no sense. You’re telling me that your artist canceled your appointment because Matt asked for the time slot instead, despite the fact that you were already booked?
That is the most insanely unprofessional thing I’ve ever heard. What do they possibly gain from canceling one random client for another? That’s just not how tattoo bookings work. Either this is fake, or you’re leaving something out, or your artist is an incompetent idiot and you’re better off somewhere else anyway.
Or maybe I misread and you knew the slot was available and just hoped you’d catch it as a walk-in, without considering that maybe you should book it? What Matt did was horrible either way, but at least you learned a valuable lesson about actually booking appointments…” grisver
17. AITJ For Banning My Mother From My Graduation Ceremony?
“I 23m recently graduated without honors from university. This came as a huge shock to me as I told my professors I was dropping out and leaving the university due to a failed grade in my final year and being instructed by my parents to not go any further as not achieving the full credits meant that I failed.
About 2 weeks ago, my degree came in the mail along with a letter saying I could graduate without honors after careful consideration of special circumstances.
I asked my mother (53f) not to make a big deal about me being given the degree as to me, it felt like a handout.
She completely ignored my request and began posting it on social media and telling anyone and everyone that I had a degree putting me into a situation where I was forced to lie to my friends and family to keep up appearances.
After a while, she began telling me that people were congratulating her and that she deserved to go up on stage with me, to which I said no and told her that I earned that degree and she doesn’t deserve it after telling me to give up.
My mother proceeded to become very angry with me telling me that I was incredibly selfish and I wouldn’t even be here without her,
In that instance, I picked up my phone and dialed the university number and asked that during my graduation if they could ban someone for security purposes to which they said they could and I emailed them over a picture of my mother asking to not let her in to the ceremony.
She still hasn’t forgiven me and refused to act civil with me, often walking into other rooms when I am in them. My father keeps asking to apologize but I refuse to as she attempted to steal the spotlight away from me on a special day in my life.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t get it…you got your degree without passing each class but due to special circumstances. So you did get a degree and your mom was proud and posted about it. You are mad and saying she doesn’t deserve any credits for your degree and want to ban her from the ceremony.
I get the going on stage part is way too much – who forking does that? But if she promises not to do that…why should she be banned?” EntertainmentOk6284
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I read something you just posted, and it sounds to me like your parents weren’t supportive at all.
As a matter of fact, they just kept asking you to drop out, because you’ll never make it..that you’ll fail. That’s just plain old emotional ABUSE!! It is! That is actually abusive behavior. It’s funny. No one seems to understand that it is YOU who accomplished earning that degree and your mother is trying to ride your coattails and make it seem like SHE was the one who had a hand in your success.
Most everyone receives a failed grade in their life. You still earned your degree. You did well for most of your years. Don’t shortchange yourself. You still worked hard at it. NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT DEGREE AWAY FROM YOU and certainly don’t let your family take any credit for it, either.
Congratulations! Job well done. You earned that degree.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“Both are jerks. Your mom should respect your boundaries, but she’s proud of you. It was one class – did you not earn all of the other credits required?
But yeah – she needed to have more respect for your feelings. HOWEVER, you are occupying security with pictures of your mom because you are mad at her? Seriously? Those security folks are there for legit threats, not because you are mad at your mom.
Also, you are wildly inconsistent above – first, you say don’t make a big deal about you getting the degree because it felt like a handout. Then you say she is trying to steal your spotlight on a special day in your life.
Which is it? Is it not a big deal because it’s a “handout,” or is it a special day?” Specific-Succotash-8
16. AITJ For Buying An Expensive Ring And Joking About Debt With My Debt-Burdened Partner?
“I, a 25-year-old woman, want to buy a pink sapphire and diamond ring for myself for my birthday from a local designer who is world famous. The ring will cost almost $4,000 with the majority of the funds coming from my estimated tax return + $1,000 that my mom gave me for my birthday.
However, when my significant other (30M) of 6 months questioned me about how I was paying for it, I commented that I was planning on going into credit card debt. He blew up! He started ranting about being financially irresponsible and not thinking about the future blah, blah, blah!
I just sort of rolled my eyes and replied that the bank gave me a line of credit and I am going to use it. He yelled some more about me ruining my life and then stormed off. I felt bad and texted him the real explanation but he still wasn’t happy as he feels I should be saving the refund and at the very least, offering it to him to help with his debt, if I (quoting him) “don’t need it and you don’t need another ring.”
A bit of background. He grew up with parents who spent as soon as they earned. To be clear, they weren’t irresponsible or anything, they were just not big savers. They had no assets and didn’t really have a lot of financial lessons to pass to my significant other.
As a result, once he started earning, he too spent large and got into huge credit card debt when his income couldn’t keep up with his spending. So he started following people like Dave Ramsey and others like him who are anti-debt and seem to think that funds are for hoarding instead of enjoying.
To be clear, growing up my family was often cash flow poor but both my maternal and paternal sides of the family have been asset-rich for generations. I graduated without student debt and had help from my family to get started with shares and a house.
So my only debt is my mortgage and my income is high enough to weather recent and upcoming RBA rate hikes. Finally, we live on Medicare.
So while 4k on a ring is a rare indulgence, it’s nothing to get yelled yet or explain.
Especially since my significant other and I don’t live together or share finances. But he feels that I am a jerk for 1) joking about credit card debt when he’s still being crushed under his, 2) wasting funds, and finally 3) if we have a future, we have to start asking each other about big spends.
I feel like it’s my funds so why do I have to explain things? So I come to you, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“2/3 of the points he lists are fair issues. It’s something he has a lot of experiences and stresses about, and so should make it an obvious No Do Not for sarcasm and joking.
Being in a relationship does mean sometimes having to talk about funds. Initially asking if you’ve actually planned through how you’ll fund a splurge of that level isn’t unfair or unreasonable. The sarcasm was unkind and the initial ire was unreasonable.
It is, however, still your funds. You get to waste it if you want, and he doesn’t get to decide whether that’s okay or not. Him arguing you should use it to help his debt – whether just an argument coming from anger or not – was entitled. Everyone’s a jerk here.
If this is going to be a serious relationship, I think the two of you both need to learn how to discuss funds and dismiss a funds discussion, without rudeness or blowing up. Funds are a big area of potential conflict for a relationship, so that’s not a topic that you can avoid and is a skill you’ll need to cultivate.” StripedBadger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for making a joke in poor taste, especially knowing about the circumstances of your significant other’s finances. This is just not funny at all to someone who grew up with his background and is struggling to pay off his cc debt.
He is the jerk for trying to dictate to you how you should spend your own funds. That is controlling behavior and unjustified. But he might be thinking of a longer-term future and seeing lots of arguments about funds in your relationship.
It can be tough when partners have VASTLY different relationships with funds and this sounds like something you guys need to discuss and clarify asap or it will always be a festering sore. In summary, everyone’s a jerk here, him more than you.” Consistent-Annual268
Another User Comments:
“I feel like I can be more helpful than giving a YTJ or NTJ. I grew up very poor, got screwed out of what little money I had by my own parents, experienced homelessness, and now I am married to a woman that earns a lot of money and spends a lot of money.
