People Want Us To Weigh Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories Honestly
21. AITJ For Wanting My Sister-In-Law To Remove The Christmas Stocking She Put Up For My Baby?
“I (F) have been with my husband Todd for 3 years.
He has a son (9) from his late wife. Todd is pretty close to his sister Monica. Their mom’s deceased and Monica has basically taken over. She’s nice to me and all but she seems to be a bit controlling especially when it comes to Todd.
But that wasn’t a real issue until after I got pregnant. After we found the gender of the baby (boy) she insisted on the name ‘Tommy’ but I refused because I already had a name in mind. Todd loves it but he chooses to stay out of the fight saying maybe we should just let Monica call him Tommy.
I refused and asked her to please respect me and the fact that I’m the mom, not her and she said okay.
Like always, she’s hosting Christmas for the family this year and invited me and Todd to Christmas dinner. I was intending on coming that is until I discovered that she hung stockings with her kids’, nephews’, and nieces’ names and hung a ‘Tommy’ stocking saying that it was for my son.
I was livid. I lost it on her and there was a huge fight. I told her I wouldn’t be coming to her Christmas dinner if she didn’t remove the stocking or put the real name and then I left.
Todd started yelling at me when we got home saying that I was attempting to ruin an important family tradition by refusing to come and said that I was overreacting and could not be telling his sister what she should or shouldn’t do in her own home.
He tried to convince me to come but I said no. Not until she removes that stocking and it doesn’t look like she’s going to do it cause he spoke with her and he’s now mad at me for ‘making a huge deal out of it’.
Her husband Philip who’s usually nice to me called yesterday saying that he spoke with Todd and he’d be devastated if I cause ‘the family’ to miss the event at Monica’s house and ruin it not only for the adults but for the kids as well since my stepson loves spending the holidays with his cousins.
Todd has been quiet and the only way we communicate is through Philip. I feel ashamed. Maybe I overreacted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your husband and SIL are. SIL decided to name your child. What kind of entitlement is that? She has no saying what you name your child, and your husband is not backing you but her.
Tell her that she can only see your son Tommy and since you don’t have a son named Tommy she’s never going to see your child. If you go and she decides to give you the stocking throw it out because she said I don’t have anyone named Tommy.
And your husband is a spineless jerk. He’s staying out of it. It’s his child, it’s his sister.
Step up and tell her to stop this stupid crap. Don’t go. Keep your boundaries and tell your sister-in-law that Tommy ruined the party and not you or anyone else.
If family really matters to her then she’ll call your child the proper name. And if she continues to do that, look Street in the face. Call her Blanche constantly until she realizes I decided to give you a different name because it’s what I want to call you” antique_add
Another User Comments:
“This is one of those situations where you say ‘I’m simply not participating in her alternate reality. There is no way you can justify her behavior. If you choose not to deal with her bad behavior, that doesn’t mean I will accept it.’ Your husband just gave away the right for the two of you to name your own child.
He knows that you disagree. He just doesn’t care. My heart is breaking for you.
If he won’t endure his sister’s anger to give you the right to name your son, why is he even in a relationship? You are NTJ. Don’t doubt yourself.
Your SIL is the one holding the family Christmas tradition hostage. After the holiday, it’s time for couples’ counseling. Maybe you could tell your husband you’ll go to the family Christmas celebration if he’ll go to couples’ counseling.” Literally_Taken
20. AITJ For Not Immediately Turning In The Money To The Cops?
“Yesterday was my (25 f) mom’s (60 f) birthday. She went to pick up dinner while I put the finishing touches on her cake, then texted saying she found $200 in the parking lot outside the restaurant. I texted my partner (25 m) a lighthearted message saying it was fortuitous on her bday.
When she got home, she said she felt bad that someone had lost it and wanted to do her best to return it. She called the restaurant and gave them her contact info if anyone came in searching for lost money (unspecified amount, she wanted to be able to verify the owner).
My partner then texted me saying it was criminal possession and that she needed to hand it over to the police IMMEDIATELY since someone was probably very distraught especially this close to Christmas. We live in an affluent town, so I made a quip about it being from a rich grandma who only carries cash.
He told me he didn’t find that very funny. I then explained that my mom had every intention of finding the owner and would bring it to the police station if nobody contacted her during the night.
When he called me later, he instantly questioned if the cops got the money.
I said not yet – we were busy with the party. But we had taken steps and if nothing happened, we would hand it in tomorrow. He then got condescending saying that we were handling it so stupid. That she needs to hand it in NOW.
I reminded him that she would tomorrow, but I think what she’d done was ok for the night.
He then again said it’s her legal obligation to turn it in. At this point, I was exasperated from the constant explaining that it WOULD get to the cops.
So (and I do acknowledge my snarky attitude) I said ‘Driving the speed limit is also your legal obligation, doesn’t mean you do it ALL the time’. He screamed ‘OMG you’re deflecting! I can’t deal with you! Bye!’ and hung up on me.
I’m no stranger to being abruptly hung up on and ignored by him, but he then sent: ‘You and your family are so dissociated from regular people it’s disgusting’.
I just don’t understand. My mom is fully planning on having that money returned!
I get this level of anger if I had said ‘Haha screw that loser, we’re keeping the money and they can suffer’. But that’s not the case at all. However, I do come from a wealthier background than he does, and he often makes jabs about it.
It’s not like he’s a super nice guy tho. He is cruel to everyone he sees. But he recently got a law-enforcement-adjacent job, so maybe it’s that? Maybe jealousy? Maybe a manifestation of his issues with my family’s money?
I thought we were doing the right thing here, but now I’m questioning it because of his reaction.
My partner does have a history of wild outbursts, but I want to know if his feelings and actions were justified by how we handled this situation.
AITJ for not immediately turning the money into the cops?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds exhausting. Calling the restaurant to see if anyone comes looking for it is good enough.
If I lost $200 in that lot I’d probably call the restaurant to see if someone turned it in, but I certainly wouldn’t think to call the police. I know to a lot of people, $200 is a LOT of money. But in the grand scheme, it isn’t that much.
She didn’t find a satchel of cash containing thousands.” amyb10045
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you guys are giving the money to the police after a reasonable attempt to see if someone tried to claim it at the restaurant. If you found a huge amount of money I’d have gone straight to the cops but your mom is being perfectly reasonable.
But have you read your own story? A LOT of stuff you said about your partner is very concerning. ‘I’m no stranger to being abruptly hung up on and ignored by him.’ It’s not like he’s a super nice guy tho. ‘He is cruel about everyone he sees.’ You make a valid point and he freaks out.
‘OMG you’re deflecting! I can’t deal with you!’ There are positives to this guy, right?” KimB-booksncats-11
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother And His Wife Take Credit For My Christmas Gift To Their Daughter?
“I (32 f) have an older brother Rob (37 m). Rob has three kids (15 f, 8 m, & 6 m). His two younger boys are his and his wife’s kids, whereas his oldest (who I’ll call Kat) is from a previous relationship.
Kat splits time 50/50 between her mom and Rob. This Christmas she’ll be with him. Usually, Rob & his wife and kids, our parents, and I do a Christmas dinner/gift exchange together but it usually revolves around the younger kiddos nowadays. Rob and Kat’s mom are both saving up to buy Kat a vehicle when she starts driving; Kat is aware of this and knows this means fewer ‘big’ gifts until then, but I felt kinda bad that she’s not getting that much for Xmas.
Kat is very into gaming/mods/3d renders & has wanted a nice gaming PC for a while (all she has is an older laptop at the moment). I’ve got few expenses and a disposable income, so I figured ‘whatever’ and decided to go ahead and buy one for Kat for Xmas.
I told both Kat’s mom and Rob about my idea for it before purchase; they both signed off on the idea. I found a nice prebuilt for around $1700 and ordered it. When I showed Rob the PC, he seemed taken aback and said he didn’t realize it was an ACTUAL PC and THAT expensive.
Rob wants me to give the gift to Kat as from ‘Mom, Dad, and Aunt (MY NAME)’. He’s offered to purchase a monitor to include with the PC to make it ‘fair’. I told him no, and if he wants to buy a monitor that’s great, but a $200 monitor isn’t the same as a $1700 PC.
Rob isn’t happy with this and says I’m trying to undermine him and make him look bad to Kat.
1) I think that’s crazy, I just want to do something cool for my niece.
2) Why is it bad that I want credit for a gift I researched & purchased on my own?
3) Wouldn’t it be unfair for Kat’s mom to ALSO not get credit if Rob does?
Rob wants me to either let him and SiL also claim credit for the gift or wait until her bday (in 8 months!) to give the PC so he isn’t ‘overshadowed’ by me.
My parents say I should just acquiesce since Kat is his daughter & it’s not that big a deal. AITJ if I say no again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not a jerk at all. But it’s completely understandable for a parent to be concerned about such a large gift. In my opinion, this should be something they’re 100% on board for before giving it.
