People Go On The Hunt For Answers In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Not Inviting A Freeloading Friend To Our Holiday Gatherings?
“For years our home has been the place friends and family come to for the holidays or just for a hang-out. Having many people (15 or more) around for the holidays requires a lot of planning especially since we also work full-time and have kids. So it can get quite stressful, but it’s also fun, and almost everyone chips in with whatever they’re good at which makes the holidays special.
There is this one friend, however, who never chips in (not with the cooking, not with the cleaning, decorating, entertaining the kids – just nothing). Instead, he sits on the couch waiting to be entertained, staring at everyone busying themselves, then takes a book from the shelf and proceeds to ignore everyone until the food is on the table.
Then he sits himself down first and immediately starts eating without waiting for everyone to join him at the table.
The thing that annoys me most, though, is that due to the amount of work that goes into the holidays, we need to know quite a bit in advance who’s joining us.
When we ask he always says he needs to see if he can make it (he’s been coming to our place every holiday for the last four years) because of the amount of planning he needs to do to get here (he lives alone 80 km away, always takes leave for two weeks around the holidays, never travels and has a car, so not much planning needed).
Then he tells us he might have some other plans before then either telling us two days in advance that he’s coming or just showing up and expecting us to have considered him when making the sleeping arrangements and for every meal in the 2-4 days he usually stays with us.
I got so fed up that when I sent out the messages asking who was coming to Christmas this year, I left him out. He heard that we’d already asked the others and called and asked why we didn’t ask him. I told him my reasons and he called me selfish for only considering the planning that I needed to do and not taking into consideration that he might want to consider other options for the holidays before committing to one and that it wouldn’t have hurt me to invite him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So let me get this straight: He wants to be invited but wants to keep his options open in case something better comes up. Does he want to sit on his backside while everyone contributes? He wants to do all of this with little or no notice?
And he thinks YOU’RE the jerk???? Just WOW! A world doesn’t exist where you’re the jerk in this situation. Ever. Anywhere. NTJ NTJ NTJ.” AcuteDeath2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – doesn’t sound like much of a guest. More of a parasite with no consideration for his hosts.
He is getting what he deserves, if he wants to be invited, he needs to be a better guest. BTW, did you tell him everything you wrote above, including rudeness at the table and in the past just showing up without having responded? If yes, then the man is a total, rude jerk and you have a free pass to never invite him again.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let him find other plans that are A-OK with him eating first, never contributing, and then ignoring everyone else. Oh wait, if he can’t, he can go to a restaurant open on the holidays to pay to do the same.
He’s taken your generosity for granted, and he’s welcome to start making holiday traditions of his own.” Snackinpenguin
24. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mom's Brother And His Wife To My Wedding?
“I’ll try and keep this short but informative. My mom got married and had my oldest brother at 15 with my dad who was 20 at the time (yeah yeah I know but they’re still together 30+ years later) My mom’s brother, who I am not a fan of at all, married this lady (we’ll call QB) long before my mom was a teen, who was always so passive to my mom and her half-sisters.
She always had something to say about how her sisters were not her real family and a TON of other unkind things. When she married into the family she immediately went into “queen bee” mode. She made my mom’s wedding dress, very simple and cute and she made my mom and dad’s serving-size wedding cakes.
My mom being young at that time now tells me she wasn’t as grateful for all the things people did for her during her wedding so she “gets it” as to why QB was passive.
I am getting married to my fiancé in July who is significantly older than me, a common theme in my family.
So common that even QB’s daughter is married to a man 16 years older. My mom told everyone about the wedding at a family reunion that I did not attend and of course, QB had something to say. My mom mentioned the age gap and QB told her “Well it’s good that she’s not still in school or anything and she’s an adult too” while looking around laughing.
QB has always been nice to me and my two brothers but I just found out about all this pettiness a few months ago when talking about the family with my mom. So would I be the jerk for not inviting my mom’s weird brother and his unkind wife to my wedding?
SIDE NOTE: My mom is the peacekeeper and most times she’s not acknowledged by some of her family because of the circumstances of how she came to be married and we do not keep in touch with that family very often. She’s way too sweet and nice and when I told her about my plans to not invite them, she commented “Why do you make my life so difficult” in a joking manner because ultimately her brother and QB will confront her about my decision.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m assuming by passive you mean passive-aggressive, like she is in the example, because being passive just means that she’s not doing anything at all. Sorry, for the language police, I was just confused at first I think it’s very fair for you to not want her there but I’d just ask your mum outright if it would be stressful for her.
It sounds like your mum is a lot like me in the way she does – or doesn’t – approach interpersonal conflict. I’d probably also ignore that sort of thing and it would stress me out no end if someone decided to act on my behalf.
That said, while I’d be stressed I’d still appreciate the sentiment.” Level_Equivalent9108.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Look at it this way. Your mom may have been ok with putting up with that behavior at her wedding (and after) but you don’t have to.
You don’t need to invite anyone that you don’t want to be there. As far as your mom being the peacekeeper, let her know that you love her but this day is about you and you deserve peace and total happiness on YOUR day.
Don’t back down or roll over on this. Bullies should not be rewarded for bad behavior just because people are too afraid to challenge them. Stand your ground and have a happy wedding.” ImposterSyndrome412
23. AITJ For Slashing Financial Support To My Family And Lazy Brothers?
“I have been supporting my family and my brothers for the past year and a half. I have two adult brothers who can work but don’t. For a year now I have been asking, begging, and even crying for my parents to ask for a financial contribution from them so I don’t have to carry all the burden.
Things have not changed in all this time. As long as I keep supporting the household nothing is going to change, since it’s easier for my parents to keep asking me for the money and it’s easier for my brothers not to work.
I figured that I was the only one with the power to change the dynamics.
So I decided to give a lot less money to my parents.
Now my brother is demanding me to pay since I’m the one who has a job, he says that me being an employee I can do that, and since he says he is an entrepreneur he needs all his income to be re-invested. (nonsense, even entrepreneurs have fixed costs they have to pay no matter what)
My dad is angry that I don’t give him enough money, he needs me to give him more than half of what I make every month. I don’t make a lot, I barely have enough left to go out on a couple of weekdays.
My mom says I’m selfish and sides with my brother the entrepreneur that has never brought in any money for the household.
(she does not think he is selfish though)
I think it’s been a year since I’ve been asking for them to get their act together and I have made it easy for them to not do so. I should stop making it so easy for them to skip doing their part.
To make matters worse, I don’t have a car, and can’t save enough to buy one with this arrangement. My brothers do have a car bought by my parents, and even have a house for themselves paid for by them. I live in my childhood bedroom and have no wheels.
I am the only one working and everyone demands me to give them my hard-earned money as if they were the ones that do the work and I am greedy and want to take their deserved money.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry to say this, but you are an enabler.
You need to cut this off immediately. Your two brothers are lazy and entitled. They need to get off their backsides and go make some money if they are so concerned about supporting their parents. Of course, they don’t work because they don’t have to.
You’re taking care of everything. You are financially crippling yourself and setting yourself back in life. I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to stop this. Don’t cut it down to less money, cut it down to no money. Then they will be forced to step up and contribute to society like the rest of us.” KatSquats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why in the world have you allowed this to happen? How about, from now on, everybody pays only their bills and is responsible for only their finances? Remember, no one can take advantage of you without your permission.” Ok_Childhood_9774
Another User Comments:
“You do realize that you are supporting your brothers? It is time for you to support yourself make your way in the world and prepare for your future. Your parents and brothers should take care of themselves. You are going to get a lot of flak from your family about your decision, so be prepared. You may have to go with no contact for a while.
They will figure things out for themselves.” happyasaclamtoo
22. AITJ For Refusing To Throw A Pre-Wedding Party For My Future Daughter-In-Law?
“My son J (M25) is engaged to a woman D (F24/25).
In D’s culture, it’s traditional for the mother-in-law (me) to throw a party for the bride. J said to me that he’d appreciate it if I did so and it would “make D feel like part of the family”. The issue I have with this is threefold.
First of all, D’s mother is already throwing her a bridal shower. Throwing her a second one would just be repetitive. Second of all, J and I are not even part of D’s culture, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking part in activities like that for the risk of offending or appropriating her culture.
Third of all, and this is where I fear I’ll come across as a jerk, D isn’t part of the family, not until she and my son are wed. So it feels wrong to me to celebrate her as a family member when let’s be honest, she isn’t.
