People Can't Help Themselves In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Inviting A Nonreciprocating Friend To A Show?
“My friend group consists of 7 women.
Some members of the group are closer to certain people. My friend (I will call her Mary) has many feelings of being left out and not being included. I know this from her SO telling us, as Mary does not talk about it with me or other friends in the group.
For example, I went on a trip with my closest friend from the group (Sabrina) a few months ago. We found out through Mary’s SO that she was very upset about not being included.
Sabrina and I wanted to go to this show coming up.
We invited another pair from the group whom we thought would be interested. So, the four of us are going together. However, Mary will know and she will feel very left out. We know this, but there is no option to add a fifth person, and Mary doesn’t particularly like shows.
Just the idea of some of us being together without her will make her upset.
For additional context, I have known Mary the longest in the group. I have always tried to be a good friend. I invite her to things, message her, ask her how she’s doing, etc. I have noticed over the last few months that it does not feel reciprocated. I have come to realize that Mary is not a good friend to me.
She never asks how I am, never asks about important events in my life, and never invites me anywhere. She is always the one being invited and asked. I don’t think she does it on purpose; I think she’s just lazy when it comes to maintaining relationships.
So, naturally, when making invitations for this show, it doesn’t make sense to invite Mary when she doesn’t care for shows and has been a bad friend.
I’m starting to have doubts about the relationship. Why am I investing time and energy when it’s not reciprocated?
I truly don’t know if this is just how some relationships work. I wish we could reach a good point, but I’m not sure how that could happen. Mary has no interest in talking about stuff like this. I truly want to know if there’s something I can do to help Mary get to a better place.
Am I being selfish, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t reciprocate. She doesn’t like to do whatever your plan is. Honestly, it sounds like all she does is complain. Who wants to hang out with someone who does nothing but whinge all day?” NotCreativeAtAll16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… You are not being selfish or a jerk. When you have a group of people, it does not mean everyone has to be invited to everything, and you do not have to do everything together. If Mary asks, reply, “We did not intentionally exclude you.
We know you do not like shows. Why would we invite you to something we know you are not a fan of?” As for the rest, if Mary is not checking in on you, you are always the one to do so; just back off.
Check in less. If she questions it, tell her the phone works both ways.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why do you believe everything Mary’s SO says instead of just asking Mary about it? Why is it impractical to invite a fifth person to a show?
Because it’s not an even number? It sure sounds like you exclude her on purpose and then blame her for feeling excluded. Maybe she’s not reciprocating because you’re going behind her back talking about her with her SO? And then making decisions based on that versus direct input from Mary?
(It doesn’t matter if the SO initiates it; you can put a stop to it.)” JohnGradyBirdie
19. AITJ For Demanding My BF Find Temporary Care For His Unruly Dog?
“My (32F) partner (31M) and I are expecting our first baby together any day now. He started a new job a couple of months ago, but was very unexpectedly let go.
Feeling completely defeated, he made the very sudden decision to go over to the Army recruiter and rejoin the Army, and they want to ship him out in as little as two weeks from this past Tuesday. He’ll have to cross-train, and in the best-case scenario, he’ll be home around the end of August.
So, here’s where I might be the jerk. I told him he needs to make temporary plans for his dog because I absolutely do NOT want to deal with him while also caring for a newborn baby completely alone. I have no friends or family here and will have zero help or break.
But his dog… I’ve been telling him for the past 9-10 months that he needs to get a handle on his dog, but he has done literally NOTHING. He’s not fixed, is extremely hyper, untrained, has zero manners, is destructive, gets aggressive towards me, and his behavior has only gotten worse over the months.
He’s torn up parts of the couch, gets into trash all the time, jumps up on the counter and steals food or will steal it even right out of your hand (not gently at all), has torn up his bed and made a huge mess of it, drags clothes into his crate that I can’t get out because he’ll immediately go running into his crate and growl at me, he’s a pretty big dog and jumps up on people nonstop and goes running full force into them, he’ll push past you going through doors or on the stairs, has started pooping and peeing in the house—even directly in front of us, even if he was just outside—and will act like a complete jerk on the leash; it goes on and on.
Our yard isn’t fenced in, so he has to be taken out on the leash that he doesn’t even behave on or be let out off leash, but his recall sucks for anyone that isn’t my partner, so even taking him out to potty is a hassle.
I’m absolutely at my wits’ end with his dog, even with him here, so I can’t imagine how much worse his dog’s behavior will be with him gone. But my biggest concerns are his growling (he’s bitten even my partner before) at me, how rough he is, and how he’ll be around the baby since he’s never been around actual babies before.
And then, paired with how badly I get PPD, I feel like I’ll ACTUALLY snap. But my partner is trying hard to guilt me into keeping his dog here because “he’s already stressed, and I’m supposed to make it easier for him and take care of things on the home front.” And he’ll just excuse everything his dog does and say, “But he’s such a happy boy!
He loves you! It’s not his fault he can’t learn stuff.”
I know I’m supposed to take care of things at home while he’s gone, even when it’s hard, but I really, really, REALLY don’t want to be responsible for his dog while he’s gone and I have a baby to take care of, with the frustration being worse because I basically have no say in him rejoining and being gone.
AITJ if I do make him find other arrangements for his dog or do I need to suck it up and just deal with it?”
Another User Comments:
“Leaving your pregnant partner to care for your dog for months is a jerk move. Not marrying the mother of your children is a jerk move.
Potentially dying in combat while not marrying the mother of your children is a jerk move. Finding a way to support your family is a good thing. Taking care of a dog while you are pregnant seems like it could be debatable. Deciding to leave before having a person committed to taking care of your dog is a jerk move.
Assuming someone will take care of your dog for you without agreeing is a major jerk move. Letting your relationship with this man get this far was a jerk move. This is the main thing that I think you are accountable for. I don’t know of a good solution here other than your guy finding a spot for his dog, marrying you so you and his baby are safe if he does suffer a work fatality, and or him finding a different job.
This whole situation sucks.” smoothhands
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. You’re about to have a newborn, not run a boot camp for an untrained, chaos-fueled land shark. Your partner had nearly a year to handle this, and he did nothing, but now it’s suddenly your problem?
Nah. You’re not asking him to rehome the dog, just to find temporary care, which is completely reasonable given that you’ll have a tiny human glued to you 24/7. Plus, a dog that growls, bites, and launches itself at people is not the vibe when you’re running on two hours of sleep and trying to keep a baby alive.
If he wants things “handled on the home front,” step one is making sure you don’t lose your sanity or a limb.” sophie_soul
Another User Comments:
“You’re just a partner; you have zero obligation to do anything for him. None of this “stay back and take care his home” nonsense.
Don’t give him wife perks when you’re not his wife. He’s an irresponsible pet owner who didn’t train his monster dog, and that’s 100% on him. If the dog isn’t learning, it’s because he’s not consistent in training.
Honestly, if I were in your position, I’d be moving back home close to my family/support system and tell him I’m leaving his dog at his house so he just needs to figure it out. NTJ.” ladysuccubus
18. AITJ For Leaving A Vegas Getaway Because Of Mixed Signals?
“I (39M) and Amy (37 F) have known each other for almost a decade.
We worked together up until a couple of years ago. Most of the time we worked together it was 100% professional, only meeting outside work for group gatherings. A few years ago, I got a divorce after finding out my ex was sleeping with her boss, and a few months after that, Amy told me she found out her husband had been unfaithful to her and she was filing for divorce.
A few months later, she asked me if I would go have a drink with her to celebrate her filing for divorce. We went out and had a really good time, and over the next few months started getting pretty close. Eventually, we started seeing each other, and things seemed great until I took a job out of state.
Initially, we were doing the long-distance thing, but after a few months, I got an email stating that when they went to file the final paperwork, they couldn’t go through with it and wanted to give it another shot for the sake of the kids.
I didn’t hear from her for about 18 months.
Last spring she hit me up and said the divorce was finalized, she regretted how she ended things with me, really missed me, and wanted to come see me. I told her I didn’t want to rush things, so we just talked for a few months.
She ended up coming to visit last summer. Since then, we’ve seen each other several times over long weekends.
This past weekend we met in Vegas. Things were great. We were having a blast and were all over each other pretty much nonstop. Except when it came time to go to bed. The first couple of nights I noticed it was like a switch had flipped. When it was time for bed, she didn’t want anything to do with me.
