People Hold Grudges In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Leaving My Dad's House To Stay With My Sister When His Wife Was Hospitalized?
“A week ago my dad’s wife, who’s 7 months pregnant, was rushed to hospital after she started bleeding and having issues breathing. My dad’s in-laws were at the house at the time visiting their daughter and grandkids when it happened. My dad went with his wife.
I (17M) went to my sister’s (22F) place instead of staying with dad’s in-laws and his stepdaughter (10) and other kids (3 and 18 months). Dad’s in-laws wanted me to stay with the kids so they could go to the hospital to make sure their daughter was okay.
I just wanted to get out though and I left without discussing it more. I ended up spending three nights with my sister before Dad showed up and demanded I go back to his house.
For context about why I didn’t stay and dynamics. My sister and I are full siblings.
Dad left Mom when she was pregnant with me. After he left Mom he got a job driving trucks and wasn’t around much. Then he moved an hour from us and started seeing us more. Then he moved even closer and tried to get equal parenting time but since he hadn’t taken all the time he was offered before, never paid his child support, and didn’t have a place big enough to give us our own rooms (and wouldn’t give up his bedroom for one of us) he was turned down.
He ended up getting married, becoming a stepdad, and having more kids with his wife.
Last year my mom died and my dad and sister battled in court for custody. I wanted to live with my sister. The courts said my dad should get a chance since he never really had much time with me.
They said my sister was too young to really support me like Dad could. I protested it but it didn’t help.
I’m going to live with my sister as soon as I turn 18 and we have a plan for that. Dad doesn’t know but keeps trying to make me forgive him and give his family a chance and to try and be a family with them.
I’m not interested. Not in his kids either. He tried to sell me on being an older sibling until he realized I don’t care about his kids. His wife decided if I didn’t want to give them a chance then she wouldn’t let me have any photos of my mom or sister in her house.
I gave them all to my sister. She even went through my stuff to see. Ever since she reminds me almost daily that I’ll regret not wanting anything to do with her kids when they’re older. She also wished for my sister to end up homeless because my sister didn’t want to know her kids either.
Oh, and because she had gone to court to make sure Dad was going to still pay the child support for her that he never paid Mom.
Back to the current stuff. After my dad made me go back to his place he yelled at the top of his lungs at me for abandoning “my family” and for not showing more concern for his wife and the unborn baby.
Or for the kids who could have lost their mom for all I knew. He told me he deserved better than that. I told him he deserved nothing from me or my sister. He told me my actions showed I’m not growing into a man but a pathetic little boy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wait it out. You don’t want your dad to go to the cops on your sister or fight her in court more. Make sure she is storing all your important paperwork like birth certificate, passport, driver’s license, SS card, etc. Change bank accounts and move all your money to a new bank..lock down your credit at all 3 credit bureaus so he doesn’t try to steal your identity.
Also, file taxes FIRST every new tax year so he doesn’t try to claim you once you turn 18. Once you leave and turn 18, you can put them all on blast if you want. They failed you and your sister. Go no contact too. And see if you can still get the missing child support to help you pay for college!
Good luck OP. (And don’t listen to the poster below saying you are a jerk. Insanity. They are adults and can handle figuring out childcare. You are not a babysitter. Your dad is an awful dad, full stop.)” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a single father of 4 with degrees in Psychology and it’s tough, to say the least, but at 17 you’re pretty much able to make basic decisions like the one you made.
Your father has made the choice to be combative to your wishes and while many may see this as a character-building technique, it often drives their son/daughter away from them. When my brother had to go to the hospital for an emergency, I brought my kids along as they wanted to know what was going on and wanted to be there.
If they did not want to be there, I would definitely not force them. I may be projecting somewhat and my apologies on that note. While every situation is unique, at the end of the day it is your life, and understand that actions will have varying effects on those around you, and no matter what, someone will always disagree with you.
If you feel what you did was fully justified and violated none of your personal ethics then NTJ.” wittfox
Another User Comments:
“How long until you turn 18? I hope the best for you. Save money, get a part-time job, apply for colleges/scholarships. Make your exit plan and disappear on him.
I would also send the judge a letter. “I don’t know if you remember me but your judgment in leaving me with my dad was the perfect opportunity for him and his wife to be emotionally abusive. I am not allowed to have photos of my mother.
I am not allowed to see my sister. I am only wanted for childcare. I am always told I am a disappointment. I want to thank you for putting me in this position and ensuring I go completely no contact with my father at 18. Thank you for making my life until then miserable.”” VastConsideration126
21. AITJ For Joking About My Coworker's Incontinence Pads Purchase?
“I (20m) work in a grocery store as a cashier. My coworker “Jane” (f, not sure of age but probably 20s) is also a cashier. I’ve noticed that Jane takes a lot of bathroom breaks, and so did management I guess because I overheard one of our more abrupt managers ask her if she had a bladder problem.
Anyway, on to the present. Yesterday she came through my line with some incontinence pads, and I joked, “Does this mean you’ll be taking fewer bathroom breaks?”
She didn’t reply so I continued ringing her up. When I got to work this morning my manager pulled me aside and told me one of my coworkers had reported that I had made them uncomfortable and that they would be looking into the incident.
I assume it was Jane, but I don’t see what the big deal is. It was just a joke? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let’s pretend Jane was buying tampons instead. Would you have made a comment about her being on her period and that explains her mood swings?
Let’s pretend Jane was buying mouthwash instead. Would you have made a comment that maybe she won’t have bad breath? All of these are inappropriate. You’re lucky you didn’t get written up.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“One of my biggest fears is when buying a product I may consider embarrassing, the cashier will take note and make a comment on it.
It’s why I use the self-checkout. To avoid people like you. Incontinence is embarrassing. I had to wear pull-ups until I was nearly 14 and I cried myself to sleep sometimes because I thought nobody would want to be with someone like me. Who wanted to marry a bed-wetter who had to wear what was essentially a diaper?
I grew out of the bladder problems, but oof. It was a sore topic for me. It still is. The older I got, the worse it felt to endure it. I would have been horrified if someone joked about it. YTJ.” littlehappyfeets
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I think you know it. Punching down is a no-go. Joking about medical conditions is not only not cool, it’s embarrassing. Jane is probably not super proud of having accidents, you know. If any other customers heard that, you just damaged the reputation of your store, too.
They might not know your working relationship with Jane, and just think you’re a jerk who comments on purchases. I don’t know about your store’s policies, but in my previous retail experience, it’s been to not comment on something unless the customer is asking/talking about it to you.
It could also be considered harassment, which, if you’re in the US, can be a legal issue for the company, so they have “zero tolerance” policies. If you don’t get fired, prepare to at least get a write-up.” getmeastepstool
20. AITJ For Laughing At My Niece's Meltdown Over Medicine And Posting It On Social Media?
“My 6-year-old niece had a very very intense meltdown because she refused to take her medicine, which lasted about 2 hours and made her parents very stressed out.
A lot of screaming and crying involved, anyway. As the single 26-year-old aunt, I naturally found this funny and I posted about this on my social media stories saying “watching it unfold was the most effective form of birth control…”
I only posted this in text format and didn’t share any pictures or videos.
Anyway, a married with kids friend of mine reached out to me, to say that it was kind of mean for me to make fun of the situation. I didn’t really think so but as a form of respect to her and my other friends with kids, I deleted it but was what I said really mean?”
Another User Comments:
“There could have been a myriad of reasons why your niece was struggling to get her emotions together. Kids have a HUGE job learning to regulate their emotions with underdeveloped brains. As adults, it’s our job to help them do that.
I’m hearing that she had to take medicine and that indicates to me she was sick – colds can throw kids WAY off. It sounds to me like your niece hit a very normal breaking point. Imagine for a moment, that your brain is not yet fully developed to logic and reasoning, you don’t like the taste of medicine, you’re feeling crummy and you’re out of your comfort zone, and someone completely disregards your “no” then proceeds to force an unpleasant substance down your throat.
As parents, we have to do it because it will help – as a child, it can be an incredibly powerless, upsetting incident.
In this case, it sounds like it was her breaking point for what she could handle that day. Kids don’t have control when their system goes into meltdown – it’s very different from a tantrum and the fact that it lasted more than two hours is telling that major emotional dis-regulation was at play.
