People Hope For A Good Outcome In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Wanting Space From My Husband After He Spoiled Our Game?
“I (25F) have been playing Baldurs Gate 3 for the first time by myself, completely blind. My husband (26M) is also playing the game, doing a solo run of his own. We typically sit in a Discord call together while we play, as he asks for me to screen share my gameplay since he’s a bit ahead of me.
For context, my husband does not care about spoilers in any sort of media, and it’s been a disagreement between us. I prefer to go into things blind, it makes me feel more immersed and excited as I play or watch. He, on the other hand, doesn’t get affected by spoilers and will usually look things up after he makes a decision or sees something.
He’s just an entirely different person in that regard, and that’s okay!
But, doing things differently like this has caused us issues in the past. We could be watching a show and he would drop small spoilers here and there. While annoying to me, it wasn’t enough to ruin my enjoyment, but I wasn’t happy as I’ve told him that I don’t want ANY spoilers.
If I would like a hint, I will ask. He always apologizes, but it never changes how it makes me feel disrespected when it happens.
And… it’s been happening quite a bit with our Baldur’s Gate nights. It’s enough for me to remind him of my wishes and he stops, but it happens almost every time we play.
Tonight was even worse though.
I’m making progress through my game and reached a certain point he said he was excited to see. I was making conversation, telling him I would be switching out members of my party and moving people around to change things up.
Then he dropped a big story bomb on me, which was the reward for the next mission he was “so excited” to see me do.
While I understand he was just excited, it immediately changed my mood. I’m discouraged, disinterested, and a bit hurt that he’s not respecting my wishes.
He said sorry and got silent after I told him I had to remind him constantly about my no-spoiler wishes. After sitting in silence for about 5 minutes, I saved my game and left the call, also turning my game off.
He came into the room and apologized, but he also had a habit of making excuses for himself and why he did it.
He did correct himself, but at this point I wanted space.
I told him I wanted time alone and not to speak to him for a bit because of feeling disrespected but he insisted on being around me. Even asked if he could fix it.
I told him we may have to play the game separately since he can’t help but spoil it, and I asked him to leave again since I felt overwhelmed
AITJ for making space between us over a game? I’m feeling guilty for my reaction, and I want to continue to share my experiences with him, but I don’t want to risk ruining the game for myself”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This isn’t about the game, it’s about him chronically not respecting your wishes. You specifically explained what the behavior was and why you didn’t like it. He does it again, makes excuses, promises not to do it again, and then does it again, makes excuses, promises not to do it again, and then does it again” BlindOnARocketcycle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I hate to tell you, but he’s not ‘forgetting’. For whatever passive-aggressive reason, he likes to spoil things for you. I had a niece who would do the same thing and then pretend that she was so sorry for ruining the ending of things.
My daughter refused to be anywhere around her when she was reading the Harry Potter series years ago because of all the plot points she gave away. I would need time and space away from someone who did that to me, too.” Ok_Childhood_9774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He knows of your preferences and disregarded them. I think your proposed solutions were reasonable, and it sounds like he is being defensive. It’s just a game and all that, but your partner must have boundaries and respect your wishes to avoid spoilers. It’s pretty easy to adapt to saying “I think you’ll like what’s coming up next” is telling you what happens.
That way he actually can share in your excitement instead of spoiling it. ” Plz_Dont_Gild_Me
19. AITJ For Defending My Mom and Calling Out My Family's Double Standards?
“I (20F) recently went home with my mother (50sF) to visit my grandmother (80) and aunt and uncle (60s F and 70s M).
My grandmother (let’s call her Cathy) is super close with her younger sister Katie.
My mom’s side is from a super small town in the Midwest and we all get together for an event during the summer. This event isn’t just our family, though, it’s a bunch of families from the area who all know each other.
So, two summers ago, (2022) Katie’s daughter, Kristen (I think in her late 30s F), started crying in the middle of the reunion.
She confessed that she was having an affair. The affair partner was AT the reunion already and it turned out he had already met Kristen’s daughter (7F). Kristen’s husband at the time, Jerry, was also there and watched the whole thing go down, stayed quiet, and just left.
This caused a huge blowup in the family. Katie was super embarrassed by her daughter and, at the time, the whole family was furious. However, within a month, everyone accepted Kristen and tossed her ex-husband aside while she moved her AP in with her daughter.
For context, I grew up with both my parents in the service industry. My dad drank used substances, and was overall abusive. My mom was the absolute best growing up and is still my best friend. When my mom finally left him, the entire family told her how it was wrong that she kept me from my father and that she should’ve stuck it out for her marriage and kid.
This is ridiculous as my dad was in and out of rehab, couldn’t hold a job, and treated both of us poorly. I always stuck up for my mom and told the family the truth but they didn’t care.
The actual story starts when we got a Christmas card from Kristen which had her, her daughter, and her AP.
The family launched into a conversation about how wrong it is that Jerry took half the house and half of Kristen’s pension in the divorce. They started to slander Jerry because “he’s just a bartender” and how he was a loser for still working in a restaurant right in front of my mom.
This is when I pointed out that he went back to bartending so he could have time to take care of their daughter since Kristen worked all the time. They said that she was a “single mother” which is simply not true and a slap in the face to people like my mom.
They called me disrespectful but I said that I wasn’t surprised they took Kristen’s side since they had both had affairs with their husbands.
This caused a lot of shock since I wasn’t supposed to know and they had both told my mother in confidence.
My mom looked mad I had said it but my grandma and aunt flipped. They say I’m beyond disrespectful and won’t talk to me unless I apologize.
To clarify: my grandma, aunt, and Kristen’s partners were not abusive at all. They weren’t escaping a tough situation or a bad marriage.
However, the only one who chastised me was my mom.
SO, AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t share any details about what you said except the bartending to spend more time with his daughter bit. With the info given, I don’t understand why your family would accept & look past her behavior.
They’re saying it’s okay to step out on your partners, introduce children before it’s appropriate & slander the partner. Good on you for not agreeing with their banana-rama crazy party.” Little_Lotus_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They sound like terrible “family” members and the fact that having the truth spoken is such a slight should tell them how they treated their partners.
I hope they have not managed to seep into the back of your mind in any way, stay strong. Those kinds of people removing themselves from your life is a blessing, do not attempt to get them back into it. They are poison to any healthy relationship and will destroy yours as well if you give them the chance to influence your life.” koera
18. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Contribute Financially Or Move Out?
“I (35F) have been with my partner (34M) for 4 and a half years. He’s the best guy! He really could be my person. The problem is, we have lived together for about 3 years and he doesn’t contribute to our household. Honestly most of our relationship he has had trouble holding down a job but has managed to keep his current job for a little over a year (even though he threatens to leave it every month).
I did tell him when he moved in, my only rules were that he has to contribute to bills and to be able to maintain his own lifestyle (i.e. his own bills). He does not contribute to our household and is barely doing a good job at maintaining his lifestyle.
His main barrier to being able to contribute to our household is that he currently pays child support to his ex-wife for their 3 children. He is an active father in the lives of his children but he still has to pay child support and that’s just what it is.
He says that child support takes most of his check leaving only pennies to work with. I understand that but there are tons of humans on child support. They also have to maintain their lives and tend to their responsibilities. A lot of people in this world have trouble bringing in enough income, his/ our situation is not special. One solution being that you may to sacrifice some time and work more.
I work full time (and about 20-30 overtime hours per pay period) to make what I need and I’m barely keeping us afloat. He knows this. I also have 2 children that I co-parent with an ex. We share financial responsibilities for our children and are on good terms. We do not have any sort of court agreement, except for the divorce.
I would like him to take his financial concerns to court and see if they could reevaluate his current payments, but I know that is time consuming, may require a lawyer and doesn’t guarantee lower future payments but at least he would be trying.
I’m fed up with doing it alone and being the only person in our relationship to come up with solutions to our crisis.
We are both able bodied, working adults and should be able to do this together. I almost feel like he’s making a choice by not stepping up. I told him if things don’t change by April 1st that we will be re-evaluating our relationship. And I know that I have to be firm.
But he has no where to go and I don’t think his family will let him stay with them. All his siblings are married with families, and have no room. But if he’s not helping me, then I can’t continue to let him stay and keep me financially stagnant.