After the second night, I asked her what was going on, and she said it was just weird to have someone in her personal space. I told her I would do what I could to be accommodating.
It continued to happen. She’s all over me, and then once it’s time to sleep, she acts like she’s annoyed I’m there.
Last night we were all over each other on our way back to the hotel room and once there she got changed and got in bed, and I did the same, and then she rolled over and said very sternly and rather loudly that I needed to stay away from her, stay on my side of the bed, and do not touch her.
I told her it was very confusing the way she was so hot and then cold, and she was very inconsistent with the signals she was sending me. She said she just acted how she felt in the moment. I told her that I definitely didn’t want to pressure her into anything, but it was extremely confusing, and I felt awkward being there, and thought maybe it would be better if I left so she could have her space.
She said she didn’t know what to tell me and that her feelings may change from one minute to the next, and she told me I needed to do whatever I felt was best for me. So I changed my flight and flew home a few hours later.
Now she’s leaving me on read, and friends and family are saying it was messed up of me to leave like that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The mix signals as you say, hot and then cold. This woman has a serious case of indecisiveness, or she is in love, or still in love with someone else.
She is using you for a mental distraction, ie, the rebound. Could be a plot twist… she’s still married. Either way NTJ bro.” Ve1ocity_85555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While anyone, male or female, always has the right to change their mind, this is a bit crazy.
She’s intentionally leading you on. Or she’s bipolar. Either way, end it and don’t look back. Just block her and find someone who is into you for real.” GoreGoddezz
Another User Comments:
“I will add, she texted me while I was on the plane and said that regardless of what had happened the night before, she was happy that we got to spend that time together and she had a really good time.
This is what made me think that maybe I overreacted, and I should have just continued to enjoy the time together during the day and be prepared to give her lots of space at night when it was time to go to sleep. I replied to her text and apologized for basically just walking out on her.
She didn’t respond. I’m honestly really confused about everything at this point.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Demanding Eggs And Doing Laundry Instead Of Free Pet-Sitting?
“Here’s the situation: My brother (44M), who is older than I (36F), has never really had a relationship with me. After our mother passed away, he contacted me for favors and said it’s “because we’re family.” Saying no is hard, because if you do, you get guilt-tripped about the kids, or his wife (42F) will get involved and she will make it seem like they are doing a favor for you.
I am constantly being asked to care for their animals – 6 dogs, 2 cats, 2 guinea pigs, 4 pigs, and 15 chickens.
Even though I am not single, I live a single lifestyle. I have my own apartment, pay my own bills, and my long-time partner and I simply prefer to have sleepovers.
We have no children or pets.
During the health restrictions, I was only allowed to come over during the day to take care of their then four dogs and five chickens.
Now that the restrictions are nonexistent, they have acquired new animals. They have me spending the night, and it always starts off at 3 or 4 nights, but then they add more nights to their trip.
So, this time around they told me it was going to be eleven nights, and I told them that I would need reimbursement for such a long time. I calculated what I pay monthly and broke it down by the day, then rounded down. I explained to them that I would have to take time off work to stay that long, and because I wouldn’t be able to stay in my own apartment that I pay for, that would average out to 11 days.
They said no and found it ridiculous that I would ask for money. Then his wife tried to get a friend of theirs to split the chores, but they couldn’t do the 4 am or 8 pm shift, but could do the 12 and 5 pm shift. I said I would be okay with that because I wouldn’t have to take time off from work.
My younger brother (30M) agrees that it was a fair deal, but he thinks that I should still get paid, and so do the few people who know. I told my partner and Dad that I was just going to take a dozen eggs as payment since they are so expensive.
I had no intention of telling my older brother this. I also decided that I was gonna do my laundry at his house since I typically have to pay to do it.
Here’s the situation tonight, the first night that I’m staying at his place.
On the counter there is an envelope that said thank you on it and inside was half of the payment I had asked for originally. So would I be the jerk if I still did my laundry and took eggs?”
Another User Comments:
“These are eggs that you’ve been doing the work for?
That seems fair. It would be best to tell them that you are taking the eggs. But if you don’t and they get angry, what will the punishment be? Not letting you be their cut-rate caretaker in the future? Good. As for the laundry, it should go without saying that you are entitled to use the facilities as part of your keeping the place in order.” Thatrebornincognito
Another User Comments:
“I have no idea who the jerk is. Missing tons of info. In what world do you do extensive chores, care for the farm, and watch the animals for a person who was no contact? This sounds so fake because I can’t imagine a reasonable person thinking that a few dozen eggs is $30, maybe, and laundry is equal to hours of work, gas, and driving time.
On top of it, doing all this for someone you don’t have a relationship with? I don’t get it. Why don’t you block them and live a happy life?” Background-Ad-552
Another User Comments:
“ESH – You are 36, you can’t keep blaming your brother for choices that you make.
You can set boundaries and stick to them. You don’t have to let them use you to watch their pets without putting in more to the relationship. Why do you feel so guilty that you allow them to use you?” Affectionate-Bed122
16. AITJ For Not Giving My Siblings A Share Of Dad's Life Insurance Money?
“Two years ago, I lost my dad. At the time I lived with him, my sis and my brother.
I remember being at work when my brother called me and told me that my dad was at the hospital, dying due to a long-term lung health problem, and that he wanted to go.
My dad knew it was coming, so he made a list of things to do and people to call.
After five hours at the hospital, where we tried to hold it together while seeing our father so pale and tired, even then he looked at us, smiled, and told us everything was fine. He told us to keep close to each other, which wasn’t the plan; I told them countless times that after his death, I didn’t want to stay with them.
I was 24, my sis was 28, and my brother was nearly 36, and I didn’t want to stay any longer. I had stayed with my dad after a tough family separation. So, moving on, after my dad passed away, and for a few years we were kind of numb, we did everything he told us to do and called everyone.
Then I met someone in my life; everything turned from grey to blue and pink, and I love her. We had some rough times. We nearly died, and someone tried to kill us on the road. We managed to survive, but the car was wrecked. We moved in together in May 2024 and have been a happy potato ever since.
After moving in, I started receiving mail about a possible life insurance claim for my dad’s death. At the time I was working a lot and let my brother and sister handle the paperwork, and they struggled a lot. So, after a while, I put in some of my own time handling all the paperwork, and at that time they started to talk about a possible share in the money that we could have discussed during my dad’s passing.
I didn’t react to it; I just went on with my own things and asked them when we had talked about it, and they told me that it was, in fact, discussed during his passing, but I have zero recollection of this.
Fast forward, my sister did receive the money; my brother, being my half-brother, didn’t receive anything, and I received my share.
I lied to them by saying I didn’t receive the money. They wanted me to share at least 40% of it when, in fact, the money was spent on life expenses like buying a washing machine, repairing the car, and just living – that’s life. My sister told me that not giving them the money is like “spitting on my dad’s grave” and on my “brother’s face,” and it was a real jerk move.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“There is too much missing context for me to confidently make a call on this. Family deaths and the ensuing insurance/will/finance stuff seem to be a mess often enough. Generally, people agree that it’s proper for someone to have everything in writing on the appropriate legal documents, because who can possibly figure out their wishes after they have passed?
It’s not fair for you to have to figure it out and I couldn’t know if it’s not fair that your brother didn’t get anything. Maybe there’s a reason, or maybe your dad dropped the ball on the paperwork; you don’t have to answer that for me.
Anyway, for those reasons I’m saying NTJ.” annotatedkate
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for making this so confusing. What it was spent on, your relationship with your siblings, and what happened in your personal life unrelated to this is irrelevant and makes it hard to follow what’s going on with your actual question.
I encourage you to clean this up to get more responses. So here’s what I got that’s relevant: Dad died. You got life insurance money. Your sister got life insurance money. Your brother didn’t get life insurance money because he’s a half-brother (half on your mom’s side?).
Your sister and brother want you to share your money with your brother (only you, or did your sister already share?). If your dad wanted him to get money, he would have been listed as a beneficiary. NTJ for not sharing the money.” ApprehensiveBook4214
15. AITJ For Not Paying For My Friend's Stolen Phone?
“I (20 F) recently went to a rave with a group of friends.
My partner (21 M) and I were the designated drivers for the night. The venue was in an area with frequent crime, and we parked right next to the venue. As we were leaving, I decided I didn’t want to do a coat check because it was going to be expensive (I’m a broke college student).
