People Are Hungry For The Truth In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Waking Up My Jet-Lagged In-Laws For My Parents' Visit?
“So my parents and my in-laws have never gotten along. My husband and I have been married for 2 years.
My parents live near us and my in-laws are visiting us from India, living with us for a few days.
My parents wanted to come over today to say hi to my in-laws, my mom said she would be bringing over something she cooked. My in-laws have jet lag and were still napping till late evening. I asked my parents what time they would be coming since they hadn’t let me know.
My mom said they’d be over in 30 minutes. I told my husband to wake his parents up and he was reluctant, saying he felt bad since they arrived just yesterday and hadn’t slept well the previous night. I told him my parents would be coming over soon, as agreed upon, and his parents probably shouldn’t sleep longer if they were to get out of jet lag and adjust to the time difference.
He didn’t want to, tried calling my mom to explain it to her. She didn’t pick up. I texted her they were asleep and asked her to come tomorrow morning. She didn’t respond but simply texted they were on their way over.
They came over and as expected she expressed her frustration to my husband (his parents were still asleep in their room).
How she and my dad felt disrespected that my in-laws didn’t have the courtesy to wake up. I told her it wasn’t their fault. I explained if the tables were turned and it was my parents in jet lag and asleep, I wouldn’t wake them up either.
They disagreed. The fact that my mom knew the situation, yet showed up and started creating a scene in our home, embarrassed me. She started raising her voice because she felt my husband was being rude to her. They walked out in anger. I couldn’t believe she started raising her voice, knowing my in-laws could hear.
Were my husband and I being unreasonable? I understand that my mom spent all day cooking an Indian dessert for my in-laws and we had agreed they would be coming over to say hi. But I also understand my husband’s pov to give his parents rest. And plans can change.
Now my parents aren’t on good terms with me or my husband, being super offended by my husband not waking up his parents in time and disrespecting them. I have no idea what to do. I agree we should’ve probably told his parents what time my parents would be coming over.
There were communication gaps, I agree. But that still doesn’t give my mother the right to come into our home, ready for a fight and raising her voice. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your mom likely raised her voice on purpose to wake your in-laws.
Seems like the whole thing was a power-play on your parents’ part, and they could and should have been a whole lot more considerate.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your in-laws came from India to visit you. They’re adults you can decide when they want to wake up unless they ask you to wake them up I can understand your husband’s perspective. Your mom was super unreasonable, her actions came across as intentional and perhaps it’s a good thing your parents are upset with you so they don’t ruin the rest of your time with your in-laws.
” just always curious
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for not waking them up. But for demanding, hubby wakes his parents. Making excuses for jet lag. And willing to put them through severe discomfort so you could avoid drama from your mom. Instead of telling her that does not work.
So and so time would be acceptable. You let her run over you. Then you tried to run over hubby and were willing to let his parents suffer. You are married. You are an adult living away from your parents. You need to set your boundaries now, then decide when it is ok for them to come over.
Not ok. They raise their voice and complain at hubby. Not ok. They storm out after placing blame on others. Not ok. So what will you do? Do they get a time-out for acting like spoiled children? Or will it just be brushed aside? Will you keep allowing them to run you and his lives on their time?
Will they have a say and rights over your kids? Because if you won’t protect your hubby. If you won’t stand up for yourself, then I am sorry this sounds harsh, but then nothing that happens will change. It will be you allowing them to step over and on you and hubby.
At some point, you have to grow up and send a message. We are done with tantrums and manipulation. If you can’t be respectful. If you can’t understand that you don’t get to decide when it’s ok for you to show up without confirmation. Then you will not be welcome.
The next time, you disrespect my husband or his parents because they did not bow down to your time frame, and ideas on what is acceptable will be your last. I am an adult and deserve respect and since you seem to think you can treat me like I am 5 and need to be talked down to then it’s time we took some time apart until you can treat us with the basic respect and decency that one does to another.
I know this comes off as harsh, but you can’t complain about their actions and expect them to change if you don’t do anything. Either the consequences are harsh enough that they change their behavior or they don’t, and you and your family are not a part of their lives.
Or you remain as it stands, and they will eventually push your husband too far. Eventually, he will get tired of you putting your need to avoid drama above him and his feelings and needs. He will get tired of you placing his parents on the Frontline with such disrespect so your parents get what they want.
Others are not expendables to be used, so you don’t have to deal with your parents’ tantrums.” tiny-pest
22. AITJ For Moving Out Without Notice After Roommates Ignored My Boundaries?
“So I’m 20f, I had an apartment with 2 people and things were pretty good for a while until they completely ignored my boundaries. A little bit of context, I love cooking. I cook all the time and enjoy trying new recipes so I have some nice cookware, including a very nice and expensive Damascus steel knife set.
I had a couple of rules for using my stuff, nothing crazy I just wanted it rinsed out or washed and I didn’t want them putting any of my pots in the fridge with food still in them, not too bad right? Well apparently that was too much and there would be multiple times I would see them using my cookware, I’d go to bed, then get up in the morning to see it filthy.
Not rinsed, not wiped off, nothing. And it started irritating me after the 5th time of cleaning dried pasta noodles out of my nice pots. I brought it up to them very calmly.
I explained that if they left acidic food in the pots it could ruin the coating.
They would say they were sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again just for them to do it 2 days later. This isn’t the only reason. I had my bathroom, I bought all my supplies, and kept track of how much I used. Well at one point my shampoo and conditioner started running out quickly, and then my body soap, and then my tampons ( all the ladies reading this know the price of those add up).
And I was getting fed up. I confronted them again just for nothing to change and at the end of my rope, I figured I could hold out for a couple more months. Then they got a dog. I love dogs by the way, grew up with them and have always seen them as great companions.
But they did the bare minimum for this dog. She only had one toy, was alone for 90% of the day, and would constantly get into the trash, food bags, etc. She even shredded one of my pillows once and would have an accident in the apartment at least twice a week.
I was done with it, I told them I was moving out.
I paid the fine at the management office and left. Immediately they blew up my phone complaining how rent was way too expensive now, how they had no free time due to the dog, and how they had less money to have fun with.
I ended up just blocking them but I feel bad for not giving them a notice. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set and reinforce your boundaries multiple times and they never respected them. Now that they are on the affected part are complaining that you are not respecting theirs?
(aka giving a notice period) moreover, it’s not like they will be forced to move out or in some messy situation, they will have less spare money for fun. In a normal situation, it wouldn’t be right to just disappear without saying a word, but you had a constant conflict with them and they were clearly taking advantage of you and now they are upset they don’t have a victim to take free supplies from so they can enjoy their lifestyle partly at their expense.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“Omg. NTJ. I’m a professional chef, back when I had roommates, I would store my cookware and knives in my room. Now it’s just my wife, 1-year-old son, dog, and I. I do most of the cooking, so if pots get ruined, I’m the idiot that didn’t clean them.
Lol. You set very clear boundaries, and they stomped all over them. You moving out, causing a rise in their rent, and them taking responsibility for the pup was a natural consequence. Karma’s a pain, as they say.” R4eth
21. AITJ For Refusing To Meet My Mother's Partner But Agreeing To Meet My Dad's New Partner?
“My (25f) parents have been divorced for almost two years. My mother (45f) left my dad (48m) for one of her coworkers. It was a horrible situation that left my dad heartbroken and almost giving up on life.
My dad told me the only things that kept him going were me and my sister.
Needless to say my sister and I both sided with our dad which left my mom angry with both of us. I made it clear to her that I really hate the guy she left my dad for and will never, ever meet him or have any type of relationship with him.
I just think he’s a real scumbag.
Well, now two years after the divorce my sister and I have discovered that our dad is seeing someone! She is someone he went out in high school. He reconnected with her at a reunion for his high school class back in December last year.
I guess they started messaging and then seeing each other. My sister and I went to my dad’s place on Sunday morning to bring coffee and donuts which is something we do occasionally. When we got there this lady was there with my dad and it was apparent that she had spent the night.
They both were surprised we showed up and my dad started to explain to us but we were both happy that he was moving on.
Anyway, my dad called us both on Monday and asked if we’d like to go to dinner with them this Saturday evening so we could get to know her a little better.
We both said yes.
That’s where the problem starts. Our mother found out from my sister what’s going on and is really mad that two years on we have yet to meet the person she’s with but here we are going to dinner with my dad’s new partner.
My answer to this is that my dad’s partner didn’t help destroy his marriage and the person my mother is with did.
We have both made it clear to her that we will not have a relationship with that man. We both try to have a relationship with our mother and our dad has always said we should forgive her and have a good relationship with her.