There is just anxiety and personal experiences involved. And if he has an active debt going on and doesn’t have the means to pay for it he clearly sees money in a very different way than you. You are seeing your buy as not a big deal and his debt as not a big deal either.
He sees both as a big deal, and likely both of you are only 50% right. Your ring is inconsequential but his debt is a serious issue. He probably needs to be reassured that you have a certainty that the ring is not going to drag down your finances.
As for his debt and his expectation of you to help if you had extra money floating around is not right or wrong, it really depends on where your relationship is but it seems to me that you might have different ideas and different expectations about it so you should really talk this through.” ScarletIT
15. AITJ For Using My Friend's Sink As A Toilet After They Pranked Me?
“I was making a long drive with 3 friends and had to go really badly in the middle of the drive. They told me to suck it up because we were almost back to my friend’s place, so I said sure, whatever.
When we were almost there, I noticed that the 3 of them were texting and kind of laughing, but I brushed it off.
It turns out they decided to “prank” me, by rushing into the home immediately after parking and locking themselves each in a bathroom so I couldn’t go.
After banging and yelling for a few minutes, I threw my hands up and decided to go in my friend’s sink (the bathroom was the kind where the toilet is in its own little room and the shower and sinks are outside of it).
When he heard me going, he started to freak out and said it was disgusting, his toothbrushes were nearby, etc etc. But I felt like it was his own fault since he knew how badly I needed to relieve myself.
One of the other two friends was on my side and thought it was hilarious payback, while the other agreed that it was gross. It’s kind of turned into a thing and now our entire friend group has heard about it and everyone’s taking sides.
While I feel justified, I do agree that it was kinda gross so I’m not sure whether or not I was a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What did they expect after knowing how badly you had to go?
Would they rather you wet your pants and have it drip onto the flooring or stain the carpet? They played a stupid game, they got their stupid prize. You can’t be expected to hold your urine to the point it could become medically dangerous just because they wanted to play a “prank.” You relieved yourself in the best possible way given the circumstances.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was the best option you had at the time. He can buy another toothbrush and disinfect the sink. If you went to the kitchen, he would have complained worse about that. And don’t get me started on if you used his laundry hamper.
Your other friend is slightly right, it is a little gross, but that isn’t relevant here. When you gotta go, you gotta go. You might point out to him that if he leaves his toilet seat cover up when he flushes he is misting his liquids and solids all over the bathroom, so his toothbrush is already contaminated. Bummer he can’t think forward to see the consequences of his own actions.
Bet he doesn’t prank you like that again.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sure it was gross, but it wasn’t unjustified, like what did they expect to happen? They decided to play a “prank” (which it wasn’t, it was just gross behavior on their part) that stopped you from using the bathroom when you really needed to.
Did they think the need to pee would just magically go away or something?” shezza314
14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister Over A Toy's Name?
“This happened yesterday, but I am still getting messages from my family saying that I’m the jerk, so I’m here to see if I am. For context, my family and I are all white.
Recently I (34f) bought a stuffed dog for my daughter “Ally” (8f) for her birthday which just passed. Ally loves it to death and never goes anywhere without it.
She named it “Julieta” based on the character from Encanto.
Yesterday my sister came over to visit and brought my niece. We told them to go and play, and my daughter said “Want to play with Julieta?” to my niece.
My sister asked who that was and she said it was her toy. My sister then proceeded to ask why she gave her toy a Mexican name and suggested she change the name to something more American.
I got upset and asked her why she would say that, and she said she was just concerned for my daughter.
She said the name was bad and she didn’t want Ally to learn about their culture too early (word for word). Right after she said that, Ally started crying and ran to her room. I got even more upset and asked my sister to leave, and that our kids can play together another time.
She called me sensitive and a jerk, and left.
It’s the next day and my parents are texting me non-stop, saying that I was wrong for kicking my sister out. My sister herself is also texting me and is now saying that she doesn’t want my niece to come over anymore.
I’m now wondering if I did the right thing, as my daughter and niece are close. My wife says I did the right thing but I could have been more considerate. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Aunt the jerk shouldn’t be trying to parent your child.
She is a racist and not much would be lost if she never came over again. But your daughter and your niece would be the ones to lose. They deserve to have their relationship unmarred by your sister’s racist opinions.
Your daughter can name her stuffies anything she wants, obviously. I wonder what your sister said to the rest of the family when she went and told them you kicked her out. “I told my niece that Mexican names are wrong for an American child’s toy.” Yeah, I doubt she mentioned that.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your option would have been to let her stay and have a conversation about boundaries, racism, and the choices that your daughter makes in regards to naming a toy is not her business. OH, and yes, you are sensitive to racism – rightly so.” Ghitit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1. Your sister is being kinda racist saying that YOUR child shouldn’t be learning about Hispanic cultures. It’s a culture for Pete’s sake, knowing other cultures exist now stops them from being insensitive upon meeting a foreign exchange student in the future
2. She straight-up insulted YOUR daughter for her interests, she named HER plushie after a movie character. I was 8 once and know for a fact that other people trashing on your interests hurts at 8yo and still hurts sometimes because they can be very important to you
3. Encanto’s world is actually based on Columbia, not Mexico. not sure how relevant that is, but good information.
4. Tell all your relatives that if they also try to parent YOUR kids they’ll also get kicked out of YOUR house too.
Send a clear and inarguable message that YOU parent YOUR kids and that any attempt to get Ally to change her plushie’s name, and/or prevent her from learning about other cultures is blatantly overstepping boundaries.
5. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS AN AMERICAN NAME!
AMERICAN CULTURE IS ENTIRELY DERIVATIVE!” ElectroguyTJ
Another User Comments:
“OP NTJ. You want to hear this from a stranger then here you go: YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. Here is the other thing you need to hear and confront your parents and your sister with this: WHY IS YOUR SISTER BEING A RACIST AND SHOWING HATRED TOWARDS A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER DONE HER ANY WRONG?
WHY IS YOUR SISTER XENOPHOBIC? That is what your sister is saying and doing, without even saying it. She said the name was bad and she didn’t want Ally to learn about their culture too early (word for word). There is your red flag and sign.
I would say take your daughter out to learn more about the Mexican culture if she likes it. In fact here is what else you can do, get you, your wife, and child into a Spanish Language course and learn it by immersion, she will benefit from it, and probably enjoy it, and be at an advantage when it comes to her schooling.
If it was me, and my sister did that, I would double down with my wife’s blessing, and we would be taking Spanish, learning about the culture, and going on trips to visit areas that we could afford and then when visiting, encouraging my child to speak Spanish at every family function to show how well she is learning becoming bilingual and having a good world view and cultural as well.” JCWa50
13. AITJ For Shaming My Brother After He Criticized My Appearance?
“It’s my birthday tomorrow and I went out to get my hair and nails done today. I got back home (yes, I still live with my parents, in my culture we usually don’t move out unless we’re getting married) and showed it to my mom and dad and they said it looks nice.
I showed it to my brothers, (16M) and (16M) said it looked nice, but (18M) disagreed.
He said: ” Why did you even do your nails? What’s the point?”