Now, that being said, I FULLY understand that leading one to not want to have kids but I imagine it was a very tough experience for all involved. I’ll still say NTJ because you didn’t film her, but I do know I’d feel it if one of my siblings posted something like that about my kids…simply because it would have been a HUGE stressor for me in the midst of my kiddo being sick.
But you took it down when someone pointed out that perspective and you’re here asking for insight. Enjoy having no kids. It’s definitely something I miss (even if I infinitely love these wild little things).” Melliemelou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but just barely.
You’ve crossed a line making fun of it on social media but taking feedback and deleting it redeemed you. From a pharmacist’s perspective, even adults are crap at taking their meds. Some medicines no matter how hard we try will taste bad because they’re bitter and kids tend to hate bitter.
Paracetamol (Acetaminophen for the Yanks), Prednisolone and cough mixtures are all examples of bad-tasting meds. At least as adults, we can understand the concept that they’re important and we tolerate the seconds of yuck for the benefit. A lot of kids don’t get that and all they’re thinking is yuck and resist (there are some who take whatever they’re given).
If during those whole 2 hours you didn’t offer to help in any way you should be a little ashamed of laughing about it. There’s a difference between laughing because you’re experiencing it in the trenches with your fellow soldiers and laughing at them.” Radiant_Western_5589
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner Of Five Years To Move In With Me?
“My partner f23 and I m27 have been together for over 4 years and do not live together. She lives alone I own half an apartment with my parents who live with me.
There are talks of my parents getting another place sometime next year and my partner asked if she could move in with me.
I said no, my parents own part of this apartment so it is still theirs, plus I want to live on my own for a bit. My partner is mad because she can’t believe that there is a possibility that we would have been together for over 5 years and not be living together.
I don’t think we are ready yet. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are never required to live with anyone you don’t want to, and that doesn’t make you a jerk, but also, you’re closing in on 30 years old; if you’re not ready to live with someone after being with them for 5 years, you’re never GOING to be ready to live with that person.
I don’t know if you’re just immature for your age, or she’s not the right person for you, but at some point, you need to recognize that people can’t live their lives in a holding pattern. She isn’t a jerk for wanting a meaningful commitment and to move forward with her life and your relationship after 5 years – she doesn’t want to be with you while living apart for more than half a decade, and that’s not an unreasonable expectation on her part.
You’re not a jerk for letting her know that she’s not going to get that from you if it’s not what you want. But don’t expect the relationship to last through this. There are no jerks here, only two people who probably aren’t meant to be together in the long run.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Big big oof. Are you just biding time with your partner so you aren’t alone? 4yrs is a long time to be in a relationship with zero signs of moving forward. It’s ok to not want to live together but it’s not ok to string someone along for years letting them believe in ‘eventually’.
Especially when you know it’s never going to happen. Not with her anyway. But the biggest reason you’re a jerk is because of your lame excuse you use as a crutch. You literally put the blame on your parents because they co-own the condo. Be an adult, take responsibility & own your stuff.
It’s actually not that hard to do & you may even find it therapeutic.” Psychological-Cry748
18. AITJ For Accepting A Safer, Better Paying Job And Leaving My Nanny Position?
“I 17F am a junior in high school. 5 years ago I got a job watching 3 disabled kids, 2 have autism and one of them has such severe aggression, cops usually have to intervene.
Most people must be highly trained to work in these conditions and charge around $50/hr.
I’m there daily with no training, and they only pay me $15/hr even after many conversations requesting more. My dad isn’t really comfortable with me there anymore since I often come home injured. I have been pushing them to get additional help, but because of the pay rate they refuse, so I’m all they have.
It’s been difficult to have such a huge responsibility while maintaining grades and a social life, but I can usually make it work.
This summer, however, I was offered a job for 6 weeks, in a much safer environment. They would pay me $22/hr plus gas, so I gladly accepted. I told the parents I’d come for the rest of the summer and I would be happy to help find a replacement nanny.
They got so mad saying that I’m screwing them over and how they expected more from me since I’m “part of their family”. Am I being the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! These people’s actions are horrific. The work they require is above your ability.
They need specially trained, ADULT caregivers for their special needs kids. You should NOT be getting assaulted and injured on the job. They are liable for this. Also what you have is an employee-employer relationship, not a family relationship. And to guilt you like that is disgusting, especially considering the balance of power here: They are adults while you are a minor.
Take that other, better paying, safer job, and don’t look back.” Seemoreifsandsorbuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That family is taking huge advantage of you. You’re still a minor and unqualified to do what they’re asking of you. You need to take that job and find other work that you are qualified to do that will pay you what you’re worth and appreciate you.
Do not let employers gaslight you with the ‘you’re family to us’ talk…it’s just to make you feel guilty and nothing else. They need to hire an adult with the right background to take care of their kids.” Castingjoy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The unmitigated gall of those parents, to try to guilt trip you into being overworked and underpaid when you could be making a much fairer wage. If they valued you that much, they’d pay you what you’re worth. If they considered you family, they’d be happy for you that you found a better opportunity.
They’re just selfish and short-sighted. If they’re in the US, there are a number of nonprofit, state, or federal programs they could be using to either pay you more, get you the training you need, or, preferably, do both and hire some backup. They could’ve been applying to those programs all the time you’ve been working for them.
Just how long did they expect you to keep risking your own health and safety for subpar pay? They were going to squawk about it no matter how much notice you gave. They took you for granted. They need to thank their lucky stars you put up with it that long, build a bridge, and get over it.” alicethewriter
17. AITJ For Snapping At My Mother Over Her Dismissal Of My Trauma And Struggles?
“3 years ago I had a bone tumour that almost took my life and left me paralysed. I was 14 when it happened. Yesterday I was talking to my mother about how when she or others told me to get over my trauma or that other people have it worse, it annoys me.
She’s been saying that for years and doesn’t get how I can be annoyed or upset at the world because I survived. These preaches of “others have it worse” I listened to for a while but now it’s getting old because it’s like I’m not allowed to feel anything other than being happy I’m alive.
Today I was frustrated that I was behind in college by 2 years and how I wish things hadn’t turned out this way, and she told me to get over it. I snapped, told her to shut up, and in an act of petty protest drove off without telling me.
This wouldn’t be an issue if she hadn’t agreed to drop me off today – keep in mind I’m paralysed and need to make arrangements a day before if I’m taking the bus.
Now I’m going to be late to college. AITJ for snapping or not?”
Another User Comments:
“The whole “other people have it worse” would only be appropriate if someone at most had a minor fracture or surgery and they can’t get past it. It’s quite inappropriate to say it when someone is paralysed. That being said, I think both of you need some combined therapy or counselling.
If she is your caretaker, she needs help to deal with your situation mentally, and can’t end up in fights with you all the time. And you need counselling too, for obvious reasons and all the help that you can get. Some people just are not emotionally equipped to deal with others’ vents of frustration, so they end up saying the wrong thing.
So better to get counselling together. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your mother sounds like she’s in a little bit of denial, which is common. Sure, she knows you are paralyzed, but she’s in pseudo-denial. It’s a real thing. The reason I mention this is because I wonder if she has come up with any ideas for provisions.
Will you become independent or is she to be your primary caretaker? If it is the latter, please see to it that she makes arrangements for you in case she becomes incapacitated herself and cannot care for you any longer. And no one lives forever.
It can make a real mess if somebody doesn’t set things up ahead of time. I wish you luck trying to fight her denial, you may not win, but a therapist would be beneficial for you, or a support group, somewhere where you could talk to somebody about how awful this is, regardless of what other people are up to.
Even if it has to be over the phone or Internet, you need a place to vent and feel supported. I don’t think you will be getting that from your mother, at least not emotionally.” Sitcom_kid
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I understand why you would be upset and snap, it’s silly for people to think you cannot possibly be sad because of the warped logic that “there’s always someone worse off”.
But I guess you can communicate with your mum that logic is weird and how you are really feeling inside and you feel it’s not wrong to feel this way. All I see it as is your mum is an average Joe who doesn’t know how to make you feel better than superficial nonsense like “others have it worse”.
But to be fair, she’s just trying to make you feel better but doesn’t have the social finesse to do it – not many people can craft a legitimate response that can elicit a positive response from people of your circumstance.” ThomzLC
16. AITJ For Setting Rules For My Niece And Nephews And Not Letting Them Over When I'm Sick?
“My husband and I live close to his family. His sister has 4 children ranging in age. They’re all super sweet kids but have zero discipline. They often come over and are very good about following our house rules. When they don’t, they get time out or consequences depending on their age.