But with that man? Forget it. My mother is really upset with us, has excuses for her affair of course, and feels like we both need to get over it and accept the fact that he is part of her life.
AITJ (and my sister too) for telling our mother once again that we don’t want to meet this guy but going to dinner with our dad’s new partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Meeting your dad’s new partner is a completely different situation from not wanting to have a relationship with one of the people who hurt someone you both care about. While I would probably have tried to cool things off after two years and met the guy, you and your sister are 100% justified in your decisions about who you do or do not want to interact with.
You aren’t being hypocritical in any way.” AngryIrene
Another User Comments:
“Ntj, bru your dad so deserves this. Poor guy has been through so much and I just know that having his daughters and gf together would mean so much to him. He lost his family because of your mother.
I know his gf would never be a mother to you but I bet to him it would be like having something like a family unit again. Your mother is jealous because she doesn’t deserve to experience that same family unit cuz she picked that guy over her family.” Successful_Jury_9952
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your Mother made a decision and it was a catalyst that destroyed your family. I wouldn’t want to have a relationship with them either and frankly, I’m not sure if I’d want one with your Mother either. ” User
20. AITJ For Selling My Childhood Dolls To Pay For College?
“I (31F) generally have a good relationship with my mother (67F), but she still sometimes brings up an event that happened almost a decade ago that I frankly feel like she ought to have let go of by now.
When I was a child, after lots of begging and begging, my mother bought me two American Girl dolls. For those that don’t know, these are relatively expensive 18″ dolls with historically accurate clothing and backstories. Each doll is tied to a specific culture and era of history and has her own series of books.
I cherished these dolls as a kid, but I grew out of them as I got older, and they ended up in my mom’s basement.
When I was maybe 21 or 22, I was struggling to keep up with university expenses and rent. I had a job, but it wasn’t enough, and I didn’t want to ask my mom for more money.
I needed some extra cash quickly. The two dolls were now collector’s items, and because they were in such good condition and had all the original accouterments, I think I made around $400 selling the dolls and some extra clothing and accessories I had for them.
This was a significant amount of money for me and I needed it at the time to pay for college.
When my mom found out, she was livid. She cried and treated it like such a betrayal, and that the dolls were so beautiful and precious and I never should’ve sold them and how much it broke her heart.
I was a bit taken aback; I thought she might’ve disapproved of me selling them, but didn’t think she would be so devastated. After all, it wasn’t like she had them on display; the dolls were just languishing in the basement so how was I supposed to know she was so attached to them?
Maybe I was the jerk back then for selling a gift that had a lot of sentimental value to her that I didn’t realize, and I apologized for it. But the thing is, she’ll still occasionally bring it up all these years later! She’ll be like “Remember how EXCITED you were to get an American Girl doll and how you BEGGED and you BEGGED me to get one for you and how you ALWAYS wanted one???
And how you SOLD them???” She even brought it up last week on the phone. I’ve offered to compensate or replace the dolls for her now that I’m financially stable but she says it’s not the point. I think she still feels like I betrayed her somehow.
It just makes me feel like I’m a terrible person just because I made a practical decision when I needed money ten years ago.”
Another User Comments:
“I think it has less to do with the dolls themselves and more to do with them representing a very cherished memory for her.
If they were expensive, your mom may have had to make sacrifices to buy them to make you happy. Replacing them with identical ones won’t do anything. They won’t be the same dolls. You were in a tough spot and I can’t call you a jerk for selling them to make ends meet.
But you can’t fault your mother for still being hurt having probably one of her most cherished memory sold. I know I’ve bought my kids things they wanted for months and their happy reactions burned into my memories after they finally received them after meeting the conditions I set (get a certain amount of good marks in schools, etc.) and I would never allow those toys to be sold or given away for any reasons, even if I don’t take good care of those toys myself.
They represent memories of my beautiful kids at that age. It’s my kids’ most favorite baby toys. Don’t you dare give them away? I guess I have to go with No jerks here” zzWoWzz.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were a gift to you. My parents before they died were begging me to thin out my childhood stuff.
Sure they kept some stuff, and the sports card collection even though nothing is worth anything? Still have ’em. Mainly because most people don’t want a 1997 Doug Brown. I digress. If they meant something to her, she should have said something.” New-Credit-9661
19. AITJ For Telling My Dad He's Not Welcome At My Wedding With His Abusive Wife?
“I (F24) have a rough relationship with my dad’s (M43) wife, E (F41). They got together in 2006, married in 2011, and have had two children since then.
E has never liked me. I was introduced to her when I was 7 and things were instantly sour.
She was mean, snarky, and had no interest in me whatsoever. Now, as an adult, I can tolerate her behavior (which has gotten significantly worse as I’ve grown up and begun to talk back). The issue lies with the fact that my dad has always allowed it.
I’m a grown woman and can handle myself now, as I’ve been doing for years, but when I was a child, he had nothing to say about her borderline abusive behavior and would find ways to change the subject/excuse it whenever it’s brought up.
This has significantly damaged our relationship, and we’re low-contact as of now.
So, I’m getting married in November this year to J (M25). We’ve been together for 11 years. E is insistent that she will be there. She will not. I have made this clear since we got engaged in November 2023.
My dad is invited, but I made it plainly clear last year that she wasn’t welcome as a result of her behavior, attitude, and treatment of both of us.
So; my dad met with me last week and told me that if E wasn’t present at my wedding, he wouldn’t be either.
I honestly expected something like this to happen, so I said that it was fine. He was confused and asked me to elaborate, so I explained that he didn’t have to attend, but it meant that I would never speak to him again, that I had dealt with him choosing E over me for almost 20 years, and that my wedding (of his first and only daughter) being a subject of debate was the final straw.
He said nothing for a moment afterward and then got up and left. E has been blowing up my phone with explicit texts but it’s been radio silence from my Dad since our chat.
As I said – I’ve dealt with E’s treatment, and by extension, my dad’s silence for almost two decades.
My wedding feels like a good place to finally end this all, to start over. I don’t see a way to fix this, or our relationship, as long as he’s with E.
AITJ for telling my Dad I don’t care if he’s present at my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kudos to you for clearly explaining your position. The ball is in your Dad’s court. He either locks it back and attends the wedding without your stepmother, or he never sees you again. It is time to block E on all of your social media and your phone.” Stormy111161
Another User Comments:
“That’s the thing with giving ultimatums. Don’t be surprised if the choice isn’t what you’d expected. Your dad thought he could win his wife a place at your wedding by this tactic. Epic failure on his part. I kind of wonder why he thought it would work, considering he never defended you from her wrath growing up.
Enjoy your wedding, drama free, surrounded by those who love and support you.” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad made his choice a long time ago. I don’t understand why E would even want to go, considering her open dislike of you and bigotry towards your fiance. Getting married is a good time to assess and assert how you want your lives to be – you’re doing the right thing here.
Wishing you all the best for your wedding and a long happy life together.” justbraised
18. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Stop Using My Expensive Shampoo?
“I live with my roommate, Sarah (26F), and we have been sharing a two-bedroom apartment for about a year. We get along pretty well, and we split all the bills, groceries, and chores, but recently I have had this small issue that’s bugging me, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not.
Context: My skin and hair get easily irritated, so I use this expensive shampoo and conditioner priced at $25 a bottle. I am perfectly willing to shell out extra for it because it does not cause me scalp breakouts, and my hair stays healthy; Sarah, on the other hand, uses run-of-the-mill stuff from the store, which is perfectly fine for her.
A couple of weeks ago, I discovered my shampoo and conditioner were going a lot faster than the last time. Maybe I was just using more; I don’t know. But keeping track said Sarah was using my products. Once, I lightly said to her, “I am surprised to notice that my shampoo has become so low, and I have spent so much on it.” I did not point at her for the issue, but I think that would give her a clue about my expectations.
A few days later, I caught her red-handed in the shower using my shampoo. I didn’t want to make a huge issue out of something like that, so I waited till she was done with what she was doing and then brought it up gently.
I said I had noticed that she had used my shampoo and asked her if she could please not anymore because it is expensive, and I need it for my hair. I even suggested that she be given the chance to try it once or twice for her to get used to the feel, and then she can buy her own.
She looked kinda annoyed and said, “It’s just shampoo. I didn’t think it was such a big deal. Besides, we share other stuff in the apartment.”
I said to her: indeed, while not being petty about sharing other stuff, this shampoo is something I need for a given reason, and we didn’t agree to share it.