Which was EXACTLY your instinct when you checked first (even tho he didn’t fully comprehend). You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. I sympathize and urge the importance of getting parental consent for something so big. Maybe he needs more time to process it, maybe it simply isn’t an appropriate gift at this time.
Personally, I wouldn’t feel comfortable making that decision FOR a parent. And also it’s totally valid for you to not want to ‘split’ the gift. I think this is something that hindsight will probably be 20/20 on. Easier to see when it’s less emotionally packed. If this is for Christmas, you still have time to process, and time to work with the parents to get their backing/consent for something so large.
I recommend not jumping to conclusions and trying to figure it out once emotions settle. Best of luck OP!” SpicyPossumCosmonaut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is about your brother’s ego and nothing more. You would not be undermining him or making him look bad, good grief they’re buying her a car and she knows they are.
I’m sure that car is way more than $1700, I don’t know how he has it in his head that you’re overshadowing him. This is a gift from you to your niece, don’t let your brother and SIL take credit for a gift they didn’t contribute to in the slightest.
You spent $1700 + tax on your niece, that’s an incredibly thoughtful thing to do for her and I’m sure she’ll be grateful for it. Give it to her on Christmas like you originally intended. I would even put a card beneath the wrapper that’s signed from you and you alone just in case your brother and SIL try to add their names onto the gift tag when you’re not around to see.” PupperoniDemon
18. AITJ For Wanting To Sleep In Just For One Morning?
“We have two children – a 10M baby and daughter, 5F.
Last night before bed we agreed that I would cover night wakes for the baby which I do every night, and that my husband would get up with the kids in the morning and let me sleep in.
I have my period and am tired at the start, crampy, and really needed the extra sleep.
We have been staying with his family for Christmas and have been here eight days, and I have gotten up with the baby in the night and then with the kids every morning while he has slept in until 9-10 am every morning.
His family does not come help me with the kids during this time either so it’s very much just me and the kids (they do help later in the day a great deal) which is absolutely fine with me.
I haven’t complained once – simply asked if I could sleep in one morning when my period was at its worst.
This morning rolled around and my husband was trying anything to get out of letting me sleep in and hasn’t stopped snapping at everyone. Snapped at our daughter when she came in at 7 am so not too early to wake by any means and snapped at her when our son then started rustling to get up even though again 7 am is a great wake time for them.
My husband then started making passive-aggressive comments towards me that he only slept three hours.
It very much felt like he was trying to get me to say oh you stay in bed and I’ll get up with the kids, but I’ve done that every day and likely will do it for the rest of this trip as well and that’s often after getting up in the night with the baby.
During my sleeping time, in the space of not even three hours that I’ve slept in, he has barged in three times to ask me various questions and then snaps at me for answering saying I’m ‘interrupting’ and to ‘stop questioning’ him.
I’m about to get up now and I’m sure he will be ‘shocked’ I’m not taking advantage of my day to sleep in but when someone has come in multiple times and I know he will have been snapping at our daughter this whole time, it becomes difficult to get back to sleep.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this needs to be a turning point for your marriage OP. ‘We need to talk about this morning. I’d like you to tell me how many days you’ve been able to sleep in until 9 or 10 this visit… it’s been every day.
I asked you to be the on-call parent once today so I could rest. This is after doing every night wake-ups. I’d like you to tell me why you believe this is fair, and why you chose to punish me by constantly coming in and waking me up.’
Be calm and be a broken record. No, it’s been until that time each day. No, you aren’t attacking him, you’re wondering why he chose these actions today. No, you don’t want him to feel bad, you want him to recognize the unfairness and work with you to fix it.
Seriously OP. Don’t let it continue. Make it clear it IS a dealbreaker to be with someone who won’t share the parenting load fairly.” Ladyughsalot1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself if you continue as you are. You’re in an abusive relationship. You not complaining sounds as if you’ve been nagged and worn down into not complaining.
Your husband’s reaction to his wife who just recently had a kid being in pain is to try and ruin the extra rest that you’re in need of. What husband snaps at his daughter like he does? One with anger issues!
And, you’re saying that he’s going to act like he’s surprised that you can’t rest when his clear message was that he didn’t want you to rest?
He’s making you feel crazy because he’s acting abusive while your mind is teetering between sanity and insanity due to your abusive relationship. This isn’t asking him to stop in a nice voice kind of nonsense because he’s enough of a jerk that it sounds like it’s part of his personality and the basic way he treats you.
He talks to you like you’re a dog to be scolded and acts like a moody teen girl with all his angst.
Asking him to let you sleep sounds as if you’re asking him to have enough basic respect for you to let you sleep and he went NO!
This is the kind of situation where you call your parents, relative, or a friend to find a safe place to stay, pack a bag, take your kids, and go somewhere you can realize how calm your life is without the adult-sized toddler that you didn’t give birth to ruining your day.” BankApprehensive2514
In the long term, I would start looking for a place for him to live, while the two of you are attending marriage counseling. This is a hill to die on, I think.
17. AITJ For Removing The Alpaca's "Spit Mask"?
“My uncle does odd jobs around farms to make some money, and I’m a zoology student who needs some experience to start applying for vet/zoo internships in a year or two, so he agreed to take me along to help shear some alpacas.
When we got in the barn there were around 60-70 alpacas in there. I noticed they all had a tight tubular ‘mask’ on over their nose and mouth, like a thick sock. It looked pretty uncomfortable for them.
My uncle explained that the owners had put ‘spit masks’/’spit socks’ on all the alpacas before our arrival and it was a common thing, and something he requested all clients to do before an alpaca shearing.
The goal is to deter them from spitting (since the spit will backfire) and to make sure you don’t get spit on.
Well, I didn’t think that was a very good justification for something like that. It looked stifling and uncomfortable for them, and the only benefit was avoiding spit?
During a break, I checked on my phone and it said the only big problem with alpaca spit is that it can stink, it’s not like it’s harmful or anything. And they seemed well-behaved anyway. I was willing to risk a bit of spit to make the alpacas more comfortable.
So while my uncle was shearing, I removed the spit-mask from a couple of alpacas without him noticing. When he noticed, he got really angry and said ‘Put those back on, what are you doing, do you want to be spit on?’
I said I wasn’t too worried about it and I wanted what was best for the alpacas.
He said, ‘You have no clue what you’re talking about, put them back on now.’
I didn’t see what the big deal was and said if anything it’d be me that got spat on from it, not him. He said, ‘I’m the one who has to drive you home, do you have any idea what that will be like if it spits on you?’
I didn’t do it again but I feel like he was overreacting and it was sort of contentious the rest of the time. We didn’t talk much on the ride home and I get the feeling he won’t be inviting me to further farm days.
It feels petty to me for him to be so worked up about ME risking getting spit on (probably not even him) as if I couldn’t clean up before driving home, I don’t see what the big deal is. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The spit mask is a temporary mild discomfort so the alpacas can have a medically necessary procedure done without ruining the fleece or negatively affecting the people caring for and handling the animals.
If you want to work in a zoo or vet field, you need to understand that animals will sometimes need to be made uncomfortable for their own good. Same as how my dog hates getting ear drops, but needs them or else his infection won’t go away.
Your perspective is naive and will not do you any favors in your chosen career path” ctortan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and Lord have mercy on any animals you work on if you get into a vet clinic, zoo, etc. The precautions taken are for both you AND the animal. ‘It looks uncomfortable’ is something a child says.
Some restraints are to calm animals, as they become programmed (learn) that certain things may be happening to them by strangers. They may not ‘like’ it, but they will accept it.
Learn to restrain animals and FOLLOW DIRECTIONS FROM THOSE WITH EXPERIENCE. Otherwise, you’ll end up stinky, injured, or dead later on.” skoltroll
16. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mother-In-Law For Not Bringing Gluten-Free Food?
“I (F 27) had my first baby six days ago. My birth went well but I am still recovering, in quite a bit of pain, and have been very sensitive emotionally since giving birth. My husband (M 27) & I told our families that we’d likely have no visitors for the first 1-2 weeks, just to set expectations.
But privately the two of us decided that we would play it by ear and see how we felt.
Our second day home with our baby was really rough on me and all I wanted was my mom to comfort and help me, so my husband and I decided to call my mom and have her come over.
She was such a major help, both emotionally and with the baby, so we had her come by every other day since. She went above and beyond to help us. Also, my bestie & her husband live down the street and have been dropping off meals/treats & walking our dog for us, but I don’t consider that visiting as much as favors/errands.
MIL found out about my mom’s visits and was very upset, so we decided to have her over for a brief visit, on day six postpartum. She said they’d bring food & arrived around dinner time. I have Celiac disease so I cannot eat gluten.
MIL brought homemade lasagna, pasta salad, muffins, and two types of cookies, all full gluten, and explained to me that she was sorry but she had limited notice and only had time to make my husband’s favorites.
I immediately started crying and my husband thanked his mom but took me to the other room and told me he’d take care of it and ordered delivery on the spot.
I composed myself, introduced MIL/FIL to the baby, and then MIL made another comment about how she wished she could’ve brought food for me but it was just so time-consuming and burdensome to make things gluten-free. I snapped and told her she was rude and told her I was angry.