Also it’s been 4 and half years, because of his financial situation, we can’t really move forward to the next steps of our relationship either. Will I be the jerk for telling him he has to move out?”
17. AITJ For Refusing To Buy $2000 Contacts And Insisting On My Regular Prescription?
“So I [F20] went for my yearly eye doctor appointment today.
My mom came with me because she had an appointment too. I went in looking for definite contacts and I needed them ASAP because I was running extremely low. Immediately when I walked in, the receptionist warned us that all prices had increased. Fair enough, I get it.
Inflation and such.
I have my appointment, my doctor is outstanding. I have Duane syndrome (a rare eye condition) and I had questions about my peripherals. She did an amazing job. Then at the end, she asked me if I wanted to try the latest and greatest blue light protection ultra moisture contacts for 5 days.
She made it sound great, sure I’ll try.
When my appointment is finished the receptionist tells me that those contacts are $2,000. My insurance covers 120 of them. She gives me the same rant about how great they are. I tell her sorry, but I can’t pay for that.
I’m 20 yo, on minimum wage, I also have dental bills to pay and I have to pay for food gas, and college. I tell her “Oh no thank you can I just make the same contacts I had last year”
Then she tells me that I can’t because I have to do the trial first and try those out.
I tell her oh that’s ok I won’t do the trial then. At this point, the receptionist gets a bit flustered and snippy saying she can’t get me any contacts until I finish the trial and called them back. Then my mom stepped in (because I was a bit confused) and asked if I could just get a prescription.
The receptionist gets even pushier about these amazing miracle contacts and how old contacts are “20-year-old technology.” She says they can’t give me a prescription.
My mom then talks directly to the doctor and she says “Well I wouldn’t want your daughter to feel left out if all her friends have these contacts” What world is this woman living in?
First of all, I’m 20, not 13. And why would I talk to my friends about my contacts? Also, my mommy isn’t paying for them, I am! It’s my choice. That was a bit patronizing.
So my mom stood up for me a bit (thanks Mom) and she wrote me a prescription and we left. The receptionist was annoyed at us.
It sorta made a scene. Because they were not budging on buying more expensive contacts my mom had to assertively say “I’m sorry. We just can’t pay that. Maybe another time. Can we just get the prescription?”
I went home and ordered the old contacts for 400 from Costco. Much more within my budget.
So I guess my question is: were they genuinely just concerned about my eye health? I tried to decline nicely the first time. I’m not trying to make her job harder by not understanding pricing. Were we being rude about it?
And also do the eye doctors make commissions?
Because I have never had someone try to sell me something more belligerently in my entire life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t rude at all for turning down those super expensive contacts. It’s normal to stick to what you can afford, esp. when it comes to essential stuff like eye care.
The receptionist and doctor pushing those high-priced contacts on you don’t sound like typical behavior. Good on you for being assertive about your budget and getting what you needed from Costco instead. Sometimes, you’ve just got to stand your ground with these things.” YogiYuccaYell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s outrageous for a healthcare provider to try and force sell high-end products to their patients. You didn’t walk into a fancy retailer and get sticker shock, you went to a medical office for eye care. Receiving a written prescription should be automatic, and having to argue to get one shows clearly that this office isn’t a reputable doctor.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are well within your right to choose what you want for your eye health. Question does Costco sell these super expensive contacts and how much were they there? Can you “shop around with your script I know when I get my script for my glasses I don’t have to get them from the options I went to and can take it to another one if I prefer their frames etc )duckgirl1997
16. AITJ For Keeping My Last Name and Causing Tension With My Fiancé's Family?
“My fiancé (M21, Alex) & I (F22) have been together 6 years, getting married this year. I never cared much about my last name but after some recent family events realized I wanted to keep mine. Alex doesn’t mind and chose to change his last name so we’d match.
Upon finding out, Alex’s parents (Lisa and Luke) yelled at him. Lisa was extremely rude to him, so my parents let him stay with us for the last week of winter break (we were home on break from college and lived a few miles apart).
Lisa and Luke say Alex is destroying & disowning his family, publicly humiliating them, and say I’m stripping him of his manhood. They told us we’re unbiblical, and that women should submit. To them it’s political too – they said the queer community is the reason we’re “susceptible” to this, transgender people are to blame, and “America is in its downfall; this is just another sign.”
Alex has gotten plenty of texts from Lisa, calling him hateful, cruel, and cold, asking how he can let her suffer. The meetings Alex had with his parents went poorly – they told him they wanted to see him and not talk about the name, but then did.
One meeting involved both sets of parents – Lisa and Luke talked 90% of the time before getting up and leaving. They’re mad Alex stayed with us and said even if we go with his name, they’d resent us and my family for supporting us.
Lisa threatened to cut Alex off, and said he wouldn’t get another penny (they had planned to contribute to our wedding, stating there were no strings attached, and they funded his college apartment).
Lisa said this was the worst thing to happen to her since losing her first baby, and that it was worse than if Alex had gotten me pregnant, or killed someone while heavily intoxicated. She’s telling Alex that his grandparents will have to move to assisted living from heartbreak, and Luke keeps telling Alex his choice is hurting people.
Their main reason seems to be that it is tradition and that they want the last name carried on (it’s not an uncommon last name).
I also learned that Lisa borderline tried to talk Alex out of proposing. Alex asked me to marry him anyway, and Lisa called my mom amid the engagement excitement to share her disapproval. They said that they get a say until Alex is married, and that’s when they’ll leave us be.
Lisa and Luke kept texting Alex and my parents but never texted me anything. They openly dislike me now, badmouthing me whether I’m there or not. I’ve decided my relationship with Lisa and Luke is over (it was rocky before as they tried to push their religion onto me numerous times).
Alex is deciding how much more he can give. He hasn’t taken a harsh tone or spoken rudely to his parents, but is tired.
Now his parents say if Alex won’t move back home, their financial support ends. They say the family won’t come to the wedding, and one of his siblings has left the wedding party.
AITJ for choosing not to give into what my future in-laws want, and keeping my name?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, My wife kept her last name, in part because changing last names in today’s era is a pain in the backside. Hopefully, you all can just disconnect from this extended family until they (hopefully) pull their heads out of their backside.
What I’m most curious about is the whole “It’s not biblical” argument they made… some years ago I was giving the Bible a fairly thorough read thought and while I did find a few interesting talking points and tidbits that I keep in mind for certain discussions, I don’t recall last names ever once being mentioned in the whole of the text.” neoprene.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yet somehow it’s not “destroying and humiliating” your family if you change your name…….funny that isn’t it? Well, you are just a woman, so you aren’t that important. These people sound unhinged. You don’t have to give up your own identity because you got married. You know, there are a lot of places where lots of women don’t change their names when they get married (the Netherlands, for one) – you don’t have to have matching names.
It’s more a ‘tradition’ that indicates you are now owned by his family. Their problem seems to be more about Alex changing his name. Why not both just keep your names? You know you gave birth (if you have kids) so they can have his name – who cares?
Do you care if some sad little person is all upset because you didn’t follow the rest of the sheep?” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is some misogynistic BS from the future in-laws. Tell them they are allowed to have their feelings, but you two have made your decision, and you two will not discuss this topic anymore.
If they bring it up, tell them the discussion is over, then leave or hang up. Make sure the fiance is on the same page. Good idea to not be financially dependent upon them.” Icy_Department_1423
15. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor To Keep Her Dog Off My Property?
“My family and I just moved onto a large plot of property. After we moved in, one of our neighbors came over to introduce herself and tell us about her dog.
She said that he likes to roam but would not cause any problems, as he is an old dog with maybe a year left to live. We have two small dogs that don’t go around other dogs, but we have a large, fenced-in backyard where they can roam and get plenty of exercise.
We thought this would prevent any sort of bad encounters between the dogs.
The first month of living here went by without any sort of problem. However, about a month after we moved in, we noticed she had another dog that was roaming around with the older dog.
It would come onto our property and taunt our dogs from the other side of our fence. The neighbor was aware this was happening. I have been outside and watched her stand by and do nothing to stop the dog, even though my dogs were visibly upset.
This morning, the problematic dog was outside again, standing just a few feet from the other side of the fence, when I let my dog out to pee. My dog got startled when she saw it, ran toward the fence, and started barking. As I was on my way out to pick her up, the other dog charged my dog and tried to attack her.