I decided to leave my $ puffer jacket in my car, but because of this, one of my friends (22 F) whom I’ll call M, was going to do coat check and didn’t want to if I wasn’t, so she gave me her jacket to put in the car.
I handed my partner my bag with my keys in it and threw our jackets into my car. My partner says that he remembers locking my car, and I’m 90% sure that after he gave me my bag back, I locked my car (I put my keys in the front pocket of my bag for easy access).
We ended up splitting up for a second, but my partner later texted me, letting me know our friend M ended up forgetting her phone in her jacket and didn’t realize it until we were inside and couldn’t get it because there was no re-entry.
After we left the rave, my partner unlocked both cars before everyone else reached the car. Once we got into my car, we realized that my puffer jacket was missing and our friend M’s phone wasn’t in her jacket. We realized that the center console was broken and my speaker in the center console was missing.
Nothing else was taken. It’s also important to mention that the car that we took had an electronic key, which could be why there was no forced entry.
My friend M ended up filing a police report (I did as well). We found out later that a lot of people (over 35) had their cars broken into that night as well.
Our mutual friend K (22 M), who wasn’t with us that night, texted me a week later asking if I or my family was going to donate to M. I was taken aback by this and told him that I hadn’t even thought about it because it wasn’t mentioned and I wouldn’t be able to, as my stuff had also gotten stolen and due to recent hardships.
To this, K responded passive-aggressively. I asked K if M asked him to ask me or if he was asking. He let me know she didn’t, but he thought that my family and I should donate or file an insurance claim. I let him know in the nicest way possible, while I do feel for her.
It wasn’t my responsibility to keep track of her stuff, as it was her personal property and her responsibility, so it shouldn’t be my family’s or my responsibility to fund her new phone. I also mentioned that M’s mom had reached out to me regarding filing an insurance claim, but that my family was already struggling with our insurance rates.
He ended up telling our friend M about what I said, and she let me know that she felt awkward mentioning the money aspect to me, but also didn’t understand how I was blindsided, and that what I said shocked her and really hurt her feelings.
I’m just coming from the perspective that we are grown and that in modern day your phone is often your lifeline as well as something expensive, so I wouldn’t ever personally forget my phone, especially in such a busy environment and a known sketchy part of town.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless you left your car unlocked, which led to the theft, which doesn’t seem to be the case, considering other vehicles got broken into as well. Your friend can get their own phone with their own money. Not your problem. Just send a message back asking how much your friends will donate for the things that were stolen from you.
Depending on their response, find new friends. Again. I am presuming it wasn’t left unlocked because of multiple vehicles reporting thefts. If you did leave it unlocked, then that would make YTJ and you will have to make part payment for your friend’s phone.” Acrobatic_Passion622
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. SHE is the one who left her phone in the car in a rough area, and it was the venue that prevented her from going to get it, not you. And it doesn’t seem to matter if it was locked or not, if other cars were broken into.
There are places where law enforcement will encourage you not to lock your car, because all it does is ensure that they’ll break your windows, too. You protect yourself by not leaving valuables in a car.” FormSuccessful1122
Another User Comments:
“First, she should check her phone plan.
Most US plans have insurance built in; I know mine does, and I was caught off guard about that. They’ll replace the lost or stolen phone with just a $50-100 deductible. Next, do you have more than just the required insurance? If you don’t have full comprehensive coverage, then there would be no further insurance to get money for the stolen phone.
I don’t even know if comprehensive would pay for a stolen phone, to be honest. NTJ, but she’s also likely struggling just like you are and hoping for anything she can get to replace it.” Big-Imagination4377
14. AITJ For Not Apologizing When My Family Turned A Mourning Period Into A Battle?
“I (18M) have recently been the cause of a family fallout. Two, almost three years ago, I was going through a rough time. I was having a lot of mental health issues, and my mom and I were working through it together.
Along with my mental issues, my father had recently passed away. I was never close to my dad’s side of the family, only seeing them on holidays, so when they started reaching out to me, asking to make plans, I was confused. To me, I hardly knew these people—blood-related or not—and it felt like the only reason they were reaching out was because I was the only piece left of my father (I am an only child).
I ignored them, choosing to focus on myself and get the help I needed instead of talking to people I hardly knew.
While I was in a hospital, my grandma was diagnosed with cancer. I didn’t know at the time, but when I was released, I was immediately informed by my mother and the swarm of messages from my father’s side.
When I looked at the messages from my cousins and aunts, they were all angry at me, yelling at me for not reaching out to my grandma when she was obviously going through something rough. I tried my best to explain why I didn’t, but with all the accusations, I grew angry, and so did my responses.
I will admit I was disrespectful in my responses, and when I was added to a group chat with them all, I got even angrier.
They started accusing my mother of things, saying, “She didn’t raise me and I needed to care more for my grandmother, who DID raise me.” (Which was blatantly untrue.) I added my mother to the chat, and a big argument broke out.
Both sides ended up saying rude and disrespectful things to each other, and we didn’t speak for months. Since then, I had apologized and gotten threats from my cousin, who at the time was 21, and got blocked by her mother. They wouldn’t show up to holidays if I were there, and every time I tried to reach out, I’d be ignored.
More recently, my cousin had moved into a new apartment, and while I originally thought this had nothing to do with me, my grandma had taken me to her place without telling either of us. She had originally told me we were going out to lunch for her birthday, so imagine our surprise when I showed up at her new apartment.
Another argument broke out, with my grandma defending me and my aunt and cousin yelling at both of us. I had had enough and left, going outside to sit on a bench and collect myself. A few minutes later, my cousin came out, standing in front of me as I sat on a bench.
We spoke for a bit (more like a tamed argument) and came to the conclusion that she would never speak to me again because I “hadn’t apologized yet.” I tried to tell her I tried. She was the one who blocked me and never showed up to family events.
In my mind—how could I have apologized? At this point, I didn’t even want to, so I didn’t. She stormed away, and I haven’t spoken to her since. My grandma, along with my other aunts, have cut both of them off, my cousin’s mother included.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“My honest opinion, and this is just from what I’ve read, is that you do not need all that drama in your life causing triggers. You still have your whole life ahead of you, and I’m assuming you want to live it, which is why you sought help.
These are all grown adults, I’m assuming, so for them to sit there and fight and argue with each other and play the blame game instead of having a real conversation with you to see how you’re doing is concerning. Instead, they make it about themselves and create all this drama soaked in negativity.
That’s the worst place for you to be in when trying to heal your broken mind, body, and spirit. It is only after all things negative in your life cease that you will truly find peace, and that’s. I truly hope you can rid yourself of all these negative vibes and start bringing positive vibes into your life.
Food for thought… If you haven’t already, you should get familiar with the law of attraction and how it pertains to other aspects of your life, not just love and relationships. Good vibrations only. GL” -Empathy_And_Me-
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight.
They are mad at a minor for grieving in their own way the death of their father? They want a minor who had no access to a phone to apologize for being hospitalized when they learned their mom/grandma had cancer? They are upset at a minor while being full-grown adults?
Ah, heck no. They are the ones who caused and started this family feud and need to apologize. NTJ. Not even 0.000001%.” KadrinaOfficial
13. AITJ For Choosing To Move Out Instead Of Enabling My Cousin’s Inappropriate Behavior?
“I (23F) moved in with my aunt six years ago after she offered for me to stay with her family instead of the college dorms. I figured living with them was a good deal, especially since she and her husband traveled a lot and would be out of the house for months at a time.
My aunt and uncle didn’t pay rent because they traveled a lot, so my two cousins and I paid the rent and bills, but they still let me pay less than them. Two years ago, their eldest brother, Mark, 37, moved in with us after his partner of 14 years broke up with him because he still hadn’t proposed to her and had no intention of marrying or having kids with her.
His partner was the one who supported him financially. He had struggled to get the pharmacist job he wanted because of an exam he had to take and his severe exam anxiety.
It was only temporary, so this wasn’t a problem until I realized what he was like.
He was useless around the house and constantly peed on my toilet seat. His mom would apologize to me when it happened, clean up after him, and ask me to just endure it and pretend he wasn’t even there. I let it go because her second son, Nick, 29, paid more rent than his sister Amanda, 26, and me, and Amanda made our meals and did some of the housework.