Toward the end of the visit, my BFF’s husband knocked on the door to come walk our dog and to my surprise brought us a homemade gluten-free tiramisu. I started crying (again) and thanked him profusely, and he told us it was no problem and ‘surprisingly easy to make.’
MIL was mad because she realized that they’d been coming by and started complaining about how wrong this all was because she had to wait six days to see the baby and was ‘faced with (my) anger.’ My husband took my baby from her and FIL snapped at her to drop it.
They stayed and chatted for a short while, and when bestie’s husband came back to drop our dog off, I sent him home with one of the batches of cookies MIL brought which upset MIL.
MIL has been texting/calling and trying to rally people against me since.
My husband has my back and even went the next day to drop off almost all the rest of the gluten food to our friends and he told me to block MIL’s number if she kept harassing me.
I don’t really feel like I was the jerk but I’m also extremely emotional and sensitive to everything right now and am not sure I’m reacting to things in general reasonably at this time.
Most of my in-laws are mad at me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I really don’t get your MIL. First of all, you decide who you want to see and when you want to see them. You don’t need to keep it secret and you don’t need to apologize to anyone for it.
Especially at this point in time.
What does your MIL hope to accomplish with her actions? First of all cooking gluten-free isn’t hard at all. Just don’t use wheat, rye, barley, and other grains, and don’t put sauces or other stuff that contains gluten on the food.
Boom gluten-free.
For me, we have multiple things here. 1. She forced her visit onto you, 2. She cooked food just for her son and made sure you can’t eat it, 3. She had to make a couple of stupid remarks in your direction. 4. She tried to rally people against you.
I say f her. I would go completely no contact.
Don’t open the door if she visits you unannounced and block her on everything. Remember she has no right to see your child, but you have every right to remove her from your life. I’m glad your husband got your back.” Deep_Mood_7668
Another User Comments:
“How difficult is it to broil chicken, make mashed potatoes/rice, broccoli and a salad?
My daughter and I are gluten intolerant and making a meal is not an issue. But MIL wanted to make her baby boy his favorite thing, not the food a recovering wife with a newborn could eat.
That was a stupid power play on her part.
Gluten-free pasta and flour are available and easy to use your MIL is upset because she called out for not being truthful. Also bet the lack of gluten-free food was a direct jab at you because she wasn’t able to visit the baby right away.
It amazes me how other people’s minds work, as a MIL (no grandchildren yet) if I wanted access to my grandchild I would do everything possible to please my DIL. Not be a jerk and then act surprised when denied what you really want. It’s biting the hand that feeds you.
The ego of people like MIL amazes me.” Slightlysanemomof5
15. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Give My Father's Money Back And Then Uninvite Him From My Wedding?
“My fiancé (30 m) and I (32 f) were planning a big wedding next year but we decided recently that we no longer want to spend the crazy amount of money it would take, and instead choose to have a very small ceremony with our immediate family.
Prior to making this decision, my father gave us money to go towards the wedding and deposit of the venue. However, now he wants the full amount back.
My father has never believed in spending lots of money on a wedding which I respect. I also understand that nobody is obligated or expected to give us money towards a wedding.
So we were really grateful for my father’s generosity and we were still planning on using that money to get married and throw a celebratory dinner with our closest family.
A little bit of context on my dad: He has always been very stingy with his money.
He would only send $200 to my mom a month for me and my sister after they got divorced (my mom never took him to court for child support). He’s upper middle class with a big 5,000 sq ft house. A house that has been paid off for years.
All his kids, with the exception of one, have moved out of the house so realistically he only needs to provide for one child. Most of his kids have some sort of strained relationship with him. I’m his first daughter and the only one who’s been the most amicable with him throughout the years.
His reason for wanting the money back is that he has expenses and ‘is dipping into his savings’ but when I asked him if he would’ve asked for the money back if we were still having the big wedding, he said ‘No I wouldn’t have asked for the money back.
But if it was really my choice I wouldn’t give a single penny for the wedding.’ Which is weird because I never forced him to give me anything, to begin with.
So now if I invite him to our intimate ceremony (along with his wife and my younger half-sister), I can picture him wanting to walk me down the aisle, eating and laughing at the dinner he didn’t help pay for, giving a toast to how much he loves his daughter and new son-in-law, acting like he didn’t just completely screw us over.
But if I don’t invite him, I feel like things would be super awkward and weird with that side of the family.
WIBTJ for not inviting him to the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your father graciously offered to help you with a thing.
As you point out, he didn’t have to, and you didn’t pressure him to. So that was awesome. Then you decided that you didn’t want to do the thing. So naturally he would want his money back. He didn’t offer you money for anything. He offered you money for a PARTICULAR thing that you decided not to do.
He did not screw you over. And as a result of his awesome gesture, you now want to punish him? I mean, your wedding, so you have the right to do what you want, but this feels like a jerk move to me.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This reads like your father gave you money to buy a Rolls Royce, but you decided to get a Toyota Corolla and just pocket the rest of the money. You tremendously scaled back your original plan that your dad funded and now you’re mad he wants his money back?
And – to make it 10x worse – you’re disinviting him because YOU changed everything! And your reasoning for not inviting him are: 1. He wants to walk you down the aisle. Jesus Christ – he’s your dad – that’s a reasonable expectation.
2. He’ll make a toast to how he loves his daughter and new son-in-law. I would certainly hope so. 3. Acting like he didn’t completely screw us over. No, YOU are the one who moved the goalposts – NOT your dad.
Then you rant about him having such a big house (which he bought when his kids lived at home and just hasn’t downsized yet).
What does that have to do with anything beyond implying he has money, why can’t he just give it to me? What an awful mindset. You say you understand that nobody is obligated or expected to give you money towards a wedding, but you want to disinvite your own father precisely because he doesn’t want to give you money.
That sure sounds like you think he’s obligated and expected to give you money.” AppropriateScience71
Everyone is acting like you expected him to pay for the whole thing and THEN some, but all you are saying was that he made it very clear he never wanted to pay for this wedding in the first place and was only doing it to keep up appearances. If he no longer cares about that, then why SHOULD he be invited to the deeply intimate wedding you wanted to have? Your wedding your choice.
14. AITJ For Telling My Cousin I Want Her Out By Morning?
“About two 1/2 months ago my older cousin (27 F) and her partner (25 M) moved into my house because of certain circumstances. I happily accepted them into my home because she and I were always close growing up.
I’m 26 years old right now, I work part-time while still making enough to pay all my bills and still have more than enough to spend on myself. My cousin on the other hand lost her job and her partner is still pulling the ‘I’m trying to work on my business’ crap.
For the first couple of weeks, everything was fine. It wasn’t until a full month had passed that I noticed that they weren’t exactly the tidy type.
I didn’t have OCD or anything so I just kindly told them to start picking up behind themselves and maybe do some chores around the house since they weren’t paying rent.
For the next few weeks, it was nice and they did everything I asked of them. It wasn’t until the 2 month mark hit, that I completely lost it. I had gone out of town for just a week to meet up with some friends for a wedding and a little time to myself.
During that time they had somehow listed my house on Airbnb and I came back to it almost completely trashed.
I, of course, yelled at everyone involved and said some very not nice things, but can you blame me? My house was very beautiful and cost a pretty penny.
The two were almost always respectful so I’d never expected them to pull something like that. I called her mom and explained everything to her and tried my best not to just completely throw them out because I didn’t want them to become homeless.
I guess during my phone call she decided to make a few of her own.
I had gotten some very nice and peaceful phone calls from multiple family members cussing me out and saying that my cousin had called them crying and said that I was trying to throw them out ‘for trying to make some money’.
I said screw it and told her ‘You have overstayed your welcome and are trying to play victim, I want you out by morning’. Ever since then, I’ve been getting many phone calls and text messages blaming me for the whole fiasco. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would also block anyone trying to defend them in this situation. They took advantage of you and then spun a sob story to others. They should have asked first and avoided this altogether. It also sounds like they were starting to take advantage of you, the guy saying he was working on his business – do you know how much work he actually did or did he say it so he didn’t look bad for not looking for a job?
Your heart was in the right place, I’m sorry they did this to you. I would have completely lost it in this situation.” SwimmingZombie7
Another User Comments:
“You are far too kind. When they trashed your house, you should have put them out right then.
They thought nothing of the consequences to you and your home. So it’s not surprising they would be fine with trashing your reputation to boot. It’s going to be painful, but now you know who is fine with your cousin treating you badly, take that information and act accordingly.
Time to learn to have healthy boundaries.
Let your relatives know you will not tolerate verbal mistreatment or victim blaming and you’ll be happy to block them if they can’t respect that. It will free up a lot of time and energy to spend on people who actually value and support you.” Born_Ad8420
13. AITJ For Not Waiting For My Friend Any Longer?
“I have a friend who is 10 years older and recently we made a day to have lunch together to celebrate both our birthdays which are 1 week apart.