Me: “Because it’s my birthday and I like it.”
Him: “Enlighten me OP, why do women like to do their nails?
What’s the reason? Guys don’t even like it at all.”
Me: “Because we can. And who told you guys don’t like it? You can’t speak for all of them.”
Him: “Actually, I can most guys hate it.”
At this point, I’m getting upset, but I decide to ignore him because I didn’t want to spoil my day.
So I head up to my room and he keeps following me and telling me how guys hate this or like this in a woman and I’m getting annoyed. 16M tells him (18M) to leave me alone, but he keeps going on and on.
Then he says: “Honestly you women are getting fake hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes, and fake everything, yet y’all want a real man”. So I snap and make fun of him for his bedwetting, he can’t control it and I know he’s not happy about it, but I just wanted him to leave me alone so I said the first thing that came to mind.
I felt bad and my mom told me I shouldn’t have said that. Now I’m torn between apologizing and not apologizing. AITJ? Should I apologize?
Quick edit: Another reason why I said that is that every time he wets the bed he doesn’t clean it.
Either I clean it or my mom cleans it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I could see this being a soft ESH. Your brother is definitely much more the jerk here than you, but other people will probably question your response to his harassment.
Personally, I understand that, in a situation like that, we can just get fed up and make snap judgments about what we can say to end the conversation. However, other people might still see your comment about his bedwetting as unnecessarily cruel, even though his harassment was probably far worse.
Maybe there’s a scenario where you can apologize for the bedwetting comment, but not for standing up for yourself in a bad situation. Ultimately, he has much more to apologize for than you.” turnaboutmerri
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most men don’t understand that we women do things because WE like them and to heck with what they think about it!
If he had dropped the belittling about doing your hair and nails and you still brought up the bed wetting, you’d be a major jerk. Sometimes people don’t know when to drop their complaints and make a person snap like your brother did to you.
You didn’t ask for his rant. You asked if he liked your nails. If he had said, yeah, they’re okay, but me and a lot of my friends don’t like fake nails. Okay, fair point. He’s entitled to his opinion.
His following you to your room when you tried to walk away makes him the jerk here. You were leaving him entitled to his opinion, but he kept pushing. Sometimes pushing someone results in their shoving back, which is what you did.” TKD_Mom76
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but mostly your brother. Your brother shouldn’t make those comments. He doesn’t speak for all or even most men, and regardless, if you want to get your nails done that’s entirely up to you, you don’t have to appeal to men at all if you don’t want to.
I hope you enjoy how they turned out regardless of his unwanted thoughts on the subject. But, you shouldn’t have gone for a health issue. He was absolutely out of line, but bringing something that personal into it is taking it too far.
Honestly, if you’d just told him to screw off I would have no issue, but being disabled myself it is very uncomfortable.. I understand why you did it, out of frustration and anger, but it wasn’t the right way to go about this.
I would hope there is a way for you to apologize for bringing that up because it was going too far, but still be able to stand firm that it’s not his place to be negative about the choices you make with your own appearance.
Because he should never have said anything like that in the first place.” FeastForTheWorms
12. AITJ For Telling My MIL To Stop Buying Excessive Baby Stuff Too Early?
“I (21 F) and my husband (25 M) found out I was pregnant last week.
We are over the moon about it and although it was early we wanted our parents to know. They were all super excited about it. The next day my mother-in-law messages and tells us that over the next 3 weeks to expect a bunch of packages because she ordered baby stuff.
I should mention we don’t have a good relationship with her. Although I was annoyed she was ordering things this early before I even had an appointment, I understood she was excited and she said it was just diapers and small things.
So the next day comes, 10 packages show up on my doorstep. Needless to say, we were shocked. We go through them and find diapers, crib sheets, bottles, shoes, clothing (more specifically boy clothing), and tons more. We thanked her and made sure she knew we were appreciative of her doing that but my husband asked her if she can not send a bunch of baby stuff until later in my pregnancy.
She said “how about no. I’m having fun and you have a lot more coming.”
Later that night she messaged me telling me she was going to get all the things we need like a car seat, crib, and stroller.
And this made me beyond angry. I told her if she sent any big stuff like that I wouldn’t be accepting it and I wouldn’t send it back because I haven’t even gone to an appointment and she should save some stuff for my family to buy.
She got mad at us saying we ruined her happiness and we are being unreasonable and it’s not her fault if she buys it first.
I told her again if she sends anything big it will get returned because it’s too early and she should wait until the baby shower and talk to my parents about what they want to get for the baby (she has my mother’s number) she said we are disrespectful and can’t tell her what to buy her grandchild.
I haven’t talked to her since but she told my husband the packages are still coming and she’s not returning them.
Although I upset her I don’t think I was a jerk about it but last time I made a post about my mother-in-law I got mixed answers so I’m curious, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’m definitely down with the posts about establishing boundaries now. One alternative, an adaptation of the…I think the term is “gray planet”? Accept all the stuff she buys. Say thank you, and nothing else.
Don’t send updates about the pregnancy. Don’t send ultrasound pics. Just “thank you” every time a package comes. Then take all of the stuff, keep what you want, and sell or donate the rest. If a situation arises where she asks about where the stuff is, you can say “You were having so much fun buying all the stuff and we didn’t want to ruin your happiness, but we didn’t need everything you bought so we decided to (spread the joy/get some other necessity).” If she flips, remind her you had asked her to stop buying stuff and she insisted; once she gave you the stuff it was yours to do with what you will.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like my mother-in-law. We got to buy nothing after the war of the who-could-buy-the-most grandmothers on both sides (mother-in-law bought the most). When we could no longer fit the oversupply in our small house I donated. I had to wait until my child was almost school age to buy any items from us, the parents.
I will never get that joy back, but I won’t do it to any potential grandkids! now my child is much older it’s noticed how my mother-in-law attempts to hijack every occasion (including birthday with my child with neither myself nor my partner invited).
My child’s opinion of the grandmothers is that they are tolerated but not close. Mother-in-law could have had a closer relationship had she not left out our child’s parents and not been so mean to me in front of others.” BBAus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — in my culture we aren’t supposed to buy ANYTHING until the baby is born — yes this is stressful and difficult, but the grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc usually rise to the occasion once the mom goes into labor and it’s like a baby shower when the baby comes home.
This is a boundary that is hard to set and sometimes hard for others to accept, but that’s how it is. If I were you, I’d put her in charge of something like a shower or something she would find to be an honor or ask her to set up a space in her home if she’s going to babysit a lot.
She’s going to express herself through gifts — that’s probably how she shows affection. So give her a job like making gift baskets for the hospital staff etc. Some people just need to be directed. Ask your husband to set these boundaries — before the baby comes.
Good luck!” reactiveseltzer
11. AITJ For Calling My Friend Stupid After He Accused Me Of Getting Good Grades Because Of Favoritism?
“Sam and I practically had the same schedule every year of high school and were accepted into the same college.
We’re weeks from graduating, evidently, he’s been a close friend for years now.
Whilst I adore him, he has a habit of complaining about how I get better grades than he does. When he found out I didn’t learn how to study until junior year he tried to say I was only getting good grades because the (mostly male) teachers were into me and liked me more than a teacher should.