His sister and other family members berate me constantly about setting rules and not giving them whatever they want. I also provide them with clothes to take home as well and I have spent countless hours working on setting up learning programs for them. They were not happy about it either.
I came down with a cold recently and told the kids they could not come over. I got berated for not allowing them to come over as they couldn’t do their learning programs for the week. Am I the jerk for not caving in to them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – everything you described sounds like the responsibilities of their parents. Shut it down, I would stop all of it until they agree to implement a similar structure and rules in their homes with their kids. You should only be reinforcing their discipline not creating it from scratch and fighting to have it adhered to.
You can CHOOSE not to do anything for them, you can DECIDE that you don’t want elementary school Juggalos in your house. You don’t have to be sick, have other engagements, be busy, or have guests. You can just exert your independence and autonomy with nothing else said.
Your choices don’t need to be justified, explained, or even understood. Set your boundaries and keep them.” ROZDOG69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your kids. It’s nice that you assist with clothes and a learning program but if she wants a learning program she can step up, and all the rest, especially if they were complaining about it (can’t have it both ways) And your house, your rules.
Parents don’t like that you make the kids behave with a semblance of decorum when in your house, and the horror! of having age-appropriate consequences for actions they can watch the kids they bred themselves. And totally cool to say whenever you want (unless you are on an agreed schedule and getting paid) that you don’t want the kids over.” Kindly_Delicious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s the thing. If the family doesn’t like that you have boundaries and rules in your home, cool. Then the children aren’t invited over. It really is that simple. They can wear out their welcome with the other members of the family, but you don’t have to have them in your home.
Be kind when you see them, but ‘leave them where they be’, as my grandma would say. You don’t have a say in how they are being raised, but you also don’t have to entertain the fact that they aren’t being given structure. Your SIL and husband’s extended family are ungrateful and this is something that you just don’t have to put up with.” moew4974
15. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Brother To School On My Days Off?
“I stay with my mom (she is a single parent). We live 5 minutes away/30 minute walk from my brother’s (12M) school. With me working nights, I agreed to pick my brother up from school every day to help my mom because she got a new job and wouldn’t be able to pick him up/take him to school because his school starts later.
Before he started school this year, I mentioned frequently that I would not be able to take him to school every day. I work overnight (7p-7a) so it is important that I get sleep so that I’m not exhausted at work. I also can’t fall back to sleep once I am already awake.
On the nights that I work, I offer to take my brother to school in the morning because I am already awake. I also pay her $600 rent every month.
Today, my mom called me, telling me to take my brother to school because it was supposed to rain (spoiler: it didn’t).
I got annoyed because I mentioned this to her before and said I wouldn’t be able to take my brother to school because I work overnight and need to sleep. My mom got upset with me, said “wow it’s only 5 minutes” and suggested that I move out to see what a real inconvenience is like.
Since she woke me from my sleep I took him to school because I was already up. But I mentioned this to her before and it’s like she is bulldozing over a boundary. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“From your post, I’m going with no jerks here.
OK, you set your boundary. Boundaries are not about controlling other people’s actions. Boundaries are simply saying you will not accept a behavior. Once someone crosses that boundary, you have to decide what you are going to do. That’s the action you get to control, yours.
So the choice is yours now. What are you going to do? I would recommend you take a long hard look at what you are getting from living with your mom. Then take a long hard look at what it would take to live on your own.
If you’re a cost/benefit type, run the numbers. Check into apartments, look at rent/utilities/insurance/food, etc. Estimates for your area should be simple to find online. As for the other issue, you work nights. My experience was it was always best if I kept the same sleep schedule on my days off.
Trying to adjust your sleep schedule constantly is harsh. Also, black-out curtains and a white noise generator for your room. Neighbors always seem to love to mow on your day off. If you’re also in school, then I feel for you.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s over here acting like you’re running a full-service Uber and daycare combo. It’s giving “don’t wake the bear” vibes, but instead of growling, you’re just a sleep-deprived insomniac who has to drag herself out of bed. Also, the irony of her saying, “It’s only 5 minutes”—well then, why can’t she walk him herself on her way out?
Honestly, waking someone up who works nights to do a morning task is like asking a chef to cook dinner at 3 a.m. because you got hungry. It’s a whole new level of sleep sabotage! If she wants to see what a real inconvenience is, she should try doing your job on 3 hours of sleep.” SophieLove6969
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here you need to start looking for shared apartment listings, include all you see even if you wouldn’t move there. Then you and Mom need to sit down and communicate. You need to set your boundaries and what you can and cannot do.
She is trying to make you do what she wants by convincing you that you won’t be able to find a place for what you pay her, you need to show her that you can find a place by showing her the ads and then make sure she understands that if you do move, that means no extra $600 a month from you and she will need to take your brother to and from school or find someone.” Free_Science_1091
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's Unleashed Dog Around My Toddler?
“My sister and her partner have a Rhodesian Ridgeback, he’s almost 2yo, very playful and impetuous. He’s huge, but still a puppy, so he’s acting like every puppy, I guess, and plays in quite a physical way (chewing your foot or elbow).
I’m not a dog person. Since I had my son (19mo) I’m quite anxious when dogs are around, especially big dogs and especially unleashed. So my sister’s dog and my son are never ever left together with the dog unleashed. Again, he is very impetuous.
I know he wants to play, but still, I’m uneasy.
This weekend my sister, her partner, and their dog went on a trip in the mountains where they could leave the dog free almost all the time. She was excited and said he was a good boy, let some kids pet him (they’re training him because he didn’t like people touching him), and that sometimes we could make the same trip together.
I said of course, as long as the dog has the leash, otherwise no problem: I’ll hold my son on my shoulders or in my arms for the time the dog would run unleashed. She complained that it’s unfair she couldn’t do trips with both the dog and her nephew, but has to choose between the two and she can’t leave the dog alone for much time because they’re already working all day and he gets lonely.
I didn’t ask her to choose, of course, just remarked I don’t want big impetuous dogs around my son: he is very gentle towards animals (we have two cats), but he still could do something to annoy the dog. Or the dog could hurt him while playing.
I’m not taking that risk.
I admit I don’t like her dog very much. I’m a cat person, but I also love a friend’s greyhound because she’s quiet and gentle and well-behaved. I let my son play with the greyhound with my supervision but with no big worries.
AITJ towards my sister? I don’t want to take away from her activities with her nephew, but I have a problem with her dog unleashed around my son.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a dog person. I’ve had dogs that were pure or mixed Dane, lab, mastiff, Pyrenees, ridgeback, various kinds of shepherd–the smallest dog I’ve ever had was 60 pounds.
And I completely agree with you. When your child is older, and so is the dog, the two might be able to be great buddies, but right now your fear is likely to convey to the dog that something is dangerous, a rambunctious dog can really hurt a toddler unintentionally, and a child can hurt a dog enough that it will correct the child as it would a puppy.” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We had a Rhodesian before. He was the BEST family dog that we ever had. He was very socialized but at times can get overly excited (not aggressive) and play too hard and knock over my son (who was also 2-3 at the time) while running back and forth.
There were also times he sensed when people were scared of him and nipped at their ankles. This happened 3 times in the 12 years that we had him and each time it was when he was leashed and people were walking past him. We don’t know how it was provoked and every person said it wasn’t a real bite, just a nip.
We still don’t understand how or why he did that, other than the people telling us they were scared to be around him. Rhodesians are big dogs and can look intimidating at times. It’s always the owner’s responsibility to ensure the safety of those around.” Electronic_Knee_3662
Another User Comments:
“I have ridgebacks (grew up with them all my life) and I agree with you, my boy’s 3 this year and I would keep him on a lead around little kids. Ridgebacks have a big prey drive and whilst I know that my boy wouldn’t bite a kid, if one got excitable or started running he would get bouncy and knock a kid over easy.
I lost a tooth as a tot because the ridgie I grew up with chased me and knocked me over. I don’t see why you can’t take it in turns having them free. I wouldn’t leave my lad in a room with someone else’s kids, I would my female she’s old now and soft as heck – she’d move if she didn’t like a kid near her.