She told me to book at 11.30 am and when I went to book they only had 12 pm onwards bookings.
I called her 3 days before the event and asked if 12 pm was OK and she said yes, she had a church fund-raiser she was going to but would be at lunch and the event wasn’t far from the restaurant.
I arrived at the restaurant just before 12 and went in and sat at our reserved table.
Just before 12.10 pm I messaged my friend and said I was here and waiting. At 12.20 pm she messaged me back saying she was held up at vent and would be there in 15 minutes.
My response was ‘Gosh, I’ve already been waiting 20 minutes.’ She did apologize (as she mostly does when she’s late).
Twice I had the waitress come over and ask if I would like to order, and I said ‘No thanks she should be here any minute.’
By 12.40 she still had not arrived or messaged me any updates, so I messaged her suggesting we make it another time.
No response.
At 12.45 I messaged her again and said that 45 minutes was too long to wait and I was leaving.
I picked up the gift I had brought for her and left.
At 12.50 pm I received a missed call and message from her saying she was there outside on the deck (I told her the booking was at the inside section) and asked me has I ALREADY left.
I was too angry to respond and she has not called me or tried to contact me since (4 days ago).
Take into consideration I work 12-hour shifts and my days off are important to me, as well as I moved a few things around that morning to make sure I wasn’t rushing to get to the lunch.
I have a feeling she’s going to try and pin this on me as I walk out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she’s late a lot. Waiting for her only gives her permission to keep doing it. Her apologies mean nothing because she doesn’t change her behavior.
Of course, she’s going to blame you. She’ll always have an excuse. Soon, she’ll claim she has ‘time blindness’. People like her have no consideration for others. You were already there. Why not wait forever until she graces you with her presence? Do not apologize.
Tell her you’re done waiting. If she’s 10 minutes late, you will leave. If you come to pick her up and she’s not ready, you will leave without her. Your friendship might not last, but she’s not being a friend, is she?” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t let you know she would be late until you messaged her first, didn’t keep you updated, arrived nearly an hour late, and apparently didn’t even bother reading the message you sent to let her know you were leaving. It’s very coincidental that she arrived only 5 minutes after you left as well.
I’m guessing she hasn’t messaged you yet because she has been waiting long enough that she thinks you won’t confront her about the situation when she does or she has already decided you are the one at fault and is waiting for you to call her with an apology, like a lot of people who are in the wrong like to do.” asphodel2020
I'm so sorry to tell you this, but she's not your friend and doesn't respect either your time or your friendship. Time to dump her.
12. AITJ For Refusing To Accommodate My Sister-In-Law's Food Allergies?
“Usually my mom will host for Christmas but this year she just can’t keep up. My SIL has been in the family for years and in my opinion, she is a food snob.
She has multiple allergies, nothing life-threatening just unpleasant for her. Since we all understand allergies we make sure to keep everything separate and not cross-contaminate. We don’t want to risk her eating something and instead of getting a rash, she needs a hospital visit.
Now the reason I think she is a food snob isn’t due to her allergies, it’s nitpicking the dish mom makes each year. I have watched year after year she makes backhanded comments about the food. My mom told me to stay out of it so I did.
Two years ago there was a mess up and it caused a reaction. It was a huge deal and last year my mom wanted her to bring her own dish since she was worried she would mess up again. This caused a huge fight between them and she threatened to pull the grandkids away if she couldn’t be a good host and give something she could eat.
My mom caved. The dinner came and went and she got backhanded comments about the food.
My mom can’t host anymore and none of my brothers were doing it so I stepped up. I gave SIL a call and told her she needed to bring her own meal. I told her I was not experienced in handling allergies and I could not guarantee the food would be safe so I would not make her something.
I didn’t tell her but the other reason was I didn’t want her complaining about my food.
This caused an argument about me being a horrible host. I made it clear I wouldn’t accommodate her and she doesn’t have to come.
My brother was mad but my mom laughed when I told her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I absolutely believe a host should accommodate guests when they can be accommodated. For example, most hosts can make 1-2 vegan dishes, or something gluten-free (not a gluten-free kitchen, but a safe dish), and I think it is rude when a host is like ‘I’m not accommodating anyone.’ However, you are not demanding to host, the rest of your family can’t/don’t want to, and you don’t feel comfortable making safe accommodations.
That’s totally fair and it’s okay to make that a condition of your hosting. Your brother could host, with SIL and then all the food could be to her liking and safe for her allergies. And then you add in she is a rude guest, even when accommodated, and you are under no obligation to bend over backward to make her food.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for an in-law to expect that their dietary restrictions be respected and accommodated at a holiday meal, but your SIL has clearly taken it to the next level.
If you’re going to request a special menu, be grateful that your host has made the effort to accommodate you; don’t nitpick the quality of the food.
And if the host lets you know in advance they don’t think they’re going to be able to accommodate you, you either try to work with them to find an acceptable solution or you stay home! Imagine having the unmitigated gall to respond to an invitation with ‘You’re a horrible host’.” avgas3
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hide My Tattoo From Other People?
“I (19 F) recently got a tattoo on the back of my upper arm, around 6ish cm in length. For context, I live with my parents and go to uni full time. I also work around 25 hours every week. I don’t pay rent but do use my own money for essentially everything else.
Basically, I knew my parents didn’t like tattoos but I really wanted one and thought they’d be a little upset but get over it after a few days. My dad did just that, told me he hated it then moved on straight away.
My mum on the other hand reacted horribly. She did not speak to me at all for two weeks (like refused to look at me if I tried talking to her) and now—it’s been about a month—she’s speaking but does not want me to be around anyone she knows without covering my arm.
When people come over to the house I have to cover my arm, when I go out to local shopping centers where I might run into people she knows, at a wedding I’m going to soon, etc.
She’s saying all this because she’s terrified of people gossiping about her, every time I bring it up she says stuff like ‘I don’t want to hear it from everyone, they’re all going to talk about it.’ This is probably partially true.
Definitely not to the extent she thinks it’s going to be (literally no one cares that much about me) but I do come from a super judgmental family who will definitely think it’s stupid and make comments about it to me (my mum for some reason thinks they’ll think she’s a bad parent or something?
not sure but she clearly thinks it’s on her for some reason).
Now I’m not totally opposed to covering up however it is the middle of summer right now and like 36C almost every day so it’s super impractical. The biggest thing though is more about how terrible it makes me feel.
I know it’s like irrational or whatever but having to cover up makes me feel like I’m this disgusting person who shouldn’t be around people and I hate it. This tattoo is a part of me and it’s crappy that that ‘part of me’ is so terrible I can’t let people see it.
The people she’s trying to impress (all my extended family) are not particularly great people (super racist, super homophobic) and I don’t respect or care about what they think of me so I don’t care if they talk trash about it.
I’ve kinda stuck to my gun here and told her I’m not doing that and she’s gotta accept me for it however every single conversation we’re having now is just a never-ending argument.
I don’t know, I don’t feel like I’m the jerk but she keeps saying stuff like ‘that’s the rule when you live with me’ (although she still would want me to cover up around her family if I did move out) any external opinion could help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am over 30 and you are literally describing my mother, and it didn’t connect until some 2 years ago. You need to set boundaries, you are an adult and you’re not a part of her, nor do you represent her. It’s not going to be just about your bodily autonomy, this kind of controlling behavior imbues so many other aspects.
She might never understand or respect that you are your own (adult) individual, but you need to set that record straight for yourself anyway! I allowed her to control me, even though I protested, and it’s a daily struggle as an adult to rewire my brain into respecting myself enough to keep healthy relationships both with other people and myself.” BellinaPhalange
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 19 is the age of finding yourself, fresh out of school and into early adulthood, finally having the freedom to work out who you really are. Tattoos are not taboo, or bad, and OP’s parents are being absolutely ridiculous. The only reason they are offended is because they care more about some other people’s possible opinions than they are about letting their own daughter find herself.
They are also being thoroughly unreasonable about something that is already done. It’s not like OP can just magic the tattoo away.
The fact of whether or not OP pays rent is irrelevant, this is purely about her parents caring more about family and friends’ opinions than they do about their own daughter’s self-expression.
I would never teach my own kids to cow down and mask themselves to appease the easily offended.
I would suggest a frank discussion to explain that their controlling behavior is making you think about quitting uni so that you can move out. Just let them mull it over.” Berdbirdburd
10. AITJ For Ignoring My Sister-In-Law After She Tried To Talk To Me Again About Adoption?
“My SIL who is my husband’s younger sister and I are both adopted. SIL was adopted as an infant.
I was adopted through foster care at the age of 7 officially but I found my family at the age of 6. SIL brought up us both being adopted before and asked questions that I didn’t mind answering. She hadn’t realized I was adopted through foster care and for a little while she didn’t think we could talk things through because we came from very different adoption stories.
A couple of years ago SIL, MIL, and FIL reached out to her birth family and made contact. Then they started to speak about the unfairness of the adoption severed all legal ties to her birth family and from there the three held this view that SIL should have always been in the family but adoption was not the right thing to do, at least not adoption as in the US standard of adoption.