I laid this all out to J, who did not react first. He just sat and listened for my reasons. Afterward, he shrugged and went “All alright then”. This conversation happened a couple of weeks ago, and since then he’s been avoiding me. Even when we talk things are stiff.
I figured he was upset about something I said during that talk so we talked about it last night. I asked him how he felt about what I said and whether I upset him. I’m paraphrasing he essentially said that he wasn’t surprised, but just disappointed.
He said that he wasn’t surprised because my husband and I never threw him parties, we never celebrated his achievements or anything and it was disappointing to hear that that extended to D as well. I was kind of struck dumb by this because yes, my husband and I are not celebratory people by nature, but we always showed him to the best of our ability that we loved him.
To that end, I said I’d be willing to compromise in a way, and said that after the wedding and their honeymoon, I’d love to take D out to lunch or dinner with my friends and just get some girl time with her.
He was very upset by now and said that that wasn’t what this was about and stormed off. Whatever civility we’ve had before is gone now. I truly feel like I’ve extended an olive branch and he’s swatting it away. AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are setting your own cultural rules ( not family until Wed) and completely disregarding all of your son’s wife’s traditions. She’s darn well going to be part of the family and you are starting that off with complete alienation. You don’t understand, you might not throw the best one that’s traditional for her, but the effort in even trying would mean an immense amount, and you aren’t even willing to go that far.” PandaLand447
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But you have every right to continue down your “we’re not celebratory people” – you realize you had a child right? You didn’t do birthdays, you didn’t do Christmas, you didn’t graduate, what the heck did you do exactly to celebrate him?
Cause I mean birthdays, religious/cultural/educational, none of those warranted a celebration? You and your husband will be left on this hill alone. Just remember this statement, cos when it’s time to celebrate the birth of his children – he will recall you guys are “not celebratory people”.
I hope karma remembers and you guys get a taste of your own medicine. Good luck to you when you’re missing out on the beauty and magic of grandchildren. You and your husband sound perfect for each other, miserable.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for acting like family magically happens when a wedding occurs and not, say, in the events leading up to a wedding.
She’s not family yet so you don’t have to WELCOME her. You could have spoken to your future daughter-in-law about her traditions so as not to offend. You sound incredibly cold and heartless after being invited to be part of a special part of their pre-wedding celebrations.” ViolaVetch75
21. AITJ For Standing Up To My Incompetent Co-Worker Who Constantly Asks Me For Help?
“I (F28) am an engineer. I’ve worked at my company for a little over 5 years, and I’ve done surprisingly well so far.
I’ve been promoted twice and am now considered a senior engineer and expert on my subject. Although my job can be stressful and demanding, I love it. I work significantly more hours than is asked of me because I want to see progress and feel confident about the work I’m doing.
A new employee Sam (M40) was hired 5 months ago to work in my group, specifically to help with the work I and another engineer (Steve) co-own. Initially, I took on a significant portion of Sam’s training but found myself burning out quickly. Sam is not a quick learner and I found myself repeating the same basic things over and over again.
He has not been able to complete any of the tasks I’ve shown him independently.
About a month ago, I told Sam I could not keep up with my responsibilities and the training time he was asking for. He continued to ask me to spend most of the day going over the basics and watching him complete basic tasks.
I became overwhelmed and told Sam he needed to spend time looking for information/answers in the available documents we have before asking me for repeated training. I expressed that I couldn’t meet his training expectations and get my work done even when working extra hours.
I also expressed that it seemed like he was purposely taking advantage of me by not putting effort into comprehending his training. This offended him and he escalated to our boss.
I should add that Sam has unexpectedly called out of work at least 1 day out of every week since he started. He asks me to cover his on-call responsibilities and complete his tasks when he calls out.
The last time he did this, he let me know he could not come to work because one of his kids was sick. I asked if he could WFH to complete his tasks rather than ask me to cover him. He was offended by this comment and told my boss I had been insulting, attacking, and offending him.
AITJ? I just want to do my work and this guy is making it difficult.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But while your criticism sounds justified, unless you are Sam’s direct supervisor, and it doesn’t sound like he reports to you, I would not have the conversation you had with him.
I would have taken my concerns to his supervisor, to your manager, or to HR. That is their purpose, and going through the channels protects you. I would also have gone to higher-ups the first time he asked me to cover for him. Your comments sounded like you were critiquing or evaluating him and if you aren’t his supervisor, that isn’t your role, you can’t impose consequences, goals, and timelines to back up your evaluation.
That is important if you are going to be pointing out shortcomings. Document everything you can. If your opinion of the guy is accurate, you should be fine. Just avoid the same situation in the future.” introspectively
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And as others have said document via email for them/date stamps.
Hey Sam, As per our conversation today where you didn’t know how to do “X” here is the pertinent file to find the information you need to complete your task. Or when he calls out email both him and his direct supervisor, Sam, sorry you had to call out today.
I wanted to let both you and your boss know that I won’t be able to complete your work because I am too busy doing mine. Your boss may want to see if someone else on your team can pick up your work instead, otherwise, it will have to wait until you are back in the office.” Calm_Initial
20. AITJ For Planning My Wedding Three Months Before My Friend's Wedding?
“I have a friend group from high school, some of us are closer than others but this friend and I in particular have a rocky past and have been taking baby steps to amend our friendship.
We never hang out, but our group sometimes overlaps and we see each other.
This friend got engaged about 6 months ago and is planning a wedding in July of next year. I just got engaged at the beginning of this year and mentioned that I intended to have my wedding in April of next year in our group chat.
Now, none of this is set in stone, but timeframe-wise this is what my fiancée and I are looking to do.
I woke up today to a text in my group chat from that friend saying that my wedding must take place “several” months before or after his wedding or it is going to be a big issue with him and his fiancée, and by having it within a 3-month proximity we’re stealing their “time to shine”.
Quite frankly I could’ve told him to get lost there, but I calmly replied that his request of several months before and after and including your month blocks off 7 months of the year if we’re calling “several” months 3. So no, I cannot promise that, and that’s an unreasonable request. I also assured him that I of course would plan to avoid his actual wedding day and whatever timeframe he set aside for his bachelor party.
I also suggested we message privately instead of our group chat to talk this through and de-escalate this.
When he messaged me privately he doubled down and then set a deadline for when my wedding activities must end or start, and I lost my cool and said you have absolutely ZERO say in when my wedding is, and as long as I avoid your actual wedding day or maybe even that week you don’t get to claim 100 days surrounding your wedding all to yourself in prime wedding season.
He essentially called me arrogant for planning it too close to his wedding and then tried to tell me when I could and couldn’t have it, and I told him nobody but I or my fiancée was going to decide when we have it and if he’s upset it is what it is.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Three months away is plenty. This is completely silly. I mean, how much of the year do they think they get to block off? If you have lots of friends does that mean that only a tiny handful of people are allowed to get married every year?
The idea of “owning” a giant chunk of the year that only you are allowed to have a wedding in, that seems crazy to me. My hunch is that the real issue here isn’t how close the wedding is, it’s that yours is sooner. Your friends wish that they could have their first wedding, and they would be upset at any date you chose if it were before theirs.
From my perspective, if I’m right, that makes them double jerks. “Everything has to be about me, me, me.” Nonsense.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“You’re planning it a season away. He can have a fall wedding and yours would be summer, or whatever. Three months is a big difference in a year.
Life doesn’t halt just because he’s getting married. Carry on with your engagement, marriage, and starting life with your bride. If it is the most important part of his engagement he can change the date. I’d think the marriage, vows and love part is the most important, not getting the dedicated wedding season he wants.
NTJ.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“People get a wedding day – not a wedding month and certainly not a wedding season. NTJ. Your friend needs a wedding planner and an etiquette maven to help him come back to earth. There are lots of books that help guide people through the planning of a wedding process.
There is much evidence that no one is prevented from marrying even in the same month as a cherished friend. Why does he think they’ll become stars in the firmament or even on the red carpet on their wedding day for goodness sake? It’s a wedding – not a darned coronation.
Tell him that he can retire his crown, scepter, orb, swords, and robes. He is not being made king. He’ll just be a groom. What the heck is my guy going on about? This is bonkers.” AndSoItGoes24
Your "friend" is entitled and delusion.
19. AITJ For Refusing To Play New Video Games With My Husband?
“I (33F) and my husband (34M) have been playing the same video game for years and this has been our routine. On occasions, he’ll decide to try a new game and purchase the game for me to play too.
This was fine in the beginning because all I wanted to do was play with him and I started to develop enjoyment for these new games as well. However, it doesn’t take long before he gets bored of it and returns to our old game.