I thought it was just a stupid teenage boy thing, but it unfortunately isn’t.
We are in different majors but share one class. I haven’t spent much time with him outside of class as I’m working full time, so we decided to study together for our final exam and double it as a catch-up.
He asked me what my grade was and when I told him he rolled his eyes. When I asked what his issue was he said, “It’s so unfair how you always get good grades and you don’t even try. I’ve been studying my behind off and I barely have a C.
You just breathe and (professor) loves you and hands you an A. What did you do? Hook up with him?”
I obviously got upset and told him, “Maybe if you weren’t such a stupid jerk professors might favor you a bit more.”
He called me a jerk and left the study session. When I told my other friends about this they told me I could’ve just called him a jerk without mentioning his intelligence as he was obviously insecure. I guess I can see that but I’m just sick of him undermining me and saying I only get my grades because of men’s attraction to me.”
Another User Comments:
“We all have our tipping point. He pushed you to yours. I was incensed on your behalf reading that. Could you have said something different? Probably. However, calling him a stupid jerk in comparison to him suggesting you get good grades because you hook up with professors is NOTHING near to what he deserves.
His behavior was outrageous, degrading, and a whole load more words that I’m too angry to think of right now. NTJ – and get a new friend – there’s something seriously wrong with that one.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Your friend is just jealous. It can be a good thing, motivating people to do better, but it’s not so with your friend. He wants to lessen the importance of your input in your success. That’s how he can feel better about himself.
If he doesn’t get better, consider ending the friendship. You could have been a bit better with your words, but I understand how all kinds of words just fly out when one is pushed to a corner and stressed out.
NTJ.” silent_ehk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does he realize that “not learning how to study until later in education” is a common trait of intelligent people? Like they don’t learn to study because the work is easy for them.
It sucks to work hard and not do as well as you want. Not an excuse for taking it out on someone who also worked hard and did better.” DazzlingAssistant342
10. AITJ For Not Respecting My Absentee Mother Who Recently Reentered My Life?
“I’m a 15-year-old high school student. I have never lived with my mother and honestly, I don’t want to.
Since I was a baby, I’ve lived with my grandpa. My mom has never been in my life; she was too busy with unhealthy habits and stuff like that. Recently, she has decided to get sober and got remarried (her third marriage) to a new man.
She’s finally decided to re-enter herself into my life.
A few months ago, my mother had taken me to the fitness center I go to every week. So after we finished working out at the fitness center, we started to drive to my home.
My mother started talking about how I should respect her more for coming back because I never give her respect and she’s “tired of trying to be my mother” (Mind you, she hasn’t been in my life for 14 out of my 15 years of life) and I told her that she doesn’t get respect from me because she hasn’t earned it and that all she’s done for me is toss me to my grandfather and engage in unhealthy habits.
She started to tell me how “disrespectful I was and how I shouldn’t tell people that she was a junkie and that it ruins her name and that I should be grateful that she didn’t leave me here forever.”
So tell me am I the jerk?
Did I go too far by bringing up her past substance use?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe your mom anything. She screwed up and now has to live with it, she chose a life of substances over a life of being your mom, a job most of us mothers don’t take lightly and are glad to have.
Your grandfather is your true mom. At your age, you should focus on figuring out what you want out of your life (you don’t have to figure it all out just the next couple of steps). She (absentee mom) who is “tired of trying to be your mother” should work on slowly re-entering your life at a pace you are comfortable with.
Also, if she didn’t want people to know she was a junkie she shouldn’t have chosen that lifestyle. Good luck, young person, I wish you all the best.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Recovering addict here, with a mom and sister who are also in recovery.
What we learn in recovery is that even when we make amends, we can’t expect people to forgive us and welcome us back into their lives. We’ve all made amends to each other (and MANY others), but the point of making amends is for the addict to clean up their side of the street and not to expect anything from the people we’ve harmed no matter the relationship.
I’m grateful that my mom and sister have forgiven and love me, but I know women with adult children who won’t speak to them still after 10 or 20 years in recovery. The harm caused was just too great, and anyone we harmed owes us nothing, period.
It sounds like your mom isn’t really all that active in her own recovery, that doesn’t mean that she is using or anything but it does mean that she isn’t making much of an effort to be and stay well if she is placing demands on her daughter.
She needs to be patient and probably work with a sponsor to help keep these feelings she has in check and have someone to talk to who understands where she is at but also reins her in for placing these unreasonable expectations on you.
NTJ. You’re doing great. Way to go for flourishing in your life despite seemingly having the odds stacked against you. Everything is temporary, so stick to your guns and listen to your SELF and let that guide you. You seem to have a strong sense of self and self-worth and that’s magnificent.
Much love to you.” dondilicious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom has literally only been around you for about what the equivalent of a year at this point? She doesn’t deserve any respect as a mother, or in reality any at all from you.
She has to earn it. Unfortunately, that’s something that parents don’t seem to understand, that while you may be their parents you do still have to earn your children’s respect. If you disrespect your children, expect disrespect back. That’s all there is to it.
We no longer live in a day and age where elders get respected simply because of their age. We hold people accountable for their actions now, and if your mom really wants the respect she thinks she’s entitled to, she needs to show that she is worthy of that respect.
I would set her down and talk to her, and tell her that this is you being an adult and recognizing that while your mom is making attempts to come back into your life she does need to own up for what she did and at least apologize for it.
If she can’t even do that, then there’s really no evidence that she’s actually changed any of her behavior besides the doing substances part.” Siren04200
9. AITJ For Not Prioritizing My Mother's Requests Over My New Hobby?
“I (21F) live with my mother (46F), just the two of us, and have a lot of artistic and DIY-related hobbies.
It ranges from building furniture to writing and drawing. My mother doesn’t really understand and calls me an “old lady”, especially since I’m in a non-related professional area (IT).
One of my “manual abilities” is stuff like embroidery, cross-stitch, crochet, and tricot.
Again, my mother says I’m having a lot of work for something I can buy done in a store and that good quality raw materials are kind of expensive (I normally buy it myself), but she does ask me to make a lot of things for her.
Recently, she asked for a crochet doily for her bedroom, since she didn’t find one she liked. She wanted it in a specific color that I didn’t have, so she bought the thread (before even asking me). I finished it last month (about a week after she bought the thread) and she really liked it.
There was a lot of thread left, and she wanted a new wool beanie and scarf made for her since she bought the thread and said it should be used for her. I told her I would do it when I had time since I already had a lot of unfinished projects.
However, recently I discovered Tatting and I’m completely addicted. If you don’t know, tatting is a kind of knotted lace and, even though it can be used to make big stuff like clothes, since your hand needs to be in a specific position tensioning the thread, it does get kind of tiring, so I’m only doing small things and I’m no longer doing as much stuff for her as I used to.
She got really mad and said I’m neglecting her and that I have too many hobbies, especially since I hadn’t even finished using all the thread that she bought. She started talking about how if I have time and money to practice a new hobby I’m still not so good at, I should use it for helping her and that anyone would think that it’s ridiculous how I’m not helping my mother to do useless stuff.