Once this realization was made SIL decided she needed to help open my eyes. My husband told her to leave me out of it and I would never feel different about my adoption. SIL didn’t like that and she went behind my husband’s back so we could ‘talk it out’.
I told her she would never change my mind and I would always be glad I was adopted. I told her my only wish was to forget everything to do with my birth family. She told me I lost all connection to them. I told her that was good and I wanted no connection to those people.
She told me I should be glad I knew who I really was. I told her being garbage is not who I am. For people who will wonder, that is what I was called for the first five years of my life while I was with birth relatives (and this includes my birth mother).
I told her knowing them does not mean I know who I am. I didn’t even know my old legal name until I went into foster care.
We took a time out from her for a while but it meant missing out on family functions on his side so we decided we would have minimal contact.
My husband steps in when he’s there too.
But during a family wedding, SIL took a moment when I was alone to approach me and she started to bring up adoption so I walked away without saying a word. I ignored her and acted like she was not there.
This bothered her a lot. MIL and FIL told her she should maybe let up and leave me be. But she has really come after my husband saying I was rude and had no right to walk away from her like that. A couple of extended family members (two old aunts of my husband’s) said SIL was complaining so much that it spoiled the wedding and I should have handled the incident better.
My husband said I did nothing wrong. But I hate the added drama from it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You’d made it clear previously that this wasn’t open for discussion and instead of responding and saying this again (and potentially causing a full-blown argument) you walked away.
I fail to see how she thinks her experience of adoption should impact yours especially when you were old enough to remember the crap you went through and have made an effort to put it behind you. Plus, you ruined nothing about the wedding, she kept going on about it and she ruined it for other people.” AvalonWood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is allowed to feel the way she does about HER adoption. And I agree with her that most adoptions are predatory and unnecessary and simply take advantage of women who want children but struggle with financial or health issues and rather than fixing that, people just take the kids away and say it’s for the best. However I’ve been a kid in your situation but I was never removed, I was stuck with it.
And I would MUCH rather have been removed and had ties with them cut.
Your feeling is also VERY valid. Your SIL seems to lack the understanding that she did not come from a violent and abusive situation. She came from a situation where adoption agencies preyed on a vulnerable person.
You came from something atrocious and ‘knowing’ those horrid people does not do anything to improve your situation or well-being. SIL needs to see a therapist and find people who share her feelings, not force them upon you.” cryssylee90
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepdaughter Take Over My Daughter's Bedroom?
“I was previously married and have a 12-year-old daughter and so is my current husband who was also previously married and has a daughter who’s 22.
The house we currently live in is a 2-bedroom house one for me and my husband while the other one was for my 12-year-old daughter while my stepdaughter moved out even before I got married to her dad.
We are planning on getting a bigger house and we are in the process of owning one but it might happen by December so we still have basically a year and that’s what we have.
As I said my stepdaughter lives on her own and works. Let’s call her Dana. Dana was recently fired from her job and was unable to pay rent for her own place and asked if she could move in with us. We obviously agreed however problems started when she learned that she would have to share a room with her younger sister who’s 12.
She said that she couldn’t handle that and wanted her full privacy. I told her I understand the complications of the situation but I cannot have my daughter to move out of the room because where is she going? We have an extra fold bed that we open at night in the living just in case someone will sleep over.
She said we could have her sleep on that bed I told her the problem here is that she needs her own space a fold bed in the living room is not a space especially since we can only open it at night by moving the furniture.
Also, her wardrobe and all that stuff are way more complicated than just a sleeping area.
She also had a problem with the fact that my daughter won’t remove her clothes from her wardrobe. I told Dana I could get her an extra wardrobe.
Yeah, it will not be as big as the current wardrobe but I’ll make sure it is big enough even if I had to get her 2, not 1. She told me my daughter should be moving her stuff in those wardrobes while she takes the main one.
I told her that’s not happening. She already has been having her stuff in there. Overall she is not compromising at all and making unreasonable demands!
Tho my husband asked me if we could move the folded bed into our room but I told him we don’t have a space in the room for the bed to unfold.
He then suggested what Dana said for her to sleep in the living room and I refused. I told my husband I get it is a ridiculous situation but I can’t have my daughter’s life flip upside down just cause Dana wants privacy.
Sharing a room would be as hard on my daughter as it will be for Dana so either all of us compromise or Dana finds another solution because I find it very selfish that she wants a teenager to change just so she can be comfortable.
And I am not differentiating between them but logically Dana has the ability to search other options she is not forced to share a room but my daughter will end up being forced to share a room if Dana comes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She is a grown woman who fell on hard times.
She does not get to inconvenience everyone in the household simply because she wants her privacy. At 12 years old, privacy is soooo important and she needs to know that you are on her side as well. This is coming from someone who had to move in with their grandparents again at age 22 after I fell on hard times.
I slept on the couch in the living room. Just more incentive to get out of there lol!
You don’t want to make it too comfortable for her or she will not want to make the necessary moves to get back in her own place.
I know how hard it is, but I also know that moving back in with my grandparents was an inconvenience for them.” cant_sea_me
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you don’t stand up for your TWELVE-year-old daughter. She absolutely needs her own space and shouldn’t be made to feel second to the adult who can’t support herself.
I strongly suggest that the adult sleeps in the living room until she can find her own space. If the 12-year-old’s room is big enough for two beds, wardrobes, maybe a partition, then that’s fine. But the literal CHILD needs to be a priority. A big red flag is that your husband is suggesting a child sleeps in the living room instead of having a bedroom.
Literal minimum of parenting is being tested here.” kreaakwrit
8. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mom To Invite Her Friend To My Wedding?
“I (27 F) am getting married to my fiancé (27 M) next autumn. I have a close and wonderful relationship with my mum (53 F) who is one of the most lovely and kind-hearted women ever. The problem is, when it comes to friendships, she somehow befriends people who take advantage of her and have not been great friends to her.
This includes calling her only when they need her and letting her down in their time of need.
I should also include that I live in the UK and my mum (as well as the rest of my family) lives in the US. The wedding will be in country X which is another European country.
I was speaking to her yesterday evening and she told me that she was speaking to her manager at work. She was telling her manager at work about my wedding including the location. Apparently, her manager got excited and said that she would be near country X at the time when the wedding was scheduled and asked my mum if she could come along.
I think it was the initial shock from the fact that her manager (a woman whom I don’t know AT ALL – not even her name nor what she looks like) asked my mum point blank if she could come, but I bluntly said ‘No’.
She asked why and I simply replied ‘I don’t know her’ but her argument was that she knew her. I still said ‘No’ and she left it.
Later on in the conversation, my mum brings up the fact that she finds it ‘weird’ that neither she nor my dad are allowed a friend.
I kept quiet hoping she would leave it, but she started to ask if my fiancé’s dad was allowed to have a friend. I said yes because he actually knows that friend and that friend has watched him grow up whereas I don’t know her manager at all.
It is also important to point out that my future FIL has been contributing to the wedding costs, but my parents have yet to contribute a single pound. They keep promising that they will early next year – so we will see.
Anyway, when I told my mum this, she got upset and said that she should be allowed a friend.
She started to talk about how they spend so much time together, go on hikes together, etc. I became fed up and reminded that I don’t know her manager at all and that her manager is just a friend now but probably won’t be in two years.
She kept quiet for a while. I could tell that she was not happy. She then said that my attitude towards friendships was wrong and that I should not be thinking about them ending. The rest of the conversation was off and we said goodnight.
I still think it’s a weird request especially when said manager just asked to come – I have never heard of anyone doing this but I am new to weddings; I have never attended one and I don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t. Our attitude was to only have people we know or care about.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a wedding, not a backyard BBQ. The audacity of your mom’s manager is impressive. It’s tacky and rude to try to invite yourself to any event but especially a wedding where you don’t know the host.
Weddings cost money. Why would pay for a stranger to eat and drink at a wedding? Your mom needs to respect what you said and let it. Also, stop JADE-ing. No is a complete sentence. The more you explain the more she will argue.
I had this same problem when I got married. We were planning a micro wedding and I was strict with the guest list. Only close family and friends.
My husband’s mother told him that she was going to travel with a friend and bring her to the wedding. I said absolutely not. I was not having some rando that my husband hadn’t even heard watching us get married and eating a five-course dinner.
I said she could travel with whomever she wanted but they were not allowed at the wedding. Period.
If she needed help getting to the wedding her other son or daughter could bring her. Side note they refused to travel with her because she’s a hot mess.
Also, we paid for the wedding ourselves so no you aren’t going to TELL me that you are bringing anyone. If you think she will just try to bring her anyway warn her that she will not be allowed in.” Banana_Puddin11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your reasoning is sound and the manager inviting herself along is poor etiquette and weird. How amazing she’ll just ‘happen to be nearby’ around your wedding, too.
Is your wedding in a special venue that the manager is trying to get into for clout?