Thankfully, the fence was there to stop it, but it was clear that the dog intended to do damage. Again, the neighbor was outside when all this happened. She just stood by and very gently called her dog’s name as I wrangled my dog up and tried to calm her down.
There was no apology from her. No attempt to wrangle her dog up. No explanation. Nothing.
We ignored it the first few times this happened because 1) we wanted to allow her to amend the situation, and 2) we discovered after moving here that every house on our street belongs to members of the same family.
As the only non-family members on the street, we have wanted to avoid making things awkward. But today, I was livid. We called and let her know that she needs to keep her dogs off of our property from now on. She got upset and said she couldn’t afford to put up any fencing.
We said we didn’t care how she did it, but keep them off of our property and stop letting them antagonize our dogs. She agreed to keep them inside from now on, but it was very apparent that she was angry.
Part of me feels like I should’ve tried harder to resolve the issue first, but another part of me feels like she should’ve been the one to approach me with a way to make things better.
I feel bad that her dogs will have to suffer now because their owner won’t/can’t invest in a fence for them, but I also feel like I have a responsibility to make sure my dogs feel safe. Am I wrong for how I handled it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your property is not her dog park. She had the opportunity to control her dog and did not. Your job to protect your dogs and you did. Stand your ground. Since she cannot afford a fence, she can afford a rope lead and use it to keep her dog on her property.
It will still be able to go outside but not have access to your property.” Suspicious-Work-6790
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she lied about the other dog and she knows as well as you do that all of your neighbors being in the same family puts you in an awkward spot, and she’s banking on that to guilt you into letting her dog do whatever it pleases.
I don’t envy your situation, but you’re completely in your right to ask them to stay off your property.” SwingThatHammer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my neighbor’s dog used to get out and terrorize the neighborhood, to the point that the mailman wouldn’t get out of his truck to deliver packages.
It dug a hole under my fence to get to my dog in the backyard, would be outside my front door preventing me from leaving the house, or would be wandering around when I came home from work at night and I would have to wait in the car until it was gone to get out- at 2 in the morning.
Finally, my ex got tired of it and had a “discussion” with the neighbor about the dog’s future if it came back into my yard. His method of “discussion” was very effective, that dog didn’t step foot out of his yard after that.” 74Magick
14. AITJ For Feeling Hurt That My Partner Didn't Defend Me?
“I (24M) have been seeing this girl (23F) for about 6 months. Last night during an outing we were walking around the city, when out of nowhere a random guy, verbatim, told me to “leave this country”. My first reaction was shock, but I pretty quickly shot back at him to get lost. He laughed it off and didn’t say anything else; the situation didn’t escalate from there.
Overall, I have no issue with how I dealt with the situation; my issue is with the reaction from my partner, or lack thereof.
During the entire situation, my partner didn’t react at all. She didn’t say anything to the guy, or at the very least even ask how I was feeling afterwards.
After I told him to get lost we continued walking to our car and she didn’t say a single word to me about what had transpired. Granted I didn’t show that I was bothered but inwardly I was a little shaken.
I’m not saying that I need my partner to fight my battles for me (I’m more than capable of standing up for myself), and I understand that I’m the “man” in the relationship and she’s the woman, but I can’t help but feel a bit raw over what happened. I think a big part of my issue stems from the fact that if the situation was reversed, I would have spoken up for my partner against a jerk in a heartbeat.
It hurts knowing that the same energy isn’t reciprocated, and like she doesn’t have my back. To me, a relationship is supposed to be a team, ride or die.
After she got home I brought up via text what happened and that her lack of response (and not even asking if I was ok!) bothered me.
At no point was I aggressive or rude about it. She quickly apologized and said that she hated that she made me feel that way. I accepted her apology and that was the end of it. I thought I would feel better after sleeping on it, but I’ve still been feeling pretty down about it all day today.
I’m not mad, and I don’t hold anything against her, but I’m just… disappointed and hurt. I can’t help but look at her a little differently after this.
I want to note this because I know many of you will bring it up, the issue of safety.
In that, she didn’t speak up because she was worried about how the guy would react. I don’t think this applies because after I told the guy to get lost, he just stood there and laughed. He didn’t show any signs of aggression at all and I’m pretty sure that if he wasn’t aggressive towards me, a male, he wouldn’t have been towards her if she spoke up.
Also, during the altercation a woman who was walking behind us overheard and said to the guy that it was ridiculous to have said that to me. Again, he did and said nothing. So I don’t think safety is a valid point here.
Am I the jerk in this situation?
Should I just get over it? ”
Another User Comments:
“Confronting people is scary, and something women are told to not do. Confronting men who are willing to shout out insults on the streets is something women are taught puts them in active danger of physical harm.
Nothing in your description tells me that he won’t get violent if the confrontation continues. You have no way of knowing that and neither does she, but she knows it can happen and has to others like her in the past. You were lucky nothing escalated, but it could have.
When women are catcalled on the streets they’re told to ignore it and leave; so she did. You’re expecting the wrong response. No jerks here” StripedBadger
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I don’t think you’re seeing this from a woman’s perspective.
Random men on the street who are actively hostile are not the kind of people you want to engage with. Especially as a woman. Understandably, she would just want to avoid conflict and keep moving.” gunkus13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Expecting others to act as you expect them to without telling them what you expect is entitled and paranoid.
She may have never been in a situation like this. She did exactly the right thing at the moment. After the altercation, she certainly had no idea what to say or how to act. You holding her to an invisible standard is insane. How is she supposed to know how to react?
I’m sure there was no “What to do when someone you’re with gets harassed” class in high school. Did you prepare her for this scenario? Go over possible scenarios and what you expect her to do. Your dismissive attitude about safety concerns is also the argument of someone who is trying to justify ignorant actions with ignorant excuses.
Somehow, you determined in a split second, that someone comfortable hurling unkind rhetoric will not react violently simply because they haven’t done so yet. Yet you’re confident that he has no other triggers. Or that he is not armed. She should not be around you because you are way too naive to be trusted in volatile situations.
And you’ve never lived with the danger of being female in our culture. Your ex-partner knows that her safest bet is to exit the situation.” AdOne8433
13. AITJ For Refusing To Take Responsibility For Pipes My Great-Grandma Busted?
“I, 21F, live with my great-grandma, 83F. She’s very stubborn and thinks she’s always right, even when she’s very, very wrong. She ran hot water through our pipes when we had weather that was 4 degrees Fahrenheit, which resulted in the pipes freezing and then busting.
Well, I’ve been showering over at my parent’s home, and my father decided to get upset with me, saying I should take responsibility for the busted pipes, even though I explained to my great-grandma why she couldn’t run hot water through the pipes. My father proceeded to tear into me about how I supposedly do nothing to help her out, which is simply not true.
I work a full-time job, and have consistently kept a job since I was 16. I buy my own groceries, I take care of my own expenses, and I pay everything for my animals, and do all of their care. I’m also the only one who cooks and deep cleans the house, run errands for my great-grandma, etc. The only time I’ve ever accepted help from her monetarily was when I had surgery and couldn’t work for three weeks, and my medical leave was unpaid, and even then I kept it to the bare minimum.
My father then proceeded to tell me that I’m an inconvenience to him and my mother and that if I wasn’t willing to take responsibility for the busted pipes, then I wasn’t welcome in my parent’s home anymore. My mom just remained quiet the entire time, and I basically just shut down and told him “Yeah, I understand.
That’s fine.” And then I turned and walked out of their house, not bothering to stick around to shower. I didn’t slam the door or anything, and I just went back home.
Apparently, after I left, my dad asked my mom if he went too far, and she told him he did.
My mom called me three different times, and I only picked up the third time. She basically told me that she was quiet because she wanted me to stick up for myself, despite knowing that I tend to shut down in conflict and have a hard time explaining myself without having a panic attack or speaking out of anger.
I told her that I’d find somewhere else to shower since I’m such an inconvenience and that I won’t bother coming over until my dad actually apologizes for what he said to me, because it was so out of pocket. I genuinely don’t see why I should take responsibility for something that could have been avoided entirely if I had just been listened to.
I normally have a great relationship with both of my parents, but I didn’t realize me coming over just to shower was such a huge inconvenience to my father.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I don’t understand some parents why have kids if you think that they are an ‘inconvenience’?!