She even cried because it looks like I don’t love her anymore.
I do think I have the right to do whatever I want with my free time, however, she *did* buy the thread (even if it was for another thing) and I did say I would make the beanie and the scarf when I had the free time.
And she is also really sad because I no longer give her little handmade gifts. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Give her back the thread; problem solved. Seriously, just because someone buys you the ingredients doesn’t mean you’re obliged to bake them a cake.
Your mom isn’t unhappy that you have too many hobbies, she’s unhappy that you’re not creating things for her. She can make her own creations. NTJ at all and do not give in to the crocodile tears of “you don’t love me anymore.”” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mother is being unreasonable, selfish, and dramatic as it’s your time however it sounds to me like she’s scared of losing you and misses spending time with you. Maybe offer to show her one of your hobbies that you can do together (like making her things) to see if that relieves some of the pressure from her?
Or plan something every couple of weeks together that she can look forward to which you can point to when she’s being unreasonable.” HRHLMS
Another User Comments:
“I think you need to set some hard boundaries with your mom.
It sounds like she trivializes your hobbies in one breath, but in the next, she expects to reap the rewards from those same hobbies. And on your end, you’ve gotten into the habit of just rolling over and making her what she wants.
You need to sit down and tell her that time spent on hobbies is self-care and not just “free time.” You’re at an age where it’s really easy to get caught up in life and stress yourself out, so doing what you need to do to decompress is important.
You told your mom you’d complete her requests when you have time, not that you’d complete them immediately. If she continues to degrade your hobbies and whine when you don’t do what she wants, I would threaten her with not making things for her at all anymore.
You could sell your products online or donate them, instead. If she can’t take your interests seriously, you shouldn’t keep taking her requests seriously. NTJ.” _greyjazz_
8. AITJ For Wanting My Roommates To Buy Better Hair Products?
“I (20M) live in a house with 4 friends also all 20M.
We have an agreement where we share the body wash, shampoo, and conditioners we use in the shower. When a bottle runs out someone who didn’t buy it recently will replace it and this has worked out really nicely the shower isn’t clogged up with toiletries and Everyone pitches in no problems with the actual system.
However, I have long curly hair, it goes down past my shoulders and none of the other boys have it long at all. Anyway, I bought the last round of shampoo and conditioner, nice stuff in separate bottles, not super expensive but not cheap chemical stuff either.
Anyway, it got used in about a month which seems a lot, I only wash my hair about once a week so didn’t use lots of it. I go to have a bath today and it’s been replaced with 2 in 1 head and shoulders which won’t be good for my hair.
Here is my problem, do I ask the boys if we could get nicer stuff? I appreciate maybe they don’t need as nice stuff and so I should just get my own but I did and they all used my nice stuff but now if I want nice stuff I have to buy more despite not using most of it, or risk seeming like a choosing beggar!”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YWBTJ. With such different hair types, you cannot share certain products. I get your pain OP, waist-length curly hair here, and yes, 2-in-1 head and shoulders is kryptonite and to be avoided at all costs. That said, heavier conditioner or high moisturizing shampoo can be brutal on straight hair.
Your friends probably used up the product so fast because their hair “didn’t feel clean” after using it. Calmly explain your issue and maybe suggest that hair product is exempt from the sharing rotation.” SmolMediumAtLarge
Another User Comments:
“They don’t buy the more expensive stuff, conditioner or otherwise, because it’s the bare minimum of what they ‘need’ and want to chip in for.
They don’t want to be the one who subsidizes for the others. Without an agreement to buy more expensive stuff, you will always have a sucker’s game in which one hopes that the others will follow suit. I get that you don’t want to clog up with toiletries by buying your own, but if you do decide to buy your own they will still use your stuff first. So you’d have to take it.
That way you would also not clog anything up. You wouldn’t be a jerk for wanting to ask for better stuff, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t want to. That or they would expect others to buy more expensive toilet paper, toothpaste, etc. I’m unsure why you think you would be a choosing beggar?
You’re not asking for anything other than them pulling their weight in buying more expensive products. I think it will just be a somewhat expensive lesson for you. That it will end in them continuing to buy the more expensive stuff, while you buy your own.
No jerks here. Since there wasn’t any agreement on what to buy, they can’t be ‘blamed’ for you buying more expensive stuff.” haveitgood
Another User Comments:
“I genuinely don’t think that anyone would be the jerk in the situation since it’s just a difference in product preference.
You all had a plan, and it didn’t work, for you, as intended. It’s okay to change that since you know that it’s largely going to affect you in ways that won’t affect others. I’d say just communicate with them that you would prefer that you all have a list of different-priced hair care products that all of you were okay with and can afford, so people can purchase items that everyone agrees with.
Or you can possibly discuss wanting to withdraw from the previous house agreement. It’s really not that deep, and I hope that you all are able to work it out! Good luck.” Zealousideal_841
7. AITJ For Inviting Classmates Over Friends To A Prom Limo Ride After They Ignored Me During My Illness?
“I had to miss 4 months of school because of health issues. Depending on grades, I might have to be held back a year. Which sucks, but what really hurts is not a single one of my friends checked up on me during that time.
I had random classmates message me and ask me how I was, but not one of my friends. I told them about my diagnoses and having to miss school in a group chat and they just reacted with sad faces.
But during the 4 months, none of them checked in on me. The chat went dead, but I think they started another one without me because they were still hanging out and organizing things. But if I posted stuff, they would only respond with stickers or reacts, but none of them actually said anything or posted anything on their own so eventually I just stopped.
When I started school again, my classmates asked me questions about how I was. I saw one of my friends in the hall between classes and she just kind of looked past me until I waved at her. It’s like she was trying to avoid me, but maybe she really didn’t see me?
But then she did ask me how I was. I told her I was pretty hurt none of them checked in on me for 4 whole months.
And she said “Oh, well you should’ve communicated that you wanted us to check in on you.
How else are we supposed to know?” And I told her I thought they would just care. And she said of course they cared, and then we had to go to class.
But why the heck is this something that needs to be “communicated”?
Isn’t that just basic human decency? Other people just checked up on me naturally, while they needed an invitation or something?
I was upset and decided not to go to our usual place at lunch, and I just hung out in a different area with some of my classmates who actually cared. I didn’t say anything, but I figured we weren’t friends anymore.
Anyway, later that week, I won a drawing for a limo ride/dinner for prom, and I could invite 3 guests. I invited my classmates to thank them for checking up and offering to help tutor me. But a different friend found out and messaged me why I didn’t invite them.
And I REALLY wanted to say something mean but I just said I wanted to thank the people who checked in on me and helped me. And she said I need to stop being petty and trying to guilt trip them.
So AITJ for being petty and guilt trippy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you just discovered (unpleasantly) who your real friends are. Have a fab night with the new friends, they sounds like they are worth keeping. You are not petty and maybe their lack of consideration of others is something they should feel guilty about.
A quick message asking how you are takes seconds to send. Surround yourself with people who care about you not just themselves.” Ejclincoln
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t being petty and guilt-trippy. You are inviting people who showed that they care about you (I think it is so great some of them are offering to tutor you!!).