She rolled her eyes and said, “Okay, whatever,” but from that day on, things have been kind of tense. I feel like she’s giving me the cold shoulder, and now I am starting to wonder if maybe I overreacted in this. Not that I’m broke, but I didn’t want to be in the habit of having to replace a $25 bottle every few weeks.
And yet, I didn’t want to let something as silly as shampoo destroy a beautiful friendship. AITJ for asking her to stop using it, or should I have just let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s little things that drain the savings. So being concerned about the usage doesn’t make you the jerk.
Also even when sharing each other’s stuff, normally you at least ask permission from the other person. You are simply not entitled to someone else’s stuff even if you are sharing everything else. I mean that’s basic manners. Your roommate stole your shampoo and was rude about it and showed she doesn’t care about you.
So it was never about “shampoo ruining the friendship” but rather “the roommate ruining the friendship through shampoo”. Here’s what you can do. Maybe store your shampoo away in a locker or something far from her reach.” angryomlette
Another User Comments:
“I would not say that it is a beautiful friendship if that friend rolls their eyes when told to lay off the expensive shampoo.
She’s overstepping. Let her salvage the relationship and buy you a new bottle in apology if it is as beautiful as you say. From here she sounds like an inconsiderate, snarky, mooch. Stop worrying about whether or not you are the problem, she is. NTJ.” Big_Button_6770
17. AITJ For Not Trusting My Long-Distance Partner After She Continually Invites Her Male Colleague Over?
“My partner (F30) and I (M30) have been in a long-distance relationship for over two years.
Early on, she told me about a colleague, Adam, who confessed romantic feelings for her. She made it clear she wasn’t interested and was limiting communication with him.
Fast forward six months: during a major argument, she asked for space and reduced our usual daily calls/texts.
While I was away, and she was home alone, she invited Adam over for dinner and drinks, telling him he could crash on the air mattress if he had too much to drink. I found out he had come over when I accidentally saw their texts later.
When I confronted her, she initially denied it but eventually admitted he had come over but didn’t stay the night and claimed nothing happened. I expressed my discomfort, and she agreed to be more transparent about future meet-ups with him. Despite this, over the next 1.5 years, I discovered she had hung out with Adam twice—once for a movie and dinner (she says there was another mutual friend!) and once for coffee—without telling me.
So, onto the actual event for which I’m currently wondering AITJ? Fast forward to 2 months ago, I semi-moved into my partner’s apartment and have been working remotely. During these 2 months, we’ve hung out with a few of her friends and colleagues but not Adam.
About 2 weeks ago I had to travel back to my apartment for a work-related matter and stayed there for a week. I got back to my partner’s apartment a few days ago and we were having a conversation about something unrelated during which I asked her where he had been on the weekend I was out.
She reacted defensively to my question and that made me suspicious so I asked if I could see her phone to which she agreed.
I see a conversation with Adam from the day after I left her apartment that goes something like this.
Adam: Are you in the office today?
Partner: No, working on an important project from home.
Adam: Don’t you get distracted at home?
Partner: No not really. I’m alone, my partner left.
Adam: Should I come over to disturb you?
Partner: Yea come over on Sunday if you’re free.
I confronted her about this and she said that he never did come over it was just a plan but nothing happened.
My reaction has been to tell her I cannot trust her anymore since she has on multiple occasions hidden things from me and this is just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Since this happened a couple of days ago, I haven’t been speaking to her at all and I am traveling back to my apartment in a week. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You saw the light so head towards it. She’s seeing the guy no matter how you/she dresses it up.
That she’s hidden, denied, and lied is enough in my book.” BSinspetor
16. AITJ For Cutting Off Water Supply To Neighbors Overusing Our Well?
“We live in a suburban country neighborhood (USA). All the homes are on well / septic. There are original 1960’s ranchers with a few newer larger 90’s homes sprinkled throughout. We’re in a newer 90’s house and the neighbors are in one of the original homes.
We each have two low-yield wells and one of theirs has been dried up since before they bought the home.
Last week their good well stopped working and they asked my wife if they could fill up buckets for their animals (more on this later) and garden.
In the vein of being a good neighbor, she naturally said yes. They’ve had a good company out and have been messing with both their wells on their own. But these past few days there’s been no work being done and they’ve provided no update.
My wife asked what was up the other day and they said that they have been getting the run around by various well companies and they don’t have time to pursue this harder. Every day it’s multiple 5-gallon buckets in the morning and evening that they’re filling with our hose.
Probably 20-30 gallons each fill up.
It’s 2 adults and 8 kids in their home, a large garden, and a large (illegal) number of chickens and turkeys. They’ve clearly brought this on themselves with heavy irresponsible water use.
They have a bunch of roosters that are not legal and are driving the neighborhood crazy.
So I’ve been kind of irritated that we’re supporting the obnoxious rooster operation. Also obviously worried the increased use of our aquifer will mess up our water flow. But it’s pretty cold to say “Hey you can’t fill up your buckets anymore, you’re on your own” so we’ve been wrestling with what to do.
Yesterday they had an older lady walking around their yard yelling and praying for the wells to open up. This was the last straw for us. In my opinion, this is a serious problem that requires a serious, timely solution and they’ve got a lady basically doing a rain dance.
Last night my wife told the mom next door that we can’t provide water anymore and that we could give them another 24 hours of water use to figure it out and the mom got upset and walked away from my wife while she was speaking to her.
Which makes us feel better about our choice, basically forget them, they’re rude and ungrateful but again still obviously we feel bad about cutting off a house full of kids from water use. Also, none of the other neighbors are going to help because they’re upset about the roosters so they’re on their own now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t run your well dry to water their farm. If you want to be neighborly still, give them drinking water for the humans. But they can go buy jugs of bubbler water for a few weeks while the good people figure it out Also, might be a good idea to have your well people give you an estimate on how much you can draw per day” MrMagicMarker43.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think. It has only been a little over a week max. I don’t know how long it takes to fix a well or what the solution is, but they can I’m assuming buy water at a store. I think you should probably put a cap on it like you can’t water your garden, but you can water your kids and chickens, and maybe a deadline like if they want to use your water you need to be kept up-to-date and if anything changes in your water situation, you were going to cut them off immediately?” Best-Philosopher1463
15. AITJ For Refusing To Change Our Dinner Reservation For My Sister's Partner?
“We had a group social evening for me, my wife’s best friend (her husband) my sister, and her new partner Tyler.
It was for a sushi place that my wife and her friend picked. My wife had to put her credit card down for the reservation because it was a Saturday night and it was a larger party.
On the way to the restaurant, my sister said in the group chat let’s meet here (another restaurant) instead, ignoring our reservations.
My wife told my sister she couldn’t because of the cancellation fee. My sister tried to say Tyler doesn’t eat fish so let’s go here and we can all chip in on the cancellation fee.
My wife’s best friend said no. It’s rude; the reservations are in less than 30 minutes, so we are going to the sushi restaurant for dinner as planned.
Tyler and my sister show up late and Tyler announces it is because they had to stop somewhere for him to eat before they showed up. Tyler was rude to us and the wait staff when they didn’t have any of the beers he wanted on tap.
Although he had already eaten, he tried some ginger BBQ wings and hated them and complained to everyone about them.
We didn’t interact much with Tyler after that. Both my wife, her friend, and her husband are all Latino so they speak in a Spanglish mixture.
It’s not hard to follow. I’m white and so is my sister and Tyler.
Tyler gets grumpy when someone says ‘mas’ at the table and asks them to speak in English. As if ‘mas’ was something that is complicated to understand.
The whole dinner was a mess because of Tyler’s attitude.
Then, Tyler broke up with my sister later that week saying she was spoiled and blaming her family for being rude to him. I told my sister it seemed like no loss because Tyler was a jerk. My sister said my wife and I were the jerks because we had to get sushi after she tried to get us someplace else.
I told my sister that we are not canceling reservations for one person 20 minutes before we have to check-in. I told my sister Tyler was a rude, childish jerk and I’m glad he broke up with her so I never have to see his face again.
My mom texted me later saying I needed to apologize because my sister had been crying all day over the situation and break up.
I told my mom that if she had met the dude she would feel the same way but my mom thinks I’m the jerk for saying harsh things about Tyler to my sister in case they get back together.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The time to raise objections on a restaurant is when it’s being discussed, not after he had agreed to eat at one restaurant, this was a good thing for your sister in the long run, what other agreements would he have gone back on” Nalpona_Freesun.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I do think you should go easy on your sister. I think she dodged a bullet but she doesn’t see it that way right now and ultimately I think you want her to, and yelling at her and saying you’re glad he broke up with her is stoking the flame in an unhelpful way.