For my wedding, MIL (long single) asked for a friend for a plus one. It was her bestie, someone my ex-husband knew very well and I knew in passing. That was fine to me. Bestie got sick the week of the wedding and MIL asked to sub for another friend (one of several years, a neighbor).
We said sure thing. Our best man also asked if HIS mom could come because she knew her ex-husband very well, and we said okay since there was room on the list and she ALSO knew MIL well. It kept her happy with a little social circle of comfort along with ex’s uncle and aunt.
But if MIL had wanted to invite her church ladies eg to our small wedding? GOD NO.” emptysthemepark
7. AITJ For Pointing Out My Cousin's "Pretty Privileges"?
“So I (23 F) have grown up with my cousin Sara (25 F).
We were friends until puberty hit. She fit the beauty standard in our culture (light skin, shiny straight hair) & while I wasn’t ugly (I was a child), hearing her get endlessly praised & getting crickets about how I looked definitely impacted me.
Then, as we got to high school, she’d be invited along with the older college-aged cousins to hang out.
She’d make snide comments about how they didn’t think I was mature enough to hang with them & ignore me.
Fast forward to 2023. I got a job & moved out of state, while she moved back in with her parents. I came back for Christmas & UNKNOWINGLY asked her if she had any good investment tips, just to make conversation because she worked in finance.
She gave me a death stare & my mom pulled me aside to tell me that Sara lost 300K in crypto & it was a sore topic. (I had no idea about this.)
I apologized to her in private later & she got even sniffier, which is fair, if I lost that much money I’d be irritable too.
Later, she, I, & the older kids hung out & it was the first time they’d ever invited me too.
While talking about work (I work in tech) she kept cutting me off to interject her knowledge about the tech industry. I didn’t think much of it because she’d had a couple of hits off a ‘pen’ & thought she was just zooted. But later, while I was recounting a time I’d been out with a guy & how the dude had asked to go 50-50, she started bragging about how her partner Sam (30 M) bought her a condo.
I congratulated her & the conversation continued.
Then, while trying to hype our other cousin I said, ‘Talia, you’re a gorgeous doctor, it’s his loss’ to which Sara cut me off with ‘Not everyone gets their self-worth from how much money they make Overall_Book1562!’ super rudely.
I was taken aback & said that she’s the one who’s always bringing up money in the first place. She got angry & proclaimed her commitment to taking care of her parents & prioritizing building a family while I apparently moved away to be a ‘boss babe’.
I had enough & said the only reason she’s living at home is because she lost ½ a million & is a spendthrift who has no concept of money & at least I didn’t drain my parents’ life savings.
My other cousins were signaling me to shut up, which made me angrier as I remembered how they’d excluded me when I was younger.
So I said that she’s only given chances because she’s pretty enough to be a trophy wife & then she snapped that Sam makes my annual income monthly (there’s no way). She stormed away crying and then went to another room & all my cousins followed her while I hid in the bathroom.
On the way home, my mom said Sara told everyone the things I’d said & both my parents got mad at me without giving me the chance to explain.
I don’t think I said anything too out of line, considering Sara was negging me the entire time.
Our entire extended family will obviously paint her as the beautiful victim no doubt, so I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with me being angry about it.”
Another User Comments:
“She was engaged in a consistent course of being rude to you and dismissive of you.
Maybe she harbored some wrongful idea that you were bringing up her crypto loss to hurt her or laugh at her and decided to be mean to you in return. You returned the disfavor, somewhat more effectively.
NTJ. However, the better and more mature response is to stop the conversation, look at her quizzically, and ask her ‘What are you doing?’ And if she says ‘What do you mean’, tell her that she seems to be insulting you, interrupting you, and disagreeing with you just to be disagreeable and ask her why she’s doing that.
Take the high road. Clearly, no one else is. Maybe they need someone in your family to be a role model.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Obviously that Sara girl was awful but we’re here to talk about YOUR behaviour. I agree with your parents that you were a jerk and you probably embarrassed them.
If all the cousins went to console Sara then it tells me you were too harsh and you let years of resentment blow up in a way that was unjustified. Since the people present can’t see your years of resentment built up, all they saw was that Sara made a rude comment and your response was an over-the-top rant that kicked her while she was down.
The response wasn’t proportional to the rude comments. Too mean. You couldn’t help it but it still happened. You can own up to your own faults and apologize or you can stop seeing these people since you kind of already burnt bridges. If they don’t matter to you, then just minimize contact and be done with it.” anbaric_lights
Another User Comments:
“YMBTJ for blowing it up with some hard truths. It caused quite the scene but I can understand that sometimes we just can’t wait for the universe to sort things out so that we don’t feel the need to hold up the truth mirror.
It stings. She acted self-absorbed for much of her life and then she intentionally brought some shade. Her privilege included never having this happen before apparently. Bridges may have been burned but you weren’t wrong, jerk or not.” gotgoat666
6. AITJ For Ruining My Partner's Relationship With His Best Friend?
“I (27 F) and my partner (28 M) have been together for 3 years now and when we first started going out he had a very strong relationship with his best friend (let’s call her Sarah).
He trusted her so much, always went to her for advice or just chill. My partner doesn’t have too many friends because he’s not from this country (he came to live here around 6 years ago) and he’s very selective with the people he wants in his life too.
At this point everything was fine, I’ve met Sarah a few times and we were not close but I liked her and she is a nice person as far as I know. My partner would even go to her house to party etc and stay there for the night when he was wasted (I’m not the jealous kind of person so this didn’t bother me at all).
The thing is that Sarah has a sister who lives with her, whom I met before knowing they were siblings because we went to the same places and we had some friends in common. She’s a nice person too.
The problem began a year after when I was talking to my partner and it came up to the conversation that when he first moved into the country he shared a house with three more roommates (all girls) and one of them was Sarah’s sister, then he told me he had a big crush on one of them but that eventually she rejected him but some things happened between them before the rejection (like intimate stuff).
This surprised me and even more when I asked who that was and he said it was Sarah’s sister. After that, I didn’t feel comfortable knowing that he still went to their house tons of times, and even slept there on the same bed with both of them when he stayed!
I tried to not make a big deal out of it since this happened a long time before we knew each other and we really had a very good relationship but I couldn’t help feeling a bit worried every time he told me he was going to their house, so I talked to him about this and he said he didn’t mind losing Sarah sister’s friendship because he didn’t feel anything for her anymore and he wanted to be with me so he cut that relationship off.
He stopped going to their house too much and tried to just meet with Sarah when her sister was not around but this eventually came up between them and he had to tell Sarah all that happened between him and his sister (which Sarah didn’t know).
After that, Sarah started to take some distance from him and eventually stopped talking to him at all.
It’s been a while but sometimes my partner tells me he misses his best friend, and I can’t help but feel guilty because this would’ve never happened if I kept it to myself.
AITJ for telling him how I felt and kind of ruined his friendship?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It is your partner and Sarah who made this decision. If Sarah felt they have to choose between her sister and your partner, it is normal that she choose her sister.
And nothing spectacularly bad seemed to happen, but they began to distance themselves, which is normal if you take into account that the sister is the roommate, is going to be difficult to find a time when she is not around to meet (especially given that more probably all of them have jobs, studies, other friends, maybe Sarah is with someone, too).
So nobody is the jerk, just a sad situation overall, as nothing would have changed if he hadn’t had a random hook up with Sarah’s sister in the past (it seems it wasn’t nothing meaningful, after all).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Although I know plenty of people have remained good friends not only with their exes, but also past flings, and there’s nothing underneath the surface (but then again it might be a cultural thing), it’s perfectly normal to feel uncomfortable as well given their intimacy.
You communicated. He listened and chose to distance himself. Sarah chose to do the same.
Sometimes friendships do not survive change or a shift in dynamics. If he’s the one to go to their house regularly, then he’s the one making the effort. When that stopped, the friendship lost momentum.” daydreammuse
5. AITJ For Being Upset At My Mom For Giving All The Tuition Money To My Sister?
“I (23 F) have a somewhat hectic relationship with my mom. Growing up, my mom was incredibly controlling and didn’t know how to take criticism among other things. Living with her was unbearable. My dad and I have always been on good terms.
Starting Uni, my parents had indicated that they had almost no money put aside for my sister (22 F) and me for school. My parents were in a bunch of debt growing up so my assumption was they couldn’t afford to save for us.
When I was 18, I got accepted to a local university for a 4-year honors program.
The following year, my sister got accepted into a local college for a 2-year vet tech program. The cost for me totaled about $32k. My sister’s tuition was about $20k.
Fast forward to my 4th year of uni. The global crisis hits, and a really good job I had lined up gets pulled out from under me due to lack of funding, and I need to pay for tuition.
I have some savings to cover it but am still distressed about the lost job opportunity. I mentioned this to my sister and she told me ‘Oh, just ask Mom and Dad if they can give you a little bit of the school fund’.
Turns out, my parents DID have money put aside for us.