I would never say that to my 2 children! They will always be welcome in our home even when they have their own families. It was so incredibly cruel of your father! And your mom should’ve had your back! Both of them are the jerks!
Your dad needs to apologize… I personally have hard time forgiving people, maybe you can. I would never talk to my parents again if they treated me like that. But that’s me, I’m not perfect. Hopefully, the pipes will get fixed in the house and everything goes back to normal for you.
Kudos for not snapping and yelling at your father. You are a much better person than I am!” Curiobizz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You keep finding excuses for your mom. You were standing up for yourself. Walking away from someone who speaks like that to you is a form of standing up for yourself.
It means you won’t take his bs anymore. As for her comment after the fact that you should use your words, you already did. Actions speak louder than words. And she couldn’t even tell him to call you and apologise… she doesn’t really have your back in this because if she did, she would have done something about it, not finding excuses for her just watching him berate you for no reason.” Plenty_Metal_1304
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get where your mom is coming from and you say she’s on your side so I’ll assume she is. However, she is wrong. Wanting you to stand up for yourself is great. I want you to stand up for yourself too.
It sounds like you tried and your dad wasn’t willing to listen. He’s your dad. He’s an authority figure, that’s not the time for her to sit back and watch him go at you like that. I’m not talking bad about your mom, I just think she was wrong in this instance.” One-Confidence-6858
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Childless, Irresponsible Sister To Babysit My Daughter?
“AITJ because I don’t want to allow my 4-year-old daughter to spend time alone with my sister for a weekend because 1) my sister hasn’t demonstrated respect for my authority as a parent, and 2) she’s never watched my daughter before and has no childcare experience?
My sister is 3 years younger than I am and she doesn’t have children of her own.
She has never watched my daughter for even a few hours on her own. She has always been flaky and will make big promises and not follow through, or cancel last minute. She loves her carefree life without kids, she doesn’t pay for her house or her car, doesn’t have medical aid, she spends most of her income on personal care, grooming, shopping, etc. She gets really angry when I cancel plans with her, and I have had to cancel plans in the past, but only because my daughter got sick which often happens because she’s in school.
Last weekend, we spent the day with family and my daughter played with her cousins. My sister spent most of the day smoking and drinking with the adults and never looked after the children. When it came time to go home, my daughter didn’t want the party to end and my sister made all sorts of promises to her, saying that she could go home with her and stay with her for the night, etc. She didn’t talk to me about this before, so I originally took it as an empty promise to keep a preschooler from crying.
But when I confronted my sister and told her that she couldn’t just promise my daughter things and make arrangements for her without checking with me first, she became very angry, disrespectful, and belligerent with me. I had to tell her that she has no right to make decisions for my daughter without checking with me first, and she didn’t agree with me until I said that they could of course do a sleepover, we just had to make the proper arrangements.
You can’t just change the plans willy-nilly, or make promises to a child that you don’t intend on keeping.
I feel deeply disrespected by my sister and feel like she is undermining my authority with my daughter. My husband and I are going through a divorce, and my sister is judgmental and not supportive at all.
Her response to my initial announcement was to change the subject to her relationship status with her on-off long-term partner. I am afraid that if she spends time with my daughter, she will talk badly behind my back or do things that I wouldn’t be okay with.
She also smokes and I don’t want my daughter around that.
My sister just texted me to ask if my daughter, who has never spent a night away from me, can spend the weekend with her. So AITJ for not wanting that to happen right now?
And should I explain myself or just make an excuse and say why now isn’t a good time? My sister can be very combative and I don’t feel up to fighting her as well, I’m already dealing with a lot and trying to hold my head above water.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She crossed the line as she made decisions that only parents can make and the worst part – she proved to be very irresponsible as she was drinking and then offered to take your kid home!? I would never leave my kid with someone who is even a little intoxicated. So I don’t blame you for not wanting to allow your sister to babysit, she now has a long way to prove that you can trust her.” forgeris
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Text back, “Hi sister, it’s sweet that you want to have X for the entire weekend for a sleepover at your house. Unfortunately, that’s not possible. I know that “no” is upsetting to hear. If you wish to spend time with her, you can visit our home for 2 hours on Saturday 2/3 any time between 10-4 pm.
You may not smoke or drink while you are here. ( List rules/boundaries. )If you choose to break any of my rules, I will promptly ask you to leave. If you agree to this, please let me know what time I can expect you on Saturday 2/3.
Thanks “Impossible-Tutor-799
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have dozens of reasons to say no and you don’t even need to give a reason, you can just say “No.” (It’s usually easier that way, then she can’t argue each point. Just keep telling her “No.” “Why?” “It’s what I’ve decided.” It’s very hard to argue with a brick wall of NO.) But you should probably figure out how to help your daughter deal with an adult who frequently makes promises she can’t or won’t keep.
An adult who regularly flakes on plans is a really difficult thing for young children to understand since they’re used to thinking of adults as responsible authority figures. In my experience, it’s unfortunately *way* too easy for them to internalize it and think that somehow, it’s their fault, and you *really* don’t want your daughter thinking that.
I don’t know the best way to handle it, but given that this is likely going to happen fairly often, I’d say it’s worth a session with a child therapist to figure out.” FeuerroteZora
11. AITJ For Defending My Partner Against My Mother's Accusations?
“Today I (21M) had a falling out with my mother (45F) and I need to know your opinion.
So this happened today, the day before my birthday. I leave for work earlier than my partner Ashley (21F), so I never have to lock up our apartment, but I also come home earlier so I have to take out my keys. Each morning I put my keys in the bag and each evening I put them on a table.
This morning I forgot to take them and only realized that when I got home. I was frustrated and called Ashley to ask her to get home earlier. Well, she promised to get home ASAP. She was at her grandmother’s on the other end of the city (about an hour away) and she was busy packing some of her things since she had just moved in with me about 2 months ago.
So I knew that she’d come home about 1.5-2 hours later.
While I waited for her to arrive, I went to a nearby Burger King to get something to eat and spend time somewhere warm and called my mother and told her everything, including that Ashley promised to come home ASAP.
My mother told Ashley to drop whatever she was doing to come home since it’s my cake day tomorrow. Ashley told me about that and sent me my mother’s messages because she couldn’t listen to them and asked me to tell my mother that she was on her way.
My mother tried to be polite, but it was obvious she implied that Ashley was just hanging out with her grandmother and didn’t care about my problem. I didn’t like that and texted my mom to apologize to Ashley. This is where the trouble hit the fan.
My mom got offended and said she was innocent and she was not a little girl to apologize. I told her that I loved both of them and I’d stick up for both my mother and Ashley. This didn’t help.
I reiterated that I asked her to apologize not for the “come home” part of her message but for the obvious implication of her message.
I stated that Ashley asked me not to tell her anything, but my mother was already convinced that Ashley was determined to ruin my relationship with her. After that, I told her once again that I loved both of them and if she felt she needed to blame someone, she could blame me since I started it all.
Her next message was she’s not my mother anymore, I’m not her son and I have to choose between my mother and Ashley. She also stated she was going to get me evicted from my apartment and move into it herself (we have no official lease so it probably isn’t possible, also she lives in another city about 3500 km away).
So, AITJ for sticking up for my partner when my mother implied she didn’t care about me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But put mommy on an information diet. She doesn’t need to know every detail of your life anymore if this is going to be her behavior.
She didn’t need to know about you waiting on Ashley at the restaurant, a situation you caused in the first place, not Ashley. Mommy just showed you that she loves to stir the pot. Take away all ingredients. Information diet.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But ask your mother this – what would she have done if instead of Ashley this was a roommate?
The bottom line is, that your mother has no way to know for sure if Ashley was just hanging out or doing something important. But she did jump to a conclusion against her pretty fast and without any reason. So it does seem that she is jealous of the attention and importance you are giving Ashley in your life and cannot imagine sharing you with another woman.” VioletLily2
10. AITJ For Being Concerned About My Partner's Overspending on His Sisters?
“I (26F) and my partner of 8 years (30M) both come from middle-class backgrounds. We have decided to spend the rest of our lives together and we spend hours talking about how our lives are going to look like in the future.
We usually talk about our finances, housing situation, and things that go along after marriage. We have started investing together as well in some SIPs.
He is doing well for himself and loves to buy things for himself and those around him. He goes on shopping sprees and spends a good chunk of funds, which sometimes I find too much.