It seemed like she’d already started to try hard to accommodate his difficulties, and he was a jerk, so just make sure your stance doesn’t drive her back to him or drive a wedge between you. She seems susceptible to jerks somehow.” owls_and_cardinals
14. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About His Secret Instagram Account?
“This started a year ago, he lost his phone so he used to use mine and had his Instagram open. I never went through his account, but one day I opened Instagram to find his account open, so I changed it to mine some kind of Instagram error happened and it showed me a box saying “Error, the owner of the account @redactedname might have changed the password.” That account was not his, but another account connected to his main one.
At that time I searched the account name and saw his following (he wasn’t following anyone) and his followers (had a couple of random followers, one of which was his ex)
I’ve been feeling self-conscious and decided to look for the account again a couple of weeks ago (bad decision, yes I know) he was following two girls.
I just saw the account again today and he is following more random girls.
I don’t know what to do, I know I shouldn’t have looked at the account, but I already did and I feel like I can’t ignore it.
Some extra context that I think is important: About 6 months ago, I was at his house and he had WhatsApp web open, he was showing me something that his friend sent him and I saw on the left of the screen a chat with an unknown number (he didn’t have it saved).
I asked with what it was and he confessed it was a worker, he showed me the chat, and it was only one deleted message. He told me he sent one message and deleted it because he regretted it. He admitted he had a problem, that he never meant to really contact the girl, he just got some satisfaction from sending the message when he was in that state of mind.
He told me his addiction was affecting him mentally, that he wanted to change, that he wanted to tell me what he was going through.
I thought he was changing this past few months, I was sure he would speak to me if he had some sort of relapse.
Seems like I was wrong
Should I speak to him about this or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you discovered the second Instagram unintentionally because he was logged into your phone, it’s not like you purposefully went snooping his device or something like that. YTJ to yourself though, if you don’t address this directly / break up with him if he continues to hide things like this from you.
You’re young and there are plenty of guys out there without addictions, who don’t talk to workers behind their partner’s backs etc., trust your instincts, don’t let yourself be gaslit, and remember your worth” According_Pizza8484.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ male here. I think hiding it is an issue.
Separate accounts, burner phones, or numbers are big red flags. Addiction is an issue but should not lead to talking or texting workers. I would set boundaries and let him decide who is more important.” Afraid-Juggernaut-29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you didn’t snoop. Not sure why you need to ask this here, I guess you just want a push in the right direction, but this isn’t a ‘problem’.
He is contacting workers and girls. This isn’t normal relationship behavior of a dude watching some videos and jerking one out. There’s a big difference between a guy watching a few videos vs a guy contacting girls directly in my opinion.” KingSlaine
13. AITJ For Telling My Friend What The Group Was Saying About Her?
“So it all started one day when my friend (now ex-friend) “L” got in a fight with my friend “S”.
It was about how L didn’t like how S was praising a girl for being funny, even though that girl didn’t like L.
I found that stupid, because why would that matter to her? S should be friends with whoever S wants to be friends with. Anyways, skip to a few hours later L decides to text me privately saying she’s holding a FaceTime with everyone except S, so I text S and ask her what happened. She told me what happened, and then I decided to join FaceTime to see what they were talking about.
(I’m looking at this now and maybe I shouldn’t have done this, I should’ve just ignored them. Part of me just wanted S to know what they were saying about her because I thought the situation was unfair and she should have the right to know.
The FaceTime call goes, they talk bad about her the entire FaceTime over the stupidest stuff, and I’m just in shock.
I eventually text S what they said about her, and tell her that she should talk to them. She makes a group chat and tells L that she is hurt by what she said.
L starts denying it and then is angry, figuring out it was me who told her. Eventually, L blamed it all on me, saying that I was lying about what I saw. All of the other people who talked bad about her along with L started ghosting me, all because I just wanted to help my friend.
I eventually told L that I didn’t want to be friends with the group anymore (only S) and she accepted it. She asks me what she did wrong so I tell her how I don’t feel comfortable in an environment where people are talking bad about each other behind their backs.
She acknowledges it, but then goes to one of my other friends (who wasn’t even involved in the first place) and spreads lies about me and talks bad behind my back. (I only know this because S was in the FaceTime with them) My friend, B, who never was involved in the first place, just texted me today saying she’s not going to be my friend anymore.
I am sobbing just texting this right now. Please someone help because I genuinely don’t know if I am in the wrong or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re better off without these people as friends. L sounds jealous, petty, and mean, and B either can’t think for herself or is just as toxic as L.
Maybe you shouldn’t have joined FaceTime if you knew it was going to get that ugly, but I don’t think you were wrong to tell S what they said. I would rather know what someone thinks of me than waste energy being friendly to people who secretly despise me.” MiscreantMarsupial
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. None of this should have ever happened. Calling it now that everyone involved is in high school because this is absurd behavior for all involved. Find better friends, and hobbies, if this is the most important thing any of you have time to spend on.
You would be better served playing good old fashioned solitaire with a deck of cards than dealing with ANY of these people.” kittiekittykitty
12. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Friend Her Behavior Is Making Others Uncomfortable?
“For context, I (24F) have been best friends with my friend Jackie (24F) since we were in 3rd grade. She’s an only child and tends to be a bit on the selfish side.
I’m not gonna go through all of her history because that’s her private business, but throughout the years I have noticed that she likes to insert herself into plans I make with people and she complains if something gets changed.
The last few times I’ve had her hang out with my friends and me or my partner and I, I get told by people afterward that they don’t like that Jackie gets flirtatious with their partners, or in my partner’s case that she gets flirtatious with him (when that happens he’ll hold me and get very lovey with me in what I’m assuming is a way to get the point across he’s not into her.) I’ve also been told by friends and my partner that it annoys them when Jackie makes comments acting like she’s the only one who has gone through a rough time.
A recent example of this was when my partner and I were talking about our plans to go to Disney in a couple of years because he had never been before and I wanted to take him, Jackie had said to my partner, “Well I’ve been wanting to go to Disney my whole life.” He just kinda looked at me before he responded and in a way called her out on her behavior, saying, “Wow, you act like you’re the only one allowed to miss out on things.” She got quiet after that.
Jackie also tends to make things about herself, and she gets extremely defensive if you ask her anything about what’s going on. She has also gotten extremely jealous when I make plans with other people. So for the past few weeks, I’ve been contemplating telling her why my friends and partner don’t want to be around her.
Anyway to conclude, I want to tell her about all of this because she’s trying to insert herself into plans I’m making with my partner this Halloween season. It’s our first Halloween season as a couple, and I want to make it special and just for us, I don’t want her to ruin the mood or make things about her.
So WIBTJ, if I told her that her behavior is why my friends and partner don’t want to be around her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would start hanging out with her just one on one and not with the other people anymore and if she asks about it, then I would bring it up.
In my experience bringing up, behavioral issues unsolicited causes more strife.” Ok_Passage_6242
Another User Comments:
“ESH Just say no. You want to go on a date with your partner. She is not invited. You refuse to draw a simple boundary that has almost nothing to do with her.
You are making it all about her and seem to be going for maximum damage. I went with ESH because I made some assumptions about you both. (When you exclude her, she throws guilt, and you think causing emotional damage is the only way to get her off your back).” 4games1
11. AITJ For Not Allowing My Friend To Bring His New Partner On Our Fully Booked Group Trip?
“AITJ for not letting my friend Marcus bring his partner on a group trip overseas? For context, my close friend, let’s call Jenny, decided to plan a group trip overseas months ago. I made a group chat and in total there are 17 of us going.
I did all of the bookings, budgeting, and transport arrangements for this trip in January for the trip to be in December. The holiday home is nice, with 3 stories, and a pool, and fits all 17 of us with no sleeping spaces to spare. At the beginning of organizing this trip, Jenny and I had invited 32 people and had looked at bigger accommodations, which we relayed to our group chat, however as people dropped out, I decided it would be much more cost-effective to get a smaller place.
At this time, Marcus was single and had not yet started seeing this girl, who I’ll call Tia. Now it’s important to note Marcus and I are not particularly close but we invited him because he is a mutual friend with many people going on this trip.
Flash forward to now, 9 months after booking this trip and I have finalized almost everything on my own. Marcus messages me to ask if his new partner, Tia, can join the trip which everyone has now paid for and is excited to go on. Here’s where I may be the jerk.
When I booked our new accommodation it was for 16 people and last minute we had another friend change their mind, pay, and join us which was our last bed possible. Everyone going is from our old high-school group with nobody else bringing their outside partners on this five-day trip.