Then, about a year ago, my share of the rent increased. Amanda and I were now paying the same amount in rent, and Nick was paying about $150 more than us. That’s when I noticed Mark wasn’t paying rent. Still, I let it go. Another year passed, and Amanda got serious with her partner and left the house more often.
It was when I realized that she was cleaning up after him more than I thought, and with her gone, it was on me. We couldn’t say anything to him because “he was way older than us and we would only embarrass and pour salt in his wound.”
Then, two months ago, her partner’s new job moved him to TX, and she wants to be with him. This is the perfect moment to move out, so I’m thinking this is the time we all go our separate ways, but a few days ago, my aunt called and said that Amanda and I were being selfish for wanting to move out at this time, and she begged that we stay a few more months until Mark gets on his feet, and that if we began moving out, Nick would inevitably do the same and no one would be there to support Mark.
She says that the reason he isn’t doing well right now is because of his anxiety and his chronic disease—an illness we both share. Amanda ended up agreeing to wait until our lease is up in August, but I told her I wasn’t sure about it because I had already found myself a roommate and even began looking for places together.
My aunt says that I rushed into it just to have an excuse to leave because I can’t put up with her son, that I lack empathy, and that I’m ungrateful after everything they’d done for me, and I hate to say that there is some truth to that.
Amanda says she’s disappointed because she thought I’d stay to help with the rent at least until the lease was up, if not for Mark then for her, but I don’t know, am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“N TJ, nobody can force you to live anywhere, and if it’s better for your own personal reasons to live somewhere else, then that should be respected. If they need someone to help with rent, they can find another roommate.” The_Car_in_the_bar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt had the perfect solution for a long time. Vacation abroad, but have other loved ones to check in on him and make sure he was “adulting” after his anxiety. Now that’s changed. Ask yourself this. Cool that he needs more time, but what is he (as a full-blown adult) doing about it?
It’s clear that time + doing nothing isn’t fixing this. Is he getting treatment? Has he looked into online resources for treatment? Can he show proof of the other jobs he’s been applying for? Anything, anything at all to show that he’s trying to improve his life from the current situation?
Pretty sure the answer to all of the above is no. So crap isn’t going to get better over time. Your aunt doesn’t want to have to manage her adult son on her dime, because she can’t afford vacations otherwise, and is attempting emotional guilt because family.” Snackinpenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s been enabling her loser, leech of a son for his whole life, and she’s tired and wants others like you and Amanda to help her coddle him and mother him. You aren’t his mother, and he’s a grown man. He and his problems are not your responsibility.
Go and be happy.” MmaRamotsweOS
12. AITJ For Prioritizing My Health And Studies Over My Parents' Demands?
“I (34f) live at home with my parents. Neither of us is really in a position for me to move out, so we help each other.
Now, here is where I get frustrated. My mother (60f) expects EVERYTHING out of me. If she needs food, I have to cook it. If she needs something to drink, I have to go get it or make it. If we go to the store, I’m expected to bring in all of the bags and put them away.
My father (63m) can be just as bad. He wants tea; I’m expected to make it no matter what I’m doing. Now I work (6:30 pm-7 am) and go to school along with doctor appointments. I can’t always be at everyone’s beck and call.
If I want to clean my room (which is a total disaster), “No, we’re going this” and “This” never happens. I need to sit down for homework, “We need to go here and do this,” which takes hours. Both my siblings moved out and have families, while I do not.
So I have kind of taken the part of the child that will inevitably be the caregiver to our parents. If I don’t move fast enough, “Forget it, I’ll just do it myself,” with the most insane theatrics.
I have recently been diagnosed with emotional dysregulation disorder, so I may be overreacting.
I have no idea. That’s why I’m here. I am also expected to pick up my nephew from my sister’s house Monday to Friday at 7:30 am and take him home around 5 pm, as she works from home and does not have a car.
Now, her partner does. He may not be home when I pick my nephew up, as his schedule is weird (2 am-12:30 pm), but he is home when I’m expected to drop him off. Now, with that, I have to leave for work or school between 5:00 and 5:15 pm, so it is very hard for me to take him home.
Normally, my mom will do it for me, but my dad has been working longer hours lately and they only have one car. The part that irks me about this is that I was basically told I was going to do this when she started this job; I wasn’t asked. At least not by her.
And every time I try to vent to my mom about this (which I’ve stopped), it turns into a huge fight, and I’m always the bad guy.
Back to my parents. Like I said, I have school, and with college, there is extensive homework, and I’m paying mostly out of pocket for both my classes.
I’m expected to put that on the back burner with everything else. I’m burnt out at this point. My mental health is bad to begin with, and this is all making it worse.
Then there’s the house. I feel like the three of us are in a constant state of “If they’re not doing it, neither am I.” The dishes aren’t done.
“Oh, they’ll do it.” The living room needs cleaning; I’m not doing it. Now, I am nowhere near innocent in this. I haven’t confronted anyone; I just stew in my room when I can and try to breathe through the frustration, which I don’t get to do very often.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and never mind their position or how much they need you, you are no good to them or yourself if you become too ill to work. This is a horrible situation: at this point, you’re the unpaid servant/housekeeper as well as working full time and doing education.
Somehow, you need to find a way to move out – perhaps put education on hold for a year if possible so you can work more to build up some funds? Get a new job? – whatever it takes to keep you functioning and in a place where you can start to manage/regulate better.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“You have to get out of there. They’re going to eat your whole life. You’re going to be stuck taking care of them for decades. You work; can you rent a room somewhere? Anything is better than being a servant in all your off time.
Honestly, I want you to move across the country so you’re not there for them to exploit. NTJ.” Kip_Schtum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you need to take up some extra voluntary ‘classes in person’, which means: do your work for your education at the local library, where you can’t be bothered for tea or snacks all the time.
Don’t vent to your mom about picking up your nephew. You and your sister are both adults. You handle that between the two of you. Her partner is home to pick up/drop off his own child; he can do it. If your sister doesn’t have a car, she can ride a bike or Uber, can she not?
It’s great if you can help out, but there has to be something coming back for that. Your sister can take your parents shopping on the weekend, for instance. So you do some drop offs, and in return, you get to do your own stuff instead of going shopping with the parents.
Give some, take some. You are not your family’s personal assistant. NTJ.” Special_Lychee_6847
11. AITJ For Refusing To Forgive My Brother And Escape My Family's Toxic Business?
“I am 23m, about to graduate from college as a civil engineer. I have a 30m brother and a 64m father.
My father owns a store, and my brother works with him. I used to work in my father’s store in the summer, and as you can tell, it was hard. I got yelled at sometimes for literally no reason. My father is usually calm, so I can bear him no problem.
But my brother is a different story. I wasn’t allowed to work somewhere else, so I sucked it up. Over time, I couldn’t do it anymore, so I stopped.
One time, I got a job as a software developer at a company, and my brother called me and yelled at me, saying I was putting myself through troubles I had no idea about.
And when I mentioned that it was safe, since I would have a legal contract, he yelled even more, saying, “What do I know about contracts?!”
So, in the last year, my uncle got really sick, and he came over and stayed in our home for like a year.
His wife tried to hook up his two daughters with me and my brother, and my brother is married. I noticed it early and made my way out of it, but my brother fell hard. There was a big fight because my brother wanted to leave his wife.
There was another fight between my sister and my cousin, and I got in the middle trying to calm down the air, but somehow his wife and my cousin lied to my brother, and they accused me of saying they are easy. I couldn’t say the details because I didn’t want them to hear, so I got out and texted my brother with the details, and he just ghosted me, no matter how hard I apologized. Something broke, but I sucked it up.
My brother sold our house to build a new one. So, I suggested that I manage it, but he went with a contractor who cost time and money, and eventually it became obvious that I knew way more than that contractor, who I don’t think finished high school.
Then, my father requested that I draw plans for the house. My brother came up with a plan before I finished mine and sent it to me, and it was horrible. So, I told him to do whatever he saw fit, but to consider my plans.
He ghosted me again and went to my father complaining about me, and after this, I stopped considering him a brother.
So, I want to start a business, but my father wants me to work with him. At first, it was supposed to be for free, as always, but he said he was willing to pay.
My issue is that I can’t forgive my brother at all, and I really can’t bear to stand next to him. Today, my father broke down crying, saying he is my father, which means he is basically God, and I have to obey. And he guilted me.