I have pointed this out to him, and he says it’s okay for me to tell him to stop when he is spending too much on things he doesn’t need.
However, one thing that I particularly don’t like is when he spends on other people without thinking.
A little background on his family: He has 2 sisters, one of them is married and her husband is well off and does better than my partner. The other sister is unmarried but she has a good job and does well for herself as well.
My partner spends on expensive gifts like designer bags, clothes, latest tech gadgets and gives them to his sisters on multiple occasions every 3rd month.
Every time they go out (my partner, his sisters, and the brother-in-law) it’s my partner who picks up the tab every time. (I am not sure how adamant they are to pay the bill, but I know that my partner thinks it’s his responsibility to pay).
He has even given the unmarried sister his credit card so she can order whatever she can, whenever she wants. The married sister gets these gifts on every occasion. Recently he bought her a very expensive phone on her birthday.
In our culture, the brother needs to give gifts to the married sister on festivals, birthdays, etc but I believe he tends to go overboard.
I don’t mind the gifts, but I believe that it sets us back financially every time he goes overboard.
A little background on me: I have a great job that I enjoy and to get married to him I would have to leave my job and move to a small city with no job prospects, whatsoever.
He is doing well for himself and he works hard but I believe that we need to seriously start saving up for ourselves and our future and spending all those funds elsewhere will only set us back in our financial goals.
I have tried talking to him but he says that it’s his responsibility to take care of his sisters and everyone in the family to the best of his abilities.
He thinks it is not a big deal but to me it is. I have stopped bringing this up because I don’t want him to think I have an issue with him spending on his sisters but it still bothers me every time.
Am I wrong in any way?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. He is free to spend his funds the way he wants, you are free to dislike it. One thing that you could do is sit down, and put in an Excel how you envision spending your funds. What’s the percentage you want to spend on housing, food, savings, gifts, etc, and how much you are spending right now?
If he wants to spend 5% on gifts but is spending 15% right now, that means something has got to give. Talking about funds when you have the numbers in front of you, is a lot easier than talking about hypotheticals. Something for you to figure out: if you can’t agree on this, would this be a dealbreaker for you?” DragonflyOk9277
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand giving gifts when it calls for it. But not going overboard. Both of his sisters are ‘well-off’ from what you said. One has a husband who it seems can afford her the luxuries that your partner is giving.
I am not sure of your partner’s culture, but I think the ‘support’ should end when one is doing just as well or better than your partner. This will always be like this with him. I would suggest separate accounts and seriously consider not marrying him.” MoetNChandon
9. AITJ For Wanting to Leave My Family and Buy My Own House?
“The family consists of mom, female relatives “Patricia (47)”, “Felicia (30)”, and “Arianna (30)”. Dad left us 16 years ago, and Patricia was the second adult providing for the family.
When I was born I was suffocated or something, and was labeled as developmentally disabled. No one in the family ever looked past that label.
Felicia and Arianna always treated me like a joke and excluded me from everything.
Whenever I was alone with either Felicia or Arianna, she’d bully me. Past 2009, whenever I told Mom what those two did to me, she would do the same thing to me.
Mom only saw me as disabled and incapable of anything, and wouldn’t even bother to raise me. I never had a chance to grow.
My school closed down and Mom put me in an ABA institution afterwards. The staff there made me completely regress, but Mom assumed the disorder was why.
I suffered a mental health crisis when I was 10, which got me in a hospital. Mom only blamed the disorder, so the staff who mistreated me were allowed to continue. Mom also grounded me for making her miss a day of work because of my “little attitude”.
The big rule at the institution was to Just Follow Directions™. If no one told me to do a thing, I should never do it until I’m told. If someone made me uncomfortable, I still needed to just follow their directions. At home, I stopped asking Mom for necessities.
I quit showering and doing laundry as that was being a good kid, being out of the way. I eventually smelled horrible, which was blamed on the disorder. Also, when I finally dared to ask for new necessities again, Felicia and Arianna would find it so funny that some less capable person would want something so mature that even they would use it.
Mom and Patricia found it funny as well, asking why I suddenly want to be so “fancy”. I finally got back on track with hygiene when I was allowed to shop alone, as I was able to buy anything without judgment and hide it after I bought it.
From late 2018 to mid-2020, Mom treated me much worse than usual. Much much worse. To this day it’s really hard to talk about.
In 2021, Mom crossed yet another line, one that I also refuse to write about. I was so offended by how the family treated me that I impulsively changed my whole name without publishing, but a slip-up revealed my name to Felicia and Arianna.
They of course found it funny and were belittling towards me. They’ve treated me this way about my name forever.
Now, Patricia has terminal cancer and is dying. If a new house is bought, it will be in Felicia’s name. Felicia is extremely petty and will force me to comply with her as she owns the house.
That’s just how she is. I’ve been working harder since Patricia’s cancer diagnosis to avoid this (and it paid off!).
Is it justified to leave them with nothing or should I forgive them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…oh honey, I am so sorry you have endured this from people who are supposed to love you.
If you can, get your place and never look back. You do not need these people in your life. Move and go no contact. Of course, you are justified to leave an abusive situation and people who have had nothing but mistreatment for you. You do not owe them anything.
Say this to yourself…” I am worthy. I am deserving. I am beautiful. I am strong. I can do this”. Every single day you say this to yourself until you believe it and even after.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t hesitate to get out of there if I had as much as the prospect of a decent fridge box to live in, much less a whole house.
You do not owe those horrible people anything, no matter how sick they are or how much you are related. ABA is now recognized as an abusive “treatment” of people with autism in most of the civilized world. It is not strange that you broke down under that regimen of horror.
From your writing, you do not present as the least bit mentally “less than” I think you have been repressed the most of your life. I hope you go ahead and get a house, and make the most of your life. Best of luck with it, and don’t look back.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t sound like family (well they do, but you know what I mean). Family can treat you way worse than strangers. If they apologize, you can accept that but don’t forgive them unless you feel it was a real apology and you do want to forgive them.
Not sure how you’re going to buy a new home though? Are you expecting your mom’s estate to go to only you? Then sell the house and buy another one elsewhere? You might want to rethink or check that. She may have a will that does not have you as a beneficiary (she sounds like someone who would do that), and depending on country/state Patricia, Felicia, and Arianna could be considered to be financially dependent on her (so can claim the estate).
if you have your own funds, then by all means, free yourself completely from them and enjoy your life without even thinking about them anymore.” Arkayenro
8. AITJ For Refusing To Work For Free At My Mom's Store And Asking Her To Pay For Groceries?
“I (18f) am I guess refusing to work with my mom in her new store during my gap year.
So a bit of background, my parents are divorced, I live with my mom and we’ve always struggled with funds. A year ago she and my stepdad decided to open a store. This sadly left my mom unemployed and mostly helping and relying on my stepdad for the entire year, before they opened.
About 3 months before the opening I was helping out whenever I could and it went unpaid. My mom told me that after the store opened I would start getting paid.
So after they opened, I worked for about 3 weeks before my mom told me that she simply couldn’t afford to have me as an employee.
Side note my parents have pretty much moved out of their own house because they’re at the store so often and I’m essentially living on my own now.
The following Monday after pretty much getting fired, I had an accident and broke my leg. Now I was already planning on finding a different job, me breaking my leg essentially ruined all of those plans.
I have a small babysitting job which also went out the window because I can’t take care of a kid like this. I’m also currently waiting to find out if I need surgery or not.
Right after me breaking my leg my partner came over and pretty much helped kind of take care of me.
During this, he took me to the grocery store and I quickly realized I was spending most the of funds that I had. (I was broke from the holidays and my mom hadn’t paid me my full paycheck from the last week) So I called my mom and asked if she could pay for the groceries since I wasn’t going to be able to make any funds for a while and it’s not like I moved out on purpose.
At hearing this request my mom got pretty upset and called me selfish and just a whole bunch of other things, how when she was a teenager she had to go get a job and support her parents and I haven’t done that, and now that I’m 18 I should be able to support myself and do things on my own.
She also said that she initially expected me to work at the store for free for the first couple of months up until the store got popular then I would start getting paid.
I understand all of this, I just don’t have a way to make income right now, as an injured high school graduate with no real experience.