I was lower middle-class growing up. My parents didn’t have a ton of money; however, they managed to put aside around $8k for both my sister and me to go to college/uni. Their plan was to give each of us the 4k but after I got a good job in year one of uni, they gave my sister ALL the money for her schooling because ‘I had more savings than her and I had a better job’.
During a convo with my mom, I prompted the question about the school fund. This began a conversation about how I’m better off than my sister because I have more savings, but then neglected to acknowledge the fact that I had almost double her debt.
I no longer had a job and I was now struggling to keep up with tuition. The conversation was surprisingly calm, albeit a little frustrating.
Later on after the call, my mom texted me, upset that I even brought up the money in the first place, calling me ‘inconsiderate’ and was basically appalled I was even asking for some.
I told her that while it is not necessarily my money to make decisions with, it is fundamentally unfair to give everything they intended to share between my sister and me, to just my sister. Now she demands an apology. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Of course, this feels unfair to you and indeed you were the child sort of ‘punished’ for doing well and working hard while your sister appears more coddled.
I know these situations happen and, having raised several children, I know from a parent’s perspective it is a difficult call to make sometimes as you want ALL your children to thrive and some need more help to do this than others.
Maybe that is what happened here in your situation. You’re more capable and responsible than your sister.
For what it is worth, those attributes will serve you better your entire life. All that said, your parents do not appear to be giving you good consideration if you are going to be left with greater debt and, due to circumstances beyond your control, are currently in a situation where you need more assistance from them too.
They do have two young adult children to consider and should try to be more equitable. It was not inconsiderate of you to ask for their help too.
Just let your mom know in your reply to her demand for an apology that you can’t honestly apologize when you feel truly unsupported by her in this situation and even punished for trying to help yourself by earning scholarships and saving towards your education on your own.
You too have needed support to help you avoid greater debt and to get you through this tough time when you are not able to make as much money to pay your tuition, and it hurts that she cannot see that.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I don’t know the answer. But I will say this. I get why you’re frustrated. You feel that your sister got more support and help during college than you did when you both needed it. That is valid. But ultimately the money belonged to your parents.
They get to decide how to spend it and they get to change their mind. You have no claim to the fund unless they had legally given it to you and then later stole it.
Now if the money came from grandparents or something and was directed to be split and your parents didn’t follow the plan that would be different.
If you want you can go talk to your mom and explain how her helping your sister and not you makes you feel. And maybe you two can find a way forward. If you’re just mad about the money – you need to apologize.
It was never your money.” Slow-Show-3884
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but mostly them and minimal to you.
Parents earmarked the money to help you both through school, they should have helped you both. However they didn’t outright commit a set amount to you as a contract at any point, it is technically their money to do as they wish – and if you did have the funds to put yourself through university to begin with, I can understand why they would have then used that fund to help the child who didn’t get so lucky job-wise.
So you don’t ‘technically’ get owed anything. However, what they have done is an indication that they have a favored child whom they want to dote on. Even worse is mom calling you inconsiderate for asking for financial support that she offered so readily to your sibling.
I don’t blame you for your response and think your mom needs to realize she’s made a mess hiding the funds from you and not being open, honest, and fair from the start.” Fearless_Spring5611
4. WIBTJ If I Come To My Ex's Family Christmas Celebration?
“I (33 f) and my ex-husband (35 m) separated about 6 months ago. We were together for 14 years and have 3 young children (10, 7, and 3). Our separation was for many reasons but the main ones were how my ex treated fatherhood as something he could just pick and choose to be involved in.
For example, if I wanted to go out at all, even grocery shopping, I either had to take the kids, ask a family member to babysit, or wait till after I put the kids to bed because he was too tired from work and it was my job (his words).
We have been separated for 6ish months and I have our kids 6 days of the week. Their dad has them every Friday after school until Saturday dinner time. We are mostly civil and have done things with the kids together like going to the movies or the beach etc. My ex doesn’t overly like Christmas and after a bunch of discussions we decided I would have the kids Christmas Eve and Christmas morning before taking them out to his family’s house for the afternoon.
My plan was always to drop them off and come back to pick them up later (he’s working boxing day so I am having them), but his mother called me and asked what time the kids and I were getting to her house on Christmas.
When I said I was dropping them off she said absolutely not and that I had to stay and spend some time with the family. I am still on really good terms with his mum and 2 sisters and we all keep in contact as much as we did before my ex and I split.
When I told my ex that his mum invited me to Christmas he got really angry and said he doesn’t want me going and it’s weird because they’re not my family.
I texted his mum that I didn’t know if I would be coming to Christmas and I almost immediately got messaged by both his siblings telling me to ignore my ex and just come to Christmas with his family.
Would I be the jerk if I went?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I don’t understand why you would want to go. It’s nice of his family to insist that you attend their gathering, but they’re not the ones who have to co-parent with your ex, you are.
He doesn’t want there and if you show up, it’s guaranteed to cause issues between the two of you. Respecting each other’s boundaries is a key aspect of any co-parenting relationship. There are going to be times when you want space from him and when that happens, you’re going to want him to respect that.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – it’s tough because they invited you and it sounds like you love them, but the bottom line is they are his b***d, not yours. Best to respect his boundaries and let his time with his family be his own if that is his desire.
I doubt you’d want him at your family’s Christmas dinner, even if they invited him? If you want to still have time with his mom and sisters, set that up separately but it seems unkind to dump the guy and then insist on still attending his family functions after he told you he doesn’t want you there.
Very uncool of his mom and sisters to override his wishes (he must really be a jerk).
If you are serious about ending this relationship, it will likely require changing how you engage with his family.
My brother has been divorced for over 15 years and his ex-wife still tries to invite herself to our family events and it is very awkward – I genuinely like her but she is no longer part of our family… if he was cool with it, that would be different, but he doesn’t want her there and we as is family honor that.” Freelennial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, it’s not a bad idea to stop in for an hour and then leave giving him the space he needs. What I don’t understand is why you have not continued visiting with your children and their grandmother on non-holidays if you had been in the habit of doing so.
That’s really what you should be doing especially because you say the children are asking you to.
Don’t make the first Christmas harder than it already will be for all concerned. Explain to the children that Daddy and his family want to see them for Christmas and that you are available to come get them if they want you to.
Let them know that you love their dad’s family but gently bow out. By doing so you are teaching them to respect everyone’s wishes. Go easy this year, next year you all may be in a better place.” Sheeshrn
3. AITJ For What I Texted To My Wife?
“My SIL (33 f) was visiting us from out of town and staying with us (35 m/35 f) for a week between Christmas and New Year. We were supposed to go out last night but I got into a silly fight with my wife so I stormed off and went home by myself.
I won’t get into the details of this argument, because I accept the bulk of the culpability for it and it’s not the point of this question. It is probably worth noting for context that there has been simmering tension between me and my wife lately, to the point she brought up if it would make sense for us to take time apart.
When I arrived home, I concluded it would be best for me to leave the apartment for the rest of SIL’s stay, which had another 48 hours remaining as her flight could not be changed. We’re in a 1BR NYC apartment (with SIL staying in our living room) so it’s impossible not to be in each other’s face all the time.
I believed SIL would feel uncomfortable due to the tension and my continued presence would effectively force her out of our place, which I considered would be unfair to her. Besides, SIL is currently a grad student living off a student loan with a ridiculously high interest rate and she would be paying exorbitant hotel rates in NYC during New Year’s Eve weekend, whereas I have enough credit card points to make the out-of-pocket expenses a minimal consideration.
Therefore, I texted my wife as follows:
‘I’m leaving the house at 9 pm and plan to return on Jan 1. Let’s talk in person then. Your sister is welcome to stay until then.’
At 8:45 pm, I had finished packing my overnight bag when, to my surprise, my wife and SIL arrived at the apartment.
SIL accused me of being extremely rude, taking particular umbrage with the last sentence of my text.
‘Well, I said that out of consideration for you. I admit I am at fault for this fight with your sister, so I was merely offering to minimize the inconvenience to you, our guest, by my leaving instead,’ I responded.
SIL declared, ‘I’m an adult and you do not tell me whether to stay or leave!’ With that, SIL grabbed her things and ventured off into the December night, a single woman with no plans in a city she was unfamiliar with, which is exactly what I feared and had tried to prevent.
My wife is now mad at me for giving SIL no option but to leave by saying she is welcome to stay. I’m baffled because it was intended to be anything but that.
AITJ for this sentence? I could have handled the situation better overall but the sisters are convinced that my saying SIL is welcome to stay is the chief offense of all.
After SIL exited, I wondered aloud to my wife, ‘Well, should I at least offer to book your sister a hotel room?’ But since SIL had left to make the point that she is an independent woman, I did not pursue this option further and now my wife is also angry about this.
AITJ for not reaching out to SIL and offering to book her a hotel room?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a little bit right and a little bit wrong. Ok so they totally overreacted, but also the wording of what you said was odd. It sounded like you were saying SIL could only stay if you allowed it.
They jumped on this because they were already upset with you, and there wasn’t a chance for you to explain what you actually meant.