Now, I am thinking of escaping and starting fresh somewhere else, but I really feel guilty. So, AITJ for refusing to forgive my brother, even when my dad cried about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take your degree and start interviewing for jobs in a new city.
Working for your father, or with your brother, would be a terrible idea. You have far too much experience doing both, and you know it won’t work. Get a job, get established, and then decide on your own terms how and when to visit them.
A few other suggestions: Get your own phone plan so they can’t trace your phone or location. Sign up with a new bank so they can’t track your financial situation. Don’t share your new employer’s information so they don’t show up disrupting your workplace.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“This sounds more like a toxic family relationship where everyone seems to enjoy arguing with one another. I’m gonna say not the jerk, but I’m not ruling out the fact that you may be a jerk in this weird family dynamic. Definitely don’t do anything weird with your cousins, though.
Maybe move far away from family for your own mental health.” Optimus_Prime-Ribs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not work for or with your brother and father. Do not think “as your father I am your god” is anything less than a clear admission that this man does not respect you.
Do not obey. Forgive if and when you think it would help you emotionally. You don’t have to, ever. Also, usually people make amends before you forgive, just btw.” dryadduinath
10. AITJ For Prioritizing My Adventure Over My Parents' Expectations?
“Lately, I’ve been conflicted. I work in a field where travel is necessary if you want to make the most of it. Two separate opportunities came up lately, one of which would mean I have to live aboard a ship for months on end… No, I’m not in the Navy before anyone asks; it would be a research vessel.
Another opportunity would mean I’d have to go live in another country. These are just examples, but neat opportunities like this seem to be coming up left and right now that I’ve built my resume.
I feel like my career so far has been unfulfilling.
I’m 30, and I think I owe it to myself to go on at least one huge adventure. The alternative would be staying in the same mundane thing I’ve been doing.
The conflict arises when I think about my parents. They’re divorced, and I already don’t live close to either of them.
They’ve lived in separate states my whole life—one in California and the other in Massachusetts. I haven’t lived near them in 10 years. I make it a point to visit each at least once a year, but it always feels like if I move closer to one or the other, the opposite parent will resent me for it.
I already see it every holiday when I visit either one. They love me, and I love them; I just can’t please either of them, so I just live on my own.
It just feels like they resent me for spending so much of my life away from them already, especially my father.
Both of them try to guilt me into visiting more often and are quick to remind me that they aren’t getting any younger. I recently broke up with my ex, so at least I’m single.
I kind of want to take one of these opportunities, travel, explore, get out of my comfort zone and out of my country and… I don’t know… tell my family and friends to screw off for a summer or 6 months or maybe even a year or even longer.
WIBTJ if I did that? Have any of you taken time out of your life to do something similar? How did it work out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, do it now or you’ll regret it later. I am an old codger compared to you (in my 50s) and have great memories of the Big Adventurous Things I did in my 20s/30s, including moving to the literal other side of the planet for two years.
Your parents aren’t at death’s door yet. The internet exists now, you can still FaceTime them or whatever, 6 months is not really all that long. Doooooo eeeeeettttt.” SweetPeasAreNice
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ, if you choose to leave the country for an adventurous assignment.
It’s your life, your choice. You can still have some contact with your parents even if far away, so it wouldn’t be like you completely abandoned them. Sounds like you still feel competition between the two of them for your attention. Listen, that is THEIR problem; don’t let it be yours.
If either tries to guilt you, ignore that. I get that they miss seeing you more often, but a good parent is happy to see their offspring off, living their dream and thriving. You go for it! Spend some time exploring this world we live in.
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing those things that interest you and make you happy. Personally, I don’t think you need to disappear completely to do what you want. It’s past time to become comfortable with standing up to your parents in terms of not letting their demands on you affect your life choices.
They need to respect your autonomy, and you need to insist on that by doing what you choose.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“Do it, you only live once. YWNTBJ My sister moved from Canada to Ireland, then to England. She lived a sometimes financially hard life doing it but she experienced travelling to many places and meeting people from all over the world.
She lived her life to the fullest and was loved by many people. Don’t miss the chance to see and experience things you can’t see and experience at home.” mycatiskai42
9. AITJ For Preventing My Friend From Hanging Out With Dangerous Strangers?
“My friend and I went to a club. We had a few drinks, and it was fun. She spotted a few guys who she knew were friends of a guy with whom she had hooked up not long ago at the time (let’s call him M).
M and she hooked up once, and she didn’t like him, so she never went out with him again. She knew his friends only from afar and never even talked to them really. She told me who they were, we laughed, and didn’t mention it much after that.
As the night went on, we drank, and I wanted to go home, but she asked me to stay until closing, which I agreed to since it wasn’t that long of a wait. So we stayed until the club was closing, and as we were leaving, she asked me to go and cheers with M’s friends, which I didn’t want to, but she convinced me that it would be quick and that we’d leave right after.
So we did, and they asked us to go with them, to which I immediately said no. They kept asking, but I didn’t want to for several reasons. First, she didn’t even really know them, let alone me; secondly, they were intoxicated and claiming that the friend who was going to drive was sober (I didn’t believe them); and third, my friend and I were intoxicated (ish/tipsy).
I said absolutely not and thought my friend and I were on the same page (lol, we weren’t). She then asked me to go because “I know them and it’ll be fun and we won’t stay for long.”
I was really uncomfortable and didn’t want us to go with them.
Outside the club, I kept trying to convince her to go with me, and that we were intoxicated and didn’t know them. M’s friends started leaving and told my friend to come if she wanted to, but I kept pulling her away and bargaining for her to come with me.
She jerked her hand away and said “Well, I’m going,” and ran after them.
After that, I went home, and on the way, they drove past me and asked again, which I also declined. When I got home, I started to be scared for her and felt really guilty for letting her go alone.
The next morning, she texted and said everything was fine. I kept thinking about it and didn’t know what to feel. I told a few people, and they were mostly telling me it wasn’t my fault, but one friend said it was kinda jerk. My friend and I are fine, but every time we go out, I remember it and don’t know what to feel.
So aitj?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You can’t control what other people do, especially if they’re intoxicated – just like she couldn’t control what you did. If the situation were reversed and you got hit by a car, would it be her fault because you didn’t agree to go with her?
Remember to trust your instincts. Ultimately, every decision you make is something you’ll have to live with – and whatever someone else decides to do is their decision.” carmabound
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, that’s a difficult situation. But I can’t see anything you could have done better.
You didn’t know these people; your friend didn’t even like the one mutual acquaintance she had with them; they were insistent and intoxicated; and you had a bad feeling. Of course, you shouldn’t have gone. You would have been the jerk to yourself. You did what you could for your friend.
You tried to convince her, to physically drag her away. What more could you have done to keep her from going? And she clearly wanted to go, so what right did you have to prevent her? NTJ, because your friend was clearly making you uncomfortable and trying to pressure you into doing something that could have easily ended very poorly for both of you while you were obviously reluctant and scared.” CuriousTiktaalik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did everything you could to convince her not to go, but at the end of the day, she made her own choice. You weren’t responsible for her decision, and it’s not fair for anyone to say you should have done more.
If you had gone with her just to “keep her safe,” you would’ve put yourself in a risky situation too. You trusted your instincts, and honestly, that was the right call. It’s understandable to feel guilty, but she made it clear she wanted to go, and she wasn’t listening to reason.
You didn’t let her go; she chose to.” MadisonSecretly
8. AITJ For Refusing My Mom's Goddaughter's Free Painting Request And Threats?
“My mom’s goddaughter, let’s call her “Jen” (29F), asked me (25F) to do a painting for her because she saw I did one for a mutual friend, let’s call her “Anna.” Jen wanted the painting as a gift for her father, who is a retired photographer.
Here’s the thing: Anna paid me for the painting, and everything went smoothly. She posted a picture of the painting with her mom as she was gifting it to her. Well, Jen saw that painting and became interested in one for her father.
The problem is, she wanted me to do it for free.
She said she would advertise it on her Instagram and tell her “fans” to buy from me in exchange for the painting. I told her no, as I am not in a great financial spot right now, and I cannot afford to do something for free.
She wanted a custom-sized canvas, which is not commonly found in stores. I would either have to have it made myself or try to find it online for a reasonable price. I explained this to her, but she still didn’t understand. She said I already had the materials on hand and that she didn’t think art materials were that expensive.