The store in general has caused more fights between us. She’s been unnecessarily rude when I made a mistake or when I was 10 minutes late on my first day. Honestly, it’s just really made me miss the way that she used to be with me.
I feel like now I don’t do anything but disappoint her and I just don’t want to be a bad daughter but I don’t see what I’m doing wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “Work for free for a few months until the business picks up” is something that business owners do.
They expect to make funds in the future, and their work now is an investment. Sounds like your mom expects you to invest your labor in her for free, as part of the “you’re family” deal. Which is a bit grasping, but OK. But she has unreasonable expectations of what you should be able to do starting on your own with a broken leg!” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And try to find a counter job for like a year once you’re back on your feet. The experience can lead you to a career that’ll help you grow and have options in case of unforeseen circumstances. Receptionist work doesn’t seem to look for what they used to, so just having phone etiquette and time management seems to get most people the job nowadays.” MotherBike
7. AITJ For Confronting My Cousin's Husband for Dragging Me into Their Arguments?
“I (19F) am currently still living at home with my mother, but a lot of my time is spent with my partner (21m) who has his place.
He lives a couple hours away from me and has a good job so when I go visit him I stay for a few days at a time.
I have three best friends: Maddie, James, and Jessica. Maddie and I are cousins and have been incredibly close since childhood, making her one of my absolute best friends.
We met Jessica in high school. James is Maddie’s husband.
My partner and I have decided to move in together which means I’d be moving 2 hours away. We all met at Maddie and James’s, and I broke the news. They all took it fairly well and we had a small party.
Maddie and James argued because James wanted to take his truck somewhere, and Maddie said no because he’d been drinking. This particular argument escalated, James got mad and said something I don’t recall to Maddie, and Maddie responded with “Who the heck are you talking to?”, and James looks between me and Maddie, and goes “I’m freaking talking to both of y’all!”.
I was not shocked. They argue in front of me and Jessica and drag one or both of us into it a lot. I would like it to be known that we don’t ever intervene, insert ourselves into these arguments, or even speak when they’re had, and we always ignore it.
I told James that I hadn’t said a single word since they started arguing, and he had no reason to speak to me like that. I did not yell, I did not say anything more. He got up and went to their bedroom, and Maddie defended him.
Maddie tells me that it’s not that serious and that’s just how he is, but I wouldn’t know that because you’re never around anymore. She said that I’m just uncomfortable with it now because I’m not here as much as I used to be.
I’ve always been uncomfortable with it.
Jessica and I used to be at Maddie and James’s place at least 4 days a week because Maddie’s a SAH wife and she doesn’t like to be alone. James would come home, they would argue about something, they’d drag Jessica and/or myself into it, or they’d blame us for the argument, and we’d both just sit there and shut the heck up.
I didn’t just stop coming around because I got a partner. I stopped coming around because it just became a hostile environment, and now I constantly catch flak from Maddie because I stay with my partner.
I told Maddie that I was leaving soon and I wanted to have a good night with everyone, and that’s difficult when I’m being dragged into their arguments.
She got mad and told me that because he’s her husband, she has to have his back no matter what, that’s just the way he is, and she isn’t going to make him change the way he acts because we’re all in their house.
Maddie seems firm in where she stands. She doesn’t believe she or James did anything wrong because it’s their home and they’re allowed to behave how they want, and that I was disrespectful for saying what I said/being upset.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And your cousin is in a toxic relationship. But of course, she refuses to see it because she’s “used to it” and “that’s just how he is”, which does not make it okay by any standard. And their marital issues should not be taken out on you.
James seems to think it’s okay to bully women, I wonder if he’d dare to speak to you like that in your partner’s presence. But I doubt he would.” ThornedRoseWrites
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Remove yourself from that drama. Let Maddie know that you are there for her, should she ever need you.
But never, ever let James speak to you like that again. If Maddie wants to be treated like a doormat, that is her choice. But you do not have to subject yourself to that kind of mistreatment.” letsberealyall
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Cousin's Child For Free Anymore?
“I (21F) am a part of a large family with our fair share of issues. My cousin (27F) is one of those golden children of the family.
I used to idolize this cousin because she was the cool babysitter who made life interesting and made me feel cool by proxy. She even made my first prom experience an amazing one by paying for a set of nails. It all came to an abrupt halt when she started treating me differently and my immediate family after she dropped out of college and moved back home permanently after years of closeness.
She stopped visiting and talking with us at family events. She even skipped birthdays and my graduation without a word unless my mother called, which made it hard for me to adjust to this sudden contact relationship.
Fast forward she now has a step-son and a bio son (2) with her husband, with the two-year-old being babysat while both parents work during the week (one an electrician and the other a retail store worker as well as a cheer coach for her old cheer team) by our grandmother (71F).
Grandma’s husband was diagnosed with cancer. It has been difficult to face the truth but the real problem lies with the babysitting, where my cousin’s son has still been going to our grandmother’s home to be watched. My mother and I were unaware of this until we found out that my step-grandpa was officially put on hospice and grandma confessed that she was still watching the two-year-old.
My mother and I had serious concerns about my grandmother not being able to spend the final moments with her husband. I am unemployed, and as such volunteered for my grandma to watch him instead, getting back to my aunt (40+) and cousin. I am capable and willing to take care of him at my newly leased apartment with my partner (24M) for two days and see how things go.
My cousin never got in contact with me during this stage, not until the day of, and texted to see what was happening but not much else. My cousin lives only a minute or so away from my new place, but it was my aunt who had to drop him off at 5:50 AM on Thursday and Friday.
This put a strain on my partner who has varied shifts (opening to close), who revealed that we shouldn’t babysit unless there is payment. I disagreed at first. I felt uncomfortable about requesting payment because of the family situation and I wanted to help my grandmother (I still can remember how thankful she had been when I agreed, I’d hate if they sent her back to babysitting instead of me).
My partner couldn’t believe they weren’t paying or offering payment like others before me.
I ended up talking to my cousin and informed her that I didn’t know if I could keep babysitting as I should be hearing back about a job soon and that the early drop-off time was affecting my partner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s too much, it’s too much. You will want to watch out for grandma, who has her hands full with her husband in hospice and has a hard time saying no—but also remember your cousin doesn’t just get one or the other of you.
You have every right to step in and tell her that grandma is off limits and get the family to back you up on this. A toddler is a lot for a 71-year-old woman to handle by herself—it gets harder to carry kids around as you get older, and at that age, you have to—but with a husband in hospice it is outrageous of your cousin to even ask this of her.
Cousin and her husband can make other arrangements.” Auntie-Mam69
5. AITJ For Letting My Med School Partner Explain Puberty To My Half-Sister?
“I (21f) currently share a house with my stepmom and half-sister Carrie (11f).
My dad passed a couple of years ago and he left the house to both me and my sister so since my college is under an hour’s drive away I live at home. My stepmom and I split the bills 50/50 but buy our own groceries.
My stepmom has been in my life since I was 8 (my mom passed when I was 3). She is OK but rather old-fashioned. She is very strict on how boys and girls shouldn’t be too close (no, she is not religious; this is more of her values).
Carrie is very sheltered and has never been to any sleepover when there was a boy involved or participated in any traditionally boy-dominated activity. All her life Carrie’s doctor has been one of her female distant cousins on my stepmom’s side as my stepmom feels uneasy with her daughter having a male doctor.
Carrie’s a sweet kid and although we’re not close because of our age gap we do love each other. My stepmom, fortunately, has never tried to restrict what I do. My mom’s family is very liberal and is active in my life.
I have a partner Matt (25m) who’s in med school. Several days ago my stepmom asked me to watch Carrie while she visited a friend and I said OK. My partner on his rare downtime stopped by to hang out and we just chilled and had snacks in the living room.
Carrie came to us and asked to talk about her period. I asked her if she would like to only talk to me but she said she didn’t mind. I then explained all I knew but when she asked the more medical info I kinda turned to Matt and he stepped in and helped. Carrie asked a lot of questions that required Matt’s med school knowledge like hormones, how they will affect her growth, what symptoms she should watch out for, and those kinds of things.
She even asked about birth control and again Matt helped with the explanation. We searched for videos on the internet to help explain a few issues as well. In all, Matt and I thought it was an excellent afternoon. Carrie was more informed and confident by the end of it.