Ridgies chase – if something runs they’re going after it. They also play rough and shoulder barge.” steadfastun1corn
13. AITJ For Not Taking My Husband To The Pokemon World Championships After He Initially Declined?
“Last year, it was announced the 2024 Pokemon World Championships were to be held in Honolulu. I (39F) don’t play the TCG, but my husband (44M) and I play the switch games, Pokemon Go and more recently, Pokemon Sleep.
I did research about last year’s event and the best way to obtain spectator passes. From what I read online, Nintendo is notorious for crowd control and passes are given out on a lottery basis.
There was an interest list that opened at the beginning of June so I asked my husband if he would like to go.
He quickly declined because he gets anxious with big crowds. I said, “I’d like to attend, so I’m going to put my name on the interest list; let me know if you change your mind.” I was worried about getting a 3-day pass, let alone a 1 day, but I submitted my name and hoped for the best. Around the beginning of July, I received an e-mail.
I’d been selected for a Friday pass! I was super excited and immediately registered. There was an option to bring a guest, so I paid for 2 passes.
A few weeks later, I ran into my college classmate (we’ll call him Karl) and he told me he was bummed about not getting a spectator pass.
He made an appointment for the pop-up Pokemon Center to buy merch for his daughter, but as someone who used to compete in TCG, he wanted to watch the local players. I didn’t immediately mention my extra spectator pass, so I went home to make one last attempt to invite my husband.
Again, he said no. I said I’m going to extend my extra pass to my classmate and daughter, and he said: “go have fun with your friend”.
As we get closer to August, more events, merch, and activities were announced. Karl and I planned to pick up our passes on Thursday, check out the Trainer Village at Hilton Hawaiian Village, and take his daughter to the meet-and-greets.
On Friday, we would check out the booths between rounds and of course, buy lots of merch. At this point, my husband is experiencing extreme FOMO.
A week before the event, he approached me and asked me to take him instead. I told him no because I already registered Karl as my guest and he paid me for his admission pass.
In addition, Karl added me to his Pokemon Center reservation. My husband brought up that his therapist told him it was important we actively make/spend time together and I was not holding up my end of the bargain. I calmly told him after he said no, I extended another invite (which he declined) before I asked Karl.
I also said it was inappropriate to use our therapy tools in this situation because I had no intention of excluding him or keeping him out of the loop; he was always my first choice.
FYI: Sadly we didn’t get our hands on all the merch we wanted due to the scalpers, but we did walk away with lighter wallets.
So am I the jerk for not taking my husband and not feeling guilty about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My god, your husband is 44 not 4, he needs to stop acting like a baby. He declined multiple times, you made an alternative plan for the ticket which he knew about, and he thinks he has the right to go when he suddenly realizes how cool the event will be?!
And then he tries to manipulate you by weaponizing therapy?! What a colossal jerk. I would be absolutely livid with him.” Little_Loki918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked your husband on multiple occasions and he declined. He gave you the go-ahead to invite a friend and then regretted it.
It would be jerk behavior to ditch the friend which he tried making you do. There is a limit on the time you can regret things and he passed his. Not to mention his attempt at guilt-tripping you. That’s a red flag and a sign of manipulation.
The fact he would have you potentially ruin a friendship because he regretted a choice is disgusting. The only jerk here is your hubby.” AmoebaIndependent382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is using therapy to try and guilt you into alleviating his last-minute FOMO. That’s not great.
Sorry, but he had two opportunities and passed. At a certain point, you have to take responsibility for your own decisions, and not blame others. Furthermore, it would have been horrible to yank the tickets on your friend! An idea – tell your husband to bring it up in therapy and hopefully the professional will be able to help him navigate future scenarios like this one more effectively.
You did everything perfectly.” No_Ad_770
12. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mean-Spirited MIL To Our Annual New Year's Gathering?
“Each year, my husband (40) and I (35F) host a big New Year’s gathering at our house for friends and family. We do a big BBQ and have a relaxing day catching up with people we love.
I have a difficult relationship with my MIL.
I have been with the Mr for over 15 years, and I thought that my MIL and I were close. She often said and did unkind things, but I chalked that up to her not having insight into how she might make people feel but shrugged it off as I thought she loved me too.
I was wrong. She does not see her children’s partners as family and has admitted that she does not like me. The reason for this dislike is (in her words) because she is jealous that I am a good cook and people enjoy my food.
She is a very insecure woman, and I have come to learn that she says these unkind things to hurt people so she can be the victim when they put up boundaries.
Last year, my MIL was unpleasant about me to the guests when I was not around, and then came into my kitchen and tore me a new one, thinking that we were alone.
We weren’t and several people heard her and were shocked at how she treated me (they were behind a wall in the dining room, so out of sight, but in the area). Having her visit makes me very unhappy. She is nasty about everything that she thinks is not perfect.
You could have an immaculate home, but if the wind has come up and blown some leaves at your doorstep, she would say “you could have cleaned that up before we came”.
Due to the way she treats me and others (some of whom will be at this gathering), I really don’t want to invite her.
My husband and I keep her at arm’s length due to her behavior, but excluding her will upset her further and make life difficult for us. She is not one to be able to discuss her behavior and tell her how it makes us feel.
We have tried many times and it gets turned around to make you be at fault. She lacks insight and empathy for others. It’s exhausting.
So, WIBTJ to exclude her, and by extension my FIL (who enables her behavior), or should I just suck it up and deal with it to keep the peace?
I think I would be the jerk to not include her and have the fallout, but I think I would also be the jerk to myself for inviting her!!”
Another User Comments:
“I used to have a friend that acted like your MIL. When I finally blew up and told her I didn’t want to see her anymore because she hurt my feelings and cruelly criticized me every time I did, and never listened when I asked her to behave differently (often ridiculing me for asking) or be kinder to me, she was shocked and horrified. She assumed everyone was exactly like her and that if I was unhappy I would holler and whine and complain like she did literally until I got my way.
She assumed if I made a gentle request to be treated more kindly I just, “didn’t want it bad enough” for her to listen and if I really wanted her to change I would tear into her and hurt her feelings and blatantly talk about her behind her back.
Obviously, I didn’t do the work to save that friendship but going forward if I have an acquaintance like that, I act that way back to them and tell them how rude it is to treat someone there so callously. They love it and then think we are best friends until I tell them different.
I’m petty but I’d call her up the day of the party and yell. “You’re rude and uncouth and nobody wants to come to my party if you’re going to be there, so you and your husband are uninvited! Don’t come to my house again until you get some manners!
Nobody likes you!” Except she might decide you’re her favorite DIL.” entirelyintrigued
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Life is too short to put up with mean people. She’s willing to be rude and not even try to be civil to you. She doesn’t consider you family and doesn’t mind ruining your party and attacking you in your home.
Why invite her? Why bother having a relationship with her at all? Let your husband have whatever relationship with her he wants, but don’t invite her over, don’t go visit, and don’t talk to her on the phone. Simply tell her: I have no more patience for your meanness and your rudeness.
I’m done. Unless and until you can apologize for your behavior and more importantly, manage to be civil and not talk trash about me behind my back, I will no longer be a part of your life. I cannot control how you behave, but I can certainly control what I’m willing to tolerate and I choose to no longer tolerate you.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. You need to stop worrying about how your MIL will feel. She doesn’t give a darn about your feelings. Stop inviting toxic people to your home. Your MIL doesn’t care about you or your boundaries. She will tell everyone that she knows and start a campaign to get others to not attend your party.
So you will need to be prepared. Start a group chat and tell people beforehand that she will not be invited and let them make a decision about whether or not they will still attend. This will give you a heads-up about the size of the party you will need to prepare for.
Regardless of the fallout, DO NOT CAVE AND INVITE YOUR IN-LAWS. Your MIL sounds like a nightmare, and it’s time to keep her away from your party.” Necessary_Device_227
11. AITJ For Buying The Same Designer Handbag As My Friend's Dupe?
“I recently bought myself a Miu Miu Sassy Matelassé bag, a designer handbag I’ve had my eye on for quite some time. I could afford it comfortably and saw it as a treat to myself for a big work achievement. I also chose a unique color – a soft blush pink that I hadn’t seen often – to make it feel extra special.
One of my close friends, “Sarah,” who is in a different financial position, has a duplicate of the same Miu Miu bag. Hers is black, and honestly, it looks good for a duplicate, but it’s obviously not the real deal. When I showed up with my new bag at brunch, I could tell Sarah was a bit taken aback.