Marcus asked if Tia could pay her share and join us and after explaining we were maxed out he told me he had already promised her a spot and that she had already made arrangements for this trip. After some back and forth, I told him it might be better if I refunded him and they booked a nearby accommodation together but he insisted on just bringing a blow-up mattress and sleeping on that in our accommodation.
Normally I would say that’s fine but the owners of this house have specifically told us not to do this and that if there is more of us than what we booked we will be asked to leave. The extra friend that changed their mind is allowed since there was still one bed left. I don’t know what to do since Marcus is adamant about having Tia since telling her she can’t come now would only cause problems for him, so am I the jerk for saying he can’t bring her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The unit is at maximum capacity per the property owner. Lack of planning on his part does not constitute an emergency on your part. Also, no one else is bringing their significant others with them. If he insists on bringing her, he has to find alternate accommodations.
Be prepared to kick Marcus out, because it would not surprise me if he shows up with her anyway.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rules state no extra people, and no extra beds set up. This isn’t just you saying no, it’s the rules of the accommodations you booked. Send him the message and say that unfortunately, she is not allowed to join based on the agreement signed. If he wants her to go, they need to book a different place to stay.
End of story. The only reason I’m not voting No Jerks here is because he promised her a spot and let her get to the point of making the arrangements to join before pushing her into the group. He messed up by promising her a spot and is now pushing on the group, and by default you since you did all the booking, so he doesn’t have to hear it from his partner instead of just checking first.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rules are rules, you’re at capacity. You’ve offered to give him his money back so they can find their accommodations but still be included. Marcus’s lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on your part. He shouldn’t have promised his new partner a place when he couldn’t guarantee it, so it’s his problem to fix, not yours.” modernChiquitita
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Interact With My Friend's Baby In The Way They Expect Me To?
“A friend of my partner had a baby, and we’ve always been close—they’re like family to us.
For context, my partner and I don’t have kids. I (30F) can be awkward or reserved when I first meet people. It takes me time to warm up, but once I do, I am friendly and helpful.
Their young child (around 1 year old) often comes along when they visit.
While we don’t mind, I’ve noticed the parents don’t always keep a close eye on the child. For example, the child has occasionally made a mess of our things, and it felt like the parents could have been more attentive. I understand this is typical for young children, but we are very tidy people, and it was frustrating.
At a recent party we hosted, I organized an activity for everyone. The child kept interrupting, and the parents seemed distracted, which affected the vibe. Later, the parents jokingly mentioned that I “don’t seem to like their kid.” We laughed it off, saying that I’m just awkward with kids, but the remark bothered me.
It felt like they were taking my general personality as a personal attack on their child.
Maybe if I had kids in the future, my behavior might change, and I might feel more comfortable being playful with babies.
Recently, the parents made more comments about me not interacting with their children.
I felt pressured when they half-jokingly insisted I pick up the child. I refused because it felt controlling (which I’m sure must have offended them even more). Should I have just picked up the child to appease them? They also expressed feeling offended that I didn’t engage more with their baby.
Whenever we travel, we always bring something back for the baby—like toys or clothes. I think I show support in other ways, just not through physical displays of affection.
After discussing it with my partner, I was told I was overreacting and that the friends just wanted me to bond with their child because I was important to them.
While I understand that, I feel like there’s an expectation that I must act a certain way.
Recently, they directly asked me to interact with the child in specific ways (talk to the child, blow air kisses, pick them up, etc.), which I found controlling and out of character.
Maybe if the child were older, it would be easier for me to engage. Right now, I feel like they scrutinize how I behave around their baby, and it doesn’t make me want to spend time with them at all.
I don’t want to damage our relationship—they’re like family—but I also don’t want to feel pressured about how I should behave around their child.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m around your age and also am uncomfortable around babies. I’m perfectly fine with kids that are like 3+, but not babies. I don’t hate them, I just don’t know how to handle them or communicate with them and the crying hurts my ears.
I get anxious whenever holding a baby because I’m terrified I might drop them, so I tend to say no when people ask if I want to hold the baby. I think people tend to be more judgmental because we’re women, and the societal expectation is for women to love babies and be nurturing and motherly.
So when we aren’t, people think there must be something wrong with us. The idea that you might change your mind about them if you had kids of your own is something that people have tried to drill into my head as well, but I’ve always been confident about the fact that I never want children.” TrickySeagrass
Another User Comments:
“They are creepy and weird. You’re not neglecting the child. Everyone is not touchy-feely. This is a great lesson for the child that not everyone shows affection the same way. There will be other children who are close friends but don’t like to hug or anything.
This can be a great opportunity to learn to respect boundaries and differences. Unfortunately, the baby will be the only one in the house with this valuable skill. NTJ. Also, why would you want someone uncomfortable to hold your child? Toddlers are still tiny. If the child accidentally gets dropped they could be seriously hurt” Fancyandfab
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son To Miss School To Care For Our Dogs?
“Husband and I are out of town currently for the weekend and we have my teenage son (husband’s stepson) watching our dogs while we’re away this weekend. In our discussion during dinner, my husband had commented that since things are going well with our son and the dogs so far, maybe we’d consider having him stay home with the dogs as well if we ever wanted to take a week-long adult trip.
I commented that I would not be comfortable with that if it was during the school season as I’d rather he focus on school more than worrying about caring for dogs on days he’d have to attend school ( he’s in high school). An argument then ensued. I tried to explain that if the situation ever arises and my son declines having to care for the dogs then I would not force him to.
I’d rather he focus on school than have him wake up an extra hour earlier to ensure he walks and feeds the dogs before he heads to school. These dogs have been primarily mine and my husband’s responsibility, we don’t typically put their care onto our children unless we go out for a couple’s dinner (2-3 hours max) about once a month.
They are well-behaved dogs. One has a bit more energy exertion than the other but they aren’t much to handle.
This was all hypothetical. My husband was angry with my response. He thinks we need to teach him responsibility and doing this (if it ever came to it) would teach him so.
However, I feel that my son is quite responsible as is. He’s been working in his dad’s business since he was 12 (restaurant), has been saving 85-90% of his earnings, and keeps the rest as spending money. He’s had saved over $8,000 by the time he was 12, he’s now 16.
I don’t think I need to “teach” him how to be responsible as he’s shown me for the past 4 years how responsible he is with his ability to save money and cook for himself and his younger sibling when required. He’s an honor roll student ( 96 avg) as well.
If this were to come up, I feel like I would not force him to watch dogs if he expressed to me that he wasn’t comfortable at the same time as having to attend high school. Additionally, he attends a catholic school, so they’re a bit more strict when it comes to academics than when he was in public.
My husband and I are currently not speaking since he thinks I’m being unreasonable over this. So please let me know who is the jerk in this situation, myself or my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—Kind of just seems like your husband is taking advantage of your son for potential free dog care.
I don’t think it’s right to be angry with you for wanting to consider your son’s educational responsibilities that are impacted if you guys take a trip and leave him to manage the dogs and the house upkeep. Maybe your son wouldn’t mind, but I think it’s nice of you to make sure it is something he would be okay with as a lot of parents unfairly pour their responsibilities on their children.” Busy_Ostrich_Party
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband is mad because you won’t let him take advantage of your son when there is no need to, did your husband even offer to compensate your son at all?” crocodilezebramilk
Another User Comments:
“What if something happened to the dogs while you are away for the week, like illness or injury?
What’s the 16yo supposed to do with them? He couldn’t take them to a vet. Your husband hasn’t thought this hypothetical situation through very well.” jmor47
8. AITJ For Taking My Daughter's Side Against My Ex Over Meal Etiquette?
“I (45M) am in a relationship with ‘Anne’. We’ve been together for 4 years. And to say the least, the last two years haven’t been great. Anne and I officially broke up a week ago, we’re just waiting for the lease to end.
Last year May, my son (16M, Dee) came to live with us by choice.
And my daughter (15F, Claire) came to live with me in October, not by choice.
Anne and Claire have not been able to get along. Anne has consistently antagonized and targeted Claire. Last year before Claire lived with me, she visited, only for Anne to continuously argue with Claire and me over the fact that she doesn’t wear a bra.
I’ve never seen the issue. Anne and I had temporarily broken up during Oct and she moved back in during February—the issues only continued.
There were complaints about Claire CONSTANTLY.
Then Anne started complaining because Claire was the only person in the house that didn’t cook.
And I also didn’t see a problem with it since Dee and I didn’t mind doing it. And Claire helped around the kitchen every time someone cooked. Whereas Anne would cook once maybe every 2 weeks.