Later, my stepmom learned that Matt gave Carrie “the talk” and she blew up. She said she didn’t doubt Matt’s knowledge but it was wildly inappropriate for me to let Carrie talk about this topic with a man when I know how she felt.
She said a man, no matter his credentials, doesn’t deserve to know her daughter’s most private info like that. She said she planned to have Carrie’s doctor give her the talk anyway. I said it was fine and I was also there but she simply said she’s Carrie’s mother and next time I plan to do something like this I need to inform her first and she will decide if Carrie can take part in it or not.
I mean, she IS Carrie’s mother so I wonder if I overstepped and should have told Carrie to wait to ask her mom instead? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister approached you. She took advantage of the fact Matt was there to ask him a lot of questions.
Good for him for earning her trust. She’ll grow up to not judge doctors by their gender. She’ll also see it’s a good idea to talk to doctors in general. Mom isn’t going to have this iron hold over her forever.
It’s not a horrible thing this is happening at this age in your sister’s life.” TKyzr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ!!! She asked. And by the sounds of it, she asked some very wise questions. I bet she was strategic about it because she knew she wasn’t going to get the info she wanted from her mother or her current Dr….
Or she knew she would only get a heavily censored version from them. Your sister needs solid support who she can trust and talk to and it doesn’t sound like her mother is that person. You have to be. She’s lucky to have you.
You should make it clear with your sister that although her mom doesn’t agree you will always be there for her and answer honestly to the best of your ability. You sound like the best big sister.” krfc87141721
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If the information was factual and was what your sister needed to understand it doesn’t matter where it comes from.
How is that any different from a female who needs to explain puberty to a boy? It is also covered in many schools, and you don’t get to choose if you have a male or a female teacher for that one. Also that you were still there (and possibly learning along with your sister) means that this had the supervision of a female, your sister was not left alone with a male.
It is wonderful that your sister trusts you enough to ask you these types of questions.” Humble_Scarcity1195
4. AITJ For Being Short With My Roommate's Partner Who Is Disruptive?
“I (24M) am recently out of college and am renting a house with two other guys. One of them is the homeowner’s son. His significant other is over more days than not. She frustrates me and I seem to be the only one who openly feels this way, so I’m wondering if I’m being a jerk because it’s started to impact how I talk to her.
I want to note that outside of these concerns, she can be kind and fun to be around.
She works remotely she works from our house two or three days out of the week and usually stays over Saturdays and Sundays. She takes 3 – 4 baths a day.
When she stays over she’ll get up around 5 AM to take her first bath before anyone else gets up, which is considerate. The problem is that the bathroom is near my room and the tub is loud so it usually wakes me. Some nights she’ll take a bath at 12 AM or 2 AM if she can’t sleep which again, wakes me up.
Then she’ll take a bath for so many other reasons. When she’s stressed, if she has a headache, she’s bored, her stomach hurts, she’s anxious, etc. I don’t want to shame her, I’m sure most people take baths to cope with certain things. But that much is frustrating when there’s only one bathroom.
I was sick a few weeks ago and told everyone I’d need the bathroom and said I’d disinfect it after each use. That supposedly wasn’t communicated to her, so twice that day I had to rush outside to hurl because she was in the bath.
That was very frustrating and I made that known.
Her significant other’s room is on the other side of mine and she is very loud at night. If her significant other isn’t home she’s talking on her phone loudly, if he is home they’re watching TV or movies loudly, and on the weekends she has a few drinks and either she becomes super giggly, loud, and social, or depressed and cries… loudly.
I’ve asked them to keep it down. They’ll do better for like, a day, and then go back to being loud. Between this and the bath issue, I’m exhausted more days than not.
She messes up our kitchen system. Each roommate has a cabinet and a shelf in the fridge.
When she’s over, things will get moved from my space to her significant other’s, or vice versa. For essentials that everyone uses (milk, eggs, whatever) I don’t care, but I have to eat a gluten-free diet so I have to be careful and this makes it slightly harder.
I’ve asked her to be more careful and have told her it’s so I don’t end up sick and my food is generally more expensive.
Over the last couple of months (and multiple civil conversations about these issues) I’ve just kind of had it. I’m not mean to her, but I am admittedly short.
When she asks me things my responses are usually “yes” or “no” I’ve stopped initiating conversations for the most part. She and her significant other confronted me about this and I said it’s because I’m frustrated at her 99% of the time. They’re saying I’m a jerk because my shortness is making her feel unwelcome.
I told them my demeanor probably won’t change until she/they start being more considerate. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but dude, I would move out. Not sure what your lease situation is but this is not going to get any better. It’s the homeowner’s son’s significant other and I don’t think they care about your frustrations because the homeowner is not going to be on your side here.
It’s been months and for your physical and mental health, you need to get out of there. All of it is annoying but the foodstuff is unacceptable.” xristovna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she sounds like a nightmare to live around and no one else says it because they’re either biased or too scared of a fallout.
she needs to either be a better house guest or just learn to deal with your shortness if she’s gonna keep acting like that” dummythiccbish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Did you sign a lease when you moved in? If not, I’d look for other accommodations.
3 to 4 baths a day is ridiculous. As you found out while sick, what happens when she’s hogging the bathroom all day/night? If you’re splitting bills like electric etc I’d definitely be asking her to pay a share. Especially since she’s around so much.
If you are locked into a lease I’d look at ways to break it. Also, read the lease in its entirety and figure if you have any recourse through that. You shouldn’t have to continually be disrespected in your own home.” RocketteP
3. AITJ For Leaving My Kids With Friends Who Agreed To Babysit?
“We recently took a vacation with friends, Bill and Jane.
We have 2 kids aged 10 and 14. Bill and Jane also have 2 kids, aged 9 and 11. At an early point in the trip, Bill and Jane said that they wanted to go out to dinner without their kids, so we offered to watch them. There was no agreement on a timeframe, and our friends ended up being out for about 3.5 hours.
Toward the end of the trip, my wife and I wanted to do our own “no kids” outing, so we signed up for a one-hour spa treatment. Jane was interested in doing this as well, and she booked the time slot immediately before ours. We asked Bill if he would watch the kids while we were out.
He said that it would be no problem since he would be at the house with his kids anyway. Jane said that she had concerns about the plan, because Bill would have to come to pick her up from her appointment, and he would bring their kids with him.
This would result in my kids (ages 10 and 14) being at the house alone for 30 minutes. I said that I would be ok with it since my older child was responsible, it was the middle of the afternoon, the house was in a safe area, and our older child regularly watched our younger child.
There was no further discussion at that point.
Jane later decided to cancel her appointment. She told us that she was canceling her appointment, but she never said that she or Bill was unwilling to babysit for us.
On the day of our appointment, we made sure that our kids would not need anything while we were out.
We told Bill and Jane that we were leaving, and we left at the same time as originally planned. We were gone for 2.5 hours. Upon returning to the house, Jane was angry with us, called us “rude,” and made condescending comments about our parenting. When we asked her to explain, she said that they didn’t agree to babysit for 2.5 hours, that she would “never” leave kids at a rental house during a vacation, and that we should have confirmed the exact times that we expected them to babysit.
We said that they had agreed to babysit, that our kids were never alone at the house (but we would have been ok with it for a short time if necessary), and that there was no agreement for specific times when we watched their kids – so she was being a hypocrite to say that we should have been required to set specific times with them.
More importantly, we were extremely transparent in scheduling everything. They knew that the original plan was for us to be out from about 1:00 p.m. until about 3:30 p.m. (or about 2.5 hours) because Jane was originally going to be with us for part of that time.
As a result of the argument, I apologized for any miscommunication, but I also said that they were out of line and owed us an apology. They refused to apologize. We haven’t talked to them since the trip.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: this couple didn’t communicate to you that they were unwilling to babysit your children for the short time you were away from the house.
You told them you were leaving, which would have been an opportunity for them to clarify any questions or concerns they may have had with your plans. They didn’t do that. Assuming that there were no other issues between your two families on this trip, Bill and Jane are the jerks here and had no right to criticize your parenting.” Calm_Tune_2586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jane is a user. She expected that you would babysit for her but she was unwilling to return the favor. She just thought you existed to give her free babysitting or what? And she was very blatant about it too! If the friendship ends, that’s probably the right answer.” Reasonable-Sale8611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they did agree to babysit. Plus they’re obligated to return the favor! Jane’s being entirely ridiculous. As in the notion that a 14-year-old can’t watch their sibling for 30 minutes in a rental house is silly, provided you have a way of being contacted and the house is secure what’s the issue?” Remarkable-Intern-41
2. AITJ For Tipping My Tattoo Artist $60 and Having a Conversation With Her?
“A few weeks ago, my (20M) partner (20F) got a tattoo at a new shop for us. She had 150 dollars and wanted to do a walk-in. I gave her an extra 150 because I wanted her to be able to get a nicer tattoo.