You didn’t even mention the ride/dinner to your old (hopefully ex) friends so her saying you were guilt-tripping them was actually her guilt showing that she realized what a bad friend she was towards you. Ignore the haters.” voluntold9276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And your first friend’s response was totally lacking empathy. She blamed you for expressing disappointment in her, which nobody likes, but she’s not a good friend. Also your other friends’ response to your reason for inviting others – it’s the same.
You gave them an excellent, honest answer and they are now calling you names and guilt-tripping you. They aren’t good friends. Leave them, and foster friendships with the others.” AffectionateMine2220
6. AITJ For Not Attending My Daughter's Wedding Because My Wife Isn't Invited?
“My beautiful daughter Cecilia (25) is getting married next month and I (49) was supposed to walk her down the aisle. I was never married to her mother. I got my invitation a while back but I didn’t actually read it and neither did my wife (39), we just put it in our bookcase with the rest of the cards.
A month ago while talking with Cecilia she was surprised that I was talking in we terms when I was planning the wedding. “Who do you mean by we?” She told me that she hasn’t invited my wife or her stepbrother (12) or half-sister (5).
She told me I was the only one invited. Stepson spends the second half of the summer with his dad so that wasn’t an issue but why not my wife and my daughter? She said it was a small wedding with her immediate family and friends only.
I have been with my wife for 10 years. Married for 7. She’s pregnant with my 3rd child and she has always been decent to my daughter. Cecilia’s mother (52), mother’s partner (53), and even “stepbrother” (23) from her mother’s side are all invited. Cecilia’s mother has been with her partner for a little over a year.
The only thing I’m thinking now is that it’s because Cecilia’s mother never liked my wife.
I told Cecilia that I was very hurt but she told me that it was her wedding. I told her that I wasn’t going to attend then and she started yelling that I’m a jerk who never loved her and would ruin her wedding day.
I understand that my daughter is the only one who gets to decide but I don’t think I’m the jerk there for standing up for my family.
What do you say?”
Another User Comments:
“At the end of the day, your decision will determine your future relationship with your daughter.
You said your wife is ok with not going, so why are you being like this? It’s your daughter’s wedding, she has the right to decide who gets to be present. You said that your wife treats her “decently”. What exactly does this mean?
Do they get along, and have a real relationship? Or is it just a “hi, bye” kind of relationship? She may have said it’s a close family wedding to not hurt your feelings about your wife not going. It doesn’t matter how long your wife is with you VS her stepfather.
It’s about who the bride considers her family. Be careful to not be out of that list… My advice is: on the wedding day, be a father first, not a husband. You have 364 other days to be a husband and to put your wife first. So, yeah, you would be the jerk.” ExpressionMundane244
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk, at the end of the day it’s your daughter’s wedding and she should be able to have the people there that make her happy and comfortable on such an important day. By refusing to attend because your wife wasn’t invited you’re making a statement that your wife is more important than your kid.
Your daughter wasn’t asking you to divorce your wife. She wasn’t demanding you tar and feather her. She doesn’t get along with your wife enough to invite her, but she did want you there.
INFO did you ask why she doesn’t want your wife there?
You say your wife treated your daughter decently but what exactly does that mean? Was there ever an incident or incidents you brushed off as your daughter being over dramatic or lying? There could be a lot of underlying issues between them that caused her to not invite your wife.
Regardless, it’s an issue you talk about AFTER the wedding because her wedding is not about you. Treating someone decently (like your wife has supposedly treated your daughter) does not make a good stepmother nor does it warrant an invite to an intimate, important event like a wedding.” throwitawaayalready
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I feel you’re not very close or involved with your daughter if you ‘got an invitation and never read it’ and you only now know she’s not invited. Obviously, you haven’t been part of the planning at all.
Also, I’m sure you’re aware of your daughter’s dislike of your wife before now…unless this is brand new? You only get one shot at your daughter’s wedding. Both people are important in your life. You can decide what you want to do, take a stand against your daughter, or be there for her.
But you can’t go back for a do-over. Decide what is most important. If you go, you can still be honest with your daughter, that you are incredibly disappointed in your wife being left out. You may wish to consider in the future, how you will navigate your relationships with them both.” tinny36
5. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Fast Food For My Nephew Who Is A Picky Eater?
“I (M24) live with my parents, Mom (70) and Dad (71). My older sister and her husband have 2 kids both 7 and 9.
My older brother has 3 kids. 2 boys Mitchell (3) and Edison (10), and a daughter Riley (5). My older brother decided to go on a mini vacation last weekend with his wife and drop the kids off for my parents to babysit. My sister and her husband are also going along and decided to take my dad and they too dropped off their kids.
My mom is disabled so she can’t go on long extended trips, so she stays home to help look after the kids with me.
Now my sister’s kids are used to homecooked meals and aren’t picky eaters. Mitchell and Riley are also not picky eaters.
Edison is an extremely picky eater. Basically, my brother and his wife hardly ever cook at home. Most of their meals are either microwaved food or takeout. So their kids basically eat nothing but dino nuggets, hotdogs, and McDonald’s every day.
Anyway, my mom makes a home-cooked meal for all of us for lunch. All of the kids eat it without complaining except for Edison. Edison just looks at the food and says he’s not hungry. My mom says he has to eat something, but we don’t keep any microwaved food in our house because my parents cook all their food and I always meal prep my own stuff.
My mom tells me to drive to the store and buy some chicken nuggets for Edison so he can eat. I tell her he needs to stop being a picky eater.
The reason he is so picky is because his parents never cook at home and he has a lousy diet of nothing but pizza and nuggets.
I tell Edison that if he isn’t going to eat grandma’s cooking then he probably won’t get to eat till his parents pick him up tomorrow morning. He just ignores me. To his credit, he isn’t complaining about being hungry.
Dinner comes around and my mom makes dinner for the kids but Edison also refuses to eat. My mom yells at me to go to the store because Edison is obviously hungry but refuses to eat. I basically told my mom that Edison is gonna learn today to quit being a picky eater, and it ain’t like he’s gonna die from not eating for like 1 day.
Anyway, his parents come pick him up the next morning and he immediately tells his parent that he hasn’t eaten since yesterday. My mom calls me a jerk and my brother’s wife calls me a jerk, but my brother doesn’t care.
He said Edison needs to stop being a picky eater, and it’s not like we didn’t try to provide him with food.
For some added context, Edison is actually sort of a smart aleck. Sometimes he will refuse to eat food that I or my mom makes for him because he knows that when his parents pick him up, they usually always ask him if he’s eaten.
He’s found out that if he says no he hasn’t eaten anything they usually take him to McDonald’s.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand all these people saying “not your kid so not your judgment” but what are you supposed to do when you’re babysitting for a full weekend with your disabled mum?
At that point you’re a substitute parent, not to mention you’re their aunt, not some random person. NTJ, not eating two meals is not going to kill the kid. Plus you gave him food, he just refused to eat it.
From what you’ve said he’s got no other issues that contribute to his pickiness, he’s just spoilt. If he was desperate he could’ve picked at the bits he “could” eat out of the food, I was a picky kid and I did that so many times, no one ever pandered to me.