I get upset since I want to continue playing but it’s not fun anymore without him.
So instead of repeating the pattern of having fun and then suddenly playing on my own, I explained to him that it would be best for me to stop playing any new games with him and just continue playing our old game since it is still fun for me to play on my own.
Recently there was a new game just released and he asked if I wanted to play. I kindly declined the offer and said I was happy to continue playing the old game while waiting for him to get tired of the new game and come back.
Before I knew it, he already purchased the game and accepted the gift on my email without me knowing. When I found out, we got into an argument where I felt like my decisions and opinions did not matter. He said he wanted to play new games with me regardless because he wants us to experience something new together and he likes spending that time with me.
I explained that I do appreciate the meaning behind sharing something momentarily fun however I would prefer not to start anything new knowing that there is a ticking time bomb when he’ll stop. He mentions that he’ll still buy me the game regardless and it is up to me if I want to play or not.
I told him that he shouldn’t since I would feel guilty for not playing. He continues saying that it’s not his responsibility for me feeling guilty and that’s on me. That comment made me incredibly upset and now he is disappointed. How do I explain how I feel to a husband whose mind can only comprehend logical thinking?
AITJ for refusing to play new video games with my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your hubby is. And he is intentionally guilting you into doing something he wants, then claiming your reaction is not his problem? A few things: – ban all access to all of your accounts, change all passwords, lock your computer, phone, etc. He has shown that he does not respect your privacy, which is a HUGE problem.
– don’t accept any gifted games from him – enforce any other boundaries he is breaking. Honestly, his behavior is rude AF. He needs a smack on the nose.” briareus08
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For a fellow who has you believing he can only comprehend logical feeling, bro is remarkably irrational. But more importantly, there are some real red flags, too: 1) he has access to your email 2) is comfortable accepting gifts through said email on your behalf, 3) doesn’t seem to care what you want to do to bond with him or your preferences for leisure time 4) gets mad if you try to assert boundaries Really, are you OK?
Safe?” yellowjacket810
Another User Comments:
“I have friends like this that will rope people into trying the cool game they’re interested in then they’ll burn themselves out on it quickly and never go back. Then start selling everyone on the next big cool game they want everyone to play with them.
It’s annoying. Slow down and play with your friends, game hopping constantly sucks. NTJ.” Technical-Card6360
18. AITJ For Wanting More Tattoos Against My Partner's Wishes?
“So my partner (31) and I (24) have been together for four years and we have an incredibly peaceful and healthy relationship.
If we have a problem with something we address it and talk it out, we adopt the mindset of “It’s not you vs. Me but Us vs. The problem”.
However, for the past few years, one point of argumentation keeps reappearing: I want more tattoos.
So far I only have one small one but have told him from the beginning, that I want more in the future. I don’t want my whole body full of them, but I’d like to get one full sleeve and maybe a small medium on my back or rib cage side.
He has always told me that he finds Tattoos very unattractive.
His main argument is, that I already got the small one despite him telling me he doesn’t want that, and me getting another one would violate his wish and would be a red flag.
At one point he argued, that he does so much for me, and I could do (or not do) this one thing for him. He does indeed treat me like a queen, but in my opinion, I show him the same kind of love and affection (just not in acts of service).
My main argument is, that it is my body and I can “decorate” it however I wish to and he has no right to tell me what to do with it. He also doesn’t like me coloring my hair, he prefers it blonde, but he has found his peace with it because it is not as permanent as a tattoo.
In the past, he has admitted that his view of tattoos is “somewhat” biased since he told me he doesn’t want other people to say stuff like “Oh you’re the tattooed woman’s husband?” And so on. He says on other women he has no problem with tattoos, but since we’re talking about marriage, he doesn’t want me (the woman he wants to spend his life with) to have tattoos.
So, am I the jerk here for telling him it’s none of his business? I just want to know if I’m overreacting here, or if he should love me the way I am and want to be.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are correct.
It’s your body, so it’s your choice. You have an absolute right to make any bodymods you wish. You’re in a relationship. Actions can have relationship consequences. Neither of you has the right to decide that this relationship was a bad idea and to break up.
You can decide you want someone fine with your tattoos and leave. He can decide that he wants someone without tattoos and leave.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It just sounds like you’re not compatible. It happens that way when you both have conflicting positions and you put it off to deal with later.
It’s later now and you’re having the same conflict. It wasn’t ever resolved. You’re young. It’s a time to learn about these types of relationships and figure out what you want long-term. Do you want to have to keep dying your hair and not getting tattoos so you can please this guy?
Or would you prefer a guy who supports the person that you are? If it were me, I’d just walk away. I’d rather live by myself than conform to anything that crosses a boundary for me. And the personal expression is one of my boundaries.” agirl2277
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s your body, your choice. You have the absolute complete and total undeniable right to get another tattoo, or as many as you wish. It’s your partner’s also complete and total right to hate them. Whether he finds them ugly, trashy, or whatever, it’s his right to think that.
And he can express his opinion if he wants. You may NOT bend to any “demands” he makes although it sounds like he hasn’t made any or given any ultimatums. You must do so however going in knowing full well that he does not find them attractive and may find you less attractive because of it.
He has blatantly said that, so you cannot let that come as a surprise.” CalendarDad
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Discuss My Dismissal From Vet School With My Dad?
“So I (F23) have been going through a tough time over the past month. I got dismissed from vet school over a class I failed by .2 points. I’ve been contending with the school over the grading and the dismissal to get reinstated because the reason I failed the class was due to an unfair change to a set of assignments that only affected my term.
I just got off the phone with my dad and I told him when he called me that I did not want to talk about my situation because I learned about an hour ago that the way I was treated was fixed for this term so I am the only person in the whole school that has to suffer from this mistake on their part.
My dad continued to press the situation to get information and I continued to say I did not want to talk about it. He also asked if I was studying in case I do get reinstated and I said that I’ve been studying the next term’s material, but I’ve taken the past 2 days off as I’ve been told to stay off campus for the time being to not cause any issues that could jeopardize my appeal. I said I study better on campus and I was yelled at to adapt.
He kept talking about the issue and I kept saying that I didn’t want to talk about it. He said that he’s my father and he has the right to talk to me or something along those lines.
He uses that constantly and I hate it.
I’ve asked him to stop poking me in the sides or to not knock on my door and then walk away and that’s the reason I’ve gotten every time. It’s started to make me feel like an object or something. It’s also the same thing he said my entire life whenever I’ve not wanted to talk about something.
The call ended with him saying, “Thanks for being a jerk to me.” I don’t think I’m the bad guy here, but I’m not going to claim I was particularly nice on the call. I don’t think my dad is an awful person, I just think that he’s not good at handling emotional problems. I’ve been in so much pain lately and my head is pretty cloudy so I could be wrong.
What do you think? AITJ and if so how can I fix it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is manipulative and controlling. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, I think he does but you need to be firm in your boundaries, and when he says things like “Thanks for being a jerk to me”, that is designed to make you feel guilty.
It’s intentional manipulation and melodramatic. Good luck. I hope you get back into school.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set a (very benign and completely acceptable) boundary. He persistently violated it, among others. He’s a total jerk for continuously making jabs at you just for his entertainment.
He’s showing that he does not respect his daughter. You have every right to keep him as informed or uninformed of your stresses as you please. He needs to learn that just because he raised you doesn’t mean he owns you. His job is done and he needs to knock it off with his control issues.” AbbreviationsBig9500
Another User Comments:
“NTJ perhaps next time he starts with the questions ask him if is there some reason that he cannot respect your wishes to just give you some space to process everything that has happened. He has the right to say he is your father and he wants to talk about it.
Yep, and I have the right as an adult to say I don’t want to talk about it just yet. Is there something else you want if not I am going to end the call.” IamMaggieMoo
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Christmas At My Partner's Messy, Unwelcoming Home?
“My partner’s mother lives with my partner’s two younger siblings and his sister’s 3 kids. For the past two years, we’ve been going to his mom’s house if we don’t leave town for the holidays since my parents and his father both live far away.
Every time we go to his mom’s house she and his two siblings mostly spend time in their rooms as a way to avoid and ignore the terrible conditions of the house. I spend my time sitting in a dark room on a dirty couch alone because no one at the house seems interested in spending time together.
I’ve made dishes to contribute and twice now the food I prepare is ignored and brought home with us. I’ve tried helping with the cleaning up just to hear that his mom is in her room calling me crazy for trying to clean anything at all.