She got her tattoo, it cost 220, she tipped her artist 20 bucks, and she pocketed the rest. I went to the shop the next day to talk to someone about an appointment, and I set up an appointment with the shop’s apprentice. She is a younger woman, who’s only been tattooing for a year.
I came in a few weeks later, and my partner insisted she come with me. So I brought her with me, walked in, and the artist started showing me the design she made for me, which I LOVED. My partner chose to stay in the lobby while I got the tattoo done.
So I sit down in the chair. And my artist strikes up a conversation. She asks the meaning of the tattoo, and I explain it, I notice a Berserk painting, so I start a conversation about Berserk. About twenty minutes into the tattoo, I got a text from my partner, which said, “Will you stop yapping?
She doesn’t wanna hear your life story”. This bothers me a bit but she’s just sorta like that, so I apologize and sit quietly for a bit, but then the artist started asking about if I’ve read a certain comic book. And we start conversing again.
About 10 minutes after that when the outline of the tattoo is done, the artist gets up to go grab my partner out of the lobby, and she’s asleep, with her hands covering her ears. She came back and explained, and I said, “She did say she was tired, I feel bad for dragging her along” despite her wanting to come with me.
Before this next part, I will note that during the conversation my artist brought up that she had a wife, so she was married, and not into dudes.
After the tattoo is finished, I go out there and wake her up as I’m about to pay for the tattoo, and the artist told me it would cost 160.
I was under the impression it would have been more of a 250 tattoo, so I tipped sixty dollars because the art was amazing, she was very quick, and the conversation she kept with me made me almost forget I was getting tattooed in the first place.
Once we get back to the car, my partner loses it and essentially explains that a 60-dollar tip is for if you’re trying to get with your artist, and that I needed to shut up because the artist didn’t even care and that I NEVER try to talk to her about the things I talked about with the artist (I have tried, she just has blatantly expressed annoyance and disinterest in said things), and even said that she was hoping I saw her hands covering her ears because it was so annoying for her.
It’s been three days now, and she is still reminding me that I essentially was unfaithful to her by tipping that much. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner is a massive one. She essentially tipped the artist less than 10%. Also, she mouthed off about talking.
TALKING! I got a tattoo 5 weeks ago and my artist talked to me the entire time. We had a ball. We talked about spouses, artwork (I’m an artist as well, just not a tattoo artist), movies, politics, and whatever we felt like at the moment.
Your partner needs to get a grip. Why are you even with someone who has no interest in learning about things you like? Do NOT get her name tattooed on you. She won’t be around that long… if you’re lucky.” Finnegan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I would say it depends on the length of the tattooing. $20/$25 per hour is fair, so depending on the time $60 could be a little high, but it’s not being unfaithful to your partner. And if your partner shows annoyance and disinterest when talking about such things she can’t complain when you talk about stuff you’re interested in with other people.
Your partner is out of line because if she’s a lesbian then she doesn’t have any interest in you romantically, and you were just making conversation.” Agitated-Country-969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has multiple family members and friends who are artists of one stripe or another, thank you!
This is how you show real support for an artist. If they quote you a certain amount for their work and you believe it’s worth more, do it, tip them that extra amount. All it shows is your appreciation for the work they’ve done. As for your partner, are you sure you want to be with her?
From the little bit of info you provided it sounds like you two don’t share much in common.” Wraithowl
1. AITJ For Attending A Friend's Wedding Without Informing Another Friend?
“My former neighbor (Bee 28f) and I share a friend (Elle 30f) who recently got married. We all used to live in the same vicinity but only started getting close post-health crisis and after everyone had to move out for safety reasons due to us being located in a city.
Bee and I have gotten pretty close since then, traveling together once a year. This included Elle up until two years ago.
In 2022, Bee and I flew over to visit Elle (and her younger sister Mimi 28f + other friends in the area), who we were staying with.
I’m also pretty close to Mimi but she isn’t close to Bee. One night, we were all at Mimi and her partner’s place and decided to play Pictionary while in a relaxed state. However, Elle was really tired and decided to dip out early. I thought Bee would be going back with her but she stayed despite not knowing Mimi and the partner long.
This made me and our hosts pretty uncomfortable because she stuck to me all night and cracked jokes about how ugly our drawings were turning out. I don’t think they were meant to be malicious but Mimi mentioned afterwards she definitely felt like Bee overstepped her boundaries because they barely know each other.
Before I go further let me say that Bee is a good person – like a REALLY good person. She’s very empathetic, morally upstanding, and always available to help when someone is in need.
I usually love sarcastic humor but Bee started jokingly to give Elle’s now husband crap for not knowing facts about his favorite movie right and also (jokingly) judged him for his taste in rock music because she loves Kiss and he didn’t.
That was her brand of humor the entire trip. This can get a bit irritating at times even for me as she’s critiqued me for my sleep schedule (I’m a freelancer) or my dedication if I don’t want to catch up to a book/manga as fast as her.
The next day we all went for dinner with Mimi and her partner, where Bee once again openly criticized the food for not being as good as where she’s from. She said several times she was joking but Mimi ended up faking sick and leaving the restaurant because she was done.
Since then, Elle has been speaking less to Bee, to which she has expressed her frustration to me. But Elle specifically asked me to keep quiet as she told me she wanted to have a heart-to-heart with Bee herself. Well…she got married and it hasn’t happened yet.
They’re both adults so I figured I was a third party and I’d let them figure it out amongst themselves but after coming back from the wedding I feel complicit in some mean girls-esque you can’t sit with us stuff. Apparently, other friends have slowly disappeared like this from Bee’s in the past so she has a huge affliction to it and gets completely defensive even when a friend wants to disconnect for themselves for a bit.
At this point, I don’t know if Elle will ever actually speak to Bee again. Not gonna lie, I’m feeling pretty dumb for going to that wedding now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not surprised Elle didn’t invite Bee to her wedding, it sounds like Bee would have ‘jokingly’ criticized the whole event and been unpleasant to anyone she was sat near.
That’s also not your problem and I think you were right to attend the wedding and support Elle, even though Bee wasn’t included. You say Bee is empathetic, but she clearly has no idea that she’s alienating people when she makes fun of them. Have you ever mentioned this to her?” LadyCatTree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You couldn’t possibly have skipped one friend’s wedding because that friend has drama with another one of your friends. You are rightfully staying out of it and if Bee needs an explanation, she can get it from Elle. I do want to respond to this though: *Bee is a good person – like a REALLY good person.
She’s very empathetic, morally upstanding, and always available to help when someone is in need.* Those qualities of Bee don’t mean she’s perfect and can’t do anything wrong. I just recently had a realization with a close friend that if I took away my usual thought of “but she’s a really good person” and just evaluated her other behavior by itself, she actually wasn’t a very good person at all.
She was someone who can be really great to people *when she wanted to be*, but had no problem with treating people very poorly on a regular basis. Just something to think about.” yellowandblues
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for going to the wedding. But YTJ for your behavior in general. I don’t understand what the problem was on the trip you mentioned. Why shouldn’t Bee have stayed longer at the gathering, just because Elle was leaving?
Apparently she was having a good enough time and could leave with you, so what was the problem? Sounds like people overreacted to her behavior the rest of the night because you were all too relaxed. And what’s your excuse for not saying anything later?
Since it sounds like you didn’t like Bee’s behavior the next day, or on other occasions, why haven’t you had your own “heart-to-heart” talk with her? And when Bee was frustrated at Elle’s pulling away, why didn’t you just say, “You should talk to her about it, not me.” As you say, the relationship between Elle and Bee is their business, not yours.
Elle can invite whoever she wants to her wedding, that’s fine. You are free to go or not. But of course when Bee finds out she’ll be unhappy, and you’ll have to deal with that. You especially, if Elle isn’t speaking to her anymore.” stroppo
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