If it was that concerning mummy should’ve dropped off a bag of frozen nuggets and chips for him when you and mum got stuck looking after all those kids while everyone else had a nice break.” TropheyHorse
Another User Comments:
“Gonna go with NTJ. Edison’s mom and dad need to vary their kid’s diet with more than Nuggies and ‘Za. Catering overly much to a picky eater (not picky for good reasons like allergies or illness but because they are just picky) causes them to lose nutrients they need, gives them eating habits that are unhealthy for life, and just makes their kids an unholy terror around Mal times that don’t cater to them.
Your mom has her heart in the right place, but also catering to a picky eater is just reinforcing the idea that if he doesn’t eat he will get what he wants. That’s not good. You saying that he won’t starve is borderline kinda, but accurate.
If he doesn’t eat what is served he won’t eat. Parents do that all the time, for good reason. It works.” NuclearWasteoid
Another User Comments:
“Maybe the kid has sensory issues? Maybe he only likes crunchy food, eg nuggets coated in breadcrumbs?
Crispy burger buns? You say you like these kids and like hanging out with them. So I don’t understand why you didn’t want to be kind to Edison. Even if he’s just a picky eater and doesn’t have sensory issues, that’s not his fault.
He’s a kid. That’s his parents’ fault. So you’re punishing him for (1) having sensory issues or (2) because his parents suck. He’s not responsible for either of those options. Nobody wants to be a picky eater. It’s not a choice people make.
It’s something they’re stuck with. I’m a picky eater because of sensory issues and allergies. Food is actually a problem for lots of people. Edison’s parents suck for not dropping food off when they dropped him off.
If Edison is at your place a lot, why don’t you keep some stuff in the freezer for him? Also – If you’re afraid that giving him nuggets will cause the other kids to refuse the home-cooked stuff – why don’t you just cook chicken nuggets at home?
If you like this kid – I don’t understand why you refused to be kind to him. Sounds like he often doesn’t eat when he’s at your house. You sound very kind – for example, letting your parents live at your place.
Is there any way you can make life easier for Edison? He’s probably feeling very unwelcome when he comes to your house. No jerks here.” Bruiscear
4. AITJ For Having My Neighbor's Car Towed For Repeatedly Parking In My Spot?
“My apartment complex has extremely limited parking with assigned parking spots and only two guest parking spots in a building with at least 60 units. I have one parking spot for me and my partner to share, since we only have one car it hasn’t been an issue.
My partner and I share the car and work opposite work schedules so our spot is often open and honestly, I don’t care if people park there when I’m not home.
One of our neighbors has decided that our parking spot is fair game and at this point, another car has been in our spot over half a dozen times usually the car has moved within an hour of us coming home so while it’s been annoying we can’t really do anything about it.
Tonight however was different.
After coming home from work tonight there was a car in my spot, the lights in our neighbor’s unit are off and it’s safe to assume they think they can be in my spot all night.
This made me so angry so I called the towing company my landlord told me to call if anyone parks there. The tow truck will be here soon and I’m anxiously waiting for them to get here. I know that getting your car towed is a serious pain in the backside but this has happened so many times I’m afraid if I don’t get them towed my neighbors will continue to use my spot all the time.
I know that people assume they can walk all over me so I try not to be a pushover but I still feel kinda guilty so am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has happened to me.
I’d go in the middle of the day to pick up my kids from school and find someone in my spot. Almost always someone that didn’t live there. I got tired of it after I was the one who got a tow notice for parking in a guest spot even though I clearly had a resident pass on my window.
The next time they did this, I had to run to the store with the kids. When we returned, I honked, our building is low enough they would have heard it. So I parked directly behind them, almost touching, and it took about ten minutes or so to get our groceries out.
Finally came back down, locked up my car, turned it off, took pictures of it, and closed all my windows. With how tightly everyone was parked around each other, they were stuck. Stayed parked overnight, took kids to school the next day by Uber.
Came home and found a note on my windshield ‘we’re sorry we won’t do this again!!!’ and somehow they managed to get their car out with no room to maneuver, without denting my car. Never happened again.” AbbyFB6969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But the inconvenience of not being able to park and having to wait for a tow truck will be a continuing problem. I had the same trouble where all sorts of people would park in my off-road spot. Parking elsewhere wasn’t an option in central London because the police would tow you and fine you for on-street parking.
Parking garages charge £10 per hour which is why they did it. What I did was to have a lockable pillar cemented into the parking space with three keys. I kept one with the building manager and the other two for my wife and myself.
That fixed the problem in short order. The culprits were generally commuters who were looking for free parking. Once my space was blocked off they just bothered someone else. The lockable pillar with installation included cost me about £120. The cost of my car getting towed for parking on the street was £250.” AchillesNtortus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to use your space and to enforce the consequences of taking away your spot. However, I would’ve talked to the neighbors and informed them of when they can use your spot and when they cannot, or at least warned them that if they do not stop you will have their car towed. Maybe you have done this already and in that case, you are absolutely not the jerk but as it was not mentioned in the post I thought I’d add it.” Luna_17134
3. AITJ For Selling The Nintendo Switch My Partner Gifted Me?
“My (23M) partner (25F) gave me a Nintendo Switch last Christmas.
She knows I love video games and sometimes we even play together. However, due to work and other responsibilities, I’ve been trying to cut back on gaming, though I still pick it up from time to time to destress.
Now I’ve used the Switch quite a few times and have even finished a game recently. Due to reasons stated above, I’ve planned to sell the Switch after finishing the game. So I told my partner about my plans and she seemed upset about it, though she didn’t tell me not to.
She even sent me the receipt when I asked for it so I could put it up on my listing that the console is genuine, but she was quiet after that.
Last week, I finally managed to sell the Switch.
When I got home, I texted my partner telling her how it went. She didn’t reply for a couple of hours because she was busy packing up because she’s moving houses soon (we don’t live together). When she finally replied, she said she’s sad because I went ahead with selling her gift, and this wasn’t the news she wanted to hear after spending the entire day packing up stuff in the house all by herself.
To be honest, I got kind of upset by this because if she didn’t want me to sell it, she could have told me instead of telling me now when it’s too late. I know she saved up for this gift and it was really thoughtful, but my thinking is that the money can be used somewhere else and I won’t be using the Switch regularly anyway.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Since it was a gift and you are free to do with it as you want, many people might say you’re technically NTJ – however… It was a gift from your partner that you admit was an extremely thoughtful gift. Additionally, she had to save for it and sacrifice spending on herself to afford to give it to you.
This wasn’t merely a “gift” but a symbol of her feelings for you and how much you meant to her…that you sold to make a profit for yourself. I’m sure if she had known you’d only keep it a few months, then sell for a quick buck, she would not have gone to the effort or sacrifice to buy you that particular gift. Just out of curiosity, when she gave you the $300 Switch for Christmas only a few months ago, did you give her a gift that was both equally thoughtful and expensive?
YTJ for making a quick buck off your (ex)partner’s thoughtfulness and desire to make you happy.” Veridical_Perception
Another User Comments:
“1) She had to save up to buy you this thoughtful and expensive gift. 2) She was obviously upset when you mentioned the possibility of selling it.