The “Christmas dinner” we go over for is usually half a bowl of soup I eat in the hallway alone by the front door because everyone eats in their bedroom and the young children get the spots at the kitchen table.
I grew up with Christmas gatherings being special. Seeing how my partner’s family goes about it was a bit of a shock to my system.
There’s zero preparation, zero execution, and as a guest, I’m largely ignored. I’m considering telling my partner I’m not interested in going to her house anymore if my Christmas day is spent like that year after year.
I understand it’s his mother and it’s important we all get along.
And despite my standards in cleanliness I’m not so stuck up to refuse to go into someone’s home just because it’s a little dirty. I get that finance can be different for everybody and not every home can provide an articulate meal for special occasions.
I feel uncomfortable there though like I’m in the way and unwanted. I’m neither welcomed nor bid farewell without initiating it myself. It’s like it’s not even a holiday, but rather we randomly showed up in the middle of the week and demanded hospitality that they weren’t willing to give.
At what point am I sacrificing too much of my wants and needs to make my partner happy? Would it be completely out of line to bring up that I’d prefer to stay home for holidays if the environment at his mother’s house doesn’t change?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can decide to go to your family’s for Christmas and that’s perfectly fine. I would for sure invite him, but if he decides he wants to stay at his family’s, you can’t control that or force him.
Although I do think with you going to his family’s for most holidays, a good partner would also care about spending it with your family as well.” zoomboomafo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you don’t feel comfortable there you should talk to your partner about it.
It doesn’t sound like there is anything special about the holiday there so no reason to go there. If everyone there abandons their guests, why are they asking you to come anyway?” Josephinabeena
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But as a compromise offer to host them at yours. It may be cozy and fun or a change of scenery they need, especially if you’re unable to go back to see your own.
Make it an alternative yearly thing. One year with your fam – one year with his fam but at yours. Kids are going to want to spend time away from adults – but that also could be due to what you explained about the house being a mess. Good luck op not a fun predicament to be in but you’re being very patient about it.
You love your partner and are being as sensitive and patient if not more than needed. Time to put your foot down – because stuff like this never changes unless someone makes an effort to change it.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Not Giving A Customer The Old Deal After It Changed?
“I work at a convenience store and this lady came in a couple of times wanting to buy refill cartridges.
The deal posted was originally $5 off each pack if you buy two, and it lasted for a couple of months. Then, the next month rolled around, and the lady came in to buy her four packs, so it should have come up as $10 total off; but the deal changed. The system now takes only $4 off per pack, so $8 off total. She says something is not right, so I contact my manager, and we find out the $5 off sign is still up.
The manager corrects the system, and they fix it.
A week or so later, she comes back in and buys the same four packs, and the system still has the deal as $4 off. She states there is still something wrong, and I get my manager again.
We go through the process, she leaves, and then my manager and I look at the sign. It’s been changed, but the layout of the shelves and prices is a bit off. Everything is misaligned on one side, so I can see how she is confused. The price for the product next to the ones she wanted to buy overlaps with the ones she wanted, as there are many flavor options.
The real price of the items she wanted, however, is marked as being for those types of refills. It’s obvious, but we both shrug it off and it’s whatever.
She comes back in today and complains of the same issue. Today I told her that the deal has been changed, and I showed her the prices and which items they are for, hopefully clearing any confusion.
Then she argues a bit with me, to which I apologize. I understand that people get confused, but she has done this before, and I just wanted to make it clear to her that the deal had been changed. She tells me it’s not my fault, but my manager’s.
I told her, however, that it is the stocking people’s fault since the company I work for outsources it. It is not stocked, priced, shelved, or even counted by the store’s management. She then continues and says that the law says it’s illegal to falsely advertise it.
AITJ for not giving her the deal? Sorry for the formatting, it’s my first post here.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. What a lot of time and energy she was wasting to save a couple of bucks. > The layout of the shelves and prices is a bit off.
Everything is misaligned on one side Funny thing, I was in a supermarket this morning and a young couple was allowing their toddler to shove all the price tags out of their places on the tag rail. I wonder how many people were trying to claim price misunderstandings over that.
Of course, I am that your charming customer would stoop that low.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“You gave her the deal when it was appropriate to do so, ie the sign being up. You technically didn’t have to the second time but you decided to pick your battles.
You’re NTJ for not giving in now, she’s trying to take advantage of you at this point.” PhilosophyCareless88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are a store clerk and her demands are above your pay grade. If she feels there is false advertising going on, she should contact the authorities in charge of it and document her complaint with them.
Not your problem. Smile nice and tell her to have a nice day.” Awkward_Penguin1989
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For Everything For My Friend Who Earns Less Than Me?
“I (33M) earn a good salary, I’m on £58k a year and live in the north (of England) so that goes quite far. This is the highest-paid job I’ve ever had and I’m fully aware that I’m paid well above average.
I would not say I’m rich. I still rent, and I’m building my savings back up and paying off credit cards after a couple of redundancies and nearly a year unemployed. I have a high salary but nothing in the bank at the moment.
One of my best friends earns a lot less than me and over the last few months he’s been getting more and more jerky with me about money when we go out.
We’re not massive drinkers but we go to the cinema, get dinner, do activities (axe throwing, etc.) and since I got this job he’s been expecting me to cover all of it. I don’t drive and recently he’s started insisting I put petrol in his car if he has to drive more than 10 minutes to get anywhere.
I’ve always been generous and never been weird about money, I earn over twice what he does so I’ve got no issue covering him, I often cover dinner or the activity, etc. but now he expects me to pay for everything all the time.
Last week I asked if he didn’t mind getting the cinema tickets (£12) if I got dinner (£35) and he started arguing with me and went on about how rich I was and how he dreamed of a salary like mine.
I pointed out that £58k doesn’t make me rich, and I’m happy to pay for things proportionally but me paying for everything forever really doesn’t seem fair, I said Christmas was expensive and I’m watching my spending and he started yelling about how I don’t know what struggling for money is (I had a year of no income and survived only by racking up debts I’m still paying off).
I know his partner too and they’re not struggling for money, between them, they probably earn only a bit less than I do (I’m single) and their mortgage is half my rent.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a peeve of mine. No one ever really knows the financial circumstances, obligations, or priorities of another person and shouldn’t assume to.
If your friend isn’t willing to pay their way for activities they are enjoying and choose to do, they are taking advantage of your kindness. How much you make or they don’t make has nothing to do with it. Paying off debt needs to come before his axe-throwing.
NTJ, but your so-called friend is a mooch.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and he’s not a good friend dude, he’s a leech.. a god darn mooch. Tell him to get his head out of his butt and you’re not a god darn walking wallet, you’re not his ATM and you’ve struggled with income so he needs to shove his entitlement where the sun doesn’t shine.” WiseConsequence4005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you *sure* this is a really good friend of yours? He’s not acting like one. You’re beginning to climb out of the rut the last few years have put many people in. As your “good friend,” he should be aware you’ve struggled too.
He sounds incredibly jealous you’re turning it around and it’s turned into entitlement. I’d consider cutting this one loose before you do something crazy like becoming a millionaire.” TKyzr
13. AITJ For Refusing To Let An Acquaintance Use My Bathroom After She Invited Herself Over?
“Okay, so this happened a few days ago… I live across from a shopping center and there is a pub as well next to the pub is a takeaway shop.
She doesn’t count as a friend more than someone I know who works at this takeaway shop. I went to the pub for a meeting and afterwards to the takeaway shop and she said she would love to meet me for lunch the next day.
I said that I could meet her at the pub and would pay for her cool drink as I would be there again for a meeting she said no problem. The next day I had my meeting and waited for her went out to meet her at the door and she came up with excuses why she couldn’t enter the pub as she could lose her job if she entered the pub they didn’t wear a uniform so I don’t believe that.
I said it’s fine we can meet for lunch another time she said fine and I went shopping. After about 20 min she came into the shop put her things in my trolley and gestured for checkout I was not even done with shopping but I checked out paid for my stuff and left the shop as I wasn’t happy with her as I walked across the road I didn’t notice her behind me opened the gate and went in when I closed the gate she was there invited herself in my yard.
Now here is where I might be the jerk but I refused to open the house for her to use the bathroom as I feel like she invited herself to my house. She sat on my patio for the remainder of the time of her lunch smoking and eating then she left. Now she wouldn’t greet me at all just because I didn’t invite her into my home….”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wouldn’t want her anywhere near my house as her behavior is odd. I would ensure that relationship is purely professional and she is kept at arm’s length.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like a safety concern. She sounds unhinged. I’d not associate with her anymore.