She didn’t say anything at first, but as the day went on, she started dropping hints about how it felt awkward to see me with an “upgraded version” of something she had. I brushed it off because we both have different tastes and, ultimately, I didn’t think my choice should impact her.
Later, Sarah told me she felt like I was flaunting my money in front of her, especially since I know she’s been struggling financially. She mentioned she’d been so happy to find a duplicate that looked close to the original, and now, seeing me with the real thing felt like a jab.
I tried explaining that I’d wanted the bag for ages and wasn’t trying to one-up her, but she’s been cold toward me ever since, implying that I don’t care about her feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get that she is likely insecure about her financial situation.
I have been there. But where did this mentality come from that if you buy something someone else has (even if it’s a knockoff) that it’s a put-down or get offended? Should I be offended when someone has an Audi I want? No. I can’t afford it.
Darn nice car though. The whole I want what you have and gonna be weird about it is Sooo……weird. You do you. Give it some time and talk to her about it again, but if she wants to ruin a friendship over something so material then let her.
It’s her hang-up to deal with.” VehicleCreepy806
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As someone who can also “comfortably afford” designer bags, and as someone with friends in different financial situations, this was inconsiderate and surely you knew that. There are infinite beautiful designer bags you could have chosen instead.
Many other Miu Miu bags, even. There even are plenty of other Miu Miu bags that have the matelasse leather, since you inexplicably like it! Like, I urge anyone voting NTJ to check out the Miu Miu website & see that there are dozens of similar bags that aren’t the same darn one.
Influencing my decision frankly is also the fact that this bag is so incredibly fugly and not a classic/common pick. It’s not like a Chanel boy or a Hermes Kelly or even an LV Neverfull where it feels like everyone on earth has it so whatever.
So you and your friend HAD TO both have the same niche, ugly purse? You had to ruin something special for her? It’s certainly your right to buy whatever bag you like, but you could also have chosen not to wear it around that particular friend.
I wouldn’t want someone like you as a friend.” Fine-Bit-7537
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like “Sarah” has some things she needs to work through. You didn’t buy the bag to slight her, you bought it as a celebration for achieving something at work.
You stated that she thought you were flaunting your money. Maybe the next time you talk approach the topic in a delicate way. I find sometimes tone inflection can help diffuse difficult conversations/situations. Maybe try something like “When we last spoke about this I heard you felt this way… is that correct?” Just to seek clarity.
Then move into something like “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad, it wasn’t my intention.” Maybe also include a compliment toward her bag. Sometimes tackling an issue from a different angle can be helpful. I’m sorry this put a damper on a gift for yourself and achievement.
Congratulations!” lxl_Cerb_lxl
10. AITJ For Criticizing My Friend's Strict 'No Snack' Rule For His Daughter?
“I (38F) have two sons (6 and 2). My friends “Sara” (38F) and “David” (40M) have two daughters (9 and 5 “Eva”). We live in the UK, but they visit every few years from Vancouver.
They are staying with my family for a week and yesterday, Sara wasn’t feeling well so she, unfortunately, had to stay at the house.
The rest of us went for a walk in the countryside and took a picnic with us. This was, of course, exhausting for the kids. Eva became very upset towards the end because she was tired and hungry, and lay on the ground, crying and refusing to walk any further.
I have learned that it’s always good to carry around snacks for unhappy children, so I gave some to my sons as they were beginning to wilt. I offered some to David to give to his daughter, but he said he doesn’t let them eat between meals and he “won’t reward Eva’s ridiculous behavior”.
I said it’s not rewarding bad behavior to give a tired and hungry child some energy and he replied it’s only been a few hours since Eva ate lunch anyway so she can’t possibly be tired. I said she had been very good and energetic all day, but now was just at her breaking point.
She’s recovering from traveling, adjusting to the time difference, sleeping in a new place, interacting with new people, etc. He still refused and I gave up trying to convince him. He just dragged Eva away, and she continued to cry the whole way home.
I decided to make the kids dinner an hour earlier than planned because she really needed food and I could tell that David wasn’t backing down. He said I shouldn’t have done that and Eva needs to learn that crying for attention won’t help her.
Sara said she didn’t entirely agree but that she wasn’t going to undermine his authority and neither should I.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, your parenting style sounds much more relaxed and comfortable than theirs. Who made up this draconian rule that says “no eating between meals!” That might work with adults, but even then, nutritionists often recommend a healthy snack midmorning and midafternoon, and this is a 5-year-old.
I think it’s safe to assume that even 5-year-olds know when they are hungry, and you can certainly tell when they are tired to exhaustion. Sounds like dad lives by the rules, even when the rules don’t make sense.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“When I was about to have my first kid, my sister gave me some really good advice: Yes, there are some wrong ways to raise a child, but there’s also a lot of right ways.
I will only speak up to give unsolicited advice if I see someone doing something objectively wrong. But as long as they are loving the child, keeping the child well fed, not being violent with the child, etc. then I will only offer advice if asked. So, unless the parent is underfeeding the child, then if they decide that they are a “no snack” family, that’s their call.
Maybe it leads to unnecessary meltdowns, and if they see your kids doing better than theirs and he asks “hey, what’s your secret?” then go ahead and tell him about how you always keep healthy snacks on hand. But if the kid is getting enough food (and by 5 years old, the kid is old enough to not need extra snacks), then it’s the parents’ choice.
You don’t know if “Eva” is constantly not eating much lunch so that she can try to throw a tantrum for snack foods. Or maybe not even food-related, maybe whenever she decides she’s done with an activity, she throws a tantrum. Or maybe you were right, and she was a little hungry and a snack was the perfect solution.
But waiting an extra hour or two for a five-year-old isn’t going to harm them.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ/ESH with the info provided. The issue is that she’s 5. If it was the 9-year-old, you’d 100% be in the right. But with 5-year-olds, you have no idea if this is a one-time thing, or if she regularly throws this kind of tantrum when they don’t get what they want.
As you stated, they don’t live in your country, so she could be doing this on a weekly basis and they’re sick of it and drawing a line in the sand. The “ridiculous behavior” is the line that either makes him a jerk, or a fed-up parent given that it happens a lot.
My parents actually had to STOP carrying snacks because my brother would depend on them and get hungry if he didn’t have his snacks in between meals. I think that the way he said it seemed very visceral and curt in nature, but I don’t gleam enough information to come to a set judgment.” Fluffy_Most_662
9. AITJ For Setting Screen Time Limits To Curb My Wife's TikTok Addiction?
“My (34M) wife (30F) recently got really into TikTok. At first, I thought it was just a fun way for her to unwind after work and watch a few funny videos or learn new recipes.
But slowly, it started eating up more and more of her time. Every time I’d pass by, she’d be scrolling, headphones on, totally zoned out. I checked our weekly screen time report on a whim, and it showed she was on TikTok for around six hours daily.
I get having hobbies and relaxation time, but this felt…extreme?
It started affecting our lives in small but frustrating ways. She’d forget things, like leaving dinner in the oven a bit too long because she was busy scrolling, or she’d agree to help out with something but get sidetracked. We stopped having little moments of connection because she was preoccupied with her feed.
When I brought it up, I tried to be calm and understanding. I told her that I was worried about how much time TikTok was taking up and how it seemed to be affecting her and us. But she got defensive, saying I was overreacting, that everyone uses social media, and that it wasn’t a big deal.
Eventually, we had a bigger conversation about it, and I told her I think it’s affecting her more than she realizes. I suggested she try limiting her time. She said that was “controlling” and that it felt like I didn’t trust her to manage her own time.
I didn’t want to come off as a controlling partner, but I also feel like I can’t just sit back and watch our relationship suffer because of a social media app.
So, I set up a screen time limit on her phone (with her permission, and I’m following the same limits myself!).
Now, we’re limited to two hours a day on TikTok.
So… AITJ for setting limits on her (and my) TikTok time?”
Another User Comments:
“You have incredibly valid concerns here. Whether she realizes it or not, she is indeed suffering from what can only be described as an addiction.
It may not be a chemical addiction in the same way caffeine can affect somebody but she is still becoming dependent on the distraction and stimulation it provides her, and it is horrendously unhealthy for her to be consuming that much of it in a day.
She of course is going to struggle to acknowledge it so unfortunately you’re fighting an uphill battle trying to help her with it, but I can’t fault you for trying to point out the issue. NTJ.” AteStringCheeseShred
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ. This is in the same general category of having a valid concern about anything affecting someone’s physical/mental/emotional health, if this was affecting your relationship you had a reason to be concerned here.