She accused me of being greedy and not having a vision for business, claiming that her exposure would be more valuable than my art.
She also said she wanted me to pay her $200 on top of the free painting, arguing that with her help, I would make so much money, and companies pay her to review things.
She pointed out that every creative artist or individual, including her father, did free work at the beginning. Everything went downhill when she noticed I wasn’t replying (I was working), and she started talking down on me because I was let go from the military (for medical reasons beyond my control).
She said I had failed at everything, including that, and that she was giving me the option to succeed and make my parents proud. Since I wasn’t replying, she called my mom to complain that I didn’t want to do a free painting for her.
As I mentioned, she’s my mom’s goddaughter, and my mom seems to have a preference for her. Mom called me back and demanded I do the painting for free. I became enraged. Jen’s words about my parents not being proud of me stuck in my head.
So, I decided to draw a 2-second sketch and told her that was her free painting and to leave me alone. She became really angry and threatened to post on her socials, telling her followers not to buy from me and to ruin my art career.
I’ve received a few phone calls from my mom, which I haven’t answered, and some hate messages from what I assume are her followers. WIBTJ if I send her parents all the mean messages? I don’t think they would approve of her behavior.
Though they are innocent older people that I would be involving in this drama.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what you do is you post the screenshots of the messages to social media, where she is denigrating your work. There’s a thing on social media called CHOOSY BEGGARS – and this is what Jen is.
I’d post them on socials and tag her. If she’s such an ‘influencer’ you’ll get more bang for your buck.” KBD_in_PDX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, your mom isn’t more supportive of you. If she wants her goddaughter to get a free painting so badly, then why doesn’t she pay you for it herself?
Given that she pulled your mom into it, I think it’s only fair that you drag her parents into this as well. It’s sad that her parents are more supportive of you than your own.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“If I read that right, she wants you to pay her and give her free art in return for a shout-out video on her socials?
Um, no. That’s not how the real world works. Is she also the type who walks into a restaurant, orders an insanely expensive meal, and then expects it free because she posted pictures of it on her socials? Get out of here. Let her followers find out what she’s really like.
But as with everything, the flip side is she will be upset.” Fioreborn
7. AITJ For Breaking Our Convention Pact To Vend Solo?
“An internet mutual and I had the idea to apply to artist alley tables at conventions together, because it’s easier to take care of a table with two people (if one has to pee, the other can babysit the artwork). He has experience as a vendor at Cons, and I do not.
So I thought he could be my guide and help me navigate all that stuff. I also thought that our chances of actually getting a table would be better because he already had that experience.
We’ve applied at the end of last year and by now, we have been rejected by every single convention we have applied to.
With one exception. One convention didn’t allow shared tables so we applied separately and then planned to ask the Con to put our tables next to each other if both of us got accepted. Well, he got a rejection, and I was accepted. It’s by far the biggest Convention we applied to with the most competition for the tables.
And it is his “Dream Convention” he always wanted to vend at.
The two of us had found 3 more Conventions we’d like to try for before I got that accepted to the big Con. But since I got that acceptance letter I am thinking that I might have better chances of getting in if I apply alone.
I knew from the get go that the products he made were of lower quality than mine, but I thought his vending experience would be more important to Cons than the quality of his things (turns out, most Cons don’t even ask if you have prior experience and just look at the products).
Why I would be the jerk: Breaking a promise is bad and he has talked multiple times about how he just isn’t good enough and about how sad he is about all the rejections. I don’t want to add insult to injury. Why I wouldn’t be the jerk: It turns out that his vending experience is limited to small Conventions.
It seems like in most cases he was accepted, because all applicants were accepted. I didn’t know about this before we decided to share a table. I don’t think he intentionally misled me, but I would have made a different decision if I had known.
And for him art is a hobby; for me it’s my job. The stakes are higher for me because my income depends on it.
Would I be the jerk if I broke the promise I made to apply together and told him that I want to apply alone?”
Another User Comments:
“If you tell him specifically that you think his art is worse than yours, that you think you’ll do better on your own, or any of the other things you’ve said here – YWBTJ. Just phrase it like this – “While I’m sad we won’t get to vend together, I’ve got to take this chance for my business and get myself out there.
Let’s keep trying and see what comes up in the future.” (Assuming you would ever want to vend with him.)” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“I suggest phrasing it as “hey, I found a really good rhythm doing solo and have decided I want to keep applying to conventions by myself, hopefully I’ll see you at some future ones and we can catch up” or similar rather than going with “I think I’ll have more success without you.” NTJ for wanting to go it alone, just choose to say it nicely.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“So here’s a thing your anxiety isn’t telling you: If you simply state, ‘Hey, I think I’m going to apply for these last few conventions for my own table. I need the room to be able to sell more stuff, and we weren’t getting off the ground as a duo.
You’re my friend, and I hope I get to see you at the conventions, but I need to make a living.” And he pushes back with anything more than mild disappointment, he’s being a jerk. He can be disappointed. He can be sad.
He can be annoyed because he was trying to use you and it didn’t work. You’re giving up opportunity and money to spare his feelings, is your anxiety telling you that you’re worthless and your survival is less important than his momentary setback?
Stare yourself down in a freaking mirror and remind yourself that you, your art, and your life freaking matter, and you don’t deserve to pretend that they don’t. Take up the space you’re standing on. You’re a human being.” FrankHonesty
6. AITJ For Refusing My Parents' Offer For Renovated Housing And Lower Rent?
“I (24m) have been struggling with some mental health issues over the past few years. Between failing my last year of university, losing my job, having to get a termination, and my brother’s leukemia, 2023 was an especially bad year for me. I ended up moving in with my partner (23f) at the beginning of December, and my issues only got worse.
I could hardly find the motivation to get off the couch, let alone partake in the hobbies I used to love, like painting or playing games.
It got to the point that just before Christmas, my dad sat me down and had a long conversation about how he was worried about me.
Only once before in my life have I ever seen him cry, and he offered me a deal: He would pay me $1000 per month to work out with him, and we would program a game together three days a week while I continue trying to find a new job.
I’ve been slowly getting better, but there are still places that I’m struggling with, such as trying to open up more to people.
After the start of the new year, my parents made me an offer. They saw how small the basement suite is that my partner and I live in, and we pay $1700 per month for it.
We’re living in a housing crisis right now, so my parents offered to renovate the downstairs and turn it into a private space for us to live in, and they would only charge us $1000 per month, which they would put aside so we can one day afford our own house.
My parents are telling me I should accept it. My partner is telling me I should accept it. My friends are telling me I should accept it. But so far, I’ve only told them I’ll think about it. I already feel like I’m enough of a parasite on the people around me, and my parents have done so much for me already.
I don’t want to be the bird that failed to fly out of the nest. Now, my 25th birthday is in less than a week, and I feel like my parents are getting tired of waiting for me to make a decision. WIBTJ if I refused to accept the offer out of my own sense of pride?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to accept. This is not a jerk or no jerk question. You need help. You are being offered help. People are worried. You aren’t a leech. You aren’t a burden. They are scared. What they want is to give you a hug and carry you to shelter in your storm.
Let them. THEY will feel better. If you feel you need to, use this as an excuse to help them more. If you feel indebted, thank them by making them dinner, or cleaning, but don’t feel pressured. You’re going to be ok. You are enough.
You are good enough. You deserve help. Take it. And know that people love you. Edit to add: No jerks here” SKDI_0224
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’d only be kneecapping yourself. Take the offers. It is a parent’s duty to prepare their children as best they can for life.
Some see the cutoff at 18, others see it at 25, and others never do. Work out and build up experience and the resume. Have a GitHub project to point to when interviewing. Do literally anything other than wallowing in self-pity. If you keep refusing help, you’ll one day hit rock bottom and wish you’d taken it.
Pay your parents back by making them proud, show them investing in you wasn’t a waste, let them grow old knowing they did their jobs right, and don’t have to worry about you after you move out.” sn34kypete
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re entitled to your opinions and feelings, but you have been offered some generous options here. Your parents want you to spend more quality time with them, build you and your partner a better place to live, and provide a financial path to your own home.