Also, what part of the world says “cooldrink?” I’ve never heard that before. Just curious.” Katiew84
12. AITJ For Criticizing Parents Who Encourage Their Toddler's Public Outbursts?
“So my mom (52F) and I (24F) went to Cici’s Pizza last night, and a couple was sitting a couple of tables behind us with a kid in a high chair who was probably around 3 years old. As we’re eating, the kid screams. It was one of those high-pitched screams you hear in a horror movie.
The kid wasn’t upset either; the parents were playing around and joking with him, which prompted the scream. We heard the mom quietly going “Ah! Ah!” while she was playing with him, and we think the kid was mimicking, but louder.
The first time we hear the scream, we’re thinking wow that’s annoying, but it’s a kid.
It happens. Then it happens 2 more times, just as annoying as the first. The parents aren’t even trying to get the kid to stop. The 2nd and 3rd time, I noticed everyone in the restaurant looking over at the kid because they were likely getting annoyed.
I’m talking to my mom, and we’re saying stuff like, “The kid’s mom is encouraging it, and they aren’t trying to get him to stop.” Then my mom started saying, “When you were that little and would scream in public, I would do XYZ to teach you not to do that.” Then, the dad at the other table shouts to my mom, “If you have something to say, just say it!” To which my mom replied, “I did.” The kid’s mom *slams* her hands down on the table like a child and shouts, “he’s a TODDLER!” The argument breaks out from there but only lasts a few seconds.
We just said that we’re free to say what we want and we weren’t even talking to you. We didn’t yell at them, but they were yelling at us just saying he’s a toddler, you must not have kids, you don’t understand. Yadda yadda, you get the point.
I also want to mention that my mom and I were just talking to each other. We didn’t insult them or anything, and most of our conversation was with my mom saying how she handled me and my brother when we misbehaved as kids. We weren’t passive-aggressively talking loud so they would hear us.
We were talking a little lower than our normal speaking voices.
The kid screamed at least 2 more times after the argument.
Who’s the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s an idea of being considerate to those around you. No one wants to hear a child shrieking.
When they commented to your mother about not having kids, she should have gestured to you and told them she did, and she did a better job of raising them on how to act in public.” No-Personality5421
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have 3 kids and now I’m a grandma and we always took our kids to all types of places from fine dining to McDonald’s.
We taught them to use indoor voices when out in public and we rewarded them when they did a good job. When someone was exceptionally fussy we left. No matter what type of place it is, everyone paying for their meal deserves to enjoy it in relative peace.” suziespends
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ I’ve been to restaurants where parents let & encourage their ‘toddlers’ scream incessantly & ended up leaving early because I can’t stand the ear drum piercing screaming. The rule for me is if the premises are for adults ie serve booze with food don’t bring your child there until they’re socialized. And to those who argue …we have a right to go out even though we have kids.
Yes you do but you chose to reproduce so take responsibility & don’t take your kids to restaurants UNTIL they can stop screaming long enough to let others who are enjoying/ paying for it do so.” Apart-Ad-6518
11. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Partner's Legal Battle Against Her Ex-Boss?
“My partner is an idealist with a clear sense of right and wrong and is a good person. The downside is that she can’t mind her own business.
Whenever and wherever she sees an injustice, she makes it her duty to correct the wrong.
We live in a town that’s large enough to get lost in the crowd but small enough that you can regularly run into friends and coworkers. A few months ago, we ran into her boss holding hands and hugging a woman who was not his wife.
This annoyed my partner so she took pics of the couple against my advice. She wanted to tell his wife who worked in a different group at the same company. We had a long discussion in which I told her to mind her own business and that there could be no good outcome for her if she got involved. I told her to delete the pics and stay out of it.
She didn’t and eventually told the wife. Things blew up and her boss fired her. She tried going to HR but they told her that he had the right to fire her due to their ongoing personality conflicts. Against my further advice, she saw an attorney and he said they had a good case.
She doesn’t have much savings so wants to borrow $5,000 from me for his retainer fee and his hourly rate is $300. I’ve never dealt with attorneys and lawsuits so I know nothing about the process. While he said they have a good case, I disagree and think she has no case so I don’t want to waste my money on the slim chance she’ll win and even slimmer chance of winning attorney fees.
She’s been trying to get me to loan her the money and last night I gave her a hard and final no. We got into a huge argument where she accused me of not supporting her after she got fired for standing up to a moral wrong.
In the heat of the moment, she said I’m as bad as her boss because I’m enabling his behavior. For the record, I’ve never met him or know what he looks like. Had she not pointed him out, I wouldn’t known.
Anyway, she went home and has not returned any texts or calls today.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner inserted herself into the personal life of a co-worker. It doesn’t matter if her boss was having an affair or not – your partner took it upon herself to jump into whatever the situation was. Additional information would be needed to even hazard a guess as to the outcome of any lawsuit, but given that she approached her boss’s wife to share information on his personal life, I doubt her prospects are good.
Her attorney will blow through that $5k retainer just in discovery, she could easily need another $20k or more to see the case through. If her case was a slam dunk she probably would have found an attorney to take it on contingency- the fact that she did not is telling in and of itself.” fluffytheorc
Another User Comments:
“Your partner may have the moral high ground and *might* even have a good legal case, *but* it is not your job to pay her legal fees or even loan her the money. She is a big girl, she can sort this out for herself.
It would be *nice* if you gave or loaned her the money, but she should be able to take “no” for an answer. NTJ and may I say her crusading do good -stick her nose in tendencies may be more than you want to deal with in a long-term partner.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Let me tell you about that retainer fee….. that crap is a never-ending money pit. They will call you in about a month to refill the retainer and they will show you an invoice with all BS. Nothing you can do.
Put more money in the retainer OR drop the attorney. She is also correct for standing up for what she believes…… would I invest thousands of dollars to chase it? No, I would not. If the case is STRONG, ask for the “Contingency Fee” term.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Rent In December After Giving A Month's Notice?
“The landlord of the current place I am staying at is demanding me to pay rent for the entire month of December, despite being informed by me. On the 24th of October, I informed my landlord that I’d be moving out on the 24th of November.
But my landlord on the very next day demanded that I pay the rent for December since according to him he would be in trouble.
I and my landlord had a good friendly relationship going for years and the way he demanded the rent in December was by threatening me that “If I do not pay him, I’ll be ending the relationship completely.” I would have extended my stay but I am flying out on the 24th of November for at least 5 months (the reason I’m moving out) and additionally, he would be handing off the house ownership to someone else who wishes for me to move out in January.
I have explicitly and politely explained to him that if I do extend my stay I’d be really troubled since no one would be there to move my stuff while he hands over the house to the new owner. But he refuses to understand my position and also has made rude remarks about my personality like calling me a person with a black heart and such.
He has also incited my current housemate in ways that he also picks verbal fights with me for putting him in trouble by moving out and not paying the rent for December. Am I the jerk in this situation? Was informing an entire month prior according to the local government rules wrong on my part?
Should I be the one in an understanding position?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Based on the information provided. You acted according to the contract, and your landlord’s demands appear unreasonable and threatening. It’s always important to seek external opinions, and it’s clear that you are looking for different perspectives to make a more informed decision about your friendship.
In this situation, it’s essential to evaluate the facts. You have followed the terms of your rental agreement, which stipulates that you need to inform the landlord one month before moving out. You provided this notice correctly by informing him on the 24th of October about your departure on the 24th of November, which adheres to local government rules.
Given the circumstances, your landlord’s demand for an additional month’s rent (for December) seems unjustified and not in line with the agreement you both had. Unfortunately, your friendly relationship has taken a turn for the worse, and his actions, including making rude remarks about your personality, are concerning.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are sticking to your tenancy agreement and the local rules. All you had to do was give a month’s notice, and you’ve done that. Sounds like he’s just annoyed that he’s missing out on a bit of money while he waits to find a new tenant… almost like that’s part of the risk that being a landlord entails.
Tell him if he’s worried about his finances he can always go find a real job, he’s not cut out to be a landlord if he tries to bully tenants into paying extra rent for a house they’re not living in and aren’t contracted to.” RantyMcThrowaway
Another User Comments:
“I am a landlord and the lease runs month to month (1st to last day of the month) after the one-year lease expires. By law, either the tenant or landlord can give notice to end the (at will) lease with 30 days’ notice or one month, whichever is greater.
You gave reasonable notice and aren’t even going to be in the area after your notice is over. It does, however, sound like you have a roommate. Maybe the roommate can pay his part of the rent for the one-month lag, so at least the landlord would get something for December.