However, today another issue came up, Claire made lunch. They were “snackwiches” and our machine only fits 4 at a time.
Anne and Claire were both eating 2 each. Dee and I were eating 3 each. So Claire thought the obvious thing to do would be to make hers and Anne’s first. So, she brought the plate to Anne and got a quick “thank you”, with no complaints.
I jokingly told Claire I’d steal her food. Claire said that she was going to, but Dee put him in first, no big deal.
Anne, for some reason, loses it on Claire and starts going on about “etiquette”, she’s condescending as she explains that as the breadwinner, I should be served first. Then the woman of the house.
She stumbled and quickly said that it wasn’t her, it was Claire(??). Then the rest. And I simply chimed in, saying that growing up we let the children get served first, then the women, then the men. Very politely, Claire just said, “Just depends on how you were raised, no biggie”.
That’s when Anne raises her voice. And Claire very calmly told her “It’s just not that serious”. Anne moved on.
But after Dee and Claire left the room, Anne started zoning in on me for it. And I took Claire’s side because it doesn’t matter who’s served first. As long as everyone gets to eat.
Now Anne won’t get off my case about it, because “it’s just etiquette and about respect” and “don’t educate your children then, fine”. And maybe it is the proper thing to do, and maybe it is that serious. But I can’t see it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think I understand why you broke up with Anne. She sounds pretty insufferable. Here’s the deal. If you raise kids from infancy, you can raise them with whatever cultural norms you think are reasonable. When a new adult, or near-adult, suddenly appears in your life, they’re going to have a different cultural background and different assumptions.
Anne’s bizarre 1950s etiquette assumptions about who should eat first are her own. She can have them if she likes, but it’s not reasonable to expect other people to share them. They are by no means universal. Oh, and Anne complains that Claire doesn’t cook, but also complains about how Claire makes lunch.
She really can’t have it both ways.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for letting a woman who antagonizes your daughter live in your home and continuing to be with a woman who treats your daughter so poorly. You say you’re on your daughter’s side, but you aren’t as long as this woman lives with you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for taking your daughter’s side. YTJ for still giving this woman the time of day. If you’re broken up and just waiting out the lease, stop interacting with her or letting her talk to your daughter like this. Treat her like a roommate until you’re able to get away from her.
No idea why your daughter would ever cook food for her still.” Bottom_of_the_bottle
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother-In-Law's Inappropriate Staring?
“My BIL – let’s call him Dan, visits my husband (his brother) and me, now and then – about every 2-3 months.
Every time we see him, “Dan” talks to me while staring at my chest. I’m mid 50s, decent looking but nothing to stare at. On the rare occasion, my daughter joins us for the family visit, “Dan” stares at her chest too. She is 23.
The last time he visited our home, I made a motion with my fingers from my chest up to my eyes. Your basic “my eyes are up here” gesture. He did not acknowledge this and kept staring. I grabbed a sofa cushion and hugged it against my chest for the remainder of the evening.
For reference- I was not exposing my décolletage in any way and was wearing a hoodie!
I expressed my offense and frustration to my husband (let’s call him “Jerry.”) Jerry was upset and did not realize this was going on repeatedly and said he would have words with “Dan.” Dan has heart issues – in his mid-60s, so it’s difficult to find time to talk about sensitive subjects as we are all afraid to upset him.
Finally, “Jerry” my husband, called his brother and told him how upset he was and how disrespectful it was towards me that he would stare at my chest.
“Dan” blew up at my husband and denied it. Called me a liar and how could I say this happened?
Told Jerry to “take control of your wife and household” and “be a man and don’t allow this to happen “… etc.
Jerry hung up on him. 2 weeks later “Dan” calls Jerry again to ream him out for not “being a man” and to tell him again that I’m a liar.
“Dan” proceeds to tell their sister his side of the situation – let’s call her “Debbie.” She then takes Dan’s side. Debbie called Jerry telling him what a liar I am and how I’m trying to drive a wedge in the family.
We are all in our 50s and 60s….isn’t this immature?
For background, “Dan” has a history of disrespecting women openly and blatantly. My husband has mentioned this many times and it is also quite obvious by his attitude in conversation. My SIL “Debbie” won’t speak to me or respond to my text or email messages.
We used to have a nice friendship. We are the only relatives close by enough to respond if Dan has another medical event. He has alienated many other friends and neighbors. Am I the jerk for having called out Dan for disrespecting me and my daughter?
He has alienated me, my kids, and Jerry. I could have honestly guessed he would do this but I was just so fed up with him doing this to us in my own home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He makes you uncomfortable and you asked for a simple solution.
I assume he doesn’t do this to your husband’s chest? > Dan has heart issues – in his mid-60s, so it’s difficult to find time to talk about sensitive subjects as we are all afraid to upset him. This is hilarious.
Sounds like it’s only difficult to find time to talk to him because you all knew he was going to have a temper tantrum about it. Don’t let him bug you. You can ignore him and still be there for him if he does have a medical emergency.” EmphaticallyWrong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At first, I was undecided and wondered if that might just be where he looks when talking to people to avoid eye contact if he’s not comfortable looking into people’s eyes. However, his response to your husband to “take control of your wife and household” is completely uncalled for.
This guy’s a jerk and someone you should cut contact with if possible. With him being your husband’s brother though, I’m not sure what their relationship is like and if it’s something your husband would accept. I wouldn’t care if someone was related to me or not.
If they act like that, I remove them from my life.” darklogic85
Another User Comments:
“First off NTJ. Secondly, either from ADHD and/or a slight loss of hearing, I have trouble hearing what people are saying. To combat this I watch a person’s mouth when they are speaking to me, as this adds about 20 figurative decibels.
On a few occasions, I have noticed a woman subtly try and conceal their chest if there was cleavage showing. At that point, I try and make more eye contact, but about half of the conversation is now lost to me. Not trying to say that this is the case here, just offering a different point of view.” TemporaryTrifle425
6. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Hypocrisy About Being The 'Cool Mom'?
“My sister, we’ll call Kimantha (40s) is much older than me (mid 20s).
Kimantha is a mom and it’s her whole personality. She constantly posts on social media that her home is open to any kid who might not feel like they have a place to go. She gets REAL into it and every 5th or so post is one of those memes about being the “cool” place to crash.
Or that she wants to be the house where all the kids can just walk in and grab a soda. She has her kids’ friends call her Momma K. Whatever.
Recently we were talking on the phone and she cursed and said, “Not again,” and said she had to be quiet so no one knew she was home.
She then ranted about her neighbors who yell and scream all the time, and their daughter who we’ll call “Annabell” (7). I guess Annabell and Kimantha’s daughter “Petal” (8) are friends. Annabell comes over every day (or tries to), rings the bell sits on the porch if they aren’t home, etc. Kimantha said when Annabell comes over she’s always asking for food and Kimantha feeds her most days.
Kimantha said that Annabell’s older sister “Betty (15?)” refuses to go in the house when the Dad is home (she will even sleep on their porch!). To me, this screams that these girls are at the very least food insecure, likely neglected, and possibly mistreated.
Kimantha said that she was just done dealing with someone else’s kid.
I laughed and said, “Ha, so much for all those social media posts, eh?” Oh…was she angry? She asked me what I meant and I said that she posts about being the “cool mom” and the place all the neighborhood kids could crash but then when someone seems to need that safe place…she’s hiding in her bathroom and pretending she’s not at home.
I said that I guess she’s not the kind of mom she says she is.
She. Went. Mental. Screaming at me about how I don’t know anything. Granted, Kimantha said that she’d be fine with it if the girl didn’t “bully” Petal in school. I asked her what Annabell had done to bully Petal, and she said that occasionally Annabell doesn’t sit with Petal at lunch and once time kicked mulch at her during recess.
To me, these didn’t sound like bullying but like, typical playground conflicts…and frankly a pretty weak excuse and I told her so.
Anyway, Kimantha isn’t talking to me currently and keeps sending me hateful texts about not knowing anything about kids. While I 100% don’t think she’s RESPONSIBLE for dealing with Annabell, I do think she’s being a jerk for saying she’s “that kind of mom” online, but then…not doing it when it’s happening in real life.
So…AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Meanwhile, has anyone done anything to help these 2 girls? The part about a 15-year-old sleeping *outside* vs in the house if her dad is there makes me extremely suspicious. NTJ but maybe have an honest talk with your sister and encourage her to contact CPS or something.
Someone really should, if these details are all accurate.” Lizzydeathstar
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I feel so bad for Annabelle and Betty. It sounds like you gave your sister a bit of a reality check and now she’s questioning her identity as the “cool mom” or at least mad at you for pointing out the hypocrisy.