If you refuse, then what else do you have pride in? You’ve stated that you’re too unmotivated to do anything on your own. What good is that doing for you and your relationship with your partner? Never feel bad about accepting help from those who genuinely want to help you.” shuckyducked
5. AITJ For Holding My Grief And Boundaries Against My Sibling's Unsolicited Diagnosis?
“Extremely long story short, my dad died in late 2021. The first year was heckish and extremely challenging. My aunt died a year before that, and I had recently moved back home with my grandparents. When my dad died, all of our nerves were fried. We struggled a lot with communication and getting along, but eventually things started to ease up, and our communication/relationship wasn’t, and still isn’t, perfect, but it is so much better than right after he passed.
One of my half-siblings (different dads, same mom) feels I haven’t handled my grief and that it affects all of my relationships. They’ve also mentioned that I’m basically so stuck in my ways and in my grief that I can’t see what I’m doing.
I truly don’t understand it because my relationship with my grandparents hasn’t been this good in years. My communication in general is fantastic, and I’m much more confident in myself and my decisions. I feel that after my dad died, I’ve gotten to know myself emotionally in a way I didn’t before, and I’m learning just how to be a better person and communicate well, but also how to hold my boundaries.
In recent communication, I told my sibling that I won’t be changing, and I feel it’s extremely unfair to put an unofficial diagnosis on my grief because:
1. It is my own and my own process.
2. We haven’t spoken in a couple of months, and they’ve asked little to no questions about how I’ve been doing or feeling before jumping to that conclusion.
I also have been in therapy for the majority of my life, so I know the unearthing of once-dormant issues that comes with it, and I’m not ready for that yet. I’m not saying the day will never come, but I want to do things on my own timeline.
I’ve also asked other people around me (and said, please be honest) if they felt this way about my grief, and no one has but my sibling. I’m very adamant and have communicated that my process will be on my own time, and I don’t appreciate them trying to give me an unofficial diagnosis with no conversation with me, only with themselves and their therapist. This apparently has been one of their issues regarding our relationship, how I handle my grief.
I can understand past communication as to why my sibling might feel this way, but not speaking for about two months before jumping to that conclusion feels wrong. AITJ for standing my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“Your life, your grief, your solution, your time frame.
You’ve demonstrated your needs in an extremely clear way. Anyone who cares and has your best interest at heart will accept that wholeheartedly. Anyone who argues, or rails against it, or continues to give their opinion is the jerk and does not deserve access to your energy.
That’s how it works. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if I could vote this way 100x I would. I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. No one should tell you how to grieve. Grief is like a fingerprint — it’s unique to everyone.
I’m sorry that on top of grieving, you need to tell your sibling to back off — they should be supporting you instead. Sending you strength and comfort, OP.” User
Another User Comments:
“YOU should be standing your ground right now. It sounds like you have benefited from therapy and you understand that your grief is personal. There are so many tales of people telling the loved one to get over their grief; they should be further along in the process and are totally negating the loved one’s pain.
NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249
4. AITJ For Ignoring An Entitled Woman's Claim On A Parking Spot?
“I (54F and on the larger side regarding weight) was running late for a respiratory appointment. I can barely walk across the room due to just recovering from pneumonia twice and two and a half months of a viral illness.
And so, my child (19F, 5’0 and my carer) were there to push me in a wheelchair up to my appointment. While trying to find a parking space in the disabled area (I have a badge), I saw that two cars were about to pull out, and so I waited.
Once the first car had gone, just as I was about to drive into the space, a woman with oxygen prongs and an oxygen cylinder in a backpack (I’m guessing in her 60s) walked into the space, waving her hand towards her husband who was in their car, and put her hand up to me, telling me it was hers.
I’m British, and I was taught that first come, first served, and that holding a parking space by standing in it does not give you priority to that space.
And so I told her to move and started driving forward. She began shouting at me that it was HER space.
I slowly kept driving towards her until she moved. Afterwards, she stayed beside the car on my daughter’s side, fuming near the window and staring at her. Once I’d parked, she circled around and knocked on my window, shouting how she “HAS BEEN WAITING FOR A SPACE FOR OVER AN HOUR.” At which I replied, “THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.”
At this point, the other car that was about to leave had already left, and her husband parked there while she was shouting at me, repeating how long she had waited. I guess I have felt like a jerk ever since because she had oxygen, but the protective mum in me was thinking of my daughter.
She has to get the wheelchair out of the car and push me, and I don’t want her pushing me any further than she has to. While the woman had an oxygen mask, she could clearly stomp around my car multiple times, screaming, while I did my best to keep a straight face.
Even seeing my disabled badge did not deter her from her rant. She eventually left when her husband locked the car and started walking away.”
Another User Comments:
“They were trying to get two bites at the apple by him being in the car and her walking around the carpark.
NTJ. Until that car is in that space, it is up for grabs.” Mandalabouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because someone is disabled doesn’t give them the right to act entitled and rude like she was to you. You got to the space before her husband did with their car, plain and simple.
You got it first. They ended up getting a spot in the end, and she could have saved herself some oxygen by not throwing a tantrum like a toddler over a parking spot. As my late mother would say in this situation, STBH (sucks to be her).” PreferenceOld6364
3. AITJ For Continuing To Reach Out To My Late Husband's Best Friends Despite Their Cold Shoulder?
“A few years ago, I (27F) lost my husband shortly after our child was born.
Through his passing, I became close with a couple, John and Jane, who were his best friends. We met at the funeral, and over time, they became like family. I visited them regularly, often for work, and they welcomed me into their home like I’d known them for years.
I come from a large, loud Hispanic family with few boundaries, so I’m used to being affectionate and open.
During one of my visits, John mentioned his back pain at work, and since I used to teach yoga, I showed him a couple of stretches that helped me.
I demonstrated one stretch on the floor, and when he tried it, his pocket ripped. We laughed, and I showed him another stretch, pushing his back to help him stretch further. There was nothing inappropriate about it, just a friendly exchange. I didn’t think anything of it since my late husband often had me show stretches to others, including male friends and family.
Later, I joked about John’s ripping of the pocket, and Jane laughed along. However, after that visit, I noticed Jane became distant, not responding to my messages. Months later, Jane called me and said she needed to clear the air before I moved to their area for work.
She explained that she didn’t like the way I had stretched John out and felt betrayed, even leading to a fight that almost caused their divorce. I apologized sincerely, not realizing I had crossed any boundaries, and promised to make amends.
Over the next few months, I continued to try to reach out to them, inviting them to get together, but my efforts were met with indifference.
Meanwhile, they maintained a relationship with my late husband’s parents, posting about missing him but not reaching out to me or my child despite my attempts.
When my office announced a Super Bowl party at John’s house, I messaged both of them to check if Jane would be comfortable since we hadn’t seen each other since I moved. Instead of a direct answer, I was invited for coffee the day before.
I’m torn between being empathetic, understanding that I might have hurt Jane’s feelings, and feeling emotionally drained from repeatedly apologizing and trying to mend the relationship without much effort from their side.
I’m now frustrated that Jane can post on social media about missing my late husband while refusing to accept my apology or make any effort to reconnect with me or my son.
I agreed to meet for coffee, but I’m starting to feel more upset than understanding. Am I in the wrong here? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait, why would you have never met your partner/fiance/husband’s “best friends” at any point before his funeral?
Not after the engagement. Not at the wedding. Not at a “sorry we couldn’t make it to your wedding, but we want to come congratulate you in person” visit.” Dingo8MyBabyMon
Another User Comments:
“You seem to think that they owe you something. That they don’t have the right to post about your late husband.
Their friendship with your husband has no relation to you at all. They knew him separate from you and had their own friendship with him long before you even met him and that had nothing to do with you. You aren’t owed friendship by them.
She made it clear a line was crossed and, by actions, showed she wanted space from you, but instead of just honoring that, you have continued to reach out. I get that you are hurt, but just give them the space they’ve shown they want.” MayhemAbounds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to leave it alone. You don’t know their past, and it’s not your business. Maybe he has been unfaithful before in a similar situation, and there is past pain. Maybe he confessed he had feelings for you?
Who knows? My wife and I don’t have a bad history, but both of us would not find it appropriate to be physical like that alone with a member of the opposite gender. We just find clear boundaries to be constructive to the marriage.