It’s the price of being a landlord that you don’t always have a transition immediately from one tenant to the next. NTJ.” 2dogslife
9. AITJ For Wanting My Fiancé's Stepdad To Walk Me Down The Aisle Instead Of My Biological Father?
“My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and we are getting married in May. My fiancé’s stepfather married his mom when he was 3 and raised him like his own. His mom died from breast cancer when he was a teenager but his stepdad let him stay at home until he was 26 and even trained him to be a mechanic like himself.
I have a lot of respect for his stepdad raising a child that’s not his own and helping us both when we needed it. He co-signed for our first place because neither of us had regular jobs and income and when we bought a place he and my fiancé did all the renovations.
He is a great guy and lives with rescue 4 dogs. I’m Chinese American so the idea of a stepdad (it’s not really in the culture) being as close as a bio dad is unfathomable but I can see that they are close as if they were blood-related.
My bio father is a deadbeat to me. He was with my mom when they were both young and then left when I was born. He didn’t give us money and my mom never asked which is crazy if you ask me. I found out after I was an adult that he never wanted me but she did and felt guilty because he wanted her to get rid of me.
So it’s not like he wanted me to exist. He visited me a few times in my childhood but never let us see his other family so I have half siblings I only met when I was older. My mom and I were pretty poor growing up, we had government aid and when I got older I realized my half-siblings were raised in a middle-class home and my mom and I suffered for very little reason.
So I have no reason to want my bio father to walk me down the aisle. When my bio father found out about the wedding he offered and I pretty rudely declined. I was mad at my mom for telling him but she thought I should forgive and let him walk me down the aisle because no matter how much my fiancé’s stepdad helped he wasn’t family.
I don’t consider my bio father family either.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell Mom to take a hike. Your wedding, your decision, your rules. Walking a bride down the aisle is an honor, not an expectation. Your bio father did nothing to earn that honor.
I am so glad you found a man with a nice father (yes, he IS his father) who can walk you down the aisle at your wedding. Best Wishes & Happy Wedding.” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“The tradition of your father walking down the aisle with you is to release you from his care to the groom, to “give the bride away”.
Your father never “had” you, he’s not the right person to walk you down the aisle. Rightfully would be the “father figure”, but absent that would be the next best thing. NTJ Trust me, if my absentee father tried to get me to let him walk down the aisle, if he was lucky to be invited at all, I’d react the same way.” 0megaTempest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OMG, that is such a wonderful story about your bf dad (I think he deserves the Dad title instead of step-dad) It makes total sense to let him walk you down the aisle. The moment is about love and what better way to display it than with him walking you down the aisle?
Ignore your mom. She grew up in a culture that ingrained into her mind that she is a doormat and unfortunately doesn’t understand that it’s not a good way to live. You can tell her that you refuse to eat bitter and want a better life than what your deadbeat father gave the two of you.” BoBoChew
8. AITJ For Spying On My Colleagues And Tipping Off The Bosses?
“I (25m) recently started a new office job at a medium-sized company. I was poached by the director from another company and I am currently working directly with my boss. However, I do have a team that works with me (somewhat of a marketing team) so we all sit together.
There are 4 of us and my colleagues work with 2 monitors and we each have our desk that makes up one little island (4 tables facing each other).
When I first met them, they were kind but sort of reserved but this is expected when a new person joins.
However, it was increasingly hard to be friendly with them as they had their lunch plans and didn’t invite me (which is fine). They all communicate in their own non-work related group chat in Chinese so I don’t understand.
During the first group meeting with the boss, I raised some ideas and fixed some major issues with our website and stated that I didn’t want to come in and spoil everyone’s efforts but that didn’t stop them from eyeing each other every time I had an idea and proceed to type away in their group.
Later after the meeting we sat back to our seats I pulled out my phone up to my teeth (so it was facing upwards and straight – a trick I made up) to pretend that I was checking my teeth but I was snapping pictures of their group chat and put it through translate and found they were talking so much nonsense about me.
For 3 weeks I was trying to be so kind to them and asked them out and even bought treats only to be met with such nastiness.
So during my daily teeth checking aka spying, I found some interesting information that one of them plans to leave but doesn’t know if his company will buy him out of the contract he signed and our bosses are already very sensitive during the Q4 ending.
So I tipped the bosses off anonymously and things escalated from there.
They were so quiet for 2 days and I saw that they said in their chat that one of them are imposter and they’re now very cagey with one another.
Am I the jerk for spying on them and tipping off my bosses because they were jerks to me?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, they were kinda dumb if they thought you’d not be able to just translate their texts in the blink of an eye. Also, is this a work platform that the chat is hosted on, that’s even more stupid of them … Morally, YTJ for getting involved and causing drama, but they gave you such a hard time and also talked lots of nonsense about you, it’s kinda justified. I’m not judging you, in any case.
Maybe you’ll get a new co-worker out of it whom you can have a good time with. I’ll go with a tentative NTJ.” backyardchick
Another User Comments:
“Yeah YTJ. You took secret photos of their private messages, translated them (almost certainly missing something in the process), and then dropped private information to your bosses that was neither your nor their business.
Does it suck when you don’t get on with your coworkers? Yes, should you mess up someone’s career move because of it? Of course not. You also just ruined a friendship, because they talked nonsense about you in a private group that you’re not part of, in a language you don’t speak.
And it’s only been a few weeks and your new ideas (good or not) are disruptive, of course, it’s taking a bit for them to warm up. You could at least have waited until your probation was up before deciding they were irrevocably jerks and blowing up their group.
Also ignores the possibility that you’re not a good fit for the team if you’re not fitting in with the said team. The fact that you took the steps you did is a massive indicator that you’re the problem, because y’know, you’re a huge jerk.” Remarkable-Intern-41
7. AITJ For Threatening To Inform Our Landlord About My Roommate's Illegal Occupant?
“I (26F) moved into an apartment with a new roommate (27F) back in January. This roommate had had the apartment for a while, but we both signed a new lease with the landlord in January and both are tenants on the lease (she wasn’t subletting to me).
We became pretty good friends and had some shared hobbies that we did together frequently. However, in the summer she ended up meeting a man (29M) online from another country and within a month and a half, was engaged to him and planning to move him and his dog to our country.
She started to look for an apartment for them, his dog and her cat, for September 1st which left them about two months.
In those two months, she went to ~5 viewings and had a very specific list of criteria for apartments. She was also on leave from work for 6 months and going back to school in September, and he was immigrating so they had no income.
They put in 2 rental applications to places but never heard back, and didn’t put in any other rental applications. I became increasingly worried that they would not be able to find a place, but they didn’t show any signs of changing their plan or figuring out a backup plan.
We had talked many times that he could not live in our apartment because it was too small for another person and his large dog.
He moves up the last week of August into our apartment, and I ask if they have a backup plan.
They do not. So I’m freaking out because their stuff is everywhere, the place is so cramped, and this dog is very stressed from the move and acting aggressively towards me.
So I told her that if they are not out for October 1st, giving them an extra month to find a place, I will have to tell the landlord about him and his dog as another (illegal) occupant in the house.
She freaked out and said that their only other option was being homeless and started saying that I would make her homeless.
Having an illegal occupant could also get us all kicked out, although I do not know how the landlord would have responded to any of this.
So, am I the jerk for threatening to tell the landlord?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly, you are way too nice giving them a month. But, I strongly advise you to call the landlord asap, keeping the extra tenant from them for a month can get you in trouble as well.
Your roommate never gave you the courtesy of asking your opinion before moving her partner in, so you don’t owe her anything. And there’s no need to potentially endanger your stay at this place for her” Ok_Yesterday_6214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s messing with YOUR living situation in the apartment where YOU pay half the rent and YOUR name is one of them on the lease.
The fact that they showed insufficient hustle to find a new apartment when they were under definite time pressure doesn’t mean they get to just move someone else and their pooch into your apartment and have that be ok. And yeah, there is a non-zero chance that if the landlord finds out without you informing them, all of you could get evicted. She made her bed, she has to lay in it.” OaktownPirate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their plan was all along to have him live with you guys if nothing else worked, that’s why they were never stressed. There are so many things wrong with this situation that I would even suggest you start looking for somewhere else to move because they’re trouble and will not stop doing anything in their power for you to accept the situation.