She’s technically not responsible for Annabelle and I bet it gets frustrating having an extra mouth to feed (not to mention 8 year old to entertain!) all the time, but…put up or shut up, right? I probably wouldn’t antagonize her anymore about it, but maybe it will make her reevaluate what she shares online.
Has anyone called CPS on Annabelle and Betty’s parents? They should have an issue with the older one sleeping OUTSIDE rather than be around her father…” VegetableDraft8106
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because she is that kind of mom, she just shouldn’t have to parent and feed someone else’s kid every single day.
You don’t seem to see the difference between what she claims she is and what Annabell needs from her. She’s offering *temporary* assistance to kids in need, she’s not responsible for raising other people’s kids just because she wants to be the cool mom or the hangout house.
Annabell’s neediness prevents her from doing what she loves and helping others. Annabell needs more than “the cool mom” or the hangout house can offer.” redditreader_aitafan
5. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate's Twin After She Took Over My Room?
“So I (29M), a second-generation Indo-Canadian, recently moved to the US for work. Things were going great until I ended up in a house with two ethnically Polish twins from the UK, Kasia and Nadia (both 27F). Kasia is in medical school, and Nadia just passed the bar and is practicing law.
Both of them are smart, driven, and, yeah, they’re pretty attractive—not that it matters.
Anyway, Kasia was my original roommate. We met through a mutual friend, and it seemed like a perfect setup. We split the rent 50/50, and I took the larger bedroom because I worked from home at times and needed the space.
Everything was peachy until Nadia, the twin from a very unpleasant place, decided to move in after she broke up with her partner. Without even asking me, mind you!
Suddenly, Nadia was crashing on our couch every night. She was loud, always on the phone, and had a knack for using my stuff without asking.
And let me tell you, nothing prepares you for finding your 8 AM Zoom meeting shirt on your roommate’s sister while she’s doing yoga in the living room.
But here’s where things got heated: Kasia had to go on a two-week clinical rotation in another city, and she told Nadia she could take over her room.
Fine, whatever, that was between them. But then, Nadia decided that my room was “better for her mental health” or some nonsense because of the “natural light” and “feng shui.” So she started moving her stuff into MY room while I was at work.
When I got home and saw this, I nearly lost it.
My bed, my desk, my PS5—all of it was shoved into the smaller bedroom, and Nadia had turned my room into her own little law office/yoga studio combo. Kasia, from wherever she was doing her rotation, thought this was all just “a big misunderstanding” and that we could “sort it out when she got back.”
So, in my infinite wisdom (or maybe stupidity, you decide), I told Nadia she had 24 hours to get out. When she didn’t budge, I started moving her stuff back into the living room. She flipped out, threatening to sue me for “unlawful eviction,” which I’m pretty sure isn’t a thing when you’re not even on the lease.
The next morning, she was gone—along with Kasia’s expensive espresso machine, my favorite hoodie, and all the toilet paper in the house. Kasia is furious at me for “mishandling the situation” and says I’ve caused a rift between them. Nadia, now back at her ex’s place, is telling everyone I’m a jerk who “discriminates against Eastern Europeans.”
So, AITJ for kicking out my roommate’s twin sister after she took over my room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t cause a rift between the sisters. Nadia did it by overstepping several times. She wasn’t unlawfully evicted since she was never a legal occupant of the apartment.
Tell Kasia your hoodie plus any of the toilet paper you purchased needs to be returned asap or you’ll find a police report about theft from the apartment which will include the expensive espresso machine.” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do a full accounting of the stuff of yours they’ve taken, and tell Kasia that if it’s not returned you’ll take them to small claims court.
Nadia has no idea what boundaries are ok to push. Taking over someone else’s private space is not ok, and she’s not on the lease and even if she was it wouldn’t be ok for her to be in your space.” Ruining_Ur_Synths
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Neighbor Pet My Puppy While In Training?
“I have a 6-month-old golden mix puppy.
He’s incredibly sweet and loves dogs and people, but he’s often difficult on the leash. He gets distracted easily and sometimes just won’t walk. He is in training classes and doing well, but he’s still a baby and is learning.
For context, I live in an apartment building.
There are often people around the outside of the building walking or taking their dogs out. I took him out tonight to potty before bed and he was being particularly difficult. I could tell he had to poop by the way he was acting, but he also wouldn’t move.
He spotted a man and his lab coming towards us. My puppy was alternating between not walking and pulling me on the leash. I’m getting tired and frustrated. The man comes up to us and asks if the lab can say hi. I said, “I’m sorry but no, he’s in training and being a little difficult today”.
The man says okay and walks away.
I finally get my pup to start heading back towards the main doors but want him to poop before going in. I see a man and his lab standing in front of the main door. Dogs are locking eyes and he’s letting his lab come near us.
I sort of pull my puppy in another direction and get him to go toward the area he usually poops. Man and his lab walk by us anyway. My pup is freaking out because he wants to play with the lab but it’s almost 10 pm and I know he needs to just poop and go to bed. I’m thinking dude can’t you see I’m struggling please walk away with your well-trained adult lab, but instead, he comes closer with the lab.
My dog starts freaking out so I say “I’m sorry, I just really need him to go to the bathroom and he’s very easily distracted”. The man reached out his hand to pet my dog, and I said “I’m sorry, he’s in training I don’t want him to get distracted by people touching him”… man went to pet him again and said “How old?” And I said “6 months” and he says “oh just a baby!”.
At this point, my dog is freaking out with excitement and I’m just very annoyed at this point I pull him closer and say “I don’t want anyone touching him right now.” Man scoffs and walks away. Of course, my dog poops immediately afterward lol.
So awkward because he must live in my building. I feel uncomfortable because I think I was rude but also don’t know why he wasn’t taking no for an answer. I’m also pregnant and very moody so just feel bad.”
Another User Comments:
“Dude needs to learn what “no” and “please leave” mean.
Hopefully, it’s only a problem with cute puppies and not women on their own at night. NTJ” Larry_but_not_Darryl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a lab and did the same thing a few days ago. Only a jerk would not understand and continue to push like that.
This guy is particularly bad since he owns a lab and should know!” Josie-32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dog, your rules. This man needs to understand that no means no, and the fact that he was so persistent sounds incredibly creepy to me. You were far more polite than I would have been—this guy was harassing you and your pup.” PeculiarDandelion
3. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Dad's Fiancée's Kids During Their Wedding?
“My dad and his fiancée Kirsten (both late 30s) are getting married in January. Kirsten has three kids under 8. Dad has me (17m). My mom passed away 11 years ago.
Kirsten’s ex-husband is alive but doesn’t play a role in the lives of their kids (except child support which is taken from his income because he wasn’t paying). Her kids don’t remember their dad so Dad and Kirsten are hoping Dad will become their new dad.
I met Kirsten 4-5 months ago and her kids around the same time and given my age and the fact I was fine with just me and dad. I’m not looking for Kirsten to fill any sort of maternal or motherly role. I also don’t think I’ll be engaging with Kirsten’s kids as a sibling.
This upsets her because she wanted me to be the cool older sibling for them and someone who might babysit on occasion. But mostly someone who’d make a point to spend time with them. But I’m not planning on spending too much time with them.
I have plans for once I turn 18. My dad always knew this.
So this has fed into the whole babysitting the kids during the wedding stuff. Kirsten says since I won’t be 18 when they get married and I’ll still be living with my dad, I should be willing to monitor her kids throughout the wedding.
My dad admitted she’s hoping it makes me a little more willing to be someone special to her kids. I said no when I was initially asked and I was clear with my no. Kirsten told me it wasn’t like I was looking forward to the wedding anyway so why not agree to babysit?
She told me it would give me the chance to bond with her kids. I said no. Dad said he’d pay me to do it. But then Kirsten was saying it would be hurtful if I didn’t do it as a favor to my growing family.
Dad told her it was expecting a little too much. She argued that if I’m there, and still living with him, I should be willing and that I seem so resistant to acting like a sibling that it’s incredibly childish.
There was some more back and forth about it.
Kirsten got really upset when I said it again, as clearly as I could, that I wouldn’t babysit during the wedding. Dad said he’d pay for a sitter but Kirsten said I should really be more willing here. That dad and I don’t have an awful relationship so why won’t I give all this a chance and make the day less expensive and more of a happy memory for everyone?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I would tell Kirsten point blank, right in front of your Dad “You’re marrying my Dad. I do not come with the marriage as a free babysitter for your kids. I’m 17 years old. I don’t need a Mother or siblings.