Maybe after everyone has given it some time you can apologize for the way you said what you did. Explain what you really meant and tell your wife and SIL that you don’t always get across what you really mean and that you feel bad that this hurt them.
If your wife is still berating you about it after that, she’s the jerk.” AnnieTheBlue
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. We all know text has no tone and even a neutral text sent in the best of times can be misinterpreted as having a cold tone, so the ‘your sister is welcome to stay u*til then’ does come across as a terse comment of ‘allowing’ SIL to stay u*til the point of your return, upon which she needs to get out.
You would have been better off had you just written ‘I’m leaving at 9 pm and will stay at a hotel for a couple days so we can both cool off. I’ll be back on Jan 1. Let’s talk then. Love you.’ On the other hand, your wife should also know text can seem cold when it isn’t and SIL shouldn’t be so juvenile as to wander out to spite you, because she is only hurting herself and her sister.” cynicalmaru
2. AITJ For Not Believing My Dad's Wife Is Allergic To My Perfume?
“My parents separated when I was 14 years old. My father Bob (69) has a wife/partner named Julie (66), they are not married and have been together for about 15 years in a long-distance relationship. My dad used to visit Julie on the weekends while he was still working and lived there for most of the week after he stopped working.
They bought an apartment together close to me (35) about 4 months ago.
They invited the family to a Christmas dinner on the 26th, a tradition in my family that my father invites us on this day. Her kids were not there. I have two full siblings and one half sibling on my mother’s side and all were invited along with our kids and significant others.
Julie is sensitive to strong smells according to my dad so he warns the whole family to not wear any strong cologne or deodorant when we come. I think this is a little bit weird but fine I usually don’t wear any cologne anyway and I skipped my deodorant.
I dragged my daughter (4) on a slow sled over to their apartment about 15 minutes away from mine. When I got there I sat down on a sofa that was from her old apartment originally. They brought one sofa each from their old places. Her sofa has a sheet on it, presumably so no perfume smells stick to it.
Anyway, she asked me to move to my dad’s old sofa because according to her there was a strong smell coming from my Christmas sweater which was washed with a detergent with a smell (like 95% of all people use).
I was surprised there was any smell coming off of me because I had been careful not to use any cologne or deodorant but I moved to the other sofa.
Then she started reading a book for my daughter on her old sofa and I asked her if my daughter could stay there with her because her clothes had been washed with the same detergent. She said yes because she couldn’t smell as much from her.
I got pretty angry at that point and tried to tell her I thought it was rude to invite people over with ridiculous terms. Then she complained I was not being considerate of her perfume allergy which I honestly don’t think she has, have never seen her have any allergic symptoms. I have allergies and it’s pretty obvious when I have symptoms. I thought she was behaving like a victim while having absurd terms for everyone visiting and I lost it.
I told her and my father who agreed with her that I would not partake in this crazy situation and left with my daughter and my sister who was the only other person there agreed with me and left with us.
I have been feeling pretty annoyed for a couple of days about this whole situation.
My whole family aside from my dad thinks Julie is crazy. I’m upset with my dad for buying into her crazy beliefs and worried that he has lost his common sense.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It might not be an allergy but it’s easier to call it that than explain that strong smells make her have a migraine, or whatever.
I personally can’t breathe properly if there’s a strong source of smell near me. She’s addressed the issue in the politest way possible. She didn’t ask either of you to leave, just to change seats. She’s setting boundaries for how others use her belongings which is fair, we all do.
I think the main problem here is that you don’t believe her when she says the smell bothers her and belittle her struggle, so you refuse to be slightly inconvenienced for a few hours to spare her a few days of ‘suffering’. If this is the only issue you and your family have with her, then it’s way over the top to call her crazy for it and the real problem may be found somewhere else.” LightningEska
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I have a scent allergy and the reaction I get isn’t obvious because it’s different from a food/pollen/dander allergy. I will get a severe headache that can quickly turn into a migraine, and I usually get nauseous.
You’re in HER house and you yelled at her because you think it’s ridiculous?
Some fabrics release the scent more than others, you’re bigger than your daughter so your sweater has more square inches of fabric for the scent to adhere to, and you were sweating which makes the sweater damp and will produce more scent.
You don’t have to understand it, but I’m begging you, as a person who deals with this daily, you have to respect it. She’s not faking… it’s a real condition and those of us who have it absolutely hate being that person.
Believe me… I HATE being that person. But I am, and I can’t change it.
Have you ever had a migraine that felt like your eyes were popping out of your skull, any amount of light was blinding, and the tiniest sound felt like hammering in your brain?
Because I have… from perfume. You obviously have more issues with her than just this. So deal with those and stop being such an entitled jerk.” withoneL124
1. AITJ For Not Depositing The Check My Parents Gave Me?
“For Christmas, I (29 F) received a very generous check from my parents. I wasn’t expecting it and they never spend this much on gifts so it took me by surprise. Not to give exact numbers but it was four digits. I was very grateful and thanked them for their generous gift.
Everything was great… until the day after Christmas. My dad would come up to me multiple times and ask if I deposited the check. I told him that I would and that I could deposit it through my banking app. Well, the day goes on and I forget to deposit the check.
The 27th comes along and I get home from work and my dad gets on me again and asks if I deposited the check. I told him no and he seemed annoyed and again told me to deposit the check. Well as you can probably guess the day ends with me again forgetting to deposit the check.
Now it’s today (the 28th) and my mom texts me while I’m at work asking if I deposited the check. I told her no and she must have told Dad because he started angrily texting me.
‘I asked you to do something and you didn’t do it.
I’m so upset with you OP it’s not even funny. This is a total disrespect to me and your mom. I asked you to deposit that check and you didn’t. You know we did this because we love you and you turn around and not deposit the check like I asked. I’m so upset.
Just give me the check and I’ll deposit it in your account if you’re that lazy. Ungrateful.’
I was shocked when I read that while at work. And I’m not going to lie, it hurt a lot. I spent most of my lunch break in tears trying to think of a response.
I love my dad a lot but I felt like his anger was out of line and needlessly malicious. Unfortunately, while my dad is loving most of the time he does have bouts of anger like this (like once a year not often at all).
He never gets physical or anything but is very loud.
Eventually, I texted him back saying: ‘Hi Dad, I’m sorry that this has made you upset. It’s not that I’m ungrateful. I guess I just don’t understand why this needs to be deposited right away.
Especially since it hasn’t even been a week since I received your very generous gift. I love you very much and I don’t want this to damage our relationship. So I think it’s no longer appropriate for me to accept this check. I’ll give you the check back when I get home.’
I thought that was the best and most mature way to reply. Maybe he’ll calm down? No.
He replied back with this: ‘OP when I tell you to do something I want it done. When your mom asks you to do something you do it.
Now I want you to deposit that check today or I will disconnect your internet (we live in the same house). I ask for the simplest thing and you can’t give that to me. I have my reasons for wanting the check cashed. You should honor my wish.
As far as I’m concerned, this has damaged our relationship.’
I’ve since deposited the check like he asked, but I’m really confused am I really in the wrong here or is he blowing this out of proportion?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m afraid YTJ, OP.
It’s very strange that you’ve drawn this out so far when the simplest solution was just to deposit the check.
I keep wondering, however, why your dad was so insistent about your depositing the check right away. My best guess is that he cares and wants to help you out financially (as he’s been doing by letting you live at home), but doesn’t fully trust you… and I hate to say it, but your behavior seems a little untrustworthy.
Not in a malicious way, just in a space cadet way – like you’ve needed nudges and prods and people sometimes losing their temper just to get you to attend to some basic adult tasks.
I want to say that he’s over-reacting by declaring that this has damaged your relationship, but I keep feeling like there’s a whole lot of history we don’t know – and didn’t need to know to decide that in this case, YTJ.” wordfriend
Another User Comments:
“As much as Dad is overreacting, OP you are a jerk too here. Everyone sucks here.
You literally told your dad how simple it would be for you to deposit, but yet you still haven’t. ALL of this could have been avoided…
if you took two seconds when you were reminded the first time and snapped the pics for the app. But you couldn’t even do something so basic in a timely manner. It’s like telling your dad you don’t really care about the gift and that you don’t want it in a way.
We know you appreciate it, but you aren’t really showing your appreciation of it by letting it sit and collect dust. You aren’t entirely a jerk, but cmon this all could have been avoided.” xEnraptureX
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, a huge one at that. Your dad’s tone may not be right but he isn’t wrong even 1%.
You’re 29 so this definitely can’t be excused with ignorance. It’s the holiday season and your dad’s bank balance shows the balance that was supposed to be withdrawn by the process of you depositing that cheque. Why should he have to worry about his check bouncing and affecting his credit score every time he wants to spend money all because of your stupid laziness?
Why should he have to worry for an extended amount of time about having enough balance for your check every time he wants to spend his money when you’re family and are being a complete jerk about the situation?
If I were him, you would be getting cheques that are pre-dated so that if you don’t withdraw in a day or 2, it becomes your problem.” Hatiseker
In your shoes, I'd leave. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Best of luck.