It sounds like she agreed to the time limit. Yes, you are kind of trying to control her screen time, but she did agree that it was needed here.” CuriousEmphasis7698
Another User Comments:
“My husband and I deleted TikTok 2 years ago and I have NEVER looked back.
Unfortunately, I got into Instagram reels. He mentioned one day that I don’t even hear him. I always say I wish he’d sweet-talk me more. He said “I do. You just don’t hear it over Reels.” That woke me up and I deleted Instagram and social media 3 months ago.
Again, haven’t looked back. You definitely don’t have to go cold turkey like me but the second that I learned why I was feeling distant in my marriage was because of these phones and social media, I could not rid myself of it fast enough.” Prudent_Print_1052
8. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Refused To Attend My Grandpa's Funeral?
“I (24f) asked my partner of 3 years (29m) to come to my grandpa’s funeral. He doesn’t believe in funerals or services so he refused. Then I firmly told him that it was important for me, I also don’t believe in it or don’t like it, but for me, it was more of a support kinda thing.
I got angry because I was very sensitive and told him that the least he could do was to be with me and that he was being selfish. So he got mad that I thought he wasn’t there for me and told me I was forgetting every other time he was supportive.
Then I explained that it was more of a support thing and maybe he didn’t know what I needed from him, to be with me, and only thought I was forcing him into something he disliked. After that, I asked him to only come to my house and say something to my parents and he stopped replying.
The next day, the day of the funeral, he didn’t answer my calls or texts. He completely ignored me. So apart from being sad for my family, I was confused about his behavior. I’m thinking of breaking up with him because that was completely unnecessary and very rude.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this is a good time to take a good hard look at the relationship. What else will he/won’t he support you on and how do you feel about it? Many families have a member or member-in-law who NEVER does funerals, usually for personal reasons and that’s known and accepted. But they do pay respects in other ways, like a condolence call or note to your parents.
So, will your partner also skip all services? Weddings, christenings and how does that fit in with how you’d like your life to be? If this triggered angry words and a fight, do other things? Sorry to read about your granddad.” A-Strange-Peg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is tough. People deal with death in a lot of different ways. I went with NTJ only because he ignored you when he knew you needed support. He could have supported you via phone or text without going to a service as you originally asked, or only to your parents’ house as you amended your request. I’m not saying he’s a jerk because of his beliefs or attitudes about death and funerary rites and rituals in general. If I may, I’d like to suggest that you consider thinking long and hard about someone who isn’t willing to support you when you directly ask for it, even when you said he didn’t have to attend services, but asked if he could just show up at your parents’ house.
Sure, I’m only hearing your side, but it seems to me that he just can’t be bothered to bother. I completely understand that I could be reading way too much into your explanation of events, though.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“He doesn’t believe in funerals?
So what, he thinks people don’t pass away? It’s not like a miracle to believe or not to believe lmao he sounds childish, you need to break up with him. Also – It’s not like a stranger’s funeral, IT’S YOUR GRANDPARENT!!!! He’s selfish. He did not support you in the grief.
He was not your rock when you needed him. He needed to go just to support you, but his excuse is the most narcissistic and egotistic thing I’ve ever heard AND HE TURNED OFF communication on the day of the funeral?? Run for the hills, girl.
He’s clearly not the one for you. YOU ARE NOT THE JERK! But HE IS THE TOTAL JERK.” Defiant-Watch-121
7. AITJ For Wanting To Continue Our Secret Santa Tradition Despite My Sister's Financial Situation?
‘I (26f) have 4 siblings (2 brothers, 2 sisters). They now all have children and I am the only sibling that does not. Each year for Christmas, we all buy every child (8 kids) a present from our own budget and do Secret Santa amongst us siblings and include our parents.
We keep the Secret Santa budget to €50. It’s not about the quality of the presents, it’s just for us all to get to open a present each on Christmas morning. It has been our family tradition for years.
My oldest sister (37f) has 2 kids and is currently pregnant, due her 3rd baby before Christmas.
Usually this time of the year, we pick our Secret Santa names but my sister said she doesn’t want to do it this year as she is not able to afford it, which I thought was totally understandable.
What I have a problem with is she doesn’t want any of us to do it.
She wants us to get each kid a €20 toy shop voucher and to just buy my parents a present as a gesture for all the babysitting they do during the year.
Although I know her idea comes from a good place, I still don’t see the point in it.
It might seem selfish but I know I will miss opening up a present Christmas morning. I do appreciate my parents, but I know it will put them in an awkward position as they would usually only have to get one person a present, but now they will feel like they have to get us all a present.
My mother’s birthday is 5 days after Christmas and she usually gets presents anyway from all of us.
I think that spending €20 on each child isn’t too expensive, but I find it deflating as they don’t even appreciate the presents. In past years, they get so much from Santa and everyone else that my presents are just thrown in the corner.
I would rather spend my money on someone who would genuinely appreciate what I got them.
I tried telling her that I didn’t think it was a good idea and she told me that my point was selfish, Christmas is just about children and I will never understand until I have my own.
Am I being selfish by wanting to do Secret Santa and not agreeing with her that Christmas isn’t always about children?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Christmas is for children, to the one person who does not have any? Do you not get a Christmas? Do you not deserve one?
No wonder people get more depressed at Christmastime. Your sister should hear your voice. If she can’t afford it, she can bow out, but that shouldn’t dictate what everyone else does. She is being selfish by asking everyone in the family to sacrifice for her… not for her children.
She doesn’t get a gift, so no adult does? Ask the rest of your family to continue with tradition. You deserve a Christmas.” Illustrious-Horse276
Another User Comments:
“I get why this idea might not be your favorite but I can also see why your sister – and potentially your other siblings and parents – might prefer it.
It’s easier and the reality is that as we get older our traditions do change. I think this is a group decision to make not an individual. No one is wrong it’s just that circumstances change and we need to adapt to that when it happens.
If the group prefers your sister’s idea then you should accept that just like if they choose the continue as is she should accept it as well.” throwAWweddingwoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your parents that you don’t want to get no present at all for Christmas just so your sister can save £50.
Don’t give her kids a voucher for a toy store. Your sister might use your voucher to buy her kids presents and claim they are from her or Santa. If your sister needs help with Christmas presents, she should ask for it, not trick you into paying for her Santa gifts.
I highly recommend that you give all of the kids things like kazoos and finger paints (fun for the kids but noisy and/or messy for the parents). Also….You don’t owe your parents a gift for babysitting your siblings’ kids. If you want to give your parents a gift, do so because you choose to do so, not to repay them.” teresajs
6. AITJ For Being Stern With My Roommate's Misbehaving Child?
“I’ve been friends with my roommate for 7 years now. She’s a single mom to a six-year-old son and we decided to move in together a year ago. It didn’t take long for me to notice that her son doesn’t really listen to her and often does the opposite of what he’s told.
This behavior started happening with me too. I’ve been beyond patient all this time, but last week I decided to be a bit firmer with him. I wasn’t yelling, just trying to be clear. Every time I ask him not to do something, he keeps doing it until I’ve asked multiple times.
My roommate sees this happen every day but never says anything to her son. She just watches me ask repeatedly without stepping in.
Here are some examples of what I’m talking about (this all happened yesterday by the way):
I was making cake pops for a party, he kept coming up and sticking his fingers in the sprinkles.
I politely asked him not to. He continued to do it 2 more times before he stopped.
I went over to the blinds and opened them. When I walked away, he immediately ran over to the blinds and while making eye contact with me, started to close them.
This annoyed me because in my opinion it was him trying to get a reaction out of me. I said to him “leave the blinds open.”
I was making a balloon arch for the party. He walked into the room and knowing he was going to start playing with all the balloons, I kindly said to him “These are for our party tomorrow, if you’d like to play with a balloon please play with the one upstairs.
I just don’t want these to pop.” He then immediately walked up to the balloons and started kicking them. So I said, “I already asked you not to touch them, don’t do it again.”
Please keep in mind that I did not raise my voice.
I simply stated it in a more stern tone.
My roommate completely flipped out on me, saying it’s not my place to correct her child since I’m not his mother and I don’t get to use a stern tone with him. I tried to explain that there’s only so much patience a person can have and that I thought it was fair to be firm after asking nicely several times.