It is my choice what kind of relationship I have with you or your kids.” Then look at your Dad and say “Keep in mind I will be 18 soon. If you want to remain in contact with me and not have me resent you, I suggest you talk to your future Wife and further drive the point home that I will not be her free babysitter.
If that was a perk she wanted in marrying you, she has misjudged the situation.” Bonnm42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad seems to be on your side so that’s a big plus on his part. The new wife seems to want a built-in family and does not understand that not everyone will warm up to three kids under 8 right away.
P.s I’m just judging her for having 3kids under eight and then having a not-so-great relationship with the ex, AND expecting you to welcome her with open arms when it’s been very obvious that you and dad have been doing well for the last 11 years on your own without your mom.
I don’t begrudge your dad for wanting companionship, but someone with three kids under 8 is a handful.” knit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said no multiple times. Point out to your dad that Kristen’s actions are already causing tension in your relationship. Let him know he needs to shut it down if he doesn’t want things to turn hostile between you, him, and her.” Such-Awareness-2960
2. AITJ For Confronting My Partner's Family About Their Real Estate Investment Strategy?
“We’ve been seeing each other for about 4 months and last night was the first time I met his family. They were nice at first but I couldn’t stand the sight of them at the end of the night.
Dinner conversation was normal as they asked about me and my family.
Then the table was divided into smaller conversation groups and I overheard his older brothers talking to his sister about investing. I’m not an expert so I’ll give you the gist of what I heard.
She’s been out of school for a couple of years has saved up about $75,000 and wants to start investing.
They said property is the best and that section 8 is the way to go. They said that the rent is always paid on time and the people won’t mess up the property because they’re afraid of getting kicked out of the program. They said the best part is that they’ll still own the properties and the value will always go up.
They said they’re developing a small neighborhood with about 10 houses specifically for section 8. All of those houses under 2000 sqft and have 4 bedrooms as section 8 pays higher rates for more bedrooms and smaller houses are cheaper to maintain. They said that it’ll cost them about $100/sqft to build these houses and the rent will be about $4000 per month.
They said that she could buy in on her first rental house next year when they start another development. They’re in the process of closing on a piece of land that will accommodate about 20 houses.
I cringed and then couldn’t keep quiet anymore.
I told them that instead of renting out and keeping those houses off the market, they should sell them to those people. They looked at me quietly and I knew they never considered helping people out by selling the houses they were building. His dad told me I was out of line and I answered that his family was out of line for preying on people in need while feeding off of the taxes people pay.
I said that most people can’t afford to buy a single house yet his sons are building 10-20 at a time which makes them leeches.
We argued for a bit then we left. This morning my partner told me I needed to apologize to his family but I refused to.
We just met after my last class and told me we’re no longer invited to any of his family functions including the Christmas trip back to their old country. Since we’re still in school, his family was going to pay for us so he wants me to apologize and smooth things over.
I know I’m right but maybe I shouldn’t have been so harsh on the first meeting.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“They’re not being slumlords and are building new. They’re renting to people who need government assistance or they’d be homeless, never mind being able to afford a down payment or mortgage.
They aren’t deceiving the government and instead are working with them to build housing that will hold larger families. You have done a high dive into the fallacy of false equivalences by confusing people building new Section 8 housing for government-approved renters with parasitic hedge funds that have purchased tens of thousands of homes during The Crash, and now have a monopoly on housing and are charging the exorbitant rates that force people into eviction, making them eligible for section 8 housing.
Oh – and not everyone wants to buy a house. So, yes OP, YTJ and you put your foot in your mouth, big time. If your partner’s family allows you to apologize they’re kinder than most would be.” MissionHoneydew2209
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Are you a very young and/or inexperienced person?
What you’re suggesting is not at all feasible. People who benefit from the Section 8 program are low-income people with few assets. They are not in a position to rent a good home for themselves so they apply for financial assistance. Section 8 pays the landlord a large part of the rent and the tenant pays what the government determines they can afford.
Standards for Section 8 rental properties are high, so the program puts people in good homes and out-of-slum properties. It is sort of surprising that you have zero awareness of how this works but that is OK. What is not OK is arguing and name-calling. That’s not OK if you’re correct, but when you’re 100% wrong it is extraordinarily foolish.
Educate yourself and do better.” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ First, pushing your opinions into someone else’s conversation upon first meeting them is just so rude. They weren’t talking to you. Your opinion wasn’t requested. Second, while I get where you’re coming from, it doesn’t seem that you understand how Section 8 works.
Where do you think people using housing vouchers will get money to buy a home? They don’t have money for rent! Should these siblings just buy the land, build the homes, and give them away? Don’t give your political views unbidden to people you have just met.
Learn more before talking.” Miserable_Dentist_70
1. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Respect My Independence?
“My (18f) parents (50s) have constantly been telling me I need to be better at keeping in touch with them. I currently have been living on my own for the past 3 months and I have been enjoying my solitude.
I’m the kind of person who enjoys doing things I love whether it is by myself or with friends. I’m comfortable doing things alone.
The issues started when after I moved out. My parents constantly are calling/texting me. I understand from their point of view they just want to talk to me and show support.
My issue is, it feels a bit too much for me. I’ve always been the kind to do things myself and if I want help I will ask. They have been trying to give me tips and pointers on how to live on my own but it’s getting annoying to me.
I want to figure it out on my own and I don’t like extra commentary on things I already know/am going through; it’s just stating the obvious.
Last Sunday, they called and I decided to answer. At first, it was just some small talk here and there but then they asked ‘Why don’t you ever call us?
We are always reaching out but it feels like you don’t want to talk to us?’ I kinda already knew that this is what they would’ve thought so I decided to just tell them honestly. I told them how I don’t feel homesick, I’ve settled in just fine, and I don’t feel like it’s necessary to keep them updated on my life.
They took offense to all of this (expected) and told me how they needed to know how I was doing.
My parents will always ask if I’m homesick yet or if I want to come back home. I’m really happy in my apartment living independently.
It’s getting frustrating for me because I am a very private person. I don’t like sharing a lot about myself. After that phone call, they are texting me saying how I need to keep in contact with them and I need to try reaching out more.
They tell me I need to keep going to church (they’re Mormon I was raised that way but I don’t go and they don’t know that). I just feel like the reason I moved out was so I didn’t have to listen to them anymore on how I need to live and yet it feels like they want to keep telling me how to live.
Some part of me knows they’re just my parents and they care about me, but the other part is so annoyed having them still be breathing down my neck on how I should be living outside of their home, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I get where you’re coming from and your needing some space is normal. Your folks… well they’re worried and they want to know you’re OK and that is normal too. I’m guessing you’re either their first or their last kid? Maybe their only kid which makes it harder for them to let go.
Maybe you need to set up a dedicated time to reach out and chat with them. Maybe every you call let them know how things are going. One hint: Tell them a few little things so they feel like you’re including them and you don’t feel like you’re having to be an open book.
Some minor problem you had that you got solved because you remember your dad telling you how to handle stuff like that. Just, give them a little something. They’ll probably settle down. They just need to make sure you’re not being robbed to death or something.
All the worst fears and nightmares…” Demented-Alpaca
Another User Comments:
“I was going with YTJ until you noted they are Mormon and are concerned that you still need to go to church. With that information, this sounds more like they are trying to keep you in the control of their church and monitor your activities to ensure they approve.
For those of us with religious trauma, it’s an old tale. NTJ.” fiestafan73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I ran into this with my mother, and it escalated to the point that I went to NC (there were other things too but this was the straw so to speak) So let me ask you, how interested were your parents in your life before you moved out?
Were they absent, or maybe overbearing? Or maybe a strange combo of both? Because all of these might be underlying reasons as to why you aren’t super interested in sharing your life with them. If they never cared before, it might seem fake because why now?
If they were overbearing, it might be nice to finally be out of that system and they aren’t giving you time to miss them. If it was a combo of both, you might just need more time to figure things out. All in all, I think it would be good to think back to your childhood and what kind of relationship you had with your parents.
If things are overall, decent you would wanna try to have a talk with them about boundaries and letting go. Not in an “I need you to leave me alone” kinda way, but in a “you raised me well, and I’m excited to find my own feet and place in the world.
I love you but you are not giving me time to miss you. Every time I call you berate me for not reaching out enough, and that makes me wanna call even less. Please give me some time and space to figure things out.” And then you could agree to say… A weekly or biweekly call to catch up.
But there is also a small chance that it’s a symptom of a larger issue as it was with me. Only you will know the answer to that.” Glaucus92