You can tell the landlord, but let me bet that your roommate will either move out suddenly leaving you with the whole rent to pay yourself or the landlord will accept the partner and you will still be too cramped. I don’t know what to say, but I still think you should look for something more convenient and with fewer people that bring trouble.” Europeangirl101
6. AITJ For Standing Up To My Mom About Her Constant Criticism Of My Partner?
“I (22f) have dealt with my mom (53f) being rude about my partner (24m) for the 5 years we were together.
If she reaches out to ask for something, it’s always a message about my partner. It’s always something like “Call me, it’s not an emergency, but important. It’s about your partner.” Most of the time I just brush it all off and ignore it, but constantly remind her how much I detest being told about how she thinks my partner acts.
Today, I had two missed calls and a text “Call me, not an emergency, but very important. Answer now.” So, I called her back. She told me that she thinks my partner is loud, disrespectful, and ungenerous. She kept going on and on about if I would break up with him ever.
I said ‘no.’
This immediately ticked my mom off. ‘It wouldn’t hurt you to do it.’
‘I am not breaking up with him.’
‘It would be a big help to me.’
‘It would be a big help to stop trying to ruin my relationship and criticizing my partner.’
‘What about all of the things WE did for you? You can’t just do us all a little favor?’ For this, she was starting to list off a bill she is helping me pay for, and the fact we went to breakfast and the beach for my birthday 2 months ago, or lunches that we occasionally get to sit and talk about life.
‘You don’t get to try and guilt trip me. The answer is no.’
I’ve been standing my ground more though which is making her very upset. She came to my house just about 2 hours ago. She wanted me to follow her outside quickly.
She told me about how much of a snob I am and how I never care for my family and I never do them favors.
I simply told her that it is my choice to who I want to be with and that she can’t force me to stop the relationship.
She proceeded to say that I needed to grow up and do it since she was my mom. I told her no and that I don’t have to if I do not want to. She told me I was a brat for not doing what I was told.
Am I the jerk for putting my foot down?”
Another User Comments:
“Why do you engage in this weird maternal bullying? She’s a narcissist and you’re feeding her. Maybe stop answering the phone and being at her beck and call. If it’s not urgent, then why are you answering her calls?
Maybe tell her to stop it, that you will answer emergency calls if they are warranted, and then when she does it again (she will) don’t engage in the conversation and tell her you simply won’t answer. She will then escalate by “having an accident” and accusing you of not caring about her because you didn’t answer the phone, she’ll conveniently ignore the fact that she cried wolf, and you can go no contact and enjoy the rest of your life with the partner.
You’re NTJ but you already know that.” Thatcsibloke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went through something similar with my mom and my now husband. Luckily everyone is on good terms now, and to be fair to my mom her issue with him had legitimate grounds at the time.
But I put my foot down and told her that if I decided I wanted to work through something with him then that’s my decision and if she couldn’t at least treat him with the same respect she would a stranger I would not be talking to her because I refuse to be caught in the middle and she was the one making things difficult.
So I will say this: be prepared to lose your mom over it, even if it’s just for a while as the dust settles/until she accepts things. And if this is the hill you’re going to die on, be sure the man is worth it.” VogonShakespeare
5. AITJ For Making A Child Give Back Headphones To My Daughter At A Museum?
“So I (43m) took my two daughters 2 & 4 to the local children’s museum the other day and while the girls were playing in one section my 4yr old found a set of noise cancelling headphones in the play area.
Just to clarify the museum has a basket of these in the front and they were the museums for all to use.
My daughter does have some sensory issues and wants to wear them. Since there were no kids around the area I let her take them. Next, we went to the outside play area which is like a tree house on steroids. Very impressive and has slides, rope climbs, and numerous stuff to do.
While my daughter went to go climb the cargo net she threw the headphones up top so she could climb and not have them fall off. But as she was climbing another boy about her age (3-4) ran over and grabbed them and ran away.
My daughter was telling him they were hers but he didn’t care and she started to cry.
So I followed the kid and said in what I thought was a decent tone. “Can you please give my daughter back those headphones”? Now to be fair, I was in the military and do tend to speak/bark in a tone that my wife has said is a little scary/loud.
I don’t try to it’s just how I talk now even when I’m not mad.
But the boy’s mom came over and started yelling at me for yelling at her child. When I explained the situation she just said well there’s a big pile of headphones at the front counter if I wanted some and to be honest my daughter took them from another play area and they very well could have been the little boys in the first place I just didn’t want to get into a fight in front of our kids and all.
This is while my daughter is screaming and crying for her headphones back. So I asked the kid again in front of his mom and he did.
Just wondering if I’m the jerk since maybe I shouldn’t have let my daughter take the headphones from the other play area in the first place or should I have just let it play out between the kids and not intervened?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The other boy *saw your daughter throw the headphones*, he knew they were in use. That’s why he snatched and ran. Your daughter found them in an area where there were no other kids around, most likely they were abandoned.” Raisinsareawful
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids have to learn they can’t just take stuff someone else is using. Sounds like there was no one around when she found them, but this boy was told and still ran off thinking he could jack them. Got upset when told no by a grown-up.
Probably enabled by his mother to behave like this before.” Panger_Drifts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There’s a difference between picking up and using public headphones that have been abandoned by some unknown kid and picking up and using public headphones that have essentially been set aside while a kid gets situated. When she asked for them back from the boy she told him that she wasn’t done using them.
It’s hard to blame a kid that young for taking the headphones for himself, but you can’t be faulted for sticking up for your child. I bet the angry mom would have done the same thing had the situation been reversed.” HelloIMustBeGoin9
4. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Family For Ignoring My Birthdays Until I Turned 18?
“My (18f) parents divorced when I was about 6, it was 50-50 custody split with my mom wasting no time to get remarried to my step-dad.
My stepdad had children already: Alex (15m), Violet (16f), and Mabel (17f). I was relentlessly bullied by them for various things I couldn’t control: Having a speech impediment, having less expensive clothes, only being able to see my dad on weekends, etc.
My mom and stepdad didn’t do anything to stop it and essentially told me “Kids will be kids” then kept pushing.
My mom would lightly scold Violet and Mabel if they hurt me while “playing” but wouldn’t do anything more.
I had to watch as they got far more expensive gifts for birthdays and Christmas and actually what they wanted from their wishlist whilst I got the bare minimum of necessities and would only get something I wanted from my dad but he could only go far due to making 2x less than what my step-dad makes.
I appreciated it nonetheless.
I didn’t even get to properly enjoy my cake or rather cupcakes that my mom made to “cut down on cost” because my siblings ate it before I could get seconds.
I was never allowed a party because my friends were “too messy and loud.”
Around age ten, I pretty much stopped expecting them to put effort into my birthday and just kinda let it pass by whenever I was with them.
Yesterday was my eighteenth birthday and I decided to spend it with my friends, partner, and dad.
I was pretty much out all day and came back at around nearly 10 pm, my mom was waiting for me with my step-dad and pretty much blew up on me for not spending the day with them.
They prepared a small celebration for me that got wasted because I wasn’t there.
They were both going off on me for being inconsiderate and ungrateful. In the middle of their little rant I had snapped that they never cared about my birthday all these years, why should this one matter now?
They were in shock and that allowed me to go to my room and sleep.
I woke up to texts from my grandparents and aunt saying that I was disrespectful for saying that and ungrateful for anything my mom and stepdad did for me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your step-dad and mother did not make an effort to do anything celebratory the previous few years before your 18th. You do not genuinely have any reason to be there for your 18th. Your expectations were low due to the standards set by them.
You are not to blame. You took the effort to spend time with people who cared for you. Your stepdad and mother have only themselves to blame. Maybe your words affected your mother because of how impactful these things were to you. But too little, too late.
Were your relatives aware of the bias? If they were it’s a shame that they are blaming you now. Hope your mother realizes how bad she messed up.” inverted_pyramids
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They never properly celebrated your B-day + they created a bad experience, so it’s understandable.
It’s YOUR B-day so YOU are free to do whatever you want. How are you even supposed to know that they were organizing something, even if it is a ‘surprise’ party, they could have given some hints or asked you to be there.” LM_1650
Another User Comments:
“I’m just curious – when you came home they said they had planned a party. Was there any evidence of such? Was there food prepared? Was there a cake? Was there a present for you? Did they put up any decorations? And if the answer was actually yes then I’m just wondering, did they have your phone number to contact you when they were expecting (for whatever reason) you to be home??” miaomiaou
3. AITJ For Wanting To Change My Partner's Unhealthy Eating Habits?
“I (F22) live with my partner and we’ve been living together for quite some time. Before I lived with my partner, fast food was something that I ate maybe once every 2 weeks.