3) You then cheerily informed her the deal is done so now you have all the money for yourself. You have been very careless with her and her emotions. I also find your actions so wildly inappropriate that I barely know how to comment on them.
You’re profiting off the gift she had to work and save for? And somehow in your weasel brain that seems like an OK thing to do? I’m gobsmacked. YTJ. You’re tactless. You’re oblivious. You’re insensitive. And I really, really, really hope you’re now single because your thoughtful hopefully ex-partner deserves better.” The_Krudler
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She didn’t tell you not to sell it because it’s bad manners to tell someone what they should or should not do with a gift. And she was sad because she was hoping you would have equally decent manners and keep the expensive and thoughtful gift that you do admittedly use and enjoy.
But you didn’t. I know how important it is to cut back when you have other responsibilities but geez. There was literally no other way? You don’t have any self-control to the point you had to sell your Christmas present to cut back on using it?” just_plain_tired_
2. AITJ For Refusing To Celebrate Father's Day With My Stepdad?
“I (15f) live with my mom, and my stepdad “John”. My dad died when I was 10 and since then I haven’t celebrated Father’s Day, and I don’t have a good relationship with my stepdad because he tries to act like my dad and has even told me to call him dad, but I suck it up for my sister (his kid, 3f) “Lori.”
Today is Father’s Day and my mom was very adamant that I get John something because he is my stepdad and “does a lot for me.” I responded, “respectfully no, he has barely done anything for me and he is Lori’s dad, not mine.” My mom hates confrontation so she left it at that.
Later that day, everyone was giving Father’s Day gifts and I was there because I’m still part of the family, after John gets a gift from Lori and my mom, he turns to me and demands his gift. I respond “Happy Father’s Day but you’re not my father and thinking of you as such makes me feel like you’re replacing my dad.” He responds with an angry tone “yeah well I’m your stepdad and I deserve some respect.
If you didn’t get me anything at least give me a hug” and he tries to force me into a hug, knowing I don’t like touching people unless I explicitly say it’s ok (past trauma).
I yell at him “don’t touch me, you’re not my dad stop trying to be” and ran into my room, which is where I am now.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this is very sad. The adults in your life should be putting your reasonable feelings above their ego, which is what this conflict is. It was gauche to demand a present from you – it’s not tribute, it has to be voluntary to mean something.
If you feel your stepdad isn’t acting in a parental rule, of course it would leave a terrible taste in your mouth to be asked to kowtow to his ego. The hug thing was a power move and very weird behavior on his part.” CactiOnTheMove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are absolutely not the jerk, but your stepfather and mother are. You would think they were bright enough at their age to realize by now that respect is earned not demanded. And what kind of adult is so much of a jerk and is so self-centered that they look at a child and demand a present from them?
These aren’t nice people and I am so sorry that you were going through this. But please understand it is not you. When your mother remarried it does not automatically make her husband a dad. A relationship with a stepparent is built one step at a time, through shared experiences, mutual respect and caring oh, and quality time spent together.
This didn’t happen in your case and it’s not your fault.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your stepdad sucks for making a big deal out of that in front of the whole family, and not recognizing that you clearly aren’t comfortable recognizing him as your dad.
He demanded respect from you, and then tried to force you into a hug, which I can imagine was uncomfortable That being said, you’re a jerk because instead of politely shaking your head when your stepfather asked for his gift, or pulling him aside beforehand, you also made a scene by dismissing him of any familial connection in front of the rest of the family.
Which then probably caused him to get embarrassed, and pull you into that hug in a moment of awkwardness. Telling him to go away also seemed a bit extra. That being said, it sounds like you’ve got a lot of internal turmoil, and it sounds like you really need to talk to someone.
You lashed out at him for something that was mildly uncomfortable, and while I can recognize and understand not having a close relationship with an unpleasant stepparent, it doesn’t sound like he was trying to be condescending. Please seek some therapy OP, I think it’d really help sort things out.” ItsMeAnna0017
1. AITJ For Being Upset My Sister Got Her Marriage Blessed During My Wedding Reception?
“I am one of three. My oldest sister, middle sister & me. My middle sister was the first to get married, in 2014 by our childhood priest. My oldest sister got married in 2017 by another priest. I got married last month by our childhood priest (same as my middle sister).
Before our wedding, when my oldest sister found out I was being married by the childhood priest she asked if she could have her marriage blessed by the same priest. So then “all of us could have her involved in our marriage”.
I told her she could, as long as no one else was witness, she didn’t do it at my venue & she didn’t do it on the day of my wedding.
She snuck away during my reception with her husband & got her marriage blessed. So she listened to one of the three rules I set out.
When I told her I knew she got her marriage blessed & was upset she did that. I asked her & her husband for an apology for being disrespectful. She blew up at me & told me she just lost a brother & didn’t care.
She stormed off & I am not sure if I overreacted.
My parents said she felt left out since she wasn’t married by the same person as me & my sister. But I honestly feel like it shouldn’t matter & if she wanted to be married by her then she should have done that for her wedding, not mine.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. From the way you describe it, her blessing didn’t pull focus from your wedding in ANY WAY AT ALL, which would be the only reasonable argument for you to have a problem with it. It sounds like they were incredibly discreet – you literally say that they “snuck away” during the reception, so it’s likely that no one even noticed. They clearly did everything in their power to ensure that no attention was taken from you or your special day, which was very thoughtful of them.
They didn’t interrupt or cause any sort of distraction or disturbance, just quietly slipped off to another room for a few minutes. This was likely the most convenient time for both them and the priest, since they were all present at the church.
That you want people to call them jerks for discreetly asking for a blessing from a religious leader who is clearly beloved of your family, while they happened to be in the church, and doing so without drawing any attention to themselves or disrupting your occasion, makes you seem incredibly petty.
They were not being jerks, but you are. YTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Because she asked you, you said not at your wedding (perfectly reasonable) and she did it anyway. That tells me that she knew it was overstepping to have her marriage blessed on your wedding, when you didn’t give her the pass she wanted she did it anyway.
If she had just privately done it without asking I would have said no jerks here. I think the fact that she asked and knew it would bother you but did it anyway is what the issue is? If she had just done it without having asked would you have been as upset?
Personally, in my culture, other people’s weddings/anniversary parties are not the place to celebrate anyone else’s marriage/relationship unless expressly invited by the couple.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Mild ESH, only because what the person giving the blessing does with time outside your needs for them shouldn’t be a big deal if she was doing it away from everyone I don’t see the harm.
However, she is a jerk for you having expressed your discomfort (IMO wrongly as a rule you were imposing, but still, asked and answered in their agreement), and going against it in secret, that seems needlessly complicated, nonreason they couldn’t have had the blessing at another time, etc. Presuming of course you want an apology from your sibling before their husband, as you don’t know how aware he was of it etc. And the issue seems to me to be with her, if you just don’t like the BIL and are being harder on him than your sister I would say no harm to reevaluate that more fairly.
Best of luck, OP, and congrats on the wedding!” MxTeryG
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