It’s not your job to prove yourself right; their marriage is more important than whether you are friends with them.” randomcards23
2. AITJ For Not Embracing My Dad's Newly Found Family?
“Last year my dad found out that he had another kid, Mia (30F) and a granddaughter, Zoe (7?). Before this, it was me (17M), my brother (20M), and our parents (55M/52F).
Apparently he just had a fling with Mia’s mom when he was in college, who ghosted him and never told him about being pregnant.
Since finding out, it’s all my dad talks about. He and Mia texted/called for a couple of months, then she let him meet Zoe (over Zoom), and then last summer, they came to visit us.
We live in a big city, and they live a couple of states over. My brother was at college, but he even drove back for a weekend to meet them too. Everyone was so excited, except me. Like no one acknowledged how weird the whole thing is.
Mia is nice, I guess, but she kept saying how she’s so excited to have a family for her and Zoe (I guess her mom’s not in the picture?). My parents wanted to show them around our city, so anytime I didn’t have school or practice, I was being dragged around doing things for tourists and kids.
And that was the thing that got on my nerves the most about that trip—Mia’s kid, Zoe. She was so excited to have a “Nan & Pap” and kept calling me “Uncle OP”. They even came to one of my soccer games that week and she ran up after (in front of my friends) to hug me and tell me that she wanted to play soccer now too because “her uncle is the best on the team.”
When they visited over winter break, it was a lot of the same stuff. My parents got them a ton of presents, and Zoe kept asking me questions and asking to play games with her. I also found out that my dad is sending money each month, since Mia’s job doesn’t pay the best. I tried confiding in my brother about it, but he seems totally fine and says it’s making our parents really happy to have more family.
Anyway, my dad just told me they’re coming up again in a couple of weeks, and I snapped. I admit that I raised my voice a bit and asked why he cares so much about people he met less than a year ago. Everyone keeps saying Mia and Zoe are family, but they didn’t grow up with us, and I literally can’t see them as actual family.
I also said she’s probably just using him for the money (which I know was probably a jerk move), but he said he’s the one who insisted on sending money, and he feels guilty for not being there in her life.
But it still feels so weird, so I told him I’m not going to do anything with them while they’re here.
Now he’s saying that if I can’t be a team player in the family, he’ll have to reconsider taking me on our family vacation this year, which I guess they’re also going on. My mom’s on his side, saying Mia had a hard life, so it’s natural she’s excited to have a family, and that she loves having more girls in the house every once in a while.
My friends are the only ones on my side— they said they’d find it weird if random people just showed up one day to be in their family.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I understand this can be a hard adjustment. You’re not the baby anymore, and that can seem jarring.
There’s a kid in the picture when you’re used to being the youngest. But here’s the thing. You’re still acting more like a baby than the actual 7-year-old. Like it or not, they are family. Maybe not your family if you don’t consider them as such, but they’re your dad’s family, your mom’s family, your brother’s family.
And by proxy, you’re involved. They have done nothing wrong except act like a family. Your parents and brother have done nothing wrong by welcoming them as family. Saying Mia is using her father for money is a jerk move, and you owe them an apology.
You need to self-reflect and realize why this is pressing you so badly. Talk with your parents, the school counselor, ask for therapy, anything to figure this out. Again, having conflicting emotions over this is valid, but the way you’ve been acting is not.
Identify the problem. And note, the problem isn’t Mia. It isn’t Zoe. It’s within you.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“Eh, this is hard to say, but I’m actually torn between No jerks here and ESH. Your parents are obviously very excited to find out about Mia and Zoe and integrate them into the family, and they’re not jerks for doing that.
With that said, I’m bothered they didn’t check in with you about how you feel about all of this or how you’re taking it; they just expect you to be on board, and that’s a lot. On the other hand, you are not wrong for feeling the way you do, but waiting until you snapped to talk about it was not ideal. I’d go back to them with a calmer head and apologize for snapping, but feel your feelings have been ignored/dismissed in all of this and you’re feeling frustrated that they expect you to just be fine with this sudden change right off the bat.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“I’m not gonna call you a jerk. You’re 17 and having trouble dealing with this new change. You can’t take it out on others, though. Especially not letting Mia and the kid know about any of this. Simply ask your dad to take this slow, and not force you to be around them.
That ain’t magically gonna make you like them. Sure this isn’t about you, but you’re also the one dealing with this change so it’s not fair to ask you to just suck it up.” tinfoil-8385
1. AITJ For Getting Mad That My Partner Brought A Friend On Our Family Trip?
“I am having a very big moral dilemma with this one because right now I don’t have anyone to talk to about it to see if I’m being a jerk about this.
So for a little while now, me (M25) and my partner (F25) have been planning to go back to my hometown to meet a good chunk of my family. This would include my parents, my brother and his partner, and my grandparents. The first part of the trip would be driving 5 hours to a restaurant my family went to every year when we were kids.
This is a VERY important thing to me. I haven’t seen my grandparents in a long time, and this was somewhere we’ve gone to since I could barely eat solid food. I haven’t been there in 5 years, when we used to go every single year.
We would then go stay at my parents’ house for the next 2 days. The second day we would go to Niagara Falls with my mom, brother, and his partner. The last day, we would be getting a trailer to grab my motorcycle from home and bring it back home.
It seemed like a pretty straightforward trip to me.
Anyway, I visited her after work, and she casually brought it up that her friend may be coming along too. This threw me for a loop because she never asked me or brought it up to me before, so I thought she was joking.
It soon dawned on me when she asked me to tell my parents she was coming that it was actually real. She told me I have to tell my parents that she’ll be staying at my parents’ house with us. There was no talking about it, asking, or anything—just saying that that’s how it is.
I told her she would be the one to tell my mother that her friend was coming because she decided she wanted to invite her without telling me.
I got a bit upset because this would be her first time meeting my dad, my brother, and my grandparents.
It felt like a very intimate time to me, especially with her going to a place that was a very big part of my childhood. She then got upset with me because she said that she didn’t think it would be a big deal to invite her friend along.
She doesn’t understand why I’m acting all upset over it. I tried to explain it was important to me, but she just shut down and barely talked to me. I asked if she would have invited her friend if we weren’t going to Niagara Falls, and she said no. They are both from Central America, and her friend is apparently flying home the same time as the trip, which she had just learned. I didn’t know this until the argument started. I told her if she wanted to, we could have done something beforehand if she had told me, but the damage was already done.
This trip is happening at the end of the month. I realize I may be the jerk in this, and she told me I was overreacting, but I need to talk to someone about this, and I have no one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A couple of things to hash out… First, this might be too early to meet family; I mean, it has been 3 months, but there is no rule, so if you feel comfortable with that decision.
Second, her maturity level seems “low.” I am assuming this is her first major relationship, so maybe a mistake in decorum. The “Shutting down” is childish, and she is old enough; this is not the proper way to act. Third, is she really into you?
I mean, this could be two different things: either she invited her friend as a buffer from you and your family, or she doesn’t realize this relationship is at that level (I highly doubt this, but her decisions are strange). You both need to talk this out, and it should be a good test of your relationship.
I have to admit, in your short paragraph, several red flags popped, so it may be luck that you find this stuff out early” Kooky-Situation3059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you have no moral dilemma. Your partner is very immature and has no sense of occasion.
This is a meet-the-family, and it is not appropriate for her to tag along with a friend. It is also rude and entitled for her to expect your parents to host her friend overnight in their home. Finally, she’s disrespectful to you for not appreciating the moment and its importance to you.
The fact that her friend is returning to her home country is irrelevant. To me, your partner lacks some basic social skills and respect, and that will bubble up from time to time in your relationship. Do you want that? Also, if the trip is happening, you need to tell her that the friend cannot come, whether or not your partner asks your mom and your mom says yes.
If you allow this now, you’ve basically accepted a core lack of manners in your relationship.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“This is reasonable cause to rescind your partner’s invitation and go solo to visit your family. You’re not on the same page about the direction of this relationship.
Although to be fair to your partner, if my partner invited me on an intimate family trip that included meeting his grandparents and participating in a family tradition—and going on day trips with his siblings, only 3 months into our relationship—I’d feel incredibly overwhelmed. For many people, that would be too much too soon.
Is there a chance that’s why she invited her friend? Neither of you are good at communicating. Could bringing her friend be her way of making the trip feel less intense? Usually, it’s good to start with meeting the parents, and every subsequent trip is to meet more family members.
NTJ” excel_pager_420