This led to a huge argument, and she told me to “Google it” because it supposedly says it’s never okay to correct someone else’s kid. Am I in the wrong? She keeps saying, “he’s only six,” but I think that’s not a valid excuse; kids should learn respect.
Plus, she had this whole conversation in front of her son when I told her this was not a conversation to be had in front of him. She then got mad at me for “hurting her son’s feelings”.
I personally feel as if I am being asked to have 0 boundaries when it comes to her son.
I asked her what the solution is, she said to come to her every time. The problem is that every time this happens, she sits there and watches it. I feel as if my saying “Do something about this” is me telling her how to parent, which she made clear I’m not allowed to do.
So what I gathered is that I’m not allowed to tell her how to handle her son, but I also am not allowed to be strict with him either. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset with this undisciplined child and for his seemingly oblivious mother.
He is a brat because he knows he gets away with it, and Mom does nothing about it. She is responsible for this, as she is failing to parent. That said, it’s not your place to discipline someone else’s child. This will only cause more discord with her.
My suggestion? Get another roommate. Tell her that her son’s unruly behavior and her refusal to correct his bad behavior are affecting your ability to continue living in peace and harmony in your own home. Tell her that unless things change, you believe there is no other choice than to change up the living arrangements.
I don’t know whose apartment or home it is, or if you both signed a lease, but it’s time to get your own place and get another roommate. In short, she’s not leaving you with many other options, as she doesn’t want you to discipline him but also refuses to discipline his behavior, either.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You live in a shared space, and while it’s up to your roommate to actually parent and discipline her child, you shouldn’t be expected to put up with a situation where the kid is allowed to do whatever he pleases, since that can negatively impact you.
It’s pretty clear that she thinks the kid can do no wrong. “He’s only six” is a nonsense excuse and she’s always going to be running interference for him and coddling him, no matter how old he is. This won’t get better.
He doesn’t know any better because she won’t teach him, and she has zero desire to consider that due to the nature of your living arrangements, she needs to be extra considerate of how her son behaves. You need to change your living arrangements.” HandBananasRevenge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, I disagree that no one can discipline a child unless they are the child’s parents. There are circumstances in which it is appropriate and even necessary to do so – most obviously when the child is doing something dangerous, but also if the child is misbehaving in your home, or with your property.
Speaking sternly to the child is well within the bounds of appropriate discipline. If your roommate is unwilling to allow you to point out sternly to the child that their behavior is wrong, and unwilling to do that for you, you need a new roommate.
No way on earth would I put up with a child that age poking their dirty fingers in my cake decorations or playing with balloons AFTER I had told him not to do so. Nor would I put up with a mother who didn’t teach her child such really basic manners, and insist that he behave politely.” SavingsRhubarb8746
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister-In-Law Over My Wedding Dress?
“I (25f) went wedding dress shopping a few days ago. It was a chaotic event.
My fiancé is from a religious family and it was important for him to get married at his family’s church. It’s not something I always wanted for myself, but his family is helping to pay for the ceremony and this means a lot to him.
The problem is that his mom insists that I get a modest wedding dress.
I tried on a bunch of dresses that were “modest” and I hated them. I don’t like puffy sleeves. I hate looking covered up. I look like Princess Leia if she were from Alabama, not Alderaan.
This is not what I wanted.
It was my mom, my SIL, my MIL, and my MOH at the bridal shop. They were trying to cheer me up, but I wasn’t having it.
My sister-in-law Peggy was the worst. She loves shows like Bridgerton.
Anyone who knows me knows I can’t stand that show. She kept hyping up how my dress made me look like someone from the show. After four or five dresses, I was fed up and wanted to call it quits. But she wanted me to try on one more.
I snapped at her. I told her to shut up about Bridgerton and I don’t want to hear about that show again for the rest of the day.
We ended up leaving after this. Peggy was upset and she and her mom just left. My mom is mad at me and said what I did was not acceptable.
I’m just frustrated because it feels like everyone is hijacking the whole wedding process and I don’t even have a say about what I want. It’s like this wedding is more about what Peggy and my MIL want.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to slow this entire roll.
Are you actually ok with getting married in this church? Is it something you’re doing to make your spouse happy that you’re neutral about (which is fine) or is it something that you’re doing that you actively have a problem with (which is not?). Assuming you’re actually ok with the venue, call the administrative staff and ask if there are any formal requirements about dress for the venue (some traditional places might for example not allow bare shoulders, etc).
Keeping any venue requirements in mind, pick out your own dress. If you can’t afford the wedding you’re having without nutty bullying by the in-laws, scale back to something you can personally afford to pay for. This is NOT worth it.” ThreeDogs2022
Another User Comments:
“I think you could have delivered the message more kindly, but it’s not the issue here. As others have said, this is just the tip of the iceberg for your life after marriage. 25 is pretty young to be making this kind of commitment, given that your brain is only just starting to approach being fully formed and functional. I would sit your fiancé down and work on a compromise that actually WORKS for you both.
You’re okay with a church wedding, but you won’t wear a modest dress that you hate. It’s his job to communicate that and stand up for you re his family. If they won’t agree, then this isn’t the marriage for you.
It’s a huge red flag for your in-laws to believe they own your body. Imagine if you have a child together and they force you to give birth at home with no pain management for instance! Abuse is abuse. You also need to ask him some really hard and important questions about his own religious beliefs.
Does he support you in using birth control or having a procedure? Do you actually agree on how religion will play a role in any future children’s upbringing? Does he want to stand up for you and your values when they don’t align with his mother’s?” Sea-Professor-5859
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Sounds like your reaction was a bit harsh, but also sounds like everyone was being A Lot. The ILs don’t need to go dress shopping with you. It’s your dress you should wear what you want. I understand they may want it modest, but I would find out what the requirements are for the church you’re marrying in.
Some may require shoulders to be covered or what have you. Get whatever dress you want that you can make work. Maybe it’s that you get a jacket to wear over your strapless dress or a shawl or lace-sleeved or whatever. But you need to feel comfortable in it and it sounds like MIL’s modest dresses weren’t cutting it.
Good luck.” MomSciWarrior
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Fund My Daughter's Redo Wedding After My Stepson's Death?
“I paid a large part of my daughter’s wedding.
This included venue and catering.
Unfortunately during the wedding, my stepson passed away from a health issue. It was a very traumatizing situation and almost all the guests left before my daughter could walk down the aisle.
My daughter did end up getting married privately and only my ex and my mother were there to witness it.
I was at the hospital.
I’m still not really mentally recovered from the situation and I’m also dealing with a lot of guilt over what happened.
My daughter was never close to her stepbrother and is angry that I even made her invite him.
She now wants me to pay for another redo wedding.
I feel terrible but I don’t feel comfortable spending another 25-30k. And I don’t even know how to talk to my wife about potentially paying again.
AITJ if I say no?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: why did she not want to invite your stepson?
And why did every single person leave the wedding except for like two or three people? Did you go to the front of the wedding hall and make a grand announcement that your son had passed away and that you were going to leave? I’m just trying to figure it out because I’ve been to many weddings where I didn’t really know the bride or groom’s family that well.
So unless someone specifically said out loud that the wedding was canceled then I don’t understand why almost every single person left it?” Sweet_Cauliflower459
Another User Comments:
“First off, I’m sorry for your loss. What a horrible situation. Look, you would not be the jerk if you were to flat-out say no. A tragedy happened. I don’t agree with everyone saying that your daughter should just get over it though.
While not as nearly as horrible as a death, what happened to her must have been traumatizing in its own right. She’s probably very upset right now and not acting rationally. There has to be some compromise between another large wedding while you are grieving and not celebrating her at all.
Find out what aspects she is most upset about missing (likely having you there and walking her down the aisle is one) and see how you can make this happen after you have had a chance to grieve. While you would be in the right to do nothing, it seems like it could ruin your relationship with your daughter which you have said you do not want.” AffectionateTruth147
3. AITJ For Not Offering My Ex Dinner When He Came To Pick Up Our Daughter?
“I have primary custody. My ex came over to pick up our daughter for his time. Our daughter was finishing up her dinner and my ex came in waiting for her to finish. She got done about 10 minutes after he arrived.
Later he texted and told me I was petty and not a good co-parent for not offering him to have dinner with our daughter.
I don’t think I’m wrong not offering since he technically didn’t ask and I wasn’t trying to have him in my house longer than he needed to be there. I’m just trying to be civil. And no he has not and we don’t do dinners together at all!