I lived with my parents and home-cooked meals surrounding fish, white meat, veggies, etc (we’re west indian) were our main dishes.
My partner (M26) comes from a household that lives lavishly so they typically eat out quite often. Now that my partner lives on his own with me, he’s used to the feeling of eating out and not cooking at home.
There aren’t many nice restaurants where we live so he typically results in just eating out at fast food places. As long as it’s outside food he’s okay with it.
I didn’t work for a while due to school and not having a car while living with him so financial expenses were mostly on him.
He would buy groceries outside but refused to shop at typical stores and only bought from the bulk store’s frozen aisle. I’ve noticed that my health has slowly declined with my autoimmune system (I have a few disorders) constantly flaring up, especially with the increase of red meats in our diet (he likes red meats i.e. steak, pork, beef).
I now have my job and my partner is back to being in school full time so grocery shopping has been mostly on me. I use my money to buy healthy alternatives, and probiotic drinks, and lessen the amount of sugar drinks we buy instead of eating out and red meat.
One day when I asked what he wanted for dinner he said he wanted takeout. I told him that I don’t think we should eat takeout anymore and he got angry with me. He told me I was calling him fat (I wasn’t but he is getting plump) and shaming him for his eating habits.
I explained that we both needed to eat healthier and that it’s best monetary-wise and health-wise to eat at home and eat more healthily. I brought up his already near-high cholesterol results from his recent doctor appointment and he left the house. I currently can’t get in contact with him but his best friend blew up my phone saying I was being controlling.
I just wanted to look out for my and my partner’s health, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here for not communicating. If you need to change your diet for your health, tell him that. Instead, you decided to be the jerk by making it about his health.
Why would you bring up his cholesterol results — rude, intrusive, and kinda passive-aggressively calling him fat — instead of being like “Hey I’ve noticed that I have more autoimmune flare-ups when I eat a lot of fried food, so I want to go back to how I used to eat”?
Honestly, it sounds like the two of you need to sit down and have an actual conversation about food and grocery shopping. Like, as who cooks at home, how many times a week, and who’s responsible for what food expenses. Maybe the best solution is there are one or two nights a week of “fend for yourself” where you cook whatever you want (even if it’s something he doesn’t like) and he buys himself a burger and fries.” bandoghammer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You expressed an opinion, you weren’t trying to force him to stop getting takeout. Nobody was stopping him from getting takeout for himself, it seems like he’s making that assumption based on his insecurities. The thing is, you guys don’t have to eat the same thing.
If you want to cook healthier meals and eat at home, great! And if he doesn’t want that, he can figure out his food.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not responsible for his health (but you don’t have to pay the upcoming burden of his health choices) and you should both feel comfortable in your own home, food included. That means making some compromises, like him not keeping foods you don’t want to eat but might end up eating anyway.
Or him getting take-outs you don’t like as much for example. You absolutely should keep up with your health. It’s your more precious value next to your time! Keep it up! And don’t feel like working extra hard to bridge the gap with him, it’s his responsibility and you are not his mom.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Forcing My Husband To Help Plan Our Vacation?
“I (30f) have been with my husband (33m) for 6 years. For context, over that time, we’ve always got into arguments about “plans” because if he goes anywhere or does anything he doesn’t want to do, he’ll sulk the entire time and (in my opinion) ruin it for everyone.
He says that he goes along and takes part, so I should be happy with that, and he’s not hurting anyone by not joining in. He’s usually very loud and talkative, so it’s very noticeable to everyone that he’s sulking (it’s not a shyness thing).
Our most recent issue is that my cousins are organizing a meetup in a city that’s a 3-hour flight away – somewhere my husband has never been but has always wanted to go. I’ve been there a few times. My husband started a new job a few months ago, so I didn’t know if he’d be able to get the time off to go, so I said I would still go with our daughter (1f) as I haven’t seen my cousins in a year and a half and they haven’t met our daughter.
Yesterday, he was allowed to book his holiday for the year (4 weeks), and said he would be “wasting what little holiday he had on doing my plans”. I said there was no pressure at all for him to go if he didn’t want to, and I’d prefer him not to go if he was going to sulk while we were there.
My cousins are planning on being there for 3 days, so I suggested we take an extra day or two to explore the city just us, as he’s never been. He said he doesn’t care what we do as it’s my plan anyway, so I may as well organize it all, and he’s only going so that he can spend time with our daughter.
He asked the days my cousins would be there and booked only those days off.
I’m putting my foot down that either he looks at flights with me and plans the trip together, or he’s not coming, because I’ve always planned our holidays/trips (because he doesn’t want to be involved in the planning) and he always complains about not doing what he wants to do when we’re there.
He says he’s fine with going and that I should just book the flights because he’ll do whatever I want to do.
I may be the jerk because if my husband doesn’t go, he won’t see our daughter for 4 days.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is a complete jerk for complaining on trips.
He either decides to go and get excited about it and be a present and enthusiastic partner or he doesn’t go. It’s not fair for him to sulk the entire time. Also, my husband is a sulker on vacations too. It makes me so sad but you’re not alone!!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“He can go without seeing his daughter for 4 days! That’s not a big deal. The rest of it? You need to put your foot down and tell him that from here on out – he either helps plan your holidays or he goes along with the plans and enjoys it.
At 33 you acting like he does?? Ridiculous. He’s too old to “sulk” over not doing what he wants, especially when he refuses to help plan. Stop second-guessing yourself and tell him to act like an adult.” Goalie_LAX_21093
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if he helps plan maybe he’ll have something to look forward to.
I wouldn’t be able to tolerate the constant sulking, he’s a grown married man who doesn’t understand the concepts of teamwork, compromise, or quality time! If he has a bad attitude on this next trip sit him down and say separate vacations from here on out.
You and your child deserve someone at their best. ” adventuresofViolet
1. AITJ For Being Upset That My Fiancée Forgot My Birthday Celebration?
“My birthday was yesterday and as the title implies my fiancée forgot about doing the cake and ice cream.
Although my birthday was yesterday, she had a company kickball game that she had to attend, so she said we would do cake and ice cream for me today.
I hadn’t asked for it, but she set the expectation that we would do it and I was excited.
To give some more context before the situation tonight we did go to a winery and a football game over the weekend to celebrate my birthday.
However, I still feel like my birthday should feel somewhat special, nothing extravagant or over the top, and that’s why the cake and ice cream excited me.
So today rolls around and she texts me that she’s leaving work and asks if I still want her to make steaks for dinner which at the time signaled to me at the time that she remembered. So at the time she was saying she left it usually takes about 45 minutes to an hour to get home so after about an hour and a half I called her to see how far she was and she told me she was leaving work right then.
So I asked her if she forgot and she’s like forgot what (not in a joking tone but serious) and I was like what we were supposed to do tonight and she has no idea. I know I’m wrong for this but I hung up because it upset me that she forgot.
However, this has been an ongoing thing that I have to constantly remind her of things when it comes to me or us. I was hoping this time would be different because it’s my birthday.
Her side is that I shouldn’t have been upset because we did things over the weekend to celebrate.
I can see it from her side in this, but this past Mother’s Day she acted as if I hadn’t done anything for her because she booked the restaurant that she wanted to eat at, which I understood but I had booked a restaurant as well but we did go to the one she wanted. Fast forward this past weekend was completely planned out by me.
Am I wrong for letting it bother me that she forgot?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I suspect not acknowledging your birthday on an actual day again is a big deal because you are, in general, not feeling like you are particularly well-regarded maybe. Does sound like there was an effort to acknowledge it though over the weekend.
Typically that would be good enough for most adults, I think, but I do think she should have wished you a happy birthday on the actual day. Did that happen?” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ One way to correct such behavior is to make sure it hurts her.
Did she forget to make a cake then? She should do it in the following days, canceling whatever other plans she may have. Make it so she knows that disappointing you will always end up inconveniencing her greatly after that.” Gosc101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m very bad about forgetting birthdays and things like that so I make very liberal use of my phone for reminders to do things.
I’ve even forgotten my birthday before. I’ve sure as heck made sure not to forget my wife and kids though. She knows she’s bad at this and knows it bothers you but does nothing to fix the problem. As with the restaurant she puts her needs before yours consistently.
You aren’t upset because you didn’t get cake. You’re upset because this is probably the hundredth time she’s done something like this. The straw that broke the camel’s back etc. I’m sure she’s a lovely person and you love her very much but it’s ok to be upset about this and she needs to be more sensitive to the problem.” blippityblue72
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