So it was odd that he was mad that I didn’t offer him dinner.”
Another User Comments:
“That’s weird. You were almost done anyway, are you going to wait for him to eat a whole meal? And you probably didn’t make enough food for an extra uninvited grown adult anyway.
If you were having some dessert or a snack maybe it would be polite to offer some, or if he has to wait around a minute offer a glass of water or a soda or something (which he can take with him in the car unlike a beer which would require lingering to finish it) but who thinks they should be invited over for dinner?!
If you told him to be there at 6 and he was there on time, not early, I would try being done with dinner by them though (easier said than done with kids I know). Or see if next time he wants to pick her up earlier so he can do dinner with her, not with you hosting but him actually figuring out food his own self NTJ though.” Errvalunia
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like he was early and this is not a regular thing of him being invited and this one time you didn’t because you’re being difficult. If so, I agree with everyone else. NTJ. And on that note why didn’t he show up earlier and just take you all to dinner, so no one had to cook and the transition was nice?
Anyway, it sounds like mind games so stand your ground because again NTJ!!!!!” First_Car7204
Another User Comments:
“I wonder if he’s talking to your daughter about getting back together. ‘Daddy shouldn’t wait outside.’ Her idea, really? ‘Let me eat slowly. Don’t rush me’ while daddy is there waiting.
I’m surprised the ‘you should have offered dinner’ didn’t come from your child, too. Bet she brings it up when she’s back home. Make sure she’s not being set up for disappointment and a broken heart.” Former_Matter49
2. AITJ For Not Using My Mother's Last Name To Ensure My Son's Inheritance?
“I’m a 21F who’s expecting my first child with my partner of almost 8 years (20M). Our son is due in less than 2 months. For this story to make sense, it requires some backstory.
My father isn’t in the picture, so my immediate family is me, my mother, and my twin.
About 3 years ago my maternal grandmother passed away. I didn’t have a relationship with her and neither did my mum due to them always fighting. My grandma was quite wealthy and when she passed away she left me and my twin half a million total in a trust that we couldn’t access until we were 25.
She left my mother nothing.
My mother got a lawyer and got money released early from that trust with the condition that I and my twin gave her half of our inheritance each. If we hadn’t agreed to give her anything, she would have gotten NOTHING.
Our mum then convinced us to put all the money into a trust of her own for our family exclusively for education and housing, saying it would build stability for future generations. I used this money to get a house that I and my partner currently live in.
Since my mum found out I was pregnant, she’s been very pushy that we use her last name (which is currently my last name). It’s a traditional Scottish name with a capital letter in the middle and a lot of use of the letters ‘M’ and ‘N’.
I don’t like this last name, it’s hard to pronounce from just reading. I also fully intend to take my partner’s last name in the future.
Three months ago I told her we wouldn’t be using her last name and would be using just my partner’s last name.
This set her off, calling me petty and ungrateful. I apologized for upsetting her and asked if we could have a conversation about it so I could understand why it upset her. I expressed that I love her and I don’t want her to be upset.
She refused, saying it was my child and I could do what I wanted. I assumed she had come to terms with it and moved on.
Fast forward to last week. I got a text from my mum saying the following: “By the way, I’ve made changes to the trust. (Her last name) needs to be your child’s surname if you want him to benefit from the trust. I haven’t worked this hard for the future to support a (partner’s last name).
That’s just the way it is. My last name or bust. I’d rather take the lot and spend it.”
This upset me. I asked her to give me some time and space to think about what she’s done. She then went off at me about how her hard work wouldn’t be wasted (even though she herself said it would be set up for future generations like my kids).
She wouldn’t even have any money to blackmail me with if I hadn’t agreed to give her half of my inheritance after her own mother screwed her over.
I have gone no contact. But I’m starting to wonder if I’m the jerk for not just using her name to keep her happy in order to make sure my son gets access to that money.
I don’t want him to miss out just because his grandmother is an entitled piece of work. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not a jerk, but you need to consult a lawyer; nobody here can advise you as to your legal rights and the trust document.
Your mom on the other hand is a certifiable jerk who is trying to use money to control people. If that’s the sort of relationship she wants to have it is not the sort of relationship worth having. One option: If the lawyer you need to see tells you that she can do what she wants to do, you should pretend to play ball, heck even name the baby to her liking, and a week later go in and legally change the name to your liking.
You’ll have a birth certificate with her name for show and tell, and the correct certificate to you and your partner’s wishes.” Unlucky-Clock5230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your child to name whatever you want, but I will point out that as a woman in her 30s and a failed marriage, I regretted not hyphenating my older kid’s name.
I ended up keeping my ex’s ugly last name for years after the divorce to match the kid. I got remarried, and the kid got adopted, so now we all have the same last name, but I would have felt better if I had hyphenated. I know you think you’ll last forever, but the divorce rate is 40-50%.
You don’t sound like you’re married yet either, and a child will exacerbate any minor problems you had prior to the baby. Just think about hyphenating.” voided_user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need a lawyer and MAYBE be willing to compromise? My daughter has a second “hidden” middle name which is my parents’ last name.
They were tickled PINK by me doing that I’m glad I did because she’s autistic and I need their support a LOT for her. She’s your only family, beyond money, while you would be more than justified cutting her off if this is the ONLY super lousy thing she’s done, maybe even therapy?
Getting the lawyer involved WILL be ugly and it WILL mean your relationship may never return to what it was. Just consider that, it can be lonely being a parent without a community. My parents are low contact, but if I didn’t have them at all, I don’t know how I would’ve done it.” Lilsammywinchester13
1. AITJ For Saying I Hate The Smell Of White Wine On A Date?
“I was seeing this guy for about 2 months and everything crashed and burned last month but I can’t seem to get over this one thing that happened and I need some perspective. On one of our outings, we went to grab some wine at a wine rack.
I am not much of a booze person and needed help choosing and the lady asked me what kind of wine I liked. I said, “I hate the smell of white wine so maybe red might be better.” That’s all.
We got the wine, went home and the guy went off on me saying I was extremely rude to the wine rack lady and using the word hate to describe something she was selling was uncalled for and insensitive and that I should reflect.
I never said anything about hating white wine, just the smell of it, and was trying to make conversation. Maybe it was too much information to give to the lady but I don’t think I was being rude. I told him as such and also told him that if he paid as much attention to my feelings, the person he was seeing, we’d have been in a much better place.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I occasionally have to get onto my kids when someone is eating something and they pipe up that’s it’s gross. That’s rude AF and if someone is enjoying something, don’t ruin it with unnecessary criticism. If someone was drinking white wine and you interject “I hate the smell of white wine,” that would be rude.
But your story isn’t that at all. Actually telling the lady what smell you hate is a good help in choosing something you might like. Smell and taste are intertwined. The guy is a weirdo.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ok so I’ve spent way too many years in retail/customer service and I love when people tell me what they love/hate when trying to help them I don’t want to suggest something you won’t like.
I used to work at a fabric shop and people would ask for help picking out stuff for work/home decor etc. I’d ask “what’s your favorite color?” Most times I’d get an answer. Sometimes I’d get a “eh don’t really have one?” So then I’d ask “do you have a color you hate?
Cause I hate pink”. I’d pretty much always get a response to that lol. So I knew to avoid green/whatever. I would have people say “just pick what you think I’d like best” to which I responded with “I may look normal but I normally wear stuff with flames and skulls and dragons.
Which I’m going to assume isn’t the look you’re going for?” They’d laugh and get more involved lest I sent them home with flaming skull print fabric lol. Which I do own by the way.” Maleficent_Ad8757
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
What you did is a bit like going to the dentist and saying “dentists aren’t real doctors.” I mean, this story is about more stuff. But on the wine issue alone, you’re in the wrong. First, white and red wine smell so similar that most experts cannot reliably distinguish red from white in blind tests so the idea that you have special powers in this regard is absurd.
Second, wine connoisseurship is a big part of culture and is very much a real thing. People devote their lives to it. Putting down the concept out of hand is ignorant, just because you don’t understand wine appreciation doesn’t make it okay to dismiss it – especially around people who obviously care about it.
Doing it at a wine store is rude and might have hurt your SO’s relationship with the staff or even embarrassed him if it is a place he frequents, not to mention insensitive about his interests.” Rojaddit
